0:00:02 > 0:00:04Telly, that magic box in the corner.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07It gives us access to a million different worlds,
0:00:07 > 0:00:10all from the comfort of our sofa.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13'In this series, I'm going to journey through the fantastic
0:00:13 > 0:00:16'world of TV with some of our favourite celebrities.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20'They've chosen the precious TV moments that shed light...'
0:00:20 > 0:00:22The wind almost blew my BLANK off!
0:00:22 > 0:00:24You're nearly in the telly, here!
0:00:24 > 0:00:26'..on the stories of their lives.'
0:00:26 > 0:00:28If you're so blinking clever, you look after him.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30This takes me back completely.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32'Some are funny...'
0:00:32 > 0:00:34# And when they were down they were down. #
0:00:34 > 0:00:36- '..some...'- Oh, thank you!
0:00:36 > 0:00:38'..are surprising.'
0:00:38 > 0:00:40- It terrifies the life out of me. - Yeah?
0:00:40 > 0:00:41'Some are inspiring.'
0:00:41 > 0:00:43I wanted to be on telly.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45That's it from me, back to you two.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47'And many...'
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Now this rather futuristic TV...
0:00:49 > 0:00:50'..are deeply moving.'
0:00:50 > 0:00:53And it was heartbreaking, I wept. It was heartbreaking.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55It's not real.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58So come watch with us as we hand-pick the vintage telly
0:00:58 > 0:01:00that helped turn our much-loved stars
0:01:00 > 0:01:03into the people they are today.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Welcome to The TV That Made Me.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19My guest today shot to fame in 1975 on Opportunity Knocks and has
0:01:19 > 0:01:23since carved an irresistible career on TV and radio.
0:01:24 > 0:01:29Yes, it's author and entertainer, the people's poet, Pam Ayres.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36The TV that made her includes a spine-chilling sci-fi classic...
0:01:36 > 0:01:395 million years...
0:01:39 > 0:01:41..one of the greatest sitcoms ever screened...
0:01:41 > 0:01:44I want my old hooter back!
0:01:44 > 0:01:49..and the legendary exploits of everybody's favourite bobby.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Scarper, cop!
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Right, come back you lot! Come back here!
0:01:53 > 0:01:58So, I am pleased to welcome the one and only living legend, Pam Ayres!
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Thank you, thank you, Brian.
0:02:00 > 0:02:01How do you feel about this?
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Are you excited about delving into your past?
0:02:04 > 0:02:05I think it's a nice idea
0:02:05 > 0:02:09because they were very important to me when I was young,
0:02:09 > 0:02:11those television programmes
0:02:11 > 0:02:13and it'd be really good to have another look at them.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Of course, this set you on a path to making you who you are today,
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- really, you know?- Yeah, I never anticipated that.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22I never anticipated that I would ever be on television
0:02:22 > 0:02:26and that it would make such a monumental change in my life.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28I never thought that.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32I used to want to be a ballet dancer, that was my earliest recollection.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36- Really?- Yeah, I didn't really have the form for it though.
0:02:36 > 0:02:37HE CHUCKLES
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Well, today, we're showing a selection of highlights
0:02:41 > 0:02:43from your life, that made you into the person you are today.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46But first up, we're going to rewind
0:02:46 > 0:02:50and see what it was like to be a very young Pam Ayres.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58Pam Ayres was the youngest of six children, of mum Phyllis
0:02:58 > 0:03:00and dad Stanley.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01The family lived in the beautiful
0:03:01 > 0:03:05and ancient village of Stanford in the Vale, Berkshire.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11It was the type of idyllic, rural childhood that now
0:03:11 > 0:03:16feels like it belongs to a long-lost era of British life.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18But I think we can still catch echoes of this golden age
0:03:18 > 0:03:21in Pam Ayres' famous verse.
0:03:30 > 0:03:35Pam, your first choice, Must See TV, for you as a child.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- Mm-hm.- It is...
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- ..Fabian Of The Yard. - Fabian Of The Yard.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42I loved him.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46My sister and I used to run home from school to watch this.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53- This is Fabian of Scotland Yard. - "This is Fabian of Scotland Yard."
0:03:53 > 0:03:54Very much so.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56I was getting used to this case.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Andrew Haggerty, an insurance agent,
0:03:59 > 0:04:01was the bathtub killer's fifth victim.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03He was a real policemen, wasn't he?
0:04:03 > 0:04:04That's right, he was.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07The murder detail was already on the job.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Fabian Of The Yard was based on the memoirs of real-life
0:04:10 > 0:04:13detective Robert Fabian.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17It was the first regular police drama on British TV and the first
0:04:17 > 0:04:19drama to be filmed and recorded,
0:04:19 > 0:04:21rather than broadcast live.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Our old friend the blunt instrument, eh?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26"Our old friend the blunt instrument."
0:04:26 > 0:04:29The body was submerged in the bath and dropped on its back.
0:04:29 > 0:04:34- MIMICKING POSH ACCENT:- On his back. - On his back.- Not a back, a be-ck.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36So we can safely assume it wasn't an accident?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Not unless he was trying to take a nap under water.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Oh, my God!
0:04:41 > 0:04:42It's homicide all right.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44And these were real cases.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46They were based on real cases apparently.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48There's no motive to the general picture.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- Well, he's a psycho, he's insane. - But he's still got to have a reason.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Even a psycho has to have a psycho motive.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Do you think they did talk like that?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Do you think they talked to each other like that?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59I don't know, it's very interesting
0:04:59 > 0:05:01because at the end of this, you get to see the real Fabian.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Now, let us meet the real Bob Fabian.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06- Yeah, it sort of melts through, doesn't it?- There he is.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09He's not a million miles away from the actor.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- The hairdo's the same, isn't it? - I know, I'm surprised they didn't use him.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15It wasn't brilliant detection, just routine work.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19- I think we know why we didn't use him as the...- Don't be mean!
0:05:19 > 0:05:23And he is now in an asylum for the criminally insane.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26But this, I thought, was just gripping stuff.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30And also, the baddie always got it in the end, you know,
0:05:30 > 0:05:34he got what was coming to him, which was...
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- very...- Yeah, justice.- Yeah.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39What does that mean?
0:05:39 > 0:05:43It means right prevailed, at the end of the day, Brian.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46- That's what it means. - It did, very much so.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47The fictional Robert Fabian,
0:05:47 > 0:05:49the one with the deeper voice,
0:05:49 > 0:05:51was played by actor Bruce Seton,
0:05:51 > 0:05:55who did sterling work for 39 episodes.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59But which bobby from those great early TV dramas did the most
0:05:59 > 0:06:02time in their battle against crime?
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Seton's Fabian is pushed out of the top three
0:06:07 > 0:06:10by Frank Windsor's DS John Watt,
0:06:10 > 0:06:14who clocked on for 129 episodes of Z Cars.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20At two, it's the bobby who hit our TV screens in 1955 -
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Jack Warner's mighty Dixon Of Dock Green.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29This long-serving PC pounded the beat for 432 episodes.
0:06:33 > 0:06:38But even he doesn't come close to another Z Cars stalwart,
0:06:38 > 0:06:42James Ellis - who as Bert Lynch, worked his way up the ranks, going
0:06:42 > 0:06:45from PC to Inspector, over a career
0:06:45 > 0:06:49of 16 years and more than 600 episodes.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Did you watch Fabian on your own telly
0:06:54 > 0:06:56or would you go to a neighbour's?
0:06:56 > 0:06:59No, that was on our own telly. That was when we had our own telly,
0:06:59 > 0:07:01we used to watch Fabian Of The Yard.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04That wasn't the first time I saw telly, but it was certainly
0:07:04 > 0:07:07something that we loved watching on our own, once we had one.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11How important was the arrival of a new telly? What did it mean?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Oh, it was life-changing.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15- It was life-changing.- Yeah?
0:07:15 > 0:07:18I remember when we got home from school,
0:07:18 > 0:07:21we had two rooms, there was eight of us.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Well, my mum and dad and six children.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26- You're the youngest? - I'm the youngest, yeah.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27And we got home and Mum said,
0:07:27 > 0:07:30"You might want to go and have a look in the front room."
0:07:30 > 0:07:33And we had a pie television
0:07:33 > 0:07:38and it was like a cube and it had a waist,
0:07:38 > 0:07:42like that shape, and it had stripes across it and a little tiny screen.
0:07:42 > 0:07:47So, how did you watch this pie telly with a skirt?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49What was the set-up?
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Well, it was a bit awkward, really,
0:07:51 > 0:07:54because the telly was in front of the window, which wasn't ideal,
0:07:54 > 0:07:57cos there was a nice view out of the window down over the
0:07:57 > 0:08:01- village green and into the village itself.- You stuck a telly in front of the view?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Yeah, we stuck a telly in front of it.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08So, the fireplace, we all sat around the fireplace,
0:08:08 > 0:08:12cos we didn't have any other heating, apart from the open fire.
0:08:12 > 0:08:17And the telly was over there in front of the window, so you'd all have to
0:08:17 > 0:08:19sit with your legs in front of the fire trying to keep yourself warm,
0:08:19 > 0:08:21with your head turned that way,
0:08:21 > 0:08:22in order to watch the box,
0:08:22 > 0:08:26so it wasn't very good for the spine.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Pam, tell us about the house you grew up in.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31The house I grew up in was
0:08:31 > 0:08:36a council house in a row of four council houses,
0:08:36 > 0:08:38each of which was divided into two.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42So, there were eight homes but four buildings.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46It had three bedrooms upstairs, two rooms downstairs,
0:08:46 > 0:08:48it had no hot water,
0:08:48 > 0:08:53it had a lavatory right next to the kitchen, which was comprised of a
0:08:53 > 0:08:57wooden seat over a galvanised bucket
0:08:57 > 0:09:00with a flared top and two handles. HE LAUGHS
0:09:00 > 0:09:04- Well, it's true.- And you didn't have toilet paper then, did you?
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Nobody had toilet paper, nobody had toilet paper.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11There was just discarded newspapers.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14I'm sure there's as a lot of people that don't appreciate that.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17So, it would be someone's task to rip these into...?
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Nobody even bothered.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21I mean, my granny was very impressive to me
0:09:21 > 0:09:25because she had cut up the newspaper into squares.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28She'd pieced a hole with a nail or something and it was hung up on a
0:09:28 > 0:09:32piece of string, so you had these neat squares of newspaper
0:09:32 > 0:09:33to use as loo roll.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35So you saw that as being posh?
0:09:35 > 0:09:36Oh, it was posh
0:09:36 > 0:09:39because the other family just had a load of newspapers strewn around
0:09:39 > 0:09:44the place and you just ripped off what you felt the event required, really.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Your comedy heroes. Your comedy heroes?
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- Mine. My early ones. - One of mine as well.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Let's not say anything.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Let's just have a little look at a bit of Hancock.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05BBC television presents Tony Hancock in...
0:10:08 > 0:10:11..Hancock's half-hour.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14I loved Tony Hancock, I loved him.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18- Oh, look.- Oh.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- I remember this so well. - He's had plastic surgery.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24On his nose, I know.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26That was the right nose! That was the nose I was supposed to have!
0:10:26 > 0:10:29There was nothing wrong with it. I've just been vain fool
0:10:29 > 0:10:30and I want my old hooter back!
0:10:35 > 0:10:38I think Sid James is trying not to laugh there.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41It's the most unlikely bandage you ever saw.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44LAUGHTER
0:10:47 > 0:10:49It's a work of art.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Well, give me the mirror then, let me have a look at it.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01- It's marvellous. I'm handsome, Sid.- Yeah.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05I'm not kidding you, I never saw such a conk.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08You'll murder those women now.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Oh, you handsome devil.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Oh, God! That's the one that made my mother laugh.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18I never saw my mother laugh like that.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22When he said, "You handsome devil,"
0:11:22 > 0:11:25she was convulsed and tears rolled down her face.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29It was great, it's one of my really happy memories,
0:11:29 > 0:11:32because my mother didn't laugh that much, it was hard going.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34But, God, she laughed at that.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37I feel such affection for that clip.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41- Yeah, yeah.- People loved him, didn't they? They adored him.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Yeah. I mean, it holds the test of time, doesn't it?
0:11:45 > 0:11:49Definitely. Because it was his voice, it was the hysteria,
0:11:49 > 0:11:52and he could use his voice so brilliantly.
0:11:53 > 0:11:58We all recognise him as having delusions of grandeur
0:11:58 > 0:12:01and thinking you're a bit better than perhaps you are.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03He was so clever at putting that across.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Tony Hancock's ability to see the genius in himself
0:12:09 > 0:12:13when everybody else sees a fool is at the heart of one
0:12:13 > 0:12:16of the greatest tragic comic performances of British TV.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Hancock's writers, Galton and Simpson,
0:12:20 > 0:12:26repeated the same trick with Harold Steptoe, played by Harry H Corbett.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28In 1968, the great Arthur Lowe brought us
0:12:28 > 0:12:32a fantastic variation on a theme, with a small-town bank manager
0:12:32 > 0:12:36who honestly believes he could take on Hitler -
0:12:36 > 0:12:40the hilariously pompous Captain Mainwaring in Dad's Army.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Today, there are two flawed male characters who stand out
0:12:43 > 0:12:45from the crowd -
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Ricky Gervais, whose deeply deluded David Brent
0:12:48 > 0:12:51made us shudder through The Office,
0:12:51 > 0:12:57and Steve Coogan's Norfolk DJ Alan Partridge - "Ah-ha!" -
0:12:57 > 0:13:02who takes blinkered self-delusion to painfully funny comic heights.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04In fact, it wouldn't surprise me to find out
0:13:04 > 0:13:07that Coogan was the long-lost son of Tony Hancock.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19This is what really scared, really terrified the young
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Pam Ayres. Have a little look.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29A warning may come quite unexpectedly.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32This kind of thing had a massive effect on me.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35You will hear the attack sound like this.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40Short public information films like this were produced by the government
0:13:40 > 0:13:44to advise us on how to protect ourselves from nuclear attack.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48This film was meant to be played on TV only in a national emergency,
0:13:48 > 0:13:53but huge public pressure meant they showed the film anyway.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57When I was in the village primary school,
0:13:57 > 0:14:02I remember often, over a long period of time,
0:14:02 > 0:14:06thinking whether I could get home, once you'd heard that warning,
0:14:06 > 0:14:09whether I could get home to be with my mum, so that...
0:14:09 > 0:14:12I wanted to be with her to look after her.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15It wasn't so much that I wanted her to look after me.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17It just goes to show how children think, doesn't it?
0:14:17 > 0:14:20I wanted to get home, so we could be together as we were annihilated
0:14:20 > 0:14:24and I didn't want her to be on her own.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27The school was right down the other end of the village,
0:14:27 > 0:14:28and it was a big village,
0:14:28 > 0:14:31and I used to think, "Well, you've got two minutes.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33"I wonder how far you can run in two minutes?"
0:14:33 > 0:14:36The fear of nuclear attack hung over us right through the Cold War,
0:14:36 > 0:14:39up to the 1980s.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40But the most dangerous period was
0:14:40 > 0:14:44around the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47I mean, this is all through the '60s, very much
0:14:47 > 0:14:51that whole Kennedy period, where we were living on the edge,
0:14:51 > 0:14:54and these sort of videos were being shown to say "Look,"
0:14:54 > 0:14:57and the things they wanted you to do,
0:14:57 > 0:14:59like hide under the kitchen table or go underneath the stairs.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02I don't think it would have done much good, would it?
0:15:02 > 0:15:04I don't think, if a nuclear bomb was going off,
0:15:04 > 0:15:06hiding under the table was going to do much good.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Could you get under the stairs before you were vaporised?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12At least you can check the meter just before you go.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Yeah, but it did have a profound effect on me,
0:15:15 > 0:15:19that fear of a nuclear attack.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Go to your fallout room and stay there.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25If the fallout warning sounds are heard,
0:15:25 > 0:15:26they will be like these.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29DEEP THUD
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- It must have been absolutely horrific.- Yeah, terrifying.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35After two days, the danger from fallout will get less,
0:15:35 > 0:15:38but don't take any risks by contact with it.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41And something else that terrified you was Quatermass.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Quatermass. I was mortified.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48Anything I'd seen on TV before had been entertaining and fun,
0:15:48 > 0:15:51and suddenly this thing started on TV,
0:15:51 > 0:15:54and my four brothers were all agog to watch it,
0:15:54 > 0:15:56and so I sat down innocently to watch it.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59But I remember the episode that scared me stiff.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02It was a spaceship and they found it under some houses in London,
0:16:02 > 0:16:06as I recall, and they excavated it
0:16:06 > 0:16:08and scientists went down to it
0:16:08 > 0:16:12and it was found to contain an alien presence.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16And this scientist came out from underground looking absolutely aghast
0:16:16 > 0:16:19and he said the classic words,
0:16:19 > 0:16:23he said, "It walked through the wall."
0:16:23 > 0:16:25And I went, "Oh, my God!"
0:16:25 > 0:16:28I was just petrified.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31And then afterwards, I didn't have the courage to watch it.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34It did really upset me. I was disturbed by Quatermass.
0:16:34 > 0:16:39I feel reluctant to show you a scene from Quatermass.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42I'm a big girl now, I can probably cope.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Are you sure you're going to be all right? Do you want to hold my hand?
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Yeah.
0:16:46 > 0:16:47Oh, here we go.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Oh, my God. Look at it. Oh, look.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00And The Pit. Doesn't it sound awful?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02About here they dug out the first skull.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04It's amazing to see it again.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07This is the bombsite.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09A trifle muddy.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Oh! I don't think he meant that. I think he genuinely slipped.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16It's not exactly hidden, is it?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Two or three feet above this level.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Quatermass And The Pit was the third
0:17:20 > 0:17:22instalment of Professor Bernard Quatermass' struggle
0:17:22 > 0:17:24against alien forces.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30The scary mixture of science and mystery proved incredibly successful,
0:17:30 > 0:17:34and influenced everything from Dr Who to The X-Files.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Tell me again, how long did you estimate that skull had been there?
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Something like five million years.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- Oh, close-up.- Oh, crumbs.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46Five million years?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Cue the dramatic music.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52It was very scary.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55There wasn't much of that kind of thing around.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59Nowadays, horror films and graphic scenes are commonplace,
0:17:59 > 0:18:02but there wasn't much around then
0:18:02 > 0:18:04that was really frightening.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Do you agree that something like Quatermass was,
0:18:07 > 0:18:09in a way, subtle,
0:18:09 > 0:18:14because it didn't show you graphically what was there?
0:18:14 > 0:18:17I know what you mean. No, it left a great deal to the imagination.
0:18:17 > 0:18:23I mean, you didn't see any monster, or any alien, or anything.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26It was just somebody had seen something and he looked aghast.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Do you think that was the power of it?
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Yeah, I do because if you see,
0:18:31 > 0:18:34you can see what's supposed to be a monster and you think,
0:18:34 > 0:18:37"Oh, it's all made of papier-mache or something."
0:18:37 > 0:18:39But no, it was all left to the imagination.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41I wasn't very old, I can't remember how old I was,
0:18:41 > 0:18:45I estimate ten or 11, if that,
0:18:45 > 0:18:48and I found it really horrifying.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50You wouldn't watch it on your own, surely?
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Well, no, we never watched anything on our own, because there was eight of us.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57But I know my brothers used to jump out because of that classic line,
0:18:57 > 0:19:00"It walked through the wall."
0:19:00 > 0:19:02My brothers, who were always up for a laugh,
0:19:02 > 0:19:05would sort of come up to you and say, "It walked through the wall,"
0:19:05 > 0:19:09or they'd jump of dark corners and say, "It walked through..."
0:19:09 > 0:19:12My sister went to see a Dracula film in Wantage picture house
0:19:12 > 0:19:15and she was terrified by that,
0:19:15 > 0:19:20and when she came home, my brothers had put a wooden cross on her pillow.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26So they were ready to take the mickey if you were frightened of anything.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30There wasn't much sympathy. If you were frightened, you got mocked.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32Nigel Kneale, the twisted
0:19:32 > 0:19:35writing genius behind Quatermass,
0:19:35 > 0:19:38also gave us the haunted building shocker - The Stone Tape.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43If you saw Jane Asher and Michael Bates in that
0:19:43 > 0:19:45on Christmas Day, 1972,
0:19:45 > 0:19:49you're probably still trying to forget it.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51You might not want to be reminded of
0:19:51 > 0:19:53The Woman In Black either, starring
0:19:53 > 0:19:55a brilliant Pauline Moran,
0:19:55 > 0:19:59it went out on ITV on Christmas Eve in 1989.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05But my favourite chiller actually starred Michael Parkinson,
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Sarah Greene and Mike Smith.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12Ghostwatch was a hoax live TV programme
0:20:12 > 0:20:15broadcast on Halloween in 1992.
0:20:15 > 0:20:20It terrified so many unwitting viewers, the BBC
0:20:20 > 0:20:23got 30,000 complaints in an hour.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26It has never been broadcast again.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Now, before we move on to our next clip, we've got a TV ad,
0:20:37 > 0:20:41a TV classic. This is from 1982.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43- Right. '82?- Yes.- Right.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47I'm not saying a word. Have a little look at this.
0:20:47 > 0:20:48Oh, I loved this.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Like your new dog, Artwright.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52Here, boy. Up, up.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Remember?
0:20:54 > 0:20:56I loved this.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58He doesn't do much, does he?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Fancy a drop of John Smith's?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03In this award-winning technical
0:21:03 > 0:21:05wonder from the '80s, the hilarious
0:21:05 > 0:21:07reactions from the ale-drinking
0:21:07 > 0:21:09gentleman was central to its impact.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14You know, we're so used to computer-generated stuff these days...
0:21:14 > 0:21:15- I know, yeah.- ..but it's lovely.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18There probably was someone holding the poor thing's back legs up.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21You can imagine there's about five blokes under there doing this.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24But for me, the thingy going, whatever you would call it...
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- Yeah, that feather blower thing. - Yeah.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29The advert was shot using a simple
0:21:29 > 0:21:31split screen technique,
0:21:31 > 0:21:32with the dog's tricks spliced
0:21:32 > 0:21:34between the actors' reactions.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Becky the dog didn't
0:21:37 > 0:21:39do all her own tricks, by the way.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42She just needs the right motivation.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44John Smith's bitter.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47I loved that ad. That was my favourite ad of all time.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- So, what did you love about that ad? - Well, it was a surprise.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54It was all so static. They say, "Oh, he doesn't do much, does he?"
0:21:54 > 0:21:57And then all of a sudden it's all happening.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59It's the absurdity of it I like.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02- Are you an animal lover, Pam?- Yeah.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- It's a given, isn't it? - I do like animals very much.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08I'm interested in animals, I like observing animals,
0:22:08 > 0:22:13I hate cruelty to animals. So, yeah, you could call me an animal person.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Have you got any animals?
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Yeah, I've got eight cows, and chickens - I've got laying hens -
0:22:18 > 0:22:24I'm involved with a place that re-homes battery hens.
0:22:24 > 0:22:29Every 18 months or so, the battery hens are chucked out
0:22:29 > 0:22:32and they usually go to be made into pies and suchlike.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36But actually, they still lay well, and lots of people like me,
0:22:36 > 0:22:40and millions of other people, like to have a few to - A, to give them
0:22:40 > 0:22:42a decent life, and B, to have the eggs.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46So I've got about eight chickens at the moment.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47I've got a poem called The Battery Hen.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- Can we have a little bit of The Battery Hen?- The Battery Hen?
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Yeah. It was... It went like this.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Oh. I am a battery hen,
0:22:55 > 0:22:58On my back there's not a germ,
0:22:58 > 0:23:00I never scratched a farmyard,
0:23:00 > 0:23:02And I never pecked a worm,
0:23:02 > 0:23:04I never had the sunshine,
0:23:04 > 0:23:07To warm me feathers through,
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Eggs I lay. Every day.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12For the likes of you.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13When you has 'em scrambled,
0:23:13 > 0:23:15And piled up on your plate,
0:23:15 > 0:23:18It's me what you should thank for that,
0:23:18 > 0:23:20I never lays them late,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22I always lays them regular,
0:23:22 > 0:23:25I always lays them right,
0:23:25 > 0:23:27I never lays them brown,
0:23:27 > 0:23:29I always lays them white.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31That's a little fragment.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33That was excellent.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Pam's been surrounded by animals all her life,
0:23:36 > 0:23:40from tiny birds to huge horses, she has loved them all.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Well, except one.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47So you had one other thing that terrified you as a small child.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55- Which one can it be? - It's in my pouf.
0:23:55 > 0:23:56There it is.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Oh, God.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59- Oh, it's Lamb Chop.- It's Lamb Chop.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Oh, yeah.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05Well, I didn't... I wasn't the most terrified of him,
0:24:05 > 0:24:06no disrespect to Lamb Chop.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10No, no. I didn't feel frightened by him.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14The lady who operated him... This is a very ritzy,
0:24:14 > 0:24:17up-market, upholstered version.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20When it first came on the scene, it was a glove with somebody's
0:24:20 > 0:24:23hand in it, but it had eyes painted on a hand
0:24:23 > 0:24:28and the mouth used to go sideways in a smarmy fashion.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- And the lady was American.- Yeah.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34It didn't gel with me at all as a nice character.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37It wasn't in the same league as Quatermass?
0:24:37 > 0:24:41Oh, no. Nothing touched Quatermass for terror.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43He was just an irritant.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47- Hello.- I think it's- a she. Is it?
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Lamb Chop. It's not much of a... It doesn't indicate the gender.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52They're eyelashes, I think.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Eyelashes, yeah.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Also, I didn't like the fact that it's a cut of meat
0:24:57 > 0:25:01and yet the animal is supposed to be alive.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04That grated on me as well. Because I didn't realise
0:25:04 > 0:25:06until I was at least ten,
0:25:06 > 0:25:10that animals in the butcher's shop were really animals.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11Oh.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Because I remember talking to the daughter of the butcher in our
0:25:14 > 0:25:18village, and she said, "Oh, we just had a shipment of lamb in."
0:25:18 > 0:25:21And I said, "But they're not really lambs, are they?"
0:25:21 > 0:25:23And she said, "Course they are."
0:25:23 > 0:25:26And I remember being really shocked
0:25:26 > 0:25:30cos I didn't know they were real animals in the butcher's.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33I somehow had protected myself from that.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- Do you want to keep that?- Yeah.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39- Oh, well, I will, I'll let you have it.- Yeah, thank you very much.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Hello, I'm sorry for past insults.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44It's all right, mate.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Don't worry about it.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56Your family favourite was Dixon Of Dock Green.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Yeah, we liked Dixon Of Dock Green.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01You know, we get some weird and wonderful characters
0:26:01 > 0:26:03down this area, and some of the best are the oldest.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Like old Duffy, for instance.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08I remember particularly watching it with my dad.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10My mum used to love the cinema.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14She used to rave about Gone With The Wind and all those old films.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16And on Saturday nights, sometimes she used to get on the bus
0:26:16 > 0:26:19and go to Wantage on her own to go to the pictures.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22And Dad never wanted to go, so Dad and I used to be at home
0:26:22 > 0:26:25and we'd watch Dixon of Dock Green.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28And he'd come and say, "Evening, all."
0:26:28 > 0:26:30And I got a nice, companionable feeling
0:26:30 > 0:26:34when I think about it, cos I think of being there in our house with my dad.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Any favourite characters from Dixon Of Dock Green?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Oh, yeah, I used to have an extremely soft spot
0:26:40 > 0:26:42for Andy Crawford and his quiff.
0:26:42 > 0:26:43Yeah?
0:26:43 > 0:26:46So, was this your very first teenage crush?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Yeah, I think it was, actually.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51I didn't actually put it in those words.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54I didn't think, "Cor! I fancy him,"
0:26:54 > 0:26:56but I just liked looking at him.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Yeah.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00- I liked looking at him. - Who did you not like?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03- I didn't like Mary, his wife, much.- Oh, of course. That's a given.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07She was an impostor, as far as I was concerned.
0:27:07 > 0:27:13Spurs away. Grimsby, Rotherham, a draw.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Newcastle, let me see.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Oh, yeah, the football pools.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Oh, yeah, the football pools.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23God, we had to keep quiet every night,
0:27:23 > 0:27:26every Saturday night when my dad did the football pools.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Everybody did the football pools, you know?
0:27:29 > 0:27:31They'd all get the blue form out.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32Oh, yeah.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36Mum used to talk about a perm, and it wasn't to do with your hair,
0:27:36 > 0:27:41it was a permutation of draws on a coupon,
0:27:41 > 0:27:44and an agent used to come round every week
0:27:44 > 0:27:47and take money from my parents and then, I don't know.
0:27:47 > 0:27:52They filled in this form about
0:27:52 > 0:27:55who'd drawn and who'd won, et cetera,
0:27:55 > 0:27:57and you got so many points for a draw,
0:27:57 > 0:28:00and so many points for whatever else it was.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03Actually, one of my brothers did win some money once.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06- He won over £200 and bought a car. - Oh, result!
0:28:06 > 0:28:09So, that's very exciting, yeah.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Dixon was actually murdered the first time
0:28:11 > 0:28:15he ever appeared on screen, in the film The Blue Lamp.
0:28:15 > 0:28:20But he was resurrected by the BBC in 1955 and remained a calm,
0:28:20 > 0:28:22kind and reassuring presence
0:28:22 > 0:28:26on his TV beat for 21 years.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28- That's what I call real damage. - Scarper, cop!
0:28:28 > 0:28:32Right, come back, you lot. Here, come back here!
0:28:32 > 0:28:33"Scarper, cops."
0:28:33 > 0:28:35- You all right in there, Mrs Berry?- Who's that?
0:28:35 > 0:28:40He was the first person I met after I won Opportunity Knocks.
0:28:40 > 0:28:41Oh, Jack Warner?
0:28:41 > 0:28:43Yeah. I was thrilled to bits.
0:28:43 > 0:28:47I went into Thames Television Studios and there was Jack Warner. I was
0:28:47 > 0:28:51- so thrilled.- I mean, there was always a moral there, wasn't there?
0:28:51 > 0:28:53And once again, good versus evil.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55- We've got a little theme going on here.- Yes, I know.
0:28:55 > 0:28:59I remember him saying once, once they found a policemen who'd been
0:28:59 > 0:29:03taking bribes or something, and he came on at the end
0:29:03 > 0:29:08and he said, "There's nothing worse than a rotten copper."
0:29:08 > 0:29:11And he said it with such relish, I always remembered it.
0:29:11 > 0:29:15"There's nothing worse than a rotten copper," he said.
0:29:15 > 0:29:19His voice was dripping with contempt, you know?
0:29:20 > 0:29:24TV has a long history of good cops like Dixon,
0:29:24 > 0:29:26but the odd one goes bad.
0:29:26 > 0:29:30If you don't want to know what happens to my big three bent bobbies,
0:29:30 > 0:29:32cover your ears now.
0:29:33 > 0:29:37Coming third on my bad cop-ometer is Lorcan Cranitch.
0:29:38 > 0:29:42His DS Jimmy Beck was tragically flawed in Cracker.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45His crimes led to a fatal dive from a tall building.
0:29:47 > 0:29:50Second is Inspector Lindsay Denton, played by the wonderful
0:29:50 > 0:29:53Keeley Hawes, who gets life for
0:29:53 > 0:29:55bad behaviour in the Line Of Duty,
0:29:55 > 0:29:57and I still don't know
0:29:57 > 0:29:59if she's guilty.
0:29:59 > 0:30:04But the best bent copper has to be Gene Hunt, AKA, Philip Glenister,
0:30:04 > 0:30:09who didn't get life, or even have to die, because he was already dead.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11At the end of Ashes To Ashes,
0:30:11 > 0:30:13he even turns out to be an angel.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17I preferred him when he was bad.
0:30:25 > 0:30:27One of the first reasons I started to write
0:30:27 > 0:30:31the kind of thing I became known for
0:30:31 > 0:30:35was much more down to songs, really,
0:30:35 > 0:30:40because my four brothers used to bring home songs like
0:30:40 > 0:30:44My Old Man's A Dustman, Lonnie Donegan - those funny songs.
0:30:44 > 0:30:48- And Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour?- Yeah.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51And those funny songs, and it wasn't so much the content of the song,
0:30:51 > 0:30:56it was the fact that all those words had been rhythmically arranged,
0:30:56 > 0:30:59and that they had a rhythm and the humour.
0:30:59 > 0:31:03And they used to bring home the records of The Singing Postman.
0:31:03 > 0:31:05You know,
0:31:05 > 0:31:08# There's lots of people now would never be dead
0:31:08 > 0:31:11# If they only had the sense to mind their head. #
0:31:11 > 0:31:13You know, stupid stuff like that.
0:31:13 > 0:31:17I used to think it was hilarious. And I loved Alan Breeze.
0:31:17 > 0:31:20He used to sing those old musical songs
0:31:20 > 0:31:22and they were much more
0:31:22 > 0:31:27what channelled me into the kind of verse that I like to write in.
0:31:27 > 0:31:29- Now, you touched on Alan Breeze. - Yeah.
0:31:29 > 0:31:33And we've got a little clip from Alan Breeze here.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36It was the songs that got my attention, again.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38This is it.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42It's the Billy Cotton Band Show.
0:31:42 > 0:31:44Alan, of course, was a regular on the show.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47Yeah, I didn't like the show especially, if I'm honest.
0:31:47 > 0:31:49I wasn't into that sort of big band sound.
0:31:49 > 0:31:55But the thing that alerted me and make me look at him
0:31:55 > 0:31:58was the fact that he was cramming all those words and they're clear.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01# Now I'll never forget the time I took my missus to the dogs
0:32:01 > 0:32:04# We dressed up nice and fancy We was in our Sunday togs... #
0:32:04 > 0:32:07Billy Cotton's fantastically popular band show first appeared
0:32:07 > 0:32:10under the title Wakey, Wakey,
0:32:10 > 0:32:12which was also Cotton's catchphrase -
0:32:12 > 0:32:17a catchphrase everyone in Britain knew in the '50s and '60s.
0:32:17 > 0:32:18He could pack the words in.
0:32:18 > 0:32:22# Now we looked down all runners and decided on a bet
0:32:22 > 0:32:25# A black dog that they told us hadn't won a race as yet... #
0:32:25 > 0:32:28His diction is very, very good and it fascinated me,
0:32:28 > 0:32:31and I wanted to try and do something similar.
0:32:31 > 0:32:34# And the punters screamed The bookies beamed
0:32:34 > 0:32:35# The till went clickety-clack
0:32:35 > 0:32:38# Be careful where you put your dough or you'll never get it back. #
0:32:38 > 0:32:41- So, would you learn any of his songs?- Yeah, I think I did.
0:32:41 > 0:32:44I think I got my brother's old Grundig tape recorder.
0:32:44 > 0:32:48- Ah.- And, erm, the one that I liked was Fanlight Fanny.
0:32:48 > 0:32:51Fanlight Fanny, the frowsy nightclub queen.
0:32:51 > 0:32:54"She's a peach. She's a peach but understand she's called a peach
0:32:54 > 0:32:58"because she's always canned," and funny old stupid lines like that.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00- That's good!- And I made a recording of that because, erm...
0:33:00 > 0:33:03And I think I wrote it down and illustrated it.
0:33:08 > 0:33:10When did you start writing?
0:33:10 > 0:33:12I joined the Women's Royal Air Force,
0:33:12 > 0:33:15- and I was posted to RAF Seletar in Singapore when I was 19.- Wow.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18And, erm, there they had good folk clubs.
0:33:18 > 0:33:22They had folk clubs and choirs and amateur dramatic groups,
0:33:22 > 0:33:28and I sort of joined them all, cos that was... I felt so drawn to it.
0:33:28 > 0:33:32And then the amateur dramatic group I belonged to, the theatre club,
0:33:32 > 0:33:35they used to have a club night on Friday nights
0:33:35 > 0:33:38when people would get up and do a turn of some sort, and that was
0:33:38 > 0:33:41when I started to write my own poems, and I wrote one called
0:33:41 > 0:33:46Foolish Brother Luke, and that was what made people really laugh,
0:33:46 > 0:33:50and I started to think, "Gaw, I wrote that and they laughed."
0:33:50 > 0:33:53It was after I came out of the Air Force, then I went to
0:33:53 > 0:33:57various local folk clubs and they started to pay me.
0:33:57 > 0:33:59Because people liked my poems,
0:33:59 > 0:34:02I started to be paid 12 quid for a turn...
0:34:02 > 0:34:04Which is a lot, I mean, you know.
0:34:04 > 0:34:07I was earning, you know, at that time,
0:34:07 > 0:34:09I was earning about £23 a week,
0:34:09 > 0:34:12so two turns in the folk club, which I loved doing,
0:34:12 > 0:34:16equated to a week's, you know...
0:34:16 > 0:34:21typing in a boring engineering works.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24So, it was fantastic for me, I...
0:34:24 > 0:34:26And I wondered if I could keep it going.
0:34:28 > 0:34:31When Pam hit the folk club circuit in the early '70s,
0:34:31 > 0:34:34she joined a talented bunch of songsters.
0:34:35 > 0:34:40The best of them to make it to TV were also very, very funny.
0:34:40 > 0:34:42My top three folkies turned comedians are...
0:34:45 > 0:34:48..at number three, a man called Norman Davis from Birmingham,
0:34:48 > 0:34:51who renamed himself Jasper Carrott,
0:34:51 > 0:34:54and got his own show in 1978.
0:34:56 > 0:35:00At number two, a country-loving singer called the Rochdale Cowboy,
0:35:00 > 0:35:04who got a show under his own name in 1979,
0:35:04 > 0:35:06The Mike Harding Show,
0:35:06 > 0:35:08which ran until 1982.
0:35:10 > 0:35:14But my favourite bearded minstrel also happens to be everyone else's -
0:35:14 > 0:35:16Billy Connolly.
0:35:16 > 0:35:19His 15 Parkinson shows are legendary,
0:35:19 > 0:35:24as were his many stand-up shows, travelogues and acting gigs.
0:35:25 > 0:35:28And Pam Ayres got her own show too after developing her
0:35:28 > 0:35:31distinctive brand of humour in the folk clubs.
0:35:34 > 0:35:36And then how did Opportunity Knocks come about?
0:35:36 > 0:35:39What happened next was that BBC Radio Oxford came round
0:35:39 > 0:35:41recording for The Folk Programme,
0:35:41 > 0:35:44and I was declaiming I Wish I'd Looked After Me Teeth
0:35:44 > 0:35:46or one of my classic gems,
0:35:46 > 0:35:50and they said, "Come in and do some on Radio Oxford, on the BBC."
0:35:50 > 0:35:53Then I produced a little pamphlet of my poems,
0:35:53 > 0:35:57and I toted it round the bookshops and I sold 7,000...
0:35:57 > 0:35:59- BRIAN INHALES - Wow!
0:35:59 > 0:36:01..which was extraordinary.
0:36:01 > 0:36:04So you're now realising that you can make a serious living at this?
0:36:04 > 0:36:06Well, yeah. I mean, people...
0:36:06 > 0:36:12I was astounded, after I began to do paid performances in folk clubs,
0:36:12 > 0:36:15that people would say to me, "Where can I get a copy of that poem?
0:36:15 > 0:36:17"Where can I buy a copy?"
0:36:17 > 0:36:18It was the most amazing thing
0:36:18 > 0:36:22that people actually wanted to give me money for what I'd written,
0:36:22 > 0:36:26and it was the most heady, intoxicating thing.
0:36:26 > 0:36:30It wasn't long before opportunity literally came knocking.
0:36:30 > 0:36:35In 1956, Hughie Green's original idea for a radio talent show,
0:36:35 > 0:36:40Opportunity Knocks, became the biggest entertainment show on TV.
0:36:40 > 0:36:44It could turn a talented unknown into a massive star overnight,
0:36:44 > 0:36:48like it did with Mary Hopkin in 1968,
0:36:48 > 0:36:50Bonnie Langford in 1970,
0:36:50 > 0:36:54and Lena Zavaroni in 1974.
0:36:54 > 0:36:59Pam Ayres got her shot of instant, life-changing fame in 1975.
0:37:04 > 0:37:07- Shall we have a look at you on Opportunity Knocks?- Yeah.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09I don't want to look at this.
0:37:09 > 0:37:10Oh, I don't want to look at this!
0:37:10 > 0:37:14Sling another chair leg on the fire, Mother.
0:37:14 > 0:37:16Look at the hairstyle!
0:37:16 > 0:37:20Sling another chair leg on the fire, Mother,
0:37:20 > 0:37:23Pull your orange box up to the blaze.
0:37:23 > 0:37:27- I hope my sons never see this.- Why?
0:37:28 > 0:37:33- Cos I look a perfect pillock. - You look blooming gorgeous. You do.
0:37:33 > 0:37:36Come with me out to the empty garage,
0:37:36 > 0:37:40We haven't been there for a week or more,
0:37:40 > 0:37:44We'll bow our heads and gaze in silent homage,
0:37:44 > 0:37:46At the spots of oil upon the floor.
0:37:46 > 0:37:48LAUGHTER
0:37:48 > 0:37:51We'll think of when we had a motorcar there,
0:37:51 > 0:37:55That used to take us out in rain or shine,
0:37:55 > 0:37:59Before the price of petrol went beyond us,
0:37:59 > 0:38:02And we'll make believe we kept it one more time.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04APPLAUSE
0:38:10 > 0:38:13I find it unbearable to see that. I just...
0:38:13 > 0:38:16I don't feel any sort of pleasure in that at all.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19I don't think I've had any guests react like they have
0:38:19 > 0:38:20- to watching themselves.- Really? No.
0:38:20 > 0:38:22- You do really struggle with it, don't you?- I can't...
0:38:22 > 0:38:25I find it unbearable, it just... Oh, I hate it.
0:38:25 > 0:38:29Can you explain why? I mean...
0:38:29 > 0:38:30Erm...
0:38:33 > 0:38:34I don't know, I sort of feel as though
0:38:34 > 0:38:39- I went a bit wrong there, because... - Why?- Because, erm...
0:38:39 > 0:38:41- No, cos I...- In that particular...?
0:38:41 > 0:38:43I think I...
0:38:43 > 0:38:45I so wanted to be a writer.
0:38:45 > 0:38:49I so wanted to make some sort of an impact
0:38:49 > 0:38:51as a good writer,
0:38:51 > 0:38:55I then sort of got lumbered with, erm...
0:38:55 > 0:38:57the village idiot sort of...
0:38:58 > 0:39:01- ..image.- Really?- Yeah.- Because...?
0:39:01 > 0:39:05Oh, cos of the crappy accent and the crappy hairstyle.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07Well, there's nothing wrong with your hair...
0:39:07 > 0:39:10- SHE LAUGHS - ..and that's the way you talk.
0:39:10 > 0:39:12- Yeah, I know.- You know?- And...
0:39:12 > 0:39:16I mean, I know I talk like that and I wouldn't ever try and change it.
0:39:16 > 0:39:20It's the accent my mum and dad had and my granny and grampy had.
0:39:20 > 0:39:22I love it, but, I don't know.
0:39:22 > 0:39:26After that, I sort of got horribly overexposed.
0:39:26 > 0:39:28- I couldn't say it was a happy time. - Mm.
0:39:28 > 0:39:31- It was happy, in that people liked what I'd written.- Mm-hm.
0:39:31 > 0:39:32That was a gorgeous bit of it.
0:39:32 > 0:39:36But the other side of it was not so good, it was...
0:39:36 > 0:39:39I was... Just endlessly
0:39:39 > 0:39:42- book promotion, book promotion, book promotion.- Mm.- I never got home.
0:39:42 > 0:39:44I mean, I had money for the first time in my life,
0:39:44 > 0:39:48which was indescribably thrilling,
0:39:48 > 0:39:51but I just feel like I took the wrong turning, really.
0:39:51 > 0:39:54I wanted to be a good writer and...
0:39:55 > 0:39:59..use the vocabulary I had and the writing skills that I knew I had
0:39:59 > 0:40:02- and, sort of, I feel like that was... - Mm.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04So, in reflection, do you, in some ways,
0:40:04 > 0:40:07wish you'd never done Opportunity Knocks?
0:40:07 > 0:40:08- In some ways, I do, yeah.- Yeah?
0:40:08 > 0:40:11- That's really interesting. - It's interesting, yeah.- And tough.
0:40:11 > 0:40:13- And you would not have expected that.- Well...
0:40:13 > 0:40:17And also, like you say, being at the height of your fame
0:40:17 > 0:40:20and not enjoying it.
0:40:20 > 0:40:23- I couldn't say I enjoyed those early years.- Uh-huh.
0:40:23 > 0:40:27I love it now, cos I've got the confidence and I think, you know,
0:40:27 > 0:40:32- I've got a better view of things, but then I was very confused.- Mm.
0:40:32 > 0:40:36Cos there was a lot of hostility towards me and I didn't like it.
0:40:36 > 0:40:38- Who would?- Incredible.
0:40:38 > 0:40:41Pam, lovely lady, wonderful person.
0:40:41 > 0:40:43- Is there...?- I can't deny it! - I know.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45Is there anything you're looking forward to?
0:40:45 > 0:40:48- I'm sure there is. - Yeah, I'm looking forward.
0:40:48 > 0:40:50There's all sorts of lovely things at the moment.
0:40:50 > 0:40:51I wish there was some wood I could touch,
0:40:51 > 0:40:54because there's all sorts of nice things going on at the moment.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56We've got two beautiful grandchildren,
0:40:56 > 0:40:58we've got a lovely family.
0:40:58 > 0:41:00- I'm doing lots of performances. - Mm-hm.
0:41:00 > 0:41:04I'm doing a couple of performances to benefit my charities.
0:41:04 > 0:41:07I've got a poem about a dog. Would you like to hear it?
0:41:07 > 0:41:08Ooh!
0:41:08 > 0:41:10Yes, please, Pam Ayres.
0:41:10 > 0:41:13Our Labrador is nervous of the toaster.
0:41:13 > 0:41:16When we use it, he is paralysed with fright.
0:41:16 > 0:41:18And it doesn't make the slightest bit of difference,
0:41:18 > 0:41:22Whether we use wholemeal, granary or white.
0:41:22 > 0:41:24I used to hope he'd scare away intruders,
0:41:24 > 0:41:28And bark at burglars, That would have been nice.
0:41:28 > 0:41:31But no, we have to put our arms around him,
0:41:31 > 0:41:35And say, "Don't worry, only one more slice."
0:41:35 > 0:41:37Oh-ho!
0:41:37 > 0:41:39- That is so good. - SHE LAUGHS
0:41:39 > 0:41:41What sort of stuff are you watching now?
0:41:41 > 0:41:45- Well, I like Poldark. I did like Poldark very much.- Yeah.- That's good.
0:41:45 > 0:41:48I liked Wolf Hall very much. I thought that was mesmerisingly good.
0:41:48 > 0:41:52- Mm-hm.- And I like Blue Bloods. - Call The Midwife?
0:41:52 > 0:41:54I like Call The Midwife, but I cry.
0:41:54 > 0:41:58In common with many women, I cry when babies are born.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00It does something to you.
0:42:00 > 0:42:02I think, when you've had babies of your own,
0:42:02 > 0:42:06these births on that programme just...
0:42:06 > 0:42:10- I cry.- Yeah.- It's mystifying, really. - Yeah, yeah.
0:42:10 > 0:42:14They produce a rubber baby from under somebody's nightie
0:42:14 > 0:42:15and I'm sitting at home going...
0:42:15 > 0:42:18SHE GROANS "Oh! It's too much."
0:42:18 > 0:42:21- Listen, you haven't been too much. - SHE LAUGHS
0:42:21 > 0:42:22You've been absolutely fantastic today.
0:42:22 > 0:42:26We always let our guests choose a theme tune. Er...
0:42:26 > 0:42:28- so...- I know what I'd like.- Go on.
0:42:28 > 0:42:31- It's been a great pleasure to talk to you, as well. It's great.- Oh...
0:42:31 > 0:42:34- And I would like to choose, for my theme tune...- Mm-hm.
0:42:34 > 0:42:36We used to love, when we were kids,
0:42:36 > 0:42:40our mum used to love thrillers by Francis Durbridge.
0:42:40 > 0:42:44He, or she, was a writer, I'm not sure what gender they were.
0:42:44 > 0:42:47- But there was one called The Scarf. - Uh-huh.
0:42:47 > 0:42:51Which was really gripping and it had this...
0:42:51 > 0:42:54- very evocative signature tune.- Mm.
0:42:54 > 0:42:57- Well, we're going to hear it right now.- Can I have that, please?
0:42:57 > 0:42:58- Yeah.- My many thanks to you, Pam Ayres.
0:42:58 > 0:43:01- Ooh, do it again!- You've been absolutely lovely. Go on.
0:43:01 > 0:43:04And my thanks to you for watching the TV That Made Me.
0:43:04 > 0:43:06- From me and Pam, bye-bye.- Bye-bye.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09MUSIC: The Girl from Corsica