India Special

0:00:22 > 0:00:24Hello and welcome to a Top Gear special.

0:00:24 > 0:00:28You join us in Downing Street for a very good reason.

0:00:28 > 0:00:31You see, shortly after coming into power, Mr Cameron

0:00:31 > 0:00:33noticed that Britain was, in essence, bankrupt,

0:00:33 > 0:00:35and that to solve the problem

0:00:35 > 0:00:38we needed to do more business with India.

0:00:38 > 0:00:42He has a point, because it turns out we sell more to Ireland,

0:00:42 > 0:00:45that has a population of 4.5 million than we do to India,

0:00:45 > 0:00:47that has a population of 1,000 million.

0:00:47 > 0:00:49It's actually even worse than that.

0:00:49 > 0:00:53It turns out that we sell even less to India than the Belgians do.

0:00:53 > 0:00:57So, we contacted Downing Street and offered to go over to India

0:00:57 > 0:01:00and run a trade mission on the nation's behalf.

0:01:00 > 0:01:05I have here a personal letter reply to us from David Cameron himself.

0:01:05 > 0:01:07"Dear Top Gear, thank you for your letter.

0:01:07 > 0:01:12"Whilst it's true I'm keen on us to build on our ties out there,

0:01:12 > 0:01:16"sending you three is not quite what I had in mind.

0:01:16 > 0:01:20"The Foreign Secretary did wonder instead about a fencemending trip to Mexico.

0:01:20 > 0:01:23"Basically, my message is this -

0:01:23 > 0:01:25"you do the cars, we'll do the diplomacy."

0:01:25 > 0:01:28Oh, here he comes now.

0:01:31 > 0:01:34Stay away from India.

0:01:37 > 0:01:38Well, that was unequivocal.

0:01:38 > 0:01:41Well, we're going to ignore the Prime Minister.

0:01:41 > 0:01:44What we're going to do instead is to buy three second-hand British

0:01:44 > 0:01:47cars, and then to head over there with a very simple objective -

0:01:47 > 0:01:50to rescue Britain.

0:02:01 > 0:02:03'The start point for our trade mission was Bombay.

0:02:03 > 0:02:05CAR HORNS BLARE

0:02:05 > 0:02:09'A vibrant, teeming mass of 20 million potential customers.'

0:02:16 > 0:02:19I am the first to arrive, and as you possibly wouldn't expect

0:02:19 > 0:02:22I don't appear to have done this quite right.

0:02:22 > 0:02:25This is a Series-1 Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow from 1976.

0:02:25 > 0:02:29Some of you will be saying, "You should have brought a modern Rolls-Royce."

0:02:29 > 0:02:32There's two reasons why I couldn't -

0:02:32 > 0:02:35firstly, I had a budget of just £7,000.

0:02:35 > 0:02:38Secondly, a modern Rolls-Royce is of course a German car,

0:02:38 > 0:02:42whereas this one was hand-wrought in Crewe in a factory that used

0:02:42 > 0:02:45to make Merlin engines for Spitfires out of the finest

0:02:45 > 0:02:47British car-making materials.

0:02:47 > 0:02:52It is her Majesty the Queen, with a tax disc, and lovely carpet.

0:02:53 > 0:02:56- 'At this point Jeremy arrived...' - Behold.

0:02:56 > 0:03:00'..in easily the most inappropriate car it is possible to imagine.'

0:03:00 > 0:03:04- You stupid man. - What's wrong with it?

0:03:04 > 0:03:07We're here representing Britain, and all that's great about Britain,

0:03:07 > 0:03:10and you have brought along a Jaguar XJS,

0:03:10 > 0:03:14almost certainly our country's most historically unreliable car.

0:03:14 > 0:03:16This is the celebration model.

0:03:16 > 0:03:20Is it a celebration of production finally coming to end?

0:03:20 > 0:03:2160 years of Jaguar.

0:03:21 > 0:03:24Special wheels, special colour-coordinated bumpers,

0:03:24 > 0:03:27four-litre, straight six engine.

0:03:27 > 0:03:30That thing has a reputation for stopping.

0:03:30 > 0:03:32James, as I recall the braking system

0:03:32 > 0:03:36- and steering is controlled by hydraulics.- That is right.

0:03:36 > 0:03:39Now, if this car were to break down in the Rolls-Royce factory,

0:03:39 > 0:03:43next to the team that built it, they wouldn't be able to mend it.

0:03:43 > 0:03:47- You're in India.- Yes.- If your hydraulics go wrong, you are out.

0:03:47 > 0:03:48You are an embarrassment to the nation.

0:03:48 > 0:03:51And can I just say, this vinyl roof,

0:03:51 > 0:03:53he's just put the final over the guttering.

0:03:53 > 0:03:55This is not an advertisement.

0:03:55 > 0:03:58If you were advertising Millets' tenting...

0:03:58 > 0:04:02This car helped cement the very special Anglo-Indian relationship.

0:04:02 > 0:04:05- How?- The favoured car of the maharajas.

0:04:05 > 0:04:08- They sold hundreds of cars to India. - Only because Jaguar wasn't around.

0:04:08 > 0:04:12- All of the maharajas would have had XJSs.- They wouldn't.- They would!

0:04:12 > 0:04:16- 'At this point, something very small arrived...'- Ha ha!

0:04:16 > 0:04:17'..in a Mini!'

0:04:17 > 0:04:20Oh, God, that's an absolute beauty.

0:04:20 > 0:04:23That's quite a good idea, actually, but don't tell him.

0:04:23 > 0:04:26- Hammond, you idiot.- You idiot. - What?!- Is that a good idea, is it?

0:04:26 > 0:04:28Is it a good idea? It's genius.

0:04:28 > 0:04:31Just to clarify what this is, it's a classic Mini Cooper Sport.

0:04:31 > 0:04:34One of the very last ones built, in fact.

0:04:35 > 0:04:37- Year 2000.- That is immaculate.

0:04:37 > 0:04:39- That is pretty tidy.- It really is.

0:04:39 > 0:04:42This is India, though. It's a big old place,

0:04:42 > 0:04:45and this is a small old car.

0:04:45 > 0:04:49- Come on, lads, you both know it is the home of the small car.- Was.

0:04:49 > 0:04:52No, it still is. What matters most in India is how big it is inside,

0:04:52 > 0:04:55- how small it is outside, and how many people it carries.- That's racist.

0:04:55 > 0:04:58- What?!- When India was emerging,

0:04:58 > 0:05:00they saw the car as a tool,

0:05:00 > 0:05:02but now that India HAS emerged,

0:05:02 > 0:05:05and is one of the economic superpowers,

0:05:05 > 0:05:08everybody is going to want something with a great, long thrusting...

0:05:08 > 0:05:11No, what happens next is the country grows out

0:05:11 > 0:05:14of the great, long thrusting, and they come back to wanting,

0:05:14 > 0:05:18yes, style, and practicality, and convenience...? Look at it!

0:05:18 > 0:05:21Yes, but we are trying to say that Britain is a great country,

0:05:21 > 0:05:24and has things to offer to a country which has succeeded.

0:05:24 > 0:05:28- Such as this...- No!- ..not a tired old Jaguar, and that's a Shadow?- It is.

0:05:28 > 0:05:30How far do you think he's going to get in that?

0:05:30 > 0:05:33Well, I think he's probably finished, isn't he? That's it.

0:05:33 > 0:05:37- Let's see.- 'Hammond and May then ganged up on my Jag.'

0:05:37 > 0:05:41- I should point out the bits that will go wrong.- Yes. All of those.

0:05:41 > 0:05:44- Yeah, yeah, yeah.- See all of those relays and those connectors?

0:05:44 > 0:05:47Made in the Midlands, they will go wrong. Cooling system will go wrong.

0:05:47 > 0:05:50It's OK, some of the relays are made in Spain.

0:05:52 > 0:05:57'We'd find out soon enough if we'd made the right choices,

0:05:57 > 0:06:00'because ahead lay a 1,300-mile journey

0:06:00 > 0:06:04'on some of the most dangerous roads in the world.

0:06:04 > 0:06:08'And then up into the brutal high passes of the Himalayas.

0:06:11 > 0:06:15'But first, we had to get to know our cars

0:06:15 > 0:06:18'on the streets of Bombay.'

0:06:18 > 0:06:22HE GIGGLES This is the perfect car for this place!

0:06:22 > 0:06:25It is a puppy, yes, but it's a Staffordshire bull terrier.

0:06:25 > 0:06:28It is a... (MAKES BARKING NOISE) A tough little puppy.

0:06:28 > 0:06:31I've forgotten the way these things deliver their power,

0:06:31 > 0:06:34it's such a chunky little engine.

0:06:34 > 0:06:38Oow! Yeah, speed humps, how I miss you(!)

0:06:39 > 0:06:42A man taking his washing machine for a walk!

0:06:44 > 0:06:46Morning.

0:06:48 > 0:06:51Whenever we do these long journeys on Top Gear,

0:06:51 > 0:06:54there's always a sense, the moment I set off,

0:06:54 > 0:06:59that the car is already on its last legs, but in this, there isn't.

0:06:59 > 0:07:03All the dials are reading what they should be reading,

0:07:03 > 0:07:06the engine is smooth, the gear-change is smooth, all the electrics work.

0:07:08 > 0:07:12This is a mobile advertisement for Great Britain.

0:07:12 > 0:07:15Never mind that Jag today is Indian, let's gloss over that.

0:07:15 > 0:07:17HORN BLARES

0:07:17 > 0:07:22210 horsepower - what Rolls-Royce would have called "adequate."

0:07:22 > 0:07:25It is adequate, more than adequate.

0:07:25 > 0:07:27BUZZER SOUNDS

0:07:27 > 0:07:30That's a buzzer that will sound if it overheats, say,

0:07:30 > 0:07:33or the hydraulic brakes fail. Let's check that it works. You see?

0:07:33 > 0:07:36BUZZER SOUNDS

0:07:39 > 0:07:42I love India, I love the dynamism of it all.

0:07:42 > 0:07:46People are busy. Business, business, business. Get on, get rich.

0:07:46 > 0:07:48Jag!

0:07:50 > 0:07:53Look at that! Hammond's Mini.

0:07:53 > 0:07:55He is a man in love!

0:07:56 > 0:07:59MAKES GRUNTING NOISES AT GEAR CHANGES

0:07:59 > 0:08:02Weirdly, I have never actually owned a Mini.

0:08:02 > 0:08:06My brother had one, my best friend had one, my girlfriend had one,

0:08:06 > 0:08:09which I blew up while she was on holiday.

0:08:09 > 0:08:10I changed the engine in it,

0:08:10 > 0:08:13and I bought one for 25 quid and fitted it over a weekend

0:08:13 > 0:08:15and never told her.

0:08:15 > 0:08:19Until just then, when I told her, then. Sorry about your car...

0:08:19 > 0:08:20Mel.

0:08:21 > 0:08:25I know Hammond hasn't got it, so it's pointless asking,

0:08:25 > 0:08:26but is your conditioning working?

0:08:26 > 0:08:29Er, not as such. No.

0:08:29 > 0:08:31'No, neither is mine.'

0:08:31 > 0:08:33I thought it was, for a brief, glorious moment,

0:08:33 > 0:08:35but then I realised, no, it isn't.

0:08:38 > 0:08:40What I was saying then about my air conditioning

0:08:40 > 0:08:43isn't actually true, it's working an absolute treat,

0:08:43 > 0:08:46but I don't want to tell them that because they will just try

0:08:46 > 0:08:50and break it in the night, because they're resentful and peevish.

0:08:50 > 0:08:53Guys, you know the producers always provide a backup car

0:08:53 > 0:08:57'on these shoots, in case one of our cars go wrong?'

0:08:57 > 0:08:59Yes.

0:08:59 > 0:09:02'Have you seen what's coming up in the middle lane

0:09:02 > 0:09:05'on British plates right now?'

0:09:06 > 0:09:10I've just seen it. I think I've seen it, is it an Allegro?

0:09:10 > 0:09:11It is.

0:09:11 > 0:09:13Oh, you're joking!

0:09:13 > 0:09:17'Spurred on by this terrible development,

0:09:17 > 0:09:19'we decided to begin our vital trade mission,

0:09:19 > 0:09:23'starting with one of Bombay's most famous institutions.'

0:09:25 > 0:09:28Everyday an army of about 5,000 people called dabbawalas

0:09:28 > 0:09:30travel around the outskirts of the city

0:09:30 > 0:09:34collecting lunches in tins, like these ones here.

0:09:34 > 0:09:37They've been made by the wives of working men, and from here

0:09:37 > 0:09:39they are transported on foot,

0:09:39 > 0:09:42or by bicycle to the nearest train station.

0:09:45 > 0:09:48Each tin is marked with a system of symbols

0:09:48 > 0:09:51that tells the dabbawalas on the train where it's going.

0:09:51 > 0:09:55So they know which tins have to be unloaded at which station.

0:09:59 > 0:10:03The tins are then picked up at city centre stations

0:10:03 > 0:10:05by yet more dabbawalas,

0:10:05 > 0:10:08who bring them to the menfolk in their offices.

0:10:08 > 0:10:11And the cost of having a piping hot,

0:10:11 > 0:10:16home-cooked lunch, delivered every day, is £2 a month.

0:10:17 > 0:10:20'What makes the whole system really incredible

0:10:20 > 0:10:24'is that 200,000 lunches are delivered every day.

0:10:24 > 0:10:28'Even though there's no FedEx-style computerised tracking system,

0:10:28 > 0:10:33'only one mistake is made for every six million deliveries.

0:10:33 > 0:10:38'That works out at an accuracy level of 99.9996%.'

0:10:41 > 0:10:44I think, however, we could do better.

0:10:44 > 0:10:48- How can we do better than that?!- If you think about it, they use trains,

0:10:48 > 0:10:52- what if we used our cars? - That's not a bad idea, actually.

0:10:52 > 0:10:56The first dabbawalas bring it to the car park at the railway station.

0:10:56 > 0:11:00Instead of putting it on the train, we'll take it in our cars.

0:11:00 > 0:11:02We'll beat the train.

0:11:02 > 0:11:06If you think, when you're at home and you order a takeout pizza, do they use the train?

0:11:06 > 0:11:11- They use a moped or a car.- They are hamstrung by tradition.- They are.

0:11:11 > 0:11:14"For 120 years, we've always used to train. We always use the train."

0:11:14 > 0:11:19- This is where we can help. - Then it will be remembered the day the dabbawala system was updated,

0:11:19 > 0:11:22- it was in a British car. - Exactly!- Three British cars.

0:11:22 > 0:11:24We're about to plug that gap.

0:11:24 > 0:11:28That 0.0004% gap.

0:11:30 > 0:11:33'And, so, the next day our experiment began.

0:11:33 > 0:11:37'We would load the meals into our cars at Andheri station,

0:11:37 > 0:11:40'in the suburbs, and then race the train-bound dabbawalas

0:11:40 > 0:11:45'to the finish line at Churchgate station in the city centre.'

0:11:46 > 0:11:51'Our train rivals prepared for the challenge with quiet efficiency

0:11:51 > 0:11:54'whereas in the car park, things were rather less calm.'

0:11:55 > 0:11:58- 13, right, 13s are there. - It doesn't matter if it says 13.

0:11:58 > 0:12:00It does - it's people's lunches!

0:12:00 > 0:12:04All we have to do is get them to the other end.

0:12:04 > 0:12:08- In the right order! - No, James, please just bung them in.

0:12:08 > 0:12:13- Don't, because we'll just be having a race with the train, which we could do anyway.- Bung, bung...

0:12:13 > 0:12:17The point is to beat the train AND make it work. Bung yours in. Stop interfering!

0:12:17 > 0:12:21I'm not interested in your view on this. Go and do yours.

0:12:21 > 0:12:24There's a train! There's a train. Just load up now.

0:12:24 > 0:12:26I've lost count now.

0:12:31 > 0:12:36This is hacking me off! If they're not in the right order we can't claim to have beaten the system.

0:12:36 > 0:12:41- Just stop fretting about that and load it up!- Right! No time to lose.

0:12:42 > 0:12:4511, 15, 15, 15...

0:12:45 > 0:12:46TYRES SCREECH

0:12:46 > 0:12:48Oh, for God's sake!

0:12:50 > 0:12:53- The 12s and the odds... What? - He's gone.

0:12:53 > 0:12:55- How many has he taken?- About 12.

0:12:55 > 0:12:59- You are kidding?- In total? Yeah. - What a moron.

0:13:01 > 0:13:04'The train and I left the station at exactly the same moment.'

0:13:04 > 0:13:06Coming through!

0:13:06 > 0:13:10Over the years, I have raced a Japanese bullet train,

0:13:10 > 0:13:12the Swiss railway network,

0:13:12 > 0:13:15the French railway network and never lost.

0:13:15 > 0:13:17I don't intend to lose now!

0:13:19 > 0:13:21Coming through, coming through.

0:13:21 > 0:13:25'I'd been forced to take the meals that Jeremy had left behind

0:13:25 > 0:13:27'which was a real treat for my spine.' Ow!

0:13:31 > 0:13:34I think I might have made my already lowered suspension even lower still.

0:13:34 > 0:13:36Ow!

0:13:36 > 0:13:37HORNS BLARE

0:13:37 > 0:13:39Come on, man.

0:13:39 > 0:13:42Here are the figures - the train has got a 14-mile journey

0:13:42 > 0:13:46and is scheduled to take 44 minutes.

0:13:46 > 0:13:49My journey is 17 miles.

0:13:49 > 0:13:5317 miles, 44 minutes, that means I must average...

0:13:57 > 0:14:03Green, 18. Green, green, green, then yellow.

0:14:03 > 0:14:08HORNS BLARE Come on, lunches, in a hurry. People's lunches, coming through.

0:14:13 > 0:14:16I'm fine for tea towels, thank you. No, thank you. Thank you, no.

0:14:18 > 0:14:2217 miles, 60 miles an hour. No...

0:14:22 > 0:14:26If it was an hour, about...

0:14:27 > 0:14:31'By this stage, Captain OCD had finally joined the race.'

0:14:32 > 0:14:36Correct use of the horn there to warn of your presence going past.

0:14:36 > 0:14:40I'm going to try and go to the outskirts of the city slyly and do a ring-road approach.

0:14:40 > 0:14:44I think that'll be quicker. It's a bit further, but it'll be quicker.

0:14:46 > 0:14:48Oh, for crying out loud!

0:14:48 > 0:14:51The one bit of open road and look what I've got behind me -

0:14:51 > 0:14:53Bombay 5-0.

0:14:53 > 0:14:57Hello, officer. Hello, officer, doing the speed limit.

0:14:57 > 0:15:02That has got the hallmarks of a massive thunderstorm.

0:15:03 > 0:15:07As the train sped along, my journey, thanks to Jeremy,

0:15:07 > 0:15:10continued to be nerve wracking and unpleasant.

0:15:11 > 0:15:14Oh! I heard the food move.

0:15:16 > 0:15:18Ah! My tins are rattling.

0:15:18 > 0:15:20Ow!

0:15:23 > 0:15:27This is just too easy, I'm making cracking progress.

0:15:27 > 0:15:30- Test. It's fine. - BUZZER SOUNDS

0:15:30 > 0:15:32TYRES SCREECH

0:15:33 > 0:15:34Yes, it's raining.

0:15:34 > 0:15:36THUNDER SOUNDS

0:15:36 > 0:15:38Bloody hell!

0:15:40 > 0:15:43This is a big rainstorm now.

0:15:43 > 0:15:47'The cloudburst only lasted for a few moments but, as in any city,

0:15:47 > 0:15:51'it slowed the traffic right down.'

0:15:51 > 0:15:56I now have 17 minutes to revolutionise dabbawaling

0:15:56 > 0:15:59and mend Britain's balance of payments' deficit.

0:16:03 > 0:16:05Coming through, lunch on the way.

0:16:06 > 0:16:08Come on!

0:16:08 > 0:16:12I am an ambassador representing the sovereign nation of Great Britain.

0:16:12 > 0:16:14On a mission...

0:16:14 > 0:16:19Right, this is not good, it's clear here. I'm going to go this way.

0:16:19 > 0:16:20LOUD CLATTER

0:16:25 > 0:16:27Oh!

0:16:29 > 0:16:3214 minutes to go. Come on, come on, come on.

0:16:34 > 0:16:38We may have bitten off more than we can chew, in this traffic. We may have done.

0:16:46 > 0:16:50- I'm pretty sure this right is right. - HORNS BLARE

0:16:55 > 0:16:57Yes, most of that will go in there.

0:16:57 > 0:16:59You see.

0:17:01 > 0:17:05OK, there will be shouting from those people who don't get their lunch.

0:17:05 > 0:17:08Oh, I don't want to lose any more.

0:17:10 > 0:17:13'The train would be at Churchgate station in just eight minutes.

0:17:13 > 0:17:16'But I was now clear of the jams.'

0:17:16 > 0:17:23Here we go, time to unleash what used to be 223 horsepower.

0:17:23 > 0:17:25TYRES SCREECH

0:17:25 > 0:17:31Oh, no, you're not having that space, mate, I am. Big lorry, or not.

0:17:31 > 0:17:34I'm a Mini. Grrrr. HORN BLARES

0:17:34 > 0:17:35Get out of my way!

0:17:38 > 0:17:41That's the train. That's the train. There it is, there it is!

0:17:42 > 0:17:44Come o-o-o-n!

0:17:48 > 0:17:51This ring road... must be quite a big ring.

0:17:51 > 0:17:56This doesn't look very teeming 20-million-inhabitant- Indian-city-ish.

0:17:57 > 0:17:59This is a delay I did not need.

0:17:59 > 0:18:03Oh, God!

0:18:07 > 0:18:10Move! Move!

0:18:10 > 0:18:14'In just over 43 minutes, I arrived at the station.'

0:18:14 > 0:18:18I've beaten the others, but more importantly...

0:18:18 > 0:18:20I've beaten the train.

0:18:20 > 0:18:24'This was good news for Britain.'

0:18:24 > 0:18:27What do you think of that, chaps?

0:18:28 > 0:18:30Yes, now, listen...

0:18:30 > 0:18:32- THEY SPEAK IN HINDI - What's the matter?

0:18:32 > 0:18:36I know, there aren't very many, but MUCH hotter than usual.

0:18:41 > 0:18:45'Quite a while later, the first of my colleagues arrived

0:18:45 > 0:18:48'with his afternoon tea delivery service.

0:18:48 > 0:18:50Hammond!

0:18:50 > 0:18:53What were you thinking of?

0:18:53 > 0:18:55What was the point in that whole exercise?

0:18:55 > 0:19:00We were transporting boxes of food and you left with none!

0:19:00 > 0:19:04I left with 17. One was a bit ruined when I got here, I admit,

0:19:04 > 0:19:09but 16 lunches were delivered early, not in time for tea.

0:19:09 > 0:19:14- Seriously, where have you been for an hour and 20 minutes?- I went to a different station first.

0:19:14 > 0:19:15No, you didn't, where are they?

0:19:15 > 0:19:19- I dropped them.- What?- I dropped them.

0:19:19 > 0:19:21- You dropped them? - They fell off the roof. Yes.

0:19:21 > 0:19:25- And where is May? Have you seen him?- No!

0:19:25 > 0:19:28'It turned out James hadn't just lost the race...

0:19:28 > 0:19:30'he'd lost Bombay.'

0:19:33 > 0:19:35Oh, cock.

0:19:37 > 0:19:41Having achieved an accuracy rating in our delivery service of just 4%,

0:19:41 > 0:19:46we decided to abandon dabbawaling and head north to Jaipur.

0:19:46 > 0:19:51But instead of driving, the producer insisted we take an overnight train.

0:20:01 > 0:20:06They CANNOT be serious! That is not a motor rail carriage.

0:20:11 > 0:20:16- How do you lose Bombay?- I didn't lose it so much, I overshot.- What?

0:20:16 > 0:20:19- You can't miss it - it's enormous! - I tried to do a clever ring road.

0:20:19 > 0:20:21It's the biggest place we've ever been.

0:20:21 > 0:20:26Why do you think the producer is making us go on the train to Jaipur?

0:20:26 > 0:20:28I don't know. Why wouldn't he make us drive?

0:20:28 > 0:20:32- I was quite happy in my Rolls-Royce. - I was... There's nothing...

0:20:32 > 0:20:36- It's a slightly dangerous road, but...- It's a bit unexpected.

0:20:36 > 0:20:38- I think I know why.- Why?

0:20:38 > 0:20:39A-hem...

0:20:39 > 0:20:43- Because HE doesn't want to drive. - Oh, yes! The producer drives the Allegro.

0:20:43 > 0:20:46He doesn't want to drive in the back-up car.

0:20:46 > 0:20:49It overheats, so you have to have the heater on full.

0:20:49 > 0:20:51- Yeah. - I wouldn't want to drive that.- No.

0:20:55 > 0:20:58Having loaded our cars, we went to get our tickets. However...

0:21:05 > 0:21:08The queue goes all the way in there.

0:21:08 > 0:21:10- I can't do queuing.- Really?- I can't.

0:21:10 > 0:21:14Manual labour and queuing are the only two things in life I can't do.

0:21:14 > 0:21:17- But I really physically can't. - No, I can't either.

0:21:17 > 0:21:20I do this queue sweary thing.

0:21:20 > 0:21:24I can go for so long and then (BLEEP) it just happens. Did it happen then?

0:21:24 > 0:21:28- I can't... Ha, ha haaa! It's happened again.- Right, off you go, then.

0:21:28 > 0:21:31- So you don't mind... because he doesn't like...- Go.

0:21:31 > 0:21:32Are you sure you don't mind?

0:21:32 > 0:21:35- He doesn't like us, that's what's going on.- You may have a point. Go.

0:21:35 > 0:21:38You absolutely... He doesn't mind queuing!

0:21:38 > 0:21:41I do, but I'd rather queue than listen to you two bleating.

0:21:41 > 0:21:44Arse! That was a gentle one, but it gets a lot worse.

0:21:44 > 0:21:46I'll take him for a beer. I'll look after him.

0:21:46 > 0:21:48Beer helps. That'll fix it.

0:21:58 > 0:22:00As James inched forward...

0:22:01 > 0:22:05..I went shopping and then met up with Hammond for lunch.

0:22:05 > 0:22:09Would you like...chicken lung soup?

0:22:10 > 0:22:11No. No.

0:22:11 > 0:22:14- Little bit of lung? - No.- You won't even taste it?

0:22:14 > 0:22:16No, I'm really not hungry. I'm fine.

0:22:16 > 0:22:19Would you like me to give you the present I've bought you?

0:22:19 > 0:22:22Ooh, let me guess, is it something impractical,

0:22:22 > 0:22:26a bit ridiculous and too big for the boot of a Mini?

0:22:26 > 0:22:29Always so ungrateful. Honestly!

0:22:29 > 0:22:34- TANNOY:- May I have your attention...

0:22:36 > 0:22:38Hammond!

0:22:43 > 0:22:45- That's a double bass. - You like double basses.

0:22:45 > 0:22:50- I do like double basses very much. Is that for me, seriously?- Yep.

0:22:50 > 0:22:53Thank you very much. You're very kind.

0:23:01 > 0:23:05- I've had an idea. You know when we get to Delhi?- Yeah.

0:23:05 > 0:23:09Why don't we have - cos this is what most trade missions would do -

0:23:09 > 0:23:11a party?

0:23:11 > 0:23:13- What, just, let's have a party? - If you have a party,

0:23:13 > 0:23:19and invite the sort of great and the good, Indian commerce people, ambassadors...

0:23:19 > 0:23:24- Oh, like a sort of ambassadorial, Ferrero Rocher type thing? - Exactly that.

0:23:26 > 0:23:29Hello. Three adults for Jaipur, please.

0:23:50 > 0:23:53- Where would it be? Is it in a...? What's it in?- In a garden.

0:23:53 > 0:23:58- We could have a marquee.- A garden party! That's very British.

0:23:58 > 0:24:01Come on! This is actually a good idea.

0:24:01 > 0:24:04It needs a focus, we're going to have all British products

0:24:04 > 0:24:07and our cars, and you walk around and look at them and stuff.

0:24:07 > 0:24:09But it needs a... What? You need to...

0:24:12 > 0:24:16What, you think we get the Top Gear band back together?

0:24:16 > 0:24:20What, so we entertain? I'm up for that, I reckon that'll work. Cheers!

0:24:24 > 0:24:28Many hours of queuing later, Eeyore joined us on the platform.

0:24:28 > 0:24:32- What's this?- We're getting the Top Gear band back together!- Yes, we are!

0:24:32 > 0:24:36- Come on.- Yeah, we are. - Can you grab your keyboard?

0:24:36 > 0:24:37I'll explain on the train.

0:24:37 > 0:24:40Thank you. Sorry. Sorry, everybody.

0:24:40 > 0:24:42This is a bass drum.

0:24:42 > 0:24:44Oooh!

0:24:44 > 0:24:46Ooh, it's crowded!

0:24:48 > 0:24:50'A hot, 18-hour journey lay ahead.

0:24:52 > 0:24:56'So, to cheer everyone up, we roped in our producer on vocals

0:24:56 > 0:25:02'and set to work, practising the song we'd be performing at our ambassadorial reception.'

0:25:03 > 0:25:07# Any time you feel the pain

0:25:07 > 0:25:09# Hey, Jude, refrain

0:25:09 > 0:25:12# Don't carry the world

0:25:12 > 0:25:16# Upon your shoulder

0:25:16 > 0:25:21# Na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na

0:25:23 > 0:25:28# Na-na-na-na-na-na... #

0:25:28 > 0:25:31'The other passengers were reluctant to join in on the chorus,

0:25:31 > 0:25:33'but then Jeremy had a brainwave.'

0:25:33 > 0:25:36I tell you what's better, why don't we change the words? Naan!

0:25:36 > 0:25:41Hey! # Naan-naan-naan-naan-na-na-naan

0:25:41 > 0:25:42'Which did the trick.'

0:25:42 > 0:25:45# Naan-naan-naan-naan

0:25:45 > 0:25:49# Naan-naan-naan-naan Hey, Jude

0:25:49 > 0:25:51Everybody!

0:25:51 > 0:25:54# Naan-naan-naan-naan-na-na-naan

0:26:04 > 0:26:08'The next morning, the song was perfected,

0:26:08 > 0:26:10'but we still had six hours to go.'

0:26:10 > 0:26:14'So we had a discussion about how the time could be used productively.'

0:26:14 > 0:26:19You know this train is like a big billboard? Or could be.

0:26:19 > 0:26:23- How?- Think, it's going right through India

0:26:23 > 0:26:25and there are no slogans at all on the outside.

0:26:25 > 0:26:27And there are a billion people in India.

0:26:27 > 0:26:31- How can we benefit from that? - If we got some banners,

0:26:31 > 0:26:35we can promote Britain as the train's going along.

0:26:35 > 0:26:39We can't use product names, because it's the BBC, but stuff like IT,

0:26:39 > 0:26:42- everybody I know works in IT. Literally everybody. - Financial services.

0:26:42 > 0:26:45- Food.- How could we do...? Everybody loves...

0:26:45 > 0:26:48- Is HP sauce still...? Is it American?- Roast beef?

0:26:48 > 0:26:52- We're known for that. - We can't promote beef.

0:26:52 > 0:26:54No, not here. No, you're right.

0:26:54 > 0:26:56You've got French fries,

0:26:56 > 0:26:58Belgian waffles.

0:26:58 > 0:27:01What about English crumpets?

0:27:01 > 0:27:03No, that's not very good, is it?

0:27:05 > 0:27:09'Eventually, we decided on our slogan.'

0:27:09 > 0:27:13'So, at the next stop, Hammond went off to buy some materials.'

0:27:13 > 0:27:14- TRAIN WHISTLE - Hammond, run!

0:27:15 > 0:27:17HE LAUGHS I got it!

0:27:17 > 0:27:20'And then we got painting.'

0:27:20 > 0:27:23- OK.- Right, James, unravel.

0:27:23 > 0:27:24Unravelling.

0:27:24 > 0:27:28- It's like ticker-taping Times Square.- That's quite good.

0:27:28 > 0:27:30We're like an enormous, weird typewriter.

0:27:32 > 0:27:34'With the banner complete,

0:27:34 > 0:27:36'we had to hang it on the outside of the train.'

0:27:36 > 0:27:38- I'm going to open this door.- Right.

0:27:38 > 0:27:41I'm going to feed the banner out of it,

0:27:41 > 0:27:44where the slipstream of the train will carry it to Hammond,

0:27:44 > 0:27:46- who's waiting at the next door. - Whoa!

0:27:48 > 0:27:49Here we go.

0:27:53 > 0:27:54More!

0:27:54 > 0:27:56I need more!

0:28:01 > 0:28:02Hammond!

0:28:02 > 0:28:04Try to do it when there are no posts!

0:28:04 > 0:28:06Argh!

0:28:08 > 0:28:10Got it.

0:28:14 > 0:28:17- Got to get it higher.- Bring it back in.- No, just lift it up.

0:28:18 > 0:28:20- No, because it's already dragging... - THUD

0:28:23 > 0:28:24When does it stop next?

0:28:24 > 0:28:27THEY SCREAM

0:28:32 > 0:28:34'Hammond made some more banners

0:28:34 > 0:28:37'and we decided our best chance of success

0:28:37 > 0:28:41'was to hang them on the side of the train when it stopped at stations.'

0:28:42 > 0:28:45This has to be the most efficient thing we've ever done in our lives.

0:28:45 > 0:28:48- We've never done anything efficient.- No, but we have to be.

0:28:48 > 0:28:50I know. Yes.

0:28:50 > 0:28:52Speed is everything.

0:28:52 > 0:28:55What we've done is enlisted the entire production team

0:28:55 > 0:28:58to help us hang the banner on the outside of the train now,

0:28:58 > 0:29:01because it's stopped for 18 minutes.

0:29:01 > 0:29:05- Are we ready? Are we ready? - Yes, yes, yes.- Steady.

0:29:05 > 0:29:07Go! Go, go, go! Hit it.

0:29:20 > 0:29:21I think we've done well there.

0:29:24 > 0:29:28'With one banner in place, we were like a well-oiled machine

0:29:28 > 0:29:30'when we got to the next stop.'

0:29:32 > 0:29:35Now THAT is marketing.

0:29:35 > 0:29:40And the result is all of these people here are going to go home and want an English muffin.

0:29:40 > 0:29:44You hear about these trade missions to far-flung places in the world,

0:29:44 > 0:29:48and you just know they're not doing this kind of thing.

0:29:48 > 0:29:51Prince Andrew is not hanging from a side of a train in Kuwait,

0:29:51 > 0:29:55- saying, "Buy diggers." He isn't doing that. - TRAIN TOOTS

0:29:55 > 0:29:59The signal. We've got to go, guys.

0:30:01 > 0:30:06'Our mobile billboard for UK Plc was now complete.'

0:30:08 > 0:30:13'However, at the next station, James insisted on doing some repairs.'

0:30:13 > 0:30:18- James, leave it.- You haven't done it properly.- Leave it.- It on, it's on.

0:30:18 > 0:30:22- TRAIN TOOTS - Whoa, my God!

0:30:22 > 0:30:24Run! Run!

0:30:25 > 0:30:26Quick, get on, get on.

0:30:28 > 0:30:30- James, run.- Pull the cord.- Run!

0:30:30 > 0:30:34Pull the cord! Pull the cord!

0:30:34 > 0:30:37No, there's a...

0:30:40 > 0:30:44- Hammond.- Yeah?- To stop the train you pull the chain.- Yeah.

0:30:44 > 0:30:47But there's a fine of 1,000 rupees.

0:30:47 > 0:30:50- That's about 13 quid.- £13. I mean...

0:30:50 > 0:30:52I haven't got that sort of money.

0:30:52 > 0:30:55- I'm not paying 13 quid.- No, no, no.

0:30:59 > 0:31:03'Eventually, we arrived at our stop, Jaipur,

0:31:03 > 0:31:06'a town seemingly famous for its natural springs.'

0:31:09 > 0:31:12'We paused for a while to wish our banners well on their journey across India.'

0:31:14 > 0:31:17- That is a proud moment. - Isn't it?- It is.

0:31:17 > 0:31:20- I just wish James was here to see... - Our message.

0:31:20 > 0:31:24..our message to the subcontinent.

0:31:31 > 0:31:32Oh, God.

0:31:33 > 0:31:35- Oh.- It's going to Delhi.

0:31:38 > 0:31:41What's it going to say on the other side?

0:31:50 > 0:31:52'To make matters worse,

0:31:52 > 0:31:55'it looked like Jeremy's dabbawalla delivery in Bombay

0:31:55 > 0:31:57'hadn't gone that well after all.'

0:31:58 > 0:32:01'Then, when we unloaded James's Rolls,

0:32:01 > 0:32:03'we discovered we'd been betrayed.'

0:32:03 > 0:32:07When you get in here, you're in for a nasty surprise.

0:32:09 > 0:32:10Er, feel that.

0:32:10 > 0:32:13- But there's cool air.- Yes.

0:32:13 > 0:32:15Yes, yes.

0:32:15 > 0:32:17Devious...

0:32:17 > 0:32:20- He told us it was broken.- Is it?

0:32:20 > 0:32:22- Oh!- The thing is, though,

0:32:22 > 0:32:27- you know Gandhi? - Er, yeah, was he a Rolls man?- No.

0:32:27 > 0:32:29Absolutely not.

0:32:29 > 0:32:31Now, Gandhi argued there was too big a gulf

0:32:31 > 0:32:35in India between the rich and the poor and it should be narrower.

0:32:35 > 0:32:40And I think if we disabled James's air conditioning,

0:32:40 > 0:32:43it would make him more equal to us.

0:32:43 > 0:32:46And that's good not just for us,

0:32:46 > 0:32:50- but also spiritually for him. - Exactly.

0:32:51 > 0:32:55- Gandhi would approve of what I'm doing now.- This is a noble act. Oh.

0:32:57 > 0:33:01Nothing to see here. Nothing to see here.

0:33:01 > 0:33:03Beautiful British engineering.

0:33:03 > 0:33:06If we do it back up again, there's no evidence.

0:33:06 > 0:33:10- No, none. It's the perfect crime. - It IS the perfect crime.

0:33:10 > 0:33:11No tools...

0:33:11 > 0:33:14- no murder weapon.- No.

0:33:16 > 0:33:18'Eventually, Judas arrived.'

0:33:18 > 0:33:21May! You've made it.

0:33:21 > 0:33:23- Well done.- How did you miss it?

0:33:23 > 0:33:25What you couldn't see from the train

0:33:25 > 0:33:29- was the platform ended and there was a drop of 15ft.- I did see that.

0:33:29 > 0:33:33- I couldn't do anything. That's why I shouted, "Pull the cord." Why didn't you?- There's a fine.

0:33:33 > 0:33:3713 quid. But the good news is,

0:33:37 > 0:33:40the cars have all arrived, amazingly, in one piece.

0:33:40 > 0:33:43- Is it nice to see them? - I've also had a really good idea

0:33:43 > 0:33:46for what we can do while we're in Jaipur.

0:33:49 > 0:33:54'My plan was to promote the British motorsport industry by staging a hill-climb event.'

0:33:54 > 0:33:58'Which, of course, meant finding a hill.'

0:34:01 > 0:34:02Oh, yes!

0:34:02 > 0:34:06Nice little course, one kilometre. Perfect.

0:34:07 > 0:34:13And what we've done is invited some local Indians to bring whatever vehicles they have

0:34:13 > 0:34:15to see how fast they can get up the hill.

0:34:15 > 0:34:17It should be a good day's sport.

0:34:18 > 0:34:23'But, of course, not only would the Indians get a flavour of this traditional British motorsport,

0:34:23 > 0:34:26'we'd have a chance to see what sort of vehicles are favoured

0:34:26 > 0:34:28'by the Indian petrol head.'

0:34:29 > 0:34:31- Go! Yeah!- He's off.

0:34:31 > 0:34:34- He's away!- We're underway! - We've done something.

0:34:36 > 0:34:40What was that motorcycle? Because this is our leaderboard.

0:34:40 > 0:34:43That was the Rajdoot 175.

0:34:43 > 0:34:45'Moments later, we got out first time.'

0:34:45 > 0:34:48- One minute, 20.6.- Is that fast? - We don't know.

0:34:50 > 0:34:52'Next up was the Hindustan Ambassador,

0:34:52 > 0:34:54'which began in life as a Morris Oxford

0:34:54 > 0:35:00'and is still being produced in Calcutta 63 years later.'

0:35:00 > 0:35:01Go!

0:35:01 > 0:35:05- Has he gone?- He's still going. - Whoa!- Still going.

0:35:05 > 0:35:07Whoa!

0:35:07 > 0:35:09That's the smell of Britain in the '50s.

0:35:10 > 0:35:13'When the Hindustan had finished,

0:35:13 > 0:35:17'it was the turn of the Indian new boy, the Tata Nano,

0:35:17 > 0:35:19'which, at 1900 quid,

0:35:19 > 0:35:22'is the cheapest car in the world right now.'

0:35:22 > 0:35:23Go!

0:35:24 > 0:35:26Less smoke.

0:35:27 > 0:35:32'It may only have a 600cc two-cylinder engine,

0:35:32 > 0:35:35'but that didn't stop it from putting on a good show.'

0:35:35 > 0:35:39- 1.14.7.- Oh, that's our first blistering time of the day.

0:35:39 > 0:35:42- That is a quick car. - It's blindingly quick.

0:35:42 > 0:35:47You know what's going to happen? He'll think, "I'll go up that hill again next weekend."

0:35:47 > 0:35:52"I wonder if I can go a bit faster? If I get that British fuel pipe hose..."

0:35:52 > 0:35:56- "I could improve..." - And somebody in Britain who makes hoses...- Gets a sale.

0:35:56 > 0:35:58Gets a sale.

0:35:58 > 0:36:02'Next, it was the turn of India's most popular taxi,

0:36:02 > 0:36:05'the superbly engineered tuk tuk.'

0:36:06 > 0:36:08It's going backwards.

0:36:13 > 0:36:15It's going, it's going, it's going, it's going.

0:36:18 > 0:36:21- That's better. - I've got cancer now(!)

0:36:22 > 0:36:25You know the Reliant Robin is not a stable vehicle,

0:36:25 > 0:36:30as I have proved many times? THAT makes the Reliant Robin look like a railway locomotive.

0:36:31 > 0:36:34'As was demonstrated on the next bend.'

0:36:34 > 0:36:35CRASH

0:36:38 > 0:36:42'Despite this mishap, the locals kept on coming.'

0:36:46 > 0:36:48Well done, thank you taking part.

0:36:50 > 0:36:54- Good luck.- 'In fact, our hill climb was so popular...'

0:36:56 > 0:36:58- Go!- Whoa.

0:36:58 > 0:37:00'..that things soon got out of control.'

0:37:03 > 0:37:05CAR HORN TOOTS

0:37:09 > 0:37:13'Eventually, the police arrived, but only so they could have a go.'

0:37:15 > 0:37:18- It's a heck of a grid. I would watch this on TV.- I would.

0:37:18 > 0:37:19More than Formula One.

0:37:20 > 0:37:24'With the leaderboard almost full, it was now our turn to set a time,

0:37:24 > 0:37:28'but that gave us a bit of a diplomatic issue.'

0:37:28 > 0:37:33- We need to demonstrate that our cars are good.- Yes.- They're British.

0:37:33 > 0:37:35- (WHISPERING) We don't want... - Well, a little bit.

0:37:35 > 0:37:39- A little bit of winning. - No, no. No winning at all.

0:37:39 > 0:37:42- WHISPERING INDISTINCT - We really can't.

0:37:42 > 0:37:46- A small win?- We're hosting the event. You'd have to present the prize to yourself!

0:37:46 > 0:37:50'Having made Jeremy promise he wouldn't win, I lined up the Mini.'

0:37:50 > 0:37:54Three, two, one!

0:37:54 > 0:37:55TYRES SCREECH

0:37:55 > 0:37:59- And we're off. - This is what the Mini was born to do.

0:38:00 > 0:38:02This thing won the Monte Carlo Rally

0:38:02 > 0:38:06and watching one of these in classic touring car racing was utterly, utterly brilliant.

0:38:08 > 0:38:11Every major racing driver of the period had one.

0:38:11 > 0:38:13Enzo Ferrari had THREE of these things!

0:38:14 > 0:38:16HE LAUGHS

0:38:16 > 0:38:18I am upholding a legend here.

0:38:20 > 0:38:24Finish line in sight. Oh, I can't go too... I mustn't win.

0:38:24 > 0:38:29Nobody can see. I'm going to give myself a ten-second penalty, because...

0:38:29 > 0:38:32I don't want to... You know, I...

0:38:32 > 0:38:35Yeah, that'll do.

0:38:35 > 0:38:37And across the line!

0:38:37 > 0:38:40'Hammond's diplomacy worked brilliantly.'

0:38:40 > 0:38:42'And now it was my turn.'

0:38:42 > 0:38:43Begin.

0:38:43 > 0:38:47Still going by, still going by. Still going by. Oh, it's gone.

0:38:47 > 0:38:50A Rolls-Royce, of course, has no real motor-sport heritage,

0:38:50 > 0:38:52apart from a rally the Shadow entered in the '60s.

0:38:52 > 0:38:56Didn't do very well and that commends it to me.

0:38:56 > 0:39:00- HE MAKES CREAKING NOISES Big old lead.- This is James.

0:39:00 > 0:39:03Yeah. The grill will just...

0:39:05 > 0:39:10Remember, a Rolls-Royce is designed to stop you driving like a hooligan.

0:39:10 > 0:39:12It sort of says, "Are you sure, sir?"

0:39:13 > 0:39:16- Mid-race check. Everything's good. - BUZZER SOUNDS

0:39:18 > 0:39:21- We're both suffering with gut sweat. - Yeah. It's interesting here,

0:39:21 > 0:39:23you don't need your penis.

0:39:23 > 0:39:27You drink and drink and drink and it just comes out of everywhere else.

0:39:27 > 0:39:31- This is not needed. - Thank you, Dr Clarkson, that's an interesting theory(!)

0:39:32 > 0:39:34Here we are at the finish.

0:39:36 > 0:39:41'James, too, posted a thoughtful and considerate time.'

0:39:41 > 0:39:45'Now, we could only hope the orang-utan would do the same.'

0:39:45 > 0:39:49- Jeremy.- What?- You're starting off halfway across the line.

0:39:49 > 0:39:53- It's for fun!- Why are you wearing a helmet?- I don't know.- My helmet?

0:39:53 > 0:39:57Because it wedges my head in, so I don't roll about.

0:39:57 > 0:39:59- What's that on the dash?- Stopwatch.

0:39:59 > 0:40:02- Why?- We've got a stopwatch. - No, I want to see what I'm doing.

0:40:02 > 0:40:06In three, two, one...go.

0:40:06 > 0:40:09- TYRES SCREECH - Yes, here we go!

0:40:09 > 0:40:12The Jag, of course, has a fine motor-sport pedigree.

0:40:12 > 0:40:16And you can feel that pedigree as I unleash it through the esses.

0:40:16 > 0:40:21He wants to finish about 1:16.

0:40:21 > 0:40:25Between the Mini and the Rolls, because that what you'd expect.

0:40:25 > 0:40:28Kiss the apex! Power it out of there.

0:40:28 > 0:40:30Up the hill.

0:40:30 > 0:40:34The only problem I've got, really, is the gear box won't kick down.

0:40:34 > 0:40:40That's because it's a ZF box, made by Germans. And I'm just telling you, if you're Indian,

0:40:40 > 0:40:43"German" is a byword for shoddy quality.

0:40:44 > 0:40:49He'll stop. He'll take a break before the top. I told him to pause and then...

0:40:51 > 0:40:53And there's the finishing line. Power!

0:40:55 > 0:40:57And so, in third place,

0:40:57 > 0:41:00- the Maruti jeep driven by Nitish. Where are you? Well done.- Well done.

0:41:00 > 0:41:03And, in second place, the Tata Nano, driven by Sorab.

0:41:03 > 0:41:07- Well done, well done. - Good man, well done.

0:41:07 > 0:41:12So, the winner of the inaugural Top Gear All-India British Hill-speed Climb Event...

0:41:12 > 0:41:15is the Jaguar XJS driven by Jeremy... HE TAILS OFF

0:41:15 > 0:41:19Yes! There you go. Thank you very much. So...

0:41:20 > 0:41:23- Oh, God.- ..people of India.

0:41:23 > 0:41:28'Thanks to Jeremy, the hill climb had not been a diplomatic success.'

0:41:30 > 0:41:35'But then, Jaipur itself gave us an idea for making amends.'

0:41:35 > 0:41:39'In 1876, the whole city was painted pink to celebrate a visit

0:41:39 > 0:41:44'by the then Prince of Wales.' So we thought we'd reciprocate

0:41:44 > 0:41:48'by splitting up and decorating our cars to celebrate India.'

0:41:49 > 0:41:53Right. I'm going to focus my efforts on here.

0:41:53 > 0:41:55What I'm going to go for is a flag.

0:41:55 > 0:41:58I already have a Union Jack on the roof.

0:41:58 > 0:42:00If I put Indian flag on the bonnet,

0:42:00 > 0:42:05it's kind of the two brought together on one iconic symbol of Britishness.

0:42:05 > 0:42:09It's like a hands across the ocean, but it's hands across the windscreen.

0:42:11 > 0:42:16That is good, that is good. Nice. Look at that.

0:42:17 > 0:42:18Yee ha!

0:42:19 > 0:42:21It's good? Good?

0:42:21 > 0:42:24- You like a flock wallpaper? - BOYS: Yes, yes.

0:42:27 > 0:42:32There's a design in the middle which is... Oh, it'll be something like an eagley thing.

0:42:35 > 0:42:39Eventually, I was done, so I went to join Jeremy.

0:42:39 > 0:42:40DRUMS PLAY

0:42:45 > 0:42:48- Loving your shirt. - Loving your boob tube.

0:42:48 > 0:42:53It's a crop top is what it is, and this is...?

0:42:53 > 0:42:55That's for Anglo-Indian relations.

0:42:55 > 0:42:59- That's the British flag.- Yeah, and the...?- That is the Indian flag.

0:42:59 > 0:43:01But the whole car is Ganesh themed.

0:43:01 > 0:43:04- Ganesh being this elephant god? - Yes.

0:43:04 > 0:43:07They have an expression, "We're doing a Ganesh",

0:43:07 > 0:43:11meaning making sure something starts auspiciously. I've got more elephant themes inside.

0:43:11 > 0:43:13- Have you gone mental?- No.

0:43:13 > 0:43:16Oh, I'll just light my joss stick. Get a smell of this.

0:43:18 > 0:43:21- Now, you see, that's weed! - No, it's not!

0:43:21 > 0:43:23THEY LAUGH

0:43:23 > 0:43:26Well, I have to say... No, credit where credit's due.

0:43:26 > 0:43:28YOU don't deserve any.

0:43:28 > 0:43:31But wait until you see what I've done to the Jag.

0:43:31 > 0:43:35- First of all, the flock effect racing stripe.- Like that.

0:43:35 > 0:43:37But this is genius.

0:43:37 > 0:43:41At some point on this trip, Hammond's Bombay doors are going to break.

0:43:41 > 0:43:44We'll be stuck in the middle of nowhere

0:43:44 > 0:43:47and he is going to beg me for use of this.

0:43:50 > 0:43:53- What I've done in there...- Well, I...- No, it's like an ice bucket.

0:43:53 > 0:43:55You fill it up with chemicals.

0:43:57 > 0:44:01This is the best thing I've ever seen fitted to a car in India.

0:44:01 > 0:44:05Everybody who comes here gets the trots.

0:44:05 > 0:44:06Yeah. And you've got...

0:44:08 > 0:44:12- No, it's very good. The thinking is terrific.- I've also tuned my badge

0:44:12 > 0:44:15to match the temperatures I'm experiencing in the car.

0:44:15 > 0:44:18- It's an Aga.- I've taken the "J", the "U" and the "R" out

0:44:18 > 0:44:21and we're left with "Aga", which is what it is.

0:44:21 > 0:44:24'At that moment, Rolf Harris arrived.'

0:44:24 > 0:44:25What have you been doing?

0:44:26 > 0:44:31Craftsmanship takes time. Indian flag, Union Jack.

0:44:31 > 0:44:36You see? It's a symbol of British craftsmanship and ingenuity brought together. It's all there.

0:44:36 > 0:44:41- I'm pretty certain that's not an Indian flag.- It is.

0:44:41 > 0:44:45There's a green, a white and a red-orange stripe. I didn't do the red-orange because...

0:44:45 > 0:44:49I think that's in Indian one and the stripes go HORIZONTAL.

0:44:49 > 0:44:53- You'd recognise a Union Jack if it was that way.- HORIZONTAL.

0:44:53 > 0:44:56- You're looking at it from this side. - Hold on a minute.

0:44:56 > 0:44:59- You've got one there. - It's a grapefruit in the middle.

0:44:59 > 0:45:04- It's segmented.- Would you agree that what he's done is that flag?

0:45:04 > 0:45:09- Yes, near enough. - Would you like to know what country that is the flag of?

0:45:10 > 0:45:12THEY LAUGH

0:45:14 > 0:45:19Of all the countries YOU in particular could have selected,

0:45:19 > 0:45:22what you've done, Richard Hammond, is paint on your Mini

0:45:22 > 0:45:26the flag of Mexico.

0:45:26 > 0:45:28- God, I haven't, have I?- You have.

0:45:31 > 0:45:34Maybe you should put a piece of lemon in the fuel filler neck,

0:45:34 > 0:45:37- see if it makes it go better. - THEY CONTINUE TO LAUGH

0:45:40 > 0:45:43It was now time to head north to Delhi,

0:45:43 > 0:45:46to host our important ambassadorial trade reception.

0:45:46 > 0:45:52However, at that moment, James had something more pressing on his mind.

0:45:52 > 0:45:56Hang on a minute. Hang on a minute. It's very hot in here and you two,

0:45:56 > 0:46:00I left you two with my car yesterday when I was in the tuk tuk.

0:46:00 > 0:46:04- Oh, dear.- You've interfered with my air conditioning.

0:46:04 > 0:46:07- It's coming out red hot. - 'You took it off the train!

0:46:07 > 0:46:11'How can we mess with something that you told us was already broken?'

0:46:11 > 0:46:14Yes, but it WAS working and now it isn't.

0:46:14 > 0:46:17- Ha!- 'You've been fiddling with it.'

0:46:17 > 0:46:21So you're now saying it WAS working and now it isn't working?

0:46:21 > 0:46:24Yes, I was lying about it not working. It works perfectly well,

0:46:24 > 0:46:27I was just keen for you two not to start messing around with it.

0:46:27 > 0:46:29'Have you messed around with it?'

0:46:29 > 0:46:32Well, in the spirit of new-found honesty, yes,

0:46:32 > 0:46:35we ruined your air conditioning.

0:46:35 > 0:46:38Well, what was the bloody point of that, you idiot?!

0:46:38 > 0:46:40Gandhi made us do it.

0:46:41 > 0:46:45What a pair of morons. That's all they can do, break something.

0:46:45 > 0:46:49They can't make anything or mend anything, just break stuff.

0:46:50 > 0:46:52It's the ruin of Britain.

0:46:54 > 0:46:58The journey to Delhi would give us our first taste

0:46:58 > 0:47:00of life on provincial Indian highways.

0:47:00 > 0:47:04An experience which, we'd been told, would be terrifying.

0:47:09 > 0:47:11Let me give you some alarming statistics.

0:47:11 > 0:47:15Throughout India, there are now 74 million vehicles,

0:47:15 > 0:47:18roughly twice what we have in the UK.

0:47:18 > 0:47:22So you'd expect the death rate to be twice as high. It isn't.

0:47:22 > 0:47:26In Britain, around about 3,000 people a year are killed on the roads.

0:47:26 > 0:47:30Last year in India, it was 196,000.

0:47:30 > 0:47:32That's 22 an hour.

0:47:36 > 0:47:40This country has the most dangerous roads in the world.

0:47:40 > 0:47:41And they get worse at night.

0:47:42 > 0:47:45This was a problem for us,

0:47:45 > 0:47:49because as night fell, our overnight hold was still 80 miles away.

0:47:49 > 0:47:55And we were on the most dangerous kind of road - a dual carriageway.

0:47:57 > 0:48:01HORNS BLARE

0:48:01 > 0:48:05Jesus Christ, that car's going on the wrong side of the road.

0:48:07 > 0:48:09Unlit tractor up ahead, chaps.

0:48:13 > 0:48:15That's completely unlit.

0:48:15 > 0:48:19An unlit wide-load in the dark on an unlit road.

0:48:21 > 0:48:24Oh, a man on the road. God!

0:48:26 > 0:48:29Oh, this is tight. Oh.

0:48:30 > 0:48:32Oh.

0:48:32 > 0:48:33Oh, that was scary.

0:48:35 > 0:48:37- Bloody hell! - HORN BLARE

0:48:37 > 0:48:40You know in England, when a child is badly behaved, the mother says

0:48:40 > 0:48:43"Your father will be very cross with you when he gets home"?

0:48:43 > 0:48:47Here, it's different. It's, "Your father will be very cross with you

0:48:47 > 0:48:48"IF he gets home."

0:48:50 > 0:48:52Oh, God. Oh, God!

0:48:56 > 0:48:57Jesus, look at that.

0:49:01 > 0:49:02I mean, Ganesh, look at that.

0:49:04 > 0:49:08Blinded. Yep, can't see a thing.

0:49:10 > 0:49:12That lorry's very close.

0:49:12 > 0:49:14TYRES SCREECH

0:49:14 > 0:49:17BLEEP

0:49:17 > 0:49:19"Road narrows for no obvious reason."

0:49:21 > 0:49:22Oh, strewth!

0:49:25 > 0:49:27Two nerve-jangling hours later,

0:49:27 > 0:49:30we arrived at the town where we'd be staying the night.

0:49:30 > 0:49:33And as we refuelled, I took my revenge.

0:49:45 > 0:49:47Funny. Very funny.

0:49:47 > 0:49:51Er, what James has done is turned my heater up to full,

0:49:51 > 0:49:56and then removed the heater knob so I can't turn it back down again.

0:49:56 > 0:50:00What a monumental bell-end he is.

0:50:04 > 0:50:08The next morning, the dual carriageway madness continued.

0:50:09 > 0:50:13Only now, we could actually see what was going to kill us.

0:50:15 > 0:50:17Oh, God, now look.

0:50:18 > 0:50:20Holy moly.

0:50:23 > 0:50:26The man here just got out of his lorry in the middle of the road.

0:50:26 > 0:50:28Whoa!

0:50:31 > 0:50:33- HORNS BLARE - Oh!

0:50:34 > 0:50:37I wonder how much else we missed last night.

0:50:37 > 0:50:40What else was going on that we never saw?

0:50:43 > 0:50:47So the Allegro survived the night by the looks of things

0:50:47 > 0:50:50and is still with us, with a very miserable-looking producer at the helm.

0:50:50 > 0:50:53Serves him right for having no faith

0:50:53 > 0:50:56in these magnificent British cars that we've chosen.

0:50:56 > 0:51:00James, is your car giving the slightest indication

0:51:00 > 0:51:03it might go wrong?

0:51:03 > 0:51:06- No. Situation update. - HE HONKS HORN

0:51:06 > 0:51:09Oil level and coolant temperature good.

0:51:09 > 0:51:11Everything working. Engine is as sweet as a nut.

0:51:11 > 0:51:14My karma is very good.

0:51:16 > 0:51:19'And at the next fuel stop, his karma got even better,

0:51:19 > 0:51:23'as he turned his special revenge gun on Hammond.'

0:51:33 > 0:51:36James... The seat is stuck forwards, James.

0:51:36 > 0:51:39Have you missed with the seat in my car?

0:51:39 > 0:51:40Might have done.

0:51:42 > 0:51:45- Where have you put my knob? - I've forgotten.

0:51:45 > 0:51:47It's so hot in there. Look.

0:51:47 > 0:51:50My tablecloth has leaked dye into my shirt.

0:51:54 > 0:51:57'Several hours later, we arrived in Delhi,

0:51:57 > 0:52:00'where I decided to have an accident.'

0:52:00 > 0:52:02O...K!

0:52:02 > 0:52:06'Sadly, there was no time to worry about this small crash,

0:52:06 > 0:52:09'because that night, we were hosting our trade reception.'

0:52:11 > 0:52:14It's very obvious that this is the right place for our party.

0:52:14 > 0:52:19Lots of rich, influential people behind these high walls and hedges.

0:52:20 > 0:52:21We will do well here.

0:52:25 > 0:52:29After a quick freshen up, we arrived at the location for our party -

0:52:29 > 0:52:33an exclusive house in the select embassy district.

0:52:33 > 0:52:37- Brilliant, look at this.- It's good, isn't it?- This is fantastic.

0:52:38 > 0:52:41Our guests would be arriving in just a few hours,

0:52:41 > 0:52:44so James started to build the catering tent,

0:52:44 > 0:52:49I washed the cars and Hammond took charge of decorating the marquee.

0:52:49 > 0:52:50Gather round.

0:52:50 > 0:52:53What we need to do is make this the colours of the Union Jack,

0:52:53 > 0:52:56British flag, so I brought some red, white and blue cloth with me

0:52:56 > 0:52:58so we can decorate it.

0:52:58 > 0:53:01So to your posts for now and I'll work out a plan.

0:53:01 > 0:53:05If you each go and stand with one of these. Yes.

0:53:09 > 0:53:11Anybody speak English?

0:53:14 > 0:53:16Good.

0:53:16 > 0:53:18ENGINE REVS

0:53:23 > 0:53:25I'm getting them in a fan shape, James.

0:53:25 > 0:53:28No, that's OK, like that, yeah. Keep going.

0:53:28 > 0:53:30OK.

0:53:35 > 0:53:37We'll have do untie it and start again.

0:53:37 > 0:53:42This setback meant James would have to start his cooking al fresco.

0:53:43 > 0:53:46Tonight's dish is a signature British dish,

0:53:46 > 0:53:49but celebrates our relationship with India, particularly our love of spices.

0:53:49 > 0:53:53It is, obviously, coronation chicken.

0:53:53 > 0:53:55And the ingredients are chicken and coronation.

0:53:55 > 0:53:59To make the coronation, you start with a bowl and some salad cream.

0:53:59 > 0:54:03- So you've got salad cream chicken, basically?- And spices.

0:54:03 > 0:54:06- Why have you got digestive biscuits? - It's going to be served on them.

0:54:06 > 0:54:10- That's the stupidest idea... - Why don't you go and wash the cars?

0:54:10 > 0:54:11- I've washed them.- You haven't.

0:54:11 > 0:54:15I can see that it's still dirty and still says "penis" on the bonnet.

0:54:15 > 0:54:18- I squirted them with water. - That's not good enough.

0:54:18 > 0:54:21We're using Madras curry powder from the Midlands.

0:54:21 > 0:54:22Sprinkle that on...

0:54:22 > 0:54:25- Salad cream and curry powder is what it is?- Pretty much.

0:54:25 > 0:54:26It's got sultanas...

0:54:27 > 0:54:30Go and wash the cars. Go and wash the cars.

0:54:30 > 0:54:34Now they're having a water fight. Gentlemen!

0:54:36 > 0:54:39- Once James had finished his recipe... - Coronation chicken, madam?

0:54:39 > 0:54:45..he went into town to buy fireworks, leaving me alone with the orang-utan.

0:54:45 > 0:54:48This is magnificently brilliant.

0:54:48 > 0:54:53I think the guests are going to just adore having a go in this.

0:54:53 > 0:54:56A bit of tweed action going on. THUD

0:54:58 > 0:55:00Oh, no!

0:55:01 > 0:55:04Oh, my God.

0:55:04 > 0:55:08'Between us, we worked out that James was going to notice.'

0:55:08 > 0:55:10- Have you got any green paint?- No.

0:55:10 > 0:55:14- Yes. Yes!- You have?- We've brought a load of Airfix models.- Have we?

0:55:16 > 0:55:20Spitfire green. Yes, here we go. We can have this fixed.

0:55:22 > 0:55:26I don't think he's got enough of his instruments painted over.

0:55:28 > 0:55:31JEREMY LAUGHS

0:55:31 > 0:55:32That's much better.

0:55:34 > 0:55:36A bit later on, James returned with his fireworks,

0:55:36 > 0:55:39which, frankly, were not what I'd had in mind.

0:55:41 > 0:55:44James, I know you live in 1956, but the world has moved on,

0:55:44 > 0:55:46- these are pathetic.- They'll be good.

0:55:46 > 0:55:49- These are big as well. - They're rubbish.

0:55:49 > 0:55:51There's a limit to the size of fireworks you can have

0:55:51 > 0:55:55in, let's be honest, the middle of the Government area, lots of embassies,

0:55:55 > 0:55:58on a high state of alert because of the threat of terrorism.

0:55:58 > 0:56:00You can't let off a millennium fireworks -

0:56:00 > 0:56:02it's a garden fireworks display.

0:56:02 > 0:56:05- That's going to be like lighting a match.- No, it isn't.- It is.

0:56:05 > 0:56:09'I decided to take matters in hand.'

0:56:09 > 0:56:14OK, what you need to make a really big firework is, er...

0:56:14 > 0:56:18a length of drainpipe, a cane, teaspoon, Sellotape,

0:56:18 > 0:56:22sharp knife, saucer and a pair of pixellated hands,

0:56:22 > 0:56:25so you at home can't see what I'm doing.

0:56:25 > 0:56:28Right, you take, well, any firework.

0:56:28 > 0:56:31Let's start with this relatively small one.

0:56:31 > 0:56:33And you apply the sharp knife.

0:56:33 > 0:56:36Now, being very careful not to hit the...

0:56:36 > 0:56:38Let's not give that a name.

0:56:40 > 0:56:42Our plan was to show our top business guests

0:56:42 > 0:56:45some of Britain's finest products,

0:56:45 > 0:56:48with each of us championing one particular thing.

0:56:48 > 0:56:51James selected a superb lawnmower.

0:56:53 > 0:56:55Oh, that is...

0:56:55 > 0:56:58And as it winds itself up, it gets further in, that's brilliant.

0:56:58 > 0:57:02- You know what, that is actually... - It's all right, isn't it?

0:57:02 > 0:57:03That's a good display.

0:57:03 > 0:57:07'I would be promoting something very close to my heart... '

0:57:07 > 0:57:08Hair products.

0:57:08 > 0:57:11It's a little-known fact that we in Britain

0:57:11 > 0:57:15are extensive producers of a huge range of hair product.

0:57:15 > 0:57:19Nicky Clarke, she's a well-known hairdresser, I think.

0:57:19 > 0:57:22What I'm going to do is arrange a display, but more than that -

0:57:22 > 0:57:25in keeping with the theme, which is kind of active, actually doing stuff,

0:57:25 > 0:57:28I'm going to style myself and turn myself into a walking,

0:57:28 > 0:57:30moving billboard.

0:57:30 > 0:57:33You need to be able to remove,

0:57:33 > 0:57:38from in here, all of the stuff that looks a bit like it could belong

0:57:38 > 0:57:42in a fondue set, but isn't really the same.

0:58:00 > 0:58:04By the time James had got his lawnmower under control,

0:58:04 > 0:58:07Jeremy had completed his cruise missile.

0:58:07 > 0:58:08Here we are.

0:58:08 > 0:58:10The finished product.

0:58:10 > 0:58:15My giant firework, with stick, with prong on the end,

0:58:15 > 0:58:17ready to be launched.

0:58:18 > 0:58:21With that done, I was free to break out the product I'd be promoting,

0:58:21 > 0:58:25the Corby trouser press, which I believed could perform

0:58:25 > 0:58:29a vital extra service for the Indian customer.

0:58:29 > 0:58:32- The Corby naan-press. - There it is.

0:58:32 > 0:58:34- Is it hot?- Ooh, ah!

0:58:36 > 0:58:39- Mmm. That is good.- Mm.

0:58:41 > 0:58:42With the preparations complete,

0:58:42 > 0:58:47it was time to smarten ourselves up and greet our VIP guests.

0:58:49 > 0:58:53How'd you do? Barley water, Tizer, English wine, coronation chicken.

0:58:55 > 0:58:58You do the wine, I'll go around with coronation chicken.

0:58:58 > 0:59:02'Meanwhile, Richard was in charge of valet parking.'

0:59:02 > 0:59:03Hello, welcome.

0:59:03 > 0:59:06Right, thank you. I'm going to put this somewhere prominent.

0:59:06 > 0:59:08I love the paint, by the way.

0:59:10 > 0:59:13Keys. Er... Oh, hello, that'll do.

0:59:17 > 0:59:20It's powdered and you simply add water and you get mashed potato.

0:59:20 > 0:59:25- I think it's better than the real thing.- Lovely.

0:59:25 > 0:59:28Forgive me for interrupting, I brought your vegetarian option.

0:59:28 > 0:59:31This is a sweet one - Angel Delight on a Digestive biscuit.

0:59:31 > 0:59:34- Hello.- Hello, how are you? - I'm very well, thank you.

0:59:35 > 0:59:40This is gentleman's relish on a water biscuit and this is Marmite.

0:59:40 > 0:59:41Right.

0:59:51 > 0:59:55'As darkness fell, the guests continued to arrive.'

0:59:55 > 0:59:57If you'd like to park up there, I'll do the proper park.

0:59:57 > 1:00:01Yours is a temporary park. I'm doing the big, actual park.

1:00:01 > 1:00:03It's my job. Move up, if you would, sir.

1:00:03 > 1:00:06'With the party in full swing,

1:00:06 > 1:00:09'it was time to demonstrate our British products.

1:00:09 > 1:00:13'Sadly, though, the lawnmower wouldn't start.'

1:00:13 > 1:00:15Bollocks.

1:00:15 > 1:00:19And Jeremy's diplomacy was as bad as it had been at the hill-climb.

1:00:20 > 1:00:23This is something I think you could sell well in India.

1:00:23 > 1:00:27Most British two or three-star hotels have these.

1:00:28 > 1:00:31Judging by the cars that were turning up,

1:00:31 > 1:00:33it was clear Delhi's elite had come to the party.

1:00:33 > 1:00:37But unfortunately for Richard, they'd all arrived at once.

1:00:37 > 1:00:42I'm your valet park... Oh, just wait there, I'm going to park your car.

1:00:42 > 1:00:43Just don't move.

1:00:45 > 1:00:48Hold on. Nobody park. No, where are they going? Agh!

1:00:48 > 1:00:51I have a proper British lawnmower at home,

1:00:51 > 1:00:54an Atco twin-clutch, but I don't actually have a lawn,

1:00:54 > 1:00:57but it's still something that's very pleasant to own, as an artefact,

1:00:57 > 1:01:00as an example of fine engineering, with a great engineering...

1:01:00 > 1:01:05'So, James was boring everyone to death,

1:01:05 > 1:01:08'half the world's mosquitoes had arrived,

1:01:08 > 1:01:10'my parking system was in disarray...'

1:01:10 > 1:01:13Just one second. I just... Don't go.

1:01:13 > 1:01:17'..and Jeremy was still being a diplomatic nightmare.'

1:01:17 > 1:01:19I could arrive at your house, do my business,

1:01:19 > 1:01:23and then come and see you without doing it all over your kitchen floor.

1:01:24 > 1:01:28'Plainly, it was time to get the Top Gear band on stage.'

1:01:28 > 1:01:32- OFF-KEY:- # Don't carry the world

1:01:32 > 1:01:34# Across your shoulder

1:01:36 > 1:01:38# Na na na la-la

1:01:38 > 1:01:41- # La la la - And...

1:01:41 > 1:01:44# Na na-na

1:01:44 > 1:01:46# Na-na-na na

1:01:47 > 1:01:48# Na-na-na na

1:01:49 > 1:01:51# Hey, Jude

1:01:51 > 1:01:52MUSIC PETERS OUT

1:01:52 > 1:01:56For some reason, the crowd wasn't warming to us,

1:01:56 > 1:01:59so I decided to set off my firework.

1:02:01 > 1:02:02# Hey, Jude

1:02:02 > 1:02:03# Hey, Jude. #

1:02:03 > 1:02:05WHOOSHING

1:02:05 > 1:02:07EXPLOSION, GLASS SHATTERS

1:02:07 > 1:02:09ALARM SOUNDS

1:02:10 > 1:02:16Strangely, the guests took this massive explosion as a cue to leave,

1:02:16 > 1:02:18but that was harder than they thought.

1:02:22 > 1:02:25- This one?- It's not that one.

1:02:30 > 1:02:32The next morning, we had to face the fact

1:02:32 > 1:02:35that our party had been a disaster.

1:02:35 > 1:02:38But it had been even worse than that for Hammond.

1:02:38 > 1:02:42- Just tell me what happened. - A very tall, willowy Indian girl

1:02:42 > 1:02:46wanted her photograph taken with me, so she stood next to me.

1:02:46 > 1:02:49- Yeah, yeah?- And just as a man was about to take the picture on a phone,

1:02:49 > 1:02:52a small creature, an insect - a fly, perhaps -

1:02:52 > 1:02:54bit sharply into my right teste.

1:02:54 > 1:02:57- Through your trousers? - I imagine it went up the leg.

1:02:57 > 1:03:00- Well, it's not a long journey. - That's a long way, this is...

1:03:00 > 1:03:02Crawled all the way up to bite you...

1:03:02 > 1:03:05It chose that moment... "Yes, of course...agh!"

1:03:05 > 1:03:07- I couldn't... - That's flat out. Look at it.

1:03:07 > 1:03:09So it's...

1:03:09 > 1:03:12So he's got an out-of-control lawnmower,

1:03:12 > 1:03:14- you have...- A sore plum. - ..a sore plum.

1:03:14 > 1:03:18I think it's now time to leave the city, to leave Delhi,

1:03:18 > 1:03:21and get on with our countryside mission.

1:03:23 > 1:03:26We decided to head even further north, into the Himalayas,

1:03:26 > 1:03:30where our cars would be faced with rough roads and mountainous terrain.

1:03:30 > 1:03:34So, to prepare them for this, we found a workshop -

1:03:34 > 1:03:37and cue the music.

1:03:37 > 1:03:41MUSIC: Theme from "The A-Team"

1:03:53 > 1:03:55That's what I'm talking about.

1:04:10 > 1:04:12LOUD RASPING HUM

1:04:14 > 1:04:17OK, what I've done to the Jag is...

1:04:17 > 1:04:19is ruin it comprehensively.

1:04:19 > 1:04:24'I'd fitted much chunkier tyres, which had meant messing around with the suspension,

1:04:24 > 1:04:27'and this had had a dramatic effect.'

1:04:27 > 1:04:29The ride is now intolerable,

1:04:29 > 1:04:33the tyres are catching on the arches, as you can hear.

1:04:33 > 1:04:36The noise is simply unbearable,

1:04:36 > 1:04:39the braking is now very poor, the rev counter has broken,

1:04:39 > 1:04:41BUT on the upside, though,

1:04:41 > 1:04:44because the exhaust now goes straight out of the bonnet

1:04:44 > 1:04:48rather than under the car, I have much more ground clearance,

1:04:48 > 1:04:49about that much more.

1:04:51 > 1:04:54- HUMMING - Oh! Ho, ho, ho!

1:04:55 > 1:04:59James had also fiddled with his suspension

1:04:59 > 1:05:01to accommodate the chunkier rubber.

1:05:01 > 1:05:03And he too had made a complete mess of it.

1:05:05 > 1:05:07Oh, God!

1:05:08 > 1:05:11I've ruined everything.

1:05:11 > 1:05:15There's no point trying to say anything intelligent, it's just too noisy.

1:05:22 > 1:05:24That is quite a noise, isn't it? HE LAUGHS

1:05:26 > 1:05:28My car is fine,

1:05:28 > 1:05:32because I haven't modified or messed about with it.

1:05:32 > 1:05:35I put it on some new tyres - that's not modification,

1:05:35 > 1:05:39that's something you do. I put it on rally tyres, just in case.

1:05:39 > 1:05:42I have fitted a sump guard to protect the underside if it bottoms out,

1:05:42 > 1:05:44and the winch - that's not for me,

1:05:44 > 1:05:47that's to rescue those two idiots WHEN they get stuck,

1:05:47 > 1:05:48which they will. That's it.

1:05:51 > 1:05:56The overnight hold is 198 miles away.

1:05:57 > 1:05:59No!

1:06:03 > 1:06:07'James and I spent the next hour arguing about whose car was worse.'

1:06:07 > 1:06:09Can you not feel those rear tyres?

1:06:09 > 1:06:12'So, after a typically Indian fuel stop...'

1:06:12 > 1:06:14- Argh! - SNAKE HISSES

1:06:14 > 1:06:16No, don't be silly.

1:06:16 > 1:06:18'..we decided to swap.'

1:06:21 > 1:06:23What a shocking racket!

1:06:23 > 1:06:25LOUD THUMPING AND HUMMING

1:06:31 > 1:06:33Oh, my God!

1:06:35 > 1:06:37I've just tried to go above 50.

1:06:37 > 1:06:40Jeremy, you're on fire.

1:06:40 > 1:06:43There is smoke, isn't there, coming from the Rolls?

1:06:43 > 1:06:45No, it's coming off the tyre.

1:06:45 > 1:06:48Oh, James, you can have this back now.

1:06:48 > 1:06:49It's frightening.

1:06:50 > 1:06:52I'm really sorry, Mr Cameron.

1:06:52 > 1:06:57Thanks to those two, our trade mission is in tatters.

1:06:58 > 1:07:01Back in the Jag, I decided to use my new PA system

1:07:01 > 1:07:05to give Hammond some noises HE wouldn't enjoy.

1:07:05 > 1:07:09MUSIC: "I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe)" by Genesis

1:07:09 > 1:07:13- Oh...- Genesis, Hammond, I know you like it.

1:07:13 > 1:07:15It's that song.

1:07:21 > 1:07:23Ah! I hate that bit.

1:07:24 > 1:07:26It's that bit!

1:07:29 > 1:07:31With my straight through exhaust, I've more power,

1:07:31 > 1:07:35so I don't think you can outrun my Genesis concept solution.

1:07:39 > 1:07:42'In the next town I stopped annoying Hammond

1:07:42 > 1:07:45'and used my PA system to fly the flag little bit.'

1:07:45 > 1:07:47MUSIC PLAYS

1:07:50 > 1:07:53Are you watching this, Mr Cameron? This is how you run a trade mission.

1:07:53 > 1:07:58People of India, call me trouser presses,

1:07:58 > 1:08:00curries,

1:08:00 > 1:08:02armour jackets, these are the things you need.

1:08:02 > 1:08:08As we ride into town in our convoy of excellent British cars...

1:08:08 > 1:08:09Whoa!

1:08:09 > 1:08:11HORNS BLARE

1:08:11 > 1:08:13Whoops-a-daisy.

1:08:15 > 1:08:17Oh, dear.

1:08:17 > 1:08:20- It's taken the tyre off.- Oh... - We'll get it over there.

1:08:20 > 1:08:22You, come with us.

1:08:33 > 1:08:36You can't go...

1:08:36 > 1:08:41Where are you going? You can't just smash somebody's car up.

1:08:41 > 1:08:44We're on a very important mission to try

1:08:44 > 1:08:47and save our country from bankruptcy, and now look.

1:08:48 > 1:08:51Now he's just driving off!

1:08:54 > 1:08:56He's gone. He's just gone.

1:08:59 > 1:09:04'We were becoming bored with Jeremy crashing into the locals,

1:09:04 > 1:09:07- 'so we left him to it.' - See you soon.

1:09:07 > 1:09:09Buy British whenever possible.

1:09:12 > 1:09:17Soon, though, we were reunited and in the foothills of the Himalayas.

1:09:22 > 1:09:27Nice drive, this. If I had proper wheels and tyres on the car, it would be even nicer.

1:09:34 > 1:09:38Oh, blinding majesty, natural beauty. It's all there.

1:09:41 > 1:09:43This is beautiful.

1:09:43 > 1:09:46'For the first time since we arrived in India,

1:09:46 > 1:09:48'there was a bit of peace and quiet.'

1:09:48 > 1:09:50BLOWING EXHAUST

1:09:50 > 1:09:51Oh!

1:09:53 > 1:09:54Clarkson, do bugger off.

1:09:57 > 1:10:01Monkey, monkey, monkey with MASSIVE testicles!

1:10:03 > 1:10:08'As night fell, we came across a village fete.'

1:10:13 > 1:10:17'Everyone was doing business, so I ramped up the PA.'

1:10:17 > 1:10:19MUSIC PLAYS

1:10:20 > 1:10:22The British are back... I mean here.

1:10:24 > 1:10:27'And we stopped to promote our themes.'

1:10:27 > 1:10:30And now, if I can demonstrate, with this piece of garland.

1:10:30 > 1:10:33Your lawn, grown too long.

1:10:33 > 1:10:36Engage the lawnmower.

1:10:36 > 1:10:39It is simply blown away. Like that. We'll work on that...

1:10:39 > 1:10:43'Nobody was very interested.

1:10:43 > 1:10:45'So, at the hotel that night, to cheer ourselves up,

1:10:45 > 1:10:49'Hammond and I decided to improve May's Rolls.'

1:10:50 > 1:10:53- What are you doing? - Thread that through his car.

1:10:53 > 1:10:55To the horn, in such a way.... Go and find the horn.

1:10:55 > 1:10:58Through the back seat. Don't knock my beer over.

1:10:58 > 1:11:00I'm not going to knock your beer over!

1:11:04 > 1:11:07'The next morning we woke up in Switzerland.

1:11:09 > 1:11:13'Only this was taller and warmer and better in every way.

1:11:15 > 1:11:19'It was also more peaceful as I had fitted some silencers to my Jag.'

1:11:23 > 1:11:27On the upside, my new exhaust system is much quieter than before.

1:11:27 > 1:11:31On the downside, it's making a really annoying, jangling sound

1:11:31 > 1:11:33and I can't see where I'm going.

1:11:34 > 1:11:36Still, it could be worse.

1:11:36 > 1:11:38HORN BLARES

1:11:38 > 1:11:41HORN BLARES AGAIN

1:11:41 > 1:11:43- Hammond?- Yes!

1:11:44 > 1:11:48Can you hear a blowing noise?

1:11:48 > 1:11:50Oh, for God's sake!

1:11:50 > 1:11:53THEY LAUGH

1:11:54 > 1:11:56'What's the matter?'

1:11:56 > 1:12:01Well, I suspect you know, but I'll explain it to you anyway - braking sounds the horn.

1:12:02 > 1:12:05HORN BLARES REPEATEDLY

1:12:05 > 1:12:10They've given me an interesting game now - try to avoid braking.

1:12:10 > 1:12:12HORN BLARES

1:12:14 > 1:12:18'We continued onwards, determined to take our trade mission

1:12:18 > 1:12:20'into the heart of the Himalayas.

1:12:21 > 1:12:25'But the further north we went, the fewer people there were.'

1:12:26 > 1:12:27HORN BLARES

1:12:28 > 1:12:35'By mid-morning, the only business that had been done involved Richard, buying a traditional local hat.'

1:12:35 > 1:12:36Oh!

1:12:39 > 1:12:41'So, we kept on climbing.'

1:12:43 > 1:12:45This is the road to China.

1:12:45 > 1:12:47Tibet. Can I say Tibet?

1:12:47 > 1:12:52I'm not sure what the politically correct way of saying that is.

1:12:52 > 1:12:55Doubtless the BBC has some ancient way of saying it.

1:12:59 > 1:13:02We're at 12,000 feet.

1:13:02 > 1:13:03One hell of a drop on the right.

1:13:05 > 1:13:10It's OK because there's a big row of pebbles to stop me going over.

1:13:14 > 1:13:19On the plus side, though, at this height, the views were staggering.

1:13:20 > 1:13:22Oh, oh!

1:13:22 > 1:13:24This is...something else.

1:13:28 > 1:13:31That stays with you for ever.

1:13:31 > 1:13:33Utterly beautiful.

1:13:34 > 1:13:37I know just the song that will match the moment.

1:13:37 > 1:13:39No, it won't.

1:13:39 > 1:13:44MUSIC: "I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe)" by Genesis

1:13:44 > 1:13:46Oh, God!

1:13:48 > 1:13:52'The magnificence of our surroundings was all well and good,

1:13:52 > 1:13:56'but the views weren't translating into business for Britain.'

1:13:56 > 1:14:00This has a last frontier feel to it, this does. I hope it isn't.

1:14:00 > 1:14:04Not much call for trouser presses or lawnmowers here,

1:14:04 > 1:14:06or hair products, if we're honest.

1:14:08 > 1:14:13'Then, to make our lives even more difficult, the Tarmac stopped.'

1:14:18 > 1:14:21Hammond, problems for you here - it's off-road.

1:14:22 > 1:14:25'But Richard, besotted with his Mini, would hear none of it.'

1:14:28 > 1:14:31I'll just keep going until Everest comes into view

1:14:31 > 1:14:32and then deal with that.

1:14:33 > 1:14:36Oh, that's bouncing.

1:14:36 > 1:14:38It hops from bump to bump! HE GIGGLES

1:14:48 > 1:14:52This is actually quite unpleasant.

1:14:52 > 1:14:54But we must soldier on...

1:14:54 > 1:14:56for our country.

1:15:00 > 1:15:02The problem is that mud and rock slides

1:15:02 > 1:15:04take this road away every few months.

1:15:04 > 1:15:12Look, just a massive rock slide there has ruined the road.

1:15:12 > 1:15:14'The locals use dynamite to clear away the debris.'

1:15:14 > 1:15:16EXPLOSION

1:15:21 > 1:15:26'It's a losing battle and pretty soon the road ahead was blocked.'

1:15:30 > 1:15:34'Thanking our lucky stars, we'd had the sense to modify our cars,

1:15:34 > 1:15:38'we decided to bypass the blockage by using a steep cut-through.

1:15:38 > 1:15:42'Hammond elected to go first in his beloved Mini.'

1:15:44 > 1:15:45Wind that baby up.

1:15:45 > 1:15:47Come on, little Mini.

1:15:49 > 1:15:51Go on! There you go. Yeah!

1:15:55 > 1:15:58'Next, it was the turn of the Jag.'

1:16:01 > 1:16:04Oh, come on, you can do this!

1:16:05 > 1:16:08Go, go, go!

1:16:08 > 1:16:11You brilliant car!

1:16:11 > 1:16:14'Finally, it was George Harrison's go.'

1:16:14 > 1:16:18Lord Ganesh, make my climb auspicious.

1:16:18 > 1:16:19Here we go.

1:16:33 > 1:16:36Oh, no! So close!

1:16:37 > 1:16:40- It looked very good for a moment. - It DID look very good.

1:16:41 > 1:16:44How much does that weigh, James?

1:16:44 > 1:16:462.2 tonnes.

1:16:46 > 1:16:482.2 tonnes of Rolls-Royce.

1:16:48 > 1:16:51Off-roading.

1:16:51 > 1:16:54- Now, rock it out. - ENGINE REVS

1:16:54 > 1:16:57- Mind your feet. - This always goes well

1:16:57 > 1:17:00when Top Gear are filming situations like this.

1:17:00 > 1:17:02- Here we go. Go! - ENGINE REVS

1:17:02 > 1:17:05'The Rolls wasn't going anywhere.

1:17:05 > 1:17:08'So we decided to engage Hammond's winch.'

1:17:09 > 1:17:10You're all right.

1:17:10 > 1:17:14'To prevent the little Mini being winched into the Rolls-Royce,

1:17:14 > 1:17:15'we anchored it to my Jag.'

1:17:15 > 1:17:19I don't know what this weighs, I guess 1.8 tonnes.

1:17:19 > 1:17:23Hammond's Mini takes it up to 2.4 tonnes.

1:17:23 > 1:17:28Why do I always have to do manual labour at high altitude?

1:17:30 > 1:17:32We really should chock it.

1:17:32 > 1:17:34WINCH MOTOR STARTS

1:17:34 > 1:17:36Stop. Stop.

1:17:36 > 1:17:41- You're going to run your car, presumably, be ready to move. - Yeah, I'll give it the beans.

1:17:42 > 1:17:46Right! Jeremy, give it 1,500 rpm.

1:17:46 > 1:17:47Yes!

1:17:49 > 1:17:52They've given me a very easy job here - keep the revs up, which I have.

1:17:52 > 1:17:56Just taking the slack. Are we ready?!

1:17:56 > 1:17:59Let's get it moved! Here we go now!

1:17:59 > 1:18:03- Say when.- I'm winching it in, taking it up now, you should feel the pull.

1:18:03 > 1:18:06Oh, yes, it's going. Here we go.

1:18:11 > 1:18:12JAG REVS

1:18:15 > 1:18:18- Just give it some more revs. - Here we go.- Give it some more revs.

1:18:18 > 1:18:21You're not even spinning.

1:18:21 > 1:18:25I don't understand winching, but I don't think that is part of it.

1:18:25 > 1:18:27It's not moving at all!

1:18:27 > 1:18:29- Oh, hang on a minute.- What?

1:18:29 > 1:18:31- No, just give it some more revs! - No, stop!

1:18:31 > 1:18:33James, you're not even trying!

1:18:33 > 1:18:36- You're not looking, Hammond. - You're not...

1:19:00 > 1:19:02James?

1:19:02 > 1:19:03Hello.

1:19:03 > 1:19:06Can you think of any way that we can cheer Hammond up?

1:19:08 > 1:19:10Well, Genesis springs to mind.

1:19:10 > 1:19:12I'm thinking the same thing.

1:19:12 > 1:19:17MUSIC: "I Know What I Like" by Genesis

1:19:21 > 1:19:24Hammond, you know in the circus, they have those clown cars

1:19:24 > 1:19:27where various bits fall off as they go along?

1:19:27 > 1:19:29JEREMY LAUGHS

1:19:31 > 1:19:33I'm not replying.

1:19:37 > 1:19:41In fact, it was quite a while before we heard from Hammond again.

1:19:43 > 1:19:47Guys, how far away is the hotel? How many hours?

1:19:47 > 1:19:50'Er...about two hours.'

1:19:50 > 1:19:53It's getting dark already.

1:19:53 > 1:19:55'It does that.

1:19:55 > 1:19:58- 'Does that nearly everywhere.' - Yeah, well, at the risk

1:19:58 > 1:20:02of stirring up a lot of laughter, I haven't got any headlights.

1:20:02 > 1:20:05THEY LAUGH

1:20:05 > 1:20:07'What happened to them?

1:20:07 > 1:20:09'Has the fuse blown?'

1:20:11 > 1:20:15I have a suggestion. A way we could stick together and stop.

1:20:15 > 1:20:17'What suggestion?'

1:20:17 > 1:20:21What if we just stopped and camped?

1:20:21 > 1:20:23'Tenting?! Here?

1:20:23 > 1:20:26'At minus 50?!'

1:20:26 > 1:20:29- Oh, for God's sake! - It's going dark.

1:20:29 > 1:20:35- Very soon, I won't be able to see at all.- Hammond, we're not camping!

1:20:39 > 1:20:41Sorry.

1:20:44 > 1:20:46- It's nice to...- It...!

1:20:46 > 1:20:47Kill me.

1:20:48 > 1:20:50- All right.- I wish I was dead.

1:20:50 > 1:20:52Hammond...

1:20:52 > 1:20:54thanks to you...

1:20:54 > 1:20:56and mounting your winch to your front wings,

1:20:56 > 1:21:00like an imbecile, we're forced to live like mediaeval peasants.

1:21:00 > 1:21:03Why can't we ever do a Christmas special one year where

1:21:03 > 1:21:06we go from Monaco to Portofino?!

1:21:06 > 1:21:08How luxurious can this be?!

1:21:08 > 1:21:12I was the first to check in to a five-star hotel. As you can see, I've done it properly.

1:21:12 > 1:21:16- A man's carrying all my bags.- Yes. - But then Jeremy arrived.- Yes.

1:21:16 > 1:21:18Diddly dee, dee, diddly dee! "Oh, my word, Jeremy,

1:21:18 > 1:21:20"look what you've got as your car?!

1:21:20 > 1:21:22"It's the new Ferrari FF."

1:21:22 > 1:21:25I wonder where Hammond is?

1:21:25 > 1:21:30- Hammond had indeed checked into a Formule 1 in a Renault 4. - THEY LAUGH

1:21:41 > 1:21:45The next morning, as I was finishing off my Mini repairs,

1:21:45 > 1:21:49it was clear that Jeremy hadn't had the best of nights.

1:21:49 > 1:21:54My pillow was just a pillowcase soaked in glacial water

1:21:54 > 1:21:56and then filled with stones.

1:21:56 > 1:21:59My sleeping bag broke. My blanket was see-through.

1:21:59 > 1:22:03My body was down to a temperature hitherto unknown to science.

1:22:03 > 1:22:08- I would have come and bludgeoned you to death last night.- But you're not moaning about it, so that's OK(!)

1:22:16 > 1:22:19The misery of tenting wasn't our only problem,

1:22:19 > 1:22:22because we were running out of India and it was clear,

1:22:22 > 1:22:24looking back...

1:22:26 > 1:22:29..that our trade mission hadn't been a success.

1:22:33 > 1:22:34Thank you very much.

1:22:37 > 1:22:39CRASHING

1:22:39 > 1:22:41ALARM BLARES

1:22:45 > 1:22:49But then, in the next valley, we came across some kids playing

1:22:49 > 1:22:53a rudimentary version of India's most revered sport...

1:22:57 > 1:23:00..which we decided could be improved.

1:23:00 > 1:23:01Guys!

1:23:01 > 1:23:04Excuse me? Guys!

1:23:04 > 1:23:07What's this?

1:23:07 > 1:23:09Right, you ready, Hammo?

1:23:09 > 1:23:12- Ready?! - HE REVS THE ENGINE

1:23:14 > 1:23:15Ohhh!

1:23:15 > 1:23:17Ready?!

1:23:17 > 1:23:19HE REVS THE ENGINE AGAIN

1:23:22 > 1:23:25'And so, outside the Hillview cafe,

1:23:25 > 1:23:28'high in the Himalayas, straight six cricket was born.'

1:23:30 > 1:23:32- Whoa! There it comes!- Oh, very good!

1:23:32 > 1:23:34THEY LAUGH

1:23:34 > 1:23:38We burdened them with the misery of cricket.

1:23:38 > 1:23:41Now, we're here to reinvent it.

1:23:42 > 1:23:46'In fact, it was such a hit, we decided to have a Test match.'

1:23:46 > 1:23:48This is England versus India now!

1:23:48 > 1:23:51Our crew are going to do some fielding.

1:23:55 > 1:23:56Good shot!

1:23:56 > 1:24:00New bowler, everybody. James May.

1:24:00 > 1:24:02HE REVS THE ENGINE

1:24:03 > 1:24:05Stat! Catch it!

1:24:05 > 1:24:07CHEERING

1:24:09 > 1:24:13Yes! Somebody's out! Love your move!

1:24:13 > 1:24:15Good answer!

1:24:17 > 1:24:21'Half a tank of Jag fuel later, the match was over

1:24:21 > 1:24:23'and India had won.'

1:24:23 > 1:24:26You know the Ashes?

1:24:26 > 1:24:28This is the bridge from his double bass.

1:24:28 > 1:24:32We burn this and then we present it in an urn...

1:24:32 > 1:24:34to you.

1:24:34 > 1:24:38'For the first time on our trade mission, we'd got something right.

1:24:39 > 1:24:43'In burning a bridge, we'd actually built a bridge

1:24:43 > 1:24:48'that would become a business bridge of friendship and erm...trade.'

1:24:48 > 1:24:50Well, there, that was quite good.

1:24:50 > 1:24:53- Careful. They're really hot.- Hot!

1:24:53 > 1:24:57- You have the Ashes.- You have the Ashes. Well done. See you in a year.

1:24:57 > 1:24:59- Well done, everybody. - Back in a year!

1:24:59 > 1:25:02We're taking them home next year!

1:25:04 > 1:25:08There was something else that we got right on this trip...

1:25:10 > 1:25:12..our cars.

1:25:14 > 1:25:16This Jaguar has been...

1:25:17 > 1:25:20..well, genuinely astonishing.

1:25:20 > 1:25:24It really has. It's done things WAY beyond what was envisaged

1:25:24 > 1:25:26when it was designed.

1:25:26 > 1:25:28And really, it's been two cars -

1:25:28 > 1:25:30in Bombay and Jaipur,

1:25:30 > 1:25:33it was sleek and graceful and fast,

1:25:33 > 1:25:36whereas here in the mountains,

1:25:36 > 1:25:38it's just plain heroic.

1:25:38 > 1:25:40I really, genuinely love this car.

1:25:41 > 1:25:44I want an XJS in my life.

1:25:44 > 1:25:47There's just something about it which is absolutely brilliant.

1:25:47 > 1:25:49ENGINE REVS

1:25:49 > 1:25:52I'm exhausted, but the old girl isn't.

1:25:55 > 1:25:58While we're alone, viewers, I'll be honest with you,

1:25:58 > 1:26:01I wasn't absolutely sure I'd make it in a Rolls-Royce.

1:26:01 > 1:26:05I always knew it was a gamble. And I was nervous about it all along.

1:26:05 > 1:26:09But look at this now - all still working perfectly.

1:26:10 > 1:26:13And it served me well. It hasn't really done anything wrong, this car,

1:26:13 > 1:26:16the only problems would have been ones that I created.

1:26:16 > 1:26:19It's just remarkable.

1:26:25 > 1:26:26One tough little puppy.

1:26:26 > 1:26:30And it's torn its own face off and been stitched back on.

1:26:30 > 1:26:33It's bruised, battered and scarred, but it's joyful.

1:26:33 > 1:26:35Even now, battling itself to pieces,

1:26:35 > 1:26:37it's a happy noise.

1:26:39 > 1:26:40It's still willing.

1:26:48 > 1:26:51'The truth is that these three fantastic cars have been better

1:26:51 > 1:26:55'ambassadors for Britain than we could ever be.

1:26:55 > 1:26:58'And that gave us an idea.'

1:27:01 > 1:27:03This is the place. This is perfect.

1:27:04 > 1:27:06Well, this is it.

1:27:07 > 1:27:09Goodbye, Jag.

1:27:09 > 1:27:13You have been an absolute star and I'm going to miss you.

1:27:20 > 1:27:24The Mini, the Jag and the Rolls would be mounted on plinths here,

1:27:24 > 1:27:28high in the mountains by the road connecting India and China...

1:27:30 > 1:27:31..so that forevermore,

1:27:31 > 1:27:36people travelling between these two great economic superpowers will be

1:27:36 > 1:27:40reminded that far away, there's a small island called Britain...

1:27:42 > 1:27:44..Great Britain.

1:27:47 > 1:27:54# Na-na-na, na-na na-na

1:27:54 > 1:27:56# Na-na na-na

1:27:56 > 1:27:59# Hey, Jude

1:28:00 > 1:28:07# Na-na-na, na-na na-na

1:28:07 > 1:28:10# Na-na na-na

1:28:10 > 1:28:11# Hey, Jude... #

1:28:11 > 1:28:13Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd