0:00:02 > 0:00:04My guests are going to come out from there
0:00:04 > 0:00:08and I have to come out from this area. This is my area, OK?
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Because I'm the host of the show.
0:00:10 > 0:00:14So this is... this is something called gauze, I believe,
0:00:14 > 0:00:16and it lifts up.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18And I assumed that was going to be, you know, technology.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Like a garage, like a clicker. You know, a clicker?
0:00:21 > 0:00:24And it turns out that there is no clicker.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28- There is this man. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:34This programme contains some strong language
0:00:34 > 0:00:37- What's your name?- Paul. - Unbelievably, it sounds like I'm making this up.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39His name is Paul.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42OK, so we're going to do a rehearsal, OK?
0:00:42 > 0:00:45So what would happen is... we might as well look at Paul.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48So you can reveal Paul here, so you can show...
0:00:48 > 0:00:51I just want you to see the inner workings of television.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53So I go around here...
0:00:53 > 0:00:54and then...
0:00:54 > 0:00:56So what happens?
0:00:56 > 0:00:59What do you do, Paul? You pull, Paul. Pull?
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Are you ready for pull, Paul?
0:01:01 > 0:01:02- Are you going to pull?- Ready.- Paul.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04No, I was saying Paul!
0:01:04 > 0:01:06OK...
0:01:07 > 0:01:09All right, OK, go.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12So it's going to be like that and then you go nuts.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Although, I think it would be more exciting if it was the opposite,
0:01:17 > 0:01:19like an action movie, don't you think?
0:01:19 > 0:01:22So if you try and lower it, that's probably more fun.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24So if you... if you lower it.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Ladies and gentleman, Michael McIntyre!
0:01:36 > 0:01:40Ladies and gentleman, I'll see you in a few minutes' time. Until then, bravo.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54On the show tonight, Sir Terry Wogan...
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Lily Allen...
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Lord Sugar.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03But now, please welcome Michael McIntyre!
0:02:03 > 0:02:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:06 > 0:02:08What? No way!
0:02:12 > 0:02:14You've got to be kidding.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16You've got to be kidding me.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Welcome. I don't... I don't get this.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26Come on! This is insanity.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28What's going on here?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30What's happening?
0:02:30 > 0:02:34We can do this! We can do this.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Let's have this.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44All right. I say.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48- Oh. - LAUGHTER
0:02:48 > 0:02:51It's really extraordinary how the atmosphere goes to...
0:02:51 > 0:02:54just ecstasy to, like, the end of a school assembly.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57LAUGHTER
0:02:59 > 0:03:00Good morning, class.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06Ladies and gentleman, welcome to The Michael McIntyre Chat Show!
0:03:10 > 0:03:11I'm a chat show person now.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13I have a tie. It's a new me!
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Terribly uncomfortable. Ties are uncomfortable, aren't they?
0:03:16 > 0:03:20I don't know who invented the tie. It's like someone looked at a shirt and thought,
0:03:20 > 0:03:22"I think this person needs to be strangled. That would...
0:03:22 > 0:03:24"I think that would look nicer."
0:03:24 > 0:03:27And I haven't been on TV for ages as well, so it's good to be back on the television.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30It's been, I don't know how... a couple of years.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Anyway, I have been spotted, people say, "What have you been up to?"
0:03:33 > 0:03:35If you're not on TV, they think you're doing nothing with your life
0:03:35 > 0:03:37and people have spotted me out and about.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39I've been sent this in,
0:03:39 > 0:03:41playing the trumpet on the Jools Holland television show.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44LAUGHTER
0:03:45 > 0:03:48The camera adds some pounds.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51As does the trumpet when you're blowing out.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Also, I've been spotted reading business news on the BBC.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Here I am.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Erm, as the Daily Mail have helpfully pointed out also
0:04:03 > 0:04:04that, erm...
0:04:04 > 0:04:06I've been running North Korea.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10LAUGHTER
0:04:16 > 0:04:19This is my favourite one. This is on, you know Skype?
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Skype is this thing where you talk to people over your computer.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26So you phone them, you phone their computer with your computer.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28And then they come up and you see them
0:04:28 > 0:04:31and you have you in the corner.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34It's the same with face time, it's very distracting seeing yourself
0:04:34 > 0:04:36in the corner because you actually
0:04:36 > 0:04:37only look at your own face.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Even though you're there - aren't you? -
0:04:41 > 0:04:45to talk to the person in the screen, you spend the whole time going...
0:04:49 > 0:04:53Trying to... "How many chins have I got?"
0:04:53 > 0:04:54You try and angle it
0:04:54 > 0:04:56so the chins look at their best or you...
0:04:56 > 0:04:59you start changing the lighting.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03You might as well just telephone someone and hold up a mirror as you do it.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Anyway, if you go into App Store
0:05:06 > 0:05:10and you look up the actual app for Skype, this is what comes up.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12This is the actual app, you can do this.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14This is the actually app where there is a little boy
0:05:14 > 0:05:18and he is talking, I presume, to his father or uncle.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21And he's over here in his dressing gown, having just woken up
0:05:21 > 0:05:24and I have to say this genuinely gave me a bit of a shock,
0:05:24 > 0:05:26cos if you look at this person he's talking to closer up...
0:05:26 > 0:05:29LAUGHTER
0:05:29 > 0:05:31APPLAUSE
0:05:31 > 0:05:35This... This is the actual app. You can look at it on your phone.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39I'm not lying! When I went on it, I thought I was already on it.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Because I wear glasses, I'm wearing contact lenses now
0:05:42 > 0:05:45but this is me every morning and to prove the point,
0:05:45 > 0:05:48I have photographed myself this morning.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49Here we are.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- That's me! - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:54 > 0:05:55It's me!
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Everything... The weird thing is that this is my bedroom
0:05:58 > 0:06:00and it's in my room.
0:06:00 > 0:06:01Who is this man?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06So that's what I've been up to and before I bring my guest out,
0:06:06 > 0:06:08which is very exciting, we're going to have a little bit of fun -
0:06:08 > 0:06:11if that's OK by you - with somebody in the audience.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13All I need from you is a volunteer.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17I can feel the tension. People trying to avoid my gaze.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Anyone who's prepared to lend me - for the duration of the show -
0:06:20 > 0:06:23their mobile telephone.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28There's a bit more tension as somebody sort of...
0:06:28 > 0:06:31So just raise your hand as I sort of scan the audience here.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- Oh, there's a person over here. What's your name, sir?- Oliver!
0:06:35 > 0:06:36OLIVER.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38LAUGHTER
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Your diction is magnificent.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44OL-IV-ER.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48- What do you do for a living?- Well, I recruit, I'm a recruitment manager.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- You're a manager of recruitment, you find other people work.- Yes.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54When did you realise you didn't want a job,
0:06:54 > 0:06:56you just wanted to get other people jobs?
0:06:56 > 0:06:57I got very lazy.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01Because, you know, sometimes they call that human resources, don't they? HR.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03I've always find that hilarious
0:07:03 > 0:07:05that they have to specify that it's a human.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09"I work in human resources."
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Like there are people going, "I think I'd like my next PA to be a llama."
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- Oliver, you have a mobile telephone, is that right?- I do, yes.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Is it on your person?
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Thank you, Oliver.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Ladies and gentlemen, a big round of applause for Oliver!
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Right.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Oliver's gone for a tiger as his screen saver.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35Why have you got a tiger and you're in HUMAN resources?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Because, erm, I like cats.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Are you, erm... I don't think I need to ask this -
0:07:43 > 0:07:46in a relationship, Oliver?
0:07:46 > 0:07:47You seeing any humans?
0:07:49 > 0:07:53- No, not at the moment.- You don't have a girlfriend?- I don't, no.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56OK, well, let me fill you in on the game we're playing for our entertainment.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59But Oliver, there is a prize and I want you to know that
0:07:59 > 0:08:03whatever happens to you, you will be rewarded and everything will be OK.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06You will be on TV and people will go,
0:08:06 > 0:08:07"Oh, my God, I saw you on that TV show!
0:08:07 > 0:08:10"I so want to be your girlfriend."
0:08:11 > 0:08:15You will have a girl on your phone within a fortnight. Women all over.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Get his best side, look how good-looking...
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Oliver deserves love, OK?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22So you're going to...
0:08:22 > 0:08:24That thing, that's not going to help. Don't do that.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27No, that and the tiger,
0:08:27 > 0:08:30it's all got a bit Michael Jackson, Thriller, OK?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35OK, so we're going to play a little game called Send To All.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Now...
0:08:37 > 0:08:39LAUGHTER
0:08:41 > 0:08:44I'm just going to send a little text to everyone in your phone book and
0:08:44 > 0:08:46then we'll see throughout the show
0:08:46 > 0:08:48who gets back and how...
0:08:48 > 0:08:50how things develop.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Erm, OK.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56So, the text I'm going to send is,
0:08:56 > 0:08:59"Be honest...
0:09:01 > 0:09:03"Have I...
0:09:03 > 0:09:05"been...
0:09:05 > 0:09:07"annoying lately?"
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Erm, I don't know, do we go with kiss?
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- I don't know, is that a kiss...? - AUDIENCE: Yeah!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25No kiss, no, I think... I'm getting "no kiss" in my ear.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Shall we go with C, which is an accidental kiss?
0:09:33 > 0:09:35OK, and I'm just going to send that, you see?
0:09:35 > 0:09:37"Be honest, have I been annoying lately?"
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Erm, and I will send that to... Have you got a few people in your phone, Oliver?
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Just a few.- Brilliant. OK, so I'm going to send that.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Ladies and gentlemen, huge hand for the very generous and sporting Oliver!
0:09:47 > 0:09:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Right, shall we have a chat show?!
0:09:52 > 0:09:55AUDIENCE: Yeah!
0:09:55 > 0:09:56All right.
0:09:58 > 0:09:59My first guest.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02My first guest on any of my chat shows,
0:10:02 > 0:10:05my first chat show guest ever, is a broadcasting legend.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09He's the star of Lunchtime With Wogan, Weekend Wogan,
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Wake up to Wogan, Wogan Now and Then and Wogan's Web.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15He is also the author of Wogan on Wogan, Wogan's Island
0:10:15 > 0:10:17and the World According to Wogan.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21But he's best known for his long-running TV show...
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Who is it again?
0:10:22 > 0:10:23It's Wogan!
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Sir Terry!
0:10:26 > 0:10:30WOGAN CHAT SHOW MUSIC PLAYS
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Up! Everybody up! Up!
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Up!
0:10:47 > 0:10:48I've never..
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Nobody's ever stood for me in my life before.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Terry, I would stand the whole interview but I know it's not the right thing.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56That's what an honour it is to have you here.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59No, don't you stand.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00Sir Terry, thank you
0:11:00 > 0:11:03so much for being my first ever guest on my show.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- I mean, it's such an absolute treat...- Well...- ..to have you here.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09I wasn't doing much.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11It's a great honour for me as well.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13You're a legend, Terry, that's why you're here.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15I'm glad you didn't call me a treasure
0:11:15 > 0:11:19because a treasure is something that you dig up.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22It's true, it's true. Can we lose the treasure montage?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- Terry, this is what I love about you. Can I call you Terry?- No.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- Or Sir Terry, or...? - LAUGHTER
0:11:29 > 0:11:30..Wogan?
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- No, call me Terry, please. - I'll call you Terry.- Yeah.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Terry, what I'm going to show you now is some
0:11:35 > 0:11:38highlights from your chat show, because...
0:11:38 > 0:11:40It's not going to take long, then.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42LAUGHTER
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Erm, ladies and gentlemen, this is the legendary Terry Wogan,
0:11:45 > 0:11:47who had a chat show for 10 years and you interviewed, I think,
0:11:47 > 0:11:49literally thousands of people.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51And I can't remember a single one of them!
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Let's remind you and us. Terry Wogan, ladies and gentlemen.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Welcome Robert De Niro.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00Mariah Carey.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01Prince Philip. Harrison Ford.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Margaret Thatcher. Michael Caine.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05I never know what I'm going to say next,
0:12:05 > 0:12:06as you can tell from this interview.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Yeah. According to some reviewers, neither do I.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18It's a big night for me, I can tell you.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19You go like this.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23We got the new champ.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Incredible.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35It's very depressing for a...
0:12:35 > 0:12:38for a decaying old geezer like myself to be looking
0:12:38 > 0:12:42back at something that happened just after the peninsular war.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44But it's extraordinary, it was a huge chunk of your life.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- Tell me what you remember. - Yeah, three times a week...
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- Live.- Live?!- Yeah, live, it was. Three times a week.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52How could you prepare for three guests?
0:12:52 > 0:12:55I had no capacity for preparation or rehearsal, or anything else,
0:12:55 > 0:12:59- I never have.- But you did it so well, I mean...- Oh, steady.- ..unflappable,
0:12:59 > 0:13:01I'm glad I came now.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05- LAUGHTER - What I love the most is that you've got this very wry,
0:13:05 > 0:13:07unbelievable sense of humour, Terry.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10LAUGHTER
0:13:10 > 0:13:12But it's always hilarious, it's classic Wogan
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- and you don't seem to know that you're doing it.- You never...
0:13:15 > 0:13:17When you do it, I'll let you know.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- You'll do it in a minute. - You... You...
0:13:20 > 0:13:23You never thought of a degree in psychiatry, did you?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Classic Wogan.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28WOGAN CHAT SHOW MUSIC PLAYS
0:13:31 > 0:13:34You see, you can't help yourself.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- Well, I mean, it's extraordinary to look at all that.- Yeah.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41And remember it. Because, as you will find out the hard way,
0:13:41 > 0:13:44the only thing you're remembered for as a chat show host
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- are the disasters.- Right.
0:13:46 > 0:13:51You're never remembered for an outstanding interview like this one.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53You're...
0:13:53 > 0:13:57You'll be remembered, as I am remembered, like, Anne Bancroft.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- Great actress walks on in a catatonic trance, won't speak.- Yeah.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05Or George Best, great footballer, lovely fellow,
0:14:05 > 0:14:06comes on the worse for drink.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- Yeah.- And has to be carried out.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12All you can do is soldier on.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Cos obviously, I'm new to this televised thing.- Never, are you?
0:14:15 > 0:14:17You look like a veteran to me.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20WOGAN CHAT SHOW MUSIC PLAYS
0:14:23 > 0:14:25So what would be your advice, then?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Advice, really, Terry, is what I'm desperate for.
0:14:28 > 0:14:33- I wish I could give you some advice in this rather taxing...- Me too.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35But...but frankly,
0:14:35 > 0:14:37why should I? LAUGHTER
0:14:37 > 0:14:40WOGAN CHAT SHOW MUSIC PLAYS
0:14:40 > 0:14:43APPLAUSE
0:14:43 > 0:14:45I just wanted to break down the elements.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47- You didn't have a desk, I've gone for a desk.- No.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48What are your thoughts on the desk?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50I think somewhere to hit, somewhere to sit by,
0:14:50 > 0:14:54somewhere to lean on in case people turn against you.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00- It's a defence.- Quite. - Yes, you're right, you're right.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Because as you saw on that earlier, somebody like Nicolas Cage
0:15:03 > 0:15:06comes on and he obviously has the advantage of you because...
0:15:06 > 0:15:10For those people who want to be reminded of the actor Nicolas Cage,
0:15:10 > 0:15:11can we show it?
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Welcome Nicolas Cage!
0:15:31 > 0:15:33- Oh. Lord.- Yeah.
0:15:34 > 0:15:39So he did a somersault and then threw money into the audience.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41What's the betting Lord Sugar does that later?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43LAUGHTER
0:15:48 > 0:15:50I wouldn't depend on him for a somersault.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53LAUGHTER
0:15:53 > 0:15:56So entrances, erm, you know, you've got to make people
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- feel at ease right off the bat, don't you, Terry?- Yeah.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Just warm, engaging.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Try and create the illusion that they're not on the television.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07OK, well, can we get rid of all the cameras, please?
0:16:09 > 0:16:13- They're in your lounge...- Yes. - ..with about 400 people looking on.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16No, this is fine, except in my lounge, we face the TV.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Do you watch a lot of TV, Terry?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22I watch a lot of TV, because -
0:16:22 > 0:16:26and you'll need to as well - because you need to be able to relate
0:16:26 > 0:16:30to whatever subject your guests wish to bring up.
0:16:30 > 0:16:31That's absolutely right.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Bring up any subject and I'll relate to it.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Very well, the early Chinese renaissance.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38I was there.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:42 > 0:16:44I'm fully covered.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Excellent.
0:16:46 > 0:16:47Excellent.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51Terry, I've got a photo of you. We found it online and I love it.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55- Before I show the photo, can I just ask you what's your favourite colour?- Green.- Green?
0:16:55 > 0:16:59OK, well, we found this photo and I don't know
0:16:59 > 0:17:02if maybe at this time it might have been beige.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11If you think that's beige, you know absolutely nothing.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Oh. It's not green, Terry.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17- It's taupe.- It's taupe.
0:17:17 > 0:17:18It IS taupe.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22I can't imagine you were ever defeated in hide and seek in your house.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28- That's another thing that is valuable for a chat show host.- Yes.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Blend into the background.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32- Exactly. You've certainly done that.- Yeah.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34You must have been frightening your children...
0:17:34 > 0:17:37"Jesus, Dad! I didn't see you there."
0:17:37 > 0:17:41All you have to do is lie on the sofa. "I've completely disappeared."
0:17:41 > 0:17:42Yeah, yeah.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46"Jesus Christ! What are you doing?!" "I was just changing this light bulb."
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Excuse me, you've portrayed me as a beige eejit.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54LAUGHTER
0:17:54 > 0:17:58I've portrayed you as a chat show legend who happens to enjoy...
0:17:58 > 0:18:00- Beige.- Taupe.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Now, my audience... This is my audience, Terry.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10What do you think of this lot?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12They're a mixed crowd.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Yes, they are.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16What were the audiences like back in the 1980s, Terry?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18I never had anything to do with them.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21I wanted to see what your audience was like,
0:18:21 > 0:18:23so we've got a shot of your audience, actually.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26This is an interview with Michael Caine, which was a splendid interview.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28- It's funny, the audience is round behind you.- Yeah.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30I didn't realise that.
0:18:30 > 0:18:34- Where did you expect them to be? - I expected them to be out the front.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37They're sideways on. No, they're not round there, they're over there.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39- Where are they?- Look.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41See, there's your audience, which,
0:18:41 > 0:18:43it's an incredible audience for, erm...
0:18:43 > 0:18:45What you're trying to say is
0:18:45 > 0:18:48that it's an audience of Terry's old geezers.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52CHEERING
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Ladies and gentlemen, we've got Terry's audience in our audience.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00That's actually live, that's a live shot.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Go to...
0:19:06 > 0:19:09This is 1987
0:19:09 > 0:19:12and if we can now go to live.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Ladies and gentlemen, we have the Togs.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Don't go, we're going to talk to the Togs.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Talk to the Togs.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Who would you say of all the Togs here - and please, get
0:19:26 > 0:19:30involved further down the line - who feels they're Terry's biggest fan?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37So you're Terry's biggest fan, there's Terry.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Is there anything you've always wanted to ask Terry?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41- Because, erm, he's right here. - Erm...
0:19:41 > 0:19:43And I love the way you're looking at him.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46- You are really genuinely his biggest fan.- Oh, absolutely, yes.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48We've met a few times, and erm,
0:19:48 > 0:19:50we just want him to carry on.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53So I'd like to say, can you carry on as long as you can?
0:19:53 > 0:19:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Ladies and gentlemen, the Togs!
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Oh, Terry.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Oh, goodness.
0:20:08 > 0:20:13Erm, Terry, you know, this has been just such an immense pleasure
0:20:13 > 0:20:14but I hopefully...
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Thank you for asking me, it's been fantastic fun.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Thank you for making it such a good evening.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22AUDIENCE: Awww.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Terry Wogan, ladies and gentlemen, an absolute pleasure.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Thank you so much, Terry.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Terry Wogan!
0:20:30 > 0:20:33SIR Terry Wogan!
0:20:44 > 0:20:47WOGAN CHAT SHOW MUSIC PLAYS
0:20:48 > 0:20:51It's so fun, by the way, to have this.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53This roving chair.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Especially when I'm on this surface.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04It's almost balletic, isn't it?
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Give us a push, Roycey.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13AUDIENCE: Woo!
0:21:17 > 0:21:18That was very good.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22The funny thing is...
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Although I was...
0:21:26 > 0:21:29I was all ready to introduce my next guest
0:21:29 > 0:21:31but the autocue just says, "check Oliver's phone",
0:21:31 > 0:21:33which I think we should do.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39And I bet you're just dying to know...
0:21:39 > 0:21:41whether you have been...
0:21:41 > 0:21:43annoying lately.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47I can reveal - and this must be a record for your life, Oliver.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49You have 81 texts.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58I love it when a plan comes together.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04And just off the top I can tell you that Benji Levi, a friend of yours?
0:22:04 > 0:22:05He says, "No, you haven't."
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Oh, dear.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Who's David Shapira?
0:22:13 > 0:22:18- Who's David Shapira? - He's one of my best, best friends.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19I'm not so sure.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21LAUGHTER
0:22:21 > 0:22:24He says, "Yeah, actually, the last few days
0:22:24 > 0:22:26"while Mel was here,
0:22:26 > 0:22:29"you were a bit strange.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31"I was going to ask you about it."
0:22:34 > 0:22:36OK.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Your mother...
0:22:39 > 0:22:41has felt the need to respond.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43"What have you done?"
0:22:47 > 0:22:52- Do you know what, Oliver? I'm sensing a Jewishness here.- Yes.
0:22:52 > 0:22:57I'm sensing that even more because Rabbi Meir has texted.
0:23:05 > 0:23:10And I think it perfectly sums up your dedication to your faith
0:23:10 > 0:23:12with his text that simply reads,
0:23:12 > 0:23:13"Who is this?"
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Someone hasn't been going to synagogue, have they, Oliver?
0:23:27 > 0:23:28OK.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30My next guest went from MySpace to megastar.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33She's a multi-award-winning singer-songwriter who has sold
0:23:33 > 0:23:36millions and billions and trillions of albums around the world.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39She is sensationally talented, I absolutely love her,
0:23:39 > 0:23:41it's my absolute pleasure and treat to introduce her.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44It's the wonderful, Lily Allen is here!
0:23:44 > 0:23:47MUSIC: "LDN" by Lily Allen
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- Lily Allen. - I don't know why you bothered.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09- The phone thing, that's a show in itself.- I know.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Poor Oliver, what a sport.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14How are you, Lily? How are you? Thank you for coming on my show.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18- I'm really... I'm very well.- I've seen so much of you recently.- Yes.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22- You been out?- Promoting an album. - Are you enjoying yourself, Lily?
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Erm, no, I am, yeah. Massively.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28- It's really nice being back. - How does it work, then?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30- You write the album.- Yes. - Where do you do that?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Do you go away somewhere?
0:24:32 > 0:24:36Mmm, sometimes and sometimes I do it at home cos I have children. So...
0:24:36 > 0:24:39- You need to be with them. - I need to, yes. It's important.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42- Well, they need feeding and stuff. - They have to be fed.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45I know, cos they're really... Cos if you don't have children,
0:24:45 > 0:24:48a lot of young people here, they don't. They have, like, phones.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50You know, like, when you drop your phone?
0:24:50 > 0:24:51You can't do that with a child.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53LAUGHTER
0:24:53 > 0:24:55By the way, this is a very American looking chat show.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57I know, I didn't know what to do, Lily.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00- I just went for the desk and... - You're doing well, this is...
0:25:00 > 0:25:02I didn't want... These fake buildings, I've got.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06- What are they made out of, cardboard? - I don't know, actually, I...
0:25:06 > 0:25:10Oh, no, I've just heard in my ear, "Don't ruin it." So...
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Have you ever had this thingy? Cos I've never done this.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16- Yes, so annoying.- I've got a person.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18It's like I keep wanting to say, "I'll call you back."
0:25:18 > 0:25:20- They just keep... - LAUGHTER
0:25:20 > 0:25:23It's so very annoying. It's like shut up. "Hello, I'm on TV."
0:25:23 > 0:25:26- I did, erm... - We can talk about this later.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29I did a French show the other day called Le Grand Journal and nobody...
0:25:29 > 0:25:31- Le Grand Journal. - Le Grand Journal.- Oui.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35And I had an earpiece like yours and the guy was talking to me
0:25:35 > 0:25:37in French and a translator in my ear, it's like...
0:25:37 > 0:25:41- Like the United Nations.- It was ridiculous.- Very difficult.- Yeah.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45This is what happens for you because people aren't interested in me
0:25:45 > 0:25:49where they don't speak English but you get hits all around the world
0:25:49 > 0:25:50and then you have to go and promote.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Actually, I'm a lot more popular around the world than I am here.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55That's not true at all!
0:25:55 > 0:25:58I happen to know there's a few Togs in the corner.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Big fans of Lily, guys?
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Yes!
0:26:04 > 0:26:05Any questions for Lily?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07"Just don't stop what you're doing."
0:26:11 > 0:26:13- Let's talk about business.- OK.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17Let's talk about business and your new album, is that right?
0:26:17 > 0:26:20- There is an album, yes. - It's called...- Sheezus.- Sheezus.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23Do you want to talk me through that one?
0:26:23 > 0:26:25It's called Sheezus, tell me about Sheezus.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27It's like the female version of Jesus.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29OK, so that's...
0:26:30 > 0:26:32- No, I'll be... OK.- What a coup.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Basically there's a guy called Kanye West
0:26:35 > 0:26:37who you may be familiar with,
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- he named it Yeezus.- Yeezus.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42And, you know, in my songs,
0:26:42 > 0:26:47I, you know, try and talk about pop culture and social...
0:26:47 > 0:26:51You know, society in general and for me, he kind of epitomises that.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55I think he's, you know, a big character.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59- Yeezus is quite a LOL, isn't it? And so I thought, Sheezus.- It's a nod.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Yeah, it's a nod. I have a lot of respect for him, whether or...
0:27:02 > 0:27:04I don't agree with everything that he says
0:27:04 > 0:27:07but I really respect that he
0:27:07 > 0:27:09believes what he says and says it.
0:27:09 > 0:27:14- Do you know what I mean?- Yeah. - Cos most people, as you'll find out from being a chat show host now,
0:27:14 > 0:27:15will come on here and just go,
0:27:15 > 0:27:17"Uh-huh, yeah, I love everything and everyone
0:27:17 > 0:27:21"and everything's amazing." Kanye doesn't do that and neither do I.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23So that's why I'm Sheezus and he's Yeezus.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26LAUGHTER
0:27:26 > 0:27:30You're definitely the female Jesus. Congratulations.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33- I wanted to talk about your song Air Balloon.- Yeah.
0:27:33 > 0:27:34Because there's a great...
0:27:34 > 0:27:37there's a great bit in that when you're just making sounds.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39I'm very interested in sounds, like when you go...
0:27:39 > 0:27:42BOTH: Na-na-na-na-na-na mmmm.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45We've got it. Can we show it?
0:27:45 > 0:27:47- So annoying! - Cos it's very... I like it.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50# Sing, sing along, along any song you want to
0:27:50 > 0:27:52# Now we're so high, it can't rain
0:27:52 > 0:27:56# Up in my air balloon, air balloon, air balloon
0:27:56 > 0:27:58# Ha!
0:27:58 > 0:28:00# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
0:28:00 > 0:28:03# Na-na-na-na-na mmmm
0:28:03 > 0:28:05# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
0:28:05 > 0:28:08# Na-na-na-na-na mmmm. #
0:28:08 > 0:28:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:15 > 0:28:18Na-na-na-na-na mmmm!
0:28:19 > 0:28:22Can you do the "Mmmm", Togs? Na-na-na-na-na-na...
0:28:22 > 0:28:24TOGS: Mmmm.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29Anyway, there's a new song, by the way and it's called Our Time
0:28:29 > 0:28:32and I'm in a video dressed as five different mes.
0:28:32 > 0:28:36- And one of me is a hot dog.- There it is, look.- Ah, yes, there you go.
0:28:36 > 0:28:37My goodness.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40- Na-na-na-na-na-na mmmm.- Mmmm!
0:28:40 > 0:28:42Anyway, you can now pre-order Sheezus,
0:28:42 > 0:28:44the album that's got that video,
0:28:44 > 0:28:47- the other video, you know, it's all there. It's coming.- When does...
0:28:47 > 0:28:50- May the 5th.- May the 5th. So tell me about you around the world, then,
0:28:50 > 0:28:54- global Lily.- Global Lily.- Tell me about global Lily.- My biggest...
0:28:54 > 0:28:57- My biggest territ... Shall we...? - Yes, I love the word territory.
0:28:57 > 0:28:59My territories are France and Australia.
0:28:59 > 0:29:03- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Woo! - Quite big.- But you don't... Hang on. Something happened.
0:29:03 > 0:29:06- Was it France or Australia? - AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Australia!
0:29:06 > 0:29:07- HE MIMICS HER - "Australia!"
0:29:07 > 0:29:10- IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT - You all right? How you going?
0:29:10 > 0:29:13- Good, thanks.- Yeah?- Yeah.- You from Australia?- I am from Australia.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16Yeah, but that's what happens, Lily, is when people hear where
0:29:16 > 0:29:18they're from when they're not there, they go, "Woo!"
0:29:18 > 0:29:21But strangely, when they're in the place they're from
0:29:21 > 0:29:23and they meet someone from where they're from,
0:29:23 > 0:29:26which happens every day, they don't go, "Woo!"
0:29:26 > 0:29:29They're not in the supermarket going, "Where you from?" "Australia."
0:29:29 > 0:29:31"Me too, woo!"
0:29:33 > 0:29:36- IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT - You do a good Australian accent, I've heard it.
0:29:36 > 0:29:40- I do an all right Australian accent. - They say, "How you going?" over there.
0:29:40 > 0:29:43- "How you going, Lily? So nice to have you on the show today."- Yeah.
0:29:43 > 0:29:48- Yeah, so...- "Hewyou gaing." It's amazing. You've got that down.
0:29:48 > 0:29:52- Seriously, though.- But it's very hard to change...- Yeah.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55- ..to New Zealand, cos New Zealand? - New Zailand?- You can shift!
0:29:55 > 0:29:58IN NEW ZEALAND ACCENT New Zailand has, like, a slightly different infliction.
0:29:58 > 0:30:00It's strange, I don't...
0:30:00 > 0:30:02It's very difficult to do one followed by the other.
0:30:02 > 0:30:04- I would have thought impossible. - Well, I did it.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07That was amazing, Lily Allen, she can shift!
0:30:07 > 0:30:08And thank you, goodbye!
0:30:10 > 0:30:13"How you going?" I didn't know about this "How you going?" thing
0:30:13 > 0:30:16and I did some gigs in Australia a couple of months ago
0:30:16 > 0:30:17and I was in the airport...
0:30:17 > 0:30:20- So you're a global star, too. - Just a bit of Australia(!)
0:30:20 > 0:30:21And New Zealand.
0:30:21 > 0:30:25I was at the airport getting on an internal flight, checking in,
0:30:25 > 0:30:28going to Melbourne and I was in Perth.
0:30:28 > 0:30:31They just went, "How you going?" And I was like...
0:30:31 > 0:30:32"I thought the aeroplane".
0:30:32 > 0:30:35LAUGHTER
0:30:35 > 0:30:37I mean, how many clues do you need, darling?
0:30:37 > 0:30:40I've just given you my passport in an airport.
0:30:42 > 0:30:46- So, 'Stralia's huge for you. - 'Stralia's big.- So you've played...
0:30:46 > 0:30:49The first time you went there, it must have been just crazy
0:30:49 > 0:30:52because you've gone all the way, cos it takes forever.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55You know what, I was a bit hesitant about Australia
0:30:55 > 0:30:58cos let's be honest, Australians, apart from you...
0:30:58 > 0:31:00(in London, quite annoying.) But...
0:31:00 > 0:31:02LAUGHTER
0:31:03 > 0:31:06You know, I kind of think Walkabout ends...
0:31:06 > 0:31:09The thought that they had their own country made you tense.
0:31:09 > 0:31:10I was like, "Oh, God, Australia".
0:31:10 > 0:31:14Then I got there and they're actually really nice IN Australia!
0:31:16 > 0:31:19Are you suggesting all the annoying ones came here?
0:31:19 > 0:31:22I don't know, I think maybe because it's so far away,
0:31:22 > 0:31:24maybe they feel like when they're here,
0:31:24 > 0:31:28they've just got to be REALLY AUSTRALIAN, you know?
0:31:28 > 0:31:31"I'VE COME ALL THIS WAY! LET'S HAVE A BARBIE!"
0:31:31 > 0:31:33APPLAUSE
0:31:35 > 0:31:37But they're lovely people, we need to establish that.
0:31:37 > 0:31:40- It's a beautiful country. - Lily, thank you again for coming on.
0:31:40 > 0:31:43Absolute pleasure. Thank you for having me.
0:31:43 > 0:31:46Ladies and gentlemen, please give all your love for the wonderful Lily Allen.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49What an absolute pleasure and treat. Lily Allen.
0:31:49 > 0:31:51Lily was here! Thank you, darling.
0:31:53 > 0:31:55Lily Allen, we love Lily!
0:31:55 > 0:31:57APPLAUSE
0:31:59 > 0:32:05So let's just have a check of how Oliver has been getting on
0:32:05 > 0:32:06and, oh...
0:32:06 > 0:32:08We've had some more interest.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10Danielle sister...
0:32:10 > 0:32:12- Is that your sister?- Yes. - Classic from your sister -
0:32:12 > 0:32:15"Why just lately? You're always annoying."
0:32:15 > 0:32:17LAUGHTER
0:32:19 > 0:32:21Er, um...
0:32:21 > 0:32:23Who's Shamuly? Schmuly?
0:32:23 > 0:32:26He's a good friend of, actually, this girl, Sarah.
0:32:26 > 0:32:30And you what, just steal numbers from other people's phones?
0:32:30 > 0:32:32No, he says, "No, what are you, a nine-year-old girl?
0:32:32 > 0:32:34"Why the sudden insecurity?"
0:32:34 > 0:32:36LAUGHTER
0:32:36 > 0:32:40Avi Korman is the most perceptive person here - who's Avi?
0:32:40 > 0:32:42He's a good friend of mine.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45Avi Korman says, "Has someone jacked your phone?"
0:32:45 > 0:32:46LAUGHTER
0:32:49 > 0:32:51And there's ANOTHER rabbi.
0:32:51 > 0:32:54- Rabbi Hulbertstad.- Oh!
0:32:54 > 0:32:57How many rabbis are you not seeing?
0:32:58 > 0:33:00He says the same thing.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03"I have a new phone, don't have all the contacts - who is this?"
0:33:06 > 0:33:09OK, all right. I feel like...
0:33:09 > 0:33:12Oh, my goodness, this one can't go out on the BBC.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14- Who's Joseph Makata?- Me.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16LAUGHTER
0:33:24 > 0:33:27Joseph, who is Oliver's friend who's sitting next to him
0:33:27 > 0:33:28has actually texted me,
0:33:28 > 0:33:30- "You- BLEEP!"
0:33:30 > 0:33:32LAUGHTER
0:33:37 > 0:33:41Is there a prize, because we need to give this person... We...
0:33:41 > 0:33:44Oh, that's so nice. We're going to give you a lift to synagogue.
0:33:49 > 0:33:53My next guest has had an incredible journey from barrow boy to
0:33:53 > 0:33:56business tycoon to TV treasure.
0:33:56 > 0:33:59He is the founder of Amscreen, Amshold, Amsprop,
0:33:59 > 0:34:01Amsair, Amserve, Amstrad
0:34:01 > 0:34:03and his number plate is AMS 1.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08Please welcome the magnate formerly known as Alan,
0:34:08 > 0:34:10then briefly as Sir Alan,
0:34:10 > 0:34:12it's Lord Sugar!
0:34:12 > 0:34:17"THE APPRENTICE" THEME TUNE
0:34:31 > 0:34:34Lord Sugar one more time, ladies and gentlemen, how exciting is this?
0:34:34 > 0:34:36How exciting is this?
0:34:38 > 0:34:43- How does this feel to you, having all this acclaim?- Quite nice.
0:34:43 > 0:34:44No, it's very nice.
0:34:44 > 0:34:48It's better than being the chairman of a football club.
0:34:48 > 0:34:52I used to get a little bit of abuse when I walked in the street then.
0:34:52 > 0:34:56Since I did this Apprentice programme, now it's...
0:34:56 > 0:34:57It's much nicer.
0:34:59 > 0:35:02I suppose you could have not foreseen any of this.
0:35:02 > 0:35:06When you turn on the television and see Nick Hewer co-hosting Countdown...
0:35:06 > 0:35:10How does that make you feel? It must be bizarre.
0:35:10 > 0:35:13- I mean, what is Nick Hewer to you? - Well, he's a mate.
0:35:13 > 0:35:16Nick was my PR consultant for...
0:35:16 > 0:35:20I can't remember how many years, I don't know, 30-odd years.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23Anyway, when I got asked to do this Apprentice thing, they said,
0:35:23 > 0:35:26"You need a sidekick, someone over here and someone over there".
0:35:26 > 0:35:29And I said, "Well, let's have Nick".
0:35:29 > 0:35:33And he said, "No, no, no, I couldn't possibly.
0:35:33 > 0:35:38"Oh, I couldn't possibly do this. It's not for me."
0:35:38 > 0:35:40Now, he's a bleeding diva!
0:35:41 > 0:35:44I mean... He will go to an opening of an envelope.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49He's a lovely bloke and he'll do anything for me
0:35:49 > 0:35:53and I will do... quite a lot for him...
0:35:54 > 0:35:55We've been together for quite...
0:35:55 > 0:35:58So now he's on Countdown and they go P... R...
0:35:58 > 0:36:00And you're thinking, "Yeah, you should do some."
0:36:02 > 0:36:05Your life has been absolutely remarkable and what fascinates me
0:36:05 > 0:36:10a lot is how many different elements there have been to your life.
0:36:10 > 0:36:13You've had to deal and relate to so many different types of people,
0:36:13 > 0:36:17- how do you manage to do that? - Well, it's an interesting point.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20Some of my friends say to me that they admire the manner in which
0:36:20 > 0:36:22I can adapt with the different company that I'm in.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24Notice how I'm doing so well now.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26LAUGHTER
0:36:27 > 0:36:29Despite your demeanour!
0:36:29 > 0:36:30LAUGHTER
0:36:33 > 0:36:35WOGAN THEME TUNE PLAYS
0:36:35 > 0:36:37APPLAUSE
0:36:37 > 0:36:38MUSIC STOPS
0:36:39 > 0:36:43But you're right, I used to deal in the markets in the early days,
0:36:43 > 0:36:47then I started dealing with the banks
0:36:47 > 0:36:50and you had to speak to bank people in a different way.
0:36:50 > 0:36:52Suddenly I bought a football club
0:36:52 > 0:36:55and you're down in the dressing room talking to the manager
0:36:55 > 0:36:58and you're effing and blinding and talking all the usual kind of stuff.
0:36:58 > 0:37:01Then you're out of there and you're suddenly...
0:37:01 > 0:37:04One day I got invited for lunch with the Queen.
0:37:05 > 0:37:06Yeah.
0:37:06 > 0:37:10- That deserves a sound effect. - ALL: Oooh!
0:37:10 > 0:37:12No. Erm...
0:37:15 > 0:37:16Anyway, I get there
0:37:16 > 0:37:21and there is only me, Wendy Craig the actress,
0:37:21 > 0:37:25lovely actress, and some other bloke who I've forgotten about.
0:37:25 > 0:37:27- There's the Queen... - Prince Philip. No!
0:37:29 > 0:37:33No, Prince Philip, he's sat next to me and he was chatting to me.
0:37:33 > 0:37:34He's a bundle of fun, isn't he?
0:37:34 > 0:37:36LAUGHTER
0:37:38 > 0:37:43Anyway...erm... He said, "And what business are you in, Mr Sugar?"
0:37:43 > 0:37:46I said, "I'm in the computer business". He said, "Right".
0:37:46 > 0:37:49"I'm trying to buy a computer printer, they don't make them in England".
0:37:49 > 0:37:51I said, "They do. I do."
0:37:51 > 0:37:55He says, "No, you don't." I said, "Oh, fucking hell".
0:37:55 > 0:37:58- "OK, we don't. Fair enough." - Have you been invited back?
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Er, no.
0:38:00 > 0:38:01Well, I did.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04She knighted me and when I got knighted,
0:38:04 > 0:38:09England had lost to Portugal in a football match.
0:38:09 > 0:38:11And she said to me,
0:38:11 > 0:38:15"I understand that you're involved in the football business".
0:38:15 > 0:38:18I was at the time chairman of Spurs.
0:38:18 > 0:38:22I said, "Your Majesty, we shouldn't really talk about that
0:38:22 > 0:38:26"considering last night's disgusting result with Portugal".
0:38:26 > 0:38:28To which she said, "You're quite right.
0:38:28 > 0:38:32"They should have played Beckham behind the front two..."
0:38:32 > 0:38:34LAUGHTER DROWNS ANECDOTE
0:38:36 > 0:38:37OK.
0:38:37 > 0:38:40We've got a photo of you as a baby which I wanted to show
0:38:40 > 0:38:42so that we can disarm you slightly.
0:38:42 > 0:38:45Isn't that sweet? Doesn't that help?
0:38:45 > 0:38:49When I got nervous about interviewing you, they sent me that.
0:38:49 > 0:38:52That's you actually smiling. Was that the last...?
0:38:54 > 0:38:56- First and last time. - Maybe it was wind.
0:38:56 > 0:38:58Probably wind.
0:38:58 > 0:39:01Even that was wind, as you say!
0:39:01 > 0:39:05First and last time. From then on, it was, "Right, Mum, you're fired!"
0:39:06 > 0:39:08That's another thing I wanted to ask you.
0:39:08 > 0:39:11Why are you firing people who are interviewing for a job?
0:39:11 > 0:39:13Isn't that jumping the gun slightly?
0:39:13 > 0:39:15Sorry?
0:39:15 > 0:39:18You're firing people on the show, but you haven't employed them yet.
0:39:18 > 0:39:21- Yes... - You don't go for a job interview,
0:39:21 > 0:39:24say, "I'd like to work here as a waiter". "You're fired", "Well..."
0:39:24 > 0:39:27"Pack up your things." "What things? I've just walked in here."
0:39:27 > 0:39:31This is something that an experienced executive that
0:39:31 > 0:39:35- works for the BBC, like you should know, it's called a format.- Ah!
0:39:35 > 0:39:39- I am an executive at the BBC, you're right.- This is thrust upon me.
0:39:39 > 0:39:43- Ah, yes, OK.- I would normally say to them, "Piss off."
0:39:43 > 0:39:46In fact, we are contractually obliged to say, "You're fired".
0:39:46 > 0:39:49Because it wouldn't sound as dramatic if you went,
0:39:49 > 0:39:51"We'll let you know".
0:39:52 > 0:39:54You're absolutely right.
0:39:54 > 0:39:57We watch this incredibly well produced show.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00The way that London looks and the glamour.
0:40:00 > 0:40:02We've got a picture of your old office here.
0:40:02 > 0:40:05I've... I've sold that now, to a hotel chain.
0:40:05 > 0:40:10- You can probably see in the corner, this is now a Premier Inn!- Yeah.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12- So where was your office here? - Right on the top floor.
0:40:12 > 0:40:15This was your actual boardroom?
0:40:15 > 0:40:16Now Lenny Henry is in here...
0:40:16 > 0:40:18LAUGHTER
0:40:18 > 0:40:22- Yeah, yeah, yeah.- I think the window is open, Lenny needs some air.
0:40:24 > 0:40:29We converted it into a hotel and we sold it or let it to these people.
0:40:29 > 0:40:34- These Premier Inn people.- So you still own the building?- Oh, yes.
0:40:34 > 0:40:36It's the reality of the workplace.
0:40:36 > 0:40:38We had a lot of people in that building.
0:40:38 > 0:40:41A lot of people made a load of money in that building.
0:40:41 > 0:40:46- It was a bit like the Wolf of Wall Street in there.- Er, well...
0:40:46 > 0:40:50Come on! You had some parties in there!
0:40:50 > 0:40:53I remember one night you were hanging out, completely naked,
0:40:53 > 0:40:54champagne, "Hey!
0:40:54 > 0:40:56"Another hundred million!"
0:40:56 > 0:40:58Not quite.
0:40:58 > 0:41:00Maybe not. I was just suggesting that.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02LAUGHTER
0:41:02 > 0:41:05- No, no.- I just wanted to show a clip.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08I'm a huge fan of The Apprentice, as so many people are.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10I wanted to show this simply because it's hilarious
0:41:10 > 0:41:12and we all get the giggles.
0:41:12 > 0:41:14Have you ever got the giggles, actually?
0:41:14 > 0:41:16In your life?
0:41:16 > 0:41:18Sometimes.
0:41:18 > 0:41:22Once I thought I was amused, but I was mistaken.
0:41:22 > 0:41:24LAUGHTER
0:41:26 > 0:41:27Show it. Show it.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29You once thought you were amused...
0:41:29 > 0:41:33This, genuinely, I was crying with laughter on my own.
0:41:33 > 0:41:36My wife had already fallen asleep... Not because of the show!
0:41:36 > 0:41:39Because of the children. She was up with the baby.
0:41:39 > 0:41:41Oh, that sounded terrible.
0:41:41 > 0:41:44Anyway, you'll enjoy this, it's absolutely hysterical.
0:41:44 > 0:41:46If I do the second one here,
0:41:46 > 0:41:49you'll see how easy that is.
0:41:49 > 0:41:53Look where you've got the bloody thing resting on.
0:41:53 > 0:41:55It's possible if you move house, you can just put it in the car
0:41:55 > 0:41:58or just put it under your bed...
0:41:58 > 0:42:01Behind the sofa... Anywhere.
0:42:01 > 0:42:02There we go. Have a look at that.
0:42:02 > 0:42:04LAUGHTER
0:42:04 > 0:42:09You can really enjoy yourself, just jump on it and start jumping away.
0:42:09 > 0:42:12If you're a young child, you can do this.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14If you're an adult, you can have fun.
0:42:14 > 0:42:16It really is very easy just to unscrew the legs.
0:42:16 > 0:42:19You can see how quickly it took me to take that off.
0:42:19 > 0:42:21What are you bloody doing?
0:42:21 > 0:42:23APPLAUSE
0:42:23 > 0:42:26So good. So funny.
0:42:28 > 0:42:30Ladies and gentlemen,
0:42:30 > 0:42:34please join me in thanking the wonderful Lord Alan Sugar!
0:42:34 > 0:42:36Thank you so much.
0:42:36 > 0:42:40Thank you, Lord Sugar. An absolute pleasure.
0:42:41 > 0:42:44OK, now we have to end all this. Please, ladies and gentlemen,
0:42:44 > 0:42:47welcome down an absolutely amazing sport tonight, the fantastic Oliver,
0:42:47 > 0:42:50without whom none of this would have been possible.
0:42:50 > 0:42:52Oliver, thank you so much.
0:42:52 > 0:42:54Oliver, ladies and gentlemen.
0:42:54 > 0:42:57Seriously, you are an absolute legend, thank you very much.
0:42:58 > 0:43:03What I thought we'd do was take a little photo of ourselves to
0:43:03 > 0:43:05explain that this has been a joke.
0:43:07 > 0:43:08We are looking cool!
0:43:10 > 0:43:12That's good, OK.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14APPLAUSE
0:43:14 > 0:43:16I'm going to... OK, we'll send this.
0:43:16 > 0:43:20"This has all been a joke, by the comedian Michael McIntyre.
0:43:20 > 0:43:22"Pictured."
0:43:24 > 0:43:26Send to all. Ladies and gentleman...
0:43:26 > 0:43:28And I have a prize for you!
0:43:28 > 0:43:30Everybody who comes on our show, of course, is given
0:43:30 > 0:43:32their Send To All telephone!
0:43:32 > 0:43:35WHOOPING
0:43:35 > 0:43:39- Very many congratulations.- Thank you.- Oliver, thank you very much!
0:43:41 > 0:43:44Please, let's thank Sir Terry Wogan...
0:43:44 > 0:43:47Lily Allen...
0:43:47 > 0:43:50And the wonderful Lord Sugar was here!
0:43:50 > 0:43:51CHEERING
0:43:51 > 0:43:55Join me next week when I'll be joined by Sir David Jason,
0:43:55 > 0:43:56Abbey Clancy and Jeremy Clarkson.
0:43:56 > 0:43:59Until then, thank you for watching, goodnight.
0:43:59 > 0:44:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE