0:00:02 > 0:00:04I'm just doing my New Year's resolutions, how am I getting on?
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Get my favourite international singing star... Check.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Get a beautiful British actress... Check.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12Get the finest comedian in the land... Check.
0:00:12 > 0:00:16Get a really attractive and sexy audience to watch them...
0:00:16 > 0:00:17LAUGHTER
0:00:17 > 0:00:21Well, you can't win them all. Let's start the show!
0:00:21 > 0:00:23APPLAUSE
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Oh! Oh!
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Hello, everybody!
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Oh!
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Oh!
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Welcome to the show, everybody.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Here we are, 2013!
0:00:49 > 0:00:53Did you all have a good New Year's? Did ya, did ya?
0:00:53 > 0:00:54ALL: Yes!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Great, great.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59LAUGHTER
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Yeah, I did as well, thanks for asking.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Actually, I spent the holidays at home, with my long-term partner.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08LAUGHTER
0:01:08 > 0:01:11A few close friends also happened to drop by. It was nice.
0:01:13 > 0:01:18- Hey, did you all watch the Queen's speech? Did you?- ALL: Yes.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21In 3-D, ladies and gentlemen!
0:01:21 > 0:01:22It was incredible.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26It was like having an old woman in the front room with you, wasn't it?
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Incredible.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30To appreciate the Queen's speech in 3-D,
0:01:30 > 0:01:33you had to wear special technical equipment.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Yeah.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Wake me when it's over!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Who've we got on the show tonight?
0:01:40 > 0:01:45Well, we've only got international singing star Josh Groban, ladies and gentlemen!
0:01:45 > 0:01:49The gorgeous and talented Billie Piper is on the show!
0:01:49 > 0:01:51CHEERING
0:01:51 > 0:01:56My favourite stand-up comedian Frank Skinner is here.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00And we've got some great music from the fantastic Example, ladies and gentlemen.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02I know. So cool.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04So cool.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Yeah. Yeah, Example.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Yeah, I'm down with it.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Now, really excited to have Josh Groban on the show tonight.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13He first came to prominence
0:02:13 > 0:02:17when his songs appeared in the TV show Ally McBeal.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20It was a comedy drama about a law firm, which is ironic,
0:02:20 > 0:02:23because Josh himself is a fully qualified barrister.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26LAUGHTER
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Sorry, that should be barista.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30Barrister, barista...
0:02:30 > 0:02:32LAUGHTER
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Josh is so well respected in the music industry,
0:02:35 > 0:02:39even the legends flock to see him when he's in town. They do. Oh!
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Isn't Bono looking old?
0:02:42 > 0:02:43LAUGHTER
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Josh is a fantastic singer - you have to see him live.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Truly an incredible experience.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54And you do wonder just how he reaches those high notes.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Whoah!
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Let's get some guests on! Later, we'll be having music from Example.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05But first, he's my favourite comedian - it's Frank Skinner!
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Oh! Oh! Oh!
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- Hello, sir. Happy new year.- Thank you.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Sit yourself down.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Stand by, it's Billie Piper!
0:03:16 > 0:03:18CHEERING
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Wowzer!
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Beautiful! Hello, darling. Happy new year.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Sit yourself down.
0:03:26 > 0:03:27And I'm not joshing,
0:03:27 > 0:03:30he's my favourite singer - it's Josh Groban! Oh!
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- Hello, sir.- Good to see you. - Hi! Sit yourself down.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39CHEERING
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- You're all very welcome. You all had nice holidays, I'm sure.- Fabulous.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46- Lovely!- Magical.- Yes!
0:03:48 > 0:03:52- The best Christmas ever!- Ever!- Ever.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- We had turkey again.- Did you?
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Cos Billie Piper, your life sounds idyllic.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01You live in a little village, don't you?
0:04:01 > 0:04:06- Yes, we live in the countryside.- Was at all nice and Christmassy?- Lovely.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- Really perfect. - Have they forgiven you?
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Because when you moved there, didn't they think you were a prostitute?
0:04:12 > 0:04:14A genuine prostitute.
0:04:14 > 0:04:19- Happy new year!- No, I'm... Yes.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22I think they, um... It happens quite often.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- It happened recently, I was in America and in America...- Careful!
0:04:25 > 0:04:29I don't know if this is true of you, but they tend to introduce...
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Well, you tend to introduce people with a little bio,
0:04:32 > 0:04:35have you ever noticed that? "She does this, she does this..."
0:04:35 > 0:04:38He just said I put electrodes on my nipples!
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- I actually meant your testicles, but... - LAUGHTER
0:04:41 > 0:04:45- Oh!- You've got a lot of light into your life right there!
0:04:45 > 0:04:50- He's projecting!- And I'm introduced as the prostitute.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- Why would we have said that about you?- I don't know.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56The girl from the show, the prostitute from that show.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58That's how it is in the countryside.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02- Billie did play the part of a prostitute.- Well, that makes sense!
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- "The prostitute!" - Billie used to be a prostitute.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- That's why I'm here tonight. - She played the role.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12So Billie is mistaken for a prostitute,
0:05:12 > 0:05:15but something even more humiliating has happened to you,
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Frank, in terms of being mistaken for people.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Yes, people often think that I'm you.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24LAUGHTER
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- I really don't... I don't see it.- I don't see it.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32I mean, you've got grey hair and stuff.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36Yes, your hair is receding a bit, so I don't see it...
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- Why would they think...?- I get it a lot.- Let's put us together.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Oh, I can see it.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49I'm trying to look as much like you as I can...
0:05:50 > 0:05:52That's good!
0:05:52 > 0:05:56APPLAUSE
0:05:58 > 0:06:02It's true, I had two women approach me at this gig and one of them said,
0:06:02 > 0:06:05"You're Graham Norton, aren't you?" And I said, "No, I'm not".
0:06:05 > 0:06:07And she said, "Come on, you are!"
0:06:07 > 0:06:10The other one's saying, "Yes, come on, you are!"
0:06:10 > 0:06:14in a very forceful way and I thought... I'm not, am I?
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Could I be him and I've had a breakdown?
0:06:17 > 0:06:20I'm just wandering around thinking I'm...
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- It must have happened to me six or seven times.- Really?
0:06:22 > 0:06:25And when my baby was born, my mother-in-law said,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28"You know who he looks like? Graham Norton."
0:06:28 > 0:06:30LAUGHTER
0:06:31 > 0:06:36- And I thought, that couldn't happen, could it?- That's very unlikely.
0:06:37 > 0:06:42Your one foray into heterosexuality and you chose my girlfriend...
0:06:44 > 0:06:48- And bingo! A baby. - It was meant.- Hole in one!
0:06:49 > 0:06:51- No!- Something...
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Goal! I don't know what you say.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00Now, about being mistaken for people... Josh Groban, famous all over the world,
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- but it happens to you, you get mistaken for someone.- I do.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07Honestly, depending on my angle, I can look like someone famous
0:07:07 > 0:07:11or I can look like a hobbit, depending on how they light me.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13They don't exist, so they wouldn't recognise...
0:07:13 > 0:07:16I was at a concert once in a music festival called Coachella
0:07:16 > 0:07:20and I was backstage and these two big Rastafarian Jamaican dudes
0:07:20 > 0:07:25came up to me, like, "Hey, man, can we get a picture wit' you, man?"
0:07:25 > 0:07:29I'm like, "Yeah, cool." I'm expanding my audience, this is fantastic".
0:07:29 > 0:07:33So I took the picture and I'm like, "Did we get it OK? Did we blink?"
0:07:33 > 0:07:35I was really excited about this photograph.
0:07:35 > 0:07:40And they walk away and they're like, "Oh, James Blunt, man. It's James Blunt."
0:07:40 > 0:07:42LAUGHTER
0:07:42 > 0:07:45I'm thinking, oh... So close.
0:07:46 > 0:07:52- But actually, you do look a bit like him. You can see it.- It's the hair.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- You have a stronger brow. - Stronger...?
0:07:57 > 0:08:01I love that woman in the audience going, "No!"
0:08:01 > 0:08:03You're beautiful.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08- Um, yeah.- Now, Billie Piper, you're a mommy.- I am.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12Two boys. One of four and one of seven months.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13You love being a mom,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- but pregnancy I think you found quite stressful?- Yeah.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- Maybe everyone does.- Well, it's...
0:08:18 > 0:08:23It is stressful, it's quite wearing and I think you either love
0:08:23 > 0:08:28it and embrace it or you find it quite frustrating
0:08:28 > 0:08:30and uncomfortable.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32And I was THAT girl.
0:08:32 > 0:08:33LAUGHTER
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- It's such a LONG time... - It's a REALLY long time!
0:08:36 > 0:08:41Everyone's like, "It's gone so fast!" And it's like, no.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44It's really, really pushing me to the edge.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48So yeah, I found it quite stressful, but not as stressful
0:08:48 > 0:08:53- as Laurence, who was on the receiving end of all of that.- Oh.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57- Because baby daddy on the couch. - Yes.- Congratulations.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01- Thank you very much. - How old is your son now?- He is...
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Um, just doing the maths!
0:09:03 > 0:09:08- What's the date again?- It's the, er... It's the 5th of January!
0:09:08 > 0:09:09APPLAUSE
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- Oh, he's just coming up to eight months.- OK!
0:09:16 > 0:09:21But you had that classic "your girlfriend going into labour" drama.
0:09:21 > 0:09:26Yes, 3.30 in the morning she woke me up and said, "This could be wind...
0:09:27 > 0:09:29"..or it could be labour."
0:09:29 > 0:09:33And I said, "Well, what do you want me to do?
0:09:33 > 0:09:34"In either case?"
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Because the responses are quite different.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41And she said, "Well, let's just see what happens".
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I won't go into too much detail,
0:09:43 > 0:09:47but it became apparent that it was labour and by then, it was 4am,
0:09:47 > 0:09:51so I had that drive-across-town thing that happens in all the films.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55- Exciting.- Yeah, it was like I had an extremely menacing sat-nav
0:09:55 > 0:09:59in the car, because she was going, "GO LEFT! GO LEFT!"
0:09:59 > 0:10:02and I was driving like that...
0:10:03 > 0:10:05And I got to the hospital,
0:10:05 > 0:10:07I did something I've never done before in my entire life -
0:10:07 > 0:10:11I threw my car keys to someone and said, "Can you park my car?"
0:10:11 > 0:10:13LAUGHTER
0:10:13 > 0:10:17- I've never done that. We got in the lift...- Brilliant!
0:10:17 > 0:10:20So I'm in the lift with the hospital porter
0:10:20 > 0:10:24and my girlfriend is on the floor like this going, "Aaah!
0:10:24 > 0:10:27"Aaah!" And the porter says to me,
0:10:27 > 0:10:30"So what do you think about the new England manager?"
0:10:30 > 0:10:33LAUGHTER
0:10:33 > 0:10:36To be fair, I suppose he sees that sort of thing a lot,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38but I was in a state of some distress.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41When she said, "it's either wind or I'm going through labour,"
0:10:41 > 0:10:43that'd be the only time when you'd be lying there
0:10:43 > 0:10:46and she goes (BLOWS RASPBERRY) and you'd go, "Oh, thank God!"
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Dodged a bullet there!
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I suppose you are a bit older than most new dads...
0:10:54 > 0:10:57- Oh God, yes.- So is that difficult in any way? I suppose it isn't yet.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00No, I was getting up three or four times in the night anyway.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:07 > 0:11:11- And Josh, you're not a dad... - Not a baby daddy, no.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14But when your mother went into labour with your brother,
0:11:14 > 0:11:17you found that quite traumatic, didn't you?
0:11:17 > 0:11:21- Well, he was born on my birthday, so...- How annoying is that?
0:11:21 > 0:11:22So annoying! It was the worst.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25I woke up expecting a cowboy clown party or something
0:11:25 > 0:11:28and my dad said, "We're going to the hospital."
0:11:28 > 0:11:31We've had a grudge ever since.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33- How old were you? - I was four years old.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36It's an awful age to not be the centre of attention
0:11:36 > 0:11:38on your birthday.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Your parents obviously... have a routine.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42LAUGHTER
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Yes, I prefer not to think about it.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50You can put your watch right by his parents!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52I was at a bar with my brother
0:11:52 > 0:11:56and we were chatting up a couple of ladies and actually, now that
0:11:56 > 0:11:58we're older, it's kind of a cool icebreaker.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01"We have the same birthday. But we're not twins or anything."
0:12:01 > 0:12:05And they said, "Oh, you ever count back nine months to figure out when they would have to do it?"
