0:00:02 > 0:00:05Good evening. My name's Hugh Grant and this is the Graham Norton Show.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:09 > 0:00:12This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:23 > 0:00:24Oh!
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Oh-ho-ho-ho!
0:00:26 > 0:00:27Oh!
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Oh, too kind! Too kind! Too kind! Thank you!
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Thank you very much. Oh, do you love me?
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Good evening, everybody! You're very welcome!
0:00:37 > 0:00:41I'm delighted to tell you we have a great show for you tonight.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44I tell you, my sofa's attracted more celebrities
0:00:44 > 0:00:46than a dodgy offshore tax scheme.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Ooh, everyone's talking about the Paradise Papers.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50There have even been investigations
0:00:50 > 0:00:53into the royal family's financial affairs.
0:00:53 > 0:00:54Yeah.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58I mean, you know it's bad when they start probing the Queen's loophole.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Now, the papers also suggest
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Prince Charles has money put away offshore.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Charles hasn't been able to respond,
0:01:09 > 0:01:10as he's currently out of the country...
0:01:10 > 0:01:13..visiting his money.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15LAUGHTER
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Is he wearing a mankini? What is that?
0:01:17 > 0:01:20LAUGHTER
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Now, in political news,
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Minister for International Development Priti Patel
0:01:24 > 0:01:26hasn't had the best of weeks.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28No - on Wednesday she flew back from Africa
0:01:28 > 0:01:30for a meeting with Theresa May,
0:01:30 > 0:01:32and was met at the airport by a taxi driver
0:01:32 > 0:01:34you know, holding up one of those signs.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Luckily, though, all these ministerial sackings
0:01:39 > 0:01:41aren't bothering Theresa May.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45No, she's just carrying on with today's cabinet meeting as usual.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47LAUGHTER
0:01:49 > 0:01:52And finally, Donald Trump has been visiting Asia this week -
0:01:52 > 0:01:54mm, whether they like it or not.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Turns out - not!
0:01:56 > 0:02:00South Korean protestors have taken to trolling Trump on Twitter.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Although interestingly, if you Google the words troll and Trump,
0:02:04 > 0:02:05you seriously get this.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07LAUGHTER Yeah.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Perfect for Christmas!
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Mind you - this is amazing, you may have seen this -
0:02:14 > 0:02:17this is not the only likeness of Trump that's been spotted this week.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20A woman in Tyneside noticed Donald Trump's face
0:02:20 > 0:02:22inside her dog's ear.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26LAUGHTER
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Earhole, arsehole - you decide.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Let's get some guests on!
0:02:32 > 0:02:33Later we'll have music and chat
0:02:33 > 0:02:36from singing sensation Kelly Clarkson!
0:02:36 > 0:02:37Yeah!
0:02:37 > 0:02:40She's going to be performing her new single, Love So Soft.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43But first, she's one of the UK's top comedians,
0:02:43 > 0:02:46and now she's turned author with her new book, How To Be Champion,
0:02:46 > 0:02:49please welcome back Sarah Millican!
0:02:49 > 0:02:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:50 > 0:02:53- Hello.- Hello! Let me greet you.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55How are you, darling? Lovely to see you!
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Sarah Millican, everybody!
0:02:58 > 0:03:01He's gone from Khal Drogo in Game of Thrones
0:03:01 > 0:03:03to Aquaman in Justice League -
0:03:03 > 0:03:05it's a first-time welcome to Mr Jason Momoa!
0:03:05 > 0:03:08CHEERING Oh, yeah! There you go.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10That's your ACTUAL Jason Momoa.
0:03:10 > 0:03:14Hello! Lovely to see you.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Come in. Sarah, Jason.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20And from Four Weddings And A Funeral to Notting Hill,
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Love Actually and Bridget Jones,
0:03:21 > 0:03:23he's become one of our most beloved stars,
0:03:23 > 0:03:26now playing a scene-stealing villain in Paddington 2,
0:03:26 > 0:03:29it's always a pleasure to welcome the great Hugh Grant!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Whoo!
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Hello, sir, very nice to see you.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Hello.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Sarah, Jason. Come in! Sit down, sit down, sit down.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46You know, often people come in from superhero movies
0:03:46 > 0:03:49and they're just sort of like actors, but you're it!
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- How tall are you?- I think 6'5".
0:03:52 > 0:03:54- 6'5"!- Yeah.- Wow.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58It's funny cos my dad's like 5'9" and my mum's like 5'8", so...
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- Where did you come from then? - Milkman, you know.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02LAUGHTER
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- Pizza delivery guy, I don't know. - Questions were asked!
0:04:07 > 0:04:11- Now, Sarah Millican, very lovely to have you here.- Thanks.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14And obviously I'm sure you enjoy Jason Momoa's work.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18- Mm.- But you are, I know, a fan of Mr Grant.- Yes.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20- Hi! - LAUGHTER
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Shut up!
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Yeah, of course, isn't everybody?
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- Yes!- No, no. - CHEERING
0:04:28 > 0:04:30You are so nice but...
0:04:30 > 0:04:33- ..lots of people hate me. - LAUGHTER
0:04:33 > 0:04:35- My son hates me.- No!
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Yeah, he came to see Paddington 2 the other day
0:04:38 > 0:04:40and all he said throughout the whole film
0:04:40 > 0:04:42is, "Why is Daddy in it so much?"
0:04:42 > 0:04:45LAUGHTER
0:04:45 > 0:04:47My favourite is Sense And Sensibility.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- Ah.- I love it. Oh, my God, I watch it sort of...
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- Is weekly bad? - LAUGHTER
0:04:53 > 0:04:57- No, I watch it weekly too. - Do you really watch it that often?
0:04:57 > 0:05:00It's one of my... It's a comfort film, let's call it that.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02I have three. Do you want to know what the other ones are?
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Yes, very much.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05So, it's Sense And Sensibility,
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Muppet Christmas Carol - regardless of what time of year.
0:05:09 > 0:05:14- Yeah.- And San Andreas, which is a disaster film with The Rock.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15LAUGHTER
0:05:15 > 0:05:19- So it's quite a good mix of things. - Yes, mix it up!- Yeah.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23Now, Jason, you've only just got to Britain.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Yeah, I've been here for probably a week.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Oh, OK. But you seem to like it here.
0:05:27 > 0:05:32- You go out and about.- Yes.- Yes. - I'm known for my shenanigans and...
0:05:32 > 0:05:34- Yes!- ..and enjoying the scenery.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38We spotted you around London with your widow from Game of Thrones.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- Yes.- Emilia Clarke, she posted this picture of the two of you.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45- Aww. What a nice picture! - When was it? Was this last week?
0:05:45 > 0:05:46That was like three days ago.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49I'd just, actually, flew over to Belfast,
0:05:49 > 0:05:50I got back from Belfast right now.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53OK, so Belfast in November,
0:05:53 > 0:05:54why are you wearing a vest, Jason?
0:05:54 > 0:05:58- LAUGHTER - Is it because he looks like this?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01This is the first time I've ever wore a turtleneck.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- Oh, really?- My mother's going to be very proud of me.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08But I'm going to be close to peeling this off and getting the...
0:06:08 > 0:06:10- I'm fine with that! - CHEERING
0:06:10 > 0:06:11I burn hot!
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- Don't let us stop you. - Let's do the whole show topless!
0:06:14 > 0:06:16- Yeah, let's all go topless.- Come on.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH
0:06:19 > 0:06:23But fans must go crazy when they see the two of you together.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25I go crazy when I see her.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Do they want you to start talking in - is it Dothraki?
0:06:28 > 0:06:29Dothraki, yeah.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32It's all nonsense, but you do speak some Dothraki.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35I've been known to, yeah, say a few things.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37- Go on, then. - LAUGHTER
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- For the ladies...- OK! - SARAH GIGGLES
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Sorry, I know I love you but, sorry.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Oh, oh! He's touching me!
0:06:51 > 0:06:54HE SPEAKS DOTHRAKI
0:06:54 > 0:06:56- And for the gentleman... - Oh, yes!
0:06:56 > 0:06:58LAUGHTER
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Excuse me.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04HE SPEAKS DOTHRAKI ANGRILY
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Oh, he's got so much more to say to men!
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - I feel let down.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Listen, the first film we're going to talk about tonight
0:07:17 > 0:07:20is Hugh Grant starring in Paddington 2.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21It opens tonight -
0:07:21 > 0:07:22and I loved the first one,
0:07:22 > 0:07:25so I think people are kind of worried about this,
0:07:25 > 0:07:27but honestly, it's as good, if not better,
0:07:27 > 0:07:30and you are brilliant in it, Hugh Grant.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Who do you play?
0:07:32 > 0:07:33Well, I...
0:07:35 > 0:07:39I got a letter with a script saying, "We're making Paddington 2
0:07:39 > 0:07:40"and there's this part
0:07:40 > 0:07:44"of an extremely self-obsessed ex-famous actor
0:07:44 > 0:07:46"now fallen on hard times..."
0:07:46 > 0:07:47LAUGHTER
0:07:47 > 0:07:49And I was a fraction hurt.
0:07:51 > 0:07:56But it was a very funny script and, in a way, it was therapeutic.
0:07:56 > 0:08:01I have deep reservoirs of actual narcissism
0:08:01 > 0:08:04and neurosis and anger and hatred of others
0:08:04 > 0:08:07that I was able to tap.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Did you base it on specific actors?
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Well, as I said, a lot of it came from me,
0:08:11 > 0:08:13in the way a sort of self-portrait,
0:08:13 > 0:08:17but there were actors from my past.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19In the '80s I did theatre.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- Remember that.- I remember that!
0:08:23 > 0:08:25I mean, there were some brilliant characters.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29A wonderful old boy in the theatre who... He was so good,
0:08:29 > 0:08:32and, you know, the show would start at 8pm,
0:08:32 > 0:08:35but at 3pm from his dressing room you'd start to hear,
0:08:35 > 0:08:39"Nee-mee-nee-mee-nee-mee, maaaaaa-ah,
0:08:39 > 0:08:42"maaaaaa, scrunchy mouse, loud lion!"
0:08:42 > 0:08:44LAUGHTER
0:08:44 > 0:08:45"Loud lion!"
0:08:45 > 0:08:48And as a result, he had a wonderful voice
0:08:48 > 0:08:52and he was just marvellously smooth and seamlessly pervy.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54He used to...
0:08:54 > 0:08:57I was sharing a dressing room with another young actor
0:08:57 > 0:09:00and he always used to knock on our door before the show,
0:09:00 > 0:09:02pretending it was to say good luck,
0:09:02 > 0:09:04but, actually, it was to see us in our pants.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06LAUGHTER
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- Different times!- Different times. - Different times!
0:09:09 > 0:09:11LAUGHTER
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Meanwhile, in Paddington 2...
0:09:15 > 0:09:17LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:23 > 0:09:25No, cos you are Phoenix...
0:09:25 > 0:09:27- Buchanan.- Buchanan!- Yeah.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30And you are the little bear's nemesis.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31That's right, yes.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34He's living a happy life now with the Browns
0:09:34 > 0:09:36wherever it is in London - Notting Hill.
0:09:37 > 0:09:42And one of his neighbours is this used-to-be-famous theatre actor
0:09:42 > 0:09:44called Phoenix Buchanan,
0:09:44 > 0:09:49and they end up wanting the same thing in life,
0:09:49 > 0:09:52they want this pop-up book which turns out to be a treasure map.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55And it ends up with me basically putting him in prison
0:09:55 > 0:09:57- and trying to kill him.- Oh.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59It sounds very dark!
0:09:59 > 0:10:01OK, let's go with putting him in prison...
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- But there are dark bits. - Yeah, there are dark bits.- Yeah.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05But it's all been very confusing for me
0:10:05 > 0:10:08because Paddington Bear is voiced by Ben Whishaw,
0:10:08 > 0:10:10who I'm also working with at the moment
0:10:10 > 0:10:12in a thing about Jeremy Thorpe,
0:10:12 > 0:10:14he's playing Norman Scott, my lover.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16So I've spent all year
0:10:16 > 0:10:19trying to either kill, imprison or bugger Ben Whishaw!
0:10:19 > 0:10:21LAUGHTER
0:10:21 > 0:10:24- Don't get them mixed up. - That's the thing!
0:10:25 > 0:10:27It'll make the children cry!
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Shall we look at a clip? LAUGHTER
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Have I done a bad job of selling the film?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41- No, you haven't! - It's really a sunny and lovely film!
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- It is.- But in all seriousness... - GRAHAM LAUGHS
0:10:44 > 0:10:45LAUGHTER
0:10:45 > 0:10:50Because I hate my films normally, I can't bear to watch them.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51But I will say,
0:10:51 > 0:10:55I can't find a flaw in this one, it's really good.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57It's so good. It is so good.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58- I'm very proud of it. - Yeah, you should be.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- That's a bit better.- Very good!
0:11:00 > 0:11:06This is a charming clip of your character
0:11:06 > 0:11:08meeting the little bear for the first time.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12So, I'm going to ask one of you to come up here and open the fair.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Volunteers. Anyone?
0:11:14 > 0:11:18- Eeny, meeny, miny...- Ugh, ugh!
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Bear.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Let's have the young bear, why not?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25- Come, come young ursine.- Thank you.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Up here, my furry friend. Very good, very good.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30- Now, your name is?- Paddington Brown.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Oh, well, of course it is, you are my new neighbour!
0:11:33 > 0:11:38You live with Henry and Mary and the great Mrs...
0:11:38 > 0:11:40HE MUMBLES
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Now, then, I suppose you know who I am?
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Oh, yes. You're a very famous actor.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- Oh, poo.- Or used to be.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Now you do dog food commercials.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Well, a man has to eat.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53What, dog food?
0:11:53 > 0:11:56CROWD LAUGHS
0:11:56 > 0:11:58HE LAUGHS
0:11:58 > 0:11:59Very, very funny.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02APPLAUSE
0:12:07 > 0:12:11I can't remember, have you done this before in another film,
0:12:11 > 0:12:13having to act with...
0:12:13 > 0:12:15I think children have gone to bed, hopefully they have by now -
0:12:15 > 0:12:19but, obviously, the bear's not there.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21- So have you done that acting before? - I'm sorry, what?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Don't listen. Don't listen.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26I must say, my 89-year-old father came to the premiere the other day
0:12:26 > 0:12:31and he did say to me halfway through the film, "Is that a real bear?"
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- LAUGHTER - Oh.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- Oh.- "Dad, it talks!"
0:12:37 > 0:12:39LAUGHTER
0:12:39 > 0:12:42But it is very lifelike, so I suppose...
0:12:42 > 0:12:43But what was there?
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Was there anything there when you were doing that scene?
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Well, no, sometimes there's a stick,
0:12:47 > 0:12:52sometimes there's a wonderful very short actress,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55and sometimes, most frightening of all,
0:12:55 > 0:12:58there's a bear's head on a stick.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02It looks like a kind of warning to bears. Yeah.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06And in this film, because, you know, you kind of think,
0:13:06 > 0:13:07a light children's film,
0:13:07 > 0:13:10but your range, your range in this film -
0:13:10 > 0:13:14the accents, the make-up -
0:13:14 > 0:13:16it's a proper tour de force.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Well, yes, a lot of characters. A lot of characters
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Yes, they've released stills of some of them.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23There you are as a homeless man.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27- Well... Magwitch from Great Expectations.- Oh, OK.- Yeah.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31Then here you are as a train conductor.
0:13:31 > 0:13:32GRAHAM LAUGHS
0:13:32 > 0:13:34- Terrifying.- Yes.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37And then perhaps, most touching and beautiful of all,
0:13:37 > 0:13:39there you are.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42LAUGHTER
0:13:42 > 0:13:45- Yeah.- Were you very involved in creating the looks?
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Uh, fairly involved.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51The big surprise is you never know which costume
0:13:51 > 0:13:53is going to get you going.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55Maybe that's age, as well,
0:13:55 > 0:13:59but something about being a nun was slightly arousing in a very...
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- You don't know.- Yeah.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04I had to wear handcuffs in the Jeremy Thorpe thing
0:14:04 > 0:14:06the other day and I thought, "Hello!"
0:14:06 > 0:14:08LAUGHTER
0:14:10 > 0:14:12- Still life to be lived!- Yeah.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Cos, Jason Momoa, the characters you played have been so iconic,
0:14:16 > 0:14:18people like to dress up as them.
0:14:18 > 0:14:23So we've got a picture of you and Emilia as the Drogos.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- That's from the thing.- The Drogos!
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- What, you're Mr and Mrs Drogo, aren't you?- Yes, yes, yes, yes!
0:14:29 > 0:14:30They were a lovely family!
0:14:30 > 0:14:33The Drogos, I just hadn't heard that before!
0:14:33 > 0:14:35You know, the Drogos, the one with the Dragons!
0:14:35 > 0:14:37They're coming over tonight, the Drogos.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40I hope they don't bring that bloody dragon!
0:14:41 > 0:14:44So that's actual Game of Thrones
0:14:44 > 0:14:47with professional make up and costumes and everything.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50So bear in mind, that's the real thing.
0:14:50 > 0:14:55This is just a couple at home who've tried to recreate this.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57It's pretty amazing.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00LAUGHTER
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Is it like looking in a mirror?
0:15:12 > 0:15:15The attention to detail is marvellous, isn't it?
0:15:15 > 0:15:18I particularly like what they've done with the room.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21Oh, dear.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Right, Jason Momoa's film tonight
0:15:23 > 0:15:25is Justice League, ladies and gentlemen.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27CHEERING Yes, I know.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29People have been waiting for Justice League.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31It opens next Friday.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34This is a DC Comics supergroup,
0:15:34 > 0:15:36and this is your first real go at being Aquaman.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38We haven't sort of seen you.
0:15:38 > 0:15:43Yeah, we haven't, so, it's... We'll see if people like it.
0:15:43 > 0:15:44I'm pretty excited.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46They're all there, there's the Flash, Wonder Woman,
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Batman, Cyborg and you, Aquaman.
0:15:49 > 0:15:54Why? Why, Aquaman, have you all been joined together in this way?
0:15:54 > 0:15:59- The world as we know it is going to end.- No!- Yes!
0:15:59 > 0:16:00Oh, my God.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03I hate to break the news to you, but...
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Me and my friends kind of save you.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08We're so grateful!
0:16:10 > 0:16:11In terms of the superpowers -
0:16:11 > 0:16:14cos obviously, you're all superheroes, you've got superpowers,
0:16:14 > 0:16:19so, Aquaman, water-based, can breathe underwater, presumably?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22- Yes.- But what else can he do?
0:16:22 > 0:16:23He can command the ocean.
0:16:23 > 0:16:28So he can, you know - I basically talk to fish!
0:16:29 > 0:16:34If you wanted me to, I don't know, make you sushi, I could do that.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38If we were right next to water, I could be like, hand out...
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Is that a superhero quality?
0:16:40 > 0:16:43It sounds like Jonestown for fish!
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Yeah, he's got super-strength and...
0:16:47 > 0:16:51- That's good.- Bulletproof. That's nice.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55Why would you put bulletproof third after home-made sushi super quickly?
0:16:57 > 0:17:00- There you go.- You need to re-order. - And you've got your...
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Hang on, it's a...
0:17:02 > 0:17:06- Quindent.- Quindent.- Quindent.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08It's not the trident yet, we don't get the trident until a bit later.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- Next movie.- I think the quindent is back there.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- Oh, wow.- Is this the real quindent from the movie?
0:17:14 > 0:17:16CHEERING
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Good reaction to a fork, well done!
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- Is it heavy?- No.- Can I have a... - This one's the nice light one.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Oh, see, I could do that.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Aquawoman.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28I could make sushi quicker!
0:17:30 > 0:17:33- Can I do something with it? - Yeah, go on, but don't hurt anybody.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37Listen, I do break a lot of these.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39- OK.- I do break a lot of them, but...
0:17:39 > 0:17:42- Oh, oh, oh, oh!- Aah! - Is it still in one piece?
0:17:42 > 0:17:45- Here we go.- Still in one piece. Let's see if I can get it right.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47- Hi-yah!- Oh, very good!
0:17:47 > 0:17:48CHEERING
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- That's all I got.- Good fork work.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58We've got a clip.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02We've got a clip. Batman is sort of putting together the Justice League.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Yes, Batman and Wonder Woman.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07You know, Batman's not known for playing well with others
0:18:07 > 0:18:09and, obviously, the world's in peril,
0:18:09 > 0:18:16Wonder Woman helps get these other characters with superpowers
0:18:16 > 0:18:19to save the world and come together to, you know, save it.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- Yeah.- All right, well, this is Batman trying to get you involved.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24So let me get this straight.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28You do it dressed like a bat, like an actual bat?
0:18:28 > 0:18:29It worked for 20 years in Gotham.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33When the fight comes, we'll need you.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- Don't count on it, Batman. - Why not?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Cos I don't like you coming here digging into my business
0:18:37 > 0:18:39and getting into my life.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41People from Atlantis tell me to do this, now you say do that.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43I want to be left alone.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44That why you help these people out here
0:18:44 > 0:18:47in the middle of nowhere, cos you can just leave?
0:18:47 > 0:18:49I help them cos no-one else does.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51You want to protect them, you need to work with me.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Strong men are strongest alone.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55You ever heard that?
0:18:55 > 0:18:56- That's not a saying. - AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:18:56 > 0:19:00- That's the opposite of what the saying is.- Yeah.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Doesn't mean I'm wrong.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04You ever hear of Superman?
0:19:04 > 0:19:05He died fighting next to me.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07My point exactly.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- What's in the three boxes? - It's ancient history.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Mankind's melting the polar ice caps,
0:19:15 > 0:19:17destroying the ecosystem - they had it coming?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Hey, I don't mind if the oceans rise.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23How about if they boil?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Dressed like a bat -
0:19:25 > 0:19:27you're out of your mind, Bruce Wayne.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33APPLAUSE Ooh!
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Good!
0:19:35 > 0:19:40Now, that's actually Iceland.
0:19:40 > 0:19:41That's Iceland.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45- So that's cold, that water. - Yeah, that was cold.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47It doesn't look like it, but it was cold.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49You do look very relaxed.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52But were you wearing a thermal thing?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Yeah, you know, cos I was out there for a while,
0:19:55 > 0:19:58so they have a very thin wet suit that you put on
0:19:58 > 0:20:00so you don't freeze to death.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01OK, well, that's good!
0:20:01 > 0:20:05And it's funny cos they have a crane shot
0:20:05 > 0:20:07that went out there in front of me
0:20:07 > 0:20:10and I was walking out, but if you have a wet suit on,
0:20:10 > 0:20:12the air gets kind of trapped in there.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14You're just walking out and the bubbles start coming up
0:20:14 > 0:20:16and right when he gets to the level where it's at,
0:20:16 > 0:20:18all these bubbles come up,
0:20:18 > 0:20:20and it looked like you'd farted.
0:20:20 > 0:20:25The camera's right there and I start giggling cos of the bubbles
0:20:25 > 0:20:27cos I can feel them go up, too.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30And then I opened it up to let the air out
0:20:30 > 0:20:33and then all of the cold went in!
0:20:33 > 0:20:35So my reaction was like, "Ha-ha... Ooh-ooh!"
0:20:35 > 0:20:37LAUGHTER
0:20:37 > 0:20:41So many emotions went through me.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43And not to dwell on this picture too much,
0:20:43 > 0:20:48but some of these tattoos are real?
0:20:48 > 0:20:54Well, yeah. Zack had the idea, he wanted to put my tattoo -
0:20:54 > 0:20:56this is my family crest -
0:20:56 > 0:20:58he wanted to put it everywhere.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Oh, OK. These are just, are they...?
0:21:01 > 0:21:04They're like stickers, it takes quite a bit.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06I mean, it's about an hour and a half make-up in the morning
0:21:06 > 0:21:07just to put them all on -
0:21:07 > 0:21:11but there's, like, 20-odd pieces they have to put on
0:21:11 > 0:21:14and it takes a long time to get them off.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16It's the same in Sense And Sensibility!
0:21:16 > 0:21:18LAUGHTER
0:21:20 > 0:21:24Now, recently you celebrated your birthday on the set...
0:21:24 > 0:21:27You've already finished the stand-alone Aquaman movie.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- Yeah. Two weeks ago I just finished Aquaman, yeah, in Australia.- Wow.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34So that's in Australia. Here you all are celebrating your birthday.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36So this is your family - I mean, not all of them.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- I think the ones at the front are your family.- Yes.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42My babies, yeah. That's Wolf and Lola.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Because you live on a... Is it a ranch?
0:21:44 > 0:21:49Yes, yeah, we've got around five, six acres
0:21:49 > 0:21:54up in California, and a bunch of animals.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57- Nice.- It's kind of nice, cos there's no service,
0:21:57 > 0:22:00so we don't have a lot of TV so they don't get to see much,
0:22:00 > 0:22:04but they got to see the movie lately, which was phenomenal.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Cos I've never been able to show my kids -
0:22:06 > 0:22:08they've never seen The Wizard Of Oz -
0:22:08 > 0:22:12so I was worried, coming into it, to show them Justice League...
0:22:12 > 0:22:16..but it was amazing, cos my kids can't watch anything that I'm in.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18My grandmother can't watch anything. I mean, my family...
0:22:18 > 0:22:20I'm like, "Don't watch that one,
0:22:20 > 0:22:21"you're going to want to skip that one.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24"Eventually I'll be able to do something you can watch."
0:22:24 > 0:22:26It was really amazing to be able to watch...
0:22:26 > 0:22:28At least they could, if they wanted to.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31I mean, they might want to, but mine don't even want to watch me!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37I begged them to. They're sitting there watching Dinotrux.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39I say, "No! What about one of Daddy's films?"
0:22:41 > 0:22:44I'll shove in, you know, I've done some lovely films,
0:22:44 > 0:22:47like the Pirates cartoon, you can't get funnier or nicer than that,
0:22:47 > 0:22:52and I shove it in the DVD and there's tears and tantrums.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54We're back to Dinotrux in five seconds.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56I have to say, Dinotrux is pretty good!
0:22:58 > 0:23:00The thing is, in terms of being a parent now,
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Sarah Millican, you decided quite early this was not for you.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Yeah, I don't like kids, no offence!
0:23:08 > 0:23:11I'm sure yours are lovely but I'm glad they're not here!
0:23:12 > 0:23:15No interest at all.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17I, yeah, I was on holiday,
0:23:17 > 0:23:19so we went on two holidays abroad when I was a kid,
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Malta when I was four and Spain when I was eight.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24And when we were in Spain, when I was eight,
0:23:24 > 0:23:27my present I got on holiday was a baby doll.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31But it was like this. It was giant.
0:23:31 > 0:23:36And I remember having an inkling then, like, what childbirth was,
0:23:36 > 0:23:42I knew that it came out of a part of the woman and I thought, "No!"
0:23:42 > 0:23:45I knew there was no hole on me that would ever manage that!
0:23:47 > 0:23:51And the fun thing about the baby doll was that it had a dummy,
0:23:51 > 0:23:54you took the dummy out, the baby cried, put the dummy back in,
0:23:54 > 0:23:55baby stopped crying. Brilliant.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58This one particular night, you know people,
0:23:58 > 0:24:00women often think that the day they became a woman
0:24:00 > 0:24:03was the day that their period started?
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Not for me. On this one night, we lost the dummy
0:24:06 > 0:24:10so the baby was constantly crying.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13And I was bitten on the nipple by a mosquito.
0:24:15 > 0:24:16And it grew an actual boob.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22So I think that's the night I became a woman because I was eight
0:24:22 > 0:24:25but I wore a bra and my baby would not shut the fuck up!
0:24:25 > 0:24:27APPLAUSE
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Hey, everyone, Sarah Millican has written a book! Yes, she has.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37APPLAUSE
0:24:37 > 0:24:40A really successful book, How To Be Champion.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43You were number one in the Sunday Times bestseller list.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47- I know!- Which must be such a thrill. - It was ridiculous.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50I don't know why it was, but I'm really pleased it was.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Yeah, well, of course. It's a memoir,
0:24:52 > 0:24:56- it is the story of your life...- Yes. - ..but it also contains advice.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59And some of it's funny advice but some of it's real advice.
0:24:59 > 0:25:00Yeah, well, I decided...
0:25:00 > 0:25:03There's something really arrogant about writing an autobiography
0:25:03 > 0:25:05cos you just think, it's really odd to say to people,
0:25:05 > 0:25:08"Well, I'm assuming you all want to know all about me!"
0:25:08 > 0:25:11And people are, "Not really." So I decided, I wondered,
0:25:11 > 0:25:13cos I'm quite practical and I like to sort of fix things,
0:25:13 > 0:25:15if I have problems, I like to work out how to make them better.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18And I thought, "I wonder if some of the things that have helped me
0:25:18 > 0:25:21"might help other people." And it's interesting cos some of the people
0:25:21 > 0:25:23who have sent me messages who have read it and enjoyed it,
0:25:23 > 0:25:26which is great, have, like, skipped the divorce chapter,
0:25:26 > 0:25:29- because they're... - STRAINED:- ..happily married.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30And I think that's adorable
0:25:30 > 0:25:32but I hope they put that book on the shelf
0:25:32 > 0:25:35and they take it back out in a few years' time...
0:25:35 > 0:25:39..when they might need it, cos you never know! You never know.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41- It's a keeper!- Yeah, it really is.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43- It's like a reference book, really. - Yeah!
0:25:43 > 0:25:45And I don't want to misrepresent the book in any way,
0:25:45 > 0:25:47- because it is a really funny book... - Thanks.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50..and there's lots of really great stories, but you also,
0:25:50 > 0:25:56I came away with the impression of someone who struggles a bit
0:25:56 > 0:26:00with some of the aspects of your success and of your fame.
0:26:00 > 0:26:05Yeah, I'm quite shy, generally, so people don't really understand
0:26:05 > 0:26:08how you can stand in front of an audience and be shy.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10But it's because there's a gap!
0:26:10 > 0:26:13I'm on the stage and they're over there and all listening,
0:26:13 > 0:26:15looking at me, which is what I like.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18But I don't go to parties, that sort of thing.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20But what I find is, the kind of oddness...
0:26:20 > 0:26:22I suppose social media is a major difference,
0:26:22 > 0:26:25maybe it was different before social media
0:26:25 > 0:26:29in that you can be kind of attacked on social media or even just...
0:26:29 > 0:26:32I had this man once just send me a message saying,
0:26:32 > 0:26:34"I've just watched you put your bin out."
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Which is not a euphemism.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39It was just my bin.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42But that's the sort of thing that was quite scary to see, that.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44- No, that is scary. - Yeah - it's not threatening,
0:26:44 > 0:26:46but it was still a bit like,
0:26:46 > 0:26:49"Did he see that I didn't put all the recycling in the recycling bin?"
0:26:51 > 0:26:52And it's that sort of...
0:26:52 > 0:26:55..when you're quite a private person,
0:26:55 > 0:26:57I find that quite jarring, a little bit.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00- Not being able to turn it off? - Yeah.- Yeah.- Absolutely,
0:27:00 > 0:27:03and not being able to, you know, put your bin out just in your pants
0:27:03 > 0:27:04- if you want to.- Yeah.
0:27:04 > 0:27:09- Fully dressed.- Cos I have to say, you have been, I think, really brave
0:27:09 > 0:27:12in the way that you've taken on the press.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Because I feel, with the press, you'll win battles,
0:27:15 > 0:27:18but in the end they may win the war.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20I mean, are you worried they're just going to crush you,
0:27:20 > 0:27:23just find something to finally finish you off with?
0:27:25 > 0:27:28LAUGHTER
0:27:28 > 0:27:29Yes.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Well, I mean, look, I think they've got every skeleton in my cupboard.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37- There's a lot.- Yes.- But I think they've had them all now.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41- Woohoo!- No, no. I mean, you can't take that line, really,
0:27:41 > 0:27:44cos our lives are lovely, they're basically lovely.
0:27:44 > 0:27:48It's when people around you - your family, your innocent family,
0:27:48 > 0:27:51your 89-year-old dad gets woken up in the middle of the night
0:27:51 > 0:27:54and asked questions, that's when you get angry.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57But we're all right, we're all right, we're rich,
0:27:57 > 0:28:00we get lots of attention!
0:28:00 > 0:28:02But I think it's also the people who have no recourse, you know,
0:28:02 > 0:28:06- it's cos...- Yeah. - We have voices, and loud voices.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09- That's it.- It is people who live in a street in town
0:28:09 > 0:28:11and they end up in the papers and they've got no way...
0:28:11 > 0:28:13And these are the people.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15My campaign, Hacked Off, is entirely those people.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17It's people who've lost children in road accidents
0:28:17 > 0:28:20and then had their privacy invaded by national newspapers.
0:28:20 > 0:28:25It's all them, and it's not a celebrity, poor me, organisation.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27APPLAUSE OK, brilliant, yeah.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Very good.
0:28:31 > 0:28:36Now, Jason, cos you have this incredibly strong look, you know?
0:28:36 > 0:28:38- It's the forehead! - Yeah - but, no, it's everything.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40- The caveman forehead. - Yeah, it's a look,
0:28:40 > 0:28:42but you do take your acting very seriously.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44You know, you approach each role -
0:28:44 > 0:28:49- and was it Conan that you were quite method for Conan?- Er...
0:28:49 > 0:28:52Yeah, I had some stupid idea to, er...
0:28:52 > 0:28:55You know, you idolise actors,
0:28:55 > 0:28:58when I was growing up, Marlon Brando was obviously a huge one,
0:28:58 > 0:29:02and I heard in Streetcar, like, he got punched in the nose
0:29:02 > 0:29:06- so he could change his face. And... - HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:29:06 > 0:29:08Yeah, I asked a buddy to punch me in the face
0:29:08 > 0:29:11and I'd never had my nose broken, and it broke straight on.
0:29:11 > 0:29:14But in Conan, there's a gigantic bump hook in there
0:29:14 > 0:29:17and my wife was so pissed!
0:29:18 > 0:29:22I hope I don't have a friend who would do that for me.
0:29:22 > 0:29:24I would for you, if you want!
0:29:24 > 0:29:26Apparently I do!
0:29:29 > 0:29:32Because, because... Now, you've been in so many films,
0:29:32 > 0:29:35very experienced in front of the camera,
0:29:35 > 0:29:39but in real life, didn't you pretend to be your own agent?
0:29:39 > 0:29:43I did. I've never been very good with being agented,
0:29:43 > 0:29:46or with agents, and I fire them left, right and centre.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48I fired one poor man who was a brilliant agent
0:29:48 > 0:29:50just because I saw his anus.
0:29:53 > 0:29:55- He...- Not just 10% of it?
0:29:58 > 0:30:00- APPLAUSE - It was ridiculous.
0:30:00 > 0:30:03We were at some film festival and his shower broke down,
0:30:03 > 0:30:06he wanted to borrow my bath in my suite and I said all right.
0:30:06 > 0:30:08I forgot he was in there and I walked in
0:30:08 > 0:30:12and he was on all fours washing. Who washes like that?
0:30:12 > 0:30:16I've never heard of such a thing! And, anyway, the view was awful.
0:30:17 > 0:30:20Why...? I don't understand! He was on all fours?
0:30:20 > 0:30:23Yes, and his bottom towards me, this awful, soapy...
0:30:25 > 0:30:27..flag of Japan.
0:30:29 > 0:30:32I had to say, "You're a great agent, I'm really very fond of you,
0:30:32 > 0:30:35"but I've seen your anus and you've got to go."
0:30:36 > 0:30:39I did then invent an agent for three or four years
0:30:39 > 0:30:43called James Howe Ealy, which saved a lot of money, you know,
0:30:43 > 0:30:46people would send me a script and James Howe Ealy would say,
0:30:46 > 0:30:48"Thank you so much for submitting the script,
0:30:48 > 0:30:51"I'll get it to Hugh as soon as possible and get back to you."
0:30:51 > 0:30:52But I got caught out in the end
0:30:52 > 0:30:55because I used to, you know, do these e-mails a bit drunk
0:30:55 > 0:30:57and, you know, I'd say, "Hugh's read the script
0:30:57 > 0:31:00"and he really enjoys it, he'd like to meet up.
0:31:00 > 0:31:01"Best wishes, Hugh."
0:31:05 > 0:31:08And then they rang one time and I was sort of,
0:31:08 > 0:31:11"I haven't got a voice for James Howe Ealy!"
0:31:11 > 0:31:14And for some reason I panicked
0:31:14 > 0:31:16and I went with genteel Edinburgh old lady.
0:31:17 > 0:31:20It was pretty much Janet from Doctor Finlay.
0:31:20 > 0:31:22- IN SCOTTISH ACCENT: - "Well, hello now.
0:31:22 > 0:31:25"Shall we have a wee cup of tea then?"
0:31:25 > 0:31:27Ludicrous and unconvincing.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30- Yeah.- On the anus front...
0:31:31 > 0:31:34I was recently, I woke up the other day and I was lying on the bed
0:31:34 > 0:31:37and I've got a little dog, a little rescue dog, adorable thing,
0:31:37 > 0:31:38and he was lying on one of my boobs,
0:31:38 > 0:31:40which is tricky when they're in a bra
0:31:40 > 0:31:43but very easy when they're not, sort of a comfy cushion.
0:31:43 > 0:31:47And he pushed himself off the boob, pushed himself and it really hurt
0:31:47 > 0:31:49so I made a noise, a noise of pain.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52At the same time, unbeknownst to me,
0:31:52 > 0:31:55my husband was bent over picking up a sock off the floor,
0:31:55 > 0:31:59fully naked with his anus in much the same situation,
0:31:59 > 0:32:01spread in my face.
0:32:01 > 0:32:02And the noise that I made,
0:32:02 > 0:32:07he thought I was making that noise because of what I'd just seen!
0:32:07 > 0:32:10And the noise I made was this. "Aaah!"
0:32:11 > 0:32:14And I said to him, "I've been with you for 13 years,
0:32:14 > 0:32:15"I love you very dearly,
0:32:15 > 0:32:18"I would never make a noise upon seeing any part of you.
0:32:18 > 0:32:20"I might do a face.
0:32:21 > 0:32:25"I might do a little retch. Ugh. A little...
0:32:25 > 0:32:27"But it would be entirely inaudible."
0:32:27 > 0:32:28I love him too much!
0:32:31 > 0:32:34And, Sarah Millican, very quickly, you are also back on tour.
0:32:34 > 0:32:37- Yes.- Control Enthusiast. It's 130 dates.
0:32:37 > 0:32:42- Yeah, it's sort of a year.- Wow. - I've little gaps so I don't go mad,
0:32:42 > 0:32:45and I get to remind myself what my husband looks like.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48His face, hopefully not the rest of him!
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Not just his anus!
0:32:51 > 0:32:53Who knew I had an anus story?!
0:32:53 > 0:32:55- It's good to know.- Jason...
0:32:55 > 0:32:57I have too many to disclose.
0:32:59 > 0:33:02Right, it's time for our musical guest tonight.
0:33:02 > 0:33:05This artist rose to fame as the first winner of American Idol.
0:33:05 > 0:33:08Since then, she has sold over 25 million albums
0:33:08 > 0:33:10and won three Grammys.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12Now she's back with a brand-new album.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15Here performing Love So Soft, it is Kelly Clarkson!
0:33:15 > 0:33:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:33:26 > 0:33:29# Every kiss is a door
0:33:29 > 0:33:31# Can I knock on yours?
0:33:31 > 0:33:33# Can we knock a little more?
0:33:33 > 0:33:37# If a touch is a key
0:33:37 > 0:33:41# Keep on twistin', keep unlockin' keep on turnin' me
0:33:41 > 0:33:45- # Let me in - Ah-ah
0:33:45 > 0:33:49# I wanna be closer to you. let you under my skin
0:33:49 > 0:33:51- # If I let you in - Ah-ah
0:33:52 > 0:33:54# You gotta be careful with it
0:33:54 > 0:33:56- # Let me tell you again - Hey!
0:33:56 > 0:33:58# Love so soft
0:33:58 > 0:34:00# You ain't had nothin' softer
0:34:00 > 0:34:03# Break it, then you buy it and it's sure gonna cost ya
0:34:03 > 0:34:05# Love so soft
0:34:05 > 0:34:07# That you can't rub off
0:34:07 > 0:34:09# You gon' love it, if you try it
0:34:09 > 0:34:12# Gotcha hooked now you're caught up
0:34:12 > 0:34:15- # Love so soft, so soft - So soft
0:34:15 > 0:34:18# Love so soft, so soft
0:34:18 > 0:34:21# If a thought was a truth
0:34:21 > 0:34:25# We'd be doin' all the kinds of things I know you wanna do
0:34:25 > 0:34:28- # But I need, need to know - Need to know
0:34:28 > 0:34:33# Will you protect me, respect me if I let you close?
0:34:33 > 0:34:37- # Hey, let me in - Let me in, let me in
0:34:37 > 0:34:40# I wanna be closer to you let you under my skin
0:34:40 > 0:34:44- # If I let you in - If I let you in, let you in
0:34:44 > 0:34:46# You gotta be careful with it
0:34:46 > 0:34:48- # Let me tell you again - Hey!
0:34:48 > 0:34:49# Love so soft
0:34:49 > 0:34:52# You ain't had nothin' softer
0:34:52 > 0:34:55# Break it, then you buy it and it's sure gonna cost ya
0:34:55 > 0:34:57# Love so soft
0:34:57 > 0:34:59# That you can't rub off
0:34:59 > 0:35:01# You gon' love it, if you try it gotcha hooked,
0:35:01 > 0:35:03# Now you're caught up
0:35:03 > 0:35:07# Love so soft, so soft
0:35:07 > 0:35:10- # Love so soft - So soft
0:35:10 > 0:35:14# If you want this love gotta hold it tight
0:35:14 > 0:35:17# Never let it go, baby let it give you life
0:35:17 > 0:35:21# If you want this love gotta hold it tight
0:35:21 > 0:35:25# Never let it go, baby let it give you life
0:35:25 > 0:35:27- # Love - Love so soft
0:35:27 > 0:35:29- # You ain't had nothin' softer - You ain't had
0:35:29 > 0:35:32# Break it, then you buy it and it's sure gonna cost ya
0:35:32 > 0:35:34- # Love - Love so soft
0:35:34 > 0:35:35- # That you can't rub off - Hey!
0:35:35 > 0:35:38# You gon' love it, if you try it gotcha hooked
0:35:38 > 0:35:40# Now you're caught up
0:35:40 > 0:35:42- # Love so soft, so soft - If you want it
0:35:42 > 0:35:44- # Love so soft, so soft - If you want it
0:35:44 > 0:35:47- # Love so soft, so soft - Hey-oh
0:35:47 > 0:35:51- # Love so soft, so soft - So soft
0:35:51 > 0:35:54- # Love so soft, so soft - Oh, yeah
0:35:54 > 0:35:58- # Love so soft, so soft - Oh
0:35:58 > 0:36:01- # Love so soft, so soft - Come on, love, come on, come on
0:36:01 > 0:36:04- # Love, love, love - Love so soft, so soft
0:36:04 > 0:36:06- # Love, love, love - Love so soft, so soft
0:36:06 > 0:36:10- # If you want it, baby - Love so soft, so soft. #
0:36:10 > 0:36:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:19 > 0:36:22Kelly Clarkson, and her singers and her band, oh!
0:36:24 > 0:36:26So good to have you back.
0:36:26 > 0:36:27Lovely to see you, Kelly.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29- Thank you. - Kelly Clarkson, everybody.
0:36:29 > 0:36:32In you come, meet the gang.
0:36:32 > 0:36:34Jason. Sarah. Hugh.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:36:37 > 0:36:39- Nice to see you. - HUGH:- Nice to meet you.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41- KELLY:- Yeah, nice to meet you as well.
0:36:41 > 0:36:44Very good. So, now, that song...
0:36:44 > 0:36:47I love this show, you get to drink!
0:36:47 > 0:36:49- Woohoo!- Yes! The greatest.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52Now, the new album, it's called Meaning Of Life.
0:36:52 > 0:36:55- It's out now. There it is. - Yes, just come out.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57- That song is obviously on it.- Yeah.
0:36:57 > 0:37:01Now, here's the... This is... I was amazed by this fact.
0:37:01 > 0:37:04- So, you win American Idol 15 years ago.- Mm-hm.
0:37:04 > 0:37:09This is your first album beyond that contract?
0:37:09 > 0:37:10Yes.
0:37:12 > 0:37:16- It's, like, done, yeah.- That's nuts. - Insane! I know, I know.
0:37:16 > 0:37:18You know what? It was successful, though, you know,
0:37:18 > 0:37:21we had a very successful arranged marriage, so, yeah.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24- But, I mean, I was on a competition, you sign a contract.- Yeah.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26It changes your life, there are pros and cons, so, yeah.
0:37:26 > 0:37:31But you've sold 25 million albums, you've won all of those Grammys.
0:37:31 > 0:37:35Doesn't that give you a bit of, "I can win a fight now"?
0:37:35 > 0:37:37Well, it gives me - that's not even my best work,
0:37:37 > 0:37:39that's why I feel so excited about this album,
0:37:39 > 0:37:42you know what I'm saying? This album is, like, so much better than those.
0:37:42 > 0:37:45I love those, I love singing them, I don't have a problem,
0:37:45 > 0:37:47I love all my hits that I've had, I'm not that person...
0:37:47 > 0:37:50Were you keeping your good ideas back for after the 15 years?
0:37:50 > 0:37:52- No... - LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:37:52 > 0:37:54Really restrained.
0:37:54 > 0:37:58- Like, a drawer of amazing songs. - Yeah.- Here they are!
0:37:58 > 0:38:01People will always be, like, "Are you nervous about this record?"
0:38:01 > 0:38:03Every time I'd have a new record, I'm like,
0:38:03 > 0:38:04"No, cos I haven't really..."
0:38:04 > 0:38:06I hadn't felt like I'd done my best yet.
0:38:06 > 0:38:09I haven't been able to really nail a record how I wanted to.
0:38:09 > 0:38:12Atlantic Records was amazing to work with.
0:38:12 > 0:38:16This is a proud musical footprint for me.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18And great that, after 15 years, you get to feel like that.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21- You get to feel like, "Right, let's get started."- First time artist.
0:38:21 > 0:38:23- Yeah.- Yeah, no, it is - and it's cool, too,
0:38:23 > 0:38:27because I think 15 years into any career, whatever your vocation is,
0:38:27 > 0:38:30I think it's exciting to have something fresh going on.
0:38:30 > 0:38:32You're a very different person than you were 15 years ago.
0:38:32 > 0:38:36Oh, I don't know about y'all, but I hate my 20-year-old self.
0:38:36 > 0:38:38All my 20s, I'm like, "She's annoying!"
0:38:38 > 0:38:44She's annoying, she was very egocentric, dramatic, and...
0:38:44 > 0:38:46I'm still a bit dramatic!
0:38:46 > 0:38:49No, I just, I feel like, my life, especially having children,
0:38:49 > 0:38:53you know, we have four kids, that's a lot of selflessness.
0:38:53 > 0:38:56I don't know, I think perspective kind of changes your world.
0:38:56 > 0:38:58I think it was the last time you were here,
0:38:58 > 0:39:00Kelly brought her daughter.
0:39:00 > 0:39:01I did, River, she was young, yeah.
0:39:01 > 0:39:05And the happiest baby I have ever encountered. I mean...
0:39:05 > 0:39:08- Yeah, and now...- Miserable!
0:39:08 > 0:39:10LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:39:10 > 0:39:14And she's super happy and then all of a sudden, just super not.
0:39:14 > 0:39:16- Yeah, it's really fun. - But isn't that...?
0:39:16 > 0:39:18LAUGHTER
0:39:18 > 0:39:21- But she likes...- You didn't mean the word fun, there. No, no.
0:39:21 > 0:39:25It's like, take the wine in a bathroom and cry it out with God.
0:39:25 > 0:39:27Cos then you're like, "I don't want to kill her!"
0:39:29 > 0:39:32- "I still love you!" - She's super great, though.
0:39:32 > 0:39:34Sometimes she's like this little unicorn, sometimes -
0:39:34 > 0:39:36she's very magical, very infectious, in a good way.
0:39:36 > 0:39:38And nearly extinct.
0:39:38 > 0:39:43- No, it's fictional, it was never a thing.- They never lived.
0:39:43 > 0:39:46- Extinct!- Am I wrong, am I wrong? - No...
0:39:46 > 0:39:47Is it a real bear?
0:39:51 > 0:39:54But isn't that the song, Love So Soft, that she likes?
0:39:54 > 0:39:56Well, she does, but she can't say her Fs yet.
0:39:56 > 0:39:59So it sounds like her mother's an alcoholic
0:39:59 > 0:40:02because she says "love so sauced", you know?
0:40:02 > 0:40:05We have a very drunken love at our household.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08She just can't say her Fs, so it's fun to hear her sing all the songs.
0:40:08 > 0:40:11Well, you did very well tonight. Thank you so much for singing that.
0:40:11 > 0:40:13APPLAUSE Congratulations on the album.
0:40:13 > 0:40:14Kelly Clarkson, everybody.
0:40:16 > 0:40:18Right, that's nearly it, but before we go,
0:40:18 > 0:40:20there's time for a visit to the big red chair.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22- Who is there? Hello! Hi!- Hi.
0:40:22 > 0:40:24- Who are you?- I'm John.
0:40:24 > 0:40:26John, lovely - and where are you from, John?
0:40:26 > 0:40:28I live in London, originally from Northern Ireland.
0:40:28 > 0:40:30HE MIMICS HIM: Northern Ireland!
0:40:31 > 0:40:33Whereabouts in Northern Ireland?
0:40:33 > 0:40:36In Bangor, just outside Belfast in Northern Ireland.
0:40:36 > 0:40:40Oh, Bangor's lovely, Bangor. It's a seaside resort. Oh, yes.
0:40:40 > 0:40:43- But you live here now?- I do. - And what do you do here?
0:40:43 > 0:40:48I try to make it easier for people with disabilities to bank.
0:40:48 > 0:40:50- To what?!- To BANK!
0:40:50 > 0:40:52- To bank?- B.
0:40:53 > 0:40:55APPLAUSE
0:41:00 > 0:41:02My career guidance officer...
0:41:04 > 0:41:05..never suggested that to me.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17I can't wait to hear his story now.
0:41:17 > 0:41:18Off you go, sir.
0:41:18 > 0:41:21So, I got up one morning, as usual,
0:41:21 > 0:41:24getting myself ready to go to work,
0:41:24 > 0:41:26and from getting out of bed,
0:41:26 > 0:41:29in the 20 feet or so to get to the bathroom,
0:41:29 > 0:41:35I was in excruciating pain around the rectal region.
0:41:35 > 0:41:40- What?- Yeah.- His bumhole.- Arsehole. - I get it!
0:41:40 > 0:41:43I'm concerned. I know what that is.
0:41:43 > 0:41:48- And then... - Dr Clarkson's very concerned!
0:41:48 > 0:41:50I think you should go to the ER at that point.
0:41:50 > 0:41:55Well, I did go to the doctors, got seen straightaway.
0:41:55 > 0:41:58He says, "Right, can you remove your trousers and underwear
0:41:58 > 0:42:01"and lie down and think happy thoughts?"
0:42:01 > 0:42:04So he rummaged about and he then...
0:42:04 > 0:42:06Oh, my gosh!
0:42:06 > 0:42:08..he asked me a question,
0:42:08 > 0:42:11"Do you like asparagus?"
0:42:11 > 0:42:15And pulled out an asparagus tip from my anus.
0:42:17 > 0:42:21Bizarrely, I had not eaten asparagus for months.
0:42:21 > 0:42:23- What?!- So I have no idea where it was from.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27What?!
0:42:27 > 0:42:29APPLAUSE
0:42:34 > 0:42:36I'm slightly offended!
0:42:36 > 0:42:38Answers on a postcard.
0:42:40 > 0:42:41What the hell was that about?
0:42:41 > 0:42:43- HUGH:- Who comes on national television
0:42:43 > 0:42:44and talks about anuses like that?
0:42:44 > 0:42:47And also it would be harder to, yeah, get in and then get out
0:42:47 > 0:42:50cos they're sort of weird at the top, aren't they? I don't know.
0:42:50 > 0:42:52- KELLY:- Oh, my gosh!- But also, did someone break into his house
0:42:52 > 0:42:55and insert some asparagus in him?
0:42:55 > 0:42:59Because if it was cooked, surely that wouldn't hurt you, would it?
0:42:59 > 0:43:02- I don't understand.- No!
0:43:02 > 0:43:04We've got questions, you shouldn't have tipped him.
0:43:04 > 0:43:05- HUGH:- Get him out here!
0:43:07 > 0:43:09One more, one more, one more. OK, here we go.
0:43:09 > 0:43:11- Hello.- Hello!- Hi! What's your name?
0:43:11 > 0:43:13- I'm Jane.- Jane. Lovely, Jane. And where are you from?
0:43:13 > 0:43:16- I'm from Marlow in Buckinghamshire. - Lovely, full address!
0:43:16 > 0:43:18And what do you do?
0:43:18 > 0:43:22I'm retired now but I was a practice manager at a health centre.
0:43:22 > 0:43:23Oh, OK.
0:43:23 > 0:43:26Medically based. Maybe she can explain the asparagus!
0:43:31 > 0:43:34No-one can explain the asparagus.
0:43:35 > 0:43:37Twitter's going to go crazy.
0:43:40 > 0:43:43All right, off you go with your story, Jane.
0:43:43 > 0:43:45OK. So, I'm a woman of a certain age
0:43:45 > 0:43:49and I got to a menopause state where, you know,
0:43:49 > 0:43:51things were going wrong with my body, etc,
0:43:51 > 0:43:53so I happened to mention it to a friend, that I was not...
0:43:53 > 0:43:56..you know, I was not coping particularly well,
0:43:56 > 0:43:58and she said, "Oh, I've got a great gadget for you.
0:43:58 > 0:44:00"It's a magnet." She gave me the magnet and she said,
0:44:00 > 0:44:02"You just put it in your pants."
0:44:02 > 0:44:04It was about the size of a £2 coin.
0:44:04 > 0:44:06Wait, did it vibrate? Like, where are we going with this?
0:44:06 > 0:44:11- I know where we're going with this. - LAUGHTER
0:44:12 > 0:44:14APPLAUSE
0:44:16 > 0:44:19This sounds like a job for Aquaman!
0:44:20 > 0:44:22He can breathe underwater!
0:44:32 > 0:44:35- I'm sorry.- Sorry, we've interrupted,
0:44:35 > 0:44:37so you've got a magnet in your pants.
0:44:37 > 0:44:39A magnet in my pants, and I toddle off to work
0:44:39 > 0:44:42and I get into the office and I saw these metal filing cabinets
0:44:42 > 0:44:46in the office so I thought, "I wonder..."
0:44:46 > 0:44:49So I lurched myself forward at one of the metal cabinets
0:44:49 > 0:44:52and attached myself to the cabinet,
0:44:52 > 0:44:55to the hilarity of all my office colleagues.
0:44:55 > 0:44:59And then my boss came in to try and find out what the noise was
0:44:59 > 0:45:04and of course, there I was, attached to a filing cabinet with my pants.
0:45:04 > 0:45:05- That's my story.- Oh, my...
0:45:05 > 0:45:08Oh, oh, oh, it's a trigger finger.
0:45:08 > 0:45:11Oh, you wanted to save the nice lady?
0:45:11 > 0:45:14- Yeah, I liked her story very much. - Did you?
0:45:14 > 0:45:15I find you harsh!
0:45:16 > 0:45:18APPLAUSE
0:45:18 > 0:45:20Well done, everyone, on the big red chair.
0:45:20 > 0:45:22If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go,
0:45:22 > 0:45:25you can contact us via our website at this address.
0:45:25 > 0:45:27That is it for tonight.
0:45:27 > 0:45:29Please say thank you to my guests, Jason Momoa...
0:45:30 > 0:45:32..Kelly Clarkson...
0:45:33 > 0:45:34..Sarah Millican...
0:45:34 > 0:45:36..and Mr Hugh Grant! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:45:39 > 0:45:41Next week is Children In Need,
0:45:41 > 0:45:44so we'll see you the Friday after that with pop star Kesha,
0:45:44 > 0:45:47actor John Lithgow, Strictly judge Shirley Ballas,
0:45:47 > 0:45:49the hilarious Will Ferrell,
0:45:49 > 0:45:50the always entertaining Mark Wahlberg
0:45:50 > 0:45:53and, for the first time, Oscar-winner Mel Gibson.
0:45:53 > 0:45:55I'll see you then! Goodnight, everybody. Bye-bye!
0:45:55 > 0:45:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE