:00:09. > :00:15.Daniel, your cake is delicious. Thank you. But Harry, I'm not so
:00:16. > :00:18.sure about yours. The filling has gone right off.
:00:19. > :00:40.Well... Charming. Let's start the show!
:00:41. > :00:52.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. Hello. Thank you very much.
:00:53. > :00:55.Thank you very much. Tonight we have all your favourite stars. Top actor,
:00:56. > :01:00.Daniel Radcliffe is here, ladies and gentlemen.
:01:01. > :01:06.TV Burp star, Harry Hill is on the show!
:01:07. > :01:14.The Queen of all baking, Mary Berry is here!
:01:15. > :01:21.Plus, later in the show, we have one Lord aleaping, Andrew Lloyd Webber
:01:22. > :01:25.is here. And, steady, ladies, we'll have music and chat from the legend
:01:26. > :01:31.that is Sir Cliff Richard, ladies and gentlemen!
:01:32. > :01:41.Ooooo... Sorry you are hungover now, aren't
:01:42. > :01:46.you? ! Cliff will be performing a track from his new album which is,
:01:47. > :01:55.ladies and gentlemen, his 100th album. He's got 100 albums. I know.
:01:56. > :01:57.That is an achievement, that is. In true rock'n'roll style, Cliff
:01:58. > :02:04.celebrated by trashing his hotel room. Yes, he did, yes. See, see,
:02:05. > :02:10.look. See. He put the cushion back all wonky, do you see. It's off
:02:11. > :02:15.centre. He's mad, he's wild. Left a huge tip though, yes. Looking
:02:16. > :02:20.forward to seeing Andrew Lloyd Webber again. He recently brought
:02:21. > :02:24.back wizard of Oz back to the stage. I helped him find a Dorothy, but the
:02:25. > :02:31.scare crow, ladies and gentlemen, where's he going to find someone you
:02:32. > :02:34.really believe when they sing if I only had a brain?
:02:35. > :02:40.LAUGHTER The search is over.
:02:41. > :02:46.Andrew will be talking about his new musical, Stephen Ward, all about the
:02:47. > :02:49.Profumo affair in the '60s where a call girl had an affair with a
:02:50. > :02:55.Cabinet Minister. Why not? Members of the Cabinet are so sexy, right? !
:02:56. > :03:03.Right? I'm guessing lights on is extra!
:03:04. > :03:11.So, I'm delighted to welcome the wonderful Harry Hill. He's written a
:03:12. > :03:18.new musical. I wonder whose will be best, Harry Hill's or Andrew Lloyd
:03:19. > :03:22.Webber's? Only one way to find out! Wouldn't you love it if that
:03:23. > :03:28.actually happened. Harry's musical is all about The X Factor, called I
:03:29. > :03:35.Can't Sing and will feature Simon Cowell. Wonder what it will sound
:03:36. > :03:38.like (Kerching)
:03:39. > :03:42.Got to feed that baby! Always a pleasure to welcome film
:03:43. > :03:47.star Daniel Radcliffe back to the show. He's not just done films, oh
:03:48. > :03:52.no, he's also appeared in a musical. Looking good!
:03:53. > :03:57.Cliff's appeared in a musical. Looking good.
:03:58. > :04:07.Even I've appeared in a musical. Hey... Oh!
:04:08. > :04:14.Let's get our guests on. Harry Hill.
:04:15. > :04:23.Hello, Sir. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
:04:24. > :04:31.Creator of Food Glorious Food, Mary Berry. There you are. Hello!
:04:32. > :04:43.There you go. Mary, Harry. And Daniel Radcliffe!
:04:44. > :04:46.Hi. APPLAUSE
:04:47. > :04:52.Sit, sit, sit. You look so smart. What a smart guy.
:04:53. > :04:57.I say smart. Daniel. What's going on? Yes. We should probably address
:04:58. > :05:00.my hair, yes. This is what my head looks like now. I'm seeing it on the
:05:01. > :05:05.screen for the first time. Don't look! I'm filming Frankenstein at
:05:06. > :05:11.the moment and playing Egor and this is what his hair looks like. That's
:05:12. > :05:13.not your hair is it? No, it's extensions. Mary is all over you
:05:14. > :05:20.like a rash. Grooming you like a monkey.
:05:21. > :05:27.She did have a play around backstage actually. Can we change the subject,
:05:28. > :05:30.please? ! LAUGHTER
:05:31. > :05:40.Mary Berry, we've been out here for how long, about 30 seconds probably,
:05:41. > :05:46.so I think it's time. So, Harry, Mary and Harry. Thank you very much.
:05:47. > :05:51.So, Mary, what have you brought us? I've brought you nothing.
:05:52. > :06:07.Well, I forgot to buy your book! Nothing? ! I haven't brought you a
:06:08. > :06:14.cake today. Reminds me, I've bought... Would you
:06:15. > :06:22.mind signing for my mum, your book? Most certainly. To Jan. Does she
:06:23. > :06:28.bake? Well, yes. She actually baked our wedding cake when I married my
:06:29. > :06:32.wife. Oh. I Saimaried, we haven't got the papers through from the
:06:33. > :06:40.Philippines yet, but she did bake it. To Jan, keep trying. I mean keep
:06:41. > :06:45.baking. She baked this wedding cake and phoned me and said, how's the
:06:46. > :06:51.wedding cake going on and she said I baked it and it split in two in the
:06:52. > :06:55.oven which is not great. Oh, dear. You can always put them together
:06:56. > :07:03.again, no-one will know when the icing goes on top. She put some
:07:04. > :07:11.chopsticks in and filled the gap with fudge. Sounds delicious.
:07:12. > :07:15.Thank you. That'll make her day. This is a proper, real pen. Very
:07:16. > :07:20.good and posh. Thank you for the compliment and the pen, but we are
:07:21. > :07:27.still married. It's been three weeks now. Lovely. Harry Hill, obviously
:07:28. > :07:32.known from TV Burp, but he's here tonight, not as a TV star, but a
:07:33. > :07:39.movie star! Yes, I'm going to be a big movie star, Daniel! Is there
:07:40. > :07:44.room for one more? Always. You are in a movie called the Harry Hill
:07:45. > :07:51.Movie? Yes, we agonised for a long time. We did quite a few ideas for
:07:52. > :07:55.what to call it, you know. It's a bit route one, the movie. In the
:07:56. > :07:58.end, we had a competition with the team, the crew, as we couldn't
:07:59. > :08:02.really come up with something. We said, if anyone can come up with a
:08:03. > :08:10.better title than that, they would win ?100, Mary. Look at the face.
:08:11. > :08:18.That's a lot. The entries we got, a lot were rude. No! Yes. The crew,
:08:19. > :08:31.basically an anonymous ballot. One was slaphead goes on holiday. One
:08:32. > :08:40.was just, the catering's crap. The Harry Potter titles were all Harry
:08:41. > :08:45.Potter and what the thing was about. That's what we were thinking. Your
:08:46. > :08:50.fans, that makes it clear. Do you think I'll be all right, Mary? I do.
:08:51. > :08:54.Now, Daniel Radcliffe, what we love about you, you've done such a great
:08:55. > :09:03.job of choosing stuff. You have been so busy and made a great choice of
:09:04. > :09:08.the new movie, Kill Your Darlings. It's fantastic. Thank you. You
:09:09. > :09:13.should be proud of yourself. It's a true story and you would think we'd
:09:14. > :09:20.know the story and yet we don't. Tell us why? I play Alan in a film,
:09:21. > :09:25.he goes to Colombia and meets lieus yen who was a founder member of the
:09:26. > :09:32.beat movement that no-one's heard of and after Alan fell madly in love
:09:33. > :09:37.with him, Lucien murdered an older man who he was in love with and it's
:09:38. > :09:41.about how that murder helped to form the beat generation in a way and it
:09:42. > :09:46.was suppressed, this story, for the best part of 06 years by Lucien who,
:09:47. > :09:51.when you see the film, will understand why he wanted the story
:09:52. > :09:56.suppressed. I'm guessing you were offered the part but you didn't say
:09:57. > :10:02.yes -- 60 years? When you are copping out of a big franchise, your
:10:03. > :10:09.name carries a certain amount of value to it for reasons other than
:10:10. > :10:13.acting and I wanted to make sure the direct director wanted me for the
:10:14. > :10:17.right reasons. I asked to audition, he saw me and didn't hate me so I
:10:18. > :10:26.got the part. It's so weird talking to you with that hair. We are all
:10:27. > :10:31.getting used to it together tonight. I feel like saying, what pretty eyes
:10:32. > :10:37.you have. More people are thinking that, I'm not thinking what I
:10:38. > :10:45.thought when I first had it done which was, I look like a young
:10:46. > :10:47.Charles Manson. Good for Egor! Yes. The decadent side of New York here
:10:48. > :10:55.in the film. Here is a clip. What do you hate in the pit of your
:10:56. > :11:28.gut? Institutions. You are an extraordinary man. Why,
:11:29. > :11:37.thank you. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
:11:38. > :11:42.Outside of the murder element of the story, what I loved was that! That
:11:43. > :11:46.thing of going to college and thinking things for the first time
:11:47. > :11:49.and finding your tribe and stuff? Yes, absolutely. It struck me
:11:50. > :11:53.watching it that, of course, you missed out on that? I didn't go to
:11:54. > :11:59.university in that sense but I do feel like I very much found my tribe
:12:00. > :12:03.tribal thing when I fell into the film industry. I was suddenly
:12:04. > :12:06.somewhere new and felt like I belonged for the first time. But
:12:07. > :12:09.it's about these guys who went to university and have that moment that
:12:10. > :12:12.a lot of people have when they go to university and want to change the
:12:13. > :12:16.world and do great things and the great thing about these guys is they
:12:17. > :12:20.actually did. That's the difference between everyone else's life and
:12:21. > :12:22.theirs. LAUGHTER
:12:23. > :12:25.It's true! It's nothing that somebody else couldn't do
:12:26. > :12:32.necessarily. Wow, you can chill red wine!
:12:33. > :12:38.Some people do go back. Even Emma went back and Natalie Portman. Would
:12:39. > :12:43.you Dover that? I bet you would love university? A lot of people say that
:12:44. > :12:46.to me, but I love filming, I love film sets and being on them and
:12:47. > :12:50.doing plays or whatever, I love my job, so it would mean taking time
:12:51. > :12:53.out of that. Maybe there'll come a time when I don't like my job as
:12:54. > :13:00.much, but I can't see that happening. I love it, make no bones
:13:01. > :13:04.about it. It's like that kid's dream coming true? I got an amazing job on
:13:05. > :13:08.something I love doing and it's sort of like every job I do I think, is
:13:09. > :13:11.somebody going to stop me from doing this one day because that would be
:13:12. > :13:22.terrible. I would say in mitigation, the price you are paying is the
:13:23. > :13:25.hairment -- hair. APPLAUSE
:13:26. > :13:29.Harry, you are a bit of a geek. Harry, this isn't a joke, you are a
:13:30. > :13:36.fully qualified doctor? Yes, I haven't done it for a long time,
:13:37. > :13:42.but... Yes. I am. A medical doctor? Yes, I was a doctor for a couple of
:13:43. > :13:45.years. Would you bump into consultants and say, what are you up
:13:46. > :13:52.to and you have to say you are working with a blue cat or whatever?
:13:53. > :13:58.I remember saying to my teacher, Dr Shipman, I said to him...
:13:59. > :14:02.LAUGHTER No. Cut that out! So imagine there's a medical emergency,
:14:03. > :14:07.for instance, I don't know, Mary might slip into a diabetic coma or
:14:08. > :14:11.something after a cake. You don't snort the cakes, do you?
:14:12. > :14:15.When I'm judging, I have a good piece of cake because otherwise how
:14:16. > :14:19.can I tell. And remember when I'm tasting the cakes, their mothers and
:14:20. > :14:23.aunties and best friends are look looking and if I haven't tasted
:14:24. > :14:28.every one properly, even if it's burnt, I've got to try it. In one
:14:29. > :14:33.episode, how many bits of cake would you eat? Us It depends how many
:14:34. > :14:39.bakers we have left. So episode one? I would have thought it must have
:14:40. > :14:45.been about 40. Wow. Do you think you might have
:14:46. > :14:51.worms, Mary? He's a trained doctor. Do you have an itchy bottom?
:14:52. > :14:58.LAUGHTER Not at the moment.
:14:59. > :15:03.If anyone had a medical emergency, would you step forward and go "I
:15:04. > :15:07.am"? Not now. I have done that on a plane once coming back from
:15:08. > :15:12.Amsterdam. It was a book thing, it wasn't a recreational thing. They
:15:13. > :15:17.made the announcement, any doctors on board and I thought, I won't put
:15:18. > :15:22.my hand up, but in the end they came over to me and sayth said Harry
:15:23. > :15:29.there's someone. So I walked back to the back of the plane and someone
:15:30. > :15:34.had overdosed on what people go to Amsterdam for, not the Anne Frank
:15:35. > :15:39.museum. He was having a panic attack and so I put a calming hand on their
:15:40. > :15:46.shoulder. As I walked back to my seat, the entire aircraft applauded.
:15:47. > :15:50.APPLAUSE Mary, we must talk about BakeOff
:15:51. > :15:54.because it's bigger than ever and moving to BBC One next year? Yes,
:15:55. > :15:59.and we had nine million of you watch it. Wow. Did you and Paul consult
:16:00. > :16:05.about BBC One or did they just come in and tell you? We were told we may
:16:06. > :16:14.move to BBC One, but we weren't consulted, it was a BBC decision.
