0:00:02 > 0:00:04- My name is Tom Cruise.- Hi, I'm Hugh Jackman.- And I'm Patrick Stewart.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07- Good evening. I'm Goldie Hawn. - And I'm Amy Schumer.
0:00:07 > 0:00:11- My name is Michael Caine. - And I'm Morgan Freeman.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13My name is Nicole Kidman.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17I am Salma Hayek, and welcome to The Graham Norton Show. Yay!
0:00:19 > 0:00:21AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:00:33 > 0:00:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Oh! Oh-ho!
0:00:39 > 0:00:42- Hello! AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Graham!
0:00:42 > 0:00:48That's my name. Hello, good evening. Hi, everyone. It's summertime.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50CHEERING Yeah!
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Hey, but before we go off on our holidays, it's time to take
0:00:53 > 0:00:56a look back at some of the highlights from the past series.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00So many great guests to remember, starting with this one.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04But when it comes to on-screen romance, Diane Keaton,
0:01:04 > 0:01:07- I think you like the on-screen romance, don't you?- It's the best.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11I mean, quite frankly, it doesn't get better than on-screen romance.
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Because, frankly, you know,
0:01:12 > 0:01:14think of all the men that you get to kiss
0:01:14 > 0:01:16and you don't pay the price.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18You know, like, in other words, you don't actually have to have a...
0:01:18 > 0:01:20You know, the relationship is perfect
0:01:20 > 0:01:23because you're telling the story, you're in the midst of the story.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27So, yeah, I've enjoyed it. I enjoy it -
0:01:27 > 0:01:29and I also like the audience
0:01:29 > 0:01:32- and if there are some men out there...- Whoa.
0:01:32 > 0:01:33WHOOPING FROM AUDIENCE
0:01:33 > 0:01:37..that I can kiss. Just because it's a friendly gesture.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39There's nothing wrong with that.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41First of all, it's just the greatest.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45I mean, there's nothing better than kissing a man in a movie -
0:01:45 > 0:01:48and people say that's difficult, but they're wrong.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51- They're dead wrong. - It depends on the man.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55- Like... You and me kiss now.- OK. - Oh, I'm going to kiss him!
0:01:55 > 0:01:57This is exciting!
0:01:57 > 0:02:00No, no... This is, like... I cannot tell you -
0:02:00 > 0:02:02this is so exciting for me. This is so exciting for me.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05First of all, I hit them! Because if you don't hit them...
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- Look, he needs punishment. - OK.- I take his face and say...
0:02:08 > 0:02:11"I'm going to go like this, you big idiot!" Mwah!
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- Oh!- I'm going to do it again, you big idiot.- Mwah!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Oh, I love that!
0:02:16 > 0:02:19That's made my life! That has made my life.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23- Now I'm going to kiss Kevin! - OK...- Can I kiss Kevin?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- If Kevin's willing. - Are you ready, Kevin?- Am I willing?!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28LAUGHTER
0:02:28 > 0:02:30- Whoo!- Whoo!- Woohoo!
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Oh, Kevin!
0:02:32 > 0:02:34See, he's so good!
0:02:34 > 0:02:36That was so good.
0:02:36 > 0:02:37APPLAUSE
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- Go on!- Yeah, I want to kiss Jessica, too.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Yeah, you have to.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Even though, you know, she's not a man...
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Look at that girl.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48First of all, the nose is great, OK?
0:02:48 > 0:02:52What I'm going to do is I'm going to touch that sweet nose, right?
0:02:52 > 0:02:55And then a big kiss, like she's my dear daughter.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57You little baby, you've been bad.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- You've been a bad girl. - Oh, my God! What is happening?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I don't know. I don't know about you, but you better be better!
0:03:03 > 0:03:04Mwah!
0:03:04 > 0:03:05What?!
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Fabulous.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10I feel better.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13- It's good.- It's OK.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16I mean, you know, I could try it out on the audience, though,
0:03:16 > 0:03:17it would be much better!
0:03:17 > 0:03:21CHEERING AND WHOOPING
0:03:21 > 0:03:23What a long show that turned into!
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Can I just say...
0:03:26 > 0:03:29- bucket list!- Yeah, amen!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31APPLAUSE
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Amen!
0:03:33 > 0:03:35That was amazing. That was amazing.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Is this...? I think this is your fifth time on the show.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43- Yes.- And every time I think, "This time I'll be cool about it."
0:03:43 > 0:03:44So not cool about it! LAUGHTER
0:03:44 > 0:03:47It doesn't wear off, the Tom Cruise thing.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Does it wear off in the film, the Cruise effect?
0:03:49 > 0:03:50No, it really...
0:03:50 > 0:03:53On a set I do feel for Tom, because
0:03:53 > 0:03:57every day I'm sure I was, like, trying to encourage him to,
0:03:57 > 0:04:01you know, one classic Tom line, like, "Show me the money!"
0:04:01 > 0:04:03or something.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05You know, there were always moments I was waiting, you know,
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- with bated breath for something, but...- And wasn't there a day when
0:04:08 > 0:04:09you had your friends on set?
0:04:09 > 0:04:13- Oh! Tom loves this story. - OK, this is not true.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15- This is the truth. - There is the truth
0:04:15 > 0:04:17and then there's Annabelle, and then there's the truth.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20There's Annabelle's truth and then there's the truth.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- I want to hear Annabelle's version. - My stories are far better. So...
0:04:23 > 0:04:25We were in the middle of Central London,
0:04:25 > 0:04:27we were shooting these running scenes,
0:04:27 > 0:04:29and all my girlfriends were coming down...
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- Why do you keep telling this story? - Because it's a great story!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34And my girlfriends came and I was like,
0:04:34 > 0:04:37"Oh, Tom, look, my friends - wave."
0:04:37 > 0:04:40And they were like, "Hi, Annabelle."
0:04:40 > 0:04:41And then he goes,
0:04:41 > 0:04:44"Watch this." He looks over, he goes...
0:04:44 > 0:04:46- And they're like... - SHE SCREAMS
0:04:46 > 0:04:48And then he goes...
0:04:48 > 0:04:50- "Annabelle, they're MY friends now." - LAUGHTER
0:04:50 > 0:04:52That is so not true!
0:04:52 > 0:04:55That is so not true.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- That is so not true.- You loved it!
0:04:57 > 0:04:59You love it.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03But I heard you talking about Ian
0:05:03 > 0:05:05- and talking about how you were intimidated by his beauty.- Yes.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08- Ah, yes.- Well...- "Ah, yes"!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Please tell me you have a photograph.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12This was a long time ago.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- Gorgeous! - I think we do have a photograph.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17We've got a photograph of Ian as Coriolanus.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- Here you are.- Look at that! Come on!- My Lord!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Wolverine, eat your heart out!
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Having said that, you do look great there, Ian,
0:05:25 > 0:05:28but check out Patrick Stewart.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
0:05:30 > 0:05:32- Yeah.- Well, you know.- You know?
0:05:34 > 0:05:36This is what you've got to look forward to.
0:05:39 > 0:05:45I'll tell you something, you've been hearing about this amazing body.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47It is absolutely amazing -
0:05:47 > 0:05:49and a privilege to be so close...
