0:00:10 > 0:00:15Tonight, the stupidest car in the world.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18A Vauxhall you might actually like.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21And who has won what in the Top Gear awards ceremony?
0:00:27 > 0:00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:34Hello everybody! Welcome, and a happy new year.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Happy new year to everybody.
0:00:36 > 0:00:41Now, like many of you here, I suffer from insomnia. I've tried everything over the years.
0:00:41 > 0:00:46I've tried eating lettuce, counting sheep, I even resorted last night
0:00:46 > 0:00:48- to James May's new talking book. - LAUGHTER
0:00:48 > 0:00:52That didn't work either. Now, Richard Hammond seems to have
0:00:52 > 0:00:56accidentally uncovered what might be a cure.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03This is a Lexus.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07It's called the RX 450h, and it's everything you'd expect
0:01:07 > 0:01:12from what Alan Partridge called the Japanese Mercedes.
0:01:15 > 0:01:21It's quiet, it's well-made, it's got a hybrid engine, all very clever.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26All things you'd expect from a car company that has won many awards over the years.
0:01:26 > 0:01:31Neatest panel gap consistency in the executive saloon sector award.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36And the coveted, that's a nice paint finish award. Three years running.
0:01:37 > 0:01:42I think you're getting the picture. All Lexuses are beautifully made
0:01:42 > 0:01:49and impeccably engineered to achieve unmatched levels of dullness.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52So when they announced recently,
0:01:52 > 0:01:55"We've made a sports car," oh, how we laughed in the office!
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Right up until the moment we saw it.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Yeah... Egg on face.
0:02:13 > 0:02:20Foot in mouth. Humble pie, for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30It's called the LFA.
0:02:30 > 0:02:36Despite being a Lexus, it doesn't have many Lexussy features.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39There's no eat your greens hybrid hiding under the bonnet.
0:02:39 > 0:02:44There's no golf clubs hiding in the boot. It's even got a spoiler.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46It's the real deal.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52And if you're still not convinced that this thing is a supercar,
0:02:52 > 0:02:55then let me give you some nerdy-licious numbers.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00552 horse power.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04Same as the Gallardo. 0 to 60, 3.7 seconds.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Same as a Ferrari 599.
0:03:07 > 0:03:13Top speed, 202 mph. That's faster than an Aston Martin DBS.
0:03:14 > 0:03:20OK, I think what I need to do here is just find out how that works.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Stop.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Sport.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Ooh, yeah!
0:03:26 > 0:03:27That I like.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30ENGINE REVS
0:03:30 > 0:03:32And go!
0:03:38 > 0:03:42Woah...that's...explosive!
0:03:43 > 0:03:45It's immediate.
0:03:47 > 0:03:52There's no waiting for a second. It is just stop, wham, going!
0:03:55 > 0:03:56150.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00170.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07That's really quite a fast car.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13Now, this being a Lexus, you might expected to be not just a supercar,
0:04:13 > 0:04:18but a supercar full of immense attention to detail.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20You'd be right.
0:04:20 > 0:04:254.8 litre V10, and yet somehow the Lexus boffins have managed to make it
0:04:25 > 0:04:29only the size of a V8, and as light as a V6.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32But that's not the most amazing thing about it.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35No, the most amazing thing is the way it revs.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40The engine is so lively,
0:04:40 > 0:04:44they've had to fit this computer game style virtual rev counter.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Because a normal analogue rev counter can't keep pace
0:04:50 > 0:04:53with how quickly this thing gains and loses revs.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01And then there's the beautifully nerdy flappy paddle gear change.
0:05:01 > 0:05:07The paddle to change up is lighter to use than the paddle to change down.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Just so you know you're going in the right direction.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11HE LAUGHS
0:05:11 > 0:05:16Amazing stuff from a company that has never built a supercar before.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Which is why they took their sweet time over this one.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Nine years in fact.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29At first, the body was made of aluminium.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Then, after years of work, it was deemed too heavy,
0:05:32 > 0:05:38so it was scrapped and they began all over again, using carbon fibre.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Lightness was an obsession.
0:05:41 > 0:05:47The steering wheel, for example, is also made of carbon fibre.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51The pedals are milled from a single piece of aluminium.
0:05:51 > 0:05:56And even the complex Lexus stereo has been a on the Atkins.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Geekiness is everywhere here.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05These mirrors are specially shaped so they
0:06:05 > 0:06:06funnel air into these air intakes.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09The designers were so obsessed with good handling,
0:06:09 > 0:06:12that even the water bottle for the windscreen washers
0:06:12 > 0:06:15is buried somewhere deep down there, next to the petrol tank, to try and
0:06:15 > 0:06:19keep as much of the weight as low as possible and inside the wheelbase.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Just like an F1 car.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Don't be fooled by this gap.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27That's not shoddy build quality, that's a specially designed intake.
0:06:29 > 0:06:34So, it's definitely a Lexus, and it definitely looks like a supercar.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38The question is, does it feel like one?
0:06:41 > 0:06:43It's lively...
0:06:43 > 0:06:44TYRES SCREECH
0:06:45 > 0:06:50The brakes are ferocious. After caning it around this track, no sign of getting tired.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59There's an initial lead from the front end. It's quite a soft feeling.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02The thing just wallows in,
0:07:02 > 0:07:04and you can give it a boot-full with the rear end.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07In!
0:07:10 > 0:07:11HE LAUGHS
0:07:11 > 0:07:13TYRES SCREECH
0:07:13 > 0:07:14Oh, no.
0:07:14 > 0:07:15TYRES SCREECH
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Oh, God.
0:07:20 > 0:07:25Get it wrong and it takes absolutely no prisoners. It just spits you out.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Get it right though, and you'll be laughing.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Oh, yes! There you go!
0:07:49 > 0:07:50HE LAUGHS
0:07:58 > 0:08:03There we are. What a turn-up from the librarian of the car world.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Which brings me to the obvious question...
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Would one buy one?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14That all depends how much it costs.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17£50,000, oh, yes!
0:08:17 > 0:08:23£100,000, yeah. £150,000? Well, it's expensive, but it'll be exclusive.
0:08:23 > 0:08:29As it happens, the LFA doesn't cost £150,000. No.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33The LFA costs £340,000.
0:08:37 > 0:08:43That's 130,000 more than a Ferrari 599.
0:08:43 > 0:08:48For a car that's no faster than a 599.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51And you know what? Even at that price,
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Lexus won't make any money on each one they sell.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03What this car is, is an engineer's wet dream.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07It's a brilliant creation, and praise the Lord it exists.
0:09:07 > 0:09:12But price wise, it's on a different planet.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15And there's another slight issue.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19At the end of the day, and here it is, the actual end of the day,
0:09:19 > 0:09:22yes, I'm in the Lexus. Oh, God.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24I can never get away from that.
0:09:24 > 0:09:29"Will the owner of a £340,000 LEXUS move it?"
0:09:29 > 0:09:32That's me. Sorry.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33It just doesn't...
0:09:33 > 0:09:36It's a Lexus. It just is.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44APPLAUSE
0:09:44 > 0:09:49I'm baffled. I'm more baffled than I've ever been.
0:09:49 > 0:09:54Hammond, does this car, does it do 1158 mph?
0:09:54 > 0:10:00- Yes.- Really?- No.- So, it isn't six times faster than a Nissan GTR?
0:10:00 > 0:10:02- No.- But it costs six times more?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- Yeah, it does.- Why?- Well, it's made of exotic materials.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07It needs to be! It needs to be made out of myrrh!
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- Is this windscreen wiper made out of saffron?- No.
0:10:10 > 0:10:15- But there's a lot of carbon fibre. - Hammond, my bog seat at home is made out of carbon fibre.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18It didn't cost 340,000 quid.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Honestly, I just don't understand this car.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Hopefully, our tame racing driver will be able to make sense of it.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Some say
0:10:27 > 0:10:31that he has to take his shoes off with an Allen key.
0:10:33 > 0:10:38And that his new year's resolution is to eat fewer mice.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43All we know is, he's called The Stig.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46And he's off! It's wet out there, yet again.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Thank you, Copenhagen!
0:10:48 > 0:10:53Let's see how the confusing and expensive Lexus copes in these conditions.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54Here he comes...
0:10:54 > 0:10:58Look at that, through the first corner. Rocking up a bit there.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00A little bit of over steer on the way out.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03CHAS AND DAVE SONG PLAYS
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Stig, still enjoying a cockney knees-up,
0:11:07 > 0:11:11which is strange because his knees are on his face.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14There's Chicago, a little bit more over steer.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16How is it going to cope on a moist hammerhead?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Will that clever weight distribution help?
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Running a bit wide, a bit slithery.
0:11:22 > 0:11:27You can hear he's having to use the throttle very gingerly as he gets out of there.
0:11:33 > 0:11:38Right, now he can really mash his paw down.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42This thing sounds like an old F1 car.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46Let's hope it's not using know-how from the Toyota team, or it'll be rubbish.
0:11:46 > 0:11:51Two corners left, spearing into the second to last one.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Just a flash of corrective lock. Gambon, that's clean.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56And across the line.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03- Do you have the time?- I do.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06It did it in 1:22.8, which puts it there.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10But critically, I've got to write on there that it's wet, very wet.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- That's the fastest wet lap we've ever had.- By a long way.
0:12:13 > 0:12:18- That next one is Lambo Gallardo. - The Gallardo, there. Look at that!
0:12:18 > 0:12:22Three seconds a lap faster for three times the price!
0:12:22 > 0:12:24It's a bargain!
0:12:24 > 0:12:27At the beginning of every year, the BBC gives us a big lump of money
0:12:27 > 0:12:30and tells us to go away and make 14 programmes.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34What we do is we divide that lump of money by 14,
0:12:34 > 0:12:37and that gives us the budget for every show.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39It's simple! Unfortunately, and I don't
0:12:39 > 0:12:42know how this happened, we've made a complete Horlicks of it.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Which meant that when we got to make this show, we had,
0:12:45 > 0:12:49and I'm not joking, I'm not making this up, almost no money at all.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53- No. And you didn't actually the help with your Lexus film?- Why?
0:12:53 > 0:12:57- It had a space ship in it. - It wasn't actually there when I filmed it. Was it?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- So, it was added?- Yeah.- And that's cheaper than just using
0:13:00 > 0:13:02a real space ship. I don't think it is.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04That stuff costs a bloody fortune.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07We know that now the bill has come in. I'm sorry, I got carried away.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08Listen, stop bickering you two.
0:13:08 > 0:13:14We now have to do the news and that's impossible, because it's not the week you think it is.
0:13:14 > 0:13:20- It's actually December, December 9th. - It really is. We had the studio booked for today,
0:13:20 > 0:13:24and we've had to use it even though we know you're in 2010.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28This fly flying around here has actually died by the time you watch this.
0:13:28 > 0:13:34The real problem is obviously, between now and when you're watching this, anything could have happened.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Somebody could have invented a car that I don't know, runs on jelly.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40We might have declared war with France...
0:13:40 > 0:13:41HE LAUGHS
0:13:41 > 0:13:45Instead of the news, what we're going to do, we're going to take
0:13:45 > 0:13:48a look ahead to some cars that are coming out
0:13:48 > 0:13:50- this year.- This year. This year. - Yes!
0:13:50 > 0:13:55A car I'm really looking forward to is the new Saab 95, here it is.
0:13:55 > 0:14:01- Unless of course Saab went bust in the last two weeks... - Which is a real possibility!
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Seriously, James, really...
0:14:03 > 0:14:06- Do this two ways, we will edit it. - Yeah.- Cover yourself.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10A car I'm really looking forward to is the new Saab 95. There it is.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14A car I was looking forward to was the new Saab 95.
0:14:14 > 0:14:15LAUGHTER
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- That's what it was going to look like.- They said....- They say...
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- What?- They said.- Oh, yes. They say,
0:14:21 > 0:14:25or said, that it's based on a jet fighter,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27or was, but it isn't wasn't.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- LAUGHTER - It's actually based on a Vauxhall.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34You can or could get three engines, maybe you could get three engines.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37The best of which was or is a 2.8 litre V6.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38That will start at about £25,000.
0:14:38 > 0:14:43- It looks great. - James, why haven't you got a Saab? - Because they've gone bust.
0:14:43 > 0:14:50But if they haven't, then it is a very good question because I do actually quite like a Saab.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54They are a little bit alternative and tend to be driven by quite
0:14:54 > 0:14:56- interesting people.- That's why he hasn't got one then!
0:14:56 > 0:14:58HE LAUGHS
0:14:58 > 0:15:03Here's a car I'm looking forward to. 911 Turbo Cabriolet.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06What?! Hammond, sorry!
0:15:06 > 0:15:10It's twin turbos, seven speed double clutch gearbox, flappy paddles.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12I want one.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14How old are you?
0:15:14 > 0:15:18- 39.- And 361 days.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21- Technically, yeah. - You know what that means, don't you?
0:15:21 > 0:15:25The mid-life crisis is arriving.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29Soon you'll be growing your hair, whitening your teeth...
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Have you bought a Harley-Davidson recently?
0:15:32 > 0:15:38- Yes.- Have you?- All right, it's happening! I agree!
0:15:39 > 0:15:42I quite like the look of this. This is the Citroen DS3.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47That's going to be about £12,000. It's sort of the size of a Mini.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Can I tell you the biggest problem with this car?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52When we buy cars - and we all do this whether we like it or not -
0:15:52 > 0:15:54we tend to think most of all about what it will be worth
0:15:54 > 0:15:57when we come to sell it, which is perfectly reasonable.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01The reason why we don't buy orange and lime green cars is you think,
0:16:01 > 0:16:03I won't be able to sell it in a couple of years,
0:16:03 > 0:16:06I'll get the grey one. I think that's what will happen with this
0:16:06 > 0:16:09because you will look at it and go, I really like this, but what if
0:16:09 > 0:16:12nobody else does and I won't be able to sell it.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Or what if it's as out of date as Roger Moore's safari suit
0:16:14 > 0:16:19- when he was James Bond?- That's a shame because right now it looks great.
0:16:19 > 0:16:24It looks fantastic. I think that's one of the best-looking cars that will be coming out next year.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28- No, you got it...- No, this year.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32- This BLEEP year!- Right, stop! - Oh, God!
0:16:32 > 0:16:36- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - Oh, God!
0:16:37 > 0:16:43Let's move, on because this is another car I'm really looking forward to. It's this - 911 GT3RS.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Are you only looking forward to 911s?
0:16:46 > 0:16:49At least I'm looking forward to something this year.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52You're just saying everything is going to be terrible.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Not everything.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57One car has caught my eye.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Ferrari 458.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04This is the replacement for the 430.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06- Hmmm.- What do you mean - hmmm?
0:17:06 > 0:17:11I already think the Ferrari F430 is the best car in the world.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15It makes my little fizzy... My rude thing...
0:17:17 > 0:17:21I guarantee this is going to be a lot better than a 430.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25If that's true it could explode.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Does anybody else suddenly feel sick?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Yes. I don't want to see your fizzy rude penis blowing up...
0:17:30 > 0:17:34No, no, arrrgh! Let's just move on! I don't want to know!
0:17:34 > 0:17:40The fact of the matter is this. This has got a lot more tech than a 430. It's a lot lighter than a 430.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44I think the 430 has about 480 horsepower.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46This has 562.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50The thing I love about it most of all is that it's the first Ferrari
0:17:50 > 0:17:54since 1975 that actually looks properly pretty. I'm just
0:17:54 > 0:17:56completely bowled over by it.
0:17:56 > 0:18:02Actually, we probably won't be allowed to drive Ferraris because
0:18:02 > 0:18:06a couple of weeks ago, before Christmas...
0:18:06 > 0:18:12- Nice one.- A big meeting in Copenhagen and many, many things were resolved there.
0:18:12 > 0:18:17One of them - I'm pretty certain - will be that we have to get out of our cars more often.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21And that brings us on to something we have over here.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23In this plastic suitcase
0:18:23 > 0:18:27is a folding the allegedly assisted bicycle. It's called the Gocycle.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31I think you'll find it's called the Go Cycle.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35- Not the Gocycle, you idiot.- That says Gocycle.
0:18:35 > 0:18:43Never mind. It costs £1200 and, as you can see, it is...
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Oh.
0:18:47 > 0:18:52I thought it was a folding bicycle. It's a bloody bag full of bicycle components.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56- Have I got to build it?- Would you like me to give you a hand with it?
0:18:56 > 0:18:59That's the most terrifying thing Jeremy Clarkson can say to anyone.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02I wonder if maybe you two should go away.
0:19:02 > 0:19:07Good idea, because this is not the only post Copenhagen solution.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09- Hammond, what have you got here? - I have this.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13What it is is a skateboard for people who can't be bothered to skateboard.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15I'll get it all started up because
0:19:15 > 0:19:18it is electrically powered. This device controls your speed.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Why don't you give that to me and I'll control it.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24No, that's the most terrifying thing you can possibly say.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26- Are you really going to ride that? - Yes, I am.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Apparently this has a curve system.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Though how something can have regenerative braking
0:19:31 > 0:19:37when I can't see how the brakes work I don't know - but it works!
0:19:37 > 0:19:39This is much better.
0:19:39 > 0:19:44It was designed by a man who wanted something that would combine his love of cross-country skiing
0:19:44 > 0:19:48and his love of cycling, and then converted to run on batteries,
0:19:48 > 0:19:51by someone who didn't like either of those things.
0:19:51 > 0:19:59It is quite pricey, £1,600, around about the same as in 1999 5 Series BMW, but it is quite fast.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Top speed is 15mph.
0:20:03 > 0:20:07- Yeah, mine is faster. - I promise you this is quicker.
0:20:07 > 0:20:12- Race.- Race?!- Come on. - Anyone want to see a race?- Yeah!
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Back to here, lap of the studio.
0:20:17 > 0:20:203, 2, 1 - go. I've got wheelspin, a lot of wheelspin.
0:20:23 > 0:20:29- Come on, you stupid thing! - I'm a 40-year-old man taking up skateboarding.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30I've got grip, I've got grip!
0:20:33 > 0:20:35BLEEP. I've hit the wall!
0:20:38 > 0:20:41- James, are you still working on that thing?- Yes.- Want to go on this?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- No.- It's great once you've got the hang of it.- No.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46- Suit yourself. - I'm a bit bored with this.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50I'm going to go and introduced Jeremy's film on the BMW X6.
0:20:50 > 0:20:55Normally he would go and drive it in a sewer or blow it up or something like that.
0:20:55 > 0:21:00Unfortunately, Richard Hammond spent most of what we had left
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- on his stupid...- ARGH!
0:21:03 > 0:21:05LAUGHTER
0:21:05 > 0:21:09I broke the tree a bit... Sorry.
0:21:12 > 0:21:18Unfortunately, Richard Hammond, who has just broken our Christmas tree,
0:21:18 > 0:21:22spent most of what we had left on his stupid Lexus film.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26Our instructions to Jeremy were very specific. Keep it cheap and simple.
0:21:26 > 0:21:31Right. One simple film coming up.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37The X6 is BMW's attempt
0:21:37 > 0:21:40to make a car which looks, and goes, like a coupe,
0:21:40 > 0:21:45but has a tall driving position and a bit of off-road ability.
0:21:45 > 0:21:50They call it a Sports Activity Vehicle.
0:21:50 > 0:21:57It's available with a choice of two petrol engines, both of which
0:21:57 > 0:22:00will attract the new £950 showroom tax...
0:22:00 > 0:22:02And two diesels which won't.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05In the cabin, there is space for four.
0:22:05 > 0:22:12But those in the back will be awfully cramped due to the sloping roof line.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Inside it's all typical BMW,
0:22:15 > 0:22:19except for this rather clever split opening glove box lid.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22It works well here.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25But what if you're the wrong way up?
0:22:29 > 0:22:36To find out I went to Sydney, which is in Australia.
0:22:36 > 0:22:43Obviously everything here is upside-down and yet it still works beautifully. That is impressive.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46So...
0:22:47 > 0:22:48How does the X6 drive?
0:22:48 > 0:22:51In many ways, it's quite annoying.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55You can't see out of the back very well and it's got the iDrive system
0:22:55 > 0:22:57which can only be operated if you are 14.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01No.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04I don't know what any of that means.
0:23:04 > 0:23:09Satellite navigation. You are coming up to a complicated junction, trying to see which way it is.
0:23:09 > 0:23:14You think it's a bit chilly, I'll just ease the temperature up and the screen has gone!
0:23:14 > 0:23:17I don't know which way to go because...
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Why are you telling me that?!
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Then there's the gear lever.
0:23:23 > 0:23:29It's on back-to-front cos if you want to change down you push it away.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31If you want to change up you pull it towards you.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35There's no point resorting to the paddles on the steering wheel as unlike in a normal car,
0:23:35 > 0:23:40where one change is down and one change is up, in this they both do the same thing.
0:23:40 > 0:23:46And what was the boss of BMW doing when all the clowns in the laptop department
0:23:46 > 0:23:49were coming up with this rubbish?
0:23:49 > 0:23:53I can only assume she was in a motel with a Swiss spy.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55That would be preposterous!
0:23:57 > 0:24:02Still, for a big, tall car it's not bad in bends.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Unfortunately, to make it not bad,
0:24:05 > 0:24:09they have had to put quite a lot
0:24:09 > 0:24:13of beef and granite in the suspension.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17In Britain that makes it really quite uncomfortable.
0:24:17 > 0:24:22But what about countries where the roads are smooth?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24To find out, I went to Spain.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39No, it's uncomfortable here as well.
0:24:45 > 0:24:51The fact is this - it would be more comfortable if it weren't so tall.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55There's a similar problem with the performance.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Yes, the twin-turbo three litre diesel that I've got in this
0:24:58 > 0:25:03particular model will get me from 0 - 60 in seven seconds, and that's not bad.
0:25:03 > 0:25:08But how much faster and how much more economical would it have been
0:25:08 > 0:25:11if the body wasn't so enormous?
0:25:13 > 0:25:16You'd imagine that the advantages
0:25:16 > 0:25:22of that big, high riding body would become clear in the countryside.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25But there's no low-range gearbox,
0:25:25 > 0:25:32there's no ride-high control and there's no locking differentials.
0:25:35 > 0:25:40It doesn't take long for those omissions to have an effect.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52You see,
0:25:52 > 0:25:54that really says a lot, doesn't it?
0:25:54 > 0:25:56The only way round this
0:25:56 > 0:26:01is to get out and complete your journey on foot.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07That's the handbrake on and in park.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Help!
0:26:12 > 0:26:16I'm still going down the hill.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22Maybe it can handle snow a bit better.
0:26:22 > 0:26:28To find out I went to the highest ski resort in the Alps.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47No.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49It can't.
0:26:49 > 0:26:55So it's too focused on being a road car to be any good off-road.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58And it's too focused on being tall and heavy
0:26:58 > 0:27:02to be any good on the road either.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05And that, I'm afraid, is far from the end of the story.
0:27:05 > 0:27:11You see, the X6 was conceived at a time when we all thought the banks knew what they were doing.
0:27:11 > 0:27:16But it went on sale moments after we discovered they didn't.
0:27:18 > 0:27:23And, I'm sorry, but in a recession a car like this just looks ridiculous.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31To explain what I'm on about I went in search of a metaphor.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33And, inevitably, that led me to Hong Kong.
0:27:45 > 0:27:50You see that skyscraper, the one Batman jumped off?
0:27:50 > 0:27:54It's not particularly beautiful, it's not particularly useful.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58It was built by a world for a world
0:27:58 > 0:28:01that doesn't really exist any more.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Remind you of anything?
0:28:05 > 0:28:10To sum up, the Range Rover is a much better all-rounder.
0:28:10 > 0:28:15Which is why we use them as camera tracking cars.
0:28:15 > 0:28:23The X6 is too cramped, too complicated and, with prices starting at £42,000,
0:28:23 > 0:28:25too expensive as well!
0:28:25 > 0:28:33Then you're going to need at least £1,500 a year to run it, not including depreciation.
0:28:33 > 0:28:38And I think I'd rather spend that sort of money on a Caribbean holiday.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45To find out, I went to Barbados.
0:28:50 > 0:28:54I think a bit more research.
0:29:08 > 0:29:12No. This is definitely better - definitely.
0:29:16 > 0:29:18- APPLAUSE - Thank you very much.
0:29:18 > 0:29:22I pride myself on my thoroughness.
0:29:22 > 0:29:25- What?- Excuse me.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28- What? - You are an apocalyptic dingleberry.
0:29:28 > 0:29:32- Why?- You went to the Alps.- Yes. - You went to Spain.- Yes.
0:29:32 > 0:29:35- You went to Australia to see if the glove box works.- Yes.
0:29:35 > 0:29:38- You went to Barbados.- Yes. - You went to...
0:29:38 > 0:29:42- Hong Kong.- That was just for a stupid metaphor.- Yes, I did do that.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44You're a bigger idiot than Richard Hammond.
0:29:44 > 0:29:48- You know what it means?- What?- What it meant was there was virtually
0:29:48 > 0:29:52no money left for my film, which you can see later.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54- I promise I didn't do it deliberately.- Really?!- (..much!)
0:29:54 > 0:29:58It's now time to put a star in our reasonably priced car.
0:29:58 > 0:30:03Now, because of the budget issues this week, we did have a bit of a problem.
0:30:03 > 0:30:08Tom Cruise, for example, was going to charge us £150.
0:30:08 > 0:30:13Bonio out of U2 wanted 175 quid to come over here.
0:30:13 > 0:30:18So, would you please welcome a former tramp? Seasick Steve.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21APPLAUSE
0:30:23 > 0:30:31Sorry about this. How are you? Have a seat. We have an accident every year and there it is.
0:30:31 > 0:30:37I should explain to those of you who are thinking and the tramp is who?
0:30:37 > 0:30:43This guy is a musical sensation. I mean Brit nominee, when was it, last year? Glastonbury.
0:30:43 > 0:30:49- My wife queued up for five days to come and see that show you did. - I'm sorry.
0:30:49 > 0:30:52You have become this amazing sensation.
0:30:52 > 0:30:56The instruments you play aren't exactly conventional instruments.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59I mean, your guitar, for example.
0:30:59 > 0:31:03I don't play the guitar but I know they have six strings. Yours doesn't.
0:31:03 > 0:31:09I've got some that have got one string but that's just a plank of wood with a string nailed on it.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11That's called a diddlybo.
0:31:11 > 0:31:17I've got this other guitar that's got three strings that I got from a friend of mine in Mississippi.
0:31:17 > 0:31:18He found it at a junk store.
0:31:18 > 0:31:23I brought it home and my wife looked at that guitar and goes, "That's going to make you famous."
0:31:23 > 0:31:29And it has! Because, one day, a little known broadcasting organisation called the BBC
0:31:29 > 0:31:32called up and said, "Could you come on the Jools Holland Show?"
0:31:32 > 0:31:35I didn't even know what Jools Holland was.
0:31:35 > 0:31:39Just so that people can understand the noise that Steve can make out of
0:31:39 > 0:31:42this three-string guitar, just have a listen to this.
0:31:46 > 0:31:52# The dog house Dog house
0:31:52 > 0:31:55# Sing the dog house
0:31:56 > 0:31:58# Sing the dog house
0:31:58 > 0:32:01# Sing the dog house... #
0:32:05 > 0:32:09I had to just do that so you could just hear that this... Where does that voice come from?
0:32:09 > 0:32:12Obviously your mouth.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15- Drinking?- Drinking.
0:32:15 > 0:32:19So your first hit album, I should say, it was called
0:32:19 > 0:32:24I Started Out With Nothing And I've Still Got Most Of It Left.
0:32:24 > 0:32:28- Yes.- Which I think is the best album title literally of all time.
0:32:28 > 0:32:31- The new one's called...? - A Man From Another Time.
0:32:31 > 0:32:34Again, pretty apt. We're going to get on to this name - Seasick Steve.
0:32:34 > 0:32:39Forgive me for asking. You must have been asked a million times but why?
0:32:39 > 0:32:43I just get sick on boats.
0:32:43 > 0:32:48Like real sick. I don't go out on the boats too much.
0:32:48 > 0:32:53I went on a ferry boat from Norway to Denmark and threw up all night long.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56The next morning, someone thought it was funny. You're Seasick Steve!
0:32:56 > 0:32:59- And that stuck?- Yeah, sort of.
0:32:59 > 0:33:03You may be Seasick Steve but you can't be Carsick Steve because what you probably don't realise,
0:33:03 > 0:33:07we haven't got to this bit, we've got a serious car man here.
0:33:07 > 0:33:14- How many cars have you owned over the years?- I try to count. I know it's in the hundreds.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16In America, cars are real cheap.
0:33:16 > 0:33:22You can buy a late '30s, early '40s car for 50 bucks.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25So I'd buy it for 50 and drive it for two or three weeks until it died
0:33:25 > 0:33:27and leave it on the end of the road and then go and get another one.
0:33:27 > 0:33:30They were all over.
0:33:30 > 0:33:32What was the favourite from this list of hundreds?
0:33:32 > 0:33:36My favourite truly is a car I have right now which I've had for a while.
0:33:36 > 0:33:39It's a '51 Chevy station wagon.
0:33:39 > 0:33:43- It's just a complete beat-up car but it runs good.- Where is that now?
0:33:43 > 0:33:49- It's actually over here. I've got it over here now.- You keep it in the UK?- Yeah, I've got it over here.
0:33:49 > 0:33:53- I've got that and a tractor.- You've got to do a bit of farming then?
0:33:53 > 0:33:57I don't care about the farming part but I like ploughing.
0:33:57 > 0:34:01So, presumably, I was listening to a comedian on the radio the other
0:34:01 > 0:34:04day talking about the importance and reliability of getting to gigs.
0:34:04 > 0:34:08- Yeah.- You don't use the Chevy. Because presumably it's, "I'm sorry,
0:34:08 > 0:34:11"Seasick Steve can't appear tonight because his Chevy's broken down."
0:34:11 > 0:34:15I've got one of those big Mercedes vans, like a big white one.
0:34:15 > 0:34:19It's got like a wood burning stove and fishing gear.
0:34:19 > 0:34:23It's got like a log cabin inside. It's real nice.
0:34:23 > 0:34:27There's all these lines of those big tour buses and then my old beat-up van in the middle.
0:34:27 > 0:34:30Seasick Steve's arrived.
0:34:30 > 0:34:32They saw me coming a long way away.
0:34:32 > 0:34:36- So, you've not called the eco-bug then?- What's that?
0:34:36 > 0:34:39It was a thing in Copenhagen.
0:34:39 > 0:34:42- You've got to have a Toyota Prius now - a hybrid.- No, thanks.
0:34:42 > 0:34:47My boy told me I could drive my '51 Chevy the rest of my life,
0:34:47 > 0:34:49and all the life I've had before,
0:34:49 > 0:34:52and not make as much pollution as one of them new cars costs to make.
0:34:52 > 0:34:57- I'll stick with the '51 Chevy, thank you.- Yes, good man.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00That's the ticket.
0:35:00 > 0:35:02So, OK, the car man.
0:35:02 > 0:35:06You came down here and drove possibly the most modern car you've ever driven then.
0:35:06 > 0:35:11- My biggest problem is the shifter's on the wrong side.- Correct side.
0:35:11 > 0:35:15I kept rolling the window down.
0:35:15 > 0:35:19But it is. I have to say that Lacetti is getting a bit knackered now.
0:35:19 > 0:35:24- I didn't help at all. I apologise. - No, we're thinking of getting a new car for the next series.
0:35:24 > 0:35:26You would be the last person ever to go on the board.
0:35:26 > 0:35:30I'm probably be the last person on the board, too.
0:35:30 > 0:35:35- Like a double whammy! - Who'd like to see Seasick's lap?
0:35:35 > 0:35:39- AUDIENCE: Yes! - Let's have a look how it went.
0:35:39 > 0:35:43I'm embarrassed now.
0:35:44 > 0:35:48Now, I'm trying to remember all the things Stig told me.
0:35:48 > 0:35:50I can hardly remember...
0:35:50 > 0:35:52What day is it actually?
0:35:52 > 0:35:58- I've no idea. - That is a beard in a car and that is tidy line cutting the corner.
0:35:58 > 0:36:00That's OK. A bit damp.
0:36:00 > 0:36:03A lot of under steer there.
0:36:03 > 0:36:08You can make a lot of noise but you ain't going very fast when you make the noise.
0:36:08 > 0:36:12That's true. We've got more understeer here. Yes.
0:36:12 > 0:36:15Quite a lot through there. That's slowing you down a bit.
0:36:15 > 0:36:18The radio came on.
0:36:18 > 0:36:19I don't want to hear no radio.
0:36:19 > 0:36:23I'm busy racing, dude.
0:36:23 > 0:36:26Dipping nicely into Hammerhead.
0:36:26 > 0:36:31This looks like a good line. Yes, looking very tidy on the way in.
0:36:31 > 0:36:33And on the way out?
0:36:33 > 0:36:35Very nice.
0:36:35 > 0:36:37- This is embarrassing. - No, it isn't. This gear change was.
0:36:37 > 0:36:39That's the worst.
0:36:39 > 0:36:45This is the most fun I've probably ever had in my whole life and that's probably kind of pathetic.
0:36:48 > 0:36:52Let's have a look through here. Let's see if you've got to any gentleman's...
0:36:52 > 0:36:55This car...
0:36:55 > 0:36:57is amazing.
0:36:57 > 0:36:59Fast - that is quick.
0:36:59 > 0:37:02Coming into the second to last corner.
0:37:02 > 0:37:04Don't go on the grass, it's too wet.
0:37:04 > 0:37:10- You're on the grass a bit there. - Go, go, go!- And around Gander.
0:37:10 > 0:37:13A little bit slow on that one.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15Across the line, everybody.
0:37:15 > 0:37:21- Very well done! Very well done.- Oh, boy!
0:37:26 > 0:37:28You care, don't you?
0:37:28 > 0:37:33- I really care. I know I let down the side but you got to give it a shot. - You gave it a shot.
0:37:33 > 0:37:37I tried to get points for being a little older but they didn't go for it.
0:37:37 > 0:37:41I'd love to cheat here and give you a fast time but unfortunately it was a slow one.
0:37:41 > 0:37:45- I know that.- It wasn't a slow one. What it was was, ready?
0:37:45 > 0:37:50One minute and, bearing in mind it was moist, 51.8.
0:37:50 > 0:37:52Which means you go there.
0:37:58 > 0:38:03- You're faster than Tom Jones. - That's enough. I'll take that.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05That's good enough for me.
0:38:05 > 0:38:10And he was in the dry. You're faster than Helen Mirren...
0:38:10 > 0:38:12Don't rub it in no more.
0:38:12 > 0:38:16That's kind of it. Steve, this has been an absolute joy.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19A 100% pleasure for me. 100%.
0:38:19 > 0:38:23- Ladies and gentlemen, Seasick Steve. - Thank you very much.
0:38:24 > 0:38:29Thank you so much. Great music.
0:38:32 > 0:38:37Right. It is now time for me to present my film.
0:38:37 > 0:38:41And, for reasons that I am sure by now are abundantly clear,
0:38:41 > 0:38:45it's about a medium-sized Vauxhall and a nice old lady.
0:38:47 > 0:38:50Right, here we go. A lengthy yet hopefully interesting
0:38:50 > 0:38:54and value-for-money film about a Vauxhall.
0:38:54 > 0:38:59If you're a proper car bore, you will know that anything wearing the VXR badge,
0:38:59 > 0:39:01I have one here on the steering wheel,
0:39:01 > 0:39:05is part of Vauxhall's Turbo Nutter ASBO range.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07And so it turns out.
0:39:11 > 0:39:16The engine, for example, is a turbo-charged 2.8 litre V6.
0:39:16 > 0:39:20Which produces a meaty 321 horse power.
0:39:21 > 0:39:25That's a few horse power short of our old track favourite, the VXR8,
0:39:25 > 0:39:31but, nevertheless, this executive-style car is good for 60 in under 6 seconds.
0:39:31 > 0:39:35If it didn't have the hand of nannying,
0:39:35 > 0:39:39an electronic speed limiter, it would do 170 miles an hour.
0:39:40 > 0:39:42It does shift, this thing.
0:39:43 > 0:39:47And the performance modifications don't stop with the engine.
0:39:47 > 0:39:51321 horse power is asking a lot of front-wheel drive.
0:39:51 > 0:39:53This version has four-wheel drive
0:39:53 > 0:39:57to keep everything nice and calm and civilised and under control.
0:39:57 > 0:39:59It also has a very clever front suspension,
0:39:59 > 0:40:03very similar to the one used on the Focus RS,
0:40:03 > 0:40:05which, as we know, is very good.
0:40:07 > 0:40:14Also, the suspension has been lowered by 10mm and you can choose from different driver settings.
0:40:14 > 0:40:17At the moment I'm in normal mode, which is the one I like,
0:40:17 > 0:40:22but if I press this button, "sport" - now the suspension is firmed up a little bit.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25Can I feel that? Yes.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28But lots of cars have a sport button.
0:40:28 > 0:40:32The insignia, however, has another one that goes up to 11.
0:40:32 > 0:40:36This one which is marked "VXR".
0:40:40 > 0:40:43Press that and the suspension gets even harder.
0:40:43 > 0:40:49The throttle response is sharpened up a bit but, most importantly, the instruments become red!
0:40:49 > 0:40:52I mean, that's just fantastic.
0:40:52 > 0:40:56It's a fire-breathing monster with a spine of iron.
0:41:00 > 0:41:03And the prize for all this VXR-ishness?
0:41:03 > 0:41:06Just over £30,000, which, in Top Gear maths,
0:41:06 > 0:41:11where we tend to round things up a bit, makes it actually pretty good value.
0:41:11 > 0:41:18Because the equivalent Audi S4 would be nearly £5,000 more.
0:41:18 > 0:41:21And that's all you really need to know about it.
0:41:21 > 0:41:23But, obviously, I have to keep going.
0:41:26 > 0:41:32So I will, by explaining that the insignia VXR is surprisingly restrained,
0:41:32 > 0:41:34both to look at and to sit in.
0:41:35 > 0:41:39It is, therefore, the first de-chavved VXR.
0:41:39 > 0:41:44The first fast Vauxhall that would know which way round a baseball cap goes.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50This is actually a very civilised car. It's very quiet.
0:41:50 > 0:41:56The ride is very good and yet, without the VXR button on, it still goes like stink.
0:41:57 > 0:42:03It's also very spacious and it has a big boot - and much more equipment than a pricier Audi.
0:42:03 > 0:42:07And now I really have run out of things to say.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09But rather than go back to the studio,
0:42:09 > 0:42:14I'm going to introduce you to someone I've always wanted to meet.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17A lady called Margaret Calvert.
0:42:17 > 0:42:20And here she is. Hello, Margaret.
0:42:20 > 0:42:21Hello, James.
0:42:21 > 0:42:24You may never have heard of Margaret but, believe me,
0:42:24 > 0:42:28if you are a motorist in Britain, she's one of the most important people in your life.
0:42:28 > 0:42:31If it hadn't been for Margaret and her mates,
0:42:31 > 0:42:36I would now be going the wrong way or possibly even having a terrible crash.
0:42:38 > 0:42:43You see, Margaret, along with her colleague Jock Kinneir,
0:42:43 > 0:42:49is responsible for creating something special that we take for granted every single day.
0:42:49 > 0:42:51The road signs of Britain.
0:42:55 > 0:43:01I think you've perhaps made me more important than I really am.
0:43:01 > 0:43:03Oh, I doubt it.
0:43:05 > 0:43:09Margaret's work began in the 1950s, when car ownership was booming
0:43:09 > 0:43:15and the Government, alarmed at the clogged-up roads, decided to build the first motorways.
0:43:15 > 0:43:20However, existing road signs were totally inadequate for the new, high-speed highways.
0:43:21 > 0:43:25- No one designed motorway signs before because we hadn't had a motorway.- Yes.
0:43:25 > 0:43:29And the whole job of making that system of signs clear to the car,
0:43:29 > 0:43:32- which was still a new thing for most people...- The driver, yes.
0:43:32 > 0:43:34And at speeds that were still new...
0:43:34 > 0:43:37That all fell to a man and his former student from an art college.
0:43:37 > 0:43:40- They gave you the whole job. - Absolutely.
0:43:40 > 0:43:45We were both on a crash-course learning curve
0:43:45 > 0:43:50to come to grips with designing road signs.
0:43:50 > 0:43:54It wasn't a fashion thing. We were designing for permanence.
0:43:54 > 0:43:59We were designing for something that wouldn't look dated in 5 or 10 years' time.
0:43:59 > 0:44:03Margaret explained how the colour system of our road signs
0:44:03 > 0:44:07was carefully designed to make words and numbers as clear as possible
0:44:07 > 0:44:11at the high speeds motorway-borne cars could then achieve.
0:44:11 > 0:44:14And she and Jock horrified the signposting establishment
0:44:14 > 0:44:17by using upper and lowercase letters,
0:44:17 > 0:44:20instead of the accepted block capitals.
0:44:20 > 0:44:23And that's to do with word recognition.
0:44:23 > 0:44:27You read a shape, whereas if it's all in capitals, it takes you longer to read.
0:44:27 > 0:44:31So you don't have to read it in upper and lower. You see the shape and you know what it says.
0:44:31 > 0:44:35Exactly that. So your brain fills in, you know, the middle bits.
0:44:35 > 0:44:40Most people wouldn't realise how involved this is. They'd think it's just lettering you stick on a sign.
0:44:40 > 0:44:43- Absolutely, yes.- And it still works. It's basically the same system.
0:44:45 > 0:44:48Margaret's work didn't stop at motorway signs
0:44:48 > 0:44:56because she and Jock then went on to design just about every other road sign you see in the Highway Code.
0:44:56 > 0:44:58- So you designed a new type-face...- Yes.
0:44:58 > 0:45:01- ..Which became known as Transport.- Yes.
0:45:01 > 0:45:05- And then you had to design the actual pictures for your warning signs.- Yes.
0:45:05 > 0:45:09- That's you, isn't it?- That was actually a very difficult one to do.
0:45:09 > 0:45:13The important thing was to make it look like an action.
0:45:13 > 0:45:18That it would really alert you to the possibility of two children walking across the road,
0:45:18 > 0:45:22so hopefully you would try to save lives by getting that right.
0:45:22 > 0:45:26The previous sign had a grammar-school boy
0:45:26 > 0:45:30with a satchel and the girl behind him.
0:45:30 > 0:45:33And they weren't holding hands or anything like that.
0:45:33 > 0:45:36And I just thought that this is a little bit more caring
0:45:36 > 0:45:37and so I switched it round.
0:45:37 > 0:45:40I based that, actually, on me.
0:45:40 > 0:45:42I based it on what I wore as a child.
0:45:42 > 0:45:46- So is that actually you? - It is, actually, yes.
0:45:46 > 0:45:51At this point, I was starting to run out of intelligent questions.
0:45:51 > 0:45:54What do you make of the car? Because I can't quite make my mind up but...
0:45:54 > 0:45:57- They always have faces, don't they?- Yes.
0:45:57 > 0:46:01And I think some kind of look very shark-like, some look very aggressive.
0:46:01 > 0:46:05It looks like a car that's been designed by a committee.
0:46:05 > 0:46:09And then I ran out of intelligent things to say.
0:46:09 > 0:46:13But would you agree with me that it would look a bit sexier in glasses?
0:46:13 > 0:46:18That's a very interesting... I think you're quite unusual.
0:46:20 > 0:46:24Back on the road, we inevitably came across one of her most commonly-used signs.
0:46:24 > 0:46:27The story I read about you was that you did that sign
0:46:27 > 0:46:33and then the joke emerged it was a man struggling with an umbrella and that joke's been around for years.
0:46:33 > 0:46:36And that annoyed you and you wished you'd done it slightly differently?
0:46:36 > 0:46:40Well, I would have put a shoulder on it, just. And I'd... Huh?
0:46:40 > 0:46:42Oh, what, you want me to draw it on?
0:46:42 > 0:46:45- Yes.- No.- Come on. - I'm not doing it.- I'll do it.
0:46:45 > 0:46:48- But I want you to direct me.- OK.
0:46:51 > 0:46:54Right, think of drawing a spade.
0:46:56 > 0:47:00As if you're drawing a spade, yeah?
0:47:00 > 0:47:04What do you think? Well, I think from here,
0:47:04 > 0:47:06it's sort of, it's wrong.
0:47:07 > 0:47:12Not only did she not like my drawing, she didn't find my gear changes very good either.
0:47:14 > 0:47:18- That was a bit of a...- Yes, sorry, that wasn't very good, was it?
0:47:18 > 0:47:20- No, that wasn't a good gear. - Let's try that again.
0:47:20 > 0:47:23- Yeah, do that.- I was trying to be clever.- Oh, right.
0:47:23 > 0:47:26Skipping the cogs, so we're doubling down into second.
0:47:26 > 0:47:29Oh, right, yes. Even then, it was a little bit juddery. Now...
0:47:29 > 0:47:34- Yeah, a bit...- Is that better? - A bit better. Could be smoother.
0:47:34 > 0:47:35Sorry.
0:47:35 > 0:47:38I decided to speed up,
0:47:38 > 0:47:40and that didn't work either.
0:47:40 > 0:47:41Oh my gosh!
0:47:41 > 0:47:45Margaret didn't like this sort of driving.
0:47:45 > 0:47:49And as we headed for home, plainly, she decided to get her own back.
0:47:49 > 0:47:55- Big road sign.- It is nice to think that your legacy is spread all over the country.- Well, it is a legacy.
0:47:55 > 0:48:00I suppose. And that's why I end up sitting next to people like you.
0:48:00 > 0:48:01Talking about road signs.
0:48:04 > 0:48:08- Did you put my seat heater on for a joke?- No, I didn't. Is it on?
0:48:18 > 0:48:22Well done, mate. Good work. Well done.
0:48:22 > 0:48:26I have to say, when Margaret came on, it got better, OK? The thing is though, I have a question.
0:48:26 > 0:48:32She really designed all of the road signs of Britain? Well, her and, what was it, four others?
0:48:32 > 0:48:34Four or five people in total, yes.
0:48:34 > 0:48:38Because I was thinking, if they decided to change all the road signs now,
0:48:38 > 0:48:40how many people would this government employ?
0:48:40 > 0:48:42- A million.- It would.
0:48:42 > 0:48:47They'd want 5,000 people just to decide what the little girl on the school sign looked like.
0:48:47 > 0:48:49Oh yes, should she have a burka, a turban?
0:48:49 > 0:48:54- And then that man in the "men at work" sign is clearly a man...- Yes!
0:48:54 > 0:48:56- And that's not right. - No.- They'd rectify that.
0:48:56 > 0:49:00In the modern "men at work" sign there wouldn't be a man, just be a pile of unused gravel.
0:49:00 > 0:49:03Just a queue of cars stopped for no reason.
0:49:03 > 0:49:08- It's OK, we've filled the time now. - OK.- Er, so, let's move on
0:49:08 > 0:49:11to the Top Gear award ceremony!
0:49:11 > 0:49:15- Oh, yes. This is the biggie. - Oh, yes!
0:49:15 > 0:49:18- It's a big day.- It is a biggie. - A big day in the calendar.
0:49:18 > 0:49:21A big day for us all.
0:49:21 > 0:49:24- What are you doing?- What... - What?- Just that.
0:49:24 > 0:49:28It's an award ceremony, I'm wearing a gold lame jacket. It's appropriate.
0:49:28 > 0:49:30It's quite sudden, isn't it?
0:49:30 > 0:49:35Erm, anyway. First award is Injury of the Year.
0:49:35 > 0:49:41And the nominations are - Richard in our Headhammer Thrust i-Eagle, Geoff.
0:49:41 > 0:49:44We're going to crash.
0:49:44 > 0:49:47Ow, my chest!
0:49:47 > 0:49:49Jeremy making paint-ball art.
0:49:49 > 0:49:50Ready!
0:49:53 > 0:49:55Ah!
0:50:00 > 0:50:04And James on a gangplank in Bolivia.
0:50:04 > 0:50:07- It's like literally being with Livingstone...- Yeah.
0:50:07 > 0:50:08And...
0:50:11 > 0:50:15- Mm-mm!- It was a good one. A good moment there, mate.
0:50:15 > 0:50:18- Well done. - Both of us did cough blood.
0:50:20 > 0:50:26I have the winner here. Injury of the Year award and the winner is...
0:50:26 > 0:50:28It's actually none of those.
0:50:28 > 0:50:30Now, I should say before I announce this,
0:50:30 > 0:50:37that when we film a car on Top Gear, there is always a light, OK, in the top corner of the windscreen.
0:50:37 > 0:50:43Now, we've been doing this show for years, so it would be impossible to forget
0:50:43 > 0:50:50that that light is there and that it's very sharp, unless, of course, you were a colossal anus.
0:50:50 > 0:50:53- East Midlands airport. - You might have to...
0:50:53 > 0:50:55- What?- The camera.
0:50:55 > 0:50:57What have you done?
0:50:59 > 0:51:04- Ow!- BLEEP- It really hurts. Agh!
0:51:07 > 0:51:09Well done, chaps.
0:51:09 > 0:51:14Gosh. It's an honour. It is an honour.
0:51:14 > 0:51:16- Thank you.- Thank you.
0:51:16 > 0:51:19Now, as always, we present an award
0:51:19 > 0:51:25to the person who's driven around our track fastest of all in the course of the year.
0:51:25 > 0:51:31The fastest man around the Top Gear track, the fastest celebrity in the reasonably-priced car,
0:51:31 > 0:51:34from AC/DC, it's Brian Johnson!
0:51:36 > 0:51:38Sadly, Brian is in Florida at the moment
0:51:38 > 0:51:42and none of us could be bothered to go over there and give him his award.
0:51:42 > 0:51:47But we did find a film crew who very kindly volunteered to do it for us.
0:51:47 > 0:51:53Thanks very much for this wonderful honour and for this fabulous trophy.
0:51:53 > 0:51:55You must have spent a fortune on this!
0:51:55 > 0:51:57My name's Brian, not "Brain".
0:51:57 > 0:52:01And that's an ice hockey player on top of there, look. Never mind.
0:52:01 > 0:52:02This'll do me for now.
0:52:02 > 0:52:06So have a great time at Christmas and I'll see you soon, guys.
0:52:06 > 0:52:09Thanks, everybody. Bye-bye.
0:52:09 > 0:52:15- Brain Johnson!- Well, I'm sorry. - That's the worst thing we've ever done.- It was cheap. It was cheap.
0:52:15 > 0:52:20And now it's time to get serious, because it's time for our Car of the Year award, OK.
0:52:20 > 0:52:22This, of course, is an extremely coveted award.
0:52:22 > 0:52:25Manufacturers all over the world will be watching with bated breath.
0:52:25 > 0:52:29OK, the nominations are the new Volkswagen Polo.
0:52:29 > 0:52:34It's already won the slightly less coveted European Car of the Year award.
0:52:34 > 0:52:41And the Kia Ceed, for its pleasing equipment levels and ground-breaking seven-year comprehensive warranty.
0:52:41 > 0:52:50And the Suzuki Alto, for its willing engine and its attractive price tag of just £7,495.
0:52:50 > 0:52:54And the winner for being much, much better than all of those,
0:52:54 > 0:52:57is the Lamborghini Gallardo Balboni!
0:52:57 > 0:52:59- Yes.- Oh, yeah.
0:52:59 > 0:53:01- Oh, yeah.- What a winner.
0:53:01 > 0:53:03That's as it should be.
0:53:04 > 0:53:09We were impressed with its stripe, it's V10 engine,
0:53:09 > 0:53:12its rear-wheel drive, the savagery of its exhaust,
0:53:12 > 0:53:15and its stripe.
0:53:15 > 0:53:18No, seriously, we think the Polo is tremendous, OK?
0:53:18 > 0:53:20Beautifully made and so on.
0:53:20 > 0:53:23And that's OK if you're an accountant, but we're not.
0:53:23 > 0:53:27What we look for in a car is, and I'm loathe to use the word, it's an X factor.
0:53:27 > 0:53:30Something you can't really put your finger on.
0:53:30 > 0:53:32And that's what we look for.
0:53:32 > 0:53:36Yes. And the Lamborghini has something you can put your finger on - a stripe.
0:53:38 > 0:53:42We're moving on. There's a lot of people tune in for this moment every year.
0:53:42 > 0:53:44Which is clever because we've never done it before.
0:53:44 > 0:53:49It's the Forklift Truck Driver of the Year award.
0:53:49 > 0:53:51The nominations are...
0:53:51 > 0:53:52This chap.
0:53:52 > 0:53:58Here he is, look. You're all right, back up, you're all right. Oh, no. Wait a minute, hang on. Ooh!
0:53:59 > 0:54:04But the winner without a question or shadow of doubt is this chap.
0:54:04 > 0:54:07Yep, back up, careful, careful...
0:54:07 > 0:54:10Ooh, bit quick. No, ooh, that's not gone well.
0:54:17 > 0:54:18Wow! I mean...
0:54:18 > 0:54:22- Unbelievable... - Credit where it's due. A fine effort.
0:54:24 > 0:54:29Well, it's appropriate we should now move on to the Golden Cock award.
0:54:31 > 0:54:36This of course, is awarded... Here it is, Richard demonstrating for you now.
0:54:36 > 0:54:38It's awarded to the member of the Top Gear team who has,
0:54:38 > 0:54:41in the course of making the programme over the year,
0:54:41 > 0:54:43been a complete clattering buttock.
0:54:43 > 0:54:47Now, there were several cases behind the scenes this year that we had to consider.
0:54:47 > 0:54:52There was the time when James May, whilst following the Range Rover camera car,
0:54:52 > 0:54:54somehow managed to lose sight of it for a moment
0:54:54 > 0:54:58and then start following an entirely different Range Rover.
0:54:58 > 0:55:00And he failed to notice for an hour
0:55:00 > 0:55:07that it didn't have a camera crew in it and was in fact nothing to do with Top Gear at all.
0:55:07 > 0:55:11Just to give you an idea of the degree of James's idiocy there,
0:55:11 > 0:55:14here's a picture of a normal Range Rover. There it is, look.
0:55:14 > 0:55:17And now here's a picture of one of our filming Range Rovers.
0:55:17 > 0:55:19There is a giveaway there.
0:55:19 > 0:55:22But in the end, there really could only be one winner.
0:55:22 > 0:55:25You may remember the steam train race we had earlier on in the year.
0:55:25 > 0:55:31Well, four minutes before the train was due to leave, that's four minutes before the race was due to begin,
0:55:31 > 0:55:37we were presented with a Jaguar XK with the keys in the ignition, engine running...
0:55:37 > 0:55:40and the doors locked.
0:55:40 > 0:55:47So, the Golden Cock has to go to that man who was trusted to deliver that priceless car on that crucial day,
0:55:47 > 0:55:49and left it with us in that condition.
0:55:49 > 0:55:52And that man was...
0:55:52 > 0:55:54The Stig!
0:55:54 > 0:55:55- Yes.- Where is he?
0:55:55 > 0:55:57He's here.
0:56:03 > 0:56:05Stig, the Golden Cock. Yes.
0:56:07 > 0:56:09- Oh, it's great. - He's touched.- He's touched,
0:56:09 > 0:56:12I can tell. I should point out, Stig, that is a rolling award.
0:56:12 > 0:56:15We have to have it back now to give it to next year's winner.
0:56:15 > 0:56:17So if I can have that... Ah!
0:56:17 > 0:56:20No, you have to give it back so it sits in our trophy cupboard.
0:56:20 > 0:56:25Stig, give me the Golden Cock. Just... Stig, give me the Gol... Give me the Gol... I need...
0:56:25 > 0:56:27Stig, I need the, give me the Gol...
0:56:27 > 0:56:31- No, not that.- Stig, give me the Golden Cock. Stig, give me the Cock.
0:56:31 > 0:56:35We've lost both Cocks.
0:56:35 > 0:56:36Have you got his Cock?
0:56:36 > 0:56:41- Some of it. Yes. It's amazing. - You're joking, is that all we have left of the Golden...
0:56:41 > 0:56:43Oh, mate, it's weird. He fights like a choirboy
0:56:43 > 0:56:48but you can hear his jaws just snapping shut in his helmet all the time. It's terrifying.
0:56:48 > 0:56:50I've got some of it back anyway.
0:56:50 > 0:56:53Well, well done, Hammond. Anyway, that was the Golden Cock.
0:56:53 > 0:56:57- What I'm doing is I'm blathering. - Yeah.- You are.
0:56:57 > 0:57:00- How short can you make an hour-long programme?- I don't know.
0:57:00 > 0:57:05OK, seriously, honestly, because James's film was so short,
0:57:05 > 0:57:10- we do actually have time for one more award.- Yes, we do.
0:57:10 > 0:57:15And since this is 2010, we can give an award to the car of the decade.
0:57:15 > 0:57:20Now we are taking this quite seriously. There are a lot of worthy contenders.
0:57:20 > 0:57:24And we considered everything from the Rolls-Royce Phantom to the new Mini.
0:57:24 > 0:57:28Another car that makes our list of those being considered, Pagani for the Zonda.
0:57:28 > 0:57:31Yeah, we also considered, did we not, the Range Rover TDV8,
0:57:31 > 0:57:35simply for being all the car you could ever possibly need.
0:57:35 > 0:57:37And then the light bulb went on,
0:57:37 > 0:57:41because we realised there could actually only be one car
0:57:41 > 0:57:45of what the Daily Mail will undoubtedly call "the noughties".
0:57:45 > 0:57:49It was a car that just rewrote the rule book, really.
0:57:49 > 0:57:54An amazing piece of engineering. A genuine Concorde moment.
0:57:54 > 0:57:57So, ladies and gentlemen, the Top Gear car of the decade
0:57:57 > 0:57:59is the Bugatti Veyron.
0:57:59 > 0:58:02APPLAUSE
0:58:11 > 0:58:14Keep going, keep going.
0:58:14 > 0:58:16Yes. More applause. More than that.
0:58:19 > 0:58:21Yeah! What about that?
0:58:21 > 0:58:24Ha ha!
0:58:24 > 0:58:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:58:34 > 0:58:37We're there! We've made it to the end of the hour. We've done it.
0:58:37 > 0:58:40Thank you so much for watching.
0:58:40 > 0:58:43We'll see you again later in the year. Have a happy new year.
0:58:43 > 0:58:45Take care, everyone. Good night.
0:59:05 > 0:59:08Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:59:08 > 0:59:11E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk