:00:37. > :00:47.This programme contains some strong You are Graham Norton? You are
:00:47. > :00:57.Graham Norton? I have come from the future with an important mission.
:00:57. > :01:15.
:01:15. > :01:22.Yes? I will be your special guest CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You lovely
:01:22. > :01:30.people. Yes everyone, we're back! APPLAUSE
:01:30. > :01:37.How nice it is to be back. So, what have we missed? Well, what a summer
:01:38. > :01:44.for the royals, hey? Thank God we've only seen two of those people
:01:44. > :01:48.naked. LAUGHTER
:01:48. > :01:53.We've got a great show tonight. Action hero turned politician
:01:53. > :01:57.turned back to action hero, the one and only, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
:01:57. > :02:00.APPLAUSE I know! How cool is that? Comedy
:02:00. > :02:05.ledge end, Ronnie Corbett is on the show!
:02:05. > :02:09.APPLAUSE Britain's funniest woman, Miranda
:02:09. > :02:13.Hart is here! APPLAUSE
:02:13. > :02:17.And we've got music from the brilliant Usher!
:02:18. > :02:27.CHEERING That's good.
:02:28. > :02:29.
:02:29. > :02:34.All right. All right. Oh, my God. St John's ambulance standing by.
:02:34. > :02:41.Alert Usher security, alert security, extra people needed. Now
:02:41. > :02:49.tonight, actually, the show is going to be a reunion for Arnold
:02:49. > :02:54.Schwarzenegger and Ronnie Corbett. I believe they have met before.
:02:54. > :03:01.The picture turned out nice, didn't it? Of course, Arnie started off as
:03:01. > :03:04.a body builder. That's him winning the title of Mr Universe. You do
:03:04. > :03:13.think, what was the last time I saw biceps like that, hey?
:03:13. > :03:23.LAUGHTER Beef jerky. That's that friendship
:03:23. > :03:27.ruined. Arnie has had a varied film career. He starred in Junior. Look
:03:27. > :03:37.at that everyone. So far fetched as if a bloke could get pregnant and
:03:37. > :03:41.have a baby. Is it twins? One of his biggest
:03:41. > :03:46.comedy hits was Kindergarten Cop, where he goes under cover as a
:03:46. > :03:51.primary school teacher. Here he is at the start of the day. Aahhh...
:03:51. > :03:57.Here he is halfway through finger painting. Ofsted will probably mark
:03:57. > :04:01.him down for that. Of course, Arnie is best known as one of the great
:04:01. > :04:10.all-time action heroes. There he is, I tell you, stick Arnie on two
:04:10. > :04:16.wheels and he never fails to look cool. Well... I'm not going through
:04:16. > :04:22.the side gates you plebs (as Arnold Schwarzenegger ( Later we'll have
:04:22. > :04:30.music from Usher. First, it's hello from him, it's
:04:31. > :04:33.Ronnie Corbett. APPLAUSE
:04:33. > :04:43.Thank you so much for coming to see us. Lovely to see you.
:04:43. > :04:51.Have a seat. That's yours there. Very good. Time for a chat, it's
:04:51. > :04:55.Miranda Hart! APPLAUSE
:04:56. > :05:04.Lovely. And when it comes to action movies, he's the governor, it's
:05:04. > :05:12.Arnold Schwarzenegger! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Wow.
:05:12. > :05:20.Hello Sir. You're very welcome. Sit yourself down.
:05:20. > :05:26.Amazing. Lovely to see you all. Fabulous. Spoiled for choice.
:05:26. > :05:29.Obviously, I've met you before, are you still governor? Are you Mr
:05:29. > :05:38.Schwarzenegger? Arnold? Well it's your show, can you call me anything
:05:38. > :05:48.you want. No, no, no. You're my guest. You can call me Arnie,
:05:48. > :05:48.
:05:48. > :05:55.Arnold. Swartsy. The governator. Arnie. All rielgt. Is it a cold
:05:55. > :05:59.that you have? By the time this show is over, you will have more
:05:59. > :06:07.coughs I can guarantee you. I don't want to ruin your jokes or anything
:06:07. > :06:15.like that. We might go home with an Arnold Schwarzenegger cough. I will
:06:15. > :06:22.have caught something off Arnie. Are you all familiar with each
:06:22. > :06:28.other's moves? Have you seen each other's work? I'm very familiar
:06:28. > :06:35.with Miranda. But less familiar with Arnold. I'm very familiar with
:06:35. > :06:41.a potential Twins 2 co-star. You'd be perfect. Doesn't he remind you
:06:41. > :06:51.about Danny Devito. Something about him. There are similarities. You
:06:51. > :06:51.
:06:51. > :06:57.are much taller. Danny is 4'9" and you're 4'9"-and-a-half. I'm 5'1"-
:06:57. > :07:05.and-a-half. Back off Arnie! Was there a story at one stage that you
:07:05. > :07:11.were going to be in Miranda. Was that a rumour? The show!
:07:11. > :07:16.Unacceptable. Yes, there was... had a thought. I had a thought that
:07:16. > :07:25.Ronnie could perhaps be my father. That would be funny. Yes. What
:07:25. > :07:28.happened to it? Awkward. APPLAUSE
:07:28. > :07:33.Moving along. Now, you look at the couch, there are physical
:07:33. > :07:39.differences between everybody on the couch. I suppose the most
:07:39. > :07:43.striking thing is that Arnie, you built your body. Most people are as
:07:43. > :07:47.they're born. But you decided, right, I'm going to look very
:07:47. > :07:55.different. How old were you when you decided you were going to build
:07:55. > :08:01.your body? I was 1 years old. -- 15 years old. I saw a magazine called
:08:01. > :08:05.Muscle and Fitness. On the cover was a British body builder champion
:08:05. > :08:10.who won the Mr Universe competition three times. I got really inspired
:08:10. > :08:14.by his story, how he trained five, six hours a day, became Mr Universe
:08:14. > :08:19.and then got to be the Hurricane Leez, the star of the movies. I
:08:19. > :08:25.wanted to have exactly the same career. I started training and
:08:25. > :08:30.became a fan attic. I believe at some point your mother, when you
:08:30. > :08:36.were a teenager, you had posters on your wall and your mother got
:08:36. > :08:43.worried. Well I... That's true. For inspiration I put on my bedroom
:08:43. > :08:49.wall all those champions, boxers, Muhammad Ali, weightlifters, power
:08:49. > :08:55.lifters, strong men, body builders. I showed off to my mother, look how
:08:55. > :09:02.I decorated my wall. She looked at it and started crying. She was very
:09:02. > :09:08.concerned about that, that I love oiled up men. Yes. So there was a
:09:08. > :09:12.tremendous concern there. Arnie's books on body building are still
:09:12. > :09:18.the go-to book. It's never too late, Ronnie. If you want to learn, it's
:09:18. > :09:24.all in there. Oh, my God. It's very heavy, I warn you. Are you all
:09:24. > :09:32.right? It's very heavy. I'm acting. Oh, you're acting. That's very good.
:09:32. > :09:39.APPLAUSE There's this one, Arnold's body
:09:39. > :09:49.building for men. I've been to the gym a bit and I just wondered if
:09:49. > :09:55.you'd explain, what muscle is he exercising in this pose? He's
:09:55. > :10:04.exercising the obliques. Question answered. Thank you very much.
:10:04. > :10:09.due think? I didn't know. That's why I was asking. Ronnie, is it
:10:09. > :10:15.golf you're mad about? Yes. That's exercise, isn't it? Absolutely.
:10:15. > :10:22.I've got my own little tread mill at home. There you have it. I only
:10:22. > :10:25.do widths you know. LAUGHTER
:10:25. > :10:29.You play golf with some extraordinary people. Oh, yes. I
:10:29. > :10:34.play with a lot of the great Americans, Jack Nicholas, Arnold
:10:34. > :10:39.Palmer, Gary Player in the one day. I don't play as much now because of
:10:40. > :10:42.my replaced knee. But I still play every day. Well...
:10:42. > :10:52.LAUGHTER How much more often could you do
:10:52. > :10:59.it? Day and night. Twice a day. standing with a torch. "Can we go
:10:59. > :11:04.home now?" Where are you? In the healther. You're looking very
:11:04. > :11:08.svelte. Am I? Bless you. I said that. He did actually. Are you
:11:08. > :11:15.working out? I don't really like... Cut down your carbohydrates I would
:11:16. > :11:23.have thought, have you? She did eat like a pig. Oh, yeah. She was like
:11:23. > :11:32.an animal. No. No. The last time, when we met, we did have a curry.
:11:32. > :11:38.That was all about the naan. does he say you eat like an animal.
:11:38. > :11:43.I'm joking. No, really. I'm aware I keep touching you, is that
:11:43. > :11:46.acceptable? Sorry. I keep doing that, like a magnet. If I do it,
:11:46. > :11:56.they call it groping. LAUGHTER
:11:56. > :11:58.
:11:58. > :12:02.If you do it, it's OK. Feel free. Grope away. Is it
:12:02. > :12:06.swimming you do? Swimming. I don't like the institution of the gym. I
:12:06. > :12:10.don't like it. Swimming annoys me at the gym because you've got these
:12:10. > :12:13.stupid lane systems. The fast lane, if you attempt, people get very
:12:13. > :12:19.cross because you can't keep up. Then you're scared because you feel
:12:19. > :12:25.someone coming behind you. Then you go to the slow lane and you have an
:12:25. > :12:35.octogenarian in your face. Sorry. LAUGHTER
:12:35. > :12:35.
:12:35. > :12:40.No. You've got lovely feet. It's just a very wrinkly foot in one's
:12:40. > :12:46.face. I sort of hit upon it. I didn't like that. I am a bit
:12:46. > :12:50.naughty, when there's a rule I like to break it. I decided to do a
:12:50. > :12:56.width and went under and above the lane system, just to annoy everyone.
:12:56. > :13:02.It back fired hugely because I over the last one, in the fast lane, I
:13:02. > :13:09.didn't realise I lost my tankini bottoms and got out and didn't
:13:09. > :13:15.realise until rising upon, that I had, was just with the tankini. So
:13:15. > :13:21.quickly, just in a moment of panic, jumped back into the pool on top of
:13:21. > :13:31.a very lithe, fast swimmer. I call it my muff on buff moment.
:13:31. > :13:31.
:13:31. > :13:35.APPLAUSE It was mortgagifying.
:13:35. > :13:39.-- mortifying. We welcome you back to the world of show business
:13:39. > :13:45.because for too long, eight years you were the governor of
:13:45. > :13:49.California? The last time I starred in a film was Terminator 3 in 2003
:13:49. > :13:53.it came out. So next year, when the last stand comes out, which will be
:13:53. > :13:59.in January, it will be exactly ten years that I was starring the last
:13:59. > :14:02.time in a film. It must be lovely being an actor again. Everyone's
:14:02. > :14:08.nice to you. No-one asks you horrible questions. Yes, that's
:14:08. > :14:11.true. But I tell you, there is something really attractive about
:14:11. > :14:17.being a public servant, even though it's a very tough job. You know,
:14:17. > :14:20.everyone beats you up all the time. You get attacked all the time. And
:14:20. > :14:25.you're dealing with all the legislators who think different
:14:25. > :14:28.than you do. It's very challenging. But to do the people's work and try
:14:28. > :14:34.to solve problems for the people and not to get paid at all, I never
:14:34. > :14:39.took a salary, it was like petty cash for me any way. I didn't need
:14:39. > :14:43.that. APPLAUSE
:14:43. > :14:47.So, it was, I loved it. It was a great honour for me. I always
:14:47. > :14:54.wanted to do something like that. But now it's again great to be back
:14:54. > :14:58.and do the acting. The book, Total Recall, which is in shops now I
:14:58. > :15:04.believe, as chance would have it, in here you tell your life story.
:15:04. > :15:09.You go into all the tabloid stories we've heard, the scandals we've
:15:09. > :15:17.heard. Were you not nervous of bringing all these things back into
:15:17. > :15:20.the public domain again? Look, it's painful when it happens, when it
:15:20. > :15:25.gets discovered. It's painful to write about it. It's painful when
:15:25. > :15:32.people read about it and talk to you about it. All of that, but you
:15:32. > :15:36.know, it's my life story, the book. My life story is not just me having
:15:36. > :15:40.great successes. My life story is about me having huge victories,
:15:40. > :15:44.being enormously successful, having made hundreds of millions of
:15:44. > :15:49.dollars, having been successful in every career I've gotten into,
:15:49. > :15:53.but... You're loseing them Arnold. We were with you for a minute
:15:53. > :15:57.at the same time, I've had great failures. If it's in the movie
:15:57. > :16:02.business, in body builders, I've had my losses, financially and also
:16:02. > :16:08.in my personal life. So I shared that. I shared the whole me rather
:16:08. > :16:16.than leaving that out. Has Maria read it? I'm sure she read it, yes.
:16:16. > :16:19.You haven't heard anything? No, I talk to Mariea -- Maria pretty much
:16:19. > :16:25.every day. Under the circumstances, we have a good relationship. We
:16:26. > :16:30.raise the kids together and we make a real effort to do things together,
:16:30. > :16:33.celebrating Christmas or Easter, their birthdays, graduation
:16:33. > :16:36.celebrations and all of those things together. So I think that
:16:36. > :16:42.she has been really terrific about that. The kids have been really
:16:42. > :16:45.terrific about that. You know, of course, I feel always getting
:16:45. > :16:50.together always terrible about having screwed up so badly and
:16:50. > :16:56.having kind of destroyed this great religionship that we had. But now
:16:56. > :17:01.I'm trying to slowly try to rebuild it again. I was at Tesco today
:17:01. > :17:06.doing a big book autographing session... I wondered. I was
:17:06. > :17:11.thinking "What the hell were you doing in Tescos?". I was very happy
:17:12. > :17:21.to be there, let me tell you. imagined him picking kidney beans.
:17:21. > :17:25.Weird. Five items or less. Yes. think I can't think of another
:17:25. > :17:35.actor who has got so many Catchphrases. All your movies seem
:17:35. > :17:39.to come with a Catchphrase. In the book, you explain how "I'll be
:17:39. > :17:46.back" nearly didn't happen. somehow had a problem when I tried
:17:46. > :17:56.to say "I'll be back". The "I'll" sounded weird to me. I said to the
:17:56. > :17:57.
:17:57. > :18:04.director, "I think I would say' I will be back '. He said no, I think
:18:04. > :18:09.I wrote I'll be back. I said listen to it, I'll, I'll. The terminator
:18:09. > :18:14.doesn't talk like that. He would say "I will be back." He said let's
:18:14. > :18:20.make it simple. I don't tell you how to act. But don't you tell me
:18:20. > :18:25.how to write. I wrote "I'll" and that's what you say. I'm so happy
:18:25. > :18:29.that he insisted on the "I'll be back". When the movie came out, you
:18:29. > :18:32.never know when you do the scene that there is going to be a famous
:18:32. > :18:38.line or that it will be repeated over and over. I remember when the
:18:38. > :18:43.movie came out, someone stopped me in New York and said "Arnold, say
:18:43. > :18:51.the line, say the line." I said what line? You know the line from
:18:51. > :18:56.the movie. You know "I'll be back "line. I said I'll be back. No, no,.
:18:56. > :19:00.Say it the way you said it. "I'll be back ."
:19:00. > :19:05.APPLAUSE It's one of those things. Is it
:19:05. > :19:14.endless. Do people constantly ask you to say it? People come up and
:19:14. > :19:19.say it. Say the line. Fuck you arsehole. You know, now, I've a lot
:19:19. > :19:24.of those lines that are now some of the most quoted lines. It's
:19:24. > :19:29.terrific. It's an honour. But you never know ahead of time. So you
:19:29. > :19:33.can't force it. In the movies now, do you think, this might be the one.
:19:33. > :19:36.You think and sometimes you're wrong, no-one repeats it. Other
:19:36. > :19:46.times there's a line you never thought about. I remember in
:19:46. > :19:48.
:19:48. > :19:53.Predator, I think it was, I ran by a guy, an attack on the village. A
:19:53. > :19:57.bunch of Communist soldiers. I ran by one, all of a sudden I hear
:19:57. > :20:02.about to kill me. He was reloading the gun and I heard the click and I
:20:02. > :20:08.pulled out my knife and stick him in the chest, pin him to the pole
:20:08. > :20:17.with the knife went right through him. I said "Stick around". And
:20:17. > :20:22.then that ran off. I made up that line. So sure enough. That was like,
:20:22. > :20:25.everyone asked me after that movie. This is how the things happen.
:20:25. > :20:30.are both associated with Catchphrases. When you leave a
:20:30. > :20:38.restaurant do people do the good night from him and all that is this
:20:38. > :20:44.Yes, not as much as stick around. Fuck you arsehole.
:20:44. > :20:47.APPLAUSE Sounds good when you say it.
:20:47. > :20:54.Because Ronnie was part, you weren't a double act, it was two
:20:54. > :20:59.performers. That's right. Can you explain the good night bit? Yes. To
:20:59. > :21:08.Arnold? Yes. I know. We had news items at the beginning of the show
:21:08. > :21:15.and the end. Ronnie would be, and we alternated. And... Er... What
:21:15. > :21:21.else did we do? At the end, there was always a big joke each and I
:21:21. > :21:29.would say "It's good night from me." Ronnie would say "It's good
:21:29. > :21:34.night from him." Was there any more. That didn't cover the Catchphrase.
:21:34. > :21:40.Fork Handles. Do people say that as well? Yes. That's a harder one to
:21:40. > :21:48.explain. That is. Yes, harder one because it's very intricate
:21:48. > :21:58.language stuff. Fork Handles. touched again! I'm sorry. Ronnie
:21:58. > :21:59.
:21:59. > :22:05.Barker... You could touch this way now and again. Sorry. He would ask
:22:05. > :22:11.for Fork Handles. And you thought it was four candles. He would go no
:22:11. > :22:21.four candles. And he'd' go no Fork Handles. That's right. It was
:22:21. > :22:21.
:22:21. > :22:29.really exciting. Handles for forks. No four candles. Yes. And lots of
:22:29. > :22:39.ooos. And they go up and bring down the oos. No oos. Garden hose.
:22:39. > :22:40.
:22:40. > :22:44.hose. Arnie... So... He love it's. It's going down a storm.
:22:44. > :22:47.APPLAUSE . I love it. We must get a move on
:22:47. > :22:53.because Arnold isn't the only person who has written a book.
:22:53. > :22:59.Miranda Hart has been tip tapping away. Is it just me, it is very
:22:59. > :23:04.confessional not an autobiography. No, it is, well each chapter is a
:23:04. > :23:08.subject that I write my comedy observations and anecdotes about. I
:23:08. > :23:11.also talk to my 18-year-old self in it about how life has gone and what
:23:11. > :23:16.the last 20 years have been, much to her shock and horror. I know.
:23:16. > :23:21.Yes. Embarrassing things do happen to you all the time. Quite a lot,
:23:21. > :23:28.yes. I mean, there is a lot of stuff in the book. Today something
:23:28. > :23:32.else happened. I really thought it hadn't happened for a long while.
:23:32. > :23:38.Today I went to the loo in a rush and took my phone into the loo, you
:23:38. > :23:43.know you sometimes do. Of course. inadvertantly took a photo and the
:23:43. > :23:50.flash went off and so then I had to leave the cube cull with a woman
:23:50. > :23:54.just going... What are you? That went off by mistake. So that could
:23:54. > :23:59.be something that would go in the sitcom. She must have thought
:23:59. > :24:04.celebrities are so self-obsessed. I'll just tweet this.
:24:04. > :24:08.One for the album. Luckily most of the stories are from my teens and
:24:08. > :24:12.20s in the book. One of the things you talk about in the book is
:24:12. > :24:18.dating. Yes. You've dated with various degrees of success I would
:24:18. > :24:24.say. Yes. That's fair? Yes. tell a very harrowing story of, was
:24:24. > :24:29.it a boy you had a crush on, a school trip? Yes, a school trip to
:24:29. > :24:33.Turkey. We were queuing for the loo in the sort of wooden cubicles
:24:33. > :24:38.where there wasn't a flush. house. Yes. So the debris piled to
:24:38. > :24:43.the top you know. Sorry. By the time we got to it, it was fairly
:24:43. > :24:48.risen to the top. Grazing you. boy I fancied was next in the queue
:24:48. > :24:51.and I went in. I did a number two. And it was on the top of the pile.
:24:52. > :24:59.I thought I don't want him to see that, so I thought what am I going
:24:59. > :25:04.to do about this, because he'll know that my poo. Did you switch
:25:04. > :25:08.poos? No, what I thought was clearly the thing to do was get
:25:08. > :25:14.some loo roll and roll it up and throw it out of the small window at
:25:14. > :25:19.the back, but what I didn't realise was that he had got bored with the
:25:20. > :25:23.wait and walked round the back... LAUGHTER
:25:23. > :25:33.To wee in the bushes, so I threw my shit at him.
:25:33. > :25:35.
:25:35. > :25:39.APPLAUSE Listen. Arnie you've had this
:25:39. > :25:43.extraordinary career, so what would be nor natural than there is a
:25:43. > :25:53.museum of you. Where is the Arnold Schwarzenegger museum? It's the
:25:53. > :25:57.
:25:57. > :26:01.house I grew up in in Tahl, outside of Grads, the second largest city
:26:01. > :26:08.in Austria. All the original weight equipment that was built for me and
:26:08. > :26:11.welded for me and things to be gotten scrap metal, made our own
:26:12. > :26:16.dumbbells and bar bells and cable machines. I think we have a picture.
:26:16. > :26:23.You say family home, it looks like Downton Abbey. It's like the Sound
:26:23. > :26:27.of Music house. It does! Inside? lived upstairs. This is actually
:26:27. > :26:30.the bedroom. Is that your real bedroom? Exactly, this is the real
:26:30. > :26:33.bedroom and with the photographs, not exactly the photographs we had
:26:34. > :26:38.there, but the idea was that the photographs above the bed. That is
:26:38. > :26:43.crazy, to think, like when you were a teenager lying in that bed
:26:43. > :26:49.thinking "one day, this will be part of a museum, a museum to me."
:26:49. > :26:58.Exactly. Obviously, having you here tonight is an historic event worthy
:26:58. > :27:08.of inclusion in the museum. The actual curator of the museum is
:27:08. > :27:11.
:27:12. > :27:19.here Herr Urdl. Guten aben. Do you know each other? Yes, of course.
:27:20. > :27:29.(they speak Austrian) You guys! It's really funny because yes, we
:27:30. > :27:31.
:27:31. > :27:41.went to school together. Really? APPLAUSE
:27:41. > :27:43.
:27:43. > :27:47.Different lives, different lives. How many people go to the museum?
:27:47. > :27:57.TRANSLATION: Within one year we've had 30,000 visitors. Wow! Have you
:27:57. > :27:57.
:27:57. > :28:02.been? I've been several times, yes. Have you been 30 thousand times?
:28:02. > :28:10.The people who see you there, must be kind of like, yes, of course
:28:10. > :28:16.he's here, yes. It's wonderful because every time I go there, they
:28:16. > :28:20.serve apple strudel and weaner schnitzel. They are my favourites.
:28:20. > :28:23.They always organise a welcome party whenever I go out there and
:28:23. > :28:33.visit. Because this is such a special evening, obviously you'd
:28:33. > :28:45.
:28:45. > :28:50.want to include it in your museum. Thank you very much.
:28:51. > :28:56.LAUGHTER Is there any little thing we could
:28:56. > :29:06.give Herr Urdl that he could put into the museum? Ronnie.
:29:06. > :29:12.APPLAUSE Will I get ready to go? We'll pack
:29:12. > :29:17.you up. I'll phone Ann and let her know
:29:17. > :29:27.you're going to be late. If you finish your tea, would you like the
:29:27. > :29:38.
:29:38. > :29:43.APPLAUSE Thank you Herr Urdl, very good.
:29:43. > :29:49.Listen, we cannot end tonight without celebrating Ronnie Corbett
:29:49. > :29:55.what a year, CBE, Sir! Well done. APPLAUSE
:29:55. > :29:59.There you are. There's the Queen. Oh, gosh, yes. Touching her
:29:59. > :30:04.improperly. You're not supposed to touch her You're not supposed to,
:30:04. > :30:13.but she's so sweet. What did she say to you? She said, "You've been
:30:13. > :30:17.doing this for 54 years - meaning my work, which was true. She was
:30:17. > :30:20.very sweet and lovely. It's nice. Because sometimes you get Princess
:30:20. > :30:24.Anne, lovely woman, but... You want the Queen. If you're going to get
:30:24. > :30:32.it, you know what I mean? She is the business. Yeah.
:30:32. > :30:36.LAUGHTER To see me in the Palace, and all
:30:37. > :30:43.the grandeur and the big rooms and the parlours and the plush, the
:30:43. > :30:49.gilt and then to see the solitary person who is Her Majesty walk all
:30:49. > :30:53.on her own way up a corps der about 130 yards, on her own, with
:30:53. > :30:57.generals behind her, but at a distance, and you think, what a
:30:57. > :31:01.lonely little life. She's got herself all ready and looking
:31:01. > :31:05.lovely and very calm. One does the procedure, it's very touching, the
:31:05. > :31:12.whole thing was moving. You spent most of your summer with the Royal
:31:12. > :31:17.Family, it seems. Yes, I was at Balmoral for six weeks with them.
:31:17. > :31:24.saw you hanging out at Buckingham Palace. The Jubilee concert. Yes.
:31:24. > :31:29.My meeting with the Queen didn't go so well. No? No. I met her and sort
:31:29. > :31:36.of did the right thing I think, did a little bob. Then she stared at me.
:31:36. > :31:43.I'm not joking. So I thought well surely she's meant to say. I
:31:43. > :31:49.thought the rule was she starts. So I went... "I was one of the
:31:49. > :31:59.presenters earlier in the concert." And she went "Oh" and then stared
:31:59. > :32:00.
:32:00. > :32:06.and I'm not exaggerating, she did this, you're me. She went... I
:32:06. > :32:11.thought well I'm in there. I'll be asked round for scones and tea at
:32:11. > :32:18.any minute. She did what can only be described the yawn of a dog in
:32:19. > :32:23.my face. Arnie, have you met the Queen? No. Have you met any of
:32:23. > :32:30.them? Prince Charles I've met. everyone's met Prince Charles.
:32:30. > :32:37.sounded quite sexy. Prince Charles. Yes. And you're single. There's no
:32:37. > :32:40.explaining it. He shook my hand. Can I demonstrate. Auflz on bloody
:32:40. > :32:46.Arnie. I'm Prince Charles and you're me. What a privilege for you.
:32:46. > :32:56.And he went like this. You are so funny.
:32:56. > :32:56.
:32:56. > :33:02.APPLAUSE Wow. Who was that? Prince Charles.
:33:02. > :33:05.Let's have some music. This man is the... Calm ladies - this man...
:33:05. > :33:10.CHEERING All right. This man is the biggest
:33:11. > :33:20.selling R&B artist in history, singing Scream and they will, from
:33:21. > :33:23.
:33:23. > :33:30.his new album Looking For Myself, # Usher, baby, yeah, yeah, # we did
:33:30. > :33:34.it again # And this time I'm gonna make you scream # Usher! Usher!
:33:34. > :33:37.Usher! # Yeah, man # I see you over there,
:33:37. > :33:39.# so hypnotic # Thinking 'bout what I'd do to
:33:39. > :33:41.that body # I'd get you like
:33:41. > :33:44.# ooh baby, baby # Ooh, baby baby,
:33:44. > :33:48.# ah-ooh, baby, baby # ooh, baby baby
:33:48. > :33:50.# Got no drink in my hand # But I'm wasted
:33:50. > :33:53.# Getting drunk on the thought of you naked
:33:53. > :33:55.# I'd get you like # Ooh, baby, baby
:33:55. > :34:00.# Ooh, baby, baby, # ah-ooh, baby, baby
:34:00. > :34:05.# ooh, baby, baby # And I've tried to fight it, to
:34:06. > :34:09.fight it # But you're so magnetic, magnetic
:34:09. > :34:17.# Got one life, just live it, just live it
:34:17. > :34:20.# Now relax, and get on your back # If you wanna scream, yeah
:34:20. > :34:22.# Let me know and I'll take you there
:34:22. > :34:25.# Get you going like # Ah-ooh, baby, baby
:34:25. > :34:30.# ooh, baby, baby # Ah-ooh, baby, baby
:34:30. > :34:35.# Ooh, baby # If you want it done right
:34:35. > :34:37.# Hope you're ready to go all night # Get you going like
:34:37. > :34:43.# Ah-ooh, baby, baby # Ooh, baby, baby
:34:44. > :34:47.# Ah-ooh, baby, baby # Ooh, baby
:34:47. > :34:50.# If you wanna scream, scream scream scream
:34:50. > :34:53.# Yeah, come on # Kill the lights, shut 'em off
:34:53. > :34:55.# You're electric # Devil eyes telling me "Come and
:34:55. > :34:58.get it" # I'll have you like
:34:58. > :35:03.# Ooh, baby, baby # Ah-ooh, baby, baby
:35:03. > :35:07.# Ooh, baby, baby # Girl tonight you're the prey
:35:07. > :35:13.# I'm the hunter # Take you here, take you there
:35:13. > :35:23.# Take you under # Imagine me whispering in your ear
:35:23. > :35:30.
:35:30. > :35:35.# But you're so magnetic, mag-netic $:/STARTFEED. # Got one life, just
:35:35. > :35:38.live it, just live it # Now relax, and get on your back
:35:38. > :35:41.# If you wanna scream, yeah # Let me know and I'll take you
:35:41. > :35:44.there # Get you going like
:35:44. > :35:46.# Ah-ooh, baby, baby # ooh, baby, baby
:35:46. > :35:53.# Ah-ooh, baby, baby # Ooh, baby
:35:53. > :35:55.# If you want it done right # Hope you're ready to go all night
:35:56. > :35:58.# Get you going like # Ah-ooh, baby, baby
:35:58. > :36:05.# Ooh, baby, baby # Ah-ooh, baby, baby
:36:05. > :36:15.# Ooh, baby # I'll make you scream
:36:15. > :36:18.
:36:18. > :36:28.# louder, louder, louder, louder, louder
:36:28. > :36:39.
:36:39. > :36:42.# Oh, if you wanna scream, yeah # Let me know and I'll take you
:36:42. > :36:44.there # Get you going like
:36:44. > :36:49.# Ah-ooh, baby, baby # Ooh, baby, baby
:36:49. > :36:56.# Ah-ooh, baby, baby # Ooh, baby
:36:56. > :36:58.# If you want it done right # Hope you're ready to go all night
:36:58. > :37:01.# Get you going like # Ah-ooh, baby, baby
:37:01. > :37:06.# Ooh, baby, baby # Ah-ooh, baby, baby
:37:06. > :37:15.# Ooh, baby # If you wanna scream, scream,
:37:15. > :37:24.scream, scream, scream # CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Usher
:37:24. > :37:30.everybody! Come over and join us. That was fantastic. Thank you very
:37:30. > :37:40.much. Come and join us. CHEERING
:37:40. > :37:50.Mr Ronnie Corbett. That's Miranda Hart. Ha-ha. And Arnold
:37:50. > :37:50.
:37:50. > :38:00.Schwarzenegger. Good to see you. Congratulations. I believe, careful,
:38:00. > :38:06.careful. It's like a super group. Now, I believe birthday greetings
:38:06. > :38:11.are in order? Yes, they are. It's my birthday a week. Most people
:38:11. > :38:21.celebrate a birthday, I have a week. Your poor mother, how awful for her.
:38:21. > :38:22.
:38:22. > :38:24.An extended labour. Day three... Still no sign of Usher.
:38:24. > :38:28.LAUGHTER You've started celebrating. We have
:38:28. > :38:36.a picture of the cake that somebody gave you. Oh, yeah. That's a lovely
:38:36. > :38:43.cake. A bit of an unusual pow-wow. Are they ladies' breasts? That's
:38:43. > :38:50.what they look like to me. OK. It's ladies' breasts or builders bum,
:38:50. > :38:55.one or the other. Did you cut into it? I ate the breast. He ate the
:38:55. > :39:00.breast ladies and gentleman. He's full of it. Actually, I'm surprised
:39:00. > :39:06.you ate the breast. Aren't you working out? Yeah I'm working out.
:39:06. > :39:11.No breast for you. I've been in preparation for a film that I'm
:39:11. > :39:17.scheduled to play next year, I play Sugar Ray Leonard next year. The
:39:17. > :39:22.name is Hands of Stone. I'm looking forward to it. I'm playing opposite
:39:22. > :39:27.incredible actors. You may know one of them. His name is dinero
:39:27. > :39:30.something like that. Oh, my God. You know him? Yeah. We have a
:39:30. > :39:39.picture of you working out. Here you are.
:39:39. > :39:42.What do you think, Arnie? He's in great shape. Otherwise he couldn't
:39:42. > :39:48.dance like he does. Notice he didn't comment on my muscles
:39:48. > :39:56.because I would never, ever live up to him. Don't worry about it.
:39:56. > :40:02.So, that was Scream, that's off the current album Looking For Myself.
:40:02. > :40:05.Yes. You have a new single Numb. That's going to be out on 12th
:40:05. > :40:09.November. Yes. Ladies and gentleman, what a fantastic performance from
:40:09. > :40:13.Usher, very good. APPLAUSE
:40:14. > :40:18.Now that's nearly all we have time for. But before we go, there's time
:40:18. > :40:23.for our first stories of the new season in the famous red chair.
:40:23. > :40:33.You all right there? Cough it up. Better out than in. Who's up first?
:40:33. > :40:36.
:40:36. > :40:44.Hello. Hello. Goodness. Antonio Band eras has come to call. He
:40:44. > :40:48.should be on the couch. Slightly early boy zone auditions. It's nice.
:40:48. > :40:54.At any moment he could do folk dancing. He probably has a leather
:40:54. > :40:59.pant under that. What's your name, Sir? Josh. I oh, I wasn't expecting
:40:59. > :41:05.Josh. No. What do you do? Photographer. Photographer. He's
:41:05. > :41:07.got a high voice on a man. LAUGHTER
:41:07. > :41:15.Off you go with your story, Josh. All right then...
:41:15. > :41:23.LAUGHTER I was living in a flat alone in
:41:23. > :41:27.London. I was cooking some duck and it gets smoky. I went to open the
:41:27. > :41:34.front window to get the smoke out. As I do, it I trap my fingers in
:41:34. > :41:40.the window. It started to get more smoky. Some neighbour started to
:41:40. > :41:43.peak from the other house on the street and didn't do anything.
:41:43. > :41:48.APPLAUSE I wasn't following any of that.
:41:48. > :41:58.Not a word. Not a word of it. Something about a duck and a window,
:41:58. > :42:06.I don't know. Dear God. There was a duck... Smoke... One more. Hello.
:42:06. > :42:12.CHEERING He's got fans. I tell you. I
:42:12. > :42:17.thought Usher was out here. What's your name, Sir? Evan. Where do you
:42:17. > :42:22.live? I'm from Kentucky. Nothing? Nothing for Kentucky. I thought it
:42:22. > :42:24.might get a small scream. No? Are you alone from Kentucky? I'm in the
:42:24. > :42:27.alone from the Usmani. Nothing. CHEERING
:42:27. > :42:31.Finally. Have a word with these people.
:42:31. > :42:37.Americans are known for their cheering. Useless. Off you go, Sir.
:42:38. > :42:43.When I was 16, I went to President Obama's inauguration. Wow! To go to
:42:43. > :42:47.the inauguration you have to wake up at around 4am and I don't
:42:47. > :42:50.normally breakfast but today I was told to eat. I ate breakfast and
:42:50. > :42:53.you can't use the bathroom as you go through the security check
:42:53. > :42:59.points. I started to get sick. I go through the last security
:42:59. > :43:04.checkpoint add I have this very, look on my face like this and a
:43:04. > :43:07.Secret Service guy pulled me to the side and said, "What's wrong. You
:43:07. > :43:13.look questionable." I told him I needed to use the bathroom. He said
:43:13. > :43:21.you can go in. He smacked me on my back and as soon as he smacked me I
:43:21. > :43:29.pooped everywhere. LAUGHTER
:43:29. > :43:33.Evan can walk. Well done. Well done everyone in the red chair.
:43:33. > :43:42.If you'd like to join us you can contact us via our website. Thank
:43:42. > :43:52.you to all my guests tonight, Usher! Ronnie Corbett! Miranda
:43:52. > :43:58.Hart! And Arnold Schwarzenegger! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Join me next