:00:53. > :01:03.is he going to say, let's start the show?
:01:03. > :01:07.
:01:07. > :01:13.APPLAUSE Hello. Hello.
:01:14. > :01:18.Hello everyone. What a nice welcome. Thank you very much. Thank you very
:01:18. > :01:22.much. And in return I can tell you we have got a real treat. On the
:01:22. > :01:26.show, the global superstar that is Jennifer Lopez, ladies and
:01:26. > :01:32.gentlemen. Right here, on this show. Wait
:01:32. > :01:38.there. Cricket legend and star of A League of Their Own, Freddie
:01:38. > :01:48.Flintoff is here. Comedian, actor, funny man David
:01:48. > :01:55.
:01:55. > :01:58.Mitchell is on the show. Plus the stars of Once are here.
:01:58. > :02:02.Honestly, I really love this musical. I don't know if you have
:02:02. > :02:09.seen it, but it is wonderful. It is a beautiful story about a busker who
:02:09. > :02:14.falls in love. It is based on a true story because buskers are such
:02:14. > :02:18.romantic figure, aren't they? He has a smart hat! It is welcome back to
:02:18. > :02:22.David Mitchell. I will be talking to him about the
:02:22. > :02:29.big changes in his life not least his impressive new beard. Check that
:02:29. > :02:36.out. It is all the rage. Even Cliff Richard has been seen out with Annan
:02:37. > :02:43.unlikely beard. I say! A big welcome to the show to Freddie Flintoff yes.
:02:43. > :02:48.APPLAUSE. Now, Freddie does have a reputation
:02:48. > :02:53.as a drinker, but when he was little, oh, such a lovely baby.
:02:53. > :02:57.Really was! Hey. Cricket, what an exciting
:02:57. > :03:03.sport, ladies and gentlemen. Do you know, I was watching when England
:03:03. > :03:07.played New Zealand and the crowd, on the edge of their seats!
:03:07. > :03:11.LAUGHTER The back edge of their seats.
:03:11. > :03:14.I am delighted to welcome back to the show, the wonderful Jennifer
:03:14. > :03:19.Lopez. I know. APPLAUSE.
:03:19. > :03:24.No-one the world over as J-Lo. Ja. Low. That sort of nickname works for
:03:24. > :03:31.an American, doesn't it. But when it is in Britain not so cool. Like we
:03:31. > :03:34.get Bo-Jo. Su-Bo. And Oh-My-God-No.
:03:34. > :03:39.Jennifer is such a fashion icon. This is probably her most famous
:03:39. > :03:45.outfit. Yes. Bright green with daring
:03:46. > :03:50.plunging neckline. Where have I seen that before?
:03:50. > :03:58.Let us get some guests on. Later we will have music from the stars of
:03:58. > :04:04.Once. But first it is David Mitchell.
:04:04. > :04:10.Come this way. Hello Sir. Very welcome. Have a seat.
:04:10. > :04:15.It is Freddie Flintoff Wow! Hello, Sir. Very nice to see
:04:15. > :04:25.you. Have a seat. There is Freddie, and now, it is time to say H to the
:04:25. > :04:25.
:04:25. > :04:35.L to the O, to J-Lo. APPLAUSE
:04:35. > :04:36.
:04:36. > :04:40.Good to see you again. I am pleased you are all here, but I
:04:40. > :04:45.am especially pleased to have you. There is something about you, there
:04:45. > :04:49.is something about you, David, Freddie, lovely. You are good at
:04:49. > :04:54.what you do, I could see you walking down the street. You couldn't be sat
:04:54. > :04:58.in the audience. People would said why is there an international
:04:59. > :05:02.superstar. I do just walk down the street. People are going there is an
:05:02. > :05:07.international superstar! Now, general fer, you know what cricket
:05:07. > :05:12.is. Cricket. It is like. Is that the one with the things on the floor?
:05:12. > :05:20.No, that is croquet, we don't have an international croquet star.
:05:20. > :05:24.don't know. We could have. cancelled. No, cricket, it is like,
:05:24. > :05:29.in, Jenny on the block, you are playing, what is that? Baseball?
:05:29. > :05:33.That was stick ball. Stick ball. That is a bit like cricket. It is
:05:33. > :05:38.hard to explain. It is probably closest sport in America is
:05:38. > :05:43.baseball. It lasts five day, we break every now and again for food,
:05:43. > :05:50.and we spend a lot of time rubbing our balls on our trousers.
