0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language
0:00:07 > 0:00:11Good evening, buenas noches. I am Salma Hayek and welcome to the Graham Norton Show! Yeah!
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Hello!
0:00:27 > 0:00:29CHEERING
0:00:32 > 0:00:33Good evening!
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Good evening.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38You're very welcome, thank you for being here.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Whoo!
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Now, look, normally at the start of the show
0:00:43 > 0:00:47we take a look at some of the funny things that have been going on in the world.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51Sometimes, the world isn't a very funny place, especially this week,
0:00:51 > 0:00:53after the terrible event in Manchester.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57So, tonight, look, all we're hoping to do is bring you a bit of distraction.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00We're gonna do our show, chat about films, books,
0:01:00 > 0:01:02hear music, tell some silly stories,
0:01:02 > 0:01:05flip some people on a big red chair,
0:01:05 > 0:01:07and we hope it brings a smile.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09But I would like to say one thing.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12We record this show in London, I live in London,
0:01:12 > 0:01:14I'm sure most of you are from London.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16But we are watched, not only the length and breadth of Britain,
0:01:16 > 0:01:18but all around the world, too.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22And that gives me the chance to say, Manchester, we're all standing with you.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23OK!
0:01:23 > 0:01:25APPLAUSE
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Um...
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Shall we begin our show?
0:01:30 > 0:01:31Let's start it!
0:01:31 > 0:01:32CHEERING
0:01:32 > 0:01:36OK, we'll get some guests! Later, we'll be joined by the stars of the new BBC comedy, White Gold,
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Ed Westwick and James Buckley!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40But fir... CHEERING Yes!
0:01:40 > 0:01:43But first! He was part of the biggest boy band in the world,
0:01:43 > 0:01:46One Direction, and now he's launching his bid for solo stardom.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Please welcome Liam Payne, everybody!
0:01:49 > 0:01:51That's Liam Payne!
0:01:51 > 0:01:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello, sir!
0:01:53 > 0:01:55- Very nice to see you!- Hi!
0:01:56 > 0:01:57- Have a seat.- Thank you.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Liam Payne!
0:02:00 > 0:02:02This man is not just the award-winning co-creator
0:02:02 > 0:02:05of Little Britain and our favourite judge on Britain's Got Talent,
0:02:05 > 0:02:08he's also one of the country's most successful children's authors.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10It's David Walliams, everybody!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12CHEERING
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Lovely to see you. Come in, sit down.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21And this Hollywood leading lady
0:02:21 > 0:02:25is one of my favourite guests. Her latest film, Beatriz At Dinner,
0:02:25 > 0:02:27will be opening this year's Sundance Festival in London.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31It's a warm welcome back to the fabulous Salma Hayek!
0:02:31 > 0:02:34CHEERING Wowzer! Wowzer!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37You look amazing. Hello!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- This is stunning!- Thank you.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Salma Hayek, everybody!
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Whoo!
0:02:46 > 0:02:50I would describe this couch as something for everyone.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53That is quite the couch, I like it!
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- Welcome back, welcome back... Well, all welcome back!- Yes.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00- Yes, but of course, it's Liam's first time by yourself.- Yes. - Flying solo.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03It's a very different sofa, I can fit on it properly.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05- Not on a stool at the end.- Yes.
0:03:05 > 0:03:06Old knees.
0:03:06 > 0:03:11- You are singing for us later.- Yes. - The new single. - Yes, er, Strip That Down.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- Well done, that's your job.- What's the name again?- Strip That Down. - Strip That Down?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16- DAVID AND LIAM:- Strip That Down.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- Oh, Strip That Down.- Don't pretend you know, David!
0:03:18 > 0:03:21I'm a Directioner, I know everything about it!
0:03:22 > 0:03:23I love a great boy band.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Why is that funny?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- And you're the greatest of all time. - Thank you!
0:03:30 > 0:03:32We worked together at the Royal Variety Performance.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35- Yes! Which was a lot of fun, that was great. - I played a kind of super-fan.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- Yes.- I was dressed... This is a first, Graham, but I was dressed as a woman.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42- LAUGHTER - There's a first time for everything!
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- And we did a... - Was it the last time?
0:03:45 > 0:03:46No, it was not!
0:03:46 > 0:03:48LAUGHTER
0:03:48 > 0:03:49It really wasn't.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53And, listen, before we do anything else, we must all say a huge congratulations
0:03:53 > 0:03:56to Liam, a new daddy! You and Cheryl have a baby.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58CHEERING
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Yeah! How old now? Weeks!
0:04:01 > 0:04:04He is just over two months, he's nearly nine weeks.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06- Oh, that old!- Yes.- Wow.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09And you were there at the birth, you were there at the birth, definitely.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Yes, I was there at the birth and it was...
0:04:10 > 0:04:13It was the most amazing thing and then I was left with Bear after...
0:04:13 > 0:04:15after she gave birth and she fell asleep,
0:04:15 > 0:04:19and I'd never changed a nappy before until I met Bear, so I was like,
0:04:19 > 0:04:22"I can do this." I spent the whole day doing the nappy changing business
0:04:22 > 0:04:24and I was getting along with it just fine, it was going great.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27I hadn't been wee'd on, we struck a deal early doors.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28And then, at five o'clock in the morning,
0:04:28 > 0:04:33Bear woke up and my missus was like, "Oh, I'll do this one."
0:04:33 > 0:04:36So I was like, "Cool, yeah, OK." Hand over Bear.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39So his first nappy change, she unveils the nappy. He's poo'd.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43First time it's happened. And then he starts sprouting off wee like a mini Bellagio painting.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47In my head there was music and slow-mo going on and everything,
0:04:47 > 0:04:48wee going everywhere.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Yeah, it was... I think it was very ironic after she did
0:04:51 > 0:04:56all the hard work, but as I said we struck a deal early doors, so it was OK.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- I like that, music and slow motion. - It was!
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- I thought the lights flickered on and off at one point, I swear to God.- Is your wife breast-feeding?
0:05:03 > 0:05:07- Yes, she is, yes.- Good girl!- Yes, she's doing really well.
0:05:07 > 0:05:12The best you can do for your kid. I was breast-feeding for 14 months
0:05:12 > 0:05:16and it got complicated. I was very discreet, hiding.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18But one time... My mom's an opera singer,
0:05:18 > 0:05:24- and one time...- Amazing. - ..she's also hypoglycaemic,
0:05:24 > 0:05:27and opera singers are always a bit diva-ish, right,
0:05:27 > 0:05:31so I'm with my mother and another friend who's also breast-feeding,
0:05:31 > 0:05:35and my husband and some other people,
0:05:35 > 0:05:38and we're in Ibiza and my mom starts going,
0:05:38 > 0:05:40"I'm getting the hypoglycaemia.
0:05:40 > 0:05:45"I'm getting it! We have to eat right now! Right here."
0:05:45 > 0:05:49So it's an outdoor cafe, there's many outdoor cafes full of people.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Now, now she sits down, right,
0:05:52 > 0:05:56and then I have to feed the baby. So nobody's really recognised me yet,
0:05:56 > 0:06:00and I have this shawl, I am covering.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Really trying to be low-key.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05And then this poor guy comes with his guitar
0:06:05 > 0:06:10- to try to sing Torna a Surriento in the middle of the cafe.- Oh, wow.
0:06:10 > 0:06:16And my mom, who cannot miss an opportunity to show off...
0:06:17 > 0:06:20They're eating, my friend and I are like this.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23And my mom starts going, sitting down,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25# No, to-to, to-to... #
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Everyone starts standing around and going, "Wow, wow."
