0:00:02 > 0:00:06The following programme contains multiple scenes featuring black people.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08If you feel any uncertainty,
0:00:08 > 0:00:11mild threat or general dizziness,
0:00:11 > 0:00:13please stop watching now.
0:00:15 > 0:00:20For those of you brave enough to have continued, well done.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25To indemnify the BBC against future legal action,
0:00:25 > 0:00:28please take this simple test.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32How does this make you feel?
0:00:34 > 0:00:36What about now?
0:00:38 > 0:00:40And this?
0:00:41 > 0:00:42And these?
0:00:44 > 0:00:47I bet you never thought you'd have this many black people
0:00:47 > 0:00:48in your front room!
0:00:51 > 0:00:53FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS
0:00:55 > 0:00:58And now, ladies and gentlemen,
0:00:58 > 0:01:00brethren, lady brethren
0:01:00 > 0:01:02and the pickney dem...
0:01:02 > 0:01:08Will you please welcome your host for this evening's bare madnesses...
0:01:08 > 0:01:10He's the face of Boiled Chicken
0:01:10 > 0:01:15and Associated Boiled Chicken Product in Latvia, Estonia
0:01:15 > 0:01:18and now, 65% of Belarus.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22It's Javone Prince!
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Oh, my... Eat chicken!
0:01:28 > 0:01:30You know what, that's for you!
0:01:32 > 0:01:35My can! Oh, nice!
0:01:35 > 0:01:37You look good, brother!
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Some of that!
0:01:41 > 0:01:43JAVONE WAILS
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Yo, bruv - you want some ninja nits?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50You want me to take off my belt?
0:01:54 > 0:01:55Cos I can, bruv.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Ow!
0:02:05 > 0:02:09- What?! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Welcome to The Javone Prince Show!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16JAVONE CRIES IN PAIN
0:02:16 > 0:02:18No, I'm joking.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22I can't believe it, they asked us back!
0:02:22 > 0:02:23Idiots!
0:02:24 > 0:02:28Ha, look at this! No expense spared.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30They had a sign made and everything.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34And that's expensive, you know? That cost money. That's neon!
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Neon is one hard gas, boy.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Yeah, who remembers them?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40One of the six noble gases -
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Neon, xenon, argon...
0:02:44 > 0:02:45What else you got?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48- Radon?- Ra... Radon! What else we got?
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- Krypton.- Krypton! Drummer, I'm counting on you, bruv.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- Helium!- Helium!
0:02:53 > 0:02:58That's right, real science right here, on The Javone Prince Show.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Who said that the BBC was dumbing down? You idiot.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Come, come, come, come!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04That dude with the big head's back on.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06The one that looks like a embryo.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10Boy, I can't believe that the BBC let my man back on TV, innit?
0:03:10 > 0:03:12With his big head.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15I think it's got bigger since last time, you know?
0:03:15 > 0:03:18My man's lost weight. That's why his head looks bigger.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- I bet he's had a gastric band fitted.- Mmm.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25"Dear BBC, bring back...
0:03:25 > 0:03:26"..Lenny Henry...
0:03:26 > 0:03:29"..and his normal sized head.
0:03:29 > 0:03:34"Hashtag please get rid of this gastric band prick."
0:03:35 > 0:03:38That's getting tweeted right now.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Do it.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41'So, my agent said...'
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Make sure you get your name in the title of the show.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47That way, they can't get rid of you.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49"The Javone Prince Show."
0:03:49 > 0:03:53That sign - that neon sign - that can't be used for anything else.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54You hear me?
0:03:54 > 0:03:58LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Oh, man...
0:04:03 > 0:04:04OK, moving on...
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Tonight on The One Show,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08we've got all kind of madness for you.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10We've got sketches, we've got live music,
0:04:10 > 0:04:12we've got dancing, we've got my house band...
0:04:12 > 0:04:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:14 > 0:04:18..led by none other than the godfather of British neo-soul,
0:04:18 > 0:04:20the legend that is Omar!
0:04:20 > 0:04:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:26 > 0:04:28You going to... do that thing for us?
0:04:28 > 0:04:32You know, # Ban de ban ban ban, bah neow
0:04:32 > 0:04:34# There's nothing like this
0:04:34 > 0:04:38# Not even, round my place. #
0:04:38 > 0:04:41You going to... You going to do that for us?
0:04:42 > 0:04:43No.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47- AUDIENCE:- Aw...
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Omar, ladies and gentlemen!
0:04:50 > 0:04:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:51 > 0:04:55I love that guy! I love... I love that guy!
0:04:55 > 0:04:57I'm just saying, I don't consider soup to be a main course.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- That's all I'm saying, that's it. - Ah...that's ridiculous!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Because like, think about those like, really hearty broths.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- No, no...- Yes. Yes. Or like... those erm, South American soups.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09- Yeah, but that's still a soup! - More than a meal. Yeah.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11If it's a soup, it's going to be a starter every time.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- No, but it's so filling. - Those are the rules. No.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- I don't know how you can say that? - No. It's a starter!
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- You...you can't make the rules. - "I am man. Me hate soup."
0:05:18 > 0:05:20"Me hate soup(!)" For main course, not for starter.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23- Starter, it's fine.- No. That is such a stupid generalisation.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25- Fine, well lets ask Jo. Jo?- Yes.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Jo, do you think soup is a starter or a main course?
0:05:28 > 0:05:31And I'm going to take your first answer as well, so no cheating.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Erm, Oh, no, it's definitely a starter...
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- You see, that's it! - ..and I'm definitely not Jo.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41'White people -
0:05:41 > 0:05:45'mistaking black people for other black people since 1948.'
0:05:53 > 0:05:54Guess what?
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Ryan got punched in the face by a lap dancer
0:05:56 > 0:05:58for saying she had corn-fed chicken legs.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00- MOUTHS:- Oh, my God!
0:06:11 > 0:06:13- Well, this is ridiculous, isn't it?- Yep.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15We've been waiting here for nearly half an hour.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- Are you going to call them again? - I am going to call them again.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Not that they'll bloody well answer.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Tim, they're here.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25Are they really?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31- BOTH:- What?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Hi. Um, sorry, we were just trying to work out
0:06:34 > 0:06:36if we were early or you were...late.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39It's probably us, isn't it darling? We were early, I think.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Er, we're always early. Sorry.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Actually, I think you'll find you're the ones who are late.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- Oh, my gosh!- Oh, really?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- Oh, my gosh!- Oh, really?
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- Oh, my gosh!- Oh, really? Oh, my gosh.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Oh, really? And what are we going to do about it, then?
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Are we going to make something of it?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57And what are we going to do about it, then?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Are we going to make something of it?
0:06:59 > 0:07:01And what are we going to do, then?
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Well, I... I think actually, I'm well within my rights
0:07:06 > 0:07:11to phone your head office and complain in no uncertain terms...
0:07:11 > 0:07:12I called them for you.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14All right.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Hello?
0:07:20 > 0:07:23What's your problem?!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25No problem. Just...
0:07:25 > 0:07:29We're just looking forward to getting in there.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Hallway, lounge, dining room, kitchen, downstairs cloakroom.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34I call it "the shithouse".
0:07:36 > 0:07:40Right... I'd quite like to have a look upstairs, if I may?
0:07:40 > 0:07:43OK. I'm going to lay this out for you.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46All of this, yeah?
0:07:46 > 0:07:4820 foot up. What?
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Look, I... I'd just like to get an idea
0:07:50 > 0:07:53whether the box room is big enough for a nursery.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Er, and you're going to breed with that?
0:07:56 > 0:07:59That's all we need in this world. More weak-faced...
0:07:59 > 0:08:01- Guardian-reading...- Gluten-free...
0:08:01 > 0:08:03- Cupcake-baking... - Baba-ghanoush-eating...
0:08:03 > 0:08:06- Fold-up-your-bike-riding... - ..people that look like you.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Are you going to let them talk to you like this?
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Excuse me?!
0:08:10 > 0:08:11What was that?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Whatever you got to say, darling, say it to my face.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17That is just plain rudeness, yeah?
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Respect your sales professionals.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22We were just saying what a great viewing this is.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25And you know, it's a fantastic house and we've got to look at...
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- Ahh!- So you like the house?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31It... It's lovely, isn't it, Ellie? It's...
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Well, it's quite nice, what we've seen of it.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Ahh!
0:08:34 > 0:08:36That is so lovely.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38BOTH: Thank you.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- So, are you going to buy it?- Buy it. - Are you going to buy it?- Buy it.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45- Are you going to buy it?- Buy it. - Are you going to buy it?- Buy it. - Are you going to buy it?- Buy it.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48- Are you going to buy it?- Buy it. - Are you going to buy it?- Buy it. - Are you going to buy it?- Buy it.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52- Are you going to buy it?- Buy it. - Are you going to buy it?- Buy it. - Are you going to buy it?- Buy it.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56- Are you going to buy it?- Buy it. - Are you going to buy it?- Buy it. - Are you going to buy it?- Buy it.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- Are you going to buy it?- Buy it. - Are you going to buy it?- Buy it.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- Are you going to buy it?- Buy it. - Just stop it! Bloody hell...
0:09:04 > 0:09:06HE PANTS FOR BREATH
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- So are you going to buy it?- Buy it.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Whatever, yes! We'll buy it, yes. Fine.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Aww, that is so sweet.
0:09:15 > 0:09:16Welcome home.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Humble abode for two.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- PHONE BEEPS - Ah...
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Too late! Under offer.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Time wasters. You should have got here earlier.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Hashtag time management.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32- Can you come out of the people's own house, please? - You're trespassing.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- I said, can you come out of the people them house, please? - It ain't your yard.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Can you come out of the people them house, please?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Can you come out of the people them house, please!
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Dickheads!
0:09:47 > 0:09:51So, there's a lot of talk at the moment about black British actors
0:09:51 > 0:09:53having to go to America to get work.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56All of them over there, none of them over here.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58That's great news if you're a racist,
0:09:58 > 0:10:00bad news if you make Crimewatch.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02I mean, there's no-one left to do your reconstructions.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04I mean, like last week, I had to play a mugger
0:10:04 > 0:10:06and the officer who arrested me.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Madness.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10But all of them over there like David Harewood,
0:10:10 > 0:10:12David Oyelowo, Idris Elba...
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- Huh, don't talk to me about Idris Elba.- I wasn't, bruv.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18Oh, honestly - I have got major league beef with that guy.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I just want to say, and I'm not casting aspersions,
0:10:20 > 0:10:24but Idris Elba has muscled in on a lot of my jobs over the years.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- What are you talking about, bruv? - Er, The Wire.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- I was supposed to play The Wire. - Bruv...
0:10:31 > 0:10:34..The Wire ain't a person. It's a show.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Luther - what about that?
0:10:35 > 0:10:38I happen to know for a fact that was written for me
0:10:38 > 0:10:41and it wasn't called "Luther". Oh, no.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42It was called "Lucien".
0:10:44 > 0:10:45I was to play the part of Lucien,
0:10:45 > 0:10:49a maverick vet, operating out of Henley-on-Thames.
0:10:49 > 0:10:54- You never knew if I was going to charge for a prescription or not and...- Anyway!
0:10:54 > 0:10:57And I was a very heavy pencil for the part of Mandela.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- So...- And...
0:10:59 > 0:11:02There's a lot of chat at the moment about black British actors
0:11:02 > 0:11:03having to go to the States.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06But what a lot of people don't know, we've got a very similar thing
0:11:06 > 0:11:08coming the other way from the Caribbean.
0:11:14 > 0:11:19'From the people what brung you Luther, comes a new ting...'
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Jesus Christ! There's a man under here!
0:11:48 > 0:11:49What?!
0:11:53 > 0:11:57This man looks like he's blasted dead! He's a bloody dead man.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59He's not moving, h'Alfred!
0:11:59 > 0:12:02This is a corpsification of a bloody dead man!
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- Joshua and Joseph! - Leviticus and Deuteronomy!
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Revelation, treason and pain!
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Jesus Christ!
0:12:09 > 0:12:10It's a bloody dead man!
0:12:10 > 0:12:12What the bloody hell are we going to do?
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Tinkin' me, I'm tinkin'. I'm tinkin.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35There's only one ting to do 'ere.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39You're going to have to call the bloody police!
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Uh...you are the police.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Yes. Yes, that's right.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49Bloody too right!
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Me want de truth.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Me said me want de truth! THUD
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- It bloody hurts!- Stop your moaning.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09The blasted hand, it hurts!
0:13:09 > 0:13:12- Hold still now, man! - Well, be gentle, innit!
0:13:13 > 0:13:17Boy, ya better start talking,
0:13:17 > 0:13:19before you meet h'officer Raggo!
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Ya gone deaf, boy?
0:13:22 > 0:13:26Me bredren say you'd better start talking, don't it?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28This is ridiculous, how many times have...
0:13:28 > 0:13:29- Shut your mouth! - THUD
0:13:31 > 0:13:35- That blasted table is hard! - Well, you shouldn't hit it so hard!
0:13:35 > 0:13:37- Go easy now, man!- I'm trying!
0:13:37 > 0:13:39- Take your time. - Well, hold still now, man!
0:13:41 > 0:13:43FISTS THUD
0:13:53 > 0:13:55'BBC One soon come.'
0:14:01 > 0:14:07Following on from a successful tour of art centres
0:14:07 > 0:14:10the length and breadth of north London...
0:14:12 > 0:14:16..with a devastating new critique of something
0:14:16 > 0:14:18entirely non-specific...
0:14:20 > 0:14:25..please, give it up for Dr Afrikkka,
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Consciousness X and IllumiNigel.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Ladies and gentlemen,
0:14:31 > 0:14:32The Black Man Group!
0:14:34 > 0:14:36AUDIENCE CLICKS FINGERS
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Sheeple!
0:14:41 > 0:14:46We are about to create a dynamic aural soundscape.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Dash me a word.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51Police Oppression!
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Police oppression...
0:14:59 > 0:15:03BONGO DRUMBEATS # What you see, I see too
0:15:03 > 0:15:07# But you see me and IC three
0:15:07 > 0:15:11# Black male on bail Going to jail
0:15:11 > 0:15:13# Is this beyond the pale...face?
0:15:14 > 0:15:16# Which isn't my race
0:15:18 > 0:15:20# The white man wins again.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21- # Again.- Again. #
0:15:23 > 0:15:25I rest my case...
0:15:28 > 0:15:29Africa.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32THEY BEATBOX
0:15:33 > 0:15:36# Calam calam ma-ma-ma
0:15:36 > 0:15:38# Africa
0:15:38 > 0:15:40# Come on
0:15:41 > 0:15:45# Hala hala-la-la La-la-la-la-la
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- # Africa!- Mmm, mmm, mmm!
0:15:48 > 0:15:49- # Africa!- Mmm, mmm
0:15:49 > 0:15:51# Africa! #
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Wow!
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Er, guys, you've certainly blown my mind
0:15:58 > 0:16:01and I, for one, wholeheartedly agree - um...
0:16:03 > 0:16:04..Africa.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15It's time de bredren stop playing by the rule, don't it?
0:16:15 > 0:16:16Don't...
0:16:17 > 0:16:20I can't take out the...
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Will you take out all the...
0:16:22 > 0:16:23THEY MUMBLE
0:16:23 > 0:16:25...ya man take out ting ting man...
0:16:25 > 0:16:27You don't look, man.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Him say "Ooh ya look, man".
0:16:29 > 0:16:30"Emsit oyer rook barn"?
0:16:32 > 0:16:33Shut your mouth!
0:16:33 > 0:16:35The ting, innit?
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Check out der tickat der ding?
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Me de take out de ting of der ting. Me pocket!
0:16:41 > 0:16:42Me pocket!
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Wrong with this boy?
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Well, put de ting in de ting!
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Press play?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03MUSIC: Good Thing Going by Sid Owen
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Me like this.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13You like Ricky from the EastEnders playing the reggae?
0:17:14 > 0:17:17This is just volume one.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19So you'd better start talking.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23- I should go back to the scene... - Stand up yourself now, man!- Get up!
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- Move your pelvis area.- OK.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32How does that feel for a white man? You feel loose?
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- Kind of.- BOTH:- Shut your mouth!
0:17:37 > 0:17:40# Eternally... #
0:17:42 > 0:17:45'BBC One soon come...'
0:17:45 > 0:17:46Shut your mouth!
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Guess what? Brian went mad at Christmas party.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Ended up in a threesome with one of the temps
0:17:57 > 0:17:59and that security guard who's always got cold sores.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01- MOUTHS:- Oh, my God!
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Children!
0:18:11 > 0:18:14I want to tell you
0:18:14 > 0:18:18the story of when I first saw the light-a!
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Mmm. Amen.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22When I saw the light,
0:18:22 > 0:18:27I knew then that my life would change forever.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29- # Change for ever - Tell me now
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- # Change for ever. - Sing it loud.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34# Change for ever... #
0:18:34 > 0:18:39I knew, if I accepted that light into my life,
0:18:39 > 0:18:41my life would change forever.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43That light-a.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45That flashing blue light-a.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49That flashing blue light-a of an ambulance-a.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52It changed my life forever.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54# Nee nar, nee nar
0:18:54 > 0:18:56# Nee nar, nee nar
0:18:56 > 0:18:58# Nee nar, nee nar
0:18:58 > 0:18:59# Nee nar, nee nar... #
0:18:59 > 0:19:01And people, let me tell you,
0:19:01 > 0:19:03let me tell you...
0:19:03 > 0:19:06I followed that flashing blue light-a.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11I chased that ambulance all the way to the hospital.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15And there I found...
0:19:15 > 0:19:16Mmm...
0:19:16 > 0:19:22my destiny, waiting for me in the shape...of a man.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26A simple man.
0:19:26 > 0:19:27A humble man.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- # Yes! He's coming up - The humble man
0:19:29 > 0:19:30# The humble man
0:19:30 > 0:19:32# He's coming up He's coming up
0:19:32 > 0:19:34He's coming up The humble man
0:19:34 > 0:19:36# The humble man He's coming up
0:19:36 > 0:19:38# He's coming up The humble man
0:19:38 > 0:19:39# The humble man
0:19:39 > 0:19:41# He's coming up He's coming up
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- # The humble man... # - Tell the people...
0:19:45 > 0:19:46..what happened to you.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51I was involved in a, er, road traffic accident.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55# He got hit by a lorry. #
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Well, it was a bike, actually.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02# Sorry. #
0:20:03 > 0:20:05It's all right.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10So, I was involved in a road traffic accident, but it wasn't my fault.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13- It was not his fault.- No.
0:20:13 > 0:20:19I said, there was no culpability on his part.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22# No culpability! No culpability! No culpability! No culpability!
0:20:22 > 0:20:23# No culpability! No culpability!
0:20:23 > 0:20:26# No culpability! No culpability! No culpability! No culpability!
0:20:26 > 0:20:28# No culpability! No culpability!
0:20:28 > 0:20:30# No culpability! No culpability!
0:20:30 > 0:20:32# No culpability! No culpability!
0:20:32 > 0:20:34# And I suffered
0:20:34 > 0:20:38# Quite bad whiplash! #
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I suffered quite badly from whiplash.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47He felt the lash of the whip. Ow!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49- Ow!- Ow!- Ow!- Ow.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53Brother Ian - tell the good people
0:20:53 > 0:20:55what the reverend did for you.
0:20:57 > 0:21:04The Reverend managed to secure £15,800.
0:21:04 > 0:21:09# The best part of £16,000! #
0:21:10 > 0:21:14But after expenses and costs, it was reduced to 957.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Shut your mouth now, no-one needs to know about that.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20# You'd better shut your mouth before I reverse that lorry
0:21:20 > 0:21:23# Back upside-a your head
0:21:24 > 0:21:26# Brother! #
0:21:28 > 0:21:29Well, it was a bike actually.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31# Shut your mouth Shut your mouth
0:21:31 > 0:21:33# Shut your mouth Shut your mouth...
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- # No win, no fee!- No win, no fee... #
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Now, go -
0:21:38 > 0:21:43and have yourself the accident-a you deserve.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Hiya gang. Guess what?
0:21:53 > 0:21:55It's Friday five o'clock.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57It's Friday five o'clock.
0:21:58 > 0:22:03# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:03 > 0:22:06# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:06 > 0:22:10# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:10 > 0:22:14# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:14 > 0:22:18# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:18 > 0:22:22# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:22 > 0:22:26# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:26 > 0:22:29# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:29 > 0:22:33# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:33 > 0:22:37# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:37 > 0:22:41# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:41 > 0:22:45# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:45 > 0:22:49# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:49 > 0:22:53# It's Friday five o'clock It's Friday five o'clock
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- # It's Friday... # - Hey! You lot!
0:22:55 > 0:22:57It's not five o'clock. It's only half four!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Now, get back to work, you lazy bastards!
0:23:02 > 0:23:03And clean that up!
0:23:05 > 0:23:07It looks like a shithouse.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Nice tea.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Lovely! Yeah.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22Remember like, remember back in the day before YouTube -
0:23:22 > 0:23:25you had to sit and listen to the radio.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27This was before you young ninjas were born.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29And you had to sit there for weeks,
0:23:29 > 0:23:31just waiting to hear your favourite track.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34But I don't have to do it any more, cos I've got my own show.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37'It's the Javone Prince Show, by the way. Thanks for asking.'
0:23:37 > 0:23:39"Javone Prince" - is that even a real name?
0:23:40 > 0:23:44I know - he should change his name
0:23:44 > 0:23:46from Javone Prince
0:23:46 > 0:23:48to Javone Prick!
0:23:48 > 0:23:51- HE LAUGHS - Clever wordplay.- I know.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53'Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up...'
0:23:53 > 0:23:56for one of my favourite songs, by one of my favourite artists.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58The original ladies' man -
0:23:58 > 0:24:00I've got him right here, on the show!
0:24:00 > 0:24:04It's Alexander O'Neal!
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- Yeah! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:07 > 0:24:09I ain't even lying. He's here!
0:24:09 > 0:24:12MUSIC: Criticize by Alexander O'Neal
0:24:14 > 0:24:17# Can't you find something else to talk about
0:24:17 > 0:24:20# Is this song the only one you sing
0:24:21 > 0:24:25# Makes you look better when you put things down
0:24:25 > 0:24:27# Value your opinion
0:24:29 > 0:24:32- # Criticize my friends - Friends, friends
0:24:32 > 0:24:37- # Criticize my ideas - Ideas, ideas
0:24:37 > 0:24:41- # Criticize my lifestyle - Lifestyle, lifestyle
0:24:41 > 0:24:45# I'm fed up cos all you wanna do is criticize
0:24:45 > 0:24:48# You've just closed your mind
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- # You don't criticize - Ooh, ooh
0:24:51 > 0:24:53# Criticize
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- # You don't realize - All you wanna do is criticize
0:24:56 > 0:25:00# I just want what is right Still you say, criticize
0:25:00 > 0:25:02# Can't we start this over
0:25:02 > 0:25:04# Over, over
0:25:04 > 0:25:07- # Cos your conversation ain't right - Ain't right, ain't right
0:25:07 > 0:25:11- # We can make our love stronger - Stronger, stronger
0:25:11 > 0:25:16- # You don't have to think twice - Think twice, think twice
0:25:16 > 0:25:19- # Don't criticize my friends - Friends, friends
0:25:19 > 0:25:23- # Criticize my ideas - Ideas, ideas
0:25:23 > 0:25:27- # Criticize my lifestyle - Lifestyle, lifestyle
0:25:27 > 0:25:31# I'm fed up cos all you wanna do is criticize
0:25:31 > 0:25:34# You've just closed your mind
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- # Baby, don't criticize- Ooh
0:25:37 > 0:25:39# Ooh Criticize
0:25:39 > 0:25:41# You don't realize
0:25:41 > 0:25:43# All you wanna do is criticize... #
0:25:43 > 0:25:45# I just want what is right
0:25:45 > 0:25:47# Still you say, criticize
0:25:47 > 0:25:50# Criticize, criticize criticize... #
0:25:50 > 0:25:53- # Oh, no, no - Ooh- Come on- ooh
0:25:53 > 0:25:56- # Criticize - You don't realize
0:25:56 > 0:26:00- # All you wanna do is criticize - I just want what is right
0:26:00 > 0:26:02# Still you say, criticize. #
0:26:03 > 0:26:06CHEERING Thank you!
0:26:11 > 0:26:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:14 > 0:26:15Thank you.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22Alexander O'Neal!
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Man, incredible!
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Thank you so much for keeping it real.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32And as a result, we would like to present you
0:26:32 > 0:26:36with some Associated Boiled Chicken product in a can,
0:26:36 > 0:26:38as a sign of our mutual love and respect.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40- Whoo! Whoo! Good stuff! - APPLAUSE
0:26:41 > 0:26:43So, that's it.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47- We've come to the end of the show. - AUDIENCE GROANS
0:26:47 > 0:26:49I know! I hope you had a great time, cos...
0:26:49 > 0:26:52CHEERING
0:26:52 > 0:26:53...we did. Yeah, yeah!
0:26:56 > 0:27:00There's an old saying, "Always finish with a song."
0:27:00 > 0:27:01We're going to go one better than that.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04We're going to finish with a song and a dance.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06You know what time it is? It's candy, it's Candy Time!
0:27:06 > 0:27:09MUSIC: Candy by Cameo
0:27:09 > 0:27:10You know what to do.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17That's right, come on.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25# It's like candy
0:27:25 > 0:27:27# I can feel it when you walk
0:27:27 > 0:27:32# Even when you talk It takes over me
0:27:32 > 0:27:34# You're so dandy
0:27:34 > 0:27:38# I want to know Can you feel it too?
0:27:38 > 0:27:43- # Just like I do - Just like I do- Ooh!
0:27:43 > 0:27:45# This stuff is starting now
0:27:45 > 0:27:50# It's the same feeling I always seem to get around you
0:27:52 > 0:27:54# There's no mistaking
0:27:54 > 0:27:57# I'm clearly taken by the simple mere thought of you. #