0:05:51 > 0:05:58..but Magneto, the character I used to play in this tired old franchise,
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- was also pretty muscular, wasn't he?- Yeah.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04- He was.- And there, you can see.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07But the trick is that I am wearing underneath my costume a suit
0:06:07 > 0:06:11which is sculpted to look as if I've put all the effort
0:06:11 > 0:06:12as he has into it.
0:06:12 > 0:06:13- What?!- You knew that.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- Did you know that?- No. I was told, "You've got to work out.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19"McKellen's working out, you've got to work out."
0:06:19 > 0:06:23I just put on the suit and I tell you what, I've still got it at home.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25I do wear it on occasion.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31And while you were on set, you had a birthday.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34- Yes, I turned 50.- No!- What?
0:06:34 > 0:06:35Good, right? Good.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37APPLAUSE
0:06:37 > 0:06:39No! No.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42And I had no Botox!
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- APPLAUSE - No Botox! No fillers.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47- Salma!- But I do confess... - You should see her close up!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49It's a patchwork quilt!
0:06:49 > 0:06:53No, I have to give a tip, I have to confess because the girls...
0:06:53 > 0:06:56I do pull my hair, you see, it's like...
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Here's it's a little bit pulled.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01It's giving me a headache but I am enduring it for you.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08You cannot do that.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12You probably could do it, but... in a couple of years.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- LAUGHTER - Botox or the hair?
0:07:15 > 0:07:16No, the pulling.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- You don't need it.- Thank you.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20GRAHAM LAUGHS
0:07:20 > 0:07:24"No, it doesn't make me feel good, thank you!"
0:07:26 > 0:07:28- But anyway... - They celebrated your birthday.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30They celeb... They brought a Mariachi band.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I was really moved. I came to work,
0:07:33 > 0:07:36cos I had to work on my 50th birthday!
0:07:36 > 0:07:39But when I arrived, bitch - I'm sorry - all...
0:07:39 > 0:07:41SHE MUTTERS
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Unhappy. "I have to work today, da-da, da-da."
0:07:44 > 0:07:48Then of course I opened the car door and there's this Mariachi
0:07:48 > 0:07:50and I cried - it was amazing.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54They told me the producer, when Miguel proposed the Mariachi,
0:07:54 > 0:08:00she said, "But is that politically correct? Cos she's Mexican.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04"To bring a Mariachi... Is she going to think it's racist?"
0:08:04 > 0:08:08So she was really nervous. So I made a joke at her
0:08:08 > 0:08:10and said, "I need to talk to you." I said, "I got to say,
0:08:10 > 0:08:13"I'm really grateful for the thought of doing something
0:08:13 > 0:08:16"on my birthday, but really?
0:08:19 > 0:08:21"A Mariachi?!
0:08:21 > 0:08:24"Are we having tacos for lunch?"
0:08:26 > 0:08:28She was nearly in tears.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32I said, "I'm sorry, I find this a little racist, but..."
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- Then I told her it was... - GRAHAM CHUCKLES
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Now, the last time you were here,
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Nicole, we enjoyed some of your early modelling work
0:08:39 > 0:08:41on the late, lamented Dolly Magazine.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Thank you, Graham.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46No, beautiful, finely judged work. Er...
0:08:48 > 0:08:50I was shocked that you found them.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- Don't worry - we're not showing them again.- Oh, good.
0:08:52 > 0:08:53There is others.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57- There are some lovely pictures of Keith, as an...- Oh!
0:08:57 > 0:09:02..emerging bright star on the Australian music scene.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Here you are in Tamworth.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- Oh!- That's cute!
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- That is adorable.- You know what's really criminal about that?
0:09:12 > 0:09:13Actually, that was last Tuesday!
0:09:15 > 0:09:18- What's criminal is how tight your jeans are.- I know.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Yeah, the population of Tamworth's growing.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28- That's not all.- The elevation!
0:09:30 > 0:09:32I wouldn't recognise you in that picture -
0:09:32 > 0:09:34but then there's another picture.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36I only know this is you because it says it's you.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38This is Keith Urban.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39I mean, check that out.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44- That's unbelievable.- Yeah, yeah.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45My love!
0:09:47 > 0:09:49In his yearbook it would have said,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51"Boy least likely to marry Nicole Kidman."
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Not until you see MY yearbook.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- We need yours.- Huh?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00We need Nic's picture next.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03No, we've had Nicole in all her glory.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06No more. Come on. Alan, Alan! We need Alan.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- OK, well, Alan.- Uh-oh! - No, it's in your book.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13There has to be a story or an explanation to this.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Around the same time as Keith was wearing very tight jeans...
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- Uh-oh. What was I wearing?- ..you were on a school trip to Germany...
0:10:19 > 0:10:21- Ugh!- ..without jeans.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32- The thing is... - Was that just the look?
0:10:32 > 0:10:36- We were all doing it in the '70s. - What I love about this is,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38- he's still a fan of a tidy sock. - Good legs!
0:10:39 > 0:10:44The thing is, a girl who was at school, was on that school trip,
0:10:44 > 0:10:47sent it to me via Twitter and I was like, "Ah-ha-ha."
0:10:47 > 0:10:49And then I thought, "Why DID I have no trousers on?"
0:10:51 > 0:10:53I must have taken them off for a bet. I don't know.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55But it's a good look.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57You do seem very calm about it.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Kind of, "Yeah, I'm rocking a short jumper dress."
0:11:00 > 0:11:02"I've got no trousers on. Deal with it."
0:11:02 > 0:11:05I have this theory - most men have excellent legs.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09- People say that.- Yeah, right? - It's not... I think...
0:11:09 > 0:11:13What I think is interesting is that a lot of men have body parts...
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Not body parts, but bits of their bodies that women desire.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19Like slim hips, long eyelashes.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23So I think women think that all men have better things
0:11:23 > 0:11:26that they want than them. It's not true.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I've seen a lot of naked men - I know.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Thank you.
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Every time Greg's here,
0:11:35 > 0:11:38you tell us stories and I keep thinking, "Well, that's it now -
0:11:38 > 0:11:42"he'll have told us the funny things that happened as a teacher" -
0:11:42 > 0:11:44but it seems like a bottomless pit.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Like, school trips.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Cos school trips, seems like that's when all rules
0:11:49 > 0:11:51go out the window, for pupils, everybody.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53- And for teachers, I think.- Yeah.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56You've got to remember, when I first started teaching,
0:11:56 > 0:11:58I was 21 years of age
0:11:58 > 0:12:02and I was sent to Paris on a school trip, three of us,
0:12:02 > 0:12:06all of us in our early 20s, in charge of a busload of kids.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09I mean, it's frankly amoral.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- What did you get up to? - Do you know...? It's awful.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16I can say it now - I'm never going to go back to teaching now, right?
0:12:16 > 0:12:18I think it's unlikely.
0:12:18 > 0:12:23I got really drunk with two friends in a hotel room
0:12:23 > 0:12:24when the kids were all in bed.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Like, really drunk.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29We'd had a bottle of tequila between the three of us.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31And then I heard kids running around...
0:12:31 > 0:12:33It's so bad, isn't it?
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Heard kids running around and I'm quite good
0:12:35 > 0:12:38at pretending to be sober when I'm not, so I said,
0:12:38 > 0:12:40"I'll go out and I'll deal with this,"
0:12:40 > 0:12:42to my friend..."Tony"...
0:12:44 > 0:12:45..who's still a teacher.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:49 > 0:12:50And...
0:12:50 > 0:12:54I went out and there was these kids all in their nighties and pyjamas
0:12:54 > 0:12:56all giggling and I went out, "What's going on here?"
0:12:56 > 0:12:58And they're like, "Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry."
0:12:58 > 0:13:01"You know you should be in your bed. This is absolutely disgraceful."
0:13:01 > 0:13:04And I was doing a beautiful job when "Tony" came out of my room
0:13:04 > 0:13:07and I don't know why, he was just in his boxer shorts...
0:13:09 > 0:13:11..and a really big pair of boots.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14And he started going like this - "You should be in bed!"
0:13:14 > 0:13:17LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:20 > 0:13:22And I grabbed him by the face - I was so frightened -
0:13:22 > 0:13:25I grabbed by him the face and just pushed him back into my room
0:13:25 > 0:13:30and I closed my door. One of the kids went, "Is that Mr Stevens?"
0:13:30 > 0:13:33And I went, "Yes. He's not feeling very well."
0:13:33 > 0:13:36And they accepted it. That was it.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39I heard that in the first movie, Prometheus,
0:13:39 > 0:13:43there was a lot of outtakes, a lot of David stuff that didn't get in.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46I mean there's probably lots of extra stuff.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I wanted to have David sort of dancing
0:13:49 > 0:13:53on sort of the disco deck of the ship,
0:13:53 > 0:13:56at the end, when the credits are rolling.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59I thought it might be quite funny to do, like, a Napoleon Dynamite
0:13:59 > 0:14:03sort of exit for the character.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05But Ridley didn't go for it.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06I still don't understand why.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09But you learnt the dance, didn't you?
0:14:09 > 0:14:10No.
0:14:10 > 0:14:11I thought you did learn the dance.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15No, I mean I've done the robot probably back in 1987,
0:14:15 > 0:14:18when I was going through the break dance phase.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20I love that you went through a break dance phase.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Oh, yeah, I love the fact that break dance made it to Fossa,
0:14:23 > 0:14:26and there was a break dance club.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28In Kerry? There was a break dance club in Kerry?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30- For sure, yeah.- What is break dance?
0:14:30 > 0:14:31- Break dance?- Yes.- Oh...
0:14:31 > 0:14:35I don't know, maybe you could show me because I don't know.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Do you guys know what break dance is?
0:14:38 > 0:14:39- AUDIENCE:- No!
0:14:39 > 0:14:42I feel like if we all could try a break dance move...
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Kevin, you definitely know break dancing.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- I have no idea how to break dance. - I'll learn, if you want to teach it.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:49 > 0:14:50What can you teach us? What have you got?
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Break-dance-wise?
0:14:52 > 0:14:54No. break dance is a lot.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Could you do some robot? - I might rip something if I try...
0:14:57 > 0:14:59I was going to try a flick swan dive.
0:14:59 > 0:15:00Oh, do you want to do some?
0:15:00 > 0:15:02No, no, that would be very dangerous.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Yes, please! I don't even know what that is.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06- I haven't done it in years. - Let's try.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08No, no, no, because he's not insured!
0:15:10 > 0:15:13No, Jessica, this could be the end of the BBC.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17If we break Michael Fassbender...
0:15:17 > 0:15:19I could try a flick swan dive, I suppose.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- Yes!- OK, go on, then. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:22 > 0:15:25If you do it back here, there's enough room here.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27- Better take this off.- Clip this.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29The microphone's already in the pocket.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- You don't need to hear sound effects as I'm going down.- OK.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Because that's attached to here.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36We'll take it out, we'll take it out
0:15:36 > 0:15:37and we'll shove it in somewhere else.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Excuse me?!
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- Hang on. Here we go.- I can't believe I'm going to do a flick swan.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44I can't believe you're going to do it either.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46For the record, it's her. It's her!
0:15:46 > 0:15:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Do you want some music? Do you want some music?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Sure.
0:15:53 > 0:15:54Some music, I guess. Some music.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Yes!
0:15:58 > 0:16:00CHEERING
0:16:00 > 0:16:03OK. Do you want to wait for some music?
0:16:03 > 0:16:05- Yeah, I'll wait. - OK, here's some music.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08MUSIC: Are "Friends" Electric? by Tubeway Army
0:16:08 > 0:16:10OK.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13- Gary Numan...- Gary Nu... - He was actually an influence...
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Oh, OK.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16We can't hear you now!
0:16:17 > 0:16:18Where's your one?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Gary Numan, an influence for Walter the robot.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Here we go! Turn it up, turn it up, crank it up!
0:16:25 > 0:16:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:34 > 0:16:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Wow!
0:16:40 > 0:16:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:47 > 0:16:48Wow!
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Now Diane, Diane.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Come on, Diane!
0:16:54 > 0:17:00- I think... Is it in episode one you talk about Mick Jagger?- Oh, yeah.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02- Is that a true story? - Now, that's true.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Again, some of the stories are true. Now, this is a true story
0:17:04 > 0:17:08that I was... This was about a Christmas and a bit ago.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10I was at a party in a house, and he was there -
0:17:10 > 0:17:14and I'd met him before at something, so he came over, and he's chatting,
0:17:14 > 0:17:16and he's a remarkable man.
0:17:16 > 0:17:21He's 73, but... I think I'm right in saying that.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25He's as thin and wiry as anything. But he's got energy.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28It's like in Cocoon, you know when that light goes "psh!"
0:17:28 > 0:17:32He has energy emanating from him. It's remarkable!
0:17:32 > 0:17:34And we talked, and it was all nice,
0:17:34 > 0:17:36and my wife and I were leaving,
0:17:36 > 0:17:39went down the stairs from the first floor.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42As we were heading to the door, I heard, "Rob! Rob!"
0:17:43 > 0:17:45And I looked around, "What, what?"
0:17:45 > 0:17:47And he was on the landing, and he went,
0:17:47 > 0:17:49"Don't throw those bloody spears at me."
0:17:54 > 0:17:57I looked and I thought, "What?" And I said, "What?"
0:17:57 > 0:18:00He went, "Don't throw those bloody spears at me. Aah!"
0:18:02 > 0:18:07And I had no idea. I was thinking, "What is going on?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10"Is he having a stroke?" He's in the age range, you know.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16And then I realised, "Oh, he's doing Michael Caine in Zulu."
0:18:18 > 0:18:22He's doing me from The Trip doing... So I realised, so I went...
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- AS MICHAEL CAINE: - "I've told you before.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27"If you're not going to sing, I don't want to bloody know.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28"Now, get back in the other room!"
0:18:28 > 0:18:30And he went, "A-a-a-h!"
0:18:35 > 0:18:37And he was gone. It's true.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41And do you know there's this short cut
0:18:41 > 0:18:44- to say your name as...the way the impression is?- Yeah, yeah.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47People say, you say, "My cocaine."
0:18:47 > 0:18:50- Yeah.- Like the drug but loud.- Yeah.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52- But I'll tell you a story about that.- Oh, yes?
0:18:52 > 0:18:53I was making a picture,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56I was making a picture in the Philippines, and I'm in Manila,
0:18:56 > 0:18:59and we were invited to this very, very posh, expensive house
0:18:59 > 0:19:02to a party and I'm being introduced to people
0:19:02 > 0:19:04and standing, getting a drink and all that,
0:19:04 > 0:19:07and the hostess is standing over there and she's looking at me
0:19:07 > 0:19:11rather nastily, considering that I'm a guest, you know?
0:19:11 > 0:19:15And there was a moment when I was a bit free and she went...
0:19:15 > 0:19:18So I went over to her and she said,
0:19:18 > 0:19:20"Are you a drug dealer?"
0:19:21 > 0:19:23I said, "No. Why do you ask?"
0:19:23 > 0:19:26She said, "Why's everybody calling you 'my cocaine'?"
0:19:31 > 0:19:35You know that story's true, cos you couldn't make it up.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Quite a lot of people at the party going, "Where's my cocaine?"
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- "Over there."- So I went over and they said, "Not you."
0:19:41 > 0:19:44But now, John Boyega, you...
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Man, why you always say my name like that?
0:19:46 > 0:19:48- LAUGHTER - Like, "What have I done now?"
0:19:48 > 0:19:49No, this is good.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53No, John... John got his Star Wars cash, and he...
0:19:53 > 0:19:57I don't know where you hit, but you hit a shop, a wonderful shop...
0:19:57 > 0:20:00- Yep.- And you have bought some stuff.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03So, you very kindly brought some pictures of some of the things
0:20:03 > 0:20:05- you bought.- Yeah, I did, I did. - Your bed...
0:20:05 > 0:20:07At the bottom of your bed, what have you got?
0:20:07 > 0:20:10I've got some lions, sculptures of lions. Yeah.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14- So, his bed is guarded...- Oh! What?! - LAUGHTER
0:20:14 > 0:20:18Those are like trinkets compared to what else you've got. You bought...
0:20:18 > 0:20:19But the reason why I bought that
0:20:19 > 0:20:22is because I feel like my spirit animal is a lion.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23- I just feel that.- Mmm.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27You know, I am African, I am...
0:20:27 > 0:20:30- Yes!- ..everything... - LAUGHTER
0:20:30 > 0:20:33So that's why you bought the lions.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35- Yes.- Why did you buy the saxophone lamp?
0:20:35 > 0:20:37- LAUGHTER - Erm...
0:20:37 > 0:20:39To be honest with you, there's no reason for that, man.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40That was glorified nonsense.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42I can't lie to you.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44- Yeah.- That is hilarious.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45Now, I don't mean to criticise it.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49I mean, I mean...I was in Australia and this dude just told me
0:20:49 > 0:20:51that there's a saxophone with a light bulb with it.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- Yeah.- And something in my brain said to me, "Buy."
0:20:55 > 0:20:58- Yes.- You need that.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00- You need that.- By the way, I made a lamp out of my father's clarinet.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- Oh, yeah.- Oh!- Right?- Cool. So you know how that was made.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05- I had no idea how to put it together.- Well, there's a...
0:21:05 > 0:21:07We have a thing.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09It has something to do with something that we share.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- You're like a lion. - I like... I'm like a lion...
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Kind of. Yeah, I could do that. But how about that?
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- You have a saxophone lamp and I have a clarinet lamp.- Yeah.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Goldie, can I just ask you,
0:21:20 > 0:21:22do you have a more attractive bulb in yours?
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- Well...- That is an ugly-ass bulb, John.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31That is an economy light-saving one.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32It's environmentally friendly.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34- It's environmentally friendly. - Yeah, yeah.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38I would find a little clip-on shade, maybe, or something that just...
0:21:38 > 0:21:40- Here's the exciting thing. - Have you ever put it on?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42You're in John's house and you want to go to the loo,
0:21:42 > 0:21:45so you've seen the lions, you're excited,
0:21:45 > 0:21:47- the saxophone lamp is brilliant... - Give it to them.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49- You get into the loo... - OK.- ..you sit down...
0:21:49 > 0:21:51- Uh-huh.- ..you do your business,
0:21:51 > 0:21:53you need a little bit of toilet paper.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55In John's house, this is who gives it to you.
0:21:55 > 0:21:56Boom.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:00 > 0:22:02That is amazing.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06I love that.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- You're jealous, aren't you? You're all jealous.- I'm so jealous.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12I'm imagining going over there, as a girl, you know,
0:22:12 > 0:22:13you hook up and you go to the bathroom,
0:22:13 > 0:22:15you're like, "That's a red flag."
0:22:17 > 0:22:19That's a red flag!
0:22:21 > 0:22:25I suppose, with your kids, you could spoil them,
0:22:25 > 0:22:27but you have to try and be strict with them?
0:22:27 > 0:22:32Yeah, it's tough, like, because, you know, as you're doing all right,
0:22:32 > 0:22:35you want to give them the life that you didn't have,
0:22:35 > 0:22:36but you have to be strict,
0:22:36 > 0:22:38because you don't want to turn them into children
0:22:38 > 0:22:40that you hated when you were a child.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42- Mmm.- Yeah.- You know what I mean? You don't want them to be those kids.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46So, it's tough. I remember taking my daughter to get new school shoes.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48I took all five... I don't know if you've done this, Guy,
0:22:48 > 0:22:51when you have taken all of them out just by yourself, like an idiot.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54Took 'em all out. We've gone to buy new school shoes,
0:22:54 > 0:22:57and it's a dead busy day in the department store,
0:22:57 > 0:22:59and most of them have been fine,
0:22:59 > 0:23:02and then just one daughter is just kicking off, going for it.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05You've not got the skills that your parents had, cos, you know,
0:23:05 > 0:23:09laws have changed...and, er...
0:23:09 > 0:23:11LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:13 > 0:23:16So you've got to, like, find other ways.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17You've got to talk to them
0:23:17 > 0:23:19like a children's TV presenter, haven't you?
0:23:19 > 0:23:21- Get down on their level. - "What seems to be the problem?"
0:23:21 > 0:23:24You get a bit closer - "When you get home, you are dead!"
0:23:24 > 0:23:28You have to do it so nobody sees you!
0:23:28 > 0:23:30So she was being a nightmare and I just couldn't wrangle her,
0:23:30 > 0:23:32I just couldn't work it out. And, er...
0:23:32 > 0:23:35in the end, I had to do that thing that parents do sometimes,
0:23:35 > 0:23:37where you go overboard with the punishment.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39So, when they're not eating their dinner, you're like,
0:23:39 > 0:23:42"Right, then, you'll never eat again!"
0:23:42 > 0:23:44"Aw! Can't back that up!"
0:23:44 > 0:23:46And I did it to my daughter. She was like, "I want these..."
0:23:46 > 0:23:50She was being spoilt. And I said, "Right, then, you'll have NO shoes!"
0:23:53 > 0:23:55So I got shoes for the other kids,
0:23:55 > 0:23:58so I've got these four pairs of shoes and none for her.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Very rare that I stand by a punishment.
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Even when I send them upstairs,
0:24:04 > 0:24:06they're halfway down before they've got there.
0:24:06 > 0:24:11So, I'm in this queue and my daughter's gone from being naughty
0:24:11 > 0:24:13to turning the waterworks on.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16And, of course, it's a new crowd around her.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19So these people just think she's like Cinderella,
0:24:19 > 0:24:22not getting any shoes. "No shoes for you!"
0:24:22 > 0:24:23And she goes...
0:24:23 > 0:24:27And then she said the worst thing, and, as parents, you'll feel this.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29It's the worst thing that anyone can say to you,
0:24:29 > 0:24:32one of your children. She said, "Daddy." And I went, "What?"
0:24:32 > 0:24:34She said...
0:24:34 > 0:24:38There's all these people looking. She just went, "Daddy...
0:24:38 > 0:24:42"Why do you make the rest of the world laugh, but you make me cry?"
0:24:47 > 0:24:50"Oh, you got me good!"
0:24:51 > 0:24:53She got three pairs of shoes that day!
0:24:56 > 0:24:58The other thing chimpanzees do,
0:24:58 > 0:25:01of course, is a thing called pant-hooting, which is...
0:25:01 > 0:25:03HE HOOTS
0:25:05 > 0:25:08HE PANTS
0:25:08 > 0:25:10APPLAUSE
0:25:16 > 0:25:18When do chimps do that?
0:25:19 > 0:25:21When they're very excited.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Is that a happy thing or a sad thing?
0:25:24 > 0:25:27It's a kind of territorial thing -
0:25:27 > 0:25:30and it's quite scary. It's defending territory.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33- OK.- I feel like I've heard that sound, yeah.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37- Do you watch... - LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:25:39 > 0:25:41I'm sure you have, Sienna!
0:25:43 > 0:25:45What are you talking about? Yeah.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49Well, look, the thing is, it is a sofa of actors. So, Andy...
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Andy, are there any... I wouldn't say tricks,
0:25:51 > 0:25:56but are there any short cuts into playing a great ape?
0:25:56 > 0:25:58A great ape. Well...
0:25:58 > 0:26:02Well, quadrupedding is a large part of it, OK?
0:26:02 > 0:26:05So quadrupedding is walking on all fours,
0:26:05 > 0:26:08and I happen to have with me some...
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Some arm extensions, which we could all have a go with.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14- Oh, right!- And these, in fact, are how we quadruped.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16So we can all have a go, and I think we should.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- Would you like to have a go? - No. Not yet.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21LAUGHTER
0:26:21 > 0:26:22Let me just show you.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Look, and it has motion capture dots on it already. So we can shoot.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28So anyway, let me just...
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Is this a good place to stand?
0:26:30 > 0:26:32- Yeah, or...- This is wicked!
0:26:32 > 0:26:34- Wherever you want to go.- OK.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37So, first of all, if you're going to get into being an ape,
0:26:37 > 0:26:39like if you're a silverback gorilla,
0:26:39 > 0:26:41- then you tend to have your backside sticking out.- Wow!
0:26:41 > 0:26:44If you're a chimpanzee, then you're tucked in like this.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46- So you can choose between a gorilla or a chimpanzee.- Yes.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- Whichever you'd like. - Options, I love options.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52- And then you start to walk... - Oh, look at that!- Whoa!- Like that...
0:26:52 > 0:26:54APPLAUSE
0:26:55 > 0:26:59..and then...then you can learn to kind of accelerate -
0:26:59 > 0:27:01and we're all going to do this, so...
0:27:01 > 0:27:04So then you can learn to accelerate.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07I've got very slippery shoes on, but...
0:27:07 > 0:27:08- Like that. So...- Whoa!
0:27:08 > 0:27:10That's very impressive.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Get Tom. Tom's young. Go on, Tom.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20- A fellow method actor. - This is for a role in the next film.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21You're welcome, guys.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26You're going to be so good at this. You're going to be so good at this.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:27:28 > 0:27:31- You'll be fine. - You're going to shine.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Good luck.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37I'm glad I wore such tight trousers today!
0:27:37 > 0:27:39How do you beat your chest with these things?
0:27:39 > 0:27:41- It's a tough one.- So, hang on...
0:27:41 > 0:27:42Gorilla is the arched back.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Oh, look at that, look at that!
0:27:44 > 0:27:48Oh, oh, look at him! Oh!
0:27:48 > 0:27:49I've gone Spider-Man all of a sudden.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51No, that's very Spider-Man.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53And what did you say, chimpanzee? What was it?
0:27:53 > 0:27:55- You've got to tuck in. - Tuck in with your...
0:27:55 > 0:27:58- Tuck in and bend over. There you go. - SIENNA:- Oh, my God!
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Do a wolf as a chimp.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02HE HOWLS
0:28:02 > 0:28:04APPLAUSE
0:28:04 > 0:28:08Very good. It was... It was excellent. Beautiful, beautiful.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Warren, so many things have been written about you,
0:28:12 > 0:28:14so many "facts" -
0:28:14 > 0:28:16interesting facts, that we don't examine -
0:28:16 > 0:28:17- have been thrown out.- Mm-hm.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20I know you don't like talking about this,
0:28:20 > 0:28:21so I'm just going to read them out,
0:28:21 > 0:28:23and we'll just try and read your expression...
0:28:23 > 0:28:26- Uh-huh.- ..to see if you're confirming or denying them.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29- MIRANDA:- This is a fun game!
0:28:30 > 0:28:33It's sort of a Psychic Sal.
0:28:33 > 0:28:37- I mean, feel free, if you want to... - Feel free.- ..confirm or deny them.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39- Yeah.- OK, here we go.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41You used to wash your hair every day
0:28:41 > 0:28:43with a six-pack of beer.
0:28:44 > 0:28:47- Any truth...? - No.- Oh, he's denying that. OK.
0:28:47 > 0:28:48That was my one!
0:28:49 > 0:28:51- Yes?- Yeah, I did that all the time.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53- Uh-huh?- That was cider.
0:28:53 > 0:28:56No-one has that much hair - one can would do you.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58- A six-pack seems excessive. - I would think, yeah.
0:28:58 > 0:29:01You and Jack Nicholson had your own secret passageway
0:29:01 > 0:29:02into the Playboy Mansion.
0:29:08 > 0:29:10- No...- Is that true?
0:29:10 > 0:29:12Well, I think the story was printed
0:29:12 > 0:29:15that there was a tunnel going from Jack's house,
0:29:15 > 0:29:19which is near my house, all the way over to Hefner's house,
0:29:19 > 0:29:24which would probably have cost in the neighbourhood of 1 billion.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28- So, no, that is not true.- OK.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31You Photoshopped the Heaven Can Wait poster
0:29:31 > 0:29:34to make your crotch look larger.
0:29:35 > 0:29:37No.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40Just asking. Just asking!
0:29:40 > 0:29:42Did you mean the crotch?
0:29:42 > 0:29:46- The crotch?- The crotch, that bit.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49That's... You mean the hips? What are you talking about?
0:29:49 > 0:29:51I would say that area.
0:29:53 > 0:29:56Sort of in-between that hip and that hip,
0:29:56 > 0:29:57below your belly button
0:29:57 > 0:29:59and before the space between your legs.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:30:01 > 0:30:02- You didn't?- No.
0:30:05 > 0:30:07I like how specific you were.
0:30:07 > 0:30:10I thought you were speaking about what is IN the crotch.
0:30:10 > 0:30:11Oh, no, no, no.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13Well, I don't know, did you do THAT?
0:30:13 > 0:30:15- No.- You never touched your crotch.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17I never touched the crotch.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Now, this is the famous one.
0:30:19 > 0:30:23Carly Simon wrote the song You're So Vain about you.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25- How would I know?- Didn't she...?
0:30:25 > 0:30:27Has she said?
0:30:27 > 0:30:29I don't know.
0:30:29 > 0:30:32- OK.- I don't know, I don't know.- OK.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34And the famous one that's been...
0:30:34 > 0:30:36I don't know who did this.
0:30:36 > 0:30:39I like that someone studied maths
0:30:39 > 0:30:43and this is what they used their mathematics degree for -
0:30:43 > 0:30:46they calculated that you've bedded 13,000 women.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50Oh, he's just leaving that one!
0:30:50 > 0:30:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:30:54 > 0:30:55No. That...
0:30:55 > 0:30:58That was a very busy month.
0:31:01 > 0:31:02But I have...
0:31:02 > 0:31:05I don't know why you brought this up, but I did hear you discuss,
0:31:05 > 0:31:07you had an extraordinary disagreement
0:31:07 > 0:31:10with your wife about yourself.
0:31:10 > 0:31:14- Do you know what I'm talking about? - By myself you mean...?- Yes.- Yeah.
0:31:14 > 0:31:15Ooh.
0:31:15 > 0:31:17Er...
0:31:17 > 0:31:20- Yes.- Listen, do you know this story? - I do not know this story.
0:31:20 > 0:31:22- Listen with interest.- Well...
0:31:22 > 0:31:26One night, as you do, we were talking about stuff and...
0:31:27 > 0:31:28..and I just happened to mention...
0:31:28 > 0:31:31and of course, being circumcised, I said...
0:31:33 > 0:31:37They were chatting. They're married! They're married, they're allowed.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39..and she said...
0:31:39 > 0:31:42She said, "You're not circumcised."
0:31:42 > 0:31:46I said, "What do you mean? "You've only known me a few..."
0:31:46 > 0:31:49All my life, I remember my mother telling me why,
0:31:49 > 0:31:51because it was fashionable at the time.
0:31:51 > 0:31:54She said, "You're not circumcised." I said, "That's ridiculous!
0:31:54 > 0:31:58"I should know if I'm circumcised. Of course I am.
0:31:58 > 0:32:00"End of conversation."
0:32:00 > 0:32:04But the next day, I happened to be seeing my doctor for...
0:32:05 > 0:32:07Are you OK?
0:32:09 > 0:32:13- I was seeing my doctor for my annual physical.- Of course.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16So, while he was down there...
0:32:16 > 0:32:18LAUGHTER
0:32:18 > 0:32:22- I said...- "Excuse me, Doctor." - "Oh, by the way, Irv,
0:32:22 > 0:32:26"my wife and I had a little disagreement.
0:32:26 > 0:32:31"I am circumcised, aren't I? Because she says I'm not."
0:32:31 > 0:32:32And he goes...
0:32:35 > 0:32:37"Not."
0:32:37 > 0:32:40LAUGHTER
0:32:40 > 0:32:42APPLAUSE
0:32:44 > 0:32:46I said, "No, no, it's not possible!"
0:32:46 > 0:32:48So he looked down again and he said,
0:32:48 > 0:32:50"Hey, I'm Jewish, I know the difference."
0:32:54 > 0:32:56- That is a bizarre story. - Too much information.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03I have grandchildren!
0:33:09 > 0:33:11You're going to have to change your Facebook status now.
0:33:11 > 0:33:14Oh, yes, no more Beef Stew.
0:33:17 > 0:33:18Well, there's MORE Beef Stew.
0:33:27 > 0:33:31But you've had the common problem of frisky horses, haven't you?
0:33:31 > 0:33:33There are different kinds of thoroughbred stallions.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36There are those that have been, um...
0:33:36 > 0:33:39- I don't know the technical term. - Gelded.- Gelded, thank you.
0:33:39 > 0:33:42I didn't want to say "castrated". Gelded.
0:33:42 > 0:33:45- They do not have their testicles. - We've got it!
0:33:45 > 0:33:48We're all up to speed.
0:33:48 > 0:33:52We got castrated, gelded - we're on it.
0:33:52 > 0:33:55If people aren't following the story now...
0:33:55 > 0:33:59I'm trying to use the best, sort of, PG words.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01Science words.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03So if they have not been gelded,
0:34:03 > 0:34:07they're extremely sensitive to the smells of other horses.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09Actually, male horses or female horses,
0:34:09 > 0:34:15they don't care, they smell horse and they get, basically, just...
0:34:15 > 0:34:18really enormous erections.
0:34:20 > 0:34:24Which, in a 19th-century film, is just not appropriate!
0:34:24 > 0:34:27You feel like someone should mention it.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29- Yes.- People just chatting on.
0:34:29 > 0:34:35But actually, Camilla had a couple of ways of making it go away -
0:34:35 > 0:34:37but the one that's more mentionable would be...
0:34:37 > 0:34:39She got Vicks, you know,
0:34:39 > 0:34:42you put on your chest when you've got a cold.
0:34:42 > 0:34:45She put it inside the horse's nostrils.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47For the smell.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:34:49 > 0:34:51For the scent.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55- Nowhere painful. - They had to do that to me, as well.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00I want to know the method you can't mention!
0:35:00 > 0:35:01It was just...
0:35:01 > 0:35:06- The science.- It was just to...
0:35:06 > 0:35:08- Get it done.- ..kick it, until...
0:35:11 > 0:35:13Sounds like a party game - kick the cock!
0:35:15 > 0:35:17"Come on, kids!"
0:35:17 > 0:35:21A professional technique to get rid of a horse's erection
0:35:21 > 0:35:23is to kick it in the dick?!
0:35:27 > 0:35:29And in terms of physical challenges, Zac,
0:35:29 > 0:35:32I was flicking through a magazine, and I happened upon...
0:35:32 > 0:35:35I happened upon a photograph of Zac
0:35:35 > 0:35:38where Zac was casually walking down the street with no shirt on
0:35:38 > 0:35:40and I thought he must have got tired,
0:35:40 > 0:35:43and he was leaning against a parking meter.
0:35:43 > 0:35:44I think we've got the picture here.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49That was a photo shoot. What are you talking about?
0:35:49 > 0:35:51- I thought it was a paparazzi shot. - You're trying to be...
0:35:51 > 0:35:52Is that at the airport?
0:35:52 > 0:35:56- It was Cool Hand Luke trying to take the parking meter off.- Yeah.
0:35:59 > 0:36:01Are you really doing that or are there wires?
0:36:01 > 0:36:03- No, he's doing it. - Oh, no, yeah, that's...
0:36:03 > 0:36:05He's doing it.
0:36:05 > 0:36:08Not that I'm calling you a liar, but there is a pole right over there.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10CHEERING
0:36:10 > 0:36:12What?!
0:36:12 > 0:36:15It's right there. Check behind you - there's a pole.
0:36:15 > 0:36:16It's right there.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20- That pole.- I didn't see it. - That pole.
0:36:20 > 0:36:23- That pole.- You want me to do the...? - Yes, can you?- Er, yeah. Sure.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25CHEERING AND WHOOPING
0:36:25 > 0:36:28Really? Now... Now I feel bad.
0:36:28 > 0:36:30- You CAN do this, right? - You tested this thing, right?
0:36:32 > 0:36:36- It's solid. It's been tested... - This has been used...
0:36:36 > 0:36:38By who?
0:36:38 > 0:36:40We're not sure of her name, but...
0:36:40 > 0:36:42LAUGHTER
0:36:44 > 0:36:48- Dang! Er...- Do you want some music? - Er...- How about some music?
0:36:51 > 0:36:54MUSIC: Low by Flo Rida featuring T Pain
0:36:54 > 0:36:56Now I have to wait for the beat?
0:36:58 > 0:37:01Here we go, here we go. He's going to do it, he's going to do it.
0:37:02 > 0:37:04Oh! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:37:04 > 0:37:07That is... That's better than in the photo shoot!
0:37:07 > 0:37:09Even better than the photo shoot.
0:37:09 > 0:37:12Zac Efron, everybody! Well done!
0:37:12 > 0:37:17- Nicely done.- That's impressive. Come and sit down.- Thank you.- Wow!
0:37:20 > 0:37:23And talking of hit movies, Shawshank Redemption,
0:37:23 > 0:37:26- obviously...- Oh, great movie. - ..one of your most... Yes.
0:37:26 > 0:37:29Everyone loves that movie. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:37:31 > 0:37:33And that's one of those movies -
0:37:33 > 0:37:35anyone puts their, you know, best films of all time list together,
0:37:35 > 0:37:37- it's always on there. - It's always on there.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40It's always on there and yet that film has never been a hit.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43Tanked at the box office -
0:37:43 > 0:37:46and the reason for that is, of course,
0:37:46 > 0:37:50is that the only real marketing movies get, I think,
0:37:50 > 0:37:51is word of mouth.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55You can promote it all you want,
0:37:55 > 0:37:59but if the first few audiences go there and come back
0:37:59 > 0:38:03and can't say, "I really saw this great film,"
0:38:03 > 0:38:06then you're not going to go very far.
0:38:06 > 0:38:09So people went to see The Shawshank Redemption
0:38:09 > 0:38:10and then they came back,
0:38:10 > 0:38:13"Oh, man, I saw this really terrific movie.
0:38:13 > 0:38:14"It's called the, erm...
0:38:16 > 0:38:17"Er...
0:38:19 > 0:38:20"Shanksham?
0:38:22 > 0:38:24"Shimshark?"
0:38:24 > 0:38:27One lady saw me in the elevator one time and she said,
0:38:27 > 0:38:30"Oh, I saw you in The Hudsucker Production!"
0:38:33 > 0:38:36So, if you can't get word across, then it just doesn't do well.
0:38:36 > 0:38:41- Yeah.- If you can't say it... - That's why Alfie did well!
0:38:41 > 0:38:44Yeah. Boom - we got it.
0:38:44 > 0:38:48Is that the film that turned you into sort of Mr Narration?
0:38:48 > 0:38:51Yeah, that was it.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54Because it's so special, that narration.
0:38:54 > 0:38:59Now, we have got a little kind of Shawshank mashup.
0:38:59 > 0:39:01So, would you mind lending your voice to it?
0:39:04 > 0:39:07- Ah, go on. Ah, go on.- OK.
0:39:07 > 0:39:09APPLAUSE AND CHEERING There you go.
0:39:14 > 0:39:16MUSIC PLAYS
0:39:18 > 0:39:20I must admit, I didn't think much of Graham Norton
0:39:20 > 0:39:22the first time I laid eyes on him.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27It looked like a stiff breeze could blow him over.
0:39:29 > 0:39:31That was my first impression of the man.
0:39:32 > 0:39:36I could see why some people took him for annoying.
0:39:38 > 0:39:43He had a walk and a talk that just wasn't normal around here.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47And boy, did he drink.
0:39:50 > 0:39:54He drank like a man without a care or a worry in the world.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00I hope to finish this talk show one day.
0:40:02 > 0:40:05I hope Michael stops talking for just one second.
0:40:08 > 0:40:12I hope people stop asking me to do stupid voice-overs like this.
0:40:15 > 0:40:16I hope.
0:40:18 > 0:40:22APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Very good. Morgan Freeman.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25Very good. Thank you very much for doing that.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28Fantastic!
0:40:28 > 0:40:31Listen, very quickly, it is Oscars weekend this weekend -
0:40:31 > 0:40:34and, Ian, would you mind telling us the story
0:40:34 > 0:40:38about when you were nominated for Gandalf...?
0:40:38 > 0:40:41- Oh, yes.- And you had the beads, yes.
0:40:41 > 0:40:42Aw!
0:40:44 > 0:40:45Well, they weren't beads.
0:40:47 > 0:40:51In New Zealand, where we filmed Lord Of The Rings...
0:40:51 > 0:40:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:40:54 > 0:40:58If you're lucky, when you leave, you're given a piece of green stone,
0:40:58 > 0:41:01carved, and you wear it often enough and your chances are
0:41:01 > 0:41:04that you'll get back to New Zealand. That's the idea.
0:41:04 > 0:41:07And it'll bring you a bit of luck.
0:41:07 > 0:41:10So, when those films were nominated for something like 20 Oscars
0:41:10 > 0:41:13on that night, everybody from New Zealand
0:41:13 > 0:41:18was wearing their greenstone, their pounamu, they're called.
0:41:18 > 0:41:21And when we're on the red carpet, going in to the ceremony,
0:41:21 > 0:41:23I met Maggie Smith.
0:41:23 > 0:41:25- AS MAGGIE:- Hello, what are you here for?
0:41:25 > 0:41:27LAUGHTER
0:41:31 > 0:41:32I said, "Well, Lord Of The Rings."
0:41:32 > 0:41:35"Oh, yes," she said. "What's that round your neck?"
0:41:35 > 0:41:37I said, "It's my pounamu, Maggie."
0:41:37 > 0:41:39"Oh, your pounamu. What's that for?"
0:41:39 > 0:41:42I said, "Well, if I wear it, it'll bring me luck."
0:41:42 > 0:41:44"Oh, very nice."
0:41:45 > 0:41:48And we went our separate ways and it lasts for three and a half
0:41:48 > 0:41:51- or four hours. You know, don't you?- Oh, yeah.
0:41:51 > 0:41:52God, you sit there and sit there.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55And at the end, of course, everyone else wins the Oscar apart from you.
0:41:55 > 0:41:58And a bit dejected, you're coming out,
0:41:58 > 0:42:00looking forward to a drink and you bump into Maggie Smith
0:42:00 > 0:42:03and she points at you and she says, "Didn't work, did it?"
0:42:12 > 0:42:17I tell you, all of you, Anthony's going to give us some tips,
0:42:17 > 0:42:19I would say, on boxing.
0:42:19 > 0:42:25We've got a very, very, very hi-tech piece of equipment over here.
0:42:25 > 0:42:29So if you'd like to come with me... It's over here.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31APPLAUSE
0:42:33 > 0:42:36We've been playing with this all afternoon.
0:42:36 > 0:42:39I love this thing. I'll just turn it on.
0:42:41 > 0:42:44Hang on. It's on. Now... Oh.
0:42:44 > 0:42:46OK, there we go. So, I hit that.
0:42:46 > 0:42:48OK - ooh!
0:42:50 > 0:42:53- MACHINE:- Come on!
0:42:53 > 0:42:56It didn't talk this afternoon!
0:42:56 > 0:42:59What's happened to it? Shut up!
0:42:59 > 0:43:02Just hit it! Just hit it!
0:43:02 > 0:43:06LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:43:06 > 0:43:08Oh, no, you look serious.
0:43:08 > 0:43:11He's really going for it. CHEERING
0:43:11 > 0:43:12OK.
0:43:13 > 0:43:16Do you have any tips?
0:43:16 > 0:43:18Cos you're in high heels...
0:43:18 > 0:43:20- Shall I take them off? - No, no, chill.
0:43:20 > 0:43:24We're taking this very seriously, ladies and gentlemen.
0:43:24 > 0:43:26He's talking to me.
0:43:29 > 0:43:31No run-ups.
0:43:31 > 0:43:34If you want to take them off... Whatever you feel comfortable with.
0:43:34 > 0:43:36I wasn't even thinking about run-ups.
0:43:36 > 0:43:39- Any other advice? - Are you left or right-handed?
0:43:39 > 0:43:43- Right.- So, you know, right leg back so you really get the whole...
0:43:43 > 0:43:46Right leg back. And the aim is just to hit it so it goes away?
0:43:46 > 0:43:49You go boom, and it goes back up.
0:43:49 > 0:43:53- OK.- Have you had a go, Graham? - Honestly, mine was so bad.
0:43:53 > 0:43:56Let's see what Rachel gets, then I'll decide if I'm going to do it.
0:43:56 > 0:44:00- You get a score! - Yeah.- You get a score.
0:44:00 > 0:44:04- So left leg forward. - Are you in range, though?
0:44:04 > 0:44:07- I don't know. Shall I find out? - Come forward a bit.
0:44:07 > 0:44:11- Cos your aim is to punch through the bag.- Through.
0:44:11 > 0:44:14- So I want to go like that. - Yes, I like that.
0:44:17 > 0:44:19Just hit it in the middle?
0:44:21 > 0:44:23Oh!
0:44:23 > 0:44:25CHEERING
0:44:28 > 0:44:30182!
0:44:30 > 0:44:32Who's going next?
0:44:32 > 0:44:35- Do you want to go next?- Yeah. - OK, here we go, here we go.
0:44:35 > 0:44:38We have 182. 182 to beat. 182.
0:44:38 > 0:44:40Here we go, here we go.
0:44:46 > 0:44:50There's a terrible thing where you don't care and then you do.
0:44:50 > 0:44:53Can't I just have a stare down with him?
0:44:53 > 0:44:55And it's who laughs first loses.
0:44:55 > 0:44:57Right. Um. OK.
0:44:58 > 0:45:00Oh!
0:45:00 > 0:45:02CHEERING Oh! Wow!
0:45:06 > 0:45:09Blimey. 594.
0:45:14 > 0:45:16It's 594.
0:45:19 > 0:45:21I slipped!
0:45:21 > 0:45:23594 to beat.
0:45:23 > 0:45:26Here we go, here we go, here we go.
0:45:26 > 0:45:27Oh!
0:45:27 > 0:45:29CHEERING
0:45:29 > 0:45:30Oh!
0:45:34 > 0:45:35OK.
0:45:35 > 0:45:39- Anthony Joshua.- Are you on?- No...
0:45:39 > 0:45:41CHEERING
0:45:41 > 0:45:43OK, OK.
0:45:43 > 0:45:45CHEERING
0:45:47 > 0:45:49I've gotta do this, here we go, here we go.
0:45:49 > 0:45:52I'm still going.
0:45:52 > 0:45:55OK, there you go. What was yours?
0:45:55 > 0:45:57I think it was 3,000?
0:45:57 > 0:46:00672, was it?
0:46:00 > 0:46:04- 672.- 632. So if you don't beat that, you've lost the title.
0:46:04 > 0:46:06If you don't beat me...
0:46:06 > 0:46:08I mean, look at this.
0:46:08 > 0:46:11LAUGHTER
0:46:11 > 0:46:13OK, OK, here we go, here we go.
0:46:13 > 0:46:16- Same technique as you. - The world champion.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18Oh!
0:46:21 > 0:46:23CHEERING
0:46:25 > 0:46:29Well done! 848! Excellent.
0:46:31 > 0:46:33Off you go with your story, Valerio.
0:46:33 > 0:46:39OK, so I am here tonight to surprise my beautiful wife Alma.
0:46:39 > 0:46:43- Alma?- Yeah, she's actually in the audience tonight.- Oh, where's Alma?
0:46:43 > 0:46:46Are you sure? She may have left... Oh, no, there she is.
0:46:46 > 0:46:48- She's over there. - That's the surprise.
0:46:48 > 0:46:50Yeah, surprise, she's gone!
0:46:50 > 0:46:53No, your beautiful wife Alma is still here. Off you go, Valerio.
0:46:53 > 0:46:56- Is this a nice surprise? - Yes, of course.- OK.
0:46:56 > 0:47:00- She's pregnant with our first baby. - Oh!
0:47:00 > 0:47:03- We don't know yet the gender of the baby...- Oh, yes.
0:47:03 > 0:47:07..because I really want to wait until the baby is born.
0:47:07 > 0:47:10- Of course, Valerio.- But she really wants to know as soon as possible.
0:47:10 > 0:47:15- Oh, yes.- So the doctor wrote...
0:47:15 > 0:47:19- on this piece of paper...- Oh! - ..the gender of the baby.
0:47:19 > 0:47:23And I said to her, "We will open on a special occasion."
0:47:23 > 0:47:27- Oh, yes.- So, because she loves you and your show,
0:47:27 > 0:47:29- I believe that tonight is the best occasion.- Oh, yes!
0:47:29 > 0:47:34- Brilliant.- May I open?- Yes, do. - Don't you dare pull that lever!
0:47:34 > 0:47:37LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:47:38 > 0:47:41We'll get him back! We'll get him back. No, wait, we'll get him back.
0:47:41 > 0:47:43We'll get him back!
0:47:47 > 0:47:49We'll get him back, we'll get him back, we'll get him back.
0:47:49 > 0:47:51OK, get Valerio back. Get Valerio back.
0:47:51 > 0:47:53I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Valerio.
0:47:53 > 0:47:55I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
0:47:55 > 0:47:57OK, this is it. Wait, wait, wait. Here we go.
0:47:57 > 0:47:59- So, Alma... Alma?- Are you ready?
0:47:59 > 0:48:02It'll be a boy or a girl.
0:48:02 > 0:48:05- JACK WHITEHALL:- And if it's a boy, you're calling it Wayne!
0:48:05 > 0:48:08- Here we go, here we go. - The baby...
0:48:08 > 0:48:09is a girl!
0:48:12 > 0:48:15Well done, Valerio! You can walk, you can walk.
0:48:15 > 0:48:17- Amazing!- Awww!
0:48:17 > 0:48:19Congratulations, Alma! A little baby girl!