0:12:05 > 0:12:09I said, "That's disgusting", my brother said, "That's our mom's birthday".
0:12:09 > 0:12:13LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Brilliant. What a cheap gift!
0:12:22 > 0:12:23"Unwrap this!"
0:12:26 > 0:12:31- Better than a card.- Yeah! - It's personal.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34They've been together 47 years, so I guess something's working.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Oh, a little creepy. Um...
0:12:40 > 0:12:42If you're just tuning in...
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Now, 2013. Big year for you, Josh.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47A new album coming out, All That Echoes. I believe I have a...
0:12:47 > 0:12:51- Do you?- I do. Yes, there you are.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55- Looking rather "Blunty". - WHOOPING
0:12:56 > 0:12:57Look at you.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59- Will you be touring this? - I will, yes.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01My favourite part is the tour part.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05When you're touring around the world, you sing in lots of different languages.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09Do you just learn it, or...? Do you know what I mean?
0:13:09 > 0:13:12I'm like The Matrix, I just plug in...
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- And it will come through.- But do you understand what you're singing?
0:13:15 > 0:13:19- Oh, sure. I took Japanese, though, when I was younger.- Wow.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22I did record a song in Japanese once,
0:13:22 > 0:13:27but I really only remember a very small amount of phrases
0:13:27 > 0:13:31in Japanese from that early time in my life, but they're funny.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34HE SPEAKS IN JAPANESE
0:13:35 > 0:13:39I just said, "Nice to meet you, please be kind to me. Was it delicious?"
0:13:39 > 0:13:40LAUGHTER
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Well...
0:13:44 > 0:13:46That would get me through a holiday.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52- Out in the country, that might be quite useful.- Perfect for that!
0:13:52 > 0:13:57- You sing in Japanese, don't you? - Yes, sometimes. If I'm in Japan...
0:13:58 > 0:14:02Yes, obviously, not in Japan, goes down like cold sick, but...
0:14:04 > 0:14:07The other weird thing I was reading was that when you're singing
0:14:07 > 0:14:09big Italian arias, you don't have as much control
0:14:09 > 0:14:11over what comes out as I thought you would.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Your diaphragm's doing all sorts of crazy things to get to the note.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16It really is very strange when you're out on stage
0:14:16 > 0:14:19and you feel indigestion or like,
0:14:19 > 0:14:23"I shouldn't have eaten that Subway sandwich before I went on stage,
0:14:23 > 0:14:25"that 38 ounce Mountain Dew..."
0:14:25 > 0:14:29I've burped on stage before, like in the middle of a note. Yeah...
0:14:29 > 0:14:32It's always the big Italian numbers, it really is.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35I do songs in English, too, but it's always the really romantic,
0:14:35 > 0:14:39grand songs that you just feel it coming, it's going up, and you're
0:14:39 > 0:14:42thinking, "God, if you get me through it, I promise you I'll never..."
0:14:42 > 0:14:46BURP! There it is. Thank you. Thanks for that.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49And can you disguise it in any way, or do you just go... BURP!
0:14:49 > 0:14:53If I could disguise it, they probably wouldn't be paying me very much to sing.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57If they couldn't tell the difference between my burp and one of my notes...
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Then I probably wouldn't have been there to begin with.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03So this is out on 25 February and there's a new single,
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Brave, on 25 February.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Two days before my birthday.
0:15:08 > 0:15:13- Oh! Happy birthday for then.- Thank you!- I'll remember to text you.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16We associate you with covers, but this album is all new stuff.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18A lot of it is original material, yes.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20- And you've written a lot of the stuff.- Yes.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24Did a lot of writing, unexpectedly. But I did.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26- What do you mean, unexpectedly? - Because, it's...
0:15:26 > 0:15:30One of those things where first and foremost I like to sing songs,
0:15:30 > 0:15:34interpret songs and I think to myself, if I write songs,
0:15:34 > 0:15:37great, but really, I just want the best songs possible on the record.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40But at two in the morning, I always kind of go to the piano
0:15:40 > 0:15:42and the piano is kind of like a journal for me.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44I sit down and come up with melodies and sing gibberish
0:15:44 > 0:15:47and eventually, they turn into songs.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51You're not the only musician on the couch this evening.
0:15:51 > 0:15:56- Because BOTH your fellow guests have topped the charts.- Chart toppers!
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Two of them!
0:15:58 > 0:16:02And you know, if they topped the charts, those songs were good. So...
0:16:02 > 0:16:05That makes two of us in this country.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09So, if you were going to cover one of their tracks,
0:16:09 > 0:16:11which one would you choose?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Would you choose a bit of Frank - here's Frank, with Three Lions.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18- # Three lions on a shirt... # - I love this!
0:16:18 > 0:16:22# Jules Rimet still gleaming
0:16:22 > 0:16:26# Thirty years of hurt
0:16:26 > 0:16:28# Never stopped me dreaming... #
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Or would you choose a bit of Billie?
0:16:33 > 0:16:35# I've been missing you
0:16:35 > 0:16:37# I should be kissing you
0:16:37 > 0:16:40# Honey to the bee That's you for me... #
0:16:40 > 0:16:43LAUGHTER
0:16:43 > 0:16:45That is beautiful!
0:16:45 > 0:16:48# It's you for me Honey to a bee
0:16:48 > 0:16:50# That's you for me... #
0:16:50 > 0:16:51That's enough.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54I don't mean, "That's enough!"
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Can I say, I've had sex to both of those tracks.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Would you Groban up a bit of one?
0:17:06 > 0:17:08I think out of the two,
0:17:08 > 0:17:11the most baby-making potential is Honey To The Bee.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13I've got some lyrics, do you want some?
0:17:13 > 0:17:16That's how you know a hit, you've got the hook immediately
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- when you hear it. - Close your eyes, Billie.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23This is Josh Groban interpreting Honey To The Bee.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25# Honey to the bee, that's... #
0:17:25 > 0:17:28LAUGHTER
0:17:29 > 0:17:33# Honey to the bee That's you for me... #
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Josh Groban, ladies and gentlemen! Very good.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41APPLAUSE
0:17:43 > 0:17:47And actually, do you know, there's more of a musical connection. Do you know about it?
0:17:47 > 0:17:52- I've heard about this today. - No.- Do you not know? - We have beef. Bad blood.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- Do we? - You shouldn't like Billie.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59Oh, did you knock us off number one?
0:17:59 > 0:18:01- Yes.- You did.- I did.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04I'd forgotten that. Have you forgotten that?
0:18:04 > 0:18:08It was Because We Want To, your first single.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11- Yeah.- And you just went... "Get out of here!"
0:18:11 > 0:18:13But it helped that England got kicked out!
0:18:13 > 0:18:17- Yes, that was probably...- It might have been a different story.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21- We knocked Gina G off the first time.- Ooh, Aah, Just A Little Bit?
0:18:21 > 0:18:22It was a great year(!)
0:18:22 > 0:18:25LAUGHTER
0:18:25 > 0:18:28And the Fugees, we knocked off - that's a pretty good...
0:18:28 > 0:18:33- That IS good!- So how many weeks were you there? Four, was it?
0:18:33 > 0:18:37We brought the same song out twice, basically.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40And we went number one again. At that time...
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Well, the first single went to number one and then it dropped
0:18:42 > 0:18:45and then it went back to number one, and apparently,
0:18:45 > 0:18:47we were only the third act that have ever done that -
0:18:47 > 0:18:49the others were the Beatles and Mr Blobby!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51LAUGHTER
0:18:51 > 0:18:56- Billie, is it true...- Those were our golden days!- I KNOW!- Marvellous.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Is it true you're not proud of your musical legacy?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01No, I'm not NOT proud, I just, um...
0:19:01 > 0:19:03don't like to think about it!
0:19:03 > 0:19:05LAUGHTER
0:19:05 > 0:19:08- Have your kids heard your records? - Not yet.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- I imagine kids would love Because I Want To...- I'm sure they will.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13There will be plenty of time for that.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18- You can sing it at all their birthday parties.- And I will!
0:19:18 > 0:19:20"It's mummy time!" Not again!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Lonely days in the country...
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Sing your heart out!
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Me and David Baddiel were at a party once
0:19:27 > 0:19:32and they played Three Lions so loudly that the neighbours came round
0:19:32 > 0:19:35to complain and me and Dave went to the door...
0:19:36 > 0:19:38They were REALLY confused!
0:19:39 > 0:19:43- Oh, it's LIVE!- Sweet!
0:19:43 > 0:19:47Billie Piper, established, respected actor now...
0:19:47 > 0:19:50But oddly, it was acting that got you into pop music,
0:19:50 > 0:19:52because you used to do ads.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- Yes, I did loads of commercials as a kid.- Then what happened?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57A producer saw you in an ad?
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Um, we were relaunching the Smash Hits magazine
0:20:00 > 0:20:03and I became the poster girl for that and
0:20:03 > 0:20:07we did a few commercials and I was on the front of Music Week magazine.
0:20:08 > 0:20:13And this guy - not any guy, Hugh Goldsmith, who is still a friend of mine -
0:20:13 > 0:20:16came to find me at school, which sounds dodgy...!
0:20:16 > 0:20:17And...
0:20:20 > 0:20:22It was a different time!
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Um... And asked me if I'd consider doing a demo tape...
0:20:26 > 0:20:30LAUGHTER
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Let it all out, Billie, let it all out.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38You're in a safe place.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41And that was that.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- Weren't you 15...? - I was 14 then.- Wow.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49This was the ad he saw and he thought,
0:20:49 > 0:20:51"I can make that girl a star!"
0:20:51 > 0:20:53MAN PLAYS TUBA
0:20:59 > 0:21:03MUSIC: "Firestarter" by Prodigy
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Smash hits, 100% pure pop!
0:21:07 > 0:21:08TOOT!
0:21:10 > 0:21:11Aw!
0:21:13 > 0:21:17And it's like time has stood still -
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- here you are and the Spice Girls are still going. It's amazing.- I know.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24Was basketball tuba a thing, then? Like, what's...?
0:21:24 > 0:21:26In England, that was massive.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28It is an incredible journey.
0:21:28 > 0:21:33That's the beginning, and now, at the National Theatre, getting...
0:21:33 > 0:21:39- Not just at the National, getting reviews that are like you wrote them yourself!- I did!
0:21:39 > 0:21:43The play is called The Effect - tell us something about it.
0:21:43 > 0:21:48Well, there's obviously loads going on, as there always is in plays, but the shape
0:21:48 > 0:21:53of it is two people, a guy and a girl, sign up to this drug trial.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56They're trialling the latest anti-depressant drug,
0:21:56 > 0:21:59and throughout the course of the trial,
0:21:59 > 0:22:03they kind of fall desperately in love with each other, but
0:22:03 > 0:22:08they can't define whether it's the effects of the drug or genuine love.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12That's it, in its shape. It's quite heavy.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15You're at the National, and you're on a break at the moment...
0:22:15 > 0:22:20Yes, cos it's in Rep, so we share the stage with maybe two other
0:22:20 > 0:22:24productions, which means you get these enormous periods of time off...
0:22:24 > 0:22:28- Is it going to be weird going back?- Yeah.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31It's one of those things, you wake up in the middle of the night
0:22:31 > 0:22:33desperately scrabble around for your script,
0:22:33 > 0:22:37feeling like it's lost itself somewhere,
0:22:37 > 0:22:41in all the heady Christmas festivities, you know?
0:22:41 > 0:22:44- Everything shuts down.- Now that's an actress, did you see that?
0:22:44 > 0:22:45LAUGHTER
0:22:45 > 0:22:48That was beautifully done.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51"Oh, the festivities..."
0:22:52 > 0:22:57- But it's on at the Cottesloe at the National until 23 February.- Mm-hm.
0:22:57 > 0:23:02Later this year, I hear a rumour that Rose might be making a return?
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Because it's Doctor Who's 50th anniversary.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05Yeah. No.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10I'd heard that rumour, it is not true.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12- Did you hear that rumour?- I did.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- Were you asked?- Um... No.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18No, I wasn't asked, no.
0:23:18 > 0:23:23I think Matt Smith may have said in passing, or in jest, you know,
0:23:23 > 0:23:26it would be nice. I think maybe he said that
0:23:26 > 0:23:29and then that kind of became something quite different. But no.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32If there's a sour look at the end of the couch, it's because Frank
0:23:32 > 0:23:36- will not be taking part in the Doctor Who 50th celebrations.- Why?
0:23:36 > 0:23:40- Because, slightly pathetically... I love Doctor Who...- You do!
0:23:40 > 0:23:43In fact, when I met Billie backstage,
0:23:43 > 0:23:46we hugged and I felt myself just saying...
0:23:46 > 0:23:48"Rose!"
0:23:49 > 0:23:53- So I can only apologise!- I heard that!- Really?! Did I really say it?
0:23:53 > 0:23:56- It was very loud!- I'm sorry.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59- That's excitement.- It was more like this... "Rose!"
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Oh, it was brilliant.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03So I said to my manager,
0:24:03 > 0:24:07"Do you think you could get me a part in Doctor Who?"
0:24:07 > 0:24:13I don't mean like, a big part, I'll be a monster, I'll be a lunar rock...
0:24:14 > 0:24:17But I really would love to be able to say to my grandchildren
0:24:17 > 0:24:20I was in Doctor Who and he said, "I'm sure it won't be a problem."
0:24:20 > 0:24:23So he got in touch and he got an e-mail back that said...
0:24:23 > 0:24:26From one of the senior people, saying, "I'm really happy to hear
0:24:26 > 0:24:30"that that's a thing that Frank would like to do."
0:24:30 > 0:24:32LAUGHTER
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Somehow, the end of the e-mail seems to have been cut off.
0:24:39 > 0:24:45- So... No, they don't.- That's sad. - I would have done ANYTHING.- Well...
0:24:45 > 0:24:49Maybe a producer will come to your school and say, "Hey..."
0:24:49 > 0:24:50LAUGHTER
0:24:50 > 0:24:52That COULD happen...
0:24:53 > 0:24:57- Talking of stage, you met your lovely husband on stage. - I did.- Laurence.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00- Laurence.- Were you playing lovers?
0:25:00 > 0:25:04Yes, I dumped him every night on the show, which was really quite sad.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Yes. But we made it through.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Aw, and I think we've got a lovely picture of you and your husband...
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- Aahhhh.- Where's the nice picture? There we go.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16LAUGHTER
0:25:16 > 0:25:18That was a good night!
0:25:20 > 0:25:22That's how it started!
0:25:22 > 0:25:25That's the poster for his play...
0:25:25 > 0:25:28It's a perfect stance - look how smug he looks.
0:25:28 > 0:25:35- He does look like, yeah... - Yes! It made such sense.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Let's stop looking at it, it's... We should stop!
0:25:38 > 0:25:41If you ever dumped him, will you start by saying,
0:25:41 > 0:25:44"Do you remember that time in that play...?
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- "When I dumped you?"- Guess what?!
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- You could use the same lines. - I know. I'd dig it out.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Just pass me the script.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57I dumped someone once by text
0:25:57 > 0:26:02- and I did it as if it was the end of a game show.- Oh, my God!
0:26:02 > 0:26:05I won't say the name, but I sort of said, "So,
0:26:05 > 0:26:09"what about a big hand for our contestant, and she goes away with..."
0:26:09 > 0:26:12And I listed all the gifts I'd bought her during our...
0:26:12 > 0:26:15GROANS
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Applause?!
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- That's an awful confession! - It's sort of impressive!
0:26:24 > 0:26:26That sounded like very male applause.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30Women going... Men going... "Excellent!"
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Well done, Frank.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Now, Room 101 is back on our televisions.
0:26:34 > 0:26:39- This is your second series as host. - Yes.- It started earlier tonight...
0:26:39 > 0:26:45- Yes.- Recently, I heard you talking about something... Is it box sets?
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Would you put them into Room 101?
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Well, I have a problem with people...
0:26:50 > 0:26:52What happened, I was having a conversation with
0:26:52 > 0:26:56a couple of friends and they were saying, "Have you seen Homeland?"
0:26:56 > 0:27:00"Oh, this week's episode of Homeland is absolutely knockout."
0:27:00 > 0:27:03"And I said, I've really got into Merlin just lately..."
0:27:03 > 0:27:05LAUGHTER
0:27:05 > 0:27:11And that was the response I got. I thought, "Why is that not cool,
0:27:11 > 0:27:13"and Homeland is so super cool?"
0:27:13 > 0:27:16No disrespect, but it's because it's American.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20So I do get annoyed, you say something and people say,
0:27:20 > 0:27:24- "It's like that episode of Seinfeld isn't it, where...?" - Yeah, that is annoying.
0:27:24 > 0:27:25No, it isn't like that.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30It's like that episode of Merlin... LAUGHTER
0:27:30 > 0:27:33..when Morgana corrupted Guinevere.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35LAUGHTER
0:27:35 > 0:27:38- You haven't done Room 101, have you? - I haven't, no.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41- What would be top of your list? - Oh, gosh.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Chat show hosts who bring up your music?
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Yes! Or who make me sing my music.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49- I didn't do that.- That is nice.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52Gosh, I don't know... All forms of sentimentality.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55Wow, whoah!
0:27:55 > 0:27:58- That's quite a big one. - That's deep.- It's a bit deep?
0:27:58 > 0:28:00- You mean schmaltzyness?- Yes.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03- You can be sentimental, can't you? - Kind of.- Whoah.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Within reason.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09I've noticed that about myself recently. I've just no time for it.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12- Really?- Yes. Or less and less time for it.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14But schmaltz, let's go with that.
0:28:14 > 0:28:18- Yeah.- Small talk. - Is that the same thing as schmaltz?
0:28:20 > 0:28:23Just because it sounds a bit like it, don't go...
0:28:23 > 0:28:25That isn't German for "small talk".
0:28:27 > 0:28:30People put many strange things in.
0:28:30 > 0:28:36I mean, Janet Street-Porter put in Extreme Fishing With Robson Green.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41Which is a satellite TV show.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45Greg Davies put in shops that have escalators going up
0:28:45 > 0:28:46but only stairs going down.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50That is a cheat, isn't it?
0:28:50 > 0:28:54Jack Whitehall had shared tables in restaurants.
0:28:54 > 0:28:55I'm so with him.
0:28:55 > 0:28:58- I HATE that!- I love it. - That's big here now.
0:28:58 > 0:29:02Every restaurant I go to, is a giant community table.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05All that crap, "Have you eaten here before? It's a sharing experience."
0:29:05 > 0:29:08Oh, piss off! I want MY dinner!
0:29:08 > 0:29:12MY dinner, that I will eat all myself.
0:29:12 > 0:29:16My girlfriend texts me when we're at a shared table,
0:29:16 > 0:29:17so I get a text, I think...
0:29:17 > 0:29:19And it's from her, it says something like,
0:29:19 > 0:29:23"fattest neck in the world?" and I go...
0:29:23 > 0:29:26LAUGHTER
0:29:27 > 0:29:29Really naughty.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32And they think, look at that tragic couple, texting.
0:29:32 > 0:29:35Lovely night out, in fact, we are ripping the piss.
0:29:37 > 0:29:39- Because you've been on Room 101. - I've been on Room 101.
0:29:39 > 0:29:45- What did you put in? - I put in people who put their pets in funny clothing, I think.
0:29:45 > 0:29:49- I hate that.- That is awful. There is nothing funny about it.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52I mean, for instance, there's nothing funny about that.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54LAUGHTER
0:29:57 > 0:30:01- I mean, no-one... - I take it all back.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03No-one would laugh at this little creature...
0:30:03 > 0:30:05out shopping for shoes.
0:30:05 > 0:30:06LAUGHTER
0:30:08 > 0:30:11Sarah Jessica Parker, in case you're thinking...
0:30:11 > 0:30:13Do we have another one?
0:30:13 > 0:30:16Oh, look at that...
0:30:17 > 0:30:21- Awww, fabulous.- He might go fishing later. Bring the car round.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25Oh, this next one is extraordinary.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28It looks like an aardvark leaving a nightclub in LA.
0:30:28 > 0:30:30LAUGHTER
0:30:30 > 0:30:34No pictures! She's just a friend!
0:30:34 > 0:30:35What kind of animal is that?
0:30:35 > 0:30:38- It's an aardvark! - It IS an aardvark!
0:30:38 > 0:30:41What's the dog photo-bombing in the back?
0:30:43 > 0:30:46This is mean, but someone on the show said it looks like
0:30:46 > 0:30:49James Arthur who won the X Factor.
0:30:49 > 0:30:50ALL: Oh!
0:30:52 > 0:30:55- But it kind of... - It does! It really does.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58I THINK I might have seen him in that jacket.
0:30:58 > 0:31:03That's in Manchester, after the final. You put this in Room 101?
0:31:03 > 0:31:05You would have denied us this pleasure!
0:31:05 > 0:31:09- Can I say, I didn't allow it in. - Excellent!- It didn't go in.
0:31:09 > 0:31:12- I defended it.- Is there another one?
0:31:12 > 0:31:14Oh, look at that!
0:31:14 > 0:31:15LAUGHTER
0:31:15 > 0:31:19- Oh, my God - that is... - That's wrong on so many levels...
0:31:22 > 0:31:24That dog just got a part in Doctor Who, actually.
0:31:24 > 0:31:29It's the new companion. Well done, all the dressed-up animals.
0:31:29 > 0:31:30Very good.
0:31:30 > 0:31:33I was wrong, I admit I was wrong. I was wrong.
0:31:34 > 0:31:39Room 101 is on Fridays at 8.30 and here is a taste of next week's show.
0:31:39 > 0:31:42Has anybody tried to break into a toothbrush lately?
0:31:42 > 0:31:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:31:48 > 0:31:50You're in the bathroom, you think "Ah!
0:31:50 > 0:31:54"I will restore my dentures to their pristine glory...
0:31:55 > 0:31:57"I have a new toothbrush here..."
0:31:59 > 0:32:05Apparently, Terry, I'm told that the way to get into a toothbrush
0:32:05 > 0:32:06is with a tin opener.
0:32:06 > 0:32:09That a tin opener runs down the natural groove round the side
0:32:09 > 0:32:11and then it comes out quite neatly.
0:32:11 > 0:32:14- So, erm...- You turned out to be a bit of a smart aleck, didn't you?
0:32:14 > 0:32:17Yeah, I haven't tried it yet. I've got a tin opener.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19A pretty sophisticated tin opener.
0:32:19 > 0:32:21If I can get the packaging off!
0:32:21 > 0:32:23LAUGHTER
0:32:23 > 0:32:27APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:32:27 > 0:32:28I have scissors.
0:32:32 > 0:32:35Anyway, apparently that works.
0:32:35 > 0:32:38- APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Very good.
0:32:40 > 0:32:43Before we hear the first stories of the year in the famous red chair,
0:32:43 > 0:32:45it is time for music.
0:32:45 > 0:32:47Performing Perfect Replacement, ladies and gentlemen,
0:32:47 > 0:32:50please welcome Example!
0:32:50 > 0:32:53APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:32:59 > 0:33:03# I've told too many girls that I love 'em
0:33:03 > 0:33:07# I've told too many girls they're the one
0:33:07 > 0:33:10# So why am I sittin' here all alone?
0:33:10 > 0:33:13# How do you measure fun?
0:33:13 > 0:33:16# I've called lost property
0:33:16 > 0:33:18# Too many times
0:33:18 > 0:33:21# And I can't live properly A piece of me died
0:33:21 > 0:33:25# I wasn't aware the Mona Lisa cried
0:33:25 > 0:33:29# Maybe I'll remember my decent side
0:33:29 > 0:33:30# Washed the kisses off my neck
0:33:30 > 0:33:34# Locked my past in the basement
0:33:34 > 0:33:37# I need to find your perfect replacement
0:33:37 > 0:33:39APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:33:42 > 0:33:44Everybody, let's go!
0:33:50 > 0:33:51Ya, ya, ya!
0:33:51 > 0:33:53Let's start, we tore them apart
0:33:53 > 0:33:55Had a lot of heart from a heartless ...
0:33:55 > 0:33:57So sad, sad it ain't lasted
0:33:57 > 0:33:59Scream like you mean if you wanna go faster
0:33:59 > 0:34:00Cos I never slow down
0:34:00 > 0:34:02Tears of a clown like this are Motown
0:34:02 > 0:34:04Find what he needs in his heart So it means that
0:34:04 > 0:34:07You'll never take a ride on his merry-go-round...
0:34:07 > 0:34:10# Never know what we may find
0:34:10 > 0:34:13# Find on the other side
0:34:13 > 0:34:17# Never know what we may find
0:34:19 > 0:34:21# I've called lost property
0:34:23 > 0:34:26# Too many times And I can't live properly
0:34:26 > 0:34:28# A piece of me died
0:34:28 > 0:34:32# I wasn't aware the Mona Lisa cried
0:34:32 > 0:34:35# Maybe I'll remember my decent side
0:34:35 > 0:34:37# Wash the kisses of my neck
0:34:37 > 0:34:40# Locked my past in a basement
0:34:40 > 0:34:44# I found your perfect replacement
0:34:58 > 0:35:00# Hope you remember my love
0:35:00 > 0:35:02# Remember my name
0:35:02 > 0:35:06# The message in the post I hope you get it one day
0:35:07 > 0:35:10# Lock my past in a basement
0:35:10 > 0:35:13# I found your perfect replace...
0:35:13 > 0:35:17# I found something Never need your nothin' again
0:35:17 > 0:35:19# I found something Never need your nothin'
0:35:19 > 0:35:24# I found something Never need your nothin' again
0:35:24 > 0:35:28# I found something Never need your nothin' again
0:35:28 > 0:35:33# Who's laughin' now?
0:35:33 > 0:35:35# I found your perfect replacement
0:35:43 > 0:35:47# Locked my past in a basement
0:35:47 > 0:35:50# I found your perfect replacement. #
0:35:50 > 0:35:52Thank you.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:35:56 > 0:35:58Ladies and gentlemen, Example!
0:35:58 > 0:36:00Come on over here.
0:36:00 > 0:36:05What a great job. That was fantastic. Have a seat there.
0:36:06 > 0:36:10Frank, Example. Billie, Example.
0:36:10 > 0:36:14Josh, Example. Example, Josh.
0:36:14 > 0:36:17And have you guys met in the music world?
0:36:17 > 0:36:18No, we've haven't. Absolutely not.
0:36:18 > 0:36:22- This is where music worlds collide. - Cross-pollination.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25- Yeah!- Yes.- But you do, like, Coachella and stuff.- Yeah.
0:36:25 > 0:36:29- You'd play Coachella, wouldn't you? - I would if they asked me, yeah.
0:36:29 > 0:36:31It's a bit like Doctor Who all over again, isn't it?
0:36:31 > 0:36:34I'd love to play Coachella!
0:36:34 > 0:36:38That is off the album which is out now, The Evolution Of Man.
0:36:38 > 0:36:41And that single going to be coming out on the 25th of February.
0:36:41 > 0:36:43- Yeah, but you can get it now. - Oh, can you already get it?
0:36:43 > 0:36:46- You can all get it... - So modern now, it's so modern.
0:36:46 > 0:36:49- The kids'll know how to find it. - Yeah, exactly.
0:36:49 > 0:36:54They won't be waiting outside HMV. "I wonder when it'll be delivered!"
0:36:54 > 0:36:56I was trying not to enjoy it too much
0:36:56 > 0:36:59because the last thing you want is a shot
0:36:59 > 0:37:01cut away to an old guy going...
0:37:01 > 0:37:05- You're never too old, you're never too old.- And yet...
0:37:05 > 0:37:07I just didn't want to spoil it for you.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09- We get people in their 50s or 60s down at the gigs.- Really?
0:37:09 > 0:37:11Not many, but there's a few.
0:37:12 > 0:37:16- Very exciting, because you've got engaged since I last saw you.- Yeah.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19- Congratulations.- Thank you. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:37:23 > 0:37:24There is the beautiful...
0:37:24 > 0:37:27I was going to say the lucky lady, but, really, you're the lucky man.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30I'm definitely punching well above my weight.
0:37:30 > 0:37:34She is g-or-geous. Now, was she a former Miss Australia?
0:37:34 > 0:37:35Yeah, she won Miss Australia
0:37:35 > 0:37:38and then I was touring Australia last year in October
0:37:38 > 0:37:40and she was interviewing me for a TV show
0:37:40 > 0:37:42and we just flirted the whole way through the TV show.
0:37:42 > 0:37:44Cos I usually, if I meet an attractive girl,
0:37:44 > 0:37:46when I was single, I was like, "What's she with me for?"
0:37:46 > 0:37:49Because I'm funny-looking.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52- You look great!- Thank you.
0:37:52 > 0:37:54But when they're famous as well, you just think,
0:37:54 > 0:37:56"she's not with me for money or fame,
0:37:56 > 0:37:59"so she must genuinely like my funny face."
0:37:59 > 0:38:01So as soon as I started going out with her I was like,
0:38:01 > 0:38:05"Right, I'm going to snap this one up and get a ring on this asap."
0:38:05 > 0:38:08And what's going to happen, is she going to move here?
0:38:08 > 0:38:10She's living here at the moment,
0:38:10 > 0:38:12but she's actually in Brisbane planning the wedding.
0:38:12 > 0:38:13For next May in Australia.
0:38:13 > 0:38:17- Cos my parents live in Australia, so...- Oh, great.- Oh, it's perfect.
0:38:17 > 0:38:21Ideally, I wanted an Australian wife and Miss Australia was a bonus, so...
0:38:21 > 0:38:25- LAUGHTER - That is mad! "I wanted an Australian wife."
0:38:25 > 0:38:27She's Miss Australia, actually.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31So when you marry Miss Australia, you don't marry the series,
0:38:31 > 0:38:33you just marry one person?
0:38:35 > 0:38:37- You just marry a title.- You just get one who comes every year.
0:38:37 > 0:38:42- How marvellous.- Oh.- She's the best of the recent winners, actually.
0:38:42 > 0:38:44- Oh, I'm sure.- I've seen 'em all.
0:38:44 > 0:38:48- GRAHAM LAUGHS - Had a test-drive?
0:38:48 > 0:38:50- Better be careful now. - Yeah, stop it now.
0:38:50 > 0:38:53But also, how exciting that she was interviewing you
0:38:53 > 0:38:54and then it led to marriage.
0:38:54 > 0:38:56- Yeah, it's amazing.- Josh...
0:38:56 > 0:38:59LAUGHTER
0:39:01 > 0:39:04We both reached for the switch together, awkwardly. Oh, oh!
0:39:04 > 0:39:07Did you feel that, did you feel that?
0:39:09 > 0:39:11Right, before we go tonight,
0:39:11 > 0:39:14just time for our first visit of 2013 to the red chair.
0:39:14 > 0:39:17- So who's up first? Hello! - Hello!- Hi!
0:39:20 > 0:39:24That's a Christmas jumper if ever I saw one. Lovely.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27- What's your name, sir? - I'm Adam.- Adam. Lovely.
0:39:27 > 0:39:29- Where are you from, Adam? - I'm from London!
0:39:29 > 0:39:31CHEERING
0:39:31 > 0:39:34- Are you going, "Aah", Billie? - No, "Yay!"
0:39:34 > 0:39:38- Oh, yay! I thought you were just going, "Awww."- Oh, I did first time.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41- He's lovely.- Aw, sweet Adam from London. What do you do, Adam?
0:39:41 > 0:39:43Erm, I'm between things at the moment.
0:39:43 > 0:39:46LAUGHTER
0:39:49 > 0:39:54So, Adam, I won't keep you, I know you're very busy.
0:39:54 > 0:39:57So, off you go with your story.
0:39:57 > 0:40:01OK, when I was in my late teens, I decided to take my first...
0:40:01 > 0:40:03Can I just... How old are you now?!
0:40:03 > 0:40:05LAUGHTER
0:40:05 > 0:40:07- I'm 24.- Oh, he's 24. It was years ago. OK.
0:40:07 > 0:40:11When I was in my late teens I decided to take my first love to Paris
0:40:11 > 0:40:14and I decided on Valentine's Day, like, three days before it.
0:40:14 > 0:40:16So I really had to rush plans,
0:40:16 > 0:40:19and I got her sister to hide her passport and get it for me
0:40:19 > 0:40:20and she had no clue.
0:40:20 > 0:40:21Anyway, I invited her round
0:40:21 > 0:40:24and I gave her a little box with a key ring with the Eiffel Tower in it.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27She opened it and I said, "You'll be standing on that tomorrow."
0:40:27 > 0:40:30I thought, "Yeah!" You know... But what she didn't know...
0:40:30 > 0:40:32LAUGHTER
0:40:32 > 0:40:34What she didn't know is that we had to go on an overnight coach
0:40:34 > 0:40:37straightaway to Paris.
0:40:37 > 0:40:38And because I was young
0:40:38 > 0:40:41and didn't quite understand the concept of romance,
0:40:41 > 0:40:45I didn't book any sort of meal or restaurant or anything like that.
0:40:45 > 0:40:48Instead, I rushed her around to all my favourite tourist attractions
0:40:48 > 0:40:51and I even made her walk up and down the Eiffel Tower
0:40:51 > 0:40:53because I just thought it would be more fun.
0:40:53 > 0:40:56And at the end of the night when she was absolutely exhausted
0:40:56 > 0:41:00and had ran everywhere and she's expecting to go a hotel,
0:41:00 > 0:41:02nah, it was an overnight coach back to London.
0:41:02 > 0:41:06LAUGHTER
0:41:06 > 0:41:08What an idiot.
0:41:12 > 0:41:14OK, don't be treating Miss Australia like that.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17- Miss Australia, she will not stand for that.- I liked him.
0:41:17 > 0:41:21You know those dogs that you get in the back of your car?
0:41:24 > 0:41:26He did a lot of that.
0:41:26 > 0:41:30Really, honestly, I was looking in my rear-view mirror for most...
0:41:30 > 0:41:33- One more, one more?- Yep. - OK, here we go. Hello!
0:41:33 > 0:41:34AUDIENCE MEMBER CHEERS
0:41:34 > 0:41:37- Hiya!- He's very popular already.
0:41:37 > 0:41:38Can I have a Milkybar?
0:41:40 > 0:41:43I also get called Sid the Sloth, just between you and I.
0:41:43 > 0:41:46Aw, there's a whiff of Hogwarts as well.
0:41:46 > 0:41:48What's your name, sir?
0:41:48 > 0:41:50- I'm Richard.- Richard?- Yes.
0:41:50 > 0:41:53- And where are you from, Richard? - Brisbane as well.
0:41:53 > 0:41:55- Oh. Australia?- Yeah.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57Do you know Example?
0:41:58 > 0:42:02- We go way back.- No, DO you know Example?- No, I don't.
0:42:02 > 0:42:05- Do you know Miss Australia? - Yeah, why not?
0:42:08 > 0:42:11- But do you live here now, Richard? - I wish I did.
0:42:11 > 0:42:14I used to, so I'm just here back visiting my old flatmates...
0:42:14 > 0:42:15Oh, that's really interesting(!)
0:42:18 > 0:42:20Right, right, right.
0:42:20 > 0:42:23Here we go. Richard from Brisbane is about to tell us
0:42:23 > 0:42:25either the funniest or most interesting thing
0:42:25 > 0:42:29that has ever happened in his entire life.
0:42:29 > 0:42:30I have high hopes.
0:42:30 > 0:42:34I used to be a travel agent about four years ago
0:42:34 > 0:42:38and I had an 80-year-old Italian gentleman come into the store,
0:42:38 > 0:42:39asking to go to Roma.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42Now, as opposed to any other human aside from myself,
0:42:42 > 0:42:44you would assume Rome in Italy.
0:42:44 > 0:42:48Now, for those of you who aren't aware of the geography of Australia,
0:42:48 > 0:42:52there's a town about 1,000 miles away from Brisbane called Roma.
0:42:52 > 0:42:56No! No!
0:42:56 > 0:42:58Yep. So...
0:42:58 > 0:43:03Giovanni, shall we call him, rocks up to the airport in his A-frame,
0:43:03 > 0:43:06gets in his little propeller plane to Roma.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09Subsequently get a phone call that afternoon,
0:43:09 > 0:43:11very angry, and very broken English.
0:43:11 > 0:43:13HE LAUGHS
0:43:13 > 0:43:17LAUGHTER
0:43:21 > 0:43:24Has he not heard this before?
0:43:24 > 0:43:27- Is that the end of this story?- Yeah.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30Yeah, OK. And well done, Richard!
0:43:30 > 0:43:32Hope you've enjoyed the show.
0:43:32 > 0:43:36You can contact us via our website at this very address.
0:43:36 > 0:43:38Thank you to my lovely guests tonight.
0:43:38 > 0:43:40- Example, everybody! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:40 > 0:43:41Frank Skinner.
0:43:41 > 0:43:43Billie Piper.
0:43:43 > 0:43:47And Mr Josh Groban!
0:43:48 > 0:43:49Join me next week
0:43:49 > 0:43:52when my guests will include the coolest movie director in the world.
0:43:52 > 0:43:54Quentin Tarantino will be here.
0:43:54 > 0:43:56I'll see you then. Goodbye, everybody. Bye-bye!
0:44:06 > 0:44:09Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd