0:00:11 > 0:00:16Tonight...we throw a chair over a hedge...
0:00:16 > 0:00:19a quite interesting man drives our reasonably-priced car...
0:00:19 > 0:00:26and, for the first time ever, the Bugatti Veyron races the McLaren F1.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:37Thank you, everybody, thank you, thank you. Hello and welcome.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Noisy.
0:00:39 > 0:00:45Now, every year, 50,000 17-year-olds pass their driving test
0:00:45 > 0:00:48and have to buy a car. OK?
0:00:48 > 0:00:51And because they're 17, the car they want is sporty
0:00:51 > 0:00:53and cool and preferably turbo-charged.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57Trouble is, their parents want them to have something that is slow, cheap and safe.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01And the insurance companies would rather they didn't have anything at all.
0:01:01 > 0:01:06So, to sort all this out, the producers gave us each a typical budget of £2,500,
0:01:06 > 0:01:08told us to pretend we were 17-year-olds
0:01:08 > 0:01:12and then go out there and buy cars that would please us as 17-year-olds,
0:01:12 > 0:01:15our parents and the man from the Pru.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19- This is genuine, genuine consumer advice.- Well, mostly.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21- Sort of. At first. - LAUGHTER
0:01:21 > 0:01:25There are any number of cars on offer these days
0:01:25 > 0:01:27for that kind of budget -
0:01:27 > 0:01:31even this 1997 BMW 7 Series.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35Great car, ABS, air bag, so it's safe in a crash.
0:01:35 > 0:01:40Parents will love it for this reason. And kids'll love it cos, well, it's cool.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44'Back at the Top Gear office, and pretending to be 17...'
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Student, living at home.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49'..I set about sorting the Bimmer's insurance.'
0:01:49 > 0:01:51How much?!
0:01:51 > 0:01:537,000 what? Pounds?!
0:01:53 > 0:01:58I've been very sensible here. Look at this. I've found a Suzuki Liana,
0:01:58 > 0:02:00- which is small, sturdy, safe... - Yeah.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04- £1,300...- Yeah.- Gives me £1,200 to spend.- What, on insurance?- Yep.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07That won't be enough. £1,200, I guarantee it won't be enough.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09'And he was right.'
0:02:09 > 0:02:11HE LAUGHS
0:02:11 > 0:02:13How do you feel now?
0:02:13 > 0:02:14Go on.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18£3,377. Asda will do it for £3,400.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22HSBC, £4,600.
0:02:22 > 0:02:28- OneQuoteDirect, OK... £8,007!- I don't think they want the business.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31'We ploughed through the options for hours.'
0:02:31 > 0:02:36Student, full-time, studying, er, er, religion.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39James May. ..No, Adam Smith, sorry.
0:02:39 > 0:02:44£2,500 is 15 times more than the car is worth.
0:02:44 > 0:02:50No, but what you're saying is I'm going to write it off completely 15 times a year.
0:02:51 > 0:02:57- I've learnt that premiums for 17-year-old girls are half what they are for 17-year-old boys.- Seriously?
0:02:57 > 0:03:01- Half the money.- Well, there's a Top Gear top tip right there.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05If you're a 17-year-old boy and you need car insurance, slice your penis off.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- I would have done.- I did.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08THEY LAUGH
0:03:08 > 0:03:10I nearly did, I should say.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13That explains... a great many things.
0:03:15 > 0:03:20'The phoning went on, until eventually we had a list of cars that could be bought and insured
0:03:20 > 0:03:23'for less than £2,500.'
0:03:23 > 0:03:27It is like looking through the menu at a Scottish restaurant.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32Not much in it and nothing you want. I mean, look at that -
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Rover Metro, Citroen AX.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- Can you imagine a 17-year-old in a Suzuki Wagon R+?- Thanks(!)- 1L.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Very good, thank you, bye-bye.
0:03:44 > 0:03:49'It soon dawned on us that the only realistic way of getting covered when you're 17
0:03:49 > 0:03:52'is by going on your parents' insurance.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54'So, we got back on the phones pretending to be Dad.'
0:03:54 > 0:03:59No, we're only going to let him drive to the shops really very, very rarely.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02No, no accidents in the last five years.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04'Finally, we were in business.'
0:04:08 > 0:04:12'So, having bought our cars, we were told to meet in a school playground
0:04:12 > 0:04:15'and I was the first to arrive.'
0:04:20 > 0:04:23As you would imagine, I've done this properly.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24It...
0:04:24 > 0:04:28It's a Golf and that's really all there is to say about it.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31It cost my mum £695
0:04:31 > 0:04:35and it cost her £1,509 to insure it with me on as a named driver
0:04:35 > 0:04:39for very occasional use, such as today, when I've just come to see my mates.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41CAR HORN TOOTS
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:04:44 > 0:04:47JAMES LAUGHS
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Is it an S Coupe?
0:04:52 > 0:04:54It is a Hyundai S Coupe.
0:04:54 > 0:04:561.5L and, I think you'll agree... Well,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- there's only one word for it - coupe.- Ssscrap.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02It's a coupe! It's magnificent. 85bhp,
0:05:02 > 0:05:06bucket seats, electric windows.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09How much was yours? Sorry, how much did your mum pay?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11My mum paid £700 for this.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13'And then...
0:05:13 > 0:05:16'a geography teacher arrived.'
0:05:16 > 0:05:19God above, I thought that WAS one of the teachers!
0:05:20 > 0:05:24I'm sorry, I'm 17... "Happy birthday, son!" "No-o-o!"
0:05:24 > 0:05:28- The perfect car for any 17-year-old. - Why?!- Why?- Y-yes!
0:05:28 > 0:05:33- My turbo.- Low pressure, I think. - It is a low pressure turbo.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- What have you got?- I've got a Golf. - Has it got a turbo?- No.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40- They did do a turbo... - What is that?!- A Hyundai S Coupe
0:05:40 > 0:05:42and they did do a turbo.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46- Not on this one.- No, not on this one.- So, you turn up at the school, here's my turbo.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50There's another very important issue that we must address.
0:05:50 > 0:05:55The most precious thing in your life, your child, speaking as a parent,
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- is sitting in that seat. Yes? - Yeah.- Yes.
0:05:57 > 0:06:02Look at the amount of metal between him and the tree he will inevitably hit.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08'So, there we are. We had the cars. We had the insurance.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10'All we needed was a challenge.'
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Thank you.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16"You must now imagine that you are 17..."
0:06:16 > 0:06:18- Yes.- "..and modify your cars accordingly
0:06:18 > 0:06:22"in order to do what any 17-year-old boy wants to do -
0:06:22 > 0:06:23"attract girls."
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Ha! You've had it!
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- Well, look at your beige Volvo! - Get on with it. What?
0:06:28 > 0:06:32"Your budget is whatever you have left from your original £2,500.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- So, how much have you got?- £300.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38- You?- £500. You?
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Nought.
0:06:42 > 0:06:48'Two days later, our wheels were ready and I'd gone for the thing girls love most -
0:06:48 > 0:06:49'a body kit.'
0:06:52 > 0:06:55It's not from exactly the same model,
0:06:55 > 0:06:59but it's close enough. And I've customised it to fit perfectly.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06With my budget of nought, I'd fitted a girl-enticing water bed in the back.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11Well, when I say water bed, what I mean is...it's a Lilo.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16But to enliven it a bit, I've teamed it with a leopard-skin throw
0:07:16 > 0:07:19and shag-pile carpet, which is more a sort of a bath mat.
0:07:19 > 0:07:25And then, to finish it all off, some simple, hand-painted turbo motifs.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29As you can see, I've done absolutely nothing
0:07:29 > 0:07:33to the outside of my car and that's because I've spent my whole £300
0:07:33 > 0:07:36on exactly what a 17-year-old wants -
0:07:36 > 0:07:39a banging stereo for my tunes.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43BAROQUE MUSIC PLAYS
0:07:47 > 0:07:51'Sadly, our destination was 60 miles away...
0:07:52 > 0:07:56'..30 more than James's bladder can ever manage.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00'While he went for a wee, Richard and I decided to improve his car
0:08:00 > 0:08:02'even more.'
0:08:02 > 0:08:06I think you'll find track four is particularly to his liking.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- So we take out his Bach and we pop in this...- Yeah.- Hang on.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10What have we got?
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- That's glued.- Volume's glued. - Glued, glued, glued.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15The source button's glued.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- JEREMY LAUGHS - Oh, that's perfect!
0:08:18 > 0:08:21We need to glue the whole damn thing, literally every button.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25Yeah, because the moment he puts the ignition on,
0:08:25 > 0:08:26it will be on full.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- Right.- Oh, perfect.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31- That is... - This will brighten his day.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36SILENCE
0:08:36 > 0:08:37SILENCE
0:08:37 > 0:08:39POUNDING MUSIC THUMPS
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Ooh, yeah.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48MUSIC CONTINUES TO THUMP
0:08:49 > 0:08:55I'm expecting the phone to ring any minute, with James asking if I have the stereo remote control.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57And the answer to that is yes.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00MUSIC CONTINUES TO THUMP
0:09:02 > 0:09:06'The producers had told us to report to an abandoned camp site
0:09:06 > 0:09:09'at the bottom of a very slippery field.'
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Whoa! That was well parked.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16MUSIC CONTINUES TO THUMP
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- Maybe we'll have converted him? - THEY LAUGH
0:09:19 > 0:09:24That's an unhappy spaniel right there, isn't it?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Any ideas? Thoughts?
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Ah! This'll answer the question.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34"The festival test.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38"You've been at Glastonbury for the weekend,
0:09:38 > 0:09:42"it's finished and now it's a straight race to see who can pack
0:09:42 > 0:09:45"all their camping equipment and stuff into their car
0:09:45 > 0:09:48"and get out of the car park."
0:09:48 > 0:09:50How hard can it be?
0:09:50 > 0:09:52- Don't say that!- Go!
0:09:53 > 0:09:55That has to be medical. It must be.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Oh, bugger!
0:09:58 > 0:10:01- That's not mine. That was there. - I don't know what that is.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- So, that's a piece of cake.- Ah!
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Guys! Problem!
0:10:08 > 0:10:12- What?- I shoved my anarchy flag through my water Lilo.
0:10:12 > 0:10:17- Nobody's ever said that before. - 'James struggled to get everything in his Golf...
0:10:19 > 0:10:23'..whereas I had no problems at all with my enormous Volvo.'
0:10:23 > 0:10:24I'm outta here.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27CRUNCH!
0:10:31 > 0:10:33What is my mum going to say?
0:10:33 > 0:10:37'Happily, I wasn't the only one who'd be in trouble.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40'In his eagerness to get out of the field first,
0:10:40 > 0:10:43'Hammond completely forgot about his new body kit.'
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Yes! Yes!
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- BANG! - Oh, no!
0:10:49 > 0:10:52How am I going to tell my mum about that?!
0:10:52 > 0:10:55'As Hammond and I floundered on the green ice,
0:10:55 > 0:10:58'Ravey May-vy's Golf powered through to victory.'
0:10:58 > 0:11:01MUSIC THUMPS
0:11:02 > 0:11:05James has got the right idea. It's speed, weirdly.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08'I was the next to break free...'
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Ha-ha! I am out.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12'..leaving just the geography teacher.'
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Yes.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19Argh!
0:11:21 > 0:11:23I can't stop it!
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Here we go!
0:11:29 > 0:11:30Argh!
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Speed!
0:11:38 > 0:11:39No.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42How is this possible?
0:11:44 > 0:11:46MUSIC THUMPS
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Oh, please!
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Please don't do this to me!
0:11:58 > 0:12:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:02 > 0:12:06We will pick that up later on. Can I just point out that before we do move on,
0:12:06 > 0:12:10if you do decide to put yourself on your parents' insurance, and you have a crash,
0:12:10 > 0:12:14and the insurance company find out that it was really your car...
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Which they will if it's got a body kit on.
0:12:16 > 0:12:17- Even half a body kit.- Whatever!
0:12:17 > 0:12:21The point is if the insurance company find out it WAS your car,
0:12:21 > 0:12:22they won't pay out.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26Then they can prosecute you and you might have to go to jail.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29And then one day, you'll be in the showers and a big, strange man...
0:12:29 > 0:12:34OK, OK, OK. Anyway, the point is, get yourself a beige Volvo,
0:12:34 > 0:12:38- cos no loss adjuster will imagine that's yours.- Yes!
0:12:38 > 0:12:44While filming that, it was amazing - it brought back all that excitement of first learning to drive
0:12:44 > 0:12:49when we were 17 and the driving test and passing it... Well, not passing it in your case...
0:12:49 > 0:12:52What do you do on a driving test if you don't pass it? You...
0:12:52 > 0:12:56I failed, all right! I failed first time. Yes, I did.
0:12:56 > 0:12:57Failure. Why did you fail?
0:12:57 > 0:13:02A traffic light went red as I came up to it and the examiner said, "Proceed as you normally would,"
0:13:02 > 0:13:04- so I gave it a bootful. - LAUGHTER
0:13:04 > 0:13:06I failed.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10- Presumably, you passed first time? - No. I failed.- Really?!
0:13:10 > 0:13:11You failed?! What, you got lost?
0:13:11 > 0:13:15We were going along and all of a sudden, he hit the dashboard
0:13:15 > 0:13:18and he said, "Look out, there's a small child in the road!"
0:13:18 > 0:13:20And I said, "No, there isn't," and kept going.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24- Cos there wasn't. - So you were just being pedantic?
0:13:24 > 0:13:29- No, I was being correct.- He was anticipating an emergency stop, not an argument, you fool!- Was he?
0:13:29 > 0:13:33- Yeah, that's it. Actually...- What? - While we're on the subject,
0:13:33 > 0:13:37at the other end of the scale from our failure, you turned up with some scissors in your pocket,
0:13:37 > 0:13:39ready to cut your L-plates off the car.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- True.- It's optimistic. - I didn't see it as a driving test,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45so much as a confirmation of my excellence.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46LAUGHTER
0:13:46 > 0:13:49That's really what it was. When he said, the man,
0:13:49 > 0:13:53- whatever he was - the instructor... - Examiner.- ..examiner - when he said,
0:13:53 > 0:13:56"Congratulations, Mr Clarkson, you've passed,"
0:13:56 > 0:14:02what I heard was, "Congratulations, Mr Clarkson, you are the best driver I've ever seen in my life."
0:14:02 > 0:14:06You can imagine my surprise 36 hours later to find myself in a field,
0:14:06 > 0:14:11surrounded by sheep that were no longer alive and bits of what used to be my mum's Audi.
0:14:11 > 0:14:16"How did this happen?! I'm the best driver in the world and I've gone and stuffed it!"
0:14:16 > 0:14:21- Right, can we now do the news?- Yes. - Last week, we were talking about the Government's scrappage scheme,
0:14:21 > 0:14:23which is important, and we got distracted
0:14:23 > 0:14:28- by talking about playing croquet with tortoises.- Dead tortoises.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32We mustn't do that again, because the scrappage scheme genuinely is important.
0:14:32 > 0:14:37To prop up the car industry, the Government is encouraging you to scrap old cars and buy new ones.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41The trouble is that the cars people are buying are Korean,
0:14:41 > 0:14:44which means the Government is using our money
0:14:44 > 0:14:48to help Kim Jong-il buy nuclear weapons.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- That's the wrong bit of Korea. - Don't be so pedantic!
0:14:52 > 0:14:57It's hardly pedantic, Jeremy. One is a free-market economy making a harmless hatchback,
0:14:57 > 0:15:01the other is a totalitarian regime, allegedly making weapons of mass destruction.
0:15:01 > 0:15:07When a nuclear bomb drops on your house, don't come crying to me about your important distinctions.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Why would the South Koreans nuke Hammersmith?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12They use American guidance systems?
0:15:12 > 0:15:13LAUGHTER
0:15:13 > 0:15:18- We're going off-topic again! Can we get back?!- Yes.- Get back to the scrappage scheme.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22This is an important point. It is more ecological - and this is a fact,
0:15:22 > 0:15:26the Green Party agree with us ONLY on this point -
0:15:26 > 0:15:29it's more ecological to keep an old car going
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- than it is to scrap it, throw it away and build a new one.- True fact.
0:15:32 > 0:15:37If you've got an old car - we really are on-topic here -
0:15:37 > 0:15:39if you've got an old car, it has to be serviced by someone.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43That someone is going to be under an arch at the end of your road,
0:15:43 > 0:15:46- and not Kim Jong-il. - LAUGHTER
0:15:46 > 0:15:49- You know Vauxhall?- Yes. - Canadian company now.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53Vauxhall has done a supercharged version of the VXR8.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Here it is - it's called the Bathurst.
0:15:55 > 0:16:00- That makes the worst noise...- What?! It makes the best noise!
0:16:00 > 0:16:06- The supercharger, that screech!- It's brilliant. The mechanical whine... - It's deafening!
0:16:06 > 0:16:11It's like driving along - what's that opera singer called - Katherine...er...Jenkins!
0:16:11 > 0:16:16It's like her having what DH Lawrence would've called a "crisis".
0:16:16 > 0:16:18- A what?- A crisis.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Lady Chatterley, goes in the barn with the gardener, in the hay,
0:16:21 > 0:16:24- some things happen, then she has a "crisis".- Oh!
0:16:24 > 0:16:28- A crisis...yes. - That's what it sounds like, a constant Victorian crisis.
0:16:28 > 0:16:33That's my point, it's a brilliant noise. The supercharger whine is a mechanical driving sound.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37- That does make other brilliant noises.- No, the best noise
0:16:37 > 0:16:41made by any car is my Mercedes - which is now only 19 days away from its first service,
0:16:41 > 0:16:44so the cooler will be mine in 19 days, right -
0:16:44 > 0:16:50but that, between about 2,750 and 3,500 revs on three-quarter throttle,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53that is the best noise in the world.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54- I thought...- What?
0:16:54 > 0:17:00..the best noise that had ever come out of a car came out of the stereo in my 17-year-old Golf
0:17:00 > 0:17:03until you two touched it inappropriately.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05LAUGHTER
0:17:05 > 0:17:07That is the end of the news.
0:17:07 > 0:17:12Now, at this point, Jeremy usually rushes off to drive a car very quickly around our track.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13This week, it was my turn
0:17:13 > 0:17:17and I thought, "Why just do it at the track?"
0:17:17 > 0:17:19WIND HOWLS
0:17:19 > 0:17:21HOOFBEATS
0:17:21 > 0:17:24HE PANTS
0:17:27 > 0:17:31Arabia. Visitors here get all misty-eyed about camp fires
0:17:31 > 0:17:34in the sands of time, and you can see why.
0:17:34 > 0:17:39But the truth is, the place is shot through with a love of speed...
0:17:41 > 0:17:46'..which means it's the perfect place to go for a run in this -
0:17:46 > 0:17:50'the brand-new Lamborghini Murcielago.'
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Over there is downtown Abu Dhabi.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01Between me and it is a four-mile, arrow-straight stretch of highway.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03ENGINE REVS
0:18:03 > 0:18:06And...it's closed.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07How lucky is that?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12TYRES SQUEAL
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Oh, what a noise!
0:18:19 > 0:18:21140.
0:18:22 > 0:18:23150.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26160.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29170mph.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Whoa!
0:18:37 > 0:18:45Whoa. You've just met the Lamborghini Murcielago LP670-4 SV,
0:18:45 > 0:18:50or, to put it in plain English... the fastest Lamborghini ever made.
0:18:50 > 0:18:55'It's also the last Murcielago that'll ever be made,
0:18:55 > 0:18:59'because a brand-new replacement is coming next year.
0:19:00 > 0:19:05'But rest assured that the old one won't be going quietly,
0:19:05 > 0:19:13'because from every angle, this last hurrah looks absolutely evil.'
0:19:13 > 0:19:15GROWLING
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I mean, just look at that exhaust.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22If a Toyota Prius came up behind and saw that, it would wet its pants.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34'So, LP670-4 SV.'
0:19:34 > 0:19:42The SV stands for Sport Veloce, something they've tagged their hardcore models since the Miura.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45The "4" is the 4-wheel drive.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48The LP stands for...something.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52The 670 is the horsepower, which is 30 more than the last one
0:19:52 > 0:19:54and also, quite a lot.
0:19:57 > 0:20:02'And whilst they've added power, they've also been busy stripping away weight.'
0:20:02 > 0:20:07It's 100kg lighter than the standard car.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11It's got a lighter exhaust system, more of it's made of carbon fibre
0:20:11 > 0:20:15and it does all add up, because the results are astonishing.
0:20:17 > 0:20:200-60, 3.2 seconds.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Top speed, 212mph.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29'They've also taken away the radio, but that's fine by me.'
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Because that noise...
0:20:31 > 0:20:32ENGINE ROARS
0:20:32 > 0:20:34That glorious noise!
0:20:37 > 0:20:41This V12 has basically been around since the Miura
0:20:41 > 0:20:44and it too will die along with this car.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46And it is just as if it's howling,
0:20:46 > 0:20:49"You'll miss me when I'm gone!"
0:20:55 > 0:20:59'And I'm not the only one who thinks this car has a human soul.'
0:21:00 > 0:21:04All car-makers release official info with every new car
0:21:04 > 0:21:07and, usually, this stuff is pretty dry.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Here's Mercedes talking about the exhaust on the SL Black.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14They say, "The new design reduces exhaust gas back pressure.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16"The acoustic side-effect of this is to produce
0:21:16 > 0:21:20"a distinctive 12-cylinder sound from the two trapezoidal tailpipes."
0:21:20 > 0:21:26By contrast, here's Lamborghini's latest info. They say that this exhaust, in this car,
0:21:26 > 0:21:30makes a sound that ranges from, "the heavy rumble of a stormy night,
0:21:30 > 0:21:35"through the trumpeting of mighty elephants, to the roar of a raging lion."
0:21:35 > 0:21:42You just get the sense that before this car dies, they actually wanted to make it come to life.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47They've certainly done that.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53It isn't just a lighter, faster Murcielago - the weight loss
0:21:53 > 0:21:57has transformed it into a completely different car.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00The steering is just so sharp,
0:22:00 > 0:22:03the brakes so effective.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07Don't get me wrong, it's still a big, scary car,
0:22:07 > 0:22:11but it's so light and nimble on its feet. Sand!
0:22:12 > 0:22:16Yeah, this'd be a lot easier if the desert would stay still.
0:22:17 > 0:22:22'The price for this outrageous curtain-call?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25'£270,000.'
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Actually, that's quite cheap.
0:22:28 > 0:22:29It is!
0:22:29 > 0:22:35'Because I think this thing can run not just with mere supercars...
0:22:35 > 0:22:42'..but with the more rarified and expensive hypercars.'
0:22:43 > 0:22:45There it is!
0:22:45 > 0:22:48That's an SLR 722...
0:22:49 > 0:22:52..like an SLR, only more.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56That is hypercar royalty, right there.
0:22:56 > 0:23:01'So, since we still have the roads to ourselves,
0:23:01 > 0:23:04'let's see if the 722 can keep its royal status
0:23:04 > 0:23:06'in a race between the lights.'
0:23:06 > 0:23:09I think it's got what it takes. Let's find out.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11ENGINES REV
0:23:16 > 0:23:18TYRES SQUEAL
0:23:18 > 0:23:20This is it! Come on, little Lambo!
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Ah-ha-ha!
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Try that on, fella.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29160.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32170 through the centre of Abu Dhabi. Hello!
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Ohhh!
0:23:33 > 0:23:35He's ahead but only just!
0:23:39 > 0:23:40Man, this is close!
0:23:41 > 0:23:43It's close!
0:23:48 > 0:23:49Red light!
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Whoa! Braking up to the red light quite hard.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56RICHARD LAUGHS
0:23:56 > 0:23:58That is a truly ridiculous game.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02It was unbelievably close.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06I was there, alongside hypercar royalty. Compared to that,
0:24:06 > 0:24:08this is a snotty little ragamuffin.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11And that's a hundred grand more than this.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Quite a swan song.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17'Yep, in its dying moments,
0:24:17 > 0:24:22'the Murcielago has become one of the all-time supercar greats.'
0:24:27 > 0:24:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:30 > 0:24:33There's some evidence on these seats that you had a crisis.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE
0:24:36 > 0:24:39But it's magnificent.
0:24:39 > 0:24:40It's such a...
0:24:40 > 0:24:43It's such a pantomime car and the best thing is,
0:24:43 > 0:24:47underneath the exterior there is a serious actor trying to get out.
0:24:47 > 0:24:48It can really do the job.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52Thing is though, you've always said that your favourite supercar is the Zonda F, OK?
0:24:52 > 0:24:55So, which would you choose?
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Oh, no that's cru...that's...uh.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00- Come on.- That's like asking me to choose between my children.
0:25:00 > 0:25:01Come on!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03No, the only way to sort this out
0:25:03 > 0:25:05is to see how fast this is round the track.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Speaking of which...
0:25:07 > 0:25:12Last week a man came here claiming to be The Stig.
0:25:12 > 0:25:13LAUGHTER
0:25:13 > 0:25:14You may have seen it, OK?
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Now, maybe he is, we don't know.
0:25:16 > 0:25:17OK, maybe he is.
0:25:17 > 0:25:22But what we do know is that he set a time of 1 minute 10 seconds in a Ferrari FXX round the track -
0:25:22 > 0:25:23top of our leader board.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27We subsequently discovered he was doing that on slick tyres.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Now, we have rules on this Power Board here, OK.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35You can't use slicks, so this time is coming off.
0:25:35 > 0:25:36- What? - BOOING
0:25:38 > 0:25:39- "Oh, boo"?! - LAUGHTER
0:25:39 > 0:25:42This is a dictatorship.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44If you want to live in a democracy, go to Iran.
0:25:44 > 0:25:45LAUGHTER
0:25:45 > 0:25:48I have to work with that, week in, week out.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51It's now time to find out how fast this is round our track
0:25:51 > 0:25:54which means we must hand it over to our tame racing driver.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Now some say that last week
0:25:56 > 0:25:59he was found in a locked room tied to a chair
0:25:59 > 0:26:01with German piano wire...
0:26:01 > 0:26:02LAUGHTER
0:26:02 > 0:26:08..and that this week, MPs turned him down for the job of Speaker.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14All we know is that's three things he has in common with Margaret Beckett.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18And he's off!
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Another similarity is, of course, very thin hair.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25Right, coming up to the first corner and he's coming in very hot.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27I had a go in this Lambo earlier,
0:26:27 > 0:26:29found a surprising amount of understeer.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33Stig seems to have it all under control at the moment though.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Oh, good, no music again this week,
0:26:36 > 0:26:40because, as Richard said, the lightweight SV has no stereo
0:26:40 > 0:26:44but why would you want one with that V12 concerto behind you?
0:26:44 > 0:26:48Hammerhead. This is where understeer should rear its head.
0:26:48 > 0:26:54Look, at that, Stig neutralising it with 661 horses of fury!
0:26:54 > 0:26:55Brilliant driving!
0:26:57 > 0:26:59And the third thing, obviously,
0:26:59 > 0:27:01is a love of caravan holidays in the Dordogne.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03OK, there he is through the Follow Through.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06Stig says this car can be flighty
0:27:06 > 0:27:10so that's probably why he's lifted off through the tyres.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13That is incredible. OK, just two corners left.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17You can see Stiggy's little, possibly German paws working hard there.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Spit of flame on the overrun,
0:27:19 > 0:27:22this car really is Widow Twankey with a wing.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24APPLAUSE
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Great lap but where does it go?
0:27:29 > 0:27:31- Hammond, you have the time. - I have the time.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32- OK.- Here we go.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34It did it in...
0:27:34 > 0:27:361.19 dead!
0:27:36 > 0:27:39It has graduated up from supercar to hypercar.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43- It's as fast as an Enzo! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:43 > 0:27:44It's moved up.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46That's...
0:27:46 > 0:27:49- JEREMY CLEARS HIS THROAT - Mind you...
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Zonda F.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54Yes, well, I guess we've got to let the board decide.
0:27:54 > 0:27:55It doesn't lie, the F's faster.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57So that's the one you'd choose still?
0:27:57 > 0:27:59- Yes!- OK, now...
0:27:59 > 0:28:03it is time to put a star in our reasonably-priced car.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06My guest tonight, he's just done everything really.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10He's the voice of the Harry Potter audiotapes, Blackadder,
0:28:10 > 0:28:14he's recently driven a taxi all the way around America.
0:28:14 > 0:28:18Started out in life, his career, with a "Laurie" so, in fact,
0:28:18 > 0:28:20the only thing we can be sure he hasn't done,
0:28:20 > 0:28:21is murder a prostitute.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24LAUGHTER
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Ladies and gentlemen, Stephen Fry!
0:28:26 > 0:28:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:30 > 0:28:32Thank you for coming back, have a seat.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35Hello, everybody. Hello.
0:28:35 > 0:28:36Wow.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39- Where's the rest of you? - Oh, gosh, well...
0:28:39 > 0:28:42- I've never seen anything like it. - Oh, you are kind.
0:28:42 > 0:28:43What you're really saying is
0:28:43 > 0:28:47you've never seen anything like it before when I was so grotesquely fat.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49You were a sizeable chap and now you are a rake.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51Oh, thank you.
0:28:51 > 0:28:52How much have you lost?
0:28:52 > 0:28:54Nearly six stone.
0:28:54 > 0:28:56Yeah, gasp. Thank you.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58APPLAUSE
0:29:01 > 0:29:02How?
0:29:02 > 0:29:05I started by walking a lot just every morning.
0:29:05 > 0:29:07LAUGHTER No, you're pulling that face,
0:29:07 > 0:29:12but walking is made magnificent by audio books.
0:29:12 > 0:29:16Just list all the books that you've never read that you wanted to read.
0:29:16 > 0:29:19For example, I've just had Tim Robbins in my ear
0:29:19 > 0:29:21reading The Great Gatsby.
0:29:21 > 0:29:26It is about the supreme experience you can have and you eat up the miles.
0:29:26 > 0:29:29It staggers me, you've managed to lose all this weight
0:29:29 > 0:29:33even though recently you spent how many months in America?
0:29:33 > 0:29:36Oh, yes - about eight or nine months, all told.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39- You did a lot of driving, the whole thing in your London taxi.- Yeah.
0:29:39 > 0:29:41Nobody loses weight in America.
0:29:41 > 0:29:44You're right and that's what brought me to it.
0:29:44 > 0:29:47I finished the American thing last year
0:29:47 > 0:29:52and by about a month or two afterwards I was at my full 21 stone.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54It's life on the road, the freeways
0:29:54 > 0:29:57and those truck stops and places just...
0:29:57 > 0:29:59You visited Detroit in your...
0:29:59 > 0:30:04I did. I actually went to the General Motors Headquarters
0:30:04 > 0:30:07and was taken round in a brand-new Cadillac by the designer.
0:30:07 > 0:30:09This was only about six months before
0:30:09 > 0:30:12General Motors was basically bankrupt.
0:30:12 > 0:30:17- Yeah.- And he said, "We're still the biggest automobile company in the world."
0:30:17 > 0:30:20He said, "All my life has led up to this, I've designed my own Cadillac."
0:30:20 > 0:30:25He grew up in a family who... His father worked in Ford.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28And when he went to college to do automotive design
0:30:28 > 0:30:31and he told his father he'd got a job,
0:30:31 > 0:30:34his father said, "That's great, son." He said, "..At GM."
0:30:34 > 0:30:37And his father didn't talk to him for two weeks.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39- If he'd tried that in Australia! - Oh, yes!
0:30:39 > 0:30:42In Australia they have pitched battles between fans of...
0:30:42 > 0:30:45Can you imagine here someone with a Vectra beating a Mondeo owner to death
0:30:45 > 0:30:48- with a bat? - LAUGHTER
0:30:48 > 0:30:49They're like that over there.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51Yeah.
0:30:51 > 0:30:52I've got to move on to this.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54Because you are a big fan of Twitter.
0:30:54 > 0:30:56Yes.
0:30:56 > 0:30:57I was reading it the other day
0:30:57 > 0:31:00when you said you'd got from Norwich to London
0:31:00 > 0:31:03in a time that was impossible if you hadn't driven in bus lanes.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06Yes, all right. I didn't say that.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09I didn't say it was impossible if I hadn't driven in bus lanes,
0:31:09 > 0:31:11others said, "You must have used bus lanes."
0:31:11 > 0:31:14It is illegal for me to drive in bus lanes.
0:31:14 > 0:31:15Even though you drive a taxi?
0:31:15 > 0:31:17I do drive a London taxi.
0:31:17 > 0:31:20Do you think, "I'm not going to go in that bus lane"?
0:31:20 > 0:31:21LAUGHTER
0:31:21 > 0:31:23I...sometimes...
0:31:23 > 0:31:26You read that thing, it says from seven till something.
0:31:26 > 0:31:28"Oh, well, that must be now."
0:31:28 > 0:31:31- LAUGHTER - My favourite as you drive down here,
0:31:31 > 0:31:33you'll see it on your way home,
0:31:33 > 0:31:35in Guildford there's a bus lane,
0:31:35 > 0:31:37and it says, "Buses and good vehicles only."
0:31:37 > 0:31:41It says "goods" but in my mind, I just think,
0:31:41 > 0:31:43"This a Mercedes. It's a good car."
0:31:43 > 0:31:46I can be at the track hours faster than everybody else.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49It's like ones that say, "access only".
0:31:49 > 0:31:52I want access through this! LAUGHTER
0:31:52 > 0:31:54Going back to Twitter, I'm fascinated
0:31:54 > 0:31:56you find the time to do that. Everything you do
0:31:56 > 0:31:59you tell, half a million people are now following you.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01Yes, it's become rather a large number.
0:32:01 > 0:32:05When it started it was a few thousand and it's grown and grown
0:32:05 > 0:32:07and now everybody knows about it.
0:32:07 > 0:32:08I don't Twitter, obviously,
0:32:08 > 0:32:10but the thing we do share is a love
0:32:10 > 0:32:12of a specific type of mobile telephone.
0:32:12 > 0:32:16Yes, we stroke it, we love it, it has applications that are astonishing.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18OK, this application business -
0:32:18 > 0:32:21I've only recently been introduced to it.
0:32:21 > 0:32:22You told me about the one
0:32:22 > 0:32:25where you can play it as a reco... Have you got that?
0:32:25 > 0:32:26Yeah, oh yes, it's the...
0:32:26 > 0:32:29Ocarina's the one where you actually blow on it.
0:32:29 > 0:32:31It'll play your phone as a flute.
0:32:31 > 0:32:32And what's that other one?
0:32:32 > 0:32:36This one might not be quite so up your strata but it's called Grindr.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38And this... AUDIENCE MEMBER LAUGHS
0:32:38 > 0:32:40Hello!
0:32:40 > 0:32:41LAUGHTER
0:32:41 > 0:32:42Over there.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45Who here knows what Grindr is? Hands up.
0:32:45 > 0:32:47- No-one's going to now. - Who made that noise?
0:32:47 > 0:32:50Somebody must be next to the man that went, "Huh-uh-uh!"
0:32:50 > 0:32:51It's...
0:32:51 > 0:32:53What is Grindr?
0:32:53 > 0:32:55It's basically a gay-cruising application.
0:32:55 > 0:32:56LAUGHTER
0:32:56 > 0:32:59When you load it...
0:32:59 > 0:33:00Get this, when you load it,
0:33:00 > 0:33:03up appear all kinds of faces and pictures
0:33:03 > 0:33:07and what's so amusing is, you press them and it goes like,
0:33:07 > 0:33:08"Hi, I'm Mike, hello..."
0:33:08 > 0:33:11and it tells you how close they are. It says he's 20 yards away.
0:33:11 > 0:33:15- No!- Yeah!- You can find the nearest, cruising homosexual with that?
0:33:15 > 0:33:16LAUGHTER
0:33:16 > 0:33:18Yeah.
0:33:18 > 0:33:20Is there one...? Come on!
0:33:20 > 0:33:22Let's have a look.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25Who here...? Come on, Stephen, there must be one in here.
0:33:25 > 0:33:26I have to turn it on.
0:33:26 > 0:33:28Talk amongst yourselves for a moment.
0:33:28 > 0:33:30Anybody who's got Grindr, turn it on.
0:33:30 > 0:33:31Let's see if anybody's got it.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34- Just making sure mine isn't on. - LAUGHTER
0:33:35 > 0:33:38I've got to get one of these. Imagine in traffic jams?
0:33:38 > 0:33:40LAUGHTER
0:33:40 > 0:33:41Here we are. Here's some...
0:33:41 > 0:33:44- These are all homosexuals, then? - Yes.
0:33:44 > 0:33:45LAUGHTER
0:33:45 > 0:33:47You see... He's nine miles away, I'm afraid.
0:33:47 > 0:33:49Where is he, nine miles away?
0:33:49 > 0:33:52We can drive there, I've got my Merc, we can get there in a jiffy!
0:33:52 > 0:33:56- There's no-one near enough. - There's nobody in this room?!
0:33:56 > 0:33:59Some of them show rude parts which you won't want to see.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01- Bloody hell! - JEREMY LAUGHS
0:34:03 > 0:34:05Now...
0:34:05 > 0:34:08It's a car show, I knew there was something.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11And of course you came down here to do a lap.
0:34:11 > 0:34:13Did you do it in your taxi?
0:34:13 > 0:34:15No, I drove in the reasonably-priced car.
0:34:15 > 0:34:18Am I allowed to reveal the truth? It's rather embarrassing,
0:34:18 > 0:34:22I drove in two reasonably-priced cars because the first one,
0:34:22 > 0:34:24I won't say I totalled it but... LAUGHTER
0:34:24 > 0:34:28I...I gave it a few bangs and it started dripping oil
0:34:28 > 0:34:31and we obviously thought that was not safe to have.
0:34:31 > 0:34:34Would anybody here like to see any of these bangs?
0:34:34 > 0:34:36- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:34:36 > 0:34:39Let's play this tape and see how you did in the sort of run-up.
0:34:39 > 0:34:40Let's have a look.
0:34:40 > 0:34:44It's the second-to-last corner. Yes! Oh, that's a high speed.
0:34:44 > 0:34:46- Nice work(!) - LAUGHTER
0:34:46 > 0:34:47Here's the second attempt...
0:34:47 > 0:34:50Held it...not held it.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52Yes, G-force is there.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54OK, there's a third attempt.
0:34:54 > 0:34:57- Oh,- BLEEP! - LAUGHTER
0:34:57 > 0:34:59- Well done, Stephen, brilliant! - APPLAUSE
0:35:00 > 0:35:02That's courage!
0:35:05 > 0:35:09Every time, I said to myself, "Smoothly."
0:35:09 > 0:35:11What happens when I'm behind the wheel?
0:35:11 > 0:35:15"Argh!" It's just... And so I lost goodness knows how many seconds.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18I am so angry with myself but I had a great time.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21Who here would like to see Stephen's real lap?
0:35:21 > 0:35:22- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:35:22 > 0:35:24Good, let's have a look.
0:35:24 > 0:35:25That's a smoking start.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28This is going to be smooth.
0:35:28 > 0:35:32It might not be fast but let's make it smooth, Stephen, smooth.
0:35:32 > 0:35:35That's very good. Let's have a look...that's a smooth line.
0:35:35 > 0:35:39Perfect. That's the line The Stig teaches.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42With his... That's fantastic!
0:35:42 > 0:35:45Quite smooth, maybe too smooth.
0:35:45 > 0:35:47LAUGHTER
0:35:47 > 0:35:49A big dip there, that was heavy on the brakes.
0:35:49 > 0:35:52Possibly could have been heavier still, actually,
0:35:52 > 0:35:54because that's a bit of understeer.
0:35:54 > 0:35:59My word! It's hot too and I can't even claim it's wet
0:35:59 > 0:36:01except around my face! Ah!
0:36:01 > 0:36:07Hammerhead, this is the one that sorts out the men from the Grindrs.
0:36:07 > 0:36:08LAUGHTER
0:36:08 > 0:36:10That is bang-on, Stephen.
0:36:10 > 0:36:14Ah, you bitch. Oh, come on! LAUGHTER
0:36:15 > 0:36:17Here we go.
0:36:17 > 0:36:19That's quick, that's very good.
0:36:19 > 0:36:20Ah!
0:36:20 > 0:36:22- You're having a crisis! - LAUGHTER
0:36:24 > 0:36:27Here we go into the... Did he get it right this time?
0:36:27 > 0:36:30That is bang-on, cutting the corner nicely.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33Coming up to Gambon and...
0:36:33 > 0:36:37Yep, that just about kissed the apex and there we are, across the line!
0:36:37 > 0:36:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Dear me!
0:36:39 > 0:36:41That was smooth.
0:36:41 > 0:36:43Oh, well, it was smooth.
0:36:43 > 0:36:44So...
0:36:44 > 0:36:47- I'll give you the one. - Oh, that's good.
0:36:47 > 0:36:50That means that you've beaten Jimmy Carr, you've beaten Brian Cox.
0:36:50 > 0:36:53Who else do you think you beat?
0:36:53 > 0:36:55It would be nice to beat Michael Gambon,
0:36:55 > 0:36:57because that would put me between him and Jools.
0:36:57 > 0:37:00If I beat 1.50 it would be something but I doubt I did.
0:37:00 > 0:37:03The problem is you were beautifully smooth
0:37:03 > 0:37:06but smoothness needs to be teamed with speed.
0:37:06 > 0:37:09- Oh, no...- And as a result,
0:37:09 > 0:37:15you had a very smooth but quite steady 1 minute 51 dead.
0:37:15 > 0:37:17Oh, no! APPLAUSE
0:37:17 > 0:37:18Oh!
0:37:18 > 0:37:19Well...
0:37:21 > 0:37:22I could give you a "hot".
0:37:22 > 0:37:24Give me a "hot". I wanted a "hot".
0:37:24 > 0:37:27I could give you a hot, it was a hot day and, of course,
0:37:27 > 0:37:29we on Top Gear are responsible for it.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31- Is that Alan Davies?- Alan...
0:37:31 > 0:37:35- 1.50.3, is that Alan D there? - Alan Davies.- I'll never hear the end of that.
0:37:35 > 0:37:39Do you know what? I could be guaranteed that Alan doesn't watch Top Gear.
0:37:39 > 0:37:42So, if you just go back and say, "I did 1.47..."
0:37:42 > 0:37:44- LAUGHTER - He'll never know.
0:37:44 > 0:37:46Ladies and gentleman, Stephen Fry!
0:37:46 > 0:37:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:37:56 > 0:37:57Excellent.
0:37:57 > 0:37:59Now...
0:37:59 > 0:38:03Earlier on we bought, insured and customised three cars
0:38:03 > 0:38:09that we feel are ideal for 17-year-olds and their parents and the insurance companies.
0:38:09 > 0:38:12Yeah, I had a bit of a problem in the first challenge
0:38:12 > 0:38:16when I sort-of ripped the body kit off the back on my Hyundai.
0:38:16 > 0:38:20Yep. Jeremy broke the back window of his Volvo with an anarchy flag.
0:38:20 > 0:38:22- It's a bit of a long story.- Yeah.
0:38:22 > 0:38:28Anyway, coming up now is the most realistic challenge ever attempted on British television.
0:38:28 > 0:38:30It's something we've all done.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33We were told to turn up at our parents' house
0:38:33 > 0:38:37and get up the drive at three o'clock in the morning...
0:38:37 > 0:38:41three hours after we'd said we'd be in, without waking them up.
0:38:41 > 0:38:45The winner would be the one who could do it the most quietly.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47OWL HOOTS
0:38:49 > 0:38:51'At three o'clock the next morning,
0:38:51 > 0:38:54'the man with the decibelometer was in place.
0:38:54 > 0:38:56'And I was first to go.'
0:38:58 > 0:39:01Oh, God. Ugh!
0:39:01 > 0:39:06'Despite the odd squeak from me, things were going well.'
0:39:08 > 0:39:09Ugh!
0:39:11 > 0:39:14- WHISPERS:- Yeah, this is a professional job.
0:39:14 > 0:39:17What I'm doing is reversing the car in
0:39:17 > 0:39:24so that it hides the back and my mother won't see what I've done.
0:39:24 > 0:39:26Find out the noise.
0:39:28 > 0:39:3450.4 decibels, that's like custard rustling, absolutely soundless.
0:39:36 > 0:39:40'Then it was Jeremy's go with the big, heavy Volvo.'
0:39:41 > 0:39:43- SHOUTING:- Oh, for God's sake!
0:39:43 > 0:39:45Yeah, that would be him.
0:39:45 > 0:39:48Come on. Come on!
0:39:48 > 0:39:50Ugh! Oh, God!
0:39:50 > 0:39:53'Mercifully the drive finally levelled out.'
0:39:53 > 0:39:57Come on, you stupid lump of Swedish lead.
0:40:01 > 0:40:03Oh, my God!
0:40:06 > 0:40:09SMASHING GLASS
0:40:09 > 0:40:12THEY LAUGH
0:40:22 > 0:40:23I might get in trouble.
0:40:23 > 0:40:26Don't make too much noise, you'll wake them up, mate.
0:40:26 > 0:40:27Oh, God!
0:40:27 > 0:40:29It's the anarchy flag.
0:40:29 > 0:40:31- That's what did it! - That's what did it.
0:40:31 > 0:40:33Say it was stolen by anarchists
0:40:33 > 0:40:36and they buried it in the summer house. Job done!
0:40:36 > 0:40:41'Jeremy decided it would be quieter to drive out of the wreckage.'
0:40:41 > 0:40:43SMASHING GLASS
0:40:43 > 0:40:45Oh, no, no, no!
0:40:46 > 0:40:49Shhh!
0:40:50 > 0:40:52There's no damage!
0:40:52 > 0:40:55Well, I think that's maybe pushing it a bit.
0:40:55 > 0:40:56This...
0:40:56 > 0:40:59and there's quite a lot of damage there.
0:40:59 > 0:41:00An awful lot.
0:41:00 > 0:41:03'Hammond had possibly pipped me on this one.'
0:41:03 > 0:41:04- What was yours?- 50.4.
0:41:04 > 0:41:0650.4?
0:41:06 > 0:41:0866.1!
0:41:08 > 0:41:10My Mum and Dad, they didn't wake up.
0:41:10 > 0:41:12It's a good job they're heroin addicts.
0:41:13 > 0:41:16'Then it was MY turn.'
0:41:16 > 0:41:20I can do it on the engine cos the engine's quiet.
0:41:20 > 0:41:22The interesting thing is what James
0:41:22 > 0:41:24would have been out doing till late as a teenager.
0:41:24 > 0:41:26How long does choir practice go on?
0:41:28 > 0:41:31I can't actually see where the drive goes.
0:41:31 > 0:41:33- JEREMY CLEARS HIS THROAT - What?
0:41:33 > 0:41:35- Is that the controller...?! - RICHARD LAUGHS
0:41:37 > 0:41:40Ready, steady and...
0:41:40 > 0:41:45- LOUD TECHNO MUSIC - For God's sake! No!
0:41:50 > 0:41:53You're so unfunny.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57God above!
0:41:57 > 0:42:00'James had lost this challenge...
0:42:00 > 0:42:02- 'quite badly.' - JEREMY AND RICHARD LAUGH
0:42:02 > 0:42:04Shall we go in and go to bed?
0:42:04 > 0:42:05Hold it! Hold it!
0:42:05 > 0:42:07Right, wait.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09- Can you smell smoke on my fingers? - THEY LAUGH
0:42:12 > 0:42:17The following morning, we were told to report to our test track for the next challenge.
0:42:17 > 0:42:21Oddly, though, the man in the white coat was nowhere to be seen.
0:42:21 > 0:42:24What was the actual colour of your car?
0:42:24 > 0:42:25Red, it actually...
0:42:25 > 0:42:28No, no! Amber gold.
0:42:28 > 0:42:31- Oh...- Amber gold. Can you remember the exact colour of yours?
0:42:31 > 0:42:32Sunrise yellow.
0:42:32 > 0:42:33Lads!
0:42:41 > 0:42:42Oh!
0:42:42 > 0:42:45This man's destroying your Volvo. Are you going to sort him out?
0:42:45 > 0:42:49'The psychopath with the forklift then did the same to my Golf
0:42:49 > 0:42:52'and Hammond's Hyundai.'
0:42:52 > 0:42:53Ah!
0:42:53 > 0:42:54Mind the body kit!
0:42:57 > 0:42:59This does feel like a terrible...
0:42:59 > 0:43:02Well, hopefully... This had better be good.
0:43:02 > 0:43:08Ha-ha, "As you are 17, it is certain that at some point in the near future,
0:43:08 > 0:43:10"you will roll your car.
0:43:10 > 0:43:12"So, you must now mend it in such a way
0:43:12 > 0:43:16"that your parents won't be able to spot the damage.
0:43:16 > 0:43:22"This is to find out how easy they are to repair."
0:43:22 > 0:43:26- Right, well we'd better get these... Let's get them indoors...- Yeah.
0:43:26 > 0:43:27..and break out the hammers.
0:43:31 > 0:43:34'Richard, however, decided he didn't need a hammer.'
0:43:34 > 0:43:37And straightaway, I've improved it.
0:43:37 > 0:43:40God, a horse of a...ah!
0:43:40 > 0:43:41Ah! Argh!
0:43:41 > 0:43:44You don't need hammers and shouting.
0:43:44 > 0:43:47See this bit here, small scuff,
0:43:47 > 0:43:51watch that disappear, thanks to the magic of polish.
0:43:51 > 0:43:55'With the roof done, I now have to sort the bonnet.'
0:43:55 > 0:44:01Here's a tip. Should you ever roll, your coupe, stylish,
0:44:01 > 0:44:04and need to straighten a dent, here's what you do.
0:44:10 > 0:44:12That's not... Ugh!
0:44:12 > 0:44:15'Jeremy, meanwhile, was cheating.'
0:44:15 > 0:44:22One thing I've learned is that all firemen have at some point crashed their cars when they were teenagers.
0:44:22 > 0:44:25So, I've borrowed a fireman. Did you ever crash a car?
0:44:25 > 0:44:27I certainly did.
0:44:27 > 0:44:30- You were 17?- RS Turbo, straight through a fence.
0:44:30 > 0:44:36That's the ticket. So you understand the plight of the 17-year-old who's stuffed his Mum's car.
0:44:36 > 0:44:37Feeling the pain.
0:44:37 > 0:44:41So, do you think you could use some fireman equipment to make that like new?
0:44:44 > 0:44:46That's not what they're for.
0:44:46 > 0:44:48There are no fires in Surrey -
0:44:48 > 0:44:49it's too middle-class.
0:44:53 > 0:44:55Spray it the same colour as the car.
0:44:55 > 0:44:58'After just two hours of hard work...'
0:44:58 > 0:45:02It's very important to turn the cloth frequently.
0:45:02 > 0:45:04'..we had made no difference whatsoever.'
0:45:06 > 0:45:08- KNOCKING - That's plastic.
0:45:08 > 0:45:09I had to do plastic too because
0:45:09 > 0:45:13the fireman's lift has changed the shape of the windscreen hole.
0:45:13 > 0:45:15'Then another challenge arrived.'
0:45:15 > 0:45:16Let's have a look.
0:45:19 > 0:45:20OK.
0:45:20 > 0:45:23"You will now race against the clock to see which car is the fastest.
0:45:23 > 0:45:26"You have to go down the main straight,
0:45:26 > 0:45:28"round the Hammerhead, do a handbrake turn
0:45:28 > 0:45:29"and come back the other way."
0:45:29 > 0:45:31That doesn't sound very hard.
0:45:31 > 0:45:35Oh, hang on, no, it says, "The track has been littered with obstacles
0:45:35 > 0:45:39"and you'll have five seconds added to your time for every object you don't hit."
0:45:39 > 0:45:41- Don't hit? - Well, that's what it says.
0:45:44 > 0:45:45'It was right.
0:45:45 > 0:45:48'The track was littered with all the flotsam
0:45:48 > 0:45:50'that teenagers like to crash into.
0:45:50 > 0:45:56'And then, at the finish line, there was a gap between two parked cars
0:45:56 > 0:46:00'that everyone, except a 17-year-old, can see isn't wide enough.
0:46:01 > 0:46:04'We also discovered that our handbrake turns
0:46:04 > 0:46:06'would be judged by three teenage girls.'
0:46:06 > 0:46:09That actually makes sense because as men,
0:46:09 > 0:46:13we know that nothing turns a 17-year-old girl on more
0:46:13 > 0:46:15- than a good handbrake turn. - God, yeah, fact.
0:46:15 > 0:46:18It's like a peacock has its plumage, those birds in the jungle,
0:46:18 > 0:46:22they attract a mate with dancing about. We have the handbrake.
0:46:22 > 0:46:23That's what it's for.
0:46:23 > 0:46:25- I have no feathers... - But I can do this!
0:46:25 > 0:46:28Interestingly, girls will always say, "No, we're not interested."
0:46:28 > 0:46:30Oh, they never show it!
0:46:30 > 0:46:32They never have ever shown it.
0:46:32 > 0:46:35They're suppressing it very well. Very effectively.
0:46:35 > 0:46:37'Armed with this new information about women,
0:46:37 > 0:46:40'James decided to get some practice...'
0:46:40 > 0:46:42TYRES SCREECH
0:46:42 > 0:46:45'..while we talked to the girls.'
0:46:45 > 0:46:46I've got a motorbike.
0:46:46 > 0:46:48- That's nice.- Yeah.
0:46:48 > 0:46:50Have you seen him? He's rubbish.
0:46:50 > 0:46:54I did one yesterday at Glastonbury and it was brilliant.
0:46:54 > 0:46:55And...
0:46:55 > 0:46:58Urgh!
0:46:58 > 0:47:00That's him being rubbish.
0:47:00 > 0:47:01I did a huge one.
0:47:01 > 0:47:03He just can't do it, he can't do it
0:47:03 > 0:47:05and he's got no penis cos it came off once.
0:47:07 > 0:47:11'With James cleared off the track, I lined up for the off.'
0:47:13 > 0:47:15Oh, that was a blinding start!
0:47:15 > 0:47:18What do you reckon his approach is going to be?
0:47:18 > 0:47:19- Mmm...- Fast.- Violent.
0:47:19 > 0:47:21Oh, gotta hit this.
0:47:22 > 0:47:23Missed!
0:47:23 > 0:47:26Oh, that's the bus shelter, the bus shelter's good.
0:47:26 > 0:47:30This is like any 17-year-old coming home from work.
0:47:31 > 0:47:33He's got to the flower stall.
0:47:33 > 0:47:35- My God! That's substantial.- Yee-ha!
0:47:38 > 0:47:40That was strangely satisfying.
0:47:40 > 0:47:43Roadworks.
0:47:43 > 0:47:44That's good. Wheelie bins.
0:47:46 > 0:47:48Fantastic!
0:47:48 > 0:47:51'Sadly the handbrake turn was a disaster.'
0:47:55 > 0:47:58There's nothing I can do about the washer bottle,
0:47:58 > 0:48:00that is a consequence of the accident.
0:48:02 > 0:48:04Oh! That was still there!
0:48:04 > 0:48:07Holy cow, through we go!
0:48:08 > 0:48:09Yes!
0:48:11 > 0:48:14'James was next.'
0:48:15 > 0:48:17Yes, yes, do it!
0:48:17 > 0:48:20- LOUD TECHNO MUSIC - Oh, for God's sake.
0:48:21 > 0:48:23No!
0:48:23 > 0:48:24He's missed the car.
0:48:26 > 0:48:27Oh, neat!
0:48:27 > 0:48:30'Down the back straight it was hard to see
0:48:30 > 0:48:32'why he'd bothered with a helmet.'
0:48:32 > 0:48:34MUSIC: "Morning" by Grieg
0:48:38 > 0:48:40- UPPER-CLASS ACCENT:- Mum, I've been to the Post Office.
0:48:44 > 0:48:48'But then as he approached the girls, all became clear.'
0:48:52 > 0:48:54They're hot for James May right now!
0:48:54 > 0:48:57I might as well have cut my penis off for all the good that did.
0:48:58 > 0:48:59Good idea! Quick!
0:48:59 > 0:49:02I know what you're thinking, I want to do it too.
0:49:04 > 0:49:05There you go.
0:49:05 > 0:49:07- WHISTLING - Perfect.
0:49:10 > 0:49:11Yeah!
0:49:12 > 0:49:14Oh!
0:49:14 > 0:49:15That's not gone quite as well.
0:49:15 > 0:49:18'So now it was all down to me.'
0:49:20 > 0:49:23So they've both missed the car, the first obstacle. I won't.
0:49:23 > 0:49:25Go!
0:49:26 > 0:49:28Yeah, you see! Oh, yeah!
0:49:28 > 0:49:3135 seconds before he moved more than a yard.
0:49:31 > 0:49:33It's round the Hammerhead the normal way.
0:49:37 > 0:49:39Oh, what a pillock.
0:49:41 > 0:49:43You all right?
0:49:46 > 0:49:48Dead.
0:49:48 > 0:49:50- Really?- Yeah.
0:49:50 > 0:49:53Yeah. Anyway...uh...
0:49:53 > 0:49:54Back to the studio.
0:49:54 > 0:49:56That's my line!
0:49:56 > 0:49:58APPLAUSE
0:50:04 > 0:50:08Luckily, children, I got better.
0:50:08 > 0:50:10You might not be so lucky.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13Yes, it's like my penis. That grew back.
0:50:13 > 0:50:17Yours might not.
0:50:17 > 0:50:18Anyway...
0:50:18 > 0:50:21Let's have a look how we all did.
0:50:21 > 0:50:24No real surprises in the scoring until we get to the repair section
0:50:24 > 0:50:26where I got 2, Hammond got 4,
0:50:26 > 0:50:28James, you got -100.
0:50:28 > 0:50:30- LAUGHTER - Is that a minus?!
0:50:30 > 0:50:32- It's a minus.- Oh, come on!
0:50:32 > 0:50:34What did you expect? You failed to address
0:50:34 > 0:50:36the ruined bonnet, the crumpled roof,
0:50:36 > 0:50:38door-mirror missing, all these dents.
0:50:38 > 0:50:41All you did was concentrate all your time on one scratch
0:50:41 > 0:50:44- and it's still here! Look! - LAUGHTER
0:50:44 > 0:50:45I ran out of time!
0:50:45 > 0:50:48You proved what I've said all along, polish doesn't work.
0:50:48 > 0:50:50It can't get rid of anything.
0:50:50 > 0:50:53When do you ever see the NHS go, "Oh, that's a nasty head wound,
0:50:53 > 0:50:56"We'll get some T-Cut on it." It doesn't get rid of anything!
0:50:56 > 0:50:59You ended up with a really clean scratch.
0:50:59 > 0:51:00Exactly!
0:51:00 > 0:51:02Let's move on. We've got the lap of crashes.
0:51:02 > 0:51:05Jeremy, you got 121.
0:51:05 > 0:51:06I got 103.
0:51:06 > 0:51:11Hammond, you got -174.
0:51:11 > 0:51:16Oh, what? So conveniently I just happen to get minus the number of points I had?
0:51:16 > 0:51:17- Yes.- Right. - LAUGHTER
0:51:17 > 0:51:19There's no other words, you're on nought.
0:51:19 > 0:51:22OK, but now, now is the big one -
0:51:22 > 0:51:24the handbrake turn.
0:51:24 > 0:51:31Our teenage judges said they were prepared to award up to 5 points for a really good one.
0:51:31 > 0:51:335 points? That means I can't possibly win.
0:51:33 > 0:51:35- SQUEAKING - No.- What's your car doing?
0:51:35 > 0:51:38Can I just say, it can't stop that happening.
0:51:38 > 0:51:40- LAUGHTER - What happened was...
0:51:40 > 0:51:43You see the thing is, this got clobbered here,
0:51:43 > 0:51:47the headlight washer and it's blown the fuse and that just is constant,
0:51:47 > 0:51:49it's been going on since we filmed it in March.
0:51:49 > 0:51:52- Jeremy Clarkson, it is now between you and me.- Yes, it is.
0:51:52 > 0:51:56- Like last week, like the train race. So your handbrake turn...- Yes.
0:51:56 > 0:51:57..what did it get?
0:51:57 > 0:52:00The girls awarded me...
0:52:00 > 0:52:02LAUGHTER
0:52:02 > 0:52:03..nothing!
0:52:03 > 0:52:05No poi... Why do you do that?
0:52:05 > 0:52:09Why can't you admit that you are turned on by handbrake turns?
0:52:09 > 0:52:10Just give in to it! Just go with it!
0:52:10 > 0:52:12You know this as a man.
0:52:12 > 0:52:15There's nothing else going for you. No, come on!
0:52:15 > 0:52:17That is what does it.
0:52:17 > 0:52:19- You think we're immature when we do them.- Yeah.
0:52:19 > 0:52:23- But you don't! Secretly...- We do!
0:52:23 > 0:52:24You have a crisis.
0:52:24 > 0:52:27LAUGHTER
0:52:27 > 0:52:29- I bet you when cars... I'm sorry. - BUZZING FROM CAR
0:52:29 > 0:52:31Can somebody...? Can you just...?
0:52:33 > 0:52:36- This is consumer advice as well. - Shut up!
0:52:36 > 0:52:40- This is also consumer advice... - The door handle's come off!
0:52:40 > 0:52:45Can you go in there and make that noise please stop?
0:52:45 > 0:52:46Can you open the door?
0:52:46 > 0:52:49Just tu... Can you turn the key?
0:52:49 > 0:52:51Yes!
0:52:51 > 0:52:52BUZZING STOPS
0:52:52 > 0:52:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:52:54 > 0:52:56Oh, now that's...
0:52:58 > 0:53:00Come on, you're turned on now!
0:53:00 > 0:53:01LAUGHTER
0:53:01 > 0:53:02- Anyway, I got nought?- Yes.
0:53:02 > 0:53:08And that means you are now 3 points behind me.
0:53:08 > 0:53:10So if you got 4,
0:53:10 > 0:53:12the girls gave you 4...
0:53:12 > 0:53:15They did, didn't they? They did. What did they give you?
0:53:15 > 0:53:16Nothing.
0:53:16 > 0:53:20- Yes! I am victorious! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:53:23 > 0:53:24Fairly beaten.
0:53:28 > 0:53:29Hold on! No, no, no.
0:53:29 > 0:53:32Think about it. Think what you're applauding,
0:53:32 > 0:53:34because what we're saying then is
0:53:34 > 0:53:40that the best, THE BEST car for a 17-year-old is a beige Volvo estate with a broken back window.
0:53:40 > 0:53:43Yep, that's what my children are getting.
0:53:43 > 0:53:46Anyway, that is the end, you'll be relieved to hear,
0:53:46 > 0:53:49of the consumer advice for this week.
0:53:49 > 0:53:51No, no, it's not because there is some more.
0:53:51 > 0:53:54Earlier on in the show, before I was...killed,
0:53:54 > 0:53:57I was in Abu Dhabi testing the new Lamborghini Murcielago
0:53:57 > 0:54:01and, in fact, I'm still there because now it's time for the moment
0:54:01 > 0:54:04petrolheads all over the world have been waiting for -
0:54:04 > 0:54:11the first-ever showdown between the two fastest road cars of all time.
0:54:14 > 0:54:16This car, you're familiar with.
0:54:16 > 0:54:21The Bugatti Veyron, the Concorde of the road.
0:54:23 > 0:54:27The meeting point for the most amazing collection of numbers.
0:54:27 > 0:54:29One million pounds,
0:54:29 > 0:54:31one thousand horsepower
0:54:31 > 0:54:35and a top speed of 252 miles an hour.
0:54:39 > 0:54:42But spin the clock back 15 years and in the 1990s,
0:54:42 > 0:54:44this was the ultimate road car -
0:54:44 > 0:54:48the McLaren F1.
0:54:50 > 0:54:54Like the Bugatti, the McLaren is an orgy of mind-bending numbers.
0:54:54 > 0:54:59It was the fastest with a top speed of 240 miles an hour.
0:54:59 > 0:55:03It was the most expensive, costing half a million pounds in 1993
0:55:03 > 0:55:05and, like the Bugatti,
0:55:05 > 0:55:08the McLaren was built utterly without compromise.
0:55:10 > 0:55:12The engine bay was lined with gold
0:55:12 > 0:55:14because gold is the best heat reflector.
0:55:14 > 0:55:18An entirely new and unique gearbox had to be developed
0:55:18 > 0:55:21because no existing gearbox could survive the torque
0:55:21 > 0:55:23from the 6.1-litre BMW engine.
0:55:24 > 0:55:28It was the first carbon-fibre-bodied car.
0:55:30 > 0:55:32And although these cars have so much in common,
0:55:32 > 0:55:36the McLaren and the Veyron are actually poles apart.
0:55:38 > 0:55:42Whereas the Veyron is loaded with technology,
0:55:42 > 0:55:45the McLaren gets...nothing.
0:55:46 > 0:55:49No traction control, no ABS.
0:55:49 > 0:55:53It's gizmo cupboard is completely bare.
0:55:56 > 0:55:59The F1's creator wanted his machine to be
0:55:59 > 0:56:03just the greatest, the purest driving machine
0:56:03 > 0:56:08in the same way that Bugatti's creator wanted it to be the most amazing technical achievement.
0:56:08 > 0:56:10And that shines through in the way they feel.
0:56:13 > 0:56:18Changing gear, it's like sliding a bolt action forward on a rifle,
0:56:18 > 0:56:22that well-oiled, mechanical, metallic feel.
0:56:22 > 0:56:27And you sit slap-bang in the middle for that racing-driver sensation.
0:56:28 > 0:56:30Oh, dear Lord!
0:56:30 > 0:56:32HE LAUGHS
0:56:36 > 0:56:41OK. What I shall do now is climb out of the McLaren F1
0:56:41 > 0:56:44and get into the Bugatti Veyron.
0:56:44 > 0:56:47Not a bad day this one so far!
0:56:47 > 0:56:50Right, to business.
0:56:50 > 0:56:53Because for the first time ever,
0:56:53 > 0:56:58these titans will now go head to head in a one-mile drag race.
0:57:00 > 0:57:02I shall be in the Veyron.
0:57:02 > 0:57:05And in the McLaren, a man who has no idea
0:57:05 > 0:57:08that he's about to make history.
0:57:09 > 0:57:12He is quite excited, though -
0:57:12 > 0:57:14he saw his first camel today.
0:57:17 > 0:57:20Actually, I'm quite glad it's him in that car
0:57:20 > 0:57:24because today that McLaren is worth two million quid.
0:57:24 > 0:57:27If we do come together, though, he does know the drill -
0:57:27 > 0:57:31run and meet at the border.
0:57:32 > 0:57:37Nearly ready. On paper, the Bugatti's got over 1,000 horsepower,
0:57:37 > 0:57:41370 more than the McLaren, but the McLaren weighs less.
0:57:41 > 0:57:45So it's got more power to weight.
0:57:45 > 0:57:47Nought to 60, the Bugatti should...
0:57:47 > 0:57:49I don't know, this is the real world.
0:57:49 > 0:57:51We'll have to see what happens.
0:57:51 > 0:57:53ENGINES REV
0:57:53 > 0:57:55'Three
0:57:55 > 0:57:56'two,
0:57:56 > 0:57:57'one,
0:57:57 > 0:57:59'go!'
0:57:59 > 0:58:01Yes, this it!
0:58:01 > 0:58:03Forward into history.
0:58:03 > 0:58:06What? How is that happening?
0:58:06 > 0:58:09How is that happening?
0:58:11 > 0:58:15The old pretender is still there, it won't give up its crown!
0:58:15 > 0:58:19We're now doing... 240 kilometres an hour.
0:58:19 > 0:58:20Come on, Bugatti!
0:58:22 > 0:58:23I'm reeling him in.
0:58:23 > 0:58:261,000 horsepower, there's no way past that.
0:58:26 > 0:58:29I'm gonna take him, yes!
0:58:31 > 0:58:33HE LAUGHS
0:58:33 > 0:58:35300 kilometres an hour.
0:58:35 > 0:58:37320 kilometres an hour!
0:58:40 > 0:58:41Yes!
0:58:42 > 0:58:45320 and I have clearly taken it!
0:58:47 > 0:58:50The Bugatti takes the prize.
0:58:53 > 0:58:55APPLAUSE
0:58:55 > 0:58:57Honestly, what's in that? Hairs.
0:58:57 > 0:59:00Hairs on the back of the neck.
0:59:00 > 0:59:03Straight road in those two!
0:59:03 > 0:59:07And of course what we've proved there is that the Bugatti Veyron,
0:59:07 > 0:59:11which we know to be the fastest car in the world,
0:59:11 > 0:59:14is faster than another kind of car.
0:59:14 > 0:59:15- LAUGHTER - Yes!
0:59:15 > 0:59:18Yeah, you don't get THAT kind of information everywhere!
0:59:18 > 0:59:21And so, on that bombshell, it's time to end.
0:59:21 > 0:59:24See you next week, thanks for watching, take care, good night.
0:59:44 > 0:59:47Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:59:47 > 0:59:50E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk