0:00:01 > 0:00:07Haye. There is a real cool 70s vibe going on tonight. Why are you
0:00:07 > 0:00:17dressed like that? Because it is the star of Boogie Nights is on the
0:00:17 > 0:00:20
0:00:20 > 0:00:22show. Why are you dressed like that
0:00:22 > 0:00:27Because the star of Hunky Dory is on the show.
0:00:27 > 0:00:37Why are you dressed like that? Because I always dress like that!
0:00:37 > 0:00:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello. Hello. Hello. Peace, man.
0:00:42 > 0:00:49Welcome everybody. We have got a great show for you tonight. Oscar
0:00:49 > 0:00:55nominated film star, Mark Wahlberg is here. I know! I know! Oscar
0:00:55 > 0:01:01nominated actress, Minnie Driver is here. Comedian, Mark Watson is on
0:01:01 > 0:01:04the show. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:04 > 0:01:10Plus we've got music from the wonderful, Christina Perri. Yes!
0:01:10 > 0:01:14Yes! Now, Mark Wahlberg is going to be telling us about his new film,
0:01:14 > 0:01:20Contraband. Now it is a thriller set in the world of international
0:01:20 > 0:01:24drug smuggling. Now over the years smugglers have got ingenious ways
0:01:24 > 0:01:30to conceal things. You might think this is an ordinary swan, but as
0:01:30 > 0:01:32soon as the police have gone, she is off!
0:01:32 > 0:01:36LAUGHTER It is a model from London Fashion
0:01:36 > 0:01:40Week. Yeah, you're laughing now, but come the spring, we will all be
0:01:40 > 0:01:45wearing birds on our heads. A Mexican man, right, to try and
0:01:46 > 0:01:54smuggle himself across the border into America disguised himself as a
0:01:54 > 0:02:01seat on the bus! LAUGHTER
0:02:01 > 0:02:01APPLAUSE Once
0:02:02 > 0:02:02Once they
0:02:02 > 0:02:02Once they caught
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Once they caught him,
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Once they caught him, of course, you have got to feel sorry for him.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11He had to sit there, he couldn't move him. People took pictures and
0:02:11 > 0:02:14poked fun at him and laughed at him. He was lucky he got caught because
0:02:15 > 0:02:21look who was waiting at the bus stop!
0:02:21 > 0:02:26Let's get some guests on, later we will have music from the Gorge use,
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Christina Perri. First, it is Mark Watson.
0:02:29 > 0:02:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello, sir. Lovely to see you, have
0:02:35 > 0:02:45a seat. Mark Watson. Plus it is Minnie Driver.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47
0:02:47 > 0:02:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Mwah. Mwah. And actor, producer and
0:02:57 > 0:03:00
0:03:01 > 0:03:10now guest, it is Mark Wahlberg. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:10 > 0:03:13There they are. Mark, Minnie, Mark, Mark, Mark. And Mark Wahlberg
0:03:13 > 0:03:20welcome to the show. It is the first time having you and welcome
0:03:20 > 0:03:25to London, indeed. Yes, we good. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:25 > 0:03:29And are you OK? Have you just come from Australia? Yes, I'm very
0:03:29 > 0:03:34jetlagged and hung over. Really? A double whammy.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38That's good, isn't it? If I make no sense whatsoever, please forgive me.
0:03:38 > 0:03:43Fit right in! Did you have fun in Australia or was it all work?
0:03:43 > 0:03:47was all work. I was there for a day and we flew from Australia to Dubai
0:03:47 > 0:03:50and Dubai to here. Oh my God. Yeah.
0:03:50 > 0:03:56They treated you like an animal. I have been to prison.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Have you? Only for a short time, don't be nervous!
0:03:57 > 0:04:07LAUGHTER It was long ago.
0:04:07 > 0:04:17Minnie is all excited now., "Have You?". Do you like prison? No, but
0:04:17 > 0:04:18
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I would love Prison Break. APPLAUSE
0:04:21 > 0:04:24It sounds like your kids are a chip off the old block, didn't your kid
0:04:24 > 0:04:26injury you, was it karate he did on you? Karate, boxing, whatever they
0:04:26 > 0:04:28can do. Whatever they are choosing at the time.
0:04:28 > 0:04:38So they are trying to hurt you? very much so.
0:04:38 > 0:04:38
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Because how old are they? Five and three.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43LAUGHTER It is like, "Dad, come on and let
0:04:43 > 0:04:45me kick you in the nuts." They love to box. They love to fight, but my
0:04:45 > 0:04:51three-year-old is terrified of his little sister.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56Oh really? She is a biter. She puts the bite and the pinch on.
0:04:56 > 0:05:06Are you a new dad, Mark Watson? kid is two today in fact.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Oh. Well... You say ah, some people would be there at the party, but
0:05:11 > 0:05:14would be there at the party, but there we go.
0:05:14 > 0:05:19LAUGHTER Hash tag, terrible father. Yeah, ah,
0:05:20 > 0:05:23was not the noise that my wife made when I said I would be working. He
0:05:23 > 0:05:27is too small, the big action is over by now.
0:05:27 > 0:05:35Your wife will never let you live that douchblet she will say it is
0:05:35 > 0:05:40OK, you better do some serious shopping. You know, it will be some
0:05:40 > 0:05:45consolation, when he grouse up as a -- grows up as a damaged teenager
0:05:45 > 0:05:52and he will say, "You were never there." I will say like, "It is BBC
0:05:52 > 0:05:55One. I was on with Mark Wahlberg and Driver and what am I going to
0:05:55 > 0:05:58do, go to your party with balloons." I saw him this afternoon
0:05:58 > 0:06:03and I think he recognised me briefly.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08How old is your son, Henry, Minnie? He is three.
0:06:08 > 0:06:13Doesn't he give you advice? LAUGHTER
0:06:13 > 0:06:16I am a single-parent. I am always trying to put together his toys
0:06:16 > 0:06:20without, even the English is in Japanese, you know, with the
0:06:20 > 0:06:25instructions with the toys. I was trying to put something together
0:06:25 > 0:06:28the other day and I was there an hour and I was like, "Henry, it is
0:06:28 > 0:06:38not happening." I am frustrated and I can't make this toy and I'm
0:06:38 > 0:06:43really sorry. He went, "It is OK mummy, do you need a drink?"
0:06:43 > 0:06:48I was trying to think of all the times he must have went, "Goodness,
0:06:48 > 0:06:51I got to get a drink." LAUGHTER
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Are you coming back to Britain? Would you like Henry to grow up
0:06:54 > 0:06:57here? I would actually. I would love him to have part of his
0:06:57 > 0:07:04education here because I had such a wicked time at school here. I loved
0:07:04 > 0:07:10it. But this is the work? Is there enough work here? It is also, my
0:07:10 > 0:07:14nice house in Hollywood would buy me a flat where my sister lives. I
0:07:14 > 0:07:23might have been priced out of London. Yeah, it is scary expensive.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25You could live in the north. Do you mean like Birmingham?
0:07:25 > 0:07:30LAUGHTER You could go further north than
0:07:30 > 0:07:35that. I have been on tour and there is a place called Edinburgh.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40The weird thing about you going to Hollywood, I assumed work brought
0:07:40 > 0:07:45you to Hollywood, but you just went to Hollywood? I went because I was
0:07:45 > 0:07:50living in New York where I didn't know anyone and the one girl I knew
0:07:50 > 0:07:55she found out her her boyfriend was having relationships with seven
0:07:55 > 0:08:02other women and and she said she was going to LA to be a
0:08:02 > 0:08:05screenwriter. I was 23, 24 and I was like, "I will come.". Was it
0:08:05 > 0:08:09crazy young kids living in Hollywood? Yeah.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14That's what it was like. Are you a fan of Entourage? I love
0:08:14 > 0:08:20Entourage. It is fantastic. It scares me a bit.
0:08:20 > 0:08:25How come you never appeared when we asked you? You never asked me.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28That's a lie. He is kidding.
0:08:28 > 0:08:36Oh, he is kidding. , "
0:08:36 > 0:08:42"we never asked you." We would have if we knew she liked the show.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Was that the start of your producing career? I produced one
0:08:46 > 0:08:53other film. It is based on you arriving in
0:08:53 > 0:08:58Hollywood? Loosely based. You did have an Entourage? I still
0:08:58 > 0:09:03have an Entourage. How do you get rid of an Entourage? You shake them
0:09:03 > 0:09:07for a highly, but they end up coming back. I only owned one one
0:09:07 > 0:09:12house my life and when I bought the house, I was planning on starting a
0:09:12 > 0:09:19family. But as we were walking through the house and my friends
0:09:19 > 0:09:25are walking around picking their rooms and I to break it it to them
0:09:25 > 0:09:29that they wouldn't be moving in. You really find out who your
0:09:29 > 0:09:36friends are. This will ruin our lives? I took a
0:09:36 > 0:09:42room and I called it The Barracks and I put triple bunk beds in there.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46You are way too nice. I do like having people - if I am
0:09:46 > 0:09:49working, if somebody is going to be doing a job, I might as well have
0:09:49 > 0:09:57someone in that I know and can trust.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Did they visit you on set? Oh my God, they were on the boat and
0:10:01 > 0:10:05someone said, "I smell something wrong here." They were smoking pot
0:10:05 > 0:10:11in the engine room. I was like, "What are you guys doing? You are
0:10:11 > 0:10:14going to get my fired?" Laying on machinery and and stuff.
0:10:14 > 0:10:19Programme did resonate with you that the mix you with the young
0:10:19 > 0:10:23star set? I wasn't hanging out with that many starry people. Our house
0:10:23 > 0:10:29was just, it was, you know, it is where everyone ended up. I mean if
0:10:29 > 0:10:32they weren't at his place! LAUGHTER
0:10:32 > 0:10:36They were around at ours. There must be lots of perks, but
0:10:36 > 0:10:41one of the down sides of doing that, is if you are dating people in
0:10:41 > 0:10:48Hollywood that when you stop seeing them, you don't stop seeing them
0:10:48 > 0:10:53like they are still on magazine covers... You can't get away with
0:10:53 > 0:11:02this. Does that happen to you? was funny and there was an occasion
0:11:02 > 0:11:11when I was driving down Sunset Boulevard and my sister went, "Oh
0:11:11 > 0:11:13my God, you shagged that whole billboard.". Oh dear. Listen, Mark
0:11:13 > 0:11:19Wahlberg congratulations on Contraband because it has been a
0:11:19 > 0:11:24hit in the States and it is opening here on the 16th March. What am I
0:11:24 > 0:11:28doing here? Because you came back from Australia very early.
0:11:28 > 0:11:33Now it is a big thriller like I was saying, it is about smuggling. Do
0:11:33 > 0:11:36you want to give us a hint of the story, a whiff of the story?
0:11:36 > 0:11:40If I have to! Yes, go on.
0:11:40 > 0:11:50You don't have to. I have been talking about it a lot
0:11:50 > 0:11:51
0:11:51 > 0:11:53and I'm pretty tired of talk being Let's go through these questions.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57LAUGHTER You maybe talking about it a bit
0:11:57 > 0:12:02more. It does sound amazing. It is a remake of an Icelandic film.
0:12:02 > 0:12:07We saw the original and I obtained the rights. It is about a guy who
0:12:07 > 0:12:10is a world-class smuggler and he goes to have a family and turns his
0:12:10 > 0:12:17life around and he has a brother- in-law who is not smart and he
0:12:17 > 0:12:21tries to smuggle things for dangerous people and customs board
0:12:21 > 0:12:27the boat and I have to smuggle something to save his ass.
0:12:27 > 0:12:33You filmed in Panama where it is lawless. Was that dangerous? We got
0:12:33 > 0:12:36off the plane and we were free to do whatever we want. We had machine
0:12:36 > 0:12:39guns and riding around the streets and nobody regulated what we were
0:12:39 > 0:12:43doing. No policeman came up and said, "Why
0:12:43 > 0:12:48are you having a major gunfight?". One guy asked me if I was somebody
0:12:48 > 0:12:53else and that was it. His mate who killed his brother?
0:12:53 > 0:12:55thought I was a guy from some other show!
0:12:55 > 0:13:01LAUGHTER I just said no. And then I tried to
0:13:01 > 0:13:05convince him I was Johnny Depp! Contraban, we have got a clip of
0:13:05 > 0:13:15Contraband and this is you having one of your many confrontations. It
0:13:15 > 0:13:30
0:13:30 > 0:13:36You don't come to my place. I just came to tell you that I'm
0:13:36 > 0:13:42going to have your money within a month so stay away... I ain't
0:13:42 > 0:13:48waiting that long. I ain't paying if he is dead.
0:13:48 > 0:13:57family inherits the debt and and I will give you two weeks. I will
0:13:57 > 0:14:02come down the line, I will ask your kids for it, your... You think you
0:14:02 > 0:14:07are the only guy with the gun. If you ever mention my wife and my
0:14:07 > 0:14:17kids again, you're done. Do you hear me? You are done.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Good fight. APPLAUSE
0:14:22 > 0:14:26He is a method actor, but he doesn't like to go method when he
0:14:26 > 0:14:30is getting his ass kicked. I had to crank up the volume on him a bit.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34You really enjoy those fights? don't enjoy getting beaten up.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38It must be odd for you now because you are accepting, as you said, you
0:14:38 > 0:14:43are a family man, you are a dad, you're getting older. Wasn't there
0:14:43 > 0:14:47a confusion with a script recently? Oh my God. I got a call from my
0:14:47 > 0:14:56agent saying that Paramount have this movie they want me to do. A
0:14:56 > 0:15:06young guy and an older guy. I just played golf with Jack Nicholson and
0:15:06 > 0:15:16maybe I will ask Jack to play the part. They call me and say what do
0:15:16 > 0:15:17
0:15:17 > 0:15:21you think about Garent? For what? The younger guy. To have made it to
0:15:21 > 0:15:2540 was an accomplishment, but I didn't expect that.
0:15:25 > 0:15:30They have announced the casting for the young guy now? No, this was
0:15:30 > 0:15:34another movie, while they were making me feel bad, I pitched them
0:15:34 > 0:15:44idea of me and Justin Bieber and they bought it within three seconds
0:15:44 > 0:15:48of me mentioning his name. And every time I see him, it is like,
0:15:48 > 0:15:52"Yo, where is my script?" He is ready to go and I think he will be
0:15:52 > 0:15:57good. When I have mentioned the idea of me and him him doing a
0:15:57 > 0:16:04movie people go, "Oh my God, Justin Bieber, what are you thinking."
0:16:04 > 0:16:09They used to say that about me all the time when I was Marky Mark. I
0:16:09 > 0:16:17was willing to go and do the work and one project at a time and be
0:16:17 > 0:16:21surrounded by talented people and I could learn and grow as an tobg
0:16:21 > 0:16:26torment -- actor. He has been here, when you talk to
0:16:26 > 0:16:31him, he was practising dance moves in the mirror? My daughter is eight
0:16:31 > 0:16:37years old and so she wants me to take her to meet people she likes.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40I am embarrassed enough and I have to go and meet Justin Bieber and he
0:16:40 > 0:16:49jumps on the table and he is doing all these moves. I have to go over
0:16:49 > 0:16:57there and try and introduce myself and it is like, "I am too cool
0:16:57 > 0:17:01shit." I take my daughter to the Teen Choice Awards and I say can I
0:17:01 > 0:17:11take a fick -- can you take a picture of my daughter? You will do
0:17:11 > 0:17:21
0:17:21 > 0:17:23anything for your kids. Now she hates Justin Bieber.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25LAUGHTER When I even mention it and the only
0:17:25 > 0:17:27reason she doesn't like him because this Celina Gomez came into the
0:17:27 > 0:17:30picture. In terms of parenting, you found a
0:17:30 > 0:17:34very extreme way of teaching your kids that maybe they should think
0:17:34 > 0:17:38long and hard about getting a tattoo, haven't you? I realised
0:17:38 > 0:17:41afterwards, this is not going to work. My mother told me not to get
0:17:41 > 0:17:47tattoos and I thought she didn't know what the hell she was talking
0:17:47 > 0:17:51about. Cut, 20 years later I am having them removed by the the
0:17:51 > 0:17:55laser procedure which is painle, but I took my kids on a couple of
0:17:55 > 0:17:57the appointments for the procedure so they could see how much pain it
0:17:57 > 0:18:02was causing me, but they didn't care.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Are you getting all your tattoos off? I get them all done and all at
0:18:05 > 0:18:09the same time. It is literally burning your flesh.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12And you smell the skin burning. It is like a welt that raises your
0:18:12 > 0:18:17skin like that much and they have to wrap me up like a mummy, because
0:18:17 > 0:18:25I have one here, around my neck and on my back and on my leg.
0:18:25 > 0:18:30Are they not meant to take skin off your bum? No, that is a skin graft.
0:18:30 > 0:18:34I would have done it if I could have gotten it off your ass. After
0:18:34 > 0:18:39the first time, I was like, "I am not going back.". Why do you have
0:18:39 > 0:18:46to keep going back? If you get a tattoo it is one sitting, the
0:18:46 > 0:18:54doctor told me, it was five to seven visits, I have been 33 times.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58Why are you having them taken off? Shit happens at 40. Sorry to
0:18:58 > 0:19:04interrupt you. It is reminding me, there was a fashion show at the end
0:19:04 > 0:19:11of the tattoo expo where they do a catwalk with the people with their
0:19:11 > 0:19:17tattoos and this lady came out and she was 80 if she was a day, stark
0:19:17 > 0:19:22naked, shaved, tattooed from her toe to say her neck and it looked
0:19:22 > 0:19:31like she had Marilyn Monroe on her boobs, but it looked like marlin
0:19:31 > 0:19:36had a terrible stroke. So the whole audience was going. She came out
0:19:36 > 0:19:40almost like it's - it was so awful. You think it would stop you
0:19:40 > 0:19:45Another good way of warning kids against tattoos is to show them
0:19:45 > 0:19:50really bad tattoos. Here are some pictures of people who they really
0:19:50 > 0:20:00know the true meaning of the word regret, these people, they are hard
0:20:00 > 0:20:02
0:20:02 > 0:20:04to get rid of. Like look at this one. Yeah!
0:20:04 > 0:20:06LAUGHTER There is one thing you regret a
0:20:06 > 0:20:09tattooist that couldn't spell. Animals are popular. Very, very
0:20:09 > 0:20:13popular. What do you have by the way? I have got a rose, but I
0:20:13 > 0:20:16missed getting a leaping tiger with scratch marks and blood droppinging
0:20:16 > 0:20:24down. So you are going to have a tiger
0:20:24 > 0:20:29scratching your ass? It could have been worse, but it is a proper
0:20:29 > 0:20:35stripper's tat. And it did not fade like everyone told me it would.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Animals, animals are very popular in tattoos, here is a dolphin and
0:20:37 > 0:20:40unicorn together. LAUGHTER
0:20:40 > 0:20:48And I mean together! LAUGHTER
0:20:48 > 0:20:58Look at that. It just makes a mockery of the
0:20:58 > 0:21:03
0:21:03 > 0:21:10rainbow, doesn't it? Unless the unicorn is giving the dolphin the
0:21:10 > 0:21:13manoeuvre where tuna has gone down the wrong way.
0:21:13 > 0:21:19LAUGHTER Minnie thought it through. It is
0:21:19 > 0:21:25hard to have sex if you haven't existed in real life.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28At least make it accurate. LAUGHTER
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Now, you do think a tattoo of a cat. Everyone loves cats. Oh, a nice
0:21:31 > 0:21:41tattoo of a cat, that would be lovely. No one is going to be
0:21:41 > 0:21:48
0:21:48 > 0:21:54offended by a tattoo of a cat, No.!
0:21:54 > 0:22:01Who would do that? Oh my God. That takes a very
0:22:01 > 0:22:06special individual. Doesn't it? If I had that tattoo, I
0:22:06 > 0:22:16wouldn't remove it. That's a keeper. I love the expression on the cat's
0:22:16 > 0:22:17face like, "What are you looking at?"
0:22:17 > 0:22:19APPLAUSE Minnie Driver, Minnie Driver,
0:22:19 > 0:22:27welcome home. Thank you. You've come home because you have
0:22:27 > 0:22:34made a really lovely, lovely, it is such a sweet, nostalgic, gorgeous
0:22:34 > 0:22:38British film. No one dies, Mark.
0:22:38 > 0:22:44Very little people die in your movie? In my movie? Some people do
0:22:44 > 0:22:49die. It is OK.
0:22:49 > 0:22:54Come on. That's all he wants to talk about. Contraband this.
0:22:54 > 0:23:02Contraband that. I have got to keep him happy. Shut up about your movie,
0:23:02 > 0:23:04God. LAUGHTER
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Hunky Dory, it is in colour and everything, you would like it, Mark.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Do they speak? Just about. We sing. You do a lot of singing, but God
0:23:12 > 0:23:16love you, you had to do an an accent? I did.
0:23:16 > 0:23:22A big one? Yeah, it is not easy, the Welsh accent.
0:23:22 > 0:23:32Did you know you could do it? love Gavin and Stacey. It is
0:23:32 > 0:23:36
0:23:36 > 0:23:38cracking. I thought I would have a go. Tidy!
0:23:38 > 0:23:41APPLAUSE Because if anyone has got a Welsh
0:23:41 > 0:23:46accent, Mark Watson, are you Welsh or not? I don't know me self, these
0:23:46 > 0:23:51days. My mum is Welsh, but when I started as a stand-up, I used to
0:23:51 > 0:23:55have a strong Welsh accent because I exaggerated because it is funny
0:23:55 > 0:24:00and I got invited to a dinner for young Welsh achievers and I
0:24:00 > 0:24:04shouldn't have gone and everyone was speaking Welsh and I was in all
0:24:04 > 0:24:08sorts of trouble. I could count to three, but that doesn't get you far
0:24:08 > 0:24:14through dinner. Did you phrase it out or stop?
0:24:14 > 0:24:20me, it was a big thing, if I tell me I haven't got a Welsh accent, it
0:24:20 > 0:24:26turns out no one gave a shit. It is almost that I'm not as famous
0:24:26 > 0:24:30as I previously thought! Hunky Dory, it is very good. I say
0:24:30 > 0:24:36like that like I know, but I thought it was good. Hunky Dory is
0:24:36 > 0:24:40really lovely. It is set in 1976 which was the big hot, long summer.
0:24:40 > 0:24:45It was. It has a real 70s feel. It looks
0:24:45 > 0:24:48like it was filmed in the 70s? Because we had to make it look hot
0:24:48 > 0:24:53and it wasn't that hot and they used fillers and beautiful things
0:24:53 > 0:24:57to make it look boiling. It has that yellowed tinge of the 70s.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01Now, it is lovely. And it is out on the 2nd March.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05Next Friday. Do we have a clip? We are going to
0:25:05 > 0:25:11go to a clip. Here you go.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15Where is everyone? It's Friday. Well, Stella says she
0:25:15 > 0:25:20would be here. Well, she is not, is she? Miss I
0:25:20 > 0:25:25have got to go to training. What? I have got trials coming up.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29Can't you wait a bit longer? can't, I promised.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33See you Monday. What about me Miss? It is Friday, I
0:25:33 > 0:25:39have got a date. That's very funny. It is not a joke.
0:25:39 > 0:25:49Let's try it again. Remember the quavers. Quavers. One, two, three,
0:25:49 > 0:25:51
0:25:51 > 0:25:58four. # To the girl with the mousy hair
0:25:58 > 0:26:03# But her money is yellow # And her daddy has told her to go
0:26:03 > 0:26:07APPLAUSE There is a lot of singing in it.
0:26:07 > 0:26:17She sings. A lot of singing. But the kids play the music. It was
0:26:17 > 0:26:21
0:26:21 > 0:26:29all recorded live, all the vocals and everything.
0:26:29 > 0:26:36Neurin barn ard? You are too young, like the toys and the sweets, it is
0:26:36 > 0:26:46well observed. What's that thing? You just did
0:26:46 > 0:26:48
0:26:48 > 0:26:52that and it went ooooh. Did that have a name? We called it the
0:26:52 > 0:26:59whirly dick actually. We didn't call it that. I'm playing
0:26:59 > 0:27:05with my whirly dick, mummy. It is ironic you are playing a
0:27:05 > 0:27:10teacher. Is your dad a teacher? dad is a teacher. He doesn't need
0:27:10 > 0:27:17any introduction. He is head of science in Bristol. Head of science,
0:27:17 > 0:27:19take that! APPLAUSE
0:27:19 > 0:27:2330 years in the game, but it was worth the wait.
0:27:23 > 0:27:31Is he like a very strict teacher? Is he one of the kids? Luckily he
0:27:31 > 0:27:36is cool. I mean he is 60 this year. He gave me lots of good advice. He
0:27:36 > 0:27:43managed my expectations. It was like if you prepare your kids for a
0:27:43 > 0:27:48hard life. For example, I would be coming home from school and my
0:27:48 > 0:27:53father was like would you rather Father Christmas didn't exist or
0:27:53 > 0:27:58your mum was dad? Obviously, I would prefer that Father Christmas
0:27:58 > 0:28:02didn't exist. Good news! LAUGHTER
0:28:02 > 0:28:06That's what it is all about. Managing expectation. If I miss
0:28:06 > 0:28:10anymore birthday parties, yes, I'm just managing your expectation.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14A a cool dad. Is it it true that you accompanied your daughter on a
0:28:14 > 0:28:19date? No, we had a school dance. She is
0:28:19 > 0:28:22only eight, dude. Oh no, I did take her to the movies
0:28:22 > 0:28:28with this kid. Thank you.
0:28:28 > 0:28:33He didn't say a single word. He didn't say a word. I went with her
0:28:33 > 0:28:38and his dad came. We spent the... It explains the atmosphere.
0:28:38 > 0:28:42We spent the time talking and chatting and they didn't say a word.
0:28:42 > 0:28:49I remember a date when both dads were there.
0:28:49 > 0:28:53She is never going on one without . Did they sit together? Yeah, they
0:28:53 > 0:28:57sat side by side. What movie did they go to see?
0:28:57 > 0:29:02Tangled. Did he choose it, did she? No, I
0:29:02 > 0:29:06did and I cried! LAUGHTER
0:29:06 > 0:29:10Now do you tweet? You do tweet. Mark Watson, of all
0:29:10 > 0:29:17the comics we have had on the show, you use social media more than
0:29:17 > 0:29:21anyone else? I I tweet a lot and this could be a big day for my
0:29:21 > 0:29:27Twitter life. How many followers have you got? Not that many.
0:29:27 > 0:29:31I bet you have? All right. Your whole show is based around...
0:29:31 > 0:29:35Yeah, there is a thing when you come to my show, there is one of
0:29:35 > 0:29:38those QR things on the screen, it is like a funny barcode and you can
0:29:38 > 0:29:43scan it and you can send me information about people you are
0:29:43 > 0:29:47with. I overheard two people before my show and they had an argument
0:29:47 > 0:29:55and they were both none of them wanting to be there and it is
0:29:55 > 0:30:02disheartening and the woman said, "I didn't want to come." If we
0:30:02 > 0:30:07don't like it, we'll go to Nando's, I got my revenge in the show by
0:30:07 > 0:30:13referring to it. It is like being Derren Brown, but no mind skills,
0:30:13 > 0:30:19but just pure cheating. It is time consuming for me to spy on my
0:30:19 > 0:30:23agents. I encourage people to spy foe me, there is stuff happening
0:30:23 > 0:30:27and you can be texting, it is fun. I like people to not relax too much.
0:30:27 > 0:30:33I don't want people to come and relax and have a nice evening. I
0:30:33 > 0:30:37want them to be psychologically troubled by the whole experience.
0:30:37 > 0:30:41People want to know stuff. Minnie, you tweet about your son a
0:30:41 > 0:30:48lot. I do. I tweet things Henry says.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51Yes, but you are you are sweet? is incredible having a kid and
0:30:51 > 0:30:54having them comment on your life in particular.
0:30:54 > 0:30:58Have a drink! Because we were monitoring your
0:30:58 > 0:31:02treats and we know that Minnie was looking forward to being here.
0:31:02 > 0:31:05Later on, we will see if she had a nice time!
0:31:05 > 0:31:10I can't wait to get this out of the way.
0:31:10 > 0:31:17You did tweet a couple of pictures that made us laugh. Have you seen
0:31:17 > 0:31:21the awkward moment pictures? First one Minnie did was... This is
0:31:21 > 0:31:24the cocktail party one. This is the awkward moment when
0:31:24 > 0:31:33your friend's fat arm makes you look naked.
0:31:33 > 0:31:38Brilliant. LAUGHTER
0:31:38 > 0:31:42That's her elbow there. LAUGHTER
0:31:42 > 0:31:46That is an awkward moment. However, I this a more awkward moment. This
0:31:46 > 0:31:54is the awkward moment when your friend's thumb makes you look like
0:31:54 > 0:32:01a tranny. This is so unfortunate. Don't xain, it is a -- -- complain,
0:32:01 > 0:32:03it is a thumb. It is him holding his drunk.
0:32:03 > 0:32:08LAUGHTER -- drink. This is one we found and
0:32:08 > 0:32:18feel free to tweet us later. It is that awkward moment when you
0:32:18 > 0:32:21
0:32:21 > 0:32:26realise that your dog looks like a penis.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29It does remind me of you and Boogie Nights. I think I have done very
0:32:29 > 0:32:36well to last the whole show not mentioning. Oh, there you are in
0:32:36 > 0:32:41Boogie Nights. Is it true that you still have, I'm guessing it was a
0:32:41 > 0:32:46prosthetic... What do you mean? It is one of the only props I've kept
0:32:46 > 0:32:52from a film. Is it on the wall? No. No. It is locked away in a safe.
0:32:52 > 0:32:56It is too valuable. What would my kids say if they saw that thing?
0:32:56 > 0:33:00They would punch it! At some point I might have to pull it out and
0:33:00 > 0:33:04slap them on the head with it if they keep misbehaving.
0:33:04 > 0:33:10That would be terrible if you came home and found them playing with it.
0:33:10 > 0:33:13It was really awkward because when I had to go to to prosthesis place
0:33:13 > 0:33:19and I had to stand there and be fitted for it and the guys that do
0:33:19 > 0:33:28the effects on movies are kind of geeky and they are what... No
0:33:29 > 0:33:33offence! Absolutely furious.
0:33:33 > 0:33:37So it was very awkward to go there and stand there.
0:33:37 > 0:33:41Fiddling with you. It needs to fit you all the time.
0:33:41 > 0:33:46Well, you have to, well, no, you are not getting hard with this
0:33:46 > 0:33:51thing. It is very awkward and very uncomfortable and I only wore it
0:33:51 > 0:33:57two days. The the first time they had to try different ones. They
0:33:57 > 0:34:07tried various sizes both length and girth so it was a big pain in the
0:34:07 > 0:34:10
0:34:10 > 0:34:18ass actually. LAUGHTER
0:34:18 > 0:34:25You said it now! LAUGHTER
0:34:25 > 0:34:28But it was just very awkward and uncomfortable.
0:34:28 > 0:34:32Oh dear. Now listen, it is time to sit up because there is a young
0:34:32 > 0:34:37lady who is going to sing for us now. Before this week's stories in
0:34:37 > 0:34:41the famous red chair, we're going to hear one of my my favourite
0:34:41 > 0:34:51songs of the last few months and I'm thrilled she is going to sing
0:34:51 > 0:34:55
0:34:55 > 0:34:57it live. Singing Jar Of Hearts, it # I know I can't take one more step
0:34:57 > 0:35:01towards you # Cause all that's waiting is
0:35:01 > 0:35:07regret # And don't you know I'm not your
0:35:07 > 0:35:17ghost anymore? # You lost the love I loved the
0:35:17 > 0:35:27most # I've learned to live, half-alive
0:35:27 > 0:35:32
0:35:32 > 0:35:35# Now you want me one more time # And Who do you think you are?
0:35:35 > 0:35:38# Running 'round leaving scars # Collecting your jar of hearts
0:35:38 > 0:35:48# Tearing love apart # You're gonna catch a cold
0:35:48 > 0:35:51
0:35:51 > 0:36:01# From the ice inside your soul # Don't come back for me
0:36:01 > 0:36:11# Who do you think you are # I hear you're asking all around
0:36:11 > 0:36:12
0:36:12 > 0:36:22# If I am anywhere to be found # I have grown too strong
0:36:22 > 0:36:25
0:36:25 > 0:36:35# To ever fall back in your arms # I've learned to live, half-alive
0:36:35 > 0:36:41# Now you want me one more time # And who do you think you are?
0:36:41 > 0:36:47# Running 'round leaving scars # Collecting your jar of hearts
0:36:47 > 0:36:57# Tearing love apart # You're gonna catch a cold
0:36:57 > 0:37:04# From the ice inside your soul # Don't come back for me
0:37:04 > 0:37:07# Don't come back at all # Who do you think you are?
0:37:07 > 0:37:12# Dear, it took so long # Just to feel alright
0:37:12 > 0:37:18# Remember how to put back # The light in my eyes
0:37:18 > 0:37:27# I wish I had missed # The first time that we kissed
0:37:27 > 0:37:36# Cause you broke all your promises # And now you're back
0:37:36 > 0:37:39# You don't get to get me back # And who do you think you are?
0:37:39 > 0:37:46# Running 'round leaving scars # Collecting your jar of hearts
0:37:46 > 0:37:55# Tearing love apart # You're gonna catch a cold
0:37:55 > 0:38:05# From the ice inside your soul # Don't come back for me
0:38:05 > 0:38:15# Don't come back at all # Who do you think you are?
0:38:15 > 0:38:21
0:38:21 > 0:38:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Christina Perri, ladies and
0:38:25 > 0:38:29gentlemen. Fantastic. Come and join us, dude.
0:38:29 > 0:38:37Very good. Mind the smoke! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:37 > 0:38:44There we go. Lovely. Come and join There is another step. And that's
0:38:44 > 0:38:49Mark, Minnie, and Mark, Minnie, Mark, sit yourself down and thank
0:38:49 > 0:38:55you so much for singing that so beautifully and playing the piano
0:38:55 > 0:38:59now. That's from your album which is out now? Thank you.
0:38:59 > 0:39:01Cristina got ink, lots of it. Are they all real?
0:39:01 > 0:39:05Oh, I see. They are real.
0:39:05 > 0:39:10I tell people that all the time because they ask.
0:39:10 > 0:39:14They seem quite random? Yes, they look like drawings so I understand
0:39:14 > 0:39:20why they ask. How long have you been getting
0:39:20 > 0:39:24tattoos? I am 25 and I got my first one when I was 15.
0:39:24 > 0:39:29Which one is your first one? It is on the back of my neck, it is a
0:39:29 > 0:39:36little cross. Yeah, she is telling the truth.
0:39:36 > 0:39:46Is it The Beatles you have got? This is my second tattoo, it says,
0:39:46 > 0:39:47
0:39:47 > 0:39:53John, Paul and Ringo. I went to a Catholic school and I was sitting
0:39:53 > 0:40:03and this isn't a lie, in my on class and my teacher came over and
0:40:03 > 0:40:04
0:40:04 > 0:40:13picks up my hand and I'm thinking, "Oh Cap, I'm in trouble." He was,
0:40:14 > 0:40:20"John, Paul," the the Pope, he never turned it over and saw Ringo.
0:40:20 > 0:40:25The red chair and and who is up first. Hi, what's your name? Suzie.
0:40:25 > 0:40:30Just pull this leaver. When you are bored. When you have
0:40:30 > 0:40:35heard enough! LAUGHTER
0:40:35 > 0:40:40Be good. I am not giving it long, Suzie. He
0:40:40 > 0:40:44is pretty trigger-happy. OK, what do you do, Suzie? I work in digital
0:40:44 > 0:40:46Leave the leaver. LAUGHTER
0:40:46 > 0:40:51OK, off you go with your story quickly.
0:40:51 > 0:41:01So I was on a date with a guy, who I wasn't bothered, I only put tan
0:41:01 > 0:41:09on the top half of my body and I was wearing a pear of trousers...
0:41:09 > 0:41:16Trousers and we went to the bar... This is fantastic.
0:41:17 > 0:41:18Holy shit, I got to get one of these at home!
0:41:18 > 0:41:26LAUGHTER She had self-tanner. She only
0:41:26 > 0:41:33tanned the top half of her body because she wasn't into him.
0:41:33 > 0:41:36Nothing down below. LAUGHTER
0:41:36 > 0:41:38The pants came came off, but probably not, because there was
0:41:38 > 0:41:45anything interesting. We will never know!
0:41:45 > 0:41:48Someone else. Hi. Hello. Off you go.
0:41:49 > 0:41:55One more. One more. Oh no.
0:41:55 > 0:41:59That's fantastic. I love it. Can we have one more? I will take my time.
0:41:59 > 0:42:03I Love her. I am going to buy her dinner.
0:42:03 > 0:42:06All day, she has been thinking if I get this story started, it is so
0:42:06 > 0:42:09amazing. Her new career will start as a TV
0:42:09 > 0:42:13personality. Hi.
0:42:13 > 0:42:23Oh, you poor thing. LAUGHTER
0:42:23 > 0:42:28What's your name? Anna. Oh, look alher. -- look at her.
0:42:28 > 0:42:38And what do you do? I am a student. Of? English literature
0:42:38 > 0:42:44
0:42:44 > 0:42:46Lovely. Yeah, now we're talking. OK. OK. You're going to go soon!
0:42:46 > 0:42:47LAUGHTER OK, OK, off you go with this story,
0:42:48 > 0:42:51Anna. It was the first time I had been
0:42:51 > 0:42:55skiing so I didn't know what the hell I was doing and the instructor
0:42:55 > 0:42:59pointed to the right and I lost control and I went careering off
0:42:59 > 0:43:03into a car park and I knocked this man over and it turned out it was
0:43:03 > 0:43:08Will Smith. LAUGHTER
0:43:08 > 0:43:16And he was really nice about it. Do you want me to pull the leaver?
0:43:16 > 0:43:23No. No. No. This is fantastic.
0:43:23 > 0:43:32We will be seeing him in Pontius Pilate in the movie soon.
0:43:32 > 0:43:37OK, is that a moustache? A beard. One more.
0:43:37 > 0:43:40We're done. We're done. If you would like to join us on the
0:43:40 > 0:43:43show, you can log on to our website show, you can log on to our website
0:43:43 > 0:43:48at this address. We maybe selling the chair to Mark
0:43:48 > 0:43:51Wahlberg and it won't be here next week! I absolutely love that.
0:43:51 > 0:43:59Thanks to all my guests tonight, Christina Perri, ladies and