0:00:02 > 0:00:04Good evening, I'm Judi Dench, and it's my great pleasure to
0:00:04 > 0:00:06welcome you to The Graham Norton Show!
0:00:06 > 0:00:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Here I am! Hello!
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Hello! Hi, hi, hi, hi!
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Good evening, everybody!
0:00:39 > 0:00:43- Nice to see you. Everyone have a good Halloween? AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Yes! I like it. Halloween - that time of year when things go bump in the night.
0:00:46 > 0:00:51Although, that might just have been Simon Cowell falling down the stairs.
0:00:51 > 0:00:56Oh, poor Simon. No, terrible. Even missed being on The X Factor.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00I tell you, some people will do anything to stay at home and watch Strictly.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03You know he did!
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Now, Ladies and gentlemen, it has been a week of sleaze, hasn't it?
0:01:06 > 0:01:09A week of sleaze! There have been so many allegations,
0:01:09 > 0:01:12people's careers are collapsing like a House of...
0:01:12 > 0:01:13..dominoes.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16APPLAUSE
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Yes.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Journalists...
0:01:22 > 0:01:25There are so many now, journalists are struggling to come up with enough words
0:01:25 > 0:01:27to describe all this inappropriate behaviour.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28"Touchy-feely", "handsy",
0:01:28 > 0:01:30"Sleazy", "Spacey"...
0:01:30 > 0:01:33But, erm...
0:01:33 > 0:01:34But who's on my sofa tonight?
0:01:34 > 0:01:39We've got five huge stars from the new movie Murder On The Orient Express.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42There they are! Look at them all!
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Not only has someone been killed,
0:01:44 > 0:01:47the train's so busy they have to stand. Terrible.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Wait till they find out the toilets are blocked.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51I'm looking forward to the sequel -
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Murder On The Replacement Bus Service.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55LAUGHTER
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Five hours long.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01But it truly is one of the great Agatha Christie whodunnits.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04And by the way, if you really want to know who the murderer is,
0:02:04 > 0:02:06apparently Prue Leith has just tweeted it. Yeah.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07LAUGHTER
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Let's get some guests on!
0:02:09 > 0:02:14Later we'll have music and chat from US pop sensation St Vincent.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17She'll be performing her single, Los Ageless.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21But first, it's all aboard the Orient Express. Hoo-hoo! Let's meet the stars.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25He's the voice of Olaf in Frozen and the scene-stealing LeFou in Beauty And The Beast.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28It's Josh Gad, everybody! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:28 > 0:02:29There he is.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Have a seat. Josh Gad!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39She's the star of Scarface, The Fabulous Baker Boys,
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Batman Returns and What Lies Beneath.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43It is the fabulous Michelle Pfeiffer!
0:02:43 > 0:02:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Hello, lovely to see you.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Come in, come in, come in. Have a seat.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Jack Sparrow, Edward Scissorhands, Willy Wonka -
0:02:54 > 0:02:57just some of the extraordinary characters this man has brought to life.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Please welcome Johnny Depp!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01He's here!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:03 > 0:03:05So debonair.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08And the shoes! Very nice. Have a seat.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14She is... Yes, it's Johnny Depp!
0:03:14 > 0:03:16She's one of our greatest stage and screen actors,
0:03:16 > 0:03:21and one of our all-time favourite guests. It is the one and only Dame Judi Dench!
0:03:21 > 0:03:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:26 > 0:03:30APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Judi Dench, everybody!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36And he's the man in charge of it all -
0:03:36 > 0:03:40Hercule Poirot himself, and the director of the film, it's Sir Kenneth Branagh!
0:03:40 > 0:03:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:43 > 0:03:46APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Sit, sit, sit.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Oh, look at them all pretending to be nice to you,
0:03:57 > 0:04:00and the film has finished! What's the point now?
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- This is a good week, right? AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:04:03 > 0:04:06More stars than there are in heaven. That is...That is something.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10- So, welcome, welcome to you all. Very nice to see you all. - Thank you very much.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14It seems like, just watching you all backstage, it seems like it was a happy train.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Very happy train. For the most part,
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Judi was very difficult.
0:04:20 > 0:04:26- She's a troublemaker.- Yeah. - She is, she's a troublemaker, and always has been.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30- I have seen you in interviews, Michelle.- Oh, you poor thing. - LAUGHTER
0:04:30 > 0:04:33When they say, "Who would you like to work with?"
0:04:33 > 0:04:35you often say Dame Judi Dench.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38- Often, yes.- So, was it everything you hoped?
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- Um... - LAUGHTER
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Do be honest!
0:04:43 > 0:04:46I... Do you remember, I cried when I met you?
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Do you remember? I got a little puddly. Yeah, I did.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51And then I wanted to curl up in her lap.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56But you didn't.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- Where are you going? What's happening?- The definition of "puddly" is...
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- LAUGHTER - Don't know.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Josh, apparently you thought you might break the ice...
0:05:05 > 0:05:11Well, yeah, I mean, the first day, she came into the trailer and nobody would approach her,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14and so, of course, me being the idiot I am,
0:05:14 > 0:05:16I went up to her, and do you remember what I said?
0:05:16 > 0:05:19I looked at her and I go, "Dame Judi Dench?
0:05:19 > 0:05:21"More like DAMN Judi Dench."
0:05:21 > 0:05:22LAUGHTER
0:05:22 > 0:05:26That was it. That was it. I will never work in Hollywood again after that one.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Because normally, on a set,
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- you're the director, you're in charge.- Yeah.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- But there is a lot of high status going on.- Yeah, yeah.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36So, how did you corral your galaxy of stars?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Well, with great difficulty, actually.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42I mean, you've already seen, I mean, very little... This is a normal morning at work, by the way.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44LAUGHTER
0:05:44 > 0:05:47That is how it would start off, on a Monday morning.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51They put us on the train and they wouldn't let us leave.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54- You were just on it? - That is how they corralled us.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Nobody was allowed on it. Nobody else was allowed on it, either.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58We had to raise our hand to use the bathroom.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- Was there not a toilet on the train?- No.- That is poor planning...
0:06:01 > 0:06:04- Ah, but it makes the scenes very exciting.- And tense.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Yes. It keeps the suspense really, really active.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09So, the film, Murder On The Orient Express,
0:06:09 > 0:06:11it opens everywhere tonight,
0:06:11 > 0:06:18and it is the most phenomenal cast. I mean, there is all of you guys,
0:06:18 > 0:06:21and then there is Penelope Cruz, Derek Jacobi, all of these people.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- All standing around. Is that you there, Josh?- That's me.
0:06:24 > 0:06:30If you have binoculars, you can just about make me out at the back of that poster.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34- So, you got all the stars, but of course, main man, Hercule Poirot. - Yeah.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35How difficult was it to cast that?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37LAUGHTER
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Well, I talked to the actor, for a long time.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Did you see anyone else?
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Only in the mirror, in that case. No, it was...
0:06:44 > 0:06:48You know, directors and detectives, I mean, in theory, they are both...
0:06:48 > 0:06:50You are looking for the truth, so, in theory,
0:06:50 > 0:06:54that double job is the perfect marriage on something like this.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Yeah. And something like Hercule Poirot's moustache,
0:06:57 > 0:07:01- it's so famous, and you have gone quite left field with your moustache.- Yes, yes.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Is this a moustache that has ever appeared in nature?
0:07:04 > 0:07:06LAUGHTER
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Um, no. Although, I must say, sometimes,
0:07:08 > 0:07:13wearing that moustache felt like you were sort of French-kissing a badger.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14LAUGHTER
0:07:14 > 0:07:17It was a challenging piece of face furniture.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- It is epic.- It is, it is. - How much of it is you?
0:07:20 > 0:07:25I tried... Well, as you can tell, I'm already starting my Movember attempt to moustache it up.
0:07:25 > 0:07:29I have to confess a follicle failure.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I attempted for months to grow it and tease it
0:07:32 > 0:07:36- What do you...? Do you...? You sometimes you grow quite a thick beard.- Yes.- Do you tease it out?
0:07:36 > 0:07:40- Do you pull it? How do you get that great big sort of...? - I don't tease my beard!
0:07:40 > 0:07:43LAUGHTER "You're so shaggy!"
0:07:43 > 0:07:45LAUGHTER
0:07:45 > 0:07:50So, naturally, you have got a big follicle...a big follicle capability.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53It is one of the few things I can do, is grow a beard.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- OK. Yeah.- Learned it in drama school.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58What about you? Can you...?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- I have beard envy. - Oh, you're talking to Johnny.
0:08:01 > 0:08:06I have beard envy. I do. I grow about seven or eight hairs on this side.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10About... Maybe about five over here.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13And then...
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Just whatever sort of falls in between is left.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18And Josh, you have a moustache as well, in the film.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Unfortunately, yes, I do...
0:08:20 > 0:08:24- Is this real? - That's it. That's it.
0:08:24 > 0:08:25My kids were terrified.
0:08:25 > 0:08:30No, it is good, it is good in the context of early 20th century.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33When I'm wearing modern clothes, I look like a paedophile.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35LAUGHTER
0:08:35 > 0:08:38And walking down the street, you would see people clutching their children,
0:08:38 > 0:08:44walking away, because nobody wears that moustache in the wild any more.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46- It was really upsetting. - You're right.- I can see that.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- Really, though.- My kids would not talk to me. That is a true story.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52They were like, "Daddy, take it off your face!"
0:08:52 > 0:08:55I'm like, "Mr Branagh is paying me too much to do that, baby."
0:08:55 > 0:08:58LAUGHTER
0:08:58 > 0:09:02And Judi, if I ask you who you play, will you remember?
0:09:02 > 0:09:06Er... Princess Natalya Dragomiroff.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Yeah, right on. Who is she?
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Oh, goodness knows, darling!
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Some bird that sat around with a lot of jewellery.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16LAUGHTER
0:09:16 > 0:09:18It is a bit more than that, you know.
0:09:18 > 0:09:19LAUGHTER
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Excuse me. There is the handkerchief...
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Any, you know, the maid.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Olivia Colman is the maid.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30- Now, you're telling me now, Kenneth. - LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:09:30 > 0:09:34This is what I had to deal with! Amateurs! Bloody amateurs!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36LAUGHTER
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Let's have a special taste. This is Murder On The Orient Express.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43Would you mind if I join you? You are the world-famous detective.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44Hercule Poirot.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Avenger of the innocent.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48- Is that what they call you? - And you are innocent?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Ha! You're fun!
0:09:50 > 0:09:53SCREAM GUNSHOT
0:09:53 > 0:09:55A passenger was murdered.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58The murderer is on the train with us now,
0:09:58 > 0:10:00and every one of you is a suspect.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01HE LAUGHS
0:10:01 > 0:10:03So, let us catch a killer.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- A man was rummaging around my cabin. - You are certain it was a man?
0:10:08 > 0:10:11I know what it feels like to have a man in my bedroom.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15- Did he have enemies?- Pick a number.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21The real killer is right here, one of you people.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23We are surrounded by lies!
0:10:23 > 0:10:27I'm sleeping here, where everyone can see me and I can see everyone.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Who takes up the knife?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Cannot trust no-one. No.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47It was... I mean, as you say, it is a real train.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51You are on an actual train. It didn't go anywhere, the train?
0:10:51 > 0:10:55Well, we went, in order to get amazing spectacle shots, to New Zealand and
0:10:55 > 0:10:58France and Switzerland and Malta. But we also went to Surrey,
0:10:58 > 0:11:01where we... The Alps of Surrey.
0:11:01 > 0:11:06Where we rebuilt the Orient Express, five whole carriages.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11And we put the train up on a massive 15-metre high viaduct and we built
0:11:11 > 0:11:16a mountain behind it, and then we worked out how to move the train,
0:11:16 > 0:11:18and stop the train, and it was pretty convincing, wasn't it?
0:11:18 > 0:11:20I thought it was incredibly good.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24Yes, I think I moved about eight feet.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27In the whole film.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31If you can watch the film and believe that, I mean, really.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- No, it is incredible. - Fantastic.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Actually, you were the first one that got motion sickness.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39I did, because everyone is doing that all the time.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42LAUGHTER
0:11:46 > 0:11:49It was the first morning where I told Judi she didn't have to do that,
0:11:49 > 0:11:52we'd make it work from below the train. But it was very good to see that she could.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56That's theatre training for you.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Now, Michelle Pfeiffer, you thought you weren't going to like being stuck on a train with everybody.
0:12:00 > 0:12:05No, I don't like boats, because I can't get off, and
0:12:05 > 0:12:10they didn't tell us that we wouldn't be able to leave the train until we were there.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14But, you know, the time just kind of flew,
0:12:14 > 0:12:16and Josh was incredibly entertaining,
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- and you would do your Penelope Cruz. - I do a mean Penelope...
0:12:19 > 0:12:22And then he would do Javier, and then he would do a fight between them.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- It was really quite incredible. - I didn't see that cos I was always directing.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Did Penelope find it funny?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29- Oh, Josh.- No, Penelope...
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Um... She found it the opposite of funny, I think.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34LAUGHTER
0:12:34 > 0:12:37She would always look at me and she would literally say,
0:12:37 > 0:12:42- AS PENELOPE CRUZ:- "Is that really the way you look at what I sound like?"
0:12:42 > 0:12:43"That is how I sound to you?"
0:12:43 > 0:12:45And then I would do Javier, and I'd be like...
0:12:45 > 0:12:49- AS JAVIER BARDEM:- "Penelope, don't make a big deal about it.
0:12:49 > 0:12:50LAUGHTER
0:12:50 > 0:12:55"Leave the poor fat boy alone. It's OK."
0:12:55 > 0:12:58And she'd just never break a smirk at me.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00LAUGHTER
0:13:01 > 0:13:03And so, you are dealing with all the actors,
0:13:03 > 0:13:06but then, Judi, you have got two dogs. Is it two dogs, or three dogs?
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Two dogs, two dogs.
0:13:08 > 0:13:09Were they nice?
0:13:09 > 0:13:14Lovely. One white dog, and one black dog.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18- Nice.- And Olivia Colman, I had.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20LAUGHTER
0:13:20 > 0:13:26And Olivia Colman was dressed in black, from head to foot.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30So I gave her the black dog. I got the white dog.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Olivia didn't think the dogs liked her.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35She didn't think the black dog liked her.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39- I turned them against her. - LAUGHTER
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- How did you do that? - You had all the treats?
0:13:43 > 0:13:47Now, as the poster makes very clear, in this film,
0:13:47 > 0:13:51everyone is a suspect, everyone is a suspect, ladies and gentlemen.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53And there is a lot of that in the film,
0:13:53 > 0:13:57in terms of actors, of, either, looking at each other, suspiciously,
0:13:57 > 0:14:01or, not looking guilty, or... You know.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05And because that happens a lot, were there ways that you rang the changes?
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Or did you just kind of go, "Do it again!"
0:14:07 > 0:14:10I heard about ways. I heard about ways.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12I heard about ways brought over from the Americas.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Brought over from the Americas by characters like...
0:14:15 > 0:14:16Perhaps you would like to expound?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19There's the English classical tradition, Shakespeare.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22There's the theatre, and then, Josh, there's what?
0:14:22 > 0:14:25There's... There's the "who farted?" look.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27And basically, on the train,
0:14:27 > 0:14:29there was this scene where we're all...
0:14:29 > 0:14:33Ken's direction was "Everybody look suspiciously at everybody else".
0:14:33 > 0:14:35And everybody is like...
0:14:35 > 0:14:37LAUGHTER
0:14:37 > 0:14:42And I looked at Michelle and I looked at Judi and I looked at Leslie and Daisy, and I go,
0:14:42 > 0:14:46"All we really have to do is wonder who just farted.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48"It will make our job so much easier."
0:14:48 > 0:14:51And that is literally what you see on screen.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53LAUGHTER
0:14:56 > 0:14:58OK, tell you what. Let's practise.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Let's practise your suspicious poker faces.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03So you're suspicious, but you didn't do it.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07OK. So we'll just imagine someone on this sofa has just let one rip.
0:15:07 > 0:15:08THEY SNIGGER
0:15:08 > 0:15:11OK. Already you're terrible, Ken. You're useless.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13- You're the detective! - But someone HAS let one rip,
0:15:13 > 0:15:15and I didn't want to say.
0:15:18 > 0:15:19That's what's so terrible.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24APPLAUSE
0:15:28 > 0:15:31OK, come on - focus, everyone. OK... Here we go, here we go.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33So somebody...
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Somebody has let one drop.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:15:37 > 0:15:38Is it Josh?
0:15:38 > 0:15:41He looks like a farter.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44He suspects...Ken.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Ken had a big lunch.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54Michelle has never farted in her life.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56APPLAUSE
0:15:56 > 0:15:59THEY ALL LAUGH
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Judi's smelling it really strongly.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Johnny's channelling a bloodhound.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18HE MOUTHS
0:16:19 > 0:16:20Or is it the host?
0:16:22 > 0:16:24FART NOISE It was the host.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27I like Scotch eggs.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28Now, um...
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Something just rolled out of your pants.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Yeah!
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- Now...- Tell you what, though... Sorry to interrupt.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40But these are all incredibly competitive games players.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- It's right to say that, isn't it? - Absolutely.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44You look at me as if that's all...
0:16:45 > 0:16:47These are the worst.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50Anything - charades, crosswords, you know,
0:16:50 > 0:16:51pub quiz movie trivia.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55What I did find to get their attention, um...
0:16:55 > 0:16:56You had a quiz!
0:16:56 > 0:16:59We had a quiz, so I'll try this on the audience.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Sorry, it's a bit of a cryptic one, but this is one...
0:17:01 > 0:17:03I remember doing it on the day.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04I wonder if you can remember who got it.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07They were noisy, we had to get a move on,
0:17:07 > 0:17:09we had a scene involving all of them.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I said, "Hold on, then, the person who answers this question
0:17:12 > 0:17:14"after we say 'cut' gets 20 quid.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17"OK, it's a lateral, cryptic clue.
0:17:17 > 0:17:24"What German refusal produces a musical connection in cinema
0:17:24 > 0:17:27"between Penelope Cruz and Judi Dench?"
0:17:29 > 0:17:31- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Nine. - Nine! Correct!
0:17:31 > 0:17:34- Wow!- Well done.- Very good. - Well done. Excellent.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36You're not getting 20 quid - I'll tell you that much.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Do you remember who got that? It was...
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Cos I remember...
0:17:41 > 0:17:43So I gave that question before I said "action".
0:17:43 > 0:17:46And they all went like that... So talk about being serious.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- It was an unbelievably tense scene, then.- Was it Willem?
0:17:48 > 0:17:51It wasn't Willem, it was Lesley Odom Jr,
0:17:51 > 0:17:55who practically climbed over Willem Dafoe to get the 20 quid.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- It was so craven. - But the quizzes...
0:17:58 > 0:18:00See, I can imagine Judi Dench and Michelle Pfeiffer,
0:18:00 > 0:18:02top of the class in quizzes.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Why do I think, Johnny Depp, you're not very good in quizzes?
0:18:08 > 0:18:13I was until I was about...three.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Something changed. I don't know.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20But the film's over now. So, Josh, you can speak freely -
0:18:20 > 0:18:22you hated the quizzes, didn't you?
0:18:22 > 0:18:25I hated the quizzes because most of them were Shakespeare.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28And it brought... I mean, all the Brits...
0:18:28 > 0:18:30- There were like three Americans. - Yeah, I hated it, too.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36We were literally like, "Ask some Back To The Future questions.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40"Ask us Batman Returns!
0:18:40 > 0:18:42"Stop it with Hamlet!"
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Now, you are kind of a Star Wars-y person, Josh.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48I am.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51And poor Daisy Ridley, I think you made her life hell.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53I did. I did.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- Did she crack, ever?- No.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59No, the Disney lawyers got to her before I did.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01She wouldn't give me anything.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05I tried. I mean, I utilised some very powerful friends,
0:19:05 > 0:19:07including Dame Judi...
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Damn, Judi Dench.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11We tried, but she wouldn't crack.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13You asked her questions?
0:19:13 > 0:19:15No, certainly not.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18He says it, but I had nothing to do with it.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- There is photographic evidence. - There is.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23There is. There's photographic evidence.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24This is you...
0:19:27 > 0:19:31I don't... I think... Are you a character from Star Wars?
0:19:31 > 0:19:32I'm not sure.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Either that or Lawrence Of Arabia. It's one of those.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38You've sort of draped yourself in a thing. Can you explain that, Josh?
0:19:38 > 0:19:40It was magic, is what it was.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43She looked at us, Daisy and I knocked on her door,
0:19:43 > 0:19:47we go, "Would you mind doing this video with us,
0:19:47 > 0:19:49"asking Daisy these questions from Star Wars?"
0:19:49 > 0:19:52And she looked at us and went, "I would love to,
0:19:52 > 0:19:55"but I haven't the faintest idea what Star Wars is."
0:19:58 > 0:19:59But she did it.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01And she should be cast! She looks like a Jedi Knight.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03She's incredible in that.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05- Well, there's another one coming. So yeah.- There we go.
0:20:05 > 0:20:10Now, in terms of behaving, you know, you are all very professional.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13But the two of you have a very bad reputation, don't you,
0:20:13 > 0:20:17in terms of corpsing and giggling on sets?
0:20:17 > 0:20:18It's... Well...
0:20:18 > 0:20:20- No, it's you...- No, you too. - No, it's you.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I was never in trouble till I met you.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27I cannot believe it. I cannot believe it.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30She's one of those ones, so is Jonathan Depp there,
0:20:30 > 0:20:31who can be...
0:20:31 > 0:20:35We had a scene also in the movie where we eat together,
0:20:35 > 0:20:39and both Johnny and Judi can do the thing
0:20:39 > 0:20:41of either saying something amusing or paraphrasing
0:20:41 > 0:20:44or eating something or making an unfortunate noise,
0:20:44 > 0:20:45twinkle but not laugh.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49Or absolutely know when the camera's on YOU, so they'll do the...
0:20:49 > 0:20:51If there's a squelchy sound from a cake
0:20:51 > 0:20:53that sounds like another kind of sound,
0:20:53 > 0:20:55it will, suddenly, when it's your close-up.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00So I absolutely point the finger back at these two troublemakers.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02But the two of you...
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Judi, you've worked with Ken, is it ten times?
0:21:04 > 0:21:05Oh, so many times.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07It's not worth going into, is it?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10- We have worked...- Ten, ten times.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Ten times over 30 years.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Including when I asked her about being in this.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17She was the first person I asked to be on the train.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21And she very kindly said yes before I'd finished the sentence,
0:21:21 > 0:21:23and that was very thrilling,
0:21:23 > 0:21:25cos it made a big difference to everybody else.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27But I used to go and talk to her about it in our dressing room
0:21:27 > 0:21:28at the Garrick Theatre,
0:21:28 > 0:21:31where we were doing Shakespeare's play, The Winter's Tale.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33And going into Judi's dressing room
0:21:33 > 0:21:35was always liked going into the bookies.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Cos you like your horses, don't you?
0:21:37 > 0:21:40- I do.- You do. She does, so she's there.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43I'm studying Shakespeare like a wild thing,
0:21:43 > 0:21:45she's bent over the Sporting Life, you know?
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Checking out the 3:10 at Lingfield.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49And we were having a chat.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51I go in there one night, having a chat, I said,
0:21:51 > 0:21:53"So it's very exciting, we may have Johnny,
0:21:53 > 0:21:56"Johnny Depp may be in the show and Michelle Pfeiffer - always exciting.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58"Josh Gad." She said, "That's thrilling."
0:21:58 > 0:22:00She was sitting there with her dressing gown on.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04We get our call over the tannoy, "Mr Branagh, Ms Dench, you're on."
0:22:04 > 0:22:05So she gets up, we continue talking.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07"Great, so we're going to build a train,
0:22:07 > 0:22:08"it's all going to be fantastic."
0:22:08 > 0:22:11We get into the wings ready to go on - there's 30 seconds to go,
0:22:11 > 0:22:13she throws off her dressing gown
0:22:13 > 0:22:15and there's nothing on from below the waist.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21I mean, I had the quickest of looks, just a...
0:22:21 > 0:22:24I can confirm, like the song, there is nothing like a dame.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28But we then... So we then...
0:22:28 > 0:22:31So Judi's dresser had to run all the way back to the dressing room,
0:22:31 > 0:22:34come back on with her skirt and then she walked on like that...
0:22:35 > 0:22:37..for the whole of the rest...
0:22:37 > 0:22:40And then all the things she used to do, like that, she couldn't do.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42So it was like doing the rest of the scene
0:22:42 > 0:22:44with somebody acting in semaphore.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50And draughty, Judi, I'm surprised you didn't notice.
0:22:50 > 0:22:51I was quite surprised.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Likes her horses, she likes her horses.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00Because... Now, Johnny, you have worked with Dame Judi before.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Yes, twice, twice before.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Once properly.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05In Chocolat.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- And once improperly!- Twice.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Well, no, the second time was a "blink and..."
0:23:11 > 0:23:14- You weren't credited the second time, were you?- It was improper.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16- Was I not credited? - I don't think you were.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Excuse me, I've never heard that before.
0:23:19 > 0:23:20Neither have I.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24No, as far as I know... Do you know?
0:23:24 > 0:23:26It's a "blink and you'll miss it" bit
0:23:26 > 0:23:29in, er...I think it's the fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32- I don't know. - I think it's the fourth one.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36But this is the two of you sharing a carriage for the first time.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37- Sharing a moment.- Here they are.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Oh!
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- SHE GASPS - Oh!
0:23:52 > 0:23:53Is that it?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55LAUGHTER
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Oh!
0:24:06 > 0:24:08I don't remember what happened!
0:24:09 > 0:24:11I won't ask you what he said.
0:24:11 > 0:24:12No, certainly not!
0:24:14 > 0:24:15I won't, I won't.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19Now, Johnny, when you talk about creating characters, you often...
0:24:19 > 0:24:23For instance, Willy Wonka, you talk about what inspired you,
0:24:23 > 0:24:25what you were going for with that.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30Yeah, I was sort of looking for a combination of a...
0:24:32 > 0:24:37..children's show host that's a little uncomfortable.
0:24:40 > 0:24:46And then I thought about what if George W Bush
0:24:46 > 0:24:49were very, very, VERY stoned.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59And, er...those thoughts collided.
0:25:01 > 0:25:06And I ended up in a Prince Valiant wig for about six months.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07And then Edward Scissorhands -
0:25:07 > 0:25:10that sounds like quite a sweet combination.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11WHOOPING Yes, yeah.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13APPLAUSE
0:25:15 > 0:25:20Scissorhands was... I mean, when Scissorhands arrived,
0:25:20 > 0:25:24for me to read, I was... I thought, you know,
0:25:24 > 0:25:27"This will never be for me."
0:25:27 > 0:25:30I read the thing and it was... It's just flattened me,
0:25:30 > 0:25:33I mean, it just destroyed me.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35You base a character like that,
0:25:35 > 0:25:37something that's so, so incredibly pure...
0:25:38 > 0:25:40I mean, that was, um...
0:25:41 > 0:25:44That was a dog that I've had as a kid.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Scissorhands. And, um...
0:25:47 > 0:25:51And my nieces, just babies, newborns.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53And those characters, they really...
0:25:53 > 0:25:56It's incredible, the way they've lasted.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58I don't know if you saw this, but Halloween,
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Lady Gaga this year was Edward Scissorhands.
0:26:01 > 0:26:02Yeah, so sweet.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05She's out and about and she bumped into a Jack Sparrow.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09- What are the odds? - What are the odds?
0:26:09 > 0:26:12And you do sometimes... You do do the dressing up as Jack Sparrow -
0:26:12 > 0:26:16- you seem to like that.- I just run around the house like that.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18But didn't you go... Didn't you go to Disneyland?
0:26:18 > 0:26:20I mean, that must have caused a sensation.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22I did, I did something that, er...
0:26:23 > 0:26:29As soon as they... you know, Pirates was going to happen,
0:26:29 > 0:26:34I thought, "How great would it be to have the opportunity
0:26:34 > 0:26:39"to stand there as some sort of animatronic until the people come by
0:26:39 > 0:26:42"and then you start screaming, and..."
0:26:42 > 0:26:44THEY LAUGH
0:26:44 > 0:26:47"..you know, scare them into a mischief."
0:26:47 > 0:26:48You know what I mean?
0:26:48 > 0:26:52So, you know, all these years later, I got the chance to do it.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55So I was very excited, you know?
0:26:55 > 0:26:58These boats were going to come round the corner and...
0:27:01 > 0:27:04They sort of looked at me as they were coming around,
0:27:04 > 0:27:06and I'm frozen, and I went...
0:27:06 > 0:27:09"Oi!" Or something.
0:27:09 > 0:27:10"What you looking at?" And then...
0:27:12 > 0:27:13..nothing back.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17You know what I got?
0:27:19 > 0:27:22All of the iPhones...
0:27:23 > 0:27:24..in the world, going,
0:27:24 > 0:27:26"Wow.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29"Well, that's a pretty good animatronic."
0:27:32 > 0:27:35It was one of the proudest moments of my life.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40APPLAUSE
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Josh, when you come to do something like Frozen...
0:27:45 > 0:27:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:48 > 0:27:50- ..which you were amazing in... - Oh, thank you.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Was that character drawn? Was Olaf drawn already?
0:27:52 > 0:27:56It's... The first day you get there to record,
0:27:56 > 0:27:59I remember the directors saying three words to me -
0:27:59 > 0:28:02innocence, naivete, and, er...
0:28:03 > 0:28:06..love. Those were the three things they said to me.
0:28:06 > 0:28:11And I immediately thought about my daughter, who was two years old.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15And the way she looked at me with these googly eyes was Olaf.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18Everything was a question, even when it wasn't a question.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20"I love you?"
0:28:20 > 0:28:24You know, "Can I get more food now?"
0:28:24 > 0:28:25That kind of stuff.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28And that seemed so right for that little guy.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31Like, this just sort of new-found...
0:28:31 > 0:28:33Almost like Edward Scissorhands, like you're new to the world.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36And was it that daughter who then became obsessed by the movie?
0:28:36 > 0:28:37Oh. Yeah.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40She became unhealthily obsessed for a good couple of months.
0:28:40 > 0:28:45She once looked at me... So weird.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48She was making all of these grumbling noises in the playroom,
0:28:48 > 0:28:51and I go in and I go, "Ava, are you OK?"
0:28:51 > 0:28:52And she goes...
0:28:52 > 0:28:55"Daddy, walk away.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57"My powers are too strong."
0:28:57 > 0:28:59LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:29:03 > 0:29:06I walked away and called the police.
0:29:06 > 0:29:09Like, "Wait, what?" It was just so odd.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12"My powers are too strong."
0:29:12 > 0:29:13"I'm calling an exorcist."
0:29:16 > 0:29:18Now, here's the thing.
0:29:18 > 0:29:21Michelle Pfeiffer, a woman of many talents. You...
0:29:21 > 0:29:24SHE SNIFFS No, stop it now. Unless...
0:29:24 > 0:29:27Are you method actors? Has someone actually done it?
0:29:27 > 0:29:30"I'm really good, I actually farted."
0:29:30 > 0:29:32LAUGHING: You... You, er...
0:29:32 > 0:29:34You sing. You sing the...
0:29:34 > 0:29:36What is it called when the song's at the end?
0:29:36 > 0:29:38Just the end song?
0:29:38 > 0:29:39The end titles song?
0:29:39 > 0:29:42- End titles song.- End titles song? - Yeah.- Yeah?- I do, I do.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44And this is a new song.
0:29:44 > 0:29:47It's a new song that Ken Branagh wrote the lyrics to.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49Patrick Doyle wrote the music for the movie,
0:29:49 > 0:29:52and there's a wonderful theme inside it.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55And out of a beautiful bit of acting that they all do,
0:29:55 > 0:29:57but this particular bit belonged to Miss Pfeiffer,
0:29:57 > 0:30:00there's this song that came out of it called Never Forget,
0:30:00 > 0:30:04which Michelle sings very beautifully.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07We know you can sing from Fabulous Baker Boys and Hairspray
0:30:07 > 0:30:11and Grease 2 and things, but you're now in a song.
0:30:11 > 0:30:15When did you find out that your name
0:30:15 > 0:30:18was in one of the biggest songs of the last few years?
0:30:18 > 0:30:19Erm...
0:30:19 > 0:30:23I think somebody e-mailed me and...
0:30:23 > 0:30:27First it was that Riptide song and then the Bruno Mars one came out,
0:30:27 > 0:30:30- and I'm like, "What's going on?" - So this is Uptown Funk.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33- No, because it's right at the beginning.- I'm a huge fan.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35Can we just play it now?
0:30:35 > 0:30:37# This hit, that ice cold
0:30:37 > 0:30:39# Michelle Pfeiffer That white gold... #
0:30:39 > 0:30:41How cool is that, that you're in a song?
0:30:41 > 0:30:44- It's good!- It's very cool. - Yes, it's very good. Yeah, yeah.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46But did they ask your permission?
0:30:46 > 0:30:49- I suppose they don't need to. - No, I don't think they have to.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51I mean, I was incredibly flattered, I didn't...
0:30:51 > 0:30:53Yeah, it was very cool.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55It was a little embarrassing at times.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58You know, I'm in carpool with the kids and the song comes on and my son's like...
0:31:02 > 0:31:03- WHISPERS:- I'm sorry.
0:31:03 > 0:31:07Or I'm in exercise class and the song comes on and...
0:31:09 > 0:31:10So, yeah...
0:31:10 > 0:31:12But... And I love the song.
0:31:12 > 0:31:14- Yeah, yeah.- Right?- Yeah, it's good.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18I know. Judi's like, "What the hell is that song?"
0:31:18 > 0:31:22No, she's mad because originally it was, "Judi Dench, that white gold."
0:31:22 > 0:31:24LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:31:29 > 0:31:32Very quickly, ladies and gentlemen, when it comes to music,
0:31:32 > 0:31:37there is someone on this couch who can really spit some bars.
0:31:37 > 0:31:40I am, of course, looking at you, Dame Judi Dench.
0:31:42 > 0:31:44You know what we I'm talking about.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47Your collaboration with Lethal Bizzle,
0:31:47 > 0:31:49- it has set the rap world on fire. - Has it?!
0:31:49 > 0:31:53Yes! That's that smell - the rap world on fire.
0:31:55 > 0:31:59Well, he asked. He asked if he could teach me to rap and I said, "Sure."
0:31:59 > 0:32:03- And so you rock up and he... - Well, I tried.- You did it.
0:32:03 > 0:32:06- Well, I tried.- I mean, have you guys all seen this? You must have all seen this.
0:32:06 > 0:32:09- No.- I have not.- Oh, have you not seen this?
0:32:09 > 0:32:12Oh, this is the rap stylings
0:32:12 > 0:32:15of Lethal Bizzle and Dame Judi Dench.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17All right. Are we good to go?
0:32:17 > 0:32:19- Music. - MUSIC PLAYS
0:32:19 > 0:32:21A bit more up tempo.
0:32:21 > 0:32:24One, two, three...
0:32:24 > 0:32:26- RAPS:- # Yeah I'm Ju-to-the-Di
0:32:26 > 0:32:27# If you don't know about me
0:32:27 > 0:32:29# Better ask someone quickly
0:32:29 > 0:32:31# Yeah, I'm...
0:32:31 > 0:32:32- # Pow! - Yeah, I'm...
0:32:32 > 0:32:34- # Pow! - If you don't know about me
0:32:34 > 0:32:36- # Pow! - Better ask someone quickly
0:32:36 > 0:32:38# One more time, let's go
0:32:38 > 0:32:40# Yeah, I'm Ju-to-the-di
0:32:40 > 0:32:41# If you don't know about me
0:32:41 > 0:32:43# Better ask someone quickly
0:32:43 > 0:32:45# Yeah, I'm pow! Here, you know
0:32:45 > 0:32:47# Yeah, I'm Ju-to-the-di
0:32:47 > 0:32:49# If you don't know about me
0:32:49 > 0:32:50# Better ask someone quickly
0:32:50 > 0:32:53# Yeah, I'm... # You smashed it.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Ju-to-the-di!
0:33:04 > 0:33:07Excellent work! Excellent work!
0:33:07 > 0:33:11It's time for our... Well, another musical performance.
0:33:11 > 0:33:16This Grammy Award-winning singer's latest album has made her one of the
0:33:16 > 0:33:18biggest pop names of 2017.
0:33:18 > 0:33:22Here performing Los Ageless, it is St Vincent!
0:33:43 > 0:33:48# In Los Ageless The winter never comes
0:33:48 > 0:33:52# In Los Ageless The mothers milk their young
0:33:52 > 0:33:57# But I can keep running No, I can keep running
0:33:57 > 0:33:59# Nah-uh
0:33:59 > 0:34:01# Oh-ah-ah
0:34:02 > 0:34:08# The Los Ageless Hang out by the bar
0:34:08 > 0:34:11# Burn the pages of unwritten memoirs
0:34:11 > 0:34:16# But I can keep running No, I can keep running
0:34:16 > 0:34:19# Nah-uh
0:34:19 > 0:34:21# Oh-ah-ah
0:34:22 > 0:34:24# How can anybody have you?
0:34:24 > 0:34:27# How can anybody have you and lose you?
0:34:27 > 0:34:29# How can anybody have you and lose you?
0:34:29 > 0:34:32# And not lose their minds too?
0:34:32 > 0:34:34# How can anybody have you?
0:34:34 > 0:34:37# How can anybody have you and lose you?
0:34:37 > 0:34:39# How can anybody have you and lose you
0:34:39 > 0:34:42# And not lose their minds too?
0:34:42 > 0:34:44# Oh-oh-ah
0:34:49 > 0:34:54# The last days of the sunset superstars
0:34:54 > 0:34:58# Girls in cages playing their guitars
0:34:58 > 0:35:00# But how can I leave?
0:35:00 > 0:35:04# I just follow the hood of my car
0:35:04 > 0:35:06# Oh-ah-ah
0:35:08 > 0:35:13# In Los Ageless The waves they never break
0:35:13 > 0:35:17# They build and build until you don't have no escape
0:35:17 > 0:35:19# But how can I leave?
0:35:19 > 0:35:24# I just follow my hood to the sea
0:35:24 > 0:35:27# Go to sleep
0:35:27 > 0:35:30# How can anybody have you?
0:35:30 > 0:35:33# How can anybody have you and lose you?
0:35:33 > 0:35:38# How can anybody have you and lose you and not lose their minds too?
0:35:38 > 0:35:40# How can anybody have you?
0:35:40 > 0:35:42# How can anybody have you and lose you?
0:35:42 > 0:35:47# How can anybody have you and lose you and not lose their minds too?
0:35:50 > 0:35:55# Oh, my Lord, Lord We really did it now
0:35:55 > 0:35:59# I'm a monster and you're my sacred cow
0:35:59 > 0:36:04# But I can keep running No, I can keep on running
0:36:04 > 0:36:05# Oh-oh
0:36:06 > 0:36:08# Oh-ho-ho
0:36:09 > 0:36:11# How can anybody have you?
0:36:11 > 0:36:14# How can anybody have you and lose you?
0:36:14 > 0:36:19# How can anybody have you and lose you and not lose their minds too?
0:36:19 > 0:36:21# How can anybody have you?
0:36:21 > 0:36:24# How can anybody have you and lose you?
0:36:24 > 0:36:30# How can anybody have you and lose you and not lose their minds...?
0:36:31 > 0:36:34# How can anybody have you?
0:36:34 > 0:36:36# How can anybody have you and lose you?
0:36:36 > 0:36:41# How can anybody have you and lose you and not lose their minds too?
0:36:41 > 0:36:43# How can anybody have you?
0:36:43 > 0:36:46# How can anybody have you and lose you?
0:36:46 > 0:36:52# How can anybody have you and lose you and not lose their minds...?
0:36:52 > 0:36:55# Oh! #
0:36:55 > 0:36:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:58 > 0:36:59St Vincent, everybody!
0:36:59 > 0:37:02Wow!
0:37:02 > 0:37:04Come on over and say hi, do, yes.
0:37:04 > 0:37:09There we go. Oh. St Vincent, everybody!
0:37:11 > 0:37:13Lovely job!
0:37:15 > 0:37:17Come and join the couch. Have a seat there.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20- Annie?- Sure.- No? St Vincent still or Annie?
0:37:20 > 0:37:23This is Annie, everybody.
0:37:23 > 0:37:25That's the cast of Murder On The Orient Express.
0:37:25 > 0:37:30There you go. Lovely, lovely. There you go.
0:37:30 > 0:37:31Have a seat, so.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33So, St Vincent, but chatting, you're Annie.
0:37:33 > 0:37:35Sure, please.
0:37:35 > 0:37:39That is off the album, which is called
0:37:39 > 0:37:41- Masseduction, there's the front of it.- Yes.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44Now... LAUGHTER
0:37:44 > 0:37:47It's unfortunate you dropped something
0:37:47 > 0:37:49just as they were taking the picture, but...
0:37:49 > 0:37:52in fact, that's not even you, is it?
0:37:52 > 0:37:56- I... I'm sorry to say because it is a wonderful behind.- It's beautiful.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58Yeah, I know. It's not me.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01But it wasn't... It could've been me.
0:38:01 > 0:38:03- It could've been you.- Yes.
0:38:03 > 0:38:06Which begs the question, why isn't it you?
0:38:06 > 0:38:12It was a serendipitous moment in a photo shoot and she just happened to be, you know...
0:38:12 > 0:38:13Looking for something.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15LAUGHTER
0:38:15 > 0:38:20And it just seemed like the right picture to sum up the album, yeah.
0:38:20 > 0:38:24- Isn't it gorgeous?- It's Josh.
0:38:24 > 0:38:26Johnny keeps looking at me, going, "It's you, isn't it?"
0:38:26 > 0:38:27LAUGHTER
0:38:27 > 0:38:29This?
0:38:31 > 0:38:33APPLAUSE
0:38:33 > 0:38:35I'm sorry.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38- I figure we might as well come clean now.- Yes, you could tell.
0:38:38 > 0:38:43So, but here's the thing, ladies and gentlemen, not content with the singing,
0:38:43 > 0:38:47the songwriting, the touring, you've found time for some inventing.
0:38:47 > 0:38:50Now, was that one of your inventions you were playing just then?
0:38:50 > 0:38:53- It was. I designed a guitar.- Yes.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55- That guitar?- Yes, I designed a guitar that
0:38:55 > 0:39:00I like to say is gender inclusive. It's incredibly ergonomic for...
0:39:00 > 0:39:03- any gender.- OK.
0:39:03 > 0:39:05Were old guitars not?
0:39:06 > 0:39:11Well, OK, so I've been playing guitar for a long time
0:39:11 > 0:39:13and I've been performing for a long time, so...
0:39:13 > 0:39:17and I'm a smallish person, so I don't want a big, heavy guitar.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20I love a '70s Les Paul, but they're so heavy,
0:39:20 > 0:39:22they're prohibitively heavy,
0:39:22 > 0:39:28- so I designed a guitar with a smaller frame maybe in mind?- Yeah.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30And a rock monster tone.
0:39:30 > 0:39:33Nice! Nice! Can you buy them?
0:39:33 > 0:39:35- You can, yeah.- Oh!
0:39:35 > 0:39:39There you go! That's Christmas sorted!
0:39:40 > 0:39:42You'll never guess what it is under the tree, Dame Judi.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45LAUGHTER
0:39:47 > 0:39:49Thank you for doing that. That looked beautiful.
0:39:49 > 0:39:51I loved the look of the performance.
0:39:51 > 0:39:54- St Vincent, everybody!- Thank you. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:39:57 > 0:40:01Nearly it, but we do have time for a quick visit to the big, red chair.
0:40:01 > 0:40:04- Who's there? Hello!- Hello.- Hi, what's your name?- Greg.
0:40:04 > 0:40:06Greg. Lovely. And what do you do, Greg?
0:40:06 > 0:40:09I've just started a recruitment business with two friends of mine.
0:40:09 > 0:40:12OK. Very good. Recruiting people to do what?
0:40:12 > 0:40:15Accountants into retail businesses.
0:40:15 > 0:40:17Wow.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22Buzzy, buzzy, buzzy! LAUGHTER
0:40:24 > 0:40:26Oh, the brainstorming!
0:40:26 > 0:40:30OK, Greg, off we go with your story.
0:40:30 > 0:40:33I'm a massive Rugby League fan and once a year my team plays on TV.
0:40:33 > 0:40:35One Saturday, I sat down ready for my team to play
0:40:35 > 0:40:39and we scored a try and I jumped up in-between my lounge and my kitchen,
0:40:39 > 0:40:43and I smashed my head on the beam. I completely conked myself out,
0:40:43 > 0:40:45I had no idea what was going on. I came around
0:40:45 > 0:40:49and my housemate's above me in tears, crying on the phone to the ambulance,
0:40:49 > 0:40:52saying, "Are you all right? There's blood pouring out of your head."
0:40:52 > 0:40:54And I was like, "No, I'm not."
0:40:54 > 0:40:58He calls the ambulance and they say, "You've got 20 minutes,
0:40:58 > 0:41:00"keep him awake and we'll be there as soon as possible."
0:41:00 > 0:41:03We wait and we wait and we wait, and the doorbell rings,
0:41:03 > 0:41:06and he's like, "Right, the ambulance is here." So he runs to the door
0:41:06 > 0:41:10and opens the door and it's an estate agent. He's got an open house that morning,
0:41:10 > 0:41:12organised by our landlord.
0:41:12 > 0:41:15And I'm laid there with blood everywhere in the middle of the lounge.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17LAUGHTER
0:41:17 > 0:41:20The estate agent says, "Look, I don't care, we can go in,
0:41:20 > 0:41:21"we'll just ignore the casualty."
0:41:21 > 0:41:24LAUGHTER
0:41:24 > 0:41:28Eight couples walked in to the
0:41:28 > 0:41:32lounge/diner to find me on the floor with blood pouring out of my head.
0:41:32 > 0:41:35And they just carried on with their business quite normally,
0:41:35 > 0:41:38and one them sort of stepped over me and looked at the cooker.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40Whilst they were straddled over me,
0:41:40 > 0:41:43I looked up and they said, "Darling, they've got gas hobs,
0:41:43 > 0:41:45"that's really, really useful, isn't it?"
0:41:45 > 0:41:50And I'm still laying there and there's still blood pouring out of my head while this is happening,
0:41:50 > 0:41:53so thankfully they didn't sell the house that morning.
0:41:53 > 0:41:56Oh, it had no ending, the story. LAUGHTER
0:41:57 > 0:42:01Very good story... Very good, but it had no ending!
0:42:05 > 0:42:10I like the way he was using the term lounge/diner throughout his story.
0:42:10 > 0:42:12"I was straddling, lying down."
0:42:12 > 0:42:14OK. Who's up next?
0:42:14 > 0:42:18- Hello!- Hello.- Hi, what's your name? - Lisa.- Lisa.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20- And where are you from, Lisa? - I'm from Kew.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22- Kew Gardens?- Yes.
0:42:22 > 0:42:23Ooh, lovely!
0:42:23 > 0:42:24HE MOUTHS
0:42:26 > 0:42:29- What you do there? - I'm an estate agent.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31LAUGHTER Oh!
0:42:32 > 0:42:35It was meant to be.
0:42:35 > 0:42:38- Was she in that kitchen?- I know. Is there blood on the soles of her shoes?
0:42:40 > 0:42:41Did you hear that last story?
0:42:41 > 0:42:45Yes, I did. It's all about the sale.
0:42:45 > 0:42:46LAUGHTER
0:42:50 > 0:42:52All right. All right, Lisa.
0:42:52 > 0:42:54Let's see if you can top that. Off you go with your story.
0:42:54 > 0:43:00When I was younger, I used to live on the Abergeldie estate in Scotland,
0:43:00 > 0:43:03neighbouring Balmoral, the Queen's Scottish home.
0:43:03 > 0:43:05LAUGHTER
0:43:05 > 0:43:09And one day, I was on the estate when the Queen was in residence
0:43:09 > 0:43:13and walking, and being local, we knew a lot of the staff,
0:43:13 > 0:43:16so we thought we'd pop in the back door of Balmoral Castle
0:43:16 > 0:43:19and just have a cup of tea and catch up with them.
0:43:19 > 0:43:23Perfect timing, the Queen had just finished afternoon tea
0:43:23 > 0:43:25and all the royal cakes were in the kitchen,
0:43:25 > 0:43:27so we absolutely feasted on the cakes.
0:43:27 > 0:43:29However, the bell rang.
0:43:29 > 0:43:33It was the Queen. She had an unexpected guest.
0:43:33 > 0:43:36All the cakes had gone, though,
0:43:36 > 0:43:40and needless to say, her butler was absolutely furious with us.
0:43:40 > 0:43:41Needless to say.
0:43:53 > 0:43:54One more. OK, one more.
0:43:54 > 0:43:56This is the one, this is the one.
0:43:56 > 0:44:00People have come from abroad for this, come on!
0:44:00 > 0:44:02Here we go. This is the one...
0:44:02 > 0:44:05- Hello, sir.- Hello.- What's your name?- Robert.
0:44:05 > 0:44:09- Robert. Robert or Robin?- No, Robert. - Robert, right, very good.
0:44:09 > 0:44:14- And what do you do, Robert?- I've got a little company, we do kitchens and we fit kitchens.
0:44:14 > 0:44:18- OK. Very good. Off you go, Robert. - OK.
0:44:18 > 0:44:22In my teens, I had a girlfriend and her father was a strict Catholic.
0:44:22 > 0:44:24He hated me with a vengeance.
0:44:24 > 0:44:28So, it's Christmas Eve, the father says to my girlfriend,
0:44:28 > 0:44:30"We're going out, you're staying in,"
0:44:30 > 0:44:34So she says, "I'm only staying in to babysit the brother if Robert can come around."
0:44:34 > 0:44:38He finally agrees, I come round, they go out, the lights go down,
0:44:38 > 0:44:40the movie goes on, the lights come up, they come back,
0:44:40 > 0:44:43the mother says, "I'll make everybody a cup of tea."
0:44:43 > 0:44:47So we're sitting down, having a cup of tea, the dog comes in, sits in the middle of the lounge,
0:44:47 > 0:44:50starts coughing, coughs up, all of a sudden, coughs up a condom.
0:44:50 > 0:44:53LAUGHTER
0:44:57 > 0:44:59You...can walk!
0:44:59 > 0:45:01Well done, you!
0:45:01 > 0:45:05He saved the day, ladies and gentlemen!
0:45:05 > 0:45:06He saved the day!
0:45:10 > 0:45:13Ahem! LAUGHTER
0:45:13 > 0:45:16Well done, everyone! If you'd like to join us on the show
0:45:16 > 0:45:18and have a go on the big, red chair,
0:45:18 > 0:45:21you can contact us via the website at this very address.
0:45:21 > 0:45:22Sadly, that is it for tonight.
0:45:22 > 0:45:24Please say a huge thank you to my guests - St Vincent!
0:45:26 > 0:45:28Josh Gad!
0:45:29 > 0:45:31Michelle Pfeiffer!
0:45:31 > 0:45:34Johnny Depp!
0:45:34 > 0:45:36Dame Judi Dench!
0:45:36 > 0:45:37And Sir Kenneth Branagh!
0:45:39 > 0:45:42Join me next week with singer-songwriter Kelly Clarkson,
0:45:42 > 0:45:44comedian Sarah Millican,
0:45:44 > 0:45:46Aquaman Jason Momoa,
0:45:46 > 0:45:47and the ever-charming Hugh Grant.
0:45:47 > 0:45:50I'll see you, then. Goodnight, everyone, goodbye!