0:00:02 > 0:00:04Great guests and a chance to meet the man behind Mrs Brown's Boys.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07No wig, no dress - he looks completely different.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09I wonder what he sounds like.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12'I sound completely the fecking same, ya numpty!
0:00:12 > 0:00:15- 'Now, start the fecking show!' - Let's start the show!
0:00:15 > 0:00:16CHEERING
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Oh! Oh! Oh!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Hello! Hello!
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Good evening, one! Good evening, all!
0:00:42 > 0:00:45- CHEERING - You're very kind! You're very kind!
0:00:45 > 0:00:47We have got a packed sofa for you tonight.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51Pop princess and queen of The X Factor, Cheryl Cole is here!
0:00:51 > 0:00:52CHEERING
0:00:54 > 0:00:58Miami Vice legend, and star of Django Unchained,
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Don Johnson is on the show!
0:01:00 > 0:01:02- CHEERING - Yeah!
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Hilarious comic John Bishop will be here!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- CHEERING - Yeah!
0:01:10 > 0:01:13And we've got the man behind Mrs Brown!
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Yes, Brendan O'Carroll will be joining us later!
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- CHEERING - Uh-huh!
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Plus... Plus, we will have music from the one and only,
0:01:22 > 0:01:24the brilliant Chrissie Hynde, everybody!
0:01:24 > 0:01:28- CHEERING - Yeah! Woo!
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Now...
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Don Johnson, of course, shot to fame in Miami Vice.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- MUSIC: Theme from "Miami Vice" - Oh, it's good, isn't it?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39- I've been playing this all day! - LAUGHTER
0:01:39 > 0:01:41- I might stop playing it now. - MUSIC FADES
0:01:41 > 0:01:46Now, there's a picture of Crockett and Tubbs in action on a drugs bust.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Ooh, now, apparently, they're about to arrest a woman
0:01:49 > 0:01:51with a suspicious package up her skirt.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53LAUGHTER
0:01:53 > 0:01:54"It's me wanger!"
0:01:54 > 0:01:56APPLAUSE, HE LAUGHS
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Miami Vice!
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Miami Vice was made in the '80s and it was such a different time.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02You know, big phones.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Er, crazy fashions.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07And state-of-the-art computers.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Now, in fairness, it looks rubbish, but you could still get porn on it.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11You could! Yeah!
0:02:11 > 0:02:14LAUGHTER
0:02:14 > 0:02:17You all remember printing that out.
0:02:17 > 0:02:22Er, now, I'm going to be talking to John Bishop about his unusual pet.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26Yes, John adopted a pig that had somehow escaped.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29And the thing is, pigs do it all the time.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Did you see the pig that jumped from a truck in China this week?
0:02:32 > 0:02:33- Did you see this? - AUDIENCE GASPS
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Now, calm down, everyone!
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Now, I know it doesn't look good, does it?
0:02:38 > 0:02:39LAUGHTER
0:02:39 > 0:02:42But in fact, the pig was fine.
0:02:42 > 0:02:43# La-la! La-la! #
0:02:43 > 0:02:45- LAUGHTER - Aw!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Isn't that nice? Happy ending!
0:02:48 > 0:02:50And, of course, the pig became a local hero
0:02:50 > 0:02:52and they had a big party to celebrate.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Aw!
0:02:53 > 0:02:54LAUGHTER
0:02:54 > 0:02:56APPLAUSE
0:02:56 > 0:02:57Delicious!
0:02:57 > 0:03:01I'm going to be chatting to Cheryl all about her famous tattoo.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03- AUDIENCE: Ooh! - Oh, I know!
0:03:03 > 0:03:08That tattoo, let me tell you, took three days to create!
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- HE GASPS - Can you imagine that poor tattooist
0:03:10 > 0:03:13spending all those hours staring at Cheryl Cole's bum?
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? - LAUGHTER
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Well, let's get our first guests on!
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Bishop to Queen sofa. It's John Bishop!
0:03:23 > 0:03:25- CHEERING - Hello.- Hello!
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Hello, sir! Very nice to see you!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Have a seat, do!
0:03:31 > 0:03:34He's my favourite vice, it's Don Johnson!
0:03:34 > 0:03:35CHEERING
0:03:35 > 0:03:38So smooth! So suave!
0:03:38 > 0:03:42- Hello, sir, very nice to see you. - Good to see you.- Have a seat, do.
0:03:42 > 0:03:47And I've got "Cole" from Newcastle, it's Cheryl Cole!
0:03:47 > 0:03:48HUGE CHEERS
0:03:48 > 0:03:49Yay!
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Beautiful!
0:03:53 > 0:03:55So ladylike! Mwah! And mwah!
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Come in and sit down!
0:03:57 > 0:03:59CHEERING
0:04:01 > 0:04:02Very good!
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Now, quite a diverse group tonight, cos we've got John from Liverpool,
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Cheryl from Newcastle, Brendan from Dublin is coming on later...
0:04:10 > 0:04:11- WOMAN: Woo! - All right!
0:04:11 > 0:04:13LAUGHTER
0:04:13 > 0:04:18What I'd really like to say to Don Johnson is good luck with that!
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Have you been attempting to talk backstage?
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Um, just the bare minimum. GRAHAM LAUGHS
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- But can you make out what they're saying?- Uh, er... More or less.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28- So far, so good.- OK, good.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32- Yeah.- That's good.- He understood the bum tattoo pretty well.- Yes!
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- Well, it's hard to miss!- He had no problem understanding that.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37It's not like a lucky shamrock, is it? It's like, "Whoa!"
0:04:37 > 0:04:41I told her that I was promised a viewing to come and do the show.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- LAUGHTER - And now he's had one.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- I saved you the trouble, Cheryl. - Thank you.- Aren't I a sweetheart?
0:04:47 > 0:04:50And, er, Don Johnson, very pleased to have him here,
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- but also very pleased we've got the right Don Johnson.- Oh, yeah.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Cos there are loads of them, aren't there? Tons!
0:04:55 > 0:04:59There's probably 50 outside the studio now.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- Waiting to get in.- Yeah, exactly. - Lucky you were first in the queue.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06I had a, um, I had an interesting experience one time.
0:05:06 > 0:05:11An African-American fella came up to me and he goes, um, "Guess what?
0:05:11 > 0:05:13"My name is Don Johnson."
0:05:13 > 0:05:17And I went, "Well, that's great." He said, "No, no, no, for real!"
0:05:17 > 0:05:21He reaches in his pocket and he pulls out his driving licence and,
0:05:21 > 0:05:25sure enough, it says on there Don Johnson and I said, um...
0:05:25 > 0:05:27"That's great, um, how does that work for you?"
0:05:27 > 0:05:31And he said, "Oh, my God, I get restaurant reservations!
0:05:31 > 0:05:35"I get sporting events! I get theatre tickets!
0:05:35 > 0:05:36"Oh, it's fantastic!"
0:05:36 > 0:05:41And I said to him, I said, "Well, what happens when you show up?"
0:05:41 > 0:05:46And he said, "Well, I just tell them I look a lot different on TV."
0:05:46 > 0:05:47LAUGHTER
0:05:49 > 0:05:51APPLAUSE
0:05:52 > 0:05:56But in terms of doppelgangers, you met...
0:05:56 > 0:05:59I've seen this picture, it's incredible. Where was this guy?
0:05:59 > 0:06:02This was in, er, in Dubai. I went over to...
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- AUDIENCE GASPS - I know!
0:06:04 > 0:06:08I went over to Dubai to do a gig and the radio station said,
0:06:08 > 0:06:10"We've got somebody who looks like you, but we don't want
0:06:10 > 0:06:12"to bring him in, it will be awkward and embarrassing."
0:06:12 > 0:06:17- So I was... I was expecting, like... - Yeah?- ..you know, a black guy or...
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Black dwarf or something to come through!
0:06:20 > 0:06:23And then, he walked in, he looked more like me than I do.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24LAUGHTER
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- You know what was great? - Is that you on the right?
0:06:26 > 0:06:30- That's me on the right, yeah.- OK. - The older looking of the two.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32And what was great is that he said the same thing.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36In Dubai, he's used it to get restaurants, but he's also...
0:06:36 > 0:06:38He said, "I've pulled girls."
0:06:38 > 0:06:42He said, "I've pulled girls saying that I'm you,"
0:06:42 > 0:06:44which I've just gone, "That is fantastic!
0:06:44 > 0:06:48"Cos now, if I ever have an affair, it's not me."
0:06:48 > 0:06:49LAUGHTER
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- It's just him. - APPLAUSE
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- Now, Cheryl Cole, you've been away.- Yes.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59You been away, but now, you're back with a vengeance, young lady!
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- CHEERING - You are! Yeah!
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Er, because the new song - Crazy Stupid Love -
0:07:04 > 0:07:06It's being played all over the radio now,
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- but it's released properly on the 20th of July.- Yeah.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- And this one is you and Tinie Tempah.- It is.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- But this is from the new album? - Yes.- Now, when's that out?
0:07:15 > 0:07:17The album's not actually out until later in the year.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- Later in the year? - Late November time.- Late November?
0:07:20 > 0:07:23We'll have a couple of singles out, and get feedback into it.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26- And what's it called, the album? - The album's called Only Human.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29- EXCITED SCREAMING - Only Human?
0:07:29 > 0:07:31LAUGHTER
0:07:32 > 0:07:35OK, were you hypnotised and that's the keyword or something?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37LAUGHTER
0:07:37 > 0:07:40"When she says Only Human, you will scream."
0:07:40 > 0:07:41LAUGHTER
0:07:41 > 0:07:45- But why Only Human? Because...? - I actually had a long time off.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Um, the last time I was on, I did a tour just after
0:07:48 > 0:07:51the last time I was on here, alone, and then I went straight in
0:07:51 > 0:07:54and did a tour with Girls Aloud after the ten-year reunion.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57And then, I just was exhausted and I seriously needed...
0:07:57 > 0:08:01- I haven't had time off in 10 years. - Wow!- Yeah. So I literally said,
0:08:01 > 0:08:06"Look, I need a year to myself, just to remember normal stuff."
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Spend time with the family, I've got a poorly dog, you know,
0:08:09 > 0:08:11I just wanted to spend some normal time.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13And I went through a lot of stuff.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17The album's got a lot of stuff on there. And, um, yeah,
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Only Human was most fitting for what the album stands for.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22- OK.- In America, we call that rehab.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24LAUGHTER
0:08:27 > 0:08:29We wouldn't like to say that she was.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Hey, Crazy Stupid Love, you've probably heard it on the radio,
0:08:36 > 0:08:38but here's a little taster
0:08:38 > 0:08:40- from the video. - CHEERING
0:08:40 > 0:08:42# I'm realising
0:08:42 > 0:08:44# I kinda need you around
0:08:44 > 0:08:46# Hard to believe it
0:08:46 > 0:08:48# I'm that girl holding your hand
0:08:48 > 0:08:52# And I'm still trying to understand
0:08:52 > 0:08:55# Well, I don't know how you do it to me
0:08:55 > 0:08:59# You make my brain just stop Sink my heart to my feet
0:08:59 > 0:09:05# It's like a roller coaster But I'm only going up
0:09:06 > 0:09:08# I'm in crazy stupid love. #
0:09:12 > 0:09:14- CHEERING - Very good. Now...
0:09:17 > 0:09:19When you turn around...
0:09:20 > 0:09:22When you turn around and do that dancing,
0:09:22 > 0:09:24you suddenly realise how f...ing big that tattoo is!
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- Yeah!- Have you added to it? Is that the same size?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29It is from mid back...
0:09:29 > 0:09:33- all the way down.- Is it...?
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Oh, there it is again! Er...
0:09:35 > 0:09:38- Don Johnson noticed! - LAUGHTER
0:09:38 > 0:09:41And was it always going to be that big? Was that always the plan?
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Or did it just spread? - You know what's funny? After...
0:09:44 > 0:09:45LAUGHTER
0:09:45 > 0:09:48- That was the... - He made a mistake.- Yeah.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51- And then, he just...- Yeah! - He kept going.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Is it like one of them? You look in the mirror and go,
0:09:54 > 0:09:56"Does my arse look big in this tattoo?"
0:09:56 > 0:09:58LAUGHTER
0:09:58 > 0:10:01No, it was after... Actually, after I got sick, I had...
0:10:01 > 0:10:03After I got malaria, I wrote a...
0:10:03 > 0:10:06You call it a bucket list, I call it a "fuck it" list.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09And I just wrote everything I wanted to do.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- You know, life's short.- Yeah. - And I changed my perspective.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14And I always wanted a big tattoo.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Is that a bit of the tattoo I can see there?
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- No, this is a different one. - That's a different tattoo? OK, OK.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- Oh, no, I just wanted, cos it... - LAUGHTER
0:10:22 > 0:10:25It's not my fault! It's right there!
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- And now, this is a vulgar question, but I will ask it.- OK!
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Not that vulgar, but three days it took to do it?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- Yes.- Yes.- Three sessions. - Three sessions.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35So how much did that cost?
0:10:35 > 0:10:39Well, the guy that did it is actually a, um....
0:10:39 > 0:10:43- an exceptional artist.- Yes. - Like he's not just a tattooist.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46- He's an artist.- He is a lucky bastard, that's what he is!
0:10:46 > 0:10:47HUGE LAUGHTER
0:10:47 > 0:10:49APPLAUSE
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Yes, he's very good!
0:10:53 > 0:10:56- An artist with a butt fetish.- Yeah!
0:10:56 > 0:11:00- He's very good, very good at roses. - Yes.- And how much was it?
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- It was worth it. It was worth it. - You're not telling us how much?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- It was worth it. - But is it in the thousands?
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Yeah.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10- Could you buy a car for that money? - LAUGHTER
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- A small one, maybe. - A small car?- Yeah.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- New or second-hand? - LAUGHTER
0:11:15 > 0:11:21You do realise that many people would have paid you to do it to you?
0:11:21 > 0:11:24You didn't have to pay him anything!
0:11:24 > 0:11:28And, Don, because you have, you know, you've had quite a wild past.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31- You've been through periods of wildness.- Really?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- Have you escaped without a tattoo? - Any tattoos?- Yeah, no ink.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37I didn't, um...
0:11:37 > 0:11:40I couldn't decide on anything that I wanted to live with for ever.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43- I had that problem with women for a long time.- I'm sure.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47LAUGHTER Easy! Easy!
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Um, I'm happily married now for...
0:11:50 > 0:11:52- 15 years.- Well done.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Well, if you'd like a tattoo, Cheryl - dab hand!
0:11:56 > 0:11:58- Yeah.- No, seriously!- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Give her a needle and some ink, she's off!
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Let me think on that. LAUGHTER
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- No, we've got... You tattooed the guy who tattooed you.- I did.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08This is you tattooing Nikko.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10And now, this is what you tattooed on him.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13LAUGHTER
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- Aw! Isn't that lovely? - See, that's how it started!
0:12:16 > 0:12:21- So, is that sunglasses? Or glasses? - No, it wasn't intended to...
0:12:21 > 0:12:23- Well, he wears glasses.- OK.
0:12:23 > 0:12:29So the idea was, his signature look is quite known
0:12:29 > 0:12:31and he wears big thick glasses
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- that kind of look like aviators in the end.- Yeah.- My bad.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36- LAUGHTER - Um...
0:12:36 > 0:12:39But then, a heart, because I think he's got a really special heart.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41- Yeah.- My initials, cos I did the tattoo.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43- Oh, is that your initials on the end?- CC.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46I thought that was you try to get the pen to work! Doing that thing!
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- LAUGHTER - You're at the post office!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:12:51 > 0:12:53"Is there ink in this thing?"
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Now, Cheryl, very quickly, I've got to say
0:12:58 > 0:13:01- we are delighted you're back doing The X Factor.- Thank you.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02- Seriously, I think... - CHEERING
0:13:02 > 0:13:06- Everyone's really pleased... - Thank you.- ..you're back on it.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10- But given how mean they've been to you...- Yeah.- ..I guess the question
0:13:10 > 0:13:12is why are you doing it? Why have you said yes?
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Now that Simon's back, I mean, honestly,
0:13:14 > 0:13:16I just couldn't stand any more of the grovelling.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18It was becoming uncomfortable.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21- I thought I would just help out a friend a little, you know.- Yeah.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23And you've started filming already?
0:13:23 > 0:13:27- Yeah. We did two days in Manchester already.- And all right?- All right.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29- Yeah?- Feels like I've never been away.- Not too frosty?
0:13:29 > 0:13:32I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing? A little bit of frost.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34AUDIENCE: Ooh!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40- Louis!- Oh, Louis! God love him! - LAUGHTER
0:13:40 > 0:13:43But that's all right. Are you off with Louis?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Well, we've never been on, to be honest.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47LAUGHTER
0:13:49 > 0:13:51- We look forward to that.- Yeah!
0:13:51 > 0:13:53LAUGHTER
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Er, now, here's the weird thing.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Cos your... I think it's your youngest, Don.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- Hmm.- You've been in the business for, you know, so many years and yet,
0:14:01 > 0:14:04is it true that, up until recently, he did not know what you did?
0:14:04 > 0:14:09Um, yes. Well, I think he was around six at the time, six or seven,
0:14:09 > 0:14:14but I was making a... I was making a film called A Man's World
0:14:14 > 0:14:16and I played a hairdresser in it
0:14:16 > 0:14:21and my...my then five or six-year-old son came to visit me on the set.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25So, P.S., a couple of years later, he's sitting in class,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27and the teacher's going around the room asking them
0:14:27 > 0:14:29what their fathers did for a living
0:14:29 > 0:14:31and he said, "Oh, my father's a hairdresser."
0:14:31 > 0:14:33LAUGHTER
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- Yeah.- I'm pretty sure he's not!
0:14:36 > 0:14:41Ooh! Well, I don't keep a lot of things around the house. I don't...
0:14:41 > 0:14:45You wouldn't know that I'm in show business if you came in my house.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47I don't have photos of me with, you know,
0:14:47 > 0:14:52other actors or stuff like that. I kind of leave it at the stage door.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55And one of your other children, one of your daughters,
0:14:55 > 0:14:57is about to become a huge star. Dakota.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- Yeah.- She's working as an actress now,
0:14:59 > 0:15:02- but now, 50 Shades of Grey. - Yeah, who knew?- Oh, wow!
0:15:02 > 0:15:05You know, I have this thing in my family where I say,
0:15:05 > 0:15:10"You're on the payroll if you go to school and you're going to college.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14"If you fail to go to college or anything like that, it's over."
0:15:14 > 0:15:17You know, get a job, you're on your own.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19- And so...- I said the same thing.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21My son's still going to college. He's 34.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23LAUGHTER
0:15:23 > 0:15:27Yes, there is that problem. I've got one like that.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30I've got six kids, so you've got some work to do.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31LAUGHTER
0:15:31 > 0:15:35But she's doing this, this big movie.
0:15:35 > 0:15:3850 Shades Of Grey, which has got to be massive when it comes out.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40I would think so. I mean, it was a big book.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43It's not something that I would read, but...
0:15:43 > 0:15:44LAUGHTER
0:15:44 > 0:15:47OK, I've never read it either, but I kind of know what it's about.
0:15:47 > 0:15:48LAUGHTER
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Cheryl, have you read 50 Shades Of Grey? When you're on your time off?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Aha, I got 16 pages in, that was about it for me.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- Wow, then you whipped into a frenzy and couldn't read the rest.- Exactly.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- LAUGHTER - No-one's going to smack my arse...
0:16:02 > 0:16:04LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:16:04 > 0:16:09I spent a lot of money on this. Nobody's laying a finger on it.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10APPLAUSE
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Er, right. Don Johnson.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Don Johnson is back in movie theatres next Friday.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Your new film, Cold In July.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20We talked about this backstage, because I went to see it.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22It's a great buzz about this film, it's played all the festivals
0:16:22 > 0:16:25and now it's hitting cinemas.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28And it's a very hard film to describe.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- Um, yes...- Oh, no, give it a go.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32LAUGHTER
0:16:32 > 0:16:38It's sort of, um, a genre shape shifter.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41In other words, it starts out seeming like it's going to be one thing
0:16:41 > 0:16:45and then it becomes something else and then it becomes...
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Then I come on and it becomes something completely different.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50And it is, it is, we cannot lie, it is a very,
0:16:50 > 0:16:52bits of it are really dark.
0:16:52 > 0:16:58- But bits of it are really funny as well. It is, yes... - Yes, I handle that part.- Yes.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59LAUGHTER
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Now, it's all set in the '80s.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04I mean, were you kind of an unofficial, kind of, you know...
0:17:04 > 0:17:07- No, that's what I said. I mean... - But you invented the '80s.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11- LAUGHTER - Without you, we'd have 1979, 1990.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13LAUGHTER
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Because when you look at the pictures of you guys in Miami Vice,
0:17:16 > 0:17:20we think that you were in '80s fashion,
0:17:20 > 0:17:24- but you kind of created these fashions.- Yes.
0:17:24 > 0:17:29Actually, um, our costume designer came back from Italy
0:17:29 > 0:17:32and she had all of these new designers.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Gianni Versace was relatively brand-new.
0:17:34 > 0:17:39I don't think he had one store. Neither did Giorgio Armani.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42And she came back and she's handing out all of this stuff
0:17:42 > 0:17:44and, you know, I'm looking at it and I'm going...
0:17:44 > 0:17:46These kind of look like pyjamas.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- LAUGHTER - You're kind of right.- Yes.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51LAUGHTER
0:17:51 > 0:17:57- And so my style there of the T-shirt, no socks, no belt...- Yes.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01..was a function of how... f...ing hot it was...
0:18:01 > 0:18:03LAUGHTER ..in Miami.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07I mean, it wasn't really sort of thought out, it was just organic.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10I started just removing articles of clothing.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- And the movie's called Cold In July? - Yes.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14You must have spent time in England then.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16LAUGHTER
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Also, in the '80s, as you said,
0:18:18 > 0:18:21you were setting this fashion of no socks.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24But, you know, we were copying it.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26We were walking around in November, freezing.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28LAUGHTER
0:18:28 > 0:18:33- All these canvas, what are they called, esperados or whatever... - Yes, yes.- Oh, yes, yes.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37- ..stupid and them balloon pants and jackets up there like that.- Yes.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40God, I spent a lot of my life looking like a dickhead because of you.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Oh, and there we go.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50All right, well, listen, let's, let's revisit the '80s
0:18:50 > 0:18:52and watch a clip from Cold In July.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55This is you tracking down a suspect
0:18:55 > 0:18:58and getting a bit more than you bargained for.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Watch out!
0:18:59 > 0:19:02GLASS SMASHES AND CAR SCREECHES Shit. Damn. What the...
0:19:02 > 0:19:05DOG BARKS Jesus.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08What in the dog shit is wrong with you?
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Don't you have any mirrors on this damn Pinto?
0:19:11 > 0:19:14You know how to use it? You're going to pay for it.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16We could split it.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHS - Ah! Oh!
0:19:18 > 0:19:21DOG BARKS
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Hey!
0:19:22 > 0:19:24You want some of this?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Huh?
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- Agh! - STUDIO AUDIENCE GROANS
0:19:29 > 0:19:31That's for my car.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32DOG CONTINUES BARKING
0:19:34 > 0:19:36And that's for a hat.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:40 > 0:19:41It's really good.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47So, you're an investigator, or kind of detective,
0:19:47 > 0:19:49but you are also a pig farmer?
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Yes, I found that interesting, yes.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52LAUGHTER
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Well, you grew up in the country, you must've been familiar.
0:19:55 > 0:19:56I did, I grew up on the farm
0:19:56 > 0:20:00and you see pretty much everything on the farm.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02And I've known a lot of pigs.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04LAUGHTER
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Some of them do like it.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08LAUGHTER
0:20:10 > 0:20:13She's got a mean streak, I can tell you.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15I also know some pigs with two legs.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17LAUGHTER
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Now, what are the chances of this?
0:20:20 > 0:20:25So, you're playing a detective who owns pigs, John Bishop owns a pig!
0:20:25 > 0:20:29- I don't own a pig, it lives with us.- Oh, OK...
0:20:29 > 0:20:31LAUGHTER
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I had a couple of those too.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:39 > 0:20:41They're smart, aren't they?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Yeah, he's brilliant!
0:20:44 > 0:20:47He's great...we got him from an RSPCA place
0:20:47 > 0:20:50and what struck me about it, they talk to you, don't they?
0:20:50 > 0:20:52He talks to you!
0:20:52 > 0:20:54So, in the morning when you go to see him, he does talk.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56HE IMITATES PIG NOISE
0:20:56 > 0:20:59- He talks pig talk but... - Depends on what you're smoking.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01LAUGHTER
0:21:01 > 0:21:04To be fair, in my accent, he probably sounds better than I do!
0:21:04 > 0:21:05LAUGHTER
0:21:05 > 0:21:07But where did they find him?
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Was he just wandering the street like a stray dog?
0:21:09 > 0:21:12He was wandering the streets somewhere in Northampton or
0:21:12 > 0:21:15something as a baby and then they kept him for a year
0:21:15 > 0:21:21and nobody wanted him and then my wife, Melanie, saw him on a website.
0:21:21 > 0:21:26Listen...as that left my mouth, I wish I'd never said it!
0:21:26 > 0:21:28LAUGHTER
0:21:28 > 0:21:31"My wife is trawling pig pictures on a website, yeah!
0:21:31 > 0:21:34"There's nothing wrong with that, right?!"
0:21:34 > 0:21:35LAUGHTER
0:21:35 > 0:21:39So, she ended up asking for him to come to live with us, so he did.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Aw...and have you got the alpacas yet or are you getting alpacas?
0:21:42 > 0:21:45No, we've got alpacas coming in a couple of weeks.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48We just went berserk because, we did,
0:21:48 > 0:21:52because we moved out to a nice house in the country and we've got
0:21:52 > 0:21:58three kids, two of my teenage lads are leaving home in September.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00They don't know it yet...
0:22:00 > 0:22:02LAUGHTER
0:22:02 > 0:22:03...just had enough of them.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05So, they're leaving home,
0:22:05 > 0:22:08so because of that Melanie just wants stuff in the house.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12So, we've got eight chickens last week, a couple of guinea fowl,
0:22:12 > 0:22:16a cockerel, a pig, we've got four alpacas coming,
0:22:16 > 0:22:20a couple of dogs and I think there's a donkey somewhere as well.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22LAUGHTER
0:22:22 > 0:22:23Although that might be me!
0:22:23 > 0:22:27- So, we've got a little menagerie going on.- Wow!
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- Now, the new tour starts later in the year.- Yeah.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34So, by the autumn, there'll be a lot of alpaca material?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36LAUGHTER
0:22:36 > 0:22:40I expect bookings will come from chicken owners, pig owners and
0:22:40 > 0:22:44alpaca people, all sat there going, "Oh, alpacas, aren't they funny?!"
0:22:44 > 0:22:46LAUGHTER
0:22:46 > 0:22:49John Bishop's Supersonic Tour kicks off in October, in Plymouth
0:22:49 > 0:22:53- and runs till December but you're doing try-out gigs now...- Yeah.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57..but you must be so brave to do that, cos how quickly do you chicken
0:22:57 > 0:23:01out of new material and just kind of go, "Here's some greatest hits".
0:23:01 > 0:23:06No, I don't...the hard thing is about doing stand-up is you
0:23:06 > 0:23:11can't take time off and go in the studio and then come up with a song.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13You only know if what's funny in your head
0:23:13 > 0:23:15is funny when you tell other people...
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- Exactly.- You can't be on your own,
0:23:17 > 0:23:19so you have to go and do these warm-up gigs and there's
0:23:19 > 0:23:24always a bit of material that I keep trying right to the death...
0:23:24 > 0:23:25LAUGHTER
0:23:25 > 0:23:28..until eventually my tour manager says to me,
0:23:28 > 0:23:31"That's shit! Stop saying it, nobody laughs at it!"
0:23:31 > 0:23:34I can't understand why it's not funny
0:23:34 > 0:23:36and then there'll always be something I'll
0:23:36 > 0:23:38say off the cuff that makes people laugh and I think,
0:23:38 > 0:23:41"I'll have to keep it in," but I've no idea what they're laughing at!
0:23:41 > 0:23:42LAUGHTER
0:23:42 > 0:23:46I always am...but that's what's good about it, the evolution of it.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49And here's to think, after all your incredible Sports Relief stuff,
0:23:49 > 0:23:53the cycling, the rowing, the running,
0:23:53 > 0:23:57I assumed you were physically broken for the rest of your life but now,
0:23:57 > 0:24:01for your new show, you are cycling around Australia, which seems...
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Oh, for the telly series, yeah.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- You've done this already, haven't you?- Yeah, yeah, I went in January.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Yeah, what happened is, I wrote an autobiography
0:24:10 > 0:24:14and in the autobiography I mentioned that in 1992 I rode
0:24:14 > 0:24:16a bicycle from Sydney, Australia back to England.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20So, this was before I did this as a job or in the business or anything.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22I just didn't want to get married.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23LAUGHTER
0:24:23 > 0:24:26I was going out with this girl who wanted to get married
0:24:26 > 0:24:28and I wanted an excuse not to get married, so I said,
0:24:28 > 0:24:29"I'm going to ride a bicycle from
0:24:29 > 0:24:31"Sydney, Australia back to Liverpool."
0:24:31 > 0:24:35And then when I got back I married her.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36You didn't have any other options?
0:24:36 > 0:24:37LAUGHTER
0:24:37 > 0:24:40I couldn't think of anything quick enough!
0:24:40 > 0:24:44So, when I got back I married her, cos ten months on a bike,
0:24:44 > 0:24:45you'll marry anyone!
0:24:45 > 0:24:47LAUGHTER
0:24:47 > 0:24:50So, I got back and kind of forgot about it
0:24:50 > 0:24:53and started this other life and I wrote the autobiography and someone
0:24:53 > 0:24:58in the BBC read it and said, "Why don't you, as a travel log, recreate
0:24:58 > 0:25:01"the Australian bit and going from Sydney up the coast to Cairns?"
0:25:01 > 0:25:02So, that's what I did.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05I travelled on a bicycle and did all things I couldn't do last time.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08It's called John Bishop's Australia
0:25:08 > 0:25:10and it starts on the 7th of July on BBC ONE
0:25:10 > 0:25:16and we've got a clip of you and this is you visiting a koala sanctuary.
0:25:16 > 0:25:17Watch and learn, everyone.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19LAUGHTER
0:25:19 > 0:25:21What are you doing now, doing the swab to test it?
0:25:21 > 0:25:23For chlamydia.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26And if he's got chlamydia, what would you give him, antibiotics?
0:25:26 > 0:25:27Yeah.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Back to bed.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35So, without being too crude, that gets all tucked away?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37See, I'm glad you noticed.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41Marsupials are back to front from placental mammals, which you are.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44You have yours round the other way.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Koalas have their testicles on top and the penis underneath
0:25:47 > 0:25:50and the penis is tucked away nicely for protection.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Wouldn't you like that, to pack it away nicely for protection?
0:25:53 > 0:25:55LAUGHTER
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Some people would say that it looks like I have got it tucked
0:25:58 > 0:25:59away for protection.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01LAUGHTER
0:26:02 > 0:26:04She's such a flirt! Such a flirt!
0:26:04 > 0:26:07APPLAUSE
0:26:07 > 0:26:10You would not believe when you do something for the BBC,
0:26:10 > 0:26:13you would not believe the amount of e-mails that we
0:26:13 > 0:26:16had from the commissioners at the BBC about how much
0:26:16 > 0:26:19of the koala's penis they should show.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21LAUGHTER
0:26:21 > 0:26:22But I said, "You've got to show it!"
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Because I'm like everybody else, I'd never seen a koala's penis
0:26:26 > 0:26:30and what struck me about it is that, you know,
0:26:30 > 0:26:34nature and God or whoever makes all this stuff obviously
0:26:34 > 0:26:38looked at the koala and the first koala's hung on a tree
0:26:38 > 0:26:41and every time I've seen a koala hug a tree, I've never thought,
0:26:41 > 0:26:44"Oooh, I hope he doesn't get a splinter in his dick!"
0:26:44 > 0:26:46LAUGHTER
0:26:46 > 0:26:48You just don't think that, do you?
0:26:48 > 0:26:53Because you never wondered where it was! I thought it was fascinating!
0:26:53 > 0:26:59I spent most of the day in there, just blown away by these people.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03They put the balls in the wrong spot too.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05If you want to hug a tree, I mean...
0:27:05 > 0:27:07I'm with you, Don, I was thinking "Ow!"
0:27:07 > 0:27:08Yeah...
0:27:08 > 0:27:10- On his back.- I have no idea.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12- Earring.- Yeah.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14LAUGHTER
0:27:15 > 0:27:18That is the campest thing I've ever heard you say, "Oh, earring!"
0:27:18 > 0:27:20LAUGHTER
0:27:20 > 0:27:23One of those koala balls.
0:27:23 > 0:27:24LAUGHTER
0:27:24 > 0:27:27You mention the book. It did really well,
0:27:27 > 0:27:29it's out in paperback now, "How Did All This Happen"
0:27:29 > 0:27:31and I don't know if you've seen this picture.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33So, if someone was in a book shop
0:27:33 > 0:27:36and they saw John's book in the book shop
0:27:36 > 0:27:38and thought they had to take a picture and tweet it
0:27:38 > 0:27:42- because of the section the book, have you seen this?- No.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45The section the book was in, in the book shop...
0:27:47 > 0:27:49LAUGHTER
0:27:51 > 0:27:54APPLAUSE
0:27:58 > 0:28:02OK, now, Don, I hope you're ready for more linguistic challenges
0:28:02 > 0:28:04because my next guest is the creator
0:28:04 > 0:28:07of the most successful new sitcom in years.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09And now he's made D'Movie.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Please welcome Mrs Brown herself, it is Brendan O'Carroll!
0:28:12 > 0:28:15APPLAUSE
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Sit down, sit down, sit down,
0:28:28 > 0:28:30grab your drink there, marvellous!
0:28:30 > 0:28:32- Oh, lovely to see you!- You too!
0:28:32 > 0:28:35- Yeah, and congratulations on everything!- Thanks very much!
0:28:35 > 0:28:37- It's amazing, it really is. - Absolutely amazing!- It really is.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39Nobody's more amazed than I am!
0:28:39 > 0:28:41LAUGHTER
0:28:41 > 0:28:43I'm just glad to be fucking working!
0:28:43 > 0:28:45LAUGHTER
0:28:46 > 0:28:49Now, Don, are you familiar with Mrs Brown?
0:28:49 > 0:28:55- I caught a clip of Mrs Brown, very funny.- Thank you very much!
0:28:55 > 0:28:59- You cut a striking figure in a dress, yeah.- I do know that, I do, I do.
0:28:59 > 0:29:02I take the moustache off, cos otherwise I'd look like my mother.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05LAUGHTER
0:29:05 > 0:29:08And actually, you are rocking Miami Vice pants.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11I am, I still have the gear. I wore all the gear in the '70s.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13I didn't look the dick that you did!
0:29:13 > 0:29:15LAUGHTER
0:29:15 > 0:29:17Are you sure?
0:29:17 > 0:29:18I looked pretty cool.
0:29:18 > 0:29:21Well, I thought I looked pretty cool but I was always a follower,
0:29:21 > 0:29:24still had my tartan scarf from Bay City Rollers.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26Those were the days...I'm enjoying the show so far.
0:29:26 > 0:29:29- Oh, thank you very much.- It's been upside down balls, it's been great!
0:29:29 > 0:29:30LAUGHTER
0:29:30 > 0:29:32The Americanisms, fantastic
0:29:32 > 0:29:34and Louis Walsh is a wanker, I love that!
0:29:34 > 0:29:36LAUGHTER
0:29:36 > 0:29:37APPLAUSE
0:29:37 > 0:29:39Great stuff, great stuff!
0:29:39 > 0:29:41So, that's the re-cap.
0:29:41 > 0:29:43That's the story so far.
0:29:43 > 0:29:46"Previously on the Graham Norton Show..."
0:29:46 > 0:29:47LAUGHTER
0:29:47 > 0:29:50So, listen, Mrs Brown's Boys, it's a
0:29:50 > 0:29:52sitcom about an Irish housewife and her family.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55- You're not telling me that, right?- No, I'm telling Don.
0:29:55 > 0:29:57Unless you want to know?
0:29:57 > 0:29:59So, here's most of the cast, now, of the cast,
0:29:59 > 0:30:01so a lot of these are relations, aren't they?
0:30:01 > 0:30:03Yes, I'm a firm believer in nepotism.
0:30:03 > 0:30:05Yeah, so...
0:30:05 > 0:30:06LAUGHTER
0:30:06 > 0:30:07So, Grandad's your friend?
0:30:07 > 0:30:09Grandad started off as my window cleaner.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11- Oh, right.- 25 years ago.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13Well, he didn't clean my windows, he was a window cleaner.
0:30:13 > 0:30:16And one of the first gigs I did was at the Rathmines Inn.
0:30:16 > 0:30:18And one night we were putting the gear in the van
0:30:18 > 0:30:20and he started carrying out stuff...
0:30:20 > 0:30:21LAUGHTER
0:30:21 > 0:30:23He's gone, he's gone, too far...
0:30:23 > 0:30:25I can go now.
0:30:25 > 0:30:26LAUGHTER
0:30:26 > 0:30:29That's the first time in my life anyone's looked at me
0:30:29 > 0:30:31to explain what someone else is saying!
0:30:31 > 0:30:32LAUGHTER
0:30:34 > 0:30:36APPLAUSE
0:30:36 > 0:30:39I just think it's hilarious that I need English
0:30:39 > 0:30:42subtitles on an English show!
0:30:42 > 0:30:43LAUGHTER
0:30:43 > 0:30:45I'm sorry, what did you say?
0:30:45 > 0:30:47LAUGHTER
0:30:49 > 0:30:52Listen, you'll acclimatise, you'll acclimatise.
0:30:52 > 0:30:57- So, and then your daughter is your wife.- Yes, yes, that gets weird.
0:30:57 > 0:31:00- Yes.- At home, "Who's your mammy? Who's your mammy? Who's your mammy?"
0:31:00 > 0:31:02LAUGHTER
0:31:07 > 0:31:11- Winnie is your sister?- Winnie's my sister...well, she says she is.
0:31:11 > 0:31:12LAUGHTER
0:31:12 > 0:31:14There's 11 of them, I can't remember them all!
0:31:14 > 0:31:17- Winnie's brilliant in the movie!- She's super, isn't she?
0:31:17 > 0:31:19She's great in the movie!
0:31:19 > 0:31:21- My son plays Buster, that's your dog's name.- Yeah.
0:31:21 > 0:31:22LAUGHTER
0:31:22 > 0:31:24HE BARKS
0:31:24 > 0:31:26- There's trivia.- Me and my trivia.
0:31:26 > 0:31:27Your family is very large,
0:31:27 > 0:31:29so the people who aren't in it must be very pissed off!
0:31:29 > 0:31:31LAUGHTER
0:31:31 > 0:31:33You mean, aren't in the family or aren't in the show?
0:31:33 > 0:31:35- Aren't in the show.- Fuck them!
0:31:35 > 0:31:36APPLAUSE
0:31:43 > 0:31:46Mrs Brown the movie, I've been lucky enough to see it.
0:31:46 > 0:31:50Honest to God, you laugh but you do...I cried, it's really sweet.
0:31:50 > 0:31:52Thanks very much, thank you.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55It's very sweet and it's very funny and it's what people would expect.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57It's got all the coarse jokes and all the rude jokes.
0:31:57 > 0:32:02It's very Irish, in that we don't do just straight comedy in Ireland,
0:32:02 > 0:32:03we do comedy with pathos.
0:32:03 > 0:32:05So, if you're going to have a bit of fun,
0:32:05 > 0:32:07you want to go to an Irish funeral.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10- That's true.- We get all the fun and then we'll all have a cry
0:32:10 > 0:32:11and then we'll have a laugh again.
0:32:11 > 0:32:14So, it's that kind of structure to it.
0:32:14 > 0:32:16You know, I don't think you can have one without the other
0:32:16 > 0:32:19but I love that she always lets them...I say "she" like she's
0:32:19 > 0:32:20somebody else, I swear to God!
0:32:20 > 0:32:22LAUGHTER
0:32:22 > 0:32:24She'll be wearing my knickers tonight!
0:32:24 > 0:32:25LAUGHTER
0:32:25 > 0:32:26She always lets them off the hook.
0:32:26 > 0:32:31- There's a scene on the bridge, that mother-daughter thing.- Oh...- Me too!
0:32:31 > 0:32:32And I knew it was me in a dress!
0:32:32 > 0:32:34LAUGHTER
0:32:34 > 0:32:37I'm crying watching it but that bit at the end when she says
0:32:37 > 0:32:40"Sophie's Choice" and then she lets them off the hook and I love that!
0:32:40 > 0:32:43No, it's very good and also, for me, it's almost like a love letter
0:32:43 > 0:32:45- to Dublin.- Well, thanks, that's what I intended to do.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48Look, Ireland's getting a bit of a bad time at the moment,
0:32:48 > 0:32:50we're getting a bit of bad press about financial things
0:32:50 > 0:32:52and how things are going etc.
0:32:52 > 0:32:54But Dublin is a beautiful city and it's a really warm city.
0:32:54 > 0:32:57- Yeah, it is a beautiful city. - Thanks very much, Cheryl and...
0:32:57 > 0:32:59LAUGHTER
0:32:59 > 0:33:01Brendan built it.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03LAUGHTER
0:33:03 > 0:33:07Newcastle is one of my favourite places!
0:33:07 > 0:33:09LAUGHTER
0:33:09 > 0:33:12I agreed with you, you didn't say thanks to me!
0:33:12 > 0:33:15You get a tattoo like us on your cock and I will!
0:33:15 > 0:33:17LAUGHTER
0:33:18 > 0:33:20APPLAUSE
0:33:23 > 0:33:25Mrs Brown, you've talked about how she's been inspired
0:33:25 > 0:33:30by lots of women growing up that you knew but particularly your own mum.
0:33:30 > 0:33:36Yeah...well, I used to tour America, erm, where you're from.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38LAUGHTER
0:33:38 > 0:33:42Funnily enough, where I live now and they've no problem understanding me.
0:33:42 > 0:33:44LAUGHTER
0:33:44 > 0:33:46That's not true, come on!
0:33:46 > 0:33:49Well, I'd tour on the book tours and they'd always ask me
0:33:49 > 0:33:52the most bizarre questions and one of the questions they'd ask is,
0:33:52 > 0:33:55is Mrs Brown based on your mum and I used to say, "no".
0:33:55 > 0:33:57I used to say, "No, she's not".
0:33:57 > 0:33:59And then I started to realise, actually she is.
0:33:59 > 0:34:02My mum was very well educated, thanks to the nuns, she was a nun.
0:34:02 > 0:34:05She started out her life as a nun, had 11 kids
0:34:05 > 0:34:07so obviously she was right to doubt her vocation!
0:34:07 > 0:34:09LAUGHTER
0:34:09 > 0:34:12But thanks to the nuns, she got an education.
0:34:12 > 0:34:13She had a really good education
0:34:13 > 0:34:16and she ended up with a Bachelor's Degree from Galway University.
0:34:16 > 0:34:19And I think if Agnes would have had that education, yeah,
0:34:19 > 0:34:23they would be very similar, cos my mum had that same kind of wisdom.
0:34:23 > 0:34:27Can I just tell you, I loved touring in America, cos I can tell them all
0:34:27 > 0:34:29the lies and they believe them all.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31I can tell them about leprechauns in
0:34:31 > 0:34:33the garden and they actually believe it!
0:34:33 > 0:34:35Well, yeah, look at our government!
0:34:35 > 0:34:37LAUGHTER
0:34:37 > 0:34:40Clearly, they'll believe anything you tell them.
0:34:40 > 0:34:44I remember once, one woman put her hand up and said, "Excuse me, sir."
0:34:44 > 0:34:45And I said "yes",
0:34:45 > 0:34:48"Can I ask, what is bollocks?"
0:34:48 > 0:34:49LAUGHTER
0:34:49 > 0:34:51And I said, "Most of what I've been
0:34:51 > 0:34:53"fucking saying for the last ten minutes!"
0:34:53 > 0:34:54LAUGHTER
0:34:54 > 0:34:58They're the most bizarre people but my mam...
0:34:58 > 0:34:59LAUGHTER
0:34:59 > 0:35:02- No offence.- No offence.- None taken.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06You're not really American, you're Don Johnson.
0:35:06 > 0:35:10- LAUGHTER There is that.- That's true.
0:35:10 > 0:35:11He was the inventor of the '80s!
0:35:11 > 0:35:14As you said, 1979 - 1990.
0:35:14 > 0:35:19But your mum... 11 kids, a two- bedroom house.. I mean, that's...
0:35:19 > 0:35:22How did they have sex?
0:35:22 > 0:35:23LAUGHTER
0:35:23 > 0:35:25We knew the sign was...
0:35:25 > 0:35:28My mother used to say, "Gerry, I think you need to peel my corn."
0:35:28 > 0:35:30LAUGHTER
0:35:31 > 0:35:34Of course we'd all go, "Eurgh!"
0:35:34 > 0:35:38And then he went and peeled her corn and the next thing, there was another brother.
0:35:38 > 0:35:39LAUGHTER
0:35:40 > 0:35:4211 kids.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44But she was quite an extraordinary woman in that...
0:35:44 > 0:35:46She was a woman's woman.
0:35:46 > 0:35:50She came out of the convent, then she went to teach.
0:35:50 > 0:35:52And when she married my dad,
0:35:52 > 0:35:54she married him only because he could dance.
0:35:54 > 0:35:57She got fired, because in Ireland at that time, if you were
0:35:57 > 0:36:00a civil servant and a married woman,
0:36:00 > 0:36:02you couldn't work as a civil servant.
0:36:02 > 0:36:04So she's never having that.
0:36:04 > 0:36:07She joined the union, changed that law,
0:36:07 > 0:36:09and then got elected to Parliament
0:36:09 > 0:36:13and then became Shadow Minister for Foreign Affairs, Chief Party Whip.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15She changed a lot of laws.
0:36:15 > 0:36:18- CHERYL: Fascinating woman! - She was a fascinating woman.
0:36:18 > 0:36:21And when she retired from politics she had a few bob,
0:36:21 > 0:36:24so we were convinced we were in the lolly. But she didn't.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26She bought a couple of houses and turned them
0:36:26 > 0:36:30into a home for battered wives and homeless children.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33In which we all volunteered and all worked in.
0:36:33 > 0:36:35- So it gave us a good grounding... - APPLAUSE
0:36:35 > 0:36:38No, no! Give HER a round of applause, not me!
0:36:38 > 0:36:41- No, she's dead. - LAUGHTER
0:36:41 > 0:36:43So don't waste it.
0:36:43 > 0:36:45LAUGHTER
0:36:45 > 0:36:49She was a powerhouse of a woman and she was a woman for change.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52And she taught me something more important than anything else.
0:36:52 > 0:36:54First of all, don't be afraid.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57It's one of the reasons I admire Cheryl - you're never afraid.
0:36:57 > 0:37:00You speak your mind and it's a great thing. Fair play to you.
0:37:00 > 0:37:02She told me never to be afraid. Don't be afraid to fail.
0:37:02 > 0:37:06Don't be afraid to succeed. Most of all, don't be afraid to try.
0:37:06 > 0:37:10And it's not what you have, it's what you DO with what you have.
0:37:10 > 0:37:11And that goes for money as well.
0:37:11 > 0:37:15Brendan, it's been lovely talking to you. Lovely to hear about your mum.
0:37:15 > 0:37:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:37:19 > 0:37:22- The movie is out next Friday.- Yes.
0:37:22 > 0:37:25And here's a taste of what to expect.
0:37:32 > 0:37:35Hello. We are looking to get a receipt
0:37:35 > 0:37:37and we were told we could get it here.
0:37:37 > 0:37:38National Records Service.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41So this is the National Records Service, is it?
0:37:41 > 0:37:44- No, you're through to the wrong building.- Oh. What's this, then?
0:37:44 > 0:37:45Hello?
0:37:45 > 0:37:47Hello!
0:37:47 > 0:37:48National Records Service.
0:37:50 > 0:37:52Excuse me!
0:37:52 > 0:37:54Listen very carefully.
0:37:54 > 0:37:56Is this the National Records Service?
0:37:56 > 0:37:59Yes, this is the National Records Service.
0:37:59 > 0:38:03- Shall we get the receipt here, then? - Hold on, please.- OK.
0:38:03 > 0:38:06- OK, what?- We're holding on. - For what?- For the receipt.
0:38:06 > 0:38:08National Records Service.
0:38:08 > 0:38:12Listen, feck-face! How do I see the actual receipt?!
0:38:14 > 0:38:16Get your feckin' hands off me!
0:38:16 > 0:38:18I have four sons!
0:38:18 > 0:38:20- Now what?- I don't know.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23We have to get in there.
0:38:23 > 0:38:25Maybe if you disguised yourself.
0:38:25 > 0:38:27- Disguise?- Yeah.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29You could disguise yourself as a man!
0:38:32 > 0:38:34No, Winnie, I'd never get away with it.
0:38:34 > 0:38:37LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:38:37 > 0:38:39Very good!
0:38:39 > 0:38:41Right!
0:38:41 > 0:38:43Time for our musical guest tonight.
0:38:43 > 0:38:46She was a Pretender and, after 35 years in the music business,
0:38:46 > 0:38:49she has finally released her first solo album to rave reviews.
0:38:49 > 0:38:52Performing her current single You Or No-one,
0:38:52 > 0:38:55please welcome Chrissie Hynde!
0:38:55 > 0:38:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:39:11 > 0:39:14# This lonely heart's been yearning
0:39:14 > 0:39:17# The skies above been turning
0:39:17 > 0:39:22# Feels like the universe just grew
0:39:24 > 0:39:28# I've waited for so long
0:39:30 > 0:39:35# Aaahh, I've waited for so long
0:39:36 > 0:39:39# I just wanna be with you always
0:39:39 > 0:39:43# Wanna be around you always
0:39:43 > 0:39:45# Just wanna be with you
0:39:45 > 0:39:46# Or no-one
0:39:46 > 0:39:50# Making it you or no-one
0:39:51 > 0:39:55# And when the night starts falling
0:39:55 > 0:39:58# Even the stars are calling
0:39:58 > 0:40:02# Spinning and spilling out your name
0:40:04 > 0:40:09# Aaah, now that's what I call faith
0:40:11 > 0:40:16# Aaah, spilling out your name
0:40:16 > 0:40:18# Forever and ever
0:40:18 > 0:40:21# Love is a hurting thing
0:40:21 > 0:40:24# It never goes away
0:40:25 > 0:40:28# Forever is a long time
0:40:28 > 0:40:31# To wait for you to say
0:40:31 > 0:40:35# I just wanna be with you always
0:40:35 > 0:40:38# Wanna be around you always
0:40:38 > 0:40:43# Just wanna be with you or no-one
0:40:43 > 0:40:46# Making it you or no-one
0:40:46 > 0:40:48# Please stay
0:40:48 > 0:40:52# Never go away
0:40:52 > 0:40:55# Please stay
0:40:55 > 0:41:01# Never go, never go away
0:41:01 > 0:41:03# I just wanna be with you
0:41:05 > 0:41:07# Wanna be around you
0:41:08 > 0:41:12# Just wanna be with you or no-one
0:41:12 > 0:41:14# You always
0:41:14 > 0:41:18# Wanna be around you always
0:41:18 > 0:41:22# Just wanna be with you or no-one
0:41:22 > 0:41:25# Every day you or no-one
0:41:28 > 0:41:31# Wanna be around you
0:41:31 > 0:41:35# Just wanna be with you or no-one
0:41:35 > 0:41:38# You or no one
0:41:44 > 0:41:48# Just wanna be with you or no-one
0:41:48 > 0:41:52# Baby, with you or no-one. #
0:41:55 > 0:41:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:02 > 0:42:05Chrissie Hynde, everybody!
0:42:05 > 0:42:09Come and join me, do! Beautiful dog!
0:42:09 > 0:42:13- Thank you!- Chrissie Hynde!
0:42:16 > 0:42:18- That's a John Bishop.- Hello!
0:42:19 > 0:42:21- Don...- Hello!
0:42:21 > 0:42:23Long time no see.
0:42:23 > 0:42:25Sit down, sit down, sit down.
0:42:26 > 0:42:32- Do you know Don Johnson?- Yeah. - We've met.- Have we? Did we...?
0:42:32 > 0:42:33- Well, I met- YOU!
0:42:33 > 0:42:36LAUGHTER
0:42:36 > 0:42:37Oh, the '80s!
0:42:38 > 0:42:41- It explains a lot!- It was such fun!
0:42:41 > 0:42:43LAUGHTER
0:42:43 > 0:42:45So, Stockholm, the new album, which I...
0:42:45 > 0:42:49Someone said to me, "Is this Chrissie Hynde's first solo album?"
0:42:49 > 0:42:52I was going, "Don't be stupid! Of course it's not." But it is!
0:42:52 > 0:42:54Well, kind of, yeah. It didn't intend to be,
0:42:54 > 0:42:57but the guys I made it wouldn't leave their studios and their wives
0:42:57 > 0:43:02and their other bands to be in a band with me, so I got kind of...
0:43:02 > 0:43:04- So it is your record.- It is now, yeah.- You must be thrilled.
0:43:04 > 0:43:07- It's a great record.- Thank you! I like it, thanks.
0:43:07 > 0:43:10It had great reviews, a great response.
0:43:10 > 0:43:14- Well, you don't read your own stuff, surely.- Trust me, they're very good.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17Trust me, trust me. But that is the single.
0:43:17 > 0:43:21I've read things you've written, such sweet things,
0:43:21 > 0:43:23about owning dogs.
0:43:23 > 0:43:24So is that song about owning a dog?
0:43:24 > 0:43:29Er... The song we just did. Well, kind of...
0:43:29 > 0:43:32It's about sort of unconditional love.
0:43:32 > 0:43:35And when I spoke to the fella that was doing the video, he goes,
0:43:35 > 0:43:37"Why don't we get an old couple?
0:43:37 > 0:43:39"Because it says, 'be with you for ever.'"
0:43:39 > 0:43:42And I said, "Well, I'm not really sure I can relate to that.
0:43:42 > 0:43:44"How about getting a guy and a dog?"
0:43:44 > 0:43:48- And there you go.- They sent me the video and... Oh, look at that dog!
0:43:48 > 0:43:50AUDIENCE: Awwww!
0:43:50 > 0:43:52- It's beautiful! - It's the fella's dog, actually.
0:43:52 > 0:43:55I didn't meet him, but that was his dog.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58Another great thing about the video - you didn't have to do anything.
0:43:58 > 0:44:01Oh, you know, I've been in so many videos and it's always a disaster.
0:44:01 > 0:44:02I said, "Get a REAL dog!"
0:44:02 > 0:44:04LAUGHTER
0:44:04 > 0:44:06Stop it, you!
0:44:06 > 0:44:10That is an example of how you begin to look like your pet.
0:44:10 > 0:44:11LAUGHTER
0:44:15 > 0:44:17- I didn't know Louis Walsh had a dog.- Whoa!
0:44:17 > 0:44:19AUDIENCE: Oooh!
0:44:19 > 0:44:21- I'm pleased!- Cheryl, let it go!
0:44:21 > 0:44:23LAUGHTER
0:44:23 > 0:44:25Just put it in a Louis Walsh balloon and let it go!
0:44:25 > 0:44:29LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:44:31 > 0:44:34We've no time left, so, ladies and gentlemen,
0:44:34 > 0:44:37please thank all our guests tonight. Chrissie Hynde!
0:44:37 > 0:44:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:39 > 0:44:40John Bishop!
0:44:40 > 0:44:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:42 > 0:44:43Don Johnson!
0:44:43 > 0:44:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:44 > 0:44:45Cheryl Cole!
0:44:45 > 0:44:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:47 > 0:44:48And Brendan O'Carroll!
0:44:48 > 0:44:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:50 > 0:44:52And that is it for this series.
0:44:52 > 0:44:55But do join us next week for our look back
0:44:55 > 0:44:57at some of the highlights of the year so far.
0:44:57 > 0:45:00We'll be back in the autumn. Until then, have a great summer.
0:45:00 > 0:45:02Thank you very much. Good night and bye-bye!
0:45:02 > 0:45:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE