0:00:02 > 0:00:04On the show tonight, we have the stars of the new Bond film, Spectre.
0:00:04 > 0:00:08But I'm a bit tied up. I need someone to come and save me.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10I wish they've hurry up and save me.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12CHEERING
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Oh! Thank God!
0:00:17 > 0:00:21Yes! No, no, shut up!
0:00:28 > 0:00:29Hi!
0:00:30 > 0:00:34- How you doing, Graham?- I'm good. Er...a little help here, please?
0:00:36 > 0:00:40- Is that the time? You've lost weight.- Daniel, no!
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Let's start the shooooooow!
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Oh!
0:00:59 > 0:01:01CHEERING
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Well...
0:01:03 > 0:01:08Good evening, all. Good evening, all. Welcome, welcome, welcome, all.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Ooh, ooh, ooh!
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Oh, I love the smell of burning crotch in the evening.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Now...a great show for you tonight
0:01:15 > 0:01:19and, of course, later on, there will be a full orchestra right there,
0:01:19 > 0:01:22for a stunning musical performance by Mr Sam Smith, everybody.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Yes, there will. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:26 > 0:01:32Don't miss it. Yes, James Bond is in town. He's back.
0:01:32 > 0:01:33But, of course, he's not the only one.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35No, the Chinese Premier's been here.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39The Queen laid on a lavish banquet for him.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42There they all are - the Queen, Princess Kate, David Cameron -
0:01:42 > 0:01:43all at the top table.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46This is where they sat Jeremy Corbyn.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48LAUGHTER
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Now, after the banquet,
0:01:53 > 0:01:57the Chinese Premier stayed the night at Buckingham Palace.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59- CROWD:- Oooooooh! - Now, no, stop that!
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Nothing happened!
0:02:01 > 0:02:02The Queen isn't like that.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06Her Majesty has only even taken one man to her bed chamber.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Ooh! LAUGHTER
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Let's get some guests on!
0:02:11 > 0:02:15He is a double Oscar winner for Quentin Tarantino's last two films,
0:02:15 > 0:02:19Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Now, he's the latest in a long line of brilliant Bond villains.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Please welcome Christoph Waltz!
0:02:24 > 0:02:26APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Hello, sir!
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Really nice to meet you. Have a seat, do.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Christoph Waltz!
0:02:34 > 0:02:36She scared us in 28 Days Later,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38thrilled us in Pirates Of The Caribbean
0:02:38 > 0:02:40and moved us in Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Now, she's reinvented the role of Miss Moneypenny. It's Naomie Harris!
0:02:44 > 0:02:49APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Oh, it's the '60s!
0:02:49 > 0:02:50So '60s!
0:02:50 > 0:02:53It's very nice. Come in, have a seat.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57And this man needs no introduction.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00He's already the most successful James Bond of all time
0:03:00 > 0:03:01and now he's back.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Please welcome Daniel Craig!
0:03:02 > 0:03:06APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Hello! It's lovely to see you.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20They're excited tonight, I tell you.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Oh, good show. Welcome, all. Welcome, all.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25You must be all in a good mood.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Everyone loves the new movie. It's all excellent.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30You've done it, it's great! Relax...
0:03:30 > 0:03:32- And now we're here. - LAUGHTER
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Now, don't you start!
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Now, Christoph, er... VAL-tz?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- Correct?- Yeah. - Oh, good!- Not wrong, at least.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- LAUGHTER - It can be tricky, this.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44I aim that high!
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Erm, have you been on a British talk show before?
0:03:48 > 0:03:53- Erm... I might have, but if I have, then I forgot.- OK.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56You've blanked it from your mind.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Now, Naomie Harris, great to have you on the show.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Tell us about you as an actor.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05You take such a variety of roles, so people may not even know
0:04:05 > 0:04:08that they enjoyed you in Pirates Of The Caribbean.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Cos this... That's you!
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- Er, which is quite a strong look. - It's a very strong look.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18I tried to actually rock that look, very unsuccessfully, actually.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21The black lipstick, the dreadlocks...
0:04:21 > 0:04:22It's not good in real life.
0:04:22 > 0:04:23No?
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- Where did you try to rock that look? - Just out on a Friday night.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- As you do!- Yeah. "Who's she?!
0:04:30 > 0:04:33"She's been watching Pirates Of The Caribbean..."
0:04:33 > 0:04:36And the odd thing about when you're making a movie like this,
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Daniel, you do hurt yourself a lot.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Like, in the previous ones, what's happened to you?
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Erm... I've had my right shoulder reconstructed.
0:04:45 > 0:04:50I've had this left knee operated on, my right knee operated on...
0:04:50 > 0:04:54- Er... My thumb hurts... - LAUGHTER
0:04:54 > 0:04:55- Dry scalp.- A lot!
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Itchy crotch.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01It's very difficult!
0:05:04 > 0:05:07So, you get to do all the action and running around and Naomie, now,
0:05:07 > 0:05:08last time you did.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10You trained, you were out there.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13We've got a shot of you giving it your all. Here you are. Look at that!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15It's great.
0:05:15 > 0:05:16She cares!
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Naomie cares a lot more than that lady does.
0:05:23 > 0:05:24Does she even know she's...?
0:05:24 > 0:05:27She looks like, "Why are they filming me shopping?!"
0:05:27 > 0:05:31I don't think she's in the movie.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Didn't you have a thing when you were doing action stunts with...?
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Was that an extra? When you were doing the driving?
0:05:36 > 0:05:40Yeah, I had to drive into a crowd of people and everybody,
0:05:40 > 0:05:43all the extras were supposed to part, like a sea, for the car -
0:05:43 > 0:05:46as you would do for a moving vehicle coming in your direction.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49And one extra decided to just be a kamikaze and just, like,
0:05:49 > 0:05:52dive in front of the car.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56So, I almost ran him over, which was absolutely terrifying.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Was that a money-making scheme on his part?
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- I don't know what was going through his head.- You didn't hit him.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05No, I didn't hit him, because I have very good reflexes.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07- Very good driving skills. - Yes!- I can attest to that.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Christoph, you weren't injured in this film.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11- Not on this one, no. - No, no, because...
0:06:11 > 0:06:12Yes, I'm trying to think...
0:06:12 > 0:06:15- But you have been injured on a film.- Yeah, yeah.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Well, you know, you get injured as you go along. Of course you do.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Mostly psychologically.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22LAUGHTER
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Er, but was it Django Unchained that you had to ride a horse?
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Are you a natural horseman?
0:06:27 > 0:06:33Erm, oh... I think I'm more naturally a horse than a horseman.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- But...- Hello! OK.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:40 > 0:06:41If you say so!
0:06:41 > 0:06:43I'll say it. That's me.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Good to know. I'll make a note.
0:06:47 > 0:06:52Yeah, erm, I mean, whatever I will say now will top that thing,
0:06:52 > 0:06:55so I'll refrain.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59- We'll just leave it at that. - Yes, please.- You're a horse.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01And, Christoph, literally, we just met.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02- We've never met before.- Yes.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05And you seem very nice. Erm...
0:07:05 > 0:07:10But, you know, what's useful, though, for me as an interviewer is -
0:07:10 > 0:07:13I don't know if you know this - your fans on your fan page
0:07:13 > 0:07:19have put together a handy list of dos and don'ts for the interviewer.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Which, some, I think are very good.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24This is the site here. So you go down to the bottom.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26There's some very good ones like, "Be humble."
0:07:26 > 0:07:30That's good. "Do your homework. Show respect." All very good.
0:07:30 > 0:07:35Some of them I feel are going to be a little more challenging. Er, like,
0:07:35 > 0:07:38"Please do not ask him to describe his character in the film
0:07:38 > 0:07:39"or to describe the film."
0:07:39 > 0:07:40Don't!
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Don't.
0:07:44 > 0:07:45Time for music!
0:07:47 > 0:07:49It's all on you guys, OK?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Now, the new Bond film, Spectre.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56It opens everywhere this Monday and, er,
0:07:56 > 0:07:59obviously, James Bond, Miss Moneypenny...
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Are we allowed to ask you the name of your character?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04You can ask anything you want.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- Who are you playing? - Franz Oberhauser.
0:08:07 > 0:08:08HE GASPS OK.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- That's all I really wanted to know. - There you go.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16- Baby steps. Baby steps.- Yeah.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- Does it say on the website? - No, it doesn't say baby steps.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- I'll put that up there. I'll type that in later.- Please.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24"Take baby steps."
0:08:24 > 0:08:29So, what can any of you tell us about the plot?
0:08:29 > 0:08:31SILENCE
0:08:31 > 0:08:33LAUGHTER
0:08:33 > 0:08:37I haven't actually seen it, so I can't tell you much, at all.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Wait, I've seen it - you're in it and you haven't seen it?
0:08:40 > 0:08:43It's very good. I think you'll be pleased.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46You - excellent!
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- Seriously, it is really good. You've seen it, right?- Yes, I have.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51- Have you seen it?- I have.- Oh, phew!
0:08:51 > 0:08:55- Oh, good.- You're waiting.- I'm waiting for the Royal Premiere.- OK.
0:08:55 > 0:08:56To see it with my family, you know.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58All right!
0:08:58 > 0:09:02"I'm not going to watch it by myself with these losers!
0:09:03 > 0:09:07"I'm going to go with the Royal Family. Then, I'll watch it."
0:09:08 > 0:09:10So, you can't tell us anything about it.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Can you tell us anything about the plot?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14- HE SIGHS - Erm...
0:09:15 > 0:09:17I could sort of quote you the...
0:09:17 > 0:09:22the trailer, but I mean, people have seen that.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26- Bond discovers something from his past.- Good, good. Excellent.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29- And he gets a message from the past.- Oh, yes?
0:09:29 > 0:09:32- And he...goes rogue. - Goes rogue, yes.- And he...
0:09:33 > 0:09:36..gets together with a few women, drives a nice car.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40- Shoots a few people, gets in a fight.- Yeah?- Hurts his knee a bit.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46And... Yeah, that's all I've got.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49OK, that's good. What more do you want?
0:09:49 > 0:09:53Hey, let's start with a reminder of why everyone loves James Bond.
0:09:53 > 0:09:54This is big.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Wow! APPLAUSE
0:10:24 > 0:10:28That's the opening sequence in Mexico and what's...
0:10:28 > 0:10:32- Like, those are real people.- Yeah, we... There were a lot of people.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34We made more people.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Yeah, but still, that opening sequence in Mexico -
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- because it is really Mexico, isn't it?- It is. It's Mexico City, yes.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43We filmed there and it was remarkable.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47I mean, we had about 2,000 extras, I think.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Erm, they all had to be in costume, they all had to be in make-up
0:10:49 > 0:10:52and they were some of the best extras I've ever worked with.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54They were so enthusiastic.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56You've been on a movie set.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59It's just repetition, repetition, repetition...
0:10:59 > 0:11:00- I was the extra.- Uh-huh.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04But you must have shut Mexico City, did you?
0:11:04 > 0:11:06- I mean... - We did, we closed it down, yeah.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09And we flew helicopters around the streets and they gave us
0:11:09 > 0:11:11lots of permissions I don't think you get in many cities.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Well, no, because you are doing proper helicopter stunts
0:11:14 > 0:11:18- over real people.- Yeah, we made it safe. We weren't...
0:11:18 > 0:11:21We weren't going to put anybody in danger.
0:11:21 > 0:11:22OK...
0:11:23 > 0:11:27This is the most expensive Bond movie of all time, is that correct?
0:11:27 > 0:11:28I think so.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Well, no, it ought to be. You go everywhere!
0:11:31 > 0:11:32It's more locations than ever before.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Well, I mean, I think
0:11:34 > 0:11:41that Sam had set something in motion with Skyfall and...
0:11:41 > 0:11:43You know, we made a lot of money on that movie.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45It was a very, very successful movie,
0:11:45 > 0:11:48which is a high-class problem to have, but...
0:11:48 > 0:11:50We had to make this better.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53So, really we just wanted to make the best Bond film we could
0:11:53 > 0:11:55and that means going to locations and being as glamorous
0:11:55 > 0:11:59as we possibly can and just, sort of, throwing the kitchen sink at it.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01And travelling around. Roger Moore, when I talked to him,
0:12:01 > 0:12:04he talked about how it didn't matter where he went. He could show up
0:12:04 > 0:12:08in a village in Timbuktu and people would go "James Bond, James Bond."
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Were any of these locations...?
0:12:09 > 0:12:13Could you go there and people didn't know that you were James Bond?
0:12:13 > 0:12:14Erm...
0:12:14 > 0:12:18- No. No, no.- That's crazy, isn't it?- It is crazy.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20I can't get my head around it at all.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22I mean, I've been in some very remote locations.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24You've got to think - there isn't a cinema,
0:12:24 > 0:12:25you don't have a television,
0:12:25 > 0:12:27how the hell do you know who I am? And yet, they do.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30I think most people do have televisions, I mean...
0:12:31 > 0:12:33There are very few places.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39- So...- And because you are "James Bond", presumably people...
0:12:39 > 0:12:40Do they treat you differently?
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Are there perks, are there downsides?
0:12:42 > 0:12:44I get treated very, very, very well.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47And I have to, kind of, keep my feet on the ground,
0:12:47 > 0:12:49otherwise it would really go to my head -
0:12:49 > 0:12:52more than it's gone to my head, already.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Cos I heard you saying that drinks just appear.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57It doesn't matter where you are, drinks appear.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Usually, sort of, at nine o'clock in the morning, as well.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02- Someone just sends it.- Hello!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06There's not much wrong with that. No, you're right.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10- Erm...- Oh, is that why? You don't want to offend people?
0:13:10 > 0:13:11Yeah, yeah!
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- That's why he's drunk all day. - It's a good excuse.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Cos you were warned, when you went into Skyfall,
0:13:19 > 0:13:21weren't you warned that this was going to change your life, Naomie?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- Yeah. - So, how has it affected your life?
0:13:24 > 0:13:25It hasn't, really.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27LAUGHTER
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- Seriously, like...- No drinks? Nothing?- No, no drinks for me.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34But I can go on the Tube, the buses, sit under a poster of myself
0:13:34 > 0:13:36and no-one notices, at all.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- So...- Is that disappointing?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41It's a little bit disappointing.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43That was a bit like a cry from the heart.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46If you do see her out and about, ladies and gentlemen...
0:13:46 > 0:13:47Shout out her name!
0:13:47 > 0:13:50If you could mob her, get selfies, things like that.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Just, yeah, get strangers involved. Erm...
0:13:53 > 0:13:54Now, Naomie, when you went for this,
0:13:54 > 0:13:57did you know you were going to be Moneypenny?
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Or did you think you'd be one of the Bond girls?
0:13:59 > 0:14:02No, I was asked to audition as a Bond girl,
0:14:02 > 0:14:03for the role of a Bond girl,
0:14:03 > 0:14:05and I just went in for a laugh, to be honest,
0:14:05 > 0:14:08because I know they audition thousands of people
0:14:08 > 0:14:10all around the world and I just thought I was one of many.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14I didn't really think I had a chance in hell, really, of getting it.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16But was your Moneypenny, sort of, a Bond girl?
0:14:16 > 0:14:17No, she is Moneypenny.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21But the idea was I would audition for a Bond girl and then...
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- Be so brilliant, you were Moneypenny.- Yes.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28No, then they would tell me that the role was actually for Moneypenny.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29Oh, I see!
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- They're messing with your mind... - Exactly, exactly.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36OK. Did you ever find out what your Bond girl name would have been?
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Erm, it would have been Kiki Martin.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42Kiki Martin. OK. I don't know if you know how this works.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47Last time Daniel was here, yours was Cock Hargreaves.
0:14:49 > 0:14:54Basically, it's whatever you call your private area.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55We've talked about that before.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Yes. We know what you call yours.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00And, er...Neddy.
0:15:00 > 0:15:05And, er... And then your grandmother's maiden name.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06What was yours again?
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- Kiki Martin.- Kiki Martin?- Mmhm.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Cock, meet Kiki. Kiki, Cock.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20As a child! As a child, you said as a child, right?
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Yeah. Or now, I don't care.
0:15:23 > 0:15:24Hiya!
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Kiki Martin. Kiki Martin's a good name.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31What would your Bond girl name be, Christoph?
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Oo-ee...
0:15:34 > 0:15:35It would be, erm...
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- Well, we called it Horsey.- Horsey.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43Er... Horsey... Horsey Mayen.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Horsey Mayen!
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Wow!
0:15:46 > 0:15:50It sounds like a cross between horse radish and mayonnaise, doesn't it?
0:15:50 > 0:15:52I'll have that with Horsey Mayen.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Delicious!
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Now, here's a thing.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01In Skyfall, Naomie and Daniel, you had that very sexy,
0:16:01 > 0:16:05potentially-dangerous scene, with the shaving.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07CHEERING
0:16:07 > 0:16:12Now which of you, or were either of you nervous going into that scene?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14You must have been a bit nervous?
0:16:14 > 0:16:18- No, she practised. - I did. For six weeks, no less.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Were there a lot of bleeding extras?
0:16:21 > 0:16:25- Members of the crew who came in and I'd practise on them.- Really?
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Yeah, in their lunch break. They liked it.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28Did they have a choice?
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Maybe not. I don't know.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Crying...
0:16:33 > 0:16:34"I have children!"
0:16:37 > 0:16:39You... Did you do the classic training on a balloon thing?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Yes, I did. Mm-hm.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45Now, we heard that you were exceptionally good at shaving...
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Well, it took me six weeks, so I don't think I was that good.
0:16:49 > 0:16:50OK. So could you still do it?
0:16:50 > 0:16:52If I got you to shave a balloon, could you still do it?
0:16:52 > 0:16:54- I could give it a go. - All right. She's game.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59- I've got the bits of equipment here. - Do we need to blow up the balloon?
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- Well, we've got to blow up the balloon. Can you do that?- I'll try.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05You've got children. You must have done parties.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10It's good. It's not as big as your head yet.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- Don't look at me! - No, I'm not looking.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14LAUGHTER
0:17:20 > 0:17:22I can't do it if you're watching.
0:17:24 > 0:17:25I'll shut my eyes.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30This'll be in the next Bond film.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35GRAHAM LAUGHING
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- More?- It's nearly as big as your head, keep going.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44There, that's about right now. If you just want to tie it off.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45And, now, Christoph, you're an artist.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48I wonder, could you put Daniel's face on the balloon?
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Thank you very much.
0:17:51 > 0:17:52Lovely.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57LAUGHTER
0:17:57 > 0:17:58Please be kind!
0:17:59 > 0:18:01It's a pink balloon. How kind can he be?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08- We're going to put shaving foam on it.- OK.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Are you confident you won't burst this?
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Cos if you burst this, we are all going to be covered in this.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- No pressure, then!- Let's see you.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Oh, actually, let's have a look. Turn like that.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22APPLAUSE
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- I'm not sure that applause is a good thing.- I'm not, either.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28OK. Can you soap it up, or do you want me to soap it up?
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- You can soap it up.- OK. OK.- Do you want me to hold it?- Why don't you?
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Yes, thank you very much. HE HUMS
0:18:36 > 0:18:38- Have you done this before?- Oh, yeah.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- Er, OK, I'll put lots on.- Yeah.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44- It'll be easier to get off that way, won't it?- No!
0:18:44 > 0:18:45- OK.- Harder.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48LAUGHTER
0:18:49 > 0:18:53OK, so, if you want to stand up, and I'd say shove down, you guys,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56cos you're wearing expensive clothes.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59- Er, OK...- So I'm going to sit. - Oh, you're going to sit? OK.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03It's up to you. OK, I'll hold it for you. I'll hold it.
0:19:03 > 0:19:04- Right...- Oh... Oh, God.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06- OK.- This is unbearable.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Argh! Argh, argh, argh...
0:19:13 > 0:19:14There's a towel. There's a towel,
0:19:14 > 0:19:16there's a towel. APPLAUSE
0:19:16 > 0:19:17- Perfect.- OK.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22It's around the lips that you have to be really careful.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23It's a balloon!
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Are you going to do this? You are, aren't you?
0:19:30 > 0:19:34Yeah, because I was trained by the amazing Tony.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Of Guy? LAUGHTER
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Oh, well done, you!
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Excellent, very good! APPLAUSE
0:19:49 > 0:19:51That's, er... That's...
0:19:51 > 0:19:53There, it's gone. It's gone.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58We'll have to explain that later.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03How will we recover? That's so impressive!
0:20:03 > 0:20:05- Thank you!- Yeah!
0:20:05 > 0:20:09Something to fall back on, isn't it? Something to fall back on.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11All right, let's enjoy another taste of Spectre.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14This is Daniel Craig with Christoph Waltz, who is...
0:20:14 > 0:20:15They're just having a chat.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- Yes.- You're just having a chat.
0:20:18 > 0:20:19Information is all...
0:20:21 > 0:20:23..is it not?
0:20:23 > 0:20:25For example, you must know by now
0:20:25 > 0:20:28that the 00 programme is officially dead...
0:20:30 > 0:20:33..which leads me to speculate exactly why you came.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38So, James,
0:20:38 > 0:20:40why did you come?
0:20:40 > 0:20:41I came here to kill you.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44And I thought you came here to die.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Well, it's all a matter of perspective.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Now...
0:20:55 > 0:20:56Now, this started for you...
0:20:56 > 0:20:59You were a working actor all your life, you worked away,
0:20:59 > 0:21:05and then this crazy thing happened, where suddenly you have global fame.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Yeah, but with me, I'm the other end of the spectrum.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10When people see me, they duck and run.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14But the thing is, like everyone else,
0:21:14 > 0:21:16we discovered you on that world stage
0:21:16 > 0:21:20when you did Inglourious Basterds, but I assumed you'd been
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- just busy working in Germany, Austria, whatever...- Yeah.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27..but when you were young, though, you did try to crack America.
0:21:27 > 0:21:28Yeah, I did.
0:21:28 > 0:21:33I was there for about two years, waiting on tables, then I said,
0:21:33 > 0:21:35"Do I want to be a waiter?"
0:21:35 > 0:21:38Since I didn't, I went back.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42So how did Quentin Tarantino find you?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Well, he had to look hard.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51In the end, he was rewarded, let's say.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54APPLAUSE
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- He did change your life. - Totally, completely.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Two Oscars. You've now got as many Oscars as he does,
0:22:02 > 0:22:05which must be kind of annoying for him.
0:22:05 > 0:22:12Well, the way I see it is, he kind of wrote the stuff that he
0:22:12 > 0:22:18- offered me to win an Oscar with. - Yeah.- So I'm indebted to him.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Now, going back to your early acting days...
0:22:21 > 0:22:23..there was a television programme.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26What age were you when you were in - I think I'm saying it right -
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Am Dam Des?
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Yeah...
0:22:33 > 0:22:35What age? Mmm, I don't know.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38- Hmm, maybe 19?- 19.
0:22:38 > 0:22:43Now, don't laugh too much, because we've got crap on you, as well.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46This is a clip... Listen, we've all done things.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50This is a clip from Am Dam Des,
0:22:50 > 0:22:54but even in this, I think you can see the glimmer of greatness
0:22:54 > 0:22:56that would one day lead to two Oscars.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58HE SNORTS Roll the clip.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:23:02 > 0:23:04- HE SINGS:- # Ich bin das neue Jahr
0:23:04 > 0:23:06# Bin junger als das alte war
0:23:06 > 0:23:07# Wie viel?
0:23:07 > 0:23:10# Das ist jetzt die Frage
0:23:10 > 0:23:14# Um 365 Tage. #
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Oh, beautiful! CHEERING
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Could you repeat that? I missed the last part.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31So just because... Why did it say "1977" on you?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Because I was the new year.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Couldn't you tell?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38You were certainly festive!
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Did you keep the outfit? It's extraordinary.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44I would like that - a New Year's outfit.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48Yeah, it really is. Nothing says "New Year" like a knitted leotard.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53But...
0:23:54 > 0:23:56But, Daniel Craig, we turn to you.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Because you started very young, as well.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00- STRAINED:- Yes...
0:24:02 > 0:24:05You were in school, in the National Youth Theatre.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07When did you do panto? How old were you when you did panto?
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Um...15, 14?
0:24:10 > 0:24:11- 15, 14.- Yeah.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Now, annoyingly, we only have a still,
0:24:14 > 0:24:17but it's still a quality picture, it's still a quality still.
0:24:17 > 0:24:22This is Daniel Craig. See if you can spot which one he is.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26He is one of the Ugly Sisters in Cinderella.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Can we zoom in on the faces?
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Right or left, ladies and gentlemen?
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- AUDIENCE:- Left!
0:24:36 > 0:24:39- Left.- Yep.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Do you know who that is?
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Um, I think it's, um...
0:24:43 > 0:24:45- (Richard Kelly.) RELIEVED:- Oh, thank you!
0:24:45 > 0:24:48A long time ago. Richard Kelly.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Richard Kelly! Yay! He's here tonight. No, he's not.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Where was that?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56At school. A school production of Cinderella.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00- You really went for it, didn't you? - That's my career right there.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Commitment, ladies and gentlemen.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Now, annoyingly, cos we kind of thought,
0:25:05 > 0:25:09"Oh, Naomie was a child star! This will be hilarious."
0:25:09 > 0:25:11No, Naomie - just ado-ra-ble!
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- Aww!- Is it Simon And The Witch you were in?- Yes.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Look at Naomie, look at this.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19- Oh, God.- Look at that! AUDIENCE:- Aww!
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Aww!
0:25:23 > 0:25:28You credit Danny Boyle for rescuing you from that side of your career.
0:25:28 > 0:25:33Yeah, yeah, he actually gave me the part in 28 Days Later
0:25:33 > 0:25:37when I'd just left drama school and that completely changed my career.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40Then, he also gave me a part in Frankenstein, at the National,
0:25:40 > 0:25:42which is the reason why I'm in Bond, in fact,
0:25:42 > 0:25:44cos Sam Mendes came to see it, and Debbie McWilliams,
0:25:44 > 0:25:47and that's how I got cast.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49- It's a small world, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:25:49 > 0:25:50If you're in it.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53APPLAUSE
0:25:56 > 0:25:57We've got to ask you, Daniel,
0:25:57 > 0:26:01how annoying is it when you're actually making a film,
0:26:01 > 0:26:03you're actually out there, you're hurting your knee
0:26:03 > 0:26:05your running down the street, you're reversing cars
0:26:05 > 0:26:10and the papers are just full of who's going to be Bond next?
0:26:10 > 0:26:12That must be a bit irksome.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15I just ignore it. I don't really get involved with it,
0:26:15 > 0:26:17so that's the way I deal with it.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19There's always a...
0:26:19 > 0:26:21There's always speculation round a Bond movie.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24There's lots of excitement and lots of people have different opinions,
0:26:24 > 0:26:30but I suppose that's just because we're hopefully getting it right
0:26:30 > 0:26:33and that people are still interested, which is the best bit.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36And if this film, as it looks like it's going to do,
0:26:36 > 0:26:40does amazing business - blockbuster, blockbuster - presumably,
0:26:40 > 0:26:44they'll just throw so much money at you, you'll have to do another one.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49I would genuinely say this - I have never done any job for the money.
0:26:49 > 0:26:50I've only ever...
0:26:50 > 0:26:53You mightn't have been offered this much money before, though.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55That's true.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58That's true, but it's, uh...
0:26:58 > 0:27:01I can't think about another one right at the moment,
0:27:01 > 0:27:04because we've, literally, finished this one
0:27:04 > 0:27:05and this is the best bit.
0:27:05 > 0:27:10Now that all I care about is getting the film in front of an audience
0:27:10 > 0:27:12and we'll see. I don't know.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- We hope you do.- That's very nice. - Fingers crossed, you do.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Listen, just before we meet Sam Smith,
0:27:17 > 0:27:19this is very sweet. I don't know if you guys have seen this.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23Someone posted it online and it's by an eight-year-old boy,
0:27:23 > 0:27:28an eight-year-old boy wrote this, and it's, kind of, his review of Bond
0:27:28 > 0:27:31and, through the eyes of a child,
0:27:31 > 0:27:36really, this does capture the enduring appeal of James Bond.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40He wrote, "Once there was a guy named Bond, James Bond.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42"He was from Inglend.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44"He was a very good actor in movies.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46"He has a friend named M.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48"James Bond gous in gun movies.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50"And he never dies in all his movies.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53"There are different actors. Some are not good.
0:27:53 > 0:27:54"Some are good.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56"Some are amazing.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00"And at the end of the movies, there is kissey-kissey parts.
0:28:00 > 0:28:01"I like them."
0:28:01 > 0:28:03APPLAUSE
0:28:04 > 0:28:06That's the plot.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11Right, it is time for our musical guest tonight.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15This man is a true home-grown superstar who's done it all.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18He's won Brits and Grammys and now he's a world record-breaker
0:28:18 > 0:28:21with his Bond theme, Writing's On The Wall.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Please welcome Sam Smith, everybody!
0:28:23 > 0:28:25WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:27 > 0:28:30- Hello.- Hi.- How are you? - Lovely to see you.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34THEY GREET EACH OTHER
0:28:38 > 0:28:41There you go, sir. Have you guys all met before, or is this it?
0:28:41 > 0:28:43- Just out there.- Out there now.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46- We shouldn't say that, should we? - If it's true, why not say it?
0:28:46 > 0:28:49We did, just now. It's nice to meet you.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52Because you heard the song fairly early on, Daniel, didn't you?
0:28:52 > 0:28:54Yeah, I got...
0:28:54 > 0:28:55You'd just recorded it, hadn't you?
0:28:55 > 0:28:58Sent us a copy of it and I sat in a room with Sam
0:28:58 > 0:29:01- and stuck some headphones on and... - That early on? That's scary.
0:29:01 > 0:29:03Have you seen it in the film yet?
0:29:03 > 0:29:06- No, I'm the same as you. I haven't seen it.- I haven't seen it, either.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08- I want to save it for me and my family.- Exactly.
0:29:08 > 0:29:10All about the event, you know?
0:29:10 > 0:29:12Oh, cos when you see it in the title sequence,
0:29:12 > 0:29:15- it's so different. - I love how you've seen it, as well.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20I'm sure you could have seen it, if you'd wanted to.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23I was offered to, but I'm so excited for Monday. It'll be beautiful.
0:29:23 > 0:29:27How does it happen? Do you get a call? Do you make the call?
0:29:27 > 0:29:30I got a call to go to Pinewood Studios, to meet Sam and Barbara,
0:29:30 > 0:29:32and I didn't know what that meant.
0:29:32 > 0:29:35- Sam Mendes and Barbara Broccoli.- Yes.
0:29:35 > 0:29:37Babs Broccoli, you know her.
0:29:37 > 0:29:41- So, you go for the meeting...- Yes, went in there, went into the office.
0:29:41 > 0:29:43Lovely people, it was great,
0:29:43 > 0:29:44and they gave me the script.
0:29:44 > 0:29:46I couldn't believe it, they gave me script,
0:29:46 > 0:29:49there's my name across it. You guys probably know this.
0:29:49 > 0:29:51There's your name across every page,
0:29:51 > 0:29:52which is scary as shit.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54If you leave it somewhere...
0:29:54 > 0:29:57Yeah, because if you leave it, everything's blamed on me.
0:29:57 > 0:30:00- Yeah.- Then I read the script, then I had a crack at the song.
0:30:00 > 0:30:05But on the day, were they seeing other people?
0:30:05 > 0:30:07- I think so, I don't know.- Metallica.
0:30:07 > 0:30:09"Metallica"!
0:30:11 > 0:30:14It's like, when you first start dating someone, isn't it?
0:30:14 > 0:30:16"Are you still seeing other people?"
0:30:16 > 0:30:17"Yes."
0:30:20 > 0:30:24- So, you write the song, you send it off.- Yes.
0:30:24 > 0:30:27Could they have gone, "Meh, not so much"?
0:30:27 > 0:30:29I guess so. Thank God they didn't.
0:30:29 > 0:30:31I was prepared to do many versions
0:30:31 > 0:30:33- if they wanted me to. - You were?- Yeah.
0:30:33 > 0:30:36But they did ask for some changes, is this right?
0:30:36 > 0:30:42Yes, because lyrically, I think I'm quite a vulnerable writer,
0:30:42 > 0:30:44quite an emotional writer,
0:30:44 > 0:30:46and James Bond is quite a strong character...
0:30:46 > 0:30:48I love that I'm telling you who you are.
0:30:49 > 0:30:52Not that you are James Bond.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54He IS James Bond.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57We needed some tweaks lyrically, so Sam,
0:30:57 > 0:31:00it was a massive collaboration between me and Sam,
0:31:00 > 0:31:02because this fits with the film, I think,
0:31:02 > 0:31:05and I wanted it to fit the storyline. It's hard, actually,
0:31:05 > 0:31:07to bring out a song before the film's even come out,
0:31:07 > 0:31:10cos, hopefully, when you see the film, it will all make more sense.
0:31:10 > 0:31:12Like I say, when you see it in that opening title...
0:31:12 > 0:31:14The opening title sequence is gorgeous.
0:31:14 > 0:31:18- I'm talking to people who've seen it.- I'm so excited.
0:31:18 > 0:31:21It's really beautiful and, of course, the single is still out,
0:31:21 > 0:31:23people can get the single.
0:31:23 > 0:31:26Tonight, this is a world exclusive.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29- You've never performed this song live.- Never.
0:31:29 > 0:31:32And I'm dreading it, absolutely dreading it.
0:31:32 > 0:31:34- You wrote the song! - I know, but do you know what?
0:31:34 > 0:31:37I've only actually sung the song once, really,
0:31:37 > 0:31:41because I did the demo in the studio and they used that.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44It is horrible to sing. Horrible.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46I regret... No, I don't regret.
0:31:47 > 0:31:49- Why is it so bad to sing? - It's just so high.
0:31:49 > 0:31:51I have to grab my balls, it's awful.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53APPLAUSE
0:31:54 > 0:31:57Keep your eyes peeled, ladies and gentlemen.
0:31:57 > 0:31:59WHOOPING
0:31:59 > 0:32:01So this is it, this is a world exclusive,
0:32:01 > 0:32:04the first live performance of the new Bond theme.
0:32:04 > 0:32:07We're so excited you're doing it for us.
0:32:07 > 0:32:09A bored orchestra awaits.
0:32:09 > 0:32:10- Do go and join them.- I shall.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13- Ladies and gentlemen, Sam Smith! - Thank you.
0:32:13 > 0:32:15WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
0:32:17 > 0:32:18Right!
0:32:18 > 0:32:22Shortly, we'll have this week's stories from the big red chair,
0:32:22 > 0:32:26but first, performing Writing's On The Wall, it is Mr Sam Smith!
0:32:26 > 0:32:29WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
0:32:45 > 0:32:50# I've been here before
0:32:53 > 0:32:57# But always hit the floor
0:32:59 > 0:33:03# I've spent a lifetime running
0:33:03 > 0:33:07# And I always get away
0:33:07 > 0:33:12# But with you I'm feeling something
0:33:12 > 0:33:17# That makes me want to stay
0:33:17 > 0:33:21# I'm prepared for this
0:33:24 > 0:33:28# I never shoot to miss
0:33:31 > 0:33:35# But I feel like a storm is coming
0:33:35 > 0:33:39# If I'm gonna make it through the day
0:33:39 > 0:33:43# Then there's no more use in running
0:33:43 > 0:33:47# This is something I gotta face
0:33:48 > 0:33:54# If I risk it all
0:33:55 > 0:34:01# Could you break my fall?
0:34:01 > 0:34:05# How do I live? How do I breathe?
0:34:05 > 0:34:09# When you're not here I'm suffocating
0:34:09 > 0:34:12# I want to feel love run through my blood
0:34:12 > 0:34:17# Tell me, is this where I give it all up?
0:34:17 > 0:34:24# For you, I have to risk it all
0:34:25 > 0:34:32# Cos the writing's on the wall
0:34:37 > 0:34:42# A million shards of glass
0:34:45 > 0:34:50# That haunt me from my past
0:34:52 > 0:34:55# As the stars begin to gather
0:34:55 > 0:35:00# And the light begins to fade
0:35:00 > 0:35:03# When all hope begins to shatter
0:35:03 > 0:35:07# Know that I won't be afraid
0:35:08 > 0:35:16# If I risk it all
0:35:16 > 0:35:22# Could you break my fall?
0:35:22 > 0:35:26# How do I live? How do I breathe?
0:35:26 > 0:35:29# When you're not here I'm suffocating
0:35:29 > 0:35:33# I want to feel love run through my blood
0:35:33 > 0:35:38# Tell me, is this where I give it all up?
0:35:38 > 0:35:40# For you
0:35:40 > 0:35:46# I have to risk it all
0:35:46 > 0:35:53# Cos the writing's on the wall
0:35:55 > 0:36:02# The writing's on the wall
0:36:19 > 0:36:23# How do I live? How do I breathe?
0:36:23 > 0:36:27# When you're not here I'm suffocating
0:36:27 > 0:36:31# I want to feel love run through my blood
0:36:31 > 0:36:34# Tell me, is this where I give it all up?
0:36:36 > 0:36:44# For you, I have to risk it all
0:36:45 > 0:36:52# Cos the writing's on
0:36:52 > 0:36:58# The wall. #
0:36:59 > 0:37:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:37:04 > 0:37:06Sam Smith, everyone!
0:37:06 > 0:37:07Wow!
0:37:07 > 0:37:09That was stunning.
0:37:09 > 0:37:11Thank you so, so much.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13Come and sit down.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15Have a seat there. How good was that?!
0:37:15 > 0:37:17CHEERING CONTINUES
0:37:21 > 0:37:22Wow.
0:37:22 > 0:37:24It's amazing to have such a great film
0:37:24 > 0:37:26and then to have that song in it,
0:37:26 > 0:37:30- it's phenomenal. You must be thrilled, cock-a-hoop.- Relieved.
0:37:30 > 0:37:32Well, that, too.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34Listen, very quickly, before we go onto the red chair,
0:37:34 > 0:37:37we were talking about childhood ambitions earlier with the guys,
0:37:37 > 0:37:40because apparently as a child, you wanted to be an astronaut,
0:37:40 > 0:37:41is this correct?
0:37:41 > 0:37:42No.
0:37:42 > 0:37:45No, no, I actually didn't.
0:37:45 > 0:37:46Are you referring to a certain...?
0:37:46 > 0:37:50We have a lovely picture. This is Sam, this is Sam,
0:37:50 > 0:37:52living the dream.
0:37:52 > 0:37:54AUDIENCE ROARS
0:37:54 > 0:37:56- Oh, my God!- Is that Buzz Lightyear?
0:37:56 > 0:37:58Yeah.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01You know, I was too fat to fit in that,
0:38:01 > 0:38:03it was split open at the back.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05I was a fat, fat boy.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07So you just take a pic not moving?
0:38:07 > 0:38:09"This picture will last forever.
0:38:09 > 0:38:12"One day, it will be on television."
0:38:12 > 0:38:16OK, let's visit the red chair. Let's see who's there tonight.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18- Ugh. Hello!- Hey.
0:38:19 > 0:38:21What's your name?
0:38:21 > 0:38:23Denison. Paul Denison.
0:38:23 > 0:38:24Oh, Jesus.
0:38:24 > 0:38:26APPLAUSE
0:38:35 > 0:38:38I have a sort of chill creeping through my bones
0:38:38 > 0:38:43that we're just going to get that over and over again.
0:38:43 > 0:38:47OK, fingers crossed, it is not a Bond Special red chair.
0:38:47 > 0:38:48Hello.
0:38:48 > 0:38:50- Hi. - AUDIENCE WHOOPS
0:38:51 > 0:38:54Wow, they're loving you. What's your name, sir?
0:38:54 > 0:38:56- My name's Howie Poon. - Howie Poon?- Yes.
0:38:56 > 0:38:58LAUGHTER
0:38:58 > 0:39:00Is that your Bond Girl name?
0:39:00 > 0:39:02That's it.
0:39:02 > 0:39:03OK.
0:39:07 > 0:39:09And what do you do, sir?
0:39:09 > 0:39:10I'm a flight attendant.
0:39:10 > 0:39:15A flight attendant? OK. Transatlantic or domestic?
0:39:15 > 0:39:19- For American Airlines. I do international.- Right, OK.
0:39:19 > 0:39:21Yeah, yeah!
0:39:21 > 0:39:24Do you look after the posh people or just the rabble?
0:39:24 > 0:39:28- Just the rabble.- Yeah, but you treat them nicely, I'm sure.
0:39:28 > 0:39:31- Oh, of course, yes.- So fired.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35Off you go with your story.
0:39:35 > 0:39:39I had to take my 70-year-old Chinese mom
0:39:39 > 0:39:43to her gynaecologist check-up appointment
0:39:43 > 0:39:45- and I...- Can I just say,
0:39:45 > 0:39:49already my hopes for this story are so high,
0:39:49 > 0:39:51I can't tell you.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55So, basically, we get to the office,
0:39:55 > 0:39:58I tell her gynaecologist that I have to translate,
0:39:58 > 0:40:01the gynaecologist has a smirk on her face and says,
0:40:01 > 0:40:03"Well, I'm going to have to ask you
0:40:03 > 0:40:08"a couple of uncomfortable questions to translate for your mom."
0:40:08 > 0:40:12She's like, "I need to know if your mom is sexually active
0:40:12 > 0:40:16"and I need to know how active she is."
0:40:16 > 0:40:18NAOMIE GROANS
0:40:18 > 0:40:19So keep in mind she's 70 years old.
0:40:21 > 0:40:23I translate in Chinese - I'm like...
0:40:23 > 0:40:25HE SPEAKS IN CHINESE LANGUAGE
0:40:26 > 0:40:29Basically, that means, "Do you guys still have sex?"
0:40:29 > 0:40:32So my mum hits me on the shoulder, she's like,
0:40:32 > 0:40:36"You know your dad. Of course we do. Five to six times a week."
0:40:36 > 0:40:38AUDIENCE ROARS
0:40:38 > 0:40:41APPLAUSE
0:40:41 > 0:40:42Wow!
0:40:47 > 0:40:51So, basically, I'm completely embarrassed,
0:40:51 > 0:40:53my mom's not even shy about it.
0:40:53 > 0:40:58I go from, like, basically embarrassed to depressed
0:40:58 > 0:41:00that my mum and dad are getting more than I am.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02Aww!
0:41:02 > 0:41:04Can he walk? You should walk.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06Yeah, walk, walk.
0:41:06 > 0:41:08APPLAUSE
0:41:11 > 0:41:13That's nice, but his mother can't.
0:41:13 > 0:41:14OK...
0:41:18 > 0:41:19They'll cut that out.
0:41:20 > 0:41:22No, they won't!
0:41:22 > 0:41:24Let's have another one. One more, one more.
0:41:24 > 0:41:26- Hello, sir.- Hello.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29- Hello, how are you?- Good, thank you. How are you?- I'm very good, thanks.
0:41:29 > 0:41:32LAUGHTER
0:41:32 > 0:41:36- What's your name?- My name is Zach Ford.- Zach Ford? Lovely.
0:41:36 > 0:41:38Is that your real name?
0:41:38 > 0:41:40- Yes, it is.- It is tonight. OK!
0:41:40 > 0:41:43- And where are you from, Zach Ford? - I'm from New Zealand, Dunedin.
0:41:43 > 0:41:45LOUD WHOOPING
0:41:47 > 0:41:48I dunno.
0:41:48 > 0:41:52- OK, Zach Ford... By the way, do you live here now?- I do, yeah.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55- What do you do here? - I'm a primary school teacher.
0:41:55 > 0:41:56Really?! OK.
0:41:59 > 0:42:02Anyone else surprised? I was quite surprised.
0:42:02 > 0:42:04"Zach Ford, primary school teacher."
0:42:08 > 0:42:10IN SUAVE VOICE: "Hey, kids, let's count to ten."
0:42:14 > 0:42:16He seems too cool.
0:42:17 > 0:42:19They must worship you, Zach.
0:42:19 > 0:42:22OK, Zach Ford, off you go with your story.
0:42:22 > 0:42:24OK, so "a friend of mine"
0:42:24 > 0:42:27was meeting his girlfriend's family for the first time.
0:42:27 > 0:42:29They were meeting at the beach.
0:42:29 > 0:42:32After meeting everyone, everything was going well
0:42:32 > 0:42:35and suddenly, he had the urge to go to the toilet.
0:42:35 > 0:42:39At the beach, there is nowhere really to hide behind
0:42:39 > 0:42:40to do a number two.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42Oh! AUDIENCE GROANS
0:42:42 > 0:42:46So, the only place there was left was to go to the water,
0:42:46 > 0:42:48so he swam out past the waves
0:42:48 > 0:42:49and had himself an aqua-poo.
0:42:53 > 0:42:54After succeeding,
0:42:54 > 0:42:56he swam back in,
0:42:56 > 0:42:58feeling pretty chuffed with himself,
0:42:58 > 0:43:01got away with not having to go to the toilet in front of the family.
0:43:01 > 0:43:04He went to go grab his towel and his girlfriend just looked at him
0:43:04 > 0:43:08in disgust and was like, "What is that on your back?"
0:43:08 > 0:43:10Oh! AUDIENCE HOWLS
0:43:10 > 0:43:12- He was like...- We can't.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14APPLAUSE That's it.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17That's it. That is it for tonight.
0:43:17 > 0:43:19Well done, everyone in the big red chair.
0:43:21 > 0:43:23All right, that's your lot.
0:43:23 > 0:43:26Please say thank you to my guests, Mr Sam Smith!
0:43:26 > 0:43:28CHEERING
0:43:28 > 0:43:30Christoph Waltz!
0:43:30 > 0:43:31CHEERING
0:43:31 > 0:43:33Naomie Harris!
0:43:33 > 0:43:35CHEERING
0:43:35 > 0:43:37And Daniel Craig!
0:43:37 > 0:43:39CHEERING
0:43:39 > 0:43:42Join me next week, with another great line-up,
0:43:42 > 0:43:44including model Cindy Crawford,
0:43:44 > 0:43:46actress Sienna Miller, actor Bradley Cooper,
0:43:46 > 0:43:48pop superstar Justin Bieber
0:43:48 > 0:43:52and a very rare appearance, the great Dame Maggie Smith.
0:43:52 > 0:43:53AUDIENCE OOHS I'll see you, then!
0:43:53 > 0:43:55Goodnight, everybody, bye-bye!
0:43:55 > 0:43:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE