0:00:02 > 0:00:04Tonight, we have the great Meryl Streep on the show.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06One of the world's greatest actresses,
0:00:06 > 0:00:08she can transform herself into anyone.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10And here she is sitting beside me,
0:00:10 > 0:00:12playing an actual member of the audience.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Meryl, you're extraordinary.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16You've got it so well. The lifeless eyes.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18The sense of hopelessness.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21The sad posture. The clothes are so good.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25They're brilliant, brilliant, really, really excellent.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Oh, there you are! Let's start the show!
0:00:29 > 0:00:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Oh, oh, oh!
0:00:50 > 0:00:55Hello! Hello!
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Good evening, welcome to you all.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00You're very kind.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03We have got a great show for you tonight.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05- Everyone excited? AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Hey! I have a trio of amazing guests on my sofa tonight.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09Imagine that!
0:01:09 > 0:01:12A celebrity threesome we are allowed to talk about.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14LAUGHTER
0:01:14 > 0:01:16It's been a week of sex scandals. It has!
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Did you see the story about John Whittingdale, the Conservative MP
0:01:19 > 0:01:23who unknowingly had a relationship with a sex worker?
0:01:23 > 0:01:28See that? There's John, there, squeezed into an Escort.
0:01:28 > 0:01:33Although he didn't realise it was an Escort at the time.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35He thought it was a Subaru.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41There is talk he may have the whip withdrawn.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43How it got up there, I don't know!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Let's get some guests on.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Later, we'll have music
0:01:48 > 0:01:52from Eurovision hopefuls Joe and Jake. Yes, we will.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55But first, she's one of the hottest actors on telly,
0:01:55 > 0:01:57starring in hits from Spooks and Ashes To Ashes,
0:01:57 > 0:01:59to the brilliant Line Of Duty.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Now she's playing a Brit abroad in the family drama The Durrells.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04It's Keeley Hawes, everybody!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Hello! Lovely to see you.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Come in, sit down. Champagne awaits.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17As the undisputed king of rom-com,
0:02:17 > 0:02:20he's shared the screen with Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock,
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Julianne Moore and Renee Zellweger.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Now he's starring with Meryl Streep in Florence Foster Jenkins.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28Please welcome the charming, the witty, the handsome Hugh Grant.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Hello, sir, very nice to see you.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Really good to see you, come in, sit down, sit down.
0:02:37 > 0:02:42And she is without doubt one of the world's greatest actors,
0:02:42 > 0:02:44winning the Oscar for her roles in Kramer Vs Kramer,
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Sophie's Choice and The Iron Lady.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50It's an honour to welcome back Meryl Streep, everybody!
0:02:50 > 0:02:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Yes! Hello!
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Lovely to see you.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00Sit down, do!
0:03:03 > 0:03:07Hi, hi, hi!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I told you it was a good one.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Well done, you. Well done, well done!
0:03:13 > 0:03:15First time for Keeley.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- Very warm welcome to you. - Thank you, thank you.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21And welcome back to you and Meryl. Nice to see you.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25You are here promoting the film, but you have spent time in London.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29Were you here as a backpacker before you were Meryl Streep?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Oh, yes.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I struggle to remember when that was.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- I think it was 1971.- Wow.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41I stayed in Bethnal Green.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43CHEERING
0:03:43 > 0:03:47There is going to be a blue plaque before morning.
0:03:47 > 0:03:48What did you do?
0:03:48 > 0:03:53Well, I was so thrilled because it was really cheap to stay there
0:03:53 > 0:03:55at this little bed and breakfast.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58And I had no money.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02But breakfast was included, and it came down and it was huge.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- I had never had an English breakfast, you know.- Yeah.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09And I ate everything because I was starving.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13I asked what the little black thing was on the side
0:04:13 > 0:04:16and they said it was blood sausage, or something.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Black pudding. - Black pudding, made of blood!
0:04:19 > 0:04:26- That's right.- So I went straight to the loo and lost it.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Hugh Grant, you have never been backpacking, have you?
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Don't be absurd!
0:04:32 > 0:04:35LAUGHTER
0:04:35 > 0:04:38We were hoping for an amusing camping story, but no.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39I have heard of it. But I...
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Is it when you put a pack on your back?
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Of course I did.
0:04:44 > 0:04:49I trolled around Europe between school and university.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- Right. - I hung out with a bunch of girls
0:04:52 > 0:04:55who thought it was amusing to paint my toenails red.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58And then I stayed in a hostel.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00They were divided, in those days, and it was all men.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03I remember having to go round the showers with my red toenails
0:05:03 > 0:05:07with all these quite butch Aussie and American backpackers.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10A dodgy moment.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Keeley Hawes, I would say, yes, you have backpacked.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- No, I haven't. - Have you never?- Never.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17But I would if Meryl asked me.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Is that because you are one of those people
0:05:19 > 0:05:21who just started working immediately?
0:05:21 > 0:05:24I did. Immediately. When I was nine.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Straight out to work. Yeah.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Meryl, have you watched any British television?
0:05:30 > 0:05:34I am addicted to everything where they do real estate.
0:05:34 > 0:05:39- Grand Designs, something with a hammer.- Under The Hammer. Yeah.
0:05:39 > 0:05:44I love that. And also, Come Dine With Me.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47It's the best, fabulous.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49The couples one, I was watching today.
0:05:49 > 0:05:54You have missed some quality drama. Line Of Duty is on at the moment!
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Line Of Duty is a fantastic show.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00You coming back into it, everyone thought you had gone.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- Including me. - How did they keep that a secret?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Because it's impossible to keep secrets.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08I know. In this day and age, with the internet,
0:06:08 > 0:06:10everything sort of gets spoiled.
0:06:10 > 0:06:15And it really didn't, and so I came back into this show,
0:06:15 > 0:06:17that you will now watch!
0:06:19 > 0:06:23And it was a huge surprise. I think people responded really well.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25People loved it, it was...
0:06:25 > 0:06:26I don't know you very well, Keeley Hawes,
0:06:26 > 0:06:28but you seem like the kind of woman
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- who would find it very hard to keep a secret.- Do I?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32You are drinking, that's all I'm saying. You're drinking.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34LAUGHTER
0:06:34 > 0:06:36"Yeah, I'm in Line Of Duty! Yeah!"
0:06:36 > 0:06:38People kept asking me if I was coming back
0:06:38 > 0:06:42and I was lying very badly to their faces.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44And I felt awful about it.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46But quite pleased!
0:06:48 > 0:06:51You and Meryl, together in a film at last.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Did either of you dream this moment would come?
0:06:53 > 0:06:55No, I always thought I was too old.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59- Oh, stop it!- But he got older. - LAUGHTER
0:07:01 > 0:07:04I am the toy boy!
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Hugh Grant, every time you are on the show
0:07:06 > 0:07:08you say you are going to retire,
0:07:08 > 0:07:11never going to make another film, this is the last one.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13So how did they coax you onto the set for this?
0:07:13 > 0:07:19Well, I have been doing all this Hacked Off stuff,
0:07:19 > 0:07:22and Stephen Frears, who directed this film, is a very nice supporter.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26And he comes to our parties and he would say, "Let's do a film."
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I said, "No, no, show business is in my past."
0:07:29 > 0:07:34And then suddenly he sent me this script which was classy.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I mean, I don't do classy films. This was classy.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Meryl Streep, Stephen Frears, who wins Oscars,
0:07:41 > 0:07:44and rather a good part, a nuanced part.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47You know, with three dimensions.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49And you are really good in it. You know...
0:07:49 > 0:07:51That is what I was prompting you to say.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54You know you are good in it! You must watch and think,
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- "Oh, I'm rather good in this!" - I am less bad than normal.
0:07:57 > 0:07:58Oh, shut up!
0:07:58 > 0:08:05Meryl and Hugh bring us such a funny, charming, sweet film.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Florence Foster Jenkins, it opens on May the 6th.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Meryl, you are Florence Foster Jenkins,
0:08:10 > 0:08:13who I was aware of,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16but I always thought she was turn-of-the-century.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20- But she was 1944. - The film takes place in 1944, yes.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23She was a society lady at that time,
0:08:23 > 0:08:27in the '20s, '30s, and '40s, and she was a club woman,
0:08:27 > 0:08:30and she gave lots of money away to charitable organisations,
0:08:30 > 0:08:32mostly musical societies.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35But she wanted to be a singer all her life,
0:08:35 > 0:08:38and she was a terrible singer. Opera.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41But she had enough money that she could inflict it
0:08:41 > 0:08:43on her friends and club ladies.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46As long as she kept it in the club it was fine,
0:08:46 > 0:08:49but one night she hired Carnegie Hall. And...
0:08:52 > 0:08:56And you play the very supportive husband, Sinclair Bayfield,
0:08:56 > 0:09:01it is a very lovely relationship, because you know her secret.
0:09:01 > 0:09:06Yes, I know she is not just bad, she's appalling.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Because I love her, and also because I have no life
0:09:11 > 0:09:15without this millionairess, my character is a sad, failed actor
0:09:15 > 0:09:20with nothing outside this strange little charmed, deluded world
0:09:20 > 0:09:23of Florence Foster Jenkins and her musical societies.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27So yes, I spend my life keeping people who are going to laugh at her
0:09:27 > 0:09:29or give her a bad review, away.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Her recordings are very famous in the United States.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- I don't know if they know about them here.- No, I think they do.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38They are the most bought records from Carnegie Hall concerts ever,
0:09:38 > 0:09:41because they are sort of guaranteed funny.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I want to have them at my funeral.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- Have you ever heard these recordings?- I have.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50We've got a clip, so here we go.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54TUNELESS VOCAL EXERCISES
0:09:56 > 0:10:01PIANO CHIMES HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING
0:10:01 > 0:10:05GRAHAM LAUGHS
0:10:05 > 0:10:08PIANO CRESCENDO
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Wahey! APPLAUSE
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Well done, that woman.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18It is sort of heartbreaking that her dream came true.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20That she is more well remembered
0:10:20 > 0:10:23than very famous opera singers of the time.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26True. Yes, more requested than the Callas programme.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31But, you know, it is partly because she was really bad.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33But also, you can hear in the recording,
0:10:33 > 0:10:36you can hear her aspiration,
0:10:36 > 0:10:40her trying to be good and her delight in giving it.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44I mean, she really was trying to express herself.
0:10:44 > 0:10:49And the thing that is great about it is that it is almost OK.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Enough that you kind of are on the edge of your seat.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56She might make it to the end of a phrase.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Then it all goes south.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Let's watch a clip.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02This is yourself, Meryl, and Hugh,
0:11:02 > 0:11:06returning from an evening of music at the Carnegie Hall.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Did you see Carlo Edwards in the Met?
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- No. - He was seated to our right.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17- I gather he is coaching again. - Oh, is he now?
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Well, I would like to take more lessons with him.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Then I shall phone him first thing in the morning.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27I shall need a pianist.
0:11:27 > 0:11:32- Yes. - Someone young, someone with passion.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36HE PLAYS FURIOUSLY
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Oh, my head!
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Is he not passionate enough?
0:11:51 > 0:11:54He is raping my ears. Make him stop!
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Thank you!
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Thank you very much, Mr Ziegler.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Thank you, Mr Ziegler!
0:12:01 > 0:12:04- STOPS PLAYING ABRUPTLY - Very good, we will be in touch.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:11 > 0:12:13We know that Meryl Streep can sing.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17Into The Woods, Mamma Mia! You've sung in more films...
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Lately, yes. Won't shut up, yes!
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Is this harder to do,
0:12:22 > 0:12:24being a good singer,
0:12:24 > 0:12:27or are you just hitting the wrong note?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Have you just learnt a different song?
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Yeah, you... I did feel... I didn't know these arias.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37She tackled the toughest arias in the coloratura canon.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40You know, she aimed high.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44And she actually could sing an F above high C, if you know that.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47It is a very stratospheric sound.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50And she could hit it and I really couldn't.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54So I tried to come up to Florence Foster Jenkins.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55The rest of her singing,
0:12:55 > 0:12:59she would meander off the track often.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03But, yes, I tried to learn to sing them as well as I could
0:13:03 > 0:13:07- and then screw around with them. - SHE WARBLES
0:13:07 > 0:13:09LAUGHTER
0:13:09 > 0:13:12- I can pull them out at a party now. - Can you really?- No.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16Oh, OK. LAUGHTER
0:13:16 > 0:13:17Oh, she can.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Full of drink.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Actors go to all the bother of learning these things
0:13:23 > 0:13:25and then it is gone.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27But it is fantastic to be able to... Don't you?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29It is one of the perks of the job,
0:13:29 > 0:13:33things that you never would even consider.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37You also learn what you never want to do again.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Like riding a horse. What is all that about?
0:13:40 > 0:13:43I have never been so miserable as when I had to ride a bloody horse.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47I was a highwayman, a really bad one.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50When I am very self-conscious in a role,
0:13:50 > 0:13:52my voice goes very high.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55And I would leap out of bushes and say...
0:13:55 > 0:13:57- HE SQUEALS:- .."stand and deliver".
0:13:57 > 0:13:59And I was always on this horse,
0:13:59 > 0:14:02and the thing with horses, they stop very suddenly,
0:14:02 > 0:14:04and it is very uncomfortable for a gentleman.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Splits your cluster.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Keeley, I did not know this about you,
0:14:12 > 0:14:16now, I don't know... Hugh, do you play Tomb Raider at all?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- Don't be ridiculous. No, no. - I thought you might!
0:14:19 > 0:14:23- But I like the girl in it. - Lara Croft.- Yes, the shorts.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27- Have you played Tomb Raider? Meryl?- What?- Tomb Raider?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30I don't even know what you are talking about.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33OK! Well, shut your eyes, Hugh Grant,
0:14:33 > 0:14:36because the voice of Lara Croft is sitting beside you.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40- Well, that's not... - That's the voice!- That's the game.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42- Oh!- Yes!- Ha-ha!
0:14:42 > 0:14:45The voice of Lara Croft is Keeley Hawes.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Now, apparently this got confusing for your son.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50It did, when I first started doing it, my son...
0:14:50 > 0:14:53who will kill me, after this talk!
0:14:53 > 0:14:56My son, who is now 15, but was quite little,
0:14:56 > 0:14:59he could never get past the first stage.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03He just made her run around and sort of swim and rock climb,
0:15:03 > 0:15:06and things, and she wears these shorts.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09And so he was doing that and he came running in,
0:15:09 > 0:15:12and I said, "How is it going? Are you enjoying it?"
0:15:12 > 0:15:15He said, "I like the way the lady runs."
0:15:15 > 0:15:18LAUGHTER
0:15:20 > 0:15:23The lady with my...with Mummy's voice!
0:15:23 > 0:15:25It was a bit, you know...
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Did you then ban him from playing that game?
0:15:27 > 0:15:28- Yes, I did!- Yes, you did!
0:15:28 > 0:15:30But I have spoken to people who have done this,
0:15:30 > 0:15:32it's not as simple... You don't just say the lines.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35- I mean, it takes hours and hours, doesn't it?- Hours and hours.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Don't you have to make every little noise
0:15:37 > 0:15:40- she might conceivably make?- Yeah.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43A person, let's call them a "fan",
0:15:43 > 0:15:49has put together, seriously, every noise you make...
0:15:49 > 0:15:55- Not every noise! - LAUGHTER
0:15:55 > 0:15:56I beg to differ!
0:15:58 > 0:16:01I think we are about to hear every noise you make.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03It takes a little while.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06You can shut your eyes, Hugh, you'll enjoy this.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11This is the vocal stylings of Keeley Hawes as Lara Croft.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16HEAVY BREATHING
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Somebody has taken the time to put this together!
0:16:23 > 0:16:26SCREAMING
0:16:26 > 0:16:28That is falling off a cliff.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31MORE SCREAMING There's a really long one in a second!
0:16:33 > 0:16:36MORE SCREAMING
0:16:36 > 0:16:40CLEARING THROAT
0:16:40 > 0:16:44DEEP SIGHS AUDIENCE LAUGHTER
0:16:44 > 0:16:48ORGASMIC SCREAMS
0:16:48 > 0:16:52- REPETITIVE GRUNTS - They've joined them up!
0:16:52 > 0:16:58- MORE GRUNTING - That's quite good! That's kicking!
0:16:58 > 0:17:03- RAPID GRUNTING - I don't know what this is!
0:17:03 > 0:17:08She's done! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Excellent work.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- Thank you.- Excellent work!
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Going back to the film, it is so adorable,
0:17:17 > 0:17:23the way the husband keeps her kind of cocooned in her own self-belief,
0:17:23 > 0:17:27he pays off critics and protects her from reviews and stuff,
0:17:27 > 0:17:30and you just think, you couldn't do that now,
0:17:30 > 0:17:33because Florence would just go online,
0:17:33 > 0:17:36scroll to the comments and never sing again.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40We have all done that. How do we get up in the morning?
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Have you googled "Meryl Streep"?
0:17:42 > 0:17:45I did when they first invented Google and never again.
0:17:46 > 0:17:51- The haters had got there first! - They were there, ready and waiting!
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Hugh, you go on Twitter, you actually tweet.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56And people must tweet you back, and you see them.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58- I get trolled back, yes.- Yes.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00And I have to say, I think the British
0:18:00 > 0:18:03should be very proud of their trolling.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07It is very high quality. We should have a Troll of the Year show.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09What is the worst thing you have had?
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Oh, God. They are mostly unrepeatable,
0:18:11 > 0:18:15but one the other day said, "Hugh Grant now looks like a scrotum."
0:18:15 > 0:18:19- That's rather good. - LAUGHTER
0:18:19 > 0:18:24I wish mine did! That's a compliment!
0:18:27 > 0:18:29But it is that thing, though, when you love someone,
0:18:29 > 0:18:33you do want to either protect them or impress them.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35You want to be your best possible.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Keeley Hawes, you are married to Matthew Macfadyen.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40When you were dating,
0:18:40 > 0:18:45- you did try to enhance who Keeley Hawes is/was.- Yes.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48What did you lie about?
0:18:48 > 0:18:53Well, we were chatting away one day and he said something about tennis.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56And I went along with this conversation about tennis
0:18:56 > 0:19:00and started talking about how I was quite good at tennis, too.
0:19:02 > 0:19:07I grew up, you know, on a council flat with "no ball games", above!
0:19:07 > 0:19:10I had never been anywhere near a tennis racket.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14So I took myself off for lessons
0:19:14 > 0:19:17because he had sort of arranged this game of tennis,
0:19:17 > 0:19:22and so I was going to turn up and, you know, be humiliated.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27So, yeah, I went and had a few lessons.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Did you lie about skiing as well?
0:19:29 > 0:19:33I lied about skiing... I lied about cooking, that was good.
0:19:33 > 0:19:39- Because he is an excellent cook. - Can I just stop you there?
0:19:39 > 0:19:43If somebody is an excellent cook, let them!
0:19:43 > 0:19:46- LAUGHTER - Absolutely!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- Well, I was trying to impress him. - What did you cook him?
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Well, I went to a Tesco Metro.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55And I got one of those, I don't even know what it was...
0:19:55 > 0:19:56Tesco Select.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59..a pepper type thing, and I made the flat very dark
0:19:59 > 0:20:00and lit some candles
0:20:00 > 0:20:03and sort of shoved it in the microwave and got it out
0:20:03 > 0:20:07with none of the apparatus to prove that I had cooked...
0:20:07 > 0:20:09I don't know what I thought I was doing.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13Made it very dark, and he was eating it and saying, "What's in this?"
0:20:13 > 0:20:18I was going... "Um, well, you know, beef and peppers..."
0:20:18 > 0:20:21It was awful. Then the lights went on and then it all...
0:20:21 > 0:20:24The ski lie is quite a common one, though.
0:20:24 > 0:20:29I had a girl I knew who did the same lie that you did about tennis
0:20:29 > 0:20:32about skiing with this boy she really fancied.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34He said, "Do you want to come skiing?" She didn't ski at all
0:20:34 > 0:20:37but for some reason, she said yes. Turned up on the slopes,
0:20:37 > 0:20:39didn't really know what she was doing at all.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41The first thing she told him she needed was a pee,
0:20:41 > 0:20:43and she didn't really know what was happening.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46She asked somebody, and they said, "Go off the side of the piste
0:20:46 > 0:20:49"into the woods and take your trousers down, have a pee."
0:20:49 > 0:20:52So she did that and halfway through the pee,
0:20:52 > 0:20:55she lost control of her skis and came...
0:20:55 > 0:20:56LAUGHTER
0:20:56 > 0:20:59..back out onto the piste, still crouching and still peeing.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01LAUGHTER
0:21:03 > 0:21:06That has to be a low moment.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09APPLAUSE
0:21:09 > 0:21:13Now, Hugh Grant, when you talk about your co-stars, you're quite open
0:21:13 > 0:21:15about talking about your co-stars. I don't know if you remember,
0:21:15 > 0:21:18you gave an interview to Elle magazine and they asked you
0:21:18 > 0:21:21about your various leading ladies.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Do you remember some of the things you said about them?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25I think it was regrettable.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27LAUGHTER
0:21:27 > 0:21:31Well, Emma Thompson - "Clever, funny, mad as a chair."
0:21:31 > 0:21:34- Well, that's true. You know Emma. - Yes, in fairness.
0:21:34 > 0:21:35And quite a mad chair.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Renee Zellweger - "Delightful, also far from sane."
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Fair.
0:21:43 > 0:21:44LAUGHTER
0:21:44 > 0:21:48She is genuinely lovely, but her e-mails are 48 pages long.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Wow.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53You can't understand a word of them.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- I'll put them on Twitter.- Do!
0:21:56 > 0:22:00Sandra Bullock is "a genius at German but too many dogs."
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Way too many dogs.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Then we get into a run of these.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Julianne Moore - "Brilliant actress, loathes me."
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Yes.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12- Rachel Weisz - "Clever, beautiful, despises me."- Yes, yes.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Drew Barrymore - "Made her cry, hates me."
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- That can't be true.- No, no, no!
0:22:16 > 0:22:17Um...
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Julianne definitely hates me.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Rachel Weisz, I think we got on fine. I don't know why I said that.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Maybe I was going for a comedy triple.
0:22:26 > 0:22:27LAUGHTER
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Who was the third one?
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Drew Barrymore.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34She made the mistake of giving me notes.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37How would you take that? When you're acting with someone and they...
0:22:37 > 0:22:39I took them very well, didn't I?!
0:22:39 > 0:22:42LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Wowza!
0:22:50 > 0:22:55- They believed you! - I'm kidding. No, no, I'm joking!
0:22:55 > 0:22:59Because... Meryl, I've heard you speaking about how
0:22:59 > 0:23:03you are now sort of aware of the effect you have on a cast.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Oh, yeah. I heard you say you were terrified.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08You weren't really terrified because the first day I worked with you,
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- I forgot my lines.- I loved that!
0:23:11 > 0:23:13That was the highlight of my year.
0:23:13 > 0:23:17But here is an interesting question I meant to ask you all these months,
0:23:17 > 0:23:21and never dared - are you ever nervous? Were you ever nervous?
0:23:21 > 0:23:23- You did ask me that. - Did I? What was your answer?
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Every day, you asked me that.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30- HUGH GRANT VOICE:- "I'm so nervous! Aren't you nervous?" "No!"
0:23:30 > 0:23:34The second week, I'm not nervous, obviously, but when we got up
0:23:34 > 0:23:38- at Carnegie Hall, I was shaking. - Yeah.- It was terrifying.
0:23:38 > 0:23:43And that was late in the shoot, and when I had to...
0:23:43 > 0:23:45You know... The end, when I...
0:23:45 > 0:23:47- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! - I was very nervous about that.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Well, that's not easy.
0:23:49 > 0:23:50LAUGHTER
0:23:51 > 0:23:54No, I get nervous. I get nervous on chat shows.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- Chat shows are hard.- Oh, stop it!
0:23:56 > 0:23:58You're a genius. I don't know how you do it.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02You put the most uptight people relaxed, but it is tough.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04But you ARE all relaxed, you're nice.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06I'm really uptight still.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08LAUGHTER
0:24:08 > 0:24:10- You haven't moved, I know. - But the thing is...
0:24:10 > 0:24:13You can sort of relate to, I guess, people's reaction to you
0:24:13 > 0:24:17because when you started out, you must have had that reaction to...
0:24:17 > 0:24:19I did. I did.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23The first famous person I knew was Al Pacino.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27I didn't work with him, but he came over to the house for dinner.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29He was a friend of my boyfriend.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31I was cooking... Why?
0:24:31 > 0:24:33I cooked spaghetti.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35LAUGHTER
0:24:37 > 0:24:41I cooked home-made spaghetti sauce.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Somebody had told me once to put a carrot in the sauce.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Oh, it was awful.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49I just remember stirring it
0:24:49 > 0:24:52and, for some reason, my lip going like this.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55I wasn't saying anything. I was just going...
0:24:56 > 0:25:01I was so nervous because he was so famous, but, you know...
0:25:01 > 0:25:04- You should have just gone to Tesco Metro.- Yes!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06LAUGHTER
0:25:06 > 0:25:09- Did he bitch about the carrot? - No!- OK, OK.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12I just knew it wasn't any good.
0:25:12 > 0:25:16It is that thing that, every time we see Meryl Streep in a film,
0:25:16 > 0:25:20it becomes kind of ridiculous, but you are brilliant in them all.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24Have you got performances that you watch back or remember
0:25:24 > 0:25:28where you think, "Actually, I was a bit pants in that," or...?
0:25:28 > 0:25:29- Oh, yeah.- What?
0:25:29 > 0:25:31I'm not going to tell you.
0:25:31 > 0:25:32- Oh, come on!- Oh, my God!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Let's guess!
0:25:34 > 0:25:35No, that was a bad...
0:25:35 > 0:25:37LAUGHTER
0:25:37 > 0:25:39- No, you won't guess. - That's a bad game.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42No, I know, that's a bad game. But you won't guess
0:25:42 > 0:25:46because I have just collected a lot of awards for that film but... No.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48LAUGHTER
0:25:48 > 0:25:51So it's one of your big successes and you think...?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Well, I wouldn't say it was successful.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57It was, um...venerated. Yeah.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00- Ha-ha!- Ooh!
0:26:00 > 0:26:01I'll get it out of her.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05I'll tell you. It was The French Lieutenant's Woman.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Part of it was in...
0:26:11 > 0:26:15I'm giving myself an out, but part of it was the structure of it.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17It was sort of artificial,
0:26:17 > 0:26:21because I was the actress playing the French Lieutenant's woman.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25At the same time, I was an American actress playing the British woman.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27And I hear it now.
0:26:27 > 0:26:34I was young and new at this. And I just didn't...
0:26:34 > 0:26:36I wasn't as pleased as...
0:26:36 > 0:26:38I didn't feel like I was living it.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40I didn't feel I imbued...
0:26:40 > 0:26:42THEY LAUGH
0:26:42 > 0:26:45..the angel of inspiration with the whatever it was.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48That's a line from the movie.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50But, yeah. We always feel,
0:26:50 > 0:26:55you always want to do something better after the fact
0:26:55 > 0:26:56but, you know...
0:26:56 > 0:26:59But there must be ones also where you think, "Nailed it!"
0:26:59 > 0:27:01LAUGHTER
0:27:03 > 0:27:05This, you nailed. This, you nailed.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08- You both do.- We were happy. - Terrific in it.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Now, Keeley, as I was saying, very busy actress.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13May 7th, you'll be on BBC Two
0:27:13 > 0:27:16in such a starry Shakespeare adaptation, The Hollow Crown.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20- Hollow Crown, yeah. - There's you and Dame Judi Dench,
0:27:20 > 0:27:23who unfortunately has put some leggings on her head.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25I don't quite know why.
0:27:25 > 0:27:26LAUGHTER
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Terrible wardrobe malfunction.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31So it's you, Judi Dench, Benedict Cumberbatch is in it?
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Yes, yes, lovely Benedict.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35- Love the red.- Yes! Very red!
0:27:35 > 0:27:39- Oh! There he is.- That was scary.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43That was terrifying because I had somehow got to the age of 38
0:27:43 > 0:27:46and never done Shakespeare, ever.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48And...you know, this...
0:27:48 > 0:27:51I don't know, if you're going to do it, you might as well,
0:27:51 > 0:27:53and you're given the opportunity,
0:27:53 > 0:27:58but to arrive on your first day on set and immediately have a scene
0:27:58 > 0:28:03with one of the greatest ever Shakespearean actors, Judi Dench,
0:28:03 > 0:28:05- is a bit, you know...- Yeah.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07SHE WHIMPERS
0:28:07 > 0:28:08Does she give notes?
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Oh, I'd take them!
0:28:10 > 0:28:12LAUGHTER
0:28:12 > 0:28:15She is absolute heaven. She's just wonderful.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17And apparently you had quite a surreal evening
0:28:17 > 0:28:20- with Judi and Benedict in the pub. - We did, we did.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22We were in the middle of nowhere.
0:28:22 > 0:28:26We had amazing locations and we were in this pub having a bit of supper
0:28:26 > 0:28:30and Benedict came in and Judi was there and Judi's lovely friend.
0:28:30 > 0:28:35We all sat and the door to the little hall joining the pub
0:28:35 > 0:28:39kept opening and people had clocked, "Oh, there's Judi"
0:28:39 > 0:28:41and this was a big event.
0:28:41 > 0:28:46And then a girl came in. She was 16 and she came in
0:28:46 > 0:28:50and started to cry, sobbing, sobbing.
0:28:50 > 0:28:54It turned out that she was having, in the hall next door,
0:28:54 > 0:28:56in the middle of nowhere,
0:28:56 > 0:28:59a Benedict Cumberbatch themed birthday party.
0:28:59 > 0:29:00LAUGHTER
0:29:02 > 0:29:06With a cake with Ben's face on it,
0:29:06 > 0:29:07and there he was.
0:29:07 > 0:29:13So yeah, that was surreal. With Judi Dench as a sort of side note!
0:29:13 > 0:29:17It was quite extraordinary. It was a wonderful thing to see.
0:29:17 > 0:29:19Of course, he was brilliant, because he's lovely,
0:29:19 > 0:29:22and suddenly it was... it was just amazing.
0:29:22 > 0:29:25Isn't that terrible? Her life has peaked at 16!
0:29:26 > 0:29:28It will never be better than that.
0:29:28 > 0:29:30"Do you remember the year when...?"
0:29:32 > 0:29:35We must mention big, big ITV hit, The Durrells,
0:29:35 > 0:29:37continues on Sunday night at 8pm.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40This has been huge, it's the big Sunday night thing.
0:29:40 > 0:29:43I'm so relieved. I probably shouldn't say that.
0:29:43 > 0:29:45You never know when you make something
0:29:45 > 0:29:48how it's going to turn out and what people are going to think.
0:29:48 > 0:29:50But already, I think they've just announced,
0:29:50 > 0:29:52- haven't they, more?- They have.
0:29:52 > 0:29:56We were told today, the first two episodes have gone out
0:29:56 > 0:29:58and the third one's this Sunday night,
0:29:58 > 0:30:02and they have commissioned the next series, so back to Corfu.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05- Excellent!- It's a hard, tough gig...
0:30:05 > 0:30:07- No, that is... - But someone has to do it.
0:30:07 > 0:30:10That is one of those jobs where it's like, I was saying to you,
0:30:10 > 0:30:12- it's like Death In Paradise or Indian Summers.- Yeah.
0:30:12 > 0:30:16- Where it's just like winning the lottery, isn't it?- Basically, yes.
0:30:16 > 0:30:17But getting bitten by mosquitoes.
0:30:17 > 0:30:20- Oh! - Which is a very small price to pay.
0:30:20 > 0:30:23- Yeah, really, really, shut up. - Sorry, I'll take that back!
0:30:23 > 0:30:24- "Shut up."- No patience.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26LAUGHTER
0:30:26 > 0:30:28Here is a clip. This is from Sunday's episode.
0:30:28 > 0:30:30This is you as Louisa Durrell
0:30:30 > 0:30:33with a potential love interest on t'island.
0:30:33 > 0:30:34ACCORDION PLAYS
0:30:40 > 0:30:42Hello, Sven.
0:30:42 > 0:30:43Louisa.
0:30:45 > 0:30:49I wanted to apologise for offering to pay for Larry's operation.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51You were just being British.
0:30:51 > 0:30:53You don't like being in anyone's debt.
0:30:53 > 0:30:56Are you so different in Sweden?
0:30:56 > 0:31:00I don't know. I'm getting less Swedish every year.
0:31:00 > 0:31:03Think I'm down to 38%.
0:31:04 > 0:31:07But I like the Greeks, their honesty.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09Mm. I wouldn't mind a bit of Greek in me.
0:31:11 > 0:31:12Stop it!
0:31:12 > 0:31:16APPLAUSE
0:31:20 > 0:31:22Right, it's music time.
0:31:22 > 0:31:25On the 14th May in Stockholm,
0:31:25 > 0:31:28this duo will carry the hopes of a nation
0:31:28 > 0:31:30to the Eurovision Song Contest.
0:31:30 > 0:31:33Performing You're Not Alone, it's willkommen and bienvenue
0:31:33 > 0:31:35to Joe and Jake!
0:31:35 > 0:31:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:31:41 > 0:31:44# Heartbeat
0:31:44 > 0:31:47# When you're not around it's beating slow
0:31:47 > 0:31:50# And it's something that I've never known
0:31:52 > 0:31:55# Oh-ooh oh
0:31:57 > 0:31:59# I'll be
0:31:59 > 0:32:02# I'll be the answer you've been waiting for
0:32:02 > 0:32:06- BOTH:- # I'll be the truth that you've been looking for
0:32:06 > 0:32:10# Oh-ooh oh
0:32:10 > 0:32:14# You're not alone, we're in this together
0:32:14 > 0:32:18# All that you want is right here forever
0:32:18 > 0:32:22# And they don't need to know, oh-oh-oh
0:32:22 > 0:32:25# They don't need to know
0:32:25 > 0:32:29# You're not alone, we're in this together
0:32:29 > 0:32:33# All that you want, I'm right here forever
0:32:33 > 0:32:37# And they don't need to know, oh-oh-oh
0:32:37 > 0:32:40# And they don't need to know
0:32:41 > 0:32:44# You're free
0:32:44 > 0:32:47# Free to let go cos I'll be here for you
0:32:47 > 0:32:50# And when you fall I'll be your parachute
0:32:52 > 0:32:55# Oh-ooh oh
0:32:56 > 0:33:02# I-I-I feel like I'm dancing in the sky, I-I
0:33:02 > 0:33:06# I come alive when I'm with you
0:33:06 > 0:33:10# I come alive when I'm with you
0:33:10 > 0:33:14# You're not alone, we're in this together
0:33:14 > 0:33:18# All that you want is right here forever
0:33:18 > 0:33:22# And they don't need to know, oh-oh-oh
0:33:22 > 0:33:25# They don't need to know
0:33:26 > 0:33:32# I-I-I feel like I'm dancing in the sky, I-I
0:33:32 > 0:33:36# I come alive when I'm with you
0:33:37 > 0:33:40# I come alive when I'm with you
0:33:41 > 0:33:44# Don't speak
0:33:44 > 0:33:47# Your smile tells me all I need to know
0:33:47 > 0:33:52# Your eyes show me where I want to go
0:33:52 > 0:33:55# Oh-ooh oh
0:33:55 > 0:33:59# You're not alone, we're in this together
0:33:59 > 0:34:03# All that you want is right here forever
0:34:03 > 0:34:07# And they don't need to know o-oh oh oh oh
0:34:07 > 0:34:10# They don't need to know
0:34:11 > 0:34:17# I-I-I feel like I'm dancing in the sky, I-I
0:34:17 > 0:34:21# I come alive when I'm with you
0:34:21 > 0:34:26# I come alive when I'm with you. #
0:34:26 > 0:34:27APPLAUSE
0:34:27 > 0:34:28Oh!
0:34:28 > 0:34:30Joe and Jake, everybody!
0:34:30 > 0:34:32Great job, boys. Come join me, do.
0:34:34 > 0:34:37Well done. Congratulations.
0:34:37 > 0:34:40Congratulations. Come and sit down.
0:34:40 > 0:34:43Sit down there, do sit down.
0:34:44 > 0:34:48- Joe and Jake.- Lovely to meet you, how are you?- Other people.
0:34:48 > 0:34:50Well done. Well done.
0:34:50 > 0:34:53- It's a lovely song. Congratulations. - Thank you so much.- Thank you.
0:34:53 > 0:34:56It's out now as a single, isn't it, You're Not Alone?
0:34:56 > 0:34:58- TOGETHER:- It is indeed, it's available now.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01- Oh! You see this? - You see how synchronistic we are?
0:35:01 > 0:35:03Wouldn't it be lovely if people bought it?
0:35:03 > 0:35:06Imagine if it was in the charts when you headed off to Stockholm.
0:35:06 > 0:35:08It would be fantastic. What we're doing right now
0:35:08 > 0:35:10is literally living our dream. We've signed to Sony,
0:35:10 > 0:35:13we're two young lads having fun, representing the UK,
0:35:13 > 0:35:15- we're just so proud.- What more could you ask for?- Exactly.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17Well, let's think...
0:35:17 > 0:35:18LAUGHTER
0:35:18 > 0:35:21- I am sure we could find something. - Talking about Eurovision,
0:35:21 > 0:35:23our American visitor, do you know what Eurovision is?
0:35:23 > 0:35:25- Yes.- Oh!- Of course I do!
0:35:25 > 0:35:27- Is that because of the ABBA connection?- Yeah.
0:35:27 > 0:35:30Because I knew that ABBA was discovered there.
0:35:30 > 0:35:33And Hugh has a Eurovision party every year, I believe.
0:35:33 > 0:35:35I do. I do.
0:35:35 > 0:35:36It's called Nul Points.
0:35:38 > 0:35:41- I always go as Sandie Shaw. - Of course.- Yes.
0:35:41 > 0:35:43- Puppet On A String. - One of the best.
0:35:43 > 0:35:46Sometimes I'm the puppet, sometimes I'm her.
0:35:46 > 0:35:47LAUGHTER
0:35:47 > 0:35:49Keeley Hawes, it means nothing to you, does it?
0:35:49 > 0:35:52It doesn't mean very much, no. Bucks Fizz was my moment.
0:35:52 > 0:35:54Now it's time to get back involved.
0:35:54 > 0:35:57- You've met these boys, you're emotionally invested.- I am, I am.
0:35:57 > 0:36:00Now, here's the thing. You've been... Where have you been now?
0:36:00 > 0:36:04- In Israel or somewhere?- Yeah.- We got back from Israel last night.- OK.
0:36:04 > 0:36:07Singing at the Eurovision parties, we met the other contestants,
0:36:07 > 0:36:09- which was great, so... - Who have you met?
0:36:09 > 0:36:12- We've met...- Belarus.- Yeah, Belarus.
0:36:12 > 0:36:14- Is that Ivan?- It was Ivan.
0:36:14 > 0:36:17OK. This is good. Here is a picture of Ivan.
0:36:17 > 0:36:18Oh!
0:36:18 > 0:36:20He didn't look like that when we met him.
0:36:20 > 0:36:22LAUGHTER
0:36:22 > 0:36:24Can I just say, I just got the worst fright.
0:36:24 > 0:36:27That is in fact the wolf's tail hanging down.
0:36:27 > 0:36:28LAUGHTER
0:36:29 > 0:36:31I had the same reaction.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34I was thinking, my God, that wolf is quite the goer!
0:36:36 > 0:36:38It's certainly putting Ivan to shame.
0:36:38 > 0:36:40There's nothing hanging down there.
0:36:40 > 0:36:41I did ask about that, actually.
0:36:41 > 0:36:44I asked him if he was going to wear a skin-coloured body suit
0:36:44 > 0:36:46or if he was going to have a leaf, but it turns out no.
0:36:46 > 0:36:48- This is the act?- Yes.- Yeah.
0:36:48 > 0:36:52- Not... This is the UK act. - No, I understand!- Yes!
0:36:52 > 0:36:56- He's from Belarus. - Yeah.- It's far away.
0:36:58 > 0:37:01I have high hopes for Serhat from San Marino.
0:37:01 > 0:37:06Here's Serhat, reclining in the finest hotel in San Marino.
0:37:06 > 0:37:09- He hasn't got his monocle. - Oh, does he normally have a monocle?
0:37:09 > 0:37:10Usually he has a monocle.
0:37:10 > 0:37:13To be honest, if you don't win now, it's shameful!
0:37:13 > 0:37:15LAUGHTER
0:37:15 > 0:37:17I'll have to take that one with me.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20Yes, you can't come home if you don't win.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23I am concerned, because how do you think
0:37:23 > 0:37:28the EU referendum is going to affect your performance on the night?
0:37:28 > 0:37:29Um...
0:37:29 > 0:37:32I think we're just going to stay away from that!
0:37:32 > 0:37:34- No, but I worry. - I think it's one of those.
0:37:34 > 0:37:36Because we're having this big referendum.
0:37:36 > 0:37:38This happens before the referendum.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41If Europe isn't good to our boys...
0:37:41 > 0:37:43Brexit guaranteed.
0:37:43 > 0:37:47- There's no pressure, obviously. - No pressure!- No pressure whatsoever.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50- It's just the future of the country. - We'll do our best.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53What about the staging? Have you got all that sorted?
0:37:53 > 0:37:56We've been talking about it because the song is about friendship
0:37:56 > 0:37:58and people being together.
0:37:58 > 0:38:02We really want the public to be a part of our staging this year,
0:38:02 > 0:38:05so our idea is that people can send in selfies to be
0:38:05 > 0:38:07part of the staging, and we were hoping we could potentially
0:38:07 > 0:38:10- get one with you here. - A selfie with me?- Yeah.- Right now?
0:38:10 > 0:38:12How big is your arm?
0:38:12 > 0:38:14I've got a great selfie arm.
0:38:14 > 0:38:15I've practised a few times.
0:38:15 > 0:38:18If you sat on the floor there, and I go back there,
0:38:18 > 0:38:20- you could get everybody in. - That would be brilliant.
0:38:20 > 0:38:22- If that's OK with you guys? - Do you mind? Is that OK?
0:38:22 > 0:38:25- If you sit on the floor... - I'll sit on the floor.- You, too.
0:38:25 > 0:38:27- I also sit on the floor?- Yeah.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29See if you can get all of us in.
0:38:29 > 0:38:31- Ready?- Hang on.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33Hang on. Are we all in?
0:38:33 > 0:38:35Yes, there's Keeley. I can see us all.
0:38:35 > 0:38:37- This is good. This is good. - This is brilliant.
0:38:37 > 0:38:39- There we go.- Look at that.
0:38:39 > 0:38:40We're all going to Eurovision!
0:38:40 > 0:38:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:42 > 0:38:45We're all going to Eurovision! Excellent.
0:38:45 > 0:38:48It is May 14th.
0:38:48 > 0:38:51It will obviously be on BBC One.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54The best of luck to Joe and Jake, everybody!
0:38:54 > 0:38:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:57 > 0:38:59Do us proud.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03Do us proud but not too proud. Don't win, just do very well.
0:39:03 > 0:39:06- We don't want to shock everyone! - Nobody wants to win.
0:39:06 > 0:39:08Cos then you have to host it.
0:39:08 > 0:39:10- MERYL:- Oh!
0:39:10 > 0:39:12And the quarantine for wolves is very...
0:39:12 > 0:39:13LAUGHTER
0:39:13 > 0:39:16Right, before we go, just time for a quick visit to the Big Red Chair.
0:39:16 > 0:39:18Who's there? Hello!
0:39:18 > 0:39:19- DEEP VOICE:- Hi.
0:39:19 > 0:39:21LAUGHTER
0:39:21 > 0:39:23It's like someone is operating you.
0:39:25 > 0:39:28That voice didn't seem to come out of him, did it?
0:39:28 > 0:39:30- What's your name?- Andrew. - Andrew? Lovely.
0:39:30 > 0:39:32And what do you do, Andrew?
0:39:32 > 0:39:36- I'm an accountant.- Right, but it's dress down Friday! OK.
0:39:36 > 0:39:38Where do you live, Andrew?
0:39:38 > 0:39:40I live in London.
0:39:40 > 0:39:42OK, just keeping it vague.
0:39:42 > 0:39:46He lives in the capital city of the United Kingdom.
0:39:46 > 0:39:49"Doin' some accounts. That's what I do."
0:39:49 > 0:39:51Off you go, Andrew, with your story.
0:39:51 > 0:39:54Yeah, so this is a story about a second date.
0:39:54 > 0:39:56- I was lucky enough to bag a second date.- Well done!
0:39:56 > 0:40:00- And I was understandably nervous... - Yes.- ..but excited.
0:40:00 > 0:40:02I wanted to impress her,
0:40:02 > 0:40:05so I organised to meet after work at a cocktail bar,
0:40:05 > 0:40:07two for one, just very classy.
0:40:07 > 0:40:09LAUGHTER
0:40:09 > 0:40:12- So...- You are an accountant after all.
0:40:12 > 0:40:15You did the sums before you went!
0:40:15 > 0:40:17Yes, so I...
0:40:17 > 0:40:20Nervous, and obviously turned to drink for a bit of Dutch courage.
0:40:20 > 0:40:23I had a show booked. It was all going well,
0:40:23 > 0:40:26the chat was flowing, things were going really, really well.
0:40:26 > 0:40:28- You know, really liked her. - OK, yes, yes!
0:40:29 > 0:40:33And I started to realise that I was... I felt so ill.
0:40:33 > 0:40:34Oh, no! You didn't! Did you?
0:40:34 > 0:40:37We were still chatting the whole way and I suddenly went silent.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40I didn't say anything to her, I just ran off
0:40:40 > 0:40:42and just threw up everywhere.
0:40:42 > 0:40:46I'd basically given up and I realised she was behind me
0:40:46 > 0:40:48watching me do this the whole time.
0:40:48 > 0:40:53- Oh!- And luckily, she still kissed me afterwards.
0:40:53 > 0:40:55- Oh! MERYL:- God!
0:40:55 > 0:40:57You say luckily. Jesus!
0:40:57 > 0:40:59What's wrong with her?
0:40:59 > 0:41:03I thought the story might end, "But she agreed to be my wife."
0:41:03 > 0:41:06- Are you still dating her?- Yes, she's in the audience, actually.
0:41:09 > 0:41:11I don't want to see her.
0:41:11 > 0:41:13APPLAUSE
0:41:13 > 0:41:15Don't look over there.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17Oh, my God, there she is! That's her.
0:41:17 > 0:41:19Don't wave!
0:41:21 > 0:41:24Wow, that's a good top if he gets sick again tonight.
0:41:27 > 0:41:30Let's see what else is in the chair.
0:41:30 > 0:41:31Hello.
0:41:31 > 0:41:33Hi!
0:41:33 > 0:41:34Oh, I can't. I just...
0:41:36 > 0:41:40LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:41:41 > 0:41:44You know, some nights you've got the patience.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47Some nights, you just don't.
0:41:47 > 0:41:49Time for one more. Hello?
0:41:49 > 0:41:52- Hello?- Hello!- Hello.
0:41:53 > 0:41:55Oh, we do have time for one more.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57LAUGHTER
0:41:57 > 0:41:58Hello, what's your name?
0:41:58 > 0:42:01- It's Tim.- Hello, Tim. And what do you do?
0:42:01 > 0:42:03I'm a teacher.
0:42:03 > 0:42:04What age of children do you teach?
0:42:04 > 0:42:07- I teach adults.- Oh, right! What do you teach them?
0:42:07 > 0:42:09How to be accountants.
0:42:09 > 0:42:11LAUGHTER
0:42:11 > 0:42:13- There seems to be a recurring theme.- Wow.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15Is there like a coach trip?
0:42:15 > 0:42:17LAUGHTER
0:42:18 > 0:42:20OK, Tim, off you go with the story.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22When I was ten years old,
0:42:22 > 0:42:26I was reading a book about a woman who walked across Africa
0:42:26 > 0:42:28and it featured the word "masturbate",
0:42:28 > 0:42:30which I had never heard before.
0:42:30 > 0:42:33So I went to ask my dad what it meant.
0:42:33 > 0:42:39He spent about 15 minutes being very vague and winking at me and saying,
0:42:39 > 0:42:44"It's all about spending time alone and enjoying time with yourself."
0:42:44 > 0:42:46So I thought, "OK, great,
0:42:46 > 0:42:49"I've learned a new word for when I'm reading my book
0:42:49 > 0:42:51"or playing my computer game."
0:42:51 > 0:42:54So I went to school the next day
0:42:54 > 0:42:57and the teacher said, "What did you do last night?"
0:42:57 > 0:43:01And I gleefully said, "I spent two hours masturbating."
0:43:01 > 0:43:02LAUGHTER
0:43:02 > 0:43:03That's a good story.
0:43:05 > 0:43:07Tim can walk. You can walk, Tim.
0:43:07 > 0:43:10Well done, everyone!
0:43:10 > 0:43:14If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go in the red chair,
0:43:14 > 0:43:17you can contact us via our website at this very address.
0:43:17 > 0:43:18That's it for tonight.
0:43:18 > 0:43:21Please join me in saying a huge thank you to my guests.
0:43:21 > 0:43:22Joe and Jake, everybody!
0:43:22 > 0:43:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:24 > 0:43:26Good luck, boys. Keeley Hawes.
0:43:26 > 0:43:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:28 > 0:43:29Hugh Grant.
0:43:29 > 0:43:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:30 > 0:43:32And Meryl Streep.
0:43:32 > 0:43:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:34 > 0:43:37Join me next week with music from DNCE,
0:43:37 > 0:43:40Game of Thrones' Richard Madden, Downton's Lily James,
0:43:40 > 0:43:43Bake Off's Paul Hollywood, and the one and only Dame Joan Collins.
0:43:43 > 0:43:46I'll see you then. Goodnight, everybody. Bye-bye!