:00:00. > :00:08.Tonight on the show, we have a brilliant actress, a favourite
:00:09. > :00:15.comedian and a fantastic rapper. What do you think of that? Seven!
:00:16. > :00:16.We've also got the head judge from Strictly Come Dancing. It's a ten
:00:17. > :00:44.from Len! Let's start the show. APPLAUSE
:00:45. > :00:48.Hello. Merry Christmas everybody! CHEERING
:00:49. > :00:52.Yes, it's the last show before Christmas and I'm getting ready to
:00:53. > :00:57.celebrate, ladies and gentleman. Lots of festive treats tonight.
:00:58. > :01:02.Legendary actress Julie Walters is here.
:01:03. > :01:12.I know. My favourite comedian, Miranda Hart is on the show! Head
:01:13. > :01:19.Strictly judge, Len Goodman, is here! And top British rap star,
:01:20. > :01:22.Tinie Tempah is joining us! APPLAUSE
:01:23. > :01:27.I tell you, just what you need at Christmas, someone who's good at
:01:28. > :01:29.rapping! LAUGHTER
:01:30. > :01:35.What's that? They want the Comedy Award back? So looking forward to
:01:36. > :01:42.catching up with Julie. We all loved her in Calendar Girls. What a
:01:43. > :01:51.gorgeous pose. It's not easy looking good sitting naked at a pinot. I
:01:52. > :01:56.especially like Julie in Mamma Mia. What a great story. Meryl Streep is
:01:57. > :02:05.running towards her old love Pierce Brosnan. Here she is a minute later
:02:06. > :02:07.when he starts to sing. APPLAUSE
:02:08. > :02:12.I'd like to welcome Miranda Hart. Big star now. She knows all my
:02:13. > :02:22.guests. Here she is with Julie. Do we have a picture with Tinie? Yeah?
:02:23. > :02:27.She has a best-selling Christmas DVD out, teaching people how to exercise
:02:28. > :02:35.with maracas. Seriously, she does. That is true. Not everyone looks
:02:36. > :02:41.great with a pair of maracas. Ourgh... Hairy Biker Dave Myers,
:02:42. > :02:47.although the Norwegian version of Strictly has someone harrier. It's
:02:48. > :02:52.Christmas, don't you wish we could see that bear actually dancing.
:02:53. > :03:00.Don't you? Don't you? MUSIC: Theme to Strictly. Let's get
:03:01. > :03:07.on some guests. He's a big star, it's Tinie Tempah! Hello, Sir.
:03:08. > :03:11.Welcome back. Sit yourself down there.
:03:12. > :03:20.Time for a heart to heart, it's Miranda Hart! You look lovely.
:03:21. > :03:23.Hello. Come and sit down. And Mamma Mia, it's Julie Walters!
:03:24. > :03:48.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Cheers. They told me to mind my head
:03:49. > :03:53.on the arch. I think they meant me. Miranda, you've met Julie before.
:03:54. > :04:00.Yes, we did a play together for the Mousetrap for charity. You haven't
:04:01. > :04:07.met teeny before? No. You've been him. I was you. How did that work
:04:08. > :04:13.out? Very, very well. I sang the rap bit to the JLS song, your bit. That
:04:14. > :04:20.was for Sport Relief. Eyes wide shut. Do you remember it? Yeah. Go.
:04:21. > :04:24.Do it. This is embarrassing. It's two years ago. I remember it really
:04:25. > :04:30.well. # I don't want to get out of bed, if
:04:31. > :04:37.I could rearrange the alphabet, you, me, JLS, yeah, there's a match mate,
:04:38. > :04:47.looking forward to it, like a Saturday. Tonight's bright, got my
:04:48. > :04:52.ray bans on and my eyes wide shut. APPLAUSE
:04:53. > :04:57.Nice. Obviously, I'm better when I'm on stage at the O 2, with the moves
:04:58. > :05:04.you know. Next album, featuring Miranda Hart. And the tour. Yeah,
:05:05. > :05:10.nice. Done deal. I had to rap in the Harry Hill film. I found it hard to
:05:11. > :05:15.learn. It's so hard to learn. Why are you pulling that face? I've only
:05:16. > :05:21.seen clips of that film, but it looks very funny. We're seeing a
:05:22. > :05:29.clip later. My rap is, you give me fun, sea and sun, hot dog in a bun,
:05:30. > :05:34.kiss me quick, a paddle and a picnic. If it... Erm...... I can't
:05:35. > :05:41.remember the rest. Ten out of ten.
:05:42. > :05:47.Amazing. You can go now, you're redundant. We don't need you. You
:05:48. > :05:52.can learn, Tinie, learn. Definitely. We have to talk after this. Miranda
:05:53. > :05:57.Hart is oh, you're all over our Christmas television. Sorry about
:05:58. > :06:05.that. Christmas Day you have the special of call of duty - no! Call
:06:06. > :06:24.off the midwife. Call of midwife duty. Boom, boom,
:06:25. > :06:27.boom. That's a special, yeah. Call The Midwife. I wish I hadn't seen
:06:28. > :06:32.that. What a thing to take home. You've
:06:33. > :06:37.seen worse. This is the Christmas special. Yes. Is it an hour or
:06:38. > :06:43.longer? I think a bit longer. Good. It's a specialspecial. I love it. We
:06:44. > :06:47.don't want any spoilers, but in the Christmas episode, does anyone have
:06:48. > :06:53.a baby? I think somebody might give birth in the Christmas special.
:06:54. > :07:03.Ooohhhh. It's like EastEnders, you never know what's going to happen.
:07:04. > :07:08.Do you watch Call The Midwife? No. I'm joking. It has a certain type of
:07:09. > :07:13.audience, so there must be people who only know you as Chummy. Yes, a
:07:14. > :07:17.lot of people come up to me and say that they've said, "Chummy is a
:07:18. > :07:23.funny character, have you thought about doing comedy? I politely
:07:24. > :07:27.respond and feel like going, when you buy the three series of my
:07:28. > :07:36.sitcom which have taken me 15 years of hard work, that's so sweet.
:07:37. > :07:42.Julie, you're so famous, and yet, you do get mixed up with people. Oh,
:07:43. > :07:48.yes. I was in a cafe, only a couple of years back and someone said,
:07:49. > :07:52."That's Julie Andrews." Brilliant. Just a name mix up, I think. There
:07:53. > :07:57.is a mistaking me. I was in Marks Spencer, not very long ago, looking
:07:58. > :08:02.at the underwear. Like a girl does. Checking it out and just about three
:08:03. > :08:06.foot that way, were two women, looking through underwear. Suddenly,
:08:07. > :08:13.the classic thing, they were chatting. Suddenly, it stopped and I
:08:14. > :08:16.just knew. A bit of whispering. Then it was as if I was on television,
:08:17. > :08:21.like I couldn't hear them. One said to the other, "Isn't that Julie
:08:22. > :08:33.Walters? And the other said - there was a big pause - "Oh, no."
:08:34. > :08:45.LAUGHTER "Not dressed like that." What can
:08:46. > :08:49.you say? Honestly. Ed Sheeran was saying in an interview you have a
:08:50. > :08:53.thing if you take your glasses off, that's it, nobody knows who you are.
:08:54. > :08:58.Yes, it's like the reverse of Clark Kent. I've hit the nail on the head
:08:59. > :09:04.with this one. When I take off the glasses, I could be anybody. You
:09:05. > :09:13.look incredibly different. Then I put them on. It's Tinie Tempah. Or
:09:14. > :09:23.the guy from the Halifax advert. That what happened. Oh, no. You look
:09:24. > :09:30.nothing like him. I want to see. Suits you. You look like someone.
:09:31. > :09:38.Who do you look like? Daniel Radcliffe? It is a bit. A little
:09:39. > :09:49.scar on Your head. Amazing. Can you see now? No. At the moment, I have a
:09:50. > :09:54.nobody on the couch. Tinie Tempah, everybody!
:09:55. > :10:00.APPLAUSE 2014 very exciting year for comedy
:10:01. > :10:07.because, and Miranda Hart you're going on tour, I was going to say
:10:08. > :10:12.returning to stand up, but this is the first proper stand-up tour
:10:13. > :10:16.you've done? Yeah I was doing stand-up about seven, eight years
:10:17. > :10:22.ago, but then the telly took over. It's February 28 to October 18, your
:10:23. > :10:27.website has the details. This is, like, you're doing like massive
:10:28. > :10:33.arenas and things. How fabulous. Are you OK? Are you cool? Totally in
:10:34. > :10:36.denial. I've written a show and I've got it ready and I've rehearsed it.
:10:37. > :10:41.Yeah, you can't prepare for that scale. It's crazy that immediatians
:10:42. > :10:46.can -- comedians can do these gigs. I'd just regret it massively if I
:10:47. > :10:50.didn't do it. It will be quite an experience. I hope I'll enjoy it.
:10:51. > :10:55.I'm excited as well. The thing is your fan base, you know, is quite
:10:56. > :11:01.young. You've a lot of teenage fans. Yeah, it's a real mix. It's
:11:02. > :11:05.something I wasn't expecting when I wrote the sitcom. I didn't expect
:11:06. > :11:09.teenagers and very young, eight, nine as well. Down with the kids.
:11:10. > :11:15.Can you speak to the kids? Yeah, I'm sort of 40 and gallop about and I
:11:16. > :11:18.have a UK base. -- youth base. I'm trying to get well with it and
:11:19. > :11:25.stuff. That was good. That's quite good. I'm just so, I've always been
:11:26. > :11:32.old before my time. The whole music thing, I thought at one point,
:11:33. > :11:39.someone was talking about Kanye West, that they were talking about a
:11:40. > :11:41.tube stop. LAUGHTER
:11:42. > :11:47.You're not allowed to say things like that. This is what we're
:11:48. > :11:52.talking about. What will your youth base think of you now? I do a bit of
:11:53. > :11:58.that on the tour, what it's like to suddenly try and commune - because I
:11:59. > :12:03.don't know many teenagers. My nieces and nephews are younger. The way
:12:04. > :12:16.they talk is, they don't use words any more. It's ack Ronnisms,
:12:17. > :12:22.achronisms. They taught me some of these things, it was new to me. I'm
:12:23. > :12:31.sounding so old. Which is CBA, which is can't be arsed. You can't just
:12:32. > :12:41.say that, you go seebs. Because CBA is too long. I've never heard of
:12:42. > :12:48.that. Do you want to get me a drink, seebs. There's one that was really
:12:49. > :12:53.popular which was yolo, you only live once. When someone was about to
:12:54. > :12:57.do something really stupid, they go yolo and just do it. The like the
:12:58. > :13:02.idea of reclaiming these things. This is the plan. LMAO, do you know
:13:03. > :13:09.that one? I don't know any of these. That's laughing my cars off. Let's
:13:10. > :13:16.start reclaiming it, you know, older. That should be, say, look, my
:13:17. > :13:22.artichoke's off. Yes, you would find a time for that. Or ruffle, do you
:13:23. > :13:34.know that one, rolling on the floor laughing. Yeah. I don't know, rush
:13:35. > :13:41.off to Fortenums and Liberties. Middle class. What about WTF? What's
:13:42. > :13:50.that? Do you not know that one? Oh, what the... Yes!
:13:51. > :13:56.APPLAUSE Now a word that the youngsters have
:13:57. > :14:00.given us and very popular this year was selfies. It's in the dictionary
:14:01. > :14:06.now. In the dictionary? Yes. It's been added. Tinie is all over it.
:14:07. > :14:11.Over to my youth correspondent, Tinie Tempah. Selfies, presumably
:14:12. > :14:15.you all have suffered at the hands of selfies. Do you get people...
:14:16. > :14:19.From fans. Usually they're slightly behind you and there's my great big
:14:20. > :14:30.white face at the front. Yes. You're a bit tall for a selfy. Honestly,
:14:31. > :14:37.this is me. Can I have a selfy? Yes. I have big quads now. A lot of
:14:38. > :14:42.bending. You have people to do your selfies? When fans ask me to take
:14:43. > :14:45.selfies, I take them. I never personally taken my own one. I think
:14:46. > :14:52.it's a bit weird. I think it's wrong. I think it's weird. What
:14:53. > :14:57.culturally has happened? Technology has happened, so I am a massive fan
:14:58. > :15:01.of yours, but younger, you were massive inspiration, if I had seen
:15:02. > :15:05.you in the streets, I would have been beside myself with excitement.
:15:06. > :15:14.Really? Oh, my goodness, do you not know who you are? Amazing. What I
:15:15. > :15:21.never would have done is "Oh, hi, Julie Walters, do you mind? " It's
:15:22. > :15:30.the equivalent of me going, do you mind, if I just sit here.
:15:31. > :15:38.APPLAUSE It's the equivalent of like... This
:15:39. > :15:46.has been the best show ever. You're familiar with the internet,
:15:47. > :15:52.Julie? Yes. Of course I am. We've had these selfies, ill-timed
:15:53. > :15:55.selfies. For instance, here's two very pretty young girls. They're
:15:56. > :16:00.having a nice time at home. They thought, oh, let's take a selfy,
:16:01. > :16:01.this will be nice. But they missed something key when they were taking
:16:02. > :16:14.it. LAUGHTER
:16:15. > :16:19.Now, you know you can be photobombed? What's that? Somebody
:16:20. > :16:22.comes behind you and goes like that. These two girls have been photo
:16:23. > :16:31.bummed. LAUGHTER
:16:32. > :16:36.Then there's this thing where people find the occasion of where like,
:16:37. > :16:41.this will be a good time to take a selfie. This boy thought it was a
:16:42. > :16:45.good time to take a selfie with people trapped in a lift.
:16:46. > :16:51.LAUGHTER Look how happy he looks. Look at the
:16:52. > :17:02.faces in there. "Help! Help!" You guys -- this lady
:17:03. > :17:09.has taken a selfie with a camel. We're guessing the camel was annoyed
:17:10. > :17:13.because this is what happened next. LAUGHTER
:17:14. > :17:17.Well done all the selfies. Very good.
:17:18. > :17:23.APPLAUSE Julie Walters, Harry Hill was here
:17:24. > :17:27.telling us about his movie. Now you play his Nan. Yes. Which is open
:17:28. > :17:35.everywhere tonight. Yes. How did you end up in Harry Hill the movie? I
:17:36. > :17:42.was asked to do it. Moving on. My agent rang up and said do you like
:17:43. > :17:46.Harry Hill. I love him. He said, "He's going to do a film." And I
:17:47. > :17:51.said I'd love to work with him and they sent me The Script and it made
:17:52. > :17:55.me laugh. When you're considering a job, you focus more on who's in it,
:17:56. > :17:57.rather than what it is? No, I focus on the money.
:17:58. > :18:10.APPLAUSE Harry Hill, God love him, he tried
:18:11. > :18:16.to tell us the story of the film, good luck, can you do any better?
:18:17. > :18:24.It's a road movie. You see, but it is a Harry Hill road movie. A little
:18:25. > :18:31.bit complicated. I play his Nan. Too young. I'd have to be like 103. We
:18:32. > :18:37.go on this trip to Blackpool with our hamster Abu. Anyone get that
:18:38. > :18:44.joke? I didn't. The film had finished when I got the joke. Well,
:18:45. > :18:47.because we think he's going to die, he's not well. We go on the trip to
:18:48. > :18:56.Blackpool because that's his last wish. We are pursued Biharery's evil
:18:57. > :19:02.-- Harry's evil twin brother Otto Hill, played by Matt Lucas. He has a
:19:03. > :19:08.vendetta against Harry, is that the right phrase? Yes, he's really very,
:19:09. > :19:13.very bitter. I brought Harry up, but Otto was brought up by a family of
:19:14. > :19:21.Alsatians just outside Kettering. It wasn't a happy time. That's it
:19:22. > :19:27.really. We've got a clip. I think it does need some explaining. Do you
:19:28. > :19:36.know? I don't know what the clip is. It's the.co.uk sand five --
:19:37. > :19:44.dachshund five? It's a tribute band which are dogs in wigs. We go to see
:19:45. > :19:48.them. You're showing off, you're an enormous fan. I am an enormous fan
:19:49. > :19:59.of them. Remind me, then what happened? I think that will get us
:20:00. > :20:06.there. OK, come on now. ( Great seats. Noflt T -- novelty T-shirt
:20:07. > :20:16.and cushion for you. I got you a hat and after shave Wet dog, nothing for
:20:17. > :20:22.yourself? Oh, yeah, this. That's a bit hard core. You should see the
:20:23. > :20:28.one I had done here. The show's starting.
:20:29. > :20:32.Which one is Michael? Second from the end. No that's Jermaine. Oh,
:20:33. > :20:47.yeah. APPLAUSE
:20:48. > :20:50.I loved those doggies. Everything I see really makes me laugh. I love
:20:51. > :20:56.those dogs. They're brilliant. The movie is out now at a cinema near
:20:57. > :21:01.you. There you go. I'll know if you haven't been. Julie, obviously, star
:21:02. > :21:06.of stage and screen, but we nearly lost Julie Walters to the caring
:21:07. > :21:16.profession. Yes, you did. Were you a fully qualified nurse? No. Over to
:21:17. > :21:21.Miranda. She has a bike. The You were a nursing assistant? No I was a
:21:22. > :21:24.student nurse. But you never qualified? No, I didn't. You were
:21:25. > :21:30.distracted from your nursing, were you not? I beg your pardon? You were
:21:31. > :21:33.distracted from your nursing. Was I? Didn't you discover the joys of
:21:34. > :21:36.romance? I did. I discovered them, first of all, I discovered them on
:21:37. > :21:42.the ward, because I fell in love with so many patients, well a couple
:21:43. > :21:47.of them. Nothing happened, but the first men's ward that I went on, the
:21:48. > :21:55.sister gave me a huge talk. "Now - she was Irish - now if you see any
:21:56. > :22:02.movement in the pyjama region, you simply get out your biro and give it
:22:03. > :22:12.a good snap." That will put a stop to it. I can't tell you how many
:22:13. > :22:16.relationships that ruined. In terms of sex education, Miranda, at
:22:17. > :22:26.school, your school, the sex education was bizarre. No, there was
:22:27. > :22:33.no sex e did he to -- sex ed to speak of. It's in my tour. We lived
:22:34. > :22:37.on rumours. They were spread. At 11 you would get pregnant if you sit on
:22:38. > :22:44.a rugby ball this a boy's just sat on. That's true, I think. There's
:22:45. > :22:51.one that someone spread that you jump into a river on May Day means
:22:52. > :22:58.you're legally married in Sussex. English people can't get pregnant in
:22:59. > :23:03.Germany. That was one of them. Quite specific. Yeah, sexually repressed.
