:00:10. > :00:19.This programme contains some strong I have got the stars of Top Gear on
:00:19. > :00:25.the show tonight. I'm running a bit late. I better put my foot down!
:00:25. > :00:35.Oh dear. I think I need a drink. I probably shouldn't drink and drive.
:00:35. > :00:45.
:00:45. > :00:55.Here, you take it, Nicola. Let's CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
:00:55. > :00:56.
:00:56. > :01:06.Hello. Hello. Hello everybody. Hello! Hello! Welcome one, welcome
:01:06. > :01:12.
:01:12. > :01:13.all. Oh, oh dear. Skid marks everywhere.
:01:13. > :01:16.LAUGHTER Hey, we've got some great guests
:01:16. > :01:19.for you and Tonight's show is brought to you by the letter J, yes,
:01:19. > :01:22.Hollywood star, Jake Gyllenhaal is here. I know! Top Gear stars,
:01:22. > :01:32.Jeremy Clarkson and James May are on the show. And stand by lawyers,
:01:32. > :01:35.
:01:35. > :01:36.my all time favourite comedian, the legend that is Joan Rivers is here.
:01:36. > :01:38.APPLAUSE Plus later on, we've got some fat
:01:38. > :01:40.beats from the wonderful, Ke$ha, ladies and gentlemen.
:01:40. > :01:46.I know! I know! I know something for
:01:46. > :01:51.everyone. Jake, of course, the star of many great films, Donnie Darko,
:01:51. > :01:55.Source Code and Brokeback Mountain where he played a cowboy struggling
:01:55. > :02:03.with his sexuality. It is hard to know if a cowboy is
:02:03. > :02:09.gay, you know. I would guess probably straight. This one, it is
:02:09. > :02:12.impossible to tell, isn't it? It must have been difficult for
:02:12. > :02:19.Brokeback Mountain, living out doortion Arwondering why you are
:02:19. > :02:25.having strange feelings for the person you are sharing a camp with!
:02:25. > :02:27.LAUGHTER Oh, look at you!
:02:27. > :02:37.LAUGHTER That is a sight that could turn a
:02:37. > :02:39.straight man gay, it is, isn't it? As is this sight!
:02:39. > :02:44.LAUGHTER The mystery is why are two bald men
:02:44. > :02:50.in the bath with her? LAUGHTER
:02:50. > :02:55.Is that the bush tucker challenge? It is very strange. I really loved
:02:55. > :02:59.Jake in The Day After Tomorrow. Oh, do you know, I don't think anyone
:02:59. > :03:05.could fail to hear the film's powerful message about climate
:03:05. > :03:09.change. La-la. Yeah, I'm delighted to welcome Jeremy Clarkson and
:03:09. > :03:19.James May, two of the stars of Top Gear. I don't know a lot about cars.
:03:19. > :03:19.
:03:19. > :03:25.I do know that people say a man's car is really a a penis substitute!
:03:25. > :03:31.I have to say say Jeremy is right about one thing, driving down a
:03:31. > :03:35.road in an open top car, you really do look sexy! Of course, I'm always
:03:35. > :03:39.excited to have Joan Rivers back on the show. She still looks fantastic,
:03:39. > :03:45.ladies and gentlemen, done she? Fantastic. I know, it is no secret,
:03:45. > :03:50.she had a little bit of work done, yeah. I wonder what she would have
:03:50. > :03:56.looked like if she hadn't? Let's get some guests on. Later, we
:03:56. > :04:04.will behaving music from Ke$ha. But first, we could be in for a bumpy
:04:04. > :04:09.ride, it is James May and Jeremy Clarkson.
:04:09. > :04:11.Sit yourselves down. APPLAUSE
:04:11. > :04:21.From the red carpet to the red sofa, it is Joan Rivers.
:04:21. > :04:26.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello, darling.
:04:26. > :04:35.Joan, Jeremy, James. It is Jake Gyllenhaal.
:04:35. > :04:43.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE It is so nice to meet you. Come in,
:04:43. > :04:45.come in, come in. Sit down. Sit down.
:04:45. > :04:49.APPLAUSE Oh that couch, how lovely. I have
:04:49. > :04:55.to say normally, normally in a bland way, when everyone sits down
:04:55. > :04:59.I go, "You all look great." I can't do that because the head honcho of
:04:59. > :05:03.the Fashion Police is on the show. How are we doing, Joan?
:05:03. > :05:13.shouldn't even talk. You look fine because black makes everybody look
:05:13. > :05:16.thin except Aretha Franklin. LAUGHTER
:05:16. > :05:20.You You two, you either have it or you don't, you know what I'm
:05:20. > :05:24.saying? Fashion is like herpes, you either have it or you don't? Joan,
:05:24. > :05:27.can you see my nipples? I don't want to.
:05:28. > :05:33.That means I'm dressed. Can you see my nipples and please
:05:33. > :05:36.look down? LAUGHTER
:05:36. > :05:42.No, you're dressed. James May down the end there, you
:05:43. > :05:48.spent a lot of money on clothes, don't you? Yeah, occasionally, but
:05:48. > :05:52.I have this ability to make expensive clothes or cheap and
:05:52. > :05:59.tatty clothes look equally crap and it is a gift.
:05:59. > :06:01.You look particularly shit tonight. LAUGHTER
:06:01. > :06:05.Even by his own low standards. don't think you look so bad.
:06:05. > :06:10.Thank you very much. But you were in broke back back
:06:10. > :06:19.mountain! I have been distracted, because you
:06:19. > :06:26.have a healthy beard, Jake. Did you leave it on from last year's Movemb
:06:26. > :06:33.rerks, Movember thing? I am doing a show. I am playing a character...
:06:33. > :06:38.It is not very good tonight, is it? How long are you going to have the
:06:38. > :06:43.beard for? Until the play is over. OK. Probably another few weeks.
:06:43. > :06:48.Do you like it? Do you want me to let you know when it is gone.
:06:48. > :06:58.If you could. It is gone. I will let you know.
:06:58. > :07:03.Just a text with with "it's done." Is it itchy? Not anymore. Do you
:07:03. > :07:07.have to brush it out? Does stuff get caught in it? Sometimes I brush
:07:07. > :07:11.it, yes. I have a dog and you leave it for a
:07:11. > :07:14.while and then you are sorry you left it.
:07:14. > :07:17.I essentially have a dog on my face. If that answers your questions, I
:07:17. > :07:19.hope it does. I don't know what you are feeding
:07:19. > :07:27.it, but it is lovely. It has got a nice gloss.
:07:28. > :07:37.Joan, do you do you find a man in a beard attractive?
:07:38. > :07:38.
:07:38. > :07:39.It reminds me too much of the Kardasians in the morning!
:07:39. > :07:43.LAUGHTER The boys down the end there, you
:07:44. > :07:49.seem like men. I thought you would have beards? No, we went to the
:07:49. > :07:55.North Pole, you you can't shave and we got there and there was a very
:07:55. > :08:00.faint dirty smudge and nothing grows, I have no testosterone at
:08:00. > :08:07.all. I'm fundamentally a girl. When you reach a certain age, hair
:08:07. > :08:15.grouse on a woman. I have got a fair o'clock shadow on my ass.
:08:15. > :08:21.Do you get a beard in your ears? get that? Men say, "Look in my
:08:21. > :08:25.ears." I want to say that is a moment I will never forget for the
:08:25. > :08:29.rest of my life. You have a five o'clock shadow, where did you say
:08:29. > :08:36.it? On my ass. ? In some cultures, it is
:08:37. > :08:39.attractive. LAUGHTER
:08:39. > :08:43.I haven't found the culture, but in some cultures, it is very
:08:43. > :08:45.attractive. LAUGHTER
:08:45. > :08:47.Jake, it is Jake Gyllenhaal, is that right? That's right.
:08:47. > :08:54.Is it particularly in Britain people have problems with your
:08:54. > :08:58.name? I mean, I have run into a couple of people usually under the
:08:58. > :09:08.influence who have pronounced it not in the right way. A drunk woman
:09:08. > :09:09.
:09:09. > :09:13.came up to me and thought my name was Jake Jake Googenballs.
:09:13. > :09:17.You are from LA and you spend a lot of time in London? I do, I work
:09:18. > :09:21.here a lot. I love it in London. I love it in England. Some of My
:09:21. > :09:29.Freedom close closest friends are British. That's why I have I have
:09:29. > :09:33.such good style! Given that you were born in LA, your new movie End
:09:33. > :09:37.Of Watch has taken you to a bit of LA you didn't know? Yes. It is what
:09:37. > :09:43.a lot of people know from movies as one of the most dangerous parts of
:09:43. > :09:46.Los Angeles. I grew up in Hollywood and I grew up all over LA in
:09:46. > :09:52.different ways and I know it very well, but I never spent a lot of
:09:52. > :09:54.time in South Central and it is a dangerous area and we spent five
:09:55. > :09:59.months preparing for the movie with police officers.
:09:59. > :10:04.I don't think the British police would let you do this. You went on
:10:04. > :10:09.ride alongs at night with the real policemen? Yes, two or three times
:10:09. > :10:12.a month we would go on right alongs with police officers and we would
:10:12. > :10:16.alternate with five or six different partners and we saw a lot
:10:16. > :10:20.of things on the streets. If there is a raid or something and
:10:20. > :10:30.there is a call, an emergency, and you arrive and someone is going,
:10:30. > :10:32.
:10:32. > :10:33."My husband just beat me up. Jake Gyllenhaal is here."
:10:33. > :10:38.LAUGHTER Hello.
:10:38. > :10:40.This time I am leaving you! LAUGHTER
:10:40. > :10:44.Did you get that? No, that never happened. Fortunately, people have
:10:44. > :10:49.more important things to deal with when the police arrive.
:10:49. > :10:54.A lot of that preparation, that's diligent, well done. Why did you
:10:54. > :10:59.get tasered? Because I'm an idiot! I don't know. Because we were in a
:10:59. > :11:03.group. We were at the police accad knee in -- academy in Los Angeles
:11:03. > :11:11.and they offered us to be pepper pepper sprayed or tasered and we
:11:11. > :11:14.chose...? Could you have not chosen neither? That's a choice we could
:11:14. > :11:19.have made. We are actors so we are not the sharpest tools in the shed
:11:19. > :11:26.and we decided to go for quick and painful as opposed to long and
:11:27. > :11:31.painful and we all got tasered. But why? Well we spent... There is
:11:31. > :11:34.no logical explanation why for why we did it.
:11:34. > :11:39.So you would know what it was like? Yes.
:11:39. > :11:43.Why didn't you just act? That's the idea that experiencing it does
:11:43. > :11:47.influence the sense of realism in a movie and I think it does in this
:11:47. > :11:53.movie. In this movie you feel like you are with us in a car and and
:11:53. > :11:55.that was our goal and to get tasered for all of you...
:11:55. > :11:58.LAUGHTER Is that going to be on the DVD
:11:58. > :12:04.extras? It may. It may. I'm getting that
:12:04. > :12:09.DVD right now. I will go straight to extras. Is it really terrible?
:12:09. > :12:11.Yeah, it is terrible. LAUGHTER
:12:12. > :12:19.We sort of knew that, didn't we? I wouldn't recommend it.
:12:19. > :12:24.People ask me more than you think. "is it really that bad?" I'm rather
:12:24. > :12:27.enjoying this. There was the moment where they
:12:27. > :12:30.didn't shoot it at us, they put in our pocket and our legs so it
:12:30. > :12:36.wouldn't hit our face or something like that. They said, "We're going
:12:36. > :12:42.to do it for five seconds." I said OK, that's the amount of time you
:12:42. > :12:46.have to do to pass the Taser test. And so they put on us and I
:12:46. > :12:50.remember it feeling it and screaming like a little child
:12:50. > :12:54.quickly. I said, "How long was that?" They said that's a second-
:12:54. > :13:02.and-a-half. That was forever.
:13:02. > :13:04.Does wee come out and stuff? What?
:13:04. > :13:08.LAUGHTER That sounds like a wee situation.
:13:08. > :13:14.That sounds like oh. Are you talking about a video game or...
:13:14. > :13:16.Not for me. Well done. You're young, yeah.
:13:16. > :13:22.LAUGHTER The rest of us, we would have let
:13:22. > :13:24.LAUGHTER Pretty much I'm doing it at the
:13:24. > :13:30.thought of this! It is a really, really impressive film and you are
:13:30. > :13:35.brilliant. You and your partner played by Michael Pena. You know
:13:35. > :13:39.him from Crash and you are phenomenal together. You must be so
:13:39. > :13:44.proud of it and the work you put into it. I am.
:13:44. > :13:50.We have a short clip. This is you and Michael back at the station. It
:13:50. > :14:00.is self explanatory. Evening. Sir. So this is it? This
:14:00. > :14:00.
:14:00. > :14:07.is the guns you took off the cowboy. That's nice hardware. I heard he
:14:07. > :14:09.took a shot at you. Are you OK? Yes. Keep up the good work guys, I
:14:09. > :14:16.really appreciate it. Carry on. Good evening, sir.
:14:16. > :14:21.Good evening, sir. Why do you get nervous? You want
:14:21. > :14:24.him. I'm not gay, but I would go down on him if he asked.
:14:24. > :14:27.Sometimes I don't know when you're kidding and I have to know when
:14:27. > :14:32.you're kidding. I'm not kidding.
:14:32. > :14:34.I've got to know when you're kidding. I'm not kidding.
:14:34. > :14:40.APPLAUSE Very good.
:14:40. > :14:48.Now, Joan Rivers, you are on a roll, young lady. Isn't that fabulous at
:14:48. > :14:50.this age. All my friends are dead. Nobody is there to appreciate me.
:14:50. > :14:53.LAUGHTER I spend half my day working and
:14:53. > :14:57.half my day going to funerals. The minister always says the same thing.
:14:58. > :15:04."she is in a better place." And you want to go, "No, she is not. She
:15:04. > :15:14.had a house in the Hamptons.". year, you will be 80? Next year I
:15:14. > :15:24.
:15:24. > :15:26.will be 80. APPLAUSE
:15:26. > :15:29.They are really applausing because they think, "How much longer?" Do
:15:29. > :15:32.you know what would be nice if I died on your show. You would get to
:15:32. > :15:41.see a show and a death and they would go to dinner parties and they
:15:41. > :15:47.would say, "You were there." She was talking and she fell over.
:15:47. > :15:52.APPLAUSE It was amazing. We thought botox.
:15:52. > :16:02.You know what I hate, I hate the obituaries when they say, "Sadie,
:16:02. > :16:03.
:16:03. > :16:09.106, suddenly." You go, hold it. 1406, about time -- 106, about time.
:16:09. > :16:11.LAUGHTER Time to go. We want the jewellery.
:16:11. > :16:13.LAUGHTER There is weird things about ageing
:16:13. > :16:23.that I didn't realise. It is very hard if you were attractive. You
:16:23. > :16:26.
:16:26. > :16:29.guys don't have to worry, but... APPLAUSE
:16:29. > :16:33.I have friends and I am not going to name names, Goldie Hawn. They
:16:33. > :16:39.can't take it any longer. She would say, "Would you believe I have a
:16:39. > :16:41.grown-up daughter?" I want to go, "Yes."
:16:41. > :16:46.LAUGHTER It is very hard for a woman to get
:16:46. > :16:53.older. And older men because I always faked the organism and now
:16:53. > :16:58.these old guys, you if you moan and groan in the wrong ear, they don't
:16:58. > :17:03.hear it! It is such a waist.
:17:03. > :17:10.-- waste. So it is hard getting older.
:17:10. > :17:13.But you work, you have got two shows on the network now?
:17:13. > :17:17.Fashion Police and you have to say this Sunday night.
:17:17. > :17:24.You take over the channel some nights. Fashion Police is about to
:17:24. > :17:29.celebrate its 100th episode? Isn't that amazing? It is a big hit.
:17:29. > :17:35.you single. We'll talk! She just broke up with the porn king of
:17:35. > :17:39.America. He owns Vivid. Ah, you know.
:17:39. > :17:43.Busted. We went to the porn awards. They
:17:43. > :17:53.have a red carpet, I'm not lying to you and the porn awards, it is
:17:53. > :17:56.
:17:56. > :17:59.shaved, but it is a red carpet... LAUGHTER
:17:59. > :18:02.They take it seriously, you know, they go, just to have been on top
:18:02. > :18:06.of her is enough of an honour. LAUGHTER
:18:06. > :18:11.But Melisa, there is a fashion police... The reality show is you
:18:11. > :18:15.living with her, Joan Knows Best that's Sunday nights as well.
:18:15. > :18:20.Working together, that seems crazy? Working had family is very hard. We
:18:20. > :18:24.shop together and we work together and we decorate together. She is
:18:24. > :18:28.like the gay son I never had. You know what is great, I get to go
:18:28. > :18:35.with my grandson and that's very important. I don't want to go here
:18:35. > :18:45.because it is a family show. If you are a pig and your husband is a pig,
:18:45. > :18:47.
:18:47. > :18:50.figure it out! LAUGHTER
:18:50. > :18:59.My grandson is going to be in a commercial, they want him in a
:18:59. > :19:01.diaper commercial as a turd! LAUGHTER
:19:01. > :19:08.Joan, you are in good company on the couch tonight. I don't believe
:19:08. > :19:10.any of these things. Jeremy, you like to stir it up. Not like that!
:19:10. > :19:18.LAUGHTER Here is my line. Here is Joan's
:19:18. > :19:20.line. LAUGHTER
:19:20. > :19:23.Jeremy, OK, I understand sometimes controversy can stumble into your
:19:23. > :19:27.life, but you do seem to go looking for it? I don't.
:19:27. > :19:33.Come on, you are Tweeting the car regular regular strations people
:19:33. > :19:36.who annoy you on the road! That's looking for trouble. I just
:19:36. > :19:42.think that's funny because they think they have got away with it
:19:42. > :19:46.and you go, "You haven't." I have only got 86 followers, but it is
:19:46. > :19:50.nice from my point of view. I think that's good because it paid them
:19:50. > :19:55.back. James, you seem so nice. I am.
:19:55. > :19:58.Do you hate anything? Yeah, I have irrational hate treds like wiring.
:19:59. > :20:02.I hate wires like on computers, under the desk or behind the
:20:02. > :20:09.television. There is a lot of wires.
:20:09. > :20:13.OCD. It is those wooden, those wooden sticks you get in America
:20:13. > :20:20.for stirring a coffee because all the misery of humanity is in that
:20:20. > :20:24.piece of wood because the coffee has become an elaborate construct
:20:24. > :20:30.you have an extra shot and a dash of chocolate and a warning about
:20:30. > :20:34.the heat and they say, "Would you like this piece of splintery wood."
:20:34. > :20:44.It doesn't stir it up because it is really thin and it goes round and
:20:44. > :20:44.
:20:44. > :20:46.round and nothing happens. Why? I hate it.
:20:46. > :20:49.LAUGHTER Shall I give you an idea of how
:20:49. > :20:52.much OCD James has got? This is a watch. It has got the little
:20:52. > :20:55.pointer thing that has to go by the 12. If I talk to James and there is,
:20:55. > :20:59.if I do that, it drives him. Yeah, because you are not actually
:20:59. > :21:01.timing anything. LAUGHTER
:21:01. > :21:07.You can't just leave it there. It is the funniest thing in the world.
:21:07. > :21:09.I just sit and go and it it shuts him up. I have done it again now. I
:21:09. > :21:15.will pull my sleeve down and he will never know.
:21:15. > :21:21.Jake seems so balanced, so, you know, yeah. Does anything kind your
:21:21. > :21:26.greers? Nothing, I am always so calm and imso together at all times.
:21:26. > :21:30.I believe you. I hate nothing. Everything is so beautiful. What a
:21:30. > :21:35.wonderful world! LAUGHTER
:21:35. > :21:38.Look at Joan's face! LAUGHTER
:21:38. > :21:43.It doesn't take much to set you off. Why do you hate women with prams?
:21:43. > :21:52.Why? Because they take up the whole street.
:21:52. > :21:54.LAUGHTER They have like those stupid twins.
:21:54. > :21:57.LAUGHTER Out of the way, I have twins, you
:21:57. > :22:01.know, I have - if you had given your husband a blow job instead of
:22:01. > :22:06.sex... LAUGHTER
:22:06. > :22:10.What's wrong with Glee? What's Glee ever done to you? Glee, that stupid
:22:10. > :22:15.show where they are all happy! LAUGHTER
:22:16. > :22:19.Don't. You've watched Glee, did you have a good time at high school?
:22:19. > :22:23.Well you are handsome so you probably had a good time at high
:22:23. > :22:28.school. I have so many gay friends, all the gay people on Glee, all the
:22:28. > :22:38.gay boys are running and laughing. At my high school, they were
:22:38. > :22:43.
:22:43. > :22:45.running and fucking hiding! APPLAUSE
:22:45. > :22:47.Well, listen, we thought we might ask the audience if there was
:22:47. > :22:51.anything that anode them slightly. Dear god, it was a tsunami of
:22:51. > :23:00.hatred. Let's go and meet some of the people in the audience. Feel
:23:00. > :23:07.free to chip in. Is it Nathan? Stand up Nathan. So what annoys you
:23:07. > :23:13.Nathan? People with really wet, limp limp hand shakes.
:23:13. > :23:19.Jake hates that. Jake is nodding. Everything is so beautiful.
:23:19. > :23:29.Well get you. Where is Siobhan Gallagher? There is Siobhan. Excuse
:23:29. > :23:35.
:23:35. > :23:38.I. Excuse I. Stand up. What annoys you? Men with cats.
:23:38. > :23:47.LAUGHTER Julie Phillips. What annoys you?
:23:47. > :23:52.Children that stare. Yes, that, the devil children.
:23:52. > :23:55.Children on the train. The one that comes over the back, when you are
:23:56. > :24:03.an an aeroplane. LAUGHTER
:24:03. > :24:11.. What about the one that goes, "Lady, lady." I always go is there
:24:11. > :24:13.a terrorist on board? I'm willing to help out.
:24:13. > :24:18.LAUGHTER I'm going to write a column about
:24:18. > :24:28.that. Deborah Miranda. Stand up. Hi. Hi.
:24:28. > :24:31.
:24:31. > :24:38.What do you hate? Jeremy Clarkson. What have I done now? Why? Because
:24:38. > :24:43.I'm Mexican. Actually no. Actually no. I'm going
:24:43. > :24:47.to put my foot. I didn't say anything unpleasant about Mexicans.
:24:47. > :24:52.Did you not? No, I was sitting near a man who said something unpleasant
:24:52. > :24:56.and that was enough for me to spark fury. It wasn't even him. The
:24:56. > :25:02.irritating little Brummie midges got away with it. No, I would
:25:02. > :25:10.apologise on his behalf. We went to the Mexican Embassy to apologise on
:25:10. > :25:20.his behalf and we got paralytic. We said sorry to the Mexicans. Well
:25:20. > :25:25.
:25:25. > :25:26.done, thank you very much. And another thing I hate!
:25:26. > :25:32.LAUGHTER We have changed you. It is so
:25:32. > :25:37.beautiful here. And I am never coming back to
:25:37. > :25:43.Britain again. If you want to hear more traffic based ranning of that
:25:43. > :25:50.quality, -- ranting you could do worse than buy the DVD, the Worse
:25:50. > :25:54.Car In The History of the World. You guys like nice cars? Yeah, but
:25:54. > :25:58.why don't we just say that now and go back to Joan?
:25:58. > :26:04.No, no. I would rather listen to Joan than
:26:04. > :26:08.drone on about cars. We need to sell it a bit. We have.
:26:08. > :26:12.Right, buy that. Please buy it. You don't want have
:26:12. > :26:17.to watch it. All we are bothered about is you buy it.
:26:17. > :26:23.You went around and tested... were obliged to put something on
:26:23. > :26:29.the zisk in the -- disc on the box. Have you seen the photographs of us
:26:29. > :26:34.on the front front cover? I think you didn't know that picture was
:26:34. > :26:42.being taken! That's like our carers, they just
:26:42. > :26:46.take the jackets off and now got the picture pop them back on.
:26:46. > :26:50.Was it hard to pick the worst car ever? Not really. If you sit down
:26:50. > :26:56.and think about it, I won't say what it is because we want people
:26:56. > :27:00.to buy that. We rattled through six or seven choices and they went, "It
:27:00. > :27:08.is this car because the expectation of it was good, but it was awful."
:27:08. > :27:13.You bought it and thought thought "I am doing well. I look a bit of a
:27:13. > :27:19.plonker." Is there an initial or a name? There is a name.
:27:19. > :27:25.Is it a long name? As soon as we mentioned it we said
:27:25. > :27:30.yes, but you would have to be moronic to buy one.
:27:30. > :27:35.I am that moron. Seriously, I have owned the worst car in the world.
:27:35. > :27:41.But I liked it. LAUGHTER
:27:41. > :27:44.I liked it. That's beautiful. Yeah, I loved it, Jake. I loved
:27:44. > :27:48.that car. Oh they mock that car. I loved it.
:27:48. > :27:55.Are you making that up? I only got rid of it because my dog out grew
:27:55. > :28:00.You had that car that we think... It is my favourite car ever.
:28:00. > :28:02.I meant magnificent. LAUGHTER
:28:02. > :28:07.Did you choose it on purpose because you knew I owned it?
:28:07. > :28:11.I thought you had a Porsche. I had one of those, I didn't like
:28:11. > :28:15.that. No, it is horrible.
:28:15. > :28:19.Can you say it if you say you loved it? It spoils the end of the video
:28:19. > :28:26.because I'm caring like that. tell you after.
:28:26. > :28:28.I'm going to have to go and buy that DVD.
:28:28. > :28:35.LAUGHTER I will never watch it.
:28:35. > :28:45.Here is a clip. Here is some of the fun you had
:28:45. > :28:51.choosing the worst car in the world. You useless piece of...
:28:52. > :29:01.I'm stuck. You lift it had up? didn't. This is fraudulent. Aur'
:29:01. > :29:08.cheating -- you're cheating. The Stig's Yorkshire cousin. Oh my
:29:08. > :29:16.god. You can tell it is his because
:29:16. > :29:22.necessary the boot. A trinket for sad fantasists.
:29:22. > :29:31.Jeremy had one! LAUGHTER
:29:31. > :29:41.Where is the Stig? Hang on a minute. James, there has
:29:41. > :29:44.
:29:44. > :29:45.been a bit of an accident with your car.
:29:45. > :29:50.APPLAUSE I forgot the obvious question,
:29:50. > :29:56.where is the Hamster? Where is Mr Richard Hammond? Honestly, he is in
:29:56. > :29:59.Mexico. Is he making amends? Get on the stage, kill him.
:29:59. > :30:02.He is in America. He is always in America. He is wung of those people
:30:02. > :30:09.-- one of those people, they are desperate to be Americans. He is
:30:09. > :30:18.one of those people. I am one of those people too.
:30:18. > :30:23.He says, "I will take a bud." Like you do. "I will take a Bud." No,
:30:23. > :30:26.Richard, please may I have? Can I get a coffee and one of those
:30:26. > :30:31.sticks as well. Oh, shut up about the sticks.
:30:32. > :30:36.Now, listen, we must mention Top Gear, isn't it the most successful
:30:36. > :30:40.Television programme in the world? It is now. It is seen by 350
:30:40. > :30:47.million people in in 170 countries and this year you are celebrating
:30:47. > :30:49.the tenth anniversary. Congratulations.
:30:49. > :30:52.APPLAUSE What do you mean, you are not?
:30:52. > :30:54.isn't. I am only celebrating my nine-and-
:30:54. > :30:59.a-half anniversary. He was lost for the first series.
:30:59. > :31:04.We told him where the studio was, but he has no sense of direction.
:31:04. > :31:05.thought it was a long way. He got lost at the second Albert
:31:05. > :31:09.Hall. There are two.
:31:10. > :31:19.He says there are two Albert Halls and he got lost and we had to get
:31:19. > :31:29.another man to stand in for him. Have you done the Top scoop gear? -
:31:29. > :31:33.- Gear? Why why have you not done it? I would be useless.
:31:33. > :31:39.Who would like to see Graham do it? AUDIENCE: Yes.
:31:39. > :31:48.Can't you be killed doing it? I was scared coming on this show.
:31:48. > :31:55.You could be killed on this show. I remember once being in a Russian
:31:55. > :32:01.built plane that had been in ang goalian Air Force and used in Cuba
:32:01. > :32:07.and I remember thinking, "At least the kids have a great anecdote.
:32:07. > :32:09."how did your dad die?" To die in a reasonably priced car would be all
:32:09. > :32:12.right. It would save anyone speaking at
:32:12. > :32:18.the the funeral, they could just show the footage.
:32:18. > :32:21.We got in a real car accident, we were filming End Of Watch. All the
:32:21. > :32:24.footage you see, we have a scene in the movie that's in the trailer and
:32:24. > :32:28.in the movie where we are driving, I never drive the car, Michael Pena
:32:28. > :32:34.my partner in the movie drives the car, but we didn't know, but the
:32:34. > :32:39.road had been repaved and he took the anti-lock brakes off. We had
:32:39. > :32:43.half a block to get up to speed at 60mph and we braked, the car in
:32:43. > :32:47.front of us which was an old van, we braked and they braked and we
:32:47. > :32:57.just skidded like maybe 1250 feet right in the back side of the car
:32:57. > :32:57.
:32:57. > :33:00.and the airbags come out. What is in the movie is the best part,
:33:00. > :33:10.which is the camera bumping into the car and rolling down the street
:33:10. > :33:16.while the you hear the director and the cinema to go grafr screaming.
:33:16. > :33:18.Do you drive? Since high school, I have only been in the back seat!
:33:18. > :33:25.LAUGHTER It is so much better.
:33:25. > :33:29.If I do Top Gear, will you you be in the back seat? Yes.
:33:29. > :33:32.It is time for music now. This singer is one of the most talked
:33:32. > :33:37.about stars to come out of America in the last couple of years. Queen
:33:37. > :33:47.of the super dance, performing her new single, Die Young, please
:33:47. > :33:50.
:33:50. > :33:57.# I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums
:33:57. > :34:02.# Oh what a shame that you came here with someone
:34:02. > :34:12.# So while you're here in my arms # Let's make the most of the night
:34:12. > :34:17.like we're gonna die young # We're gonna die young
:34:17. > :34:23.# Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young
:34:23. > :34:33.# Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young
:34:33. > :34:35.
:34:35. > :34:41.# Young hearts, out our minds # Running 'til we outta time
:34:41. > :34:44.# Wild child's lookin' good # Living hard just like we should
:34:44. > :34:47.# Don't care whose watching when we tearing it up
:34:47. > :34:51.# That magic that we got nobody can touch
:34:51. > :34:57.# Looking for some trouble tonight # Take my hand, I'll show you the
:34:57. > :35:02.wild, side # Like it's the last night of our
:35:02. > :35:05.lives # We'll keep dancing 'til we die
:35:05. > :35:13.# I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums
:35:13. > :35:18.# Oh what a shame that you came here with someone
:35:18. > :35:25.# So while you're here in my arms, # Let's make the most of the night
:35:25. > :35:35.like we're gonna die young # We're gonna die young
:35:35. > :35:44.
:35:44. > :35:48.# Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young
:35:48. > :35:58.# Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young
:35:58. > :36:01.
:36:01. > :36:10.# Young hunks, taking shots # Stripping down to dirty socks
:36:10. > :36:13.# It's pretty obvious that you've got a crush (you know)
:36:13. > :36:15.# Take my hand I'll show you the wild side
:36:15. > :36:25.# Like it's the last night of our lives
:36:25. > :36:26.
:36:26. > :36:32.# We'll keep dancing 'til we die # I hear your heart beat to the
:36:32. > :36:36.beat of the drums # Oh what a shame that you came
:36:37. > :36:41.here with someone # So while you're here in my arms,
:36:41. > :36:44.# Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young
:36:44. > :36:47.# I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums
:36:47. > :36:52.# Oh what a shame that you came here with someone
:36:52. > :36:58.# So while you're here in my arms # Let's make the most of the night
:36:58. > :37:08.like we're gonna die young # We're gonna die young
:37:08. > :37:22.
:37:22. > :37:29.# Let's make the most of the night Ke$ha, everybody.
:37:29. > :37:34.Come over here. Beautiful, Ke$ha, everyone.
:37:34. > :37:44.Beautiful. You sit down there with Mr James
:37:44. > :37:45.
:37:45. > :37:50.May. That's lovely. Oh. That was spectacular, Ke$ha, thank you very
:37:50. > :38:00.much. It will be released on 4th
:38:00. > :38:01.
:38:01. > :38:08.December? Yeah. I have got a card here. The single
:38:08. > :38:17.is released on 4th December. Jake is playing a member of the
:38:17. > :38:23.LAPD. Right now. He is pretending to be an actor.
:38:23. > :38:27.Did you have any trouble because you broke no a house, didn't you? A
:38:27. > :38:32.celebrity's house? Which one? wish I could say that!
:38:32. > :38:36.Didn't you break into Prince's house? Oh yeah, yeah.
:38:36. > :38:42.What you have forgotten? definitely remember that. I broke
:38:42. > :38:48.into a few people's houses. It always turns out different.
:38:48. > :38:52.You say snuck in, I say broke in. How do you sneak in? I don't break
:38:52. > :38:57.anything. No. I just crept under a fence and
:38:57. > :39:03.the door was unlocked. To me, that's like having a big welcoming
:39:03. > :39:10.sign. And was Prince in? He was playing the guitar. Isn't that
:39:10. > :39:13.crazy? I'm not even joking. He was jamming on the guitar?
:39:13. > :39:16.was, though. Why did you do that? Because I
:39:16. > :39:23.wanted to work with him. That's a great way to introduce
:39:23. > :39:33.yourself. It works sometimes, it really does. No? On my new album, I
:39:33. > :39:35.
:39:35. > :39:43.did a song and I worked with ig with Iggy Pop because I stalked him
:39:43. > :39:48.for years. I have got a kitchen shutter and it
:39:48. > :39:53.is going down tonne, I'll tell you. We have time for a story or two in
:39:53. > :39:58.the red chair. Who is up first. Hello. Pm. Hello. What is your
:39:58. > :40:03.name? Linda. Where are you from? Essex.
:40:03. > :40:08.Lovely and what do you do in Essex, Linda? I am a mum to Frankie.
:40:08. > :40:18.Frankie, oh. LAUGHTER
:40:18. > :40:22.
:40:22. > :40:23.How Old is Frankie? He is six. Hopefully he won see this show!
:40:23. > :40:26.LAUGHTER -- hopefully he won't see this
:40:26. > :40:28.show! LAUGHTER
:40:28. > :40:36.Wow, that's a leaver operating a big red chair.
:40:36. > :40:41.The world is so beautiful! LAUGHTER
:40:41. > :40:44.Shall we try it again? Shall we try it again? Who is up next? Hello.
:40:44. > :40:49.Hello. What's your name? Jane.
:40:49. > :40:59.Where are you from? Surbiton. What are you doing in Surbiton?
:40:59. > :41:03.
:41:03. > :41:09.am a full-time mum to three kids and we have got a new puppy, Graham.
:41:09. > :41:15.LAUGHTER Cats, forget about them!
:41:15. > :41:23.This is the one. This is the one. This one is going to tell the story.
:41:23. > :41:28.Hello. Forget about it! LAUGHTER
:41:28. > :41:35.Anybody with facial hair... Yeah, I hope the selectors back there, do
:41:35. > :41:41.we have anyone left? OK. Hello.
:41:41. > :41:51.No. No. No. I'm protecting you. What's your name? Charley.
:41:51. > :41:53.
:41:53. > :41:56.I bet. Where Where would people find you
:41:56. > :42:00.if if they were they were looking? Huddersfield.
:42:00. > :42:07.Have you come all the way from Huddersfield today? Yes.
:42:07. > :42:13.On a train or something? Yeah. Do you do something? I am a waiter
:42:13. > :42:23.at the moment. Where? Where? Pizza Hut.
:42:23. > :42:28.
:42:28. > :42:30.They have got them big crusts. LAUGHTER
:42:30. > :42:36.All right, I have high hopes, Charlie, you have travelled from
:42:36. > :42:40.Huddersfield to tell this story. I am a huge Ke$ha fan. In
:42:40. > :42:43.Birmingham she chose me to go on stage with her and she gave me a
:42:43. > :42:49.lap dance and it was the best day of my life.
:42:49. > :42:54.That's a beautiful story. I know. I treat my fans well.
:42:54. > :43:02.What? He said what? She said she treats
:43:02. > :43:07.her fans well? She does. Look at Charlie. He is so happy.
:43:08. > :43:12.How does that look go down in Huddersfield? Did you get get
:43:12. > :43:22.changed on the train? Yeah. It was a shirt and tie when he got
:43:22. > :43:23.
:43:23. > :43:30.on the train. Now, look! Charlie, you can walk. Listen, well
:43:30. > :43:32.done to everyone on the show. Thank you to all of my guests tonight,
:43:32. > :43:40.Ke$ha. APPLAUSE