:00:10. > :00:14.On the show tonight we've got a sexy rock legend, so the ladies are
:00:14. > :00:24.feeling a bit frisky. Aren't they, Nicky.
:00:24. > :00:39.
:00:39. > :00:46.Oh, I feel a bit sick. Let's start APPLAUSE
:00:46. > :00:51.Hello everybody. You are very welcome. Sit yourselves down! Oh,
:00:51. > :00:58.ladies and gentlemen, we've got a great show tonight. Singing legend
:00:58. > :01:08.Rod Stewart is on the show! Hollywood beauty, Cameron Diaz is
:01:08. > :01:09.
:01:09. > :01:16.here. And my favourite comedienne, Sarah Millican is here.
:01:16. > :01:22.I should let you know cycle fans, we were to have Tour de France and
:01:22. > :01:27.Olympic champion Bradley Wiggins on the show but this happened. The
:01:27. > :01:37.good news is he's recovering well. He's fine. I spoke to him earlier
:01:37. > :01:41.
:01:41. > :01:45.The line was a little muffled, but he seemed fine. Some of the papers,
:01:45. > :01:49.they are claiming that the accident happened because Bradley got rid of
:01:49. > :01:59.his famous lucky sideburns. He must get them back, ladies and gentlemen.
:01:59. > :02:03.
:02:03. > :02:09.But where have they gone? Thrilled, thrilled to have Cameron
:02:09. > :02:16.Diaz back on the show. I loved Cameron in Charlie's Angels. In
:02:17. > :02:23.America female crime fighters look like that. In Britain we get this.
:02:23. > :02:27."The name's Vera Stanhope, licence to ride buses for free ". Rod
:02:27. > :02:30.Stewart has also been in the news this week. He was at the football
:02:30. > :02:38.match where Celtic unbelievably beat Barcelona.
:02:38. > :02:42.APPLAUSE Look at Rod there, in tears. I know
:02:42. > :02:46.how he feels. I cry whenever I have to sit through a football match.
:02:46. > :02:56.Over the years Rod has been friends with all the musical greats, Elton
:02:56. > :03:00.on, Ringo Starr, Celine Dion, all of them.
:03:00. > :03:04.Rod, a showbiz legend. And you know the strange thing is he looks
:03:04. > :03:12.exactly the same now as when he was a boy. Here he is on his first day
:03:12. > :03:16.at school. "I don't want to go ". I'm only
:03:16. > :03:22.joking, that is his lovely wife Penny, around the time she was
:03:22. > :03:26.appearing on Strictly Come Dancing S we have just spotted Bradley
:03:26. > :03:36.Wiggins' other sideburn! Let's get the guests on.
:03:36. > :03:43.
:03:43. > :03:49.Yes we do think he's sexy, it's Rod Stuart.
:03:49. > :03:59.So dashing. Sit yourself down.
:03:59. > :04:12.
:04:12. > :04:18.And lights, Cameron action it's We met back stage. Were you
:04:18. > :04:24.chatting? We were chatting. As I said, Bradley Wiggins was supposed
:04:24. > :04:29.to be here but can't because he was injured, but he's on the mend. If
:04:29. > :04:36.he is watching, get well soon and s soon s you are fit, you can be back
:04:36. > :04:43.here on the couch. APPLAUSE
:04:43. > :04:50.Sarah, you live in that area, do you drive a white van at all?
:04:50. > :04:57.don't. That would be a coup. think I am going to let you know
:04:57. > :05:04.about it here. I drive a black car, but I have knocked something over
:05:04. > :05:09.once. Is now the right time to tell you? What did you knock over?
:05:09. > :05:19.killed a deer. I'm not proud, I wasn't aiming for it or anything.
:05:19. > :05:23.But it wasn't fast enough. I gave it a good shot. Where is that
:05:23. > :05:30.Wiggins gentleman, it's uncomfortable here. Cameron, do you
:05:30. > :05:37.know who Bradley Wiggins is?? it's crazy but blonde girls, also
:05:37. > :05:43.blonde women do know who he is. you sure? Yes. Because in this
:05:43. > :05:49.month's Elle magazine... That is where I learned about who he was.
:05:49. > :05:56.In this month's Elle magazine Cameron was asked which of the
:05:56. > :06:01.following was not a type of British beer, bruns wick black Sabbath or
:06:01. > :06:07.Bradley Wiggins leathery saddle. Which one did you pick? Which one
:06:07. > :06:11.wasn't the beer. I think I said Bradley Wiggins. No you went with
:06:11. > :06:17.bruns wick Black Sabbath. Just accept your mistake, darling.
:06:17. > :06:23.didn't know who he was at that time. It's been painfully rubbed in my
:06:23. > :06:30.face, actually. A lovely leathery saddle. Someone else who was
:06:30. > :06:35.recovering from a big shock, we saw you Rod. Don't get me started again.
:06:35. > :06:41.I think, it was so lovely how emotional you were. Was the idea
:06:41. > :06:45.there was no way known Celtic to beat Barcelona? They are supposed
:06:45. > :06:50.to be the best team in the world. They are the best team to watch. To
:06:50. > :06:55.take them on and beat them is just wonderful. It was a wonderful night
:06:55. > :07:05.in Glasgow. I thought you would have the footage. Here you go. They
:07:05. > :07:15.have just won and look at that. Silly old sod!
:07:15. > :07:18.
:07:18. > :07:23.Who is the big guy beside you? best mate, second hand car dealer
:07:23. > :07:26.called Big Honest Al. Is that the pinacle of the dream now, or are
:07:26. > :07:32.you hoping they can go all the way? They can go all the way now, get
:07:32. > :07:37.into the last 16 of the Champions League, we have a game about
:07:37. > :07:45.Benfica. That is a Tapas bar somewhere. Then Spartak Moscow,
:07:45. > :07:51.which time sure Cameron knows about. I know nothing. You are spending
:07:51. > :08:01.been here a lot. I have made two films here. I made the film gack
:08:01. > :08:02.
:08:02. > :08:07.bit here two springs ago and I have made, a Ridley Scott's film here.
:08:07. > :08:11.You are here to tell us about Gambt because its cast, it is you already,
:08:11. > :08:18.Cameron Diaz is in it, but then it is a role call of great British
:08:18. > :08:21.acting. Alan Rickman, Colin Firth. Were you freaked out to be in a
:08:21. > :08:25.movie with these people? Terrified, because they do theatre. They have
:08:25. > :08:32.a grasp on the English language, they can speak if in as many
:08:32. > :08:37.different way. I am from Long Beach California, I am linguistically
:08:37. > :08:43.challenged. It is a difficulty for me to get my thoughts to my tongue.
:08:43. > :08:53.I have a a lazy tongue, so we talk like this, we don't ever use our
:08:53. > :08:57.
:08:57. > :09:03.tongue ever. We can't even use your tongue. It was really, like, really
:09:03. > :09:07.scary to have to like say a lot of words. That is a lazy tongue, by
:09:07. > :09:16.the way. The mind boggles. Talk us through the plot. It is akm dicaper
:09:16. > :09:21.involving art. Yes, basically, Colin's character is a curator for
:09:21. > :09:28.Alan's art collection and Alan is a massive billionaire, and he treats
:09:28. > :09:34.him terribly. Colin wants to get back at him so he pretends he has a
:09:34. > :09:40.Monet painting that has been missing and he pretends my
:09:40. > :09:45.character has had it and her trailer she lives in for Texas that
:09:45. > :09:51.her grandfather found during World War II. He is trying to have Alan
:09:51. > :09:58.buy it from me, so he can get the money. It is an old-fashioned-style
:09:58. > :10:08.comforting humour. Very British. There's big physical jokes in it.
:10:08. > :10:15.There is a lot of nudity. Is Colin Firth nude at any point? He is from
:10:15. > :10:25.the waist down, without trausers -- trousers but has shorts on. You see
:10:25. > :10:35.his legs, it was meant for a comedy bit, his legs and he has very funny
:10:35. > :10:40.legs. It might spoil the illusion a bit. You want to see Alan Rickman,
:10:40. > :10:46.there is a lot of Alan in it? is all of Alan in it. That will do.
:10:46. > :10:52.All of him. Really? You won't leave the cinema saying I wish we had
:10:52. > :10:56.seen more of Alan Rickman. It opens on 21st 21st November. We have a a
:10:56. > :11:06.clip. This is when the Colin Firth character comes to Texas and meets
:11:06. > :11:07.
:11:07. > :11:17.Grandma, here it is, take your pick, plenty of walls to choose from.
:11:17. > :11:22.Good morning. If you would like to set your camera up there. Perhaps
:11:22. > :11:32.if your grandmother would move over. Grandma these nice people want to
:11:32. > :11:34.
:11:34. > :11:41.take a picture here in the house. Good God s she unwell. She's fine.
:11:41. > :11:46.She just chews. She won't move until this programme is over.
:11:46. > :11:50.anorexic programme is on next. Perhaps if we could ask her to
:11:50. > :12:00.slide over a bit, you could both be in the picture. I want to sit next
:12:00. > :12:07.
:12:07. > :12:17.Could you slide a little closer to your grandmother. Ready ladies, say
:12:17. > :12:23.
:12:23. > :12:27.You play a cow girl and you filmed at a real rodeo? That's in New
:12:27. > :12:32.Mexico. We went to New Mexico for that. Tell me, because I laughed so
:12:32. > :12:40.hard, the monkeys? Real, we hired them. They existed already. They
:12:40. > :12:49.actually go to rodeos. Monkeys on the back of dogs. They ride dogs at
:12:49. > :12:57.the rodeo. I think they are teaching them the lasso as well.
:12:57. > :13:02.You learnt how to lasso. I did. Seriously? Seriously. You say that
:13:02. > :13:08.outlawed, it is a talk show, you know I will have a rope. Of course
:13:08. > :13:13.you will. Here it is. Do you know how to hold it? I know how to hold
:13:13. > :13:23.it. What do you want me to do with it. These people are going what? We
:13:23. > :13:24.
:13:24. > :13:33.won't use people. I have an idea, what we could do is lasso the large
:13:33. > :13:40.plastic cow I keep in the studio! Where do you want to do this?
:13:40. > :13:50.as far as the rope. Let me three it a couple of times before I throw it
:13:50. > :13:57.to him. Look at you go! The back of this crou is so -- cow
:13:57. > :14:07.is so anatomically correct! No too close, just the length of
:14:07. > :14:41.
:14:41. > :14:45.Isn't that good! That is really impressive. My job is fun. I have
:14:45. > :14:49.the best job in the world, I get to learn things like that. Have we
:14:49. > :14:59.stolen your shoe? Something happened to my shoe. Have you
:14:59. > :15:01.
:15:01. > :15:11.hidden her shoe? Got it. That old trick!
:15:11. > :15:19.
:15:19. > :15:24.Listen, let's talk about Rod Stewart's autobiography. Honest to
:15:24. > :15:34.God, it is quite the life you have led, sir. The stories in here. I
:15:34. > :15:34.
:15:34. > :15:40.mean, I blushed a little. Penny, have you read this book? Of course.
:15:40. > :15:46.Did she know the stories before the book. There's nothing in there that
:15:46. > :15:55.shocked you. I knew I wasn't marrying a saint. Penny took the
:15:55. > :16:00.get that glint in your eye there? She wore a very, very short skirt
:16:00. > :16:06.and no knickers. I am going to get killed when I get home! I didn't
:16:06. > :16:10.know that. What is unusual throughout the book is, because we
:16:10. > :16:16.have read books of rock'n'roll excess and stuff, and they normally
:16:16. > :16:20.end up in quite a dark place. But yours doesn't. You didn't seem to
:16:20. > :16:26.have any demons, it just seemed you really enjoyed yourself. It is a
:16:26. > :16:30.sunny book. I was never really - I did drugs but I was never mad on
:16:30. > :16:36.them. They never upset my life. I never went to rehab. It didn't
:16:36. > :16:42.interfere with my my marriages. And my children. I never bought any in
:16:42. > :16:45.my life. When you look at your contemporaries, you must feel lucky.
:16:45. > :16:50.Absolutely. Here you are, happy and well. Come out really well.
:16:50. > :16:58.other thing that that shocked me was when you started and when
:16:58. > :17:03.success hit, the amount of money that was knocking around. It was
:17:03. > :17:10.instant. You got a beautiful gift for Elton John. It wasn't that
:17:10. > :17:15.beautiful. Elton and I were really good mates, so he is a very
:17:15. > :17:18.generous man and I love him dearly. I went into Harrods and saw this
:17:18. > :17:21.ice box and you press a button and the table comes up and there was
:17:21. > :17:27.champagne comes out with the glasses and all colourful lights
:17:27. > :17:33.and froth coming out and it's gorgeous. It was �300, which was a
:17:33. > :17:43.lot of money in those days. I gave it to Elton. He said here is yours
:17:43. > :17:45.
:17:45. > :17:49.dear. It was a Rembrandt. How cheap did I feel!
:17:49. > :17:53.The music world is famous for excess and ram Ron you have been
:17:53. > :18:01.around the music world. Which do you think is more excessive?
:18:01. > :18:04.know, I think the music industry is much more flashy. You are usually a
:18:04. > :18:10.one man show or you are really putting on a show, up on stage, you
:18:10. > :18:18.have to make it bright and shiny so people will watch. So I think it is
:18:18. > :18:22.a bit more fancier. Actors want to be in the background. But we have a
:18:22. > :18:28.lot of cash, we do, yeah. Oh yeah, I saw how worried you were about
:18:28. > :18:35.that shoe going missing. Where the hell is that shoe. If I don't
:18:35. > :18:41.return it, I am going to have to pay for it!
:18:41. > :18:49.APPLAUSE The comedy world, Sarah. It is pretty rock'n'roll to be
:18:49. > :18:55.honest. There is a bit of money knocking around. I finished my tour
:18:55. > :19:00.and to celebrate I caught up on the last episode of Downton Abbey and
:19:00. > :19:07.had a ham sandwich. The ham sandwich had been in my bag all day,
:19:07. > :19:15.so the mayonnaise had been ify so, it was a bit grazy. I totally got
:19:15. > :19:20.the shits the next day, who knew! One of my favourite sections in the
:19:20. > :19:27.book, the story of his life but for a discussion of something.
:19:28. > :19:33.There is a whole section on your hair. By public demand. It is
:19:33. > :19:38.signature hair. It is. When you started, it was all your own work
:19:38. > :19:44.in the beginning. It was before hair driers and Hairspray when I
:19:44. > :19:51.started this hair cut. I saw guys when I was busking in the '60s and
:19:51. > :19:55.Paris, so I came home and started doing it. What I used to das put
:19:55. > :20:02.warm water and sugar in my hair and wait for it to dry. My mum didn't
:20:03. > :20:09.have an hairdryer. I had to walk a mile to my sister's to dry my hair.
:20:09. > :20:14.That is how I got it up. The hair, that is. I hear warm water and
:20:14. > :20:24.sugar gets a lot of things um. gets me up when it's got a teabag
:20:24. > :20:25.
:20:25. > :20:29.You found a style and my God, there is a picture of you and Freddie
:20:29. > :20:33.Mercury, and it is the same. It is the same hair. On a theme. But it
:20:33. > :20:40.is the same hair. Have you ever thought about changing it It would
:20:40. > :20:48.never sit down. I have tried other hair strils, like yourself. Going
:20:48. > :20:54.bald! My hair style. You should see Wayne Rooney's doctor. What if it
:20:54. > :21:00.falls out again. He is a footballer, by the way. Thank you. I say look
:21:00. > :21:06.at your hair, but we are looking at the outfit. That is a fabulous
:21:06. > :21:13.picture. Look at the old pump and tool bag there. It is fabulous.
:21:13. > :21:21.is amazing. Men are the men like you today is what I want to know.
:21:21. > :21:25.That looks like a good time. Is it true your hair is a barometer of
:21:25. > :21:30.how you are feeling? Me and rochby were the same, in the Rolling
:21:30. > :21:40.Stones. I know who he is. When we get sick our hair just collapses.
:21:40. > :21:41.
:21:41. > :21:46.Does yours? Yes. And yours? I am constantly ill. Is it true you
:21:46. > :21:53.wanted a Rod Stewart hairdo? first hair cut I ever paid for,
:21:53. > :21:58.that I actually, my mother didn't cut in the kitchen with the orange
:21:59. > :22:03.scissors, was she took me to the mall and I ended up walking out
:22:03. > :22:13.with exactly the Rod Stewart hair cut and I came out with more like
:22:13. > :22:13.
:22:13. > :22:23.the - I will show you the the picture it was. It's a good plug
:22:23. > :22:27.
:22:27. > :22:33.for the book. It was this one, more like this hairdo. Super-short on
:22:33. > :22:43.top and then longer, the crop top. Let's see what you might have
:22:43. > :23:01.
:23:01. > :23:06.You don't look bad, but have you This is why I don't have an iPhone,
:23:07. > :23:12.so I don't do the apps on there, because I would be taking pictures
:23:12. > :23:21.of myself and putting different hair cuts on it. Do you want a go?
:23:21. > :23:31.I will have a go. We are going in close!
:23:31. > :23:39.Don't go too close. If you went in a bit closer, you
:23:39. > :23:49.would have seen the real one. It was a bit Movember. I have
:23:49. > :23:52.
:23:52. > :23:56.decided time going to do Fanuary. You let it go to rack and ruin down
:23:56. > :24:01.there. I have a girlfriend who is obsessed with having a 70s bush,
:24:01. > :24:11.she is obsessed with T when she takes a bath, it literally sways
:24:11. > :24:17.like sea weed. All of our girlfriends, we are like would you
:24:18. > :24:25.please just trim it, please, I can't take it any more. Her husband
:24:25. > :24:32.is in on on it. Has she got a boyfriend She's married. That is
:24:32. > :24:38.how much he loves her. One time we had a total time we took her into
:24:38. > :24:40.the bathroom, we pinned her down, we lost our mind, we pinned her
:24:40. > :24:45.into the shower and one of our girlfriends had a pair of scissors
:24:45. > :24:54.and a comb and the other three were holding her down and our friend was
:24:55. > :24:59.hacking away. Is there any footage of that?
:24:59. > :25:03.That's how much we love her. It was one of the funniest things ever.
:25:03. > :25:07.love the sea weed thing. It is a lovely time for you to have written
:25:07. > :25:11.this book, looking back. There was one picture in the book that I
:25:11. > :25:14.think is such a happy thing. You must be so pleased when you look at
:25:14. > :25:21.it. It is you, all your kids, your grand kid and then the woman you
:25:21. > :25:27.love took the picture. She did. That is a lot of children. I didn't
:25:28. > :25:32.have a television. Then because you are a very hands on father and the
:25:32. > :25:37.book, you have a great section of tips on parenting. Proper hands-on
:25:37. > :25:42.tips. Some of them are brutal. Tough love. I like your packed
:25:42. > :25:48.lunches for your kids. Talk us through that. That is a long story.
:25:48. > :25:52.I love model rail roads, so what I do with my son, he is only six, I
:25:52. > :25:57.put in his lunch bag little people, little bit of rail, anything that
:25:57. > :26:03.throws him. Celtic things. That makes him think of his dad. When he
:26:04. > :26:10.opens up his lunch. Is there any lunch in there at all?
:26:10. > :26:14.Not much room for it. I would end up eating the people. Snoot best
:26:14. > :26:19.one is when your teenager or younger children won't get up,
:26:19. > :26:25.flood their bedroom with alarm clocks where they can't get them or
:26:25. > :26:33.a tape of bagpipes outside the door. Sarah Millican, your dad taught you
:26:33. > :26:37.how to do weird things? Didn't he teach you how to kill a dog. Dog. I
:26:37. > :26:41.have never done t I have just killed a deer. There was a period
:26:41. > :26:45.of time when it was the summer when a lot of dogs were going crazing
:26:45. > :26:51.and it was horrible and there was a lot of kids being attacked by dogs
:26:51. > :26:55.and I was out playing and he taught me how to use an umbrella to go
:26:55. > :27:00.under its collar and then twist because that gives you purchase.
:27:00. > :27:03.The problem was I had to then as a child carry an umbrella everywhere
:27:03. > :27:07.and then if they don't have a collar on, you have to take a
:27:07. > :27:12.collar, you have to try and get a collar on it. It's not going to
:27:12. > :27:18.work. Now you have turned your dad into a celebrity because he is on
:27:18. > :27:21.the TV show. He loves it. When the first episode he was on aired, the
:27:21. > :27:27.next day I spoke to him and I said how does it feel. He said I got
:27:27. > :27:34.recognised today. I said where were you. He said I was at the dentist.
:27:34. > :27:40.I said that's because that is your dentist. He had been going there
:27:40. > :27:44.for years. The TV show is going great guns. You are filming another
:27:44. > :27:49.series now. When is the first one. We have a Christmas special and it
:27:49. > :27:56.starts again in January. If people can't wait for the Christmas
:27:56. > :27:59.special, sweet Jesus in heaven, Sarah Millican has a DVD out. This
:27:59. > :28:05.is the last tour. The tour I have just finished. You love your
:28:05. > :28:09.touring? I love it. I can't have a DVD out at the same time as the
:28:09. > :28:14.tour because I have a feeling people would be mouthing along. I
:28:14. > :28:19.finish touring and I start touring again next September. Where do you
:28:19. > :28:27.play when you tour? I don't do arenas, I like it in theatres, I
:28:27. > :28:31.like to be able to see people's faces. The last one we did was at
:28:31. > :28:38.the Hammersmith Apollo. It is beautiful. All of you have done
:28:38. > :28:45.well in life. Cameron and Rod, you didn't do brilliantly in school.
:28:45. > :28:49.You didn't even like music class. hated it. I had no musical
:28:49. > :28:55.inclinations whatsoever when I was young. Sarah, you were like a model
:28:55. > :29:02.pew pim. I liked school. Very bookish. I was very bookish. I
:29:02. > :29:07.didn't have many friends, but I I got all my GCSEs. They are more
:29:07. > :29:13.important. No they're not. I'm fine. I was always very bookish, even
:29:13. > :29:18.when I was little. I didn't play out very much. I had an imaginary
:29:18. > :29:28.line rather. -- library. The books were real, but the customers not so
:29:28. > :29:34.much. Ji made tickets for them all and I find people. I was harsh. Is
:29:34. > :29:41.it true you had a T-shirt. My mum bought me a T-shirt that had I love
:29:41. > :29:47.stool on it and underneath it said when it's closed. I thought I would
:29:47. > :29:53.get told off by the teachers so I tucked the bottom bit in. So I just
:29:53. > :30:00.went round with a T-shirt saying "I love school" on it!
:30:00. > :30:05.There were rumours about you in school. Yes, but that is how you
:30:05. > :30:09.end up being a comedian. You get bullied at school and you end up
:30:09. > :30:14.and it helps when you become a comic. I remember the girls used to
:30:14. > :30:21.shout lesbian at me a lot, you are a lesbian. I got home and I was
:30:21. > :30:26.it was. I said to my mum, what is a a lesbian, she said oh God, and
:30:26. > :30:32.then she had a think and she said "It means that you like girls more
:30:32. > :30:38.than you like boys ". So the next day when they shouted lesbian, I
:30:38. > :30:43.said "Yes, I am ". Talking of rumours, someone like you Cameron,
:30:43. > :30:51.because of being in Hollywood, being a star, rumours, always
:30:51. > :30:58.rumours circulating? Yes. You are currently dating Tom Cruise? I am?
:30:58. > :31:08.You only wash in Evian. Apparently. There's always some little tiny
:31:08. > :31:15.truth. Don't be rude about Tom. He's my friend. Steady on there
:31:15. > :31:20.Norton. The funny thing is that apparently I spent my birthday with
:31:20. > :31:26.Tom and we're dating. I came in to do the councillor, it was the night
:31:26. > :31:30.before my birthday, I went down stairs to have a bite to eat in the
:31:30. > :31:34.hotel, Penelope and Javier were staying there. Tom and Connor were
:31:35. > :31:38.having dinner with the two of them. They all invited me to sit next to
:31:38. > :31:44.them because they still like me as a friend because we all know each
:31:44. > :31:47.other. I sat down with them. Had dinner. At midnight I went I'm 40.
:31:47. > :31:55.Everybody is like no way. Take a picture. Took a picture. So great
:31:55. > :32:04.to see you, have fun filming, see you later bla I hadn't seen Tom for
:32:04. > :32:10.weeks, when all of a sudden we are apparently dating. He's coming
:32:10. > :32:16.after me. I was like, I can see where they might have gotten that.
:32:16. > :32:19.The Evian thing started with Demi Moore years before me. I think
:32:19. > :32:26.Nicole Kidman had it for a while and then I got it. That is just
:32:26. > :32:31.because I won't wash my face in a trailer, the trailers that we work
:32:31. > :32:41.out of, the water tanks in there, you don't know know how long they
:32:41. > :32:42.
:32:42. > :32:45.forever. I am not going to wash my face with that water. I wash my
:32:45. > :32:55.face with a bottle of Evian. that is not a rumour at all, that's
:32:55. > :32:59.
:32:59. > :33:05.just true! Yes. It is true. In terms of
:33:05. > :33:10.rumours, I couldn't believe it when I got to that bit in the book. Rod
:33:10. > :33:17.Stewart is the source of the Nile ladies and gentlemen. He is the
:33:17. > :33:18.heard this rumour about so many popstars over the years. I thought
:33:18. > :33:28.it was Mark alMail on Sunday, I thought he was the source of the
:33:28. > :33:34.Nile. But it is you. I am going behind this. I can't tell it. I
:33:34. > :33:40.thought you could tell it. Do you want me to read it out? Do you mean
:33:40. > :33:44.the one about the sailors. Here we go. I used to have a gay publicist
:33:44. > :33:48.that work for me and I had to fire him because he did something
:33:48. > :33:56.terrible and he was a mean bitch. He spread this rumour that I was
:33:56. > :34:01.with half a dozen sailors in San Diego giving them blow jobs and I
:34:01. > :34:09.had to go to hospital to have my stomach pumped. I remember hearing
:34:09. > :34:17.that when I was a child, that rumour. Is this like Cameron's
:34:17. > :34:24.rumour, that's like a little bit true?! Did you just get it own your
:34:24. > :34:34.face. I believe we have footage of the first time Rod heard that
:34:34. > :34:44.
:34:44. > :34:51.Rod, you might like to clear your throat because it is time for music.
:34:51. > :34:55.Your musical career has had this extraordinary divide, the American
:34:55. > :35:01.song books came along and you have now got a new one, this is
:35:01. > :35:06.Christmas, Merry Christmas, Baby. Very exciting in the new year,
:35:06. > :35:12.after 17 years of not writing your own stuff, you are. There is a new
:35:12. > :35:18.album coming out, a rock album, I have written is 11 songs for it.
:35:18. > :35:25.APPLAUSE. We love this stuff but it will be great to hear the old Rod
:35:25. > :35:32.again. What are you performing tonight? Have Yourself A Merry
:35:32. > :35:39.Little Christmas. There he goes. In a moment we will
:35:39. > :35:49.have this week's stories in the famous Red Chair but first it is Mr
:35:49. > :35:53.
:35:53. > :36:03.# Have yourself a merry little Christmas
:36:03. > :36:03.
:36:03. > :36:13.# Let your heart be light # From now on our troubles will be
:36:13. > :36:20.out of sight # Have Yourself A Merry Little
:36:20. > :36:30.Christmas # Make the Yuletide gay
:36:30. > :36:40.# From now on our troubles will be miles away
:36:40. > :36:44.
:36:44. > :36:54.# Here we are as in olden days # Happy golden days of yore
:36:54. > :37:11.
:37:11. > :37:15.# Faithful friends who are dear to # Through the years we all will be
:37:15. > :37:22.together # If the fates allow
:37:22. > :37:32.# Hang a shinin' star upon the highest bough
:37:32. > :37:53.
:37:53. > :38:03.# And have yourself a merry little # Through the years we all will be
:38:03. > :38:03.
:38:03. > :38:13.together if the fates allow # Until then we'll try to muddle
:38:13. > :38:17.
:38:17. > :38:27.through somehow # And have yourself a very merry
:38:27. > :38:57.
:38:57. > :39:01.Christmas, now Mr Rod Stewart, everybody!
:39:01. > :39:09.Beautiful job. Gorgeous. Seriously, you have been fantastic
:39:09. > :39:17.tonight. Thank you so much. Have a seat there.
:39:17. > :39:22.I think I have something in my throat! Stop.
:39:22. > :39:27.I don't think there will be stories in the Red Chair to rival any of
:39:27. > :39:32.Rod's tonight, but you never know. Who is in the Red Chair first? Hi.
:39:32. > :39:39.Hello. He is in the brace position. He's not feeling confident about
:39:40. > :39:46.this story. He has the hat on, ready to leave. I am Ade. What do
:39:46. > :39:54.you do? I work in retail. What sort of retail. Sport. Is it on a high
:39:55. > :40:02.street at all? It is in a shopping complex. Is it a major chain?
:40:02. > :40:07.Tomorrow when you get in, they will be thrilled you didn't mention them.
:40:07. > :40:17.They will say thank you, too many people come into this shop looking
:40:17. > :40:21.for sports equipment. Thank you for keeping on the down-low. It's
:40:21. > :40:29.Saturday, come on, we are busy enough. Off you go.
:40:30. > :40:38.When I was younger, a couple of years back, I was flicking through
:40:38. > :40:43.some dirty channels, it had to happen. Dirty channels Rod.
:40:43. > :40:48.Flicking through and gradually I got board with them so I thought
:40:48. > :40:51.let me change the channel and all of a sudden the TV froze in a
:40:51. > :40:57.compromising position with a woman. I was trying to disconnect the box,
:40:57. > :41:01.trying to restart it, but it didn't, so I thought if I go to sleep, try
:41:01. > :41:06.and wake up it will be gone. My grandma came down and wants to
:41:06. > :41:12.watch the news and gets a bit more than what she asked for. Is that
:41:12. > :41:22.the end of your dirty story. It is. Thank you very much.
:41:22. > :41:35.
:41:35. > :41:40.One more. Hi. What is your name? What do you do? I am a student.
:41:40. > :41:48.What do you study? History. Just general or specialising? Witch
:41:48. > :41:58.craft at the moment. Very hal web. -- Hallowe'en. I managed to get on
:41:58. > :42:01.
:42:01. > :42:07.a date with this really fit bloke. Whoo hoo. You are selling witch
:42:07. > :42:12.craft. That just came out of my mouth. You are telling a story and
:42:13. > :42:18.you are going to get a cash prize. We were half way through the
:42:18. > :42:24.starter and I had garlic bread, I didn't realise we lent over
:42:24. > :42:34.spontaneously for a snog and Ibelched straight in his mouth. He
:42:34. > :42:37.
:42:37. > :42:47.asked me out for a second date. didn't belch the second time.
:42:47. > :42:47.
:42:47. > :42:57.rude to her, I I can't believe I was so rude. I am normally so nice.
:42:57. > :42:57.
:42:57. > :43:07.We are We are so nice. Zchb I say that when I am watching television,
:43:07. > :43:09.
:43:09. > :43:19.have the power to cut it, if you want to. They won't cut it, it's
:43:19. > :43:22.
:43:22. > :43:29.hilarious, I am pretending to be Thank you to my guests tonight,
:43:29. > :43:34.Sarah Millican, Rod Stewart and Cameron Diaz.