0:00:02 > 0:00:05I'm so excited! Only an hour and 25 minutes to go until midnight.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07So, let's start our countdown, everyone!
0:00:07 > 0:00:09GRAHAM AND AUDIENCE: 5,400,
0:00:09 > 0:00:135,399,
0:00:13 > 0:00:145...
0:00:14 > 0:00:17This is going to take for ever. Let's start the show!
0:00:17 > 0:00:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:33Oh!
0:00:33 > 0:00:34Oh!
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Hello, everybody!
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Whoa!
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Thank you for joining us on New Year's Eve!
0:00:45 > 0:00:46Oh!
0:00:46 > 0:00:49And what a way to bring in the new year.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Hollywood megastar Tom Cruise is here!
0:00:51 > 0:00:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:55 > 0:00:57He is joined by his Jack Reacher co-star,
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Rosamund Pike, ladies and gentlemen!
0:00:59 > 0:01:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:04The brilliant Billy Crystal is on the show!
0:01:04 > 0:01:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:10X-Man and heart-throb Hugh Jackman is here!
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Top comic John Bishop is on the show!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Plus, we have a pair of delights from The Great British Bake Off -
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry are here!
0:01:23 > 0:01:26I know, I know, I know!
0:01:26 > 0:01:28And, and if that wasn't enough,
0:01:28 > 0:01:31later on, we'll be having music and chat from Pink!
0:01:31 > 0:01:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:33 > 0:01:35I know!
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Phew!
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Phew. Oh.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Is it midnight yet? I'm exhausted.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45I tell you, what a thrill to finally have Tom Cruise on the show!
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Yes, he's here!
0:01:46 > 0:01:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Tom's perhaps most famous for the Mission Impossible films.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Ooh! They're good. You remember the famous heist scene?
0:01:56 > 0:01:57The heist scene?
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Yeah, there it is.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Oh, amazing, isn't it?
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Mind you, I mean, who wouldn't look cool dangling from a wire?
0:02:03 > 0:02:06LAUGHTER
0:02:10 > 0:02:13The Mayor of London.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16He's in charge.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Tom, he's such a shaker and a mover.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21He's even good friends with David Beckham, everyone.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22Yes, he is, yeah.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23In fact, in fact...
0:02:23 > 0:02:26David even managed to get him tickets
0:02:26 > 0:02:28to see Victoria performing her greatest hits live.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30LAUGHTER
0:02:31 > 0:02:34OK! Let's get my first set of guests on!
0:02:34 > 0:02:36They're the stars of the new Jack Reacher movie.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38It's Rosamund Pike!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Oh!
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- Hi. - Hello, you lovely thing.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48- Hello! It's so lovely to meet you. - You look beautiful.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- Come in and sit down, just there. - In the middle?- Wherever you want!
0:02:51 > 0:02:52Thank you!
0:02:52 > 0:02:55And he's the biggest movie star in the world.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59It is the one, the only, Mr Tom Cruise!
0:02:59 > 0:03:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:04 > 0:03:07- Oh!- Nice to be here. - Please, come in and sit down.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- GRAHAM LAUGHS - Oh!
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Oh, how...
0:03:21 > 0:03:23GRAHAM LAUGHS
0:03:25 > 0:03:26- He's real!- I know!
0:03:26 > 0:03:29It's like I'm having some weird, out-of-body thing.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32"Then I had this weird dream and, like, "Tom Cruise is on the couch."
0:03:32 > 0:03:33LAUGHTER
0:03:33 > 0:03:36You're both very welcome.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38- Thank you for having us.- This is odder than I thought it would be.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Do you ever get over the fact that it's Tom Cruise?
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Basically, my expression through the whole movie is,
0:03:43 > 0:03:45"Oh, it's Tom Cruise!"
0:03:45 > 0:03:47- He really is, you know. - It's Tom Cruise!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50He's walked straight off all those movies that you would have seen,
0:03:50 > 0:03:52and then he looks just the same. It's amazing!
0:03:54 > 0:03:57And it's incredible to think of three decades
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- at the top of your game.- 32 years. Thank you.- It's phenomenal.
0:04:00 > 0:04:05And this is apropos of nothing but I was a kid and I went to America,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07and the first movie I saw in America
0:04:07 > 0:04:09was an audience test screening of Risky Business.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- Come on. Really? - I had to fill in the card.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I could have wrecked your career!
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Yeah!
0:04:15 > 0:04:19- Well, thank you. I'm sure you didn't. I appreciate it!- Yeah, yeah.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20But no, but that was kind of...
0:04:20 > 0:04:23That was the beginning, really, Risky Business, wasn't it?
0:04:23 > 0:04:27Do you remember kind of the moment when fame hit and you thought,
0:04:27 > 0:04:29"Oh, actually, I can't arrange
0:04:29 > 0:04:31"to meet a friend outside a coffee shop anymore,"
0:04:31 > 0:04:34you know, your life changed? Do you remember your life changing?
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Yeah, I remember right after...
0:04:35 > 0:04:39Yeah, it did. Right after Risky Business, it changed a lot.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41And then Top Gun, it was...
0:04:41 > 0:04:43AUDIENCE: Ooh! GRAHAM LAUGHS
0:04:43 > 0:04:44Ooh!
0:04:44 > 0:04:46It was very different.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47He said "Top Gun."
0:04:47 > 0:04:49LAUGHTER
0:04:50 > 0:04:52I feel like we shouldn't ask any questions.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55We'll just sit here and look at him for a while!
0:04:55 > 0:04:58LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Oh! Now, Tom Cruise,
0:05:01 > 0:05:05you are legendary for the amount of time you spend with your fans
0:05:05 > 0:05:08and the signings, and all that time.
0:05:08 > 0:05:09Now, when you meet your fans,
0:05:09 > 0:05:11you've got this huge back catalogue of movies,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14so do people want you to, like, do lines from the movies?
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- Do they do catchphrases?- Yeah.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Is there any particular catchphrase they always want to hear?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Well, there's different ones from different films.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23You know, sometimes, they'll ask,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26or they actually kind of shout it at me sometimes, you know.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Is there one that's top of the list?
0:05:28 > 0:05:30There's not, like, one, no.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- Basically, I'm saying do some. - Oh, OK, all right, OK.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- I'm sorry, yeah!- 30 years in the business!- Good, good.
0:05:36 > 0:05:3830 years in the business!
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Amuse us with some catchphrases!
0:05:43 > 0:05:45OK, I get it now. I get it. I get it.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47I'm a little slow, but I catch on.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Do you want the audience to shout some?
0:05:49 > 0:05:50AUDIENCE: Yeah! What's that?
0:05:50 > 0:05:52MAN IN AUDIENCE: "Show me the money!"
0:05:52 > 0:05:53OK.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: Jerry Maguire, "You complete me."
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Yeah, you complete me. You had me at "Hello?"
0:05:58 > 0:06:01You complete me? CHEERING
0:06:01 > 0:06:02You complete me.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- Aww.- Help me help you.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06AUDIENCE: Yeah!
0:06:06 > 0:06:07I want the truth.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Feel the need for speed.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13It's Tom Cruise, everyone!
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Sometimes you just gotta say, "What the..."
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- Yeah!- Risky Business.- Yeah!
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Aww, Risky Business.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23- I know!- 10.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:27 > 0:06:29It's very nice of you to join us on New Year's Eve...
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- No, thank you for having me. - ..and kick off the show.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34And obviously, you're here to talk about Jack Reacher,
0:06:34 > 0:06:37which you're both in. And every kind of Tom Cruise...
0:06:37 > 0:06:38it's a big event
0:06:38 > 0:06:41and Londoners got a taste of that recently
0:06:41 > 0:06:43- when you shut the city down! - AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yes.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Some bloke there going, "Yes!"
0:06:46 > 0:06:47"It was very inconvenient.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49"I like him! But it was annoying."
0:06:49 > 0:06:52No, Trafalgar Square!
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- Has anyone ever done that before?- No.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58It's for the opening of this film I'm shooting now, All You Need is Kill.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02And it's going to look fantastic in the movie.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- It's sort of all real. - It was an amazing experience.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Cos I've walked through there and drove past it,
0:07:07 > 0:07:10and then to land that helicopter, flying with the RAF, I was...
0:07:10 > 0:07:13I blew the first take cos I was smiling too much!
0:07:13 > 0:07:14When I got up, I was, yeah,
0:07:14 > 0:07:18I was so kind of thrilled by the whole experience
0:07:18 > 0:07:20of flying over London, and low around Big Ben.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22It's a great opening to the movie.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23Can I just interject?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Cos when Tom says, "When I landed the helicopter,"
0:07:25 > 0:07:27- he means, "When- I- landed the helicopter!"
0:07:27 > 0:07:30He doesn't mean when the pilot landed the helicopter,
0:07:30 > 0:07:32he means he did it. He flies planes, this man.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34He drives, he flies planes.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37All the sequences of car chases in our movie,
0:07:37 > 0:07:38it's all Tom driving.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- It's unreal.- That IS incredible.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Thanks.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43That was fun.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46When...
0:07:46 > 0:07:50And when you see the movie, you'll understand just how incredible.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53It's not just like, you know, we can all drive.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57People are going, "Yeah, Rosamund, so, he drives a car."
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- This is wild, wild.- Anyway, we're here to talk about Jack Reacher.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03And Jack Reacher, hugely popular character.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06- Is it 17 novels or something?- 17.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08So, you play Jack, and you play Helen Rodin.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10- I do.- Jack and Helen.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12And you're the defence attorney?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Yes.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17And it's not quite a romance, but there's...
0:08:17 > 0:08:20- ..there's chemistry, I would say. - Yes, there is definitely chemistry.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22There's a romance chemistry, not...
0:08:22 > 0:08:26We kind of wanted to do a male-female dynamic
0:08:26 > 0:08:28that sort of wasn't about sex,
0:08:28 > 0:08:30but kind of was.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31It's all about sex.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- It's all about sex. - It's always about sex!
0:08:34 > 0:08:36We watched a lot of films like The Thomas Crown Affair,
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- and films where there's sort of...- There's heat.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40..there's more than just boy and girl
0:08:40 > 0:08:42- and she's more than just the love interest.- No, yeah.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Now, obviously,
0:08:44 > 0:08:46you are English, clearly.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50- Yes.- And you're very, very good in the movie, do not get me wrong.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52You're excellent.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55But if I was a beautiful, blonde, American actress watching the film,
0:08:55 > 0:08:56I might slightly think,
0:08:56 > 0:08:58"That bitch. What's she doing in the film?"
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- Can you say that on television here?- Bitch?- Yeah!
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- I've said worse things in rehearsal!- Have you?
0:09:04 > 0:09:06- What else did you call me, Graham? - No, I was just...
0:09:06 > 0:09:07What else did he say?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09No, I was just channelling.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12I was channelling what a beautiful, blonde American actress might think.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15So, how did it happen that you ended up going for Rodin?
0:09:15 > 0:09:18We wanted her for it. She came in and we met, and...
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Great actress, very beautiful, cinematic.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26And when she came in, it was like we just wanted her in the film.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28But you were five months pregnant filming this movie.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Well, by the end, not the whole way through, obviously, cos...
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Yes, time passes.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Time passes.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Yeah, I have a secret stowaway in the film, which is quite cool.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40- It's beautiful.- But as the producer,
0:09:40 > 0:09:42you're one of the producers, Tom, when you found out...
0:09:42 > 0:09:45He thought about firing me, but I was pretty hard to get rid of.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47No, no. Actually, you know what?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49For insurance reasons, they came and they said,
0:09:49 > 0:09:52"Look, you know, maybe we should replace her,"
0:09:52 > 0:09:54but there's no way we were going to replace her.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56So, what we were able to do was, I would shoot with her during the day
0:09:56 > 0:09:59and then I would do the stunt car chase at night.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02So, there were some days that we shot 36 hours,
0:10:02 > 0:10:04and I had a 48-hour time
0:10:04 > 0:10:06where I was shooting first unit with Rosamund
0:10:06 > 0:10:09and then second unit at night, doing the car chases.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11This man would come to work with one hour's sleep,
0:10:11 > 0:10:12looking pretty much the same!
0:10:12 > 0:10:15You had to be very patient with me sometimes, cos I was...
0:10:15 > 0:10:17There was one shot. I think maybe only one shot.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- No, at the bus stop. When we were at the bus stop.- At the bus stop?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Actually, I was so tired, it was 36 hours,
0:10:21 > 0:10:25and I had that whole monologue when I'm leaving the bus station.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Oh, yeah, yeah.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28And I only had enough energy for the take
0:10:28 > 0:10:30so they would roll camera,
0:10:30 > 0:10:32and then I would wake up and do the take,
0:10:32 > 0:10:34and then fall back asleep again.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35LAUGHTER
0:10:35 > 0:10:36Well, we've got a clip,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38and this is you and Rosamund,
0:10:38 > 0:10:41and you may be awake or asleep in this scene,
0:10:41 > 0:10:42we're not sure.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43Yes! I'll tell you.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47You're working for me, do you understand that?
0:10:47 > 0:10:50So everything you do is a reflection on my firm, on me.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51I was set up.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53You're talking to a lawyer.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54There was this girl.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56She came on to me, picked a fight.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Oh, which never happens in a bar.
0:10:58 > 0:10:59She was thrown when I told her my name.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- She was expecting Mike Tyson? - She wasn't expecting Jimmie Reese.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Yankees second baseman.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Why'd you say you were a Yankees second baseman?
0:11:10 > 0:11:11I always use Yankees second baseman.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13I didn't say I was a Yankees second baseman,
0:11:13 > 0:11:15I just said...
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Look...
0:11:17 > 0:11:20..the point is, she was expecting to hear Jack Reacher.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21She knew who I was.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23The cops were rolling before the fight even started.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27And those five guys are her brothers? Come on.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Someone sent those boys to put me down.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:35 > 0:11:38You see that look there, right? The look that goes...
0:11:39 > 0:11:42That's the kind of...the Tom Cruise.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45We want to talk a bit more about the stunts,
0:11:45 > 0:11:47cos we mentioned the car chase.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Seriously, you did all the driving in that?
0:11:49 > 0:11:50- Yes.- Yeah.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52- But who let's you do that? - He's the producer.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I know, but there must be other producers!
0:11:54 > 0:11:57There must be other producers who kind of go, "No!"
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Can someone say no to you?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Yeah, if they... AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:12:04 > 0:12:05But you'll ignore them.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Yes.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10And what is it now? Is it just like a badge of pride?
0:12:10 > 0:12:12No, it really has to do with storytelling.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14That...
0:12:14 > 0:12:17I mean, as a kid, I was always kind of doing different stunts.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Like, I lived in Canada for a while and I would do flips off the house
0:12:20 > 0:12:22into the snow,
0:12:22 > 0:12:26and I'd create characters and stories for my family
0:12:26 > 0:12:28to really try to make them laugh.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30And I'd create a ramp
0:12:30 > 0:12:33and ride my bike across and try to jump over, you know...
0:12:34 > 0:12:37..ditches, and stuff like that.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39But I feel that..
0:12:40 > 0:12:41..that, you know, acting,
0:12:41 > 0:12:43you're bringing everything, you know,
0:12:43 > 0:12:46physically and emotionally to a character in a story,
0:12:46 > 0:12:48and I'm able to do it,
0:12:48 > 0:12:51and I've trained for 30 years doing things like this,
0:12:51 > 0:12:53that it allows us to put cameras in places
0:12:53 > 0:12:55where you normally are not able to do,
0:12:55 > 0:12:56because...
0:12:57 > 0:13:00So, when I started producing Mission Impossible,
0:13:00 > 0:13:03I started developing different...
0:13:03 > 0:13:06..action with the action around what I could physically do
0:13:06 > 0:13:07and train to be able to do.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08And I used to, you know...
0:13:08 > 0:13:11I raced cars for Paul Newman's race team.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- Oh yeah.- I raced cars for him for a couple of years,
0:13:13 > 0:13:17and I've just always loved fast cars and motorcycles
0:13:17 > 0:13:19and hiking and climbing and...
0:13:19 > 0:13:21jumping and aeroplanes and...
0:13:21 > 0:13:23We've got some stills from the Mission Impossible series.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26There's that, then there's the really difficult one,
0:13:26 > 0:13:29I was going to say, "The really difficult one," like that's easy.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31That's you just climbing a building, er...
0:13:31 > 0:13:35You know, people wash windows. I don't know.
0:13:35 > 0:13:36The one on the...
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Like, how do you even get in that?
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Like, did someone lift you up?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43No, I actually climbed down.
0:13:43 > 0:13:44That hurt. That one hurt, actually.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47You can see my head back because it was quite painful,
0:13:47 > 0:13:48because I had to hold it.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51There was a helicopter coming around to try to get in position,
0:13:51 > 0:13:55and it took them a while to figure out the composition,
0:13:55 > 0:13:58so I had to hold it a little longer than I wanted to.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02And does Tom Cruise, the man... I mean, are you scared?
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Are you terrified?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06No. I mean, no.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09There's moments where the adrenaline is going,
0:14:09 > 0:14:12like on the Burj, when I went off the building.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14There's times in Reacher...
0:14:14 > 0:14:16The stuff that we were doing was very technical
0:14:16 > 0:14:20and, you know, I have a camera over my shoulder
0:14:20 > 0:14:23and we're being chased by a camera car that's a pursuit car,
0:14:23 > 0:14:25so that a lot of the stunts, when you see,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27that we have the basic geography of it,
0:14:27 > 0:14:29but sometimes, things go wrong,
0:14:29 > 0:14:33and a lot of the stuff that went wrong is in the movie...
0:14:33 > 0:14:35When you're seeing it, it's things, you know...
0:14:35 > 0:14:41..and went wrong in a way that no-one was injured or hurt badly.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43And... LAUGHTER
0:14:43 > 0:14:45- I had to qualify that! - You really did, didn't you?
0:14:45 > 0:14:48You're thinking, "Oh, what about Mike?" Yeah.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50No, I got into it today. OK.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52No, no-one was hurt badly.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53No-one missed a day of work!
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Did you see Tom on that show? Yeah, "No-one got hurt!"
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Exactly.
0:14:58 > 0:14:59And, Rosamund, were you, originally,
0:14:59 > 0:15:02were you supposed to be in any of these action scenes,
0:15:02 > 0:15:04and just sort of had to pull out because of Solo?
0:15:04 > 0:15:06No, no. No, I wasn't.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09She'd be great at it! She's a terrific driver.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12I had to do my one little bit of driving, which is...
0:15:12 > 0:15:15I mean, in some ways, it might look slight in the movie,
0:15:15 > 0:15:19but the thing I had to do is I had to reverse out of a parking lot,
0:15:19 > 0:15:21put the car into gear, drive incredibly fast,
0:15:21 > 0:15:25stop dead because I've nearly run over my co-star, right?
0:15:25 > 0:15:29And when your co-star is Tom Cruise, it somehow puts an extra pressure.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Not that it wouldn't be bad to run anybody over!
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Yeah, some people.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38No, no, you're very valuable, Tom.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40You know, the insurance claim would be unaffordable.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Yes. And it's all that stuff about actors,
0:15:43 > 0:15:45it's important you trust each other, it's a trust exercise,
0:15:45 > 0:15:47but like, if someone's driving a car towards you,
0:15:47 > 0:15:48that's a lot of trust!
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Well, I trust her with the driving, but I did have a stunt guy saying,
0:15:51 > 0:15:53"OK, if she passes this mark, jump this high."
0:15:53 > 0:15:56We figured out like I was going to be on the windshield of the car.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- So, you had planned for her hitting you?- I had planned, just in case!
0:15:59 > 0:16:01- Just in case! - Just in case.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04If you hit the accelerator instead of the brake, I was ready.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08I didn't want her to feel bad.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Now, I've never met you before, you've never been on my show before,
0:16:11 > 0:16:12but because of who you are,
0:16:12 > 0:16:15whenever I have a guest, like if Rosamund was here,
0:16:15 > 0:16:17I'd be saying, "What was it like working with Tom Cruise?"
0:16:17 > 0:16:19And, you know, friends of mine have been and things,
0:16:19 > 0:16:21and you always say, "What's he like?"
0:16:21 > 0:16:25And people are extraordinary, and you're probably aware of this,
0:16:25 > 0:16:27but they don't just say, "Oh, he's nice," they GUSH.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31Like, I have never heard a bad word about you.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33I mean, you are just universally loved
0:16:33 > 0:16:34by the people who work with you.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36And yet, the press can,
0:16:36 > 0:16:38I think, the press give you quite a hard time.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Is that frustrating for you?
0:16:40 > 0:16:42It must be frustrating.
0:16:42 > 0:16:43There, I've said it.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48I've answered your question. It's frustrating.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51I've finished your interview for you.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Don't thank me.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57But seriously, it must get under your skin!
0:16:57 > 0:16:59No, actually, I...
0:16:59 > 0:17:04You know what? It's something that I realised you just have...
0:17:04 > 0:17:05It just is what it is.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09And, you know, I remember talking with Newman, and he said,
0:17:09 > 0:17:12"You know what? You can't ever pay attention to white noise."
0:17:12 > 0:17:14You know, and just...
0:17:14 > 0:17:16I think about that, you know.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18You just have to live your life and...
0:17:20 > 0:17:21..do your work and...
0:17:21 > 0:17:23..just do the best you can.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Wise words for this New Year's Eve,
0:17:25 > 0:17:28and I know a lot more people have now just fallen in love with you.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30So, you're dashing off,
0:17:30 > 0:17:32but Jack Reacher, it's in cinemas now,
0:17:32 > 0:17:35and here is Mr Tom Cruise in action.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40It's your last chance to walk away.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42- Are you kidding? It's five against one.- It's three against one.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45How do you figure?
0:17:45 > 0:17:49Once I take out the leader, which is you,
0:17:49 > 0:17:52I'll have to contend with one or two enthusiastic wingmen.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Last two guys? I always win.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Remember...
0:17:58 > 0:17:59..you wanted this.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06OK.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08You're OK. Get up.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10HE GROANS
0:18:13 > 0:18:16OK, now we know who's who.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Let's get this done.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Really?
0:18:38 > 0:18:39SIRENS WAIL
0:18:41 > 0:18:44Wow! Fantastic!
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Ladies and gentlemen, what a great start to the show!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Rosamund Pike and Mr Tom Cruise!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Thank you for having us.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58Please come and see us again. Lovely lady! Mwah, mwah!
0:18:58 > 0:19:00There they go!
0:19:00 > 0:19:01Thanks very much.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Oh! Oh!
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Oh, very good! Very good! All right! All right!
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Settle! Settle yourselves, audience.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14It's all very well...
0:19:16 > 0:19:18..but now, I hope you all remember what you rehearsed.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Do you? Do you?
0:19:20 > 0:19:21AUDIENCE: Yes!
0:19:21 > 0:19:24I hope so, because in honour of one of my next guests,
0:19:24 > 0:19:27the audience prepared a little surprise,
0:19:27 > 0:19:30and we have a live band standing by backstage.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32There they are. Hello, Sandy and the band!
0:19:32 > 0:19:34- BAND: Hello! - What a lovely shrug!
0:19:34 > 0:19:36And...
0:19:36 > 0:19:39..Sandy, Sandy, can you give the audience their note?
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Yeah. Chord of A.
0:19:40 > 0:19:41BAND PLAY CHORD OF A
0:19:41 > 0:19:43- Everyone got that? - HUMS IN CHORD OF A
0:19:43 > 0:19:45- Hold that! - AUDIENCE HUM IN CHORD OF A
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Hold that in your heads, OK?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49If you mess this up...
0:19:49 > 0:19:51If you make me look stupid in front of those celebrities,
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- I'll be...! - MURMURS ANGRILY
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Right! It's time for my next set of New Year's guests.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59My prayers have been answered! It's funnyman John Bishop!
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Hello, sir!
0:20:02 > 0:20:03How are you doing?
0:20:03 > 0:20:04Nice to see you.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Have a seat. Have a seat!
0:20:06 > 0:20:07There he is.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09He's an absolute gem. It's Billy Crystal!
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Hello, sir. Very good to see you.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Have a seat. John, Billy. Billy, John.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19And bring him home, it's Hugh Jackman!
0:20:19 > 0:20:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:22 > 0:20:24It's very good to see you!
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Sit down, sit down, sit down.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Oh! Lovely to see you.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Look at them, all excited in their Christmas jumpers. Very good.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Did you order tea?
0:20:41 > 0:20:42- I did.- Oh, OK.
0:20:42 > 0:20:43But...
0:20:45 > 0:20:46Is that the whisky one? Yeah, good.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- It is New Year's Eve and I'm slightly regretting it.- That's true.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51I think my Australian passport might be revoked any minute.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54And now, I have to say, I'm feeling very confident tonight.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56It's a sofa full of hosts.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58- Yes.- Cos, Mr Crystal,
0:20:58 > 0:21:00was it nine times you've hosted the Oscars?
0:21:00 > 0:21:02- I've been accused of that, yeah. - Nine times!
0:21:03 > 0:21:06- Yes.- Wow.- No.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09I've read, as you travel the world, that's what your recognised for
0:21:09 > 0:21:12even more than the movies you've been in.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13A lot of times, yeah, they'll call me Oscar.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15They actually will call me Oscar.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17I have to stand like this.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- Cos, Hugh, you've done it once. - Once, yeah.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Can you enjoy it, or is the whole evening spent going, "Oh, my God"?
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Yeah, you know, the worst thing about it,
0:21:26 > 0:21:28I don't know if you found this,
0:21:28 > 0:21:30when I went for my first production meeting,
0:21:30 > 0:21:32they said, "Great, Hugh, we're very excited."
0:21:32 > 0:21:35And they gave me a one-sheet page to talk about the show.
0:21:35 > 0:21:40It had, "Segment One - Hugh Jackman opening, 7-8 minutes?
0:21:40 > 0:21:41"Commercial Break One. Segment Two..."
0:21:41 > 0:21:44I'm like, "OK, can we just stop there for a second?
0:21:44 > 0:21:47"What do I do in this 7-8 minutes?" "Don't worry, it's up to you."
0:21:47 > 0:21:51And I was like, "OK, you know I'm not Billy Crystal, right?"
0:21:51 > 0:21:55And when I'd sort of sorted out that first 7-8 minutes,
0:21:55 > 0:21:57then I kind of enjoyed it, and...
0:21:57 > 0:22:00It's daunting when you walk out and you see...
0:22:00 > 0:22:01This is a great audience,
0:22:01 > 0:22:05but imagine that it's all gigantic movie stars with big heads.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Because they all have big heads!
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Meryl Streep, gigantic head.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Jack Nicholson, all head.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17Everyone's got huge heads. They do!
0:22:17 > 0:22:18- Did you have...? - It did cross my mind, yeah!
0:22:18 > 0:22:21It's true. Movie stars have big heads,
0:22:21 > 0:22:23going all the way back to Jimmy Cagney.
0:22:23 > 0:22:24Chaplin had a huge head!
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Tiny body, huge head!
0:22:26 > 0:22:29The camera sucks it up, this big, big head!
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Can I just say, how did you fill that seven or eight minutes?
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Uh, well, I did a song. I did a bit of a...
0:22:35 > 0:22:36A bit of a song and card trick...
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Yeah!
0:22:38 > 0:22:40But I'll never forget it, it was Valdez, the stage manager,
0:22:40 > 0:22:43and he was like, "Hugh, you're on in 30 seconds."
0:22:43 > 0:22:45And it's a billion people you're about to go out to.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Exactly what he said to me! He goes, "You're on in 25.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50"There's a billion people out there. Good luck!"
0:22:51 > 0:22:53And these stories must resonate with you, John,
0:22:53 > 0:22:56because you've hosted some glittering awards here in Britain.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Oh, yeah, yeah. I've done the Kitchen Utensil Awards twice now.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Yeah, in fact, I am known as Mr Sieve!
0:23:02 > 0:23:03You know.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06People call you Oscar. They go, "Hey, Can-opener, come over here."
0:23:07 > 0:23:09But I've done all the corporate events,
0:23:09 > 0:23:12and when you sit here and you two are just chatting away there
0:23:12 > 0:23:14about, you know, when you did it, and I did it,
0:23:14 > 0:23:15and it is, it's another world.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19I mean, you dress like you should host the Oscars, whereas these...
0:23:20 > 0:23:22- But to be fair...- But they have.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26..you dress like you've just finished a marathon, to be fair.
0:23:26 > 0:23:27Wrapped in that blanket.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Gentlemen, can you understand anything John's saying?
0:23:29 > 0:23:31BOTH: No.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41They could understand a bear more than me!
0:23:42 > 0:23:45It was funny! You were talking and they both kind of went...
0:23:47 > 0:23:48They looked to me,
0:23:48 > 0:23:51"Are you holding up cards, Graham? What's going on?"
0:23:51 > 0:23:53You'll acclimatise. You'll acclimatise.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56You hosted...was it New Year's Eve you hosted in Australia?
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Oh, my God, I don't believe you know that.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00The first thing I hosted...
0:24:00 > 0:24:03This was back when I would do anything for money.
0:24:03 > 0:24:08I was asked to host the Australian New Year's Eve firework special.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10I was like, "Fantastic. 3,000, I'm in."
0:24:10 > 0:24:11So, I went, and I hosted -
0:24:11 > 0:24:14"It's this act, Kylie Minogue singing," blah, blah, blah,
0:24:14 > 0:24:17doing all this stuff. And of course, the centrepiece of New Year's Eve
0:24:17 > 0:24:20is the fireworks show. And they said, "Now, this is the most difficult.
0:24:20 > 0:24:24"You've got 45 minutes and you have to commentate the fireworks."
0:24:24 > 0:24:26I was like, "I know nothing about fireworks!"
0:24:26 > 0:24:30And they said, "Don't worry, there's four pages of notes here, you know.
0:24:30 > 0:24:31"There's 120,000 tons of dynamite.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34"There's five barges. You'll be fine. Just go for it."
0:24:34 > 0:24:36So, finally, we go through the show,
0:24:36 > 0:24:38and all of a sudden, Kylie puts the detonator,
0:24:38 > 0:24:40the fireworks start, and the producer goes,
0:24:40 > 0:24:43"And...go!" And I said -
0:24:44 > 0:24:45And I look over at the guy...
0:24:45 > 0:24:48And by the way, the entire crew are drunk. Everyone's drunk.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50There's music. They're not missing out on the fun.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54He's got the notes and his lighter, and he just...
0:24:54 > 0:24:55..lights it.
0:24:56 > 0:24:57Up in smoke!
0:24:57 > 0:24:5945 minutes!
0:25:01 > 0:25:02And I'm looking at a monitor.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07The colours are extraordinary!
0:25:10 > 0:25:14I can't believe just the explosiveness...
0:25:15 > 0:25:18The worst 45 minutes of my life!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20That's why I turned that down.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Billy, do you know at what point in Oscars history
0:25:31 > 0:25:36they introduced, you know, the orchestra doing the play off thing?
0:25:36 > 0:25:38- You know... Sandy and the band? - Oh, when the timing.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40If someone's speech runs too long, they play them off.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42They do their kind of, "I'd like to thank my agent.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46"I'd like to thank my mother, I'd like to thank the real sufferers of dyslexia."
0:25:46 > 0:25:48- BAND START TO PLAY - And then it gets louder.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50"I'd like to thank the residents of Tallahassee for...
0:25:50 > 0:25:51BAND GETS LOUDER
0:25:51 > 0:25:54SHOUTS: "..who's contributed more to this film than she'll ever know!"
0:25:54 > 0:25:56And then the microphone goes down, and da-da-da.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Yeah, thank you, thank you, thank you.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Was there a point? There must have been a point
0:26:01 > 0:26:06where someone screwed it up for everyone else.
0:26:06 > 0:26:07Oh, I'm sure.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10I know when they've wanted to play people off too.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14- Mike Myers...Michael Moore. - Oh, right, yes, right.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Yeah, for the Columbine movie, yeah,
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- cos he got a little too political. - But they didn't play him off then?
0:26:19 > 0:26:21No. They just beat him up in the wings.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23I think Steve Martin actually even said
0:26:23 > 0:26:27that some Teamsters helped him into the trunk of his car.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Now, talking of the Oscars,
0:26:30 > 0:26:33I think we know someone who might be singing a song at the Oscars.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Cos you've been given the Oscar song, haven't you?
0:26:36 > 0:26:39The composers of Les Miserables, I've written their names down -
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Alain Boublil and Claude-Michel Schonberg.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44- Tres bien. - MOCK FRENCH ACCENT: Oh-hon!- Haw!
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Cos when they film a musical, they tend to do one new song
0:26:47 > 0:26:49so they can be nominated for an Oscar.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51You see, you're very cynical.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54- No, it was very important for the story.- Sorry.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56My bad.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58You'll get to sing it at the Oscars, won't you?
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- Fingers crossed. We'll see. - Wow.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04And now, the movie doesn't come into theatres until January 11th,
0:27:04 > 0:27:07but I've been lucky enough to see it, and it is just stunning.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Thank you. Thank you.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11You guys must be over the moon with this thing.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13- Yeah. - It's just fabulous.
0:27:13 > 0:27:14You know, it's a big risk.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Musicals are not done very often,
0:27:16 > 0:27:21big musicals even less, and, you know, it's the role of a lifetime.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23I'm a big Les Mis fan.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27And all of us just felt really blessed to be in it, really,
0:27:27 > 0:27:30and so, you know, I'm very grateful they did it.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Thank God, they waited 27 years.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35I would have been very unconvincing as an 18-year-old Valjean!
0:27:35 > 0:27:38- So, you know, it's definitely the role of a lifetime.- Yes.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41I think the fascinating thing about the movie is they sang live.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43- Yeah.- It wasn't pre-recorded tracks.
0:27:43 > 0:27:48- Yeah.- They sang to a piano accompaniment, right? And an earwig.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50So, you're getting a real performance.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52What am I plugging this movie for?
0:27:52 > 0:27:53Thank you, man! Thank you!
0:27:54 > 0:27:56I thought it was amazing that it was...
0:27:56 > 0:27:58WHISPERS: That Hugh Jackman is incredible in it!
0:27:58 > 0:28:00That Hugh Jackman is so incredible in it!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05- Because he... - No, no, no, please, no.
0:28:05 > 0:28:06It's true. It's true.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08It's a true ensemble piece.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10It's a true ensemble piece, but...
0:28:10 > 0:28:13- WHISPERS: Hugh shines. - ..Hugh shines.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Now, listen, we've got a clip.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18This is you as Jean Valjean,
0:28:18 > 0:28:22and it's you deciding whether or not to turn yourself in.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24You're on the run and will you turn yourself in or not?
0:28:24 > 0:28:26# Who am I?
0:28:28 > 0:28:30# Can I condemn this man to slavery?
0:28:32 > 0:28:35# Pretend I do not feel his agony?
0:28:37 > 0:28:41# This innocent who bears my face Who goes to judgement in my place
0:28:41 > 0:28:43# Who am I?
0:28:44 > 0:28:46# Can I conceal myself for ever more?
0:28:48 > 0:28:50# Pretend I'm not the man I was before?
0:28:53 > 0:28:57# Must my name until I die Be no more than an alibi?
0:28:57 > 0:28:58# Must I lie?
0:28:59 > 0:29:02# How can I ever face my fellow men?
0:29:03 > 0:29:05# How can I ever face myself again?
0:29:07 > 0:29:09# My soul belongs to God, I know
0:29:09 > 0:29:12# I made that bargain long ago
0:29:12 > 0:29:15# He gave me hope when hope was gone
0:29:16 > 0:29:21# He gave me strength to journey on
0:29:21 > 0:29:23# Who am I?
0:29:28 > 0:29:29# Who am I? #
0:29:30 > 0:29:32I'm Jean Valjean.
0:29:32 > 0:29:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:29:40 > 0:29:41It's so good!
0:29:47 > 0:29:48I'm going to pay to see it again.
0:29:48 > 0:29:50- You're going to pay? - I'm going to pay to see it again!
0:29:50 > 0:29:52And it is a really starry cast.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54Your co-star, Russell Crowe...
0:29:54 > 0:29:57It seems ridiculous to kind of assume Australians know each other,
0:29:57 > 0:29:59- but you guys actually are friends, aren't you?- No, we are.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01We do all know each other, all 20 million of us!
0:30:01 > 0:30:03There's four Australians here today,
0:30:03 > 0:30:05all my good friends. There, there. See?
0:30:05 > 0:30:07- AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOOPS - See?
0:30:07 > 0:30:0944 Aussies here today. Wherever you go.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11And we all know each other well.
0:30:11 > 0:30:14And you're all going to meet me at Billy's place afterwards, right?
0:30:14 > 0:30:16Yeah.
0:30:16 > 0:30:18Listen to this, Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!
0:30:18 > 0:30:20- AUDIENCE: Oi, oi, oi! - There you go. Best mates.
0:30:20 > 0:30:23Are there any scousers in?
0:30:23 > 0:30:24AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yeah!
0:30:24 > 0:30:26There's more Aussies than scousers!
0:30:28 > 0:30:29We travel!
0:30:29 > 0:30:32But no-one's from the Bronx, I guess.
0:30:32 > 0:30:33Yeah.
0:30:34 > 0:30:35You're alone.
0:30:35 > 0:30:38But we are actually great mates, have been for a long time.
0:30:38 > 0:30:41In fact, I owe my career to Russell because he turned down Wolverine,
0:30:41 > 0:30:44- and suggested me.- No, no, no, that was only after Billy turned it down!
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Yes, Billy turned it down.
0:30:46 > 0:30:49I didn't want to be typecast.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51- So, that story's true?- It is true.
0:30:51 > 0:30:52And he mentioned me to the director.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54Well, he was sort of doing me a favour
0:30:54 > 0:30:56because I'd turned down Gladiator first.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59That was a joke, sorry.
0:31:01 > 0:31:03No, that story is true.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06One of the other great things about the film is...
0:31:06 > 0:31:08Because when you see a stage musical,
0:31:08 > 0:31:11no matter how you do it, in a chorus, there will be, what?
0:31:11 > 0:31:13- 20 people, max.- Yes.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16In this, there's just hundreds of people singing.
0:31:16 > 0:31:17Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:31:17 > 0:31:21We've got 600 souls in our audience tonight.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23This is the bit, OK? You'd better be good.
0:31:25 > 0:31:29So, we wondered what a big number from Les Mis would sound like
0:31:29 > 0:31:30being murdered...
0:31:32 > 0:31:36..by 600 drunk, tone-deaf people.
0:31:36 > 0:31:39All right, they all practised earlier so they're going to...
0:31:39 > 0:31:43Hang on. No Aussies rehearsed. You guys were here and you rehearsed?
0:31:43 > 0:31:44MUMBLING IN AUDIENCE
0:31:44 > 0:31:47- No, you see, they're going... - MUMBLES
0:31:47 > 0:31:49OK, so, Sandy and the band, are you ready?
0:31:49 > 0:31:51- Yep, we are.- OK.
0:31:51 > 0:31:52Sandy and the band are ready.
0:31:52 > 0:31:56Now, you, Hugh, I wondered, would you be willing to lead them
0:31:56 > 0:31:57in a chorus?
0:31:57 > 0:31:59CHEERING
0:32:02 > 0:32:07So, if you do a chorus and kind of get down in front of them
0:32:07 > 0:32:09and then they can join in on the second chorus.
0:32:09 > 0:32:10They've got flags and stuff.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12Look at them. They're all so excited.
0:32:12 > 0:32:13No touching!
0:32:15 > 0:32:16Done. I'm in.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18All right. He's in. OK.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21Are you good with Sandy and the band?
0:32:21 > 0:32:24I can't even see the band, the poor things. They're stuck away.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26- Hi, band. How are you?- Aww.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29- Which way shall I go? Down here? - There's a big T.
0:32:29 > 0:32:30Hi, guys.
0:32:32 > 0:32:33Hi, guys.
0:32:33 > 0:32:35There you go.
0:32:35 > 0:32:37Hello. Aussies!
0:32:37 > 0:32:39So, here we go.
0:32:39 > 0:32:41Look, they've got the words up, everything.
0:32:41 > 0:32:44Hang on, he's got to be dressed appropriately.
0:32:44 > 0:32:45Yeah!
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Oh, I see. Very good.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56Proper Les Mis.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59OK, OK. Sandy, are you ready?
0:32:59 > 0:33:01- Here we go. - That would be my flag. There we go.
0:33:04 > 0:33:07HUGH AND AUDIENCE: # Do you hear the people sing
0:33:07 > 0:33:10# Sing a song of angry men
0:33:10 > 0:33:15# It is the music of a people who will not be slaves again
0:33:15 > 0:33:18# When the beating of your heart
0:33:18 > 0:33:21# Echoes the beating of the drums
0:33:21 > 0:33:26# There is a life about to start When tomorrow comes! #
0:33:26 > 0:33:27Come on! Let's go!
0:33:27 > 0:33:30# Do you hear the people sing
0:33:30 > 0:33:32# Singing a song of angry men
0:33:32 > 0:33:37# It is the music of a people who will not be slaves again
0:33:37 > 0:33:40# When the beating of your heart
0:33:40 > 0:33:42# Echoes the beating of the drums
0:33:42 > 0:33:47# There is a life about to start When tomorrow comes! #
0:33:47 > 0:33:49CHEERING
0:33:49 > 0:33:51Beautiful!
0:33:56 > 0:33:58Very good. Mr Hugh Jackman, everybody.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00- How good are they?- Fabulous!
0:34:01 > 0:34:03- Thank you so much for doing that. - Thank you.
0:34:03 > 0:34:04You've made their lives.
0:34:05 > 0:34:07It smells of beer.
0:34:09 > 0:34:11Very good. Thank you so much.
0:34:11 > 0:34:13It was beautiful. Beautiful!
0:34:13 > 0:34:15Incredible!
0:34:15 > 0:34:17Aww.
0:34:17 > 0:34:21You'll remember 2012 now, won't you?
0:34:21 > 0:34:24IMITATES AUDIENCE: Yes, I've sung with Hugh Jackman, actually.
0:34:24 > 0:34:26It was quite good. It was quite good.
0:34:26 > 0:34:30New Year's Eve, what a perfect night to have Billy Crystal here
0:34:30 > 0:34:34because of course, Harry Met Sally is THE New Year's Eve movie.
0:34:34 > 0:34:36- It really is. - That was a good one.
0:34:36 > 0:34:39It's so romantic and lovely. But what's weird is cos...
0:34:39 > 0:34:41Kerching! That film did so well.
0:34:41 > 0:34:42..how come no more?
0:34:42 > 0:34:47How come no Harry Left Sally, Harry Met Some Other People or...?
0:34:47 > 0:34:50We dabbled in doing another one for years
0:34:50 > 0:34:52and Nora Ephron, who wrote the script
0:34:52 > 0:34:55and Rob Reiner, who directed, and Meg and I sat and talked
0:34:55 > 0:34:57and said, "You know what? It's sort of perfect.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00"Let there actually be happily ever after."
0:35:00 > 0:35:03Cos there was no sequel that really made any sense.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06They're together and we want to think that they're good.
0:35:06 > 0:35:08Yeah, cos happy endings, that's where you stop the story.
0:35:08 > 0:35:09Yeah.
0:35:09 > 0:35:12We had a wonderful time making that movie and you know,
0:35:12 > 0:35:15the happy ending, the orgasm scene...
0:35:15 > 0:35:17- Yes.- ..in the movie.
0:35:17 > 0:35:20This is a scene that... You've seen the movie, I take it.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23- Oh, they know the scene.- OK.
0:35:23 > 0:35:25Cos filming that day, there was a lot of...
0:35:25 > 0:35:27It was a full Katz's Deli, wasn't it?
0:35:27 > 0:35:33Oh, yeah. We had, like, 75 extras and Meg was really nervous to do it,
0:35:33 > 0:35:36to show that in front of people, even though it's fake.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39That was the point of the scene and so, she was really nervous.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42So, we sit down at the first rehearsal and she's very tepid.
0:35:42 > 0:35:45It's not a good orgasm and I...
0:35:45 > 0:35:46LAUGHTER
0:35:46 > 0:35:48..I recognise that right away.
0:35:50 > 0:35:51And so, she's very shy.
0:35:51 > 0:35:55So, Rob Reiner, who's a big bear of a man,
0:35:55 > 0:35:59says, "No, no, Meg, I really want it like this."
0:35:59 > 0:36:00He's getting slightly impatient.
0:36:00 > 0:36:03He sits down opposite me
0:36:03 > 0:36:07and he proceeds to have the biggest orgasm I've ever seen in my life.
0:36:07 > 0:36:11Mighty Joe Young would be proud. I mean, it's gigantic.
0:36:11 > 0:36:14He's pounding the table, pickles are flying off plates.
0:36:14 > 0:36:18It's a huge, gigantic orgasm and everyone actually applauded
0:36:18 > 0:36:21and then he comes over and he says, "Oh, I made a mistake.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23I shouldn't have done that."
0:36:23 > 0:36:25I said, "No, Meg is OK. You didn't embarrass her."
0:36:25 > 0:36:27He says, "No. My mother is playing that woman.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29"I just had an orgasm in front of my mother."
0:36:29 > 0:36:33Rob's mom was the woman who said, "I'll have what she's having."
0:36:33 > 0:36:35- Oh, no! Really?- Yeah.
0:36:35 > 0:36:37I've got to tell you what, that movie figured in my head
0:36:37 > 0:36:41cos I did a thing recently, a drama in England.
0:36:41 > 0:36:44- It was a really gritty drama. - Focus, Billy, focus.
0:36:44 > 0:36:45You can get there.
0:36:46 > 0:36:48You know what this is like.
0:36:48 > 0:36:50It's where you're on holiday and you're trying to order dinner
0:36:50 > 0:36:52and I'm going, "Look, I really, really..."
0:36:52 > 0:36:54No, what happened, I did this drama...
0:36:54 > 0:36:57LAUGHTER
0:36:57 > 0:37:00BILLY MOUTHS SILENTLY
0:37:09 > 0:37:12CHEERING AND LAUGHTER
0:37:12 > 0:37:17We need to be able to press the red button for subtitles.
0:37:17 > 0:37:19You go.
0:37:19 > 0:37:21The audience will like it.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24I did a thing called The Accused, which some of you might have seen,
0:37:24 > 0:37:26which was a very straight drama
0:37:26 > 0:37:28and what happened, I got the script and they said,
0:37:28 > 0:37:31"We want you to play this guy. His wife dies." So, I thought,
0:37:31 > 0:37:34"Well, that's a happy ending. I'm looking forward to that."
0:37:34 > 0:37:35And then he said, "What happens is
0:37:35 > 0:37:38"he ends up having a sexual relationship with his nurse,
0:37:38 > 0:37:40"the nurse who looked after his wife."
0:37:40 > 0:37:41So, I thought, "This is great."
0:37:41 > 0:37:43Cos, you know, you're a married man...
0:37:43 > 0:37:44You know what it's like.
0:37:44 > 0:37:47..you get an opportunity to be rude with a lady
0:37:47 > 0:37:50and you can say to your wife, "It's not my fault, I'm at work.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53"I'm just doing my job. Sorry, love."
0:37:53 > 0:37:55So, they said, "We're going to have this sex scene"
0:37:55 > 0:37:58and then the director, who's a little guy from Glasgow,
0:37:58 > 0:38:01said, "No, we've cut the scene, but we need the sound effects
0:38:01 > 0:38:03"cos we want your son to hear you're having sex
0:38:03 > 0:38:05"and then that builds the drama
0:38:05 > 0:38:08"and he eventually goes a little bit crazy, me son."
0:38:08 > 0:38:10So, I said, "OK, how do we do that?"
0:38:10 > 0:38:12He said, "We go into a sound studio."
0:38:12 > 0:38:15Harry Met Sally was in my head when we did this.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17He said, "We stand opposite a microphone."
0:38:17 > 0:38:19He was a little guy from Glasgow so he was going...
0:38:19 > 0:38:21GLASWEGIAN ACCENT: All right, you know...
0:38:21 > 0:38:23We don't need more accents.
0:38:23 > 0:38:25We're just getting to grips with this.
0:38:25 > 0:38:26He said, "What I want you to do..."
0:38:26 > 0:38:29He said, "You're having sex, right? You're having sex.
0:38:29 > 0:38:32"You're proper banging this girl, aye?"
0:38:32 > 0:38:34No, no, I'm fine.
0:38:34 > 0:38:38That's how they have sex in Glasgow. I don't know if you've ever been.
0:38:39 > 0:38:41Just by this, I know how you have sex.
0:38:43 > 0:38:45So, he stood in front of me, this guy,
0:38:45 > 0:38:47you must have had this situation, in the microphone,
0:38:47 > 0:38:50he says, "You're proper having sex. Your wife's dead.
0:38:50 > 0:38:54"You've not had sex for months. You're proper having sex, right?
0:38:54 > 0:38:55"Go on. Make the noise."
0:38:55 > 0:38:57And I went...
0:38:57 > 0:38:59GRUNTS
0:38:59 > 0:39:01He said, "What was that shite?"
0:39:01 > 0:39:03I said, "How else am I supposed to make a noise?"
0:39:03 > 0:39:05He said, "Well, how do you make a noise at home?"
0:39:05 > 0:39:08I thought, "I've been married 19 years. I don't know."
0:39:08 > 0:39:11I just say, "Hurry up. There's something on the telly."
0:39:16 > 0:39:19And instead, do you know what he actually said to me?
0:39:19 > 0:39:22"Pretend you're Meg Ryan."
0:39:24 > 0:39:26- Oh, please. - Now, listen, Billy Crystal,
0:39:26 > 0:39:29you're here to tell us about your new movie, Parental Guidance.
0:39:29 > 0:39:31- It's in cinemas now.- Yes.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33This movie, it's really your baby.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35It was your idea and you got it off the ground.
0:39:35 > 0:39:38Yeah, this is about Bette Midler and I...
0:39:38 > 0:39:41CHEERING
0:39:41 > 0:39:43- There are some in. - Thank all of them.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45Well, for the six of you...
0:39:46 > 0:39:50..Bette and I play grandparents coming across the country
0:39:50 > 0:39:53to baby-sit for their three little grandchildren
0:39:53 > 0:39:57who they don't know very well and I really don't want to do this.
0:39:57 > 0:40:02I've just been fired from my job and I'm not in a good mood
0:40:02 > 0:40:05and I don't know these kids very well
0:40:05 > 0:40:06and I feel awkward around them
0:40:06 > 0:40:08and I have a little tense relationship with my daughter,
0:40:08 > 0:40:10who's played wonderfully by Marisa Tomei.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12And working with Bette...
0:40:13 > 0:40:14..was like...
0:40:14 > 0:40:16It was like just...
0:40:16 > 0:40:18We were like a pair of old slippers. It was just great.
0:40:18 > 0:40:22And because I'm stupid, I thought I was going to see a kids' movie.
0:40:22 > 0:40:24I thought you and Bette were in a kids' movie.
0:40:24 > 0:40:25But it's so not a kids' movie.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27No, well, it's a movie for everybody, I really think.
0:40:27 > 0:40:33I mean, but it's more like an adult comedy, you know, with kids.
0:40:33 > 0:40:38It's also kind of a smart, funny, wise movie about second chances
0:40:38 > 0:40:40and about grandparents and kids.
0:40:40 > 0:40:41Yeah, we were going to call it
0:40:41 > 0:40:45Grandparenting: A Second Chance to Screw Somebody Up.
0:40:45 > 0:40:48It's very real and it's very fun. It's something,
0:40:48 > 0:40:51you know, when you go, you can go with your parents,
0:40:51 > 0:40:52you can go with your kids
0:40:52 > 0:40:55and feel comfortable that nothing's going to be too dirty.
0:40:55 > 0:40:59- I hope that didn't turn anybody off. - No nudity?!
0:41:02 > 0:41:05None of that.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08- It's what it needs. A lot of that. - Loads of it.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10We've got a clip.
0:41:10 > 0:41:12This is yourself and Bette Midler
0:41:12 > 0:41:15getting the dreaded call from your daughter.
0:41:15 > 0:41:18- PHONE RINGS - Artie, pick up the phone!
0:41:20 > 0:41:21What are you doing?
0:41:21 > 0:41:23I can't hear you, the phone's ringing.
0:41:25 > 0:41:26- Hello. - WOMAN: 'Hi, Dad.'
0:41:26 > 0:41:28- Alice, hey. How are you? - 'Is Mom around?'
0:41:28 > 0:41:29Yeah, hold on, I'll get her.
0:41:29 > 0:41:32- Your daughter. - Put her on speakerphone.
0:41:33 > 0:41:34PHONE RINGS
0:41:34 > 0:41:36- Oh, my.- I got it.
0:41:36 > 0:41:38- Put it on hold. - I know. I'm trying.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40- Put it on hold. - I'm going to start a fire here.
0:41:40 > 0:41:43Hi, Alice. What's going on?
0:41:43 > 0:41:44Well...
0:41:45 > 0:41:46..now that you ask...
0:41:48 > 0:41:51..Phil has to go away next week and I'd really like to go with him
0:41:51 > 0:41:53'and we need someone to watch the kids
0:41:53 > 0:41:55'so I was wondering, would you want to?'
0:41:55 > 0:41:57MOUTHS SILENTLY
0:41:57 > 0:41:58We'd love to!
0:41:58 > 0:42:00Listen, I'm cooking dinner.
0:42:00 > 0:42:03I'll call you back in a little bit for the details.
0:42:03 > 0:42:05- She said yes! - You said yes!
0:42:05 > 0:42:08Artie, we practically never see our grandchildren.
0:42:08 > 0:42:10- We've never seen their new house. - I'm not going.- You're going.
0:42:10 > 0:42:12That's what I meant.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:20 > 0:42:22Very good. Listen, 2012 is nearly over.
0:42:22 > 0:42:25- Nearly over, 2012. - AUDIENCE: Aww.
0:42:25 > 0:42:29Don't know what you're moaning about.
0:42:29 > 0:42:32Because what an amazing year for you, John Bishop.
0:42:32 > 0:42:34Have you told them already what you did?
0:42:34 > 0:42:37Well, I tried, but they have no idea.
0:42:39 > 0:42:41Basically, a lot of that.
0:42:43 > 0:42:46No, John did a challenge for...
0:42:46 > 0:42:48Was it Comic Relief or Sport Relief?
0:42:48 > 0:42:50- Sport Relief.- Sport Relief and...
0:42:50 > 0:42:52Which is a charity.
0:42:52 > 0:42:54..he now holds the record for the most money
0:42:54 > 0:42:56ever raised by one person.
0:42:57 > 0:42:58It's true, isn't it?
0:42:59 > 0:43:01It's true.
0:43:03 > 0:43:06In a single event, yeah. Apparently so, yeah.
0:43:06 > 0:43:10Yeah, so, he cycled from Paris to the coast.
0:43:10 > 0:43:12He then rowed over the Channel
0:43:12 > 0:43:17and then did three marathons to get to London all in one thing.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23- How long did it take? - It was a week and five days.
0:43:23 > 0:43:27So, the cycling, 185 miles first day, then the rowing
0:43:27 > 0:43:30and then there was one day and then the runs.
0:43:30 > 0:43:32That's incredible, man.
0:43:32 > 0:43:33Yeah, but the only thing...
0:43:33 > 0:43:36It's really nice. It's one of those things that
0:43:36 > 0:43:38when you take yourself out of what you normally do
0:43:38 > 0:43:40and people like to talk about it,
0:43:40 > 0:43:42but it's only important cos people supported it.
0:43:42 > 0:43:44It's only important cos of the money raised,
0:43:44 > 0:43:47not cos of the actual event itself.
0:43:47 > 0:43:49You'd be a lunatic, if you just did it.
0:43:49 > 0:43:51Which is why I turned that down.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58You thought I left.
0:43:58 > 0:43:59How much did you raise?
0:43:59 > 0:44:02- It was £4.2 million. - Oh, my God.
0:44:02 > 0:44:04- Pounds?- Yeah.
0:44:04 > 0:44:07- Pounds, yeah.- Wow.
0:44:07 > 0:44:09- It's good, right?- Well done.
0:44:09 > 0:44:11That's about 300,000.
0:44:13 > 0:44:16- And you're doing this every year, right?- Yeah!
0:44:16 > 0:44:20- Wow, that's fantastic.- But what I didn't realise was that, obviously,
0:44:20 > 0:44:23the five days of doing it - absolute hell,
0:44:23 > 0:44:27but preparing for it was hellish as well, wasn't it?
0:44:27 > 0:44:31Was it for the cycling you had to get really prepared?
0:44:31 > 0:44:35- LAUGHS - You know what I'm talking about.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37I know what you're talking about in that jacket.
0:44:38 > 0:44:42- Tell us. They won't understand it. You tell the story.- Doesn't matter.
0:44:42 > 0:44:45No, what happened is there's a guy called Professor Greg White,
0:44:45 > 0:44:50who's a sort of guru for all these big challenges
0:44:50 > 0:44:53that they do for charity and he said to me,
0:44:53 > 0:44:57"Look, you're going to spend a lot of time doing things
0:44:57 > 0:45:00"that could potentially cause friction,
0:45:00 > 0:45:03"riding a bicycle, rowing and then, when you get into the marathons,
0:45:03 > 0:45:06"if something's rubbing, that could be a problem."
0:45:06 > 0:45:08I said, "So, what do I do about it?"
0:45:08 > 0:45:09He said, "You need to...
0:45:11 > 0:45:12"You need to wax.
0:45:12 > 0:45:14"You need to remove...
0:45:14 > 0:45:15"Your undercarriage.
0:45:15 > 0:45:16"The bit that...
0:45:16 > 0:45:18"All needs to go."
0:45:18 > 0:45:21- You had to do waxing.- Yeah.
0:45:21 > 0:45:23So, I had to go.
0:45:23 > 0:45:25Apparently, this is what a lot of cyclists do
0:45:25 > 0:45:28to make sure that there's no friction is to go and get it all...
0:45:28 > 0:45:30MAKES RIPPING NOISE
0:45:30 > 0:45:32..and yeah.
0:45:32 > 0:45:35So, I had to go and see this lady in Manchester.
0:45:39 > 0:45:41Oh, sure.
0:45:42 > 0:45:44The old waxing thing.
0:45:45 > 0:45:48- All for charity. - All for charity.
0:45:48 > 0:45:50Wax on, wax off.
0:45:51 > 0:45:53When you're looking the other way
0:45:53 > 0:45:57and she's dabbing wax on your nether regions and you're thinking,
0:45:57 > 0:46:00"God, those kids in Africa had better be grateful."
0:46:10 > 0:46:12Yeah, thanks for that.
0:46:12 > 0:46:15I mean, you would have had it. Wolverine and all this.
0:46:15 > 0:46:17No, they like the hair. The hair works for that.
0:46:17 > 0:46:19- You've never? - I have never. No, never done it.
0:46:19 > 0:46:21- You've never done it? - I have no body hair.
0:46:23 > 0:46:26I must be part Navajo. I'm an Indian.
0:46:26 > 0:46:28I have very little body hair.
0:46:28 > 0:46:31Now, see, before, when he was presenting the Oscars,
0:46:31 > 0:46:34I had nothing in common, but body hair, we can have a chat.
0:46:34 > 0:46:37- It's nice.- Very little.- So, can you describe it? Describe the pain.
0:46:37 > 0:46:39The pain?
0:46:39 > 0:46:42You really want me to describe the process?
0:46:42 > 0:46:44Not the process, the pain.
0:46:45 > 0:46:48It's not the pain that gets you, it's the noise
0:46:48 > 0:46:50because it's like...
0:46:50 > 0:46:52First of all, it's the position you have to be in.
0:46:53 > 0:46:57You've got to be in that position.
0:46:57 > 0:46:59They sent you to the wrong person, I'm sure.
0:46:59 > 0:47:03Then they do it and then it sort of sets.
0:47:04 > 0:47:06Yeah, cos she said,
0:47:06 > 0:47:08"I'm going to have to leave it a minute till it goes hard."
0:47:08 > 0:47:09I went...
0:47:11 > 0:47:12No chance of that.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15And then the noise.
0:47:15 > 0:47:16The pain gets you, but when they go...
0:47:16 > 0:47:17MAKES RIPPING NOISE
0:47:17 > 0:47:19..it's like velcro.
0:47:19 > 0:47:20You know Velcro?
0:47:20 > 0:47:23Well, it's like Velcro that's been stuck there for 45 years.
0:47:25 > 0:47:30So, yeah, but it's an amazing sense of...
0:47:32 > 0:47:34It is. It's like a bit of a lift
0:47:34 > 0:47:37cos when she said, "You're finished"...
0:47:37 > 0:47:40The ladies in here will know what I'm on about.
0:47:41 > 0:47:43Well, when I say ladies, sisters.
0:47:44 > 0:47:46..and you get off, you stand there
0:47:46 > 0:47:50and then all of a sudden, a breeze arrives.
0:48:05 > 0:48:09John Bishop, new show on Sky, John Bishop's Only Joking.
0:48:09 > 0:48:12Are you looking for the nation's favourite joke
0:48:12 > 0:48:14or just people's favourite jokes?
0:48:14 > 0:48:18No, what it is, there was a show that used to be on in the '70s
0:48:18 > 0:48:21when I was a kid when there wasn't any stand-up shows on.
0:48:21 > 0:48:24- And it was called The Comedians. - I remember that, yeah.
0:48:24 > 0:48:25I don't know if you got it in Ireland.
0:48:25 > 0:48:28- I'm old.- Thanks.
0:48:28 > 0:48:31And it was just comedians telling jokes, just quick jokes.
0:48:31 > 0:48:34So, it wasn't like a stand-up set. So, the concept was behind that.
0:48:34 > 0:48:36What we wanted to do was to update that
0:48:36 > 0:48:38and also have a show that was pre-watershed,
0:48:38 > 0:48:40a show where you could have jokes
0:48:40 > 0:48:42that all the family could sit and watch.
0:48:42 > 0:48:44Listen, we've got a clip. No, not that.
0:48:45 > 0:48:48We've got a clip. I LOVE this clip. Here we go.
0:48:48 > 0:48:54Earlier before, we saw Matthew sat in a classroom on his own.
0:48:54 > 0:48:56He was sat on his own due to the government cutbacks,
0:48:56 > 0:48:59which have meant that all the other kids in his school
0:48:59 > 0:49:01have been sold to pirates.
0:49:04 > 0:49:06But let's see what he had to say.
0:49:06 > 0:49:11Yesterday, I was in class and my teacher said to me,
0:49:11 > 0:49:14"Right, class, we all need to think up a sentence
0:49:14 > 0:49:16"with the word 'definitely' in it."
0:49:16 > 0:49:22So, I put my hand up and said, "Do farts have lumps in?"
0:49:22 > 0:49:24She said, "No. Why?"
0:49:24 > 0:49:26Then I replied, "Uh-oh.
0:49:26 > 0:49:29"That means I've definitely pooed my pants."
0:49:31 > 0:49:35For all he knows, I could have pooed my pants.
0:49:35 > 0:49:37LAUGHS
0:49:42 > 0:49:44- Very good!- I love that kid.
0:49:44 > 0:49:45He's great, isn't he?
0:49:47 > 0:49:50That's on Sky1 in January.
0:49:50 > 0:49:54That is brilliant. I love that. Yeah, that was fantastic.
0:49:54 > 0:49:56Listen, we are about to meet a very special couple.
0:49:56 > 0:49:59Basically, every year, in this country,
0:49:59 > 0:50:01there's an unusual TV hit.
0:50:01 > 0:50:04You know, a surprise TV hit
0:50:04 > 0:50:09and this year, seven million people decided that it was
0:50:09 > 0:50:10The Great British Bake Off.
0:50:10 > 0:50:12CHEERING
0:50:12 > 0:50:13So, let's meet the stars of that show,
0:50:13 > 0:50:16Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry.
0:50:16 > 0:50:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:50:19 > 0:50:21Hello, you lovely lady.
0:50:21 > 0:50:23Hello! Hi.
0:50:23 > 0:50:25Mwah. Mwah.
0:50:25 > 0:50:26You sit in there.
0:50:26 > 0:50:28Hello, sir. Very nice to see you.
0:50:28 > 0:50:30There you go.
0:50:30 > 0:50:33- Lovely to meet you. - Lovely. Lovely. Lovely. Nice.
0:50:33 > 0:50:36- How are you? - Nice, nice. Lovely. Very good.
0:50:36 > 0:50:38They might not understand us now, John.
0:50:38 > 0:50:41There's two of us now.
0:50:41 > 0:50:42Sit down. Sit down. Sit down.
0:50:42 > 0:50:44Don't you both look lovely?
0:50:44 > 0:50:47They do most of their working in a tent, really.
0:50:47 > 0:50:50Now, The Great British Bake Off,
0:50:50 > 0:50:53it's basically British people baking.
0:50:55 > 0:50:58AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:51:09 > 0:51:12It's British people baking and then Paul and Mary taste it
0:51:12 > 0:51:14and they tell them whether somebody's won or not.
0:51:14 > 0:51:16That's essentially it.
0:51:16 > 0:51:18That's pretty much it, in a nutshell.
0:51:18 > 0:51:20It's going global now. It's going to America, isn't it?
0:51:20 > 0:51:22- MARY BERRY: It is. - I think it's in 20 countries now.
0:51:22 > 0:51:26And I think CBS have just taken it as well.
0:51:26 > 0:51:28Now, are you going to be tasting American cakes?
0:51:28 > 0:51:31I don't know. If we get the call.
0:51:31 > 0:51:33- Mary?- I don't think so. - Are you not telling us something?
0:51:35 > 0:51:38Mary's thinking, "They've booked me already.
0:51:39 > 0:51:43"Oh, you don't know about...? Oh, awkward."
0:51:43 > 0:51:46- Mary, did you bake us a cake? - I have baked you a cake.
0:51:46 > 0:51:48I believe we have the cake. Let's see our cake.
0:51:48 > 0:51:50Lovely. Bring it in here.
0:51:50 > 0:51:52Oh! Look at this!
0:51:52 > 0:51:53Thank you very much, Linda.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56Oh, look!
0:51:56 > 0:51:58With real roses. There it is.
0:51:58 > 0:52:00"Welcome, 2013."
0:52:00 > 0:52:02Thank you very much!
0:52:05 > 0:52:07Don't look too closely.
0:52:07 > 0:52:10- Is this the cake that had the accident?- Yes.
0:52:10 > 0:52:14It was made and I was just thinking about writing on the top
0:52:14 > 0:52:16and I went to make the icing...
0:52:17 > 0:52:19..and we have a spaniel and...
0:52:19 > 0:52:23LAUGHTER
0:52:23 > 0:52:24What's in this icing, Mary?
0:52:26 > 0:52:29And Poppy leapt...
0:52:31 > 0:52:33..and took a little lump out of the side and I thought,
0:52:33 > 0:52:35"Am I making another cake?"
0:52:35 > 0:52:38And I thought, "I'm not making another cake. There's no time!"
0:52:38 > 0:52:40So I just made the icing.
0:52:40 > 0:52:42I put the icing in the fridge and it firmed up
0:52:42 > 0:52:43and I filled the hole.
0:52:43 > 0:52:47So, if you cut it, you cut it from the back.
0:52:47 > 0:52:49- From this side?- Yeah.
0:52:49 > 0:52:51Well, we'll enjoy that later.
0:52:53 > 0:52:54Thank you so much, Mary.
0:52:57 > 0:52:58Now...
0:53:00 > 0:53:03..when I watch the show, cos Paul and Mary are lovely.
0:53:03 > 0:53:06You're such nice people and I'm sure you're scrupulously fair,
0:53:06 > 0:53:08but when you taste the scones and things,
0:53:08 > 0:53:10you must be judging the people.
0:53:13 > 0:53:15"She's a bitch, she's going home."
0:53:17 > 0:53:18You can't do that.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21It's about your integrity in the craft that we're in.
0:53:21 > 0:53:23You're tasting cakes!
0:53:25 > 0:53:27- "Integrity"! Who cares?- You can't.
0:53:27 > 0:53:29When you're actually judging it,
0:53:29 > 0:53:30you've got to keep fair for everybody else.
0:53:30 > 0:53:32It's really fair.
0:53:32 > 0:53:35You know, we had three chaps in the final this time
0:53:35 > 0:53:38and did I want three men in the final?
0:53:38 > 0:53:40- Not really. - Absolutely, yeah, she did.
0:53:41 > 0:53:46- I've got three men on this side. - Careful, Mary.
0:53:49 > 0:53:50Steady.
0:53:52 > 0:53:55Cos Mary, if you look to your left...
0:53:55 > 0:53:58I'd love to look to the left.
0:53:58 > 0:54:01..you'll find a Hollywood star who likes to cook.
0:54:01 > 0:54:02You like to cook, don't you?
0:54:02 > 0:54:04- I do like to cook. - So, what do you cook?
0:54:04 > 0:54:07Breakfast is my thing. Well, cos it's easy, really.
0:54:08 > 0:54:11But when you were wooing your wife, didn't you cook for her?
0:54:11 > 0:54:14Yes. Very good, Graham.
0:54:14 > 0:54:17I actually did crepe suzette flambe.
0:54:17 > 0:54:19- For breakfast? - No, this was in the evening.
0:54:19 > 0:54:21LAUGHTER
0:54:21 > 0:54:23We like to start early in Australia.
0:54:25 > 0:54:26Mary's in. "OK, yeah!"
0:54:26 > 0:54:28Yeah, and it worked.
0:54:28 > 0:54:31You know, it really worked because I needed some help
0:54:31 > 0:54:33and I was sort of courting her and she'd had a few wines.
0:54:33 > 0:54:35I said, "Deb, if you could come in and help me,
0:54:35 > 0:54:38"you know, cooking the crepes and getting the thing going."
0:54:38 > 0:54:40- Did you flambe it?- We never actually got back to the table.
0:54:40 > 0:54:43AUDIENCE: Ooh!
0:54:47 > 0:54:50But I did flambe it at about 11 o'clock at night.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53JOHN: There's no way you're Australian!
0:54:53 > 0:54:56An Australian man doesn't do that. He goes, "Come here, Sheila."
0:54:58 > 0:55:01No, but I have to say, Mary and Paul,
0:55:01 > 0:55:05the amount of innuendo when you're tasting...
0:55:05 > 0:55:07You know, it's things like "soggy bottoms" and "it's so moist"
0:55:07 > 0:55:10and "it lingers" and all that sort of stuff.
0:55:10 > 0:55:14So, what we've done is we've got some genuine lines...
0:55:14 > 0:55:17These are genuine lines that Paul and Mary said on the show.
0:55:17 > 0:55:21It's from a meringue master class and various other bits and pieces.
0:55:21 > 0:55:22So, if we read it out...
0:55:22 > 0:55:24Billy, if you want to be Paul.
0:55:24 > 0:55:26- These are Paul's lines.- OK.
0:55:26 > 0:55:28- And, Hugh, if you want to be Mary. - Sure.
0:55:28 > 0:55:30You be Mary. So, now, you've got your lines there.
0:55:30 > 0:55:32Now, let's just sex it up a bit.
0:55:32 > 0:55:35- Sandy and the band, are you still there?- SANDY: Yep.- OK.
0:55:35 > 0:55:38So, if you kick in with some kind of, you know, sexy music.
0:55:38 > 0:55:40SEXY MUSIC PLAYS
0:55:40 > 0:55:42Go, you. Yeah.
0:55:43 > 0:55:46So, first of all, squeeze your bag.
0:55:47 > 0:55:49Is it trickling down?
0:55:51 > 0:55:54No. Nothing.
0:55:56 > 0:55:58Did you give it a bit of a shake?
0:56:02 > 0:56:04I did give it a bit of a shake, actually.
0:56:05 > 0:56:10You've got to beat it until it's really stiff.
0:56:12 > 0:56:13Mary!
0:56:17 > 0:56:18A lot of moisture in there.
0:56:19 > 0:56:22That's why it wets the finger.
0:56:22 > 0:56:24LAUGHTER
0:56:32 > 0:56:35If it's leaked...if it's leaked, you'll get wet.
0:56:40 > 0:56:41Right.
0:56:41 > 0:56:43You need to oil it up...
0:56:44 > 0:56:46..because you're going under.
0:56:47 > 0:56:50Now, I remember, when I've done this before with you,
0:56:50 > 0:56:52one thing you love to do...
0:56:52 > 0:56:54LAUGHS
0:56:54 > 0:56:56..is put it over my head...
0:56:57 > 0:57:01..and one day, it will come all over me.
0:57:02 > 0:57:04Beautiful!
0:57:11 > 0:57:12Very good!
0:57:15 > 0:57:16Beautiful. Beautiful.
0:57:16 > 0:57:19You know, I can now say I've done almost everything.
0:57:20 > 0:57:23I've done Shakespeare and now I've done this.
0:57:23 > 0:57:25Cooking innuendo. It's music time now.
0:57:25 > 0:57:28In a moment, we'll have the final stories of the year
0:57:28 > 0:57:29in the famous red chair,
0:57:29 > 0:57:32but first, performing Try, it is global superstar Pink.
0:57:32 > 0:57:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:57:44 > 0:57:48# Ever wonder about what he's doing
0:57:49 > 0:57:52# How it all turned to lies
0:57:54 > 0:57:57# Sometimes I think that it's better
0:57:58 > 0:58:00# To never ask why
0:58:11 > 0:58:15# Where there is desire There is going to be a flame
0:58:15 > 0:58:20# Where there is a flame Someone's bound to get burned
0:58:20 > 0:58:24# But just because it burns Doesn't mean you're going to die
0:58:24 > 0:58:29# You gotta get up and try, try, try
0:58:29 > 0:58:34# You gotta get up and try, try, try
0:58:34 > 0:58:38# You gotta get up and try, try, try
0:58:42 > 0:58:45# Yeah, yeah
0:58:47 > 0:58:51# Funny how the heart can be deceiving
0:58:51 > 0:58:55# More than just a couple times
0:58:56 > 0:59:00# Why do we fall in love so easy?
0:59:00 > 0:59:03# Even when it's not right
0:59:10 > 0:59:13# Whoa
0:59:13 > 0:59:18# Where there is desire There is going to be a flame
0:59:18 > 0:59:22# Where there is a flame Someone's bound to get burned
0:59:22 > 0:59:27# But just because it burns Doesn't mean you're going to die
0:59:27 > 0:59:31# You gotta get up and try, try, try
0:59:31 > 0:59:36# You gotta get up and try, try, try
0:59:36 > 0:59:40# You gotta get up and try, try, try
0:59:49 > 0:59:53# Ever worried that it might be ruined
0:59:53 > 0:59:56# And does it make you want to cry?
0:59:58 > 1:00:03# When you're out there doing what you're doing
1:00:03 > 1:00:05# Are you just getting by?
1:00:07 > 1:00:11# Tell me Are you just getting by, by, by?
1:00:11 > 1:00:15# Where there is desire There is going to be a flame
1:00:15 > 1:00:20# Where there is a flame Someone's bound to get burned
1:00:20 > 1:00:24# But just because it burns Doesn't mean you're going to die
1:00:24 > 1:00:29# You gotta get up and try, try, try
1:00:29 > 1:00:34# You gotta get up and try, try, try
1:00:34 > 1:00:39# You gotta get up and try, try, try
1:00:39 > 1:00:43# You gotta get up and try, try, try
1:00:43 > 1:00:48# You gotta get up and try, try, try
1:00:48 > 1:00:52# You gotta get up and try, try, try
1:00:52 > 1:00:57# You gotta get up and try, try, try. #
1:00:57 > 1:01:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1:01:01 > 1:01:02Thank you!
1:01:05 > 1:01:07That is Pink, ladies and gentlemen!
1:01:07 > 1:01:10Come over and join us, do! Oh!
1:01:13 > 1:01:15Everybody, it's Pink!
1:01:15 > 1:01:17- Mwah, mwah. - Look at your shoes! Amazing!
1:01:17 > 1:01:19Do you mind squeezing on the end there?
1:01:19 > 1:01:21- Everybody, back up, back up.- Hi.
1:01:21 > 1:01:26- OK, can you perch on the end there?- Hi!
1:01:26 > 1:01:32- Oh, there's kissing, kissing going on.- Thank you.
1:01:32 > 1:01:35- Hello.- Yeah, kiss Paul in a bit.
1:01:35 > 1:01:37Paul was GAGGING for a kiss there.
1:01:37 > 1:01:39He was like, "Get down here."
1:01:39 > 1:01:42Mary, you can have Hugh. I've got Pink, I'm all right.
1:01:44 > 1:01:46Could we re-read those cards?
1:01:48 > 1:01:50- How are you, Pink?- Fantastic.
1:01:50 > 1:01:53- That was brilliant. Thank you very much.- Thank you.
1:01:53 > 1:01:56CHEERING
1:01:56 > 1:01:59- That is off the new album, The Truth About Love.- Yes.
1:01:59 > 1:02:02And you're doing a world tour with this album.
1:02:02 > 1:02:04I am. I start in a couple of weeks.
1:02:04 > 1:02:06And when are you getting to Britain? Do you know?
1:02:06 > 1:02:08- April, I think. - Oh, come back and see us again.
1:02:08 > 1:02:11Cos I'd like to talk to you more but there's hardly time.
1:02:11 > 1:02:15- We were talking about relationships and things.- Uh-oh.- No!
1:02:15 > 1:02:19In terms of your lovely husband, there's a beautiful story,
1:02:19 > 1:02:22a really kind of just perfectly romantic story
1:02:22 > 1:02:26about when you kind of knew he was the man for you.
1:02:26 > 1:02:29- It's very romantic.- This is heart-warming, ladies and gentlemen.
1:02:29 > 1:02:31I had had a little too much to drink.
1:02:31 > 1:02:33This was my life prior.
1:02:33 > 1:02:38And I had to jump out of a limo before it stopped
1:02:38 > 1:02:43to not feel bad anymore, in a patch of grass.
1:02:43 > 1:02:47And we had just recently gotten together and I was like,
1:02:47 > 1:02:51"I don't want to throw up in front of you. Go walk away."
1:02:51 > 1:02:53He was trying to rub my back and no-one wants to be touched.
1:02:53 > 1:02:55And he's like, "Would it make you feel better
1:02:55 > 1:02:58"if I made myself throw up with you?" And I was like, "Yeah!"
1:02:58 > 1:03:02So, he, about 4ft in front of me, shoved his hand down his throat
1:03:02 > 1:03:03and threw up for me.
1:03:03 > 1:03:07I was like, "That's the most romantic thing...
1:03:07 > 1:03:09"..anybody's ever done for me.
1:03:09 > 1:03:11"I love you!"
1:03:13 > 1:03:15Are you from Glasgow?
1:03:17 > 1:03:20Listen, we're out of time but we're going to get the last stories,
1:03:20 > 1:03:22the last stories of the year in the big red chair.
1:03:22 > 1:03:25So, who is up first? Hello!
1:03:25 > 1:03:26Hi.
1:03:28 > 1:03:32You look like you've just been beamed down. You look so surprised.
1:03:32 > 1:03:36"I'm sitting in a red chair. When did this happen?
1:03:36 > 1:03:39"My story involves being in a coma.
1:03:39 > 1:03:40"Suddenly, I was awoken."
1:03:40 > 1:03:43Ooh, you've gone bangle crazy there, haven't you?
1:03:43 > 1:03:45I know.
1:03:45 > 1:03:47Yeah, you could save children.
1:03:47 > 1:03:49"They're drowning, quick!"
1:03:50 > 1:03:52What's your name, nice lady?
1:03:52 > 1:03:54- My name's Talene.- Talene.
1:03:54 > 1:03:56- And where are you from?- London.
1:03:56 > 1:03:58- What do you do here? - I'm a designer.
1:03:58 > 1:04:00Oh, God. Isn't that dull?
1:04:02 > 1:04:04Living in stupid London.
1:04:04 > 1:04:06Talene.
1:04:06 > 1:04:08Designing all day, everywhere.
1:04:09 > 1:04:12Now I'm sitting in this stupid chair.
1:04:12 > 1:04:14Stupid chair.
1:04:17 > 1:04:19Off you go.
1:04:19 > 1:04:22Well, this happened about 10 years ago.
1:04:22 > 1:04:25I was doing my undergraduate degree in Montreal, Canada
1:04:25 > 1:04:27and basically, I was going through a semester...
1:04:29 > 1:04:31..where I was going through, you know, some things
1:04:31 > 1:04:36and I needed to get away from my circle of friends and just...
1:04:36 > 1:04:38INCIDENTAL MUSIC PLAYS
1:04:40 > 1:04:44Anyway, so, I decided to go travelling.
1:04:44 > 1:04:45Keep going! Keep going!
1:04:45 > 1:04:49I got a ticket for the Greyhound bus
1:04:49 > 1:04:52and I decided to go travelling around America
1:04:52 > 1:04:55and I was somewhere between New York and...
1:04:55 > 1:04:58ALL CHEER
1:04:58 > 1:04:59Well done, everyone.
1:04:59 > 1:05:02And if you'd like to join us on the show next year
1:05:02 > 1:05:04and have a go in the big red chair, you can.
1:05:04 > 1:05:07Just contact us via our website at this very address.
1:05:07 > 1:05:09Ladies and gentlemen, please thank my guests tonight.
1:05:09 > 1:05:11Rosamund Pike and Tom Cruise...
1:05:12 > 1:05:14..Sandy and the band...
1:05:14 > 1:05:15There they are.
1:05:15 > 1:05:19..Paul Hollywood, Mary Berry,
1:05:19 > 1:05:24Hugh Jackman, Billy Crystal, John Bishop...
1:05:25 > 1:05:26..and Pink!
1:05:28 > 1:05:31We'll be back this Friday with our first show of 2013.
1:05:31 > 1:05:35I'll see you then. Until then, have a very happy new year!
1:05:35 > 1:05:37Yay! Goodnight, everybody. Bye-bye.
1:05:37 > 1:05:42Subtitles by Red Bee Media Australia