:23:04. > :23:06.I've yet to come into my sexual peak is basically what I'm saying. In
:23:07. > :23:10.terms of getting advice, Tinie Tempah has had advice from the
:23:11. > :23:16.master, didn't Lionel Richie give you advice? Yeah, one time when I
:23:17. > :23:22.was in LA. Actually he was coming out of Soho House and I was coming
:23:23. > :23:26.in. He said, "Can I give you one word of advice? Never get married."
:23:27. > :23:33.He walked out and left and that was it. Crazy. I'm going to try and live
:23:34. > :23:38.by that. I'm joking. No, you're not. Lionel has been on the show and
:23:39. > :23:44.talked about how he uses his own music to would the ladies. Yes.
:23:45. > :23:49.Tinie? It's happened by accident, one time. Because of bloody shuffle.
:23:50. > :23:55.Why did they invent shuffle. What's that? When it's playing on your
:23:56. > :24:02.computer and it just plays randomly. No. Never do it Julie. It's very
:24:03. > :24:06.dangerous. One of my really low underground songs came on while I
:24:07. > :24:13.was in the act. It was just super awkward. I like that mime "in the
:24:14. > :24:25.act". LAUGHTER
:24:26. > :24:28.The act of what? I was trying to reach over and switch it off and
:24:29. > :24:35.that was making things worse so I left it on. It didn't put her off?
:24:36. > :24:41.No, she actually liked it. I think I really get awkward. If I'm with you
:24:42. > :24:48.or with you or you... What, sexually? Well, if you want. Since
:24:49. > :24:53.we've both been there. And I come on the telly or the radio, I get really
:24:54. > :25:00.weird, does that not happen to any of you? Yeah, get weird? Like if
:25:01. > :25:07.you've been with someone. No, I don't like that. Imagine, you're in
:25:08. > :25:12.the act, whatever that is... What is that? I don't know, you're in the
:25:13. > :25:27.act with Tinie. He's doing his act. Doing that. It's like a vets.
:25:28. > :25:33.LAUGHTER All creatures great and small. Oh,
:25:34. > :25:38.Tinie you've told us so much tonight. Imagine you're doing the
:25:39. > :25:42.act. With a cow? And this came on. This is Wivy.
:25:43. > :26:07.-- Wifey. Oh! Get a room. What happened then?
:26:08. > :26:17.What was that. What was that. Tinie was doing the act. Calm down. It's
:26:18. > :26:21.time to bring on my next guest. This weekend, the nation will stop to
:26:22. > :26:25.find out who's going to be crowned winner of Strictly Come Dancing
:26:26. > :26:27.2013. Please welcome the head judge himself, Len Goodman!
:26:28. > :26:58.APPLAUSE I've been standing round there
:26:59. > :27:06.for... Any way. How are you? I'm feeling good. These two ladies love
:27:07. > :27:15.you. We love you! I want to touch him as well. Go on, take a piece.
:27:16. > :27:23.Do you watch Strictly? Not as much. I watched the first time, the first
:27:24. > :27:26.one. But never... Never again! I listen to your first track and I've
:27:27. > :27:31.never... APPLAUSE
:27:32. > :27:35.Actually, you say that, you're a fan of rap music, are you? Sugar heel
:27:36. > :27:40.gang. # My name's wonder mic and I want
:27:41. > :27:47.to... # Yeah! Everyone's rapped so far apart
:27:48. > :27:54.from Tinie Tempah. Later. Yeah, you have a backing track and everything.
:27:55. > :28:00.This is a big year, the year of the woman. An all-female final, never
:28:01. > :28:04.happened before. Why this year? I do not know. One of those things.
:28:05. > :28:08.Normally, you get men on, because I felt it was women that voted and if
:28:09. > :28:14.there was, perhaps they weren't that bulked up in this. I don't know. For
:28:15. > :28:18.some reason, I think it's exciting. It's more of a level playing field.
:28:19. > :28:22.They're all brilliant. Four lady celebrities, four pro guys and then
:28:23. > :28:27.see what happens. What would you do if it was Natalie and Abbey and
:28:28. > :28:32.there was a dance-off how would you pick? Good question! When it's a
:28:33. > :28:36.dance-off, you mustn't think about what's been in the past or your
:28:37. > :28:41.expectations, what they could do in the future, you look at each dance.
:28:42. > :28:48.You know, you have to make a decision. Hard. It's hard. I did it
:28:49. > :28:56.once with - and it was terrible, Rod Stewart's wife. Her. Penny. That's
:28:57. > :29:00.it. And Gabby lowingan. -- Logan and they both shouldn't have been in the
:29:01. > :29:08.dance-off. They were both terrific. There were loads of Ann Widdicomes
:29:09. > :29:16.which had got through, things like that, that's what I find weird about
:29:17. > :29:25.Strictly. You tend to remember John Sergeant. Russell Grant. You know?
:29:26. > :29:30.If you said to me, who won it the year Ann Widdicome was on, I can't
:29:31. > :29:34.remember. But you remember her. It's strange. You seem to remember the
:29:35. > :29:38.bizarre ones. Someone watching at home has poured themselves a big
:29:39. > :29:46.glass of wine to cheer themselves up. Len said he was my favourite.
:29:47. > :29:50.It's on Saturday and Sunday. No. All happening on Saturday? All live on
:29:51. > :29:55.Saturday night. I'm so happy to be here. May the best lady win. I'm so
:29:56. > :29:59.looking forward to seeing it. So am I. You're also all over the
:30:00. > :30:05.television because there's Len Goodman's dance band days on BBC 4
:30:06. > :30:10.and Boxing Day, BBC One, Len Goodman's perfect Christmas. That's
:30:11. > :30:15.right. What's your perfect Christmas? Very little. My mum is
:30:16. > :30:20.still alive, she's 96. She'll be in. My wife Susan, mum and dad will be
:30:21. > :30:24.in. My son has gone off to the girlfriend's. So he'll be in on
:30:25. > :30:30.Boxing Day. Yeah, we just - it's bizarre, you get up at 10am and you
:30:31. > :30:34.have a glass of sherry. Everything goes out of the window. Then you
:30:35. > :30:46.think, a great big breakfast, I think I'll have half a dozen
:30:47. > :30:52.satsumas now. There's no grand kids yet? I'm fuming with him. See he's
:30:53. > :30:57.been with this girl for quite a while, Sophie. Lovely. James and
:30:58. > :31:02.Sophie. Good proper name. I was brought up more or less, I had my
:31:03. > :31:08.mum and dad, my granddad, I was always with my granddad. He taught
:31:09. > :31:13.me values. He was a greengrocer. I remember once, he got six tons of
:31:14. > :31:19.potatoes from the market. We had a yard and a stable thing, the horse
:31:20. > :31:27.had gone. I said to him, "Granddad, why have you got all these potatoes?
:31:28. > :31:31.He said, "They're cheap. Never forget, your money's like your
:31:32. > :31:36.Willie, it only grows if you play with it."
:31:37. > :31:40.APPLAUSE He taught me the proper values in
:31:41. > :31:44.life. I want to do the same for my grand child. That could be why
:31:45. > :31:55.they're not having grandchildren. Get on with it, boy! When it comes
:31:56. > :31:59.to parties and things, do you dance? I rarely go to parties any more. If
:32:00. > :32:04.I have to go to a wedding or something like that, I never dance.
:32:05. > :32:09.I'll tell you why. If I get up and think, oh, come on we'll have this
:32:10. > :32:14.nice little how's your father. People are like, cor he ain't much
:32:15. > :32:21.good. If I think, I'll do it a little bit. Look at him, showing
:32:22. > :32:28.off. Then up comes the men, it's not the women. It's the men. "Would you
:32:29. > :32:35.do a dance with my wife? And if you say OK, then the flood gates open.
:32:36. > :32:39.You never sit down any more. You've done it with her and it goes on and
:32:40. > :32:44.on. I just have to sit there. We know you love to dance Miranda. I
:32:45. > :32:53.love the notion of dancing. In my head I'm a dancer. Does it make
:32:54. > :32:58.dancing difficult, the height thing? When I turned 40 I decided to let go
:32:59. > :33:02.of that. But I remember once dancing with somebody thing and sitting next
:33:03. > :33:07.to a guy getting on really well, going great. We didn't notice each
:33:08. > :33:13.other sitting down how tall we were. When we stood up, he was honestly
:33:14. > :33:25.there. Went onto the dance floor and I was like this. People called it
:33:26. > :33:29.the number two move. A bit of bump and grind there. Have
:33:30. > :33:34.you encountered this, the taller woman, shorter man problem? Of
:33:35. > :33:38.course. Is there a solution? Are there moves you could teach Miranda?
:33:39. > :33:43.We would be a perfect couple because we're both tall and elegant. She's
:33:44. > :33:49.got a natural rhythm. I just saw the gyration there in her hips. She has
:33:50. > :33:53.that naturally. Were she to avail herself, she could dance right now.
:33:54. > :33:53.Could you show her a couple of moves.
:33:54. > :34:05.APPLAUSE This area here is our Christmas
:34:06. > :34:11.dance area. This is nice. Mr Goodman, Miss Hart. Are you jealous
:34:12. > :34:17.of me right now? We're doing salsa. It's three steps. Left foot.
:34:18. > :34:28.Forward. By the way, do you like my shoes. They're for you. Gorgeous.
:34:29. > :34:32.One, two, three. Now go back on your right foot, one, two, three. Now
:34:33. > :34:39.again. Binning, bang, Bonning. I'm bringing in a hip, I don't care what
:34:40. > :34:47.you say. That's really good. Now a bit of rhythm.
:34:48. > :34:52.# Have you seen my conkers # My lovely big brown conkers
:34:53. > :35:04.# They're on the trees # They're big as can... #
:35:05. > :35:19.Now stay there. Ready? Work that girl. Yes! Calm down.
:35:20. > :35:28.APPLAUSE Gorgeous. Well done.
:35:29. > :35:36.Talking of the music, we're going to have some music. This is the single
:35:37. > :35:41.coming out. The third single coming out in February off the new album
:35:42. > :35:47.Don demonstration -- Demonstration, out now. Available now! Out now! I'm
:35:48. > :35:52.performing it on my tour, which is in April. After you. After mine.
:35:53. > :36:03.Yeah. Tickets are on sale now. Now! OK, I get it. I see why you're here.
:36:04. > :36:08.Backing dancers? Definitely. The track is Lover in the a Fighter. It
:36:09. > :36:19.features Labrinth. The album features loads of people. From Emeli
:36:20. > :36:24.Sande, Dizzee Rascal, big Sean, two American rappers, Paloma faith,
:36:25. > :36:28.loads of people. Yeah, a big event. We're looking forward to the tour,
:36:29. > :36:33.looking forward to this. If you want to join Labrinth and get ready Mr
:36:34. > :36:36.Tinie Tempah. Of course, absolutely.
:36:37. > :36:44.APPLAUSE You're coming back. Go.
:36:45. > :36:46.In a moment, we'll have the last stories of the year in the famous
:36:47. > :36:59.red chair. Now here is Tinie Tempah! # Well, I'm a lover not a fighter,
:37:00. > :37:06.yeah. # So kiss that girl and say good-bye now. # 'cos I came for
:37:07. > :37:10.kicks not for arguments. # No, woah, oh, oh. # 'cos I'm a lover not a
:37:11. > :37:45.fighter. # Somebody fill in the gaps. #
:37:46. > :37:49.somebody fill in the dots. # I feel like Cruella Deville the way I be
:37:50. > :37:53.stealing the spots. # When all the shutters are down shall we be still
:37:54. > :37:57.in the shop. # I shop for clothes when it's closed, # That's why I
:37:58. > :38:01.feel like the boss. # In my vintage ebay watch. # that's why I feel like
:38:02. > :38:05.the Hoff. # Weren't gonna wait for no institute not to gimme a job. #
:38:06. > :38:09.These critics giving me # that's why I give 'em my crotch. # These paps
:38:10. > :38:13.are getting too nosey. # that's why I give 'em my snot. # 'cos I just
:38:14. > :38:17.tripled my cost of living, # Steak, salmon, lobster, chicken. # That's
:38:18. > :38:20.made in my Boffi kitchen by Rosa Dacosta women. # Come from
:38:21. > :38:23.disturbing London, the city of foster children # Grateful what God
:38:24. > :38:28.has given. # save us from constant sin in the city of God. # I'm from
:38:29. > :38:32.the city of God, # Travelling up in the Shard # I really been at the
:38:33. > :38:38.top. # Separate the man from the man. # Well I'm a lover not a
:38:39. > :38:42.fighter. # So a kiss that girl and say good-bye now. # 'cos I came for
:38:43. > :38:50.kicks not for arguments. # No, woah, oh, oh. # 'cos I'm a lover not a
:38:51. > :38:54.fighter. # Yeah. Hello. # I used to sit on the settee eating a tin of
:38:55. > :38:58.spaghetti. # Now women think that I'm sexy because I been on the tele.
:38:59. > :39:02.# Car like 007, them alloys spin in Pirellis. # I'm with a gold digging
:39:03. > :39:06.heffa. # I call her miss Moneypenny. # is it real? Is it fake? Somebody
:39:07. > :39:10.gimme a break. # I grew up on minimum wage and I grew up in an
:39:11. > :39:14.estate. # These rappers calling me bruv and they can't even relate. #
:39:15. > :39:18.Are they even ready and willing do anything that it takes? # I saw my
:39:19. > :39:22.teacher from college. # she says she thinks that I'm great. # I'm gonna
:39:23. > :39:26.give her the D. # cos she never gimme an A. # She's try'na get in my
:39:27. > :39:31.jeans. # I'm try'na kick off my J's. # Take of my D and give her my
:39:32. > :39:34.DNA. # cos all these be loving me, sipping my bubbly. # Watching
:39:35. > :39:38.Hangover Hungover be the quickest recovery. # Couple bad grades. I did
:39:39. > :39:43.s in my study. # And now she wants my name and a kiss on them double
:39:44. > :39:47.D's. # And I love it. I've got too much love to burn, babe. # Ain't got
:39:48. > :39:52.no time to exchange words, babe # Things to do. # People to see, yeah.
:39:53. > :40:03.# I guess we all gotta play the game. # Well, I'm a lover not a
:40:04. > :40:10.fighter. # So a kiss that girl and say good-bye now. # 'cos I came for
:40:11. > :40:23.kicks not for arguments. # No, woah, oh, oh. # 'cos I'm a lover not a
:40:24. > :40:33.fighter. # Yeah. Hello. # CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
:40:34. > :40:40.Tinie Tempah and Labrinth as well! Very good. Thank you, thank you. We
:40:41. > :40:44.loved it. Thank you so much. Len, what would you say to that
:40:45. > :40:50.performance? It was almost a foxtrot. It was good. It's ridge
:40:51. > :40:59.make and plenty going on. We try. Thank you Len. That was really good.
:41:00. > :41:06.Len liked it. People think I'm an old fuddy dude, I'm with it --
:41:07. > :41:13.duddy, I'm with it a bit. LAUGHTER
:41:14. > :41:20.Before we go, time for a story in the red chair. Who's there? Hi. Hi.
:41:21. > :41:26.I have high hopes for you. What's your name? Debbie. Live?
:41:27. > :41:33.Leatherhead. What is, what is... Well, any way. Where is that?
:41:34. > :41:44.Surrey. It's in Surrey! Surrey, Julie. I know. What do you do? I
:41:45. > :41:51.work in accounts. Oh, dear. No. I like the look of Debbie. All
:41:52. > :41:55.right. She's got trapped in accounts. She never intended to stay
:41:56. > :41:58.there. She's dreaming of getting out of there. Her private life is
:41:59. > :42:08.probably very interesting. That's true. She just does that for money.
:42:09. > :42:13.Come 5pm, woo-hoo. Leatherhead, I tell you. The seedy side of
:42:14. > :42:19.Leatherhead. Sorry Debbie, we forgot about you. ?. Off you go. I used to
:42:20. > :42:24.be quite overweight. I was about 14 stone. I had a boyfriend who was
:42:25. > :42:29.lovely and he invited me round his house. Went round the house and his
:42:30. > :42:34.parents were eating their dinner. He was eating with the parents. They
:42:35. > :42:41.said go and sit in the lounge and wait for him to finish. Lovely
:42:42. > :42:46.lounge, fluffy cushions, it was Christmas, looked gorgeous. Sat on
:42:47. > :42:50.the sofa, heard a cracking noise, got up, I'd sat on the cat and broke
:42:51. > :43:08.its back and it was dead. No! No. No. That's not an anecdote.
:43:09. > :43:13.That's a confession. APPLAUSE
:43:14. > :43:20.if you'd like to join us on the show, look for tickets via our
:43:21. > :43:31.website. Thank you to my guests Tinie Tempah, Miranda Hart, Julie
:43:32. > :43:36.Walters, and Mr Len Goodman! APPLAUSE
:43:37. > :43:43.It's Christmas. No show next week, but join me on New Year's Eve for a
:43:44. > :43:46.bumper show with Frank Skinner, Joan and Jackie Collins, Michael Buble,
:43:47. > :43:53.the entire Anchorman cast and reunited at last, the stars of Monty
:43:54. > :43:54.Python. Until then, very merry Christmas, goodbye everybody,
:43:55. > :44:00.goodbye.