:00:11. > :00:18.Tonight on the show, an Oscar- nominated actor, a fine comedian
:00:18. > :00:28.and the star of the medical sitcom, Scrubs. Now, microphone..questions
:00:28. > :00:53.
:00:53. > :00:59.for guests, fine wine. Now, clear. Oh, you're so kind. Thank you very
:00:59. > :01:06.much, everybody and welcome to the show. We've got a great line-up for
:01:06. > :01:14.you tonight. Oscar-nominated thespsian, Kenneth Branagh is here.
:01:14. > :01:22.That's posh. And star of Scrubs, Zack Braff is joining us, and
:01:22. > :01:28.comedian Frank Skinner is here. And music from the brilliant Taio Cruz.
:01:28. > :01:37.Yes! I can't wait to meet Kenneth Branagh. He shot to fame as the
:01:37. > :01:45.director and star of the film Henry V. Kenneth portrayed him as a tough,
:01:45. > :01:51.gritty warrior. Here's the actual Henry V. No oil painting, mind you,
:01:51. > :01:57.here's Henry VIII and the most famous of all Henrys, Henry the
:01:57. > :02:07.Hoover. Kenneth also directed and starred in Mary Shelley's
:02:07. > :02:08.
:02:08. > :02:13.Frankenstein. That was a creature with two left feet. This is it!
:02:13. > :02:19.Doh! Kenneth is currently appearing in
:02:19. > :02:25.the Oscar-tipped film, My Week With Marilyn. All about Marilyn Monroe.
:02:26. > :02:32.She had affairs with so many famous men, it was even rumoured she had
:02:32. > :02:42.an affair with Albert Einstein. What did she like about him?
:02:42. > :02:50.Let's get some guests on. Later in the show, Taio Cruz, but
:02:50. > :03:00.first, it's Frank Skinner. How are you?
:03:00. > :03:03.
:03:03. > :03:10.He scrubs up well, it's Zack Braff! Oh, oh, oh!
:03:10. > :03:20.Shove up! But soft, he approaches. He is nigh.
:03:20. > :03:31.
:03:31. > :03:37.Oh, oh! It's like having one direction on the show, isn't it?
:03:37. > :03:42.30 years' time. Welcome to you all. But a special hello to you, Zack,
:03:42. > :03:49.and welcome to London. Thank you for having me.
:03:49. > :03:54.You're here for a while? I've moved here. I'm doing the play in the
:03:54. > :04:00.West end at the Duke of York York and I'll be here until April. So I
:04:00. > :04:05.like to think of myself as a Londoner. And are we treating you
:04:05. > :04:11.well? Are you settling in? Yes, I'm getting used to the changes. Not
:04:11. > :04:18.tipping. I tipped the cab driver too much the other day and he said,
:04:18. > :04:22."Why are you wasting your money?" That was a rare cab driver. I
:04:22. > :04:29.wouldn't go on television saying you don't tip cabbies. You'll be
:04:29. > :04:35.waiting a long time. And Kenneth, you've just come from the London
:04:35. > :04:40.Circle Film Awards. I have. Did you win? Yes, I did!
:04:40. > :04:45.Congratulations. Thank you. What did you get? It was a very
:04:45. > :04:49.splendid glass platter, mounted on another glass thing that is both
:04:49. > :04:56.beautiful and a wonderful blunt object if someone tried to break
:04:56. > :05:02.into the house. But it was a thrill, both to be nominated and to win.
:05:02. > :05:11.And you're now nominated for a BAFTA as well? Yes. And all of this
:05:11. > :05:17.for your film about Marilyn Monroe. But I saw you at the Globes. I was
:05:17. > :05:25.on an unbelievable table. Over here was Madonna, and then Meryl Streep
:05:25. > :05:33.and I was the albatros. But it was lovely to watch. And I hope you get
:05:33. > :05:40.the Oscar as well. Thank you. Frank you're currently the new host
:05:40. > :05:47.of Room 101. I don't like the "currently" what have you heard?
:05:47. > :05:53.rumours are flying around. No, you're the third host. Do you guys
:05:53. > :06:01.know the show? Yes. I don't, but I've heard it's popular.. I think
:06:01. > :06:08.you'll be fine! Thanks, Zack, I'm warming to you. You were on it
:06:08. > :06:14.once? Yes. What did you put in? put in Action Man. What was wrong
:06:15. > :06:20.with him? It wasn't against Action Man per se, but I come from a very
:06:20. > :06:28.poor family and we couldn't afford the outfits. So my mother used to
:06:28. > :06:34.make them. And she knitted him a matching throufrs and Cardigan in
:06:34. > :06:41.quite a heavy stitch with buttons on. And he looked like an offduty
:06:41. > :06:49.nurse. And when I played with my friends, they had Nazi Storm
:06:49. > :06:54.Troopers. So I was very unhappy as a child. What would you put in?
:06:54. > :07:00.Protective texts. I'm useless at it, but the idea of predicting words
:07:01. > :07:06.that I've never heard of rather than the ones I really want, it
:07:06. > :07:13.takes me four or five times longer to do the thing that is supposed to
:07:13. > :07:22.save you time! And then the ones that slip through. Oh, have you had
:07:22. > :07:31.some like that? I've discovered that Cole and anal and cock are the
:07:31. > :07:41.same thing! You can say a lot more on a British chat show than you can
:07:41. > :07:42.
:07:42. > :07:48.in America! And what would you like to say? Cock and anal! With all
:07:48. > :07:56.boys on the couch tonight, it had to kick off.
:07:56. > :08:04.I find the people who walk around with Bluetooth in their ear
:08:04. > :08:11.incredibly annoying. London is really shutting down for you now.
:08:11. > :08:17.Now, My Week With Marilyn is a huge hit. You are playing Sir Lawrence
:08:17. > :08:23.Olivier. Yes. And when you started out, there were a lot of
:08:23. > :08:29.comparisonons between you and Sir Lawrence, the Shakespeare and
:08:29. > :08:34.directing. But you've gone from mainstream and Hollywood. What was
:08:34. > :08:37.that like going to Hollywood? it was very exciting. You can't
:08:37. > :08:42.quite believe you are there, and lots of things happen to make you
:08:42. > :08:50.doubt it as well. When I first went there 20 years ago, they asked what
:08:50. > :08:56.car I would like to drive. I had no idea. And the guy said, "What about
:08:57. > :09:02.the Ford Mustang, open top and red?" so I said, "OK. So the car
:09:02. > :09:10.waits for me at the hotel and I put the sunglasses on. And I keep going
:09:10. > :09:16.over the wrong side of the road so people are hanging at me. And I get
:09:16. > :09:22.to Paramount studios, and because I'm a Brit my name is not on the
:09:22. > :09:30.gates. And I say, "But I'm directing this big Hollywood film."
:09:30. > :09:34.And I wasn't getting in. Eventually I had to call my mum, as it were,
:09:35. > :09:40.the producer, and spell my name. And they sent me to the parking
:09:40. > :09:44.structure. So I took deep breaths, you've arrived now go and direct
:09:44. > :09:50.your big, Hollywood film. I couldn't get the ignition key out
:09:50. > :09:54.of the car. I couldn't get the roof to go up. And there's a button on
:09:54. > :10:00.the steering column you had to press to let the thing go. And I
:10:01. > :10:05.had to call my mum again and they had to come and get me. So now I'm
:10:05. > :10:11.an hour late and you feel an idiot and you have to explain you don't
:10:11. > :10:16.know anything about cars. I hired a car, because new cars are always
:10:16. > :10:21.scary. And I couldn't get it into reverse and I was coming off a
:10:21. > :10:29.driveway and moving really slowly and somebody blasted their horn and
:10:29. > :10:35.there was an old couple in the car. And every time I turned to reverse
:10:35. > :10:43.they blasted the horn and I swore at them and they looked shocked and
:10:43. > :10:51.who are fied and I went to reverse again and I was leaning on the horn
:10:51. > :10:57.and it was me! Because, Zack, you made it big with
:10:57. > :11:01.skrabsskrabs so proper cash was coming in and you -- Scrubs so
:11:02. > :11:09.proper cash was coming in and you went crazy with the money, didn't
:11:09. > :11:15.you and cars? Yes, the first thing I did was get a beautiful Porche.
:11:16. > :11:21.And my co-star on the show thought it would be funny to play a
:11:21. > :11:26.practical joke on me. There was a show called punked. Did you have it
:11:26. > :11:33.here? We did. Three days off the lot and I was going to a liquor
:11:33. > :11:38.store, and there were hidden cameras and some teenagers asked us
:11:38. > :11:44.to buy them booze because you can't buy it until you're 21 in the
:11:44. > :11:52.States. And I said no I wasn't going to do it. And when we came
:11:52. > :12:01.out of the liingor store the car appeared to be completely covered
:12:01. > :12:09.in graffiti. Ruined, and the whole thing had been choreographed that I
:12:09. > :12:15.wouldn't be able to catch the little b..... But I caught them and
:12:15. > :12:21.I was pummelling them. And I couldn't see from my per cent
:12:21. > :12:29.public sectorive because my adrend line was pumping -- adrenaline was
:12:29. > :12:34.pumping that he was looking like a little boy. But, of course they
:12:34. > :12:39.edited that bit out because they don't want you beating up children
:12:40. > :12:46.on television. But they got me really badly. And when we went into
:12:46. > :12:51.the store, my co-star knew he was on camera. And we walk in and
:12:52. > :12:59.there's a giant rack of porn. It's the first thing you see and I'm
:12:59. > :13:04.with my buddy. Magazines and DVDs. Both, probable. I'll give you the
:13:05. > :13:11.address. I can picture it in my mind. Stay with us. So I walk over
:13:11. > :13:19.to the rack, because I'm, like,, "Check this out" and my mate,
:13:19. > :13:29.because he knows he's on camera is, like, "Oh, I'm not into that" and
:13:29. > :13:31.
:13:31. > :13:37.I'm like, "Yes, you are." Now, Kenneth, you play Lawrence
:13:37. > :13:41.Olivier, and it was like the Prince and the show girl. Yes, he
:13:41. > :13:46.considered himself very traditional. She had an acting coach who was
:13:46. > :13:51.with her most of the time. And aside from showing up late, they
:13:51. > :13:56.also played a love scene and he wanted her to react to the scene
:13:56. > :14:02.but she wanted to feel it and she said famously that when she wanted
:14:02. > :14:10.to show in her eyes that she was in love with him she had to think of
:14:10. > :14:19.things that she loved, like Coca- Cola. And she said she needed to
:14:19. > :14:25.feel it, and he wanted to turn up and do it, but she wanted the muse
:14:25. > :14:31.to visit. And it didn't visit very often. We have a clip here. This is
:14:31. > :14:38.you coping with the acting coach. Well, we're still the first ones.
:14:38. > :14:45.Ghee, this is all right, isn't it. Cut. Can't we just drop it. Well,
:14:45. > :14:53.the thing is, you've already admired the hall downstairs in the
:14:53. > :15:01.first scene and now you're admiring this room as well. Sure. Paula!
:15:01. > :15:11.Christ. I don't get it. He's a strange man I think he already
:15:11. > :15:14.
:15:14. > :15:21.figured it out that he invited her here just to sleep with him. What
:15:21. > :15:29.is it? Marilyn doesn't believe the situation she is in. Then she needs
:15:29. > :15:38.to think about the truth. truth..Marilyn needs as long as it
:15:38. > :15:43.takes, Chaplin took eight months to make a movie. Eight months, I'd
:15:43. > :15:47.rather kill myself! I've seen that film. It is so funny. Actors who
:15:47. > :15:56.are at the end of their tether is always the funniest thing. I did a
:15:56. > :16:02.play with an actor who used to get very mad about people coughing in
:16:02. > :16:09.the audience. And I'd be standing in the wings and he'd say, "Why
:16:09. > :16:15.don't you cough yourselves to death!" and the hand dryers in the
:16:15. > :16:25.toilets. Yes, and now it's people taxing. And the phone famously
:16:25. > :16:27.
:16:27. > :16:33.ringing. Al Pachino apparently picked one up from the audience and
:16:33. > :16:38.said, "I'm acting go away." And it's the same with the cinema,
:16:38. > :16:47.people are eating and bring their sandwiches out and they can't hear
:16:47. > :16:53.and they're saying, "Is that him? He's a bit short, isn't he!" and
:16:53. > :16:59.you carry on regardless. And did you ever meet Lawrence? I never met
:16:59. > :17:04.him, but I wrote to him. I was struggle with a part which he had
:17:05. > :17:10.played it was check-off. And I wrote and said, because I was at
:17:10. > :17:16.that point bending over double and pouring flour over my hair and
:17:16. > :17:21.pretending to be old, which wasn't effective. And I asked if there was
:17:21. > :17:28.anything he had watched or heard or listened to that he could share
:17:28. > :17:35.with me and he wrote back and said, yes there was, but no he wouldn't.
:17:35. > :17:42.Because you have to work it out. But he said his advice was "to have
:17:42. > :17:47.a bash and I wish you good luck" but what I remember of the
:17:47. > :17:51.experience of that letter coming through to my bedsit was the letter
:17:51. > :17:59.itself. The quality of the notepaper was so rich I felt like
:17:59. > :18:06.somebody had sent me a table cloth. And the embossed Lawrence Olivier
:18:06. > :18:11.at the top, it's in a special drawer. To have just someone even
:18:11. > :18:20.bother, from a drama student who found his address in the Who's Who
:18:20. > :18:26.of the theatre. I was tibl write to him and be inspire ed -- I was able
:18:26. > :18:30.to write to him and be inspired for the rest of my days. That's an
:18:30. > :18:36.incredible story. When you were launched on the world it looked
:18:36. > :18:42.like you were very driven and did these amazing things one after the
:18:42. > :18:47.other. Would the younger Branagh have said "yes" to directing a
:18:47. > :18:52.blockbuster like Thor? Well, I certainly used to read that comic
:18:52. > :18:58.when I was a kid so I knew it was true about my feeling for it. But
:18:58. > :19:03.for me, working-class from Belfast, just to even be an actor was
:19:04. > :19:10.already such an amazing leap of faith, my parents were amazed. They
:19:10. > :19:15.thought if you were going to be an actor you were about to be
:19:15. > :19:20.unemployed, homosexual and broke. Well....All Of which is perfectly
:19:20. > :19:28.fine but it doesn't remotely include the idea of directing a
:19:28. > :19:38.great, big movie like Thor. even then you didn't take your
:19:38. > :19:44.Shakespeare hat off, because Christmas Hemsworth, you made him
:19:44. > :19:50.do things. But he's an amazing feller. Even I had to sometimes sit
:19:50. > :19:56.down and have a quick rub with the Radio Times! He's very stimulating.
:19:56. > :20:01.He had all those good looks, but he was an amazing proper, proper on
:20:02. > :20:08.actor and he wanted people to follow Thor into the jaws of death.
:20:08. > :20:15.And it was all about his hammer swinging. And he has an impressive
:20:15. > :20:19.hammer and a great gift with it! That's the DVD extras! But he was
:20:19. > :20:24.able to take on board using the language. A fantastic kid and a
:20:24. > :20:30.straight up and down movie star, an amazing guy but ready to do all of
:20:30. > :20:37.it, a real worker who wanted not just to look it but feel it as well.
:20:37. > :20:45.If you're looking for keep fit advice, Zack you've got some...Oh,
:20:45. > :20:50.Yes, my tips are outrageous. you have some top tips? Well, I
:20:50. > :20:58.think like most people New Year you think, "This is the time" and I
:20:58. > :21:05.went to the gym and I was working out and I'd chosen a day, randomly,
:21:05. > :21:10.Arnold Schwarzenegger walked into the gym! I knew I was in the right
:21:10. > :21:16.one. I tried to put some more weights on to look more impressive.
:21:16. > :21:22.I think he knew the gym owner and he was taking a tour. And he
:21:22. > :21:29.approached me, and I don't know whether he knew me as an actor or
:21:29. > :21:34.as a govern er to say, "Hello citizen" and he said, "What are
:21:34. > :21:41.your goals with your workout." I was so on the spot that I retreated
:21:41. > :21:48.to this very little boy place. And I said, "Well, to be honest, Arnold,
:21:48. > :21:58.if I could have anything, did you ever see the movie Fight Club? I
:21:58. > :21:59.
:22:00. > :22:09.really liked Brad Pittsabs. And he immediately said, "That's all diet.
:22:10. > :22:11.
:22:11. > :22:16.You have to eat a lot of carrots. "And there's Arnold Schwarzenegger,
:22:16. > :22:21.he's Ms Universe. Oops, too many steroids. So I ran home and I
:22:21. > :22:29.bought a shit tonne of carrots and I was eating them for weeks, but
:22:29. > :22:35.nothing ever happened. Now, if you want nutrition advice, Frank
:22:35. > :22:43.Skinner does supplements? Well, someone, very comiccally bought me
:22:43. > :22:49.something called 50 Plus for my 50th birthday. Which are vitamin
:22:49. > :22:56.tablets to get you to the end! And I took them, I thought, "Why not,
:22:56. > :23:00.they might help" and after three days I noticed that my urine had
:23:00. > :23:07.become completely humanness. So the point where it basically shined in
:23:07. > :23:13.the dark. There was, like, a little landing strip from my bed to the
:23:13. > :23:20.ensuite where I'd done a sort of dribbley return! It was scary. You
:23:20. > :23:30.know the rug you get in front of the toilet, it was like flying over
:23:30. > :23:33.
:23:33. > :23:38.Vegas. Now, we turn to modern-day Shakespeare because Zack, you have
:23:38. > :23:46.written a play? Yes. And you're performing is around the country.
:23:46. > :23:52.We're starting in Manchester. Then going to Glasgow. Yes.
:23:52. > :24:00.then ten wonderful weeks in the West End. So please come and see it,
:24:00. > :24:05.Mr Branagh, please come and see it. Oh, you're invited too!
:24:05. > :24:11.Too little, too late. I sense you're going to give me the box
:24:11. > :24:17.office number! It's called All New People. Yes,
:24:18. > :24:23.Sir. Tell us about it. I wrote this play about four strangers who come
:24:23. > :24:29.together in a desolate beach house in the dead of winter. And it's a
:24:29. > :24:34.comedy about these four strangers and it takes place in real-time, 90
:24:34. > :24:38.minutes. Nice. We did it off Broadway in New York and we had a
:24:39. > :24:44.wonderful reaction. It was my first play so I was very pleased and
:24:44. > :24:49.excited. And then we got this call to bring it to the West End. So it
:24:50. > :24:54.was just beyond my imagination. I'm so honoured. And I didn't play the
:24:54. > :25:00.role the first time, because it was my first play and I wanted to sit
:25:00. > :25:06.at the back of the house and tweak it. And now I think we have it in
:25:06. > :25:14.pretty good shape I'm excited to play in it this time. But now
:25:14. > :25:21.you're performing your own lines are you thinking," Eeeek" or "this
:25:21. > :25:25.is very good." It was funny when we did the play the first time and the
:25:25. > :25:34.actor was saying, "I don't like this line" and I couldn't
:25:34. > :25:40.understand it, but now I do. And it's funny because all my fellow
:25:40. > :25:48.actors think I will know it off the book, because they thought I'd
:25:48. > :25:54.written it I would know it off by heart, but I don't. But do you
:25:54. > :26:04.rewrite it? Not now. Do you know what you could do is make changes
:26:04. > :26:10.every day for the rest of them. Really screw them up! Yeah, not so
:26:10. > :26:15.clever now? But just the thought of being able to do it here. I'm very
:26:15. > :26:21.aware, as a theatre student, about the story of the West End and just
:26:21. > :26:29.to be here is very exciting. are going to Manchester and Glasgow
:26:29. > :26:36.first, just to remind you! Now, Zack is very careful with his fans,
:26:36. > :26:41.you're very in touch through Facebook and Tweeting? Yes. I'm in
:26:41. > :26:47.favour of Facebook because it's a great way to talk to the fans. And
:26:47. > :26:51.whatever I'm doing, whether it's an independent film or a play, they
:26:51. > :26:56.don't have the publicity behind them so it's great to get right to
:26:56. > :27:02.the fans and say, "This is what I'm up to." You made an extraordinary
:27:02. > :27:06.promise to a fan on Facebook. Tell us. I reached a million fans
:27:06. > :27:13.on Facebook, which I thought was pretty cool. It's very cool.
:27:13. > :27:19.what I decided to do as a thank you for all these people supporting me,
:27:19. > :27:26.I said if you submit a video telling me what you would do if I
:27:26. > :27:32.hung out with you for a day, and it need not be special, it could be
:27:33. > :27:39.childcare or a personal assistant. And whatever you want me to do for
:27:39. > :27:44.a day, I'll come and do. A lot of small print, I think. And I put it
:27:44. > :27:49.out, because Facebook is all over the globe. And we narrowed it down
:27:49. > :27:54.to ten and the fans themselves voted and the video that won are
:27:54. > :27:58.these fellows in Austria and as soon as my play is done I'll go and
:27:58. > :28:06.visit them in Austria. But what will you do? I don't know, I think
:28:06. > :28:11.they just want to party. Have you been to Austria before? No. I hear
:28:11. > :28:19.it's lovely. If they have a basement, don't go into it. I don't
:28:19. > :28:26.get it. Kenneth Branagh explaining. Kenneth
:28:26. > :28:33.is filling me in on that. Oh! hoping they won't take me to their
:28:33. > :28:38.basement. No, don't go. Well, the part of the videos was to let me
:28:38. > :28:43.not see that you're not a crazy person. But I guess people can hide
:28:43. > :28:51.that! Yes. None of the neighbours knew!
:28:51. > :29:00.The neighbours always say, "He was just a normal guy." Yes. I used to
:29:00. > :29:07.be written to by this woman I came to know as a jigsaw woman. And she
:29:07. > :29:12.used to send me graphic sexual letters, very neatly cut into
:29:12. > :29:18.perfect jigsaw pieces so you had to piece them together. And my PA, who
:29:18. > :29:24.was a very sweet woman would carefully Sellotape these pieces
:29:24. > :29:30.together to make sure all the fifthy words were available. And
:29:30. > :29:34.she used to sign it and I was on tour and my tour manager said,
:29:34. > :29:39."There's a woman from the local radio station who wants to
:29:39. > :29:46.interview you" and I said, "Fine" so I came in and we spoke and she
:29:46. > :29:55.said, "Here's my card, if you want to speak again" and I looked at it
:29:55. > :30:02.and it had this symbol on it, and I said, "You're the jigsaw woman,
:30:02. > :30:11.aren't you?" and she said, "That's all in the past" and I said, "I got
:30:11. > :30:18.the last one three weeks ago." And I said, "I want you to go or I'll
:30:18. > :30:25.scream" and she said, "Let me sleep with you tonight" and I said you
:30:25. > :30:31.are out of your mind. I'll never wake up. She said," Please, I'll
:30:31. > :30:38.never bother you again. One night and I'll go." And I said" no,
:30:38. > :30:45.please go" and she lifted up her jumper. And she had a bra on, it
:30:45. > :30:55.was quite nice and she stood like this. And I said, "And you promise
:30:55. > :30:58.
:30:58. > :31:04.me I'll never hear from you again!" And I....I did it. I risked it!
:31:04. > :31:09.Thank you for sharing that so much I'm not going to sleep with these
:31:09. > :31:16.Austrian boys. You break it to them like this. If you're watching, I'm
:31:16. > :31:22.not! Listen, Frank, you're doing a show
:31:22. > :31:30.in the West End and you have your radio show still going and new host
:31:30. > :31:36.of Room 101. Mm. And it has a new formula, it's more like a panel
:31:36. > :31:42.show? Yes, I'm the host and there are three guests competing to get
:31:42. > :31:50.their hates into Room 101. I hate the logo so much it's put me off
:31:50. > :31:58.the Olympics. Look at that. It's like the worst jigsaw you've ever
:31:58. > :32:03.seen. I do think that's the tinyest, tinyest part of the Games. But I
:32:03. > :32:13.could do a better logo right now. I'll do a better logo for the
:32:13. > :32:24.
:32:24. > :32:30.Very good. I've seen that logo everywhere and I didn't know it was
:32:30. > :32:37.for the Olympics. You didn't know what it was? No, I just thought it
:32:37. > :32:41.was some graphic weird design and now I know, thank you. It is some
:32:41. > :32:46.graphic weird design. But you are doing something extraordinary for
:32:46. > :32:54.sports relief? Well, it is extraordinary for me, but it's one
:32:54. > :32:59.of those challenges, you know Eddie Izzard ran 44 marathons, and David
:32:59. > :33:03.Walliams swam the Thames. I'm swimming a length. Now, I should
:33:03. > :33:07.say I can't swim and I'm frightened of water. I've always been
:33:07. > :33:12.frightened of water. And it gets worse because it looks like the
:33:12. > :33:18.chances are, it's not certain yet, but we're going to be doing it in
:33:18. > :33:24.the Olympic pool. And the Olympic pool is twice the size of any other
:33:25. > :33:32.pool. So they have said it will an width. Which makes it sound even
:33:32. > :33:38.more rubbish. And I didn't go to the gym. I have a terrible physique.
:33:38. > :33:45.I'm thinking I might have to do it in a suit to preserve my dignity.
:33:45. > :33:51.You can't swim at all. I can't go out of my depth. Will you have the
:33:51. > :33:56.water wings on? No, I have six weeks to learn and they're going to
:33:56. > :34:01.give me therapy to get observer the fear. Are you making this up?
:34:01. > :34:06.People are laughing. I have a phobia of cake. I'm going to
:34:07. > :34:11.attempt to eat this for sports relief? No, for years, I'm the
:34:11. > :34:18.person who minds other people's stuff on beach hoiltdz while they
:34:18. > :34:23.go off and swim. -- holidays while they go off and swim. What is the
:34:23. > :34:29.most frightening thing? Drowning. That's number one. It's also number
:34:29. > :34:35.two. And I'm doing this live on sports relief night. So I could
:34:35. > :34:42.actually drown on the night. I don't know if they'll carry on, or
:34:42. > :34:49.will people still get their money. Or if you're taking too long, will
:34:49. > :34:55.they just leave it. You could just bob there. I'll be lying on the
:34:55. > :35:00.bottom of the pool. Don't wear clothes or a suit, because they'll
:35:00. > :35:06.be heavy. And also be careful of those tight-fitting one-pieces as
:35:06. > :35:12.well. I'm not worried about the aero-dynamic. It's going to be
:35:12. > :35:21.quite cold in there. I imagine my testicles, by that stage, will have
:35:21. > :35:26.just gone past my heart. Can I just say it's still not certain we're
:35:26. > :35:31.going to do the Olympic pool. Because they're concerned to have
:35:31. > :35:38.someone as frightened as me in an Olympic pool. And also, it's not a
:35:38. > :35:45.good idea if you died. I like the aid of, you know the white line
:35:45. > :35:53.they put around a body in murder films! In mosaic. Good luck with
:35:53. > :36:01.the swim. I hope it goes well. really serious. It's a big deal.
:36:01. > :36:11.Time for some music now. Performing Troublemaker, please welcome, Taio
:36:11. > :36:13.
:36:13. > :36:18.Cruz. 4 # I saw when you arrived look
:36:18. > :36:23.like a super model # Your ass from the side looks just
:36:23. > :36:29.like a coke bottle # I love the way you ride
:36:29. > :36:35.# Put that thing on full throttle # So get up on the sald
:36:35. > :36:42.# I want to see you move like they move in Jamaica
:36:42. > :36:47.# Pretend that I am dinner, she can be my song.
:36:48. > :36:56.# Though my hands up # If you believe in me now
:36:56. > :37:06.# I keep my hands up # I do it all for you now
:37:06. > :37:13.
:37:13. > :37:19.# And sing out oheohoeoha, oheohoeoha # Oheohoeoha sexy little
:37:19. > :37:25.mama-# It's really nice to meet you # Can I be in your classroom
:37:25. > :37:32.# And be your private teacher # If I bring up my camera
:37:32. > :37:38.# Will you with in my future # 'Cos we're gonna do some things
:37:38. > :37:42.# Hope your daddy ain't a preacher # I wanna 150 you move like they
:37:42. > :37:52.move in Jamaica # Pretend that I'm a dinner
:37:52. > :37:55.# She gonna be my salt shaker # Throw my hands up if you believe
:37:55. > :38:03.in thee now # I keep my hands up
:38:03. > :38:05.# And do it all for you now # And and sing how
:38:05. > :38:15.Oheohoeoha # Oheohoeoha
:38:15. > :38:18.
:38:18. > :38:23.# I love the way you dance # It makes me casesy
:38:23. > :38:28.# I wanna see you move # So just let it go, baby
:38:28. > :38:32.# I feel like we can do this # Let's take it to.top
:38:32. > :38:39.# We'll push, push, push it to be limit
:38:39. > :38:45.# To be the limit, limit, limit, limit, #
:38:45. > :38:54.# I though my hands up # If you believe in me now
:38:54. > :39:00.# I keep my hands up # I do it all for the now
:39:00. > :39:10.# And sing out # Oheohoeoha
:39:10. > :39:15.
:39:15. > :39:25.# Oheohoeoha st # Oheohoeoha # Oheohoeoha
:39:25. > :39:40.
:39:40. > :39:50.Oh, yes, well done, Sir! Thank you very much.
:39:50. > :39:54.
:39:54. > :39:58.Come and take a seat. Mr Skinner, Mr Braff, Mr Branagh.
:39:59. > :40:03.Thank you. I looked at them. I wasn't sure they were the party
:40:03. > :40:11.generation, but look at them. That's the single out at the moment,
:40:11. > :40:17.Troublemaker. That's right. And the album is out in March. Yes. It's
:40:17. > :40:24.called Taio. I feel so stupid, I always assumed you were American?
:40:24. > :40:28.lot of people think that, and even when I talk to them for ten to 20
:40:28. > :40:35.minutes they still think I'm American. And they say, "Say
:40:35. > :40:41.something" and when I say "hello" they say, "Oh, yes, you're
:40:41. > :40:51.English." And did you write Umbrella? It's a long story, but,
:40:51. > :40:52.
:40:52. > :41:00.yes, it was my song before Rhianna stole it. Bitch! I'll do her when I
:41:00. > :41:04.see her. It's cool. I'm still here. I'm on the Graham Norton show!
:41:05. > :41:09.where's she? She's not here. No. Thank you very much for doing that
:41:09. > :41:19.and thanks for all the dancers. We're going to go, but just before
:41:19. > :41:22.
:41:22. > :41:28.we have a story in the Red Chair. Hello. Hiya. What is your name?
:41:28. > :41:37.Aisling. I'm guessing you're from Ireland? I am. The north of the
:41:37. > :41:45.country. What do you do? Costume design. Interpretation. There will
:41:45. > :41:52.be subtitles on Friday! Can you understand her? I can't. So far,
:41:52. > :41:59.you're not missing anything. I've never heard of costume
:41:59. > :42:05.interpretation before? It's the same as design, isn't it? Except
:42:05. > :42:12.posher. Pull the leaver. Off you go? OK, leading up to Christmas I
:42:12. > :42:20.was at home. Look at Zack's face. Did you get it? Something about
:42:20. > :42:30.Christmas. Just pick out words. Christmas and home. I went to the
:42:30. > :42:32.
:42:32. > :42:41.shop and I had to- get-milk-and- bread. And I was a bit stressed, so
:42:41. > :42:49.it was like, run in, run out, let's go. I just told my boyfriend pick
:42:49. > :42:58.me up, no need to park the car. I came out, perfect timing. Saw the
:42:58. > :43:03.silver people carrier, casual speed. So I sprinted across with my
:43:03. > :43:08.groceries, jumped in the back and thumped the back of the chair
:43:08. > :43:13.saying go, go, go and because it was Christmas I had a scarf up here
:43:13. > :43:20.and a hat down here. And I thought the person who was my boyfriend,
:43:20. > :43:26.turned out to be this middle-aged, 60-year-old woman. And she was
:43:26. > :43:36.screaming, "Jesus" and pushed her foot on the accelerator and went
:43:36. > :43:39.
:43:39. > :43:46.straight into a lamp post! Oh. Very good. And you can get in touch at
:43:46. > :43:53.the website and please thank all my guests tonight. Taio Cruz, Frank
:43:53. > :44:02.Skinner, Zack Braff and Mr Kenneth Branagh. Thank you. Joining me next