0:06:29 > 0:06:34And then at some point, you know, she feels the attention
0:06:34 > 0:06:36and she starts
0:06:36 > 0:06:38# La-la.... #
0:06:38 > 0:06:40She does one super loud,
0:06:40 > 0:06:44and then people start coming out of the other cafes,
0:06:44 > 0:06:46and then she stands up,
0:06:46 > 0:06:48and she starts performing!
0:06:48 > 0:06:51And the poor guy behind her with the little guitar,
0:06:51 > 0:06:53me with my tit out...
0:06:53 > 0:06:54LAUGHTER
0:06:54 > 0:06:58I take it out to hide it and the baby starts crying, she's like,
0:06:58 > 0:06:59"Shush!"
0:07:01 > 0:07:04You know, my friend is also not knowing what to do, so...
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Let me tell you something, for breastfeeding mothers,
0:07:06 > 0:07:10the fact that you're famous is not going to go well.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:14 > 0:07:15Now...
0:07:17 > 0:07:21Salma Hayek is in a great movie, it's called Beatriz At Dinner.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25It opens the Sundance Film Festival, which is in London.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- Yes, next week.- There are various Sundances, so this one is in London next Thursday.
0:07:28 > 0:07:34And, now, you play Beatriz. How do you describe it? Because it's half a comedy of manners
0:07:34 > 0:07:37and yet it also has this quite profound sort of social conscience.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39- Exactly.- What do you tell people about it?
0:07:39 > 0:07:42I tell them to go see it.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46I tell them to go see it because I think it's fantastic,
0:07:46 > 0:07:50and this is one of those rare occasions where I'm not lying.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54I feel you.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58You have the studios pushing you and you have to say and you're like,
0:07:58 > 0:08:01"Yeah, it's wonderful!" You know,
0:08:01 > 0:08:04um, and inside you're like, "I hope nobody sees this."
0:08:04 > 0:08:06LAUGHTER
0:08:06 > 0:08:09But this one, actually, I think they should go see it.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13It's different, it's, er...
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Very strong. It makes you think a lot.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Er, it...it makes you laugh, it makes you...
0:08:22 > 0:08:23- ..feel nervous.- Yes.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27- Yeah, it makes you uncomfortable. - It makes you uncomfortable.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Um, I play a holistic healer.
0:08:30 > 0:08:35And I am invited by...
0:08:35 > 0:08:39by force, because they have no other choice, to this dinner,
0:08:39 > 0:08:40of very powerful people.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44And I... Talk about fish out of water,
0:08:44 > 0:08:45and, um...
0:08:45 > 0:08:47It's like the worst night of my life. I mean,
0:08:47 > 0:08:54I'm sure you guys have had some really bad dinners, but this movie... This really is very bad.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57We've got a clip from the film. This, appropriately enough,
0:08:57 > 0:09:00it's sort of self-explanatory, I think,
0:09:00 > 0:09:05- this is just Beatriz at the dinner. - At part of the dinner, yeah.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Tonight you have a choice of two entrees the chef has prepared...
0:09:08 > 0:09:09I would just like to say to Cathy and Grant,
0:09:09 > 0:09:12thank you for having me tonight. I know you were not expecting me,
0:09:12 > 0:09:18but I love Tara, I love your family and I love being in your house.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20And it's an honour to meet all of you.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Aww, so sweet, thank you.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24And I would like to give you all treatments, free, of course,
0:09:24 > 0:09:27as my way of saying thank you for including me tonight.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31- Oh, no, Beatriz, you don't have to do that!- A treatment? What do you mean?
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- She's a masseuse, Doug, she gives massages.- We're getting free massages? All of us?
0:09:35 > 0:09:38- At the same time?- You wish, you sicko!
0:09:38 > 0:09:41You would have to come to the centre in Santa Monica.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- I have an office.- You have an office, good for you.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46APPLAUSE
0:09:49 > 0:09:52And while you were on set you had a birthday.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54- Yes, I turned 50.- No!- What?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Good, right? Good.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58APPLAUSE
0:09:58 > 0:10:00No! No.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03And I had no Botox! No Botox!
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- APPLAUSE - No Botox! No fillers.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08- Salma!- But I do confess... - You should see her close up!
0:10:08 > 0:10:10It's a patchwork quilt!
0:10:10 > 0:10:14No, I have to give a tip, I have to confess because the girls...
0:10:14 > 0:10:16I do pull my hair, you see, it's like...
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Here's it's a little bit pulled.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22It's giving me a headache but I'm enduring it for you.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29You cannot do that.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33You probably could do it but... in a couple of years.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34LAUGHTER
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- What Botox or the hair? - No, the pulling.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- You don't need it.- Thank you.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41GRAHAM LAUGHS
0:10:41 > 0:10:45"No, it doesn't make me feel good, thank you(!)"
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- But anyway... - They celebrated your birthday.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51They celebrated and brought a Mariachi band.
0:10:51 > 0:10:56I was really moved. I came to work cos I had to work on my 50th!
0:10:56 > 0:11:00But when I arrived, bitch, I'm sorry, I was not happy.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04I have to work today, blah, blah, blah.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08Then of course I opened the car door and there's this Mariachi,
0:11:08 > 0:11:11and I cried, it was amazing.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15They told me the producer, when Miguel proposed the Mariachi,
0:11:15 > 0:11:20she said, "But is that politically correct because she's Mexican,
0:11:20 > 0:11:26"to bring a Mariachi actually? Is she going to think it's racist?"
0:11:26 > 0:11:28So she was really nervous.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31So I made a joke at her and said, "I need to talk to you."
0:11:31 > 0:11:35I said, "I'm really grateful for the thought of doing something on my
0:11:35 > 0:11:39"birthday, but really?
0:11:40 > 0:11:42"A Mariachi?!
0:11:42 > 0:11:45"Are we having tacos for lunch?"
0:11:47 > 0:11:49She was nearly in tears.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53I said, "I'm sorry, I find this a little racist but..."
0:11:53 > 0:11:54Then I said it was OK.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58David, you get invited to all sorts of things.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02You were on holiday when Bryan Ferry invited you to something?
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Yes, I was at a very nice hotel in Turks and Caicos and
0:12:06 > 0:12:10Bryan Ferry was also staying there. I knew him a little bit.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- Prince was there as well.- Wow. - This was a few years ago.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15GRAHAM LAUGHS
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Oh, ha-ha-ha, Prince is dead, yeah.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Glad you can see the funny side(!)
0:12:19 > 0:12:24And Bryan said, "Would you like to come over and have dinner with Prince?"
0:12:24 > 0:12:26I thought this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
0:12:26 > 0:12:28so I said, "Yes, of course."
0:12:28 > 0:12:32It was a quite awkward conversation because Prince doesn't say
0:12:32 > 0:12:35much and Bryan Ferry isn't that talkative either.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38So we sat there with nothing much to say and Prince doesn't
0:12:38 > 0:12:40ask any questions. He doesn't go, "Oh, what do you do?"
0:12:40 > 0:12:43or say, "You're my favourite judge on Britain's Got Talent,"
0:12:43 > 0:12:44or anything like that.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47There was a magazine there with a picture of Florence + the Machine
0:12:47 > 0:12:50and I say, "Oh, do you know Florence + the Machine?"
0:12:50 > 0:12:52They both say, "No, I don't know her."
0:12:52 > 0:12:55I said, "She just did that brilliant cover of that dance song."
0:12:55 > 0:12:56They were like, "Which dance song?"
0:12:56 > 0:12:58"You know the one, You've Got The Love."
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Prince said, "I don't know the song."
0:13:01 > 0:13:06I went... # You got the love I need to see you through...
0:13:06 > 0:13:08# Sometimes I feel like... #
0:13:08 > 0:13:12I'm singing to Prince and Bryan Ferry!
0:13:12 > 0:13:14The most embarrassing moment of my life!
0:13:14 > 0:13:18They're just looking at me blankly, like I'm mad and I've made up this song.
0:13:18 > 0:13:23It was horrible. When Prince left, it was an amazing sense of relief.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26You meet somebody really, really famous and you just
0:13:26 > 0:13:28desperately want it to end.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31You can say you've met them but you want it to be over.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35- It was horrible. - I had that with P. Diddy.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39I went over to say hello to P. Diddy and Jay Z was there and
0:13:39 > 0:13:43- Leonardo DiCaprio was sat...- All right, you've dropped enough names.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47OK! I think people thought Prince and Bryan Ferry was good.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51We don't need to hear about other people who were in the room.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54- All right, I digress.- Keep to the people the story is about.
0:13:54 > 0:13:59So I went over, I was trying to think who was the easy target
0:13:59 > 0:14:02in this scenario, who's the one you go to to say hello?
0:14:02 > 0:14:04I'm thinking, I saw him in Get Him To The Greek,
0:14:04 > 0:14:07so I'm going to go over there and say hello to him.
0:14:07 > 0:14:08So I thought P. Diddy.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11I went to shake his hand and I was like, "Nice to meet you."
0:14:11 > 0:14:13He just goes, "Huh huh huh huh."
0:14:13 > 0:14:15But the longest handshake ever.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17I'm like sat there, looking in P. Diddy's eyes, like,
0:14:17 > 0:14:18"When is this going to end?"
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Then the worst thing that happened,
0:14:20 > 0:14:24there was the whole thing with Jay Z, and I went to lean in to
0:14:24 > 0:14:28speak to him but you can't lean in to speak to Jay Z,
0:14:28 > 0:14:29you're not allowed to lean in.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31And his bodyguard just like shook me
0:14:31 > 0:14:34like this and I went flying across the room.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37I was like, "I'll just go and sit over here with Ellie Goulding now."
0:14:37 > 0:14:39LAUGHTER
0:14:39 > 0:14:41That was a very awkward moment.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45It that's weird that people kind of live like that. It's absurd.
0:14:45 > 0:14:50I have to say Prince, I know that sometimes he was quite...
0:14:50 > 0:14:53I was very good friends with Prince.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56- He was one of my closest. - Now, David...
0:14:56 > 0:15:00- Now!- My one dinner is meaningless now.- No!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03There is something. He was so funny.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Not that night!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08- I'm so sorry. - APPLAUSE
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Not cracking jokes that night, I'll be honest with you.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15I'm so sorry... But he didn't crack jokes, but he had a strange sense of humour.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19You know like, we'd go somewhere and he'd say things like...
0:15:19 > 0:15:22I was going for the food,
0:15:22 > 0:15:26like I always do and try to get something and he'd be very
0:15:26 > 0:15:28serious, like this, and he would go,
0:15:28 > 0:15:32"Hold my hands, sister, stay away from the buffet."
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- That's good advice. - I would laugh because he's right.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41- I'm stealing that, that's funny. - Let me say something, he was so funny.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44I'm so sorry you didn't get to meet him.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Well, I did get to...
0:15:46 > 0:15:48But where we went, it wasn't a buffet,
0:15:48 > 0:15:50it was a sit-down dinner.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54You went to an all-you-can-eat buffet with Prince but...
0:15:54 > 0:15:58This was quite a smart hotel, but thank you for your contribution.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:03 > 0:16:07The other thing I wanted to say about this film is,
0:16:07 > 0:16:10when was it written or when was it planned?
0:16:10 > 0:16:14Because it seems so perfectly placed now.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17It's very zeitgeisty, you know, that kind of Trumpian America.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20John Lithgow's character is almost a version of Trump.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- Exactly.- Was that all planned?
0:16:23 > 0:16:26No, the scary part is there are so many like him.
0:16:26 > 0:16:31- Yes.- We were thinking about the dentist that killed the lion.- Yes.
0:16:31 > 0:16:36And... So, it was before Trump.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40But when we were shooting, he was campaigning.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43But now, I won't ask you about your political opinions,
0:16:43 > 0:16:46but we do have a picture that suggests...
0:16:46 > 0:16:49You are not going to ask me because you already know.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53We know! Here you are with a lovely pinata.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54LAUGHTER
0:16:54 > 0:16:57APPLAUSE
0:16:57 > 0:16:59This is the Mexican style, you know.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02The minute he starts talking about the Mexicans,
0:17:02 > 0:17:06two days later we were selling pinatas like there's no tomorrow.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Somebody brought one to a party at my house.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13The Mexicans lined up, worse than the little kids at a party.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17The tragic thing was that the first person that went on it
0:17:17 > 0:17:20killed it in two seconds because he was hitting it so hard.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Nobody else got to hit the pinata.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25But some people were stepping on it on the floor.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30- Have you met the real Donald Trump? - Oh, yeah.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33- What was he like?- Strange.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37It's like... I mean,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40One thing you got to give it to him, like, he is what it is.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44- Yes, he's not pretending. - He's not pretending.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- What you see is what you get, unfortunately.- Oh, my God.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52- David, you haven't met him, have you?- No, I've not met him.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- But you did take the opportunity of dressing up as him.- Yeah.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57APPLAUSE
0:17:57 > 0:18:01- That's better than the pinata. - Nice shave.- That was Halloween.
0:18:01 > 0:18:06- Scary!- It was my Halloween costume, it was before he was president.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10I thought, "Well, what's the biggest nightmarish figure
0:18:10 > 0:18:13"in today's culture?" And I thought, "Donald Trump."
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Not for a moment did we think he would actually become president.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20You must have thought, "I'll do it this year, because next year it'll be old hat."
0:18:20 > 0:18:22How long does it take to wash off afterwards,
0:18:22 > 0:18:24just out of interest, because that's quite an amount of...
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Three or four weeks.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30This week Donald Trump has been on his first trip abroad as
0:18:30 > 0:18:35president, so here's some pictures of him. Here he is in Saudi Arabia.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37My God.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38What's going on there?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Apparently, it's some sort of peace thing,
0:18:40 > 0:18:43but it does look like a crystal ball, doesn't it?
0:18:43 > 0:18:46I see impeachment, I see disgrace.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- What does he look like? A mystic Trump.- He's really scary.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- It's not really doing him any favours at all.- No.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57He then went to Jerusalem where he visited the Western Wall and
0:18:57 > 0:18:59placed a note inside.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03Presumably a note to the wall builders, "Call me, I've got a job."
0:19:08 > 0:19:10You know in that picture,
0:19:10 > 0:19:14he can't even touch a wall appropriately, look at that.
0:19:14 > 0:19:20- It does look sleazy.- Wall, wall.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23By the way, if anyone is wondering what that unusual thing on
0:19:23 > 0:19:25his head is, that's his hair!
0:19:28 > 0:19:31This is my favourite picture from the trip. I'm sure you've seen it.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34On Wednesday, Trump met the Pope.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41That is a man thinking, "Take the picture!"
0:19:41 > 0:19:44GRAHAM LAUGHS
0:19:44 > 0:19:49And Melania, she looks like she's at a funeral.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51She wishes!
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Oh!
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Did you see when Trump tried to hold Melania's hand?
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- I know!- When they got off the plane?
0:20:04 > 0:20:06- That was awkward, wasn't it? - She went like that!
0:20:06 > 0:20:10I reckon I'll get that when I get in for telling the Bellagio story.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12"Get off me! Get off me!"
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Actually, talking of world leaders,
0:20:16 > 0:20:18David recently noticed a resemblance
0:20:18 > 0:20:21between yourself and another world leader?
0:20:21 > 0:20:26Yes. Well, I saw a picture of our glorious leader,
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Theresa May, and in youth,
0:20:29 > 0:20:31I think she did actually look a lot like me.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- I think you've got the picture I put on Instagram.- We do.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38APPLAUSE
0:20:43 > 0:20:45That is shockingly close!
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- It is, isn't it?- It's weird!
0:20:48 > 0:20:50I could play her in a biopic.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52You could! You could.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Now, David Walliams has a new book out.
0:20:55 > 0:21:01- It's called The World's Worst Children 2.- Hmm.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04There's actually a character in The World's Worst Children 2
0:21:04 > 0:21:06a little bit like Barron Trump,
0:21:06 > 0:21:08because it's very spoiled American boy,
0:21:08 > 0:21:10he's the son of a billionaire,
0:21:10 > 0:21:13and he wanted it to be his birthday every day,
0:21:13 > 0:21:15and every day he wants more and more presents,
0:21:15 > 0:21:18and the cake gets bigger and bigger every day
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- and he ends up drowning in his own birthday cake...- Ohh!
0:21:20 > 0:21:23So they are like morality tales for children,
0:21:23 > 0:21:25so be careful what you wish for.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28- Don't eat too much cake?- It's not just don't eat too much cake,
0:21:28 > 0:21:31it's a little more sophisticated than that!
0:21:31 > 0:21:34I'm with you. That was my take away!
0:21:34 > 0:21:35Don't eat too much cake.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I'll read it to you later.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41I'll give you your bath(!)
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Which I'm very happy to do.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Are your books... Cos some of your books
0:21:45 > 0:21:47are for younger children.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51This is sort of 6- to 12-year-olds.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52This is a bit younger.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55I go into lots of schools around the country. I do ask the kids,
0:21:55 > 0:21:58"Are there any reluctant readers?
0:21:58 > 0:21:59"Any kids who don't like books?"
0:21:59 > 0:22:02And normally boys put up their hands.
0:22:02 > 0:22:03I say, "There's no shame in it.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05"You just need to find the book that's for you."
0:22:05 > 0:22:08And this book is really written with the reluctant reader in mind
0:22:08 > 0:22:11because it's full of pictures, the emphasis is really on humour
0:22:11 > 0:22:16and surrealism, and although there is a little bit of a message,
0:22:16 > 0:22:18- like don't eat too much cake... - Yeah.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22..it's meant to just be read for fun.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24I would like to actually sign one for your daughter.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27I was actually going to steal that one.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- Look, here we go! - Can I sign it?- Yes.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31I saw where he was hiding it.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32Here we go.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35And someone told me your daughter's name was...
0:22:35 > 0:22:36- Valentina.- Valentina.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38- How old is Valentina?- Nine.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42- Does she read?- Yes.- Does she read in English or...
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Valentina - English, French and Spanish.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Oh... So properly... I know. Yeah.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51APPLAUSE
0:22:51 > 0:22:53- That's a lot!- I have a lot to learn, I think.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- Yeah.- There you go.- So do I.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57£9.99. Thank you.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04But Valentina could be IN that book?
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- Oh, Valentina, yes. - Because she's quite a prankster.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11- I could give you some stories. - Really?- Yes.- I'd like those, please.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14- Because "prankster" is kind of a nice word for it.- Mm-hm.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18- I mean, she's quite wild. - Ingenious, yes. She's ingenious.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Let's go with "ingenious".
0:23:20 > 0:23:21I have another word in my head!
0:23:21 > 0:23:26Her favourite person to prank is my father.
0:23:26 > 0:23:27You know?
0:23:27 > 0:23:30He comes from Mexico to visit her
0:23:30 > 0:23:32and she gets so excited
0:23:32 > 0:23:35she starts planning what she's going to do to him,
0:23:35 > 0:23:37like, with days in advance.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40For example,
0:23:40 > 0:23:44she puts the worst kind of chilli, habanero,
0:23:44 > 0:23:51she takes the toothbrush and rubs it on the chilli, you know?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53"Prankster"(!)
0:23:53 > 0:23:56- And puts it back...- I bet he finds it hilarious(!)
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Do you know, the sad thing is,
0:23:59 > 0:24:03my father, in the moment he gets angry and then he goes,
0:24:03 > 0:24:06"That was so smart of her!"
0:24:06 > 0:24:09He's so proud.
0:24:09 > 0:24:14She uses the... Do you know the clear plastic one uses...
0:24:14 > 0:24:16- Clingfilm.- Clingfilm.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17Yes, for the leftovers.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19She puts that on the toilet.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Hmm.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24- You can have this one. - I'm getting a mental image.
0:24:24 > 0:24:25That is a classic.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29She folds it to perfection so you cannot actually see it.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Great eye for detail! Beautifully done.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36The other thing... Maybe everyone knows this.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38I know they sell well.
0:24:38 > 0:24:43David's books, he's sold over 18 million books. 18 million!
0:24:43 > 0:24:46GASPING
0:24:47 > 0:24:50They've been turned into TV shows,
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Gangsta Granny, that's going to the West End.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- Yes, this summer.- Gangsta Granny, maybe I can play that part.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58You are far too beautiful!
0:24:58 > 0:25:00That's good. That went well.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05And your fans, because the fans of the books are children,
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- are they still as brutal? - Oh, yeah.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10We get a lot of brutal letters
0:25:10 > 0:25:13because they like to point out any errors in the book,
0:25:13 > 0:25:15maybe problems with the plot...
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Valentina would be one of those.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19- She'd be one of those children. - Yeah.
0:25:19 > 0:25:24And then they're very honest in the way they write letters to you.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27You posted a couple of the letters.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Here's the first.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32"Dear David Walliams, you are my second favourite author.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36"JK Rowling wins. I hope you like my drawings."
0:25:36 > 0:25:39I'm sure you did like the drawings very much!
0:25:39 > 0:25:42This next one you posted, I think this was on Instagram. I love this.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45"Dear David Walliams, my name is Pearle. I am writing to you
0:25:45 > 0:25:47"because you are my second favourite author.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50"I really wanted to write to JK Rowling, but my teacher said not to
0:25:50 > 0:25:53"as she obviously receives too many.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56"So here I am writing to you on my tenth birthday."
0:25:56 > 0:25:58It's just honest, isn't it?
0:25:58 > 0:26:02The truth is, JK Rowling would be too busy!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06But, me, I mean, I've got time on my hands!
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- It's very sweet, though. - How did you feel when you read it?
0:26:10 > 0:26:12I am actually reading it now.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16I love it when they are funny, actually,
0:26:16 > 0:26:18because they really, really stand out.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21I had another good one, which was, this girl wrote,
0:26:21 > 0:26:26"Can you come to our summer fair on 2nd June?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28"Our teacher, Mrs Wilkins,
0:26:28 > 0:26:31"said you can stay at her house for the night!"
0:26:31 > 0:26:32If you say so!
0:26:32 > 0:26:35APPLAUSE
0:26:38 > 0:26:40I don't want to put you off anyone on the couch
0:26:40 > 0:26:44but there is a very large JK Rowling fan on the couch...
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Liam.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48- You are, though, aren't you? Proper?- Yes.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50I do like Harry Potter, I will confess.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53There's a very strong gaze happening right in front of me.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55No, I think she's wonderful.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Here's Liam, I think it's your 22nd birthday?
0:26:58 > 0:27:00- That's a cake?- Yes.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03A cake of all of the Harry Potter books?
0:27:03 > 0:27:05And you're not to eat too much cake.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07- We learned that from David. - Oh, well done.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11The important message you can take away from tonight's show!
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Yeah. But you've got to think,
0:27:13 > 0:27:15"Oh, that's kind of a funny thing to have done,"
0:27:15 > 0:27:19but you've gone a bit further at your home.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21I can be a bit weird sometimes.
0:27:21 > 0:27:22LAUGHTER
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Why is that funny?
0:27:24 > 0:27:29Yes. Well, I went through a Harry Potter phase,
0:27:29 > 0:27:31I was watching Harry Potter a lot around the house...
0:27:31 > 0:27:34- Why are you looking at me like that?- I'm just interested.
0:27:34 > 0:27:39And so I bought one of the cars from the film, it's in my garden.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43This is some sort of confessional now.
0:27:43 > 0:27:44- A car?- That car...
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Isn't it good?
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Yeah. Is the original one?
0:27:48 > 0:27:50No, it's not the original one, but I'd love to say that it was.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53But I bought it off this guy who goes to conventions and stuff.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55It's close. It's close.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58And that's something Harry Potter-y up there, is it?
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Yes, that a Hogwarts sign.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02I'm really upping my cool points.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05And what's that bit? That thing over there?
0:28:05 > 0:28:08That's just a random garden gnome, actually.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11My garden's great. You'd love it!
0:28:12 > 0:28:16Listen, obviously, things are great for you right now.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18- Fantastic. I'm on top of the world. - You've the new record, new baby.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20And you and Cheryl are together.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23But what's so odd - I don't know if you know this thing -
0:28:23 > 0:28:25that Liam and Cheryl, we saw you meet?
0:28:25 > 0:28:27You saw us meet.
0:28:27 > 0:28:28We did, though, didn't we?
0:28:28 > 0:28:31- You hadn't met before this? - Right, this is weird.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33I'm going to be sleeping here tonight if we go into these details.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36- You're not allowed to talk about this bit.- Oh, no.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Can we see the wink? Can we see the wink?
0:28:38 > 0:28:40You can see the wink, I suppose.
0:28:40 > 0:28:43- OK. So this is the first time... - Ignore the hair!
0:28:43 > 0:28:44It was a different year!
0:28:44 > 0:28:49This is the first time Liam ever met Cheryl. Here they are.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51# Fly me to the moon
0:28:51 > 0:28:55# Let me play among the stars
0:28:55 > 0:28:59# And let me see what spring is like
0:28:59 > 0:29:03# On...Jupiter and Mars
0:29:03 > 0:29:05# In other words
0:29:05 > 0:29:08# Baby, kiss me... #
0:29:08 > 0:29:11- I think you are really cute.- Thanks.
0:29:11 > 0:29:15I think you've got charisma, you give us that little cheeky wink.
0:29:15 > 0:29:19- I think this kid could do fantastic in the show.- Yes.
0:29:19 > 0:29:21Aw... That's amazing, isn't it?
0:29:21 > 0:29:24He was actually winking at Louis Walsh!
0:29:24 > 0:29:27APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:29:27 > 0:29:29I got a real... When I got back to school
0:29:29 > 0:29:32and they played that, obviously, as you naturally laughed along as well,
0:29:32 > 0:29:35I got a real ribbing for winking at Cheryl.
0:29:35 > 0:29:38"You winked at her. What did you think you were doing?"
0:29:38 > 0:29:42Some of my best friends gave me stick about that, as they do.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45And then, come to my 23rd birthday party, and here we are together
0:29:45 > 0:29:49and my friends are just mute in the corner!
0:29:49 > 0:29:52"Why are we here? Where's the food?"
0:29:52 > 0:29:56I have never seen my friends so quiet!
0:29:56 > 0:29:58I winked at all of them.
0:29:58 > 0:29:59I didn't really. I should have!
0:29:59 > 0:30:03And now we've got a baby Bear, so it all makes perfect sense.
0:30:03 > 0:30:07Do you notice how they keep promoting all your competitions?
0:30:07 > 0:30:10- Harry Potter, the X Factor? - Hmm. I have noticed.
0:30:10 > 0:30:15Yes. But you are... Are you friends with Simon Cowell or not?
0:30:15 > 0:30:19- Yes!- You are?- Yes. As much as he can be friends with anybody!
0:30:19 > 0:30:22A deeply strange man.
0:30:22 > 0:30:24But you do annoy each other a lot.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26We're very competitive with each other.
0:30:26 > 0:30:30We're like competitive brothers who love and hate each other.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33And he winds me up all the time when we're making the show.
0:30:33 > 0:30:36He'll say something like, "David, have you got your phone there?"
0:30:36 > 0:30:39I'll say yeah. "Have a look to see if Alesha
0:30:39 > 0:30:42"has ever done any lingerie shoots."
0:30:42 > 0:30:45"Why?" "David, you just need to do that for me. Thank you.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47"I pay you a lot of money to look up if Alesha's..."
0:30:47 > 0:30:51I look it up and find some pictures of her looking sexy.
0:30:51 > 0:30:56He goes, "Alesha, David's looking at pictures of you in lingerie!"
0:30:56 > 0:30:59It's the kind of stuff he does all the time.
0:30:59 > 0:31:02But I get my own back because I know he loves animals.
0:31:02 > 0:31:05Like Hitler loved animals.
0:31:05 > 0:31:08I know he loves animals and I say to him,
0:31:08 > 0:31:11"I've got a lovely, lovely picture of my dog Bert.
0:31:11 > 0:31:12"Would you like to see it?"
0:31:12 > 0:31:15And then I show him a rather unusual picture of Bert.
0:31:15 > 0:31:17I think you sent us the picture.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19This is the picture of Bert.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23That's brilliant.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29Now, talking of talented pets,
0:31:29 > 0:31:34you had a parrot, didn't you, that could properly speak.
0:31:34 > 0:31:36Yes.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38- What was the name of the parrot? Pa...- Paco.
0:31:38 > 0:31:41- Paco the parrot.- Paco was a bit of a prankster too.
0:31:41 > 0:31:43So, what could it say?
0:31:43 > 0:31:46Well, he would just start cursing.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50Really, like...
0:31:50 > 0:31:53If my parents had guests that they wanted to impress,
0:31:53 > 0:31:55he kind of sensed it
0:31:55 > 0:32:00and he'd just start saying the alphabet of cursing.
0:32:00 > 0:32:03- Really loud, cos he was loud. - Who did he learn it from?
0:32:03 > 0:32:05That's the real question.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07I think we bought it like that!
0:32:08 > 0:32:11And then one time we were all out
0:32:11 > 0:32:14and my uncle came to the house,
0:32:14 > 0:32:19he rang the bell and Paco would go, "We're coming!"
0:32:19 > 0:32:24And my uncle is waiting, rang the bell again.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29"I'm coming, I'm coming."
0:32:29 > 0:32:31And he rings the bell.
0:32:31 > 0:32:33"Wait, I'm coming!"
0:32:33 > 0:32:36And after one hour, my uncle started doing all the cursing!
0:32:36 > 0:32:39So that's where he got it from.
0:32:39 > 0:32:41It probably was my uncle, yes.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43He was there for two hours.
0:32:43 > 0:32:46Where did the parrot learn, "I'm coming"?
0:32:48 > 0:32:49That...
0:32:49 > 0:32:51That's the best part of the story.
0:32:55 > 0:32:57It shows it was a happy family!
0:32:57 > 0:32:59A very happy parrot.
0:32:59 > 0:33:01It's time to meet my final guests.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03One is best known for The Inbetweeners
0:33:03 > 0:33:06and the other brought us the US hit Gossip Girl,
0:33:06 > 0:33:09and, together, they star in the new BBC Two comedy White Gold.
0:33:09 > 0:33:12Please welcome James Buckley and Ed Westwick.
0:33:13 > 0:33:15Ohh!
0:33:15 > 0:33:17Oh! There they are!
0:33:17 > 0:33:20Hello! Very nice to see you.
0:33:20 > 0:33:23Hello. Good to see you. Lovely.
0:33:25 > 0:33:28ALL TALK AT ONCE
0:33:31 > 0:33:33OK.
0:33:33 > 0:33:35CHEERING
0:33:35 > 0:33:38Whoa! Much excitement, much excitement.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40- Welcome both.- Thank you.
0:33:40 > 0:33:43- Do you know everyone on the couch? - David, a little bit.
0:33:43 > 0:33:46First time for these guys. Hello.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49- I know you... - We've worked together, darling.
0:33:49 > 0:33:53- You gave me a job. - It was an acting job.
0:33:53 > 0:33:55- It was an acting job.- Oh...
0:33:58 > 0:34:00Well, I was acting.
0:34:02 > 0:34:05And I've come to see you boys a couple of times.
0:34:05 > 0:34:06- Yeah, a few times. Yeah.- Yeah.
0:34:06 > 0:34:09And, Ed, already - we've had this in the corridor -
0:34:09 > 0:34:13people just think you're an American actor over here slumming it,
0:34:13 > 0:34:15- but in fact...- I'm English, there you go!
0:34:15 > 0:34:17- There you go!- That bemused me.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19I thought you were American.
0:34:19 > 0:34:20Now you're English, that's amazing.
0:34:20 > 0:34:23Sorry to disappoint you.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25Are you pleased or disappointed?
0:34:25 > 0:34:28- DEEP VOICE:- I'm really happy about it, it's great.
0:34:28 > 0:34:31I was a little bit worried he was going to be upset.
0:34:31 > 0:34:34Obviously, we're all very happy you are working here in Britain.
0:34:34 > 0:34:37How DID you get that job on Gossip Girl?
0:34:37 > 0:34:39I was doing one of the jobs that James...
0:34:41 > 0:34:44No, I... They do something called pilot season out in the States,
0:34:44 > 0:34:47when they're putting together new TV shows and I went out there,
0:34:47 > 0:34:51like many young actors do from all around the world, and auditioned.
0:34:51 > 0:34:55It was one of many auditions and with a little bit of luck
0:34:55 > 0:34:58and a little bit of whatever, I got the part.
0:34:58 > 0:35:00- Well done.- He's back down to Earth.
0:35:00 > 0:35:02Back down to Earth? Do you live here now?
0:35:02 > 0:35:04Well, I'm back and forth.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07You can be a big star over there but, face it, right now,
0:35:07 > 0:35:10you're in a show with Jay from The Inbetweeners.
0:35:11 > 0:35:13And I'm having a blast.
0:35:13 > 0:35:15That show is White Gold,
0:35:15 > 0:35:16it's on BBC Two,
0:35:16 > 0:35:18Wednesdays at 10pm.
0:35:18 > 0:35:20The whole series will be available on BBC iPlayer.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23So, the first one out this week. Great response to the show.
0:35:23 > 0:35:25You must be pleased.
0:35:25 > 0:35:30It's set in 1983 in the world of plastic-double-glazing salesmen.
0:35:30 > 0:35:31It's riveting.
0:35:32 > 0:35:38- But it's sort of you reunited with Joe, Joe Thomas.- Yeah.
0:35:38 > 0:35:39There's the two of you.
0:35:39 > 0:35:41LAUGHTER
0:35:41 > 0:35:44It is set in 1983, we established that!
0:35:44 > 0:35:47And it's written by The Inbetweeners' creator.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49- Yeah.- So, did the three of you work on this together?
0:35:49 > 0:35:51Or how did it happen?
0:35:51 > 0:35:54One of the co-writers of The Inbetweeners, Damon Beesley,
0:35:54 > 0:35:56he's written and directed this,
0:35:56 > 0:36:00and he told me about this idea ten years ago.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04So that's sort of shows his work ethic, I think.
0:36:04 > 0:36:09He mentioned it to me a long time ago, a decade,
0:36:09 > 0:36:11I think it was a decade ago,
0:36:11 > 0:36:13and we've just got round to doing it.
0:36:13 > 0:36:16Was it weird for you coming into an environment where those three guys
0:36:16 > 0:36:18knew each other so well?
0:36:18 > 0:36:21I'm still in therapy for it, to be honest.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23No, it was wonderful. Obviously, they had a great success
0:36:23 > 0:36:26with The Inbetweeners, everybody loves it, it's hilarious,
0:36:26 > 0:36:27and they've got a great bond,
0:36:27 > 0:36:29and they've got that shorthand, Joe and James do.
0:36:29 > 0:36:32It was good. I feel like I learned a fair bit.
0:36:32 > 0:36:35What was it like with him coming into the mix?
0:36:35 > 0:36:37Be careful.
0:36:37 > 0:36:39I'll be honest.
0:36:39 > 0:36:40It was...
0:36:40 > 0:36:44See, Ed's a professional. He's good at what he does,
0:36:44 > 0:36:47and he knows his lines and he knows where to stand.
0:36:47 > 0:36:50He knows what direction the camera's facing, things like that,
0:36:50 > 0:36:53and it just made us all look really bad.
0:36:53 > 0:36:54I didn't appreciate it.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57Me and Joe were there, we're trying to muck about all day,
0:36:57 > 0:37:00and if you've got something to show for it at the end of the day,
0:37:00 > 0:37:03then that's a bonus. Ed's there, and he's worried about the TV show.
0:37:03 > 0:37:05"Oh, it's got to be good."
0:37:05 > 0:37:07That's not why you get into this business,
0:37:07 > 0:37:11You're doing it all wrong, you're working far too hard.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13You don't do this job to work for a living.
0:37:13 > 0:37:16We've got a clip of White Gold.
0:37:16 > 0:37:18This is the three of you...
0:37:18 > 0:37:20How do I put this?
0:37:20 > 0:37:25It's the three of you discovering a 1980s sexual revolution,
0:37:25 > 0:37:28- is that fair?- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:37:28 > 0:37:29Enjoy.
0:37:31 > 0:37:32Voila!
0:37:32 > 0:37:34Have we broken down?
0:37:34 > 0:37:37I think you've got the wrong address, postie.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40Think again, boys, because tonight we're pioneers
0:37:40 > 0:37:44witnessing the start of a whole new sexual movement.
0:37:44 > 0:37:46Dogging.
0:37:46 > 0:37:48What the fuck's dogging?
0:37:50 > 0:37:54"Dogging is the combination of two revolutions -
0:37:54 > 0:37:58"the motor vehicle revolution and the sexual revolution,
0:37:58 > 0:38:01"making the ultimate form of sexual expression."
0:38:01 > 0:38:04You sly old dog.
0:38:04 > 0:38:06This has the potential to be interesting.
0:38:06 > 0:38:08Are there people having sex in these cars?
0:38:08 > 0:38:11- Yes, if that is all right with you, Lavender!- Whoo!
0:38:11 > 0:38:13What are we doing?
0:38:21 > 0:38:23It's out there.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26There's a bit after that where it gets worse.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28It becomes like an action scene!
0:38:29 > 0:38:31No, no, honestly.
0:38:31 > 0:38:34That scene really gets very funny.
0:38:36 > 0:38:39Very quickly, very quickly, often, when people are coming on the show,
0:38:39 > 0:38:42you know, a lot of celebrities have Twitter accounts
0:38:42 > 0:38:45so you might check their Twitter feed to see what they have
0:38:45 > 0:38:49been up to, in case it might provoke a question.
0:38:49 > 0:38:53- We checked James's.- I don't use Twitter responsibly.
0:38:53 > 0:38:56- You really don't.- I forget that people follow me on Twitter.
0:38:56 > 0:38:58- This is what you tweeted just a few days ago.- Oh, God.
0:39:05 > 0:39:08- Is that true?- Absolutely true.
0:39:08 > 0:39:10It's absolutely true.
0:39:10 > 0:39:12My parents were there, my sister was there,
0:39:12 > 0:39:13her boyfriend was there.
0:39:13 > 0:39:18I've only met him a handful of times. And what it was...
0:39:18 > 0:39:21- Explain yourself!- ..I was working at the time,
0:39:21 > 0:39:24I was working on another TV show. Sorry, I've been cheating on you!
0:39:24 > 0:39:26But there was...
0:39:26 > 0:39:28I have to go away during the week,
0:39:28 > 0:39:31and what was great was, I got to come home at the weekends
0:39:31 > 0:39:34but for my boys, I've got two little boys, three and five,
0:39:34 > 0:39:37and the Sunday came and I'd had to leave that night to go to work
0:39:37 > 0:39:40for the next day, and my eldest son got really upset
0:39:40 > 0:39:42and was like, "Are you going already?"
0:39:42 > 0:39:44I was going, "Sorry, mate..."
0:39:44 > 0:39:47Then I felt like I had a fart.
0:39:47 > 0:39:51And I thought, "This will cheer him up, he'll love this."
0:39:51 > 0:39:53I said, "Listen, I've got to go but come here
0:39:53 > 0:39:56"and give me a big squeeze. Give me a big hug."
0:39:56 > 0:39:58I was going to do that thing where, "Give me a big squeeze,"
0:39:58 > 0:40:00and I'm going to go, "Parp!
0:40:00 > 0:40:02"Oh, you've squeezed me too hard."
0:40:02 > 0:40:04That would be a great way to leave him.
0:40:04 > 0:40:06It'd cheer him up.
0:40:06 > 0:40:10He took a little bit longer to come to me to give me the cuddle
0:40:10 > 0:40:13and I was losing the fart a little bit.
0:40:16 > 0:40:17He's small,
0:40:17 > 0:40:19so I was bent down...
0:40:19 > 0:40:21I was in a position...
0:40:21 > 0:40:25and I maybe just pushed a bit too hard.
0:40:26 > 0:40:30We were all having a dinner because I was leaving to go to work,
0:40:30 > 0:40:32cos there were so many people there,
0:40:32 > 0:40:35I just had to say, "I've shit myself.
0:40:38 > 0:40:41"I've got to go for an emergency shower."
0:40:43 > 0:40:45But it happens. It happens, OK.
0:40:45 > 0:40:46I don't mind talking about it.
0:40:46 > 0:40:49It's about time someone came out and spoke about it.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51This is the sort of thing
0:40:51 > 0:40:54that I'd like to talk with Piers Morgan about.
0:40:55 > 0:40:56These are the issues.
0:40:56 > 0:40:58It's such a taboo subject.
0:40:58 > 0:41:02I hate to say this but, Liam Payne, follow that!
0:41:02 > 0:41:07Yes, it's time for you to give us that world exclusive.
0:41:07 > 0:41:09Don't overreach yourself!
0:41:09 > 0:41:12So if you want to go over and get ready.
0:41:12 > 0:41:15We have dancers and all sorts.
0:41:15 > 0:41:19So performing his solo single, Strip That Down,
0:41:19 > 0:41:22it is Liam Payne!
0:41:32 > 0:41:35# You know I've been seeking some time
0:41:35 > 0:41:38# And I've been keeping to myself
0:41:38 > 0:41:40# I had my eyes upon the prize
0:41:40 > 0:41:42# Ain't watching anybody else
0:41:42 > 0:41:45# But your love it hit me hard, girl
0:41:45 > 0:41:47# Yeah, you're bad for my health
0:41:47 > 0:41:49# I love the cards that I've been dealt
0:41:49 > 0:41:51# Do you feel the same as well?
0:41:51 > 0:41:53- # You know I used to be in 1D - Now I'm out free
0:41:53 > 0:41:56- # People want me for one thing - That's not me
0:41:56 > 0:41:58- # I'm not changing the way that I - Used to be
0:41:58 > 0:42:00- # I just want to have fun and - Get rowdy
0:42:00 > 0:42:02- # One Coke and Bacardi - Sipping lightly
0:42:02 > 0:42:04- # When I walk inside a party - Girls on me
0:42:04 > 0:42:07- # F1-type Ferrari - Six-gear speed
0:42:07 > 0:42:09- # Girl, I love it when your body - Grinds on me
0:42:09 > 0:42:12# Baby, you know I love it when the music's loud
0:42:12 > 0:42:14# But come on, strip that down for me
0:42:14 > 0:42:16# Baby, there's a lot of people in the crowd
0:42:16 > 0:42:18# But only you can dance with me
0:42:18 > 0:42:23# So put your hands on my body and swing that round for me
0:42:23 > 0:42:25# Baby, you know I love it when the music's loud
0:42:25 > 0:42:28# But come on, strip that down for me
0:42:28 > 0:42:29# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:42:29 > 0:42:32# Strip that down, girl Love when you hit the ground, girl
0:42:32 > 0:42:33# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:42:33 > 0:42:36# Strip that down, girl Love when you hit the ground
0:42:36 > 0:42:39# You know that since the day I met you, yeah
0:42:39 > 0:42:41# You swept me off my feet
0:42:41 > 0:42:43# You know that I don't need no money
0:42:43 > 0:42:45# When your love is beside me
0:42:45 > 0:42:47# Yeah, you opened up my heart
0:42:47 > 0:42:50# And then you threw away the key
0:42:50 > 0:42:52# Girl, now it's just you and me
0:42:52 > 0:42:54# And you don't care about where I've been
0:42:54 > 0:42:56- # See, I used to be in 1D - Now I'm out free
0:42:56 > 0:42:59- # People want me for one thing - That's not me
0:42:59 > 0:43:01- # I'm not changing the way that I - Used to be
0:43:01 > 0:43:03- # I just want to have fun and - Get rowdy
0:43:03 > 0:43:06- # One Coke and Bacardi - Sipping lightly
0:43:06 > 0:43:08- # When I walk inside a party - Girls on me
0:43:08 > 0:43:10- # F1-type Ferrari - Six-gear speed
0:43:10 > 0:43:13- # Girl, I love it when your body - Grinds on me
0:43:13 > 0:43:15# Baby, you know I love it when the music's loud
0:43:15 > 0:43:17# But come on, strip that down for me
0:43:17 > 0:43:20# Baby, there's a lot of people in the crowd
0:43:20 > 0:43:22# But only you can dance with me
0:43:22 > 0:43:26# So put your hands on my body and swing that round for me
0:43:26 > 0:43:29# Baby, you know I love it when the music's loud
0:43:29 > 0:43:31# But come on, strip that down for me
0:43:31 > 0:43:34- # Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah - Strip that down, girl
0:43:34 > 0:43:36# Love when you hit the ground, girl
0:43:36 > 0:43:37# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:43:37 > 0:43:39# Oh, strip that down, girl
0:43:39 > 0:43:41# Love when you hit the ground
0:43:41 > 0:43:43# Strip that down, girl
0:43:43 > 0:43:44# Love when you hit the ground, girl
0:43:44 > 0:43:47# Come on, strip that down
0:43:47 > 0:43:50# Love when you hit the ground
0:43:50 > 0:43:52# Baby, you know I love it when the music's loud
0:43:52 > 0:43:54# But come on, strip that down for me
0:43:54 > 0:43:56# Baby, there's a lot of people in the crowd
0:43:56 > 0:43:58# But only you can dance with me
0:43:58 > 0:44:02# So put your hands on my body and swing that round for me
0:44:02 > 0:44:03# Yeah
0:44:03 > 0:44:05# You know I love it when the music's loud
0:44:05 > 0:44:07# But come on, strip that down for me
0:44:07 > 0:44:09# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:44:09 > 0:44:11# Come on, strip that down for me
0:44:11 > 0:44:13# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:44:13 > 0:44:16# Don't say nothing Just strip that down for me
0:44:16 > 0:44:17# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:44:17 > 0:44:20# All I want, girl If you strip that down for me
0:44:20 > 0:44:22# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:44:22 > 0:44:25# You're the one, girl Come on, strip that down for me
0:44:25 > 0:44:27# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... #
0:44:27 > 0:44:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:30 > 0:44:32- Wowser.- Thank you.
0:44:32 > 0:44:33Whoo!
0:44:33 > 0:44:35Liam Payne, everybody!
0:44:35 > 0:44:38Great job. Come on back.
0:44:38 > 0:44:40What about the dancers as well?
0:44:40 > 0:44:42Great dancers!
0:44:42 > 0:44:45Well done. Congratulations. Come and grab a seat again.
0:44:45 > 0:44:48That was good, right? Wow. Wow!
0:44:48 > 0:44:50That was fantastic.
0:44:50 > 0:44:52Did that feel good?
0:44:52 > 0:44:55Yeah. It's nice to be back on stage again, thank you so much!
0:44:55 > 0:44:57You guys are beautiful. Thank you.
0:44:57 > 0:45:00It is a very different experience for me,
0:45:00 > 0:45:03cos I have never done any of that dancing stuff.
0:45:03 > 0:45:06We call it "movement" so as not to scare me!
0:45:06 > 0:45:07I enjoy it. It's good fun.
0:45:07 > 0:45:09Great performance.
0:45:09 > 0:45:11- And, yeah, congratulations. - Thank you.
0:45:11 > 0:45:14Presumably that new single, is there an album to come?
0:45:14 > 0:45:17Yeah. I've been making an album for a year now,
0:45:17 > 0:45:20so I have a lot of different singles and stuff to come out yet.
0:45:20 > 0:45:22You'll drop something at some point?
0:45:22 > 0:45:24Oh, I do hope so!
0:45:25 > 0:45:28Just be careful you don't push too hard!
0:45:28 > 0:45:30Don't do that. Don't do that.
0:45:30 > 0:45:33APPLAUSE
0:45:33 > 0:45:34That's nearly it, but before we go,
0:45:34 > 0:45:36just time for a visit to the big red chair.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38- Who's there? Hello. - How are you doing?
0:45:38 > 0:45:40I'm very well. Thanks for asking.
0:45:40 > 0:45:42- What's your name? NEW ZEALAND ACCENT:- Matt.
0:45:42 > 0:45:44- Matt?- Yeah.- Matt?- Matt.
0:45:44 > 0:45:48Are you by any chance from New Zealand?
0:45:48 > 0:45:50- Yeah.- Yes, I thought so.
0:45:50 > 0:45:52CHEERING
0:45:52 > 0:45:55Off you go with your story, MITT.
0:45:55 > 0:45:57LAUGHTER
0:45:57 > 0:45:59A few years ago, me and my cousin
0:45:59 > 0:46:01were on the way to the rugby sevens in Wellington,
0:46:01 > 0:46:03and we were dressed as bananas.
0:46:05 > 0:46:08- What?!- Can I just interrupt you for one second?
0:46:08 > 0:46:11Sorry, Salma. They were going to see the rugby,
0:46:11 > 0:46:13and they were both dressed as bananas.
0:46:13 > 0:46:16- I did hear that part!- OK.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18You thought you didn't understand!
0:46:18 > 0:46:21- BOTH:- "They were drinking bananas?!"
0:46:21 > 0:46:24They were dressed as bananas.
0:46:24 > 0:46:26Obviously(!)
0:46:26 > 0:46:27Sorry, MITT.
0:46:27 > 0:46:30We decided to stop on the side of a hill for a piss
0:46:30 > 0:46:32and it all went reasonably well
0:46:32 > 0:46:36and then Chris's need to piss pretty quickly turned into
0:46:36 > 0:46:40the need to shit, so he crouched down.
0:46:40 > 0:46:42That all went OK.
0:46:42 > 0:46:45It only went downhill when he decided to stand up,
0:46:45 > 0:46:47slipped over, quite ironically in a banana costume,
0:46:47 > 0:46:51rolled down the hill, knocked himself out on a tree.
0:46:51 > 0:46:53I ran down to try and save him,
0:46:53 > 0:46:55slipped over on what he had just done,
0:46:55 > 0:46:59we both ended up down the bottom of the hill covered up in all sorts,
0:46:59 > 0:47:03and ended up in hospital with his brother there waiting for us.
0:47:03 > 0:47:05Me and him got kicked out of the hospital
0:47:05 > 0:47:08because we thought we'd take it into our own hands to fix him
0:47:08 > 0:47:10because the doctors were taking too long.
0:47:10 > 0:47:13So we got kicked out, went back to town, had a good night,
0:47:13 > 0:47:16and about three hours later we see Chris walking down the high street
0:47:16 > 0:47:19in his hospital gown, discharged himself!
0:47:19 > 0:47:22APPLAUSE
0:47:22 > 0:47:24You can walk!
0:47:24 > 0:47:25Yeah, go, go.
0:47:28 > 0:47:30I have never been to New Zealand but I so want to go!
0:47:30 > 0:47:32I didn't understand anything.
0:47:32 > 0:47:37I understood "banana", "shit", "crack", "hospital".
0:47:37 > 0:47:39It was too long!
0:47:39 > 0:47:42That's all I understood.
0:47:42 > 0:47:43Well done.
0:47:43 > 0:47:47If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go in that chair,
0:47:47 > 0:47:50you can contact us via our website at this very address.
0:47:50 > 0:47:52That is it for tonight. Please say thank you to my guests -
0:47:52 > 0:47:54Mr Liam Payne,
0:47:54 > 0:47:57David Walliams,
0:47:57 > 0:47:59James Buckley,
0:47:59 > 0:48:01Ed Westwick,
0:48:01 > 0:48:03and Salma Hayek.
0:48:05 > 0:48:09Do join me next week with singer-songwriter Beth Ditto,
0:48:09 > 0:48:12Baywatch's Zac Efron, actress Annabelle Wallis
0:48:12 > 0:48:14and her co-star in The Mummy -
0:48:14 > 0:48:17the one and only Tom Cruise! I'll see you then! Goodbye!