0:00:11 > 0:00:14'Tonight, James drives a milk float.'
0:00:14 > 0:00:18- 'Richard says "look out" backwards.' - Tuo kool!
0:00:18 > 0:00:21- Ah!- BLEEP!- 'And I cut my finger on some aluminium.'
0:00:26 > 0:00:29- APPLAUSE, CHEERING - Thank you. Hello.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Hello. Good evening. Thank you very much.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- Thank you so much. - CHEERING
0:00:34 > 0:00:35Now...
0:00:35 > 0:00:39if you buy a G-Wiz,
0:00:39 > 0:00:44plainly you are not interested in style or comfort or speed
0:00:44 > 0:00:50or practicality or driving pleasure or safety or your dignity.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52LAUGHTER
0:00:52 > 0:00:57And that got us thinking. If all you want is a battery-powered box,
0:00:57 > 0:01:01why spend £8,500 on one of these?
0:01:01 > 0:01:06Why not simply build one yourself? I mean, how hard can it be?
0:01:08 > 0:01:13Keen to get cracking, we went to the Top Gear Technology Centre and set to work.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16It's all very simple, really.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19I am in charge of the batteries and the electric motor.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23Clarkson is in charge - God help us - of the bodywork and interior,
0:01:23 > 0:01:26and Richard Hammond is in charge of the chassis and the brakes.
0:01:26 > 0:01:32If you are going to build your own car, there's no point just throwing the chassis together yourself
0:01:32 > 0:01:37cos you'll get caught up in 20 years of red tape trying to get it registered to use on the road,
0:01:37 > 0:01:39so what you need to do is use the chassis from another car.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43But there is a problem, because most modern cars don't have a chassis as such.
0:01:43 > 0:01:48It's all kind of built into the body, so you need to choose from an older car.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52Specifically, you've got a choice of either a Land Rover, a Lincoln Town Car,
0:01:52 > 0:01:56or this, a TVR Chimaera.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02I bought this one for £5,000, and I was going to remove its body and engine
0:02:02 > 0:02:07and then use its chassis as the backbone of our new car.
0:02:07 > 0:02:12James, meanwhile, was preparing to cannibalise something a bit less sporty.
0:02:14 > 0:02:20I shall be using the electric motor from this, which just leaves me with the problem of the batteries.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Now, the Tesla - that American electric sports car -
0:02:23 > 0:02:26uses 6,831 batteries,
0:02:26 > 0:02:29but that seems a bit excessive to me, so to save weight,
0:02:29 > 0:02:32and money, I'm going to use two batteries.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Like all great car designers, I'd created a mood room,
0:02:40 > 0:02:44hung with images from which I could draw inspiration.
0:02:46 > 0:02:51Big cats, jet fighters, the actor Peter Bowles,
0:02:51 > 0:02:55and pretty soon, I was ready to start work.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03It's a lovely material to work with, aluminium, because it bends.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07Car makers could learn a lot from this simple system I've adopted.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10- Ow!- BLEEP!- Ow!
0:03:10 > 0:03:14And there is the precious chassis.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17That is the basis of everything we're doing. A doddle!
0:03:23 > 0:03:27In terms of construction, I've taken my lead from shelving.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30You've simply got the uprights, which I've got here.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33There it is.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35The bolt goes through there.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Damn it!
0:03:37 > 0:03:39How simple is this?
0:03:39 > 0:03:44One piece, another piece, bolts holding them together.
0:03:44 > 0:03:49With the milk float dismembered, my power system was taking shape.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53That's 100 quid's worth of batteries, a 20 quid milk float motor,
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- and watch this. - MOTOR WHIRRS
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Hear that?
0:03:58 > 0:04:02- Is that turning round now? - Don't put your finger on it. - I'm not going to.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05As long as you two keep the weight of your body and chassis down,
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- that'll go like a stabbed rat. - Are you sure?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Well, it'll be a damn sight faster than a G-Wiz.
0:04:13 > 0:04:19- 'While May wired up his batteries and Hammond prepared his chassis...' - It's free!
0:04:20 > 0:04:25'..I retired to the mood room to seek further design inspiration.'
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- OK.- We're removing ancient history here.- Guys!
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Is he...? Yes?
0:04:32 > 0:04:37- Has anyone ever done a car with a moustache?- No.- No.
0:04:41 > 0:04:48Having finished their jobs, Hammond and May left me alone to complete the bodywork.
0:04:48 > 0:04:49Beautiful.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Our masterpiece was ready.
0:04:59 > 0:05:05- Well, credit where it's due... - I can't see any of the nail heads. - I mean, it's all right.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09- You're pleased?- Very.- Amazed.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11I have to say, this isn't actually it.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- Oh.- Oh.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15There you go!
0:05:15 > 0:05:17FANFARE PLAYS
0:05:22 > 0:05:25That is the worst-looking car in the whole world.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27I'd rather look at one of your dingleberries.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30What is the matter exactly? Everything is straight.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Everything is doable on your kitchen table.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- Jeremy, is that a section from a garage door?- Yes.- Oh, OK.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40What's more, I'd fitted a tape player, and, rather brilliantly,
0:05:40 > 0:05:42three-abreast seating.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46Who's going to sit here? You haven't given them any head room.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48- Hammond can sit in the middle. - Oh, God.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Careful of my roof! You're bending my roof!
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- It's bending my spine! - You really need to change the roof.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- That's no good.- All right, all right! Back to the drawing board.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02'While Jeremy modified the roof...'
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- Out. Out!- '..Hammond and I
0:06:05 > 0:06:08'started to think about a name for our creation.'
0:06:08 > 0:06:13I hate it when eco-cars are given a really pious name like Intelligentsia.
0:06:13 > 0:06:18So we want to give it a more aggressive name? Like Mustang, Tiger, Leopard, Panther.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20- Or Vixen.- Vixen!
0:06:20 > 0:06:24'Sadly, though, Jeremy had beaten us to it.'
0:06:27 > 0:06:29"Geoff".
0:06:29 > 0:06:31MECHANICAL GRINDING
0:06:31 > 0:06:35And after some more styling tweaks, Geoff was ready for the road.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46I feel like the Pope with his head in a box!
0:06:46 > 0:06:47It works!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49THUD! Ow.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53- LOUD DRONING - What is that noise?- It's the motor.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56It sounds like they're filming an episode of Bonanza.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58It's an amazing racket.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Don't knock it. It's working.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Open it up, James. Open it up.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- Yeah, go on. Give it some beans! - I have.- Is that it?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Is that full speed?- Uh, yeah.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- How fast is that?- Nearly ten.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15You've built a car that will only do 10mph?!
0:07:15 > 0:07:18It... Yeah.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20'Actually, that wasn't such a bad thing
0:07:20 > 0:07:25'on account of the design flaw with Jeremy's shiny bonnet.'
0:07:25 > 0:07:30- Ah, I'm blind! - My head's being cooked in a box! - That's quite bad.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- I'll tell you what, though - it works.- It does work.
0:07:33 > 0:07:40- I mean, it's going along. We're in an electric car.- Which we made. - It's fantastic.- £6,000.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42- Can you put three people in a G-Wiz? - No.
0:07:42 > 0:07:48'In fact, we were so proud of Geoff, we took him for a drive into Oxford.'
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Now, you do realise Oxford loathes the motorcar?
0:07:51 > 0:07:56- Not this one. - But this one will be welcome.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59They will think it's the second coming! A hippy!
0:07:59 > 0:08:01See the happy hippies?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Did you see the cyclist smiling at us?
0:08:06 > 0:08:11'However, as we neared the city centre, James' power system started to develop some issues.'
0:08:11 > 0:08:15I'm not going to indicate. It seems to slow it down.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18You're not telling me that the indicators affect the charge?!
0:08:18 > 0:08:22There's something not quite right with the way it's wired. I felt a drop in power as I...
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Why did you not fit more than two batteries?
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Because I wanted to save weight. Stop picking holes in it!
0:08:29 > 0:08:33'To take our minds off the power problems, I found some music.'
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Belinda Carlisle.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38MUSIC PLAYS
0:08:38 > 0:08:43'Sadly, though, James doesn't like Belinda Carlisle.'
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- Off! - TURNS MUSIC OFF
0:08:46 > 0:08:50- James, James, we aren't allowed to drive down this street. - Yes, we are.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54- No, we aren't.- We are. - 'I was right. We weren't.'
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Oh, God!
0:08:58 > 0:09:02Well, you're going to have to turn round. That's a dead end.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05- Hang on. It's packed up.- Oh, no. DRONING
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- Don't tell me it's died. - HORN BLARES
0:09:08 > 0:09:11- Sorry.- Why is it doing that?
0:09:11 > 0:09:12HORNS BLARE
0:09:12 > 0:09:14- You designed the engine. - It's working!
0:09:14 > 0:09:18- James, wait! The cyclist! - There's a Peugeot! Sorry, mate!
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Mind the cyclists.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- 'Then it stopped again.'- Sorry.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- Sorry.- It's got a bad connection. It just cuts out. - HORNS BLARE
0:09:27 > 0:09:29I feel silly now.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Oh, there's a policeman!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34'Every time we reversed, the motor cut out,
0:09:34 > 0:09:40- 'so we had to go forwards into the buses-only zone.' - Excuse me, Hammond.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- Sorry.- Sorry.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45# You say that it's complicated... #
0:09:45 > 0:09:49- Sorry.- Belinda Carlisle! What do you think of that?
0:09:52 > 0:09:59'Having annoyed the people in the centre of Oxford, we drove on and ended up annoying the people
0:09:59 > 0:10:01'in the outskirts of Oxford.'
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- Have we got anyone behind us?- Yes.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Oh, yes! Yes, we have, yes!
0:10:06 > 0:10:08This is embarrassing. HORNS BLARE
0:10:08 > 0:10:12'And then it got a bit more embarrassing.'
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- James, this isn't... Why are you stopping?- Oh, God.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- James?- Why...? ENGINE SPLUTTERS
0:10:19 > 0:10:23- We've run out of juice.- But...
0:10:23 > 0:10:26HORNS BLARE
0:10:26 > 0:10:29'While James and Richard directed the traffic round Geoff,
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- 'I went in search of some electricity.' - DOORBELL RINGS
0:10:32 > 0:10:37- HORNS BLARE - A tiny, tiny bit left. That'll do. - You've got room on the left.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40Nobody in.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Wait, wait, wait. Just go back a little bit.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45HORNS BLARE
0:10:47 > 0:10:49I thought everybody was unemployed!
0:10:49 > 0:10:51So it's left a bit. A bit more.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53No, no, no! Left. That's right.
0:10:53 > 0:10:59- This'll be an old people's home. They won't have electricity. - HORNS BLARE
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Guys, we're going to have to get the electricity from this side of the road.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05- Nobody is in there.- OK.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Thank you.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Sorry, everybody. You are so kind.
0:11:10 > 0:11:15When you run out of fuel in the future, this will be your life - undoing spaghetti.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17We're in!
0:11:17 > 0:11:20There. That works.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Sorry. Sorry.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26James, how long does it take to charge an electric car?
0:11:26 > 0:11:30Well, to charge it fully would take a good six or seven hours, but in two hours...
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Whoa! Six or seven HOURS?!
0:11:32 > 0:11:37- My arm's aching already. - Those are the facts of battery-powered cars. We know that.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40'Still, much to the relief of everyone...'
0:11:40 > 0:11:44- CRUNCH! No!- '.. Geoff was ready to go.'
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- Let's see.- Yes! MUSIC: Theme from "Rocky"
0:11:47 > 0:11:51'Sadly, though, he was just as slow as before.'
0:11:51 > 0:11:54James, you're being overtaken by children.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57A lot of children coming past.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01- There's a bicycle coming by. - With two people on it. - Another bicycle coming by.
0:12:01 > 0:12:07'On balance, we thought it best to leave Oxford and get back to the Top Gear Technology Centre,
0:12:07 > 0:12:12- 'but then James took a wrong turning...'- Left! Left there!
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- What? - '..with terrible consequences.'
0:12:15 > 0:12:19- HORNS BLARE - James, this is the A34!
0:12:19 > 0:12:25- Oh, God!- This is a road with a speed limit of 70mph.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29- A lot of traffic now! - Can you drive with the hazards on?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- Yeah, but it might slow us down a bit.- Oh, my God.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35James, get off the dual carriageway.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39- That sign says "Motorway 6". - I don't want to go on the motorway!
0:12:39 > 0:12:42- James, do not... - Is there a junction before that?
0:12:42 > 0:12:44- Look at the traffic jam.- I can't.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- It's too embarrassing. - Look at the traffic jam.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51I can't! I've got my head in a plastic box, and everyone can see me!
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- HORNS BLARE - Do you know what we've done?
0:12:53 > 0:12:55We've made something worse than a G-Wiz.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58- Don't say that.- We have.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01- I disagree.- It's slower.- Yes.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- He's being cooked.- Yes.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05It's rubbish.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11MUSIC PLAYS SLOWLY: "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" by Belinda Carlisle
0:13:14 > 0:13:20# We'll make heaven a place on... #
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Eventually, we ended up in the countryside
0:13:24 > 0:13:26where at least we couldn't get in anyone's way,
0:13:26 > 0:13:33but unfortunately, the A34 had had a catastrophic effect on our performance.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39We're hardly moving! HIGH-PITCHED DRONING
0:13:39 > 0:13:42I wouldn't mind it going slowly. I just wish it wouldn't make that noise.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44James...
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- Oh, God!- What?
0:13:47 > 0:13:50ENGINE WHINES
0:13:50 > 0:13:54- Please tell me that... - ENGINE STOPS
0:13:54 > 0:13:57You bloody idiot!
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Why did you think two batteries was the right solution?
0:14:00 > 0:14:05Tesla used 6,800 batteries for a reason.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- Oh, great(!) We're actually holding people up here.- Sorry.- Sorry!
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- THEY STRAIN - Come on, Geoff.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Come on! I'll tell you what, James.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18- What?- There's loads of houses around here where we can get
0:14:18 > 0:14:23some more electricity(!) James, seriously, why didn't you put more than two batteries in it?
0:14:23 > 0:14:28I didn't want it to weigh too much. Batteries go flat. This is important consumer information.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Stored electricity is like a caged animal.
0:14:30 > 0:14:35- You should have used more than two. - Well, next time, I know and we know.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Tell me that isn't happening. Tell me that isn't happening.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42CRASH!
0:14:42 > 0:14:46I... I don't want to...
0:14:46 > 0:14:50The lonely walk confirmed our worst fears.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Geoff was dead.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Don't applaud. Don't applaud. Geoff is dead!
0:15:01 > 0:15:07It was the saddest moment. As it hit the tree, my heart broke.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10They're obviously all from Oxford, that's what it is.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Yeah.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Anyway, we could have given up at that point, but we didn't.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18We went back to the drawing board and later on you'll be able to see
0:15:18 > 0:15:23the results of our frankly brilliant effort. But for now, it's the news.
0:15:23 > 0:15:28Criminals, would you like to get away with your crimes?
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Are you capable of running more than 100 yards?
0:15:31 > 0:15:35Well, good news, because the police are thinking of using these now.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38It's a Mitsubishi electric.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42They say it's helping them crack down on CO2.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48I don't want the police to crack down on CO2.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50I want them to get my bloody television back,
0:15:50 > 0:15:53because it's been six years since that was nicked,
0:15:53 > 0:15:58and I haven't heard a peep out of them whilst they've been going on about cracking down on CO2.
0:15:58 > 0:15:59I'll have to buy another one at this rate.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01What were you stopped for the other day, by a policeman?
0:16:01 > 0:16:04It was some motoring misdemeanour. You just turned around and said,
0:16:04 > 0:16:08"Oh, good. This must mean you've found my television."
0:16:09 > 0:16:13If I was a policeman and my chief freemason came into the office
0:16:13 > 0:16:18and said... I mean Chief Constable. I always get them muddled up.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21And he said, "Right, you've got to do your beat in one of those."
0:16:21 > 0:16:23I would drink my own pepper spray.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27I'll tell you what, this is a slightly interesting one, OK.
0:16:27 > 0:16:33There was a survey recently about the effects that a nice car
0:16:33 > 0:16:37can have on a male, the human male, OK?
0:16:37 > 0:16:39What they did was they got 40 young guys and they made them drive
0:16:39 > 0:16:42up and down the street in a Toyota Camry and then drive up and down
0:16:42 > 0:16:45the same street, in the same manner, in a Porsche 911
0:16:45 > 0:16:48and then they measured their testosterone after each drive.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51And after driving the Porsche, it had shot up.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54- So it had an actual physiological effect on them?- Yeah.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- I'm amazed by that.- I think that makes perfect sense, doesn't it?
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Cos whenever I drive a really nice, exciting car I always get
0:17:00 > 0:17:03like a nice little fizzing sensation.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08- No, it's not...- Where is this fizzing sensation?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10It's not actually in my penis, but it's...
0:17:10 > 0:17:13but it's sort of just behind it.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15A fizzing sensation just behind your penis?
0:17:15 > 0:17:19- Yeah.- So, isn't that the pit of your stomach?
0:17:19 > 0:17:21No, no, lower down than that, sort of right...
0:17:21 > 0:17:24That's your prostate, mate. You've sat on the gear.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Does anybody else have a fizzing sensation just behind their penis...
0:17:30 > 0:17:34- Am I the only person... Ah! Thank you, sir.- You have?- Good man.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Or do you just want to be on television?
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Come here. Do come here.
0:17:39 > 0:17:45- It's just got a lot worse! - James May, a man in a moustache has come on the stage
0:17:45 > 0:17:49- and wishes to meet you to discuss... - Please, have a seat. - ..your fizzing penises.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- That's the end of the news.- Oh, God!
0:17:52 > 0:17:53APPLAUSE
0:17:56 > 0:17:58I'd like to commend you on being brave enough,
0:17:58 > 0:18:01especially as you've grown a moustache for charity,
0:18:01 > 0:18:05to come on the stage and admit that you too have been bestowed
0:18:05 > 0:18:09with this great gift from the gods of a slight fizzing sensation
0:18:09 > 0:18:13somewhere behind your penis but in front of your prostate when you drive an exciting car.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15What sort of car are you driving when you feel it?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Citroen AX.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23Honestly, no, seriously...
0:18:23 > 0:18:28we really must invite you to... go back over there. Thank you.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36I think some of us are just more fortunate than others.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38- You must have had this on a motorcycle.- No, never!
0:18:38 > 0:18:42I'm just gonna stand. I don't even want to use that seat now.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Now, we have to just touch on something, don't we, before we go,
0:18:47 > 0:18:49- because... - LAUGHTER
0:18:49 > 0:18:53No, we don't, no. No, no, no. Argh!
0:18:54 > 0:18:56The news has gone wrong this week.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00I'd rather chop them off. I'd rather slice them.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Thing is, next week we're doing this item
0:19:05 > 0:19:11on which car company has produced the largest number of great cars.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- This is GREAT cars?- Yes, GREAT cars. So, any thoughts on which
0:19:14 > 0:19:18car company's made the biggest number of GREAT cars?
0:19:18 > 0:19:21See, Aston Martin isn't...
0:19:21 > 0:19:25I don't think Aston has made a single great, GREAT car. They make some lovely...
0:19:25 > 0:19:28DB5 was only great because of James Bond. It's actually a bit rubbish...
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Exactly. Anyone else got any thoughts?
0:19:30 > 0:19:34- Who said Ferrari? Somebody said Ferrari over there. - That's a good call, but...
0:19:34 > 0:19:37It's a good call, but if you think about it, they've made a lot of rubbish cars too.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Their 348 was rubbish, the Testarossa was rubbish...
0:19:39 > 0:19:43- Mondial was rubbish.- The F40 was a great car.- That was great.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46- But what about mainstream manufacturers, though?- Ford.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49They did the Model T, that's kind of an important car.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52- Mustang...- GT40 is a great car.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55This, I think, is an interesting debate that petrol heads can have.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57We genuinely would like to hear what you have to say,
0:19:57 > 0:20:00so do please go on our website, which is on the internet,
0:20:00 > 0:20:05and then write something on... I don't know how you... Write something on it,
0:20:05 > 0:20:10which car firm you think has produced the largest number of great cars. If you write that down
0:20:10 > 0:20:13on our internet...we'll read it.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16LAUGHTER
0:20:16 > 0:20:20Now, last year I drove an Audi R8, and I thought it was the knees of
0:20:20 > 0:20:23the bee, but in a straight line, at least, it was a little bit slower
0:20:23 > 0:20:25than a Porsche 911.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Yeah, quite a lot slower than a 911, actually.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32It was about THAT much slower. I admit that much makes all the difference.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35LAUGHTER
0:20:35 > 0:20:40However, Audi has now released a new faster version.
0:20:48 > 0:20:53This is it, and it looks pretty much the same as the original.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56However...
0:21:01 > 0:21:06the standard R8 has a 4.2-litre V8.
0:21:06 > 0:21:12THIS has a 5.2-litre Lamborghini V10.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19That means 518-brake horsepower...
0:21:19 > 0:21:23enough torque to tenderise an elephant
0:21:23 > 0:21:26and a top speed of about 200mph.
0:21:28 > 0:21:340 to 60 is dealt with in 3.7 seconds. That's there -
0:21:34 > 0:21:3880, 90, 100, 110,
0:21:38 > 0:21:42120, 125 in eight seconds.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45This thing is phenomenal!
0:21:47 > 0:21:49The handling is pretty epic as well.
0:22:01 > 0:22:06As a driver's car, this is...spectacularly good.
0:22:06 > 0:22:12It's like Scarlett Johansson's lips or the roof of Paddington Station.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18Absolutely faultless.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Oh, God, it's good!
0:22:22 > 0:22:23Oh, mmmmm!
0:22:23 > 0:22:29Ahh, ahh, ahh! Mmmmm! Nice car!
0:22:33 > 0:22:38And unlike most super-cars, it's not even desperately impractical.
0:22:41 > 0:22:46You get a boot, which is big enough for three medium-sized goats.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48You get a useful shelf behind the seats,
0:22:48 > 0:22:53and you get room inside to move about - and breathe.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57There are a couple of mistakes, I admit.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01If, for instance, you have a can of tangy, refreshing drink here
0:23:01 > 0:23:03in the cup holder, and you go to change gear,
0:23:03 > 0:23:06your elbow's going to knock it over, and that's annoying.
0:23:06 > 0:23:11And as far as I can work out, the trip computer isn't working.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14I don't like to say that because it would have been installed by
0:23:14 > 0:23:16a German who will be shot at dawn for his mistake,
0:23:16 > 0:23:19but it...it doesn't.
0:23:21 > 0:23:26And then there's the biggest mistake of them all - the price.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30It's £100,000. And that's just the start.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34If you want ceramic brakes, £7,000.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Flappy-paddle gearbox, £5,000.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40If you want the boot lined in fake suede,
0:23:40 > 0:23:42£1,600.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Bucket seats - £2,350.
0:23:44 > 0:23:50Colour co-ordinated seatbelts - 750 quid!
0:23:50 > 0:23:53If you want these panels, here, finished in carbon fibre,
0:23:53 > 0:23:55you're mad, mad as a Mexican's dog.
0:23:55 > 0:24:02They even charge £500 if you want to pick the car up from the factory yourself.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05That's like charging someone £10 extra for a bottle of wine
0:24:05 > 0:24:07if you tread the grapes yourself.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10I'd tell them to get lost.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Strangely, however, it's not the money that would stop me buying this car.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23The trouble is... is it's a bit too joyless.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26A bit too like Scarlett Johansson's lips.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30You can...never imagine this thing smiling.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34I mean, look what happens, OK, if I hit this button here.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37"Sport mode on," exclamation mark.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40What's it got an exclamation mark for?
0:24:40 > 0:24:45You put the sport on in a super-car? You mad, crazy fool, you!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Look at the sat-nav, OK.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53It can take you to a bank or a bowling alley or a bus station.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55I'm sorry? Golf course.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Historical monument.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Yes, I've got a super-car, but I'm going to stop off
0:25:00 > 0:25:02and look at this Neolithic fort!
0:25:05 > 0:25:08The R8 V10, then, doesn't really do fun.
0:25:08 > 0:25:14It doesn't do pantomime, so if I was spending £100,000 on a car,
0:25:14 > 0:25:19I'd think very seriously about buying something worse.
0:25:33 > 0:25:39This is the Corvette ZR1, which is extremely fast.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52This has a super-charged 6.2-litre engine,
0:25:52 > 0:26:00which is a turbot compared to Audi's 5.2 litre un-supercharged cod.
0:26:03 > 0:26:09Put it in a drag race with the R8 and the results are inevitable.
0:26:09 > 0:26:16I have got 120 more horsepower than the R8...
0:26:16 > 0:26:19and because the Corvette is made from plastic,
0:26:19 > 0:26:21it's lighter as well.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26If only America could win its wars so convincingly.
0:26:26 > 0:26:31However, there are a few problems.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35I tested one in America last year and erm...
0:26:35 > 0:26:39after three days, it was starting to fall apart and then on the fourth
0:26:39 > 0:26:42it refused to start.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45It's also insanely vulgar.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48It's only available with left-hand drive.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52The luggage cover looks like a motel shower curtain.
0:26:52 > 0:26:57It's much too wide and in the corners, it's a complete mad man.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Oh.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08When I drove this thing in California, I loved it!
0:27:10 > 0:27:13But I think it might have been a holiday romance,
0:27:13 > 0:27:18because here on our track it's, it's... Well, let's be kind,
0:27:18 > 0:27:20let's say difficult.
0:27:29 > 0:27:34Remember, I've got more power than the Ferrari Enzo.
0:27:34 > 0:27:39Oh, my God. Come on! Get in a straight line!
0:27:41 > 0:27:44I may have more firepower, but trying to keep up with the Audi
0:27:44 > 0:27:48is like trying to win the Grand National whilst riding a lion,
0:27:48 > 0:27:52that's made out of teeth and jelly.
0:27:52 > 0:27:56It sort of wobbles about and then if you're not careful,
0:27:56 > 0:27:59it bites your arm off. Aaahh!
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Oh, no! I'm gone!
0:28:03 > 0:28:07The thing is, though, despite the waywardness and the terrible danger,
0:28:07 > 0:28:09the Corvette is more fun.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15It's disintegrating already, I'm being strangled by my own seatbelt
0:28:15 > 0:28:18and the end's come off! Get on!
0:28:23 > 0:28:26Be in no doubt, then - the Audi is a better car.
0:28:26 > 0:28:30It's better built, better to look at, better to drive,
0:28:30 > 0:28:33more comfortable, easier to park, and, in the real world,
0:28:33 > 0:28:35faster.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40You'd have to be bonkers to buy the Corvette.
0:28:40 > 0:28:45And that is why you should.
0:28:50 > 0:28:52APPLAUSE
0:28:52 > 0:28:55It's that exclamation mark that says everything about that car.
0:28:55 > 0:28:58- You want Sport Mode?!- Sport Mode!
0:28:58 > 0:28:59Sport Mode!
0:28:59 > 0:29:02Oh, now, ah-ha...
0:29:03 > 0:29:05I have got an apology to make.
0:29:05 > 0:29:09I said in that film that the Audi's trip computer was broken.
0:29:09 > 0:29:13It isn't, OK? It turned out I hadn't pressed the reset button properly.
0:29:13 > 0:29:14LAUGHTER
0:29:14 > 0:29:17We did actually ring Audi to confess to what he'd done,
0:29:17 > 0:29:21but it was too late. The man responsible had...shot himself.
0:29:21 > 0:29:22Yeah. He had.
0:29:23 > 0:29:29Anyway, it's now time to put both cars in the hands of our tame racing driver.
0:29:29 > 0:29:35Some say that he has some terrible plans involving the moon...
0:29:35 > 0:29:36LAUGHTER
0:29:36 > 0:29:42..and that he was turned down for a place on I'm A Celebrity because he IS one.
0:29:42 > 0:29:43LAUGHTER
0:29:43 > 0:29:46All we know is... he's called The Stig!
0:29:46 > 0:29:47CHEERING
0:29:47 > 0:29:51They're off! A genuinely interesting battle, this,
0:29:51 > 0:29:54because the Corvette is faster in a straight line,
0:29:54 > 0:29:56but it needs an extraordinary talent
0:29:56 > 0:29:59to get it round corners without crashing.
0:30:00 > 0:30:01Look at that.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03And there is the talent.
0:30:03 > 0:30:07MUSIC: "When I'm Cleaning Windows"
0:30:07 > 0:30:11Oh dear, Stig continues to make each lap into a Cockney knees-up.
0:30:11 > 0:30:14Ooh, did you see that? Weirdly, it's the Audi going sideways.
0:30:14 > 0:30:18Through Chicago. What'll happen in Hammerhead?
0:30:18 > 0:30:19Let's have a look here.
0:30:19 > 0:30:24Yes, look, again it's the four-wheel drive R8 that's out of shape.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26The 'Vette in the Stig's talented paws clinging on.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28A wiggle on the way out, but that's it.
0:30:28 > 0:30:33MUSIC CONTINUES
0:30:33 > 0:30:35Right. Follow-through -
0:30:35 > 0:30:37this is where the Corvette's super-charged V8
0:30:37 > 0:30:39can really deliver some shock and awe.
0:30:40 > 0:30:43The tyres - they are both quick through there.
0:30:43 > 0:30:46It's the in-bred lunatic versus a car with no sense of humour,
0:30:46 > 0:30:50and they're pretty much neck-and-neck, just Gambon to go.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52Both sigh through there, and they cross the line.
0:30:53 > 0:30:56- And now we have the times... - APPLAUSE
0:30:56 > 0:30:58Audi.
0:30:58 > 0:30:59The Audi first?
0:30:59 > 0:31:06It did it in 1:21.6, which puts it... That's for the Audi.
0:31:06 > 0:31:111:21.6? That was sort of a damp-ish lap, as well. That's quick, OK.
0:31:11 > 0:31:16- However, Corvette did it in 1:20.4. - What?!
0:31:16 > 0:31:21No... But the thing is, I reckon you or I could get the Audi round
0:31:21 > 0:31:23in roughly that time, OK?
0:31:23 > 0:31:27But there's no way we could make the Corvette go round in that. Literally, I would
0:31:27 > 0:31:31- be five minutes dead. - ..AND dead.- Five minutes AND dead is what it would be.
0:31:31 > 0:31:36Anyway, now it is time to put a star in our reasonably-priced car,
0:31:36 > 0:31:38and my guest tonight is an actor.
0:31:38 > 0:31:42He has played Kenneth Williams, who is no longer with us,
0:31:42 > 0:31:45he's played Brian Clough, who's no longer with us,
0:31:45 > 0:31:48and he's played Tony Blair, who, um...
0:31:48 > 0:31:49LAUGHTER
0:31:49 > 0:31:51..IS still with us.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Sheen!
0:31:53 > 0:31:56APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:31:57 > 0:31:59How are you?
0:31:59 > 0:32:01Have a seat. Lovely.
0:32:03 > 0:32:06I thought you were going to look like Tony Blair.
0:32:06 > 0:32:09- I... It's my day off today. - Cos it's weird -
0:32:09 > 0:32:12when I watched The Queen, obviously when you WERE Tony Blair,
0:32:12 > 0:32:17I remember thinking, "God, they did very well to find an actor who looks so like him."
0:32:17 > 0:32:19But you're much better looking!
0:32:19 > 0:32:20LAUGHTER
0:32:20 > 0:32:23- It's not hard, is it?- Do people think you're going to look like him?
0:32:23 > 0:32:26In America people think I'm a Tony Blair look-alike, yeah.
0:32:26 > 0:32:30- But you're not.- I don't do work as a Tony Blair look-alike,
0:32:30 > 0:32:32although I do have look-alikes in my family.
0:32:32 > 0:32:35- My dad is a Jack Nicholson look-alike.- Is he?
0:32:35 > 0:32:37- He is indeed.- Cos I was looking back at your family history
0:32:37 > 0:32:41and it was all very weird, because nobody's done anything conventional
0:32:41 > 0:32:43- since the dawn of human history... - That's true.
0:32:43 > 0:32:49- Your great-grandmother was... - She was the first elephant and lion tamer in Barnum & Bailey Circus.
0:32:49 > 0:32:51- Right...! - LAUGHTER
0:32:51 > 0:32:56Her name was Nanny Blower, and God bless her, she was talented, but she wasn't a looker.
0:32:56 > 0:33:01She had her left breast mauled off by a lion, and the claw of that lion
0:33:01 > 0:33:04is on a chain somewhere in our family.
0:33:04 > 0:33:05- Seriously?- Yeah.
0:33:05 > 0:33:09And it's at this point you go, "And we have that lion for you now!"
0:33:09 > 0:33:12I wish I'd known. I would have looked into it.
0:33:12 > 0:33:17Of course, there was your... Not grandfather... Great-grandfather. Who was the one who got drunk a lot?
0:33:17 > 0:33:22Yeah, my great grandfather was a bit of a waster in the town, in Port Talbot,
0:33:22 > 0:33:26and the story goes that he was lying in the gutter one night, having been chucked out of the pub,
0:33:26 > 0:33:31and the moon appeared through the clouds, and God spoke to him through the moon and said,
0:33:31 > 0:33:36"You must mend your ways. Save up money and buy the disused tin mine in the mountain." So from then on
0:33:36 > 0:33:40he never touched another drink and he saved his money. Everyone thought he was mad
0:33:40 > 0:33:43cos there was no tin left. They discovered a new vein of tin,
0:33:43 > 0:33:47he became the richest man in Port Talbot and became a street preacher from then on.
0:33:47 > 0:33:50This is fantastic. Then your dad was a Jack Nicholson impersonator...
0:33:50 > 0:33:55- A Jack Nicholson look-alike, not an impersonator.- Look-alike. - There is a difference.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58He's a genetic freak, not a talented actor.
0:33:58 > 0:33:59LAUGHTER
0:33:59 > 0:34:05- And now you're Tony Blair and David Frost...- And Kenneth Williams and Brian Clough.
0:34:05 > 0:34:07This is... Can I just,
0:34:07 > 0:34:10first of all, can I just take a moment to congratulate you on Frost/Nixon.
0:34:10 > 0:34:13- That was amazing.- Thank you very much.- Rocky is what it was.
0:34:13 > 0:34:17- It was Rocky for interviewers. - Instead of fighting, it was interviewing Nixon.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19Brilliant film, I adored that.
0:34:19 > 0:34:25Now, the new film, Twilight - it's New Moon, isn't it, from the Twilight series?
0:34:25 > 0:34:30which you did this presumably because you've got a 10-year-old daughter.
0:34:30 > 0:34:34- Yes. I have a 10-year-old daughter who is obsessed with the books. - As have I.
0:34:34 > 0:34:39Completely besotted. And I always say to her, "What are they about?"
0:34:39 > 0:34:44And she says, "Well, there's a werewolf and, like, a vampire, and then there's this girl,
0:34:44 > 0:34:48"and she's in love with a werewolf, but she was..." and I say, "What are you reading?!"
0:34:48 > 0:34:51It's sort of this great love story, it seems,
0:34:51 > 0:34:55and also, you know, they sort of tap into something about...
0:34:55 > 0:34:58particularly a teenage girl's experience growing up.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01- So you're a v...- I am a vampire.
0:35:01 > 0:35:04So was it Peter Mandelson this time you modelled it on?
0:35:04 > 0:35:07Yes, absolutely, completely modelled it on Peter Mandelson.
0:35:07 > 0:35:13Now, cars - I've looked through your history and it is quite poor.
0:35:13 > 0:35:16I've a very glamorous history with cars.
0:35:16 > 0:35:19Not really. Now, your driving test.
0:35:19 > 0:35:22I learned to drive in a Datsun Sunny...
0:35:22 > 0:35:25That may have been the reason why my heart wasn't in it.
0:35:25 > 0:35:28Then I bought a red Ford Orion.
0:35:30 > 0:35:34- Was that J-registered, around then? - It would have been, yes.
0:35:34 > 0:35:37- Honestly, they were the worst... - I think it was the worst car ever made.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39- So Datsun Sunny, and...- Ford Orion.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42You're not really blowing the cash on Bentleys.
0:35:42 > 0:35:46I'm not one who spends a lot of money on cars...up to this point.
0:35:46 > 0:35:50Now you said.. I'm fascinated. You spend a lot of time living there in Los Angeles,
0:35:50 > 0:35:52so I would assume you have some form of hybrid.
0:35:52 > 0:35:57- Ah... I... Not really. I'm not... - Thought about it?- Well, you know, there's a lot of pressure
0:35:57 > 0:36:01- to get... It's the way forward. - Well, there is.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03- I'm not gonna get a hybrid. - Good man!- I'm gonna get an old Jag.
0:36:03 > 0:36:07I want to pretend I'm in the film of Performance, driving around LA.
0:36:07 > 0:36:10- Oh, Mick Jagger?- Exactly! - Good idea. What sort of old Jag?
0:36:10 > 0:36:13I'd like to get a green one. Is that what you mean?
0:36:13 > 0:36:14LAUGHTER
0:36:14 > 0:36:17Good, a green one's good. That would be fantastic.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20So when you go on American chat shows and they say, "You got a hybrid?"
0:36:20 > 0:36:24- You can say, "No, I have a Jag." - "I have a Ja-a-ag."
0:36:24 > 0:36:25So what do you use in England?
0:36:25 > 0:36:28I nip around London on a scooter.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31I once rode one of those across Vietnam. It tried to kill me.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34- Did you ever fall off? - They're fantastic. In fact,
0:36:34 > 0:36:39when I first got the scooter, it was just before I started playing Kenneth Williams
0:36:39 > 0:36:40in this film I did, Fantabulosa!
0:36:40 > 0:36:44And I was desperately trying to lose as much weight as I possibly could to play him,
0:36:44 > 0:36:48so I went on the cabbage soup diet for the last ten days. Which is great,
0:36:48 > 0:36:52I lost ten pounds, but I did used to lose consciousness as well. I was so faint.
0:36:52 > 0:36:56So I was driving around on this scooter around London,
0:36:56 > 0:37:00which was scary enough as it was, but I was also constantly farting.
0:37:00 > 0:37:02My stomach was making terrible noises,
0:37:02 > 0:37:05and whilst I used to drive it I used to practise the voice,
0:37:05 > 0:37:10so if anyone saw an Aprilia going past them around the Clapham area
0:37:10 > 0:37:14with a slightly sepia-looking visor and a smell coming behind it
0:37:14 > 0:37:18and a voice going "mrr-rr-rr-rr" as it was going along, that was me.
0:37:18 > 0:37:20Did you ever fall off it?
0:37:20 > 0:37:22No, I never fell off it.
0:37:22 > 0:37:24I kept the stabilisers on, obviously.
0:37:24 > 0:37:25LAUGHTER
0:37:25 > 0:37:28Anyway, obviously you came here, I have to say,
0:37:28 > 0:37:31Los Angeles, THIS morning...
0:37:31 > 0:37:33I came from the airport straight here and into the car.
0:37:33 > 0:37:37So you're... Well, what are we, ten hours out... Yeah.
0:37:37 > 0:37:38I have no idea what time...
0:37:38 > 0:37:41I'll tell you what time it is. It's 6:30am, so it's time you were up.
0:37:41 > 0:37:45I think there should be a new category, which is, instead of just "W" for "wet",
0:37:45 > 0:37:49- there should be "JL" for jet lag. - Jet lag. And I believe... Was it damp out there as well?
0:37:49 > 0:37:51It was damp-ish.
0:37:51 > 0:37:55- So that's jet-lagged and damp. - And there were people shooting bows and arrows.
0:37:55 > 0:38:00- Shooting bows and arrows. Many, many things we have to write down.- Many.
0:38:00 > 0:38:03- Jet-lagged, damp, bows and arrows... - And I'm Welsh.- And you're Welsh.
0:38:03 > 0:38:04LAUGHTER
0:38:04 > 0:38:07In fact, who are the other Welsh people on there?
0:38:07 > 0:38:09Have I got a chance of being top Welshman?
0:38:09 > 0:38:13- Alan Davies, is he Welsh? Or does he just have a name...- He's not Welsh.
0:38:13 > 0:38:16- Rob Brydon.- Rob Brydon - where's he?
0:38:16 > 0:38:19Tom Jones. It would be good to beat Dame Helen Mirren, wouldn't it?
0:38:19 > 0:38:24- She's here.- Tom Jones did. Tom Jones is on top of Helen Mirren - not for the first time!
0:38:24 > 0:38:26LAUGHTER
0:38:26 > 0:38:28There's Rob Brydon, just below Keith Allen.
0:38:28 > 0:38:32This is kind of Little Wales, here, this area. So this is where you're aiming for.
0:38:32 > 0:38:35I want to be the fastest boy in the village.
0:38:35 > 0:38:36LAUGHTER
0:38:36 > 0:38:38That's Little Britain. I've just got that.
0:38:38 > 0:38:41- I'm there!- See, even jet-lagged, I'm on form, Jeremy!
0:38:41 > 0:38:42LAUGHTER
0:38:42 > 0:38:44Who'd like to see the lap?
0:38:44 > 0:38:46- ALL: Yeah! - Let's have a look at this.
0:38:46 > 0:38:48Oh, dear Lord...
0:38:48 > 0:38:49TYRES SCREECH
0:38:49 > 0:38:51That's a good impressive start.
0:38:54 > 0:38:58- Nice, smooth gear change. - 'He's really ruined that.'
0:38:58 > 0:39:01So here we go, coming up to the first corner... Ooh, I say,
0:39:01 > 0:39:03that's a vigorous turn in there.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07Right, so we're not going for the smooth approach.
0:39:09 > 0:39:11- Brake, you- BLEEP,- brake!
0:39:11 > 0:39:12LAUGHTER
0:39:12 > 0:39:15I like the hands on the wheel there. That's wide!
0:39:15 > 0:39:17This really is...
0:39:18 > 0:39:21Don't go into fourth, Michael, go into second, try that!
0:39:21 > 0:39:25Well, one'll do! No, you're supposed to LOOK slow,
0:39:25 > 0:39:28so that you're actually... That's not looking slow.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30That's looking wide again.
0:39:30 > 0:39:32The Stig did say, well, he communicated...
0:39:32 > 0:39:36Textbook. Absolute textbook.
0:39:36 > 0:39:38LAUGHTER
0:39:38 > 0:39:40That's not what The Stig said. He said "clunky".
0:39:40 > 0:39:43- "Clunky but brave" is how he described you.- Clunky but brave!
0:39:43 > 0:39:46It's not healthy, that's not healthy, Michael!
0:39:48 > 0:39:49Looking very Welsh.
0:39:49 > 0:39:50That's pretty quick!
0:39:50 > 0:39:51Oh-oh! Yes!
0:39:51 > 0:39:53Now you go... Look...
0:39:53 > 0:39:55Holy cow, that's quick!
0:39:55 > 0:39:57That's very quick!
0:39:57 > 0:39:58Now, what about Gambon?
0:39:58 > 0:40:00Bloody hell, look at that!
0:40:00 > 0:40:02And across the line! That was amazing.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04CHEERING
0:40:04 > 0:40:06APPLAUSE
0:40:09 > 0:40:15- I have here... Mm, mm, mm-mm-mm mm-mm-mm... - LAUGHTER
0:40:15 > 0:40:18If it's under Roger Bannister's mile, I'll be happy.
0:40:18 > 0:40:20Under four minutes.
0:40:20 > 0:40:24So you want to be somewhere down... The top of the Welsh zone.
0:40:24 > 0:40:29It would be nice if I was, you know, above Helen, and I would love it if I was above Rob.
0:40:29 > 0:40:33So they're all around the one... Rob's 1:51.7, but that was wet.
0:40:33 > 0:40:37Michael Sheen, you did it in one minute...
0:40:37 > 0:40:39Yes...
0:40:39 > 0:40:40..forty...
0:40:41 > 0:40:44..six, point three.
0:40:44 > 0:40:45Good Lord!
0:40:45 > 0:40:48APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:40:48 > 0:40:49Wow!
0:40:49 > 0:40:50Seriously.
0:40:50 > 0:40:52How did that happen?
0:40:52 > 0:40:54That was a brave lap.
0:40:54 > 0:40:57Gordon Ramsay just committed suicide.
0:40:57 > 0:40:59I'm sort of mystified.
0:40:59 > 0:41:03That was very fast. You can see it, cos you were doing a million down the straight.
0:41:03 > 0:41:06I heard that Tom Jones didn't want to come in,
0:41:06 > 0:41:09and it must be something Welsh, cos I didn't want to stop,
0:41:09 > 0:41:13- I wanted to keep going. I could have beaten Jay Kay.- Help yourself!
0:41:13 > 0:41:15There's still 20 minutes of daylight left.
0:41:15 > 0:41:18Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Sheen!
0:41:18 > 0:41:19Thank you very much.
0:41:19 > 0:41:20APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:41:20 > 0:41:22Thank you very much.
0:41:29 > 0:41:34Now, earlier on we built an electric car called Geoff,
0:41:34 > 0:41:36and he was...a disaster.
0:41:36 > 0:41:38Now, I'm not one to apportion blame,
0:41:38 > 0:41:41but it was entirely James' fault.
0:41:41 > 0:41:42Why?
0:41:42 > 0:41:45Well, because...Jeremy's body was brilliant...
0:41:45 > 0:41:49Er, not Jeremy's actual body, cos that's horrible.
0:41:49 > 0:41:52The one on the car. My chassis was brilliant,
0:41:52 > 0:41:56- and your battery system was terrible.- Well, it wasn't!- Well...
0:41:56 > 0:42:00it was. And, as a result, Geoff ended up crashed into a wood.
0:42:00 > 0:42:03We didn't give up. We decided to go back to the drawing board,
0:42:03 > 0:42:05and build Geoff II.
0:42:07 > 0:42:12Back at the Top Gear Technology Centre, I fitted narrower wheels which would reduce friction.
0:42:13 > 0:42:18And James, mercifully, found some more batteries.
0:42:18 > 0:42:21I've also devised a very, very clever way
0:42:21 > 0:42:24of recharging them while we're on the move.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29Meanwhile, in the mood room, Jeremy had decided
0:42:29 > 0:42:33Geoff should no longer be called Geoff.
0:42:33 > 0:42:34Hammerhead.
0:42:34 > 0:42:38- Hammerhead Shark.- That's a dolphin.
0:42:38 > 0:42:40I know, but it's like a hammerhead shark.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42- Not really.- It lives in the sea.- Yeah...
0:42:42 > 0:42:46I'll tell you the other thing we've got to have, is the letter I.
0:42:46 > 0:42:49- Why?- Because if you put little i, not capital I,
0:42:49 > 0:42:51little i with a little dot on it,
0:42:51 > 0:42:54it tells everyone who sees it that it's eco,
0:42:54 > 0:42:57- and that's OK.- Doesn't.- It does, cos ecomentalists are stupid.
0:42:58 > 0:43:05After many days of development, our new, improved car was finally ready.
0:43:08 > 0:43:11But Jeremy, you haven't done anything.
0:43:11 > 0:43:13You can't improve on perfection.
0:43:13 > 0:43:16Anyway, I have done something. Look.
0:43:16 > 0:43:18An energy-absorbing front end.
0:43:18 > 0:43:22You can have massive accidents and no damage will be caused.
0:43:22 > 0:43:24You could run this into a wood at top speed -
0:43:24 > 0:43:25nothing would happen.
0:43:25 > 0:43:31Then James unveiled his radical new propulsion system.
0:43:31 > 0:43:37Look at this! Batteries as before. But a few more of them for extra power. Here's the clever bit.
0:43:37 > 0:43:42They're recharged by that. That is a diesel generator.
0:43:42 > 0:43:46- That charges the batteries?- Yeah.- Is that a generator just from a shop?
0:43:46 > 0:43:52- Yeah.- So, we've made a hybrid?! - Yeah, sort of!- No, because a hybrid uses a normal engine
0:43:52 > 0:43:56that drives the wheels. A hybrid is a normal car for fools.
0:43:56 > 0:44:03- This just charges the battery.- It's a diesel electric. I got the idea from old railway locomotives.
0:44:03 > 0:44:08- So you just run the generator.- Yeah. - That means that you'll never run out of electricity.- Exactly.
0:44:08 > 0:44:10Uses a tiny amount of fuel.
0:44:10 > 0:44:17- Yeah!- Seriously, credit where credit's due! That's not something you hear often on Top Gear.
0:44:17 > 0:44:21- Or ever, even!- That's actually quite a good idea.- Thank you.
0:44:21 > 0:44:22And this will go like stink.
0:44:24 > 0:44:26And it did!
0:44:38 > 0:44:43Well that's brilliant! It's a hybrid! We've built a Prius!
0:44:44 > 0:44:48You don't think the producers are messing with the subtitles, do you?
0:44:48 > 0:44:50No! They wouldn't do that!
0:44:50 > 0:44:55Since our amazing Eagle i Thrust Head had cost £1,000
0:44:55 > 0:44:59less than a G-Wiz, we decided it was brilliant,
0:44:59 > 0:45:03and that we should put it on sale to the general public.
0:45:03 > 0:45:08However, before you can do that, it must pass a series of stringent EU tests.
0:45:10 > 0:45:15So we took the Eagle Thrust to the motor industry's top secret
0:45:15 > 0:45:20proving ground, just off the A5 between Atherstone and Hinckley near Fenny Drayton.
0:45:21 > 0:45:26- When we get out, remember, be positive, be positive!- Yes! Positive!
0:45:26 > 0:45:27Everyone's a customer!
0:45:29 > 0:45:32We started with one of the biggies. A crash test.
0:45:33 > 0:45:37We've all seen these. A car is loaded up with dummies
0:45:37 > 0:45:41and fired into a concrete block, whilst super slow motion cameras
0:45:41 > 0:45:43record the impact.
0:45:47 > 0:45:51I, however, am so confident about the Hammerhead-i Eagle Thrust,
0:45:51 > 0:45:55that we will be using a different sort of dummy.
0:45:57 > 0:45:59Don't worry, we're coming as well.
0:45:59 > 0:46:02There you go. Done. Can you paint one on my face?
0:46:02 > 0:46:06- Why do crash test dummies have these things?- I don't know.
0:46:06 > 0:46:11For the slow motion camera that records the impact. It gives you a datum point.
0:46:11 > 0:46:15- Oh, I'm not interested in datum points...- I didn't think it was fashion amongst crash test dummies.
0:46:15 > 0:46:17- Are you sure about your new bumper design?- Yeah.
0:46:17 > 0:46:19Thank you very much.
0:46:20 > 0:46:22Hang on.
0:46:25 > 0:46:27We were a bit frightened
0:46:27 > 0:46:30when we saw the concrete crash block,
0:46:30 > 0:46:34because we had to crash into it at 30 mph.
0:46:34 > 0:46:36But then Jeremy had a brainwave.
0:46:36 > 0:46:39Remember what I told you.
0:46:39 > 0:46:41It's a very, very good plan this.
0:46:41 > 0:46:47OK. Now, let's see the slow motion crash footage.
0:46:50 > 0:46:55We're going to craaaash.
0:46:57 > 0:47:00Nnnnnoooooo...
0:47:00 > 0:47:04Owww...my...nose.
0:47:04 > 0:47:06Ohhhhhh!
0:47:06 > 0:47:08Ohhhhhh!
0:47:09 > 0:47:13Owww...my...chest.
0:47:18 > 0:47:22- Do you think we fooled them?- Yeah! - Yeah.- We're alive!- We're alive!- Wow!
0:47:22 > 0:47:23We sur...that was...
0:47:23 > 0:47:26- It's not even marked!- Oh, man, that was, oh...!- Staggering!
0:47:28 > 0:47:30I think this is very convincing.
0:47:30 > 0:47:37Shush, shush, OK, it's now time to watch that crash at the speed it actually happened.
0:47:39 > 0:47:41We're going to crash!
0:47:41 > 0:47:43Ooh! Oh, my nose!
0:47:43 > 0:47:47- Oh!- Oh!- Ow, my chest!
0:47:47 > 0:47:52And there we are, a superb result in the crash test.
0:47:52 > 0:47:57So let's move on, shall we, and do...the pendulum test?
0:47:57 > 0:48:01This is designed to measure how a car will stand up
0:48:01 > 0:48:04to being sideswiped by a bus or a truck.
0:48:08 > 0:48:15Frankly, it was hard to see how we could possible pass this, but then James came up with a plan.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18- We need a camera.- Yeah.
0:48:18 > 0:48:22A plan that would fool even the most astute EU bureaucrat.
0:48:22 > 0:48:27- Action!- Wow!- Wow!- Wow! - THEY LAUGH
0:48:27 > 0:48:29Pendulum!
0:48:29 > 0:48:31TUO KOOL!
0:48:31 > 0:48:37- Oh, right.- So now our car is going to face the fearsome pendulum test.
0:48:40 > 0:48:42SPEECH IS REVERSED LOOK OUT!
0:48:42 > 0:48:43PENDULUM CLANGS
0:48:45 > 0:48:47- Wow!- Wow!- Wow!
0:48:47 > 0:48:53Wow indeed! Another pass! And happy that our car was completely safe,
0:48:53 > 0:48:55we lined it up for a drag race.
0:48:55 > 0:49:00We would be up against a Toyota Prius.
0:49:00 > 0:49:04Chris Hoy's next door neighbour.
0:49:04 > 0:49:08Hannah...the fastest girl in our office.
0:49:08 > 0:49:12And our main rival, the G-Wiz.
0:49:13 > 0:49:18This was the quietest start line in drag-racing history.
0:49:18 > 0:49:20ENGINE STARTS
0:49:20 > 0:49:23Until Hammond started the generator.
0:49:23 > 0:49:26OK, this is it! The future is here!
0:49:26 > 0:49:30Three, two, one!
0:49:33 > 0:49:35- Did he jump the start?- No.
0:49:37 > 0:49:40I am so in the lead straightaway!
0:49:40 > 0:49:43Oh! The Toyota's gone!
0:49:44 > 0:49:47Where's the G-Wiz? I am all over it!
0:49:47 > 0:49:49Come on!
0:49:52 > 0:49:54This is brilliant! I'm going to win, I'm going to win!
0:49:55 > 0:49:59Yes! Yes! Yes!
0:50:00 > 0:50:05- JEREMY LAUGHS - Yes!
0:50:05 > 0:50:06- He beat the G-Wiz!- By a mile!
0:50:06 > 0:50:08He beat the G-Wiz!
0:50:08 > 0:50:11And as ever, Hammond was gracious in victory!
0:50:11 > 0:50:13Yeah! Ha, ha, ha, ha!
0:50:13 > 0:50:15Oh, yeah!
0:50:15 > 0:50:16What do you think of that, then?
0:50:16 > 0:50:18With your stupid little plastic gerbil!
0:50:21 > 0:50:24Next we had to drive on the fearsome Belgian Pave
0:50:24 > 0:50:29in a test designed to measure both comfort and build quality.
0:50:29 > 0:50:30VEHICLE CLANGS ALONG
0:50:30 > 0:50:32THEY SHOUT WITH DISCOMFORT
0:50:32 > 0:50:34Oh! Haw, haw, haw!
0:50:35 > 0:50:41- The chassis is smashing into the ground.- It's his generator weighs too much for my suspension.
0:50:42 > 0:50:44Ow!
0:50:44 > 0:50:46- James!- What?! - The chimney's come off!
0:50:46 > 0:50:50Oh! Oh! That's quite...
0:50:50 > 0:50:52Quite a lot of smoke in here!
0:50:52 > 0:50:54THEY COUGH It's all collecting in my Pope box!
0:50:54 > 0:50:58VEHICLE CLANGS AND CLANKS Ow!
0:50:58 > 0:51:00But we're still going!
0:51:00 > 0:51:02VEHICLE BANGS AND CRASHES
0:51:02 > 0:51:03Yeah, we're hammering now!
0:51:03 > 0:51:05Ow!
0:51:05 > 0:51:07VEHICLE CLANGS AND BASHES
0:51:07 > 0:51:09- Oh!- Has one of the doors fallen off?
0:51:09 > 0:51:13- No!- No?- Well, then, we passed! - I think we have.
0:51:13 > 0:51:19- It's an EU regulation.- Is it?- It actually says if the doors are on after doing this,
0:51:19 > 0:51:22- then you've passed! - Well, they're still on!
0:51:24 > 0:51:28Although we'd been a bit gassed, the torture wasn't over!
0:51:28 > 0:51:32So we re-attached the stove pipe and went to see how the Eagle i Thrust
0:51:32 > 0:51:36would perform in the fearsome steep hill test.
0:51:36 > 0:51:38OK, we're off!
0:51:42 > 0:51:44- GRILLE CLANGS - Come on!
0:51:48 > 0:51:50Come on.
0:51:59 > 0:52:03- I think we've passed this!- Yeah! Well done, everybody, that's good!
0:52:03 > 0:52:06- Yeah, we've passed.- I bet the G-Wiz wouldn't get up here.
0:52:06 > 0:52:07- I bet it wouldn't!- No!
0:52:07 > 0:52:13In the interest of fairness, we decided to see how the G-Wiz would get on.
0:52:13 > 0:52:15Using, of course, an independent test driver.
0:52:18 > 0:52:20Is he good, this guy?
0:52:20 > 0:52:24He's independent, that's the important thing.
0:52:26 > 0:52:29- It's £1,000 more than our car, this. - Hard to believe.
0:52:29 > 0:52:32- Will it go 1,000 feet higher up this hill?- Let's see!
0:52:32 > 0:52:34Oh! It... Uh...
0:52:34 > 0:52:35It's struggling!
0:52:35 > 0:52:40- Now, that's a failure! - Yeah, there you go! - Right there, that's a failure!
0:52:40 > 0:52:46The Ham Head Eagle i was sailing through every test the EU could throw at it!
0:52:48 > 0:52:51But then it was time to head to the wind tunnel
0:52:51 > 0:52:55where we could measure the aerodynamic efficiency of that body.
0:52:55 > 0:52:58- Where's Hammond?- I'll call him.
0:52:59 > 0:53:02Hello, lads. We gonna get on with this? THEY LAUGH
0:53:02 > 0:53:05- Let's get going. What?!- That works! What?- What?- Nothing!- Nothing!
0:53:05 > 0:53:08- Well, come on, then, how does it work?- I don't know. How hard can it be?
0:53:08 > 0:53:10- Ready! - FANS START
0:53:10 > 0:53:14- FANS WHIRR - Yes! Look at this!- Oh, my God!
0:53:14 > 0:53:18- There we go, 12.- 13. Here we go. Look at the speed!
0:53:18 > 0:53:20BLADES WHIRR
0:53:20 > 0:53:2528 mph. I'm gonna take this baby up a bit!
0:53:25 > 0:53:29FANS GET LOUDER
0:53:29 > 0:53:32When the bodywork ripples like that, it does look beautiful.
0:53:32 > 0:53:33It looks like a fish!
0:53:33 > 0:53:36A really square fish with wooden ears.
0:53:39 > 0:53:42- It's also moving.- It's moving. - Did you put the handbrake on?
0:53:42 > 0:53:45FAN WHIRS
0:53:45 > 0:53:48- Now, that's...- Stop it or it'll go in the fans!- No, make it stop now!
0:53:48 > 0:53:52- Stop!- Stop it, Jeeves! Stop it!
0:53:53 > 0:53:55How do you stop the bloody fan?!
0:53:55 > 0:53:57CRASHING
0:53:57 > 0:53:58FANS STOP
0:53:58 > 0:54:03Despite the slight issue with the fans, we decided that our car had passed.
0:54:03 > 0:54:06So we moved on to what would be the final hurdle.
0:54:06 > 0:54:10The i-Ham would be driven round the clock,
0:54:10 > 0:54:15flat out on the proving ground's test track, to measure its range.
0:54:15 > 0:54:19Obviously, in these conditions, it's damp, there's a bit of drizzle
0:54:19 > 0:54:23in the air. The concentration required to do this
0:54:23 > 0:54:28- is just immense!- It's too demanding, we couldn't do that.- No.- No, we couldn't. But we know a man who can!
0:54:28 > 0:54:34He's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's vegetarian cousin.
0:54:34 > 0:54:37# All the leaves are brown
0:54:37 > 0:54:42# And the sky is grey
0:54:42 > 0:54:44# I've been for a walk... #
0:54:44 > 0:54:49- What's he called?- His name is...Janet Stig Porter.- Oh!
0:54:50 > 0:54:53Right! Fire up that generator!
0:54:53 > 0:54:54ENGINE STARTS
0:54:56 > 0:54:58Go!
0:55:00 > 0:55:02Look at the speed of him.
0:55:07 > 0:55:12James, how long, realistically, are you expecting that to keep going?
0:55:12 > 0:55:15Well, I've topped up the geni-tank, so that's eight hours
0:55:15 > 0:55:18on the generator. And that fully charges the batteries as well,
0:55:18 > 0:55:21so you get another hour out of those, just the batteries.
0:55:21 > 0:55:25- So realistically, you're looking for nine hours of running?- Yeah.
0:55:33 > 0:55:35SIRENS WAIL
0:55:42 > 0:55:46- What's happened there is...- Well, the Stig's died.- Yeah.
0:55:46 > 0:55:48And that's because the stove pipe came off.
0:55:48 > 0:55:54Now if we re-attach that stove pipe, I think I'm right in saying, am I not, gentlemen,
0:55:54 > 0:56:01- that the Thrust i Eagle Hammer Head is ready for its road test.- Yes. - It's ready.
0:56:02 > 0:56:06Obviously, we couldn't do that, because we'd be biased,
0:56:06 > 0:56:11so we decided to lend it to Britain's oldest motoring magazine for an independent review.
0:56:11 > 0:56:15They test all the latest cars and innovations and to make sure
0:56:15 > 0:56:20they didn't realise who were the brains behind the Eagle Head i Hammer,
0:56:20 > 0:56:23we had it dropped off by an anonymous driver.
0:56:25 > 0:56:29Hello, how can I help you?
0:56:33 > 0:56:39All we could do now was wait for their verdict.
0:56:47 > 0:56:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:56:53 > 0:56:57Now, we have been sent
0:56:57 > 0:57:01advanced copies of the magazine that has reviewed our car.
0:57:01 > 0:57:03- Here it is! - HE GASPS
0:57:03 > 0:57:06We're on the cover! We're on the cover!
0:57:06 > 0:57:09We have! Right, where is it?
0:57:09 > 0:57:12- The Eagle...- Right, here we go!
0:57:18 > 0:57:20LAUGHTER
0:57:24 > 0:57:31Erm...it says in the ride and handling section where they deal with things like the chassis,
0:57:31 > 0:57:37that to all intents and purposes, the Hammer Head Eagle i-Thrust has no ride or handling as such,
0:57:37 > 0:57:40instead it lurches around almost uncontrollably.
0:57:40 > 0:57:42LAUGHTER
0:57:42 > 0:57:45Oh, God Almighty, no, it gets worse! Listen to this.
0:57:45 > 0:57:51They say that in the Highway Code, they say the stopping distance from 70 mph is 215 feet.
0:57:51 > 0:57:56But our car, stopping from 30 mph, took 549 feet.
0:57:56 > 0:57:59- Who's really gonna do that in the real world?- Just ridiculous!
0:57:59 > 0:58:04The styling is unlikely to win fans amongst those of us blessed with the gift of sight.
0:58:04 > 0:58:06LAUGHTER
0:58:06 > 0:58:11- Bastards!- What do people who review cars actually know?- Exactly!
0:58:11 > 0:58:15- The car turns up, it's delivered... - Yeah.- It's free, they haven't had to invest any money
0:58:15 > 0:58:19or time or anything like that. They just drive it around for a bit. And then they...
0:58:19 > 0:58:24- Car reviewers!- They write rubbish! - Anybody can criticise, try actually making something
0:58:24 > 0:58:29and then reading things like - tried to regain front end grip by breaking and the fronts will simply lock,
0:58:29 > 0:58:32at which point, you WILL crash! That could hurt sales!
0:58:32 > 0:58:34LAUGHTER
0:58:34 > 0:58:36This is just unbelievable.
0:58:36 > 0:58:43- I can see why that Audi engineer I criticised earlier committed suicide.- Yes.
0:58:43 > 0:58:47I want to commit suicide reading this! It's just OFCOM won't allow it!
0:58:47 > 0:58:48LAUGHTER
0:58:48 > 0:58:56- And on that bombshell, it's time to end.- Well.- Good night.
0:58:56 > 0:58:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:59:07 > 0:59:09Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:59:09 > 0:59:12Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk