0:00:02 > 0:00:04On the show tonight - a Hollywood actress, an action man,
0:00:04 > 0:00:09a top comedian and the most famous bearded lady in the whole world.
0:00:09 > 0:00:10No, Dawn.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Let's start the show!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Hello, good evening. Welcome, everybody.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44This is exciting. On the show tonight,
0:00:44 > 0:00:49from Interview With A Vampire and Spider-Man, Kirsten Dunst is here!
0:00:49 > 0:00:52CHEERING
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Alpha male and survival expert Bear Grylls is on the show.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57CHEERING
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Yes, I know, something for the ladies.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Comedy goddess Dawn French is joining us.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05CHEERING
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Hot new singer Sam Smith is on the show.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10CHEERING
0:01:10 > 0:01:14And I am thrilled to say, fresh from Eurovision glory,
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Conchita Wurst will be here!
0:01:16 > 0:01:18CHEERING
0:01:22 > 0:01:24There's Conchita.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Beautifully feminine, but with a masculine undertone.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30It's setting a whole new Eurovision trend.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Here's Ireland's entry for next year.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38People are going, "Yeah, that's a good idea."
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Obviously, Conchita's performance was controversial.
0:01:41 > 0:01:46The Russian Orthodox church have condemned a man in a beard performing in a dress.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Here are the Russian Orthodox church.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Pot, kettle, much? Since Eurovision,
0:01:54 > 0:01:58Conchita's bearded look has been taking the world by storm.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02The internet is full of celebrities paying homage. Here's Cheryl Cole.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Her Majesty.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09And even her great grandson.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11AUDIENCE AWW
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Look, he's got his father's hair.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I wondered where it had gone.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Kirsten Dunst has starred in so many great movies
0:02:24 > 0:02:28like Bring It On where she starred as a cheerleader.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Cheerleaders are often unfairly portrayed as dumb blondes.
0:02:31 > 0:02:32Here's one in action...
0:02:37 > 0:02:42It's not just for women, some men become cheerleaders too.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45You do think, "Why would any bloke want to be a cheerleader?"
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Hello!
0:02:52 > 0:02:55I'll be talking to Kirsten about her infamous
0:02:55 > 0:02:58upside down kiss in Spider-Man. Do you remember that?
0:02:58 > 0:03:01I wonder what he's thinking, "I hope she goes up on me."
0:03:04 > 0:03:06It's clever, isn't it? It's clever, that.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10That's all coming up, plus some more of your stories in the big red chair.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11So, let's get some guests on.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Later we'll be chatting to Eurovision winner Conchita Wurst
0:03:14 > 0:03:15and we'll have music from Sam Smith.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19But first, time to grill a bear, it's Bear Grylls!
0:03:19 > 0:03:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Hello, sir, very nice to see you.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Have a seat, have a seat.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Let's have some French kissing, it's Dawn French!
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Hello.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Lovely to see you. Have a seat.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42And it's time to Bring It On, it's Kirsten Dunst!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Lovely to see you. Sit down.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Hello, all. You all well?
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Were you doing chitty chat out the back, there?
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Yes, trying to catch up.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04This is my new best friend, this is my new boyfriend.
0:04:07 > 0:04:12- Have you bumped into Conchita Wurst? - I haven't seen her yet.- Not yet.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Bear is looking so blank. I'm guessing you didn't see Eurovision?
0:04:16 > 0:04:20I was up a Utah mountain last week, so I slightly feel I missed out.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Honestly, you did. We will show you a clip later.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- Ms French, did you watch it? - I watched it from beginning to end.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- Excellent.- I like to try to eat food from the countries
0:04:30 > 0:04:33as you go through the night.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37- So you had a nice bratwurst? - Oh, yes.
0:04:37 > 0:04:42Loads of cabbage this time. And no Maltesers for Malta.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45I used to look forward to that... I ate them anyway.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51- What a worthy winner.- It was a lovely moment, it was a really popular win.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56And of course, Kirsten, you have European roots.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00- My dad is from Germany. - Do you speak German?- Nein.
0:05:00 > 0:05:06- SHE SPEAKS GERMAN - Kid's German. And curse words too.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10- Is that why it is called a Kinder Surprise?- It's a kid's surprise.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12I never knew that. I must write it down in case I forget.
0:05:12 > 0:05:17- What's this creepy chocolate with little kids on it?- Kinder Surprise.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23The best thing about German is that father is...
0:05:23 > 0:05:26MISPRONOUNCED: farta. That's great, isn't it?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28I do have a farta.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Yeah, my farta's at home.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Kirsten's mum, I'm sure she's a lovely lady,
0:05:34 > 0:05:38- but when she was an air hostess... - For Lufthansa.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41..you didn't want to mess with her, get on her wrong side?
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Well, yeah. Twice she sent people's luggage to different places.
0:05:46 > 0:05:51In the morning, if they were being jerks, like men, being mean in
0:05:51 > 0:05:56the morning, she was like, "Right, your bag is going to India."
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Good for her. I like the sound of her.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02I love the power of people in those jobs.
0:06:02 > 0:06:07They are like, "Oh, are you getting married in Thailand?"
0:06:07 > 0:06:12- "Not now." - Exactly. She did that twice.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Bear, you have been everywhere, it's lovely to have you here,
0:06:17 > 0:06:20but it is kind of nice to have you at all.
0:06:20 > 0:06:25All of your stories, all of them, they are,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28"And if I had been there a minute later or a minute earlier,
0:06:28 > 0:06:32"or two inches to the left, my head would be cut off."
0:06:32 > 0:06:36- I mean, near death experiences, you've a lot of them.- The truth is,
0:06:36 > 0:06:40people always have this expectation that if I have a scar...
0:06:40 > 0:06:45I mean, I had to do a thing last year where I was doing a commercial in America.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49I had to take my shirt off and this female director saw I had this scar straight across here.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53She went, "Gosh, was it a crocodile?" And I thought...
0:06:53 > 0:06:59The truth was, I was taking a pizza out of the oven without a shirt on.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01It went... I went, "Ah!"
0:07:01 > 0:07:04And I had one of those moments, "Do I tell her?
0:07:04 > 0:07:06"She's going to be so disappointed."
0:07:06 > 0:07:10I can see myself going from hero to zero in about five seconds.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14It's not always like that. Home can be dangerous as well.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16What's extraordinary about you is, we won't pry,
0:07:16 > 0:07:19the luck, the luck of the man.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22At one stage, you were bitten by loads of bees,
0:07:22 > 0:07:24stung by lots of bees.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29Yes, that was an occasion I ended up looking like the elephant man.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33Can I just say, no, you didn't. Right, this is the luck of the man.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- See nice Bear there?- Yeah.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Gets stung all over by bees. It turned him into Keanu Reeves.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47I'm surprised you're alive, you're like a cat.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52But when it comes to endurance, Kirsten Dunst,
0:07:52 > 0:07:55what you went through filming your new movie,
0:07:55 > 0:07:57The Two Faces Of January, in Greece,
0:07:57 > 0:07:59if I had known the horrors you endured,
0:07:59 > 0:08:01I probably couldn't have enjoyed the film.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Tell us, you were filming in Greece
0:08:03 > 0:08:06and it was the height of the economic crash.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Yes, but we also had a lovely time.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10We were swimming, it was beautiful weather and stuff.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13There was problems at the hotel, but I mean,
0:08:13 > 0:08:14we were working most of the time.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Is it true, you were staying at a hotel
0:08:16 > 0:08:18and there was no room service at all?
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Oh, my God! Are you OK now?
0:08:25 > 0:08:29I'm OK, thanks, Dawn. I made it through.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Thank God there was a fruit basket.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37What is so lovely is, you are filming in Greece,
0:08:37 > 0:08:41you can't get room service, but you still thought of others, didn't you?
0:08:41 > 0:08:45- Oh, yeah. Cos I fed a lot of cats whilst I was there.- No.- Oh.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49If you don't like cats, look away now.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52This is Kirsten. Is this just some random street?
0:08:52 > 0:08:56It's in an alleyway and I found a chair and just I propped myself,
0:08:56 > 0:08:59and I bought a bunch of cat food. It was kind of weird.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06Listen, I still have a boyfriend, so...
0:09:06 > 0:09:11- I haven't turned into the cat lady. - I hope that's not your future.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16This new movie, The Two Faces Of January, it's out tonight,
0:09:16 > 0:09:18and I didn't know what to expect.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22It's great. It's a proper old-fashioned thriller.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26People who are into Hitchcock movies, it does have that flavour.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Yeah, it does.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31It feels like a film noir kind of film even though it's in colour...
0:09:31 > 0:09:33I don't want to see it now.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39It does have an old-fashioned, classy, Hitchcock feel to it.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42How much can you tell us about the plot?
0:09:42 > 0:09:46It's a suspenseful drama set in the '60s
0:09:46 > 0:09:49and I play a rich con artist's wife.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52And we get involved with this other guy who we meet up in Greece.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54When we go on the lam, he starts to helps us.
0:09:54 > 0:10:00- This other man, Rydal, who is played by Oscar Isaac.- Very interesting.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03You brought a clip.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07Being myself. I edited this clip for you all!
0:10:09 > 0:10:13It's a bit of a flirty, sexy moment with me and Oscar.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15It's after my husband has been a monster.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- Viggo Mortensen's the husband?- Yeah.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- Oscar Isaac is...?- Is the young lad helping us.- Here it is.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25You're no smaller than us.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Well, there's only one of me.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Anything interesting happening in
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- the outside world?- Um, soccer.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Where's Chester?
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Oh, he was up all night, he's taking a sleeping pill.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43You keep a diary?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Yeah, it's just notes for my work.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Anything about me and Chester?
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Maybe there's a line or two.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03You coming with me?
0:11:07 > 0:11:09For a walk.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Sure, yeah. I'll come with you.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Good.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28That's Oscar Isaac. He is so hot right now.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Yeah, he just got cast in the new Star Wars movie.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36Rumour reaches me that someone else on the couch might be in the new Star Wars film.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38- Me?! No.- Why were you wearing the Star Wars dress?
0:11:38 > 0:11:42Well, my girlfriends who do the clothing line called Rodarte are obsessed with Star Wars.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46- So, yes, I did wear a Death Star dress.- That's how rumours start.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Hey, man, I'd love to be in the new Star Wars.
0:11:50 > 0:11:55Dawn, you have basically auditioned for most roles in Star Wars.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59- This is you with Jennifer.- Yes, yes!
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- You've forgotten about this.- I had completely forgotten about that.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07You didn't just do that, you also wore...
0:12:07 > 0:12:12- Is it Princess Amidaladala? - Yes!- There you are.- That's me.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18Jennifer is wearing a very good chest wig, it's not her own hair.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22The two of you take to make-up so well.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24You can do anything. You just look like them.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28Although, we did do a lot of prosthetics over the years.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31It was back, 20 years ago,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34when you put prosthetics on, they were put on with medical glue.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38So to get it off took nearly a day. And that's why...
0:12:38 > 0:12:45I'm actually only 17, but I look like this. That glue ravaged your face.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49It's weird that it's become so famous,
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- the upside-down Spider-Man kiss. - Yeah.
0:12:52 > 0:12:57You don't know, but I remember Sam Raimi giving me a book of kisses.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59It was a little coffee table book.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Like, a little cute book of movie kisses.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05He said, "Let's try and make this one as epic as these kisses."
0:13:05 > 0:13:10So I thought, "Oh, that's a nice idea. Yeah, right."
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I mean, "We'll see."
0:13:12 > 0:13:15But I never expected it to be one of those things.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17You never know when you are making something.
0:13:17 > 0:13:22But it really has become iconic. We wondered how hard it was to do.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24- Cos obviously it's not straightforward.- Uh-oh.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Don't worry, we're not going to do it.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Dawn, while we've been chatting,
0:13:30 > 0:13:33mostly what you have been doing is not kissing Bear Grylls.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Yes, that's true. But I have been wishing I could.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- You need me to direct you guys? - Yeah, maybe.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43- Bear, you're OK to hang upside down? - To hang upside down?
0:13:43 > 0:13:45But it was raining, so we gotta pour this over your head.
0:13:48 > 0:13:49Part of the reason it was difficult
0:13:49 > 0:13:52was because the water was going into his nose.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55I'm very excited about this bit!
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- Not going to work. - It will be so fun.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05- Fun for you.- We're really going to recreate this though, aren't we?
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- We don't have a suit for him. There is a trapeze.- Oh.
0:14:12 > 0:14:17- Are you sure you can do this? Yes? - I'll give it a go.
0:14:20 > 0:14:25- That looks really high, can you do it?- I can get up there.- Good luck.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Jacket off! Jacket off!
0:14:27 > 0:14:29CHEERING
0:14:29 > 0:14:31He is serious.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- What did he do then? - He tucked his shirt in.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Oh, look at him go. He's like a monkey.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43You can go and sit at the end.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Oh, Bear!
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Bear! What is that?
0:14:59 > 0:15:02It's going up his nose!
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Oh, Bear! That's repulsive.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07- Spit it out.- What is that?
0:15:10 > 0:15:11AUDIENCE SCREAMS
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I'm so sorry, I left that in from earlier.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18I like to travel with food on the go. I'm ready for my smacker.
0:15:18 > 0:15:19Hang on, let me just clean that up.
0:15:22 > 0:15:23Here we go.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27- Hold on. There's one more in there, hold on.- No, there isn't.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Suddenly it doesn't feel so much fun.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35Oh, Spider-Man. You're so...hot.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43CHEERING
0:15:43 > 0:15:44Beautiful. Well done.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Nice job, Dawn.
0:15:48 > 0:15:55- That looks sore. Are you OK?- Yeah. Traumatised.- Nice job, Bear.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58What was really dangerous about that,
0:15:58 > 0:16:01you know all the dangerous things Bear's done,
0:16:01 > 0:16:03I have just given Bear so many diseases.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10We live dangerously on this show.
0:16:10 > 0:16:15Now, Dawn French, I happen to know, has been alive for 30 million minutes, is that correct?
0:16:15 > 0:16:16- That's right.- Isn't that cool?
0:16:16 > 0:16:19We know this because it's the title of your new tour,
0:16:19 > 0:16:21but it's also kind of true.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25- It is true, give or take a few million.- Minutes.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28I'm 56 and that's about 30 million minutes, yes.
0:16:28 > 0:16:33This tour, it runs from June 5, now going to the end of November.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35If people want specific dates and theatres,
0:16:35 > 0:16:37all the details are online.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41- You're adding new dates all the time.- They are online on a website.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43I don't do technology, you know I don't do this,
0:16:43 > 0:16:48but there is a website, Dawn French on tour.com or something.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52I don't know what a website is. That's where it is. Don't look,
0:16:52 > 0:16:56- is that what you said? - You don't e-mail?
0:16:56 > 0:17:00No, I don't Twitter, I don't Facebook or anything.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03I have seen this website. Somebody has shown it to me.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06- People do it for you. - Kind of, I don't engage that way.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09I don't have anything to say on there. Is that right?
0:17:09 > 0:17:13- Usually comedians are the best at Twitter, though.- Are they?- Yeah.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17- Doesn't it take up your whole life? - I'm not good at that stuff.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21- I feel like you'd be really good.- Do you? Yeah, maybe I will get into it.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23- I'd follow you. - I want to get into it
0:17:23 > 0:17:28- just as everybody else is getting out.- Wait! I'm here.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32I had lunch too, here's some pictures of my food.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37This tour, I thought Kirsten's film was top secret,
0:17:37 > 0:17:42but this tour is shrouded in more mystery than that.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45- It's starting quite soon. - It is starting soon.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Actually, as we've just said that,
0:17:47 > 0:17:50I've eaten a bit of your sofa here with my bottom,
0:17:50 > 0:17:55with the fear of the fact that it is in a couple of weeks' time.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01- It's not just pure stand-up, there's a proper posh director.- Yes.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03It's not really stand-up at all.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07- And yes, I'm working with Michael Grandage...- Who's serious.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Yeah, absolutely. It's got some theatre chops, this show.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13I've written it. It's very autobiographical.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17It's basically me telling stories about things that have happened in my life
0:18:17 > 0:18:21and asking questions about the things I'm not sure about yet.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25It's me basically exploring what it is to be a person, if you like,
0:18:25 > 0:18:29and how flawed we all are and all the things I've got wrong basically.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Ladies and gentleman,
0:18:31 > 0:18:34since we last met Dawn French on this programme, married.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36- Yes.- Ding dong.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37APPLAUSE
0:18:40 > 0:18:42We just had our first wedding anniversary actually.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- Really?- Yeah, a couple of weeks ago. - Congratulations.- Thank you.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48The proposal, was that a down on one knee proposal?
0:18:48 > 0:18:53No, it was on a gondola in Venice.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57- I know that sounds cliche...- No, those moments go with the cliche.
0:18:57 > 0:19:02What I would say is what he did do is he engaged
0:19:02 > 0:19:06the gondolier in a big conversation about the sewage system of Venice.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10I thought, "We paid quite a lot of money for this,"
0:19:10 > 0:19:13I didn't know that was what was going to come, "40 minutes in,
0:19:13 > 0:19:15"we're still talking about shit.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20"Would you look at me now. Available for kissing."
0:19:23 > 0:19:26And suddenly he said it. I thought, "Huh, what?
0:19:26 > 0:19:29"We were just in the sewage system and now this?!"
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Yeah, it was in a gondola.
0:19:31 > 0:19:38- Bear, when you proposed to your wife, had you planned that?- Vaguely.
0:19:38 > 0:19:43I proposed skinny dipping off a beach in Spain,
0:19:43 > 0:19:46but it was a freezing cold Monday morning in winter in Spain
0:19:46 > 0:19:50and we'd be skinny dipping and I thought, this is it.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52For a man, that's the moment.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Girls get nervous for the wedding, for men,
0:19:54 > 0:19:57the big thing is actually when you propose.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00From then on, you're done. Do you know what I mean? The scary thing...
0:20:00 > 0:20:01Wow.
0:20:03 > 0:20:04Bit too much honesty there, Bear.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08- Reel it in! - You are so not done there.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11- So not done.- Done emotionally. This is a big thing.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13So, I was pretty nervous.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15I was kneeling on the beach.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18I came out of the waves, big old Atlantic rolling behind.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20I thought, "This is it." Ring in hand...
0:20:20 > 0:20:22I thought, "Ah..."
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Then a huge wave went crash!
0:20:24 > 0:20:28And just took me like tumbleweed out on the beach.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29I was pulling sand out of everywhere.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- Did you still have the ring? - I was thinking that.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34I gave it a second go.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36I think, by this stage, she was saying,
0:20:36 > 0:20:38"What are you doing? Why do you keep kneeling?"
0:20:38 > 0:20:41So, you were naked on the beach, freezing?
0:20:41 > 0:20:45- Freezing.- I'm sure she was like, "Um..."- I had to give a pre stretch.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Best foot forward, and all of that, Graham.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Maybe she had a similar experience to me with, you know, the worm.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00It was winter, it was very cold.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01She's a brave lady.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04I'd be like, "You go. I'll be here with my blanket."
0:21:04 > 0:21:07In the end, I think she felt sorry for me.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09The question that story begs, I feel,
0:21:09 > 0:21:12is "Where was the ring?"
0:21:12 > 0:21:14You're right.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17I had it firmly in my hand.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Even the whole time, when you were swimming?
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- Prepared.- What does that mean?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- I know!- What are you getting at?
0:21:25 > 0:21:29You'd really love me to say I had it secreted between my butt cheeks.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31I don't know! Is that where it was?
0:21:31 > 0:21:33- Yes.- Oh!
0:21:33 > 0:21:35No! No! In my hand!
0:21:36 > 0:21:38- Oh, dear.- How romantic(!)
0:21:38 > 0:21:40That is lovely.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43"Will you marry me?!"
0:21:46 > 0:21:48"It's warm."
0:21:49 > 0:21:51"I offer you my ring."
0:21:56 > 0:21:57Sorry.
0:21:59 > 0:22:00I'm actually quite upset.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- It's spoiling what was quite a romantic...- Is it?
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07I've suddenly become crude.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10I'm laughing so hard my cheeks are numb.
0:22:10 > 0:22:11Kirsten is a bit shocked.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- We've shocked Kirsten. - It's very different in America.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18- AMERICAN ACCENT:- Isn't it, though?
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Now, Bear Grylls, new show called The Island with Bear Grylls,
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Monday nights on Channel 4.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26It's 13 men surviving on an island.
0:22:26 > 0:22:27It is.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30It's an experiment of what's modern man really made of?
0:22:30 > 0:22:33If you take everything that we take for granted away from us,
0:22:33 > 0:22:35like mobiles and computers,
0:22:35 > 0:22:38and put people back on an island with nothing,
0:22:38 > 0:22:41no camera teams even, what happens?
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Are we still... Have we still got that resourcefulness
0:22:44 > 0:22:46and that ability to look after ourselves
0:22:46 > 0:22:50or have we lost generations of those skills in one generation?
0:22:50 > 0:22:54We've got a taste. This is a taste of next Monday's episode,
0:22:54 > 0:22:55which is episode three.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59I want to find out what happens if you strip man of all the luxuries
0:22:59 > 0:23:01and the conveniences of modern living
0:23:01 > 0:23:05and then force them to fight for their very existence.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Brian, do you see everyone working here?
0:23:07 > 0:23:11You've been walking around in a dream this morning and not doing any work.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13I'm trying my hardest, I really am.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15I'm really sorry, buddy.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- Don't be like that. - But we're carrying you.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20- I know you are. - It's driving me bonkers.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27I can't do it, Dan. I've got to go.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29I need to get off the island. I've got no use.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Everyone is carrying me. I'm taking up water, I'm taking up food.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Let me just go.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Wow.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37The thing is, you see...
0:23:39 > 0:23:40You see what people are made of
0:23:40 > 0:23:43when you put them in that sort of environment.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46I think lots of people talk a good story - "I'll be a great survivor" -
0:23:46 > 0:23:48and we watch films and we're used to the blueprint of a hero.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51But actually, when you're stripped of everything,
0:23:51 > 0:23:53heroes are made by how they act in the big moments,
0:23:53 > 0:23:55when it's really... When you're starving.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58These guys hadn't eaten for six days at one point.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Truth is, I came away with an incredible respect
0:24:01 > 0:24:03for what a lot of these guys went through there.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06There's been a lot of stuff in the papers about,
0:24:06 > 0:24:08"Oh, you know, why have you just done men?"
0:24:08 > 0:24:12But is it because women are too bright to apply to do this show?
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Probably.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Why would you...?! It's like...
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Actually, you say that,
0:24:20 > 0:24:22something like 70% of the applicants...
0:24:22 > 0:24:24We had tens of thousands of people apply,
0:24:24 > 0:24:26which is the shocking thing in the first place,
0:24:26 > 0:24:29but the majority of them were women.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31It's funny, even though we said this was for men,
0:24:31 > 0:24:34I think women want to also, just as much as men.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36A - they want adventure.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38B - people want to test themselves,
0:24:38 > 0:24:41when they're really away from all of this.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43How do you do?
0:24:43 > 0:24:45So I'd love to do an all-women's one.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48It would be amazing to see whether there's no drama,
0:24:48 > 0:24:50whether they just quietly get on, they can multitask.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53- I think it might be... - I imagine they will.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57Surely most interesting would be the women and men together.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59- Then it becomes love on an island. - Then you've got sex.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01It was funny with the sex.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04You think you put a bunch of men on the island...
0:25:04 > 0:25:05It was a lot of bravado,
0:25:05 > 0:25:10and a lot of talk initially about masturbating and all of this...
0:25:10 > 0:25:13And then lots of crying.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17What happens is once you get really hungry, tired,
0:25:17 > 0:25:21thirsty and you feel your life is on the line more,
0:25:21 > 0:25:24your body prioritises and an erection is...
0:25:24 > 0:25:27That's a... That's... What do you call it?
0:25:27 > 0:25:30- I don't know, what do you call it? - Exactly.- What? What?!
0:25:30 > 0:25:34- It's a wasteful use of vital energy. - Wow.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Right, like athletes don't do that.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38So, their sex drives just plummeted, cos your body...
0:25:38 > 0:25:40You need food and water
0:25:40 > 0:25:42and I don't need an erection any more.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Did they get paid to be on the show?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46They did get paid.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49They got paid the equivalent of the salary they were missing at home.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53All of them wanted to be there to test themselves, ultimately.
0:25:53 > 0:25:54Now, listen,
0:25:54 > 0:25:58no-one is going to accuse you of being sexist with your book
0:25:58 > 0:26:00called Train For It. It's out on 5th June, I believe.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Basically, you've got Bear...
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Look at that cover! If you don't mind me saying.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06- I know!- It's slightly embarrassing to see that.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09- I slightly wince, if I'm honest. - Why?
0:26:09 > 0:26:12You must have noticed the photographer in front of you.
0:26:12 > 0:26:17All the push-ups you did just before it, were you aware of those?
0:26:17 > 0:26:20And what's slightly depressing,
0:26:20 > 0:26:24we would assume that someone like you
0:26:24 > 0:26:27who is constantly climbing, jumping and swinging off things
0:26:27 > 0:26:30and not eating very much would be fit,
0:26:30 > 0:26:34and yet, you're still having to lift bloody kettle things.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37The truth is I need to be fit for my job.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40You can't just rely on just doing it to be able to be fit.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42You need to train for it.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45That's a lot of... It's about explosive power
0:26:45 > 0:26:47and dynamic functional movement.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49For me, it really helps when I'm climbing,
0:26:49 > 0:26:51or shimmying up vines...
0:26:51 > 0:26:53And good for dance moves, as well.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56- And good for dance moves. - YMCA right there.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58This, ladies and gentleman...
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Seriously, this is bloody impressive.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Look at that.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04Yes!
0:27:04 > 0:27:07- That's a yoga thing, isn't it? - I could get you doing that.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10- You could do that. - That's actually not that hard.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12You rest on your elbows, right? I'm not going to do it in this dress.
0:27:12 > 0:27:16- If I had jeans on, I would do it. - I'll get Graham to do it.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21I will be amazed if I can do this.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- Just have a sip of your wine. - Put your hands down.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26I can't even do that.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Knees on the outside of your elbows.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Take your jacket off. OK, maybe not.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Then we're leaning forward.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Then we put our weight on our hands.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39- You're doing it!- Yes!
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Wow.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50I don't need this. I've done it.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Frankly, look at that front cover...
0:27:52 > 0:27:54- That's me.- That is impressive.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Much more impressive than of all of that,
0:27:56 > 0:27:59cos that is Bear hanging a massive weight
0:27:59 > 0:28:01on his needless, pointless erection.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08That's a wasteful expenditure of energy.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11Bear, do you know what you are?
0:28:11 > 0:28:13You're unstoppable. Yeah.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Just like my next guest.
0:28:17 > 0:28:19Yes, she captured the hearts of a continent
0:28:19 > 0:28:22when she won the Eurovision Song Contest last weekend.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24Here's a reminder of how she did it.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27# Rise like a Phoenix
0:28:27 > 0:28:30# Out of the ashes
0:28:30 > 0:28:33# Seeking love and vengeance
0:28:33 > 0:28:37# Retribution, you were one
0:28:37 > 0:28:40# Once I'm transformed
0:28:40 > 0:28:43# Once I'm reborn
0:28:43 > 0:28:47# You know I will rise like a Phoenix
0:28:49 > 0:28:54# But you're my home. #
0:28:56 > 0:28:59Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Conchita Wurst!
0:29:05 > 0:29:07Oh, hello!
0:29:09 > 0:29:11Come and sit down. That's Kirsten...
0:29:11 > 0:29:13Dawn...
0:29:13 > 0:29:14Bear...
0:29:14 > 0:29:17Oh! Conchita Wurst, everybody!
0:29:19 > 0:29:20Thank you.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23- So, this is it?- Yeah. - This is the proper trophy?
0:29:23 > 0:29:25I've only ever seen it from a distance.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28- Wow. Is it one you get to keep?- Yes, I do.
0:29:28 > 0:29:32I know it's a bit embarrassing, but I carry it along all the way.
0:29:32 > 0:29:35- Was that in your hand luggage today? - Yes.
0:29:35 > 0:29:38- Is it glass or plastic?- Glass.
0:29:38 > 0:29:40- You don't want to drop that.- No.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42- Congratulations, Conchita. - Thank you.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44Such a popular win on the night.
0:29:44 > 0:29:47- Everyone was so happy. - I cried the whole time.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49I don't blame you. I was crying. We were all crying.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52All the commentators were in the hall after going...
0:29:52 > 0:29:54- CRYING:- "Oh, it was so good, it was so good."
0:29:54 > 0:29:56Everyone has been tweeting about you.
0:29:56 > 0:30:00- Cher was tweeting about you.- Yes. - That's so cool.- Yes, it is.
0:30:00 > 0:30:06I was like, "Are you serious? You mean like Cher, Cher?"
0:30:06 > 0:30:10You're the rightful heir to the Cher throne, I think.
0:30:10 > 0:30:11- Oh.- Yeah.
0:30:11 > 0:30:17You know, actually, I was very excited about this tweet
0:30:17 > 0:30:19because she gave me two advice.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21She said, "Darling..."
0:30:21 > 0:30:23Well, she didn't write darling, but in my mind, she said it.
0:30:28 > 0:30:31APPLAUSE
0:30:33 > 0:30:39She tweeted, "Darling, you deserve a lovelier name and a better wig."
0:30:40 > 0:30:43- Oh, my God. - My hairstylist was quite pissed.
0:30:43 > 0:30:45- Well you chose Conchita, right?- Yes.
0:30:45 > 0:30:46Yeah, so that's...
0:30:46 > 0:30:49Because I thought my hair was quite nice.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51- It looks beautiful.- Thank you.
0:30:51 > 0:30:53Mind you, if anyone knows wigs, it's Cher.
0:30:53 > 0:30:56- You have to listen to her wig advice.- I know, I know.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58She's all over that wig thing.
0:30:58 > 0:31:01Apparently, some flowers were waiting for you
0:31:01 > 0:31:02- in the dressing room.- Yes...
0:31:02 > 0:31:05- Tell the people who sent you flowers.- Well, I got flowers
0:31:05 > 0:31:06in my dressing room, and the card said,
0:31:06 > 0:31:10"We love you, Elton and David."
0:31:10 > 0:31:12- Oh, my God!- Yes.
0:31:12 > 0:31:13He didn't get any flowers!
0:31:17 > 0:31:20Listen, let's talk about the beard because, to my mind,
0:31:20 > 0:31:22in this country, there's a legacy
0:31:22 > 0:31:28of mainstream entertainers, from Danny LaRue, Dame Edna, Lily Savage,
0:31:28 > 0:31:31but even here in Britain, people are a bit,
0:31:31 > 0:31:33if not freaked out,
0:31:33 > 0:31:35they are kind of confused by the beard.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37Why do you think the beard is such a big deal?
0:31:37 > 0:31:41Actually, I don't really... Well, I know it is something
0:31:41 > 0:31:43that you don't see every day,
0:31:43 > 0:31:46but I created this bearded lady to show everybody...
0:31:46 > 0:31:49It is so cheesy, but you've just got one life,
0:31:49 > 0:31:50and you better make it fabulous.
0:31:50 > 0:31:52That is just my own truth.
0:31:52 > 0:31:54I feel this stage persona,
0:31:54 > 0:31:58and I felt more comfortable on stage.
0:31:58 > 0:32:02Besides that, I am a member of the gay community,
0:32:02 > 0:32:03and our stories are similar,
0:32:03 > 0:32:06and being a teenager in this small village
0:32:06 > 0:32:08wasn't the most fun thing on earth.
0:32:08 > 0:32:11So, over the years, I tried to fit in,
0:32:11 > 0:32:14and I changed myself in every way you can imagine.
0:32:14 > 0:32:16I just wanted to be part of the game.
0:32:16 > 0:32:20Then I realised, "Well, I create the game."
0:32:20 > 0:32:23- Yeah. Absolutely. - DAWN:- Yeah.
0:32:26 > 0:32:30Can I just say, the wonderful thing about watching you there,
0:32:30 > 0:32:34and, as you say, you don't see this every day,
0:32:34 > 0:32:36but A - it's amazingly glamorous,
0:32:36 > 0:32:39and B - you completely inhabit your skin so beautifully.
0:32:39 > 0:32:42And I think you raise so many questions,
0:32:42 > 0:32:44but you're also all of the answers.
0:32:44 > 0:32:47That is what is so great about you. There is no doubt.
0:32:50 > 0:32:55So, Conchita Wurst, you are all over the papers, all over the internet,
0:32:55 > 0:32:57so what is your plan now?
0:32:57 > 0:33:02- Have you made a plan yet?- No. - Tick tock, make a plan.
0:33:02 > 0:33:06I know! You know, our society is so fast,
0:33:06 > 0:33:09and everything is so quick.
0:33:09 > 0:33:14I want to try and sit back
0:33:14 > 0:33:17and look and watch and choose wisely.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20Do you have material for an album already?
0:33:20 > 0:33:22Was that all there, or will you have to write new songs?
0:33:22 > 0:33:24Oh, I have to make new stuff,
0:33:24 > 0:33:28because, yeah, there are some songs,
0:33:28 > 0:33:31but my goal is a Grammy,
0:33:31 > 0:33:33so these songs better be good.
0:33:33 > 0:33:34Yeah. You should ask Sia...
0:33:34 > 0:33:37- Sia writes good songs. - Yeah, I know.
0:33:37 > 0:33:39I think America...
0:33:39 > 0:33:41America is already...
0:33:41 > 0:33:44It's weird, because America doesn't really pay attention to Eurovision,
0:33:44 > 0:33:46but America has gone mad for you.
0:33:46 > 0:33:48So, if I was you, I'd just go to Heathrow and go there.
0:33:48 > 0:33:51I'm sure Elton will write you a song.
0:33:51 > 0:33:53- Yes!- I mean, come on.
0:33:53 > 0:33:54- I'll ask him.- Yeah, you should.
0:33:54 > 0:33:57Or you could represent the UK at Eurovision next year.
0:33:57 > 0:33:59- DAWN:- Yeah! Yes, please.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01Can you go back?
0:34:02 > 0:34:04Yeah, you can.
0:34:04 > 0:34:08Listen, Conchita, we are so happy that you have entered our lives,
0:34:08 > 0:34:11- and good luck for the future. - Thank you so much.
0:34:11 > 0:34:13It's music time now.
0:34:13 > 0:34:15This young man... Well, what an amazing year he's had.
0:34:15 > 0:34:17He's won both the Critics Choice BRIT Award
0:34:17 > 0:34:19and the BBC Sound of 2014 Award.
0:34:19 > 0:34:21He's since gone on to top the charts,
0:34:21 > 0:34:24and here he is with his current single Stay With Me.
0:34:24 > 0:34:26Please welcome Sam Smith!
0:34:35 > 0:34:38MUSIC: "Stay With Me" by Sam Smith
0:34:41 > 0:34:45# I guess it's true, I'm not good at a one night stand
0:34:47 > 0:34:50# But I still need love cos I'm just a man
0:34:53 > 0:34:56# These nights never seem to go to plan
0:34:58 > 0:35:00# I don't want you to leave
0:35:00 > 0:35:02# Will you hold my hand?
0:35:02 > 0:35:06# Oh, won't you stay with me?
0:35:08 > 0:35:12# Cos you're all I need
0:35:14 > 0:35:19# This ain't love, it's clear to see
0:35:19 > 0:35:23# But, darling, stay with me
0:35:27 > 0:35:29# Why am I so emotional?
0:35:32 > 0:35:33# No, it's not a good look
0:35:33 > 0:35:35# Gain some self control
0:35:37 > 0:35:42# Deep down, I know this never works
0:35:42 > 0:35:47# But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt
0:35:47 > 0:35:53# Oh, won't you stay with me?
0:35:53 > 0:35:57# Cos you're all I need
0:35:58 > 0:36:04# This ain't love, it's clear to see
0:36:04 > 0:36:08# But, darling, stay with me
0:36:09 > 0:36:14# Oh!
0:36:16 > 0:36:21# Oh, no...
0:36:21 > 0:36:25# Oh!
0:36:27 > 0:36:31# No, no
0:36:31 > 0:36:36# Oh, won't you stay with me?
0:36:37 > 0:36:41# Cos you're all I need
0:36:43 > 0:36:47# This ain't love, it's clear to see
0:36:49 > 0:36:54# But, darling, stay with me
0:36:54 > 0:36:58# Oh, won't you stay with me?
0:37:00 > 0:37:06# Cos you're all I need
0:37:06 > 0:37:11# This ain't love, it's clear to see
0:37:11 > 0:37:15# But, darling, stay with me
0:37:17 > 0:37:22# But, darling, stay with me
0:37:23 > 0:37:30# But, darling, stay...
0:37:32 > 0:37:35# With me. #
0:37:42 > 0:37:45Sam Smith, everybody! How amazing.
0:37:45 > 0:37:47That was beautiful.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50Really, seriously. Really brilliant job. Sam Smith!
0:37:50 > 0:37:53- Bear...- Hello.
0:37:53 > 0:37:56- This is Dawn.... Kirsten... - Nice to meet you.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58Beautiful, so good.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01- I've loved your song ever since I saw you on SNL.- Thank you.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04Conchita, Sam, Conchita.
0:38:04 > 0:38:06Hello! How are you?
0:38:06 > 0:38:08He's in there. He is in the mix.
0:38:08 > 0:38:13- There is your whiskey.- Yes! - It's like a dog treat to reward him.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15He was like, "I want a whiskey after I sing."
0:38:15 > 0:38:19Listen, congratulations. Huge congratulations.
0:38:19 > 0:38:23That is from the new album which isn't even out yet. 26th May.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26And that single is out on Sunday.
0:38:26 > 0:38:29Because you would not think that you could write
0:38:29 > 0:38:32a romantic song about a one night stand,
0:38:32 > 0:38:33but it's beautiful.
0:38:33 > 0:38:37It's not really romantic, it's more depressing.
0:38:37 > 0:38:41That's what I see as romantic.
0:38:42 > 0:38:45It's true. I try to see the beauty
0:38:45 > 0:38:48in something that is pretty disgusting, sometimes.
0:38:48 > 0:38:51You could always make them a nice breakfast.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54Try to cheer it up a bit. Toast, anyone?
0:38:55 > 0:38:57Here is the weird thing.
0:38:57 > 0:39:00I'm sure, to you, it doesn't feel like it has happened fast,
0:39:00 > 0:39:02but the album isn't even out yet,
0:39:02 > 0:39:06and you've already been to America, done the big shows.
0:39:06 > 0:39:10I saw Sam on SNL. I bought his song immediately.
0:39:10 > 0:39:15- Thank you.- I've been listening to it a lot. It makes me want to cry.
0:39:15 > 0:39:17My girlfriend first saw you on SNL and said,
0:39:17 > 0:39:20"You have to watch SNL now", because I always watch it later.
0:39:20 > 0:39:23She said, "This guy has an amazing voice. You have to watch it."
0:39:23 > 0:39:26- So, congratulations. You deserve it. - Amazing. Thank you.
0:39:26 > 0:39:29That was the scariest night of my life, SNL.
0:39:29 > 0:39:33- I bet.- You did it so well. - Thank you very much.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35You know what you should do next?
0:39:35 > 0:39:37Eurovision.
0:39:37 > 0:39:38I'm down.
0:39:40 > 0:39:42You are a young man, a young man.
0:39:42 > 0:39:44Do Eurovision.
0:39:44 > 0:39:46Right, before we go tonight,
0:39:46 > 0:39:48story time in the Red Chair.
0:39:48 > 0:39:51- Who's there? Hello!- Hello!
0:39:52 > 0:39:53LAUGHTER
0:39:53 > 0:39:56- What's your name? - My name is John.
0:39:56 > 0:39:58Where you from? America?
0:39:58 > 0:40:00I am from America, but I live just outside London now
0:40:00 > 0:40:04- in a little village called Claygate. - Oh, I love it! What do you do?
0:40:04 > 0:40:06I am a youth pastor in the Church of England.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08Oh, right. OK. He's proper.
0:40:08 > 0:40:10Off you go, John.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12So, when I was 11 years old,
0:40:12 > 0:40:14I was sitting in maths class, bored out of my mind,
0:40:14 > 0:40:17and I decided to see how much spit I could save up in my mouth
0:40:17 > 0:40:19in the course of the class.
0:40:19 > 0:40:22I'll just stop you there. I like John enormously.
0:40:23 > 0:40:26That is the sort of thing you did in school, didn't you?
0:40:26 > 0:40:29"I'll see how much spit I can get in my mouth."
0:40:29 > 0:40:30I love it.
0:40:30 > 0:40:33I stopped swallowing, and I realised...
0:40:33 > 0:40:36I didn't take long, about five minutes in,
0:40:36 > 0:40:37my cheeks were bulging.
0:40:37 > 0:40:41I thought, "I have an enormous amount of spit in my mouth",
0:40:41 > 0:40:45and I was just sitting in class, and I thought,
0:40:45 > 0:40:47"This is too disgusting to swallow."
0:40:47 > 0:40:49I was overwhelmed by it.
0:40:49 > 0:40:52Out of nowhere, this powerful sneeze comes on.
0:40:54 > 0:40:57Spit coming way out of my mouth, hits the person next to me,
0:40:57 > 0:41:00all over the floor, and the teacher stops teaching,
0:41:00 > 0:41:02says, "John, that is nasty!"
0:41:02 > 0:41:04I have to get a mop bucket, I'm mopping up my own spit.
0:41:04 > 0:41:07And looking out, there's just a classroom of girls
0:41:07 > 0:41:10with this disgusted look on their face.
0:41:10 > 0:41:12That was it.
0:41:15 > 0:41:16- You can walk.- Yeah.
0:41:20 > 0:41:23To be frank, I'm not sure there was much of a choice.
0:41:27 > 0:41:30- Just saying. - Sorry. I'm like, "Don't make him!"
0:41:31 > 0:41:33- It is a funny story.- It was.
0:41:33 > 0:41:36It had no end. I feel he should work on an ending to the story
0:41:36 > 0:41:39and it could do him for the rest of his life.
0:41:39 > 0:41:41That's his story. One more.
0:41:41 > 0:41:46- Hello?- Hi. I'm Josh. - Where are you from?- Brixton.
0:41:46 > 0:41:49- What do you do?- I'm a tree surgeon.
0:41:49 > 0:41:51Tree surgeon, everyone.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54You can never find one when you need one, but here he is.
0:41:54 > 0:41:57You will get work out of this.
0:41:57 > 0:41:58Good with wood.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00Yes!
0:42:00 > 0:42:03That can be on the side of his van.
0:42:03 > 0:42:06You must have to travel to be a tree surgeon.
0:42:06 > 0:42:08There are trees in London...
0:42:08 > 0:42:10I've seen them.
0:42:14 > 0:42:16There are trees in London, Conchita.
0:42:18 > 0:42:21Josh is your man if you need any surgery on a tree.
0:42:21 > 0:42:24OK, John. Off you go with your story. Josh. Whatever your name is.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27When I was a forester, I was living in Devon,
0:42:27 > 0:42:31and we were cutting trees down and they were
0:42:31 > 0:42:34falling and there was this one that didn't quite fall down,
0:42:34 > 0:42:36and we forgot about it and carried on,
0:42:36 > 0:42:39and we said, "Right, let's have some lunch."
0:42:39 > 0:42:42We sat down, eating lunch, chatting away,
0:42:42 > 0:42:45and suddenly everybody gets up and starts running past me.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47I'm like, "What's happening?"
0:42:47 > 0:42:51Suddenly, I turn round, and this tree is coming down on top of me
0:42:51 > 0:42:53and I moved out the way and rolled,
0:42:53 > 0:42:56and literally by inches, it landed by the side of me,
0:42:56 > 0:42:59and I lost my lunch.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09It had the makings of a good story but it wasn't enough.
0:43:09 > 0:43:11Bear was liking it, though.
0:43:11 > 0:43:15It was a near death incident. By that much.
0:43:15 > 0:43:19- If it was two inches to the right... - And he lost his lunch.
0:43:19 > 0:43:21Well done, everyone.
0:43:21 > 0:43:24If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go in the Red Chair,
0:43:24 > 0:43:27you can contact us via our website at this address...
0:43:27 > 0:43:29Thank you to my guests tonight.
0:43:29 > 0:43:32Sam Smith, everybody!
0:43:32 > 0:43:34Bear Grylls!
0:43:34 > 0:43:37Dawn French!
0:43:37 > 0:43:40Kirsten Dunst!
0:43:40 > 0:43:43And the one and only Conchita Wurst!
0:43:44 > 0:43:47Join me next week with Hollywood stars Jonah Hill
0:43:47 > 0:43:49and Channing Tatum, musical maestro Pharrell Williams,
0:43:49 > 0:43:54and, in a rare appearance, the one and only Dame Julie Andrews.
0:43:54 > 0:43:56I'll see you then! Goodnight! Goodbye!