0:00:02 > 0:00:03Hello, I'm Graham Norton.
0:00:03 > 0:00:07Tonight on the show, we have two of the world's most beautiful pop stars.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10That's why I haven't been able to get anywhere near wardrobe or make-up.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12I have to get it done now.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17That's better! Let's start the show!
0:00:22 > 0:00:28This programme contains some strong language
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Good evening, all.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Hello! You're very welcome.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Thank you, my glamorous stand-in, Clive.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49Brother from a different mother.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Separated at birth - it was a mix-up.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55We have a sparkling line-up, tonight.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Chatting and singing, the one and only Cheryl Cole is here.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Chart-topping superstar, Katy Perry is here!
0:01:05 > 0:01:08And hilarious Geordie comedian Ross Noble is on the show.
0:01:10 > 0:01:17I tell you, so that's two Geordies on the show tonight.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18Cheryl is, of course,
0:01:18 > 0:01:21the best-looking woman ever to come from Newcastle.
0:01:21 > 0:01:22She really is.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Actually, to be honest, Ross is the best-looking man.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Ross is doing very well.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30He's even had his own range of Ross Noble dolls.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31He has.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36I'm delighted to have Cheryl on the show.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39She's just appeared at the Queen's Jubilee concert.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Very exciting.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Looking good, Cheryl!
0:01:43 > 0:01:44What an outfit!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47It certainly got a reaction from the Royal Box. It did.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51Talking about amazing outfits,
0:01:51 > 0:01:55I can't wait to see what Katy Perry's wearing tonight.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Ooh, such a fashion icon.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59All the top names want to dress her.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Versace,
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Dior,
0:02:03 > 0:02:04Mr Kipling.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Delicious.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Here's Katy on stage during her recent tour.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11It's a showbiz classic -
0:02:11 > 0:02:15shell opens and out pops a vision of beauty, usually.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19All looking forward to the football?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Any football fans in?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23There are some, ladies and gentleman.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Yes, the Euros start tonight, I'm told.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28England don't play France until Monday,
0:02:28 > 0:02:32but Roy Hodgson has a good idea of how the game's going to go.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39Wayne Rooney suspended, he spent the last few weeks on holiday.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43The big fear is he could be out of condition.
0:02:43 > 0:02:44He could.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Exciting time for Wayne.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49It's the first international tournament
0:02:49 > 0:02:52where he's been able show off his new hair transplant.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Talking of hair, did you see the news this week
0:02:59 > 0:03:01that the Olympic torch was carried by Jedward?
0:03:01 > 0:03:06I'm not making it up. That's them before the torch was lit.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08I wonder what happens when you light a massive flame
0:03:08 > 0:03:09next to that much hairspray?
0:03:12 > 0:03:15It's Dead-ward! Let's get some guests on.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18He's Newcastle's funniest comedian, That's why-aye love him.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20It's Ross Noble.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25- Hello, sir.- Hello.
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Lovely to see you. Have a seat.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Have a seat.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Hey, everyone, I might kiss a girl, it's Katy Perry!
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Hello, lovely lady. Sit yourselves down.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47She doesn't have to fight, fight, fight for my love, it's Cheryl Cole.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Hello, lovely lady.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Have a seat.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59CHEERING AND WHISTLING
0:04:02 > 0:04:04They're happy.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08WHOOPING
0:04:08 > 0:04:10I tell you what, I must be looking nice tonight,
0:04:10 > 0:04:13cos they were still screaming when she came on.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16She's really pretty.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- It's a lot of pop princess on one sofa. I'll tell you that.- Thank you.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Before we get to other things, I just want to gossip, really,
0:04:24 > 0:04:27because Cheryl did the Jubilee concert for the Queen.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29I did.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Tell me the truth, you know at the end,
0:04:31 > 0:04:35did you just elbow your way through the crowd, "Let me at her"?
0:04:35 > 0:04:39- Do you know what was the strangest thing?- Right there.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40They stood us in line
0:04:40 > 0:04:44and they brought the Queen on and she just wanted to stand next to me.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- She was drawn to you. - That's what it was.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50In that photo, there, is will.i.am just tweeting behind the Queen.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53He's going, "I'm looking at the Queen's arse."
0:04:53 > 0:04:54It's funny you should say that,
0:04:54 > 0:04:57because I had to warn him as we walked onto stage,
0:04:57 > 0:04:59he had the phone at the ready, I'm not even joking.
0:04:59 > 0:05:04- Is that why you're looking like this?- That is exactly why.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05That is the moment of,
0:05:05 > 0:05:08"Put that phone away, right now, before I kill you."
0:05:08 > 0:05:09At least he didn't do that thing,
0:05:09 > 0:05:11he could have gone up to Her Majesty and gone,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14"Right, come on! Like that.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15- "Get in, love. Get in."- Really?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- I would have done it. - You didn't see this.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18When did you get here?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- I got here yesterday. - So, you missed it?
0:05:20 > 0:05:21I missed it by a day.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25I was on the flight and they were doing a biography on the Queen
0:05:25 > 0:05:27and the Jubilee,
0:05:27 > 0:05:29so I watched it during dinner,
0:05:29 > 0:05:32so I could be here and talk about things like this.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36Get on YouTube and watch this highlight.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39It was Grace Jones.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41I let her borrow my dress.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44- She's 64, isn't she?- Wow!
0:05:44 > 0:05:48She hula-hooped for four minutes while singing Slave To The Rhythm.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52You know, she wasn't supposed to. She turned up just doing this.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54The Queen had a hula-hoop and went,
0:05:54 > 0:05:57"I'm going to throw it over her."
0:05:57 > 0:06:00She thought she won a prize. She just threw it and Grace
0:06:00 > 0:06:03just kept, "Go with it, go with it."
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Were you asked to do it?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- No, I wasn't.- In the papers here, we heard that Prince Harry...
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Your papers never lie!
0:06:12 > 0:06:17This is a nice thing, that Prince Harry asked for you by name.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19- Prince Harry?- Yeah. - He's a hot ginger, isn't he?
0:06:21 > 0:06:25- Well...- Are you sure he asked for her to perform, though?
0:06:25 > 0:06:27That we don't know. "Bring me Katy Perry."
0:06:27 > 0:06:30No, no, it is Harry. He likes the ladies.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31I love the monarchy.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34- I'd be open to that.- Well.- What?
0:06:34 > 0:06:38- You were chatting at the party, weren't you?- You and Prince Harry?
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Get off my man.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Princess Cheryl.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50That would be the best wedding ever! Do it, go on.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51Come on.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55- I would consider Prince Harry. - Do it, oh, do!
0:06:55 > 0:06:58It would cheer people up so much.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Call me.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03And if you don't like her, call me.
0:07:04 > 0:07:09We've got a lot of ladies of song here
0:07:09 > 0:07:14and Cheryl, you're performing later, very excited.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Katy Perry, obviously you are a one-woman hit factory.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21You've broken records set by the Beatles, Michael Jackson,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23it's phenomenal.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28But tonight you come to us with a movie,
0:07:28 > 0:07:29what you have made.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Yes. I have a movie coming out July 5th.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33It's called Part Of Me,
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Katy Perry In 3D.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Hold on those bra-size jokes.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40It's excellent. It's not what I expected.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44I thought it would be concert footage, a good time,
0:07:44 > 0:07:45you singing your hits.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Katy's great! Fanfare! Yeah.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Messing around with dancers and make-up artists backstage.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53It's not a part of you, it's all of you.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57It's a lot. I still have some secrets, but not many.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59You've seen the movie?
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Yeah, I made the movie.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05I had an idea in the winter of 2010,
0:08:05 > 0:08:07right before I was about to go on this big world tour,
0:08:07 > 0:08:10which I played here at the O2 - it was lovely, thank you -
0:08:10 > 0:08:16and I felt like something important was coming in 2011,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19so I asked two English boys from East London,
0:08:19 > 0:08:21from London Fields, actually,
0:08:21 > 0:08:23to come join me on the road,
0:08:23 > 0:08:25and they were just like flies on the wall,
0:08:25 > 0:08:28capturing everything throughout the whole year.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32And I had no idea it was going to turn into this big deal of a movie
0:08:32 > 0:08:34in 3D, but it did.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37It's so exciting. I'm so excited for everyone to see it.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Might I warn you, you see a little bit of me without make-up
0:08:40 > 0:08:42and you may not recognise me.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44But, it's...
0:08:44 > 0:08:45I look normal!
0:08:45 > 0:08:48At end of that film, obviously, you're proud of the movie
0:08:48 > 0:08:51and proud of the tour, but, like, some of it,
0:08:51 > 0:08:53like the bits in Brazil,
0:08:53 > 0:08:56it's like torture, watching some of it.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Poking with a stick to get you on stage.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00It was hard to watch.
0:09:00 > 0:09:01I love being on stage.
0:09:01 > 0:09:06Even though I went through some pretty tough times last year,
0:09:06 > 0:09:10I had to separate that because I know that my problems are mine
0:09:10 > 0:09:13and they're not the audience's problems.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15They're here to see a show and be entertained.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17I put myself on that lift
0:09:17 > 0:09:21and I smacked a smile on my face and I went up with my tits spinning.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27It's really the use of 3D,
0:09:27 > 0:09:29you get a true sense of what you experience.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Not everybody could make the show,
0:09:31 > 0:09:32so I wanted everybody...
0:09:32 > 0:09:34I took the best parts of the two-hour show
0:09:34 > 0:09:36that I did last year and put them in the film.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40People really feel like they're there. It's a great simulation.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Do the tits spin in 3D?
0:09:43 > 0:09:45- They do?- They do.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48I'll put that in for you, Ross.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51We have a clip. I should warn you. It is one without...
0:09:51 > 0:09:54It's all right. It's time.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57OK. Deep breaths, everyone. Here we go.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08I think Katy is a dreamer.
0:10:08 > 0:10:14Her dream is to get to be herself and inspire other people.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17There's an undertone of Katy's life represented.
0:10:17 > 0:10:22It's a little Alice In Wonderland, it's Dorothy in Oz.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25She wanted the fans to experience that fantastical world
0:10:25 > 0:10:27that she dreamed up.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29I feel a real connection to fairy tales.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33I think in some ways I live in a fairy tale.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Your whole family is in the movie, your mum,
0:10:41 > 0:10:44your dad, your granny is in there.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46My grandma, I think, steals the show.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48- AUDIENCE MEMBER: Wrap up the truth. - She is the truth.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51My sister got married the other day,
0:10:51 > 0:10:55and my grandma is 91 and she's all there,
0:10:55 > 0:10:57she has all her marbles, plus more,
0:10:57 > 0:11:00we were all at my sister's wedding, which was lovely.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03My cousin asked my grandma,
0:11:03 > 0:11:06"Grandma, what do you think of Katy's new purple hair?"
0:11:06 > 0:11:07and she looked me up and down and goes,
0:11:07 > 0:11:10"Well, it's not all hers."
0:11:10 > 0:11:13I was like, "I bought it. I have the receipt."
0:11:13 > 0:11:17She goes, "Where did you get it, the 99 Cent Store?"
0:11:17 > 0:11:19- Did you punch her?- Yeah, basically.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23Boof! She's in the film and she's pretty hilarious.
0:11:23 > 0:11:28Obviously for you, it's very hard to have a truly private life.
0:11:28 > 0:11:33- Ha-ha!- Well, it is. People are interested and the tabloids.- Sure.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34It's a fine line.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37I suppose, in my head, I was watching thinking,
0:11:37 > 0:11:39"Oh, my God, she's nuts."
0:11:39 > 0:11:44Because you've given us so much. You've given us complete access.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Sometimes that's good, though, you know, to give people,
0:11:47 > 0:11:48to give them it all,
0:11:48 > 0:11:52then they're not looking for the thing that's they think they want.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Yeah, I admire her for that.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56She looks so cute without her make-up on.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59All right, get over it.
0:11:59 > 0:12:04I still am going to come out full beat every time. War paint.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07It's a fine line. I'm a kind of honest person mostly.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10I like to be as honest as possible, through my music,
0:12:10 > 0:12:11and in my life,
0:12:11 > 0:12:13and my professional life.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16I thought it was important to show everybody things,
0:12:16 > 0:12:19so that people can be inspired by it.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22The two of you are single, well, actually, I don't know if you are.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23Contractually,
0:12:23 > 0:12:25I am a chat show host - I am obliged to ask,
0:12:25 > 0:12:26are you both single, at the moment?
0:12:26 > 0:12:31My dance card is so full, I don't know who I'm dancing with, though.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34A lot of people.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Just say, I'm not going to have sex with them.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39I'm just putting it out there.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42In this month's GQ,
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- Cheryl Cole...- Me? - ..you talk about being a woman
0:12:45 > 0:12:46and having the needs of a woman.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- Dum-dum-dum! - Got to go. See you later.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51Do I?
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Do you have people who come round in the middle of the night?
0:12:54 > 0:12:56- Do I?- And have a go and then leave?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Wouldn't you love to know.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Help me.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04I have people come around in the middle of the night.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07You make it sound like Neighbourhood Watch.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12"Johnson, 37's down." "Oh, go on, then."
0:13:12 > 0:13:15"Prince Harry is not here yet. Go on, John."
0:13:15 > 0:13:20"Middle of the night" - like sexual ninjas.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Cheryl, talking of, kind of,
0:13:28 > 0:13:30I don't know if a falling out, a rift or whatever,
0:13:30 > 0:13:32have you kissed and made up with Simon Cowell?
0:13:32 > 0:13:35I wouldn't say kissed.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43I tell you one thing he can kiss.
0:13:52 > 0:13:53No, we've made up, we're fine.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56It's not nice having people you don't talk to.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59I'm not that type of person, anyway. It's not in my nature.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01If he walked out here now, that wouldn't be awkward?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03No, it wouldn't be awkward...
0:14:03 > 0:14:05DRUM ROLL
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Oh, my God, that was so scary.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14That was the greatest joke ever!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18There is a pineapple I could lob at his head.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Cos, Katy, you did X Factor here. You were on the panel together.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- We were, yes.- Yes.- Were you offered any of the X Factor gigs?
0:14:25 > 0:14:27There's not been actual paper contracts.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32But people have been interested in me judging other people, yeah.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- Would you do it?- I would do it...
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Cheryl's right there.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40- You were amazing at it. - I'm just not ready for it yet.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Maybe in the future I'd love to.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- She has movies to make and songs to release.- I'm busy.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49No, I'm excited. I'm very flattered.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51But there's a lot of those shows.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55You have to be careful with the one you associate yourself with.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- By the way, are you not allowed to talk about it?- What?
0:14:58 > 0:15:03- It.- Simon? - The whole X Factor debacle?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06I'm allowed to talk about anything I want to talk about.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12- You got your revenge in Afghanistan. - Did I just?!
0:15:12 > 0:15:16That was actually what broke the ice when I first spoke to him.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20I went out to Afghanistan to visit the troops,
0:15:20 > 0:15:23and they had this whole section where they had explosive devices.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26They were blowing them up to see how they worked.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29And when I got there, somebody had dressed one up as Simon.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34It was the best thing. I got to press the button -
0:15:34 > 0:15:37the detonator and he just went boom.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Then when I came back, cos you weren't allowed to take mobile phones
0:15:40 > 0:15:42or anything like that, it's a security risk,
0:15:42 > 0:15:44I had messages from Simon saying,
0:15:44 > 0:15:47"So, now that you've blown us up in Afghanistan,
0:15:47 > 0:15:49"is there any chance we can have this conversation?"
0:15:49 > 0:15:51and that's when I spoke to him.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Then I hired a plane to fly over his house for his 52nd birthday.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57He's 52, by the way, 53 coming.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02He didn't want anybody to know it was his birthday.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06Please tell me the plane was a Tornado from the lads in Afghanistan,
0:16:06 > 0:16:09just flying, heat-seeking missile.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Did it have a big thing hanging off the back, saying, "Happy Birthday"?
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Yes. I heard a rumour from his people,
0:16:15 > 0:16:16I won't name names,
0:16:16 > 0:16:19but somebody told us he didn't want anybody to know it was his birthday.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Perfect opportunity for me to hire a plane.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26- You were just being nice.- I was just being nice! Happy birthday, Simon.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28That's a lovely thing.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30So, it had a banner trailing off, saying, "Simon is 52 today".
0:16:30 > 0:16:31It flew round his house...
0:16:33 > 0:16:35- ..52 times.- I love it.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Looking back to... was it last year that it happened?
0:16:44 > 0:16:47- When did it happen, the whole X Factor USA?- Yes, last year.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50It seemed, at the time, it was handled so badly,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53like, when you walked away, who were you angriest with,
0:16:53 > 0:16:55the Fox TV network, with Simon, or with yourself
0:16:55 > 0:16:57for getting sucked into it?
0:16:57 > 0:17:00There was no anger, just relief.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Just anger?
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Let's make some music.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09Go where you're celebrated, not where you're tolerated.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11With a new album.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17Later on you're performing Call My Name off the album.
0:17:17 > 0:17:18The album is A Million Lights.
0:17:18 > 0:17:19It is.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21It's out on the 18th.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Call My Name is out on Sunday.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Saturday midnight, actually.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26If you're still up.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Like early Sunday.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34I'm surprised, this is your third solo album.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36It's crazy, it's gone so quick.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39The last two both went to number one. I'm guessing this will too.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42- I never say that.- It will.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46We're confused, Cheryl, because on the artwork,
0:17:46 > 0:17:50we've read in the papers that you are Cheryl.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52- Yes.- Have you dropped the Cole?- No.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54So, what happened was...
0:17:54 > 0:17:57You don't need that Cole, honey.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05What did happen?
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I got the new artwork.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09The new artwork, yes.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12And I couldn't fit the Cole on there any more.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14So we just...
0:18:14 > 0:18:16I've got the album here.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Oh, it does look better.
0:18:21 > 0:18:26Can I just say, taking a CD from there has never got an "Oh, my God!"
0:18:26 > 0:18:27from the audience before.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29And somebody went,
0:18:29 > 0:18:30"Can we have it?"
0:18:30 > 0:18:32You can buy a copy.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35It's probably a very young person who's never seen a CD before.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38"What the hell is that?"
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Now, what's interesting is, again,
0:18:40 > 0:18:43because there's so much interest in your personal life,
0:18:43 > 0:18:47so people will be looking at this thinking, reading stuff...
0:18:47 > 0:18:52- Always.- ..into this. There is a track called Screw You.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55A couple of names drop into your mind.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58It was dedicated to me.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00DIY, it's all about DIY.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04There you go.
0:19:04 > 0:19:09I'm just fixing my kitchen cabinets, Screw You!
0:19:09 > 0:19:13Track number two is called Rawl Plugs Ahoy.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19I'm still on track. What the hell is Screw You about?
0:19:19 > 0:19:23Actually, Screw You came about in a really unprofessional way.
0:19:23 > 0:19:29I went into the studio to record a song that had been written for me.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32I went to a party the night before...
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Cheryl Cole.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38And I was a bit tipsy in the studio.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40AKA, drunk.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Out of her mind, Katy, that's what I heard.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46When we say tipsy, we are peeing in the streets.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50You can dress her up.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55But you can't take the lady out of Geordie. Newcastle.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58I know where this is. I'm good with geography. I can't spell, though.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Peeing In The Streets is the hidden track at the end.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06It's like dancing in the streets but more vulgar.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08You got slaughtered before that.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Still drunk the next day.
0:20:10 > 0:20:15Somebody tweeted a picture of us sticking up the middle finger.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16- Of you doing it?- Yes, me.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19- And you're not allowed to do that? - Am I allowed?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24They're your fingers.
0:20:25 > 0:20:30It didn't go down too well with the Queen the other night.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- Katy, do you find that as well, your new track, Wide Awake.- Yes.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- CHEERING - Thank you.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Again, people are listening to the lyrics, thinking,
0:20:40 > 0:20:42"Oh, what does she mean there?"
0:20:42 > 0:20:47- Is that annoying?- No, if it was annoying, I wouldn't do it.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51I'm honest with my music and lyrics.
0:20:51 > 0:20:57That song's about the realisation of reality and coming down from a high.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- I love that song.- Thanks.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- OK.- Because I've had too much sugar last year.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06What about your vulnerable song, Ross?
0:21:07 > 0:21:11I have a track on one of my DVDs that just says,
0:21:11 > 0:21:13"I'm right sensitive, me."
0:21:16 > 0:21:19It's just ten minutes of me on stage, doing that.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Legend, proper legend.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24That was quite good, was that a Geordie accent?
0:21:24 > 0:21:26I don't know where it came from.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32What you'll find, when you spend time with people for a while
0:21:32 > 0:21:34and they just start going,
0:21:34 > 0:21:38"All reet, I'll go and get some crisps," you'll morph into a Geordie.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42- That's all right. - That's what's happening.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46- You love the Geordie accent, don't you?- Of course.
0:21:46 > 0:21:51- Tell people how you go to sleep? - I like listening to Geordie Shore.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Going to sleep?
0:21:55 > 0:22:00Yes, not the vulgarity of anything, but the bridges
0:22:00 > 0:22:04and the, you know, the familiar sounding noise of a Geordie accent.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06- People having fights.- It's soothing.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10The sound of romance as people have sex in bins.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14The thing is, I love it.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17I love the fact that you do those shampoo adverts, you know.
0:22:17 > 0:22:22When it was Jennifer Aniston, I'm American and the rest of it...
0:22:22 > 0:22:23Oi!
0:22:23 > 0:22:28No, what I'm saying is you expect a shampoo advert
0:22:28 > 0:22:32to be an American going, "Oh, shampoo, oh, shampoo..."
0:22:32 > 0:22:36Because Cheryl does it, who sounds like the girls I went to school with,
0:22:36 > 0:22:40I thought it was going to be, "L'Oreal, how fucking much?!"
0:22:50 > 0:22:55- Did you teach will.i.am some Geordie expressions?- I try. God, he's bad.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57I do try.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00He likes to... He always says to me, "Where you gonna gone?"
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- What?- Where are you going to go?
0:23:03 > 0:23:08- Have you played Newcastle?- Do you have a Rosetta stone for Geordies?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- There should be, yes.- Mmm, yeah.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Is there a useful phrase to teach Katy
0:23:13 > 0:23:16that she could storm on stage next time and delight them with?
0:23:16 > 0:23:21- All right. - How you goin' toneet, ya all reet?
0:23:21 > 0:23:22Ho re do re do ro....
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Teenage dream...
0:23:29 > 0:23:31That was good.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37You grew up in California, you would think it was worlds apart
0:23:37 > 0:23:39from where these two grew up in Newcastle.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42But in fact, there are more similarities than you'd think.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45I mean, California, sun-drenched towns.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49Newcastle, they have drenched towns.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52California's full of people growing oranges.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Newcastle is full of people going orange.
0:23:56 > 0:23:57That's a good look.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00- Do you think those lips are real? - Yeah.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03What she's doing there, there's a pane of glass
0:24:03 > 0:24:04and she's attached to it.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09I'm moving all the way up.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12California, they frolic topless.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Sadly in Newcastle, they also frolic topless.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23He's actually famous in Newcastle. Proper dedicated fan.
0:24:23 > 0:24:24I'm getting that, Cheryl.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29Do you like the way the Tyne Bridge perfectly crests his gut?
0:24:32 > 0:24:35You really don't want to see the Swing Bridge.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40That bridge is lower than the Tyne Bridge.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44In Newcastle, they're going, "That's a well constructed joke."
0:24:44 > 0:24:47The reels are spinning so hard on that one.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51In California, young people love catching crabs.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54In Newcastle... well, you can imagine.
0:24:56 > 0:24:57That's below the belt.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01You guys seem to be from a lovely place.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Ironically, that last picture on there, that make up there,
0:25:06 > 0:25:07they're not pixelated.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Just keep putting it on, man.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18This is a special place in Newcastle.
0:25:18 > 0:25:19Do you recognise this place?
0:25:19 > 0:25:24- Yes, of course.- A very special honour was bestowed on you there.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28- Was it?- Yes.- She was drunk. - When you were 15, you were named...
0:25:28 > 0:25:31You were made queen of all Geordies.
0:25:31 > 0:25:37- Didn't you win most attractive girl? - Highlight of my career.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39- It's true, isn't it?- Who told you? The Sun?
0:25:39 > 0:25:41No, there were a list of things.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42You won a bonnie baby competition
0:25:42 > 0:25:45and most attractive girl at Gateshead Metro Centre.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48I've heard that many times but I don't remember.
0:25:48 > 0:25:54- Maybe they did it in retrospect. - You are really pretty.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- Do you not think you're pretty? - I wasn't then.- You must have been.
0:25:59 > 0:26:00- No?- Dog.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06You've been in the glittering halls of the Metro Centre.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08They've just showed you all of Newcastle,
0:26:08 > 0:26:11do you think I was pretty?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17You're gorgeous inside and out and you don't need all the make-up,
0:26:17 > 0:26:19just like me, kind of.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24- You worked in the Metro Centre didn't you?- I did.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Work is a very loose description.
0:26:27 > 0:26:31I used to do all the juggling and unicycling and all that...
0:26:32 > 0:26:36- What? A carny?- I was a carny - that's exactly what I was.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40I got a job, because I used to do all that, on stilts,
0:26:40 > 0:26:41walking around the Metro Centre,
0:26:41 > 0:26:45which you'll know isn't easy, because it's a shiny floor.
0:26:45 > 0:26:46- It is.- It showcased my stilt skills.
0:26:46 > 0:26:51There was an American diner, they dressed me as Uncle Sam
0:26:51 > 0:26:55and I handed out flyers on the stilts.
0:26:55 > 0:27:00The problem was, the outfit belonged to the daughter of the manager
0:27:00 > 0:27:03for her dance concert.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07Trousers, I've always had large thighs and the trousers
0:27:07 > 0:27:09were pornographic in their tightness.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14They actually split. I didn't realise the gusset had gone.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Imagine, I'm on stilts, handing out flyers,
0:27:16 > 0:27:20and I couldn't work out why people didn't want to take a flyer,
0:27:20 > 0:27:23but were moving their children away from me.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26"Would you like to dine at the American diner?"
0:27:26 > 0:27:27"No, and we can see your bollocks."
0:27:29 > 0:27:33Ironically, I came second in the most beautiful girl in the Metro Centre.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:27:39 > 0:27:40The one-two punch.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Ross Noble, you're on tour in the Autumn, Mind Blender...
0:27:45 > 0:27:46- Yes.- ..is the tour.
0:27:46 > 0:27:51- Yes.- Presumably this will be as interactive as always.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Yes, I'm talking to the audience,
0:27:53 > 0:27:55interactive make it's sound like they're wearing helmets
0:27:55 > 0:27:58and plugged in.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02They don't have to laugh, they can just press a button.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04You have done things like...
0:28:04 > 0:28:07didn't Twitter tell you where to go on a tour once?
0:28:07 > 0:28:11Yeah, I spent a week where I got on my motorbike
0:28:11 > 0:28:14and said, "This is where I am, where should I go?"
0:28:14 > 0:28:16I spent a week travelling around.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19People said, "Come to my work and I'll make you tea."
0:28:19 > 0:28:24I just travelled around Britain just meeting people and just doing stuff.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27Because Katy Perry, in addition to your chart success,
0:28:27 > 0:28:29you're also Queen of Twitter.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32You're huge, the third most followed person in the world.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35It's really difficult when I spell something wrong.
0:28:35 > 0:28:36Everybody goes...
0:28:36 > 0:28:39The bar is set quite low on Twitter.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42This is how you spell "your" in this correct way.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45- They go mad for it. - There's three ways to spell "your"
0:28:45 > 0:28:47and it's horrible.
0:28:48 > 0:28:51- How many followers do you have? - 20 million something.
0:28:54 > 0:28:56- You have 20 million? - It's all around the world as well.
0:28:56 > 0:29:01- There'll be like Chinese kids. - Mildly racist.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04How is saying "Chinese kids" racist?
0:29:05 > 0:29:08If I said, "I hate Chinese kids," that's racist.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12You're allowed to say a place where kids are from.
0:29:14 > 0:29:18I think that's not even vaguely racist.
0:29:18 > 0:29:21"Oh, you know what I fancy for tea tonight? Chinese." "Racist!
0:29:21 > 0:29:23"Dirty racist."
0:29:23 > 0:29:25You're meant to say...
0:29:25 > 0:29:27CHEERING
0:29:27 > 0:29:33- All right, a little tweet... - I think I'll have a takeaway of an ethnic origin.
0:29:33 > 0:29:34LAUGHTER
0:29:34 > 0:29:37Not racist. Cheryl, you're pretty new to Twitter, aren't you?
0:29:37 > 0:29:43- Yeah, nearly a year.- OK. You're Twitter cr... You love it.- I do.
0:29:43 > 0:29:47I love just being able to talk to people direct.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49- So much fun, right?- I don't know what I was doing before.
0:29:49 > 0:29:55- Facebooking, MySpace, networking? - I didn't do any of that.
0:29:55 > 0:29:57I went directly to Twitter.
0:29:57 > 0:30:02The other day you did 100 tweets in one day.
0:30:02 > 0:30:04- Yeah.- That was the day I followed her.
0:30:06 > 0:30:08She's slowly writing a novel.
0:30:10 > 0:30:12I got shit to do!
0:30:12 > 0:30:15I wasn't saying, "I have just had a coffee, I'm about to do this."
0:30:15 > 0:30:17I was talking to people direct.
0:30:17 > 0:30:22- Replying to people.- She's a nice pop star.- I dedicate time.
0:30:22 > 0:30:27- Ross, you've developed a Twitter bomb.- Yeah.- Explain that.
0:30:27 > 0:30:31I did this thing where it was Twitter Bombard Tuesday.
0:30:31 > 0:30:34I would get my followers to not mention me in the tweet at all,
0:30:34 > 0:30:37so people didn't know where it was coming from
0:30:37 > 0:30:41and bombard one person with thousands of stupid questions at the same time.
0:30:41 > 0:30:44We started with Doritos.
0:30:44 > 0:30:49Why have they got their own Twitter feed? You know, still cheesy.
0:30:49 > 0:30:52Still cheesy again.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55We just bombarded them with thousands of questions.
0:30:55 > 0:30:59People were saying things like, "I have a much loved family moth,
0:30:59 > 0:31:01"that's injured its wing,
0:31:01 > 0:31:04"could you use a Dorito as a prosthetic replacement?"
0:31:06 > 0:31:08They're just like, "What? OK."
0:31:08 > 0:31:12"Could you use a Dorito as a plectrum for a spaghetti guitar?"
0:31:12 > 0:31:15But they'd get thousands all at the same time.
0:31:15 > 0:31:19- As a hang-glider. - See, tiny little hang-glider.
0:31:19 > 0:31:21You could have joined in.
0:31:21 > 0:31:24- If you were an insect. - Yeah, tweet that.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26People will be doing it now, Doritos will be,
0:31:26 > 0:31:30- "Oh, God, it's happening again!" - "Oh, God, here we go again!"
0:31:30 > 0:31:32People are just wasting their time, basically.
0:31:32 > 0:31:34LAUGHTER
0:31:34 > 0:31:37Did you get that idea from the time you got everyone to phone
0:31:37 > 0:31:39a radio station in Newcastle.
0:31:39 > 0:31:41Yes, I bet you know who this is.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44- Do you know the flashing blade?- Yes.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47He's a real Geordie!
0:31:47 > 0:31:52Yeah, there was a phone-in show and I got the audience,
0:31:52 > 0:31:54about 500 people all to say
0:31:54 > 0:31:58that they'd seen an alligator loose, in Heaton Park, in fact.
0:31:58 > 0:32:00It was in Heaton Park.
0:32:00 > 0:32:03They all phoned in this radio station, people were going,
0:32:03 > 0:32:06"Alan, me dog went into some bushes.
0:32:06 > 0:32:09"There was rustling and it come back and there was just the lead,
0:32:09 > 0:32:12"just the lead, me dog's gone."
0:32:12 > 0:32:16And people were ringing in, going, "Aye, our cat got snapped."
0:32:16 > 0:32:21The trouble was it got out of control and it made all the papers.
0:32:21 > 0:32:25My mum rang me up and went, "You've gone too far this time."
0:32:25 > 0:32:27LAUGHTER
0:32:27 > 0:32:29Then it turned into this legend that there was an alligator
0:32:29 > 0:32:31loose in the park.
0:32:31 > 0:32:33- I really believed that. Is it not true?- That's me!
0:32:33 > 0:32:37- I started that. - Don't you know that story?
0:32:37 > 0:32:40APPLAUSE
0:32:40 > 0:32:42It's not true. I started it,
0:32:42 > 0:32:46but the worst thing was, about six months later,
0:32:46 > 0:32:49I was watching Pet Rescue on Channel 4,
0:32:49 > 0:32:53and they went, "Today we have a pet rescue special
0:32:53 > 0:32:55"with the Teesside reptile society
0:32:55 > 0:32:58"who are spending the weekend looking for an alligator."
0:32:59 > 0:33:03There were blokes just in waders on this horrible winter's day,
0:33:03 > 0:33:05poking the river.
0:33:05 > 0:33:09"Careful in case it snaps at you."
0:33:09 > 0:33:16- How old were you?- It was last week. - Not that long ago.
0:33:16 > 0:33:20It's music time, Cheryl, dancers await.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22- If you want to go and get ready. - Thank you.
0:33:22 > 0:33:24There she goes!
0:33:24 > 0:33:25SCREAMING
0:33:25 > 0:33:31In a moment, we'll meet this week's visitors to the famous red chair.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34First performing her new single, Call My Name, it is Cheryl Cole!
0:33:55 > 0:34:00# How d'you think I feel when you call my name?
0:34:00 > 0:34:03# You got me confused by the way I change
0:34:03 > 0:34:06# How d'you think I feel when you call my name?
0:34:06 > 0:34:10# My name, say my name, baby
0:34:25 > 0:34:30# Yes, I love you, say it, for the way I know we've been apart
0:34:32 > 0:34:38# It's an endless circle a poison arrow to my heart
0:34:40 > 0:34:43# Saying I-I-I
0:34:43 > 0:34:45# I love what you do to me
0:34:45 > 0:34:48# Need you to stay with me
0:34:48 > 0:34:51# I-I-I
0:34:51 > 0:34:56# Love you too much to let go
0:34:56 > 0:35:00# How d'you think I feel when you call my name?
0:35:00 > 0:35:04# You got me confused by the way I change
0:35:04 > 0:35:07# How d'you think I feel when you call my name?
0:35:07 > 0:35:10# My name, say my name, baby
0:35:10 > 0:35:15# How d'you think I feel when you call my name?
0:35:15 > 0:35:18# You got me confused by the way I change
0:35:18 > 0:35:22# How d'you think I feel when you call my name?
0:35:22 > 0:35:25# My name, say my name, baby
0:35:28 > 0:35:36# It's the constant thought of my baby taking up my time
0:35:36 > 0:35:41# It's an utter vision of you that's playing on my mind
0:35:43 > 0:35:47# Saying I-I-I
0:35:47 > 0:35:49# I love what you do to me
0:35:49 > 0:35:51# Need you to stay with me
0:35:51 > 0:35:59# I-I-I love you too much to let go
0:35:59 > 0:36:03# How d'you think I feel when you call my name?
0:36:03 > 0:36:07# You got me confused by the way I change
0:36:07 > 0:36:11# How d'you think I feel when you call my name?
0:36:11 > 0:36:15# My name, say my name, baby
0:36:15 > 0:36:18# How d'you think I feel when you call my name?
0:36:18 > 0:36:22# You got me confused by the way I change
0:36:22 > 0:36:26# How d'you think I feel when you call my name?
0:36:26 > 0:36:29# My name, say my name, baby
0:36:31 > 0:36:34# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
0:36:34 > 0:36:38# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
0:36:38 > 0:36:42# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
0:36:42 > 0:36:46# Say my name, baby
0:36:46 > 0:36:49# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
0:36:49 > 0:36:53# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
0:36:53 > 0:36:57# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
0:36:57 > 0:36:59# Say my name, baby. #
0:37:00 > 0:37:01CHEERING
0:37:04 > 0:37:05Thank you.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09Cheryl Cole, everybody!
0:37:11 > 0:37:16Come back and join us. Beautiful job. Cheryl!
0:37:16 > 0:37:20Mwah! Thank you very much.
0:37:20 > 0:37:25I'll guide you round here. I will sit you there.
0:37:25 > 0:37:28Now, that was genius, thank you very much.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30Dance moves, I loved all that -
0:37:30 > 0:37:32- the crotch.- All the acrobatics.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34Landing in the splits, really?
0:37:34 > 0:37:37Now, it is time for the visit to the red chair.
0:37:37 > 0:37:43Tonight, in honour of our two beautiful ladies...and Ross...
0:37:43 > 0:37:49- Thanks.- It's men only. It's a men-only red chair.- Good.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52- You're in charge of the lever, ladies.- I'm in charge? Oh, you too.
0:37:52 > 0:37:54You're in charge
0:37:54 > 0:37:58- and the men are telling you a story to impress you.- Right.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00It's as if they're meeting you, say in a bar,
0:38:00 > 0:38:02telling you a story to impress you.
0:38:02 > 0:38:06It'll be their favourite, the one to make you think,
0:38:06 > 0:38:07"Wow, he's the one." OK?
0:38:07 > 0:38:12You may not want to hear the story, in which case, you know what to do.
0:38:12 > 0:38:15- Good luck, boys. Here we go. Hello. - Hi there, you all right?
0:38:20 > 0:38:24Not impressed, not impressed.
0:38:24 > 0:38:27That was going to have to be an amazing story.
0:38:27 > 0:38:30That was very harsh, very harsh.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33He had sexual ninja written all over him, that fella.
0:38:37 > 0:38:40Maybe we're saving the fine wine till last. Who's next?
0:38:42 > 0:38:48- Now, what's your name?- Andy.- Andy? Where are you from?
0:38:48 > 0:38:52- Australia.- From Australia, OK? Yeah.- Good.- Off you go.
0:38:52 > 0:38:54Don't lick your lips like that, it looks weird.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59It's going to happen.
0:39:02 > 0:39:07- The first one didn't get to speak. - Most of them don't.
0:39:07 > 0:39:12This gives us insight, if this was a bar, the way these two would behave.
0:39:14 > 0:39:17I kissed a girl and I liked it.
0:39:17 > 0:39:19Oh! CHEERING
0:39:19 > 0:39:21Get a room.
0:39:21 > 0:39:26- Oh, hello. Is it hot in here? - One more, here we go.
0:39:26 > 0:39:31- He's made an effort. - What time are you from, sir?
0:39:37 > 0:39:40- What's your name?- Connor. - And where are you from?
0:39:40 > 0:39:43- Hull.- That's nice.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45You know...
0:39:45 > 0:39:48That's nice, that's the first time anyone's ever said that.
0:39:48 > 0:39:49Oh, that's nice.
0:39:49 > 0:39:52I thought it's up north, you could share you know, travel things.
0:39:52 > 0:39:54We'll have to be careful,
0:39:54 > 0:39:56when you pull that lever, his cello will go with him.
0:39:58 > 0:40:02- Connor, you look lovely, don't listen to them.- Thank you.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04What do you do in Hull?
0:40:04 > 0:40:10- I'm a student at the moment. - Of?- Chemistry.- That's smart.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12He's from Hull.
0:40:12 > 0:40:15And it's a play on words, he's a student of chemistry,
0:40:15 > 0:40:17at the bar, picking us up.
0:40:17 > 0:40:22- Where do you study? - Oxford.- From Hull to Oxford.
0:40:22 > 0:40:26The graph is like that.
0:40:28 > 0:40:30That's quite a life trajectory, ladies and gentleman.
0:40:30 > 0:40:35Now, he's dating a pop princess! Oh, my God!
0:40:35 > 0:40:37- If you're a real prince, I'll marry you?- Are you a prince?
0:40:37 > 0:40:42- Sadly not, no. - You idiot, say yes.- Yes, I am.
0:40:42 > 0:40:46She's American, she'd never know.
0:40:46 > 0:40:48I am the Prince of Hull.
0:40:50 > 0:40:52Off you go with your story.
0:40:52 > 0:40:56I have an unfortunate habit of sleepwalking.
0:40:56 > 0:41:00It has got me into awkward situations,
0:41:00 > 0:41:04the first of which was locking myself out of my house at 3am.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06I was wearing just my underwear.
0:41:06 > 0:41:09I had been dreaming that I was at a party
0:41:09 > 0:41:11and I needed to leave to go home.
0:41:11 > 0:41:15When leaving, I thought I know I've just gone out of the house
0:41:15 > 0:41:18and left this person's...
0:41:20 > 0:41:21Love of God!
0:41:24 > 0:41:27But he was a prince!
0:41:27 > 0:41:30I think some fumes from an experiment got to him.
0:41:32 > 0:41:36What part of Hull was he from? I very much like the Humber Bridge.
0:41:37 > 0:41:41Maybe he's actually from hell?
0:41:41 > 0:41:48- One more. Hello?- Hiya.- Hi.- OK.
0:41:53 > 0:41:56- What's your name?- Michael. He has a nice smile.
0:41:56 > 0:42:00Oh, Cheryl don't look like that. He's lovely. He's wearing two tops.
0:42:00 > 0:42:05- He could be the man of your dreams. - They're attached.- They're attached.
0:42:05 > 0:42:07Don't say that.
0:42:07 > 0:42:12Is the hair... What's happening there, then?
0:42:12 > 0:42:16- It's a beardy thing. - No the hair, the actual...
0:42:16 > 0:42:19On top of his head? Should that have cheese and pineapple stuck...?
0:42:22 > 0:42:26Too cruel. Michael, I'm on your side. Where are you from?
0:42:26 > 0:42:31- London.- And what do you do? - I run a B&B hotel.
0:42:31 > 0:42:32He runs a B&B hotel.
0:42:32 > 0:42:35You either run a hotel or a bed and breakfast.
0:42:35 > 0:42:38LONDON ACCENT: "I'll tell you what, right? I'll tell you what, lovely!
0:42:38 > 0:42:42"I've sorted it. Down in London, we do a B&B hotel, mate.
0:42:42 > 0:42:44"You get in bed, you get your breakfast,
0:42:44 > 0:42:49"get in there, bish, bosh, and it's got a mini bar, trouser press
0:42:49 > 0:42:52"sorted, charge you double, lovely. Want a bit of cheese and pineapple, mate?
0:42:52 > 0:42:56"Cheese and pineapple, mate, some of that.
0:42:58 > 0:43:00"B&B hotel, innit?"
0:43:01 > 0:43:03Come on, Michael, tell your story.
0:43:03 > 0:43:05I was in Central London with my wife, shopping...
0:43:05 > 0:43:07Wait a minute!
0:43:10 > 0:43:11Very good.
0:43:11 > 0:43:13CHEERING
0:43:13 > 0:43:16If you'd like to join us and have a go in the red chair,
0:43:16 > 0:43:19contact us via the website.
0:43:19 > 0:43:23Thank you to my lovely guests tonight,
0:43:23 > 0:43:25Mr Ross Noble!
0:43:25 > 0:43:28Katy Perry!
0:43:28 > 0:43:29Cheryl Cole!
0:43:31 > 0:43:35Join me, same time next week. I'll see you then, good night. Bye-bye.
0:43:47 > 0:43:49Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd