0:00:02 > 0:00:04Tonight, one hot young actor, one pop princess,
0:00:04 > 0:00:05one grande dame of British theatre
0:00:05 > 0:00:08and one slightly drunk Irishman to ask them questions.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10What? Oh, that's me. Let's start the show!
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Oh! Oh!
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Oh! Oh!
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Thank you so much!
0:00:34 > 0:00:35Oh!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37All the clapping, applause!
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Beautiful! Thank you, good evening.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Oh, there must be 800 people here. That's amazing!
0:00:45 > 0:00:47That is fabulous. Hey, welcome all.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49We've got the best of British on the show this week.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52One of the hottest actors around, Dominic Cooper's on the show!
0:00:52 > 0:00:54CHEERING
0:00:54 > 0:00:55Yes!
0:00:55 > 0:00:58One of my favourite guests of all time.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00You're so lucky to be here on a night she's here.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Miriam Margolyes is on the show!
0:01:02 > 0:01:04CHEERING
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Yes!
0:01:06 > 0:01:09And one of our brightest singing stars, Lily Allen is here!
0:01:09 > 0:01:11CHEERING
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Yes, she is!
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Oh! Isn't that great?
0:01:15 > 0:01:16It's so lovely that Lily's back,
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Lily's back singing after taking time out to have babies.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Talking of which, hey,
0:01:21 > 0:01:26let's say a huge congratulations to Simon Cowell, who's become a dad.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Isn't that nice? It's a good thing. It is.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30This is Simon after the birth.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31LAUGHTER
0:01:31 > 0:01:34And this is the baby when he realised just how rich his dad is.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36CASH REGISTER RINGS
0:01:36 > 0:01:37LAUGHTER
0:01:37 > 0:01:39"Mmm, those are some nice nappies!
0:01:41 > 0:01:43"It don't smell!"
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Lily had a big hit at Christmas
0:01:45 > 0:01:48with the song on the John Lewis advert,
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Somewhere Only We Know.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51It was adorable, really.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54About a hare who bought a bear an alarm clock,
0:01:54 > 0:01:56so he wouldn't miss Christmas.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59And, in real life, bears do love hares. Yeah. Um...
0:01:59 > 0:02:00LAUGHTER
0:02:00 > 0:02:03"Thanks for waking me up, you're delicious!"
0:02:05 > 0:02:07"Merry Christmas!"
0:02:07 > 0:02:10No, I'm joking, I'm joking. The bear was very grateful.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13And bears do have a special way of showing their gratitude. Mm-hm.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15LAUGHTER
0:02:15 > 0:02:17APPLAUSE
0:02:21 > 0:02:22I could look at that all day.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Let's get some guests on!
0:02:24 > 0:02:27She's magnificent, she's marvellous,
0:02:27 > 0:02:30she's Miriam Margolyes!
0:02:30 > 0:02:31CHEERING
0:02:34 > 0:02:38Hello, you gorgeous creature! How lovely to see you!
0:02:38 > 0:02:39Oh, come in and sit down. Do.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Miriam Margolyes, everybody!
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Thank you.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Mamma Mia, it's Dominic Cooper!
0:02:46 > 0:02:49CHEERING
0:02:49 > 0:02:52- Hello.- How are you?- I'm very well.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Sit down, sit down.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57And, get ready to smile, it's Lily Allen!
0:02:57 > 0:02:58CHEERING
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Oh, beautiful!
0:03:00 > 0:03:04Gorgeous! Hello, darling, how are you? Mwah, mwah!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Sit yourself down.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Welcome all, welcome all. Are you all right there?
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- Yeah, should I have gone that way? - No, no, you're fine. It's nice.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- It's intime. - We're correctly spread out.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- Yes.- So to speak.- Yes.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20LAUGHTER
0:03:20 > 0:03:22All right? Everyone comfortable? Good.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Now, Miriam has a thing.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27She doesn't like to know who she's coming on with, cos last time,
0:03:27 > 0:03:30you liked Will.i.am, but you didn't know who Will.i.am was, did you?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32I actually didn't.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36And he's charming. He's the most delightful gentleman, really.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39But unknown to me. That was the thing.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42So, how are you doing tonight?
0:03:42 > 0:03:43- Well...- Has no idea.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46LAUGHTER
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Have you ever worked with Dominic?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- We haven't, darling, have we? - No, we haven't, actually.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53- But I hope we will.- Yes.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- I think I've seen you in The History Boys.- Yes.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57- I think I saw that.- Good.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59I can't remember you, but I thought you were...
0:03:59 > 0:04:01LAUGHTER
0:04:03 > 0:04:05LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- ..very memorable.- No, did you see Mamma Mia?
0:04:07 > 0:04:10He was very good in Mamma Mia. Did you see that?
0:04:10 > 0:04:11That was a dreadful film!
0:04:11 > 0:04:13LAUGHTER
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Did you think that was a good film?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17I can't possibly say.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Yes!
0:04:19 > 0:04:21It was fun, Miriam!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23It was the film of Mamma Mia!
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- It was a very popular film with people.- Yes!
0:04:27 > 0:04:30That's all we can hope for, Miriam, really.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33We dream of making things that are popular with people.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35LAUGHTER
0:04:37 > 0:04:41Wasn't that the one where the family came to see you making it, Dominic?
0:04:41 > 0:04:43- It was the first time your family came to see you?- Yeah.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46That was the first time they saw me do any filming work
0:04:46 > 0:04:49and the particular point that they came in to... Yes.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- That monstrosity, I was wearing. - Is that you?
0:04:52 > 0:04:54That is. Do you not remember that bit?
0:04:54 > 0:04:56You'd stopped watching it by then, that happens at the end.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00They came and saw me, then saw that that's where I was heading in life.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02And I'm not sure what they exactly thought of it.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05But I think Pierce, when we were wearing those things,
0:05:05 > 0:05:08felt slightly more uncomfortable, because we were
0:05:08 > 0:05:11in the same building that James Bond was filming, so was Daniel Craig...
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- Oh!- Just on the year they'd sort of changed over.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17So, as we were walking across the parking lot wearing those,
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Daniel Craig was pulling up in an Aston Martin,
0:05:20 > 0:05:23looking particularly cool.
0:05:23 > 0:05:24So I didn't feel quite as bad.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27And Lily Allen, pop star.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30I mean, you will know Lily's songs.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31I promise you you will.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Darling, I'm 72.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- I don't know about songs and singing.- That's fine.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39But I know you're highly admired. I do know that.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41See, yes.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Unlike Dominic, I guess.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44LAUGHTER
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Dominic, nothing. You're in a horrible film,
0:05:46 > 0:05:50I don't remember the other one, but Lily, everyone loves you.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53You'll have heard Lily's song at Christmas on the ads.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55It was on the John Lewis ad.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56You saw that ad, didn't you?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59I was in Amsterdam at Christmas.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Christmas starts in October.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Miriam, you played...
0:06:06 > 0:06:09I was going to say a monkey, you played a rabbit in...
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- the Caramel ad. - The Cadbury's bunny, yes.- Yes.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- A long time ago. - Were you the voice?- Yes.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- That youthful, smooth, caramel-like voice...- That's it. That's it.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20- Lovely.- That was Miriam.- That was me.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Was it, "Take it easy, Mr...?"
0:06:22 > 0:06:27- Take it easy, Mr Rabbit. Something like that.- Ohhh!
0:06:27 > 0:06:29In a really creepy poll,
0:06:29 > 0:06:33that rabbit came third sexiest animated character of all time.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- LAUGHTER - Really?- Yeah.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40- Wow.- I mean, who decided... "We should find out which animated character people find sexiest."
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- Who's number one?- I want to know who beat me.- Betty... Is it Betty Boo?
0:06:43 > 0:06:47- Betty Boop?- Yeah, Jessica Rabbit... - I bet Jessica Rabbit was second
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- and you were third.- Not bad though. - It's not bad. Not bad.
0:06:51 > 0:06:57Talking of ads, Dominic's first ever paid work was an advertisement.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00I was quite proud of being chased down the road by lots of sperm
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- which is what the advert was. - I remember that advert.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07- What were you advertising? - I wasn't sure.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09But I knew I was getting paid to do some work which was incredible.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- It was for condoms. - It was condoms. I remember.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- But why were the sperm chasing you? - I couldn't work that bit out.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19I was meeting a girlfriend and then I'd seen the reflection
0:07:19 > 0:07:21of all these huge, great Czechoslovakian sperm
0:07:21 > 0:07:23heading down the street...
0:07:23 > 0:07:25wafting their sperm heads and then...
0:07:25 > 0:07:26But then they all landed in...
0:07:26 > 0:07:28I didn't quite understand what happened.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31As I met her, they all knocked me over and landed on top of her,
0:07:31 > 0:07:34but ended up in the end of a condom.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37LAUGHTER
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Well, if you weren't using protection before...
0:07:41 > 0:07:44I'm not sure it worked, the commercial.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46- I don't think it was a success. - Did you give your opinion?
0:07:46 > 0:07:50What do you mean, it didn't work? People stopped buying condoms?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Nothing's going to stop those sperm!
0:07:53 > 0:07:57When you're in an ad, do you voice an opinion on the ad or...?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- Yes.- Oh, you do?- Always.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01- Do they welcome that opinion?- No.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06No, but I mean... I know better than they do,
0:08:06 > 0:08:09that is the truth, and I'm experienced
0:08:09 > 0:08:12and I need to help them sometimes.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13The grammar is often bad.
0:08:16 > 0:08:21- She really doesn't want to listen to my songs.- Yes, I do. I do.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24We'll get notes. We'll get notes later.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Because, Miriam, you were the voice of a period, weren't you?
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- A menstrual period, yes. - A menstrual period.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Sorry. My mistake.
0:08:39 > 0:08:44As an actress, how did you find that voice?
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Well...
0:08:45 > 0:08:49- You always go to the text first...- Yes.
0:08:49 > 0:08:54..and the text was, "You didn't expect to find me on your holidays."
0:08:56 > 0:08:59So I thought, well...
0:09:00 > 0:09:05..that's got to be a naughty schoolgirl, so I went...
0:09:05 > 0:09:07SHE GIGGLES
0:09:07 > 0:09:12- IN A HIGHPITCHED VOICE: - You didn't expect to find me on your holidays, did you?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Beautiful. What were you selling?
0:09:16 > 0:09:18- Sanitary towels or something? - It was...
0:09:18 > 0:09:21It was for sanitary protection, yes.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- Lovely.- Yes, for sanitary protection.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Sales went up, I imagine. Yes.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29I have actually got a menstrual story for you, if you like.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31LAUGHTER
0:09:31 > 0:09:34CHEERING
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Off you go, Miriam Margolyes.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Did I tell you last time about when I did an audition for Crossroads?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- No, I don't think so.- Right. Well...
0:09:43 > 0:09:46for those of you who may remember, Crossroads was...
0:09:46 > 0:09:48- I know it.- I remember Crossroads.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50..a soap opera which took place in Birmingham
0:09:50 > 0:09:54and I went for the audition and...
0:09:54 > 0:09:57I'm pouring this all over myself. It's rather exciting.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02As I was waiting for my turn to do the audition,
0:10:02 > 0:10:05my periods started and I thought...
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Periods!
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Don't you call it that?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14MIMICS MIRIAM: Period.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18- Don't you call it that? - No, I just say, "I'm on the rag."
0:10:18 > 0:10:20LAUGHTER
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- This is terrible.- On the rag?! - I feel very in-between this.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25How are you doing, Dominic?
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- All good, there? Yeah? OK. - Really comfortable.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33- OK.- You don't want to talk about periods?- No, I do.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- I don't mind periods. - It's all right. It's all right.
0:10:35 > 0:10:40So, meanwhile, back in Birmingham, Miriam's just had her period.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44I went... I went to the ladies' room and in those days, there was
0:10:44 > 0:10:49a long box on the wall, Dr Southall Sanitary Towels.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53And you put in two pennies and pulled the little drawer
0:10:53 > 0:10:56and got out the carton. Am I right? You remember all this, some of you?
0:10:56 > 0:11:00People applauding. "Oh, yes!"
0:11:00 > 0:11:04So, I put in my 2p, pulled out the little drawer
0:11:04 > 0:11:08and it snapped back with my finger in it,
0:11:08 > 0:11:10so it was really painful.
0:11:10 > 0:11:15It tore a great gash in my finger which was so sore.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Bleeding all over the place.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21I managed to pull open the drawer and extract my finger.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24I rushed into the loo and fixed myself up,
0:11:24 > 0:11:30came out again and went in and started to read for the audition.
0:11:30 > 0:11:35And I noticed that the script was covered in blood
0:11:35 > 0:11:39and the people I was auditioning for noticed it too
0:11:39 > 0:11:43and they looked, I saw them looking and I said,
0:11:43 > 0:11:46"Oh, I'm so sorry.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48"You see, my period started..."
0:11:48 > 0:11:51GROANING AND LAUGHTER
0:11:59 > 0:12:04- Did you get the job?- I did, actually.- You got the job?! Yay!
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Right. Now, Lily Allen, very exciting,
0:12:07 > 0:12:12- you are singing for us later. - Yes. Sadly, for you.- No!
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- I love that song. It's getting loads of radio play.- I know.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Just been put on the A list, whatever that means.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21- It means it's being played a lot and it's called Air Balloon.- Yes.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23It's very good. Now, we're thrilled you're back,
0:12:23 > 0:12:26all the new stuff you've brought out has done really well.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28But I'm not wrong, you did say...
0:12:28 > 0:12:30You did say goodbye.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32- You said, "No more."- Yeah.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35- Changed your mind.- Yep.- Fair enough.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Well, actually, I didn't really. I had two babies,
0:12:38 > 0:12:41I was very busy with them and...
0:12:41 > 0:12:45I had two babies. Two babies.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Ethel and Marnie. Hi. Love you guys.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51I really hope they're NOT watching this.
0:12:51 > 0:12:56- They're always in bed by seven. - That's all right then. Fine.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59- What time is it now?- Late. It's about half ten.- Of course.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Anyway... So, yeah...
0:13:02 > 0:13:04LAUGHTER
0:13:08 > 0:13:13But anyway, long story short, or short story really long...
0:13:13 > 0:13:17erm, I decided that I wanted to go back to work,
0:13:17 > 0:13:19but realised I had no qualifications
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- for anything except for... - Singing.- ..being a pop star.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- Obvious choice. - And you're working...
0:13:25 > 0:13:27What is the story with the album?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30There's been a lot of talk of this album, but no sign of it as yet.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34- Is it finished?- It is finished. - So, is there a release date?
0:13:34 > 0:13:37End of spring. This year.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39- Is that the end of March or the end of April?- I don't know.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43I said, "Can I say a date?" The record company said, "No. End of spring is your line."
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- OK. End of spring.- End of spring. - Does it have a title yet?
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- It does.- Oh! Then you can tell us.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50OK.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52LAUGHTER
0:13:52 > 0:13:55She doesn't seem that confident with her title choice.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- It's a confident title choice. - What have you called it?
0:13:58 > 0:13:59Sheezus.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Sheezus, as in...
0:14:01 > 0:14:04She... She... Oh, wait. Is it like Yeezus?
0:14:04 > 0:14:08I mean, obviously it's like Jesus, but is it the Kanye thing as well?
0:14:08 > 0:14:10- It's a little nod to Kanye.- To whom?
0:14:10 > 0:14:12- Kanye West.- You've yet to meet him.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Another week.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19- I obviously don't know who that is.- You will meet him.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23- Yeah, stick with us.- Yeah, so Sheezus.- Sheezus, it's a good title.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- Subtle.- Yeah, it's good. Sheezus. Now we know.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Feel free to social media that.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31No! I completely forgot about that element of things.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35- No, it will be on telly tomorrow. - No, it's fine.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Those are cameras. I know it is all dark and everything, but yeah.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41We are filming this.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Now, the video for Air Balloon, you did some extraordinary things.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51We've seen you on the zebra. This next picture.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55- Is that a stuffed cheetah? - It's a real cheetah.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Isn't that incredibly dangerous?
0:14:57 > 0:14:59I have this weird thing.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03Obviously I get pitched stuff all the time where work is concerned
0:15:03 > 0:15:07and I've got this inability to look past the next hour and a half.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09So I get a treatment of a video and
0:15:09 > 0:15:13I'm like, "Yeah, cool, cheetahs, zebras. That sounds exotic and fun."
0:15:13 > 0:15:18I find myself on the side of a hill with someone rubbing steak on my face
0:15:18 > 0:15:20so that the cheetah would lick me.
0:15:20 > 0:15:25It's like, "Actually, what am I doing here?"
0:15:25 > 0:15:28That sounds like madness!
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Yeah. It was a two-day shoot and that was on the second day.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33On the first day, someone came up to me and said,
0:15:33 > 0:15:38"Oh, Lily, by the way, don't eat any steak tonight,
0:15:38 > 0:15:41"just in case you burp and the cheetah smells it."
0:15:41 > 0:15:44LAUGHTER
0:15:44 > 0:15:46But you're allowed to be covered in steak?
0:15:46 > 0:15:50No, they just wiped it on me so that he smelt it and licked my face.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52And then take a chunk?
0:15:52 > 0:15:57If I'd eaten steak the night before and I'd burped next to him,
0:15:57 > 0:16:01then he would have gone, "RAAR!" and eaten me or something.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Yeah, I'm not a zoologist or anything,
0:16:03 > 0:16:05but I think there's some weak thinking there.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07LAUGHTER
0:16:07 > 0:16:09- On my part or their part? - No, on their part.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13They could've lost you. That was a crazy thing to do.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Working with animals is very difficult.
0:16:15 > 0:16:21We have some very good examples of dogs spoiling photographs.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24We found them on theladbible.com.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27So this is some children playing on the beach. Lovely.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29We'll want to remember that forever.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32We'll take a picture of our children. There it is.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35LAUGHTER
0:16:36 > 0:16:40This next one, I love this for the expression on the dog's face.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43So you've got the whole family. Look at the baby, everything.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Now look at the dog.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47LAUGHTER
0:16:49 > 0:16:50I love his face.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52"Am I in this?
0:16:52 > 0:16:55"Am I in shot here?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57"Sorry, sorry."
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Animals always look so much more vulnerable than humans
0:17:03 > 0:17:05when they are crapping, don't you think?
0:17:05 > 0:17:09Oh, darling, we all look vulnerable when we're crapping!
0:17:09 > 0:17:11LAUGHTER
0:17:11 > 0:17:16- We can lock the door.- Terrified. - They look so scared, don't they?
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- I think it's a vulnerable moment. - It is.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Here's some young people having fun, jumping in the air. There they are.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26LAUGHTER
0:17:29 > 0:17:31They always look like they're forcing it out.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Yeah, it's like, "I don't want to!"
0:17:33 > 0:17:35But the next picture, the number
0:17:35 > 0:17:38of things that needed to all happen at the same time are incredible.
0:17:38 > 0:17:43A dragonfly lands on a man's finger.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45It can't have been there for long.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49So he was able to have it on his finger, get his camera out
0:17:49 > 0:17:52and take a picture of all of this.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54There's the dragonfly.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57LAUGHTER
0:18:00 > 0:18:02That one is comfortable. He's having a nice time.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05He doesn't know he's being watched!
0:18:06 > 0:18:09My favourite ones are people trying to be romantic.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13There's a couple reclining on the grass. It's really, really lovely.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15LAUGHTER
0:18:16 > 0:18:18I love how old that dog looks.
0:18:18 > 0:18:23"You're young. You've got your whole lives."
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Well done, all the pooing dogs! Very good.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29APPLAUSE
0:18:30 > 0:18:35Dominic Cooper, flying high at the moment on Sky in Fleming,
0:18:35 > 0:18:39- playing the James Bond creator, Ian Fleming.- Yes.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- Now, it's a four-parter.- Yes.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45It's a biopic, but not really?
0:18:45 > 0:18:47It kind of is.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51We've used two biographies, which are very specific about his life
0:18:51 > 0:18:54and who he was, and we have made it into more of a fantasy,
0:18:54 > 0:18:57or perhaps how he would have liked people to have perceived his life.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01He was quite a complex, dark character.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05In this, I suppose we've made him out to be the character he created,
0:19:05 > 0:19:06more of the James Bond character.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09He was desperate to be a spy.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12There is one section in the next episode
0:19:12 > 0:19:14where he goes through the tests to see whether
0:19:14 > 0:19:16he could be in the secret services and fails
0:19:16 > 0:19:19because he's not capable of perhaps...
0:19:19 > 0:19:21I'm about to give it all away!
0:19:21 > 0:19:24I think we might see that in the clip in a minute.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27When you speak to people who knew of his family and know about him,
0:19:27 > 0:19:32they mention to you through gritted teeth that he was the real deal
0:19:32 > 0:19:34and he was apparently involved in that world
0:19:34 > 0:19:38but we have absolutely lied our way through it.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42What's nice is, for Bond fans, if they come to see the show,
0:19:42 > 0:19:46there are lots of Bond references, Bond origin bits.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50Yes, that was always a difficult conversation,
0:19:50 > 0:19:52about how far we could go with those.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55In the first episode, asking for the Martini,
0:19:55 > 0:19:57which was made very specifically,
0:19:57 > 0:20:00and everyone knows that to be James Bond's drink.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02But it's done in a way, hopefully,
0:20:02 > 0:20:06that's tongue-in-cheek enough for it to be not cringeworthy, I hope.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Fleming continues on Wednesday at 9.00pm on Sky Atlantic HD
0:20:10 > 0:20:12and we have an exclusive clip from next week's episode.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15I'm thinking, now that you've said what you said,
0:20:15 > 0:20:17that this is part of your test?
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Yes, it's the K Protocol Test,
0:20:19 > 0:20:21where he sees whether he can make it into...
0:20:21 > 0:20:24After being behind his desk working for the Admiralty,
0:20:24 > 0:20:26they put him on this.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28They see if he is capable of doing this certain thing that
0:20:28 > 0:20:31- he's about to try and do.- Maybe it isn't the test?- Maybe it's not.
0:20:31 > 0:20:37- I don't know what it is!- Let's watch it and talk about it afterwards.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Hey, here it is.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18APPLAUSE
0:21:18 > 0:21:22- You live.- Always good when there is no speaking.- That was exciting.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25No, he lives, he lives. Yeah, he lives. He lives through that.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29Terrifying, filming that, because that man, I think I get beaten by
0:21:29 > 0:21:34him in a moment and the stuntmen were not so trained in stunting.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38- Where's there?- Where were we? Budapest.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41He absolutely beat me up quite badly after that.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- Not to sound pathetic.- Ow!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46LAUGHTER
0:21:46 > 0:21:50- So that is the test he goes under. - And fails.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53That is a spoiler, so let's not say that again. He MIGHT fail.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55LAUGHTER
0:21:57 > 0:21:59And talking of Bond, have you ever...
0:21:59 > 0:22:02You would make a very good Bond villain, I think, Miriam.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04It's a good idea, isn't it?
0:22:04 > 0:22:08I'd have loved to have been Rosa Klebb, was one of the Bond villains,
0:22:08 > 0:22:13played by Bertolt Brecht's wife in the film.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Yeah, I'd have loved to have been.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19There's something magic about James Bond.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- But you were in Harry Potter, weren't you?- I was.- That's magic.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- That's actually magic. - That was terrific.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28And she's also worked with the biggest action star of them all,
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Sylvester Stallone, not Sylvester Stallone...
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Arnold Schwarzenegger!
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Yes, I worked with Arnold Schwarzenegger,
0:22:35 > 0:22:37which was a horrible experience.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39LAUGHTER
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Why so horrible, Miriam?
0:22:44 > 0:22:49Well, the real reason is because,
0:22:49 > 0:22:53A, because he did not fancy me, he didn't think I mattered
0:22:53 > 0:22:56and I really resent that attitude.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59And, secondly, because he farted in my face.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02LAUGHTER
0:23:02 > 0:23:07That was when I was lying on the ground, in the part.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10I was playing my role.
0:23:10 > 0:23:15I was Satan's sister, and I had to be killed lying on the floor
0:23:15 > 0:23:19- with a glass table slicing my throat.- Yes.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22So I was doing all that, and it's difficult.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26- You can't get out of the way when you're stuck like that.- No.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30He thought it was hysterical.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32LAUGHTER
0:23:32 > 0:23:33He did it on purpose?
0:23:33 > 0:23:37- He just squatted in your face and farted?- Absolutely on purpose!
0:23:37 > 0:23:39LAUGHTER
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Ooh, and he eats nothing but protein.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45AUDIENCE GROANS
0:23:45 > 0:23:47APPLAUSE
0:23:47 > 0:23:50True. It was very unpleasant.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57Let's draw a veil. I'll ask him about it next time he's on the show.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Was it this year or last year,
0:24:02 > 0:24:06you had a really lovely honour from your school. Was it Oxford?
0:24:06 > 0:24:08- Oxford High School. - Did you go there?
0:24:08 > 0:24:12- I went there from 1945 to 1959.- Wow.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14It's the best school in the world.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17That is why I talk as I talk, clearly.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19LAUGHTER
0:24:19 > 0:24:21LILY MIMICS MIRIAM: Clearly!
0:24:21 > 0:24:24I hardly ever use the word "like".
0:24:28 > 0:24:33And they named a theatre space after me, which was a real thrill.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36They actually wanted Maggie Smith,
0:24:36 > 0:24:40because she was at the school as well, Dame Maggie.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43And they asked me to ask Dame Maggie
0:24:43 > 0:24:46if she would like to give her name
0:24:46 > 0:24:49to this space in the school,
0:24:49 > 0:24:53and I asked her on their behalf, would you, and she said,
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- MIMICS MAGGIE SMITH: - "No, I don't want to do that!
0:24:56 > 0:25:02"I didn't like school at all. Why don't you do it?
0:25:02 > 0:25:04"You'd like that, wouldn't you? You do that."
0:25:04 > 0:25:05LAUGHTER
0:25:05 > 0:25:08So they asked me and I said yes.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Very nice.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21And it is extraordinary that you've become so established.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23You do lots of work for charities, I know.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27When you get to my age, you sort of do that sort of thing.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Not everybody can do it, but I don't work all the time,
0:25:30 > 0:25:35so in the spare moments I have, I do things for breast cancer
0:25:35 > 0:25:38and kidney transplants and Stroke Association
0:25:38 > 0:25:40and all those different things.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44I love doing stuff for charity. I get a kick out of it.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Some of you may have seen me on Loose Women recently,
0:25:47 > 0:25:50- talking about breast cancer. - That's not a charity.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Well, it was, it was.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Don't interrupt, darling!
0:25:54 > 0:25:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Ooh, it's like Question Time!
0:26:04 > 0:26:07But here's the thing, Miriam,
0:26:07 > 0:26:10you are very embraced by the establishment
0:26:10 > 0:26:13but you've always been quite a wild child, I would say.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17- A little bit, yes. Naughty. I was naughty.- Yes.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20You brought our attention to this photograph. What is going on?
0:26:20 > 0:26:25This was the 1970s. Is this one of your first jobs?
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Girls Of Slender Means.
0:26:27 > 0:26:34I'm in the front. Behind me is Mary Tamm, Patricia Hodge
0:26:34 > 0:26:37and Jane Cussons, who I think is here tonight.
0:26:37 > 0:26:42- Where's Jane Cussons?- There she is. - There's Jane Cussons! Wow!
0:26:42 > 0:26:44APPLAUSE
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Are you all in the nip?
0:26:46 > 0:26:47Yes, what happened was,
0:26:47 > 0:26:51we had to have a scene in which everybody stripped naked,
0:26:51 > 0:26:53and we were a little bit shy about it.
0:26:53 > 0:26:54They closed the studio, of course,
0:26:54 > 0:27:00and we insisted that the cameramen took off their clothes as well.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02LAUGHTER
0:27:02 > 0:27:06And we had a photograph of ourselves covered up, because it was
0:27:06 > 0:27:08just coming up to Valentine's Day,
0:27:08 > 0:27:11and then they did one as well for us.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14And we've got that picture as well. This is unbelievable they did this.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17This is the crew.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Fantastic.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27My favourite one, if you pay attention, look how cocky John is.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30LAUGHTER
0:27:33 > 0:27:35I think that's John Henshall,
0:27:35 > 0:27:38who is responsible for getting us all together again.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41I should mention our director, Moira Armstrong.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43It was just the most wonderful experience.
0:27:43 > 0:27:481976 and we are still all great friends.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52- We love each other, don't we, Jane? - Yes.- It is such a wonderful...
0:27:52 > 0:27:53APPLAUSE
0:27:53 > 0:27:55Lovely to see you, Jane.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Jane looks better now.
0:27:57 > 0:28:01- They were all very beautiful girls. - Thank you, Graham.- Yes, you do.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Fabulous, yes.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06She's actually single, so if anybody's interested...
0:28:06 > 0:28:08LAUGHTER
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Actually, here's the odd thing because Dominic,
0:28:12 > 0:28:14you've exposed yourself as well.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17AUDIENCE WHOOPS
0:28:17 > 0:28:21- Yes.- We don't have a picture, sadly. Calm down, everyone.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Actually, if we could find the women involved in the story,
0:28:23 > 0:28:25how brilliant, but we haven't, but go.
0:28:25 > 0:28:30Was this me working in that rather grubby cafe,
0:28:30 > 0:28:33- being a greasy teenager?- Yeah.
0:28:33 > 0:28:37Wearing my very tight black jeans
0:28:37 > 0:28:43and entering the bakery early in the morning from a late night out.
0:28:43 > 0:28:47Having just learned how to make cappuccinos...
0:28:47 > 0:28:49- Cappuccinos had just arrived in England.- Yeah.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52So I used to make them terribly big and frothy,
0:28:52 > 0:28:56not how you are meant to make them. They were repulsive and undrinkable.
0:28:56 > 0:29:00And I remember two lovely ladies coming into the cafe.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03I had just learned how to hold two cappuccinos in one hand which
0:29:03 > 0:29:05I was very impressed by.
0:29:05 > 0:29:09I had some revolting, greasy croque something. What's it called?
0:29:09 > 0:29:11Monsieur.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13I had these terrible old jeans
0:29:13 > 0:29:16with a big hole in them.
0:29:16 > 0:29:19I was placing them down shaking feeling rather sweaty and anxious.
0:29:19 > 0:29:25My thing just fell out and just dangled and rested on the edge.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27I wasn't aware of it at the time.
0:29:27 > 0:29:28LAUGHTER
0:29:28 > 0:29:31Awful, awful look. THAT look!
0:29:31 > 0:29:33LAUGHTER
0:29:33 > 0:29:36The two of them doing that exact expression!
0:29:36 > 0:29:38APPLAUSE
0:29:38 > 0:29:41And it was just neatly resting on the end and I pulled it in.
0:29:41 > 0:29:43It was a horrible moment.
0:29:43 > 0:29:47You mean your cock fell out of your trousers?
0:29:47 > 0:29:49Actually fell out?
0:29:49 > 0:29:51It did. It fell out and dangled and rested on the edge.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54There was nothing I could do cos I was holding the cappuccinos.
0:29:54 > 0:29:57Did anyone mention it?
0:29:58 > 0:30:00Well, they were repulsed by it.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02It was meant to be a...
0:30:02 > 0:30:05It was a patisserie of high class sophistication.
0:30:06 > 0:30:10- Did you at least go, "Excuse I."? - I don't know what I...
0:30:10 > 0:30:13I just backed off. We were all so repulsed.
0:30:14 > 0:30:15Enjoy! And then I went off.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17LAUGHTER
0:30:17 > 0:30:21Awful. It was really pathetic and not very good either.
0:30:21 > 0:30:22It didn't look good.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26But it fell out?!
0:30:27 > 0:30:29I can't... I don't... I mean...
0:30:29 > 0:30:31- I know. I don't know...- How is it not...?
0:30:31 > 0:30:35- Kept in?- Yeah. - Well, you mentioned it earlier.
0:30:35 > 0:30:37That was because I saw it.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39LAUGHTER
0:30:39 > 0:30:43- I didn't see it out on the table, sure.- You didn't, you didn't.
0:30:43 > 0:30:46But I don't... I think... We wore...
0:30:46 > 0:30:47What happened earlier?
0:30:49 > 0:30:51She gave me some very good advice.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58And mentioned my penis.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00He's beautifully...
0:31:00 > 0:31:01No!
0:31:01 > 0:31:03LAUGHTER
0:31:03 > 0:31:04Hung.
0:31:06 > 0:31:08It wasn't like that.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15I loved it, I loved it. I loved it.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18- She loved it.- I wasn't repelled.
0:31:18 > 0:31:19The word is...
0:31:19 > 0:31:22- The word is repelled, not repulsed.- No.- No.
0:31:23 > 0:31:26I left you alone in make up for ten minutes.
0:31:30 > 0:31:33I was very impressed you'd noticed it all together.
0:31:33 > 0:31:38The funny thing is, when you're gay - as I am - and you never see
0:31:38 > 0:31:44a cock from, you know, Martinmas to Christmas, erm...
0:31:44 > 0:31:47You're very aware of them. You're very aware.
0:31:49 > 0:31:53They're hanging all around all the time.
0:31:53 > 0:31:55And I'm very short and...
0:31:55 > 0:31:58LAUGHTER
0:31:58 > 0:32:02- I was standing, yes, I was standing up.- You were standing up.- I was standing.
0:32:02 > 0:32:04- So there you go.- I was standing.
0:32:04 > 0:32:05Oh, dear.
0:32:05 > 0:32:09My dear, shall we have some music? Shall we hear a track off the new album
0:32:09 > 0:32:12- that we've talked about so much? - Yeah.- OK, so...
0:32:12 > 0:32:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:32:19 > 0:32:22They'll wire you for sound and all sorts. Very good.
0:32:22 > 0:32:23Erm, right.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26In a moment we'll have some stories from the famous red chair
0:32:26 > 0:32:30but now, performing Air Balloon, it is Miss Lily Allen!
0:32:35 > 0:32:40# Somebody remind me where I am Miami or Timbuktu?
0:32:40 > 0:32:45# Did I ever tell you my uncle's monkey ran away from the zoo?
0:32:45 > 0:32:47# Would you tell me what this all means?
0:32:47 > 0:32:50# What happens if I go through that door?
0:32:50 > 0:32:55# Cos I'm looking up at the ceiling, but it's turning into the floor
0:32:55 > 0:32:57# Ooh
0:32:57 > 0:33:02# When I'm bored, I kinda drift away
0:33:02 > 0:33:07# I'm not sure, quite, why we work all day
0:33:07 > 0:33:12# I've been thinking and I've got this plan
0:33:12 > 0:33:15# Let's go right now
0:33:15 > 0:33:18# Come meet me in the sky I'll be waiting for you
0:33:18 > 0:33:20# And we can't hear what they say
0:33:20 > 0:33:25# Up in my air balloon, air balloon, air balloon
0:33:25 > 0:33:29- #- Ha!- Sing, sing along, along any song you want to
0:33:29 > 0:33:31# Now we're so high, it can't rain
0:33:31 > 0:33:35# Up in my air balloon, air balloon, air balloon
0:33:35 > 0:33:37- #- Ha!
0:33:37 > 0:33:39# Na na na-na-na na na
0:33:39 > 0:33:41# Na na na-na-na, Mmmm
0:33:41 > 0:33:44# Na na na-na-na na na
0:33:44 > 0:33:46# Na na na-na-na, Mmmm
0:33:46 > 0:33:51# I don't like dropping names but Kurt Cobain is all in my face
0:33:51 > 0:33:56# How the hell am I gonna tell him Elvis already took first base?
0:33:56 > 0:34:01# In and out of the blue this cruise is losing altitude, all we need
0:34:01 > 0:34:06# Is a little more elevation, take me back to where I can breathe.
0:34:06 > 0:34:07# Ooh
0:34:07 > 0:34:13# When I'm bored, I kinda drift away
0:34:13 > 0:34:17# I'm not sure, quite, why we work all day
0:34:17 > 0:34:23# I've been thinking and I've got this plan
0:34:23 > 0:34:26# Let's go right now
0:34:26 > 0:34:29# Come meet me in the sky I'll be waiting for you
0:34:29 > 0:34:31# And we can't hear what they say
0:34:31 > 0:34:35# Up in my air balloon, air balloon, air balloon
0:34:35 > 0:34:39- # Ha!- Sing, sing along, along any song you want to
0:34:39 > 0:34:41# Now we're so high, it can't rain
0:34:41 > 0:34:46# Up in my air balloon, air balloon, air balloon
0:34:46 > 0:34:47- #- Ha!
0:34:47 > 0:34:50# Na na na-na-na na na
0:34:50 > 0:34:52# Na na na-na-na, Mmmm
0:34:52 > 0:34:55# Na na na-na-na na na
0:34:55 > 0:34:57# Na na na-na-na, Mmmm
0:34:57 > 0:35:00# Na na na-na-na na na
0:35:00 > 0:35:02# Na na na-na-na, Mmmm
0:35:02 > 0:35:05# Na na na-na-na na na
0:35:05 > 0:35:08# Na na na-na-na, Mmmm
0:35:08 > 0:35:10# Shake it, sh-shake it, shake it now
0:35:10 > 0:35:13# Gimme, gi-gimme, gimme some
0:35:13 > 0:35:15# Sailing, sa-sailing through the clouds
0:35:15 > 0:35:18# Trippin' trip trip trip trippin' out
0:35:18 > 0:35:20# Shake it, sh-shake it, shake it now
0:35:20 > 0:35:23# Gimme, gi-gimme, gimme some
0:35:23 > 0:35:25# Sailing, sa-sailing through the clouds
0:35:25 > 0:35:29# Trippin' trip trip trip trippin' out
0:35:32 > 0:35:34# Na na na-na-na na
0:35:37 > 0:35:40# Come meet me in the sky I'll be waiting for you
0:35:40 > 0:35:42# And we can't hear what they say
0:35:42 > 0:35:46- # Up in my air balloon, - air balloon, air balloon
0:35:46 > 0:35:50- #- Ha!- Sing, sing along, along any song you want to
0:35:50 > 0:35:52# Now we're so high, it can't rain
0:35:52 > 0:35:56# Up in my air balloon, air balloon, air balloon
0:35:56 > 0:35:58- #- Ha!
0:35:58 > 0:36:00# Na na na-na-na na na
0:36:00 > 0:36:03# Na na na-na-na, Mmmm
0:36:03 > 0:36:07- #- Air balloon,- air balloon, air balloon
0:36:07 > 0:36:08- #- Ha!
0:36:08 > 0:36:11# Na na na-na-na na na
0:36:11 > 0:36:13# Na na na-na-na, Mmmm
0:36:13 > 0:36:17- #- Air balloon,- air balloon, air balloon
0:36:17 > 0:36:19- #- Ha!- #
0:36:19 > 0:36:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:26 > 0:36:28Lily Allen, everybody!
0:36:28 > 0:36:31Come on back, come on back, Lily. Beautiful job.
0:36:33 > 0:36:38- Those shoes are amazing. - Thank you.- They are. Lilly!
0:36:38 > 0:36:41Up, up, up. And around and around.
0:36:41 > 0:36:44Back to your phone, back to your phone, there we go.
0:36:44 > 0:36:47We're running, we're running, we're running. Oh, very good.
0:36:47 > 0:36:51- And that is out on the second of March, I believe.- Don't ask me.
0:36:51 > 0:36:54OK, well, I'm telling you it's the second of March.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57- And the album will be out in the spring.- Late spring.
0:36:57 > 0:37:02Late spring to be precise. Erm, right.
0:37:02 > 0:37:05It's time for a story or two in the red chair. Who's there?
0:37:05 > 0:37:10- Hi.- Hello, hi.- Hi.- What's your name? - Orla.- Orla, lovely.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12Are you from the old country? Yeah, I'm from Ireland.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14Oh, she's from Ireland.
0:37:14 > 0:37:18- Whereabouts?- Northern Ireland, near Belfast.- Oh, right, very good.
0:37:18 > 0:37:20- And what do you do, Orla? - I'm a nurse.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23- Oh, right, any particular sort of nurse?- Cardiac nursing, so...
0:37:23 > 0:37:24- Oh.- ..hearts.- Oh, right.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27Have you got a pager on you at the moment or anything?
0:37:27 > 0:37:30- No, I'm good to go, yeah. - Screw them.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33LAUGHTER
0:37:33 > 0:37:35I'm having a good time, yeah.
0:37:35 > 0:37:36I don't care.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41"Where's nurse Orla?" "I've no idea. Oh, look, the television's on."
0:37:41 > 0:37:43Oh, no!
0:37:43 > 0:37:44Oh, Lily Allen!
0:37:44 > 0:37:47Lily, she's a nurse, she's in the caring profession!
0:37:47 > 0:37:49I know, she needs to get back.
0:37:49 > 0:37:50LAUGHTER
0:37:50 > 0:37:53People with bad, dodgy hearts, they needed help.
0:37:53 > 0:37:55Oh, poor Orla.
0:37:55 > 0:37:57OK, who's up next, who's up next?
0:37:57 > 0:38:00- Hello.- Hello.- That was a really bitchy thing to do.
0:38:00 > 0:38:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:06 > 0:38:09- It was, it felt like a bitchy thing. - It was terrible. She feels bad, she feels bad.
0:38:09 > 0:38:13I thought it was positioned here and it was my... I was meant to do that.
0:38:13 > 0:38:17- Yeah, well you can, it's available for it.- OK.- But hang on.
0:38:17 > 0:38:19- There's a time and a place. - Yeah, a time and a place, yeah.
0:38:19 > 0:38:23OK. Sorry. I didn't mean it, I got the wrong end of the stick.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26Shall we get Orla...? No, we've got this one now, let's do this one.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28I say this one, how rude?
0:38:29 > 0:38:33Let's finish this one off and then we might get Orla back for her story.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36- What's your name?- It's Elizabeth Friendship.- Elizabeth Friendship?
0:38:36 > 0:38:40- Yes.- OK, and where are you from Elizabeth Friendship?
0:38:40 > 0:38:43- South East London.- Oh, right, very good and what do you do, Elizabeth Friendship?
0:38:43 > 0:38:46I send out toners for printers.
0:38:46 > 0:38:48LAUGHTER
0:38:48 > 0:38:50I wondered who did that.
0:38:51 > 0:38:55And it's Elizabeth Friendship and toners are very expensive. Leave it!
0:38:55 > 0:38:59- Leave. I can see Lily's eyes, they're just like...- It's not me.
0:38:59 > 0:39:01OK, so Elizabeth Friendship, you send the toners
0:39:01 > 0:39:03for printers from South London.
0:39:03 > 0:39:06I think I know everything about you. Off you go with your story.
0:39:06 > 0:39:10OK, so I was a learner driver and I asked my friend if I could drive her car
0:39:10 > 0:39:15and she said only if you drive it in your underwear. And I said, OK.
0:39:15 > 0:39:17So I drove the car round and...
0:39:17 > 0:39:20LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:39:21 > 0:39:24- Yeah. - That was every shade of stupid.
0:39:28 > 0:39:31- Let's get Orla back.- Let's get Orla back.- Orla's having a reprieve.
0:39:31 > 0:39:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:39:34 > 0:39:36I'm sorry, Orla!
0:39:36 > 0:39:40Look how quick Orla... "Yeah, I'm back. I'm back.
0:39:40 > 0:39:42"Stupid driving your car in your underwear.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45"Wait till you hear my story.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47"I save lives!"
0:39:48 > 0:39:51OK, Orla, before anything happens, off you go with your story.
0:39:51 > 0:39:53OK, I was on holiday once
0:39:53 > 0:39:55and in the middle of the night I just disappeared.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57So my friends went looking for me
0:39:57 > 0:40:00and somebody said, "Oh, there's a girl sleepwalking." And they found me
0:40:00 > 0:40:03having - running a bath in someone's room with no clothes on.
0:40:03 > 0:40:05LAUGHTER
0:40:05 > 0:40:06Whose room?
0:40:06 > 0:40:09I don't know, I just walked in to someone's room and started running a bath
0:40:09 > 0:40:11and I didn't have any clothes on and I was asleep.
0:40:11 > 0:40:14Can I just say, Lily, you have great instincts.
0:40:14 > 0:40:16LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:40:16 > 0:40:18It's like you're psychic.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21You are... You are a working mum of two, you're just like,
0:40:21 > 0:40:23"I have no time to waste, come on.
0:40:23 > 0:40:25"This story is going to be awful, Orla out."
0:40:25 > 0:40:28That was really bad. Let's try one more, let's try one more. OK, this is the one.
0:40:28 > 0:40:32- Hello.- Hello.- Hi, what's your name? - I'm Marion Shay.- Hello, Marian.
0:40:32 > 0:40:35- OK, and where are you from, Marion? - I'm from Southend-on-Sea in Essex.
0:40:35 > 0:40:38Lovely. Nothing.
0:40:38 > 0:40:41- OK, what do you do there, Marion? - Erm, I'm a senior neonatal sister.
0:40:41 > 0:40:45- Wow.- That's the best, they are the best.- All right.
0:40:45 > 0:40:48- Brilliant people. - Wait till you have a heart attack.
0:40:48 > 0:40:51LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:40:57 > 0:40:59All right, Marian, you're doing very well so far.
0:40:59 > 0:41:00Off you go with your story.
0:41:00 > 0:41:03OK, when I got promoted to a sister, basically
0:41:03 > 0:41:05I had to chair a meeting at work
0:41:05 > 0:41:08and basically I wanted to impress the consultant who was there.
0:41:08 > 0:41:12So I took the names down of everyone present and asked one lady her
0:41:12 > 0:41:15name and she said Tracey Withernee, went to the next person, etc, etc.
0:41:15 > 0:41:18When the consultant came in, I started chairing the meeting,
0:41:18 > 0:41:22was trying to act as professional as possible introducing every one and
0:41:22 > 0:41:25said this is Tracey Withernee, went to the next person, introduced them.
0:41:25 > 0:41:30Went round in turn and when I said Tracey Withernee, the lady that was taking the minutes for the meeting,
0:41:30 > 0:41:34she was laughing, her shoulders were going up and down. I thought, "Oh, don't put me off."
0:41:34 > 0:41:36Just ignore her, didn't know why she was laughing.
0:41:36 > 0:41:40Got through the meeting and after said why were you laughing,
0:41:40 > 0:41:41I though it went really well?
0:41:41 > 0:41:45And she said no, her name wasn't Tracey Withernee, her name was
0:41:45 > 0:41:48Tracey and she was trying to explain it was Tracey with an E.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51Not that her surname was Withernee. So that was it.
0:41:52 > 0:41:56- So...- Borderline. - I like that, I think it's great.
0:41:56 > 0:41:59- The rest of the couch aren't convinced.- I didn't quite get it.
0:41:59 > 0:42:02It's two against one, you're out, you're out.
0:42:03 > 0:42:06- I like her.- What did she say?
0:42:06 > 0:42:09What did she actually say?
0:42:09 > 0:42:14- Tracey with an E, not Tracy Withernee.- She thought the name was Withernee. Or the other way round.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17- It was just with an E.- Tracey with an E.- With an E in the Tracey.
0:42:17 > 0:42:21- Rather than a Y.- Yeah. But she though her name was Tracey Withernee.
0:42:21 > 0:42:26- Yeah.- Yes.- But she was just saying her name was Tracey with an E.
0:42:26 > 0:42:28Basically, she's an idiot, but erm...
0:42:30 > 0:42:34No-one thought that was her name, we all knew it was Tracey with an E.
0:42:34 > 0:42:36- Shall we have one more? - AUDIENCE: Yeah!
0:42:36 > 0:42:39- OK, on more, one more, one more. Hello.- Hello, there.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42Firstly, Graham, I hurt my back, so even if my story's rubbish,
0:42:42 > 0:42:44you can't flip the chair, I'm sorry.
0:42:44 > 0:42:46Oh, yeah? No, no, don't!
0:42:46 > 0:42:48Well, bugger you! I don't think you can say that.
0:42:48 > 0:42:52- Well, she's got a bad back. I can't flip her.- Health and safety.
0:42:52 > 0:42:55- Health and safety.- Well, then she shouldn't be in the chair.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:42:57 > 0:42:59APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:43:01 > 0:43:03I'm better than you.
0:43:03 > 0:43:07- What do we do? What do we do?- It's a conundrum.- Where is she?
0:43:07 > 0:43:09We're saying you can walk. You can walk.
0:43:09 > 0:43:12- Oh, you don't want to hear my story? - No.
0:43:12 > 0:43:13Be gone.
0:43:19 > 0:43:23- Miriam, you know what...- That was you.- That was you but also...
0:43:24 > 0:43:27- She wasn't fit for purpose.- Exactly.
0:43:29 > 0:43:30Well done, everyone.
0:43:30 > 0:43:33If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go in the big red chair,
0:43:33 > 0:43:37you can just contact us on our website at this very address.
0:43:37 > 0:43:39Ladies and gentleman, thank you so much to my guests tonight,
0:43:39 > 0:43:41Miriam Margolyes!
0:43:43 > 0:43:46Dominic Cooper!
0:43:46 > 0:43:48And Lily Allen!
0:43:48 > 0:43:51Join me next week with heartthrob actor Jamie Doyle
0:43:51 > 0:43:55and Breaking Bad star Aaron Paul and TV legends, Ant and Dec!
0:43:55 > 0:43:57I'll see you then. Goodnight and goodbye!