0:00:02 > 0:00:05Marshalling the backline, stand-up Joe Wilkinson!
0:00:07 > 0:00:10Holding up the midfield, Manchester band Hurts!
0:00:11 > 0:00:17And who else to lead the attack but British comedy legend, Frank Skinner!
0:00:19 > 0:00:21It's kick-off!
0:00:27 > 0:00:30- CHEERING - Hello!
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Good evening! Welcome, welcome, welcome. Hello!
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Welcome to the show. Good evening. Hello. Welcome.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Now then, let's see... Over here we've got an Andrew Smith.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Stick your hand up, Andrew. Hello, Andrew. What is it that you do?
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- I enjoy metal detecting.- Aww!
0:00:49 > 0:00:52- That most sociable of hobbies! - That's the one.
0:00:52 > 0:00:53So, you go out...
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Have you got a little thing that goes "beep"?
0:00:56 > 0:00:59- I've got a metal detector, as well! - Sorry.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Let's... Let's...
0:01:01 > 0:01:05Let's stamp on this right away!
0:01:05 > 0:01:09Look at him, laughing his head off down the front.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13He looks like he's auditioning for a Beach Boys tribute act.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Look at him! I simply asked
0:01:20 > 0:01:22if you had a little thing that went "beep"?
0:01:22 > 0:01:25I meant a detector.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Is that... Are you one of those guys?
0:01:28 > 0:01:30No, I go forwards.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33LAUGHTER
0:01:33 > 0:01:35No, I was going forwards!
0:01:35 > 0:01:41- You were going backwards. - That is by nobody... Even by these idiots, that is forward!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44You're looking, aren't you? You're waiting for "Beep"!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47HE MIMICS DETECTOR That's the one.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50You'd have a hell of a lot of it down here!
0:01:50 > 0:01:54For that plate in the skull, it would be going off!
0:01:54 > 0:01:57I don't mean that. Come on.
0:02:00 > 0:02:06Let's go across now, over to here. Lovely lady there on the second row in the lovely flowery top.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10- What is your name?- Hi, Rob. I'm Roz. I'm a good Welsh girl.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13I didn't catch any of that.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16- You're Rob?- No, you're Rob. I'm Roz.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18I know that, love!
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Please...
0:02:24 > 0:02:26I have, at no stage,
0:02:26 > 0:02:29been in any doubt of who I am.
0:02:29 > 0:02:34- What we want to establish, who are you?- I'm Roz.- Sorry. Roz.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Sorry, I didn't catch it. Where are you from?
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Originally, I'm from Porthcawl.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43- I lived in Porthcawl myself! - And I went to school with you.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46LAUGHTER
0:02:46 > 0:02:47WHISTLING
0:02:47 > 0:02:51This is a little bit embarrassing.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- Porthcawl Comp?- Yes. - Not at the same time.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58I mean, you must've been, er, after me.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02- When were you there? - At the same time as you, Rob.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Oh, I'm so sorry. Did we know each other?
0:03:04 > 0:03:09Yes, my darling. You came to my 18th birthday party!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11- Seriously?- Yes!
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- What was your surname at school?- Williams.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16That narrows it down!
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Roz Williams.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Well, it's great to see you again!
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- Where was the party then? - In Penymynydd.
0:03:26 > 0:03:31Yes! So I came to your party. Was it a good night?
0:03:31 > 0:03:35It was a good night. You were very sweet, you were the only boy who bought me a present.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- It was a beautiful... - What did I get you?
0:03:38 > 0:03:42It was a beautiful box of really expensive, obviously,
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Charlie perfume!
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- ALL: Whoo!- Wow.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51- That was 30 years ago.- Yes.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Bet you Charlie's gone off by now.
0:03:59 > 0:04:04Lovely to see you again. Roz, ladies and gentlemen.
0:04:05 > 0:04:11Well, later on, I will be meeting the fantastic Hurts.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14But first of all, please welcome a comedian
0:04:14 > 0:04:18who's won a clean sweep of Perrier Award, British Comedy Award
0:04:18 > 0:04:22and the big one, the 1998 Rear of the Year,
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Frank Skinner!
0:04:25 > 0:04:27INTRODUCTORY MUSIC
0:04:29 > 0:04:31CHEERING
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Frank Skinner, ladies and gentlemen...
0:04:45 > 0:04:48That's the big one, Rear of the Year.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50It doesn't get any better than that.
0:04:50 > 0:04:55And it's gone down the nick. This year it was Anton du Beke.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59Oh, no! What a strange-looking man he is!
0:04:59 > 0:05:02LAUGHTER
0:05:02 > 0:05:04- Don't!- Yes. And, er...
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Do you know Anton du Beke is really called Tony Beke?
0:05:07 > 0:05:11- Yes, I do.- I love that. - Your real name is not Frank Skinner.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14No, but I haven't changed my name to, er,
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Francois de Skin!
0:05:18 > 0:05:22- What were your thinking? Because Chris Collins was your birth name. - Yes.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26Why Frank Skinner? Is there a reason for that particular name?
0:05:26 > 0:05:31Frank Skinner was a member of my dad's dominoes team.
0:05:31 > 0:05:36- At the pub? - Yes. We're a very sporting family.
0:05:36 > 0:05:42I thought, "That's a great name." So when I needed to get a name for stage, I thought, "Hey."
0:05:42 > 0:05:48So, when you took Frank Skinner the domino man's name, was it an honour for him?
0:05:48 > 0:05:51He's no longer with us, I think. But a member of his family
0:05:51 > 0:05:56sent me a little framed photograph of his tombstone.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58- That's nice.- Mm.
0:05:59 > 0:06:06So I had "Here Lies Frank Skinner" on my corkboard for several years.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Some days it was more relevant than others.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Depending how the gig had gone the night before!
0:06:12 > 0:06:15But I stared mortality in the face, I think it's fair to say.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- You know what people say about you? - Go on.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20They say you've mellowed.
0:06:20 > 0:06:25- Mellowed?- That's what people say again and again. Is that fair?
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- What does that mean, though? - I think, when they talk about you,
0:06:28 > 0:06:34I think it means you've become a nicer person to be around, a bit warmer, a bit more affable.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38What, you think I used to be an unpleasant person?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40No, but I do think that, quite seriously,
0:06:40 > 0:06:43I think that you had more of a...
0:06:43 > 0:06:46You give off a far more friendly air now.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- You must've heard that. - Did we meet years ago?
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- We did.- What happened? - You were unfriendly.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54LAUGHTER
0:06:54 > 0:06:58We met after one of your shows and I struck up conversation with you about Elvis,
0:06:58 > 0:07:01because I know you're a big fan, like me,
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- and you didn't, you know... You weren't unpleasant.- No.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08But you didn't embrace the conversation like I thought you would.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11But now when I try to talk about Elvis with you,
0:07:11 > 0:07:13I can't get rid of you.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18Well, I remember that night and I was put off by, erm,
0:07:18 > 0:07:21the bottle of Charlie you gave me.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30I'm sorry if I wasn't as friendly as I could've been.
0:07:30 > 0:07:35It's a positive, what I'm saying. You make out like I'm the only person who's said this.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Yes, I think I was seen as, erm,
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- a bit of a laddish comedian.- Yes.
0:07:40 > 0:07:47I talked about my sexual endeavours and stuff like that.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49- At length!- Mm.- But, erm...
0:07:49 > 0:07:55I put myself around quite a lot in those days.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59You know what it's like, you're not a very good-looking bloke, and then suddenly...
0:07:59 > 0:08:02LAUGHTER
0:08:05 > 0:08:09I don't want sympathy. I want disagreement.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14So suddenly, you get a bit of celebrity and you're a bit more popular,
0:08:14 > 0:08:18and I believe, erm, the phrase is
0:08:18 > 0:08:22"I filled my boots" somewhat. And I spoke about it.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25What made you stop that way of life?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28I think... I had, erm,
0:08:28 > 0:08:30what I believe they call
0:08:30 > 0:08:31a threesome.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35I only ever did that once. This is old hat now.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39People like Russell Brand, they were having multiples of...
0:08:39 > 0:08:43He operated on a kind of binary system.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Was it a success?
0:08:45 > 0:08:48There was a lot of sniggering. LAUGHTER
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Oh! Unwelcome in the bedroom.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55And you know the elbow going into the side like that? And I started to feel very insecure.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58And then there was...
0:08:58 > 0:09:00They both went in and there was, erm,
0:09:00 > 0:09:02a clash of heads.
0:09:05 > 0:09:11Honestly, I heard "Da-dunk!" Ohh! I winced. You know?
0:09:11 > 0:09:15So I said, "Look, just sit down, have a breather..."
0:09:15 > 0:09:18LAUGHTER
0:09:18 > 0:09:23But they both went to the bathroom and there was a bit of a row ensued.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29Some sort of territorial, erm, argument.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33And so after they left,
0:09:33 > 0:09:36I thought, "That's it for me."
0:09:36 > 0:09:41- That was the turning point? - I want love. You know?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- And you've found love now. - I have found love.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Just one person.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48APPLAUSE
0:09:48 > 0:09:52Here's the thing... I know that you love your music
0:09:52 > 0:09:55and you've got one thing in common with me, you love Elvis.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59I grew up on those movies, those Elvis movies that everyone criticised.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Even Elvis fans don't like those, and I...
0:10:02 > 0:10:06Elvis would be out and he'd see a guitar, pick it up,
0:10:06 > 0:10:10and not only was it in tune, but these other guys knew the song.
0:10:10 > 0:10:15People passing by knew the backing vocals!
0:10:15 > 0:10:17You like Elvis, I like Elvis.
0:10:17 > 0:10:22I have an in-house guitarist who I keep here, Frank, for just these occasions.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25We're going to go back to 1969.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27GUITARIST PLAYS SOFTLY
0:10:27 > 0:10:30# Today I stumbled from my bed
0:10:30 > 0:10:33# Thunder crashing in my head
0:10:33 > 0:10:37# Pillow still wet From last night's tears
0:10:39 > 0:10:42# As I think of giving up
0:10:42 > 0:10:44# A voice inside my coffee cup
0:10:44 > 0:10:46# Keeps calling out
0:10:46 > 0:10:50# Ringing in my ears
0:10:50 > 0:10:55BOTH: # Don't cry, Daddy
0:10:56 > 0:11:01# Daddy, please don't cry
0:11:02 > 0:11:05# Daddy, you still got me Little Tommy
0:11:05 > 0:11:08# Together we'll find A brand-new mommy
0:11:08 > 0:11:09# Daddy, Daddy, please laugh again
0:11:09 > 0:11:12# Daddy, ride us on your back again
0:11:12 > 0:11:17# Oh, Daddy, please don't cry
0:11:20 > 0:11:23# Why are children always first
0:11:23 > 0:11:25# To feel the pain And hurt the worst?
0:11:25 > 0:11:30# It's true But somehow it don't seem right
0:11:33 > 0:11:35# And every time I cry, I know
0:11:35 > 0:11:38# It hurts my little children so
0:11:38 > 0:11:44# I wonder Will it be the same to...night
0:11:44 > 0:11:48# Don't cry, Daddy
0:11:48 > 0:11:54- Abba! - # Daddy, please don't cry
0:11:55 > 0:11:58# Daddy, you still got me Little Tommy
0:11:58 > 0:12:01# Together we'll find A brand-new mommy
0:12:01 > 0:12:03# Daddy, Daddy, please laugh again
0:12:03 > 0:12:06# Daddy, ride us on your back again
0:12:06 > 0:12:08# Oh, Daddy
0:12:08 > 0:12:11# Please don't cry #
0:12:11 > 0:12:15- APPLAUSE - Frank Skinner!
0:12:16 > 0:12:19My dear fella!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21WHISTLING
0:12:25 > 0:12:29We'll talk more to Frank later on. He'll be answering your questions.
0:12:29 > 0:12:34Now, you've already shown you're a big music fan, Frank. You're going to enjoy this.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36It's one of the biggest bands of the moment,
0:12:36 > 0:12:40please give a huge welcome, Hurts!
0:12:40 > 0:12:43APPLAUSE
0:12:43 > 0:12:45- Hi, guys.- Hello.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- How you doing?- Fantastic.
0:12:50 > 0:12:56Welcome. First things first, why are you called Hurts? Because it's Hurts as in "Agh!"
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- Yes.- Where did it come from?
0:12:58 > 0:13:02Erm, it looked cool and sounded good!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Yes, we were very miserable for a time. And now we're not.
0:13:05 > 0:13:10- You've gone through a period of unhappiness. - We were unemployed for a long time.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12It seemed to fit at the time.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16- Where did you meet? - Outside a nightclub in Manchester at about 4am.
0:13:16 > 0:13:21- Our friends were having a fight. - No!- I know. Pent-up male aggression.
0:13:21 > 0:13:26We were too drunk to fight, so we, er, sort of murmured to each other and went...
0:13:26 > 0:13:30And then the next day, nothing else to do, start a band.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32LAUGHTER
0:13:32 > 0:13:34It's gone very well, hasn't it?
0:13:34 > 0:13:40It was all worthwhile. In the last year and a half, it kind of rocketed.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43You collaborated with Kylie.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46You worked with her on your album Happiness.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Big question for you. Taller or shorter than me?
0:13:48 > 0:13:52Er... With or without heels?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55I don't often wear heels.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- Was she lovely? She comes across as being lovely.- She was great.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02It was amazing. It was the final thing we did.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05We had this song and we thought,
0:14:05 > 0:14:07"Wouldn't it be great if she sung on it?"
0:14:07 > 0:14:10And we got the balls together to write her an email,
0:14:10 > 0:14:13and we just wrote, "All right, Kylie?"
0:14:13 > 0:14:15LAUGHTER
0:14:15 > 0:14:19"We're Hurts. Are you up for it?"
0:14:19 > 0:14:22- I love your brevity!- And she got back. It was an amazing thing.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26Two weeks later, out the blue, she got back and said she'd do it
0:14:26 > 0:14:28and then we were in the studio in London.
0:14:28 > 0:14:33You know my next question. It's an obvious one. What's her email address?
0:14:34 > 0:14:39So she came into the studio. Sometimes when you meet these icons,
0:14:39 > 0:14:43- they can disappoint you. - LAUGHTER
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- How was it... - HE LAUGHS
0:14:46 > 0:14:49I don't mean it. How was it meeting Kylie?
0:14:49 > 0:14:52I do!
0:14:52 > 0:14:55It was brilliant. It was everything you imagine really.
0:14:55 > 0:15:00- It was the icing on the cake of a long old road. - She's a legend.- She's beautiful.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02- You've covered one of her songs. - We have.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04The Locomotion.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Which one did you do?
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- We play a song called Confide In Me. - I know that song.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13- Could I join you on that song? - You can.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- Would you let me join you? - It would be our pleasure.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20I'm going to play a little something on a drum machine. If it's too fast,
0:15:20 > 0:15:24put your hand up and I'll slow things down. OK?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26BOTH: Here we go.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30# I stand at a distance
0:15:30 > 0:15:32# I watch
0:15:32 > 0:15:34# From afar
0:15:34 > 0:15:37# Should I offer my assistance?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40# Should it matter
0:15:40 > 0:15:44# Who you are?
0:15:44 > 0:15:47# We all get hurt by love
0:15:47 > 0:15:51# And we all have a cross to bear
0:15:51 > 0:15:54# But in the name of understanding
0:15:54 > 0:15:59- FAMILY FORTUNES-STYLE BUZZER - # A problem should be shared
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- # Confide - BUZZER RINGS
0:16:03 > 0:16:07# In me
0:16:07 > 0:16:09# Confide
0:16:09 > 0:16:13- BOING! - # In me #
0:16:14 > 0:16:17FAST-PACED TECHNO MUSIC
0:16:24 > 0:16:26MUSIC STOPS
0:16:26 > 0:16:31- Ladies and gentlemen, Hurts! - Thank you very much.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Right, thanks very much, guys.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Hurts are going to performing for us again later on.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42But now, he's the nosy neighbour on the BBC3 sitcom Him & Her,
0:16:42 > 0:16:46he's taken time from his splendid Edinburgh show to be with us,
0:16:46 > 0:16:48please welcome Joe Wilkinson!
0:16:48 > 0:16:50APPLAUSE
0:16:50 > 0:16:53CHEERING
0:17:00 > 0:17:02LOUD CHEERING
0:17:04 > 0:17:06CHEERING
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Come on, I haven't got long.
0:17:09 > 0:17:14I live in south London. I live near my mum and dad still.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17I go and see my mum and dad quite a lot, you know.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21Because I love them. But they've also got Sky.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Which helps.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27And last time I went to see them, I came out of my mum and dad's train station,
0:17:27 > 0:17:31and outside the station there was three Community Support Officers.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33You know them fellas, right?
0:17:33 > 0:17:37"Hello. I like your hat."
0:17:37 > 0:17:42They were just standing there. They were stopping people parking in these spaces.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46I thought, "If that's your day, fair enough."
0:17:46 > 0:17:48But I went home, I came back
0:17:48 > 0:17:52and they were still doing it, just stopping people parking.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55And I thought, "That's a bit odd." I wondered what had happened.
0:17:55 > 0:18:02Do you reckon a real policeman had seen these spaces that they need to keep free and thought,
0:18:02 > 0:18:05"Well, we've run out of traffic cones..."
0:18:08 > 0:18:11"What else can we use?
0:18:11 > 0:18:13"Community Support Officers! Course we can!"
0:18:13 > 0:18:16They were using them as traffic cones.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20Do you reckon they use them in any other part of the country, like on a motorway?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Just hundreds of them in a line, like that...
0:18:25 > 0:18:29The occasional one knocked over where someone's changed the radio. "What was that?
0:18:29 > 0:18:32"It's all right, it's just a Community Support Officer."
0:18:33 > 0:18:37Students coming home with one on their head...
0:18:39 > 0:18:41"Look what I nicked!"
0:18:41 > 0:18:43APPLAUSE
0:18:43 > 0:18:46I was in this jewellers recently.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49I was standing behind this bloke who was waiting to be served.
0:18:49 > 0:18:54There was a young girl serving. She was about 15, 16. She's standing there, chewing gum.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59She's obviously a Saturday girl because she didn't give a... It's like that...
0:18:59 > 0:19:03He went up to the counter and went, "Excuse me. I'm looking to buy a crucifix
0:19:03 > 0:19:05"for my niece's christening."
0:19:05 > 0:19:11And this girl went, "Oh, yeah, yeah, crucifix, yeah. Do you mean a cross?"
0:19:11 > 0:19:14"Yes, a cross." She went, "We've got two types of crosses.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18"We've got plain ones or ones with little men on them."
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Little men?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Not Jesus.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29"I'll have a Ronnie Corbett!"
0:19:34 > 0:19:36I'll tell you one last thing.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39It's a bit weird, but I'll just tell you.
0:19:39 > 0:19:44Basically, my whole life, babies have stared at me.
0:19:44 > 0:19:49Even before I looked like this. They've always stared at me.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53I got the bus with my friend and there were about five babies on the bus,
0:19:53 > 0:19:56and like always, they were staring at me.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59My friend looked round the bus and she went, "Er...
0:19:59 > 0:20:04"Joe, all the babies on this bus are staring at you."
0:20:04 > 0:20:07I went, "I know. It happens." She went, "Really?"
0:20:07 > 0:20:11I went, "It's always happened." She went, "That's a bit weird." I went, "Meh."
0:20:11 > 0:20:15Anyway, got off the bus. About an hour later, I got on another bus on my own,
0:20:15 > 0:20:19and there was a baby on that bus and it wasn't staring at me,
0:20:19 > 0:20:22and I thought, "Ooh, that's weird."
0:20:22 > 0:20:25But then, I saw the baby do this, I saw the baby go...
0:20:26 > 0:20:28LAUGHTER
0:20:32 > 0:20:36And I swear to God, at that point, I thought, "Still got it."
0:20:38 > 0:20:41- I've got to go. - APPLAUSE
0:20:46 > 0:20:48CHEERING
0:20:50 > 0:20:52I've been Joe Wilkinson. Thank you.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55CHEERING
0:20:58 > 0:21:02Joe Wilkinson, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you, Joe.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04We're going to hand you over to the audience, Frank.
0:21:04 > 0:21:09Our first question comes from our audience at home on Twitter. It's Jill Simpson.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12It's a lie.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15She said her head has cleared up, but...
0:21:22 > 0:21:27She says, "Please could you ask Frank to do Strictly Come Dancing?
0:21:27 > 0:21:30"He's been my dream contestant since series one."
0:21:30 > 0:21:34- Do you fancy that?- I've been asked to do all those things.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37My favourite one, I was asked to do a thing called
0:21:37 > 0:21:41- Celebrity Shark Cage.- I saw that!
0:21:41 > 0:21:46I can't swim. I would've been the only person more frightened of the water than the sharks.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49What if I'd been so desperate to get on telly,
0:21:49 > 0:21:53and some people are, if I'd just done it and drowned in the cage?
0:21:53 > 0:21:58I think you had an aqua-lung on and underwater breathing things.
0:21:58 > 0:22:03- But I can't put my face under. - Can you not?- No.- Why?
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Well, I'm worried about a clash of heads.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- I'm frightened of water, basically. - You should get over that -
0:22:11 > 0:22:14OK, I will! Thank you very much.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17- No -- What's this, a phobia clinic?
0:22:17 > 0:22:21I know, and many of the audience will agree,
0:22:21 > 0:22:23that the water can be a whole world of fun
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- and you're missing out on it.- Yes.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28The sea, as well? You won't go in the sea?
0:22:28 > 0:22:31If it's water...
0:22:31 > 0:22:34No, there's a difference! There's a difference.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38With pools, you've got a deep end and a slightly shallow end.
0:22:38 > 0:22:43With the sea, depending on the beach, the gradation of the land, you can paddle and that can be nice.
0:22:43 > 0:22:48I think it could be said of the sea that there is a deep end and a shallow end.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50LAUGHTER
0:22:51 > 0:22:53And then some!
0:22:54 > 0:22:57A really deep end.
0:22:57 > 0:23:02Obviously, I'm more afraid of the sea because there's wildlife in it, as well as drowning.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05This is from Twitter. It's Steven Horner.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09He says, "Do you miss living with David Baddiel?"
0:23:09 > 0:23:14- You genuinely did live together. - Oh, we lived together for, erm...
0:23:14 > 0:23:19I got thrown out by my girlfriend of the time, and I said to Dave, "Could I stay at yours?"
0:23:19 > 0:23:22He said, "You can come and lie on the sofa for a couple of days."
0:23:22 > 0:23:27Well, not lie on the sofa. I would get up in the day and go back to it in the evening.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30And I stayed for seven years.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Just the two of you?
0:23:32 > 0:23:36I think his girlfriend moved in towards the end, and that was awkward.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40- It was unfair of her really, wasn't it?- It was!
0:23:40 > 0:23:46He's very gullible, David Baddiel, so I used to play a series of practical jokes on him.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- What sort of things?- His girlfriend went to a fancy-dress as Catwoman,
0:23:49 > 0:23:53and she had these two enormous ears on a hat band.
0:23:53 > 0:23:58I found this about six months later, and the ears were like this long.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01I wedged it, I got in about three o'clock in the morning,
0:24:01 > 0:24:05and wedged it in the cat flap... LAUGHTER
0:24:05 > 0:24:08..and then really rattled the door!
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Dave came out and went, "Agghh!"
0:24:13 > 0:24:17- One last question for you. Crystal Carr is here. Where's Crystal?- Just here!
0:24:17 > 0:24:20- Crystal Carr is a brilliant name! - Thank you.
0:24:20 > 0:24:26- What's your question? - Since your chat show with her, have you seen Tara Palmer-Tomkinson?
0:24:26 > 0:24:32- Oh, yes!- Er, I have. I have seen her a couple of times.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36And, er, she's actually a very lovely person.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Just tell us the back-story to this.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Tara came on my show
0:24:41 > 0:24:44and, er, she was, er...
0:24:44 > 0:24:47I couldn't tell whether she was just very posh
0:24:47 > 0:24:51or stoned out of her head. It's a very fine line.
0:24:51 > 0:24:57She thought I was, er, this takes you back a bit, she thought I was Frank Butcher.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Who is a fictional character.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03And, er, she was in... She was very slurry
0:25:03 > 0:25:06and, erm, out of it.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11And she said that she wasn't on cocaine, but that she had some in her dressing room,
0:25:11 > 0:25:15and in anticipation, she was...
0:25:15 > 0:25:18- What, like passive cocaine?- Yes.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22And I think she had a bottle of Charlie in her...
0:25:26 > 0:25:31Ladies and gentlemen, please show your appreciation for the excellent Frank Skinner!
0:25:31 > 0:25:34CHEERING
0:25:34 > 0:25:38- Cheers, mate. Thanks very much. That was all right, wasn't it?- Lovely!
0:25:38 > 0:25:42I also want to say a big thank you to Joe Wilkinson!
0:25:42 > 0:25:47And now, from their album Happiness, it's Hurts and "Wonderful Life"!
0:25:54 > 0:25:59# On a bridge across the Severn On a Saturday night
0:25:59 > 0:26:03# Susie meets the man of her dreams
0:26:03 > 0:26:07# He says that he got in trouble And if she doesn't mind
0:26:07 > 0:26:10# He doesn't want the company
0:26:10 > 0:26:13# But there's something in the air
0:26:13 > 0:26:15# They share a look in silence
0:26:15 > 0:26:19# It's all understood
0:26:19 > 0:26:22# Susie grabs the man And puts a grip on his hand
0:26:22 > 0:26:26# As the rain puts a tear in his eye
0:26:26 > 0:26:30# She says don't let go
0:26:31 > 0:26:35# Never give up It's such a wonderful life
0:26:35 > 0:26:37# Don't let go
0:26:39 > 0:26:44# Never give up It's such a wonderful life
0:26:50 > 0:26:55# Driving through the city To the Temple Station
0:26:55 > 0:26:59# Cries into the leather sea
0:26:59 > 0:27:02# Susie knows the baby Was a family man
0:27:02 > 0:27:06# But the world has got him Down on his knees
0:27:06 > 0:27:11# So she throws him at the wall Her kisses burn like fire
0:27:11 > 0:27:14# And suddenly he starts to believe
0:27:14 > 0:27:18# And he takes her in his arms And he doesn't know why
0:27:18 > 0:27:22# But he thinks that He begins to see
0:27:22 > 0:27:26# She says don't let go
0:27:27 > 0:27:31# Never give up It's such a wonderful life
0:27:31 > 0:27:34# Don't let go
0:27:35 > 0:27:40# Never give up It's such a wonderful life
0:27:41 > 0:27:45# Whoa...
0:27:45 > 0:27:49# Ohh
0:27:49 > 0:27:52# Whoa...
0:27:52 > 0:27:55# Ohh
0:27:56 > 0:28:00# She says don't let go
0:28:01 > 0:28:04# Never give up
0:28:05 > 0:28:08# Don't let go
0:28:09 > 0:28:13# Never give up It's such a wonderful life
0:28:13 > 0:28:17# Wonderful life, wonderful life
0:28:17 > 0:28:21# Wonderful, wonderful Wonderful life
0:28:21 > 0:28:25# Wonderful life, wonderful life
0:28:25 > 0:28:29# Wonderful, wonderful Wonderful life
0:28:36 > 0:28:40# Don't let go #
0:28:43 > 0:28:47- APPLAUSE - Fantastic.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50Brilliant. Thank you, guys.
0:28:50 > 0:28:53Thanks very much. Thanks, Adam.
0:28:53 > 0:28:56Hurts, ladies and gentlemen!
0:28:56 > 0:28:58E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk