0:00:04 > 0:00:08# Let's all go to the music hall
0:00:08 > 0:00:11# Where the show is gay and bright
0:00:11 > 0:00:15# Let's all go to the music hall
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Where the stars are twinkling half the night
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# Whether you're in the gallery the circle or the pit
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Or whether you sit in the red plush stalls
0:00:24 > 0:00:26# When the busy day is done
0:00:26 > 0:00:28# And you want to have some fun
0:00:28 > 0:00:31# Let's all go to the music hall.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46# Put on your tat-ta little girlie
0:00:46 > 0:00:50# Do do what I want you to
0:00:50 > 0:00:53# Far from the busy hurly-burly
0:00:53 > 0:00:57# I've got lots to say to you
0:00:57 > 0:00:59# My head's completely twirly-whirly
0:01:00 > 0:01:03# My girl I want you to be
0:01:03 > 0:01:07# So put on your tat-ta Your pretty little tat-ta
0:01:07 > 0:01:09# And come out a tat-ta with me.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13# On Mother Kelly's doorstep
0:01:13 > 0:01:17# Down Paradise Row
0:01:17 > 0:01:21# I'd sit along Nelly,
0:01:21 > 0:01:25# She'd sit along Joe
0:01:25 > 0:01:30# She's got a little hole in her frock, hole in her shoe
0:01:30 > 0:01:33# Hole in her sock where the toe peeks through
0:01:33 > 0:01:40# But Nelly was the smartest down our alley
0:01:40 > 0:01:41# On Mother Kelly's doorstep
0:01:43 > 0:01:47# I'm wondering now
0:01:47 > 0:01:51# If little gal Nelly
0:01:51 > 0:01:54# Remembers Joe, her beau
0:01:54 > 0:01:56# And does she love me
0:01:58 > 0:02:02# Like she used to
0:02:02 > 0:02:06# On Mother Kelly's doorstep
0:02:06 > 0:02:09# Down Paradise Row.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15# Wait till the sun shines Nellie
0:02:15 > 0:02:18# When the clouds go drifting by
0:02:18 > 0:02:21# We will be happy Nellie
0:02:21 > 0:02:25# Don't you sigh
0:02:25 > 0:02:28# Down Lover's Lane we'll wander
0:02:28 > 0:02:31# Sweethearts you and I
0:02:31 > 0:02:35# Wait till the sun shines Nellie
0:02:35 > 0:02:38# By and by
0:02:38 > 0:02:41# Wait till the sun shines Nellie
0:02:41 > 0:02:45# When the clouds go drifting by
0:02:45 > 0:02:48# We will be happy Nellie
0:02:48 > 0:02:51# Don't you sigh
0:02:51 > 0:02:55# Down Lover's Lane we'll wander
0:02:55 > 0:02:58# Sweethearts you and I
0:02:58 > 0:03:01# Wait till the sun shines Nellie
0:03:01 > 0:03:07# By and by. #
0:03:20 > 0:03:22FANFARE PLAYS
0:03:25 > 0:03:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Once again...
0:03:40 > 0:03:45good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
0:03:45 > 0:03:47CHEERING
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Promulgating preliminarily...
0:03:51 > 0:03:56versatile ventrilingual virtuosity.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Welcome, to Miss Terri Rogers!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03CHEERING
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14This evening is a very, very special occasion for me
0:04:14 > 0:04:17because I've always wanted to appear on this show.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20In fact, it was my childhood ambition.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Gives you some idea how long the show's been going, doesn't it?
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Hello. I see he's here again.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27I beg your pardon?
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- He's here again, isn't he?- Who?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31That bloke repairing the organ over there.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33LAUGHTER
0:04:35 > 0:04:36I beg your pardon?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39He's been hammering away at that damn thing for 26 years.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41He hasn't got the...
0:04:41 > 0:04:42got the thing working yet.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45I don't think he can get the lid off, you know.
0:04:45 > 0:04:50If you're referring to Mr Leonard Sachs, he does...not play the organ.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52- No?- No. Or repair it.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55He's, in point of fact, our master of ceremonies.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59And the object to which you allude is not an organ, but the podium.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- Is it?- Yes.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04And he was banging his gavel.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Now, just look at this lovely audience.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Isn't it wonderful to see so many of our brave soldiers and sailors
0:05:15 > 0:05:16back safely with us again?
0:05:16 > 0:05:17Yeah, yeah, it's lovely, that.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19My dad fought with the army, you know?
0:05:19 > 0:05:20- Did he?- Yeah.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23But he still had to join. It's a shame really.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Well, I'm sorry to interrupt this - you may not be aware of this,
0:05:29 > 0:05:33but we are supposed to be performing a ventriloquial act.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Is that legal?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Don't you know what ventriloquism is?
0:05:37 > 0:05:40- It's not anything to do with repairing organs, is it?- No.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Ventriloquism is a matter of controlling the respiratory
0:05:43 > 0:05:45osculations of the abdominal muscular reflexes,
0:05:45 > 0:05:47together with the measured reverberations
0:05:47 > 0:05:50emanating from the solar plexus.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53- AUDIENCE MEMBER SHOUTS - That's not...
0:05:53 > 0:05:55And who the hell's working you?
0:06:05 > 0:06:08That's not an act - that's a disease, isn't it?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10- Did you hear what I said?- Yeah. - Repeat it.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11That's not an act.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13No, the long words.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17- Long words?- Mmm.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19- Every word?- Every word.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21- Every if, and or but? - Every if, and or but.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25If you strangle yourself, don't blame me, will you?
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Ventril...
0:06:28 > 0:06:29Ventriloclism...
0:06:31 > 0:06:35Why the hell couldn't we take up juggling or something like that?
0:06:35 > 0:06:36Ventriloquism.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Ventriloquism is a matter of controlling the respiratory
0:06:39 > 0:06:41osculations of the abdominal muscular reflexes,
0:06:41 > 0:06:43together with the measured reverberations
0:06:43 > 0:06:45emanating from the solar plexus.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47And in formulgating your esoteric cogitations,
0:06:47 > 0:06:50articulating your superficious sentimentalities,
0:06:50 > 0:06:53I'd say that you were talking about moving your cake hole.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I would like to finish, ladies and gentlemen,
0:07:02 > 0:07:06with a monologue dedicated to this wonderful show.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08PIANO PLAYS INTRODUCTION
0:07:08 > 0:07:11There are dozens and dozens of theatres
0:07:11 > 0:07:14but none of them really compare.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17They don't have these masses of lads with their lasses,
0:07:17 > 0:07:21or the wonderful costumes they wear.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23But the thing that really excites me
0:07:23 > 0:07:26are the artists who've been here before.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30There's Coster Gus Elan and dear Albert Whelan
0:07:30 > 0:07:33and George Robey has took an encore.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37It's hard to avoid the great Marie Lloyd
0:07:37 > 0:07:40and I haven't forgot Little Tich.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42That's why I brought Shorty.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44I know he's been naughty...
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Say goodnight, you silly old bitch.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Drolly diminutive in stature...
0:08:07 > 0:08:10..gargantuan in gourmandise.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13Eating.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15From America,
0:08:15 > 0:08:20the extraordinary Mr Chaz Chase!
0:08:20 > 0:08:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:22 > 0:08:25BAND PLAYS JAZZ
0:11:50 > 0:11:54MOUTH ORGAN PLAYS
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Indisputably demure...
0:12:36 > 0:12:39yet undeniably desirous
0:12:39 > 0:12:43of your participatory reciprocity.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Your auxiliary co-operation.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Miss Jenny Till!
0:12:51 > 0:12:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:09 > 0:13:11# You wonder what I'm looking for
0:13:11 > 0:13:13# I know you do, now, don't you?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:13:15 > 0:13:18# So if I tell you will you help me?
0:13:18 > 0:13:20# Oh, say you will please, won't you?
0:13:20 > 0:13:22- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:13:22 > 0:13:26# To start with then I may just mention
0:13:26 > 0:13:29# That my age is 23
0:13:29 > 0:13:30- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:13:34 > 0:13:38# And I'm tired of living single
0:13:38 > 0:13:42# I would like to married be
0:13:42 > 0:13:44# But...
0:13:44 > 0:13:47# I want to meet a good young man
0:13:47 > 0:13:50# A proper young man A model young man
0:13:50 > 0:13:53# I want to meet a good young man
0:13:53 > 0:13:56# Who never goes on the spree
0:13:56 > 0:13:59# I don't care if he's six foot high
0:13:59 > 0:14:03# With old school tie Or rather shy
0:14:04 > 0:14:08# So long as he's a good young man
0:14:08 > 0:14:11# Why then he'll do for me
0:14:15 > 0:14:18# I'm told good men are getting scarce
0:14:18 > 0:14:20# Oh, tell me is that true
0:14:20 > 0:14:21- AUDIENCE:- No!
0:14:22 > 0:14:26# That every year they're getting worse
0:14:26 > 0:14:28# Is that true? Tell me, do.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29- AUDIENCE:- No!
0:14:31 > 0:14:34# I do not seek a handsome man
0:14:34 > 0:14:37# For looks I do not care a sous
0:14:38 > 0:14:42# And neither do I wish for money
0:14:42 > 0:14:46# I've got quite enough for two
0:14:46 > 0:14:47CHEERING
0:14:47 > 0:14:49# But...
0:14:49 > 0:14:52# I want to meet a good young man
0:14:52 > 0:14:55# A proper young man A model young man
0:14:55 > 0:14:58# I want to meet a good young man
0:14:58 > 0:15:01# Who never goes on the spree
0:15:01 > 0:15:05# I don't care if he's six foot high
0:15:05 > 0:15:09# With old school tie Or rather shy
0:15:10 > 0:15:14# So long as he's a good young man
0:15:14 > 0:15:16# Why then he'll do for me
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:15:24 > 0:15:26# I would not have a fast man
0:15:26 > 0:15:30# For he'd stay out late now, wouldn't he?
0:15:30 > 0:15:34# A husband should be home by ten
0:15:34 > 0:15:36# He really should now, shouldn't he?
0:15:36 > 0:15:37- Audience:- No!
0:15:39 > 0:15:41# To find the sort of man I want
0:15:42 > 0:15:45# I've searched all over Far and near
0:15:47 > 0:15:51# Who can tell me where to find one?
0:15:52 > 0:15:56# Is there not a good man here?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58- Audience:- Yes!
0:16:00 > 0:16:03# I want to meet a good young man
0:16:03 > 0:16:06# A proper young man A model young man
0:16:06 > 0:16:09# I want to meet a good young man
0:16:09 > 0:16:12# Who never goes on the spree
0:16:12 > 0:16:16# I don't care if he's six foot high
0:16:16 > 0:16:20# With old school tie Or roving eye
0:16:21 > 0:16:26# So long as he's a good young man
0:16:26 > 0:16:28# Why then he'll do for me
0:16:28 > 0:16:32# I know he'll do for me. #
0:16:32 > 0:16:33Oh, I'm sure he'll do!
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Exuberantly...
0:16:53 > 0:16:58..ebullient Hibernian buoyancies
0:16:58 > 0:17:02from that broth of a boyo,
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Mr Pat Mooney!
0:17:05 > 0:17:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Ah, God love yous.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Well, I'm here at last.
0:17:18 > 0:17:19LAUGHTER
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Yous are looking gorgeous, you know that?
0:17:27 > 0:17:29My wife, what a sense of humour she's got.
0:17:29 > 0:17:30I said to her this morning,
0:17:30 > 0:17:33"What would you like for your birthday, love?" Know what she said?
0:17:33 > 0:17:34A widow's pension.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39I got home last Sunday morning -
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Sunday night I was out with the boys, I had a few pints,
0:17:41 > 0:17:43and I got home late for my lunch - I said to her,
0:17:43 > 0:17:45"Is me lunch still warm?"
0:17:45 > 0:17:46She says, "It should be.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49"It's been in the back of the fire for the last two hours."
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Murphy and Casey came over here to England and started their
0:17:55 > 0:17:58own building contractors - called themselves, "Murphy and Casey".
0:17:58 > 0:18:00And they were doing no business at all. And Murphy said to Casey,
0:18:00 > 0:18:02"I think we'll change our name to an English name.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05"We'll call ourselves Lambert and Lambert."
0:18:05 > 0:18:07So they're in the office one day and the phone rang,
0:18:07 > 0:18:09and one of them lifted the phone. And the voice said,
0:18:09 > 0:18:11"Can I speak to Mr Lambert, please?"
0:18:11 > 0:18:14And Murphy says, "Which one do you want - Murphy or Casey?"
0:18:19 > 0:18:21This Irish fellow - cos I'm from Ireland...
0:18:23 > 0:18:25You'd never have known, would you?
0:18:25 > 0:18:27He bought this small holding and he went to a poultry farmer,
0:18:27 > 0:18:29and he says, "Sir, I just bought a small holding.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31"Could I have 1,000 day-old chicks?"
0:18:31 > 0:18:34The poultry farmer says, "Of course you can, sir."
0:18:34 > 0:18:37And he sells him the 1,000 day-old chicks. And he's back the next day.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39He says, "Could I have another 1,000 day-old chicks, please, sir?"
0:18:39 > 0:18:42The fellow says, "Of course you can - it's great business for me, this."
0:18:42 > 0:18:43And he's back the next day.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46He says, "Could I have another 1,000 day-old chicks?"
0:18:46 > 0:18:49The poultry farmer says, "Excuse me, sir, you did say you only have a small holding?"
0:18:49 > 0:18:51"Oh," he says, "so I have, sir.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53"Do you think I'm planting them too close together?"
0:19:05 > 0:19:06Two lads were on a bus the other day,
0:19:06 > 0:19:09And they're sitting on the bus and the conductor says,
0:19:09 > 0:19:12"Patrick Street, James Street, Riley Street, Owen Street, Julia Street,
0:19:12 > 0:19:14"Catherine Street, Claire Street, Kevin Street."
0:19:14 > 0:19:17One of the boys says, "Don't you think it's about time we were getting off?"
0:19:17 > 0:19:21The other fellow says, "Sit down and wait till your name's called."
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Murphy brought his dog into the park
0:19:28 > 0:19:31and it was all frozen over with the bad weather,
0:19:31 > 0:19:32it was frozen solid on the lake.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35And he turns round to the park ranger, and he says,
0:19:35 > 0:19:38"If I put a pair of ice skates on my dog, will it be all right for him to skate on your lake?"
0:19:38 > 0:19:41And the park ranger says, "Well, it depends of it's thick enough."
0:19:41 > 0:19:44"Oh," he says, "it's thick enough - it's an Irish Wolfhound."
0:19:53 > 0:19:56I was telling a gag back here - I must tell you this...
0:19:56 > 0:19:59This Irish fellow applied for a job as a butler-cum-handy-man
0:19:59 > 0:20:01on a stately home in England.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04And he's doing everything - looking after the horses and the dogs and everything else -
0:20:04 > 0:20:08and the lord of the manor was going away for the weekend to the Badminton Horse Trials, and he says,
0:20:08 > 0:20:11"Paddy, I'm going to leave you in charge of the stately home,
0:20:11 > 0:20:13"and give me a full report when I come back."
0:20:13 > 0:20:15And he comes back in a few days and Paddy meets him at the gate.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17He says, "Is everything all right?"
0:20:17 > 0:20:20"Well, sir, I've got a bit of bad news for you, sir - Rover's dead."
0:20:20 > 0:20:23He says, "Rover? Rover was as fit as a fiddle when I left."
0:20:23 > 0:20:25"Oh," he says, "don't blame the poor dog, sir.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28"Dobbin the horse kicked him to death, sir, in the stable."
0:20:28 > 0:20:32He says, "Dobbin is the most peaceful animal in the stable. What made him do that?"
0:20:32 > 0:20:34"Oh," he says, "sir, don't blame poor Dobbin.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36"It was the panic when the barn went on fire.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38"All the sparks and the flames made him start panicking,
0:20:38 > 0:20:41"and he kicked out at poor Rover."
0:20:41 > 0:20:43He says, "The sparks and the flames? What happened in the barn?"
0:20:43 > 0:20:46He says, "Well, sir, it was when the barn went alight -
0:20:46 > 0:20:49"it was the sparks coming over from the main house landed on the roof of the barn."
0:20:52 > 0:20:53He says,
0:20:53 > 0:20:55"What flames in the main house?"
0:20:55 > 0:20:58He says, "Well, see, it was that stupid chamber maid upstairs, sir.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02"She was dusting round your mother's coffin and knocked one of the candlesticks over."
0:21:04 > 0:21:05He says...
0:21:07 > 0:21:09.."What's happened to me poor mother?!"
0:21:11 > 0:21:16"Oh, says he, "it was the shock of your father dropping dead outside the stables."
0:21:18 > 0:21:20He said, "Have you any GOOD news for me?"
0:21:20 > 0:21:22He says, "Yes, sir - your daffodils are out."
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Oh, it's a great joy for me, there.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40I had a letter from Ireland today as well from me mother.
0:21:40 > 0:21:41It's nice getting letters from Ireland -
0:21:41 > 0:21:43nobody ever opens them for you.
0:21:46 > 0:21:47Terrible speller, me mother!
0:21:47 > 0:21:48She says, "Dear Pat..."
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Look how she spells "dear" -
0:21:50 > 0:21:51"D-E-A-R".
0:21:56 > 0:21:58"Your grandda' is 92.
0:21:58 > 0:22:02"The first thing he does in the morning is read the newspapers in bed.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05"He looks at the deaths, and if his name isn't in it he gets up.
0:22:09 > 0:22:14"He said to me this morning, isn't it funny how all these people die
0:22:14 > 0:22:15"in alphabetical order?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22"Your uncle Bert has had a suspended sentence.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23"They've hung him.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30"Your...
0:22:31 > 0:22:34"Your uncle Barney went into a temporary hospital today
0:22:34 > 0:22:36to be sterilised,
0:22:36 > 0:22:38and they boiled them for three and a half hours.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47"We've just moved into a new cottage and it's got no chimney.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49"We have to carry the smoke out in buckets."
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Ah, you're beautiful!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04You really are lovely. I'd love coming back to see yous
0:23:04 > 0:23:06all the time. It's a joy.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Enjoy yourselves, have a lovely evening.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11And I'd like to leave you with a thought - I always leave everybody with a thought when I go -
0:23:11 > 0:23:13I'd like to leave you with a thought...
0:23:13 > 0:23:16It's nice to go home with a thought you didn't have when you came, isn't it? It's true.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Be very grateful for certain things.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20If it wasn't for Venetian blinds,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22it'd be curtains for the whole world, wouldn't it?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Goodnight, God bless you all! I love you!
0:23:40 > 0:23:44Dizzily devastating deliberate defiance...
0:23:45 > 0:23:48..of danger, for your delight.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52From France, Monsieur Gerard Edon!
0:23:52 > 0:23:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:54 > 0:23:58BAND PLAYS
0:27:43 > 0:27:49DRUM ROLL
0:29:38 > 0:29:41Eyes down, once again.
0:29:41 > 0:29:45Convoking choric nomenclature...
0:29:46 > 0:29:49N-O-M-E-N-C-L-A-T-U-R-E.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52Incontestably curvaceous,
0:29:52 > 0:29:55your own, your very, very own,
0:29:55 > 0:29:58Miss Barbara Windsor!
0:29:58 > 0:30:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:30:10 > 0:30:14# I ought to think myself a lucky girl, I know
0:30:14 > 0:30:17# Cos I'm engaged but still somehow I don't think so
0:30:17 > 0:30:21# John, that's the name of my fiance, you see
0:30:21 > 0:30:25# Now there's no mistake he's very fond of me
0:30:25 > 0:30:28# He took me out and oh, my dears it was so nice
0:30:28 > 0:30:33# He always used to kiss me on the same place twice
0:30:33 > 0:30:37# Often in the park We would sit and swoon
0:30:37 > 0:30:43# And I was oh so happy till the other afternoon
0:30:43 > 0:30:48# John took me round to see his mother
0:30:48 > 0:30:52# His mother, his mother
0:30:52 > 0:30:56# And while he introduced us to each other
0:30:56 > 0:30:59# She weighed up everything that I had on
0:30:59 > 0:31:04# Now she put me through a cross examination
0:31:04 > 0:31:08# I fairly boiled with aggravation
0:31:08 > 0:31:12# Then she shook her head And she looked at me and said
0:31:12 > 0:31:15# Poor John, poor John.
0:31:18 > 0:31:22# Josh-u-ah, Josh-u-ah
0:31:22 > 0:31:25# Why don't you call and see Mama?
0:31:25 > 0:31:29# She'll be pleased to know
0:31:29 > 0:31:33# That you're my best beau
0:31:33 > 0:31:37# Josh-u-ah, Josh-u-ah
0:31:37 > 0:31:41# Nicer than lemon squash you are
0:31:41 > 0:31:44# Oh, by gosh you are
0:31:44 > 0:31:47# Josh-u-osh-u-ah.
0:31:47 > 0:31:48Let me hear you!
0:31:48 > 0:31:52# Josh-u-ah, Josh-u-ah
0:31:52 > 0:31:55# Why don't you call and see Mama?
0:31:55 > 0:31:58# She'll be pleased to know
0:31:58 > 0:32:03# That you're my best beau
0:32:03 > 0:32:07# Josh-u-ah, Josh-u-ah
0:32:07 > 0:32:10# Nicer than lemon squash you are
0:32:10 > 0:32:14# Oh, by gosh you are
0:32:14 > 0:32:17# Josh-u-osh-u-ah
0:32:17 > 0:32:21# Oh, by gosh you are
0:32:21 > 0:32:24# Josh-u-osh-u-ah.
0:32:28 > 0:32:33# Are we to part like this, Bill?
0:32:35 > 0:32:39# Are we to part this way?
0:32:42 > 0:32:43# Who's it to be?
0:32:46 > 0:32:47# Her or me?
0:32:49 > 0:32:52# Don't be afraid to say
0:32:55 > 0:33:02# If everything's over between us
0:33:03 > 0:33:06# Don't, don't ever pass me by
0:33:09 > 0:33:11# For you and me
0:33:13 > 0:33:15# Still friends can be
0:33:15 > 0:33:23# For the sake of the days gone by
0:33:25 > 0:33:27# For you and me
0:33:27 > 0:33:33# Still friends can be
0:33:33 > 0:33:41# For the sake of the days gone by
0:33:44 > 0:33:48# Oh, I'm just wild about Harry
0:33:48 > 0:33:51# And Harry's wild about me
0:33:51 > 0:33:55# Now those heavenly blisses Of his kisses
0:33:55 > 0:33:58# Fills me with ecstasy
0:33:58 > 0:34:02# Now he's sweet just like chocolate candy
0:34:02 > 0:34:05# Like the honey from the bee
0:34:05 > 0:34:09# Oh, I'm just wild about Harry
0:34:09 > 0:34:11# And he's just wild about
0:34:11 > 0:34:13# Cannot do without
0:34:13 > 0:34:15# He's just wild about me.
0:34:15 > 0:34:17All together now!
0:34:17 > 0:34:21# I'm just wild about Harry
0:34:21 > 0:34:25# And Harry's wild about me
0:34:25 > 0:34:30# Now those heavenly blisses Of his kisses
0:34:30 > 0:34:33# Fill me with ecstasy
0:34:33 > 0:34:38# Now he's sweet just like chocolate candy
0:34:38 > 0:34:42# And like the honey from the bee
0:34:42 > 0:34:46# Oh I'm just wild about Harry
0:34:46 > 0:34:49# And he is wild about
0:34:49 > 0:34:51# Cannot do without
0:34:51 > 0:34:53# He's just wild about me
0:34:53 > 0:34:55# Oh, oh, oh
0:34:55 > 0:34:58# I'm just wild about Harry
0:34:58 > 0:35:01# And he's just wild about
0:35:01 > 0:35:03# Cannot do without
0:35:03 > 0:35:05# He's...just...
0:35:05 > 0:35:13# Wild about me. #
0:35:31 > 0:35:33Almost edible, isn't she?
0:35:34 > 0:35:37Flippantly filibustering
0:35:37 > 0:35:40felicitous facetiae...
0:35:41 > 0:35:42Latin.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44The one and only
0:35:44 > 0:35:47Mr Roy Hudd!
0:35:47 > 0:35:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:35:50 > 0:35:53Thank you! Thank you!
0:35:53 > 0:35:55Good evening. Evening.
0:35:55 > 0:35:56- AUDIENCE:- Evening!
0:35:56 > 0:36:01Oh, lovely! First of all I must say how wonderful it is, folks, to be back here in Leeds again -
0:36:01 > 0:36:02the Miami of Yorkshire.
0:36:02 > 0:36:04CHEERING
0:36:04 > 0:36:07No, it's so nice to be playing a proper theatre for a change.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09Being able to stand up here, look out there,
0:36:09 > 0:36:12and actually be able to see all your happy, smiling faces.
0:36:15 > 0:36:17They are you faces, aren't they?
0:36:17 > 0:36:19You are sitting the right way up?
0:36:19 > 0:36:22Right, I'd better come out and sort out exactly what we're
0:36:22 > 0:36:24up against tonight. Right, come down and have a proper look at you.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26- Mr Sachs!- Mr Hudd.
0:36:26 > 0:36:28- Good evening, Mr Sachs. - Good evening to you.
0:36:28 > 0:36:30- My wife's your number one fan, you know that?- Oh, that's nice.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32- She's mad about you. - That's charming.
0:36:32 > 0:36:33She's a Sachs-maniac.
0:36:36 > 0:36:37Right, let's have a look what we've got.
0:36:37 > 0:36:40Oh, there's a lady with a lovely smile on her face.
0:36:40 > 0:36:41What are you sitting on, love?
0:36:42 > 0:36:44Oh, really?
0:36:44 > 0:36:47Tell the usherette we've found her torch, will you?
0:36:48 > 0:36:50Nice to see the military in, sir, eh?
0:36:50 > 0:36:51Yes.
0:36:51 > 0:36:54Nice to know Ladysmith's been relieved, isn't it?
0:36:54 > 0:36:55Those new tablets work wonders.
0:36:58 > 0:36:59Who else have we got?
0:36:59 > 0:37:03By golly, there's an expensive-looking complexion. Look at that!
0:37:03 > 0:37:05Stick a wick in his mouth, he'd burn for a fortnight.
0:37:05 > 0:37:06Nice to see you, sir.
0:37:06 > 0:37:07Good evening, my dear.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09Where are you from, love?
0:37:10 > 0:37:11Whereabouts?
0:37:12 > 0:37:13You're not from Altringham, are you?
0:37:13 > 0:37:16Blimey, my brother's working there tonight.
0:37:16 > 0:37:17He's a burglar.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23# Now one night after closing time the landlord of The Star
0:37:23 > 0:37:27# Presented me with a nine-penny cigar
0:37:27 > 0:37:30# I smoked it until Easter like one of the la-di-da
0:37:30 > 0:37:33# Now everybody knows me by the end of me old cigar
0:37:33 > 0:37:35# Oh the end of me old cigar
0:37:35 > 0:37:37# Ta-ra, ta-ra, ta-ra
0:37:37 > 0:37:40# Everybody knows me by the end of me old cigar
0:37:40 > 0:37:42# Oh the end of me old cigar
0:37:42 > 0:37:44# Ta-ra, ta-ra, ta-ra
0:37:44 > 0:37:47# Everybody knows me by the end of me old cigar. #
0:37:47 > 0:37:49It's a nice one, isn't it, love?
0:37:49 > 0:37:51I'll save that one till later though, eh?
0:37:51 > 0:37:53No, cos smoking's very dangerous, you know.
0:37:53 > 0:37:55Smoking killed my grandad. Yeah.
0:37:55 > 0:37:57He fell off a tobacconist's roof.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04# Now one morning after breakfast into my surgery
0:38:04 > 0:38:07# Came a girl with a vaccination plea
0:38:07 > 0:38:11# Oh, vaccinate me, doctor But please don't leave a scar
0:38:11 > 0:38:14# So I vaccinated Gertie with...
0:38:14 > 0:38:16# Oh the end of me old cigar
0:38:16 > 0:38:17# Ta-ra, ta-ra, ta-ra
0:38:17 > 0:38:21# Everybody knows me by the end of me old cigar
0:38:21 > 0:38:22# Oh the end of me old cigar
0:38:22 > 0:38:24# Ta-ra, ta-ra, ta-ra
0:38:24 > 0:38:28# Everybody knows me by the end of me old cigar. #
0:38:28 > 0:38:29Oh. That's it, is it?
0:38:29 > 0:38:30It's finished.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33A short monologue, as spoken from the mouth.
0:38:33 > 0:38:34CLEARS THROAT
0:38:36 > 0:38:38Some girls are all right
0:38:38 > 0:38:40in a bath marble white,
0:38:40 > 0:38:42doused in perfume that's exotic.
0:38:44 > 0:38:45But the queen of my soul
0:38:45 > 0:38:48stands up in a bowl and does what she can with carbolic.
0:38:52 > 0:38:53William Wordsworth.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57You haven't met my missus, have you? God blimey, what a woman.
0:38:57 > 0:38:58I'm not kidding you.
0:38:58 > 0:39:00I haven't spoken to her for five years, you know.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03Well, I don't like to interrupt her.
0:39:03 > 0:39:05But they do go on. Don't they, fellas, eh?
0:39:05 > 0:39:06Don't they go on?
0:39:06 > 0:39:07AUDIENCE MURMUR
0:39:07 > 0:39:09Oh, yes, they do!
0:39:09 > 0:39:11- WOMEN:- Oh, no, they don't!
0:39:11 > 0:39:13- MEN:- Oh, yes, they do!
0:39:13 > 0:39:15- WOMEN:- Oh, no, they don't!
0:39:15 > 0:39:17All right, behave yourselves.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20It's not the House of Commons, you know. Now, watch it.
0:39:20 > 0:39:22My missus, I'm not kidding you, she drives me mad.
0:39:22 > 0:39:25She never stops. Always on at me, always the same old thing, you know?
0:39:25 > 0:39:27"You men are all alike."
0:39:27 > 0:39:28Yes!
0:39:28 > 0:39:32I don't mind her saying it - it's how she found out that worries me!
0:39:34 > 0:39:37I can't trust her as far as I can throw her. You know that, lady?
0:39:37 > 0:39:42"Listen," I said, "I've just found out our milkman has made love
0:39:42 > 0:39:45"to every housewife in this street except one."
0:39:45 > 0:39:49She said, "I bet it's that stuck up cow at number 12."
0:39:49 > 0:39:54Old ones, new ones, loved ones, neglected ones.
0:39:56 > 0:39:58# One afternoon 'bout tea-time
0:39:58 > 0:39:59# At a garden party grand
0:39:59 > 0:40:03# The wife and me were a-shaking every hand
0:40:03 > 0:40:06# She was carrying on and going rather far
0:40:06 > 0:40:09# But I was doing a trade of me own with the end of...
0:40:09 > 0:40:11# Oh, the end of me old cigar
0:40:11 > 0:40:13# Ta-ra, ta-ra, ta-ra
0:40:13 > 0:40:16# Everybody knows me by the end of me old cigar
0:40:16 > 0:40:18# Oh the end of me old cigar
0:40:18 > 0:40:19# Ta-ra, ta-ra, ta-ra
0:40:19 > 0:40:23# Everybody knows me by the end of me old cigar. #
0:40:41 > 0:40:43With Jerome Kern,
0:40:43 > 0:40:46youth at the helm and beauty at the prow...
0:40:48 > 0:40:50..The Players Theatre, plus -
0:40:50 > 0:40:53and it's a specially super plus -
0:40:53 > 0:40:55Mr Peter Gale!
0:40:55 > 0:40:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:41:15 > 0:41:17# I won't dance, don't ask me
0:41:17 > 0:41:19# I won't dance, don't ask me
0:41:19 > 0:41:23# I won't dance, madam, with you
0:41:23 > 0:41:26# My heart won't let my feet do things they should do
0:41:28 > 0:41:31# You know what? You're lovely
0:41:31 > 0:41:33- GIRLS:- # And so what? I'm lovely
0:41:33 > 0:41:36# But oh what you do to me
0:41:36 > 0:41:41# I'm like an ocean wave that's bumped on the shore
0:41:41 > 0:41:46# I feel so absolutely stumped on the floor
0:41:47 > 0:41:51# When you dance you're charming and you're gentle
0:41:51 > 0:41:53# 'Specially when you do the Continental
0:41:56 > 0:42:00# But the feeling isn't purely mental
0:42:00 > 0:42:04# For heaven rest us I'm not asbestos
0:42:04 > 0:42:05# So that's why
0:42:05 > 0:42:08# I won't dance, how could I?
0:42:08 > 0:42:10# I won't dance, why should I?
0:42:10 > 0:42:14# I won't dance, merci beaucoup
0:42:14 > 0:42:18# They say that music leads the way to romance
0:42:18 > 0:42:23# So if I hold you in my arms I won't dance.
0:42:59 > 0:43:03# She didn't say yes
0:43:04 > 0:43:06# She didn't say no
0:43:07 > 0:43:09# She didn't say stay
0:43:11 > 0:43:13# She didn't say go
0:43:13 > 0:43:18# She only knew that he spied her there
0:43:18 > 0:43:20# And then she knew he sat beside her there
0:43:20 > 0:43:24# At first there was heard not one little word
0:43:24 > 0:43:27# Then coyly she took one sly little look
0:43:27 > 0:43:31# And something awoke and smiled inside
0:43:31 > 0:43:34# Her heart began a-beating wild inside
0:43:34 > 0:43:35# Then what did she do? I leave it to you
0:43:37 > 0:43:40# She did just what you'd do too
0:43:40 > 0:43:43# She didn't say yes She didn't say no
0:43:43 > 0:43:47# She wanted to stay But knew she should go
0:43:47 > 0:43:50# She wasn't too sure that he'd be good
0:43:50 > 0:43:53# She wasn't even sure that she'd be good
0:43:53 > 0:43:56# She wanted to rest and cuddled and pressed
0:43:56 > 0:44:00# A palpable part of somebody's heart
0:44:00 > 0:44:02# She longed to be on rapport with him
0:44:03 > 0:44:06# But not behind a bolted door with him
0:44:06 > 0:44:08# So what did she do? I leave it to you
0:44:10 > 0:44:13# She did just what you'd do too
0:44:15 > 0:44:17# Nothing's impossible I have found
0:44:17 > 0:44:20# For when my chin is on the ground
0:44:20 > 0:44:22# I pick myself up, dust myself off
0:44:22 > 0:44:25# Start all over again
0:44:25 > 0:44:27# Don't lose your confidence if you slip
0:44:27 > 0:44:29# Be grateful for a pleasant trip
0:44:29 > 0:44:32# And pick yourself up, dust yourself off
0:44:32 > 0:44:34# Start all over again
0:44:34 > 0:44:36# Work like a soul inspired
0:44:36 > 0:44:38# Till the battle of the day is won
0:44:39 > 0:44:41# You may feel sick and tired
0:44:41 > 0:44:44# But you'll be a man my son
0:44:44 > 0:44:46# Won't you remember the famous men
0:44:46 > 0:44:48# Who had to fall to rise again
0:44:48 > 0:44:50# And take a deep breath
0:44:51 > 0:44:52# Pick yourself up
0:44:54 > 0:44:55# Dust yourself off
0:44:56 > 0:44:59# And start all over again Two, three, four, one
0:45:36 > 0:45:40# Will you remember the famous men
0:45:40 > 0:45:45# Who had to fall to rise again
0:45:45 > 0:45:46# So pick yourself up
0:45:48 > 0:45:49# Pick yourself up
0:45:50 > 0:45:51# Pick yourself up
0:45:52 > 0:45:53# Pick yourself up
0:45:55 > 0:46:01# And start all over again
0:46:01 > 0:46:03# Again
0:46:03 > 0:46:08# Again! #
0:46:21 > 0:46:26And now there's just time to ask Mr Roy Hudd and Miss Barbara Windsor
0:46:26 > 0:46:29to lead the company and yourselves in the last chorus for tonight,
0:46:29 > 0:46:31Down At The Old Bull And Bush.
0:46:31 > 0:46:32Ladies and gentlemen,
0:46:32 > 0:46:35Mr Roy Hudd, Miss Barbara Windsor, the entire company,
0:46:35 > 0:46:39Mr Bernard Herman, the entire and indefatigable orchestra...
0:46:39 > 0:46:41CHEERING
0:46:41 > 0:46:43..but this time, chiefly...
0:46:43 > 0:46:45- ALL:- Yourselves!
0:46:49 > 0:46:53# Come, come, come and make eyes at me
0:46:53 > 0:46:55# Down at The Old Bull And Bush
0:46:55 > 0:46:56# Da-da-da-da-da
0:46:56 > 0:47:00# Come, come, drink some port wine with me
0:47:00 > 0:47:02# Down at The Old Bull And Bush
0:47:03 > 0:47:05# Hear the little German band
0:47:05 > 0:47:07# Da-da-da-da-da-da-da
0:47:07 > 0:47:10# Just let me hold your hand dear
0:47:10 > 0:47:14# Do, do, come and have a drink or two
0:47:14 > 0:47:17# Down at The Old Bull And Bush
0:47:17 > 0:47:18# Bush, bush! #
0:47:18 > 0:47:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE