0:00:02 > 0:00:05Is tonight's comedian higher or lower than me?
0:00:05 > 0:00:07EVERYONE: Higher!
0:00:07 > 0:00:10You say higher. Let's take a look.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17Is our next guest higher or lower than me?
0:00:17 > 0:00:20- EVERYONE: Higher! - You say higher.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27Is our final guest higher or lower than me?
0:00:27 > 0:00:29EVERYONE: Higher!
0:00:34 > 0:00:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:42 > 0:00:44CHEERING
0:00:48 > 0:00:52- CHEERS AND WHISTLES - Thank you very much.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Thank you very much indeed. What a fantastic welcome.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01And what a night tonight!
0:01:01 > 0:01:04We have royalty in the audience.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Yes, we do. Not really.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09No, no. We have near to royalty.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Well, I say "near to royalty".
0:01:12 > 0:01:16We have someone who stood near to royalty.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20- LAUGHTER - Where is Paul? There he is.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22- Hello, Paul.- Hello, there.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- MAN IN THE BOX:- Hello. - LAUGHTER
0:01:25 > 0:01:27I thought I do man in the box.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30I don't know how many of you remember,
0:01:30 > 0:01:34we had a royal wedding this year, and Paul was there.
0:01:34 > 0:01:40- Paul, tell us what you are.- I'm a musician in the Irish Guards band.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:01:43 > 0:01:47Take us to that moment. Where were you?
0:01:47 > 0:01:51- At the top of the Mall.- How close did you get to William and Kate?
0:01:51 > 0:01:54- About ten feet from the carriage. - No?! Really?
0:01:54 > 0:01:59- Did you give them a special "Prrp"? - Something like that. Yeah.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02That's fantastic. Isn't that wonderful?
0:02:03 > 0:02:08Now, then. If you were in Northleach near Cheltenham,
0:02:08 > 0:02:13and you wanted to tell the town some news, who would you turn to?
0:02:13 > 0:02:17You'd turn to Chloe. She's here. Where are you Chloe?
0:02:17 > 0:02:22- I'm here, Rob.- From Northleach? - Yes.- What do you do in Northleach?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25LOUD AND CLEAR: I am the town crier for Northleach.
0:02:25 > 0:02:31I have a naturally loud and resonant voice and I'm putting it to good use!
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Am I the only man to be a little turned on?
0:02:39 > 0:02:44A town crier in Northleach! That's their version of the internet.
0:02:46 > 0:02:51I am the spoken word version of the town website, yes.
0:02:51 > 0:02:57- LOUD AND CLEAR: - I want to talk to you in the same way that you're talking to me.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00You're very good. Have YOU been injured at WORK?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - You could do that.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08Everybody here tonight is lucky cos they're going to see Bruce Forsyth.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11We've got someone here who's extra lucky.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15Patricia, where are you? You must be one of the luckiest people ever.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- Tell us why.- When I was five, I was shot in the head by...
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Yes. Shot in the head at five!
0:03:21 > 0:03:25One of the luckiest people I've ever met(!)
0:03:25 > 0:03:31- Sorry, I cut you off there. - I was only shot by the minister.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34The minister? I didn't know that. A man of the cloth!
0:03:34 > 0:03:40He was target shooting, using our house as a target. Didn't realise we'd moved in the day before.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44- LAUGHTER - Whether you'd moved in or not.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- Shooting at a house! - LAUGHTER
0:03:47 > 0:03:54- You've got a twang to the accent. Where was this?- The Catskill Mountains in New York.- Right, OK.
0:03:54 > 0:04:01So, your local minister, the one man you should be able to feel safe around.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- "You'd better start runnin'!" - LAUGHTER
0:04:07 > 0:04:13- Is that really what happened? - Yes.- Wow!- I was a quarter of an inch from being killed.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16An eighth of an inch from being paralysed.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20- Bring the mood down, why don't you? - I survived!- You're fine!
0:04:20 > 0:04:25But you consider the whole family to have this kind of luck?
0:04:25 > 0:04:32They have a saying, "Cats have nine lives. Ableys..." my maiden name "..have more."
0:04:32 > 0:04:35My grandfather went over a cliff in a car.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39- No?- He got up and walked away without an injury.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43My father was in construction, building roads,
0:04:43 > 0:04:49the cave fell in, it crushed his arm and they had to put plastic veins in his arm.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54- Um...- Anybody else? That's it? - My nephew...
0:04:54 > 0:04:57LAUGHTER
0:04:58 > 0:05:01If you've been affected by any of these stories
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- in tonight's show... - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Thanks so much for coming. It's time now for my first guest.
0:05:09 > 0:05:15The Emperor of Entertainment, the King of Comedy, the Lord of the Dance!
0:05:15 > 0:05:16Sir Bruce Forsyth!
0:05:16 > 0:05:19CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:05:34 > 0:05:36CHEERS AND WHISTLES
0:05:38 > 0:05:39What a welcome!
0:05:39 > 0:05:44Oh, you are lucky to have an audience right there.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48I talk to a dance floor! LAUGHTER
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- It's VERY difficult. - Bruce, you look fantastic.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- Ah.- Doesn't he look brilliant? - CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:05:58 > 0:06:02I think of you as someone who hit it big at a very young age.
0:06:02 > 0:06:09- But your television break, you were 30, weren't you?- I had 16 years' experience before I got the break.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Touring round all the dreadful theatres.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Doing the warm-up for the other acts.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17So it was hard.
0:06:17 > 0:06:22One time, I thought, "If I'm not going to make it in five years,
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- "I'm turning it in."- Really?- Yeah.
0:06:24 > 0:06:31What's your view of show business today, with the instant fame of the X Factor, Britain's Got Talent?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Well, I think it's incredible.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36What you're talking about is Sue Boyle.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40It was amazing, that was, it just goes to show
0:06:40 > 0:06:43that you can be a star overnight,
0:06:43 > 0:06:46not in just your own little country, but the world.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48I mean, that is amazing.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52When I started, there were two channels on television.
0:06:52 > 0:06:58You could be on for a couple of weeks and you were the biggest name in the country.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02My take is that you're a song and dance man, is that fair to say?
0:07:02 > 0:07:06- Essentially, you're an all-rounder. - That's what I started as.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11I was nine years old, ten years old, when I started tap dancing.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14When you were doing the dancing as a kid,
0:07:14 > 0:07:18most lads would look on somebody dancing at being a bit effete.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22Well, yes, a kid did have a go at me and say,
0:07:22 > 0:07:26"You're going to your dancing? Don't be late!"
0:07:26 > 0:07:30So I pulled him off his bike and gave him a right handful.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34That's the other side of me which nobody knows anything about!
0:07:34 > 0:07:36- Bruce the Enforcer!- Yes.
0:07:36 > 0:07:42- So, you were a hoofer.- Hoofer. Yes.- A hoofer.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Some people thought you were a hoofer.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49If you don't mind me saying, Bruce, you err towards a mince.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51LAUGHTER
0:07:54 > 0:07:58- Actually, when I first started at the Palladium...- Yes.
0:07:58 > 0:08:03Because of my walk... And I have got a bit of a funny one. I know that.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08For the first couple of years, people did think I was a homosexual.
0:08:08 > 0:08:15Honestly, they did, but when my reputation caught up with me, they found out that wasn't true.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19- You loved life, didn't you? - I loved life and ladies.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23- Especially ladies. - Was it a free-for-all?
0:08:23 > 0:08:27You were on the variety circuit, travelling all over the place.
0:08:27 > 0:08:32Was it just, "There it is. I'll have some of that"?
0:08:32 > 0:08:34LAUGHTER
0:08:36 > 0:08:40How long is it since you've had some of that?
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Suddenly, we're going into your autobiography.
0:08:43 > 0:08:48Let's talk about your catchphrases. You've got so many of them.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Do you ever get tired of hearing them?
0:08:51 > 0:08:55It's a good question, actually. You can get a bit fed up with it.
0:08:55 > 0:09:01Especially when you're passing a building site. "Good game! Good game!"
0:09:01 > 0:09:06I went to the cup final and if I heard "good game" once,
0:09:06 > 0:09:10I heard it a thousand times. "Good game! Good game!"
0:09:10 > 0:09:13They're marvellous, actually.
0:09:13 > 0:09:19They're things that have happened throughout the years. I don't know what I'd have done without them.
0:09:19 > 0:09:24Do you have a favourite? There's "Nice to see you, to see you, nice."
0:09:24 > 0:09:28- "Didn't he or she do well?" - "All right, my love?"
0:09:28 > 0:09:31"Here, kitty, kitty." "What do points make?"
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- AUDIENCE:- Prizes! - Oh, you are sharp!
0:09:35 > 0:09:38I couldn't do that with many audiences.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42I'm imagining you before you go out to work.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45"Nice to see you, to see you nice." "Hello, kitty, kitty."
0:09:45 > 0:09:49I've got it all written down in case I forget it!
0:09:49 > 0:09:52If you only had one, which would it be?
0:09:52 > 0:09:57I think "Nice to see you" because you can use that anywhere.
0:09:57 > 0:10:03- You can say it to people...- Not if you're holding up a sub post office.
0:10:03 > 0:10:09Now, then, when you came on, on our revolve, you were doing the pose.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13- Yes.- The thinker. Will you teach me how to do the pose?
0:10:13 > 0:10:15- No.- Please.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17So, what you do...
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Get behind me here.
0:10:19 > 0:10:25First of all, you're on the toe there with your knee bent.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29LAUGHTER
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- Have you no control?- No.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Can you move?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40- AS RONNIE CORBETT:- Hello, Bruce.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Wonderful to see you here.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53So, left knee is fairly straight. Bend an ankle.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Right arm is up like this and the left hand is there.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00What you do is a little kick...
0:11:00 > 0:11:03And then you go...
0:11:03 > 0:11:05OK, but count me in.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07I will count you in.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10I'll be counting you OUT in a minute.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Here we go. Are you ready? One, two, three.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20CHEERS AND WHISTLES
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- What about that?- Yes!
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Kick, one, two, three...
0:11:30 > 0:11:33CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:11:37 > 0:11:41Ladies and gentlemen, Bruce will be back later to answer your questions.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45For now, please give a big thanks to Bruce Forsyth.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53It's time for our next guest.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56She's been nominated for a Brit three times,
0:11:56 > 0:12:00had double platinum albums and is back with a brilliant new record.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Please welcome Sophie Ellis-Bextor.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Sophie, welcome.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11- Thank you for having me. - You're very welcome.
0:12:12 > 0:12:18Look at you! I feel less healthy sitting next to you. You're glowing.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22You look so fantastic. Tell us about the new album, Make A Scene.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26It's the fourth record and it's the danciest one yet, really.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31I worked with people like Calvin Harris, Metronomy and Freemasons, so they set the tone
0:12:31 > 0:12:36for this very upbeat electro synthy dance thing I've made.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39The whole family is musical, isn't it?
0:12:39 > 0:12:45- You're married to the chap from The Feeling, as I call him. - The bassist, Richard.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48To me, he's the chap from The Feeling.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52- So is it a musical house? Are there instruments lying around?- Yeah.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Very much so. Things strewn everywhere.
0:12:55 > 0:13:01Even the kids' play room turns into a club. We've got a big disco light, smoke machine and turntables.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05- Really?- Yeah, really.- Oh. - LAUGHTER
0:13:05 > 0:13:10- I don't whether that's good or bad. Do you sing to your little ones? - All the time.
0:13:10 > 0:13:16- Do you do Wheels On The Bus? - Of course. That's a classic. You can make stuff up in that.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19# Wheels on the bus go round and round
0:13:19 > 0:13:21- BOTH: - # Round and round Round and round
0:13:21 > 0:13:26# The wheels on the bus go round and round all day long #
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Join in.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32No. I'd rather they didn't. They'd ruin it.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34# The conductor on the bus
0:13:34 > 0:13:38- # Says, "Tickets, please..." # - I like it when you do that.
0:13:38 > 0:13:44It's the shock. You were thinking you were going to travel for free!
0:13:45 > 0:13:48You've got an Oyster card!
0:13:50 > 0:13:55Now, you've done disco-y soul stuff, but country - I love country.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59I'm a little bit country, a little bit rock 'n' roll.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Let's do something country together. This is a lovely song, Sophie.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07It almost sums up my attitude to life.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- Join in when the mood takes you. - I will.
0:14:12 > 0:14:17# Sometimes it's hard to be a woman
0:14:21 > 0:14:26# Giving all your love to just one man
0:14:30 > 0:14:32# He'll have good times... #
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Sounds good.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38# And you'll have bad times... #
0:14:39 > 0:14:43# Doing things that you don't understand... #
0:14:43 > 0:14:45You just don't understand, love.
0:14:47 > 0:14:52# But if you love him you'll forgive him... #
0:14:52 > 0:14:56- Didn't know I could be this macho. - LAUGHTER
0:14:56 > 0:15:01# Even though he's hard to understand
0:15:01 > 0:15:04# Uh-huh-huh
0:15:04 > 0:15:07# And if you love him
0:15:07 > 0:15:09# Ah ah ah
0:15:09 > 0:15:11# Oh, be proud of him
0:15:11 > 0:15:13# So proud
0:15:13 > 0:15:18# Cos after all, he's just a man... #
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Shabba
0:15:22 > 0:15:24- ALL:- # Stand by your man... #
0:15:24 > 0:15:25Oh!
0:15:26 > 0:15:31# Give him two arms to cling to
0:15:31 > 0:15:35# And something warm to come to
0:15:35 > 0:15:39# When nights are cold and lonely
0:15:40 > 0:15:43# Stand by your man
0:15:44 > 0:15:48# And show the world you love him
0:15:48 > 0:15:56# Keep giving all the love you can
0:15:56 > 0:15:58# Oh oh oh
0:15:58 > 0:16:05# Stand by your man. #
0:16:05 > 0:16:08CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:16:12 > 0:16:15- Sophie Ellis-Bextor! - CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Thank you.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Now it's time for a young comedian who makes me proud to be Welsh.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26Please give a big cheer for the fantastic Elis James!
0:16:26 > 0:16:28CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Hello.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36Hello. My name's Elis. Very pleased to be here.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38I'm from Wales.
0:16:38 > 0:16:43You're clearly a lot less impressed than Rob was with that.
0:16:43 > 0:16:48I live in London. I never thought I'd move because Welsh is my first language.
0:16:48 > 0:16:53Very cool language. For instance, the Welsh word for "vegetarian" is "cig gwrthodwr".
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Literal translation, "meat refuser".
0:16:56 > 0:16:58LAUGHTER
0:16:58 > 0:17:02I love the fact that it doesn't focus on the positive.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05It's not "cheese preferer" or "vegetable embracer".
0:17:05 > 0:17:07It's "meat refuser".
0:17:07 > 0:17:10"Would you like some beef lasagna?"
0:17:10 > 0:17:13"Didn't you get my e-mail? I'm a meat refuser!"
0:17:13 > 0:17:17"Would you like some red wine?" "No. I'm a fun denier."
0:17:17 > 0:17:22I live in London with my girlfriend, but I don't think I'm ready for parenthood
0:17:22 > 0:17:25because you're asked very difficult questions.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29The first time I went swimming, I was with my dad, two years of age.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31I'm in the pool, splashing around.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35After a couple of minutes, I said, "Dad, I need to do a wee."
0:17:35 > 0:17:39My dad went, "What? It's your mother who deals with that side of things."
0:17:39 > 0:17:43To which I replied, "Ordinarily, yes."
0:17:43 > 0:17:46I had an incredible vocabulary for a two-year-old.
0:17:46 > 0:17:51I said, "What are we going to do?" Now, let's play a guessing game.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55We're in the pool. I'm two years of age. I need to do a wee.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59My dad is notorious in our family for being a little bit lazy.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Any of you people guess what my dad might have suggested?
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Wee in the pool! Dad said, "Just wee in the pool."
0:18:07 > 0:18:12Then he forgot that toddlers tend to take what parents say at face value.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14OK?
0:18:14 > 0:18:18So he turned round and, to his horror, dad realised
0:18:18 > 0:18:21that I had climbed out of the pool.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24I was stood on the side, trunks round my ankles,
0:18:24 > 0:18:27just weeing into the shallow end.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29"Screw you, world!"
0:18:29 > 0:18:33"I am an ASBO waiting to happen!"
0:18:33 > 0:18:37My dad's like, "Oh, my God! He's gonna get put into care.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41"His mother's gonna kill me." People were freaking out.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45There was a woman doing lengths, coming up for air.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49I was splashing. She was, "Someone's put chlorine in the pool!"
0:18:49 > 0:18:52People from the viewing gallery offering advice.
0:18:52 > 0:18:58Why are there viewing galleries in ANY swimming pool? Who goes to watch strangers swim?
0:18:58 > 0:19:02I'm still weeing away. My dad had to think on his feet.
0:19:02 > 0:19:07He didn't do what he was initially going to - put his thumb on the end of my penis,
0:19:07 > 0:19:10to try and sort of cork me.
0:19:10 > 0:19:15He realised that an adult thumb on the end of a child's private parts,
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I'd be able to spray 20 to 25 feet.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20I'd be weeing on people in the deep end.
0:19:20 > 0:19:25"Oh, I didn't know there was a wave machine and a rain machine as well!
0:19:25 > 0:19:27"Very tropical!"
0:19:27 > 0:19:32It must have appeared that I had a vendetta against the swimming pool.
0:19:32 > 0:19:37My dad got out of the pool and marched me off to the changing room,
0:19:37 > 0:19:42forgetting that once you've started, you can't stop, so I was weeing on me, weeing on him.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46It must have looked like Dad was using me as a human muck spreader!
0:19:46 > 0:19:51"Right! Let's go do the vending machine, boy! Hop to it!"
0:19:51 > 0:19:57Dad was yanking me past the mini pool you've got to stand in before you get in the main one.
0:19:57 > 0:20:02There was a woman in there going, "For God's sake! First a verruca, now this!"
0:20:02 > 0:20:05And that is why I don't want children.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12- Thank you very much. - Ladies and gentlemen, Elis James!
0:20:14 > 0:20:15Yes.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19Now, then, time to hand you over, Bruce, to the audience.
0:20:19 > 0:20:25Our first question is from David Donaldson. Where are you, David? There you are. Down the front.
0:20:25 > 0:20:31Your wife is more famous than you in Puerto Rico. Do you mind being in her shadow?
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- No...- In Puerto Rico...
0:20:33 > 0:20:38I can hear! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:43 > 0:20:46What was that, love?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48What did you say, Rob?
0:20:48 > 0:20:52I thought you hadn't heard. I was being nice.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56- He said about Puerto Rico and do I...?- I heard him!
0:20:56 > 0:21:00- I was telling you what he said! - LAUGHTER
0:21:00 > 0:21:04No, I love it, because I can then be sort of in the background.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08Although I am more well known now.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12They see pictures of me in the paper and that kind of thing.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16And then a waiter at the golf club when I first went there,
0:21:16 > 0:21:20he found out that I was Winnie's - as I call her - Winnie's husband.
0:21:20 > 0:21:25From then, he called me Senor Mundo! Mr World! He did!
0:21:25 > 0:21:27"Ah! Senor Mundo!"
0:21:27 > 0:21:29I said, "Shut up! Shut up!"
0:21:29 > 0:21:33Let's go into the audience again. Jaynie Gould, where are you, Jaynie?
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- What's your question? - Hello, Bruce.- Hello, darling.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40I'd like to ask you, do you have any superstitions?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42I'm the most superstitious person.
0:21:42 > 0:21:47When I get up, I go in the bathroom, like we all do - before you start!
0:21:49 > 0:21:54If I see a magpie, I go crazy! Anybody got a thing about magpies?
0:21:54 > 0:21:57If I saw a magpie in my bathroom, I'd be...
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- LAUGHTER - Did you leave a window open?
0:22:02 > 0:22:07- Is it a problem with you, the magpie?- Yeah. If I see a magpie... - What do you say?
0:22:07 > 0:22:13I say, "Good morning, Mr Magpie. How's your wife and family?"
0:22:13 > 0:22:15How stupid!
0:22:15 > 0:22:18LAUGHTER
0:22:23 > 0:22:28I just salute. And I say, "Good morning, General."
0:22:28 > 0:22:33And I hate magpies because I saw one once killing a little sparrow.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36And I threw my golf club at him, they are...
0:22:36 > 0:22:38That's nature!
0:22:38 > 0:22:40I killed the sparrow.
0:22:42 > 0:22:49I've got loads. Won't eat green sweets. If I get wine gums I throw all the green ones away.
0:22:49 > 0:22:54I won't go under a ladder. I won't put a hat on the bed.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57- So you come out of the bathroom... - Oh, shut up!
0:22:57 > 0:23:01You've been cross. You've seen this magpie brushing his teeth.
0:23:01 > 0:23:08You come back into the bedroom. You won't wear a hat in bed or put a hat on the bed?
0:23:08 > 0:23:11I won't put a... I don't wear a hat in bed!
0:23:11 > 0:23:15- So you won't have a hat on the bed. - Unless it's winter!
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- Where is Ricky Emery? Where are you?- Here.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Ricky, what's your question?
0:23:22 > 0:23:26- MIMICS BRUCE:- Eveveve...ryone's got a Brucie. Do you get bored of it?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29"Veveve...?" LAUGHTER
0:23:29 > 0:23:32First of all, mate, I don't talk like that.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34If I did,
0:23:34 > 0:23:36I'd have an operation.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40Why does everybody think I talk like that when I don't?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43ROB CHUCKLES
0:23:43 > 0:23:47- Why do they do that "Veveveve...."? - You do do that a bit.
0:23:47 > 0:23:48You do!
0:23:48 > 0:23:53- You go, "B-b-b-b-b...."- I used to do it but I've grown out of it.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57But no, I-I-I get a lot of fun out of watching...
0:23:57 > 0:24:00- LAUGHTER - Steve Longhurst.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03- Did they let you in? - LAUGHTER
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Hiya, Steve.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Bruce, given your lo-o-ong and varied career,
0:24:09 > 0:24:12- have you got any regrets? - Did you nearly yawn then?
0:24:14 > 0:24:18"Your lo-o-ong..." He nearly yawned, didn't he?
0:24:18 > 0:24:23- Yes?- Do you have any regrets looking back on your career?
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Is there anything you haven't done?
0:24:26 > 0:24:30Oh, many, many regrets. Show business is full of regrets.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33There's been ups and downs. Rob will tell you...
0:24:33 > 0:24:37The business is full of ups and downs.
0:24:37 > 0:24:42The trouble is, people think we do this for a living and it's all fun.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46They don't think that you have to think about every line.
0:24:46 > 0:24:51E-e-every line in a... I nearly did it then!
0:24:51 > 0:24:52Mm!
0:24:52 > 0:24:56- LAUGHTER - You're 83.- Yes.
0:24:56 > 0:25:01Are you thinking in any way at all about, you know, retiring?
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Yes. Tonight.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06You don't mean that! You don't mean that!
0:25:06 > 0:25:10I know one day I'm going to wake up and say, "Is it all worth it?
0:25:10 > 0:25:14"Have I got the strength?" But at the moment...
0:25:14 > 0:25:17As I said when I first came on tonight,
0:25:17 > 0:25:21this is what I love, what I grew up on in variety.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25- When I see this kind of crowd, oh... I envy you.- Ah.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28We envy you! Bruce Forsyth.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30CHEERING
0:25:30 > 0:25:33- Thank you. Thank you. - Ladies and gentlemen...
0:25:34 > 0:25:39I'm sure you'll agree. It's been nice to see him, to see him...
0:25:39 > 0:25:40Nice!
0:25:40 > 0:25:42CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:25:42 > 0:25:48I want to say a big thanks to all my guests, to Elis James, to Bruce Forsyth.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52From her new album, Make A Scene, please welcome Sophie Ellis-Bextor.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06# I can't get out I'm trapped inside of it
0:26:06 > 0:26:10# I won't let go Pain keeps driving it
0:26:10 > 0:26:14# I'm only human, babe You let the feeling fade
0:26:14 > 0:26:18# Keep pushing I keep pushing on
0:26:18 > 0:26:21# I did the best I could I learned to sacrifice
0:26:21 > 0:26:26# I tried to make it work This time away has done me good
0:26:27 > 0:26:30# It's a change from you
0:26:31 > 0:26:37# Keep switching me off and on and off and on and off
0:26:37 > 0:26:40# I put myself back together
0:26:40 > 0:26:44# You've been gone too long Nearly all the love has gone
0:26:44 > 0:26:47# You thought I'd be free ever
0:26:47 > 0:26:52# Keep switching me off and on and off and on and off
0:26:52 > 0:26:55# I put myself back together
0:26:55 > 0:27:00# You've been gone too long Nearly all the love has gone
0:27:00 > 0:27:02# You thought I'd be free for ever
0:27:02 > 0:27:06# I can't go back I'm sick and tired of it
0:27:06 > 0:27:10# When love broke down I rewired it
0:27:10 > 0:27:14# I'm only human, babe You let the feeling fade
0:27:14 > 0:27:18# Keep pushing till I reach a higher ground
0:27:18 > 0:27:22# I tried to make it work When every door was closed
0:27:22 > 0:27:26# You tried to make it better I tried to make an honest man
0:27:27 > 0:27:28# Woah
0:27:28 > 0:27:30# Out of you
0:27:32 > 0:27:37# Keep switching me off and on and off and on and off
0:27:37 > 0:27:40# I put myself back together
0:27:40 > 0:27:45# You've been gone too long Nearly all the love has gone
0:27:45 > 0:27:47# You thought I'd be free for ever
0:27:47 > 0:27:52# Keep switching me off and on and off and on and off
0:27:52 > 0:27:55# I put myself back together
0:27:55 > 0:28:00# You've been gone too long Nearly all the love has gone
0:28:00 > 0:28:03# You thought I'd be free for ever
0:28:03 > 0:28:07# Wired to the sun like a laser beam
0:28:07 > 0:28:11# Power surge Come feel the energy
0:28:11 > 0:28:14# And I'm ready to shine and shine and shine
0:28:14 > 0:28:19# And shine and shine and shine for ever
0:28:19 > 0:28:21# I put myself back together
0:28:21 > 0:28:26# You've been gone too long Nearly all the love has gone
0:28:26 > 0:28:28# You thought I'd be free for ever
0:28:28 > 0:28:33# Keep switching me off and on and off and on and off
0:28:33 > 0:28:36# I put myself back together
0:28:36 > 0:28:41# You've been gone too long Nearly all the love has gone
0:28:41 > 0:28:44# You thought I'd be free for ever
0:28:44 > 0:28:46# I, I, I put myself
0:28:46 > 0:28:48# I, I put myself
0:28:49 > 0:28:51# I put myself back together
0:28:51 > 0:28:53# You, you, you thought I'd be
0:28:53 > 0:28:55# You, you, you thought I'd be
0:28:55 > 0:28:59# You, you thought I'd be free for ever. #
0:28:59 > 0:29:03CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:29:03 > 0:29:06Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:06 > 0:29:10That was lovely.