0:00:02 > 0:00:04One of tonight's guests has just carried the Olympic torch.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Now it's my turn. Speed up a bit... I am running fast, aren't I?
0:00:07 > 0:00:09I'm such a fast runner!
0:00:09 > 0:00:12I should really enter the Olympics!
0:00:12 > 0:00:13I cant keep this up.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Let's start the show!
0:00:15 > 0:00:17APPLAUSE
0:00:37 > 0:00:38CHEERING
0:00:38 > 0:00:39Good evening!
0:00:39 > 0:00:42- BREATHLESSLY:- Good evening, one, good evening, all!
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Oh! I think I've got a stitch!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Welcome, all. Tonight's going to be a good night,
0:00:49 > 0:00:53producer Black Eyed Pea and Olympic torch bearer Will.i.am is here, ladies and gentlemen!
0:00:53 > 0:00:56WHOOPING AND CHEERING
0:00:56 > 0:01:01Always one of my favourite guests, Miriam Margolyes is on the show!
0:01:01 > 0:01:02CHEERING
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Comedian and Inbetweener star Start Greg Davies is here!
0:01:05 > 0:01:09APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:09 > 0:01:12And we've got music from American Idol star Adam Lambert, ladies and gentlemen.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15CHEERING
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Yeah...yeah...
0:01:17 > 0:01:21A few Glamberts in. Yeah, there they are. Arghhhh!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23LAUGHTER
0:01:23 > 0:01:27And, ladies and gentlemen, Olympic fever building...can you feel it?
0:01:27 > 0:01:29- AUDIENCE WEAKLY:- Yes.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31LAUGHTER
0:01:31 > 0:01:32Woo-hoo.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35This week they've released details of the opening ceremony.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39It's going to represent the British countryside.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41LAUGHTER
0:01:41 > 0:01:43No, no, no. This is what it will look like.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47Oh! A lovely expanse of British countryside.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Although, someone left the gates unlocked and now it looks like this...
0:01:50 > 0:01:53LAUGHTER
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Shame...
0:01:56 > 0:02:00Actually, the Olympics has regenerated a lot of London.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Some of the streets there used to be in a right old state...
0:02:04 > 0:02:08There'd be discarded fridges, shopping trolleys, untaxed cars.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13LAUGHTER AND GROANS
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Let's get some guests on!
0:02:17 > 0:02:22Later there will be music from Adam Lambert.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25But first on the end tonight it's Greg Davies!
0:02:25 > 0:02:29CHEERING AND WHISTLING
0:02:29 > 0:02:33- Hello, Sir.- How are you, Graham? - I'm really well. So nice to see you.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Sit yourself down.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40What the Dickens? It's Miriam Margolyes!
0:02:40 > 0:02:43A vision! Come to me!
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- Hello, darling. - Hello.- Have a seat there.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52And I've got a feeling you're going to like him, it's Will.i.am!
0:02:53 > 0:02:58Hello, sir. Sit yourself down.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05WHOOPS AND CHEERS
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Don't be shy.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Oh, what a cool sofa.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14So, Will.i.am. And Mir-i-am, do you see? Mir.i.am.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16LAUGHTER
0:03:16 > 0:03:18G.r.eg.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20LAUGHTER
0:03:20 > 0:03:24- I'll take whatever you give me, Graham.- Could I just ask...is it Graham?
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- That'll do. - LAUGHTER
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Greg.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30- Greg, Greg, I'm SO sorry. - No, Graham's fine!
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- Greg, could you just stand up a minute, would you mind?- Yes. - And can I stand next to you?
0:03:34 > 0:03:36LAUGHTER
0:03:44 > 0:03:47We were all standing in order of height back stage, you should have a look at this.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50If Will comes and stands, this is a great visual.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Perfectly put together, this couch.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Will.i.am, you weren't always Will.i.am, but MC Will originally?
0:04:06 > 0:04:08That was the first name I called myself, yeah.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Yes. But it stood for stuff, didn't it?
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Yeah, it stood for Move Cos Will Is Living it Large,
0:04:14 > 0:04:15so it was like an acronym.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19OK. And then what did...you didn't go straight to Will.i.am, did you?
0:04:19 > 0:04:23No, cos I was at school one time and a friend of mine named Mr Shaw,
0:04:23 > 0:04:26well, he was a rapper, and he came up to me...
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- A rapper?- Yeah.- Wow.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31LAUGHTER
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- You think he's a rapper? - No, I understand that, yeah.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40So, we were like 15 years old, right, and them Mr Shaw comes up to me
0:04:40 > 0:04:44and he's like, "What's your rap name, you look like a rapper?"
0:04:44 > 0:04:48I was like, "My rap name is MC Will."
0:04:48 > 0:04:52And he's like, "MC Will's kind of lame."
0:04:53 > 0:04:57I was like, "What's your rap name?" He's like, "Mr Shaw."
0:04:57 > 0:04:58I was like, "You're 15."
0:04:58 > 0:05:00LAUGHTER
0:05:00 > 0:05:03He was like, "Yeah, it's authority."
0:05:03 > 0:05:06So then I came to school the next day like, "I changed my rap name -
0:05:06 > 0:05:08"I'm Minister Will."
0:05:08 > 0:05:10LAUGHTER
0:05:11 > 0:05:13I'll see your "mister"!
0:05:14 > 0:05:17I'm just fascinated by you.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Because unfortunately I don't know many black people, you know?
0:05:24 > 0:05:28- Except in show business.- Yes. - EXCEPT in show business.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31And that's what's so nice.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- It is.- It's lovely!- It's exotic.
0:05:33 > 0:05:38LAUGHTER
0:05:38 > 0:05:39It's lovely, Miriam, you're right.
0:05:43 > 0:05:48Now, listen, Will.i.am, I mentioned that you were carrying
0:05:48 > 0:05:50the Olympic torch. Do you have connections to Taunton?
0:05:50 > 0:05:54Why were you...why were you running through Taunton?
0:05:54 > 0:05:59LAUGHTER
0:05:59 > 0:06:01I don't know.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04But they asked you a long time ago, didn't they?
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Yeah, I had to keep it a secret for a while.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11So it was hard for me not to tweet about it. LAUGHTER
0:06:11 > 0:06:16- Impossible for you cos even while you were carrying it...- That's when I was able to tweet about it.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18There was some... I say there was SOME criticism...
0:06:18 > 0:06:20LAUGHTER
0:06:20 > 0:06:22There was a lot of criticism.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Couldn't you just have waited till you'd carried...you didn't carry it far, did you?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Let me tell you something. I don't...
0:06:29 > 0:06:31It's like...
0:06:31 > 0:06:36When they created the Olympics, there wasn't Twitter.
0:06:36 > 0:06:42- True.- So I was doing something, you know, that torch is light.
0:06:42 > 0:06:47When I'm tweeting it's like literally sending light across the planet to people that have cell phones
0:06:47 > 0:06:50so it's a different way to connect, if you think about it.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52LAUGHTER
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Maybe I'm thinking a little too deep about it.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58- I think you've though about it FAR too much. Yeah. - Maybe a little too much.
0:06:58 > 0:07:03But you did tweet some really good pictures of yourself at the jubilee celebrations.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06There's you with Will.One.Is.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09LAUGHTER
0:07:09 > 0:07:12I love the fact that you've out-royaled him with your outfit there, as well.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Who...who is that gentleman?
0:07:18 > 0:07:24- That's Price William.- It never is. - Oh, come on, Miriam!
0:07:24 > 0:07:28- Is that really Price William? - Yes!- Not the black one.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30No, the black one's you. I know that.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33LAUGHTER
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- I didn't realise that was Price William. - Yes, that's Prince William.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46But he's bald in that picture.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50That was the flash cos it was his phone,
0:07:50 > 0:07:52so a lot of things are getting lost up there on the top,
0:07:52 > 0:07:56like you cant really see the top of my head there either.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00As a matter of fact that whole entire black area is my afro.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03LAUGHTER
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Is that what happens if you don't use enough product?
0:08:12 > 0:08:16I think this is what'll happen if he doesn't use enough product. This could happen.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Did you go up to one of them and ask for their hat?!
0:08:24 > 0:08:28I went up to one of the cats and asked if I could use his hat.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Now, we should big you up because this week you've given
0:08:31 > 0:08:34an enormous donation to the Prince's Trust.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- How much did you give them? - £500,000.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:08:43 > 0:08:46You know, I had so much fun doing The Voice, so...
0:08:47 > 0:08:50LAUGHTER I really had so much fun
0:08:50 > 0:08:55and your country didn't have to accept me the way the country did
0:08:55 > 0:09:01and I just didn't feel like taking the money that I earned was...
0:09:01 > 0:09:03What am I going to do with it other than...
0:09:03 > 0:09:07You're absolutely right. You've done the right thing and everybody admires you for it.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09And if they don't they better speak to me
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- because I think that's fantastic, really.- It is amazing.- It really is.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13It's wonderful.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Cos there's a lot of wealthy people who do...
0:09:19 > 0:09:21very little, shall we say?
0:09:22 > 0:09:25It may not seem AS relevant
0:09:25 > 0:09:28but in the late '70s I did a sponsored swim.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30LAUGHTER
0:09:30 > 0:09:34- He put the work in. - I think I raised nearly £70, so...
0:09:34 > 0:09:38- You've just got to do what you can, Miriam.- You do what you can.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43- Can you swim? - Can I swim? Of course, I dive in and I'm at the other end.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48He thinks he's Michael Phelps, he's like...pssshhh.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Now, you're living in London.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56You made great use of London in the video for the new single
0:09:56 > 0:10:03This Is Love which is released on Sunday 24th June and here's a clip.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07# We sip till we smashed up Feeling all right
0:10:07 > 0:10:11# And we rock the ghetto blaster Rocking all night
0:10:11 > 0:10:15# I sent a rocket to the globe Armour just stole
0:10:15 > 0:10:18# I fill it up with lovin' and then I watch it explode
0:10:18 > 0:10:25# Eh, baby, yeah, all right
0:10:25 > 0:10:26# Can you feel it?
0:10:26 > 0:10:32# Good God, yeah, all right
0:10:32 > 0:10:34# Can you feel the love?
0:10:36 > 0:10:39# Can you feel the love?
0:10:39 > 0:10:42# Can you feel the love?
0:10:43 > 0:10:47# This is love This is love, this is love... #
0:10:47 > 0:10:50CHEERING
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Who's the lady?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54That's a friend of mine.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Her name is Eva Simons.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00- Her name is?- Eva Simons from Holland.- She's fantastic!
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- Yeah, she's fresh.- Yeah!- She's dope. - Now, this is fantastic.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07Is it true? Please, if it isn't just lie!
0:11:07 > 0:11:10That NASA have asked you to write the first song
0:11:10 > 0:11:12to be played on Mars?
0:11:12 > 0:11:16LAUGHTER
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Looks like a researcher's going to get sacked, Graham!
0:11:19 > 0:11:20LAUGHTER
0:11:20 > 0:11:24- I don't know if I can answer that. - So it's true?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27No, it's not!
0:11:27 > 0:11:29That's awesome! Is it true?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31- I don't know if I can answer that! - Are you going with ballad,
0:11:31 > 0:11:35floor-filler? What do you choose?
0:11:35 > 0:11:40- Who's going to hear it on Mars? - Nobody!- There's nobody there!
0:11:40 > 0:11:44So, what's the story?
0:11:44 > 0:11:45It's obviously out there!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- Right now, there's a rocket going to Mars.- A what?
0:11:48 > 0:11:51- A rocket, y'know?- A racket?- Rocket.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53A ROCKET! Sorry!
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- So, a ROCKET is going to Mars. - A ROCKET. Got it.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- It's on its way there right now.- OK.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03It lands in August and when it lands,
0:12:03 > 0:12:06it sends a signal back to show that it's there
0:12:06 > 0:12:09and they're going to beam a signal back to Earth
0:12:09 > 0:12:11and that signal will be the song.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12- Wow!- Wow!
0:12:12 > 0:12:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:15 > 0:12:17So, is it a new song?
0:12:17 > 0:12:22I'm from a ghetto in Los Angeles called East Los Angeles,
0:12:22 > 0:12:23Boyle Heights.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27I raised a bunch of money last year to create a STEM centre.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30What STEM is for people that don't know, it's S-T-E-M.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33It stands for Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37So, in every ghetto right now, STEM is not in them.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40So that means a ghetto 20 years from now is going to be worse
0:12:40 > 0:12:44than the ghetto today, because 20 years from now, technology will be everywhere
0:12:44 > 0:12:48and we'll be technologically illiterate, where we don't understand how to fix it, make it,
0:12:48 > 0:12:50or understand it if it breaks.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53So, I don't want that to happen to the ghetto I come from,
0:12:53 > 0:12:56so I raised about 7 million to create a STEM school there.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58You're fabulous!
0:12:58 > 0:13:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:00 > 0:13:02You really are!
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Really!
0:13:05 > 0:13:08I don't want to go on about it, but I didn't have to do that sponsored swim!
0:13:08 > 0:13:13LAUGHTER
0:13:13 > 0:13:17So, this program that I'm doing with NASA is to inspire
0:13:17 > 0:13:20young kids to take interest in science, technology,
0:13:20 > 0:13:24engineering and mathematics, because in every school you go to,
0:13:24 > 0:13:27there's a football field, there's a basketball court.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Unfortunately, girls aren't going to become football players
0:13:30 > 0:13:31or basketball players.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35Right now, it's girls that are not into STEM education
0:13:35 > 0:13:39when they should be the ones that are the leaders of tomorrow.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43My whole mission right now is to use music to inspire the youth
0:13:43 > 0:13:49to care about STEM education, especially the girls, and that's why I'm going to East London.
0:13:49 > 0:13:54I talked to Prince Charles about putting a STEM program
0:13:54 > 0:13:56into the Prince's Trust.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58This is fantastic! This is fantastic!
0:13:58 > 0:14:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:00 > 0:14:03You're making a difference.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06He's making a difference and that's what we all want to do
0:14:06 > 0:14:09in our lives. I'm nearer death than you are, believe me!
0:14:09 > 0:14:11I want to have made a difference.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13I haven't got 7 million, y'know,
0:14:13 > 0:14:18but I agree with you. Education is key to the future
0:14:18 > 0:14:21and how unexpected that this rapper would do this!
0:14:21 > 0:14:26I don't have a very positive attitude towards rappers.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30I don't really know any, you're the first one I've actually talked to!
0:14:30 > 0:14:31I'm the black guy.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35- Black eye?- I'm the first rapper and black dude you kicked it with.
0:14:35 > 0:14:40- Black eye?- No, black GUY. - Oh! Black GUY!
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Yeah, that's true!
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- We need to kick it more.- Righto!
0:14:45 > 0:14:48APPLAUSE
0:14:53 > 0:14:57That's a record waiting to happen!
0:14:57 > 0:15:01In terms of putting your music together, because something like,
0:15:01 > 0:15:06say, The Time (Dirty Bit), were you watching Dirty Dancing
0:15:06 > 0:15:08and went, "I like this song, I might do something with it"?
0:15:08 > 0:15:11- We were in Ibiza.- Oh!
0:15:11 > 0:15:13We were getting ready for a DJ gig.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18And I'm like, "I got to drop something for the night."
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Me and my homeboys,
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Ammo and Apple.
0:15:22 > 0:15:27Homeboys, meaning people that are close to me, where I feel like...
0:15:27 > 0:15:29- Chums.- Like a chum, yes.
0:15:29 > 0:15:30LAUGHTER
0:15:30 > 0:15:36Me and a few of my chums... We were chumming it up.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40LAUGHTER
0:15:40 > 0:15:43I asked him "What are we going to play tonight?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45"That's unexpected?"
0:15:45 > 0:15:51He said "We should mix something from yesterday, old school,
0:15:51 > 0:15:56- from old school, not elementary. - Right.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- old school, meaning, you know, back in the day.- Back in the day, yeah.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03Let's pick something from back in the day and flip it up,
0:16:03 > 0:16:07intertwine it with...
0:16:07 > 0:16:11today's stuff, in the music.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14So I say...
0:16:14 > 0:16:16LAUGHTER
0:16:16 > 0:16:19"Why don't we use Dirty Dancing?"
0:16:19 > 0:16:20And then he replies...
0:16:20 > 0:16:23LAUGHTER
0:16:23 > 0:16:26"That's crazy, we can't use Dirty Dancing!"
0:16:26 > 0:16:28I was, like, "But that's the whole point!"
0:16:28 > 0:16:32You don't say "I was like, that's the whole point". You don't say that.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34You say that's the whole point.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36You don't need the "like", right?
0:16:36 > 0:16:39By the way, everybody
0:16:39 > 0:16:42please stop using the word "like".
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- I don't like it. - She feels very strongly about this.
0:16:45 > 0:16:50- How about if I said I liked you? - That's different. You're using it as a verb.
0:16:50 > 0:16:56- I would be, like...- Like. You see?
0:16:56 > 0:16:57It's a habit.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01- It's quicker, it's like... - It's not like, it is!
0:17:01 > 0:17:04What are we going to do today? I don't know what we're going to do
0:17:04 > 0:17:09so he was, like, and I was, like and so we put it on the table and it was, like... Bam!
0:17:09 > 0:17:12APPLAUSE
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Well...I get what you're saying.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- It's like...- It's not "like".
0:17:18 > 0:17:20While we're at it...
0:17:21 > 0:17:25With the greatest of respect, it's "I've got a feeling".
0:17:25 > 0:17:29APPLAUSE
0:17:29 > 0:17:34I don't want to gang up!
0:17:34 > 0:17:40When you're DJing, can you mix any song into another song?
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Sometimes.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46- If you are doing like...- Not like. - Sorry!
0:17:48 > 0:17:50It's like sitting an exam!
0:17:50 > 0:17:56If you were to mix Michael Jackson's
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough?
0:17:58 > 0:18:03- Yeah, yeah.- Do you like that one? - I'm sure I will!
0:18:03 > 0:18:10If you were to mix Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough into...
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Which one do you know? And I'll mix it.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Smoke Gets In Your Eyes.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17LAUGHTER
0:18:17 > 0:18:22- Cole Porter?- So, if you were to do Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
0:18:22 > 0:18:24with Smoke Gets In Your Eyes...
0:18:24 > 0:18:28- I've never heard it. - # Smoke gets in your eyes... #
0:18:28 > 0:18:32- You sing it, go. Bust it. - I've just busted it!
0:18:32 > 0:18:34LAUGHTER
0:18:34 > 0:18:36So Michael Jackson's beat would go...
0:18:36 > 0:18:40HE BEATBOXES
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Go.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48# Smoke gets in your eyes. #
0:18:48 > 0:18:51APPLAUSE
0:18:54 > 0:18:59Yet my gut instinct was to do some hard-core rapping, Graham.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04That's when you were supposed to say, # Smoke gets into my eyes
0:19:04 > 0:19:08# When I'm puffing on a doobie. #
0:19:08 > 0:19:12When I was a kid I used to be into the Boo-Yaa T.R.I.B.E.
0:19:12 > 0:19:17- Do you know them?- Those big Samoans. - Yeah.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19- You know those guys? - You must know them!
0:19:19 > 0:19:22# Hit the gas Put on a ski mask
0:19:22 > 0:19:25# Right when we pass What you think, smoke that ass. #
0:19:25 > 0:19:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Let me do the second verse.
0:19:34 > 0:19:35# This ain't a game Straight up reality
0:19:35 > 0:19:38# Driven by the streets Born by insanity
0:19:38 > 0:19:41# Drive by Yes, it's the season
0:19:41 > 0:19:43# When the gangsta kills For no reason
0:19:43 > 0:19:45# When an MC's sitting On a front porch
0:19:45 > 0:19:48# Stick 'em like a pitchfork This is not New York. #
0:19:48 > 0:19:50APPPLAUSE
0:19:50 > 0:19:55Wow! That's good! Well done.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Did you make that up?
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- That was the Boo-Yaa T.R.I.B.E. - That was the words of a song?
0:20:01 > 0:20:04- Boo-Yaa. - You know I'm missing out here!
0:20:04 > 0:20:07I thought she was going to kick out a rap right there!
0:20:07 > 0:20:12# Y'know, I'm missing out here You better fear
0:20:12 > 0:20:14# Don't say like in here. #
0:20:14 > 0:20:20LAUGHTER
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Miriam Margolyes,
0:20:22 > 0:20:25very exciting, you are on a World Tour.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28It's a proper World Tour. You've been in Australia already.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32- And New Zealand. - You've done New Zealand already? - Dear New Zealand, yes.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35But you get here June 23, tomorrow, Saturday?
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Is that tomorrow? Yes, it is, yes.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42And then you go to Canada and the States?
0:20:42 > 0:20:43- Yes.- Very good.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45And all round England as well.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47- Oh, yes.- Taunton, we're going to Taunton.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51What part of the States are you going to?
0:20:51 > 0:20:52I'm going to California.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- That's where I'm from. - Yes, I know that, darling.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- And Chicago.- Nice.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04And Yale and all over Massachusetts.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08- When you say Yale you have to say 'yay-el'.- Yay-el.
0:21:09 > 0:21:16The show is Dickens' Women and we'll talk about it in a bit. In order to get, sort of,
0:21:16 > 0:21:18match fit, you've become a vegetarian?
0:21:18 > 0:21:22Yes, well, I'm 71
0:21:22 > 0:21:25and I'm overweight and not particularly fit and I thought
0:21:25 > 0:21:27I must get fit to do this tour.
0:21:27 > 0:21:32So I went to India to an ayurvedic clinic and I had
0:21:32 > 0:21:38oil enemas every day for six weeks.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Oh, my God!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Does a mechanic do that? I mean what...
0:21:43 > 0:21:47Not really, no.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Is it hot oil, cold oil?
0:21:49 > 0:21:54I think it's warm. Well, it's warm afterwards any way!
0:21:54 > 0:21:58LAUGHTER
0:21:58 > 0:22:02It really was amazing. That's where I became a vegetarian.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06- I eat fish, but not poultry or red meat.- Yeah.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10It really got me fit. It got me going.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12I was able to do the tour, so far,
0:22:12 > 0:22:16- without missing a show or feeling poorly or anything. - You look amazing.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18You look very fit and healthy.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22- Do you think so?- You really do. - Oh, bless you. Thank you.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24You do swimming?
0:22:24 > 0:22:32I swim every day. I haven't met you in the pool yet. But I imagine
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- that you're a bit faster than I am in the pool.- If I am there,
0:22:35 > 0:22:37I'm probably raising money for charity.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39LAUGHTER
0:22:39 > 0:22:45You do yoga, don't you?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47That's been my attempt to get fit recently, yeah.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50I've been doing yoga on my own in my house.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54- It's humiliating.- That's very good.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55I bought a DVD which is brilliant.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59I don't want the lady who did this DVD to think I'm being negative.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03It's great. I've done it for weeks and I just presumed
0:23:03 > 0:23:07that the lady was some sort of yoga master
0:23:07 > 0:23:10of her whole life and she'd trained in the Far East or something.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13A mate came round and I showed him and said,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16"I'm doing this yoga DVD, it's absolutely brilliant.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19And he went "Mate, she's on Emmerdale Farm."
0:23:19 > 0:23:21She's really good.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25But she's a lesbian character from Emmerdale Farm.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27- Really?- Yeah.- I'm one of those.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29LAUGHTER
0:23:32 > 0:23:35I know in America they don't say that much on television,
0:23:35 > 0:23:39- but I like to say it. Because I think it gives people courage.- Yes!
0:23:39 > 0:23:42I've never met a lesbian before.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44LAUGHTER
0:23:50 > 0:23:54Probably because they couldn't reach you, I think.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Oh, they could reach me!
0:23:57 > 0:23:59LAUGHTER
0:23:59 > 0:24:02I'm drawing a veil...
0:24:02 > 0:24:06Miriam, let's talk about Dickens' Women
0:24:06 > 0:24:08because you've put...
0:24:08 > 0:24:11I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13He said I've never met a lesbian
0:24:13 > 0:24:16and then you said "Let's talk about Dickens' women."
0:24:16 > 0:24:19LAUGHTER
0:24:22 > 0:24:26Funnily enough one of them was a lesbian.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30- One of the women in my show is a lesbian.- Really?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Oh, yes. From Little Dorrit. Miss Wade.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Would people have known that Miss Wade was a lesbian?
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Of course not, absolutely not, no.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40It's only now we know.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Now we can tell, because he's such a wonderful writer.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45- You put it together, you and... - Sonia Fraser.
0:24:45 > 0:24:50Sonia Fraser. People don't associate Charles Dickens with...
0:24:50 > 0:24:56- Lesbians, no.- His women tend to be grotesques or ingenues.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59He didn't get on very well with women.
0:24:59 > 0:25:05He was damaged by women. He thought his mother was neglecting him.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09His wife, he fell out of love with. He had a mistress.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13- I tell all these shocking stories in my show.- So, it's not just the characters...
0:25:13 > 0:25:18I tell the story of the man because he's so extraordinary and wonderful
0:25:18 > 0:25:21and strange and so different from what people think he is, you see.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24That's what I'm trying to get across. He was the greatest
0:25:24 > 0:25:27writer of English prose.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30In his way he was king rapper of his day.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34If he was a rapper his name would be Chuck Dick.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38LAUGHTER
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Charles is Chuck. You shorten it up.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Why don't you come and see my show. You should.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- I think you might enjoy it. - In LA we should kick it.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51We should...kick it, yeah, it would be very nice.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53I don't want to put you on the spot,
0:25:53 > 0:25:58but is there a little bit of one of the women you could do for us?
0:25:58 > 0:26:04- Is that too awful?- I'd love to! - OK, brilliant.
0:26:04 > 0:26:08One of the characters that he invented was this midwife
0:26:08 > 0:26:12and in Victorian days, midwives, are there any midwives here?
0:26:12 > 0:26:16- Clearly!- His midwife was a drunk.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20- LAUGHTER - Funnily enough, nothing has changed!
0:26:20 > 0:26:26They also laid out corpses. They had two jobs. Midwives, they did both.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Mrs Gamp, who's the one that I play,
0:26:29 > 0:26:34was a drunken midwife and she liked to talk about herself,
0:26:34 > 0:26:38but she pretended that it was Mrs Harris, her friend.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42She said, "When Gamp was summoned to his long home
0:26:42 > 0:26:47"and I seen him lying in the hospital
0:26:47 > 0:26:49"with a penny piece on each eye.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53"And his wooden leg under his left arm,
0:26:53 > 0:26:58"I thought I should have fainted away,
0:26:58 > 0:27:00"but I bore up,
0:27:00 > 0:27:05"if it wasn't for the nerve, a little sip of liquor gives me.
0:27:05 > 0:27:10"I could never go through with what I sometimes has to do.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12"As I said to my friend Mrs Harris,
0:27:12 > 0:27:17"there were a last case, as ever I had to do,
0:27:17 > 0:27:20"which it was but a young person.
0:27:20 > 0:27:26"Mrs Harris, I says, leave the bottle on the chimney piece
0:27:26 > 0:27:33"and don't ask me to take none, but let me put my lips to it
0:27:33 > 0:27:35"when I'm so disposed.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39"And I will do everything I've been engaged to do
0:27:39 > 0:27:44"according to the best of my ability.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46"Thank you very much."
0:27:46 > 0:27:49APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Brilliant.
0:27:51 > 0:27:55You're a marvel, Miriam Margoyles, a marvel.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59Now, is it fair to say, Miriam, that you are not physically shy?
0:27:59 > 0:28:02- Yes. It is fair to say. - Yes, I thought that was fair to say.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06What was the story? You had a run-in with...was it painters at the BBC?
0:28:06 > 0:28:11Yes. My goodness, things get around!
0:28:11 > 0:28:16Well, one of the problems when you're stacked as I am, you know?
0:28:16 > 0:28:20And when you run along a corridor...
0:28:20 > 0:28:26- I know you're stacked, but just lower down, my stack is here. - I've got it all over!
0:28:28 > 0:28:30It still means the same stack where I come from.
0:28:30 > 0:28:35Yes, I'm sure. I was going past these painters
0:28:35 > 0:28:38and they made fun of me because my tits were wiggling
0:28:38 > 0:28:40and I was running along.
0:28:40 > 0:28:43LAUGHTER
0:28:43 > 0:28:47I thought, "I'm not having that, I'm not having that."
0:28:47 > 0:28:50You know, when you confront people, they get very nervous?
0:28:50 > 0:28:54So I stopped and I went over to them and I looked at them.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57I took their great big hands
0:28:57 > 0:28:59and I put them...
0:28:59 > 0:29:04LAUGHTER
0:29:04 > 0:29:07I put them on my great big breasts.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09They were terrified!
0:29:09 > 0:29:13LAUGHTER
0:29:13 > 0:29:17Next time, when I was going back along the corridor,
0:29:17 > 0:29:21they were painting! And didn't say a word!
0:29:21 > 0:29:24APPLAUSE
0:29:29 > 0:29:32Greg, you're back on the road, you're touring as well?
0:29:32 > 0:29:33Yeah, I am, in the Autumn.
0:29:33 > 0:29:38Starts on October 3rd in Devon. Runs to December 14th in Blackpool.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42The tour is called The Back of my Mum's Head.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45- Is that your mum? - It is genuinely my mum, yeah.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48Was she on The Voice?
0:29:48 > 0:29:50LAUGHTER
0:29:50 > 0:29:53You didn't get it. She didn't turn around.
0:29:53 > 0:29:58Oh, I see. I just laughed politely.
0:29:58 > 0:30:01Why is it called The Back Of My Mum's Head?
0:30:01 > 0:30:03Do you know what? The honest truth is
0:30:03 > 0:30:05I took a picture like this when my mum and I
0:30:05 > 0:30:08were on a beach and she was looking out and it just made me laugh.
0:30:08 > 0:30:10- That's the truth of why it's called that.- OK.
0:30:10 > 0:30:14- But I'll construct a lie why it's called that.- You have until October.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17I've been humiliating my parents on telly for the last five years
0:30:17 > 0:30:19and I suppose the thrust of the show is
0:30:19 > 0:30:23I have to stop talking about them and humiliate myself.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25But you do talk about your family a lot.
0:30:25 > 0:30:29But they really make me laugh, Graham. They keep doing stuff.
0:30:29 > 0:30:30LAUGHTER
0:30:30 > 0:30:34- You and your sister had a horse for a while, didn't you?- Yeah,
0:30:34 > 0:30:37for a while...until it tried to bite one of my tits off.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39It genuinely did!
0:30:39 > 0:30:42It was the most violent horse. It threw us both off countless times.
0:30:42 > 0:30:46And then, the day that we got rid of it, it tried to bite...
0:30:46 > 0:30:50it clamped onto my breast and just shook
0:30:50 > 0:30:52and I was bleeding. It was like a horror film. It was awful!
0:30:52 > 0:30:55- You got marks?- Pardon? - You got any, like, horse scars?- No.
0:30:55 > 0:30:59I got away with it, but it was disgusting at the time.
0:30:59 > 0:31:02- Imagine, like, a big horse scar... - Yeah!- ..a bite scar.
0:31:02 > 0:31:06I think I'd been wolf-whistling the horse, so... No, it doesn't matter.
0:31:06 > 0:31:08LAUGHTER
0:31:08 > 0:31:11- Do you like that sort of violence, then?- No, not at all.
0:31:11 > 0:31:13- No.- Not from horses.- No.
0:31:13 > 0:31:15LAUGHTER
0:31:17 > 0:31:20After I got back from the hospital, er,
0:31:20 > 0:31:23I said to my dad, "That horse is mental! The horse is dangerous!"
0:31:23 > 0:31:27And he went, "Oh, I know." We both went, "What d'you mean you know?"
0:31:27 > 0:31:29He goes, "Well, I didn't really want you to have a horse,
0:31:29 > 0:31:32"so I deliberately got a really dangerous one to put you off horses."
0:31:36 > 0:31:37That's madness, isn't it?!
0:31:37 > 0:31:40- Have you been on a horse?- I've rode a horse before. A couple of times.
0:31:40 > 0:31:43- You like it?- The first time I ever rode a horse was in Ireland.
0:31:43 > 0:31:44I was... AUDIENCE: Ooh!
0:31:44 > 0:31:46Ireland!
0:31:46 > 0:31:48So... So I was, er... LAUGHTER
0:31:48 > 0:31:51I was working in Ireland with Michael Jackson.
0:31:51 > 0:31:56AUDIENCE: Ooh! Michael Jackson! So...
0:31:56 > 0:31:58- So he's like, er... - Not like.- Sorry!
0:31:58 > 0:32:00LAUGHTER
0:32:00 > 0:32:04So Michael Jackson suggested that...
0:32:04 > 0:32:05He said...
0:32:07 > 0:32:10I told him, "When are we going to record?" He was like...
0:32:10 > 0:32:12LAUGHTER So he said...
0:32:12 > 0:32:15SOFT VOICE: "Would you want some breakfast?"
0:32:15 > 0:32:17I said, "Sure."
0:32:18 > 0:32:22SOFT VOICE: "Why don't you go take the horse and pick some apples?"
0:32:22 > 0:32:25LAUGHTER I was like, "What?"
0:32:25 > 0:32:28He was like, "Take the horse on horse back and pick some apples."
0:32:28 > 0:32:33- Is that what he sounded like? - My interpretation of him. - In reality, he sounded like this.
0:32:33 > 0:32:35- DEEP VOICE:- "All right, love, how's it going?"
0:32:35 > 0:32:37LAUGHTER
0:32:37 > 0:32:39SOFT VOICE: "Take the horses out.
0:32:39 > 0:32:42"They're lovely. The horses are wonderful.
0:32:42 > 0:32:43"And the thing about the horses,
0:32:43 > 0:32:46"they know exactly where the juicy apples are."
0:32:46 > 0:32:49He's like, so he said... LAUGHTER
0:32:49 > 0:32:51"When the horse tries to grab the apple,
0:32:51 > 0:32:55"just snatch the apple from him, cos that's a juicy apple."
0:32:55 > 0:32:59So I was like, "Wow, when's the last time Michael Jackson's going
0:32:59 > 0:33:02"to tell you to get on a horse and go pick some apples?"
0:33:03 > 0:33:05So I hopped on the horse... LAUGHTER
0:33:05 > 0:33:07..and started galloping away.
0:33:07 > 0:33:11So I'm galloping down, you know, the meadows in Ireland...
0:33:13 > 0:33:15..going apple picking.
0:33:15 > 0:33:19So as the horse went to grab an apple,
0:33:19 > 0:33:21I remember Michael Jackson saying,
0:33:21 > 0:33:25"Don't let him get the apple. Grab it before he does."
0:33:25 > 0:33:26LAUGHTER So I'm on the horse.
0:33:26 > 0:33:29The horse goes there and I grab it.
0:33:29 > 0:33:34He's, like, last thing I'm worrying about is, like, he get mad at me,
0:33:34 > 0:33:39and then kick me off his back and, like, stomp on me.
0:33:39 > 0:33:41I know I just hit you with three likes.
0:33:41 > 0:33:44The story is so good, darling, I'm overlooking it.
0:33:44 > 0:33:50So my thing was grab an apple, let him eat an apple, right,
0:33:50 > 0:33:53- so let's share, right, cos I'm on his back.- Yeah.
0:33:53 > 0:33:57So that was the whole thing. So he grabbed the apple,
0:33:57 > 0:34:01then I grabbed the apple, so then I came back with a bag of apples.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04And he was like, "So how was it, wasn't it amazing?
0:34:05 > 0:34:08"I just love riding horses and picking apples."
0:34:08 > 0:34:10LAUGHTER
0:34:10 > 0:34:14So that was, er, my horse-back riding experience.
0:34:14 > 0:34:16APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:34:16 > 0:34:18That's a bonkers story!
0:34:21 > 0:34:24- Listen, it's music time. - CHEERING
0:34:24 > 0:34:28All right. Before we hear this week's stories in the red chair,
0:34:28 > 0:34:30we're going to have a song from one of the biggest stars
0:34:30 > 0:34:32ever to come out of American Idol.
0:34:32 > 0:34:35Performing his new single, Never Close Our Eyes,
0:34:35 > 0:34:38it is Adam Lambert, ladies and gentlemen!
0:34:38 > 0:34:41CHEERING
0:34:46 > 0:34:53# I wish that this night would never be over
0:34:53 > 0:35:00# If I had my way we'd never close our eyes
0:35:00 > 0:35:03# Our eyes!
0:35:03 > 0:35:05# Never!
0:35:05 > 0:35:09# I don't wanna let a minute get away
0:35:11 > 0:35:18# Yeah, cos we got no time to lose
0:35:18 > 0:35:26# None of us are promised to see tomorrow
0:35:26 > 0:35:31# And what we do is ours to choose
0:35:31 > 0:35:35# Forget about the sunrise Fight the sleep in your eyes
0:35:35 > 0:35:38# I don't wanna miss a second with you
0:35:38 > 0:35:40# Let's stay this way forever
0:35:40 > 0:35:42# It's only getting better
0:35:42 > 0:35:46# If we want it to, yeah!
0:35:46 > 0:35:53# You know that I wish that this night would never be over
0:35:53 > 0:36:01# There's plenty of time to sleep when we die
0:36:01 > 0:36:07# So let's just stay awake until we grow older
0:36:07 > 0:36:15# If I had my way we'd never close our eyes
0:36:15 > 0:36:18# Our eyes!
0:36:18 > 0:36:20# Never!
0:36:20 > 0:36:26# Now it's so hard to think this could fade away! No, no!
0:36:26 > 0:36:33# But what goes up must come down! Down!
0:36:33 > 0:36:40# Why can't we just live life with no consequence? Yeah!
0:36:40 > 0:36:45# And always live in the now, yeah!
0:36:45 > 0:36:49# Forget about the sunrise Fight the sleep in your eyes
0:36:49 > 0:36:53# I don't wanna miss a second with you
0:36:53 > 0:36:55# Let's stay this way forever
0:36:55 > 0:36:57# It's only getting better
0:36:57 > 0:37:01# If we want it to, yeah!
0:37:01 > 0:37:05# You know that I wish that this night would never be over
0:37:05 > 0:37:08# Would never be over! No, No!
0:37:08 > 0:37:12# There's plenty of time to sleep when we die
0:37:12 > 0:37:15# Plenty of time to sleep, yeah!
0:37:15 > 0:37:20# So let's just stay awake until we grow older!
0:37:20 > 0:37:22# Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey!
0:37:22 > 0:37:29# If I had my way we'd never close our eyes
0:37:29 > 0:37:32# Our eyes!
0:37:32 > 0:37:37# Never! Oh, oh, oh! Yeah! #
0:37:37 > 0:37:40APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:37:42 > 0:37:43Thank you!
0:37:43 > 0:37:48- CHEERING CONTINUES - Whoa! Adam Lambert, everybody!
0:37:48 > 0:37:52Come on over and join us, do. Beautiful job!
0:37:52 > 0:37:56- Thank you very much.- Thank you. - So nice.- Thank you.- Have a seat.
0:37:56 > 0:37:59- Thanks!- Have a seat there. Well done.- Whoa!
0:37:59 > 0:38:04- Adam, Greg, Miriam, Will.i.am! - Hi! Cheers!- It's all very good!
0:38:04 > 0:38:06- Aw!- Thank you, thank you.
0:38:06 > 0:38:09- Hi, guys.- Congratulations to you. - Thank you.
0:38:09 > 0:38:13- That is the new single Never Close Our Eyes off the new album Trespassing.- Yeah!
0:38:13 > 0:38:17The single's out on the 8th of July and then, the album comes out on the 9th of July.
0:38:17 > 0:38:20- Is that the facts? - That is the facts!- OK.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23- Those are the facts, yes. - It's already been number one
0:38:23 > 0:38:26- in the States, hasn't it? - It went to number one! It's crazy!
0:38:26 > 0:38:28- CHEERING - Congratulations.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31- What a brilliant thing to happen! - It feels amazing.- Yeah!
0:38:31 > 0:38:33I worked my butt off on this thing!
0:38:33 > 0:38:38- Yeah!- It's like, oh, I can breathe again.- Not like!- I can breathe!
0:38:38 > 0:38:40LAUGHTER
0:38:40 > 0:38:43No, you can say like there. It was like something, surely?
0:38:45 > 0:38:46LAUGHTER
0:38:46 > 0:38:51I don't want to stop you from being yourself. That's very important.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54- You've got to be yourself.- Yeah. WILL.I.AM: And I...
0:38:54 > 0:38:57- LAUGHTER - But you've got to use...
0:38:57 > 0:39:00You've got to change!
0:39:00 > 0:39:01LAUGHTER
0:39:01 > 0:39:08But...you've got to learn to be able to say what you want to say...
0:39:08 > 0:39:12- Yeah!- ..without using that word. - Oh, sorry, darling.- Yeah!- I'm sorry.
0:39:12 > 0:39:15- That's all right.- Listen... - It was a bum rush, I don't know.
0:39:15 > 0:39:18Time for stories in the red chair, but just before we do,
0:39:18 > 0:39:22I know, Miriam, you have a story, er, is it you in Edinburgh?
0:39:22 > 0:39:28- I'm going to Edinburgh with my show and the last time...- Dickens' Women, all over the world.- That's right.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30The last time I was in Edinburgh...
0:39:30 > 0:39:33- I hope this isn't going to offend anybody.- It's fine, fire ahead.
0:39:33 > 0:39:37- I'm going to be offended. I... I might...- I hope you won't.- Yeah.
0:39:37 > 0:39:41I was walking home late after a show one night.
0:39:41 > 0:39:44And I was walking through The Meadows,
0:39:44 > 0:39:47which is a kind a field in the middle of Edinburgh.
0:39:47 > 0:39:52And I heard a rustling above me...
0:39:52 > 0:39:54Almost everything is above me, actually.
0:39:54 > 0:39:56- LAUGHTER - I'm so short.
0:39:56 > 0:40:01And I looked up and I saw a young man
0:40:01 > 0:40:03masturbating in the tree.
0:40:03 > 0:40:06- LAUGHTER - What, like, on the branches?!
0:40:08 > 0:40:11- He had to climb up there? - He climbed up and I said...
0:40:11 > 0:40:14- "What are you doing?" - LAUGHTER
0:40:14 > 0:40:16And he said, "Making it rain!"
0:40:16 > 0:40:19- LAUGHTER - Wow!
0:40:21 > 0:40:22Well...
0:40:29 > 0:40:34- I felt concerned.- Yes, of course! - And said, "What is your occupation?
0:40:35 > 0:40:40And he said, "I'm a soldier." And I said, "In the Tattoo?"
0:40:40 > 0:40:42- because you know there's an Edinburgh Tattoo.- Yes.
0:40:42 > 0:40:46And he said, "Yes, I am." And I said, "Come down at once."
0:40:46 > 0:40:47LAUGHTER
0:40:47 > 0:40:52- So he sort of slid down the tree.- Yes.- And I said...
0:40:52 > 0:40:55"You know you can get into trouble for doing what you're doing?"
0:40:55 > 0:40:58Did you do what you did with the painters with him?
0:40:58 > 0:41:00- I absolutely did. - LAUGHTER
0:41:00 > 0:41:04You've heard of helping hands, haven't you? You know...
0:41:04 > 0:41:06- Yes!- I helped him out.
0:41:06 > 0:41:08LAUGHTER
0:41:08 > 0:41:12And he was charming. And I must say, I must say...
0:41:12 > 0:41:17- also grateful and, um... - HUGE LAUGHTER
0:41:17 > 0:41:21- Jesus, Miriam! - And I can't say shit?!
0:41:21 > 0:41:26- He was a soldier and he was grateful.- He was a soldier and you've got to support the troops!
0:41:26 > 0:41:28LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:41:28 > 0:41:33- Now...- The most I'm going to do is a sponsored swim, I'll tell you that now!
0:41:33 > 0:41:36What I like about it is, when I go to the red chair,
0:41:36 > 0:41:39good luck with anyone having a story to top that!
0:41:39 > 0:41:41LAUGHTER
0:41:41 > 0:41:44So who's up first? Hello!
0:41:44 > 0:41:46Hello, Mr Graham Norton and guests.
0:41:46 > 0:41:48Er, yes... Oh, no!
0:41:50 > 0:41:53APPLAUSE Where are they located?
0:41:53 > 0:41:57Out there somewhere, I think. Why, someone you wanted to meet?
0:41:57 > 0:42:00- No, I wanted to tell a story. - Oh, do you want to do it?
0:42:00 > 0:42:02- Tell it, yes! - CHEERING
0:42:02 > 0:42:05OK, OK, quick, quick, quick.
0:42:05 > 0:42:08Quick as your life! Hurry, hurry, hurry! Go, go, go!
0:42:08 > 0:42:11We're nearly out of time, probably are out of time. Is he there?
0:42:11 > 0:42:13Oh, coming in now.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16It's Will.i.am, everybody!
0:42:16 > 0:42:18- CHEERING - OK...
0:42:18 > 0:42:21And, er, where are you from, Will?
0:42:21 > 0:42:23I'm from Los Angeles-shire.
0:42:23 > 0:42:25- OK! - LAUGHTER
0:42:25 > 0:42:27And what do you do, Will?
0:42:27 > 0:42:30- I live there.- OK!
0:42:30 > 0:42:32LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:42:32 > 0:42:35Off you go with your story.
0:42:35 > 0:42:41Ahem... One time, um, I was, er, trying out for this play
0:42:41 > 0:42:45and, um... I was rehearsing in a park.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47LAUGHTER
0:42:49 > 0:42:53I was... I wanted to take my career to higher levels.
0:42:53 > 0:42:58So me and my friend, as we were rehearsing,
0:42:58 > 0:43:02he said, "Why don't you go in a tree and scream..."
0:43:02 > 0:43:04It was you!
0:43:04 > 0:43:06So as I was...
0:43:06 > 0:43:11- I think you should pull the lever now.- ..doing my thingy.- (You can!)
0:43:11 > 0:43:14I wanted to get into it, cos it was kind of like a porno play.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17GRAHAM LAUGHS Some lady...
0:43:17 > 0:43:20- Some drunk lady comes...- Oh!
0:43:22 > 0:43:24APPLAUSE
0:43:24 > 0:43:27Well done, everyone! If you'd like to
0:43:27 > 0:43:30join us on the show and have a go in that red chair, you can!
0:43:30 > 0:43:34Contact us via our website at this very address!
0:43:34 > 0:43:36Thanks to all my guests tonight!
0:43:36 > 0:43:38- Adam Lambert! - CHEERING
0:43:38 > 0:43:40- Greg Davies! - CHEERING
0:43:40 > 0:43:43- Miriam Margolyes! - CHEERING
0:43:43 > 0:43:46And here he comes, back to the couch, Mr Will.i.am!
0:43:46 > 0:43:50HUGE CHEER
0:43:50 > 0:43:54Join me next week, same time, I'll see you then, good night, everybody! Bye-bye!
0:43:54 > 0:43:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:06 > 0:44:09Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd