0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Tonight on the show, the star of the hit BBC drama The Night Manager
0:00:07 > 0:00:10and one of the hottest men around. OK, just get ready.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Yes, ladies and gentlemen, here he is, it's Tom Hiddleston!
0:00:13 > 0:00:15CHEERING
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Let's start the show!
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Hello! Oh! Thank you very much.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Thank you! Thank you!
0:00:43 > 0:00:47I know, I know, I'm not Tom, I'm not Tom!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Hello and welcome. We've got a great show tonight.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52I tell you, I couldn't be more excited
0:00:52 > 0:00:54than if I was a Leicester City supporter.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56APPLAUSE Yes, even I know about this!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Even I! LAUGHTER
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Well done, Leicester. Isn't it great? It's lovely!
0:01:01 > 0:01:04APPLAUSE
0:01:04 > 0:01:06It is a fabulous, fabulous story.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09From the Thai owners to the Italian manager,
0:01:09 > 0:01:12it's a fantastic example of British talent coming through.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14LAUGHTER
0:01:14 > 0:01:17The names, of course, of the players are going to be legendary,
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Jamie Vardy...
0:01:20 > 0:01:22..the others. LAUGHTER
0:01:22 > 0:01:26Hey! And on the subject of unfancied outsiders winning big,
0:01:26 > 0:01:27it looks like Donald Trump
0:01:27 > 0:01:30will be running for American president.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33I know, it's going to happen! AUDIENCE HISS AND JEER
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Of course, in this country a "trump" is an unpleasant smell
0:01:36 > 0:01:38that comes from an anus.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Same way as it is in America.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Hey! Let's get some guests on!
0:01:42 > 0:01:44CHEERING
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Later we'll have music from CHVRCHES.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50But first, this woman is a star of Live At The Apollo,
0:01:50 > 0:01:52QI, Mock The Week and W1A.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54She's one of the UK's brightest comedians,
0:01:54 > 0:01:55now turned author,
0:01:55 > 0:01:58please welcome, for the first time, it's Sara Pascoe!
0:01:58 > 0:02:02APPLAUSE Hello, Sara Pascoe!
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Mmm! Kissing, showbiz kissing! Come in, sit down!
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Hello, thank you!
0:02:09 > 0:02:13From action in Con Air, drama in Dangerous Liaisons,
0:02:13 > 0:02:15and the surreal in Being John Malkovich,
0:02:15 > 0:02:18this man is one of the world's most versatile actors
0:02:18 > 0:02:19of stage and screen.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Please welcome John Malkovich, everybody!
0:02:22 > 0:02:25CHEERING
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Hello, sir.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Lovely to see you. Have a seat.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Pulp Fiction, Star Wars and The Avengers,
0:02:34 > 0:02:36this man has been in over 150 films
0:02:36 > 0:02:39and has taken an incredible 4 billion at the box office.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Please welcome the King Of Cool, Samuel L Jackson!
0:02:42 > 0:02:45CHEERING
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Whoo!
0:02:50 > 0:02:54How are you? Nice to see you. Come in and sit down.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57He rose to fame as Marvel's villainous Loki
0:02:57 > 0:03:00and recently wowed us in the BBC hit drama The Night Manager.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Now he brings us a virtuoso performance
0:03:03 > 0:03:04as Hank Williams in I Saw The Light,
0:03:04 > 0:03:07please welcome Mr Tom Hiddleston.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10CHEERING
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Hello. Lovely to see you. Sit down, sit down, sit down.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22So, welcome, all.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24- It is a warm, first welcome to Sara. Hi.- Hello.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Everyone else has been on before.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Tom, have you recovered from your last appearance?
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Erm... Just about, yeah!
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Have you told the others about what happened last time?
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- I don't think I have. - You were halfway through telling me
0:03:36 > 0:03:38and then we had to come out here.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Oh! Well, you will listen with interest now!
0:03:41 > 0:03:42LAUGHTER
0:03:42 > 0:03:44I was sitting in your position
0:03:44 > 0:03:47and in my position was sat the great American actor
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Robert De Niro.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53And I was challenged, requested... Required?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Suggested, I think! LAUGHTER
0:03:56 > 0:03:59..by Graham, to do an impersonation of Robert De Niro
0:03:59 > 0:04:01in front of Robert De Niro.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06To this day, I still don't know why I did that!
0:04:06 > 0:04:09LAUGHTER We have got a still.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12A still of the moment. There you are with your De Niro face.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14LAUGHTER
0:04:14 > 0:04:15The face is good.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18And there you have Robert De Niro down the other end, just going,
0:04:18 > 0:04:21"You mean this face?"
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Now, here's a thing.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26John Malkovich, I was saying this to you in the corridor,
0:04:26 > 0:04:28you've never been in a film with Samuel L Jackson.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32- No.- Cos you've both been in a lot of films.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35It is weird there is no Venn diagram where you are both in there.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38None of my movies are serious and he is a serious actor.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42- No, no, I was in Con Air! - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:49 > 0:04:52If that's serious, I'm an astronaut.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55I wanted to be in that movie!
0:04:55 > 0:04:59- Sara Pascoe, I'm saying "Sarah" - it is SAY-RAH?- It is SAY-RAH.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- Cos there is no "h". - No. It is spelt without an "h".
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Sometime's people think it is SA-RA, but it's not.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07But it worked out in my favour, actually,
0:05:07 > 0:05:10cos there is a woman who is called Sarah Pascoe, with an "h".
0:05:10 > 0:05:12And for ages... You know, people, comics especially,
0:05:12 > 0:05:15they always talk about getting abuse on Twitter and stuff,
0:05:15 > 0:05:17and I was always kind of backstage, being very sympathetic,
0:05:17 > 0:05:21but thinking, "I'm just universally loved."
0:05:21 > 0:05:24And then I got an e-mail from a woman, through my website,
0:05:24 > 0:05:27who says, "Can you warn me the next time you're on television?
0:05:27 > 0:05:29"Because I'm getting a lot of messages
0:05:29 > 0:05:31"saying that I'm a fat bitch!"
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- And, so... Sorry, Sarah Pascoe! - With an "h"!
0:05:37 > 0:05:39And I am sorry, because I recently checked back
0:05:39 > 0:05:41to see if she was still on Twitter
0:05:41 > 0:05:43and she has changed her little bio to
0:05:43 > 0:05:45"Not the one who was shit on Live At The Apollo."
0:05:45 > 0:05:47AUDIENCE: Aaaw!
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Ooh! Everyone is a critic. LAUGHTER
0:05:50 > 0:05:55Tom Hiddleston, have you ever had any bad reviews? No.
0:05:55 > 0:06:01Ahhh... You make a man feel good, Graham!
0:06:01 > 0:06:03No, I was in a play,
0:06:03 > 0:06:05I had never, ever been professionally reviewed.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08And in the paper the next day was a British theatre critic
0:06:08 > 0:06:11who said I was completely out of place,
0:06:11 > 0:06:14too young, too RADA...
0:06:15 > 0:06:20..and projecting about as much masculinity...as Graham Norton.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Wow!
0:06:25 > 0:06:29That's good! That's good!
0:06:29 > 0:06:32I've been dragged into your bad review!
0:06:32 > 0:06:33- I'm sorry!- No, don't apologise!
0:06:33 > 0:06:36I've been dragged into your bad review!
0:06:36 > 0:06:40I wasn't even there!
0:06:40 > 0:06:42- Like it's your fault! - Yes!
0:06:42 > 0:06:46As I sit across from you now I think how terrifically butch you are.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49I know! I've really made an effort tonight!
0:06:49 > 0:06:51LAUGHTER Oh, dear!
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Now, Tom Hiddleston, you bring us a new biopic
0:06:54 > 0:06:56telling the life story of the country and western star
0:06:56 > 0:06:57Hank Williams.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00It's called I Saw The Light, it opens tonight.
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Hank Williams, it's a name that...
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Particularly British people, we know the name,
0:07:04 > 0:07:06but we're not quite sure
0:07:06 > 0:07:10of where he is in the country and western pantheon,
0:07:10 > 0:07:13what his songs are, why his life is interesting.
0:07:13 > 0:07:18Basically, he is considered as one of the godfathers of American music,
0:07:18 > 0:07:21he was almost the first guy doing a particular thing.
0:07:21 > 0:07:26He was from Mount Olive, Alabama, he was born in 1923,
0:07:26 > 0:07:29and he became a huge star
0:07:29 > 0:07:32and he wrote some of the most recognisable songs
0:07:32 > 0:07:34in the American song book.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Just to help people, name some of the hits.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Hey Good Looking is one of them.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39# What ya got cooking? #
0:07:39 > 0:07:42- "What ya got cooking?" - LAUGHTER
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Erm... Move It On Over, Lovesick Blues,
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Why Don't You Love Me?
0:07:46 > 0:07:50I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry, Cold, Cold Heart...
0:07:50 > 0:07:54- Are you still naming songs? - LAUGHTER
0:07:54 > 0:07:58He's having a breakdown!
0:07:58 > 0:08:00LAUGHTER
0:08:00 > 0:08:03And for you, obviously, it is a big acting challenge
0:08:03 > 0:08:06because it's a real person, it's a specific accent,
0:08:06 > 0:08:11but what's really phenomenal is the music that you perform.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15- Thank you. - And you hadn't done this.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Never. I was never in a band, never in the choir.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22Singing was exclusively for an audience of one in the shower - me.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- Badly. - Thanks for pointing that out!
0:08:25 > 0:08:26LAUGHTER
0:08:26 > 0:08:31- Just in case anybody got any ideas! - Hiding in hotel rooms!
0:08:31 > 0:08:34You didn't play the guitar before, and you play it in this?
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- I play in this. I play everything... - And you'd never played?
0:08:37 > 0:08:40I had noodled around. I noodled around as a student,
0:08:40 > 0:08:43I learnt Knocking On Heaven's Door, and Simple Twist of Fate...
0:08:43 > 0:08:47What was the...? Because, you know, it's not just singing.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49It is very specific singing, the yodelling and everything.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Presumably not everyone can do that.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53- No.- So if you had discovered you couldn't do it,
0:08:53 > 0:08:54were they going to fire you,
0:08:54 > 0:08:57or were they going to dub Hank Williams?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59- What was going to happen? - I honestly don't know.
0:08:59 > 0:09:04- Can you yodel as Robert De Niro? - LAUGHTER
0:09:04 > 0:09:08It's one of your talents!
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Uh... Let me check.
0:09:10 > 0:09:11No!
0:09:11 > 0:09:15- Give us a little yodel.- It goes a little something like this...
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Erm... Oh, God. Here we go.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23CLICKS FINGERS TO BEAT
0:09:23 > 0:09:27YODELLING # She's long gone
0:09:27 > 0:09:29# And I am
0:09:29 > 0:09:31# A lonesome blue. #
0:09:31 > 0:09:36Lovely. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Let's look at a clip. This is you as Hank Williams
0:09:41 > 0:09:44performing with Hank's wife and mother looking on.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46- OK.- Here we go.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55# When you are sad and lonely
0:09:55 > 0:09:58# And have no place to go
0:09:58 > 0:10:00# Come to see me, baby
0:10:00 > 0:10:03# And bring home some dough
0:10:03 > 0:10:07# And we'll go honky tonkin' Honky tonkin'
0:10:07 > 0:10:10# Honky tonkin', honey, baby
0:10:10 > 0:10:16# We'll go honky tonkin' around this town... #
0:10:16 > 0:10:18How much you got there?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21I'm under no obligation to you.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23That goes both ways, huh?
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Keep drinking like a fish.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32You think so?
0:10:32 > 0:10:33# Honky tonkin', honey, baby
0:10:33 > 0:10:38# We'll go honky tonkin' around this town... #
0:10:40 > 0:10:43APPLAUSE
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Thank you.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49What was the performance...?
0:10:49 > 0:10:53Was that the performance they made you do considerably more than once?
0:10:53 > 0:10:56No, that song was in my wheelhouse, actually.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00Lovesick Blues, which is the song that made him a star,
0:11:00 > 0:11:03it has a very technical yodel in it.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07I love that phrase! "A very technical yodel!"
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Not one of those easy ones you do in the shower, yeah.
0:11:11 > 0:11:16- OK, how many takes?- 56.- Wow! AUDIENCE GASP
0:11:16 > 0:11:20- Whoa! - LAUGHTER
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Oooh!
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Samuel L Jackson, takes aren't a thing you're keen on?
0:11:25 > 0:11:29I'm here to bear witness to the fact that Sam likes to move fast.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Very true!
0:11:33 > 0:11:36I don't vary that much. I'm not that actor.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38I do the same thing all the time.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41But sometimes, and I can speak from experience,
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Sam is so charismatic,
0:11:43 > 0:11:48and he has been for as many years as you've been making movies.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Well done!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52But sometimes you are in a scene with Sam
0:11:52 > 0:11:54and you just kind of go out of the scene
0:11:54 > 0:11:57and you are just watching Sam...being Sam,
0:11:57 > 0:11:59and it's really powerful
0:11:59 > 0:12:01and you go, "Hang on a second, what's my line?"
0:12:01 > 0:12:03I've only had that, well...
0:12:03 > 0:12:06I was doing a movie with Dustin Hoffman
0:12:06 > 0:12:07and in the middle of the shot,
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Dustin just stops and goes, "Wait. Cut, cut.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11"Sam, I saw you."
0:12:11 > 0:12:12I said, "You saw me what? What?"
0:12:12 > 0:12:14And he said, "I saw you say to yourself,
0:12:14 > 0:12:17"'Oh, my God, that's Dustin Hoffman!'"
0:12:17 > 0:12:21LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:21 > 0:12:24"I'm like, 'Shut up!'"
0:12:26 > 0:12:28"You were amazed!"
0:12:28 > 0:12:31"'Oh, my God, I'm acting with Dustin Hoffman.'"
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Was it in Dangerous Liaisons, John,
0:12:35 > 0:12:42you had the person who was coaching you on historical accuracy?
0:12:42 > 0:12:46He was a count, the Count of something or other...
0:12:46 > 0:12:48LAUGHTER
0:12:48 > 0:12:51..and he came to the chateaux where we were shooting
0:12:51 > 0:12:57and I think probably somebody involved with the film,
0:12:57 > 0:13:00I don't know, the studio or the director,
0:13:00 > 0:13:07or somebody, had decided that probably I might require
0:13:07 > 0:13:14some tutoring in some of these historical notions and customs.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18And so he watched us rehearse a scene
0:13:18 > 0:13:22and someone came in, and I bowed,
0:13:22 > 0:13:24and he said to me,
0:13:24 > 0:13:28"I know 2,000 bows from this period,
0:13:28 > 0:13:34"and that doesn't seem to me to be one of them."
0:13:34 > 0:13:36LAUGHTER
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Too many bows to have memorised, too many.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41And I said, "Well, now you know 2,001!"
0:13:41 > 0:13:43LAUGHTER
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- Yeah.- Hey, we've got to mention The Night Manager,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Tom Hiddleston.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51What a huge success that thing was. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:51 > 0:13:54I mean, it was really good, you were great in it.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56It is on in America now, isn't it?
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Yes, it just aired episode three this week.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- What is it on, over there? AMC?- AMC.
0:14:01 > 0:14:06- I'm recording it.- Oh, I see, yes! - Don't tell me!- OK!
0:14:06 > 0:14:09You have already said no more,
0:14:09 > 0:14:12but haven't the BBC said that there is more?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14What is the truth, Tom?
0:14:15 > 0:14:20Erm... Goodness, OK.
0:14:20 > 0:14:25The truth is, we have got to the end of the adaptation of the novel,
0:14:25 > 0:14:30so The Night Manager novel by John le Carre has been adapted,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32there is no more Night Manager to adapt.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35No more Night to Manage, thus far!
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Isn't it his son who has the production company that makes it?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- That's right, yes.- So there will be more, won't there?
0:14:41 > 0:14:42LAUGHTER
0:14:42 > 0:14:45He'll think of something else for that manager to do!
0:14:45 > 0:14:48- You never know. - "He's the day manager now!"
0:14:48 > 0:14:49LAUGHTER
0:14:49 > 0:14:53We must ask you, James Bond, Tom Hiddleston,
0:14:53 > 0:14:55what's the scoop, what's going on?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Listen to that!
0:14:58 > 0:15:00- Listen to that.- Yes!
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- Well, Graham, what can I tell you? - I don't know!
0:15:04 > 0:15:05LAUGHTER
0:15:05 > 0:15:08- Has anyone talked to you about it? - No, no-one's talked to me at all.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Are you allowed to talk about it if they talk to you about it,
0:15:11 > 0:15:13or is there a non-disclosure, even in the chat?
0:15:13 > 0:15:15I promise you, no-one's talked to me about it.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19I think it's come about because in The Night Manager
0:15:19 > 0:15:24I play a spy and we all know in the iconography of British culture
0:15:24 > 0:15:27there is a spy that we all know, and his name is James Bond,
0:15:27 > 0:15:29so people have made the link.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Also, I've always wanted to see him yodel.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33LAUGHTER
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Double-oh ho-ho! That'd be good!
0:15:35 > 0:15:38APPLAUSE
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Now, we must mention, Samuel L Jackson,
0:15:44 > 0:15:48you're back as a spokesperson for One For The Boys,
0:15:48 > 0:15:52- which raises awareness of men's cancer.- Male cancer, yes.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55I've never asked you this, because you've been on to talk about it
0:15:55 > 0:15:57before, but how did you get involved?
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Have you had a scare yourself? Is it a personal thing?
0:16:00 > 0:16:05No, actually, the young lady that does my publicity or
0:16:05 > 0:16:07publicity bookings when I'm here in the UK,
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Sophia Davies, had a friend who passed,
0:16:10 > 0:16:12who never said anything.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15All of a sudden, he was just sick and dead. Boom.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17She was very disturbed by that,
0:16:17 > 0:16:20and we had conversations about men
0:16:20 > 0:16:22and why they don't talk like women do
0:16:22 > 0:16:26or have this whole pink thing going on and check themselves.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28So she decided we need to figure out a way to get men
0:16:28 > 0:16:31talking about cancer and let them know that a lot of men
0:16:31 > 0:16:33in this country die from cancer.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36That's what it's about, trying to get men to understand
0:16:36 > 0:16:38that they get the same kinds of cancer that women do.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Men get breast cancer, skin cancer,
0:16:41 > 0:16:44we have testicular cancer, they have uterine cancer.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46But all this stuff is... A body is a body.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49We want guys to know that if you feel something,
0:16:49 > 0:16:52say something to somebody, go get checked.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56Early detection, 90% of the time you get taken care of and safe,
0:16:56 > 0:16:58you don't have to go through misery.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Years before, we've always done things that are light-hearted,
0:17:01 > 0:17:04we have a golf tournament, the fashion ball every year
0:17:04 > 0:17:07that's connected to Men's Fashion Week.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10This year, for a change, we have another film -
0:17:10 > 0:17:13we make a film every year, about men's cancer.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15They're usually light-hearted and fun and we make people laugh
0:17:15 > 0:17:17in the seriousness of the moment.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20But this year we decided to do something a little more heavy.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Let's have a look at the film.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50You can't turn back the clock.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Cancer waits for no man.
0:17:54 > 0:18:01Acting early could mean the difference between death and life.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03There are people waiting to help you,
0:18:03 > 0:18:06and getting their help early could stop a little worry
0:18:06 > 0:18:09from becoming a big problem.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12You may save a life today.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14Your own.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19APPLAUSE
0:18:23 > 0:18:27You know, it's a serious subject, a dark subject,
0:18:27 > 0:18:31- but in the end there is hope for people if they do act early.- Yeah.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33There's lots to be done.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- Very much so. - Why do you think it is
0:18:35 > 0:18:38that men don't talk about their health as much, then?
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Because we're always taught to be tough. It's a sign of weakness.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45We just don't do it.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48As actors, we go to the doctor more than everybody,
0:18:48 > 0:18:49because every time you do a movie
0:18:49 > 0:18:52everybody wants you to get a physical.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54You know. I don't care...
0:18:54 > 0:18:57I bitch out every year about how many times do I have to do this?
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Don't they have a database?
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Every insurance company wants their own physical,
0:19:02 > 0:19:04so we get checked a lot.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Now, Sara Pascoe - talking of charity -
0:19:07 > 0:19:10you have had a charity idea.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13- Yes...- It's not in the same vein, but I still think very good.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Kind of. It's going to seem very flippant
0:19:15 > 0:19:17after what we've just been talking about.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19In my defence, before I start.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22But I'm very worried about myself, when I get older,
0:19:22 > 0:19:26I have quite a hairy face, I've got polycystic ovaries.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29And I'm worried about what happens
0:19:29 > 0:19:32when I'm a really old lady in hospital.
0:19:32 > 0:19:37And without anybody to perhaps check me with some tweezers.
0:19:37 > 0:19:42So this is my charity idea - I'm looking for volunteers.
0:19:42 > 0:19:47Basically, what happened is young women go into hospital wards
0:19:47 > 0:19:53and just pluck the chins and faces of older women for them.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56So they can be ill respectfully.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58And it's going to be called Digni-tash...
0:19:58 > 0:20:00LAUGHTER
0:20:00 > 0:20:03..and we're looking for your support.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05APPLAUSE It's good! I like it.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12I don't want to be indelicate, but, Samuel,
0:20:12 > 0:20:15you have recently lost your title
0:20:15 > 0:20:19- as the highest-grossing actor of all time.- Yeah.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21LAUGHTER
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- I've been displaced.- By...?
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Harrison Ford. Again.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28I displaced him, he displaced me, but hey - it's only 70 mil.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29Pfft!
0:20:29 > 0:20:32LAUGHTER
0:20:32 > 0:20:34I got him covered in July.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39He's lucky I'm not in Captain America 3 now.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- Have you seen the new Star Wars? - Yeah.- OK.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46All right!
0:20:46 > 0:20:47LAUGHTER
0:20:48 > 0:20:51It would have been better with you in it.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- That's the bottom line. - Or more popular, anyway.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57It couldn't be more popular.
0:20:57 > 0:20:58Yes, it could!
0:21:01 > 0:21:03I haven't seen it and I would have watched it if you were in.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05You see? Right there, right there.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09- But you do watch all your films, is this right?- Yes, I do.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Religiously.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14I do, I watch them at home, I go to the theatre.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17I know when I have a movie that's opening,
0:21:17 > 0:21:20I know it's going to make at least 1,000 that weekend
0:21:20 > 0:21:24because I buy 1,000 worth of tickets.
0:21:24 > 0:21:25And I give them to the church,
0:21:25 > 0:21:28or I give them to somebody and their kids go.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32But I go to the movie after the movie's been open for a moment,
0:21:32 > 0:21:36to see what normal people are saying or doing
0:21:36 > 0:21:39while they're watching the film, to see how they react to it.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43You go to a premiere, everybody is there to kiss your ass, come on.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45"I loved the movie! Oh, my God, you were amazing!" You know?
0:21:45 > 0:21:49You go with some regular people and they go, "This movie sucked!"
0:21:51 > 0:21:55"But that Sam Jackson was the shit! He's always the shit!"
0:21:55 > 0:21:56So, yeah, I go, I like it.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58And if I'm sitting at home...
0:21:58 > 0:22:01APPLAUSE
0:22:02 > 0:22:06If I'm channel surfing and there's nothing else on,
0:22:06 > 0:22:09I go to the search engine and go Samuel L Jackson. Boom.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13It's the truth.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14And I watch it.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18Aren't you the opposite, John? You don't go to see anything.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Do you avoid everything?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Have you seen...Con Air?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27No.
0:22:27 > 0:22:28OK.
0:22:28 > 0:22:29To give people an idea
0:22:29 > 0:22:32of how much John doesn't like to see his own films,
0:22:32 > 0:22:36you've just done a new film, and it's called 100 Years.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38And it comes out - put it in your diaries -
0:22:38 > 0:22:43on the 18th of November 2115.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45LAUGHTER
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Have you really made that film?
0:22:51 > 0:22:53I have, Graham. Sadly, I must say,
0:22:53 > 0:22:59it's not the first one I've made that no living person will ever see.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Let's be clear.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05I have made that film with Robert Rodriguez.
0:23:05 > 0:23:10It's a short film
0:23:10 > 0:23:14for the French cognac company Remy Martin
0:23:14 > 0:23:19and that cognac takes 100 years to make.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22So they came to me with this idea
0:23:22 > 0:23:28to do a film that wouldn't be seen for 100 years.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30And it's actually done, it's completed,
0:23:30 > 0:23:33it's sitting in a vault in Cognac.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37And I have these kind of metal tickets...
0:23:37 > 0:23:39APPLAUSE
0:23:39 > 0:23:41LAUGHTER
0:23:41 > 0:23:43- Cognac fans.- There's some cognac fans at the back.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Or just drinkers. "He said cognac!"
0:23:46 > 0:23:47Or they're very young.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50"We're the only people who'll still be alive in 100 years!
0:23:50 > 0:23:52"We'll have killed everything by then!"
0:23:52 > 0:23:55I'm sure John Malkovich fans will still be alive and waiting.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Because fans are such a big thing in your world.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Samuel L Jackson, you've had some very famous fans.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03I'm thinking about the person -
0:24:03 > 0:24:07was it a Michael Jackson tribute or concert?
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Oh, yeah. Michael Jackson was doing...
0:24:10 > 0:24:12I don't know what he was doing.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14LAUGHTER
0:24:14 > 0:24:18He was having a series of concerts in New York.
0:24:18 > 0:24:23And I was there one night to introduce Whitney Houston and Usher.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26I was standing backstage waiting to introduce them.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Somebody walked up behind me
0:24:28 > 0:24:32and started reciting the Ezekiel speech, which happens a lot.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35So I was like, who the fuck is this?
0:24:37 > 0:24:39I turn around
0:24:39 > 0:24:40and it's Marlon Brando!
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Oh, wow!
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I let him finish and I'm like, "Oh, my God,
0:24:44 > 0:24:49"it's Marlon Brando, reciting a speech from my movie?"
0:24:49 > 0:24:50He said, "I love that movie."
0:24:50 > 0:24:52This was awesome.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55So he's like, "We need to talk." He gives me his phone number,
0:24:55 > 0:24:58and naturally when I get back home I call him.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02And when I call the number, it's a Chinese restaurant.
0:25:02 > 0:25:03LAUGHTER
0:25:03 > 0:25:05I go...
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Is Mr Brando having dinner there? They go, hold on.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Sure enough, he comes on the phone.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12LAUGHTER
0:25:15 > 0:25:17And every time I call that number,
0:25:17 > 0:25:20it was either a Chinese restaurant or a Chinese laundry.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22But whoever answered the phone,
0:25:22 > 0:25:24that's how they answered the phone for him.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27And you had to ask for him specifically to get him.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30But also, the big thing fans have is fan art.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Sara Pascoe, I know you have had that accolade
0:25:33 > 0:25:35of people sending you fan art.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39I've got one piece and I think fan art is a strong word.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41We've got a picture, shall we see it first?
0:25:41 > 0:25:44OK. So, it's of me.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- Actually, it's worth saying that it's of you.- Yes!
0:25:47 > 0:25:51- It's of me. - This is the fan art of Sara Pascoe.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56The reason I think fan art is a very loose term
0:25:56 > 0:26:00is that I was given this at a gig in lieu of payment.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04I don't want to brag about my career.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06That's because the guy who ran the gig
0:26:06 > 0:26:09had spent too much at the bar to pay me.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11So he painted that?
0:26:11 > 0:26:13After being at the bar?
0:26:13 > 0:26:17- What are those bits? - I just think they're free...
0:26:17 > 0:26:19biscuits?
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Or doughnuts or something.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Have you been sent pictures of people
0:26:24 > 0:26:26who tattooed your face on their bodies?
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Oh, no, I'm not there yet.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31- Have you got there?- Yeah!- One day.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33I get them in my Twitter feed all the time.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35These guys who have their whole calves,
0:26:35 > 0:26:38or a picture of Jules on their chest.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40Or Nick Fury.
0:26:40 > 0:26:41People love the Avengers.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44And now, Tom Hiddleston, you have fan art,
0:26:44 > 0:26:46but such specific fan art.
0:26:46 > 0:26:47There's a lot, yeah.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Does it all come from this one scene?
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Was it the first Thor movie with the spear?
0:26:52 > 0:26:53Oh, right, right. Yeah.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57Yes, there's a scene in the first Thor film
0:26:57 > 0:27:00where I'm trying to attack Thor - Chris Hemsworth as Thor -
0:27:00 > 0:27:02with a spear.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06And I jump in the air and he dodges out of the way
0:27:06 > 0:27:10and I bring the spear down and it wedges itself into the floor.
0:27:10 > 0:27:16Then I use it to spin myself around and kick him in the chest.
0:27:16 > 0:27:21Which has been interpreted by fans as a demonstration
0:27:21 > 0:27:24of my hidden talent at pole dancing.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Pole dancer!
0:27:26 > 0:27:30Seriously, there is so much of this,
0:27:30 > 0:27:35this is just one example of Loki really going for it on the pole.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Oh, my God!
0:27:37 > 0:27:39APPLAUSE
0:27:42 > 0:27:44- JOHN:- Is that Japanese, by chance?
0:27:44 > 0:27:47And that's what you wear in the movie?
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Have you not seen it? Yeah, that's Loki's outfit.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52- I've not seen that one.- Oh, really?
0:27:52 > 0:27:55We'll print it out, you can take it home.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57It's a broad church tonight,
0:27:57 > 0:28:01because John Malkovich is directing a play called Good Canary.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03It's on at the Rose Theatre, down in Kingston.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06It's from the 16th of September until the 8th of October.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Is this the third time you've directed this film?
0:28:09 > 0:28:11- It is.- Or play.- Play.- Play!
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Play, I'm all over it. Play, play.
0:28:13 > 0:28:14- Play.- Play.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16But this is the first time in English?
0:28:16 > 0:28:18First time in English, yeah.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20But it was written in English?
0:28:20 > 0:28:22It was written in English.
0:28:22 > 0:28:26And in 2007, I had it translated.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28And we did it in Paris.
0:28:28 > 0:28:34And then, 2009, had it translated into Spanish in that case,
0:28:34 > 0:28:37and did it in Mexico City.
0:28:37 > 0:28:41And then it toured around in Mexico and toured around in France also.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43And this will be the first production in English.
0:28:43 > 0:28:47And basically, what is the story, what is it about?
0:28:47 > 0:28:50Part of the story I can't really tell,
0:28:50 > 0:28:54because that's what happens in the play.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57Which would be quite a spoiler.
0:28:57 > 0:29:03But it's essentially about a young couple,
0:29:03 > 0:29:09the male of the couple has just had his first novel
0:29:09 > 0:29:16published and reviewed, which has become an enormous success.
0:29:16 > 0:29:23And he's married to a quite difficult,
0:29:23 > 0:29:27fantastic character.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29Speed addict.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32And general lunatic.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37The Rose gets all these big, huge names now.
0:29:37 > 0:29:41- Yeah.- My ex-boyfriend works there.
0:29:41 > 0:29:43If you see Kieron, say hello.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47What does he do?
0:29:47 > 0:29:50Actually, I shouldn't have said that because that's true!
0:29:50 > 0:29:52Shh! Shut up!
0:29:52 > 0:29:54Half a glass of champagne.
0:29:54 > 0:29:55"That bastard!"
0:29:57 > 0:30:00If you want somebody to play the speed addict,
0:30:00 > 0:30:01keep me in mind!
0:30:01 > 0:30:03LAUGHTER
0:30:06 > 0:30:07That's enough now!
0:30:09 > 0:30:13Now, Sara Pascoe has published an autobiography called Animal.
0:30:13 > 0:30:16I say it's an autobiography, it's sort of the story of your life...
0:30:16 > 0:30:18It's got some autobiographical details,
0:30:18 > 0:30:20but it's not an autobiography per se.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22It's a kind of very light-hearted science book
0:30:22 > 0:30:25about how the female body evolved.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28That sounds like a joke, but it is. That is what it is.
0:30:28 > 0:30:30And you did lots of research, you lived as a woman.
0:30:30 > 0:30:34I have. Almost since I was born. And...
0:30:34 > 0:30:38Yeah... So it kind of worked its way out of an Edinburgh show,
0:30:38 > 0:30:41so in 2014, I'd been researching for an Edinburgh show and I wanted to
0:30:41 > 0:30:46talk about female sexuality and I found out about kamikaze sperm.
0:30:47 > 0:30:50Do you know what I mean by that? No. No. Let me tell you.
0:30:50 > 0:30:54So, basically, men have two kinds of sperm -
0:30:54 > 0:30:59kamikaze and egg-getters - and kamikaze can't fertilise an egg.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01What they do is they fight other men's sperm
0:31:01 > 0:31:04when they're mixed together, so they have a fight or they block...
0:31:04 > 0:31:07- And how do they get mixed together? - Well, this is the next question.
0:31:07 > 0:31:11- This is the next logical question. - I think I can answer that, John.
0:31:11 > 0:31:13LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:31:15 > 0:31:17Just checking.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19Whenever anyone talks about this,
0:31:19 > 0:31:24and it is the generation I think I grew up in, all I can think about is
0:31:24 > 0:31:29the opening sequence of Look Who's Talking with Bruce Willis
0:31:29 > 0:31:32and you can hear Bruce Willis saying, "Hey, man, let me through!"
0:31:33 > 0:31:35For ages, for ages, I thought
0:31:35 > 0:31:38I could remember being in the womb because of the beginning
0:31:38 > 0:31:41of that film and my memory was actually being those guys.
0:31:43 > 0:31:45But the book, it also...
0:31:45 > 0:31:48We should say there are some serious things in the book and there's
0:31:48 > 0:31:52a lot of really honest, brutally honest stuff about your own life in the book.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55Yes. I didn't really realise how honest it was until other
0:31:55 > 0:31:58people responded to it like, "Oh, I can't believe you've told everyone,"
0:31:58 > 0:32:01but I'm a bit like that after a wine. I can't help it.
0:32:01 > 0:32:03I tell everyone else's secrets.
0:32:03 > 0:32:07I keep going, "I'm a Gemini, I'm a communicator."
0:32:07 > 0:32:08Not an excuse.
0:32:08 > 0:32:12But on stage, I mean, it does seem like that you
0:32:12 > 0:32:15and your boyfriend, in different comedy clubs, on any night
0:32:15 > 0:32:20of the week, are workshopping your relationship in front of strangers.
0:32:20 > 0:32:22That's a nice way of putting it!
0:32:22 > 0:32:25You did a thing about his body shape he didn't like.
0:32:25 > 0:32:26The thing is I love my boyfriend's body
0:32:26 > 0:32:29and so it was with complete affection I talked about it.
0:32:29 > 0:32:34He's a 34-year-old man, he's got very thin arms and legs
0:32:34 > 0:32:37and a massive belly, and I was doing stand-up,
0:32:37 > 0:32:39because I loved that belly.
0:32:39 > 0:32:43He looks pregnant, I love to stroke it and imagine it's our child.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45And, erm... Complimentary!
0:32:45 > 0:32:49And then he heard me saying it and he went on a diet
0:32:49 > 0:32:52and I felt really bad and he only lost weight from his arms and legs.
0:32:52 > 0:32:53LAUGHTER
0:32:53 > 0:32:56I do feel terrible about it.
0:32:56 > 0:33:00It's horrible, isn't it? I'm a horrible girlfriend.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03And I'm sure when he hears the reaction to that joke...
0:33:03 > 0:33:05I know I've just made it worse.
0:33:05 > 0:33:09Now, this... I have heard you tell a story and it is...
0:33:09 > 0:33:12I mean, I don't know if you have limits in the things you talk about,
0:33:12 > 0:33:16- but you did talk, in the past, about your cat...- Oh, yes.
0:33:16 > 0:33:18And it's quite a personal story. Do you mind...?
0:33:18 > 0:33:21- I don't mind telling you. It's two cats I had.- It's two? - Yes, and we'd gone to...
0:33:21 > 0:33:24I don't have them any more, because I split up with that boyfriend
0:33:24 > 0:33:27and they live now with his mum and that's another happy...
0:33:27 > 0:33:30- Say hello to Kieran. - Is this the one at the theatre? - No, it's a different boyfriend.
0:33:30 > 0:33:33So, basically, we got them from Battersea Cats & Dogs Home
0:33:33 > 0:33:35and they were called Ashley and Topaz,
0:33:35 > 0:33:38and so then I changed their names to Archie and Thelma, because
0:33:38 > 0:33:42I didn't go to university for three years to have working-class cats.
0:33:42 > 0:33:44And obviously, cats are brilliant, brilliant pets
0:33:44 > 0:33:47and they're beautiful animals and I love them very much
0:33:47 > 0:33:50and what's embarrassing about this st...
0:33:50 > 0:33:52Basically, I got a vibrator...
0:33:52 > 0:33:54For reasons... Let's not share those.
0:33:54 > 0:33:59And...I got a vibrator and I couldn't enjoy it,
0:33:59 > 0:34:03because whenever I switched it on, the cats, no matter where
0:34:03 > 0:34:06they were in the house, they thought it was another cat purring.
0:34:09 > 0:34:11And they rushed to make friends with it.
0:34:13 > 0:34:16- Was that the bit you meant?- Yeah, that's the one.- That's the bit.
0:34:16 > 0:34:20- True story. - I love that story!
0:34:20 > 0:34:24- You had two cats and a rabbit. - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:34:30 > 0:34:33It's time for music. This band, they have had an incredible five years.
0:34:33 > 0:34:36From their critically-acclaimed first album
0:34:36 > 0:34:37to selling out venues worldwide.
0:34:37 > 0:34:41Here performing their single Leave A Trace, please welcome CHVRCHES!
0:34:53 > 0:34:57# I gave up on time Just like you said you would
0:34:57 > 0:35:01# There are tiny cracks of light underneath me
0:35:01 > 0:35:05# And you say I got it wrong
0:35:05 > 0:35:08# But I tried hard to uncover them
0:35:12 > 0:35:16# I have somehow got away with everything
0:35:16 > 0:35:20# Anything you ever did was strictly by design
0:35:20 > 0:35:24# But you got it wrong
0:35:24 > 0:35:26# And I'll go anywhere but there
0:35:30 > 0:35:33# And you had best believe
0:35:33 > 0:35:35# That you cannot build what I don't need
0:35:35 > 0:35:40# And I know I need to feel relief
0:35:40 > 0:35:42# And I know you'll never fold
0:35:42 > 0:35:45# But I believe nothing that I'm told
0:35:45 > 0:35:50# And I know I need to feel relief
0:35:50 > 0:35:54# I know I need to feel released
0:35:54 > 0:35:57# Take care to tell it just as it was
0:35:57 > 0:36:00# Take care to tell on me for the cause
0:36:00 > 0:36:04# I know I need to feel released
0:36:04 > 0:36:07# Take care to bury all that you can
0:36:07 > 0:36:09# Take care to leave a trace of a man
0:36:09 > 0:36:14# I will show restraint just like we said we should
0:36:14 > 0:36:18# You think I'll apologise for things I left behind
0:36:18 > 0:36:20# But you got it wrong
0:36:22 > 0:36:24# And I'm as sane as I ever was
0:36:28 > 0:36:33# You talk far too much for someone so unkind
0:36:33 > 0:36:36# I will wipe the salt off of my skin
0:36:36 > 0:36:39# And I'll admit that I got it wrong
0:36:41 > 0:36:44# And there is grey between the lines
0:36:47 > 0:36:52# And you had best believe that you cannot build what I don't need
0:36:52 > 0:36:57# And I know I need to feel relief
0:36:57 > 0:37:02# And I know you'll never fold but I believe nothing that I'm told
0:37:02 > 0:37:06# And I know I need to feel relief
0:37:06 > 0:37:11# I know I need to feel released
0:37:11 > 0:37:14# Take care to tell it just as it was
0:37:14 > 0:37:16# Take care to tell on me for the cause
0:37:16 > 0:37:21# And I know I need to feel release
0:37:21 > 0:37:24# Take care to bury all that you can
0:37:24 > 0:37:26# Take care to leave a trace of a man
0:37:26 > 0:37:31# I know, I know, I know, I know...
0:37:35 > 0:37:40# ..I know I need to feel released
0:37:40 > 0:37:43# Take care to tell it just as it was
0:37:43 > 0:37:45# Take care to tell on me for the cause
0:37:45 > 0:37:49# I know I need to feel released
0:37:49 > 0:37:52# Take care to bury all that you can
0:37:52 > 0:37:55# Take care to leave a trace of a man
0:38:04 > 0:38:10# I know, I know, I know, I know. #
0:38:11 > 0:38:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:16 > 0:38:18CHVRCHES, everybody!
0:38:18 > 0:38:20Come and join me, do.
0:38:20 > 0:38:22Come on. In you come.
0:38:22 > 0:38:24Good CHVRCHES. Good CHVRCHES.
0:38:24 > 0:38:26Good CHVRCHES. Hello.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28Hi. Lovely to see you. You go on there and sit down.
0:38:28 > 0:38:30Hello, sir. Lovely to see you.
0:38:30 > 0:38:32Hi, nice to see you.
0:38:32 > 0:38:35Go, sit. Sit.
0:38:36 > 0:38:39Just wave at them. Wave at them. Wave at them.
0:38:39 > 0:38:40Wave at them. Wave at them.
0:38:42 > 0:38:44Now, so it's Lauren, Iain and Martin,
0:38:44 > 0:38:49and that is from the album Every Open Eye, and that's out now, man.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51It's out. It's been out, it's happening.
0:38:51 > 0:38:55- So five years you've been together. - Pretty much. Nearly five, yeah.
0:38:55 > 0:38:58Now, what gives, because, Lauren, you don't
0:38:58 > 0:39:00live on the same continent as those boys now, do you?
0:39:00 > 0:39:04No. I was like, "There's not enough space in Glasgow for all of us."
0:39:04 > 0:39:06How smelly were they on that tour bus?
0:39:06 > 0:39:09It was just like, "I'm moving continents."
0:39:09 > 0:39:13Yes, there's just so much fart... I had to move to an entirely
0:39:13 > 0:39:16different continent to get away from all the tour farts.
0:39:16 > 0:39:19But no, I guess we spend a lot of our time in America anyway,
0:39:19 > 0:39:23so I thought I'd try it while they're stupid enough to give me a visa.
0:39:23 > 0:39:25OK, so what's the story, you are touring
0:39:25 > 0:39:28- but are you touring in America? - We just got done in the States.
0:39:28 > 0:39:31We're back in Europe for a bit, we've got some festivals -
0:39:31 > 0:39:35- Glastonbury, Reading and Leeds, Latitude, all that stuff.- OK.
0:39:35 > 0:39:38Wow, so many places I won't be able to see you.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41So, listen, thanks for coming. CHVRCHES. Thank you very much.
0:39:41 > 0:39:43OK. Let's see who we've got in the big red chair.
0:39:43 > 0:39:47- Who have we got first.- Graham, can I do this? I've always...- You can
0:39:47 > 0:39:50- do it, but, but be gentle. - OK, OK, OK.- Be gentle, Tom.
0:39:50 > 0:39:53- So who's up first?- Hi, I'm Mon.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55- And where are you from? - I'm from West London.- West London.
0:39:55 > 0:39:59- And what do you do? - I'm a HR consultant.- Ooh!
0:39:59 > 0:40:03- For a really big company?- Yeah, you could say that.- OK, I will.
0:40:03 > 0:40:04LAUGHTER
0:40:07 > 0:40:11Too big for Mon. OK, off you go with your story.
0:40:11 > 0:40:14So, basically, I was going on holiday with family and friends
0:40:14 > 0:40:16and we got to India and our plane arrived.
0:40:16 > 0:40:19It was the only flight that arrived at about three o'clock in the
0:40:19 > 0:40:21morning and we are all picking up our luggage and, from a distance,
0:40:21 > 0:40:24I noticed someone and I thought it was Tina Turner,
0:40:24 > 0:40:26so I went up to her and I said, "Are you Tina Turner?"
0:40:26 > 0:40:27And she goes, "Yes, I am."
0:40:27 > 0:40:30I go, "Oh, do you mind if I can get a picture taken with you?"
0:40:30 > 0:40:32And she goes, "No, I'm going to get mobbed here."
0:40:32 > 0:40:35And I sort of looked over my shoulders and I go,
0:40:35 > 0:40:37"But I'm the only one that's in front of you."
0:40:37 > 0:40:40So I walked away, thinking, "OK, fine, fair enough,"
0:40:40 > 0:40:43and then, the next bit we got to the immigration bit.
0:40:43 > 0:40:47She was in front of me with all of her crew and the guy that was asking
0:40:47 > 0:40:50all the immigration questions had really broken English and he started
0:40:50 > 0:40:53talking a little bit in Indian, or Punjabi, and she turned to me
0:40:53 > 0:40:55and she goes, "Can you help me?"
0:40:55 > 0:40:57And I go, "No, sorry, I'm going to get mobbed here."
0:40:57 > 0:41:01Oh! Ohhh!
0:41:01 > 0:41:03Oh! You can walk.
0:41:03 > 0:41:07- You can walk. Oh! I did not see that coming.- That was good.
0:41:07 > 0:41:08I did not see that coming.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10- That was good. - No, because I was thinking,
0:41:10 > 0:41:12"Oh, it wasn't really Tina Turner."
0:41:12 > 0:41:14No, it was. Tina being a bit of a bitch.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17LAUGHTER
0:41:17 > 0:41:19Well, to be fair, she never said please.
0:41:19 > 0:41:22Is that what the problem was? OK. Quickly, quickly.
0:41:22 > 0:41:26- One more, one more. Hello!- Hello. - Hi, what's your name?- I'm Debbie.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29- Debbie. Hi, Debbie. What do you do? - I'm a mother. That's quite enough.
0:41:29 > 0:41:33OK. Of... Do you have many of the children?
0:41:33 > 0:41:38- Two.- Two. OK. How old are they? - 19 and eight... Ten, sorry.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40LAUGHTER
0:41:40 > 0:41:44- Wow. Just lost two years of her life there.- Could you start again?
0:41:44 > 0:41:49Those were the drinking years. OK. Where are you from?
0:41:49 > 0:41:52- South-east London.- South-east London. We'll just leave it at that.
0:41:52 > 0:41:54All right. Off you go with your story.
0:41:54 > 0:41:57So, I'm in bed with an ex-lover of mine
0:41:57 > 0:42:02- and we decided we'd engage in some grown-up activities.- Yes.
0:42:02 > 0:42:04- You know, dinner for two... - LAUGHTER
0:42:04 > 0:42:07More than 68 but not quite 70.
0:42:09 > 0:42:14So... Because I'm so lazy by nature, I'm on the bottom...
0:42:14 > 0:42:18so I can't breathe through my mouth obviously because it's full...
0:42:18 > 0:42:21so I take in a very deep breath through my nose...
0:42:21 > 0:42:23- SHE INHALES - ..at which point his...
0:42:23 > 0:42:28testicles form a tight seal...
0:42:28 > 0:42:32across my nostrils, so I can't breathe at all,
0:42:32 > 0:42:36so I'm wriggling around panicking. He's thinking, obviously,
0:42:36 > 0:42:38"Oh, she's loving this, really loving this..."
0:42:38 > 0:42:40I'm going to do it now, yeah.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:42:48 > 0:42:52I don't know, someone should... Maybe I need help, but...
0:42:52 > 0:42:54I...
0:42:54 > 0:43:01I envisaged two people, say, like this, but...
0:43:01 > 0:43:05- if something...is in her mouth... - Yes.
0:43:05 > 0:43:10Why would the thing below it be in her nose?
0:43:10 > 0:43:13- Because he's going that way. - 69, John.
0:43:13 > 0:43:15- But also...- 69.
0:43:17 > 0:43:19Also... Also...
0:43:19 > 0:43:23Can I just say, we're leaving this conversation here.
0:43:23 > 0:43:28If you want to know more, go on the red button. This is it.
0:43:28 > 0:43:31- No, we're done. We're done!- Why...? - No, Sara! We're done.
0:43:31 > 0:43:36- But why would you...- Shut up! We're done! Well done, everyone!
0:43:36 > 0:43:38If you'd like to join us after that and have a go
0:43:38 > 0:43:41on the red chair, you can via our website at this address...
0:43:41 > 0:43:44That's it for tonight. Please say a huge thank you to all my guests.
0:43:44 > 0:43:47CHVRCHES!
0:43:47 > 0:43:50Sara Pascoe!
0:43:50 > 0:43:53John Malkovich!
0:43:53 > 0:43:55Samuel L Jackson!
0:43:55 > 0:43:58And Tom Hiddleston!
0:43:59 > 0:44:03Join me next week with music from will.i.am,
0:44:03 > 0:44:06comedian Jack Whitehall, X-Men stars James McAvoy
0:44:06 > 0:44:09and Jennifer Lawrence, plus Hollywood legend Johnny Depp.
0:44:09 > 0:44:11I'll see you, then. Goodnight, everybody. Bye-bye!