0:00:23 > 0:00:26I expected, Grace, that you might be
0:00:26 > 0:00:28a little more overstated than you are.
0:00:28 > 0:00:33I thought that your costume would probably be more lavish
0:00:33 > 0:00:37- than that which you appear to be wearing.- I am overestimated.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39LAUGHTER
0:00:39 > 0:00:42By the world at large, or by your public?
0:00:42 > 0:00:45By everybody, I think, yes.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48How do you think you've received this overestimation?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Why is your reputation inflated?
0:00:50 > 0:00:53- That's just a lyric from a song. - Oh, I do beg your pardon.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57- I thought it was some sort of judgement you were making.- No.
0:00:57 > 0:01:03- But have you calmed yourself down in clothes over the years?- Hm, try me.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07LAUGHTER AND WOLF WHISTLING
0:01:08 > 0:01:12- I don't know quite... Are you hearing what I say to you?- Mm-hm.
0:01:12 > 0:01:17You have in fact... Let's pretend we haven't started.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20In the past, and we have some photographs to prove it.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22- You do?- Yes, we do.- Blackmail?
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Well, black female, there's one of them, you see.
0:01:25 > 0:01:30That's kind of more lavish than what you're wearing now.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32- Yes, you think so?- Yeah.
0:01:32 > 0:01:37And we have another one to follow that, which is you with your...
0:01:37 > 0:01:40- It's still black, isn't it? - No, it isn't.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43There you are with fans and a lot of stuff on the top of your head.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44What is that on the top of your head?
0:01:44 > 0:01:49That's Chloe. Karl Lagerfeld sitting on my...
0:01:51 > 0:01:56Did you have a late night last night?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- They have bleepers, don't they now? - Where were you last night?
0:01:59 > 0:02:01- No, I haven't slept in three days. - That explains it.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Do you understand what I'm saying to you?
0:02:04 > 0:02:08No, your accent is a bit foreign.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Oh, dear.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Now, how shall I go round the back of this, I wonder?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Have you been photographed recently?
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Just now, no. Right now?
0:02:20 > 0:02:24- On television?- No, have you been photographed as a model recently?
0:02:24 > 0:02:30Oh, no, no. Is that what it is, yes? No, no, not recently.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34- I think I'm homesick maybe, right? - I don't know what's wrong with you.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36I think there's something...
0:02:36 > 0:02:39GRACE LAUGHS
0:02:39 > 0:02:41How would you like to be photographed tonight by a man
0:02:41 > 0:02:43called Patrick Lichfield?
0:02:43 > 0:02:47- Oh, I think we've just made a date. - Back there?- Uh-huh.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- Has he promised to photograph you? - Uh-huh.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53In order that we may find out whether this is a promise or a threat from Patrick,
0:02:53 > 0:02:57let's introduce Patrick Lichfield. Ladies and gentlemen, Patrick Lichfield.
0:02:57 > 0:02:58APPLAUSE
0:03:03 > 0:03:05I've met him before, you know.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14- Good evening to you.- Hello, Russell.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18- She says that she has just met you...- Don't turn your back to me.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- He's got to.- She says she has just met you behind there
0:03:21 > 0:03:24and that you've promised to photograph her.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26I'll move my chair back so I'm looking at both of you.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30You're actually engaged in photographing the 100 most famous,
0:03:30 > 0:03:33most beautiful women in the world at this precise moment.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35- That's it.- How many of the 100 have you photographed?
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Since she's just said what she's said, I'm up to 99.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40- You mean, she...- I get 100?
0:03:40 > 0:03:44She gets the last because... Well, I would like to photograph her,
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- I'd love to. - Had you heard of her before?
0:03:46 > 0:03:51Of course, but we've made a date for Thursday next week in New York.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53So you're jetting over there to do it?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Nobody else will work on Thanksgiving day, so she's agreed.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- He's going to see you?- Yes.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Get some rest before he comes over to see you.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- As long as I don't eat the turkey. - Right, or the stuffing even.
0:04:03 > 0:04:08- Urgh!- You're going to make a lot of enemies if you're going to
0:04:08 > 0:04:13photograph the 100 most beautiful women in the world.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Yes, I suppose you are.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18If you promise that you'll photograph people and not use them,
0:04:18 > 0:04:22but, nevertheless, you can't just say, "Here are 100 and I'll photograph only those 100,"
0:04:22 > 0:04:25because one might not look good that day,
0:04:25 > 0:04:28or I might take a predictably bad photograph.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31But who decides who are the 100?
0:04:31 > 0:04:35I'm afraid I do, because it's my opinion and I think that's fair.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39I mean, don't you? You can't say, "Let's have a committee,"
0:04:39 > 0:04:41and you and she and I all decide
0:04:41 > 0:04:45the hundred most beautiful women in the world, because I could just...
0:04:45 > 0:04:48I could take a general list but I don't think it'll be worthwhile.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51You've left out people we would naturally think of,
0:04:51 > 0:04:55including Elizabeth Taylor, Brigitte Bardot.
0:04:55 > 0:05:01Yes. My vision of Bardot is actually before I photographed her,
0:05:01 > 0:05:04before in fact now and I haven't photographed her except briefly
0:05:04 > 0:05:08at a party in Paris and I just don't think that to do her again,
0:05:08 > 0:05:11however marvellous she is for her age,
0:05:11 > 0:05:13would really make her worth the book at the moment.
0:05:13 > 0:05:18People would say, "God, what are you doing? You made her awful."
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- I think I took her place. - Perhaps you did.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23- Let me take your snap. - He's doing it now. Look out.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25- Do you want to do it now? - I won't do it now, actually,
0:05:25 > 0:05:30- because I'd rather have her more relaxed.- I am.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33If you relax her any more, she'll slip off the chair and fall away.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35I can't help it, I'm sitting like this.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37I do not know where your head is at this moment.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40I know it's on the top of your shoulders,
0:05:40 > 0:05:43but I mean, it's like... Have you ever tried to climb the north face
0:05:43 > 0:05:45of the Eiger in high-heel shoes?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48It's like trying to squeeze blood out of a stone at the moment,
0:05:48 > 0:05:52but no doubt she'll relax and you'll get along.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- Fall out of the chair? - Yeah, that's right. Fall back on it.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- Help.- I'll help.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Are there any of the 99 women you've actually photographed,
0:06:00 > 0:06:02are any of those Miss Worlds?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Yes, I photographed a number of beauty queens.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08There was actually, oddly enough,
0:06:08 > 0:06:14I compered with Sacha Distel the '76 Miss World thing
0:06:14 > 0:06:18and, in fact, the girl who came second in that
0:06:18 > 0:06:22was Miss Australia and she didn't know how to cook something or other,
0:06:22 > 0:06:24so she didn't win it because of those questions.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28The girl who came fifth as Miss World is Wonder Woman.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- Right. Lynda Carter. - She was very tall.
0:06:31 > 0:06:36- I asked some questions. Everything went wrong that year. - What went wrong?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38There was this ghastly moment during...
0:06:38 > 0:06:42You know about television, there is a link
0:06:42 > 0:06:46when those who are talking on the stage have to retire
0:06:46 > 0:06:49and the ladies get into their national costumes,
0:06:49 > 0:06:51and Sacha and I had five minutes,
0:06:51 > 0:06:55hidden in television because of the butting it up all together,
0:06:55 > 0:07:00we just sped down to our room and he asked me some rather searching
0:07:00 > 0:07:04questions about what I thought about the ladies who were the contestants.
0:07:04 > 0:07:09I agreed with a lot of his comments and also asked him some
0:07:09 > 0:07:13very intimate questions about what he thought about the contestants.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17When we got to a certain point, the most horrific noise started
0:07:17 > 0:07:20and we could hear running footsteps from miles away -
0:07:20 > 0:07:22"Clomp, clomp, clomp" -
0:07:22 > 0:07:26all the way down the corridor and so we both froze and the door
0:07:26 > 0:07:30opened very quickly and a man rushed in and grabbed the little thing that
0:07:30 > 0:07:34you've got round there because nobody had switched it off
0:07:34 > 0:07:39and our comments about the contestants was going right round the Albert Hall.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42- And round the world presumably? - Not around the world.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45They confined it to the Albert Hall but my mother was there,
0:07:45 > 0:07:47so when I got back up on stage again,
0:07:47 > 0:07:51- it wasn't to great applause from her.- Right. Your face was...
0:07:51 > 0:07:56- It was a little.- We know that you're very well connected.
0:07:56 > 0:08:01You're a cousin... Not at this moment. You're a cousin of the Queen
0:08:01 > 0:08:04and you're a titled gentleman in your own right.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Does that open easily doors for you
0:08:06 > 0:08:10and does it, in fact, open doors that you'd rather...
0:08:10 > 0:08:12LAUGHTER
0:08:12 > 0:08:17- I was listening to you.- I didn't know that.- You didn't know that?- No.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19- Are you now more interested? - I'm impressed. Oh, yes.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Oh, dear. You see, it gets out.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Does it open doors that you didn't want to be opened?
0:08:26 > 0:08:27It doesn't open many doors
0:08:27 > 0:08:31because what most people really want is a decent picture.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34You haven't asked me here because of all those things, have you?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36No, I've asked you here because you take pictures
0:08:36 > 0:08:39and because you're doing these 100 most beautiful women,
0:08:39 > 0:08:42and because I hope you would help me out with Grace Jones,
0:08:42 > 0:08:45- which you're going to have to! - I'm doing my best!
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Keep going, Lichfield, you're doing well.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51I shall do a monologue for you for about five minutes.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55I seriously think that it doesn't really matter who you are.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58I hope that I've got to where I am by taking decent pictures of women.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02I like photographing ladies very much and I think that this is
0:09:02 > 0:09:05just a chance to complete a list which I've done for a long time.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08We all think of you... Well, I think of you
0:09:08 > 0:09:10as leading a tremendously glamorous life,
0:09:10 > 0:09:12that you sit in some kind of office in London,
0:09:12 > 0:09:15the phone rings, you pick it up and somebody says,
0:09:15 > 0:09:20"I want you, Lichfield, to jet off to Addis Ababa," and do whatever it is.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24It's always to photograph a camel. You never actually get...
0:09:24 > 0:09:28There's no point in ever imagining that photographers live that kind of life.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31I remember when I was a young assistant,
0:09:31 > 0:09:35thinking the telephone would ring and there'd be that kind of thing, and it didn't happen.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38It doesn't happen unless you go out and try and make it work.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43I simply like photographing ladies very much and because of that,
0:09:43 > 0:09:48various people have agreed to be photographed for this book,
0:09:48 > 0:09:50which I think might be great fun.
0:09:50 > 0:09:55So it's not glamorous, it can often backfire into your own face?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58It isn't glamorous because I could suddenly say, "I want to go
0:09:58 > 0:10:01"and photograph so-and-so," and they don't turn out to be like
0:10:01 > 0:10:03you remember them looking. That's the thing that worries me.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Did you ever give up in the early days?
0:10:05 > 0:10:10- Was it ever such an appalling thing that...- I did. Don't eat him.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14It's coming to life! It's coming to life!
0:10:14 > 0:10:18Stay still, because it's very difficult for me to watch out
0:10:18 > 0:10:21what you're going to do to him and for him to ask me questions.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Yes, I had problems in my early days.
0:10:25 > 0:10:30In the early days, nobody knew that you were any good at anything
0:10:30 > 0:10:33so you used to get sent off with journalists to odd places.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37I remember one instance when I was told to go to some
0:10:37 > 0:10:40foreign clime with a journalist I'd never worked with before,
0:10:40 > 0:10:44and depressed as usual because it is a bit of a sweat all the time
0:10:44 > 0:10:47getting onto an aeroplane, and I stopped by a breakfast party that
0:10:47 > 0:10:51I knew was happening and I saw a man who I thought was dead
0:10:51 > 0:10:57because his head was absolutely buried in a plate of bacon and eggs.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59I took compassion on him and I lifted his hair and I thought,
0:10:59 > 0:11:02"Before I go to the airport, I can at least save his life."
0:11:02 > 0:11:05- If no more.- Right. So I said, "Is there any problem?"
0:11:05 > 0:11:07He said, "There's a terrible problem."
0:11:07 > 0:11:08And I said, "What is it?"
0:11:08 > 0:11:11He said, "I've to go away for two months," and I said,
0:11:11 > 0:11:15"What's wrong with that?" He said, "I've got to go with some ... called Lichfield."
0:11:15 > 0:11:17This wasn't so good,
0:11:17 > 0:11:22but anyway, we got on very well and that's the way life went.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26But after 15 years of photographing ladies, there are going to be 100,
0:11:26 > 0:11:29which I suppose one should be able to produce after 15 years.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32We've been out and about with our camera following you recently,
0:11:32 > 0:11:36because you have just done an assignation with a lady called
0:11:36 > 0:11:40Susan Hampshire and there she is coming to your house.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Yes, she's coming to my studio here.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Why has she got to come there rather than you go to her?
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Because I think it's better to control the make-up and the hair.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51You don't go to the front door to meet her, do you?
0:11:51 > 0:11:56I didn't actually because I was setting the lights.
0:11:56 > 0:12:01But the most important thing comes in now when I tell the make-up guy,
0:12:01 > 0:12:06Clayton Howard, who I know very well and always, always does what I want.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10- He's seen her before?- Yes, and he's seen what I need.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13And he's going to work on her now so that she moves from one room
0:12:13 > 0:12:15to another to have her photograph taken.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17'She has a nose like mine.'
0:12:17 > 0:12:21- Hello, you are done.- Yes, I'm ready. - That's smashing.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Let's just see the whole thing.
0:12:24 > 0:12:29- What date is that dress? - About 1880, I think.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31I think we'll try and do this one,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34because it is tremendously symmetrical and everything, your hair is symmetrical,
0:12:34 > 0:12:38and the only thing that's off which breaks it up is that, which is lovely.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42We'll do a very straightforward, front-lit, pretty shot, I think.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43Right.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47- Right, we're ready.- Yes.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Oh, the dress is not done up. It doesn't matter, does it?
0:12:50 > 0:12:54- No, we're not shooting the back. - Good. Well, you can if you wish.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57After all that it will be better to shoot the front.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02And only if these dresses are very tight do they stay done up
0:13:02 > 0:13:04and it just sort of keeps flopping open.
0:13:04 > 0:13:09- The top's important, isn't it?- Yes, just because I want a bit of bosom.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11I haven't got much but what I've got I wanted to stick out.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15- How does that feel?- That's lovely, thank you very much.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18We need to do another one up here, actually.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20That's it. That's absolutely right.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Just peer at me.
0:13:24 > 0:13:29Across... I'm just getting an inkling of it under her right arm.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31I tell you what, there. That's it.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33That's perfect. OK, just straight into the camera.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36That's lovely and just peer at me for a moment.
0:13:36 > 0:13:41Good. Let's see what that looks like. Let it cook.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49The arms. It's going to be better... Don't we have another Polaroid?
0:13:51 > 0:13:54- Thank you. - Are you getting a thick top arm?
0:13:54 > 0:13:58No, it's just that I'm not sure that the arms are right, because they...
0:13:58 > 0:14:03Because it's red, black, black, it makes them look prominent.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06I think it's probably a tougher picture than I thought.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13Is there any hint, in that last Polaroid, of the edge of, um...
0:14:14 > 0:14:16..the back?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18No. Right, we'll go again.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21That's... That's it.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Yes, give me a black-and-white after this.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Don't do anything at all.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- I don't think that's going to work for me.- It does, it does.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Very nice. And the dress... The whole thing, actually...
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Is it symmetrical on the shoulders? It is.
0:14:34 > 0:14:39And there, in fact, is the completed photograph. Has she seen this?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41No, not yet. I haven't, before now.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45- Do you like it? Do you approve of it?- Well, it's all right.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47It's a funny colour, but it will be all right on the day.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Has anybody actually looked at a picture that you've taken
0:14:51 > 0:14:53and said, "That's not me," or, "I don't like that"?
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Yes, quite a lot of people, surprisingly.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Not surprisingly, perhaps.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01But Lady Docker, I remember, once had a lot of letters,
0:15:01 > 0:15:05which she sent on to me, saying that her friends had thought
0:15:05 > 0:15:07she, you know, was dying and it was awful.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10But the best trick, I've discovered, with people like that
0:15:10 > 0:15:14is to photograph them and turn the photograph back-to-front
0:15:14 > 0:15:16and send them the pictures,
0:15:16 > 0:15:18because they're so used to looking at themselves in the mirror
0:15:18 > 0:15:20that they say, "At last, he's got me!"
0:15:20 > 0:15:24- Which is interesting.- We'll all try and put the mirror behind us
0:15:24 > 0:15:26when we get home - that'll change our opinions.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Let me stop you there for a moment,
0:15:28 > 0:15:31because also with us tonight, we have another photographer.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33This one has a more particular regard
0:15:33 > 0:15:36for the curves of the countryside than female anatomy.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39He's a very fine landscape photographer.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41But this photographer also has vigorous opinions
0:15:41 > 0:15:44about elegance and style - he says, "To be elegant,
0:15:44 > 0:15:48"you have wear gloves and perfume and make-up."
0:15:48 > 0:15:52And this person wears all three, he's 89 years old on Saturday,
0:15:52 > 0:15:55he's in our audience tonight. Welcome Mr Walter Poucher.
0:15:55 > 0:16:00APPLAUSE
0:16:06 > 0:16:10I know why I wear gloves - I never have my fingers manicured.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Right, she never has her fingers manicured, she's just told me.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15You're 89 on Saturday, so we wish you many happy returns.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- Thank you very much. - And you're wearing make-up tonight.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20- Yes, very special for you. - Er, you're...
0:16:20 > 0:16:22LAUGHTER
0:16:22 > 0:16:23Is it?
0:16:23 > 0:16:26It was created by Cosmetics A La Carte especially for tonight.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28- For tonight's gala performance.- Yes.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Now, let me put people further in the picture -
0:16:30 > 0:16:32- you are happily married?- Yes.
0:16:32 > 0:16:37- And you live in Reigate?- Yes. - And you play golf a lot?- I do, yes.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39And do you wear make-up when you go out onto the golf course?
0:16:39 > 0:16:40No, no, no.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44I was hoping you would say, "Yes," as I was going to ask
0:16:44 > 0:16:47what the other guys said when you were at the 13th or 14th tee.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49When do you wear make-up, then?
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Oh, well, normally, I don't wear eye shadow and lipstick,
0:16:52 > 0:16:54unless it's a special occasion like tonight.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58I wear very, very little - a trace of foundation, that is all.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01And those are... Those are your gloves you're wearing?
0:17:01 > 0:17:04These are special for tonight again.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Again. Those are gala gloves, are they?
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- That's it. The girls asked me to put them on specially.- Right.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Now, how many years have you been working in
0:17:11 > 0:17:12and around the cosmetic business?
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Oh, well, I was 40 years in that. 40 years, yes.
0:17:16 > 0:17:21- And how did you start?- Well, I started because after the war,
0:17:21 > 0:17:22I wanted to do something different.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26- We're talking about the First World War, are we?- The First World War.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30See, I was in the Royal Army Medical Corps in the war.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34And I'd already got degrees in science.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37My father wanted me to become a doctor -
0:17:37 > 0:17:40I was at Charing Cross Hospital and King's College.
0:17:40 > 0:17:45And in the early days, a lecture was given in Bartholomew's,
0:17:45 > 0:17:48where they invited the students to go
0:17:48 > 0:17:50to see how things were done during the war.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52And I attended that lecture
0:17:52 > 0:17:55and the very first question the man asked was,
0:17:55 > 0:17:58"Is there a chemist here?" And like a fool, I put my hand up.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01- What happened?- He said, "Can you be in France in three days?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04"We need a chemist out there very urgently."
0:18:04 > 0:18:07- It wasn't very pleasant in France then?- It was terrible.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10It was three months before I actually found the job I had to do.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12What were you doing in France, then?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Oh, I was looking after the drugs and things like that.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16The distribution of them.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Were you burying people at all?
0:18:18 > 0:18:21No, but I saw a lot of dead people, of course.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23I was in the Battle of the Somme, amongst other things -
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Passchendaele later on, Ypres several times.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28And what disgusted me was, of course,
0:18:28 > 0:18:31the continuous burying of arms and legs,
0:18:31 > 0:18:34which had to be burnt, got rid of, you know?
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Is that why you shot into a perfume factory when you got back?
0:18:37 > 0:18:39That's why.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43I was very interested in the synthesis of flower aromas
0:18:43 > 0:18:46like jasmine and rose and things like that.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49And I studied up for three years. I got...
0:18:49 > 0:18:52copyable results.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55But, of course, nature, as you know, is the ideal thing
0:18:55 > 0:18:57and you never get exactly like nature.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00But we got very near and then I wrote a book about it.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- You've written books about all sorts of things.- Yes.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Why is good perfume, the best perfume, so hellishly expensive?
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Well, it's expensive for this reason -
0:19:09 > 0:19:12I retired from that business 20 years ago
0:19:12 > 0:19:16and the price of jasmine essence then was 2,000 francs a kilo.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Today, it's 50,000 francs a kilo.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20Well, now, you have the option
0:19:20 > 0:19:23of keeping your formula exactly the same
0:19:23 > 0:19:27and putting up the price sky-high so no-one can afford to buy it,
0:19:27 > 0:19:31or you bring in an expert who can make synthetics
0:19:31 > 0:19:34very nearly like some of the natural things and you supply them.
0:19:34 > 0:19:40Now, a lady who is used to wearing exactly the same perfume,
0:19:40 > 0:19:41she notices the deterioration.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- Are you wearing perfume?- Mm.
0:19:44 > 0:19:45Can you smell her at all?
0:19:45 > 0:19:48I've got my own body odour perfume.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50LAUGHTER
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Let's try and keep it on a slightly higher level, if we may.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- Angry? No, really...- Are you wearing perfume at this moment?- No, no.
0:19:56 > 0:20:01I'm going to leave right this minute if you turn your back to me for one more minute.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04I mean, really! This has been going on too long already.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06It's only going to go on another six minutes
0:20:06 > 0:20:08and you'll have another little part of it.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Well, maybe I should go right now, then.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Don't go right now unless you want to.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Well, don't turn your back on me any more!
0:20:14 > 0:20:15I can't look at you... Argh!
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Now, hold...hold...hold on.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20No? APPLAUSE
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Hold on just a moment. Just...just a moment.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Move your chair back or something.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27I am talk... Can you listen to what he's saying?
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Cos he's talking about his perfume making.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32I love it - I wear four different kinds of perfume.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36- Are you wearing any perfume at this precise moment?- No!
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Well now, wait a minute. Let me just ask...
0:20:38 > 0:20:40I'm wearing the ones from last night -
0:20:40 > 0:20:44I had four different perfumes on last night, and I still have them on.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Allow me, then, to ask one more question, then I will come back to you, right?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Hold on for one second.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Another of the things you have done, Mr Poucher, to some distinction,
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- is you're a mountaineer and photographer.- Yes.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58And there are a lot of jolly photographs in this particular book.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01When you're mountaineering in Scotland, as you were there,
0:21:01 > 0:21:04- what do you wear then? - Oh, I wear climbing clothes.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06And they're very special to keep me dry.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09I get caught in the rain like everybody else, you know,
0:21:09 > 0:21:12and I've been trapped in bogs and then I hold the cameras up
0:21:12 > 0:21:15so they don't get in the water and ruin the cameras.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19When you carry three or four Leicas, like I do, it's an expensive job.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23But whenever you wear perfume like this, do people ever laugh at you?
0:21:23 > 0:21:26No, I very seldom wear perfume.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29- I was the first man to create a cologne for men.- Right.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32And that was years ago, when people rather worried
0:21:32 > 0:21:35about anything for men, but it was an enormous success,
0:21:35 > 0:21:39- and after that, shaving products and everything else for men.- Right.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Now, then, before we break any further apart,
0:21:41 > 0:21:44let me just say to you that I...
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Well, let me ask you a question - why is it, do you think,
0:21:46 > 0:21:49that men rather than women seem reluctant to change their style?
0:21:49 > 0:21:53Grace has said that she's not the same as she used to be.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56And you're sitting there like I am, in a sort of suit and tie.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59I wonder why it is that women are keen to change all the time
0:21:59 > 0:22:01and men never.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Something imposes rules and regulations about what men wear.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Look at us all, as I said, in jackets and ties.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Women can get away with what they like - it's as if there were a uniform for men.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- Nevertheless, there are pioneers... - You know why?
0:22:12 > 0:22:15- There are pioneers...- You know why? - Are you going to tell me why?
0:22:15 > 0:22:19Because men always make the fashion for women, that's why.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- Here is a man who makes fashions for women, Tom Gilbey.- Fantasies.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24And he's a designer for men and for women.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26He's appalled by what he calls the rigidity
0:22:26 > 0:22:28and banality of men's fashion.
0:22:28 > 0:22:29Welcome Tom Gilbey.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Do you know, I never thought I was going to get on!
0:22:45 > 0:22:47LAUGHTER
0:22:47 > 0:22:49I was back there, and I was listening to all this...
0:22:49 > 0:22:53Now, is Patrick Lichfield a closet queen or a cousin to the Queen?
0:22:53 > 0:22:54I didn't hear.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57- He is cousin to the Queen. - Oh, right.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00- What have you brought on in that? - Oh, right, right.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03I brought just a little... How long have we got?
0:23:03 > 0:23:04- Two minutes.- Oh, two minutes. Right.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Two minutes to have a quick change, come back here.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09- This is for me. - Oh, it's for you, yes.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11If you don't mind. I'm going to...
0:23:11 > 0:23:14I'm going behind here to change, cos he says I have no taste.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- I'll take your seat, man. - She's taking my seat.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18I'm going to change.
0:23:20 > 0:23:25- Now, you've made a costume for me. - Oh, of course, Mr Russell.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27And what did you make for me?
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Ah, I made a most wonderful outfit for a woman,
0:23:30 > 0:23:32but I'm sure you might get into it.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34But, um, what I thought...
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Oh, no, Russell, you don't need that, do you?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38LAUGHTER
0:23:38 > 0:23:40What is it? I haven't seen what it is.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42You haven't seen what...? Don't worry.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46- Listen, take that, put the leg in there. - Put my leg in there?- That's right.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- This is the first interview I've done behind a screen.- Don't worry.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Now, I don't think we'll get these on.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Let's get rid of that for a start.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54LAUGHTER
0:23:54 > 0:23:56And we don't need that, either.
0:23:56 > 0:23:57What's he taking out?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59We don't need that. No, we don't need it.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- Oh, we dropped another one.- Patrick!
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- Dropped another one, we don't need those.- Patrick!
0:24:04 > 0:24:06- What do you think he'll come out in?- Patrick!
0:24:06 > 0:24:09- It's all right. No, we're OK. - Russell, what are you putting on?
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- Patrick, can you hear me?- He'll come out as Sheena, Queen of the Jungle!
0:24:13 > 0:24:14LAUGHTER
0:24:14 > 0:24:16I'm sorry, we've almost got it on.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19What do you think it might be? White tie? Top hat?
0:24:19 > 0:24:22I'm nearly ready. I don't know what it is I'm wearing.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24- A policeman? Or a traffic warden? - Yes, something like that.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27- Traffic warden. What would you...? - Mickey Mouse.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29If you had to go in there and change quickly,
0:24:29 > 0:24:31- what would you come out as? - A cartoon.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- A cartoon. You almost are, my dear. - SHE LAUGHS
0:24:34 > 0:24:37- What would you come back as? - Oh, I'd come back as a...
0:24:37 > 0:24:39LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE DROWN RESPONSE
0:24:48 > 0:24:52You know, I feel a right pozzock in this. I really do.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53May we say you look it?
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Well, I feel like something from room service,
0:24:55 > 0:24:59like someone'll press a bell and I'll have to whizz off with a thing.
0:24:59 > 0:25:00What do you call it?
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Well, I call it my new pyjama creation.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04It's supposed to be worn in bed -
0:25:04 > 0:25:07I don't know what the hell you're doing with it on on television.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Really, I would wear it out. I would wear it out.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12- You'd walk out in it, would you? - Yes. Oh, yes.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14- Now, Mr Poucher...?- You look better.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17You ought to be in mountaineering clothes with red stockings.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Mountaineering clothes with stockings.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21I agree about the room service thing.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23You'd not be much good getting out of bed in it,
0:25:23 > 0:25:25but you might look good going into it.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26LAUGHTER
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Does it considerably alter me at all?
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Enormously. You look twice the weight.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33LAUGHTER
0:25:33 > 0:25:36No, one of my things is always to be on show
0:25:36 > 0:25:38and do the most amazing thing, and I wanted to send you up.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41- I think you look awful. - You certainly...
0:25:41 > 0:25:42LAUGHTER
0:25:42 > 0:25:43No, look at the name.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46You sent me so far up, I may never come down again. Thank you.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Look at the name - I put "Russell Tarty" on the name.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Take it all off!
0:25:55 > 0:25:56Before we dissolve any further,
0:25:56 > 0:25:58I must mention my next two programmes
0:25:58 > 0:26:01so that you can book your seat in front of the television.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04On Thursday night, we are going to Dublin to meet Rod Stewart
0:26:04 > 0:26:08and to join his live concert from that fair city.
0:26:08 > 0:26:12But before that, tomorrow night, in London's Wigmore Hall, Eric Fenby,
0:26:12 > 0:26:14the man who 50 years ago became the eyes and the hands
0:26:14 > 0:26:16of the blind, paralysed composer Delius,
0:26:16 > 0:26:20will be giving a rare performance of one of Delius's works
0:26:20 > 0:26:22with the cellist Julian Lloyd Webber.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26And then they will come here next Tuesday night to join us
0:26:26 > 0:26:29in the company of a most unexpected Delius fan by the name of Kate Bush.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32And I hope it's a slightly quieter evening next Tuesday.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36Until then, another song from Grace Jones - Love Is The Drug.
0:26:36 > 0:26:37Off you go, Grace.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39APPLAUSE
0:26:47 > 0:26:50CHEERS AND WHISTLES
0:26:59 > 0:27:02# T'ain't no big thing
0:27:02 > 0:27:04# To wait for the bell to ring
0:27:06 > 0:27:08# T'ain't no big thing
0:27:08 > 0:27:10# The toll of the bell
0:27:12 > 0:27:15# Aggravated - spare for days
0:27:15 > 0:27:17# I stroll downtown... #