0:00:02 > 0:00:04Hey, everyone, it's the first show of 2016!
0:00:04 > 0:00:05And, as my New Year's resolution,
0:00:05 > 0:00:07I'm going to be taking part in Dry January.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10Yeah. What?
0:00:10 > 0:00:11It's dry white wine.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Let's start the show.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15APPLAUSE
0:00:18 > 0:00:26This programme contains some strong language
0:00:30 > 0:00:34Oh, oh, oh! CHEERING
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Hello, good evening, everybody.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Welcome, one. Welcome, all.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46This is it, everyone. This is it.
0:00:46 > 0:00:51It's 2016, it is 2016. Everyone have a good break?
0:00:51 > 0:00:54- AUDIENCE, ENTHUSIASTICALLY:- Yes! - Some of you still on it.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57We've got a great first show of the year for you.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Some great guests, including one
0:00:59 > 0:01:01of the stars of the original Cold Feet,
0:01:01 > 0:01:04which is coming back later this year. Did you know this?
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Now, I loved Cold Feet and, apparently,
0:01:06 > 0:01:09even the Queen, huge fan of Cold Feet.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13Of course, you'll remember my guest in that infamous rose scene.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14Hmm.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16I wonder what happened to that rose.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Oh, Your Majesty! Let's get some guests on.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Later, we have music from James Bay.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29But, first, the owner of that pert bottom,
0:01:29 > 0:01:32he's been in some of the biggest British TV dramas of the last
0:01:32 > 0:01:34two decades, Cold Feet, Murphy's Law and, of course,
0:01:34 > 0:01:37The Missing. Now he's back in Stan Lee's Lucky Man,
0:01:37 > 0:01:39lucky me, it's James Nesbitt.
0:01:39 > 0:01:44APPLAUSE There he is. Hello, sir.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Lovely to see you, have a seat.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51She's an actress, comedian, singer and writer with a Bafta,
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Golden Globe and seven Emmys to her name.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Now, after 30 years, she's returning to the BBC
0:01:56 > 0:01:58with a brand-new sketch show.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00It's the fabulous Tracey Ullman, everybody.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03APPLAUSE
0:02:03 > 0:02:08Hello. It's like I'm welcoming you back on behalf of the nation.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12And he's one of Britain's finest actors. He moved us
0:02:12 > 0:02:16in The English Patient, made us laugh in The Grand Budapest Hotel
0:02:16 > 0:02:19and terrified us as Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter films,
0:02:19 > 0:02:22please welcome, for the first time to the show,
0:02:22 > 0:02:24the great Ralph Fiennes, everybody.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26APPLAUSE
0:02:26 > 0:02:30Hello, sir, how are you? Very well.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Greet each other, greet each other.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40That was just showbiz greeting, though.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41You have said hello back there, right?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Yes, we have, we did it all again.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46You didn't sit back there going, "Don't look at them.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48"Keep it fresh, keep it fresh."
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Do you know each other? Do you...? We do.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- Ralph and I do. - I know you, yeah.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57- Not in the biblical sense.- No.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02James, you were directed by Ralph.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05I was directed by Ralph, I was beaten up by Ralph in the film,
0:03:05 > 0:03:08a version of Shakespeare's Coriolanus, which was amazing.
0:03:08 > 0:03:09I was very scared, actually.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I hadn't done Shakespeare in a long time.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- You were brilliant in it.- Since I was at drama school with you, actually,
0:03:14 > 0:03:19- that's how long ago it was. - Wow! And how bad it was.
0:03:19 > 0:03:24- Were you at drama school together? - He was a bit older than me...
0:03:24 > 0:03:26You'd never know it, all the same.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Yes, no, Ralph asked me to come.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33And it was brilliant, actually, we had a laugh.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34It is a new year and
0:03:34 > 0:03:38a very happy New Year for one James Nesbitt because you were on
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- the Honours list.- I was.- You are.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44You're not struck off or anything.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- You're still on it, you're still on it.- Depends how this show goes.
0:03:47 > 0:03:52- What did you get?- I got an OBE. - Very good.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54APPLAUSE
0:03:58 > 0:04:00- Actually, yes, cheers to that. - Any excuse.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Are your mum and dad both still around?
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Well, my mum's not around, no. Dad was very pleased. Dad said,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07"About bloody time," actually.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09My friends, I think, were pleased.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12One of them, Jason Ferguson, a very good friend of mine,
0:04:12 > 0:04:15he said, "Order of the Bell End, about time."
0:04:15 > 0:04:19It's exciting. It's a day out at the Palace for me and my girls.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Do you know who you're getting yet?
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- You get different people, do you? - There's a whole family of them.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31- There is, isn't there? There's loads of them.- I wasn't aware of that.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32There's like a pack of cards.
0:04:32 > 0:04:33Where are you going?
0:04:35 > 0:04:37I think you go to the Palace, do you?
0:04:37 > 0:04:39I don't know!
0:04:39 > 0:04:42I'll probably get Edward.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45I will now!
0:04:46 > 0:04:49You'll probably go, "Oh, sh..."
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Ralph, you haven't got anything yet?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- No.- No, no. I feel like you should.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57You are genuinely posh.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02- He got one, he got one. - It's all surface.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06I'm not posh inside.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Tracey Ullman, I've a feeling, whatever chances you had...
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- I ain't gettin' one!- Yeah, you're really not getting one now.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13No chance.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16- No, because in the new show...- Yeah.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- ..you do a version of one of them. - Yeah.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- Do you?- Ha, "do you?"
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Yes, Camilla.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Yes, there I am.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Isn't that good? Isn't that amazing?
0:05:29 > 0:05:32I had a lovely time being her. I will present you with your, er...
0:05:32 > 0:05:38CBE. I'll do it now. I'll do it. Would you like her to do it?
0:05:38 > 0:05:43- I love being her.- It's quite specific, how she is.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46What have you done? When do you do her?
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Within my show, which comes out next Monday...
0:05:48 > 0:05:51It's a sketch show, we'll talk about it more. Yeah, yeah.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53This is actually your bit, Ralph...
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Don't shine the light there right now.
0:05:59 > 0:06:05Erm, genius, genius make-ups and things. I'm various people.
0:06:05 > 0:06:06She's a tough character, your Camilla.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09- PLUMMY ACCENT:- Yes, she vapes a lot and she's, you know,
0:06:09 > 0:06:12dealing with horses a lot, she picks up the phone and it's Charles
0:06:12 > 0:06:13and says, "Hello, sexy."
0:06:15 > 0:06:19We like her. It's very affectionate, VERY affectionate(!)
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I'm ain't going to get one of those things at the Palace.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25- No, you're really not. - No, no, we all knew that.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Tracey Ullman, is it odd that
0:06:27 > 0:06:29your very first show in America
0:06:29 > 0:06:31was the one that spawned The Simpsons?
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- Yes.- Did you... Are you a creator of The Simpsons?
0:06:35 > 0:06:36I breast-fed the yellow people.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Yeah. Yes.
0:06:41 > 0:06:46We wanted little cartoon segments, you know, as bumpers on the show.
0:06:46 > 0:06:51There was this blue hair of Marge, I remember that specifically.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53And then I was so busy doing all these parts
0:06:53 > 0:06:55on the show they came and said,
0:06:55 > 0:06:58"We need someone to record the voices, you know."
0:06:58 > 0:07:02- AS MARGE:- "OK, I'll do it."
0:07:03 > 0:07:05This voice, so she was Marge.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08Then Dan Castellaneta said...
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- AS HOMER:- "OK, I don't mind, what do you want me to be?"
0:07:11 > 0:07:12So he was Homer.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14And that was it, that very first week.
0:07:14 > 0:07:15And then, who knew?
0:07:17 > 0:07:19I knew it was big.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21I think I went to Italy next summer for my holiday
0:07:21 > 0:07:24and there was like Italian Simpsons a-bath foam.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30- So anyway, yup, The Simpsons started on my show.- Yes.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34APPLAUSE
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Now, Ralph Fiennes, how busy are you?!
0:07:38 > 0:07:42We just enjoyed you in your last outing as M in Spectre.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44You're sticking with that now.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- You're M forever. For a while, anyway.- I've got one more I think
0:07:47 > 0:07:49and then it's up to them whether they want me back.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53They'll want you back, they will. They'll want you back!
0:07:53 > 0:07:56That's like your dream job, I mean, you were a Bond geek.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59I was a Bond geek when I was a teenager, yeah
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Is it true you would do trivia quizzes on...?
0:08:01 > 0:08:04I knew all the Bond books inside out. I can't answer
0:08:04 > 0:08:08Mastermind questions now but I read them all least three times.
0:08:08 > 0:08:13- Wow!- I knew all about Kissy Suzuki and Solitaire
0:08:13 > 0:08:18and Gala Brand and...Honeychile Rider and...
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Presumably you wanted to be HIM, not M.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Yes...
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Not to piss on your parade.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32As a kid you weren't thinking, "Oh, one day I might be M."
0:08:34 > 0:08:38- No, well, years go on... - You're in it, be happy.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- You're in a franchise, great! - I'm very happy.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Here's the thing, you are coming back to the stage,
0:08:44 > 0:08:45and then it's all about you,
0:08:45 > 0:08:49in The Master Builder. It's at the Old Vic, just round the corner here.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53Previews on the 23rd of January, opening on the 3rd of February.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56A glance, a cursory glance at this audience, and you can guess
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- they know their Ibsen pretty well. - They know their Ibsen inside out(!)
0:08:59 > 0:09:01For the couple of them who don't know,
0:09:01 > 0:09:03what's The Master Builder about?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- A master builder.- I'm glad. - Who's going through
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- a midlife crisis.- No!- And into his life walks a young,
0:09:10 > 0:09:14- 23-year-old girl.- Ka-ching. - Ka-ching.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Bums on seats, here we go.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20Who wants him to build a very tall, erect tower that goes
0:09:20 > 0:09:22high, high, high into the sky
0:09:22 > 0:09:25and this is a proposal that excites him a lot.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29You don't need to be Freud.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32I'm working with a fantastic young
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Australian actress called Sarah Snook,
0:09:34 > 0:09:38who plays the young girl. She is seriously a gifted lady.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41- She inspires you.- She does, she inspires me to build a spire.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Yes. See what we did there? All the way round.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Yes, very good. I suppose a lot of people...
0:09:47 > 0:09:50I say a lot of people, me. ..would imagine that
0:09:50 > 0:09:55when you get to the level of success you have achieved in films, there
0:09:55 > 0:10:00would be a temptation to walk away from the heavy lifting of seven,
0:10:00 > 0:10:05eight shows a week and the long stretch of that but, no,
0:10:05 > 0:10:07you keep coming back to it.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Well, I love it. This is an amazing play, I believe.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12I'm working with the great director Matthew Warchus,
0:10:12 > 0:10:16who's fantastic and, for me, there's nothing that beats being in front
0:10:16 > 0:10:20of an audience, and feeling the play evolve in front of them,
0:10:20 > 0:10:24you tell them a story and every night it's different.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27You go on a journey and it's not the same as filming.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28Have you been in The Master Builder?
0:10:28 > 0:10:32Yeah, I played The Master Builder at drama school.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33How tall was your spire?
0:10:35 > 0:10:38It drooped a wee bit, to tell the truth.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41I hear that you've never had any complaints...
0:10:44 > 0:10:48- That was the OBE. - The bells make up for it.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50No, I erm...
0:10:50 > 0:10:53In fact, you should have seen it when we were at drama school.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55I was in the year above you.
0:10:55 > 0:10:56I probably did!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58George Hall...
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Yes, no, the PERFORMANCE!
0:11:01 > 0:11:05LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:05 > 0:11:08All the students were talking.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11George Hall, who was the director, who was the head of Central,
0:11:11 > 0:11:14his critique afterwards, he looked at me and said,
0:11:14 > 0:11:15"Jimmy, you missed."
0:11:15 > 0:11:18So it wasn't a great performance, I give.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22So I hope you'll do better. I'm sure you'll do better.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25"The reviews are in. Ralph Fiennes, you missed."
0:11:25 > 0:11:27That is pretty great.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Was it in a Shakespeare play
0:11:29 > 0:11:32where you had your costume... What do you call that thing?
0:11:32 > 0:11:34What do they call it? A wardrobe malfunction.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36I had a major wardrobe malfunction.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39It was in a Shakespeare play, a comedy called Love's Labours Lost,
0:11:39 > 0:11:41and I played a character
0:11:41 > 0:11:45called Berowne who has an amazing speech about love.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Very romantic speech, full of ardour.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51It's off the back of a very high-comedic farcical scene
0:11:51 > 0:11:55and suddenly it stops and he launches into this lyrical passage
0:11:55 > 0:11:57about how important it is to love women.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00And, erm, I had these very tight
0:12:00 > 0:12:05moleskin britches and, as I got into my stride, they split...
0:12:05 > 0:12:07- Oi!- ..down the middle.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09But that's an odd place for them to split.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11What can I tell you?
0:12:13 > 0:12:16GRAHAM LAUGHS HEARTILY
0:12:18 > 0:12:24I'm glad I was not going commando that day and I had red...
0:12:25 > 0:12:29..polka-dot underpants on.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Did people think it was meant to happen?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34No. They enjoyed it.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Were you tempted to do it every night after that?
0:12:39 > 0:12:40I was on with three other actors,
0:12:40 > 0:12:43barely holding it together. Finally I got to the end of
0:12:43 > 0:12:45the speech and we got a round of applause.
0:12:45 > 0:12:46I've been in panto, I bet
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- you've not done bloody panto. - No. A matter of time.
0:12:50 > 0:12:5330 years ago I was Dick Whittington in Newcastle.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56- That's theatre for you. - AUDIENCE: Yeah!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58I got a bit chubby cos I got a bit depressed up there,
0:12:58 > 0:13:02I was eating at this tearoom a lot, Carrick's.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05I used to go on, I got a bit chubby in my stockings, you know,
0:13:05 > 0:13:06Dick Whittington,
0:13:06 > 0:13:09I'd go, "Hello, children. Are you going to be my friend?"
0:13:09 > 0:13:10One of the kids went...
0:13:10 > 0:13:12- GEORDIE ACCENT:- "No, fuck off, Jumbo!"
0:13:18 > 0:13:20That's theatre for you. When they talk back.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22"Right, what's your name?" "Terry."
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Annoying little bastard in the front, you know.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29All the nuns are in with the coach party and it was horrible.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- You've been scarred by that. - Oh, I've been scarred by it.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36Scarred. Ralph, you haven't given up film because your new movie is
0:13:36 > 0:13:38- A Bigger Splash.- Yup. - When does that...?
0:13:38 > 0:13:4012th of February, 12th of February.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42It's a fantastic cast, you can see there.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Tilda Swinton, Dakota Johnson, yourself,
0:13:45 > 0:13:47- Matthias Schoenaerts?- Schoenaerts.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Now, it's almost a love quadrangle.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Love quadrangle, yeah.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54I don't think I've ever seen you play a part like this before,
0:13:54 > 0:13:56you're kind of wild in this.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58- I'm a wild and crazy guy. - You really are.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00LAUGHTER
0:14:02 > 0:14:07The idea is, people who kind of share a romantic history
0:14:07 > 0:14:10are all thrown together on a Greek island...
0:14:10 > 0:14:12- It's an Italian island.- An Italian island, not a Greek island.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16- Pantelleria. It's an island between Sicily and Tunisia.- OK.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Near Greece. And, erm...
0:14:22 > 0:14:25- Oh, Graham.- That was tense, I think.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30Your character... The idea is you're trying to rekindle a romance.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- I've come back to reclaim Tilda Swinton.- Who's a rock star.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Who is a rock star on holiday, recovering from a throat operation
0:14:36 > 0:14:40with her younger boyfriend lover, Matthias Schoenaerts.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44I was her beau in the past and we split up,
0:14:44 > 0:14:48and I passed my friend Matthias on to Tilda.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52I've put them together and gone and now I've come back to reclaim her.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53Cos I realise I made a big mistake.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56This is the clip from The Biggest Splash and, in fact,
0:14:56 > 0:14:58it is a night on the town just
0:14:58 > 0:15:01when you're starting to woo Tilda's character,
0:15:01 > 0:15:03who's resting her voice.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07# If I had her
0:15:07 > 0:15:11# In my hands your body and soul
0:15:11 > 0:15:13WHOOPING
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- SHE WHISPERS: - # Come, come, come to me
0:15:19 > 0:15:20CROWD FINISHES LYRIC
0:15:20 > 0:15:22- SHE WHISPERS: - # Come, come, come to me
0:15:22 > 0:15:24SHE WHISPERS
0:15:24 > 0:15:26# Come, come, come to me
0:15:26 > 0:15:27SHE STUMBLES
0:15:27 > 0:15:30# Come, come, come to me... #
0:15:30 > 0:15:31SHE WHISPERS
0:15:35 > 0:15:38CROWD CHANTS
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Very good. APPLAUSE
0:15:48 > 0:15:52In it, you're very kind of relaxed, very free, you're very...
0:15:53 > 0:15:54We see a lot of you.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58We see your spire.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02In miniature, I think.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07No, it's fine, it's all there. It's all there.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09The potential is there.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14The sequel.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16- Completely naked? Everything? - Everything.- The old chap?
0:16:16 > 0:16:20- The old chap.- Wow, good for you!
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- No messing.- Usually it's just the girls, I'm proud of you.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25- Oh, no, Tilda does it too. - She does it.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Girls always do.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Tracey Ullman, have you ever...? Have you ever... ?
0:16:30 > 0:16:36No, no, I've not done it. Prosthetic ones, I do prosthetic ones.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- Yes.- No, I've never been asked. - Would you?- Would you?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41No.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44You're being asked now. Look, Ralph Fiennes is asking you.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46I will for you.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I'll sit over here on my own.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55We've seen you, you've done the TV nudity. We saw it in Cold Feet.
0:16:55 > 0:17:01You did it too? Oh, that's is just bum, not the old chap.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03- Is that you?- Yeah, that is really you, isn't it?
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Your audience has really waited too long to see that again.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12The last job I did...
0:17:12 > 0:17:16When I did it with that guy, when I did it there,
0:17:16 > 0:17:21the dresser that fitted it was a guy called Greg, a big...
0:17:21 > 0:17:25unusually, in the business, a big butch lad from Australia, actually.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Oh, no, from Manchester called Greg.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33His name is pasted into the buttocks of my memory.
0:17:34 > 0:17:39He spent all day having to reapply, to re-stick the rose there.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42After that job he disappeared, he went to Australia!
0:17:44 > 0:17:47No-one has ever heard from him since! The last job
0:17:47 > 0:17:50I've just finished in Belfast, I had to do a fair amount of...
0:17:50 > 0:17:53a day of sort of...
0:17:53 > 0:17:59nudity and sex scenes and stuff but they covered my bits with a wee...
0:17:59 > 0:18:01I shouldn't say a "wee".
0:18:03 > 0:18:07So Northern Irish Protestant, "wee," you think...
0:18:07 > 0:18:10With a pouch that kept coming apart. So again the dresser,
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Sophie she was called, she had to spend a day kind of reapplying...
0:18:13 > 0:18:16These jobs aren't easy. I am sure that's not why she
0:18:16 > 0:18:19- went into the business. - It's not for the faint hearted.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22No, she can't have thought, "Oh, look what I am doing today!"
0:18:22 > 0:18:26The new Cold Feet, are the scripts ready? Have you started filming?
0:18:26 > 0:18:27What's happening?
0:18:27 > 0:18:30No, we start in... Old Feet.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33We start in three weeks' time.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- Wow.- We've got a read-through next week.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37I haven't seen a lot of them for, you know...
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Well, I haven't seen loads of them for 12 years, really.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43I mean, we didn't sort of get together. We didn't
0:18:43 > 0:18:46sort of deliberately keep apart, it's just the nature of the thing.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49We are going to see each other
0:18:49 > 0:18:52in two weeks and the scripts look good, they've tried
0:18:52 > 0:18:56to get us to do it for a number of years. I think it wasn't
0:18:56 > 0:18:58quite ready, they hadn't
0:18:58 > 0:19:01quite sorted out the various zeros on the cheques.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03We're very excited to do it.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06It was weird, I just saw Helen Baxendale, she was just in Midsomer Murders.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Well, she's not in it, of course, cos she died.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Of course, she died.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14She survived in Midsomer Murders, that's a feat
0:19:14 > 0:19:18for a guest star! Well done her.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21We've been waiting 12 years for new Cold Feet,
0:19:21 > 0:19:22but we've been waiting even longer
0:19:22 > 0:19:28- for Tracey Ullman to get back on the BBC, it's 30 years.- 30 years!
0:19:28 > 0:19:30You must be shocked that it's 30 years.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35I mean, I just never got offered a job in this country.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Seriously, I'm always coming and going. I was really flattered to
0:19:38 > 0:19:43be asked, and Charlotte Moore is the head of BBC One, and Myfanwy Moore
0:19:43 > 0:19:44is the head of comedy,
0:19:44 > 0:19:46these two girls just asked me to come in and said,
0:19:46 > 0:19:48"Is there anything you'd like to do?"
0:19:48 > 0:19:50The last time I was at the BBC,
0:19:50 > 0:19:52it was all men in bow ties doing The Goons.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55"What, what, what? We need more national service jokes."
0:19:55 > 0:19:58It was!
0:19:58 > 0:20:00"Can you be a traffic warden? Ha-ha-ha!"
0:20:02 > 0:20:05I had a good time. I had a great time with Lenny and David,
0:20:05 > 0:20:07it was a long time ago.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Then various things happened.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11I was back at the BBC,
0:20:11 > 0:20:14I have absolutely loved it, I've had a brilliant time.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18- This is Tracey Ullman's Show. - Yes, Tracey Ullman's Show.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20It starts next Monday at 10:45.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22It's funny... I was saying to you outside,
0:20:22 > 0:20:26it is hard to come up with a sketch show that has fresh characters in it
0:20:26 > 0:20:27but this is...it really does.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31Well, it's Britain today. To me, it's a melting pot,
0:20:31 > 0:20:35it's this global hub, it's a 24-hour period of Britain,
0:20:35 > 0:20:37and people come in and people go out
0:20:37 > 0:20:40and people try and get in and people get thrown out...
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Famous people within it,
0:20:42 > 0:20:45there's a through story of what happens from dawn to dusk.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49It's tonnes of different things.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Lots of impersonations, which I have never really done before.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Yeah, no, but... Now, the famous people...
0:20:55 > 0:20:58You do people like Dame Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Angela Merkel.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01The Angela Merkel, there's a sitcom in Angela Merkel. There really...
0:21:01 > 0:21:04You just want more and more of Angela Merkel.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06- There she is.- There's Angela Merkel.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08- GERMAN ACCENT:- That's right, Angela Merkel, I love her,
0:21:08 > 0:21:11I think that she's always with men all the time,
0:21:11 > 0:21:14with Berlusconi and Cameron and Obama,
0:21:14 > 0:21:19and she wants to just be with girls. I got this idea that I think
0:21:19 > 0:21:21she thinks she's very sexy.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Everybody is...right now... I am sex bomb, sex bomb...
0:21:27 > 0:21:29..when I'm in the room.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32And then I wanted to do her with her friend.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35She does her arms like this. Anyway.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39I digress. She sings and everything, we discovered.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- She sings beautifully. - She is terrific.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46- Ja.- She is terrific. - Eurovision winner 1982.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52Called A Little Peace. Remember that song? Ja, was wonderful...wunderbar.
0:21:52 > 0:21:57Anyway, I don't know, I wanted to be her, so I am her.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Do you come up with the funny bit first? Like the joke or
0:22:00 > 0:22:04do you kind of think, "I can do them, write me something funny for them?"
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Yeah, I wanted to be a series of national treasures,
0:22:06 > 0:22:08cos that's what we have in this country.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12Kevin and Andy, Kevin Cecil and Andy Riley,
0:22:12 > 0:22:14came up with the wonderful idea that,
0:22:14 > 0:22:17- JUDI DENCH VOICE:- Judi Dench can get away with anything
0:22:17 > 0:22:20because she's a national treasure. So she can shoplift.
0:22:21 > 0:22:26Then I got this brilliant make-up, and then it comes from there.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28- Anyway.- We've got a clip, this
0:22:28 > 0:22:30is you as Dame Judi Dench being a
0:22:30 > 0:22:32national treasure at the supermarket.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Oi! I saw that, do you want me to call the police?
0:22:51 > 0:22:53I don't know what you mean.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- Oh, it's you, isn't it?- If you mean, "Is it Dame Judi Dench?"
0:22:56 > 0:22:59then, yes, it is. How very nice to meet you.
0:22:59 > 0:23:00Sorry about that.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02There must be something wrong with the security camera.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Yes, well, they can be temperamental.
0:23:05 > 0:23:06I loved you in James Bond.
0:23:06 > 0:23:11Oh, we just try to tell a good story. And thank you.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14What was I thinking? Dame Judi Dench wouldn't shoplift.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16- You're a national treasure.- Exactly.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20And because I'm a national treasure, I could get away with anything!
0:23:20 > 0:23:24But, of course, I don't. What is that over there?
0:23:27 > 0:23:32- My mistake.- It's an honour meeting you.- Yes. Lovely to meet you too.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34You have such a lovely shop here.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49SHE CACKLES
0:23:49 > 0:23:51APPLAUSE That was uncanny, wasn't it?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant make-up,
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Floris my genius make-up artist. We were
0:24:01 > 0:24:02filming in Richmond, actually.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05WHOOPING Big up the Richmond!
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Somebody from Richmond? Yeah, how lovely. I might do panto there
0:24:08 > 0:24:12this year. People thought we were filming something from Bond.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14A couple of them got convinced.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16You know Dame Judi Dench.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18What's she going to make of it, Ralph?
0:24:18 > 0:24:21- I think she'll love it. - Oh, thank God! Really?
0:24:21 > 0:24:23She might start shoplifting, actually.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25She's going to become a shoplifter.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28They'll want her back on Bond.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33- You were in it together. - We were in it together.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37- Right.- She wasn't happy that I took over as M.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39- Really?- Oh. Why not?
0:24:39 > 0:24:41- Well, cos I replaced her.- Oh.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45In fairness, that would piss you off.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48So, she...
0:24:48 > 0:24:51In the first one I appeared in, my name is Mallory,
0:24:51 > 0:24:54so a way of getting back to me was to call me Valerie.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59Any time I meet her she would say, "Hello, Valerie!"
0:24:59 > 0:25:02And she nicks things from your house.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05So if you stay in that Judi Dench make-up all day,
0:25:05 > 0:25:07you obviously don't mind the prosthetics and the costumes
0:25:07 > 0:25:10because, Ralph, you hate prosthetics and things, don't you?
0:25:10 > 0:25:14- I don't love them, no. - You choose jobs to avoid them.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17- After Voldemort, I did, I have. Yup, yup.- It's hard.- How much
0:25:17 > 0:25:19of it is prosthetics on Voldemort?
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Actually, to be honest, on Voldemort not so much.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24- A lot of painting and...- Oi-oi-oi.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27- Very little, actually! - Teeth, the eyes...
0:25:29 > 0:25:32More or less... I see what you mean.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35- Latex round the eyes.- They shaved the beard off, right?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Wasn't there a moment when
0:25:40 > 0:25:44you knew the Voldemort look was working when you were on set?
0:25:44 > 0:25:45Yeah, I passed by...
0:25:45 > 0:25:49The script supervisor has a little boy who was on set.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53- His son, maybe?- Her, her son, I think four or five years old.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Anyway, I passed by this little child, I looked at this boy,
0:25:56 > 0:25:57he just burst into tears.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11The costume must have helped as well because it's quite frightening.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13The costume actually wasn't...
0:26:13 > 0:26:15It was just a lot of flowing silky stuff
0:26:15 > 0:26:17that I kept tripping over.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20I had these tights on underneath.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24- They were like ladies' tights. - And they ripped in the middle!
0:26:24 > 0:26:27LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:26:27 > 0:26:30- No, they didn't rip. - I like that they were ladies' tights!
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Are there other sorts of tights?
0:26:33 > 0:26:36- They're not the sort of tights you wear at the RSC.- Oh, OK.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39You did have a problem.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42What happened was the tights used to work their way down,
0:26:42 > 0:26:46so the gusset of the tight was sort of around my knees.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50So I couldn't walk as elegantly as I would like as Voldemort.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Eventually I said to the dresser, he was called Neil,
0:26:52 > 0:26:54he was very sweet. He always had his head up my skirt
0:26:54 > 0:26:59trying to adjust things. I said, would he mind cutting them off?
0:26:59 > 0:27:01So I had a garter belt.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03For most of Harry Potter, underneath the robes,
0:27:03 > 0:27:06I had a very nice garter belt.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09You've spoiled it for everybody now.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Now, here's the thing, James Nesbitt. In the Hobbit,
0:27:13 > 0:27:15I look at this picture of you in The Hobbit,
0:27:15 > 0:27:18I think, "Well, that's not bad, it's a hat and a beard,"
0:27:18 > 0:27:22but, in fact, there was loads of prosthetics went on.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Oh, aye, there were early starts in the morning.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27It took quite a while.
0:27:27 > 0:27:32If you are doing it for... It was astonishing, the look and the way
0:27:32 > 0:27:37they create it, and I admire and applaud the incredible detail and
0:27:37 > 0:27:38- artistry, but...- But!
0:27:40 > 0:27:43After two years, it takes a wee...
0:27:43 > 0:27:46You sent us a picture of what... So underneath...
0:27:46 > 0:27:50- But you can't see any of that.- That was me getting up in the morning.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54How long did it take altogether?
0:27:54 > 0:27:55The whole thing every morning,
0:27:55 > 0:27:58I suppose, about three and a half hours long.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02- Listen, beats working for a living!- I would like to be in
0:28:02 > 0:28:05a film... No, I wouldn't.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Not easy being me, terrible.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Is it true that they in fact didn't really want you to
0:28:09 > 0:28:11look like you in The Hobbit?
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Thank you, yes.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15But there is some truth to that.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Wasn't there a dinner?
0:28:17 > 0:28:19Oh, no, no, no, that was because...
0:28:20 > 0:28:25I constantly... And, in fact, twice today, every day I get
0:28:25 > 0:28:27confused with the actor John Hannah.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30John Hannah who was in... I don't think I look like him at all.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33We've got a picture of John Hannah. Where is he?
0:28:33 > 0:28:34Oh, come on!
0:28:34 > 0:28:37- You do look a bit...- I wouldn't mind looking like him there!
0:28:37 > 0:28:39He looks quite well.
0:28:39 > 0:28:40We are the spit of each other!
0:28:42 > 0:28:45I get it all the time and right at the beginning of The Hobbit
0:28:45 > 0:28:51I went for a private dinner with Peter Jackson and his partner and
0:28:51 > 0:28:56one of the heads of Warner Brothers who were behind the movie.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59I walked in and he said,
0:28:59 > 0:29:02"I am so excited you are involved in The Hobbit,
0:29:02 > 0:29:04"I loved you so much in Sliding Doors."
0:29:06 > 0:29:09I was like, "That's not me!"
0:29:09 > 0:29:11I've still never really understood.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13Did he think they'd cast John Hannah?
0:29:14 > 0:29:18I sign John's name quite often, he signs mine.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20It gets to the point where people come up to me
0:29:20 > 0:29:23and go, "I loved you in Four Weddings and a Funeral," I say,
0:29:23 > 0:29:25"Yes, that Auden poem, it's so beautiful.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27"Blah, blah, blah, Stop All The Clocks, John Hannah."
0:29:27 > 0:29:30Quite often I'll do James Nesbitt, and you see them walking
0:29:30 > 0:29:33away and going, "Oh, man..."
0:29:35 > 0:29:37What do you get? You get someone.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40- I get mistaken for Liam Neeson. - Oh, you do?- And he does for me,
0:29:40 > 0:29:43I have been complimented in my performance in Taken 2.
0:29:47 > 0:29:51I get, "You were wonderful in Educating Rita! So much fun."
0:29:51 > 0:29:53Do you really get Julie Walters?
0:29:53 > 0:29:55Yeah, everyone thinks I'm Julie Walters.
0:29:55 > 0:29:57- I don't have a picture of Julie Walters.- I do look like her.
0:29:57 > 0:29:59We've got a Liam Neeson, we've got a Liam Neeson
0:29:59 > 0:30:02but I don't think you do look particularly like Liam Neeson.
0:30:02 > 0:30:06Well...no. Hmm...
0:30:06 > 0:30:09Apparently, they've got one thing in common, those two boys.
0:30:09 > 0:30:10That's all I'm saying.
0:30:12 > 0:30:14Scratches head, doesn't understand.
0:30:16 > 0:30:17Does he get confused for you?
0:30:17 > 0:30:20Yes, he's been complimented on his English Patient.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25Everything sounds rude.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29It does with Liam and Ralph.
0:30:32 > 0:30:36Being in the Hobbit, a big franchise like that,
0:30:36 > 0:30:39did it make you a cool dad for your girls?
0:30:39 > 0:30:43No, they're much cooler and funnier than me.
0:30:43 > 0:30:46The eldest one, from a very early age, she was very funny.
0:30:46 > 0:30:50She was startlingly quick at being able to speak.
0:30:50 > 0:30:53She was talking when she was just two.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55She had a sense of humour very early on.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58There was one time when I was driving when she was two and a half,
0:30:58 > 0:31:02it was just the two of us in the car and I was driving and
0:31:02 > 0:31:03I broke wind.
0:31:05 > 0:31:09But there was this five-second pause and, on my daughters' lives,
0:31:09 > 0:31:11from the back of the car came,
0:31:11 > 0:31:14"Another Minging Fart by James Nesbitt."
0:31:17 > 0:31:21- Two and a half!- That's good.
0:31:21 > 0:31:22Where does that come from?
0:31:23 > 0:31:27Tracey, you seem to like the idea of being an embarrassing mother.
0:31:27 > 0:31:30You do... You just become a permanent figure of fun as you get
0:31:30 > 0:31:31older with your kids.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34I did something really embarrassing with my kid Johnny as few years ago
0:31:34 > 0:31:37when I was still having to buy him swimming trunks for his holiday.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39You know, you take the kid to buy swimming trunks, he's like,
0:31:39 > 0:31:42"Come on, let's go." I took him to this kind of fancy boutique place
0:31:42 > 0:31:45around the corner, they didn't have anything, really.
0:31:45 > 0:31:47You know, it was like Speedos and he's not
0:31:47 > 0:31:49a Speedo kind of kid, he needs something with a bit of
0:31:49 > 0:31:53an elasticated waist, a quick-dry gusset.
0:31:53 > 0:31:54I should have gone to British Home Stores
0:31:54 > 0:31:56but I thought I'd take him somewhere nice.
0:31:56 > 0:32:00I saw this very gorgeous young black assistant
0:32:00 > 0:32:04amongst the rails doing stuff. I said, "Excuse me, can you help me?
0:32:04 > 0:32:07"My son's looking for something, elasticated waist, quick dry gusset.
0:32:07 > 0:32:11"He's a little chunk star." And Johnny's going, "Mum, Mum, Mum."
0:32:11 > 0:32:13I'm going, "Johnny, I'm going to ask the man,
0:32:13 > 0:32:14"let me just, let me just..."
0:32:14 > 0:32:16"Mum, Mum, Mum, it's Kanye West."
0:32:21 > 0:32:23Now that's embarrassing, that.
0:32:25 > 0:32:26I didn't know.
0:32:29 > 0:32:32He was very nice but he was holding something...
0:32:32 > 0:32:33He went, you know,
0:32:33 > 0:32:35"I guess you think I'm cool. I'm working in this store.
0:32:35 > 0:32:38"That's OK. He thinks I'm cool." Oi-oi-oi!
0:32:38 > 0:32:39Poor Johnny. I didn't give it up.
0:32:39 > 0:32:42I saw him getting in the lift, I was like,
0:32:42 > 0:32:46"Excuse me, I'm terribly sorry about that." Johnny was like, "Enough now!"
0:32:46 > 0:32:48This was British Home Stores?
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Then I just went to British Home Stores.
0:32:50 > 0:32:53- Would have been better if it was. - Take the kid to...
0:32:53 > 0:32:56Well, James Nesbitt, supercool now,
0:32:56 > 0:33:00because he's bringing us Sky 1's big adaptation of Stan Lee's
0:33:00 > 0:33:06Lucky Man, which starts on Friday, January the 22nd.
0:33:06 > 0:33:10Of course, this is Stan Lee, he created all the Marvel characters.
0:33:10 > 0:33:15He co-created Spider-Man and Thor and Iron Man and Captain America,
0:33:15 > 0:33:16all those things,
0:33:16 > 0:33:22quite a long time ago. This was something he had always thought of.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25He used to be asked, "What would your superpower be?"
0:33:25 > 0:33:27He liked the idea of controlling luck.
0:33:27 > 0:33:30This is a contemporary sort of quite glossy,
0:33:30 > 0:33:35fast-moving thriller set in London,
0:33:35 > 0:33:39in which London plays a big part, actually, and it looks amazing,
0:33:39 > 0:33:41about a cop who's down on his luck,
0:33:41 > 0:33:44he's a compulsive gambler, this is who I play.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48And he meets this mysterious woman who, after
0:33:48 > 0:33:50spending a night with her at a casino,
0:33:50 > 0:33:53where he has finally won some money, he spends the night with her,
0:33:53 > 0:33:57he wakes up in the morning with this ancient bracelet upon his wrist,
0:33:57 > 0:34:02which seems to be able to control luck.
0:34:02 > 0:34:06But there is a price to pay. It's very much of that genre.
0:34:06 > 0:34:10But for you it must be just fun. As an actor, you must love doing it.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14It was just magic. Particularly on the back of stuff I had done
0:34:14 > 0:34:17recently, this was very different.
0:34:17 > 0:34:21The notion of luck is something that appeals to all of us,
0:34:21 > 0:34:23you know. What is it? Does it exist?
0:34:23 > 0:34:26Can we control it? There is a thriller element to it.
0:34:26 > 0:34:28London just looks amazing.
0:34:28 > 0:34:32It really does, it looks so slick and beautiful.
0:34:32 > 0:34:36The Shard has got a bigger part than me.
0:34:36 > 0:34:39The Shard features prominently - the spire!
0:34:41 > 0:34:42Oh, yes!
0:34:42 > 0:34:45Quite often I realised the director was going,
0:34:45 > 0:34:46"And could you just move...
0:34:46 > 0:34:48"just maybe step just to your right a bit?"
0:34:48 > 0:34:51And I'd be like, "Oh, yeah, I see."
0:34:53 > 0:34:55Listen, this is such an action clip.
0:34:55 > 0:35:00It's a real kind of proper James Bond speedboat.
0:35:00 > 0:35:03- As close as I'll get.- But you're really doing the speedboat.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06Oh, no, I was doing it. And in these days of health and safety,
0:35:06 > 0:35:09it's astonishing that this was allowed to happen, because when you
0:35:09 > 0:35:12watch this, I am doing it and I am scared,
0:35:12 > 0:35:14and the boat was more in control of me than I was
0:35:14 > 0:35:16in control of the boat. Which is terrifying.
0:35:16 > 0:35:18And we're going through the Thames Barrier, I think,
0:35:18 > 0:35:20- at three in the morning. - OK, let's have a look.
0:35:25 > 0:35:26Harry, stay back.
0:35:43 > 0:35:44Get down.
0:35:51 > 0:35:52Slow down.
0:35:56 > 0:35:58- Shit, shit!- There's not enough room!
0:35:59 > 0:36:02Harry!
0:36:07 > 0:36:10- Ooh!- Wow. - APPLAUSE
0:36:16 > 0:36:21When I'm driving the boat there, there's a man sort of at my knees,
0:36:21 > 0:36:24and at one point he was going, "Jesus, slow down, slow down!"
0:36:24 > 0:36:27GRAHAM CACKLES
0:36:27 > 0:36:29"Not funny, not funny."
0:36:29 > 0:36:33All right, it's time for music. Now, this man...
0:36:33 > 0:36:35Wait for this as a statistic.
0:36:35 > 0:36:38This man's debut album Chaos and the Calm
0:36:38 > 0:36:42was top ten in 51 countries.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45Yeah. Now he's got three Grammy nominations.
0:36:45 > 0:36:48Performing Best Fake Smile, please welcome James Bay.
0:36:48 > 0:36:51APPLAUSE
0:36:51 > 0:36:54# No, you don't have to wear your best fake smile
0:36:54 > 0:36:57# Never stand there and burn inside
0:36:57 > 0:37:02# Oh, oh, oh, if you don't like it
0:37:04 > 0:37:07# She's working late and making eyes at the door
0:37:07 > 0:37:11# She's sick of everybody up on her floor
0:37:11 > 0:37:14# She wants the sun in her eyes but all she gets is ignored
0:37:17 > 0:37:20# She used to put it out and get it all back
0:37:20 > 0:37:23# But now she's slipping trying to carry the act
0:37:23 > 0:37:26# She's sweating under the lights, now she's
0:37:26 > 0:37:28# Beginning to crack
0:37:30 > 0:37:33# And you don't have to wear your best fake smile
0:37:33 > 0:37:36# Don't have to stand there and burn inside
0:37:36 > 0:37:41# Oh, oh, oh, if you don't like it
0:37:43 > 0:37:46# And you don't have to care, so don't pretend
0:37:46 > 0:37:49# Nobody needs a best fake friend
0:37:49 > 0:37:54# Oh, oh, oh, don't hide it
0:37:54 > 0:37:56# Yeah!
0:38:03 > 0:38:06# No hesitation now she gets up and walks
0:38:06 > 0:38:10# She thinks of all the pain and pride that it cost
0:38:10 > 0:38:14# She empties all the tip jars and don't get back what she lost
0:38:16 > 0:38:19# Outside the window with two fingers to show
0:38:19 > 0:38:23# She lifts her head up just to blow out the smoke
0:38:23 > 0:38:27# She doesn't have to look back to know where she's got to go
0:38:27 > 0:38:29# Yeah
0:38:29 > 0:38:33# And you don't have to wear your best fake smile
0:38:33 > 0:38:36# Don't have to stand there and burn inside
0:38:36 > 0:38:41# Oh, oh, oh, if you don't like it
0:38:42 > 0:38:46# And you don't have to care, so don't pretend
0:38:46 > 0:38:49# Nobody needs a best fake friend
0:38:49 > 0:38:54# Oh, oh, oh, don't hide it, no
0:38:56 > 0:39:03# If you don't bleed it you don't need it any more
0:39:03 > 0:39:09# If you don't need it get up and leave it on the floor
0:39:09 > 0:39:15# No more believing like it's a voice you can't ignore
0:39:15 > 0:39:22# If you don't bleed it you don't need it, no
0:39:23 > 0:39:27# And you don't have to wear your best fake smile
0:39:27 > 0:39:30# Don't have to stand there and burn inside
0:39:30 > 0:39:34# Oh, oh, no if you don't like it
0:39:36 > 0:39:40# And you don't have to care, so don't pretend
0:39:40 > 0:39:44# Nobody needs a best fake friend
0:39:44 > 0:39:48# Oh, oh, oh, if you don't like it
0:39:50 > 0:39:54# And you don't have to wear your best fake smile
0:39:54 > 0:39:57# Don't have to stand there and burn inside
0:39:57 > 0:40:02# Oh, oh, oh, if you don't like it, no
0:40:04 > 0:40:07# Oh, oh, oh
0:40:07 > 0:40:10# No, if you don't like it. #
0:40:10 > 0:40:13CHEERING
0:40:16 > 0:40:19James Bay, everybody. Come on over, James.
0:40:20 > 0:40:21Drop your gee-tar.
0:40:23 > 0:40:29Wow, energy to burn. Congratulations. James, that's James.
0:40:29 > 0:40:33- Nice to meet you. - Tracey, that's Ralph.
0:40:33 > 0:40:37- Amazing.- Thank you. That was fun. Thank you so much.
0:40:37 > 0:40:41Wow! The energy of that! That was fantastic, thank you so much.
0:40:41 > 0:40:44Ay, it's an honour to kick off the year.
0:40:44 > 0:40:47Well... You've kicked us off, I tell you.
0:40:47 > 0:40:49That is of course from the album Chaos and the Calm.
0:40:49 > 0:40:52It's still for sale but presumably everyone's got it now.
0:40:52 > 0:40:54It sold amazingly well.
0:40:54 > 0:40:58- Yeah, it's, erm...- Just go with yes. - Yes.
0:40:58 > 0:41:01It is mad to think how many people have it, yeah,
0:41:01 > 0:41:03that's an exciting thing.
0:41:03 > 0:41:06Must say, good luck with the Grammys. When are the Grammys?
0:41:06 > 0:41:08It's like Valentine's Day. Or the day after.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10I think that's...how I remembered it.
0:41:10 > 0:41:13- I think it's the 15th of February. - 15th of February.
0:41:13 > 0:41:15Listen, someone will make sure you're there.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17It would be really annoying if you missed it.
0:41:17 > 0:41:18"I was sure it was the 15th!"
0:41:20 > 0:41:22I'll try and get there.
0:41:22 > 0:41:24Thanks for doing that great performance and
0:41:24 > 0:41:26good luck on the 15th of February.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29All right, thanks a lot. James Bay. Very good.
0:41:29 > 0:41:32APPLAUSE
0:41:32 > 0:41:34Before we go, just time for our first visit of the year
0:41:34 > 0:41:36to the big red chair.
0:41:36 > 0:41:40- Who's there? Hello.- Hello. - What's your name?- Graham.- Is it? OK.
0:41:40 > 0:41:44- Where are you from, Graham? - I'm from Glasgow, originally.
0:41:44 > 0:41:46OK, lovely and where do you live now?
0:41:46 > 0:41:48Well, I'm currently working in London.
0:41:48 > 0:41:49OK, what do you do?
0:41:49 > 0:41:52I'm a brand manager for a well-known pharmaceutical company.
0:41:52 > 0:41:53(Boots.)
0:41:57 > 0:42:00We can't be sure it's (Boots) but it probably is.
0:42:02 > 0:42:05All right, Graham, off you go with your story.
0:42:05 > 0:42:08The first thing you need to know is my girlfriend and I
0:42:08 > 0:42:10were butt-naked in bed.
0:42:10 > 0:42:14- Good start to any story. - Good start!- Very good start.
0:42:14 > 0:42:16Non-exclusive, though.
0:42:16 > 0:42:20We were in a train carriage travelling through South Africa
0:42:20 > 0:42:22and it was one of those really quite
0:42:22 > 0:42:25old locomotives, so it was like an old carriage, wooden,
0:42:25 > 0:42:26and they had a partition door.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29During the night, my girlfriend nudges me and says,
0:42:29 > 0:42:32"Did you hear that?" I'm like, "No, I didn't hear anything."
0:42:32 > 0:42:34I had to get up and check, obviously.
0:42:34 > 0:42:38Being completely naked, I got up and tried to put my trousers on
0:42:38 > 0:42:41because I didn't want to tackle bandits stark naked.
0:42:41 > 0:42:43Obviously.
0:42:44 > 0:42:47And, all of a sudden, the train starts to slow down
0:42:47 > 0:42:51and, with it being an old coach system, they started to collide
0:42:51 > 0:42:53together like a domino effect,
0:42:53 > 0:42:57and that sent me careering through the partition door straight
0:42:57 > 0:42:59into the next cabin
0:42:59 > 0:43:03and I landed straight on top of the woman that was in the other cabin.
0:43:05 > 0:43:08Now, it's at that moment
0:43:08 > 0:43:12when her husband woke up and looked at me and I realised I was
0:43:12 > 0:43:14sitting on his wife's face.
0:43:14 > 0:43:15Ooh!
0:43:15 > 0:43:19- Good story!- Good story.- Good story. You can walk, you can walk.
0:43:21 > 0:43:23Well done. If you would like to join us on the show and have
0:43:23 > 0:43:26a go in that big red chair, you can, just contact us
0:43:26 > 0:43:28via our website at this very address.
0:43:28 > 0:43:30That is it for tonight.
0:43:30 > 0:43:34Please, say a big thank you to my guests Mr James Bay...
0:43:34 > 0:43:35CHEERING
0:43:35 > 0:43:36..James Nesbitt...
0:43:36 > 0:43:37CHEERING
0:43:37 > 0:43:39..Tracey Ullman...
0:43:39 > 0:43:42CHEERING ..and Ralph Fiennes.
0:43:42 > 0:43:44CHEERING
0:43:44 > 0:43:47Join me next week with musician Jack Savoretti,
0:43:47 > 0:43:50actress Gemma Arterton, the irrepressible Miriam Margolyes
0:43:50 > 0:43:52and Friends star Matthew Perry.
0:43:52 > 0:43:55I'll see you then. Goodnight, everybody, bye-bye.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58APPLAUSE