:05:51. > :05:55.What! He is not even joking. It is like baseball, I have never
:05:55. > :06:04.seen a cricket match, so I don't know. There is a ball and you are
:06:04. > :06:05.trying to hit it. Andown bases.In between wickets. On a pitch.
:06:05. > :06:11.LAUGHTER LAUGHTER.
:06:11. > :06:16.Go back and forward. Like basketball. Yes, like a cross
:06:16. > :06:22.between the two. Got it. Keep talking to me, I will
:06:22. > :06:29.go, yes. It is a hard sell.It is. Of course you are not the only sex
:06:29. > :06:35.object on the Couch, is she David? Freddie Flintoff is also...
:06:35. > :06:40.LAUGHTER Very hot! . You are silly.That is
:06:40. > :06:45.mean. That was mean and stupid. Look at him. This is you boxing. Hello.
:06:45. > :06:50.You look like a waxwork there. a strange thing, you go for a weigh
:06:50. > :06:55.in and you turn up in a room full of men in your pants. I got there and
:06:55. > :07:00.we were chatting away, this fella is from America, he had been sent down
:07:01. > :07:08.from GBH. He had been shot four times, he was a debt collector, he
:07:08. > :07:12.said "What about you Fred? " I said I used to play cricket. We used to
:07:13. > :07:17.stop for sandwiches. He must have been humiliated when you won. Do you
:07:17. > :07:21.think you will do it again? No, I ripped my shoulder. It is the
:07:21. > :07:26.ultimate get out, isn't it. I feel like you are going to get injured on
:07:26. > :07:31.that Couch. You injure yourself a lot. Trust me, to have surgery
:07:31. > :07:38.playing cricket, stood in a field, is an effort.
:07:38. > :07:43.I tease you David, but you do have a sort of online fan base of ladies.
:07:43. > :07:47.wouldn't call it a fan base, but I have been on television, and someone
:07:48. > :07:51.on the internet said they fancied me. It is inevitable. If you are on
:07:51. > :07:56.telly, there will be someone. There will be eight billion people in the
:07:56. > :08:01.world, someone fancies everything. It is just, it is just thanks to
:08:02. > :08:10.technology I am able to receive a message from a strainer who doesn't
:08:10. > :08:14.find my disgusting, or does, but LAUGHTER.
:08:14. > :08:19.Jennifer, you are very busy at the moment. Yes.You have finished a
:08:19. > :08:25.world tour. A new single out. Business ventures, and on top of
:08:25. > :08:31.that you are doing a full-time job, you have twin, five-year-old twins.
:08:31. > :08:36.Yes. I do. They are very cute. Max and Emmy. Yes.I have heard you
:08:36. > :08:41.talking about even at five, you can see the real difference between a
:08:41. > :08:47.boy and girl. Oh my God, from when they were very small, I could see
:08:47. > :08:51.it. I understood men and women more, I realise that men really do think
:08:51. > :08:56.differently than women, from the onset. From the go. It is just like,
:08:56. > :09:00.I am sorry. LAUGHTER
:09:00. > :09:06.Do you need an operation? APPLAUSE
:09:06. > :09:11.. I talk with my hands, I'm sorry. Yes there is a different way of
:09:11. > :09:14.thinking, so they are both learning how to walk. My son is like, starts
:09:14. > :09:19.two weeks before my daughter. I remember it very clearly. And he
:09:19. > :09:27.kind of just starts to go down the stairs. Down the stairs. Does it
:09:27. > :09:32.every day for two weeks. My daughter is like, two weeks, toe, back. You
:09:32. > :09:36.know. Two, foot, back and two weeks later she walks down the stair, so I
:09:36. > :09:41.broke it down to which, I don't know, sometimes sounds good,
:09:41. > :09:46.sometimes doesn't, that women think or tend to overthink and men do not
:09:46. > :09:53.think. At all. And they both have pros and
:09:53. > :09:58.cons. Both have pros and cons because I
:09:58. > :10:04.think women tend to overthink, so you forgive guys a bit. So that is
:10:04. > :10:11.nice. Yes, it teaches you.Freddie, you have three kids. A daughter who
:10:11. > :10:21.is eight. And the boys are seven and five. And very different. Rocky, I
:10:21. > :10:22.
:10:22. > :10:27.didn't expect a Justin Bieber fan. What the hell did you expect?
:10:27. > :10:32.are different. He is into singing and dancing, he got a drum kit for
:10:32. > :10:37.his birthday. I went to see Justin Bieber in concert. We got a meet and
:10:37. > :10:45.greet. It was bizarre. This big American fella give us a briefing.
:10:45. > :10:51.He said you can't touch him. Don't kiss him. I said mate, I've been to
:10:52. > :10:56.Buckingham Palace. This is a 18-year-old lad. But what did you do
:10:56. > :11:04.at Buckingham Palace. Did you try to get off with the Queen? He is a big
:11:04. > :11:08.kisser. Do they remember you playing cricket? I hope not.You were good!
:11:08. > :11:15.The boys they have no idea. I take them to school. All the other
:11:15. > :11:22.parents have suits on. I go home and watch the History Channel Storage
:11:22. > :11:29.Wars. It is an amazing programme. They think I used to work for
:11:29. > :11:35.Morrison's supermarket, because I did an advert. They go in expecting
:11:35. > :11:40.this. Or a fashion designer. It is fun with the kids. David, you have a
:11:40. > :11:44.brother, but you were an only child for a long time. Yes, he is eight
:11:44. > :11:49.years gunger, so I was very much defined as a human before my parents
:11:49. > :11:53.said I was going to be lucky enough to have a younger brother or sister,
:11:54. > :12:00.at which point I was very sceptical as whether this was a good thing, I
:12:00. > :12:04.must say. How did they break it to you?you? . It was good news, like,
:12:04. > :12:09.and I must say, love my brother very much, we get on very well, but when
:12:09. > :12:12.you are seven or eight, they said, they said to me, OK, you know how
:12:12. > :12:16.you like having friend round to play, and that is a nice thing, you
:12:16. > :12:21.will have a brother or sister to play with all the time. And
:12:21. > :12:26.immediately this just didn't work mathematically. Because, when you
:12:26. > :12:31.are seven, you are not interested in playing with six-year-olds or
:12:31. > :12:36.five-year-olds, never mind nought-year-olds, in some months'
:12:37. > :12:40.time, the creature who could not yet speak would arrive and they would be
:12:40. > :12:46.useless as pretending to be Doctor Who. So I sort, I proposed that the
:12:46. > :12:54.whole thing be called off. Apparently that wasn't possible.
:12:54. > :12:57.When you have kids, you don't expect Google. When they get up to the age
:12:57. > :13:02.where they Google my name I have some explaining to do. It is going
:13:02. > :13:07.to be a tricky time. You will hear some of those stories later. I won't
:13:07. > :13:12.spoil them for you now. They are good. The last time you were here,
:13:12. > :13:18.was as an actress, now on your as a pop star. I have different moments.
:13:18. > :13:25.Yes, and the new single, that is released, it is out, 26th May. And
:13:25. > :13:32.there is an album. It is not down yet, probably November. I am still
:13:32. > :13:37.working on it. Your boyfriend, he choreographed the video. Yes.It is
:13:37. > :13:44.awkward when it is your boyfriend teaching you a routine, saying not
:13:44. > :13:48.like that? No, we collaborate on it. They show me something and I am like
:13:48. > :13:58.I like that, let's change this, do that, it is about, I think at the
:13:58. > :14:06.
:14:06. > :14:11.end of the day they want me to feel comfortable. You want people to tell
:14:11. > :14:21.you, you don't look good doing that. This is really good on you, we are
:14:21. > :14:23.
:14:23. > :14:33.going to change this step, whatever. We are going to watch a bit. Listen
:14:33. > :14:37.
:14:37. > :14:47.to it and everything. It is in # I'm in the spotlight all night,
:14:47. > :14:50.
:14:50. > :15:00.ready to go. # We can do anything we want.
:15:00. > :15:18.
:15:18. > :15:23.# Make love, don't fight. I loved it, the disco whistle.
:15:23. > :15:28.said that on the radio today, a disco whistle! If people missed the
:15:28. > :15:34.tour, there are more chances to see you live. Tomorrow night you are in
:15:34. > :15:43.Twickenham for the time for change. If people can't get to that, that is
:15:43. > :15:53.also on BBC One tomorrow night at 10:50pm. You look doubtful. That's
:15:53. > :15:53.
:15:53. > :16:03.Saturday, actually. Yes, which is tomorrow. Oh, you don't go on air
:16:03. > :16:06.
:16:06. > :16:13.the same night! It's time travelling. But then in July, you
:16:13. > :16:17.are in Hyde Park. I am.Is that just a Jennifer Lopez con cert? No, I'm
:16:17. > :16:22.with Lionel Richie. It's a festival that happens in Hyde Park in the
:16:22. > :16:28.summer. I'm excited about it, I'm doing more of a full show there.
:16:28. > :16:37.Finish on time, that's my only tip to you. They shut you down? I follow
:16:37. > :16:40.the rules pretty much. Freddie Flintoff, this, I'm told, this is a
:16:40. > :16:46.very big summer for cricket, but I would have thought every summer was
:16:46. > :16:51.big for cricket, so what makes this summer bigger? With the Ashes this
:16:51. > :16:57.summer. In our sport it's probably the biggest prize to beat Australia.
:16:57. > :17:06.So it's the big match? If this match between Australia and England.
:17:06. > :17:15.the World Series in baseball. it. You try your nuts off and then
:17:15. > :17:24.the trophy is about this big. It's an urn with the Ashes in. You don't
:17:24. > :17:27.have it? No, they wouldn't trust it with me. It's the Ashes of what?The
:17:27. > :17:30.first time they were played between England and Australia, they have the
:17:30. > :17:34.three stumps in the grass and you've got to knock them over to get
:17:34. > :17:43.someone out. On top stand these little things called Bales. She's
:17:43. > :17:49.listening to this! The first time they played together, they burned
:17:49. > :17:54.them and put them in a little urn. I'd love to make up something more
:17:54. > :18:03.elaborate. And that's what you pay for? Yes. It's effectively an
:18:03. > :18:07.ashtray. Not enough sports news be incinerated remains of a tiny piece
:18:07. > :18:11.of sports equipment as their trophy. It's surprising, in football it
:18:11. > :18:18.could be an old, knackered boot. There's too much money in sport and
:18:18. > :18:22.not enough wrecked gear. The other thing is, what strikes me is this is
:18:22. > :18:28.the first time the Ashes have been in Britain since you played, so it's
:18:28. > :18:34.the first time you will be watching. Having played it for 16 years...
:18:34. > :18:39.left school at 16, turned professional and retired at 31. It's
:18:39. > :18:44.a long time to be a professional. It's a long career. Are you glad
:18:44. > :18:50.it's over or will you miss it? still miss it. It's what I wanted to
:18:50. > :18:52.do from being a child. But it's changed a lot. When I first started
:18:52. > :18:56.it wasn't particularly professional in the mid-90s, there was no real
:18:56. > :19:01.training, it was very much a social sport, you'd have a pint with the
:19:02. > :19:05.opposition afterwards and then you'd have about nine more! Now these guys
:19:05. > :19:10.have become proper athletes. They've got ripped bodies, not like the big
:19:10. > :19:15.beer bellies we used to have. I love my time, I wouldn't swap it to play
:19:15. > :19:21.now, but I thought I'd have a bit more left in me. Because it's a team
:19:21. > :19:25.sport, even more than playing, that's the bit you miss, just
:19:25. > :19:29.hanging out. The dressing room was amazing. In cricket you sit there
:19:29. > :19:34.some days for five hours and don't do anything. You watch TV and catch
:19:34. > :19:38.up on Coronation Street Omnibus. Off you go and have a bat. There's
:19:38. > :19:44.always things going on. It's a place where adults behave like kids and
:19:44. > :19:54.then you go home to the real world afterwards. Were you a young
:19:54. > :19:54.
:19:54. > :20:02.player... Were you not wearing a box or something? A box is like a cup.
:20:02. > :20:10.jockstrap? It's protective.Guerre. I know exactly what you are talking
:20:10. > :20:14.about. One of my first games for Lancashire, I was a young
:20:14. > :20:23.professional, I was playing and about the second ball I got hit in
:20:23. > :20:29.the box. But these things... Technical advances... Did it protect
:20:29. > :20:32.you? The technical advances are good but the box has remained the same. I
:20:32. > :20:38.got hit in it. What should have been inside was dangling through the
:20:38. > :20:44.holes. It wasn't pretty. I went inside and the coach at the time
:20:44. > :20:54.gave me a pint of iced water to dangle them in. I was sat there. I
:20:54. > :20:57.
:20:57. > :21:02.put it down and one of the lads came in. He'd been doing some training.
:21:02. > :21:12.He was a bit thirsty, a bit parched. He said, is that your water? I said,
:21:12. > :21:16.yes. I handed it to him and he refreshed himself. Disgusting!
:21:16. > :21:26.comment as to the flavour? There's just something about this water,
:21:26. > :21:27.
:21:27. > :21:31.it's infused with energy. isotonic. The other thing, obviously
:21:32. > :21:38.you have this amazing sporting legacy, the awards, the Ashes, it's
:21:38. > :21:43.an amazing career, a really long sports career. And yet I feel a lot
:21:43. > :21:50.of your legacy, I don't mean this badly, we'll sort of the associated
:21:50. > :21:56.with liking the drink. I'm not judging in any way. I spend most
:21:56. > :22:02.nights in a dog bed - I'm not even joking! But you really did like
:22:02. > :22:10.hitting the bottle. Yes. There were certain times to do it, which I
:22:10. > :22:15.didn't usually find. 2005, the day after you win the Ashes. This is
:22:15. > :22:24.unbelievable. Was there no one in charge, no 1's saying, actually, we
:22:25. > :22:29.are going to Downing Street, we really must stop drinking? Well, no.
:22:29. > :22:33.We'd finished this game against Australia, these Ashes, after, you
:22:33. > :22:37.have a drink with the opposition. We were having a drink in the dressing
:22:38. > :22:41.room. We went back to the hotel. A lot of the lads went into London in
:22:41. > :22:49.the West End. I had mates, so I just stayed in the hotel bar with them.
:22:49. > :22:56.It was 8:30 a.m. . The manager came down and said... There are big bits
:22:56. > :23:00.of this story missing! For me as well! I went back to my room and my
:23:00. > :23:05.wife was there. She was slightly concerned. She put me in a bath. I
:23:05. > :23:10.thought, this is all right, isn't it? She put me in a blazer and tie
:23:10. > :23:13.and put me on a bus. I thought I was going to school or something! We got
:23:14. > :23:20.on this bus and went through the streets of London, hundreds and
:23:20. > :23:24.thousands of people. I thought the sales were on at Selfridge's. We
:23:25. > :23:34.went to Ten Downing Street. We've got a picture of you arriving at Ten
:23:35. > :23:45.
:23:45. > :23:49.That was me on the left. We can almost smell you from here.
:23:49. > :23:54.worst thing about it, we went to Lord's after that and I conked out
:23:54. > :23:58.on the bus, fell asleep. A lot of the lads were getting things signed,
:23:58. > :24:03.so there were marker pens on the bus. I was getting off and one of my
:24:03. > :24:07.best mates, Steve Palmerston, when we were getting off the bus he put
:24:07. > :24:11.his blazer over my head to shield me from photographers. It was like
:24:11. > :24:19.Michael Jackson or something. I got back to my room and looked in the
:24:19. > :24:26.mirror. I started wiping the mirror. On my head he had written can't,
:24:26. > :24:36.spent differently across my forehead, and twit across my nose.
:24:36. > :24:48.
:24:48. > :24:56.It was this picture that was in the it true the thing about you talking
:24:57. > :25:03.to Cherie Blair? I asked whether toilet was. I had a wander round the
:25:03. > :25:07.house, its massive inside. I thought it was a terrorist but it's huge! I
:25:07. > :25:17.got kicked out of the Cabinet room. I was sat at the head of the table
:25:17. > :25:19.
:25:19. > :25:23.pretending I was Prime Minister. I had my feet on the table. What about
:25:23. > :25:33.you, Home Secretary? Then the guard came and said, I'm afraid you've had
:25:33. > :25:34.
:25:34. > :25:40.your fun. Amazing! I must mention League Of Their Own, it's back in
:25:40. > :25:45.the summer. We filmed a new series. It's not like doing a TV show, you
:25:45. > :25:50.just sat with your mates, Jack Whitehall is sat next to me. We turn
:25:51. > :25:58.up, we have a wine club and do the show. He's much better behaved now
:25:58. > :26:07.with his wine club. We look forward to that series. Here's hoping
:26:07. > :26:13.England can keep the Ashes without you. Yes, they'll be fine.Other
:26:13. > :26:18.exciting news, David Mitchell, he's written a book. It used to be in
:26:18. > :26:22.this really awkward hardcover and it was really quite expensive and heavy
:26:22. > :26:31.to carry. So they brought out is lighter, paperback version. Isn't it
:26:31. > :26:34.good? It's a breakthrough for the medium. Walking is the basis of the
:26:34. > :26:38.book, because you go and walk and see things and they remind you of
:26:38. > :26:43.bits of your life and you tell your story that way. Presumably when you
:26:43. > :26:50.walk around you just get stopped all the time. I'm largely on Channel 4.
:26:50. > :26:54.It's not what it was. I do get stopped the bit but... When you are
:26:54. > :26:58.walking around briskly, and it's important to walk briskly, not that
:26:58. > :27:01.many people take notice of you, but occasionally people do spot me from
:27:01. > :27:07.the television. Usually they say nice things. It doesn't matter what
:27:07. > :27:12.they say, I'm too socially awkward to enjoy it. Every encounter I go
:27:12. > :27:17.into feeling, this is odd. Other people are watching, I'm annoying.
:27:17. > :27:21.People who haven't noticed me, I'm not coming across as genuine, I'm
:27:21. > :27:26.overthinking this. It's very much a feminine trait. I definitely think
:27:26. > :27:30.it through, and then afterwards I think, oh, I wish I was a nicer
:27:30. > :27:35.person. They were all disappointed. They thought I might be nicer. Now
:27:35. > :27:42.they think he is at best awkward and at worst unpleasant. In the book,
:27:42. > :27:46.you talk about how you get too familiar faces early on, when you
:27:46. > :27:49.meet Robert Webb and Olivia Colman. She is suddenly skyrocketing. She
:27:49. > :27:57.was on the show a couple of weeks ago. I so wish I'd read this book
:27:57. > :28:04.before she'd been on. I love the story, you were in a play with her.
:28:04. > :28:09.Was it in school? When we'd just left university we were doing a tour
:28:09. > :28:15.going around schools. There were just four of us in it. We'd been
:28:15. > :28:20.doing it for months. We'd lost respect for the art. It's the worst
:28:20. > :28:25.thing you can do as an actor. We would giggle a lot in the show quite
:28:25. > :28:31.often, particularly as you'd go to a school... We went to quite posh
:28:31. > :28:35.schools sometimes whether pupils are extremely obedient but, as far as
:28:35. > :28:40.you could tell, brain-dead. Marshalled in, sit there miserably
:28:40. > :28:43.through the whole production and be marshalled out. You weren't even
:28:43. > :28:47.sure if they were still alive, while trying to perform the supposedly
:28:47. > :28:50.funny play. In the absence of any laughter from the audience, we
:28:50. > :28:55.started to provide it ourselves and become increasingly hysterical.
:28:55. > :29:00.There was one moment that was a particular problem that would make
:29:00. > :29:05.us all laugh uncontrollably. I would, on stage as a new character
:29:05. > :29:09.wearing a bowtie. This is a bowtie which I had to tie in the wings in
:29:09. > :29:13.the dark without a mirror. So I had no real sense of what it looked
:29:13. > :29:18.like. Everyone on stage would be bracing themselves for how stupid
:29:19. > :29:22.this bowtie would look. It seems like quite a small thing but if you
:29:22. > :29:26.are incredibly bored of doing a play time after time, all you can think
:29:26. > :29:30.about is, I wonder what David's bowtie will look like today.
:29:30. > :29:35.Whatever it was like it was hilarious. If it was a bit skew
:29:35. > :29:39.whiff, it was hilarious, a bit misshapen, that was hilarious. If it
:29:39. > :29:43.was fine, that was even more hilarious. On one particularly
:29:43. > :29:53.dismal performance at a school would particularly brain-dead children, I
:29:53. > :29:54.
:29:54. > :30:04.came on stage with the bowtie... I never saw what it was like myself,
:30:04. > :30:07.
:30:07. > :30:12.Olivia laughed hysterically. Literally opened her bladder.
:30:12. > :30:20.Never have I seen anyone do that live, and there is a lot more kiss
:30:20. > :30:27.in a human than you would expect. Really. There is really loads. Did
:30:27. > :30:33.the kids react? react? . Far as I can remember, they didn't. . They
:30:33. > :30:43.not notice? I did. I noticed the point when it started to overflow
:30:43. > :30:48.her shoes. At that point I realised the stage
:30:48. > :30:54.was slanted. They didn't notice at all. David has written a book of his
:30:54. > :31:02.life. Jennifer, I, I mean, you know I knew you had perfume, and they
:31:02. > :31:06.were worth millions of dollars. . done good with the perfumes. Are you
:31:06. > :31:11.on Forbes Most Powerful List? You are number one for the celebrity
:31:11. > :31:18.thing? Last year I was.Which is, that is an achievement It was
:31:18. > :31:25.awesome. I didn't expect it. kind of should. The acting, the
:31:25. > :31:28.singing, the perfume. On top of that you can get Jennifer Lopez bed
:31:28. > :31:36.Abraham Lincolnen, sleep wear, handbag, are you always looking for
:31:36. > :31:40.a new idea. Say you are? OK...Can I take you to a website
:31:40. > :31:48.patentlysilly.com. These are real things, people are trying to invent
:31:48. > :31:54.new things and they lodge patents for the ideas. David you have done
:31:54. > :32:01.voice overs. I have.If I could give you these to read out. These are,
:32:01. > :32:07.little pitches, and we will give you some selling music. Number five down
:32:07. > :32:13.there. These are real people, really thought they could sell them. .
:32:13. > :32:18.you enjoy playing golf but find your lack of arms is a drawback? Then you
:32:18. > :32:24.need this telescopic putter mounted to headband. Now, I might understand
:32:24. > :32:32.this, if he didn't have arms. Right. I see the arms there. He is not even
:32:32. > :32:38.holding a drink. You play golf don't you? I would buy that.
:32:38. > :32:45.There is no use for that? I don't think so. I get roped in those
:32:45. > :32:51.late-night things where they say get your abs here. I am on form, "Go on
:32:51. > :32:56.then." I have bought loads of scrap in my time. Candown what Freddie is
:32:56. > :33:02.saying? Sometimes. I feel like I am really hanging in there. It is a
:33:02. > :33:07.nice noise, isn't it. It is good!It is like a cat purring beside you.
:33:07. > :33:12.Let us have the next one. Still using an old fashioned toothbrush?
:33:12. > :33:20.Try a more industrial solution, with this high pressure water spray
:33:20. > :33:27.device, for cleaning teeth. You are going to drown. . I feel
:33:27. > :33:30.like I have one of those. No! The spray thing? Do you have to plum it
:33:30. > :33:37.in? If there is water coming out, there would have to be a hose
:33:37. > :33:46.attached to the bottom of it? a canister and you fill it up and
:33:46. > :33:56.you like, and it... It sprays the water. You are the most powerful
:33:56. > :34:00.businesswoman in the world? The next one, you are a mother, do you mind
:34:00. > :34:05.doing the voice over for the next one. Sure.Just some music. Is your
:34:05. > :34:10.baby happy and well adjusted? Change all that in an instant with this
:34:10. > :34:19.eye-catching and fun baby bottle accessory.
:34:19. > :34:24.This is every shade of wrong. There will be therapists in the
:34:24. > :34:29.supermarket saying, are you buying that? Take my number. Someone has
:34:29. > :34:35.drawn this diagram, the bear is wearing a label saying "God loves
:34:35. > :34:45.me." That is creepy. God loves me, no-one else does.
:34:45. > :34:45.
:34:45. > :34:54.And our final one. Guy, want to make love but can't get in the mood? Try
:34:54. > :35:00.this device for treating erectile dysfunction.
:35:00. > :35:10.LAUGHTER Don't come in yet! Just a minute!
:35:10. > :35:12.
:35:12. > :35:15.That is a very good product. Well done, all the silly things.
:35:15. > :35:20.Before we welcome back the big red chair for tonight, it is time for
:35:20. > :35:26.music. This is a special treat. Jennifer, I know you like to go
:35:26. > :35:35.musicals. I do. I saw you at the Book of Mormon on Broadway. You did
:35:35. > :35:40.not. Did I not? You weren't in it. . I am going to see it next week, that
:35:41. > :35:47.is how I know I haven't seen it yet. You will get a surprise when you sit
:35:47. > :35:55.there saying "I have seen this." It will be like Freddie. I know, I did
:35:55. > :36:00.do this. You seen Once. I was lucky to see this on Broadway, I loved it.
:36:00. > :36:06.It is based on the film of the same name and it is opened in the West
:36:06. > :36:16.End. Here performing the Oscar-winning song Falling Slowly.
:36:16. > :36:33.
:36:33. > :36:43.Please welcome Zrinka Cvitesic and # I don't know you
:36:43. > :36:45.
:36:45. > :36:51.# But I want you # All the more for that
:36:51. > :37:01.# Words fall through me # And always fool me
:37:01. > :37:03.
:37:03. > :37:13.# And I can't react # And games that never amount
:37:13. > :37:19.
:37:19. > :37:27.# To more than they're meant # Will play themselves out
:37:27. > :37:37.# Take this sink boat and point it home
:37:37. > :37:37.
:37:37. > :37:47.# We 've still got time # Raise your hopeful voice
:37:47. > :37:47.
:37:47. > :37:57.# You have a choice # You'll make it now
:37:57. > :38:06.# You'll make it now # Falling Slowly, eyes that know me
:38:06. > :38:16.# Sing your moll # di sing it loud
:38:16. > :38:28.
:38:28. > :38:38.# di sing it loud # take it all
:38:38. > :38:40.
:38:40. > :38:50.# When I play the cards too late # Yourself in gone
:38:50. > :39:13.
:39:13. > :39:22.# Yourself in gone APPLAUSE
:39:22. > :39:31.Once, everyone. Excellent. Join me guys. Come on over.
:39:31. > :39:40.Oh. Beautiful job. Absolutely love it. Come and sit down. Sit you down,
:39:40. > :39:48.very good. Right. So, it is Declan Bennett and
:39:48. > :39:58.Zrinka Cvitesic. . This is the best anybody ever did. This is rubbish.
:39:58. > :40:03.Zrinka Cvitesic. The best, trust me. Really? How would you say it?
:40:03. > :40:07.Cvitesic. You are quite good! I love this show. But it very hard to
:40:08. > :40:13.explain to people, because I have seen it a couple of times and you
:40:13. > :40:20.end up balling in tear, it is a bitter-sweet story. It is delicate.
:40:20. > :40:25.It packs a punch. I am a bit teary now. It is still on in Broadway. Go
:40:25. > :40:30.see it there. I will.You have seen them already.
:40:30. > :40:36.Congratulations, great review, the show is on at the Phoenix Theatre.
:40:36. > :40:41.It is on. We extended our booking period to May 2014. He is on it. He
:40:41. > :40:45.is on it. Seriously. Go see it. APPLAUSE.
:40:45. > :40:54.Just time to have a couple of stories in the big red chair, so who
:40:54. > :40:59.do we have? Hi.Hi. LAUGHTER
:40:59. > :41:07.I remember this from last time. don't you do that. See what happens.
:41:07. > :41:13.. Do it right now? ? I remember this from last time. Can he come back
:41:14. > :41:18.now? He is finishes? You spared us a lot there. I didn't want to be
:41:18. > :41:23.cruel. Jennifer wanted to try the thing. Here we go.
:41:23. > :41:27.Hello. Hello.What is your name? 'Ve. Where are you from?Near
:41:27. > :41:32.Twickenham. Lovely part of the world. You should go there Jennifer.
:41:32. > :41:36.I was thinking about doing it tomorrow. Oh yes!
:41:36. > :41:43.APPLAUSE. On it. Very good.
:41:43. > :41:47.Forbes list. You can see why. Sorry, eve. Off you go. So I was walking
:41:47. > :41:57.down the road. I didn't have a lot of time to get ready. As I was
:41:57. > :42:00.
:42:01. > :42:06.walking past a window... APPLAUSE
:42:06. > :42:15.The Couch decided. One final one. Here we go. Quick, quick. Hello. How
:42:15. > :42:20.you? Very well.What is your name? Caroline. Where do you live?I live
:42:20. > :42:26.in Middlesex. I am a nanny but maybe not for long on Monday after this
:42:26. > :42:31.story. I don't think that is the sort of
:42:31. > :42:38.thing the BBC should be broadcasting. Off you go. Long time
:42:38. > :42:42.ago, I went on a blind date, didn't start very well. I got pooped on by
:42:42. > :42:46.a pigeon at the train station. Drank too much wine and he decided it
:42:46. > :42:50.would be a good idea to see a late-night movie in Leicester
:42:50. > :42:54.square. So having fallen asleep in the cinema, I thought, go to the
:42:54. > :43:00.loo, get myself together, come back, thought I am losing this guy here.
:43:00. > :43:04.So I sat down, and started having a little fumble in his lap. And this
:43:04. > :43:09.girl learned forward and said, excuse me, what are you doing with
:43:09. > :43:13.my boyfriend? I am feeling up the wrong guy. My date was five rows
:43:13. > :43:18.behind. So I had to apologise, without getting punched in the face
:43:18. > :43:26.and then stagger back up the stairs, to my guy, who looked at me like,
:43:26. > :43:32.no, I don't think so. That is my story. You can walk. You can walk.
:43:32. > :43:37.Good story. Well done everyonement if you would like to join us you
:43:37. > :43:46.can. Just contact us via the website at this very address. Thank you to
:43:46. > :43:48.my guest, Declan Bennett. Zrinka Cvitesic. David Mitchell, Freddie
:43:48. > :43:56.Flintoff and Jennifer Lopez. APPLAUSE