0:00:02 > 0:00:04- Hi, Danny DeVito. - And I'm Miranda Hart.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Welcome to The Graham Norton Show.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08CHEERING
0:00:10 > 0:00:16This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Hello! Oh! Hello, oh!
0:00:26 > 0:00:30Oh! Oh, very kind. Thank you so much.
0:00:30 > 0:00:35Thank you very much! That's too much.
0:00:35 > 0:00:36It's too much.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Hello.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42CHEERING No, seriously, stop.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45No, no, no, time. Time, time!
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Hello, good evening. Very welcome. Great show for you tonight.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51I tell you, tonight's show is brighter and shinier than
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Theresa May's toecaps.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55LAUGHTER That is shiny.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Did you see them? Yeah, I know, for looking up her own skirt.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Now, yes, ladies and gentlemen,
0:01:01 > 0:01:04it's been the Tory Party Conference in Birmingham this week.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Did somebody say, "Party!"? Whoo!
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Here's Theresa May arriving at the conference. Mm!
0:01:09 > 0:01:12And here she is after four days in Birmingham.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14LAUGHTER
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Meanwhile, there was disturbing showbiz news this week,
0:01:17 > 0:01:19ladies and gentlemen.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Kim Kardashian has been robbed.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Robbed, I say!
0:01:23 > 0:01:25The thieves made off with her engagement ring.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Here she is posing with it.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29LAUGHTER
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Pretty, isn't it? Pretty.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Apparently, police asked Kim if she thought it could have been
0:01:35 > 0:01:36an inside job.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39To which she replied, "What's a job?"
0:01:39 > 0:01:41LAUGHTER
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Hey, let's get some guests on!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46And later, we'll be meeting a true legend of Hollywood comedy.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48The great Danny DeVito is here.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51CHEERING I know.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55Plus, we'll have music from Amber Riley.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57She'll give us an exclusive performance of
0:01:57 > 0:01:59And I Am Telling You from Dream Girls.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02But first, he is one of the UK's favourite comedians.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04It's a warm welcome back to Mr John Bishop!
0:02:04 > 0:02:08CHEERING Yeah!
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Hello. Let's do hugging. Let's do hugging.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- Let's do it.- OK, there we go. John Bishop, everybody!
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Thank you, thank you, thank you!
0:02:15 > 0:02:18From smash-hit sitcom Call The Midwife, now she is a bestselling
0:02:18 > 0:02:22author to boot, it's only Miranda Hart, everybody!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24CHEERING
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Hello, lovely. How are you? Mwah and mwah.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Come sit down.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31John, Miranda. Miranda, John.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34This man has starred in Jurassic Park, The Piano
0:02:34 > 0:02:35and TV's Peaky Blinders.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Now, he is bringing us New Zealand's most successful film ever.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Welcome, for the first time, Mr Sam Neill!
0:02:41 > 0:02:44CHEERING Oh, hi.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Nice to see you. Let's do hugging. Sam Neill.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Miranda, John.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53And as one of our greatest Scottish actors,
0:02:53 > 0:02:56he starred in Trainspotting, Star Wars and Moulin Rouge.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Now, he's making his directing debut.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Welcome back Ewan McGregor, everybody!
0:03:01 > 0:03:04CHEERING Oh, the energy of the man.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07- The energy! Hello.- Hello. - It's Ewan McGregor. Hi, hi, hi.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11- Kiss, kiss, kiss.- Lovely.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Sit-y down.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- Hello.- Hello.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Welcome, all. Welcome back.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- Welcome, for the first time, Sam. - Thank you so much.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Nice to see you. Very good.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Now, I'm immediately, immediately, I'm going to speak to John Bishop.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- Let's do it.- Let's do it. Let's do it, yeah.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34- No, because I heard you had a beard. That's not a beard.- I know,
0:03:34 > 0:03:36but what I was supposed to do,
0:03:36 > 0:03:38I was supposed to have a beard for this part that I'm doing,
0:03:38 > 0:03:40but I thought, because I was coming on here,
0:03:40 > 0:03:45I'd trim it a bit and it ended up with a big bit taken out of there.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47So, then I had to try and make it even.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50So now, I just look like a drunk on a bench.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51LAUGHTER
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Which is probably appropriate for this show.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Well, possibly.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58But no, the trimming, I feel like it's like you've had them.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01I've had beards, like beards. Long ones.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Yeah, it's like trimming a hedge. You can't go that wrong.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05But do you do it or do you have a man that does it?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Well, it depends.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11I never meant it like that.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15- Let's talk about that. - I was being genuine!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Let's put it this way, John, I can do it myself.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Are you living with yours now, Sam?
0:04:20 > 0:04:24It, sort of, took up residence a couple of years ago and it doesn't
0:04:24 > 0:04:26seem to want to leave.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29I've got that, sort of, dark thing on the top lip.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31- Yes.- What, hair?
0:04:31 > 0:04:32I have the opposite.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34I think it's an Irish thing, perhaps.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Mine's red here and then white there.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39- I've got it in the reverse.- So strange.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42This is the first time I've wanted a beard to be able to join in
0:04:42 > 0:04:43this conversation.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46But who was the person who came to your house?
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Oh, yes, that was weird this week, somebody rang my doorbell.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52I answered it, cos I'm maverick like that.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Of course, I did.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Do you do that yourself?
0:04:57 > 0:05:01And someone was, sort of, deferentially bowing and went,
0:05:01 > 0:05:03"Good afternoon, my lady.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06"My lady, I'm a gardener, my lady. And I'm in the area, my lady.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10"And I noticed that your bush needs trimming, my lady."
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Honestly.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15"I'm sorry, am I in a scene of Downton Abbey?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17"What's happening?"
0:05:17 > 0:05:19And he looked at me and he went, "Oh, my lady, it's you, my lady.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23"It's you from The Bill? No, I know.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26"Oh, you've made my day." And I got him to trim my hedge.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28And then I went to get some cash,
0:05:28 > 0:05:30cos I didn't know this was going to happen.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32And I came back and he said, "Oh,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34"I've just been telling my wife I met you, my lady.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37"I'm so excited, my lady. I'm just utterly thrilled.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39"Just one question, what's your name?"
0:05:40 > 0:05:41It was just the weirdest thing.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45I thought, how's he been describing me to his wife?
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Oh!
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Now, here's the thing, Sam Neill and Ewan McGregor,
0:05:49 > 0:05:51am I right in saying you've never been in a film together?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- No.- No.- But you have hung out?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Oh, yeah.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58I was in Australia when I was doing Moulin Rouge and when I was
0:05:58 > 0:06:01doing the Star Wars II and III.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- We used to, we'd have dinner parties and stuff.- Yeah.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05We're old mates.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Now, Sam Neill, Ewan McGregor slightly dobbed you in it,
0:06:08 > 0:06:11because he told us that you used to jam.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12Yeah, his...
0:06:12 > 0:06:14HE SIGHS
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- I did, I'm sorry. - It's a bit of an exaggeration.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21- We were usually drunk and he's good and I'm crap.- No!
0:06:21 > 0:06:23- That's definitely not true.- And he can play guitar and he can sing.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25I mean, you sing in films all the time.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Even when it's not a musical, you sing.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29Any excuse to sing.
0:06:29 > 0:06:34It used to be dropping my trousers and now it's singing a song.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35- Singing, yeah.- Yeah. - Oh, well.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Because we have, I think, I think, I think...
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- Oh, God, no.- Yes, yes!
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Oh, oh, oh. Here we go.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Because your chosen instrument is the...
0:06:45 > 0:06:48- HE IMITATES FRENCH ACCENT: ..ukulele.- Yes.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Since when is it called...
0:06:49 > 0:06:51- SHE IMITATES FRENCH ACCENT: - ..ukulele?!
0:06:51 > 0:06:54- That's actually how it's pronounced. - That's how it's pronounced?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Yeah, type it into a computer.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00This is the best night of my life.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02- How good is this?- You sing.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- EWAN CLEARS HIS THROAT - Here we go.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08# I don't care if it rains or freezes
0:07:08 > 0:07:10# As long as I've got my plastic Jesus
0:07:10 > 0:07:13# Sitting on the dashboard of my car... #
0:07:13 > 0:07:16AUDIENCE CLAP IN TIME TO MUSIC
0:07:16 > 0:07:18# Painted colours pink and pleasant
0:07:18 > 0:07:20# Glows in the dark He's phosphorescent
0:07:20 > 0:07:24# Take Him with you when you travel far
0:07:24 > 0:07:28# Get yourself a sweet Madonna
0:07:28 > 0:07:35# Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a pedestal of abalone shell
0:07:35 > 0:07:39# Going 90 I ain't scary cos I've got my Virgin Mary
0:07:39 > 0:07:43# Showing me that I won't go to hell. #
0:07:43 > 0:07:46CHEERING
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Ewan McGregor, ladies and gentlemen.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Sam Neill!
0:07:51 > 0:07:54That didn't hurt. That didn't hurt. That didn't hurt, that was lovely.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58- That was great.- That was fabulous. - That was all right.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- There we go.- Have a sip of wine, Sam. Have a sip of wine.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Settle yourself.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Now, ladies and gentlemen, Ewan McGregor, not content with
0:08:06 > 0:08:10being a marvellous actor, has now directed a feature film.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12- Well done.- Thanks. - And you're in it.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15- I am, I am, yeah.- You're in it, yes. It's called American Pastoral.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19It opens on 11th of November and there is probably no-one here
0:08:19 > 0:08:21who hasn't read American Pastoral by Philip Roth,
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- but just in case they haven't,... - OK.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Let's ask someone in the audience.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Next!
0:08:32 > 0:08:35It's the story of a family, but it's, kind of, wider.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- It's, kind of, a slice of America. - It is, it's a story...
0:08:38 > 0:08:41It's about... I guess, Philip Roth is writing about America at
0:08:41 > 0:08:44a period of time with the post-war generation.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48There's a couple who are a couple of the '50s and they represent
0:08:48 > 0:08:51the American dream, if you like.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55And then their daughter, Mary, represents the '60s.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59It's a story about this family and their daughter becomes,
0:08:59 > 0:09:01falls in with a political group in New York.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04And becomes radicalised.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07She disappears after a terrorist act and it's about how they deal
0:09:07 > 0:09:09with that situation.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- And you guys, I mean, the cast, you have a fantastic cast.- Yeah.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14But I just wondered,
0:09:14 > 0:09:17- because they all knew you are a first-time director.- Yeah.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Is it like a supply teacher?
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Where everyone is like, "He's no idea what he's doing."
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Well, I hope not, but they are, like you say, very good actors.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27So, I maybe wouldn't have known anyway.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29No, I think it was brilliant.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31It was a nice, inclusive feeling.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34I mean, we would... I learnt a lot from Danny Boyle,
0:09:34 > 0:09:37who I used to work with in my early days
0:09:37 > 0:09:40and who very much defined me as an actor.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43He was my first director and he set the bar very, very high
0:09:43 > 0:09:45in what to expect in that relationship.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48And he would always just clear the set
0:09:48 > 0:09:50and rehearse with the actors alone.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52I've always loved that and I think it's important,
0:09:52 > 0:09:55because the actors feel involved in the work that you're about to shoot.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58There's nothing worse than walking in on set and being shown a mark
0:09:58 > 0:10:00and someone says, "That's where you're standing."
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Cos you always feel like, "How do you know?"
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- You know, you want to be part of it. - Yeah.- So, I would do this.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07I was clear the set and say, "OK, now it's just a rehearsal for the
0:10:07 > 0:10:09"director and the actors."
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I would walk on with Jennifer Connelly and close the door.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14And then I'd be like, "Oh, yeah, it's me."
0:10:14 > 0:10:16There was no-one else there. And it felt like we were, sort of,
0:10:16 > 0:10:18getting away with something, you know.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21But we had that freedom and we took that time to do it,
0:10:21 > 0:10:25so I think the actors felt involved and creatively satisfied.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27All right, well, listen, let's have a clip.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30This is you trying to persuade your daughter,
0:10:30 > 0:10:33played by Dakota Fanning, to come back into the fold of the family.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Right.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38You want to protest the war, protest it right here in Old Rimrock.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42What am I going to do? March around the post office?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Bring the war home. Isn't that the slogan?
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Look, they gave me this award.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49It's just a stupid plaque, but it means one thing -
0:10:49 > 0:10:52if you take a stand, people notice.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56If you oppose the war, right here, with all your strength,
0:10:56 > 0:10:59this is part of America, too, you know.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02R-r-read Marx.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05R-r-revolutions don't begin in the countryside.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07We're not talking about revolutions.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11You're not talking about revolution.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14HE SIGHS
0:11:14 > 0:11:16You think about what I'm saying.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25- Thank you.- Is this you getting the bug now?
0:11:25 > 0:11:29Or is this you thinking, "I am never doing that again"?
0:11:29 > 0:11:32- That's a lot of work.- I don't know.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35When I finished my last day on it, I think I wouldn't
0:11:35 > 0:11:36have wanted to do it straight away.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39But it was a brilliant, brilliant, brilliant thing.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- I loved it so much. - John, you did a bit of directing.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44You directed on Sky or...
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Yeah, I did Little Crackers, which is the thing that they have on
0:11:47 > 0:11:52Sky where you do a little 15 minute thing and it was about...
0:11:52 > 0:11:55It's supposed to be about your own childhood,
0:11:55 > 0:11:58so I did something about when I was 13.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01I sold teddy bears door-to-door and made my first £100
0:12:01 > 0:12:05selling teddy bears that we made in this factory that my dad had.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07So, I had to cast.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10I said, "I'll do it, but I want to write it and direct it."
0:12:10 > 0:12:14So, I had to cast somebody who is a teenage version of me.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17I thought, "I've got a house full of them."
0:12:17 > 0:12:20So, I auditioned my own kids to be a younger version of
0:12:20 > 0:12:23me and didn't give them the part.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29I gave it to another kid, whose mum I knew a while ago,
0:12:29 > 0:12:31but I haven't seen her.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42- With Miranda, you didn't, did you direct any episodes?- No.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45No, I didn't direct technically television-wise, but in the
0:12:45 > 0:12:48rehearsals, I'd direct the performance and the movement a bit.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51So, theatre directing is my passion. That's what I'd like to do.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54- But you did do the casting?- Well, yes, that is a perk of the job.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58- The casting. - Would you cast me?
0:12:58 > 0:13:02I would love to have cast you. Would you like to be in Miranda?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04- Of course.- I would bring back Miranda if you wanted to be in it.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Oh, come on.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08CHEERING
0:13:11 > 0:13:13I'm so excited. So excited.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17- I don't know what to do. Are you being serious?- Come on.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19- Let's do it.- You're on national television, don't lie.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23- Let's do it.- What are we playing? - I'm up for it. Whatever you want.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- OK.- Oh, my God. It's like we're on a date or something.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30It all went a bit awkward.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33But I, yeah, the best thing I wrote to cast was,
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I wrote a Sport Relief sketch, Goran Ivanisevic.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37I'm a massive tennis fan.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40And I thought, "I want to be in a sketch with Goran Ivanisevic."
0:13:40 > 0:13:43As if we'll get it. Finish the end of the sketch
0:13:43 > 0:13:45and he kisses her, obviously.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47We got Goran and then it was all just really embarrassing
0:13:47 > 0:13:50having to explain that, "Oh, and then at the end, this happens."
0:13:50 > 0:13:54It was so disappointing. Was the most un-sexual kiss.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56He got my shoulders.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59He was clearly terrified or I had appalling breath or something.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01And he went...
0:14:03 > 0:14:05It ruined it. Goran ruined it.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Sam wouldn't do that. Sam wouldn't do that.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Well, I'm not suggesting that we have to.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12"And he kisses her."
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Violently!
0:14:13 > 0:14:16If you'd been directing, you could have said,
0:14:16 > 0:14:18"No, no, no, not like that, Goran."
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- "Do it again." - "Like this."
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- Can I ask you a question?- Yeah. - Did you say, "Action"?
0:14:22 > 0:14:25- No, I said, "Cut."- Not action. So, you didn't say, "Action"?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- No.- Some directors say, "Action" and some directors don't say, "Action."
0:14:28 > 0:14:31- But how do you know when it started? - Yeah, how do you start stuff?
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- No, someone else will say it.- No, someone else says it.- Oh, I see.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- Just standing around. "Anyone ready?"- No, no.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38It would be odd, cos when you're about to do a take,
0:14:38 > 0:14:40you've got to be thinking about the thing.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43No, I was thinking if you weren't in the scene, not... "Action."
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Oh, yeah. "Action."
0:14:46 > 0:14:48No, if I wasn't in the scene, I'd say, "Action," yes.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50- Oh, you would?- Yeah.- Oh, I like that.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53- But when I was in the scene, I'd say, "Cut."- Would you?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- Yeah, yeah.- And then do you argue with yourself?
0:14:55 > 0:14:58To come and go, "Ewan, that was shit!"
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- "You're better than that!" - The trouble with it is,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04it's embarrassing to do more shots of yourself.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Yeah, "Can you just get the camera on me?"
0:15:06 > 0:15:10"Yeah, one more. Actually, come in a bit closer."
0:15:10 > 0:15:13- You can end up with not enough footage of yourself.- Right.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16And if you're going to be in it and act on it you got to make
0:15:16 > 0:15:18sure you've got enough footage of yourself.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21That must be embarrassing. The other actors just rolling their eyes.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- "Oh, more close-ups of him." - A little bit, yeah.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26"Apparently, my lighting was fine."
0:15:28 > 0:15:30I couldn't imagine directing yourself in a love scene.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32That would be...
0:15:32 > 0:15:36Someone must've done that, but that's got to be the hardest thing.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38- Oh, yeah.- Was there a love scene in it?- No.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- Oh.- No, there wasn't. - Yeah.- That would be funny.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42"Go on, Ewan!"
0:15:42 > 0:15:45"Come on!"
0:15:45 > 0:15:47"Action! Action! Action!"
0:15:47 > 0:15:50"Cut! Cut!"
0:15:50 > 0:15:52"One more!"
0:15:53 > 0:15:56But now, you talked earlier about Danny Boyle.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Sam Neill, of course, you worked with Steven Spielberg.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Jurassic Park is back now, Jurassic World.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05And you've ruled out ever coming back. You could come back.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- You're still alive. - I didn't rule it out.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12- Oh.- They just didn't call me.
0:16:12 > 0:16:13AUDIENCE GROANS
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Someone asked me the other day and I just said, "I don't know
0:16:16 > 0:16:18"what's happened to Alan Grant." He could be dead.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21He could be in therapy, you know.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Yes.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26For, sort of, dino-trauma or something.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30Or he might be an accountant in Des Moines.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33I don't what's happened. No-one knows what's happened to him.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36And I hadn't realised that the first Jurassic Park,
0:16:36 > 0:16:38that got the prestigious Royal premiere.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- The Royal Charity Premiere, didn't it?- Oh, yes.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45- Was it Charles and Diana then? - Diana on her own.- OK.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48For reasons, I have no idea.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52Yes, I found myself sitting beside Diana in,
0:16:52 > 0:16:55I have told the story before, and my son is so embarrassed by it.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Diana was sitting here. It was in the Odeon, you know.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01- Yeah.- My son was sitting here.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03It's a draughty cinema, as you know,
0:17:03 > 0:17:05and the draught is going this way across.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08And as soon as the dinos... My son was ten at the time.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11As soon as the dinosaurs turned up, he started farting.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14LAUGHTER
0:17:14 > 0:17:16But it was drifting towards...this way...
0:17:16 > 0:17:19LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:19 > 0:17:24And I had my dinner suit, and I thought, "I'm sure she'll, of course...she'll think it's me."
0:17:24 > 0:17:25LAUGHTER
0:17:25 > 0:17:30And I could feel the sweat stains just, sort of, growing on my dinner suit like this.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32And he didn't stop until the end.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35But he denies it to this day, and...
0:17:37 > 0:17:40And I'm sorry that she's not around.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42I can apologise, you know, it wasn't me.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44LAUGHTER
0:17:46 > 0:17:49And that movie, it seems to me, maybe I'm wrong, that that was kind
0:17:49 > 0:17:55of the first time we saw that quality of CGI that, you know, like that.
0:17:55 > 0:18:00And that amazing scene where yourself and Laura Dern see
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- the dinosaurs at the same time the audience see the dinosaurs.- Right.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05In fact, we've got that clip. Here we go.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Alan, this species of vermiform has been extinct since the
0:18:25 > 0:18:26Cretaceous period.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28I mean, this thing is... What?
0:18:37 > 0:18:39DINOSAUR CALLS
0:18:42 > 0:18:44DINOSAUR FOOTSTEPS REVERBERATE
0:18:45 > 0:18:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:46 > 0:18:48It's really good, that, though.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50That was really good. And...
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Because...
0:18:52 > 0:18:56Now when actors do films like that, you know, you guys,
0:18:56 > 0:18:58you know what you're looking... cos you've seen films like that,
0:18:58 > 0:19:00you're going to think, "OK, it's going to be amazing."
0:19:00 > 0:19:04But what did you think you were looking at? Did you think it was going to be that good?
0:19:04 > 0:19:07I can tell you what I was looking at, and, you know,
0:19:07 > 0:19:10it looks simple enough, but actually what I'm looking at is
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Steven Spielberg with a big long stick with a tennis ball at the end.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15LAUGHTER
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Just waving it like this, and, you know,
0:19:18 > 0:19:21you have to look as stunned as you possibly can.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23LAUGHTER
0:19:23 > 0:19:24It's not easy, this stuff, is it?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Well, no, but that's like a masterclass in amazement.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Now, I'm going to ask Miranda a question,
0:19:29 > 0:19:30and I think I know the answer.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- Would you like to do a bit of acting with Sam Neill?- No.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35LAUGHTER
0:19:35 > 0:19:40- Yes! What do you mean?- OK, so, could you recreate the look of amazement?
0:19:40 > 0:19:44So, basically you look over, the two of you look over. I've got props, ladies and gentlemen,
0:19:44 > 0:19:45- I've got props.- Oh, my...
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- I've got, look...- Good Lord. - I've got the Laura Dern leaf.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52- Oh, my God! Laura Dern?- Yes. - Laura Dern glasses...
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- You've got as much or as little there as you want to put on.- Yes.
0:19:55 > 0:19:56There you go. OK.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58- So, they're preparing. - Oh, my God.- OK?- OK.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00And, by the way, at the end,
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- when they're looking suitably annoyed, amazed.- Annoyed?
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- Annoyed by the dinosaur.- You'd be a terrible director!- "It's slowing traffic down!"
0:20:07 > 0:20:08LAUGHTER
0:20:08 > 0:20:10"Stupid things.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Who brought them back?"
0:20:11 > 0:20:15- If you, using your vocal training... - Do a little bit of dinosaur noise?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17- A bit of dinosaur noise.- OK. - Is this directing?
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- That would help immeasurably, actually.- Oh, good.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22- Can Ewan direct this, please?- Yes. - LAUGHTER
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- Let's have a little chat.- OK, so we start the music, we start the music.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- Where are the dinosaurs going to be? - Behind you, behind you.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32- See, you're looking...- Where's the tennis ball?- There's the camera, right?
0:20:32 > 0:20:35I'm going to get out of the way, because I'm only doing the dinosaur noise.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37- It's a very small dinosaur, is it? - No, no. It'll, it'll, it'll lift.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- Oh, right, OK. - LAUGHTER
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- Can I just say...?- Not a chicken one.- That wouldn't be a dinosaur.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Oh, for fuck's sake, just be amazed!
0:20:45 > 0:20:46LAUGHTER
0:20:46 > 0:20:48APPLAUSE
0:20:48 > 0:20:52I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you do it, Ewan!
0:20:52 > 0:20:54- JOHN:- I'll be the dinosaur.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:58 > 0:21:01- That's very good.- Yeah. - That's very helpful.
0:21:01 > 0:21:02I'm starting the music.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05I'm not being rude, but I'd prefer a tennis ball.
0:21:05 > 0:21:06LAUGHTER
0:21:07 > 0:21:09OK, OK... That's...
0:21:09 > 0:21:11LAUGHTER
0:21:11 > 0:21:14- That's not...- I've got Ewan to cue for sound.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15- OK.- Let me say "action."
0:21:15 > 0:21:17STRINGS FROM FILM SCORE.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Action.
0:21:19 > 0:21:20Very good. Very good.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23MIRANDA GASPS
0:21:24 > 0:21:25GRAHAM LAUGHS
0:21:29 > 0:21:31LAUGHTER
0:21:35 > 0:21:37LAUGHTER
0:21:39 > 0:21:42APPLAUSE
0:21:46 > 0:21:50EWAN MIMICS DINOSAUR CALL
0:21:50 > 0:21:52APPLAUSE Very good! Excellent!
0:21:52 > 0:21:54APPLAUSE
0:21:55 > 0:21:57That was very good.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- Incredible.- Very, very good. - Excellent.- Oh, dear.
0:22:03 > 0:22:08Good work, everyone, but it's very hard to corral actors, isn't it?
0:22:08 > 0:22:10It's like herding cats. LAUGHTER
0:22:11 > 0:22:14And actually, Sam Neill, I am here to say,
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Sam Neill has such a lovely film out at the moment.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21It's called Hunt for the Wilderpeople, and it's one of those things.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24If you just read the synopsis, you'd kind of think,
0:22:24 > 0:22:27"Is that a really depressing film?"
0:22:27 > 0:22:32- But in fact, it's joyful and it's lovely.- It's a heartwarmer, yeah.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- Yeah.- It's a kind of a road movie, except there's no roads.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38LAUGHTER
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Cos we only have about three roads in New Zealand, so...
0:22:40 > 0:22:41LAUGHTER
0:22:42 > 0:22:46And it's me as a grumpy old guy, and a ten-year-old,
0:22:46 > 0:22:5112-year-old kid, who's, you know, dispossessed and lonely and
0:22:51 > 0:22:56a foster kid, and we have to, sort of, survive.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00- Doesn't sound very funny, does it?- No. - LAUGHTER
0:23:00 > 0:23:03But it is, but it is! I've seen this film. It is hilarious.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06And what's so weird is really sad things do happen in it,
0:23:06 > 0:23:10and make you cry, but overall it is hilarious. It is a very funny film.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Yeah, and people are nicer to me in New Zealand as a result of this.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18I think the last time they saw me was a psychopath in Peaky Blinders..
0:23:19 > 0:23:21- And people avoid me. - LAUGHTER
0:23:21 > 0:23:25- And now they're, sort of, nice to me in airports. It won't last. - And...
0:23:25 > 0:23:26Sam, you know I'm a fan,
0:23:26 > 0:23:29but your co-star does steal every scene he's in.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Well, everyone says that, which is kind of irritating, but...
0:23:32 > 0:23:34LAUGHTER
0:23:34 > 0:23:38- But it's true! It's just true.- It's his film, you know. It wasn't...
0:23:38 > 0:23:40These scenes weren't his to steal.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46- I could have stolen them from him, but I didn't.- You gave them to him. You gave them to him.- I did, yes.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49And also, because he's 12, but this isn't his first family road film.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51He's fantastic, isn't he? And such a nice kid.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54We've been all over the world together, you know,
0:23:54 > 0:23:57with this little movie that came from nowhere,
0:23:57 > 0:24:00which people seem to really respond to and...
0:24:01 > 0:24:02It's been a great adventure.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05- And it's out-grossed everything in New Zealand, hasn't it?- Yeah.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07It's one of those films that everybody's been to see.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10We don't really count the Lord of the Rings, cos it's American money.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14- Yeah.- But apart from that, apart from the Lord of the Rings, those little things...
0:24:14 > 0:24:15LAUGHTER
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- ..it's the biggest thing we've ever done.- All right. Let's see a clip.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21- This is you and your co-star in action. Julian...- Dennison.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- Julian Dennison.- Yeah.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26And this is after you've been left alone with him,
0:24:26 > 0:24:30and he's trying to persuade you to keep him on the farm.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- But I live here now. It's my home! - Not any more, it isn't.
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Not in their eyes.
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Not without a woman to run the show.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40POWERFUL CHOP
0:24:40 > 0:24:41Why don't we just get you a new wife?
0:24:41 > 0:24:43There's plenty of ladies on the internet, I heard.
0:24:46 > 0:24:47Too soon?
0:24:47 > 0:24:50What if we just keep living here, and if they try to take the
0:24:50 > 0:24:52farm, we just have a shootout like Scarface?
0:24:52 > 0:24:53Except we don't have any cocaine.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56You can't change this, Ricky, you're going to go back.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58And you're going to stick it out in a new home, OK?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00There's no way that happening.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Well, I'm going to go bush. I'm going to disappear for a while.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Disappear?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Yeah, that sounds more like me.
0:25:09 > 0:25:10Come on, we'll be a team!
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Oh, for God's sake!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14You wouldn't last five minutes out there.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17But Auntie Bella said you had to look after me.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Will you just give me some privacy?
0:25:22 > 0:25:27APPLAUSE
0:25:31 > 0:25:35- Good beard as well. Good...- Yeah. - Cracking beard. Proper. Proper.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37- Model's own.- Yeah.
0:25:37 > 0:25:38LAUGHTER
0:25:38 > 0:25:39Ladies and gentlemen...
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Miranda Hart has written a book.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Yes, she has. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:46 > 0:25:51And your last book... Your last book was like the proverbial hotcakes.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54- Is It Just Me?- Oh, Is It Just Me? Yes.- It did very, very well. - I was so pleased.- Yes.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56This one, this is such a crowd-pleaser.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00- It will do so well. It... Miranda Hart, Peggy & Me.- Yes.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02- And... Peggy is your actual dog, who...- My actual dog.
0:26:02 > 0:26:03..who is backstage.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05- Did you all meet Peggy?- Yes.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08That's the dog that came into my dressing room.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11- Are you serious?- Yeah. Just had a look around and just walked out.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12LAUGHTER
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- Sorry!- Looking for its own dressing room.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19No-one else noticed. I thought, "What the hell? That's a dog!"
0:26:19 > 0:26:21LAUGHTER
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- But it's the dog on the book!- That's my dog, Peggy.- It's a celebrity dog.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28If only you'd known. Now, she wasn't originally Peggy.
0:26:28 > 0:26:29- She was called Eunice.- And...
0:26:29 > 0:26:31LAUGHTER
0:26:31 > 0:26:34It's actually, now... In fairness, that is an awful name for a dog.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37No, but there is a reason, because their siblings were called Mavis, Elvis, Gladys and Boris,
0:26:37 > 0:26:39and her mother was called Doris.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41So, you see, somebody had to be lumbered with Eunice.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44I changed that straight away.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Yeah, cos you have rules, don't you, about dog names?
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Yeah, I'm quite pernickety about dog names.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51When I was writing the book, I was thinking all things dog,
0:26:51 > 0:26:53and I got really into the dog naming thing,
0:26:53 > 0:26:59cos I'd noticed that posh people name their dogs after names
0:26:59 > 0:27:00that sound like their children,
0:27:00 > 0:27:03like Saskia and Henry and Jasper and Tamara.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05LAUGHTER
0:27:05 > 0:27:08And then, sort of, slightly more nutty dog owners,
0:27:08 > 0:27:10who kind of dress them up in Colombo outfits,
0:27:10 > 0:27:13call them Treacle and Bonzo and, sort of, cutey names.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15And then I got obsessed with it,
0:27:15 > 0:27:18so I did a whole sort of thing about how I think if you name a dog,
0:27:18 > 0:27:22like, a dog a human name, it should end in I-E like Peggy, Flossy,
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Billy, because you can't call a dog Keith, can you?
0:27:25 > 0:27:27LAUGHTER
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Or Derek...
0:27:29 > 0:27:32There is somebody in my park who has a dog called Derek,
0:27:32 > 0:27:33and it's the funniest thing.
0:27:33 > 0:27:38- Yeah.- "Derek!" Sounds like she's lost a geography teacher.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40LAUGHTER
0:27:42 > 0:27:45And then my one key rule is don't let your children name a dog.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Funny in the house,
0:27:47 > 0:27:49but you will end up with a dog called Ketchup or Poohole.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51LAUGHTER
0:27:51 > 0:27:54- Or Felt Tip. And it'll backfire. - But Ewan, you named your dog Sid?
0:27:54 > 0:27:57- Sid. What does that make me? - Well...- Not posh.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00Weirdly, I think that's all right.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02There are some names that don't end in IE...
0:28:02 > 0:28:05- I've thought about this a lot.! - LAUGHTER
0:28:05 > 0:28:09- ..that are so cool, like Sid or Dave, you almost get away with. - Dave!- Dave.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11- Dave the Labrador.- Do you know what I mean? A Labrador called Dave.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15We've got a picture of Sid. We show this every time you're on, just because we love it.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19- Sid.- I've sort of lost it a little bit to my youngest daughter, Anouk,
0:28:19 > 0:28:22cos it's like his duty to look after her, which is lovely.
0:28:22 > 0:28:27- That is adorable.- He sleeps in her bed. And wherever she goes, he goes.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30But he's sort of... He knows it's his duty.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34I think he'd rather knock about with me, but she'll go, "Sid!"
0:28:34 > 0:28:37And he follows her and he kind of looks at me like...
0:28:37 > 0:28:39LAUGHTER
0:28:39 > 0:28:42He does. And she has this thing where she goes for a...
0:28:42 > 0:28:46When she goes to the loo for a poop, she doesn't like to be alone.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49- So, I guess...- We've all been there. - I guess, so that we didn't have to do that,
0:28:49 > 0:28:51we sent Sid in. "Go on, Sid."
0:28:51 > 0:28:53LAUGHTER
0:28:53 > 0:28:55Go on, Son. On you go, on you go."
0:28:55 > 0:28:59- What age is she?- She's five and a half now.- I thought you were going to say 17.
0:28:59 > 0:29:00LAUGHTER
0:29:01 > 0:29:04Yeah, so he goes in and he... Yeah. He doesn't like it!
0:29:04 > 0:29:06LAUGHTER
0:29:06 > 0:29:08- I'm not surprised!- One for the team. I know, cos John...
0:29:08 > 0:29:11You can probably see him looking, going,
0:29:11 > 0:29:13"Well, at least I don't have to pick it up."
0:29:13 > 0:29:14LAUGHTER
0:29:15 > 0:29:17Now, John Bishop.
0:29:17 > 0:29:19I always say this, and you say you don't,
0:29:19 > 0:29:22but you must have something like a farm?
0:29:23 > 0:29:27- I suppose you'd call it a small holding rather than a farm.- OK.
0:29:27 > 0:29:31- And do you name all the animals? - Melanie does it.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34My wife does it, mainly. Or they come with names.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37Like, we just rescued some turkeys from the...
0:29:37 > 0:29:41The RSPCA got these turkeys from battery farms, so we got three
0:29:41 > 0:29:44females, so they came up, and they were in a really sorry state.
0:29:44 > 0:29:49They look fine now. They were really bare-chested, and the feathers have grown.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52They had the beaks cut so they didn't peck each other in the pens.
0:29:52 > 0:29:56So, they're growing back. And we got them a male.
0:29:56 > 0:30:00So, we got a male turkey from the RSPCA, and it arrived,
0:30:00 > 0:30:04I said, "That's great. "We've got to give it a name." And he said, "It's got a name. Bernard."
0:30:08 > 0:30:12I think someone's taking the piss. You can't call a turkey "Bernard".
0:30:12 > 0:30:14That's lovely.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16That's lovely because Sam Neill,
0:30:16 > 0:30:19is yours a similar situation or is yours an actual farm?
0:30:19 > 0:30:24Well, yeah, I mean, we grow wine but I've also got lots of animals
0:30:24 > 0:30:30and I do give them names and I know you're vegetarian,
0:30:30 > 0:30:33so it probably makes you feel slightly ill, but you know,
0:30:33 > 0:30:37I have about 30-40 lambs every year, for instance,
0:30:37 > 0:30:43And I can't find happy homes for all of them, to be honest.
0:30:43 > 0:30:47I really want to but I can't. So...
0:30:47 > 0:30:52But I do name a lot of my animals as an insurance policy because,
0:30:52 > 0:30:58you know, if you name a chicken, you know, Meryl Streep, it...
0:30:58 > 0:31:02I mean, in all fairness, you can't eat Meryl Streep.
0:31:04 > 0:31:07Now you've brought us some pictures of your animals.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09So who are these people? Or, not people. They're sheep.
0:31:09 > 0:31:16Well that's Susan Sarandon and Anjelica Huston.
0:31:17 > 0:31:20- And they adore me. Look at the love on their faces.- Aw!
0:31:20 > 0:31:23AW! And now who are these?
0:31:23 > 0:31:29Oh. Well, that's Helena Bonham Carter and...
0:31:29 > 0:31:33- Which one's Helena?- With the horns. - Oh, really?- She's the real cow.
0:31:36 > 0:31:41And the little fellow on the left
0:31:41 > 0:31:43is Graham Norton.
0:31:43 > 0:31:46- Which one? This one? - The little fellow, yeah, yeah.
0:31:46 > 0:31:48Is that really? Did you just do that today?
0:31:48 > 0:31:51- No, that's Graham Norton. - Is that really Graham Norton?
0:31:51 > 0:31:53Yeah, that's Graham Norton. He's brand-new
0:31:53 > 0:31:59and Helena Bonham Carter is Graham Norton's mother and...
0:31:59 > 0:32:01She'll be thrilled.
0:32:02 > 0:32:05- And...- We've got another picture. We've got another picture.
0:32:05 > 0:32:09Yeah? Oh, yeah. That's Jimmy Nesbitt who is Graham Norton's father.
0:32:13 > 0:32:17Can I just say, I am adorable in calf form.
0:32:17 > 0:32:20- I really should spend all my time as a calf.- Yeah.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23- MIRANDA:- Can you stop fingering yourself!
0:32:30 > 0:32:32You know what the truth is?
0:32:32 > 0:32:34What someone should do is graphically merge
0:32:34 > 0:32:36Helena Bonham Carter and Jimmy Nesbitt
0:32:36 > 0:32:39- and I bet you it looks like you!- Yeah.
0:32:40 > 0:32:42No. That would be very depressing.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44Ladies and gentlemen, we must very quickly mention
0:32:44 > 0:32:47that John Bishop, you're back on...
0:32:47 > 0:32:49Well, you're not back on the road now
0:32:49 > 0:32:51- but you've announced a tour. - Yeah. Next year.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53This one's called Winging It
0:32:53 > 0:32:56- and, like, it doesn't start for a year.- Yeah.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58But the tickets are on sale now.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00I know. It's bonkers. You'll know what it's like.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03You put a stand-up tour on sale a year in advance.
0:33:03 > 0:33:06Like, if you were a band you'd be working on the album
0:33:06 > 0:33:09and people would go, "Oh, great, we're going to hear a new album
0:33:09 > 0:33:12"and all the old songs as well," but as a comedian,
0:33:12 > 0:33:13I've got, "There's a tour on?!
0:33:13 > 0:33:16"What're you going to say?" Not a...clue.
0:33:16 > 0:33:19I have no idea what the contents'll be because it's a year away.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22So I'll just be working on it and building it up.
0:33:22 > 0:33:23I can't go on and go,
0:33:23 > 0:33:26"Here's something from the last tour that you liked."
0:33:26 > 0:33:28- Everyone found this funny before!- Yeah!
0:33:28 > 0:33:32And you are very hands on with your tour.
0:33:32 > 0:33:35Is it true you hand-pick the stage crew?
0:33:35 > 0:33:38- Yeah, well, what happens... - Not in a creepy way.
0:33:38 > 0:33:42No. Not in a creepy way. "Come and sit with me."
0:33:42 > 0:33:46No! "See what you're like twiddling knobs!" No, it's...
0:33:48 > 0:33:51That's awful. That came out of... No, what happens is,
0:33:51 > 0:33:53touring can be, I suppose it's like being in the theatre tour,
0:33:53 > 0:33:56and you know what it's like. It can be a lonely thing
0:33:56 > 0:33:57- if you're the performer.- Yeah.
0:33:57 > 0:34:00So what I do is we play five-a-side
0:34:00 > 0:34:03against all the venues that we go to. So we have a five-a-side team.
0:34:03 > 0:34:07So I pick the crew based on their ability to play five-a-side.
0:34:07 > 0:34:10So if you come to the tour and the lightning's shit,
0:34:10 > 0:34:13he's a very good goal-keeper.
0:34:13 > 0:34:16You know, if the sound doesn't work, he's a great left back.
0:34:18 > 0:34:22Right. It is time to meet my next guest.
0:34:22 > 0:34:26This man is quite simply a Hollywood comedy legend. It's quite a list -
0:34:26 > 0:34:29Taxi, Twins, Romancing The Stone, Matilda...
0:34:29 > 0:34:33and now he's here to tell us about his new short film, Curmudgeons.
0:34:33 > 0:34:37Ladies and gentlemen, it is the one and only Danny DeVito!
0:34:39 > 0:34:44- Hello! Hi. It's so nice to meet you.- Hi.
0:34:47 > 0:34:48Oh!
0:34:59 > 0:35:02- Hello, everybody!- Danny DeVito!
0:35:08 > 0:35:11- I was watching the show. You're having a great time.- Yeah. All good.
0:35:11 > 0:35:14- Really good stuff.- Now, funny, we were talking about pets there
0:35:14 > 0:35:16and is your dog called Zorro?
0:35:16 > 0:35:19Yes! Our dog's a Chihuahua.
0:35:19 > 0:35:22- Long-haired Chihuahua.- Yeah? - My son found him under the house
0:35:22 > 0:35:25when he was a little baby. Somebody abandoned him, we took him in,
0:35:25 > 0:35:29beautiful dog. You know, Mexican descent.
0:35:31 > 0:35:34- It's a Chihuahua!- Yeah!- He is an amazing dog.
0:35:34 > 0:35:39- And I met Peggy. - Have you met Peggy?- I did!
0:35:39 > 0:35:42- I've been in your dressing room as well!- Peggy was back there.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44- Oh, right.- She's doing the rounds, she's doing the rounds.
0:35:44 > 0:35:48- Yeah.- Yeah.- She took a leak. - Did she?!- In my dressing room.
0:35:48 > 0:35:51- No!- No. We bonded though. She's a really sweet dog, yeah.
0:35:51 > 0:35:52Did you like her? She is sweet.
0:35:52 > 0:35:54Last time we met we were doing animals, weren't we?
0:35:54 > 0:35:58You were playing a wolf. That's right! I was a werewolf in Big Fish.
0:35:58 > 0:36:02- That's right! That was the last time I saw you.- Yes!
0:36:02 > 0:36:05That was the first time I did a bare ass scene!
0:36:05 > 0:36:08I still remember your parts in a sock.
0:36:08 > 0:36:11A sock, yeah! I mean, it was a big sock, you know.
0:36:11 > 0:36:14It was one of those knee-high socks.
0:36:14 > 0:36:18The whole idea is you don't want to embarrass the crew, you know.
0:36:19 > 0:36:22But, Ewan McGregor not the only person who's directed a film.
0:36:22 > 0:36:27Danny DeVito brings us such a beautiful film - Curmudgeons.
0:36:27 > 0:36:30It's terrific. Now anyone can watch it right now, it's on Vimeo, right?
0:36:30 > 0:36:32It's on Vimeo, yeah. You just go,
0:36:32 > 0:36:34it's free. You can watch the movie. It's 16 minutes long
0:36:34 > 0:36:38so you'll have a great time tonight watching Curmudgeons.
0:36:38 > 0:36:41But it is... It's such a fantastic film.
0:36:41 > 0:36:44We can't say that much about it because it's a short film...
0:36:44 > 0:36:46No, it's a 16 minute film, how're you going to talk...
0:36:46 > 0:36:53It's about love and embracing the fact that you should be free in life
0:36:53 > 0:36:57and everybody should respect each other's feelings.
0:36:57 > 0:36:59It's got a twist and like some...
0:36:59 > 0:37:03You know, it's genuinely about love and friendship.
0:37:03 > 0:37:05And you're playing...
0:37:05 > 0:37:07It's a fantastic twist, I was weeping at the end.
0:37:07 > 0:37:10- Yeah.- Yeah, no. You can't help but cry.- I was weeping then.
0:37:10 > 0:37:13- I watched it this afternoon. - Were you weeping too?
0:37:13 > 0:37:17- I weeped... I wept. - You wept? Good for you, man.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20It is such a... You've said, you cry, you laugh.
0:37:20 > 0:37:24- But you're playing older than yourself.- Yeah.- Yeah, in the film.
0:37:24 > 0:37:28And it's a lovely look at old age but it's also, you know,
0:37:28 > 0:37:31- a bit bleak.- Mm.- Are there any silver linings
0:37:31 > 0:37:34as we march towards old age?
0:37:34 > 0:37:37Well, basically, I think it gives you a little bit of a carte blanche.
0:37:37 > 0:37:38You can say anything you want.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41That's part of that thing. You know, you can really...
0:37:41 > 0:37:43That's why I love those characters so much.
0:37:43 > 0:37:45I feel... I've always felt that way though.
0:37:45 > 0:37:47You see this is the weird thing.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50From the time I was a kid I could say anything I wanted.
0:37:51 > 0:37:54And it's like very, very dangerous. You know what I mean?
0:37:54 > 0:37:59If you know anything about my life, it's just really, you know,
0:37:59 > 0:38:01sometimes it gets a little sketchy.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05You go out on the edge.
0:38:05 > 0:38:06But how old were you when you discovered
0:38:06 > 0:38:09- you could get away with shit? - Really young. Really young.
0:38:09 > 0:38:12- I could get away with a lot of shit.- Yeah.- Oh, yeah.
0:38:12 > 0:38:15No, I mean like, I guess it was, you know...
0:38:15 > 0:38:19The thing about Italian families, they're a little...
0:38:19 > 0:38:21My family was very, very boisterous, very big,
0:38:21 > 0:38:24very, you know, like, they said anything they wanted.
0:38:24 > 0:38:28They didn't hold anything back. And I'm from New Jersey,
0:38:28 > 0:38:31and New Jersey is synonymous with ball-breaking.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33You know, you just break balls.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36Like, "What the fuck are you looking at, man?"
0:38:36 > 0:38:39"What are you looking at? "What? Are you sitting there?
0:38:39 > 0:38:41"Stop, what are you doing there with your hand?"
0:38:41 > 0:38:43LAUGHTER
0:38:43 > 0:38:47Anything, you can say anything, it's like really glorious.
0:38:47 > 0:38:50And talking of family, this is a really nice family project
0:38:50 > 0:38:53- because it's your...- The movie, Curmudgeons.
0:38:53 > 0:38:56- Yeah.- I saw a play about three years ago and my daughter,
0:38:56 > 0:38:58who's an actress, Lucy, she's in it.
0:38:58 > 0:39:02- She's very good.- Thank you. And Jake, my son, produced it.
0:39:02 > 0:39:05We did it together, we did it in three days in New York.
0:39:05 > 0:39:08You know those schedules, how they work sometimes.
0:39:08 > 0:39:13And a dear friend of mine, David Margulies who I've known since...
0:39:13 > 0:39:15In the '60s we did theatre together,
0:39:15 > 0:39:20off-Broadway in New York, and have been very, very close
0:39:20 > 0:39:24and I saw him in the play about three years ago and we thought...
0:39:24 > 0:39:27Lucy said, actually, it could be a great little movie
0:39:27 > 0:39:30so we worked on it, we put it together.
0:39:30 > 0:39:34David was very, very ill while we were shooting
0:39:34 > 0:39:39and he was a trooper. I mean, like, he really gave 150%
0:39:39 > 0:39:44and never anything holding us back or anything like that.
0:39:44 > 0:39:48And finally we did the movie in October a year ago
0:39:48 > 0:39:51and he passed away in January so he...
0:39:51 > 0:39:54It is really, really important to me, this film,
0:39:54 > 0:39:57because a dear, dear friend...
0:39:57 > 0:39:59We did get to show it to David.
0:39:59 > 0:40:02- Oh, excellent. - Oh, yeah, in December.
0:40:02 > 0:40:06It's 16 minutes. So you guys know when you're making a longer movie,
0:40:06 > 0:40:09when you're cutting your movie, I don't know how long it took you
0:40:09 > 0:40:12to cut your movie, but it usually takes me forever.
0:40:12 > 0:40:17And, you know, with a 16 minute film it worked out really good.
0:40:17 > 0:40:20We came in under the wire to show it to him.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22- Well, listen, let's watch a clip.- Oh, good.
0:40:22 > 0:40:27This is where the two old friends in the movie are reunited.
0:40:27 > 0:40:28HE CHUCKLES
0:40:28 > 0:40:32- All right, all right.- Oh! - This is my granddaughter, Robin.
0:40:32 > 0:40:36- Hello!- Hi.- She's single if you hadn't guessed.
0:40:36 > 0:40:39- God, Gramps!- Nice to meet you, I heard a lot about you.
0:40:39 > 0:40:44- I never heard about you. - Grant is Jackie's grandkid.
0:40:44 > 0:40:47- Big shot lawyer in Manhattan. - Not that big.
0:40:47 > 0:40:51Well, sort of big, I mean, I'm a partner now, so...
0:40:51 > 0:40:54- Brought you a plant. - Goodie.- Here.
0:40:54 > 0:40:57Give me.
0:40:57 > 0:41:01- Yeah, now he's a grumpy son of a bitch, ain't he?- Yeah, he is.
0:41:01 > 0:41:04- Good to see you, you grumpy son of a bitch.- What brings you here?
0:41:04 > 0:41:07I brought you a surprise and it ain't a plant.
0:41:07 > 0:41:10What are you doing? Reciting War And Peace?
0:41:10 > 0:41:14Shut the fuck up, Pop-Pop! You idiot, you'll ruin the surprise!
0:41:14 > 0:41:17Come and get me, you dumb dumb!
0:41:22 > 0:41:26- Ta-da!- Jackie!- Hello, dummy!
0:41:33 > 0:41:35And the movie is Curmudgeons
0:41:35 > 0:41:38and you can watch it on Vimeo right now.
0:41:38 > 0:41:41OK. Now, this is very exciting. It is time for a musical treat.
0:41:41 > 0:41:44This, lady has gone from hit TV show Glee
0:41:44 > 0:41:47to make her West End debut in Dream Girls.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50Here, with an exclusive first-time live performance
0:41:50 > 0:41:54of the show-stopping And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going,
0:41:54 > 0:41:57please welcome Amber Riley!
0:42:04 > 0:42:07# And I am telling you
0:42:07 > 0:42:12# I'm not going
0:42:12 > 0:42:16# You're the best man I'll ever know
0:42:16 > 0:42:21# There's no way I could ever go
0:42:21 > 0:42:23# No, no, there's no way
0:42:23 > 0:42:28# No, no, no, no way I'm living without you
0:42:29 > 0:42:33# I'm not living without you
0:42:33 > 0:42:36# I don't want to be free
0:42:37 > 0:42:42# I'm staying, I'm staying,
0:42:42 > 0:42:47# And you, and you, you're gonna love me
0:42:47 > 0:42:53# Ah...
0:42:53 > 0:42:56# And I am telling you
0:42:57 > 0:43:00# I'm not going
0:43:00 > 0:43:05# Even though the rough times are showing
0:43:05 > 0:43:11# There's just no way, There's no way
0:43:11 > 0:43:14# We're part of the same place
0:43:15 > 0:43:18# We're part of the same time
0:43:18 > 0:43:22# We both share the same blood
0:43:23 > 0:43:26# We both have the same mind
0:43:27 > 0:43:33# And time and time we have so much to share
0:43:33 > 0:43:36# No, no, no, no, no, no
0:43:36 > 0:43:40# I'm not waking up tomorrow morning
0:43:40 > 0:43:46# And finding' that there's nobody there
0:43:46 > 0:43:50# Tear down the mountains, Yell, scream and shout
0:43:50 > 0:43:54# You can say what you want, I'm not walking out
0:43:54 > 0:43:58# Stop all the rivers, Push, strike, and kill
0:43:58 > 0:44:01# I'm not gonna leave you
0:44:01 > 0:44:06# There's no way I will
0:44:06 > 0:44:15# And I am telling you
0:44:15 > 0:44:21# I'm not going
0:44:21 > 0:44:25# You're the best man I'll ever know
0:44:25 > 0:44:29# And there's no way I could ever, ever go
0:44:29 > 0:44:32# No, no, there's no way
0:44:32 > 0:44:37# No, no, no, no way I'm living without you
0:44:38 > 0:44:43# I'm not living without you, I'm not living without you
0:44:43 > 0:44:47# I don't wanna be free, no
0:44:47 > 0:44:51# I'm staying, I'm staying
0:44:51 > 0:44:57# And you, and you, and you You're gonna love me
0:44:57 > 0:45:05# Oh, yeah, yeah,
0:45:05 > 0:45:11# Love me, love me, love me
0:45:11 > 0:45:16# Love
0:45:16 > 0:45:34# You're gonna love me! #
0:45:44 > 0:45:50Stunning! Absolutely stunning! Amber Riley, everybody!
0:45:51 > 0:45:56Come on over here. Amazing! Amber Riley!
0:45:57 > 0:46:00How good! Could you sit at the end there,
0:46:00 > 0:46:03- they'll make you welcome.- Hi, everyone!
0:46:05 > 0:46:09Oh! Fantastic! Have a seat, everybody.
0:46:09 > 0:46:12- Have a seat, have a seat. - That was amazing.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14Yeah, we'll all... We'll all get on there.
0:46:14 > 0:46:19That... I mean, that's stunning. And the band and everything,
0:46:19 > 0:46:22- just gorgeous.- Yes! I'm so glad that's over!
0:46:22 > 0:46:24LAUGHTER
0:46:24 > 0:46:26Aw! But it is crazy because, you know, I,
0:46:26 > 0:46:28just having listened to you want to go have a lie down...
0:46:28 > 0:46:30You're doing that in the West End...
0:46:30 > 0:46:34- I am.- ..every night, I guess. - Yeah. Every night.
0:46:34 > 0:46:37- So we open November 19th. - For previews.
0:46:37 > 0:46:39For previews, yeah. Yeah, for previews
0:46:39 > 0:46:42- and... Yeah, I'm here for you.- Yeah.
0:46:42 > 0:46:44APPLAUSE
0:46:44 > 0:46:48And also it's one of those things. That's a stand out song,
0:46:48 > 0:46:50but there's lots of great songs in that show.
0:46:50 > 0:46:54Yeah, there's One Night Only, Move is the first song in the show
0:46:54 > 0:46:57which is one of my favourites and it's a beast of a show
0:46:57 > 0:47:00but it's so amazing and it's so fun.
0:47:00 > 0:47:03It's the first time that it's going to be here.
0:47:03 > 0:47:05So everybody needs to come and see it
0:47:05 > 0:47:06cos we're working really hard.
0:47:06 > 0:47:09My feet and knees hurt as I speak right now.
0:47:09 > 0:47:11It's at the Savoy Theatre, we should say, it's at the Savoy Theatre.
0:47:11 > 0:47:14And it starts December 14th,
0:47:14 > 0:47:16so it's a real kind of Christmas treat for everybody.
0:47:16 > 0:47:20- Did you say December 14th? - Yeah.- That's my birthday!
0:47:20 > 0:47:25- I know what I'll be doing!- We have to make sure you get a ticket,
0:47:25 > 0:47:27- OK.- Yeah.- Happy birthday.- Thank you.
0:47:27 > 0:47:29Aw! But listen, thank you so much for doing that,
0:47:29 > 0:47:32that is a stunning, stunning, stunning, stunning thing.
0:47:32 > 0:47:33That is it for tonight.
0:47:33 > 0:47:37Please say a huge thank you to my guests. Amber Riley!
0:47:39 > 0:47:41John Bishop!
0:47:41 > 0:47:43Miranda Hart!
0:47:44 > 0:47:46Sam Neill!
0:47:46 > 0:47:48Ewan McGregor!
0:47:48 > 0:47:51And Danny DeVito!
0:47:53 > 0:47:56Join me next week with Avengers star Jeremy Renner,
0:47:56 > 0:48:00the hilarious Chris O'Dowd, five-time Oscar nominee, Amy Adams
0:48:00 > 0:48:02and ex-One Directioner, Niall Horan.
0:48:02 > 0:48:05I'll see you then, goodnight everybody, bye-bye!