:16:15. > :16:19.What about the money, Mary? I haven't heard, but it would be nice.
:16:20. > :16:22.Can I mention your name? Don't mention my name, but you should get
:16:23. > :16:26.more money. Thank you for telling me that. Tomorrow morning. Seriously,
:16:27. > :16:31.the final obviously, nine million of us watched that final. Can we be
:16:32. > :16:40.honest, Mary? The final bit of the final, those wedding cakes, they
:16:41. > :16:48.were kiss poor weren't they? LAUGHTER Look at that. That's the
:16:49. > :16:56.winner! It looks like a tipped over bowl of pot pourri. It's, just
:16:57. > :17:03.remember, you didn't taste it. It's not even or anything, all slopy.
:17:04. > :17:07.She doesn't look very happy. She thought, I'm never going to win with
:17:08. > :17:11.this, and then she saw the other ones. I thought, this is going to be
:17:12. > :17:16.amazing, what the amateur bakers are going to do, I'll be blown away and
:17:17. > :17:20.I was like, really, that's it? Takes a long time to make a wedding cake.
:17:21. > :17:25.Longer than they had? Exactly. Somebody who's making a wedding
:17:26. > :17:32.cake, it will take them hours and hours. Don't tell my mum that. Your
:17:33. > :17:37.mum's still sticking ill together. Do you cook? It's really
:17:38. > :17:44.embarrassing, we shouldn't have this conversation with Mary Berry.
:17:45. > :17:51.Perhaps I ought to just pull your hair back. It's like trying to talk
:17:52. > :17:58.to Oz. It's very soft isn't it? Thank you. It's real dead human
:17:59. > :18:03.beings hair. Is it yours? No, it's from, I assume, a dead person or a
:18:04. > :18:07.person that donated their hair. Somebody donated their hair who's
:18:08. > :18:15.had their hair cut off. It was found on a floor! The thing is, Mary
:18:16. > :18:19.Berry, famously, you have now become a fashion icon. It's true. You wear
:18:20. > :18:24.somebody on the show and it sells. I'm not making this up, am I? Well I
:18:25. > :18:28.think often when people are as old as I am, they wear rather dull
:18:29. > :18:32.things and on the programme I always try and have lots of different
:18:33. > :18:37.coloured jackets in bright colours and fun colours and I think that
:18:38. > :18:44.cheers you up. A lot of people when I wear grey and black and things
:18:45. > :18:48.when you... When you're old! You have a nice sparkle tonight? People
:18:49. > :18:53.will be Googling that dress and tomorrow out of the shops, out of
:18:54. > :18:58.the shops! And also a try dress that is suitable for my age, you know. I
:18:59. > :19:03.don't like very short skirts or having bare arms because Paul
:19:04. > :19:10.Hollywood always says you've got a bit of flab here, you want to cover
:19:11. > :19:20.that up. He wasn't just meaning me, but people of my age.
:19:21. > :19:24.The thing is, people obvious obviously will flock to your film,
:19:25. > :19:29.Daniel. A quote on the poster from Mary Berry? That will sell tickets.
:19:30. > :19:36.Yes. We should have called it Mary Berry the movie. Yes. Just make up a
:19:37. > :19:47.quote from Mary Berry, something she says tonight. OK, say great. Great.
:19:48. > :19:51.Nice buns! LAUGHTER There are buns in the film,
:19:52. > :19:57.in fairness. I didn't talk about them. You almost didn't. And I'm not
:19:58. > :20:01.going to. There weren't as many buns as I thought there were going to be.
:20:02. > :20:09.I thought it would be naked all the time. Mary Berry is selling
:20:10. > :20:14.something this year though, a book which I know somebody's mother is
:20:15. > :20:21.getting for Christmas this. Is Recipe for Life and it's your life
:20:22. > :20:28.story. Because you are so vital and so of the moment and this huge
:20:29. > :20:38.television star, I suppose what's surprising is the beginning of the
:20:39. > :20:42.book is like history. Now I feel terrible like Paul Hollywood like
:20:43. > :20:47.I'm being rude. When you look at the pictures and things, it's very...
:20:48. > :20:56.I'm almost a war time baby so it's quite, things were difficult, they
:20:57. > :21:00.were frugal, we didn't have much. This seems unbelievable. Those were
:21:01. > :21:06.farm holidays. We never stayed in a hotel. We used to camp and have farm
:21:07. > :21:10.holidays and I loved them. There is a picture in here that looks like a
:21:11. > :21:16.still from Harry Hill the Movie. Look at that. Amazing.
:21:17. > :21:21.Now, I remember that. Dad was very keen on photography and that was our
:21:22. > :21:27.Siamese cat. He put on the end of that straw a piece of meat and that
:21:28. > :21:31.is why the cat is doing that. Doesn't like milk at all then, is
:21:32. > :21:37.that what you are saying? It couldn't get it from a straw could
:21:38. > :21:41.it? No. I thought Mary was very posh and saying, I'm not having that cat
:21:42. > :21:47.lick a saucer. Use a straw like the rest of the children!
:21:48. > :21:51.Your personal life is in here too. Your husband, he wooed you. I mean,
:21:52. > :21:55.how many times did he ask you to marry him? Quite a few times because
:21:56. > :21:59.he was a rugger player and he always used to go the pub afterwards and
:22:00. > :22:04.then he'd sort of suggest that he might marry me and I was never too
:22:05. > :22:13.sure that perhaps whether he was drunk, but I'm sure he was.
:22:14. > :22:24.Eventually, he went to ask my father for my hand. He went to see my
:22:25. > :22:27.father and, as he drove into the drive, we lived in Bath and he drove
:22:28. > :22:34.into the drive and he ran over one of my father's doves. And it was
:22:35. > :22:39.dead and my father came out of the double doors evidently, I wasn't
:22:40. > :22:43.there, and he said "you silly fool" so Paul was quite quick and thought,
:22:44. > :22:49.perhaps I won't ask, so he came back the next weekend and was working for
:22:50. > :22:54.a company in Bristol and he came with a bin end of a box with wine
:22:55. > :22:58.and things, dumped that on the door, asked for my hand and of course now
:22:59. > :23:04.we are married. What happened to the above? You weren't tempted to put it
:23:05. > :23:10.in a white wine sauce? I could have done, but I was in London. We have
:23:11. > :23:14.been married 46 years. That's one of the poshest anecdotes we have had on
:23:15. > :23:22.the show. Driveway, double doors and a dead dove!
:23:23. > :23:32.LAUGHTER The dove was buried just beneath the har-har. We can't go
:23:33. > :23:37.without celebrating one of our favourite websites which is Cake
:23:38. > :23:42.Wrecks where people have taken pictures of these real cakes that
:23:43. > :23:46.were ordered and paid for. It's a standard thing of you order the cake
:23:47. > :23:49.and goes wrong with the person I think who answers the phone in the
:23:50. > :23:52.bakery. You will get the idea. So, for instance, here is a classic.
:23:53. > :24:06.Thanks for a great year in purple. And yet they've got it so wrong,
:24:07. > :24:10.it's not in purple! This is another again, very
:24:11. > :24:15.straightforward one on the phone bolt botz what do you want on top of
:24:16. > :24:19.your cake, happy birthday with balloons and crap and stuff like
:24:20. > :24:25.that. --.
:24:26. > :24:34.They say, what do you want on your cake. I want sprinkles.
:24:35. > :24:40.Here is the thing. Nothing can go wrong, you go in with a memory stick
:24:41. > :24:48.and you say, can you put this on a cake. Oh, no.
:24:49. > :24:59.To be fair, they did a pretty good job of that. Nicely executed.
:25:00. > :25:05.LAUGHTER A couple of designs with the skill - skill is not the issue,
:25:06. > :25:12.but taste. I mean who, is going to be the first person to cut into this
:25:13. > :25:18.cake? Roasted dog. You know, a cake is a
:25:19. > :25:24.cake. Who wouldn't want to eat a nice slice of cake. Wait till you
:25:25. > :25:33.see this cake. That's a cake!
:25:34. > :25:37.You know what, "I'm full". And finally, surely there's nothing
:25:38. > :25:46.nicer than a cake to celebrate the arrival of a baby.
:25:47. > :25:56.All the cakes. There you go! We talk too long. We must hurry up.
:25:57. > :26:01.Harry Hill, you have made a film. This is the Harry hill Movie on 20th
:26:02. > :26:06.December it's out. We don't want to spoil it for people, but the plot?
:26:07. > :26:11.Based on a true story about me living at home with my nan played by
:26:12. > :26:16.Julie Walters and a honourable memberster is given only a week to
:26:17. > :26:22.live by the vet so I ask him what he wants to do and I think that he says
:26:23. > :26:27.go to Blackpool but because I don't speak much hamster - I don't know if
:26:28. > :26:32.you speak it - sorry it was a Guinea pig, he says I want to meet Rihanna
:26:33. > :26:36.and we misinterpret it and we head off on a trip to Blackpool. Along
:26:37. > :26:41.the way, he gets exposed to radiation and becomes 150 feet tall
:26:42. > :26:47.and I fall in love with a girl covered in shells played by Sheridan
:26:48. > :26:51.Smith. And I am fighting my evil twin brother, Otto, who was
:26:52. > :26:58.separated from me at a very young age brought up by Alsatians. Based
:26:59. > :27:05.on a true story, as I say. Yes. It's a story that needed to be told.
:27:06. > :27:14.It's a simple scene really isn't it? Yes. Sull tried it yet? We had a
:27:15. > :27:18.test screening. It was really good. You know about test screenings, you
:27:19. > :27:24.play the rough cut of the film in front of an audience. Yes. And one
:27:25. > :27:27.lady said, because the hamster is supposed to be my childhood hamster,
:27:28. > :27:32.so technically the hamster would be about 30 years old, I suppose, and
:27:33. > :27:40.we know they only live to about three. She goes, hang on a minute,
:27:41. > :27:45.how hold's this -- how old's this hamster supposed to be, she said it
:27:46. > :27:50.would make a lot more sense if it was a tortoise exposed to radiation
:27:51. > :27:56.and was 150 feet tall. So that was really useful. Yes. There are
:27:57. > :28:12.special effects but some of the things that are real. Yes. The
:28:13. > :28:26.Dachsunt? Yes, the Jackson Five tribute. Michael and Tito and little
:28:27. > :28:31.Afro-s. ? Real dachshunds wearing wigs and they dance around. He's
:28:32. > :28:35.moonwalking that one. We had one when I was a child and
:28:36. > :28:39.because there was petrol rationing my father had a motorbike and Rupert
:28:40. > :28:44.used to be put inside his jacketed and the buttons done up and he'd
:28:45. > :28:47.drive to work with Rupert the dachshund in his coat. Can you
:28:48. > :28:57.imagine. You would be stopped now, wouldn't you? And rightly so, Mary!
:28:58. > :29:03.Political correctness gone mad, it's not that, it's just common-sense
:29:04. > :29:09.needed. This is a taster of some of what you can expect. Calling it the
:29:10. > :29:12.Harry Hill Movie was a good idea because it really is.
:29:13. > :29:23.Get ready for the story of two brothers, one raised by his nan. The
:29:24. > :29:27.other by wild animals. He was brought up by Alsatians? Oh, yes,
:29:28. > :29:32.it's more common than you'd think. Any idea what it's like to have to
:29:33. > :29:38.lick your own bum just to fit in? What? And the fight for their
:29:39. > :29:45.hamster. Are you all right? The adventure on the big screen. Nan
:29:46. > :29:53.nan, how many times, no strip agrammes on a week night. --
:29:54. > :29:58.strip-a-grammes on a week night. My next guest, simply is the most
:29:59. > :30:07.successful composer of musicals the world has ever known. Please welcome
:30:08. > :30:12.Andrew Lloyd Webber. Hello, hello, hello, how are you?
:30:13. > :30:24.Andrew Lloyd Webber. Andrew, it's exciting times because
:30:25. > :30:28.the West End is welcoming a brand-new Andrew Lloyd Webber
:30:29. > :30:33.musical. Steven Ward. I saw the very first preview and I just loved it, I
:30:34. > :30:36.thought it was great but it seemed to slick and done. Are you changing
:30:37. > :30:42.a lot between now and the opening night? No. OK. Fair enough. Not
:30:43. > :30:47.really. Hopefully not. Although there's a book about Steven Ward
:30:48. > :30:50.that just come out last week which said he was murdered which means
:30:51. > :30:55.that I'm going to have to change the end if it's true. That is extremely
:30:56. > :31:02.irritating. Anyway, you know... It opens on the 19th December? Yes. And
:31:03. > :31:09.reunites you with the Sun set boulevard team? Chris and Don, yes.
:31:10. > :31:15.Exciting for me really because Sun set was one of my favourites
:31:16. > :31:20.actually. Stephen Ward is a grown-up subject, it ain't Charlie and the
:31:21. > :31:24.Chocolate Factory and it's time, you know. For a long time I wanted to
:31:25. > :31:28.take a subject that was a little out of the ordinary. I didn't know when
:31:29. > :31:34.I started work on this one exactly the hornet's nest I was going to
:31:35. > :31:38.stir up. I hadn't a clue that there was really quite so much anger about
:31:39. > :31:44.what happened to him. And all of the various things which
:31:45. > :31:49.I diverse most people know about, it's about the guy that was the
:31:50. > :31:52.scapegoat for the Profumo affair that brought the Government down.
:31:53. > :31:58.But the Profumo affair is a tiny bit of our story, only about I think 100
:31:59. > :32:03.seconds of stage time. It's about really how the establishment in a
:32:04. > :32:10.kind of way closed ranks and they had to find a scapegoat.
:32:11. > :32:14.And it was this man, Stephen Ward. One sees it all the time, again and
:32:15. > :32:20.again and again, it's happening around us now. In case you are
:32:21. > :32:27.thinking it sounds dry, it does break taboos, I can't remember the
:32:28. > :32:35.last time I heard of a West End musical with a full-on oernlingy.
:32:36. > :32:39.Yes. What is the orgy song called? You have never had it so good. That
:32:40. > :32:45.was the Conservative Party's election slogan for a while and
:32:46. > :32:53.Private Eye really came up with, you have never had it so often! Uses
:32:54. > :32:57.both lines. This was all at Clifton at the cottage by the water? Some of
:32:58. > :33:01.it was. Stephen Ward rented a cottage and it was indeed by the
:33:02. > :33:11.water. I've been there. Since you can now... Mary, back off, that's
:33:12. > :33:17.not important... With the orgy, you weren't tempted to do one of those
:33:18. > :33:25.looking for Maria-type shows, were you? There was a moment when we
:33:26. > :33:28.couldn't find a girl for Amanda Rice-Davies, a fascinating person to
:33:29. > :33:36.meet. We couldn't find anyone for that. I very near nearly -- nearly
:33:37. > :33:42.rang Graham to say should we do a late-night programme. But it didn't
:33:43. > :33:48.happen. Or you could cruise the web. This is Christine and Mandy, they
:33:49. > :33:50.are in Stephen Ward's flat and celebrating the end of their
:33:51. > :33:59.innocence. # No more wide boys running our
:34:00. > :34:02.lives # We just use our heads and we've
:34:03. > :34:07.got it made # No more bad times
:34:08. > :34:16.# Last year was a bitch # We must find new ways of
:34:17. > :34:18.scratching that itch... # APPLAUSE
:34:19. > :34:22.Well, opens on the 19th, I hope it's a hit, it deserves to be a hit.
:34:23. > :34:28.Andrew, if you are looking for another subject for a musical, may I
:34:29. > :34:42.suggest the BakeOff. Seriously, wouldn't that be a good musical.
:34:43. > :34:51.What should we call it? BakeOff. Bake Cats. The musical will rise and
:34:52. > :34:55.rise. You can have for ya sponge. It's a good idea. It's fantastic,
:34:56. > :35:01.the good. It's music time, everyone. Ladies,
:35:02. > :35:07.are you ready? Mary, steady your nerves. Performing the song,
:35:08. > :35:17.Fabulous from his new album, the the one and only, Sir Cliff Richard!
:35:18. > :35:27.# Well I always knew I was crazy for you. # But now I know you thrill me
:35:28. > :35:34.so. # If this is love. # (oo-oo oo--ooh). # Well it's fabulous. #
:35:35. > :35:40.Your lips close to mine. # I got chills up my spine. # And when we
:35:41. > :35:47.touch. # I thrill so much. # If this is love. # (oo-oo oo--ooh). # Well
:35:48. > :35:54.it's fabulous. # Well I read in a book. # About love and its charms. #
:35:55. > :36:01.But I, I never knew. # 'Til I held you in my arms. # When I hold you
:36:02. > :36:10.tight. # I know, I know I'm right. # 'Cause only you. # Can do what you
:36:11. > :36:14.do. # If this is love. # (oo-oo oo--ooh). # Well it's fabulous. #
:36:15. > :36:46.Well I always knew. # I was crazy for you. # But now I
:36:47. > :36:49.know. # You thrill me so. # If this is love. # (oo-oo oo--ooh). # Well
:36:50. > :37:25.it's fabulous. # Well I read in a book. # About
:37:26. > :37:29.love and its charms. # But I, I never knew. # 'Till I held you in my
:37:30. > :37:34.arms. # When I hold you tight. # Well I know, I know I'm right. #
:37:35. > :37:38.'Cause only you. # Can do what you do. # If this is love. # (oo-oo
:37:39. > :37:43.oo--ooh). # Fabulous. # If this is love. # (oo-oo oo--ooh). # It's
:37:44. > :38:28.fabulous. # Well if this is love. # Well it's fabulous...# Fabulous!
:38:29. > :38:37.album? Yes. Somebody bought one, look, she's waving it at you. Trying
:38:38. > :38:41.to sell it, I'm not sure. I spoke to you on the radio and you are going
:38:42. > :38:44.to do tours? I've been doing them since January and the interesting
:38:45. > :38:51.thing is, although there is a DVD out... Is there a DVD out? ! I've
:38:52. > :38:55.been silly, there we go, yeah... I hadn't actually recorded the album
:38:56. > :38:59.but I wanted to test some of the songs, so five of them I tried it
:39:00. > :39:03.out on audiences and the reaction was terrific and I thought,
:39:04. > :39:08.fabulous, go. By the way, do you know any more corpses, I need some
:39:09. > :39:13.more hair like that? I can get you the number of somebody that does
:39:14. > :39:16.know. I had my hair chopped off because they kept saying it was a
:39:17. > :39:25.wig. So I thought, I'll cut it short and see what they think now. It's a
:39:26. > :39:30.short wig. A short wig! Now, Sir Cliff, there were some
:39:31. > :39:36.rumours this year. Oh. People got very upset, there was a rumour that
:39:37. > :39:44.there would be no Sir Cliff Richard calendar 2014.
:39:45. > :39:55.But happiness, happiness. I don't know where they get... In the
:39:56. > :39:58.cupboard, he has a hidy hole. It's available. It's the Cliff
:39:59. > :40:04.Richard calendar. You look very happy there, but guessing where you
:40:05. > :40:11.are standing, you were possibly suicide suicidal. Awful advertising.
:40:12. > :40:14.Dangerous. Don't play I Spy. I was thinking train but I was also
:40:15. > :40:17.listening out. It's what you want, ladies and
:40:18. > :40:22.gentlemen, it's what you want in a Cliff Richard calendar, lots of
:40:23. > :40:26.nice, traditional poses. There's the Cliff Richard lean. I like this one
:40:27. > :40:29.because actually you are not leaning against anything, I don't think, you
:40:30. > :40:34.have just chosen to lean. There was a pillar there. There was?
:40:35. > :40:45.Yes, they've cropped it. How annoying. Some hands on your keys
:40:46. > :40:51.there. Then the traditional denim fence lean. Denim is very much part
:40:52. > :40:57.of rock'n'roll. As is leaning. April, a very radical lean in April.
:40:58. > :41:02.He's in a street and he's going, what am I leaning on? ! Am I
:41:03. > :41:09.leaning, am I falling? That's air guitar. At the end of the song where
:41:10. > :41:16.you go like that. It's called airplaying.
:41:17. > :41:20.And then, May, ladies and gentlemen. We are on very, very familiar
:41:21. > :41:21.territory. It's everyone's favourite, it is the foot on tree
:41:22. > :41:31.lean. When you are doing a calendar, do
:41:32. > :41:39.you talk about it like this and go, OK, shall we lean... ? No, I think
:41:40. > :41:42.the rumours got out because it's true. Not completely. You hit the
:41:43. > :41:53.nail on the head. How many shapes can I pull with this body? Six? For
:41:54. > :41:54.the next calendar. We need you! APPLAUSE
:41:55. > :41:59.But now, ladies and gentlemen, excited as we are that the calendar
:42:00. > :42:03.is out, that's very exciting, I come with - this is upsetting news - as
:42:04. > :42:08.you know, is this your 35th calendar? Is it? I think it's your
:42:09. > :42:13.35th. You have sold millions and millions and millions of calendars,
:42:14. > :42:14.year in, year out, Cliff top of the calendar chart, ladies and
:42:15. > :42:32.gentlemen. Yes.
:42:33. > :42:37.Number two this year. The pesk pesky One Direction boys. What will they
:42:38. > :42:44.feel if the number two is 73 years old? What are they doing, going to
:42:45. > :42:51.school, whatever, your fans need calendars. Doctors appointments,
:42:52. > :42:55.dentists, cat to the vet. They need them!
:42:56. > :43:05.Is anything going to happen to that calendar? It's just that it's
:43:06. > :43:13.Christmas and my mum... LAUGHTER
:43:14. > :43:16.To Jan. Oh, dear, "to Jan". I don't think I've ever done this on
:43:17. > :43:22.television. Signed a calendar on television.
:43:23. > :43:26.Harry, could you give the calendar to Mary, please. If you were seen
:43:27. > :43:38.with it, look like you are enjoying it I think it's lovely. There you
:43:39. > :43:43.go... CAMERA CLICK. Good luck with the
:43:44. > :43:53.album and the tour. Please thank my guests tonight, Mr Harry Hill, Sir
:43:54. > :43:57.Cliff Richard, Mary Berry, Daniel Radcliffe
:43:58. > :44:02.And Lord Lloyd Webber. Join me next week when we'll have Jessie J,
:44:03. > :44:05.hobbit star Martin Freeman and Ben Stiller, along with Jamie Oliver.
:44:06. > :44:09.Join me then. Bye!