:00:10. > :00:19.Tonight: We have one of the stars of EastEnders. Really? Which one?
:00:19. > :00:29.don't know! AUDIENCE MEMBER PLAYS A DRUM Let's start the show! How good
:00:29. > :00:40.
:00:40. > :00:45.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello! Thank you very much. Thank
:00:45. > :00:52.you. Well done, Simon, very good. Hello, everybody and welcome!
:00:52. > :00:57.CHEERING Oh. So everyone enjoying Wimbledon?
:00:58. > :01:02.AUDIENCE: Yes! All right. This could be our year, couldn't it? It
:01:02. > :01:08.could be our year. Come on, Andy! Or if you are watching the Monday
:01:08. > :01:15.repeat, bad luck, Andy. LAUGHTER Lots of celebritys in the crowd
:01:15. > :01:23.this week including the Duchess of Cornwall. Yes, she was there. The
:01:23. > :01:31.ball disappeared, I don't know where it went! LAUGHTER What is she
:01:31. > :01:35.doing? That's a real picture. What is she doing? A gorgeous sofa for
:01:35. > :01:40.you this week, the beautiful Kim Cattrall is here. Yes. The
:01:41. > :01:47.beautiful Jessie Wallace is here. APPLAUSE And Lee Mack is here.
:01:47. > :01:55.APPLAUSE And we will also be having music from The Saturdays.
:01:55. > :02:00.CHEERING Hello! I think welcome back to Jessie Wallace. Jessie
:02:00. > :02:09.plays Kat Moon in EastEnders. I love Kat Moon's fake tan. They have
:02:09. > :02:19.a special make-up artist who puts it on, they do. LAUGHTER It's weird.
:02:19. > :02:21.
:02:21. > :02:29.If you Google "Kat" and "Moon" you get this. APPLAUSE Kim Cattrall is
:02:29. > :02:33.here. Really excited. We all loved her in Sex and the City.
:02:33. > :02:40.CHEERING Four sophisticated metropolitan women. We have a
:02:40. > :02:50.similar show here. LAUGHTER More Against The Wall Behind ASDA!
:02:50. > :02:50.
:02:50. > :02:55.APPLAUSE Kim's fabulous in Sex and the City. How many men did she get
:02:55. > :03:03.through? Kim's in a new film where she plays an ex-porn star who
:03:03. > :03:07.becomes a stripper. In America, that's very sexy. In Britain, not
:03:07. > :03:11.so much! Let's get some guests on, ladies and gentlemen. Later, we
:03:11. > :03:16.will have music from The Saturdays. CHEERING First, just what you need
:03:16. > :03:25.for Wimbledon week, a mac, it's Lee Mack.
:03:25. > :03:33.CHEERING Look at you all smart. I'm over the moon she's here, it is
:03:33. > :03:41.Jessie Wallace. CHEERING Hi. Look at you! There she
:03:41. > :03:51.is. Take a seat. And she's the sexiest woman in any city, it is
:03:51. > :03:54.
:03:54. > :04:01.Kim Cattrall! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Sit yourself down. Oh. What a sexy
:04:01. > :04:05.couch. You are patronising me by saying that but thank you. Jessie,
:04:05. > :04:11.are you going to be able to get through a whole show without crying
:04:11. > :04:15.or punching someone? I'll try. Seriously. Men and women. Do you
:04:15. > :04:19.watch EastEnders? No, I don't. it true you said somewhere that you
:04:19. > :04:23.would like to be in Coronation Street? Being born in Liverpool I
:04:23. > :04:31.felt that was an easy extension, wouldn't you think? Lee, you are
:04:31. > :04:39.from up north. Is it the law... What was that? Up north! Up north?
:04:39. > :04:43.Why don't I put on my wellies and do some Riverdance?! Being back in
:04:43. > :04:48.EastEnders - there is a sweet story about the first time when the
:04:48. > :04:51.Slaters - you got a tour? They showed us around the lot, around
:04:52. > :04:57.the Square and they showed us the Tube station and I remember
:04:57. > :05:07.standing there thinking, "Oh my God, a train that comes into work."
:05:07. > :05:10.
:05:10. > :05:14.LAUGHTER I didn't tell anyone for years and one day I told Shane
:05:14. > :05:18.while we were working and he burst out laughing, about to go for a
:05:18. > :05:23.take and he grabbed the boom and pulled it down and he told
:05:23. > :05:28.everybody. What line did you think it was on? I don't know. A train
:05:29. > :05:32.station to work... And it was so quiet! LAUGHTER Now, Kim, you
:05:32. > :05:36.haven't been in EastEnders, but you have been in a long-running
:05:36. > :05:41.television institution. I saw you at Wimbledon on the telly. Very
:05:41. > :05:50.exciting. It is my second year. The first year I saw the men's finals
:05:50. > :05:54.and I met Colin Firth. Ooh! A good day. Yesterday, you looked on the
:05:54. > :06:00.dge of your seat watching that match. -- the edge of your seat
:06:00. > :06:04.watching that match. You are going to do this! I had an itch and I was
:06:04. > :06:10.scratching it. I love how bored everybody looks. Everybody is
:06:10. > :06:14.looking in different directions. I like that little lady there. She
:06:14. > :06:21.looks like she is having a nice time. Did you meet everybody?
:06:21. > :06:28.really, no. It is about the match. In-and-out. Yes. Lee, tennis fan,
:06:28. > :06:37.no? Why would you assume no? don't know. The subtext of, not you,
:06:37. > :06:47.you scumbag. I find it a bit... Boring? Arousing. British men never
:06:47. > :06:48.
:06:48. > :06:53.cease to amaze me. You won't be amazed. I'm not amazed. Jessie, do
:06:53. > :06:57.you like tennis? No. I think it is raemly boring. I like the sound of
:06:57. > :07:05.it -- really boring. I like the sound of it in the background but I
:07:05. > :07:11.don't like watching it. You know it is going well and some applause,
:07:11. > :07:16.that was good! LAUGHTER Grand formal occasions Jessie doesn't
:07:16. > :07:22.have a lot of luck. She was nominated for a BAFTA.
:07:22. > :07:27.Congratulations. Thank you. still... I lost my ticket! Jessie
:07:27. > :07:32.is, like, one of the leads in the biggest soap opera in the country
:07:32. > :07:38.showinging up at the television awards ceremony and -- showing up
:07:38. > :07:47.at the television awards ceremony and... They wouldn't let you in?
:07:47. > :07:54.They wouldn't. We had to walk two streets... But I'm a nominee!
:07:54. > :08:03.nominee! LAUGHTER That's terrible. Then you lost? I did, thanks for
:08:03. > :08:11.reminding me. APPLAUSE I know what it is like, I have been nominated
:08:11. > :08:16.for five Emmys, oh friggin'hell! didn't say that. Did you put on a
:08:16. > :08:24.good face? I did. Let's see it. Someone made me laugh so that was a
:08:24. > :08:33.good thing. As soon as the camera went I was like... Who beat you?
:08:33. > :08:42.Another actress. I can't remember her name! Misfits! She's great! She
:08:42. > :08:46.is really great. Her acting is BAFTA-winning! Now, welcome back,
:08:46. > :08:53.Kim Cattrall. You spend loads of time here now? I do. I like being
:08:53. > :08:57.here very much. We like you being here. You forged this, you made
:08:57. > :09:02.really smart choices. Thank you. is a hard thing to walk away from
:09:02. > :09:07.something like that. It is. People think you are that character. It
:09:07. > :09:13.follows you. Jessie Wallace, a big fan? I am a huge fan. Thank you.
:09:13. > :09:18.You watch it with your daughter... No, I don't watch it... In the
:09:18. > :09:22.background with the tennis. I'm a huge fan. I have it on quite a lot.
:09:22. > :09:29.I don't want her to watch the rude bits. When they come on and if she
:09:29. > :09:35.is in the room, I have to jump in front of the telly going la-la, you
:09:35. > :09:40.know, doing the... Not me, Samantha. People always say, we have seen you
:09:40. > :09:44.nude, no, no, you have seen Samantha nude. I'm like this nude.
:09:44. > :09:47.But she is like this. It is a great thing you are in a huge big hit,
:09:47. > :09:53.which is a fabulous thing. There must be a moment when you like to
:09:53. > :09:59.turn that off? A little bit. I feel sorry for Lee, people come up to us
:09:59. > :10:09.thinking they know us... together, they don't come up to us
:10:09. > :10:10.
:10:10. > :10:18.and go, "I never knew you..." I'm Arthur, he's Martha! APPLAUSE I
:10:18. > :10:22.love the way Lee thought that through(!) It worked out. I'm a
:10:22. > :10:29.very giving person. That's beautiful. What is nice is, if
:10:29. > :10:33.people come and talk to us, they do sort of know us. Yes. They don't
:10:33. > :10:38.know you. No. Which must be doubly difficult? It can be very
:10:38. > :10:46.challenging in some ways, yes. they call you by your fictional
:10:46. > :10:54.name? They call me Sam. A lot of people say, "Kat, where's Alfie?"
:10:54. > :11:00.And I turn round and go, "I have no idea. I'm a nominee!" You could get
:11:00. > :11:04.a BAFTA because of this, you know. Are people lovely to you, Jessie?
:11:04. > :11:10.People are really lovely. A little while ago I was at a funfair and I
:11:10. > :11:14.got surrounded by these girls that looked like they were out of My Big
:11:14. > :11:24.Fat Gypsy Wedding. I hear you. I know what you are saying. This girl
:11:24. > :11:29.went, "Where's your make-up, you look better with your make-up on?"
:11:29. > :11:35.APPLAUSE Ouch! I want to go home. Why would you say that to somebody?
:11:35. > :11:40.I know. I was scared. Listen, I must talk about your movie. Meeting
:11:40. > :11:45.Monica Velour. It's such a lovely movie. It is out to buy from 4th
:11:45. > :11:51.July. First of all, it is at the Edinburgh Film Festival. It's been
:11:51. > :11:57.really getting a lot of good buzz and they have added screenings, so
:11:57. > :12:03.you can come to see it if you are going up north! It is bittersweet.
:12:03. > :12:08.It is a love story between a 17- year-old boy and a 50-something
:12:08. > :12:12.year-old woman. There is a lot to learn in those years. She was a
:12:12. > :12:17.film star, a big porn star in the late '70s and it is 30 years later
:12:17. > :12:19.and he goes across the country to meet her. She's stripping in this
:12:19. > :12:23.club and they form this relationship which changes their
:12:23. > :12:29.lives. It is very funny and sweet and endearing. It was quite a
:12:29. > :12:38.stretch for me because I had to gain 20 pounds, literally a stretch,
:12:38. > :12:43.to play this character. Ooh! It was fantastic! I have been on a diet
:12:43. > :12:49.since 1974! This was time for me to eat! Boy, do you like to eat?
:12:49. > :12:52.yes, can't you tell?! Chips and crisps and puddings and oh it was
:12:52. > :12:59.amazing. It is a real transformation, the voice, the look,
:12:59. > :13:05.everything. Here is a clip. I don't think you should do it. I couldn't
:13:05. > :13:08.help you. Look, I don't need another guide trying to run my life.
:13:08. > :13:14.You are not my boyfriend. You are some kid I took home because I felt
:13:14. > :13:20.sorry for and you are 17. All you know about is like book reports and
:13:20. > :13:25.dances at the gym and some stupid movies I did 30 years ago. That is
:13:25. > :13:32.fantasy. This is reality. That is something you don't know nothing
:13:32. > :13:42.about. Me and every other woman in the world, we have minds of our own.
:13:42. > :13:50.
:13:50. > :13:54.APPLAUSE Is it true you didn't watch it, you never watch rushes?
:13:54. > :13:59.No, it was fantastic because I have known so much for looking one way,
:13:59. > :14:02.you know, that Barbie doll perfection that Sex and the City
:14:02. > :14:06.promotes and a lot of television shows and movies do. It was
:14:06. > :14:12.fantastic for me to get to play a person. Was it hard for you to sit
:14:12. > :14:15.and watch it? Impossible, when I first saw it it was like... My
:14:15. > :14:22.eldest sister saw it recently and I said, "What do you think?" She said,
:14:22. > :14:28."I don't know." I said, "Tell me, this means a lot to me." She said,
:14:28. > :14:33."I have never saw you, for a moment I never saw my sister, or any of
:14:33. > :14:37.the characters you play." That is what you want. Definitely. It is a
:14:37. > :14:42.great opportunity and I'm so glad I did it. Terrifying but good to do.
:14:43. > :14:51.Also, I love in the movie where they did the re-creations of...
:14:51. > :14:55.the porn films from t' 70s. It made me nos -- From the '70s. It made me
:14:55. > :14:59.nostalgic. The storylines? characters. Ugly people with
:14:59. > :15:04.speaking parts! With hair on their chest. They can't have hair on
:15:04. > :15:11.their chest any more. Also, when you watch them back... Did you
:15:11. > :15:21.watch a lot of porn? What storyline... I'm partial to a bit
:15:21. > :15:23.
:15:23. > :15:32.of porn, I love it! APPLAUSE I'm a nominee, you know! I'm a nominee! I
:15:32. > :15:37.love porn! Some jobs just always come up, don't they, in porn?
:15:37. > :15:42.a nurse and a doctor. Nurses were one of the few professions you get.
:15:42. > :15:47.Normally, it is pizza, or pool guy... I'm a big fan of DIY. When
:15:47. > :15:52.the plumber comes in, I'm always interested in his toolbox and it is
:15:52. > :15:57.when he starts getting undressed that I turn it off. I'm more
:15:57. > :16:04.interested in the taps. Can you fix my taps? Please fix the taps, it
:16:04. > :16:12.would be great. They have sex and they ruin it! You are such a
:16:12. > :16:16.fascinating man! Thank you. Chemistry on this couch! It is all
:16:16. > :16:21.- you never get someone going ding dong, "I manage a hedge fund!"
:16:21. > :16:25.Maybe that is a good thing. probably is. Then they would stay
:16:26. > :16:31.together. Yes. I wonder if the people in our audience who have
:16:31. > :16:40.sexy jobs. So let's have a little look. This man looks like he could
:16:40. > :16:47.be in a porn film. What is your name? Senil. Change that for porn!
:16:47. > :16:53.What do you do? I'm a spiritualist. I think most men have lost an
:16:53. > :16:58.erection by now. Ding dong, I'm Senil the spiritualist. I don't
:16:58. > :17:05.think that - no, that is a different film. What is your name?
:17:05. > :17:10.Mick. Mick, we have Mick. Good porn name. What do you do? Market
:17:10. > :17:15.research. You have to go door-to- door. Yes! Yes! What sort of market
:17:15. > :17:20.research do you do? I select the areas that people go to knock on
:17:20. > :17:25.doors. OK. So you are Mick and you are in market research. That's
:17:25. > :17:34.right. Do you want to have a go at being in a porn film with your job?
:17:34. > :17:37.Come with me. Come on. Go through this door. OK? APPLAUSE Mick, so
:17:37. > :17:44.just go through the door, ring the bell, come through the door and
:17:44. > :17:53.tell us what you do, OK? All right. Hang on. Wait there. We will -ly go
:17:53. > :18:03.for a porn effect and some music. MUSIC I wish someone was interested
:18:03. > :18:11.in my opinions about what products to buy. DOORBELL Come in! Hi, I'm
:18:11. > :18:16.Mick and I'm a market researcher. That was really bad! You have to
:18:16. > :18:22.have a little line. Have I? have to have a little kind of, you
:18:22. > :18:29.know, can I something your area? Can I investigate your needs or
:18:29. > :18:36.something? Give us a sexy line. Go out again. So Mick, a market
:18:36. > :18:44.researcher, can I... Da-da. Filter and music again. MUSIC I buy a lot
:18:44. > :18:49.of washing powder, no-one seems to care what. DOORBELL Come in.
:18:49. > :18:53.I'm Mick and I'm a market researcher. Could I service your
:18:53. > :19:03.boiler?! That was good. Well done, Mick. Very good. APPLAUSE Have a
:19:03. > :19:04.
:19:04. > :19:12.seat. Shall we do one more? What is your name? Cornae! Are you an
:19:12. > :19:20.actual porn star? No. What do you do? I work in IT. He works inIT.
:19:20. > :19:25.What sort of things do you do? Hardware, software. Perfect!
:19:25. > :19:32.Perfect. OK. So you must be able to think of a sexy line about what you
:19:32. > :19:36.do? Come on, have a go. You look excited. OK. There you go. There
:19:37. > :19:43.you go. You all right? Yes? OK. OK. So you know what to do, you ring
:19:43. > :19:52.the door bell, you come in, you say your name, what you do, then a sexy
:19:52. > :20:01.tag line. OK. So filter, bit of music. MUSIC My download speeds are
:20:01. > :20:06.so slow. LAUGHTER DOORBELL oh, come in. Come in! I'm Cornae and I work
:20:06. > :20:16.in IT, do you have a problem with your hard drive? Very good.
:20:16. > :20:21.
:20:21. > :20:28.APPLAUSE Sit yourself down. It is I thought Cornae's performance was
:20:28. > :20:34.pitch perfect. BAFTA-award winner. You need to look at your security
:20:34. > :20:40.at home if you are answering your door and they say, "Hello, I'm
:20:40. > :20:48.doing market research, can I come in to service your boiler?"
:20:48. > :20:54.friendly. I want to see three forms of ID. Yes. Or Yah! You do watch it,
:20:55. > :21:02.don't you? Jessie Wallace, great to have you back on our screens in
:21:02. > :21:07.EastEnders. You came back in such a whirlwind of controversy. What you
:21:07. > :21:12.do? It wasn't me. There was a baby swap storyline, somebody lost a
:21:12. > :21:16.baby and they stole your baby. Not your actual baby. Her
:21:16. > :21:21.character's baby. These are the kind of sitcoms we have over here.
:21:21. > :21:25.Very deep. Terrible things happen in EastEnders all the time. Why did
:21:25. > :21:31.this storyline... It had more complaints than anything else?
:21:31. > :21:36.There were about 12,000. Out of 12 million viewers, it is not that bad.
:21:36. > :21:40.Still, you had domestic violence, you have had murders, all sorts of
:21:40. > :21:45.troubles? People weren't expecting it. People found it very disturbing
:21:45. > :21:51.so they complained. Yes. Listen, you left five years ago. When you
:21:51. > :21:55.left, did you think to yourself, "I am never going back"? No, I wanted
:21:55. > :22:03.to do other stuff, which I did. I did a bit of theatre. I have done a
:22:03. > :22:06.few TV dramas. When they said... BAFTA-nominated! LAUGHTER You were.
:22:06. > :22:16.I thought, yeah... Didn't win! Working with Shane... The BAFTA
:22:16. > :22:22.didn't go to her. Will you SHUT UP?!
:22:22. > :22:28.CHEERING That was BAFTA-award- winning. I hope she gets through
:22:28. > :22:34.the show without punching someone! I provoked her. Jessie, you stuck
:22:34. > :22:41.with EastEnders, you have. Some jobs you really have... How long
:22:41. > :22:46.did you work in Beneton for? Half an hour. Why didn't you stay?
:22:46. > :22:51.folding up jumpers and people were getting them out and chucking them
:22:51. > :22:59.so I thought sod this! How long did you work in a kilt factory for?
:22:59. > :23:02.God, not that long. That was packing skirts in boxes. A lot of
:23:02. > :23:06.packing! A kilt factory? Are they made on a production line? How many
:23:06. > :23:13.people are buying kilts that you need to make them on a production
:23:13. > :23:17.line? This was a long time ago. 1642?! LAUGHTER You walked out of
:23:17. > :23:26.there as well? I did. I was chatting to this girl, I said, "How
:23:26. > :23:32.long have you been here?" 12 years. I thought, I'm going! There is no
:23:32. > :23:35.future here. I will be in EastEnders! It is - it must be
:23:35. > :23:38.fantastic when you get that call that you are going to be in
:23:38. > :23:43.EastEnders? Definitely. I walked out of drama school. I did a tiny
:23:43. > :23:47.part in The Bill. I got the phone call to say I was going to be in
:23:47. > :23:51.EastEnders. It was great. Also to have it take off like that?
:23:51. > :23:57.Definitely. It is such a great character to play. I love her. I
:23:57. > :24:01.love her, I do. You get odd fan letters? I have got, someone sent
:24:01. > :24:10.me a packet of pork scratchings the other day with a letter saying they
:24:10. > :24:14.would like me to eat the pork scratchings whilst reading a book
:24:14. > :24:20.whilst listening to a record of my choice. He knows which one it is.
:24:20. > :24:27.How does he know that? I don't know. I ate the pork scratchings.
:24:27. > :24:34.you? No. I would. A pork scratching crumb. They were delicious.
:24:35. > :24:40.comes in dressed as a pig with an axe. You have eaten part of me!
:24:40. > :24:43.LAUGHTER You get the fans with the autographs? The only ones I have
:24:43. > :24:48.had, the usual weird things of signing bits of my body. I was
:24:48. > :24:57.mortified that I did this, somebody said, "Can you sign my breasts?" I
:24:58. > :25:07.told them... You can't tell people that! Why? I just got that! It was
:25:08. > :25:08.
:25:08. > :25:15.a woman who said it? You never know, it was up north! LAUGHTER Manboobs.
:25:15. > :25:20.Moobs! I got my pen out, this is genuine - she gave me the pen to
:25:20. > :25:24.sign the boobs... It was a she dwarf. She gives me the pen to sign
:25:24. > :25:30.the boobs and she does that with the shirt, with the blouse, she has
:25:30. > :25:33.a bra on, she is keeping some dignity. I go to sign the boob,
:25:33. > :25:43.right? And it's not working, the pen, I can't get the pen to work.
:25:43. > :25:45.
:25:45. > :25:53.Without thinking, I went to the other boob and I went... LAUGHTER
:25:54. > :25:57.I'm sorry. Listen, before we do another thing, I have to check that
:25:58. > :26:04.our music act tonight is ready. So I think I can go to the dressing
:26:04. > :26:08.room. There they are, The Saturdays. Hello. You look very ready. We are!
:26:08. > :26:14.We are ready. You look lovely. Is there anything to amuse you in the
:26:14. > :26:19.dressing room at all? Not really. Just ourselves! Is there Wi-Fi at
:26:19. > :26:25.all in the dressing room? We tried to get on the Wi-Fi but it is not
:26:25. > :26:34.working. Oh no. Did you have computers with you? We do. We can't
:26:34. > :26:43.get online. It would be good if somebody could help them. DOORBELL
:26:43. > :26:47.Hello? Come in. Hi. Hi, girls. I work in IT. Do you have a problem
:26:48. > :26:53.with your hard drive? We do. We do. Oh no!
:26:53. > :27:02.CHEERING We will leave it there. Thank you very much, Cornae. That
:27:02. > :27:04.was too good! That was too good! Unsolicited. We didn't drag The
:27:04. > :27:10.Saturdays in to molest them, they will be performing in a minute. Lee
:27:10. > :27:15.Mack, congratulations, Mr Saturday Night. Thank you. Doesn't mean I'm
:27:15. > :27:19.sleeping with The Saturdays! It is a different meaning. Lee Mack's All
:27:19. > :27:27.Star Cast, Saturday nights 9.40pm on BBC One. The second one tomorrow.
:27:27. > :27:31.It did really well? Yeah. We got some friends. It is a hard thing to
:27:31. > :27:34.get right so congratulations. you. It is Saturday night TV.
:27:34. > :27:38.People are obsessed with it. Everyone's going, Saturday night,
:27:38. > :27:43.you OK? You are Saturday night. I don't see the difference between
:27:43. > :27:48.that and Thursday at 3.00 in the morning. The sitcom is coming back
:27:48. > :27:52.as well. Yes, next year, series five. That is a hard thing to get
:27:52. > :27:56.right, a sitcom? It is. We were cancelled and then brought back. We
:27:56. > :27:59.thought it had gone and then we brought it back. On the same
:27:59. > :28:06.network? On the same network, BBC One, we call it BBC One. They
:28:06. > :28:16.changed their minds about it? I held them hostage. LAUGHTER
:28:16. > :28:23.sent them some pork scratchings. I always do that to people I like!
:28:23. > :28:27.APPLAUSE It is a nice thing to do. I know your favourite record! It
:28:27. > :28:33.goes something like this # Dum-dum... #
:28:33. > :28:40.This is a weird story. You are accident-prone. Yes. You have been
:28:40. > :28:46.hurt a lot is this I have. I have been hit by a car twice. That was
:28:46. > :28:52.different incidents. He didn't reverse! LAUGHTER I missed him! The
:28:52. > :29:02.worst one was, I have had a split, what's this one called? I have no
:29:02. > :29:06.
:29:06. > :29:11.idea. What do you call it? Cleavage. You saying I've got manboobs.
:29:12. > :29:15.Myster numb. What happened? I was 21 and on my birthday I was doing
:29:15. > :29:22.my travelling DJing and I was playing the records and the music
:29:22. > :29:25.was blasting and someone said, quut it's the DJ's 21st birthday today."
:29:25. > :29:29.All these drunken idiots gave me the bumps, instead of throwing me
:29:29. > :29:34.in the air they didn't let go, so they had hold of my arms and legs
:29:34. > :29:41.and went and the music was playing and every time I got to the top it
:29:41. > :29:49.was cies fiing me. I was trying to get them to stop and going...
:29:49. > :29:59.# I should be so lucky... # Stop! Stop! That's hideous. That
:29:59. > :30:02.
:30:02. > :30:07.explains so much about you. LAUGHTER Remember you rolled over
:30:07. > :30:14.in bed last night and you said ow! It's the pork scratchings! They
:30:14. > :30:18.work a treat. In fact, he is happily married, a father of two.
:30:18. > :30:25.How old are your babies now, children? Four and six. Four and
:30:25. > :30:31.six. We have a picture of - who is this? That's me, you know me!
:30:31. > :30:37.You in the glasses. I turned up on the set of EastEnders there and saw
:30:37. > :30:42.this baby... APPLAUSE No-one here so I might as well have him! I saw
:30:42. > :30:51.this actress crying in the street. We have been getting on fine ever
:30:51. > :31:01.since! Who is that? That's Arlo. I don't know why my wife dresses him
:31:01. > :31:11.as a Bulgarian midget! It's the rave! He likes it. I don't know if
:31:11. > :31:11.
:31:11. > :31:17.you have come across this website. It's called Manbabies.com. People
:31:17. > :31:21.put in photographs of dads and the babies, right, and it sounds stupid,
:31:21. > :31:31.it is! They swap the heads and they keep them in proportion. Have you
:31:31. > :31:34.
:31:34. > :31:38.seen this? I have. This is a classic. There you go. Brilliant. I
:31:38. > :31:47.could watch this all day. Sometimes it is not that obvious that heads
:31:47. > :31:56.have been swapped. Give you that one. That is wrong. LAUGHTER This
:31:56. > :32:00.one is just, this one is so creepy. What is going on there? Oh! Isn't
:32:00. > :32:10.that terrible? That is terrible. This could be a science-fiction
:32:10. > :32:13.
:32:13. > :32:21.film. It really could. Look at this family. That baby is plotting.
:32:21. > :32:31.LAUGHTER That is disturbing. Finally, Lee, we sent you to be
:32:31. > :32:33.
:32:33. > :32:39.done and very sweet it is, here is Lee. LAUGHTER Marvellous. You have
:32:39. > :32:45.to get a copy. That was great. Music time now. Now, Kim, what is
:32:45. > :32:51.your favourite day of the week? Friday. Try again. LAUGHTER What is
:32:51. > :33:00.your favourite day of the week? Thursday? I know what you mean -
:33:00. > :33:09.pancake Tuesday! One more day, Kim? Can't be Monday? No! Tuesday?
:33:09. > :33:19.Not many left. Wednesday. Sunday? Saturday? Yes! Well, you are in
:33:19. > :33:23.
:33:23. > :33:27.luck. Singing their new single # I'm an outlaw; I'm the big boss
:33:27. > :33:31.# I'm a gangster on the dance floor # Floor, floor (floor, floor)
:33:31. > :33:41.# I'm an outlaw; I'm the big boss # I'm a gangster on the dance floor
:33:41. > :33:51.
:33:51. > :33:55.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE # Don't hold back
:33:55. > :33:58.# It's nice to see somebody make an effort
:33:58. > :34:02.# You know I like it in the streetlights
:34:02. > :34:08.# Like I like the spotlight # Do you like me
:34:08. > :34:12.# I la-la-love this track # So if you wanna come with me you
:34:12. > :34:16.should know # I'm like, I'm like, I'm like this
:34:16. > :34:20.beat, yes # Crazy and infectious
:34:20. > :34:24.# I'll make you my business # But boy my resume says I'm a bad
:34:24. > :34:27.girl # Oh oh oh
:34:27. > :34:32.# Ohhhh # Closer baby look in my eyes
:34:32. > :34:34.# Do you recognise me? # Oh oh oh
:34:34. > :34:39.# Ohhhh # I been a bad girl
:34:39. > :34:45.# I'm a bad girl, I'm notorious # I'm an outlaw; I'm the big boss
:34:45. > :34:51.# I'm a gangster on the dance floor # (No, no, notorious)
:34:51. > :34:55.# I'm an outlaw; I'm the big boss # I'm a gangster on the dance floor
:34:55. > :35:00.# Boy beware # I got a record and I'm known for
:35:00. > :35:06.my style # And everybody knows my name here
:35:06. > :35:08.# I'm the head of game here # Pleasure and the pain yeah
:35:08. > :35:11.# Because my resume says I'm a bad girl
:35:11. > :35:19.# Oh oh oh # Ohhhh
:35:19. > :35:20.# Closer baby look in my eyes # Do you recognise me?
:35:20. > :35:24.# Oh oh oh # Ohhhh
:35:24. > :35:31.# I been a bad girl, I'm a bad girl # I'm notorious
:35:31. > :35:35.# (Notorious, notorious) # (No, no, notorious)
:35:35. > :35:41.# I'm notorious # I'm an outlaw; I'm the big boss
:35:41. > :35:47.# I'm a gangster on the dance floor # Floor the dance floor,
:35:47. > :35:50.# Oh Oh Oh # So baby tell me can you
:35:50. > :35:54.# Get it from my energy # Oh Oh
:35:54. > :35:55.# Oh # Oh I been a bad girl, I'm a bad
:35:55. > :36:01.girl # I'm notorious
:36:01. > :36:06.# I'm an outlaw; I'm the big boss # I'm a gangster on the dance floor
:36:06. > :36:11.# Dance floor # I'm an outlaw; I'm the big boss
:36:11. > :36:14.# I'm a gangster on the dance floor # The dance floor
:36:14. > :36:17.# I'm an outlaw # (Oh, oh, oh, Ohhhh)
:36:17. > :36:20.# I'm the big boss, I'm a gangster on the dance floor
:36:20. > :36:25.# Closer baby look in my eyes # Do you recognise me
:36:25. > :36:29.# (Oh oh oh Ohhhh) # I'm an outlaw; I'm the big boss
:36:29. > :36:38.# I'm a gangster on the dance floor # I've been a bad girl, I'm a bad
:36:38. > :36:43.girl CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
:36:43. > :36:50.The Saturdays, ladies and gentlemen. Come and join me, ladies. Come on.
:36:50. > :36:58.Here you go. Well done. Pile on. I don't know if you have got a seat.
:36:58. > :37:05.Pile in. Hi. Sit yourself down. You are in economy, I apologise. That
:37:05. > :37:09.is the new single. I think I have it - look at that. There it is.
:37:09. > :37:13.Notorious. Unbelievably, that is off the forthcoming third album.
:37:13. > :37:20.know. How have you done three albums already? This is our fourth
:37:20. > :37:27.album. Is it? Yes. Stop! You will be exhausted. They have done
:37:27. > :37:33.another one on the way from there. You are doing the V Festival?
:37:33. > :37:38.are doing V, T in the Park, Oxygen and then we have our own tour in
:37:38. > :37:46.December. You will have to come down. Only one person is going!
:37:46. > :37:52.LAUGHTER She is very excited about it. Yes! It is an arena tour?
:37:52. > :37:56.Our first arena tour. Posh! There is room for you all. And all your
:37:56. > :38:04.friends. Listen, before we go, let's have some stories in the Red
:38:04. > :38:09.Chair. Who is up first? You are like, yeah, let's! Hello. Hello. Hi,
:38:10. > :38:17.love. This will be brilliant or terrible! What is your name? Jenny.
:38:17. > :38:27.Where do you live? Kent. All right. What's wrong with that? What do you
:38:27. > :38:35.
:38:35. > :38:41.do in Kent? I'm retired. What did you used to do? Nothing! APPLAUSE
:38:41. > :38:45.All right. Jenny, I feel you have lived quite a life. This is your
:38:45. > :38:52.best story, Jenny. Off you go. went into a Post Office and there's
:38:52. > :38:58.a Post Office and they sell sweets and the lady said to me, "What do
:38:58. > :39:08.you want?" I went back to the sweet man, I said, "That lady needs to
:39:08. > :39:18.get a new set of teeth." He said, I'll tell my mum." Oh. CHEERING AND
:39:18. > :39:24.
:39:24. > :39:30.APPLAUSE Her whole life... A woman with no teeth in a Post Office was
:39:30. > :39:37.the highlight?! She said she didn't do much before. That is true. I
:39:37. > :39:45.guess. Oh. Let's have another. Hello. Hi. This is something in
:39:45. > :39:52.your hair? Oh. LAUGHTER What is your name? Katy. Katy. I recognise
:39:52. > :39:57.her from The Borrowers. She does make the chair look very big.
:39:57. > :40:05.Ronnie Corbett's wife. What do you do? I have finished college. What
:40:05. > :40:13.were you studying? Theatre studies. Good luck with that. LAUGHTER And
:40:13. > :40:18.did I ever ask you your name? What was it? Katy. LAUGHTER It's
:40:19. > :40:23.been a long night! Katy, this is it, someone can see you tonight on that
:40:23. > :40:29.chair and the rest of your life will be made! It is unlikely, but
:40:29. > :40:34.that could happen. Off you go with your story. I was on holiday in
:40:34. > :40:40.Club Med, I wanted to impress this guy, so I was like water-skiing and
:40:40. > :40:44.I had tie-up bikini bottoms on and I felt like a breeze and also a
:40:44. > :40:49.flash in my face and I looked down and I realised all my underwear was
:40:49. > :40:54.on my skis and then in the morning, there was like a big poster of
:40:54. > :41:04.photos of like everyone and my photos of me with no bikini was on
:41:04. > :41:06.
:41:06. > :41:13.there. He noticed me! Did he ask you out? Not exactly. Yeah...
:41:13. > :41:23.LAUGHTER Now, I'm going to let that lady walk. APPLAUSE There you go.
:41:23. > :41:23.
:41:23. > :41:30.Oh. She hasn't learnt her lesson has she?! LAUGHTER When she said he
:41:30. > :41:34.noticed me it was sweet. Yes, in a kind of creepy way. Do we have time
:41:34. > :41:40.for one more? AUDIENCE: Yes. Hi. Hi. They are
:41:40. > :41:46.loving you. What is your name? Jonah. He is quite posh. What do
:41:46. > :41:55.you do? I'm on a gap-year so I start university in September.
:41:55. > :42:00.LAUGHTER OK, what will you be studying? Philosophy and economics.
:42:00. > :42:04.Seriously! The Saturdays are the only thing keeping you sitting
:42:04. > :42:09.upright. All right, off you go? Basically, back in the day I used
:42:09. > :42:13.to be a plus-size and I was on the toilet and I got a knock on the
:42:13. > :42:17.door and they were like quick the ice-cream van is here, so I went
:42:17. > :42:27.running, following the van and I forgot to do my buttons up and they
:42:27. > :42:28.
:42:28. > :42:34.came down and tripped me and I fell flat on my face and I broke my nose.
:42:34. > :42:40.LAUGHTER One more. This is it. One more. Hi. Hello. What is your name?
:42:40. > :42:49.Sarah. This is Sarah. What do you do? I'm an architect student and I
:42:49. > :42:59.have started a new job in London. LAUGHTER A job in London? Anyone
:42:59. > :43:00.
:43:00. > :43:06.else? Not so special now! Off you go with your story. OK. I was in
:43:06. > :43:12.bud pest with my uni friends and we were in this restaurant and me and
:43:12. > :43:22.my girlfriend... Just do it! never know! Me and my girlfriend
:43:22. > :43:23.
:43:23. > :43:28.went to the toilet... Kill her! Well done, everybody. You can
:43:28. > :43:35.contact us via our website if you want to be in our Red Chair. Thank