0:00:02 > 0:00:04FORREST GUMP THEME
0:00:14 > 0:00:19My mammy always said chat shows are like a box of chocolates.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22You never know what guest you're going to get it.
0:00:22 > 0:00:27- I've got stars from America! - USA! USA! USA!
0:00:27 > 0:00:29And stars from Britain.
0:00:29 > 0:00:30Hello.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Hi.
0:00:34 > 0:00:35How are you doing, Graham?
0:00:35 > 0:00:38I'm good. Little help here, please.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44- Is that the time? You've lost weight.- Daniel!
0:00:44 > 0:00:48Let's start the sh-o-o-ow!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Oh! Oh!
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Oh, thank you, thank you.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13Thank you, that is so kind of you. Really, no, too kind. Too kind.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Welcome, all.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17That was a look back at some of my favourite opens
0:01:17 > 0:01:20from the series. What a series it's been.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22So many extraordinary guests on the sofa,
0:01:22 > 0:01:25and how happy was I to see this face?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Miriam, you didn't...
0:01:27 > 0:01:29I'm guessing you don't sugar-coat things.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32- Do you get starstruck at all? - I do sometimes. I do sometimes.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36I remember when I was young, and I met Laurence Olivier...
0:01:36 > 0:01:41- Wow.- I used to collect autographs at the stage door, you know.
0:01:41 > 0:01:42And he came out,
0:01:42 > 0:01:46and I remember so distinctly
0:01:46 > 0:01:48that I started to cream in my knickers.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50I could feel it.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52I could actually...
0:01:52 > 0:01:55I went all funny. But it's true.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57AUDIENCE GASP IN SHOCK
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- It's true. You know what I mean? - I know exactly what you mean.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02LAUGHTER
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Wherever we thought that story was going...
0:02:07 > 0:02:11I honestly don't think I've ever been more uncomfortable in my life.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21I think that's the worst moment of my life.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- Oh, dear.- It can only get better.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Well, that's a lovely story, Miriam.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31LAUGHTER
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Thank you for sharing. I think that's in the compilation.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36That's... That's great.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Have you been at the Oscars?
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- Where you going to say have you got an Oscar?- Yes, have you, David?
0:02:43 > 0:02:46I think so, I'm not sure. Have to check when I get home.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49What is the theme of this show, if you don't have one?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51I've probably got one.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Cos it looks like they're pretty easy to get, David, you know?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- Have you been, though? Have you been?- Of course I haven't been.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- Why would I go to the Oscars? - It's great, isn't it?- It is.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06You get all that great free stuff. You get to chat with Jane Fonda.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09I've got to tell you. Whatever... Even if you just win
0:03:09 > 0:03:11for a short film, they treat you...
0:03:13 > 0:03:16- Did you get the gift basket with all the goodies?- It's fantastic!
0:03:16 > 0:03:18It's actually before I was born that you were there.
0:03:20 > 0:03:221995?!
0:03:23 > 0:03:28We were booked... We were booked on economy to come back to London
0:03:28 > 0:03:30because obviously we'd done it off our own back,
0:03:30 > 0:03:33and I thought if I turn up at the airport,
0:03:33 > 0:03:38at Los Angeles Airport, and place my Oscar, surely I'll get upgraded.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40I didn't.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43And we were put in economy. It was great.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Everybody in economy held up the Oscar.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48It was like a night at the opera, you know?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51It was like all the people in the Titanic underneath.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54All the poor people waving an Oscar. It was great.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58We've enjoyed the Oscar chat, but let's put that away, shall we?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Have you ever won anything?
0:04:06 > 0:04:08I did, yeah.
0:04:08 > 0:04:13The people coming up to you now... They're Americans.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Well, Americans, they're not shy, Americans.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Well, no.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21But I don't go anywhere, really,
0:04:21 > 0:04:23where they can get at me.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35It's usually in museums and art galleries and things,
0:04:35 > 0:04:37so that limits things.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40I keep away from there.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43And Harrods I don't go near.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45So, are you in a way glad that Downton's over?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Oh, yeah.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49AUDIENCE GASP
0:04:49 > 0:04:51No, I really am.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53No, because, honestly, she was about...
0:04:53 > 0:04:56By the time we finished, she must've been 110.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00So I couldn't go on and on and on. I couldn't!
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Because it didn't make sense.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Have you ever watched Downton?
0:05:07 > 0:05:09LAUGHTER
0:05:14 > 0:05:15I've got the box set.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17LAUGHTER
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Now, the thing is,
0:05:24 > 0:05:27it's so unusual to have two such young Oscar winners.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29You know, it isn't normally something that happens.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- That's why we're friends.- Yeah. You're part of an elite club.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35But the other thing you share is quite short-lived
0:05:35 > 0:05:36careers in modelling.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Oh, I thought you just said "Short-lived careers!"
0:05:39 > 0:05:41I was, like... I was like, "Oh! Oh..."
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Happy New Year!
0:05:46 > 0:05:47So... Now, what was your big break?
0:05:47 > 0:05:51- Was it Vogue, Esquire? - Where are we going with this?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53I think all of the above.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Talk about the modelling. Talk about it!
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- Or was it in fact... Actually... - Want me to talk about my modelling?
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- I think he's a about talk about my modelling.- No, because...
0:06:02 > 0:06:06- Because look at these. It's hard to make a jumper sexy.- True that.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10But I think he's managed it.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Has wool... Has wool ever looked hotter?
0:06:18 > 0:06:22- I mean, seriously...- Here's the thing. Your sweater has eyeballs.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28That was a high point. I think you can actually still buy that.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32The point of that is you can learn to knit it yourself.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36- So you guys can take one of those home and knit it for yourself.- What?
0:06:36 > 0:06:40So I can buy the sweater, and then I have to do it myself?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42- Cos you...- You don't have my pictures.- No, I don't.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- And I'll tell you why.- Yes, tell us why. Really amazing job to get.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- I was an Abercrombie model. - Get in!
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Abercrombie and Fitch, ladies and gentlemen.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Don't make your hoots, wait till we get to the story.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55So, my pictures never came out.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58I did a whole campaign and the pictures never came out,
0:06:58 > 0:07:01and I didn't know why. And my agent wrote and asked why.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04And they literally only responded with the photos.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06LAUGHTER
0:07:06 > 0:07:10Because... Their whole idea was, like, "We want real people."
0:07:10 > 0:07:13So they got... I don't know, we were on a beach.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16And then they threw us a football. They were, like, "Play football!"
0:07:16 > 0:07:18And all the other models were,
0:07:18 > 0:07:22like, playing football in a pretty way, you know, like. Not me.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27I was... All of the photos, I've got a red face, covered in sweat.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29My nostrils are flared, and I'm, like, "YAH!"
0:07:31 > 0:07:35At one point, a girl yelled, "Just get her away from me!"
0:07:38 > 0:07:39So...
0:07:39 > 0:07:43APPLAUSE THEY TALK INAUDIBLY
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Obviously, everyone's very excited that Matt Damon is here.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49But, in certain parts of the audience,
0:07:49 > 0:07:52and the audience at home, there might be some disappointment
0:07:52 > 0:07:56because people were perhaps hoping that they would be seeing
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Matt Damon and his ponytail.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04It caused quite the sensation this summer, the ponytail,
0:08:04 > 0:08:08- Matt Damon's ponytail. When did it go?- I had it...
0:08:08 > 0:08:12I did a movie in China, and so I was there for about five months
0:08:12 > 0:08:14with that...with that thing.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17And then we did a press conference at the very end...
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- Was it real? - No, it was hair extensions.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Because Matt Damon's ponytail,
0:08:22 > 0:08:25it ended up with its own Twitter account, did you know that?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28- I didn't know that. - It had its own Twitter account.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30But also people, you know,
0:08:30 > 0:08:34people really appreciated that ponytail on Twitter.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36We found some of the tweets that people did.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44LAUGHTER
0:08:44 > 0:08:46They get worse.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57This one. This one's quite extreme.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- So, never put it in a topknot. - No, I will never do that.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09And who knows what this last one means.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Wow. Wow.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22She's really thought it through.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24A lady sandwich.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26That's a charming thing.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30I just like the use of the word 'steer'.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Left a bit. Right a bit.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35That's it, you got it now.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- Trained sheepdogs to steer. - HE WHISTLES
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- Holding setting. Holding setting. - Docking. Docking.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45LAUGHTER
0:09:45 > 0:09:47And, of course, Ryan married beautiful Blake,
0:09:47 > 0:09:49sexiest man in the world, all these things.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- And, yet...- She is the sexiest man in the world.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- You've done well there.- That's a good shot right there. Look at you!
0:09:55 > 0:09:58- Look at you.- Beautiful and happy.
0:09:58 > 0:09:59So annoying.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05No, but, when you started being interested in girls,
0:10:05 > 0:10:10- you weren't that cool or smooth with it.- No, not at all.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14- I don't believe it!- No, I went through puberty at, like, 27.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16It was a freak thing.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18It was not good.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Who was the girl at school, the first girl?
0:10:21 > 0:10:26The first, I was obsessed with this girl, Fiona Gorchinsky.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30Mm. Yeah!
0:10:30 > 0:10:35She used to actually take the bus the opposite way of my actual home.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39And I would get on the bus just to sit next to her for 45 minutes
0:10:39 > 0:10:42- the wrong way.- There's something wonderful about that.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43And moronic.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48I love it when you're young, it's so cute.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50When you're older, it's just stalking.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53You're on some kind of watch list.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57But I remember, I couldn't have been more than 11 years old.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00And I was just about to get off the bus cos enough is enough,
0:11:00 > 0:11:03I'm about to enter Seattle, or something.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04I'm starting to get off the bus,
0:11:04 > 0:11:08and I decided to hit her with this cool look or something.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Like one of these Don Johnson Miami Vice, things. It's sort of like...
0:11:12 > 0:11:13Let me feel it.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19- Right? You feel that?- Yeah, I threw up in my mouth a little.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23But I do this move as I'm getting off the bus.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25And I sort of delay a little too long,
0:11:25 > 0:11:28and the bus doors close on my backpack.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30On my backpack.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32And the bus just starts to leave.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35And I'm sort of like, doing this...
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Banging on the side of the bus.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39The bus driver finally stops, opens the door,
0:11:39 > 0:11:42releases my idiot backpack.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46- And I could never look at her again. - Aw...
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Well, she's looking at you now.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50She sure is. Sure is.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54Nicole Kidman, you had an adorable name when you were little,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56a sort of pet name.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58LAUGHTER
0:11:58 > 0:11:59Unless I'm wrong.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03If I'm wrong... Weren't you called... I don't know how you...
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Is it Hokulani?
0:12:05 > 0:12:08No, that's not my pet name, that's my Hawaiian name.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Do forgive me!
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Because I was born in Hawaii.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17So, does everyone get a Hawaiian name if you're born in Hawaii?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19- No, but I did.- OK.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24- Hokulani.- What does it mean?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26It means Heavenly Star.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28APPLAUSE
0:12:31 > 0:12:34But... But... Slightly undermines it
0:12:34 > 0:12:36when you explain where your parents got the name.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39From the Honolulu Zoo.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43The baby elephant that was born at the same time as me
0:12:43 > 0:12:45was called Hokulani.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Actually, so, in fact, we read about it, we Googled it.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52This is a picture of Hokulani the elephant.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54- AUDIENCE:- Aw! - See?
0:12:54 > 0:12:56See the similarity? My twin!
0:12:58 > 0:13:00It's The Hours' nose there.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03No, stop that now.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06That isn't what I meant. We were in the office, and...
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Elephants live. Elephants live. And we thought, "Oh, I wonder..."
0:13:09 > 0:13:13- That's amazing, I want a copy of that.- Is that really...?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Wouldn't it be amazing if we had Hokulani out the back?
0:13:17 > 0:13:18We e-mailed Honolulu Zoo,
0:13:18 > 0:13:21and said, "Remember Hokulani? What happened to Hokulani?"
0:13:21 > 0:13:24And very kindly, someone, I think her name's Barbara,
0:13:24 > 0:13:26she found time to e-mail back.
0:13:26 > 0:13:32- "Hello-ha..." Cos that's what you say.- No, it's not "hello-ha".
0:13:33 > 0:13:35- What is it?- It is aloha.
0:13:35 > 0:13:36Aloha...
0:13:36 > 0:13:41- Hokulani.- Hokulani.- Hokulani.
0:13:41 > 0:13:42Barbara writes....
0:13:48 > 0:13:531970? You would think, busy, busy, busy, running a zoo,
0:13:53 > 0:13:56I'll stop my e-mail there. That's all they wanted to know. No.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57Barbara continues.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06- It goes on!- This is awful, why are you telling me this?
0:14:07 > 0:14:11This was in 1970, and Barbara remembers it like it was yesterday.
0:14:13 > 0:14:14"She was found in the moat.."
0:14:14 > 0:14:19"It was speculated that she was pushed in by another young elephant,
0:14:19 > 0:14:22"jealous of the mothering attention she was receiving
0:14:22 > 0:14:23"from an older female.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26"I wish there was a more warm and fuzzy angle to this story.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29"Good luck with your interview."
0:14:29 > 0:14:31- It does not!- It does!
0:14:34 > 0:14:35That's incredible.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41The weird thing is, Ice Cube, we could be related. Because...
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- Apparently, there's some Irish stock in your past?- No.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53- I mean, there could be, you never know.- But you have an Irish name?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Do I!?
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- O'Shea.- O'Shea is an Irish name. - It couldn't be more Irish.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Has no-one told you that until now?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03I've been told.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07But, you know, I think my mother just liked the name.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- OK. Is it your Christian name? - It's my... I think!
0:15:10 > 0:15:12LAUGHTER
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Let me educate you with something, black people are notorious
0:15:15 > 0:15:19for picking things they saw one day and say, "That's my baby name."
0:15:19 > 0:15:22LAUGHTER
0:15:22 > 0:15:24That's all it was, Graham. There's nothing...
0:15:24 > 0:15:27There's no amazing story behind it.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31We would love to tell you, yes, it came from my Irish forefather...
0:15:31 > 0:15:32That's not the case.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35His mother was reading the paper, she was eating some cereal,
0:15:35 > 0:15:37somebody in the back said, "O'Shea."
0:15:37 > 0:15:40She said, "That would be a good name for my baby."
0:15:41 > 0:15:43That's how it happened.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:15:48 > 0:15:50So, when you tour, do you still do the thing
0:15:50 > 0:15:53of booking hotels under ridiculous names?
0:15:53 > 0:15:54Yes, I do.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Tell us some of the names you have chosen over the years.
0:15:57 > 0:15:58Um... Oh...
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Sir Binky Poodleclip.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02LAUGHTER
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Um... There was one called Fanny Beaver Snatchclit.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08LAUGHTER
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Which the hotel operator wouldn't use.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13And Sir Horace Pussy.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18In Las Vegas, because I am at Caesars, I am Judas Fart.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20- "D'you just fart?"- No, I didn't.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22LAUGHTER
0:16:25 > 0:16:27I get it.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Does Horace Pussy mean something when you put it all together?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- Sir Horace Pussy?- Yeah. - It doesn't mean anything.
0:16:35 > 0:16:36Well, "JudasFart".
0:16:36 > 0:16:39I thought, "SirHoracePussy".
0:16:39 > 0:16:41My mother had to ring and ask for Sir Horace Pussy.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44"I can't believe you asked me to ring Sir Horace Pussy."
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Did she do it?
0:16:47 > 0:16:48She did. Yeah.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50There was one in the Ritz Hotel in Paris,
0:16:50 > 0:16:54where they had special stationery made out.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56So... Yes, it's fun.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58When you go on the road, it's so boring,
0:16:58 > 0:17:01you have to do something to make yourself cheerful.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- So, every time they ring... - I was the Marquis of Minge.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06LAUGHTER
0:17:09 > 0:17:12It said, for the visit of the Marquis of Minge.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13I've still got it.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16They made the writing paper up.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19You are the real deal.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Growing up, you were the jock,
0:17:21 > 0:17:23the sportsman, all of that.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27But I have to say, you are on the couch with nerd central.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29What?
0:17:29 > 0:17:31- Well, no. - Well, yeah.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Tina Fey, you do a lot of material about growing up a nerd,
0:17:33 > 0:17:35- but you really were a nerd? - I really was, yeah.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37We have photographic evidence.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39There we go. This will prove it.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41AUDIENCE: OH!
0:17:41 > 0:17:45That haircut was done by folding my face in half and cutting around.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47LAUGHTER
0:17:47 > 0:17:50The worst haircut of all time!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52The guy from Spinal Tap.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Who did it?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55My mom used to take me to a haircutting school,
0:17:55 > 0:17:59because you could get, literally, a 2 haircut.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01You were the guinea pig?
0:18:01 > 0:18:05The sign outside the school said London, Paris, Upper Darby.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13You've talked about your late blossoming, your sexual awakening...
0:18:13 > 0:18:18Thank you for bringing that up. I wanted to make sure everybody knew.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Yah, I was a late starter.
0:18:20 > 0:18:25For sure, I probably didn't see a penis until I was at least 20,
0:18:25 > 0:18:28and that was probably in medical journals.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32Didn't see, like, a healthy penis, until well into my late 20s.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34LAUGHTER
0:18:34 > 0:18:38"Oh, it's not mottled, it's fine."
0:18:40 > 0:18:42"Oh!"
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Oh, oh, oh! It's still horrible looking.
0:18:48 > 0:18:49But then...
0:18:49 > 0:18:53This is so weird to be talking to somebody about, but you...
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Look at my body language.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58You did develop physically quite early?
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Again, thank you!
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- Yes, I did. You must have read, this is Bossypants.- Yeah, yeah.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08I was wearing... Bless my heart.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12That haircut and a bra, and my mom taking me to JCPenney
0:19:12 > 0:19:16and trying a bra on over my clothes, in the middle of JCPenney.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20Just being, "No! No, Mommy! NO!"
0:19:20 > 0:19:24There is no turning back.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26That was, like, ten.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28BOTH: Ten!?
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Literally at the same time, 1980,
0:19:30 > 0:19:34the same time Kurt was scaring men on the streets of St Louis.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Smash cut to JCPenney. Me going, "No, Mommy, no!"
0:19:40 > 0:19:42I have to ask you, David,
0:19:42 > 0:19:45because we are in the midst of the Star Wars stuff.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Star Wars, big fan?
0:19:46 > 0:19:47Of course.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51When I was ten years old, I mean...Princess Leia was always,
0:19:51 > 0:19:53for me... You know?
0:19:53 > 0:19:54What can I say?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56CHEERING
0:19:56 > 0:19:57How many times a day?
0:20:00 > 0:20:03I said ten years old! Come on!
0:20:03 > 0:20:06There were three films. Three films!
0:20:06 > 0:20:09But your boys went to see the premiere?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12They both came back, and were raving about it...
0:20:12 > 0:20:15said it was really incredible. So they had a good time.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Hey! You know what would make your kids really jealous?
0:20:17 > 0:20:18What's that?
0:20:18 > 0:20:22If you pose, with a light sabre, with Fin.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24That would actually make them very jealous.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Do it! I've got one in Manchester United red.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Where is it? I really do.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Where is the blue one? OK, there is the blue one.
0:20:32 > 0:20:37Actually, because you are in the new King Arthur film?
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- I am, just a small part. - Have you done some sword training?
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- I have done some sword training. - Because...
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Oh, look at him! Look at this.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49AUDIENCE LAUGHTER
0:20:49 > 0:20:51OK. You get that to work.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53I'm moving well out of the way.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Yeah, can we not kill Kylie? That's all I ask.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Very kind.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02Basically, to turn this on, you push... Push that thing.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06That one, up. OK?
0:21:06 > 0:21:07Oh!
0:21:07 > 0:21:08AUDIENCE: Whoa!
0:21:08 > 0:21:10- You've gone off. - David Beckham!
0:21:10 > 0:21:12- You've gone off! - You have met your match.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15ALL: OH!
0:21:20 > 0:21:23I just wanted to meet you, mate.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25LAUGHTER
0:21:25 > 0:21:27CHEERING AND WHISTLING
0:21:27 > 0:21:28Well done. Thank you very much.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Now, here's the thing, if people want a picture of Daniel,
0:21:35 > 0:21:39you think, I'm never going to meet Daniel Radcliffe, don't worry.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Have you seen this? You like the internet.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Have you seen this thing on Reddit?
0:21:43 > 0:21:47I have been made aware of it. Is this time travelling me?
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Yeah, the Daniel Radcliffe time traveller.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53People post old photographs and then you have to scan them
0:21:53 > 0:21:57very carefully to see if you can manage to spot
0:21:57 > 0:22:01who in the photograph looks like Daniel Radcliffe.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Can you spot Daniel Radcliffe, the time traveller, in this picture?
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Got him!
0:22:10 > 0:22:15LAUGHTER
0:22:15 > 0:22:18The next one is easier, because there are three people.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Can you see which of the three people is Daniel Radcliffe,
0:22:22 > 0:22:23time traveller?
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- It's you! - It really is.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31That is you!
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Pictures of me, particularly when I was younger... that is very,
0:22:33 > 0:22:35very close.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39If Daniel Radcliffe ever went on Who Do You Think You Are,
0:22:39 > 0:22:43at some point, surely, this photograph will come up.
0:22:44 > 0:22:48LAUGHTER
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Why were you in prison, Chris Hemsworth?
0:22:56 > 0:22:59That's the question that you start the show with?
0:23:00 > 0:23:01No, it was research.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04I did a movie about a guy. It was research.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07"I'm in for research."
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Why did I go to prison? I was researching a film.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16We had to go in and see what the inside of a prison looked like
0:23:16 > 0:23:19and speak with prisoners who were willing to talk to us.
0:23:21 > 0:23:26I walked in, and I remember thinking... and I had my ponytail,
0:23:26 > 0:23:28long blonde hair, and I had a hat on.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30LILY LAUGHS
0:23:30 > 0:23:31GENERAL LAUGHTER
0:23:31 > 0:23:33I think Lily knows where this is going!
0:23:35 > 0:23:37So, I spent the night...
0:23:37 > 0:23:41The warden said, you can't wear your hat, and so on. I said, no worries.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43I thought, "Shit! They're going to know who I am."
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Then I thought, they don't get Thor in here.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46They're not going to watch movies.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49I don't know, I've never been to prison.
0:23:49 > 0:23:50So, I assumed that.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53The moment I started walking through the cells, and it's like
0:23:53 > 0:23:56H Block of this thing. You know, it all kind of...
0:23:56 > 0:23:59You know, cell upon cell and so on.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03I just start getting heckled. "Yo, Thor is here, man."
0:24:03 > 0:24:04"Yo, Thor!"
0:24:04 > 0:24:06"Thor! Thor!"
0:24:06 > 0:24:08"Where's your hammer, man?"
0:24:09 > 0:24:12I'm trying to blend in and research.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Just getting heckled, left and right.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17"Come spend some time in my cell, baby!"
0:24:17 > 0:24:19LAUGHTER
0:24:19 > 0:24:21I've got my long hair.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22"You'll do!"
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Also, it's quite nice that we sat you beside Dawn.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30It's like being at home, sitting on the sofa.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Yes, with the hair and everything.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Well, I think I had the hair first, I have to say.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37I'm quite a lot older than his Dawn.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Dawn O'Porter, your wife.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41- Yes. - That's her, there now.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45- It is the same hair! - Now, look at us.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49- Quite similar. - It is, very similar.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52This is what you'll be looking at in another 20 years' time.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53This is it.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55I'll be on wife three by then!
0:24:55 > 0:24:57LAUGHTER
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Makes you feel so special.
0:25:01 > 0:25:06But Dawn might move on, other Dawn, because she likes meeting men,
0:25:06 > 0:25:09it seems, even in your presence, Chris?
0:25:12 > 0:25:14No... Oh, yes, she does.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17- She does! - Well, like anybody would.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19We have had a couple of things where...
0:25:21 > 0:25:23So, we met Brad Pitt, right?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26- See! - At the Baftas, I think it was.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30He came over and we were having a chat about something or other.
0:25:30 > 0:25:35And um... He was very nice, and I introduced him to Dawn.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37They shook hands and we kept on talking,
0:25:37 > 0:25:40and then he started talking to somebody else or whatever.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44After a while, I looked down and I realised that she was still
0:25:44 > 0:25:45holding two of his fingers.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47LAUGHTER
0:25:47 > 0:25:50I was, like, "We'd better go to our seats."
0:25:50 > 0:25:52She was like, "OK."
0:25:52 > 0:25:55And she said, "41 seconds."
0:25:55 > 0:25:57I said, "What?" "That's how long I held him for."
0:25:57 > 0:26:01LAUGHTER
0:26:01 > 0:26:06And then a couple of weeks after that, we were up for some
0:26:06 > 0:26:08kind of awards dinner.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Bradley Cooper was there. Very nice guy, very personable.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12AUDIENCE: HOO!
0:26:12 > 0:26:16Yes, a "hoo!" That's how attractive he is.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19We were leaving, she was getting her phone out of her bag.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23I noticed something sparkling in it.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26I realised that she had stolen his fork.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29LAUGHTER
0:26:29 > 0:26:33And she said that she was going to auction it for charity or something.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Every now and again, at home, I see her eating with it.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42It's kind of hard to feel like a sex symbol
0:26:42 > 0:26:45when your wife is using another man's cutlery.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51So, she only managed, with Brad Pitt, to hold onto his fingers?
0:26:51 > 0:26:52That's right.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54So, hands up, everybody here,
0:26:54 > 0:26:56who has actually been kissed on the lips by Brad Pitt.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58ALL: Ooh!!
0:27:01 > 0:27:02No, it was just in a dream.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael, obviously married...
0:27:07 > 0:27:09- 15.- 15 years.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Couples, when they've been together a long time,
0:27:11 > 0:27:14they have little rituals and ways to keep the relationship fresh.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18But you have one involving golf, is that right?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Yeah. That old... Thing.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21Yeah!
0:27:21 > 0:27:24I don't think I can handle this emotionally.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28I can kick his ass at golf, if say so.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Don't you make these bets, when you're playing golf?
0:27:30 > 0:27:35Yeah, if he duffs a shot and can't get his ball over the ladies tee,
0:27:35 > 0:27:37he has to take his pants off.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Drop 'em!
0:27:39 > 0:27:40On the pitch.
0:27:40 > 0:27:41On the pitch?!
0:27:41 > 0:27:43LAUGHTER
0:27:43 > 0:27:46You're worse than I am, even I know that!
0:27:46 > 0:27:48On the course!
0:27:48 > 0:27:52- On the course. Yeah, on the course. - It's pitch and putt.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Oh, that thing.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Crazy golf.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Expose himself in some way, yeah.
0:27:58 > 0:27:59And does he do it?
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Not just my husband, it is any man I play with.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04SHRIEKS OF LAUGHTER
0:28:06 > 0:28:09I have a question...
0:28:09 > 0:28:13NO, he doesn't have a question, he was volunteering to play golf!
0:28:13 > 0:28:17Drop them on the course? What are paparazzi doing all day?
0:28:17 > 0:28:19No, there has been an issue with paparazzi,
0:28:19 > 0:28:22but I made him go into the bushes and drop his pants.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24Oh, that's fine.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26A deal is a deal.
0:28:26 > 0:28:30Will, you and Jada, you are a Hollywood couple,
0:28:30 > 0:28:33power couple now, married 18 years.
0:28:33 > 0:28:34That's my wife.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Still interested, look at that!
0:28:37 > 0:28:39Are you looking at her boobs?
0:28:39 > 0:28:41That's not a good... That picture? Why did you do that?
0:28:43 > 0:28:45I'm looking at her like food.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49LAUGHTER
0:28:49 > 0:28:52Like I'm still breast-feeding.
0:28:56 > 0:29:01It's a good thing that's my wife!
0:29:03 > 0:29:06So, selfie, the whole selfie thing, selfies are everywhere,
0:29:06 > 0:29:08everyone takes selfies.
0:29:08 > 0:29:13There's a new sort of selfie. Are you aware of this thing, nutscaping?
0:29:13 > 0:29:15No, but I can't wait.
0:29:15 > 0:29:16No, what's that?
0:29:16 > 0:29:19- Do you know what nutscaping is? - No.- OK.
0:29:19 > 0:29:24So, what you do, you are "oot and aboot"
0:29:24 > 0:29:27and you see a wonder of nature, beautiful scenery.
0:29:27 > 0:29:31A landscape, as it were. And then you nutscape it.
0:29:31 > 0:29:32- Get your nuts out?- Yeah.
0:29:32 > 0:29:36Basically, you drop your testicles into the picture.
0:29:38 > 0:29:42So, a picture paints a thousand words.
0:29:42 > 0:29:43This is the website.
0:29:45 > 0:29:50That is it, right there. That is, essentially, it.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53Am I crazy, that's one nut?
0:29:53 > 0:29:55- That's two nuts? - Oh, two nuts!
0:29:55 > 0:29:57- They are outside.- OK.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01A lot of them... it's quite chilly.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03Look at that...
0:30:03 > 0:30:05That's not a nut, that's an eclipse!
0:30:08 > 0:30:11That's the same. Oh, look, off to the side there. That's very odd.
0:30:14 > 0:30:19- Oh, look at that little one.- Oh! - Oh!- That's not...
0:30:21 > 0:30:24- I don't know. Now, I love that. - He needs to get that checked.
0:30:28 > 0:30:30There's something wrong with that.
0:30:30 > 0:30:32Look at the shadow it's making over the...
0:30:34 > 0:30:36It's massive.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39That's amazing.
0:30:39 > 0:30:42- This is the best thing ever. - Where's my favourite one?
0:30:42 > 0:30:43Look at the hair on that one.
0:30:46 > 0:30:48Look, look, look! Look at those cows.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50"I don't know."
0:30:51 > 0:30:53"What do we know? We're cows."
0:30:53 > 0:30:55- Oh, my God, I'm crying. - Where is my favourite one?
0:30:55 > 0:30:58My favourite one is so beautiful. It's incredibly artistic.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00Check that out.
0:31:00 > 0:31:02Whoa!
0:31:02 > 0:31:04APPLAUSE
0:31:04 > 0:31:06That's your nutscape right there.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09Beautiful.
0:31:09 > 0:31:12Mark Wahlberg, you had an extraordinary gig a few months ago.
0:31:12 > 0:31:13- Oh, with the Pope?- Yeah!
0:31:13 > 0:31:16LAUGHTER
0:31:16 > 0:31:17You hosted the Pope.
0:31:19 > 0:31:22- Yes, I did. - Did the Pope recognise you?
0:31:23 > 0:31:27Erm, no, he hasn't watched television since the mid-80s.
0:31:27 > 0:31:29Except, he does love the Graham Norton Show
0:31:29 > 0:31:33and he's going to be appalled at the language.
0:31:33 > 0:31:37I already apologised for my language in the movies that I've done.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39I didn't know if he was as a movie fan or not.
0:31:39 > 0:31:42I was hugging this young boy who has an amazing voice,
0:31:42 > 0:31:44I mean, really a gift from God
0:31:44 > 0:31:46and, all of a sudden, he comes out and goes,
0:31:46 > 0:31:48"I really loved you in Ted."
0:31:48 > 0:31:49This kid was like 10, 11 years old.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52I said, "That's inappropriate for you to watch that."
0:31:52 > 0:31:54And then I had to apologise and explain myself.
0:31:54 > 0:31:56And did you hang out in any sense?
0:31:56 > 0:32:01No, we had a brief encounter and I was able to say hello
0:32:01 > 0:32:05and we exchanged some pleasantries and that was pretty much it.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07I've met presidents,
0:32:07 > 0:32:10I've never seen so may people from all walks of life.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12Two million people were at this event
0:32:12 > 0:32:16- to come to see, just to get a glimpse of this man.- Wow.
0:32:16 > 0:32:17He was on the move.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19Originally he was going to leave
0:32:19 > 0:32:23and they started basically cutting bits of the show as we were going.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26I'm hosting the show, so they're telling me,
0:32:26 > 0:32:28this is going, that's going, but then...
0:32:30 > 0:32:33What is his name? That wonderful singer.
0:32:34 > 0:32:37- Tony Bennett?- Josh Groban?- No.
0:32:37 > 0:32:39Placido Domingo?
0:32:39 > 0:32:40Harry from One Direction?
0:32:42 > 0:32:45- You're making me make it harder to remember.- Sorry.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48- What kind of music?- Opera.
0:32:48 > 0:32:52He's a wonderful gentleman, he has a...problem with his eyes.
0:32:52 > 0:32:55- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Andrea Bocelli. - Bocelli, yes.
0:32:55 > 0:32:56"A problem with his eyes."
0:32:58 > 0:32:59He's blind.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03APPLAUSE
0:33:04 > 0:33:07"Kept bumping into things. He has a problem."
0:33:07 > 0:33:10So, then the Pope decided to stay.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14And then Bocelli kept going and singing more
0:33:14 > 0:33:17and more songs. And then they had a moment together.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20Because he couldn't see the signal to stop.
0:33:22 > 0:33:24That's what the lady was doing!
0:33:24 > 0:33:26- She was like, "Uh-uh." - I thought she was...
0:33:28 > 0:33:30"The Pope left!"
0:33:37 > 0:33:41Ladies and gentlemen, 50 Cent, the musician, has returned to us.
0:33:41 > 0:33:44- You're back.- I'm back, baby. - Yes, you are.
0:33:44 > 0:33:47APPLAUSE
0:33:47 > 0:33:51The track on the new album, called 9 Shots,
0:33:51 > 0:33:54it goes back to an early, terrible experience
0:33:54 > 0:33:56in your life. If you guys aren't familiar with
0:33:56 > 0:33:59the story of what happened, it's amazing. Go.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01Well...
0:34:01 > 0:34:05- No pressure.- I got, you know, shot nine times.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08But it was one time. I just didn't see
0:34:08 > 0:34:11the person coming, or I would have avoided it.
0:34:11 > 0:34:13Well, yes. You would.
0:34:13 > 0:34:16This happened, I was trying
0:34:16 > 0:34:18to write a song, conceptually, that would
0:34:18 > 0:34:22define more of who I am. So I wrote 9 Shots
0:34:22 > 0:34:25and just picked nine painful moments that I experienced
0:34:25 > 0:34:28in my life. I used the shot as a metaphor.
0:34:28 > 0:34:32- Where were you shot? Where? - In front of my grandmother's house.
0:34:32 > 0:34:34But where on your body?
0:34:34 > 0:34:37APPLAUSE
0:34:39 > 0:34:42That's like being in the doctor's office, isn't it?
0:34:42 > 0:34:45Most of them in the legs. I got hit in my hand,
0:34:45 > 0:34:50I got hit in the face. A fragment,
0:34:50 > 0:34:51a portion of it is in my tongue. So it kind of
0:34:51 > 0:34:54changed the way I speak a little bit.
0:34:54 > 0:34:56- And your rapping as well? - What, is it still in your tongue?
0:34:56 > 0:34:59- Can you see it?- Yeah, it's great for oral sex.- IS it?
0:34:59 > 0:35:02LAUGHTER
0:35:02 > 0:35:06- OK, good to know.- Make sure you keep that bit in the show.
0:35:06 > 0:35:09Let me just make a note of that.
0:35:09 > 0:35:13- I'm a better man now. - Is it like a lump?
0:35:13 > 0:35:15- Can you see it?- Yeah.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17Let's have a feel, 50.
0:35:17 > 0:35:20LAUGHTER
0:35:20 > 0:35:23- I've washed my hands. - We just said oral sex
0:35:23 > 0:35:26- and you're going to put your finger in my mouth?- Stop it!
0:35:30 > 0:35:33- I'd better not, had I? - Have a look, have a look.
0:35:33 > 0:35:37- Well, I'll just have a look. - I need a napkin.- Has anybody got
0:35:37 > 0:35:40- a tissue?- A clean one. - Look, these ladies.
0:35:40 > 0:35:44Thank you very much. Still hermetically sealed,
0:35:44 > 0:35:46thank you very much. There you go, lovely.
0:35:46 > 0:35:48How were you prepared?
0:35:48 > 0:35:50Did somebody tell you to come with this?
0:35:51 > 0:35:54How did that happen? What's the odds of that?
0:35:54 > 0:35:57Sitting in the front row with this.
0:35:57 > 0:35:59Who does this kind of stuff, right?
0:35:59 > 0:36:02It only happens on this programme, honestly.
0:36:05 > 0:36:07Yeah, I can feel it.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:36:18 > 0:36:20I know whole pages of Heat.
0:36:20 > 0:36:22You surprise me(!)
0:36:23 > 0:36:26There's this scene in the middle of the film, which you'll be
0:36:26 > 0:36:28familiar with, you were there.
0:36:29 > 0:36:32The one person you don't need to explain it to.
0:36:33 > 0:36:35GRAHAM LAUGHS
0:36:37 > 0:36:40- He remembers. - "You were very good in this bit."
0:36:40 > 0:36:43There's a scene in the middle of the film, because Al Pacino
0:36:43 > 0:36:47and Robert De Niro... He's there!
0:36:47 > 0:36:50- Sorry about this!- Don't worry. - They are separated, like a great
0:36:50 > 0:36:53thriller, they're separated for the entire film, and they
0:36:53 > 0:36:56meet twice, once at the end and once in the middle.
0:36:56 > 0:36:58And it takes place at a restaurant in LA. It's a great scene,
0:36:58 > 0:37:02it's one of the great pieces of screen acting you can hope to watch.
0:37:02 > 0:37:06There it is, there's a picture. It's a mutual recognition of
0:37:06 > 0:37:09each other. Anyway, there's a bit where they sit and
0:37:09 > 0:37:13have coffee and tea and talk about stuff... I'm going on, I apologise!
0:37:13 > 0:37:16Al Pacino says at one point, he goes...
0:37:19 > 0:37:20- AS AL PACINO:- "So,..."
0:37:20 > 0:37:22LAUGHTER
0:37:25 > 0:37:30"We're sitting here like a couple of regular fellas. I mean, you do
0:37:30 > 0:37:33"what you do, I do what I've got to do."
0:37:34 > 0:37:40"If I'm there and I've got to put you away, I won't like it."
0:37:42 > 0:37:45"But if it's between you and some
0:37:45 > 0:37:47"poor bastard whose wife you're going to turn
0:37:47 > 0:37:53"into a widow, brother, you are going down."
0:37:53 > 0:37:55APPLAUSE
0:37:57 > 0:37:59And then Michael Mann cuts back
0:37:59 > 0:38:03to the esteemed gentlemen at the end of the sofa.
0:38:05 > 0:38:08LAUGHTER
0:38:12 > 0:38:14- AS DE NIRO:- "What if you do got me boxed in
0:38:14 > 0:38:16"and I've got to put YOU down?"
0:38:18 > 0:38:20"Face-to-face."
0:38:21 > 0:38:25- AS PACINO:- "Yeah, but I will not hesitate, not for a second."
0:38:27 > 0:38:30- And that's my... - APPLAUSE
0:38:34 > 0:38:37This is so meta!
0:38:37 > 0:38:41I feel like I've gone into a parallel universe.
0:38:41 > 0:38:44You are playing all these parts!
0:38:44 > 0:38:47- Yes, I apologise.- That's great. That was my favourite scene
0:38:47 > 0:38:49- in the movie. - Was it your favourite scene?
0:38:49 > 0:38:51- Yeah.- Still?
0:38:51 > 0:38:52LAUGHTER
0:38:54 > 0:38:56Now, listen. Tom Hanks,
0:38:56 > 0:38:58you are famous for being lovely to fans.
0:38:58 > 0:39:01- You are very nice, you go and see... - I try to be.
0:39:01 > 0:39:04David, you are a big fan but someone else in your
0:39:04 > 0:39:05family is also a very big fan.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07Yes, my mum is a big fan.
0:39:07 > 0:39:09We were in a restaurant, The River Cafe,
0:39:09 > 0:39:11about seven years ago and my mum had drunk
0:39:11 > 0:39:14a bit too much, she suddenly felt a bit ill.
0:39:14 > 0:39:18I led her outside and you were sat at one of the tables.
0:39:18 > 0:39:20She stopped dead and I had to drag her,
0:39:20 > 0:39:24like you would a donkey on a beach, away from you.
0:39:24 > 0:39:25She was so excited to see you.
0:39:25 > 0:39:28How ill was she? Otherwise she could have stopped by.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30She may have thrown up over you!
0:39:30 > 0:39:32She's here in the audience.
0:39:32 > 0:39:36Let me see if I can figure out who she is. Hmm...
0:39:36 > 0:39:39I can see her already, she's blushing, she's smiling.
0:39:39 > 0:39:42- Look at her!- Oh, my! Come here, love.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45Come here, darling. I see you.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47APPLAUSE
0:39:52 > 0:39:56- Give me some lovin'.- Aww! - Give me some sugar.
0:39:57 > 0:39:59She's going for the hug.
0:40:01 > 0:40:03Have you been drinking? You haven't been drinking?
0:40:03 > 0:40:06You're totally sober. Have you been smoking?
0:40:06 > 0:40:11Haven't been smoking. She's a good mum, isn't she?
0:40:11 > 0:40:13Look at your boy. Are you not proud of your lad down there?
0:40:13 > 0:40:17- I'm very proud.- 42 million books have been sold.
0:40:17 > 0:40:20One of these days he just might just win an Oscar!
0:40:22 > 0:40:24APPLAUSE
0:40:24 > 0:40:27Very lovely, very lovely to meet you.
0:40:30 > 0:40:34I like that. Thank you so much, that's so kind of you.
0:40:34 > 0:40:38She's a good mum. You've got a very good mum.
0:40:38 > 0:40:41LAUGHTER
0:40:41 > 0:40:44No respect for your mother!
0:40:45 > 0:40:48Would you be up for just matching
0:40:48 > 0:40:50- some pictures of otters? - Yeah, I'll return the favour.
0:40:50 > 0:40:54It'll go really viral and it'll be great.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56People will like the viral pictures of me
0:40:56 > 0:41:00and an otter and go and see a film about a gangster! Yay!
0:41:00 > 0:41:05- You know how this works. - I'm sort of scared of otters.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08You won't be... Actually, this first otter...
0:41:08 > 0:41:10This first otter, I'm afraid,
0:41:10 > 0:41:14it's the dark side of the otter kingdom. This is angry otter.
0:41:19 > 0:41:24It makes you love otters, though. Can you do that? Try it! It's good!
0:41:24 > 0:41:27APPLAUSE It's good. Excellent.
0:41:29 > 0:41:31APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:41:31 > 0:41:35OK, this next one is also a slightly aggressive otter.
0:41:35 > 0:41:38It's a bit fisty. It's a bit like, "Boy, I oughtta..."
0:41:38 > 0:41:40The other way!
0:41:44 > 0:41:47These are good. These are good.
0:41:47 > 0:41:49They start to get more challenging.
0:41:49 > 0:41:52LAUGHTER What the hell?
0:41:52 > 0:41:54Can you attempt that?
0:41:55 > 0:41:56OK...
0:41:56 > 0:41:58So tongue that way.
0:41:58 > 0:42:01Mirror things. I go that way and it's the other way.
0:42:01 > 0:42:02This is really weird.
0:42:05 > 0:42:06Very good.
0:42:07 > 0:42:11Now, this is an opportunity for...
0:42:11 > 0:42:16- Is this a casting for my next role as an otter?- You're in it.
0:42:16 > 0:42:19You're the star. This is an opportunity
0:42:19 > 0:42:21for myself and Johnny to channel our inner otter.
0:42:21 > 0:42:23This is a nice three shot.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26- AUDIENCE:- Aww.
0:42:27 > 0:42:30- If you lean in, I'll lean in. - Yeah, exactly.
0:42:30 > 0:42:33- To me?- You're in the middle. - What's the face?
0:42:35 > 0:42:38LAUGHTER
0:42:38 > 0:42:40Adorable, adorable.
0:42:40 > 0:42:43And, now...
0:42:43 > 0:42:45So...
0:42:45 > 0:42:48Then, then, we found this picture.
0:42:48 > 0:42:50We found this picture of an otter.
0:42:50 > 0:42:54Look at this. Look at this.
0:42:54 > 0:42:55Let's have a close-up of the face.
0:42:55 > 0:42:58You have never seen a happier creature on planet earth.
0:42:58 > 0:43:00Look how happy this otter is with his new teddy bear.
0:43:01 > 0:43:03The teddy bear doesn't look very happy.
0:43:03 > 0:43:06The teddy bear looks quite depressed.
0:43:06 > 0:43:07"I've been given to a mammal?"
0:43:09 > 0:43:12I sent out the command. I picked up my phone and I went,
0:43:12 > 0:43:14"We'll need a big teddy bear."
0:43:14 > 0:43:17However the word "big" is quite relative.
0:43:18 > 0:43:19They've gone with
0:43:19 > 0:43:23a really enormous teddy bear. It's over there.
0:43:23 > 0:43:25HE GASPS
0:43:27 > 0:43:30- Wow! - LAUGHTER
0:43:33 > 0:43:35This is, this is...
0:43:37 > 0:43:40It's going to be fine. It's all right
0:43:40 > 0:43:43Isn't that amazing? APPLAUSE
0:43:44 > 0:43:47That looks genius.
0:43:47 > 0:43:49That is genius.
0:43:49 > 0:43:52I've always wanted to...
0:43:52 > 0:43:55It's just, there's something about
0:43:55 > 0:43:58it that makes me want to kind of do this.
0:43:58 > 0:44:01Oh! APPLAUSE
0:44:11 > 0:44:13LAUGHTER Don't kick the bear!
0:44:13 > 0:44:15You think I'm a cute otter?
0:44:21 > 0:44:24APPLAUSE