0:00:02 > 0:00:04On the show tonight, I'll be talking to an Oscar-winning French actress,
0:00:04 > 0:00:07the genius behind The Office and a comedy legend.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10- Isn't that right, Ronnie? - Yes, it is, Graham.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12And I'll be talking to the weatherman
0:00:12 > 0:00:14who said the fog will be choking in Woking,
0:00:14 > 0:00:17it'll be dry in Rye, cool in Goole,
0:00:17 > 0:00:19but if you live in Lissingdown,
0:00:19 > 0:00:22take an umbrella. LAUGHTER
0:00:22 > 0:00:24- Let's start the show!- Wahey!
0:00:28 > 0:00:36This programme contains some strong language
0:00:40 > 0:00:41Oh!
0:00:41 > 0:00:44- Oh! Oh! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Hello, everybody.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Hello, hello!
0:00:51 > 0:00:55You're very welcome. We have got...
0:00:55 > 0:00:58We have got a truly international line-up for you tonight.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01From France, Oscar-winning star of The English Patient and Chocolat,
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Juliette Binoche is on the show, ladies and gentlemen.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Yes!
0:01:07 > 0:01:08From Reading, England,
0:01:08 > 0:01:12creator and star of The Office and Extras Ricky Gervais is here.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:14 > 0:01:18From Bonnie Scotland, comedy giant Ronnie Corbett is on our show.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:21 > 0:01:25And from the Emerald Isle, the brilliant Imelda May is here.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Oh. I tell you, ladies and gentlemen,
0:01:31 > 0:01:35I am so glad we've managed to prise Ronnie away from the golf course.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38I mean, he's always out playing a few holes. He really is.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44I don't know.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46I'll be talking to Ronnie about his film career.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Yeah, as well as being a comedy legend,
0:01:48 > 0:01:53he's appeared in lots of films, including the 1962 classic
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Operation Snatch.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01I'm not making it up! And, of course,
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Operation Snatch didn't have a double meaning in those days.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Nor did Ronnie's previous film...
0:02:06 > 0:02:07Fun At St Fanny's.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16Of course, I'll be chatting to Ricky Gervais about his new series of Derek,
0:02:16 > 0:02:18set in a care home for the elderly.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Now, Ricky actually sent us this picture from the new series.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31I believe that's what you call "looking up old friends".
0:02:34 > 0:02:38I'll also be chatting to Ricky about his early days in a band.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Yeah, he was in a band. Shall we have a sneak preview of what he looked like back then?
0:02:41 > 0:02:42AUDIENCE: Yes!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46LAUGHTER
0:02:46 > 0:02:50I know! I couldn't believe it! That is, that is Ricky Gervais.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Mind you, he's hardly changed at all. Has he?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58That's all coming up, plus more of your stories in the big red chair.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00So let's get some guests on!
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Later we'll be having music from Imelda May!
0:03:05 > 0:03:08But first, he's an extra-special guest. It's Ricky Gervais!
0:03:08 > 0:03:12- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Yay!
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Hello. Hello, hello, hello. - Hello.- Lovely to see you.- This way?
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Sit down.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22It's hello from him. It's Ronnie Corbett!
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Oh! Hello, sir.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28How are you? Lovely to see you.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Ronnie Corbett, everybody.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34And she's the French star of The English Patient.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36It's Juliette Binoche!
0:03:36 > 0:03:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Nice to see you. Hello. Welcome back. Welcome back.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Have a sit down. Do!
0:03:46 > 0:03:51- Hey! A very warm welcome to the three of you. Hello.- Hello.- Hello.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Now, Ricky, those bath pics... You're still doing the bath pics!
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- It's a hobby.- Have you guys seen...
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- Have you seen these bath pics before, either of you?- No.
0:04:01 > 0:04:06- Well, the idea is to look as awful and stupid and ugly as you can.- Yes.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09So the bath is perfect cos not only have you got the thing
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- that squashes your neck, cos the thing's at the back.- Yes.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14But you've got the water that distorts your face as well.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18So it's a double whammy. I discovered this late in life.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I'd have been doing these all my life but... Yeah.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25So these are some examples we've taken from your Twitter feed.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- You take those?- That's him.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29How do you black out your teeth?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Whatever's around.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Maybe a soap thing or, you know, the shampoo.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38A bit of carton from something. Just anything, really.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39There's more, there's more.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Let's look at another one. That one's terrifying.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Have you ever been tempted to do this, Juliette?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55I didn't think you could do it, actually! My, well done!
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Now, particularly nice to see Ronnie because Ronnie has a habit -
0:05:00 > 0:05:02and this is a very peculiar habit
0:05:02 > 0:05:06and I don't know whether it says more about Ronnie or about the state of the nation -
0:05:06 > 0:05:10- but you get trapped in toilets a lot.- I do. That's right.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12- No, seriously, he gets trapped in toilets.- Yes, that's right.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15- But posh toilets.- Posh toilets.
0:05:15 > 0:05:20One is the bathroom and the other one is the toilet - is that... The bath.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22- You're stuck in the bath! - Yeah, exactly.
0:05:22 > 0:05:27- And he's stuck in the toilet!- But happily, he doesn't take pictures.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31No, no. Toilets - that's right. Toilets at Windsor Castle.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35- Windsor Castle!- Buckingham Palace. - Buckingham Palace!
0:05:35 > 0:05:37- I was trapped there.- You're not getting in through the window
0:05:37 > 0:05:41and that's why you're trapped in the toilet? Why are you getting trapped in the toilet?
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Well, I just think I'm unlucky with the latch.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47And Victor Spinetti, dear - his memorial service
0:05:47 > 0:05:51at St Paul's, Covent Garden, I really was in trouble.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55I could not get out. And eventually, I had to scream and shout and somebody came and threw
0:05:55 > 0:05:59a screwdriver over the top of the door so I could take the lock off.
0:05:59 > 0:06:04- Weren't you supposed to be doing a reading at his funeral?- Yes, I was.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05I was out in time for the reading.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Oh, you were out in time for the reading, yes. Cos that's bad.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Slightly stressed but I was out.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Er, now, we are, of course,
0:06:13 > 0:06:17very happy to have an Oscar winner on the sofa - Juliette Binoche.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Because we knew you were coming, Juliette,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22- the audience have been learning some French.- Oh, wow!
0:06:22 > 0:06:25And they have a special greeting for you.
0:06:25 > 0:06:26If you let me down...
0:06:26 > 0:06:28LAUGHTER
0:06:28 > 0:06:30We've worked at this!
0:06:30 > 0:06:34OK, on the count of three. One, two, three...
0:06:34 > 0:06:38AUDIENCE: Bonsoir, Madame Binoche.
0:06:38 > 0:06:44Nous vous souhaitons une bonne soiree.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Hey! Well done!
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- APPLAUSE Thank you. Thank you.- Yeah!
0:06:52 > 0:06:55And I'd like to thank a lady in the audience who taught us that.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58She's got a made-up French name. I can't remember it.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Oh, no, it'll annoy me. What was it again?
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- Annaita.- Anna-ida?- Ita.- Ita.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08- Annaita?- Annaita. - Is that a real name?
0:07:08 > 0:07:12- Is it a real name(?)- I've never heard of it before.- You see? Hello!
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Lady from France, never heard of it before.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20She made it up! She's on the run.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25And what's the weird story about you wanting to become a spy?
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Well, I had to make a film where I was a spy
0:07:28 > 0:07:32and I was looking for a secret agent to talk to and understand...
0:07:32 > 0:07:35They're hard to find, typically.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38But I had an intuition, actually,
0:07:38 > 0:07:41because I heard a story from a neighbour that was a bit weird
0:07:41 > 0:07:46but then I thought, "Maybe I should go and knock at his door and see, ask some questions."
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Because his wife also was kind of
0:07:48 > 0:07:52an investigator in journalism or something and she was very talkative.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54He was not.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58But I knocked at the door and they invited me in and we talked
0:07:58 > 0:08:02a little bit and we saw each other again and again, like, three times.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05And after a while, I got quite a lot of information.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08But I would put it to you that your neighbour was a very bad spy
0:08:08 > 0:08:10- if he just told you everything... - He was retiring!
0:08:10 > 0:08:12..after you popped round for coffee.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15No torture, no nothing - just some biscuits.
0:08:15 > 0:08:16That's an easy one, isn't it?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Although if I was a spy, I'd tell everyone.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21"You'll never guess what - I'm a spy.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- "I've got a gun, I've got everything."- He was retiring! He was retiring.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29But you're kind of known for... You do learn how to do things.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33- Like, you did learn how to make chocolate for Chocolat.- Right.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37But those things - do you still know or is it like you know in the moment
0:08:37 > 0:08:40- and then just...? - Well, you have memory.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43I mean, it fades away a lot of things.
0:08:43 > 0:08:44Or we do!
0:08:44 > 0:08:50But, er, yeah, I still know some stuff about chocolate.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54You know, don't heat it up too much and you can mix it with, you know...
0:08:54 > 0:08:58butter, milk and sugar. Whatever!
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Well, now, Ricky... Cos Ricky acts. You do a lot of acting.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Now, would you describe yourself in the same way?
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Are you very immersive? Are you a method actor?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09No. No.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11No, I...
0:09:11 > 0:09:13No. It's too much work.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16- No.- Too much work?
0:09:16 > 0:09:18It's too much. All that... Oh, no. I just...
0:09:18 > 0:09:20What's the character?
0:09:20 > 0:09:23It's me. Same hair, so I'm not in make-up very long.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25You get this hair, you get this accent.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28I'm from Reading - I'll write that in, I'm from Reading.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29One of the first things I liked was...
0:09:29 > 0:09:32There was a scene and it was me sitting down
0:09:32 > 0:09:36and the door had to go and I had to get up and answer it, OK?
0:09:36 > 0:09:41And I realised that that takes all day. You're up and down all day.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43So now if it's like, "You answer the door,"
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- I just change the line to, "Come in." - LAUGHTER
0:09:47 > 0:09:50So... Cos I know about directing now, I go,
0:09:50 > 0:09:53"That'll take ages. "Am I doing that? That needs a wig.
0:09:53 > 0:09:58"I'm not wearing the beard." So that's how I choose my roles.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02My ideal role would be, I think, a spaceman,
0:10:02 > 0:10:06cos you're just floating around in the same thing. No make-up.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09You can just have a wee where you are.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12You don't need to go to the toilet. That would be my ideal role.
0:10:12 > 0:10:17How different, then... How different the acting style of Ronnie Corbett.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Because how many weeks of a fish-only diet did you go through
0:10:20 > 0:10:24before taking on the role of a sea lion in Fierce Creatures?
0:10:24 > 0:10:26This is unbelievable.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32- Er...- I mean, it's like watching a documentary, isn't it, Juliette?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- It's...- I love the flippers!
0:10:34 > 0:10:37I love the glasses!
0:10:37 > 0:10:39There's no concession at all.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42I just accepted that!
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Well, some seals wear glasses.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51In Operation Snatch, that you've maybe heard...
0:10:51 > 0:10:53- I haven't seen it.- No, no, well...
0:10:53 > 0:10:55- Ever!- Ever!
0:10:58 > 0:11:00APPLAUSE
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Not been told about it?
0:11:07 > 0:11:10- It was a war film?- No, it was a...
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- It wasn't a war film?- Yes, it was.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- It was a war film. - That's what I said!- Yes!
0:11:17 > 0:11:18- About Gibraltar.- Yes.
0:11:18 > 0:11:23Because I was driving down Baker Street one day and a car overtook me
0:11:23 > 0:11:26and Terry Thomas flagged my car down and said,
0:11:26 > 0:11:28"I've just had a wonderful idea,
0:11:28 > 0:11:31"cos I'm doing a film about Gibraltar and the Barbary apes.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33- "And, er... Would you..." - LAUGHTER
0:11:33 > 0:11:37Somebody's guessed already!
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Barbary apes!
0:11:39 > 0:11:42"Would you ring up the director Robert Day and go and see him?"
0:11:42 > 0:11:46You see? And the theory was that in Gibraltar,
0:11:46 > 0:11:50if there was a sudden drop in the population of Barbary apes,
0:11:50 > 0:11:53the UK would lose control of Gibraltar.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57So they had soldiers playing Barbary apes.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- Is that real?- That is real.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- Yeah.- Why?
0:12:02 > 0:12:06- Do you know the story?- No. - The theory was that the Barbary ape population...
0:12:06 > 0:12:08- Yeah, but not the film. - No, not the film, but this thing...
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- This is real?- Yes.- They had soldiers dressing up as Barbary apes?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Yes, diminutive soldiers.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Slightly diminutive soldiers. Absolutely.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- Hello!- And, er...so I did that.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- That was my first... - Hold on, wait a minute.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26- So during the war...- Yes.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29..Gibraltar found soldiers to dress up as apes
0:12:29 > 0:12:31- if there weren't enough apes? - That's right.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Why did we need there to look like there was lots of apes?
0:12:33 > 0:12:38Because there was a spiritual theory that existed
0:12:38 > 0:12:42that if Gibraltar wasn't peopled by enough Barbary apes...
0:12:42 > 0:12:47- I won't take long!- And so someone had to go along with it?
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- This was a wind-up! This was such a wind-up!- What I like is that thing.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54You know, that classic scene. "Dad, what did you do during the war?"
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- "I was a..." - "I don't want to talk about it, son.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01"I don't want to talk about it." That's amazing!
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- So you played a Barbary ape in that? - Yes. And a soldier, of course.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06And a soldier, of course.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10But there is an urban myth that you are one of these apes
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- in Stanley Kubrick's 2001...- No.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17Funnily enough, he did ask to see me after I'd...
0:13:17 > 0:13:19LAUGHTER
0:13:19 > 0:13:22He saw you in Gibraltar and thought... That's amazing!
0:13:22 > 0:13:26- He saw me in Gibraltar... - "Who's that ape?" "That's not an ape - that's Mr Corbett."
0:13:26 > 0:13:31- "That's not an ape? That's Mr Corbett, is it?"- Yes!
0:13:31 > 0:13:34"I like the cut of his jib!"
0:13:34 > 0:13:36So that isn't... You were not one of those?
0:13:36 > 0:13:40- No, I wasn't. No. I wasn't. - Did you turn it down?
0:13:40 > 0:13:42I turned it down, yes. It got too technical.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44LAUGHTER
0:13:46 > 0:13:49In some acting studio, he could have done it.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Is this all true, what just happened?
0:13:51 > 0:13:53You had to pretend to be...
0:13:53 > 0:13:56- There were people who pretended to be apes in the war...- Yes.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58- ..you did one of those in a film. - Yes.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02Stanley Kubrick saw you and wanted you to be an ape in 200...
0:14:02 > 0:14:04No, actually, he saw me
0:14:04 > 0:14:08doing a little spot on Sunday Night At The Palladium and he said...
0:14:10 > 0:14:12"He would be ideal for one of my apes."
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Oh, he's good! He's still got it! He's still got it!
0:14:20 > 0:14:24- It just comes to me like that.- Look at that! Look at that! Oh, my God.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Throw a banana at him! That's amazing.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Now, Juliette Binoche,
0:14:31 > 0:14:34the movie you're here to tell us about is brilliant.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36It's called A Thousand Times Good Night.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41It opens on the 2nd of May and seriously, it's fantastic.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45So tell us the premise. You play a photographer but not just a photographer.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48I play a war photographer.
0:14:48 > 0:14:53And the story is, you know, the dichotomy between the family
0:14:53 > 0:14:56and her passion of being a war photographer.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59It's almost like an obsession.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01And when she comes back home, of course,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04there are a lot of conflicts because it's to dangerous places
0:15:04 > 0:15:07and she's going to have a journey with her daughter,
0:15:07 > 0:15:11who is 15 years old, and they're going to...
0:15:11 > 0:15:14She's going to learn about what she does.
0:15:14 > 0:15:20I mean, it brings, you know, big themes in life.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24And being a passionate mother is not an easy thing to do.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Especially when you're going to war zones and very difficult,
0:15:28 > 0:15:32dangerous places. So the film is really developing this subject.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34We've got a bit...
0:15:34 > 0:15:38So just to put it into context, we discover that you...
0:15:38 > 0:15:43- You've infiltrated a group with a suicide bomber?- Right.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46And this is you as a cryptographer
0:15:46 > 0:15:50- and you're in the van with the suicide bomber.- Right.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- And it's almost dialogue-free. That whole thing.- Yes.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56And seriously, it's one of the most nerve-racking...
0:15:56 > 0:15:59When you see this part of the movie, it's nerve-racking. Here we go.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02HUBBUB OF CONVERSATION
0:16:06 > 0:16:08ID.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47SHE BREATHES HEAVILY
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Ooh!
0:16:51 > 0:16:52APPLAUSE
0:16:52 > 0:16:54That is so good.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57And what's the link to Ireland?
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Is it just because that's the biggest contrast between
0:17:00 > 0:17:04- where you are working and where you live?- Right.
0:17:04 > 0:17:09- So, yeah, we shot in Ireland...- Can I just say, that's a lovely house?
0:17:09 > 0:17:10Where is that?
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- It's outside of Dublin.- It's lovely. - Yeah, it's beautiful.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Is it for sale?
0:17:15 > 0:17:19No, seriously, the film is worth seeing for the house. It's gorgeous!
0:17:19 > 0:17:22It's a lovely location. If you are selling, do, you know, tweet me.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27- No, where do you live? - Where do I live?
0:17:27 > 0:17:28In Switzerland or France?
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- No, in Paris.- In Paris? Oh, right. - In France, yeah.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Oh, I know where Paris is.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37It's at the other end of the Eurostar!
0:17:38 > 0:17:41In France. Ah, yes, I know.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Don't give too much away - he could be a spy.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52You know that monkey you were talking to out there...?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- Oh, dear!- It's interesting. People talk about, you know, humour travelling...
0:17:57 > 0:18:00The Office... People made versions of it or...
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Yeah, there was actually a French version.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05And a French-Canadian version, as well.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08And is there anywhere they didn't find it funny?
0:18:08 > 0:18:11I don't know, cos it went in its...
0:18:11 > 0:18:15The original format in about 90 to 100 countries, I think it is now,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17which may be subtitled or dubbed.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21And there were, I think, eight remakes -
0:18:21 > 0:18:24the American, Israeli, French, German...
0:18:24 > 0:18:28So I don't know. I think they're trying to make one in China.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32The ratings have got to be good with that one!
0:18:32 > 0:18:34I mean, ratings - one billion. One billion last night.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39Well, listen, we were thinking about how jokes travel, OK?
0:18:39 > 0:18:43- We've a very international audience. As we know, we've got... - HE MUTTERS:- ..Annanita.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48So, we've asked our non-British friends
0:18:48 > 0:18:51if they will share a favourite joke with us, OK?
0:18:51 > 0:18:53So first off is Emi.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57Is it Emi? Hello. Do stand up.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59- Stand up, Emi. Hi.- Hi.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03- Where are you from?- France. - Another French person!
0:19:03 > 0:19:06OK, so if you do your joke in French, sort of, line by line...
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- Juliette, could you translate the joke?- I'll try!
0:19:09 > 0:19:13If you translate the joke, then we'll see if we find it funny.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19No pressure! We're a friendly crowd. OK, off you go.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21First line of your joke.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25- Donc, c'est un singe qui rend dans un bar...- So...
0:19:25 > 0:19:28It's a monkey who enters into a bar...
0:19:28 > 0:19:29Ronnie again!
0:19:31 > 0:19:33It's all about Ronnie.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35So a monkey goes into a bar...
0:19:35 > 0:19:37..et il demande au barman...
0:19:37 > 0:19:39And he's asking the-the-the barman...
0:19:39 > 0:19:41"Est-ce que vouz avez des bananes?"
0:19:41 > 0:19:42"Do you have bananas?"
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- I knew that one.- I knew that!
0:19:46 > 0:19:48"Non, on n'a pas de bananes"
0:19:48 > 0:19:50"No, we don't have any banana."
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Le singe continue, "Est-ce que vous avez des bananes?"
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Th-The monkey continues to say, "Do you have banana?"
0:19:56 > 0:19:58- "Non, on n'a pas de bananes!" - "No, we don't have any bananas!"
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- "Est-ce que vous avez des bananes?" - "Come on! Do you have banana?"
0:20:01 > 0:20:03La, il s'enerve et il fait,
0:20:03 > 0:20:06"Ecoutez, si vous continuez a me demander si j'ai des bananes,
0:20:06 > 0:20:09"je vous cloue la langue contre le mur."
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Oh, my God!
0:20:11 > 0:20:14- "Listen, if you still keep saying..." - "If you keep saying..."
0:20:14 > 0:20:19"Asking for banana, I hammer your tongue
0:20:19 > 0:20:21"on the wall with a...
0:20:21 > 0:20:24"I hammer a nail on your tongue..."
0:20:24 > 0:20:27SHE GIGGLES
0:20:27 > 0:20:29- Is that the punch line?- No, no!
0:20:29 > 0:20:32OK! Juliette found it very funny.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34I know, I'm very bad at telling stories
0:20:34 > 0:20:38because I always laugh before it ends. So...
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Et le singe demande, "Est-ce que vous avez des clous?"
0:20:40 > 0:20:43The monkey asks, "Do you have nails?"
0:20:43 > 0:20:46- "Non."- "No."
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- "Est-ce que vous avez des bananes?" - "Do you have bananas?"
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Is THAT the end of the joke?
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Merci, Emi.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Well done. Very good.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03OK, one more.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08A lady from Colombia? Where's the lady from Colombia?
0:21:08 > 0:21:13- Oh, there you are. Stand up, too. Hi. What's your name?- Patricia.
0:21:13 > 0:21:18Oh, Patricia. OK. So, er... Do you want... Shall we hear it...
0:21:18 > 0:21:22- What language?- Spanish, yes. - Well, who can translate that?
0:21:22 > 0:21:25- Is it quick?- I can make it quick.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Well, tell it quickly in Spanish, then tell it again in English.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32She speaks English! Who's going to...?
0:21:32 > 0:21:36- All right, just tell it in English, then.- No! You've ruined it! OK.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Oh, sorry. Tell it in Spanish. Tell it in Spanish.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42- Yeah, Ricky, you've ruined it!- Tell it in Spanish.- Tell it in Spanish.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Dos amigos se encuentran despues de mucho tiempo de no verse
0:21:44 > 0:21:49- y empiezan a hablar...- Two mo... Am I...?- ..del pasado y de los amigos y etcetera...
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Y uno le dice al otro, "Has visto a alguien del pasado?"
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Dice, "No. Ah, vi a Maria!" "A Maria?! Quien es Maria?" "No, Maria..."
0:21:55 > 0:21:57LAUGHTER
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- "Te acuerdas de Maria?" - Quite good in Spanish, isn't it?
0:22:00 > 0:22:04"Te acuerdas de Maria? "Una chica muy, muy delgada, plana, no tenia tetas, gorda..."
0:22:04 > 0:22:06LAUGHTER
0:22:06 > 0:22:09"Ah, si, si me acuerdo." "Pues la vi la semana pasada."
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- "Y que?" "Esta...asi!" - LAUGHTER
0:22:12 > 0:22:16"No! Se hizo cirugia cosmetica en las tetas?"
0:22:16 > 0:22:19"No, artritis! Una artritis horrible!"
0:22:22 > 0:22:24- APPLAUSE - Shall we hear it in English?
0:22:26 > 0:22:30I think I got the gist of it but I don't know if I'm going to do it justice.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34A monkey with huge boobs goes...
0:22:34 > 0:22:36LAUGHTER
0:22:37 > 0:22:40- OK, tell us in English.- OK, two old friends meet after a long time.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43They're old school friends and they talk about the past and,
0:22:43 > 0:22:46"Have you seen this? Have you seen someone?" He said, "Oh, yes, I saw Maria.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49"Funnily enough, I saw Maria last week."
0:22:49 > 0:22:50"Who is Maria?" "You remember Maria.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54"She was very slim, very flat-chested. You remember?
0:22:54 > 0:22:57"Not very pretty." "Oh, yes. I remember her, yes."
0:22:57 > 0:23:01"Well, I saw her and she is looking...like this."
0:23:01 > 0:23:04"Wow! She had breast enlargement?"
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- "No, she's got terrible arthritis." - LAUGHTER
0:23:07 > 0:23:12It's quite a good joke! We laughed at all the jokes. Very good. OK.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15..because they thought she was saying, "She's like this,"
0:23:15 > 0:23:17i.e. she's got huge breasts,
0:23:17 > 0:23:20but they go, "No, she's got terrible arthritis."
0:23:22 > 0:23:25I'll translate the English!
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Hey, Ricky Gervais, series two of Derek starts on Channel 4
0:23:30 > 0:23:33on 23 April and then Netflix gets the whole thing on 30 May.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36- Is that right?- That's right, yeah, round the world.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40Now, you seem to get a genuine buzz out of making Derek
0:23:40 > 0:23:44and the reaction you get. I guess it's a very different reaction
0:23:44 > 0:23:47- that you've never got for anything before.- No, with Derek, it's just...
0:23:47 > 0:23:50It's like genuine love, you know what I mean?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53It's really sweet, sincere people saying what it means to them.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55So it's... You know, it's...
0:23:55 > 0:23:58It was quite shocking at first, for everyone to be so lovely.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00And in terms of being well observed -
0:24:00 > 0:24:02cos it does seem very well observed -
0:24:02 > 0:24:06apparently an awful lot of women in your family either do or have worked in care homes.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Yeah, my mum, my sister, my sister-in-law, her kids.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13You know, I think about six or seven - all the womenfolk.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16The men, not so much.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18But all the womenfolk...
0:24:18 > 0:24:22I've got, like, 35 years of anecdotes from either care homes
0:24:22 > 0:24:25or just, you know, old people, or Alzheimer's homes.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28So I like to write about what I know.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- And obviously, there's loads of old people in it.- Yeah.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35So what's the balance of, kind of, actors and just regular old people?
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Well, there's... Well, er...
0:24:38 > 0:24:40- You and I.- You can be an actor and an old person.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42LAUGHTER
0:24:42 > 0:24:44- You can be both!- You can be both.
0:24:46 > 0:24:47I hope to be one day.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50I hope to be old and an actor.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52No, no, some of them really are in care homes, yes.
0:24:52 > 0:24:56Some of them are in retirement homes. There's one in an actors' retirement home.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59- Yes, Brinsworth, of course. - Yeah, she's in one in...
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- Denville Hall.- Oh, you know 'em all. - I know them all.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06We've got one along the road from us that has just been refurbished.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11- You do?- And Anne and I went along a fortnight ago to say a few words
0:25:11 > 0:25:15- and start the digging of the new area, you know...- What, the graves?
0:25:15 > 0:25:17- Not already!- No, not the graves!
0:25:19 > 0:25:21- A new building going up.- Oh, I see!
0:25:23 > 0:25:26- Oh, give me a hug.- "Not long! Not long for you! You're first."
0:25:29 > 0:25:31And the manager...
0:25:31 > 0:25:33The manager of the home said to the lady,
0:25:33 > 0:25:37"Oh, we've got little Ronnie coming with his wife."
0:25:37 > 0:25:40She said, "Oh, I don't like him, I like the other one."
0:25:40 > 0:25:42So he sent her to Brighton for the day!
0:25:46 > 0:25:51- Oh, God!- And when you're writing the scripts, do you ever kind of go,
0:25:51 > 0:25:55"Actually, I cannot ask a very old lady to say that"?
0:25:55 > 0:25:59Sometimes in the writers' room, you're brave. You're very brave when you're writing.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Then you think, "I've got to ask them to say that line now."
0:26:02 > 0:26:06But I usually pluck up courage and they're great. They're wicked. They're brilliant.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10But that picture you showed us - did that actress know that Kevin was looking up her...
0:26:10 > 0:26:16Of course. Of course. It's a scene that he's a pervert so he says...
0:26:16 > 0:26:19They start the aerobics and he slides off his chair
0:26:19 > 0:26:21and he goes, "I fucking love Wednesdays."
0:26:24 > 0:26:27And he kept laughing because the actor, who's lovely - David -
0:26:27 > 0:26:30knows how absurd it is so, you know, he's in character but then
0:26:30 > 0:26:33he goes, "This is ridiculous." And they all start laughing.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35But they're... Honestly, there's not one of them that says,
0:26:35 > 0:26:39"Oh, I can't say that." They just know it's a joke and they...
0:26:39 > 0:26:43- They're brilliant.- Let's have a look at a clip from Derek. This is a...
0:26:43 > 0:26:47It's you as Derek on a quest to find love.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51- Yes, we get Derek internet dating in this series.- Oh, right.
0:26:51 > 0:26:57- You all right?- I'm stressed. My dad's taking Tom's nan out on a date.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59- Have you not ever tried dating before?- No.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Get an internet dating profile, put your picture up.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Sweetheartsonline.com.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06"Sorry, your inbox is empty." It's always going to be empty.
0:27:06 > 0:27:07No-one wants to go out with me.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09You'll be all right, mate. Believe it or not,
0:27:09 > 0:27:12I used to think I'd never make anything of my life.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14- You've got a date. - What, off the website?
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Yeah, shall I book a restaurant? Yeah?
0:27:17 > 0:27:18- Cuisses de grenouille.- Yeah.
0:27:18 > 0:27:23- It's a starter. It's, er... Frogs' legs.- Legs of a...
0:27:23 > 0:27:24- What, a real frog?- Sure.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27What about the frogs whose legs you took off? Are they disabled now?
0:27:27 > 0:27:31- The frog is dead. - I licked a toad once.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32It was horrible.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36LAUGHTER
0:27:40 > 0:27:43And in terms of getting older, I read an interview where you said
0:27:43 > 0:27:47- you now quite look forward to being older.- Yeah! I mean...
0:27:47 > 0:27:50As I said, I'm getting old now.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53My knees are gone, my back aches and I get up and I...
0:27:53 > 0:27:56I wake in the morning now and I go, "Oh, I didn't die."
0:27:56 > 0:27:59You know? You know what I mean? And then you've got to do it all again.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01But I mean...
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Is there a thing... I don't know if it's the same in France.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08- Is it easier in France?- What? - The whole ageing thing.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Are the people more relaxed about it?
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Cos people do panic about it here.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15No, I think it's the same everywhere on the planet.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19We're going through the same thing. All the stages and all.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21And is there a weird thing for an actor...
0:28:21 > 0:28:23I suppose for any actor, that thing when you're reading a script
0:28:23 > 0:28:27and they go, "Oh, no, no, you're not that part. You're THIS part."
0:28:27 > 0:28:31Well, you actually guess it while you're reading it.
0:28:31 > 0:28:32You don't need to ask.
0:28:34 > 0:28:39- Now, one of the things I loved Ronnie in was Sorry!- Oh, yes.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42Because in that, you still lived at home.
0:28:42 > 0:28:46What is the age difference between you and Barbara Lott?
0:28:46 > 0:28:50Well, Barbara, I suppose, was maybe...
0:28:50 > 0:28:53- I don't know how old- I- was then. Was I about 50 then?
0:28:53 > 0:28:55Or 47? I don't know.
0:28:55 > 0:28:58- Barbara was perhaps 72, but... - No, I think she was about...
0:28:58 > 0:29:01- She was only ten years older than you.- Was she?
0:29:03 > 0:29:04Will you tell me what to say?
0:29:07 > 0:29:10APPLAUSE
0:29:10 > 0:29:14That was funny! That was like a barrister trying to catch you out.
0:29:14 > 0:29:18"I put it to you, Mr Corbett, that she was only ten years older."
0:29:20 > 0:29:22Although nowadays...
0:29:22 > 0:29:26that's pretty accurate, isn't it? In some areas.
0:29:26 > 0:29:28Yeah, in some areas. Yeah, yeah. Sorry!
0:29:30 > 0:29:31Now, whenever Ricky's here,
0:29:31 > 0:29:36we do like to check what else he's been putting on Twitter, cos he tweets a lot. Now, you guys...
0:29:36 > 0:29:38You don't tweet, do you? You don't tweet?
0:29:38 > 0:29:40- I don't what?- Tweet.- Tweet?
0:29:40 > 0:29:45- No, I don't tweet at all.- No.- I love the internet. I mean, going on...
0:29:45 > 0:29:47LAUGHTER
0:29:47 > 0:29:49- Yeah, exactly, yeah. - I'm sure you do, Ronnie.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56"Men who like to be monkeys."
0:29:56 > 0:29:58LAUGHTER
0:29:58 > 0:29:59.com.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03There'll be one. There will be one.
0:30:03 > 0:30:05If you put that in, you'd find something horrendous.
0:30:07 > 0:30:09With a picture of Ronnie.
0:30:11 > 0:30:15So...one of the things that Ricky's put up recently
0:30:15 > 0:30:21is that thing... They call it "ad fail" but it's basically when
0:30:21 > 0:30:24the layout in a newspaper is unfortunate.
0:30:24 > 0:30:27You know, where they put one article beside another article and,
0:30:27 > 0:30:31obviously, nobody looked at the two articles together.
0:30:31 > 0:30:34So this is one you tweeted... I think it's a Canadian paper.
0:30:34 > 0:30:36- Yeah, yeah.- This one.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49And then... Was it yesterday...?
0:30:49 > 0:30:53Yesterday I saw this sign and I just couldn't believe my luck.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55Check this out.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59LAUGHTER
0:30:59 > 0:31:01They were a little bit squashed...
0:31:01 > 0:31:02A little bit squashed on the spacing.
0:31:02 > 0:31:06- I think I said, "Spacing is everything."- I just love that.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09"Yeah, we can fit the 'is' in. It's fine."
0:31:09 > 0:31:11It's a pub called the Wig & Pen.
0:31:11 > 0:31:14- It's, "The Wig & Pen is open for business."- Oh, right!
0:31:17 > 0:31:20I'd have put the "is" on a different line.
0:31:21 > 0:31:24Well, we found some more of these.
0:31:24 > 0:31:28- So you know in magazines, the fold in the magazine...- Yes.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30That can go wrong. Here's one.
0:31:30 > 0:31:33I don't think anyone's going to want to drink that milkshake.
0:31:43 > 0:31:47- It looks like she's... doing something in the...- Oh, right!
0:31:51 > 0:31:54It's like... Ricky Gervais is like the red button.
0:31:55 > 0:31:58Then on billboards, it can go wrong on billboards.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01So you're driving down the highway in America,
0:32:01 > 0:32:04and there's a nice big billboard saying, "Where's Daddy?"
0:32:04 > 0:32:06And as you drive on, you discover...
0:32:12 > 0:32:15And finally, finally, this is just like...
0:32:15 > 0:32:16I love that someone took this picture.
0:32:16 > 0:32:19They obviously knew what they were doing when they took the picture.
0:32:19 > 0:32:23They thought, "That'll be funny." You know what? It is. Here's an ad for Coca-Cola.
0:32:31 > 0:32:33Well done, all the ad fails. OK.
0:32:35 > 0:32:38Ladies and gentlemen, it's music time.
0:32:38 > 0:32:42I adore this lady. Adore her.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44She's a huge star in her native Ireland
0:32:44 > 0:32:47and now making big inroads here and in the States.
0:32:47 > 0:32:52Singing her new single It's Good To Be Alive, please welcome Imelda May.
0:32:52 > 0:32:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:33:00 > 0:33:03# My thoughts are dark and empty
0:33:03 > 0:33:06# I'm not crying out loud
0:33:06 > 0:33:09# Don't know, what am I asking for
0:33:09 > 0:33:11# If an answer can be found
0:33:11 > 0:33:17# The loneliness is killing, though there's someone in my bed
0:33:17 > 0:33:22# There's only so much living and I fear I could be dead
0:33:22 > 0:33:27# But then standing at my window when the night seems like it's won
0:33:27 > 0:33:33# And everything seems brighter with the sighting of the sun
0:33:34 > 0:33:38# And I said, Oh, my God, it's good to be alive
0:33:38 > 0:33:40# Oh, my God, it's good to be alive
0:33:40 > 0:33:43# I know one thing for sure is that I'll love today
0:33:43 > 0:33:46# Yeah, it's good to be alive, yeah
0:33:51 > 0:33:54# Lying in my bedroom
0:33:54 > 0:33:57# My eyes are wide awake
0:33:57 > 0:33:59# My body's tired and giving up
0:33:59 > 0:34:02# Oh, for heaven's sake
0:34:02 > 0:34:08# Won't you please send me a little sleep to ease my worried mind?
0:34:08 > 0:34:12# I'm losing rationality that I won't know how to find
0:34:12 > 0:34:18# But then standing at my window when the night seems like it's won
0:34:18 > 0:34:24# And everything seems brighter with the sighting of the sun
0:34:25 > 0:34:28# And I said, Oh, my God, it's good to be alive
0:34:28 > 0:34:31# Oh, my God, it's good to be alive
0:34:31 > 0:34:34# I know one thing for sure is that I'll love today
0:34:34 > 0:34:36# Yeah, it's good to be alive, yeah
0:34:52 > 0:34:55# Do-do-do do-do do-do
0:34:55 > 0:34:58# Do-do-do do-do do-do
0:34:58 > 0:35:00# Things are looking up for me
0:35:00 > 0:35:03# When the clock keeps ticking on
0:35:03 > 0:35:06# Holding on to time gone by
0:35:06 > 0:35:09# Clinging to a song
0:35:09 > 0:35:11# To pull me through with every word
0:35:11 > 0:35:14# And rock me with a tune
0:35:14 > 0:35:19# And hold my hand when the sandman is hiding in my room
0:35:19 > 0:35:25# But then standing at my window when the night seems like it's won
0:35:25 > 0:35:30# And everything seems brighter with the sighting of the sun
0:35:32 > 0:35:35# And I said, Oh, my God, it's good to be alive
0:35:35 > 0:35:38# Oh, my God, it's good to be alive
0:35:38 > 0:35:41# I know one thing for sure is that I'll love today
0:35:41 > 0:35:43# Yeah, it's good to be alive
0:35:43 > 0:35:46# Oh, my God, it's good to be alive
0:35:46 > 0:35:49# Oh, my God, it's good to be alive
0:35:49 > 0:35:52# I know one thing for sure is that I'll love today
0:35:52 > 0:35:54# Yeah, it's good to be alive, yeah
0:35:54 > 0:35:55# Do-do-do
0:35:55 > 0:35:57# It's good to be alive
0:35:57 > 0:35:58# Do-do-do
0:35:58 > 0:36:00# It's good to be alive
0:36:00 > 0:36:02# Yeah, yeah
0:36:02 > 0:36:05# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. #
0:36:05 > 0:36:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:09 > 0:36:11Thank you.
0:36:13 > 0:36:18Imelda May, everybody! Come on over and join us, do.
0:36:20 > 0:36:21Oh, good job!
0:36:21 > 0:36:24Imelda May! Beautiful!
0:36:24 > 0:36:27Mwah! Come and sit down.
0:36:27 > 0:36:31There's Ricky and Ronnie and Juliette.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34Lovely to meet you. Hello.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37Isn't that just a happy thing? I love that.
0:36:37 > 0:36:39- Oh, good!- It's fantastic. - Good, good, good.
0:36:39 > 0:36:42That's the single but it's from the album Tribal.
0:36:42 > 0:36:44Yeah, new album, just out.
0:36:44 > 0:36:48What I like about you - your stuff is all up. It's all very happy.
0:36:48 > 0:36:51Good. Well, I have my moments. I'm not, like, neurotically happy!
0:36:52 > 0:36:54Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:36:56 > 0:36:58There's unhappy moments and then...
0:36:58 > 0:37:01Yes, but mostly I like writing happy songs cos it's great at the gigs
0:37:01 > 0:37:04when you're gigging it and you've to gig it for a few years.
0:37:04 > 0:37:07- You can have fun with it. - So you wrote that one?
0:37:07 > 0:37:10- Oh, yeah, I write my own songs, yeah. - Oh, gosh! Lovely!- Yeah.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12The whole thing. But tell me about this now.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15So the last time you were here, you didn't have a baby.
0:37:15 > 0:37:18- Now you have a baby.- Yes, I do. - How old...- That's how it works.
0:37:20 > 0:37:22At some point you don't have a baby...
0:37:22 > 0:37:23But you can still not have a baby.
0:37:23 > 0:37:25I probably wouldn't be talking about it.
0:37:25 > 0:37:29Yeah, you can, but if you have a baby, there was a point where you didn't have one.
0:37:29 > 0:37:32It was when she was last here. She didn't have it.
0:37:32 > 0:37:36- But, Imelda, how old is... It's a girl you have, isn't it?- Violet.
0:37:36 > 0:37:39- Violet Kathleen. She's a year and a half.- A year...
0:37:39 > 0:37:43- But she is talking now?- Oh, yap, yap... Well, she takes after her ma.
0:37:43 > 0:37:46- She talks a lot. - There are some language issues.
0:37:46 > 0:37:49Oh, A language issue. Er...
0:37:49 > 0:37:52I said something ONCE in front of her.
0:37:54 > 0:37:57Just once and I thought, "Oh, she didn't notice that."
0:37:57 > 0:38:01And then we were walking along a hotel corridor
0:38:01 > 0:38:05and I had her on my hip and she's so pretty and gorgeous and sweet
0:38:05 > 0:38:08and a guy was walking along with me... Came along beside me and said,
0:38:08 > 0:38:11"Hi." And I said, "Hello."
0:38:11 > 0:38:14And he went, "Hmm, liking the hair."
0:38:14 > 0:38:16And I went, "Oh, thank you."
0:38:16 > 0:38:18"Hmm, liking the outfit."
0:38:18 > 0:38:20"Yeah, thanks." And then he said, er...
0:38:20 > 0:38:22"You're doing an Imelda May thing there."
0:38:22 > 0:38:26And I said, "Yeah, I get that." And just as we got to the lift
0:38:26 > 0:38:30he said, "Are you getting on?" And I said, "Oh, no, no.
0:38:30 > 0:38:32"I'm waiting on... No."
0:38:32 > 0:38:35And I just... JUST before the doors closed,
0:38:35 > 0:38:37he was going, "Cute baby!"
0:38:37 > 0:38:40He just got into the lift, he's stood there smiling at us
0:38:40 > 0:38:44and just before the lift closed she just looked at him like that
0:38:44 > 0:38:47and looked at me and just went, "Asshole!"
0:38:47 > 0:38:50LAUGHTER
0:38:56 > 0:38:59I was mortified but quite proud! Is that wrong?
0:38:59 > 0:39:03She knew how to say it and she recognised one! It was good, yeah.
0:39:03 > 0:39:07- And, Imelda, you're gigging all the time, aren't you?- Yeah, like mad.
0:39:07 > 0:39:08It's non-stop. It's great.
0:39:08 > 0:39:12- Well, good luck with all the gigs and just...- Thank you. - ..continued success to you.
0:39:12 > 0:39:14You deserve it all.
0:39:14 > 0:39:18Right, before we go tonight, just time for a story or two in the red chair. Who's there?
0:39:18 > 0:39:19- Hello.- Hi.
0:39:19 > 0:39:23Oh, my God, we've never seen glamour like it on the red chair.
0:39:23 > 0:39:27- What's your name?- Julie. - Julie? Where are you from, Julie?
0:39:27 > 0:39:30- I'm originally from South Korea. - Do you live in London now?- Yes.
0:39:30 > 0:39:34- Oh, right. And what do you do here? - I'm a law student.- A law student?
0:39:34 > 0:39:36OK, off you go with your story.
0:39:36 > 0:39:38So, last summer,
0:39:38 > 0:39:42me and five of my girlfriends went on a girls' holiday to Alicante.
0:39:42 > 0:39:43And I got really...
0:39:43 > 0:39:44HE MOUTHS
0:39:44 > 0:39:46SHE SQUEALS
0:39:49 > 0:39:51Is it wrong?
0:39:51 > 0:39:52- Yeah, no.- Is it wrong?
0:39:52 > 0:39:54No, we were all thinking it.
0:39:54 > 0:39:57The idea, Juliette, is that they tell their best story.
0:39:57 > 0:40:03It's like either their most interesting or their funniest story of their whole lives. And...
0:40:03 > 0:40:05You didn't want to hear the rest of it?
0:40:05 > 0:40:09There was something about her and her girlfriends in Alicante - I found it irritating.
0:40:09 > 0:40:12"Five of my girlfriends," like she's got hundreds.
0:40:12 > 0:40:15I haven't got five FRIENDS, you know what I mean?
0:40:15 > 0:40:18- So she had to go.- There was some... I don't know what it was.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21I used to have a problem with this cos I just felt so sorry for them
0:40:21 > 0:40:24- I couldn't stand it.- Yes.- But now I quite like it.- Oh, yes, right.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27- Cos I think they sort of want it, as well, don't they, really?- Yes.
0:40:27 > 0:40:31- It's a disappointment if you don't get flipped back on the chair, isn't it?- Yeah, that's what he says!
0:40:36 > 0:40:39- They'd be upset if I didn't. - Where do they go, Graham, after...?
0:40:39 > 0:40:43- Where do they go?!- Where do they go after...- Just... I don't know.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45- No, but where...- To heaven, Ronnie.
0:40:45 > 0:40:48Are they in another place?
0:40:48 > 0:40:50LAUGHTER
0:40:51 > 0:40:55- They're not there any more. - Oh, I know, but...- There are...
0:40:55 > 0:40:57- They just...- There's a spike...
0:40:57 > 0:41:00I want to give them a cuddle.
0:41:00 > 0:41:05- Well, you can.- Have you got somebody else in the chair?- Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08Now we all understand the game, let's do it again.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10Now we're all on board...
0:41:10 > 0:41:13- Whoo!- And, Juliette, do feel free. Feel free!
0:41:13 > 0:41:14I'm not doing this.
0:41:14 > 0:41:19If you're feeling a little ennui, just, er, knock them off. Hello. Hi!
0:41:19 > 0:41:23- Hi.- Don't tip him! I love him. - How are you?- Great. We're very well.
0:41:23 > 0:41:26- All the better for seeing you. What's your name?- James.
0:41:26 > 0:41:30- James, and where do you live, James? - I live in... I live in Surrey.
0:41:30 > 0:41:33- In Surrey. And what do you do for a living?- I'm a civil engineer.
0:41:33 > 0:41:37Brilliant, he's a civil engineer. He does something useful and he lives in Surrey.
0:41:37 > 0:41:38Off you go with your story.
0:41:38 > 0:41:41- This story involves getting locked in a toilet.- Ronnie!
0:41:41 > 0:41:44- Were you dressed as a monkey? - Er, no.
0:41:45 > 0:41:48- I was dressed without any clothes, so...- What? What?!
0:41:50 > 0:41:53- I wasn't dressed when it happened, so...- You were naked in the toilet?
0:41:53 > 0:41:55- I was naked in the toilet, yeah.- Why? Why?- I was, er...
0:41:55 > 0:41:59I had a very important meeting at half past eight in the morning.
0:41:59 > 0:42:02I went into the bathroom, closed the door, went to the toilet
0:42:02 > 0:42:05and then when I got up to go to get out of the toilet, the door broke.
0:42:05 > 0:42:07So I was stuck in the bathroom.
0:42:07 > 0:42:10I had a very important meeting in a couple of hours.
0:42:10 > 0:42:12I wasn't sure what I was going to do
0:42:12 > 0:42:14so I sat there for a couple of seconds thinking what to do
0:42:14 > 0:42:18and thought, "The best thing to do is to call the fire brigade."
0:42:18 > 0:42:19So my... My wife...
0:42:19 > 0:42:23- Maybe you should have thought for longer!- Perhaps.
0:42:23 > 0:42:27I was in a bit of a... I had a very important meeting to go to.
0:42:27 > 0:42:33We get it, very important meeting! VERY important meeting!
0:42:33 > 0:42:34So I...
0:42:34 > 0:42:37My wife called the ambulance... Sorry, the fire brigade.
0:42:37 > 0:42:40- The ambulance? - LAUGHTER
0:42:40 > 0:42:43..called the fire brigade and told them what it was about -
0:42:43 > 0:42:46I was basically stuck in the bathroom and there was nothing
0:42:46 > 0:42:50- medically wrong with me, just that I was stuck in there.- Well...
0:42:50 > 0:42:54And they turned up to the front door at half past six in the morning...
0:42:54 > 0:42:57- No, don't you pull this! This is... - No, I'm not.
0:42:57 > 0:42:59- ..with the blue lights on and... - He's still going - he doesn't care.
0:42:59 > 0:43:03The blue lights on and they did the "whoop, whoop" outside the front door
0:43:03 > 0:43:07and then, er, four big, burly firemen...
0:43:07 > 0:43:10- Here we go, it's a fetish. - ..broke the door and got me out of the bathroom
0:43:10 > 0:43:14and I walked out with a face cloth over my privates.
0:43:15 > 0:43:18LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:43:18 > 0:43:21And I... And I still made the meeting at half past eight.
0:43:21 > 0:43:23A very important meeting!
0:43:23 > 0:43:26- Oh, my God! I can't believe we sat through that whole thing.- I know!
0:43:27 > 0:43:30Well done, everybody. If you'd like to join us on the show
0:43:30 > 0:43:34and have a go in the big red chair, you can. Contact our website...
0:43:34 > 0:43:36Thank you to my lovely guests tonight.
0:43:36 > 0:43:39- Imelda May, everybody. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:39 > 0:43:42- Ricky Gervais. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:42 > 0:43:45- Ronnie Corbett.- Thank you. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:45 > 0:43:47- And Juliette Binoche. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:47 > 0:43:51Join me next week with comic actor Seth Rogen,
0:43:51 > 0:43:53Episodes star Matt LeBlanc
0:43:53 > 0:43:55and Hollywood heart-throb Zac Efron.
0:43:55 > 0:43:57I'll see you then. Good night, everybody, bye-bye.