0:00:11 > 0:00:15Tonight, Cameron Diaz in our reasonably priced car.
0:00:15 > 0:00:19I repeat, Cameron Diaz in our reasonably priced car.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22- Sorry, Stig, totally- BLEEP- it up!
0:00:22 > 0:00:26And she's brought Tom Cruise along!
0:00:33 > 0:00:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:35 > 0:00:36Hello and welcome!
0:00:36 > 0:00:38That is later.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41That is later.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42But now...
0:00:42 > 0:00:45we start once again with a letter.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49It's from some Swedish youths and it says, "Dear Top Gear,
0:00:49 > 0:00:52"we are some Swedish youths,
0:00:52 > 0:00:55"and we've been given the run of a whole ski resort
0:00:55 > 0:00:57"for a weekend.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59"Do you a race fancy having?"
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Plainly this was a job for Richard Herring.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10This is Riksgransen,
0:01:10 > 0:01:13the world's northernmost ski resort.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17120 miles INSIDE the Arctic Circle.
0:01:17 > 0:01:22It's so far north that the ski season doesn't finish here until June,
0:01:22 > 0:01:25when the rest of us are on the beach.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29I'm here to defend the honour of the car against some extreme snowmobilers
0:01:29 > 0:01:32who are so extreme they're...still in bed.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36Still, meanwhile, let's meet the car I've chosen to take them on with.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43It's the Volkswagen Touareg.
0:01:43 > 0:01:48A big off-roader that for many years we've...absolutely hated.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51We tested it when it first came out, seven years ago.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54And we didn't like a lot of things about it.
0:01:54 > 0:01:59The ride, the gearbox, the fact you couldn't see out of the back.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01We didn't like the ridiculous thirst,
0:02:01 > 0:02:04and we didn't like that some of the design felt like
0:02:04 > 0:02:06they'd done the most un-German thing possible.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08A half-arsed job.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15But this is the brand new Touareg.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17And already I can report many improvements.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21You can, for instance, see out of the back.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24The ride is much smoother.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28The gearbox, the old one changed according to a geological timescale.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30This new eight-speed affair
0:02:30 > 0:02:31is a big improvement.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38The Touareg also looks more Golf-like than the old one.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41And besides the full off-road hardware,
0:02:41 > 0:02:45standard kit includes sat-nav, electric leather seats,
0:02:45 > 0:02:50climate control, and a ten-speaker stereo system.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53But we've come here to race
0:02:53 > 0:02:56so none of that is important right now.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59What is important is that the new Touareg
0:02:59 > 0:03:02weighs 200kg less than the old one.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Which makes it altogether more sprightly.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10This is a 3.5 litre V6 turbo diesel.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Cost, £37,000,
0:03:12 > 0:03:150 to 60 in 7.8 seconds,
0:03:15 > 0:03:17so it's faster than the old one.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Top speed, 136mph.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21So you're better off there, too.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26All in all, I think this is the machine to take the snowmobilers on
0:03:26 > 0:03:28in our big race.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Which, as they're still in bed playing computer games,
0:03:31 > 0:03:32will happen tomorrow.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42So, race day.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45And I'll confess, I went to bed last night
0:03:45 > 0:03:46full of confidence.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50And then, in the middle of the night, I sort of got cold feet about it.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54So I got up, got dressed, came downstairs, and I made...this.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59It's still a Touareg.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02But one built to take on the infamous Dakar.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04The toughest rally in the world.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08With a carbon fibre body, bionic suspension,
0:04:08 > 0:04:11and a twin-turbo, 300 horsepower, diesel engine,
0:04:11 > 0:04:16it can do 130mph over just about any terrain.
0:04:16 > 0:04:21It's also the first diesel ever to win the Dakar.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Which is odd, given that I built it only last night.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29But no matter, I think this is probably the better tool
0:04:29 > 0:04:31to see off those snowmobilers,
0:04:31 > 0:04:33who have finally emerged.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39They are Daniel Bodin and Dan Lang.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Local snowmobile legends
0:04:40 > 0:04:45whose racing skills have won them silver medals at the X-Games.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Best let them get it out of their system.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56'Eventually the teenagers calm down long enough
0:04:56 > 0:04:58'for me to explain the race route
0:04:58 > 0:05:01'across the ski resort.'
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Right, we're going to start from here.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Then we're going to move around here, sweep around there,
0:05:05 > 0:05:07down there, then eventually we'll finish
0:05:07 > 0:05:10with a sprint across the ice lake,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12end up, finish line, at the ski shop.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16So, that's 12 gruelling miles down ski slopes,
0:05:16 > 0:05:20through forests, and across frozen water.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23Yeah? Happy?
0:05:23 > 0:05:25- Yeah.- Fine with that.- OK. Good.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Um...where is here, exactly?
0:05:28 > 0:05:30It's up there.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Oooh. Yeah!
0:05:39 > 0:05:41ENGINES REV
0:05:41 > 0:05:43All right. Fair enough.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50Ooh, erm, I guess, 3...2...1...go?
0:06:00 > 0:06:01Right, come on.
0:06:02 > 0:06:050 to 60 in this, about six seconds.
0:06:05 > 0:06:10This thing has more torque than a Lamborghini Gallardo.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Have they got that? No!
0:06:15 > 0:06:18'We plunged out of the clouds neck and neck.'
0:06:21 > 0:06:25I have taken the precaution of fitting it with studded snow tyres.
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Obviously I did that.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Come on! Find grip!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Blimey! Where have they...?
0:06:40 > 0:06:41'The snowmobilers promptly vanished
0:06:41 > 0:06:45'because whilst I had to stick to the ski runs,
0:06:45 > 0:06:47'they didn't.'
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Come on, you've crossed the desert, you can do this.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12'As it turned out, the Dakar was as fast on snow
0:07:12 > 0:07:14'as it would be on sand.'
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Oh, yes! That worked!
0:07:16 > 0:07:18I thank you!
0:07:18 > 0:07:20'So when I hit the lower slopes,
0:07:20 > 0:07:22'we were still neck and neck.'
0:07:31 > 0:07:33'I then decided to take a short cut.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35'Which went well.'
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Oh! Oh!
0:07:41 > 0:07:43This is going to cost me time!
0:07:45 > 0:07:46Move, move, move!
0:07:55 > 0:08:01'Despite my cock-up, I was just ahead as we entered the forest stage.'
0:08:01 > 0:08:02Yee-hah-hah!
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Keep up with that, then, boys!
0:08:07 > 0:08:10'But the teenagers were able to whizz off between the trees.'
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Come on! Where the hell are they?
0:08:19 > 0:08:24'Which meant they had the lead as we reached the final part of the race...
0:08:25 > 0:08:28'..a six-mile dash across the frozen lake.'
0:08:30 > 0:08:31Ooh, tree.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Come on, come on!
0:08:37 > 0:08:38Yes, finally!
0:08:38 > 0:08:42I've got the top speed of best part of 130mph.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45This is where I have the advantage.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49'But up ahead, the snowmobilers could still hit 90mph.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54'So I'd have to give it everything to close the gap.'
0:08:57 > 0:09:01This is where the race is won or lost.
0:09:01 > 0:09:02This thing's got some grip!
0:09:06 > 0:09:08I'm just floating over this stuff.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16'With less than four miles to go
0:09:16 > 0:09:19'the snowmobilers were still ahead.'
0:09:19 > 0:09:20Where are they?!
0:09:22 > 0:09:27'But then, joy of joys, the snow on the ice started to thin out.'
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Their machines will have problems on this
0:09:31 > 0:09:34because the belts themselves overheat
0:09:34 > 0:09:38running on straight ice, so they can't give it everything.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42'And sure enough, they started slowing down.'
0:09:42 > 0:09:44I'm going to catch them!
0:09:49 > 0:09:52That's them! That's them! Oh, yes!
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Oh, yes! What do you think of that? Yee-hah-hah-hah!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02'The snow on the lake thickened again,
0:10:02 > 0:10:05'and the snowmobilers were back in the game.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11'But now the Touareg had the edge.'
0:10:11 > 0:10:14That, I think, is the finish line. That's it!
0:10:14 > 0:10:16This thing has conquered sand and desert,
0:10:16 > 0:10:20now it's conquered snow, mountains and frozen lakes.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21I'm going to win!
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Yes! Yes!
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Ha-ha!
0:10:29 > 0:10:33I did it! It's won through!
0:10:33 > 0:10:34What a machine!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38You've got to be...!
0:10:40 > 0:10:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:45 > 0:10:48I could've done that. I could've done that.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51What?!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Did you...did you win that?
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Yes. Yes, I did. I'll admit they did finish with a bit more of a...
0:10:57 > 0:10:58flourish thing, there,
0:10:58 > 0:10:59but I won.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02I'm not really interested in whether you won or not,
0:11:02 > 0:11:05I'm interested in that bit where they said that their tracks,
0:11:05 > 0:11:07on their snowmobiles, got hot,
0:11:07 > 0:11:09cos they were running on ice.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- Yes.- And they told you that? - Yeah, it's the friction.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13Ice generates a lot of friction,
0:11:13 > 0:11:14so they heat up.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16If you slide over ice in your clothes,
0:11:16 > 0:11:18they'll actually burn off you.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Do they also tell you things like, Jimi Hendrix was in Abba?
0:11:21 > 0:11:25- No! It's...- Did they say that a Volvo 244
0:11:25 > 0:11:27holds the lap record at the Nurburgring?
0:11:27 > 0:11:31No, stop, it's true, and you know full well it is. Let's do the news.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35No. What I'm going to do is put a piece of ice down the front
0:11:35 > 0:11:38of your trousers, to see if it sets fire to your gentleman's sausage.
0:11:38 > 0:11:43No! I'm not saying ice is hot, just it can create a lot of friction!
0:11:43 > 0:11:47This is science, and you don't understand that.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- So leave it, it's true. OK? - Yes.- Yeah.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Anyway, let's do the news.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55Oh, now, hey. This is an important piece of news.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58A lot of people imagine the most dangerous time of year to drive
0:11:58 > 0:12:00is...November, or perhaps February,
0:12:00 > 0:12:02dark nights, fog, ice.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06But we were talking about this and we think THE most dangerous time
0:12:06 > 0:12:07to drive a car, is roundabout now.
0:12:07 > 0:12:12Sunny skies, light breezes, girls wearing short skirts.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Dangerous. Very dangerous.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17- Cos the thing is, you can't not look.- No. You actually can't.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- You can't physically not look. - You have no choice.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22There are other things you can choose not to do.
0:12:22 > 0:12:27It's easy not to use your mobile while driving, easy not to drive after 18 pints of lager,
0:12:27 > 0:12:30but you're driving along and, "There's a girl, mustn't look...
0:12:30 > 0:12:33"I'm looking, I'm looking, I've crashed, I'm still looking!"
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Do you have any idea what we're on about?
0:12:36 > 0:12:39I drove through Soho the other night, honestly,
0:12:39 > 0:12:42you know Linda Blair in the Exorcist? My head was just...
0:12:42 > 0:12:44- spinning around!- 180 degrees! - Crashing into lampposts,
0:12:44 > 0:12:46letter boxes, and other cars!
0:12:46 > 0:12:48It's impossible not to!
0:12:48 > 0:12:50The thing is, we know that Germaine Greer
0:12:50 > 0:12:53is actually an avid viewer of Top Gear, and...
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- Is she?- No, she really is. - In your mind.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56No, she is!
0:12:56 > 0:13:00Anyway, she will be annoyed about this but the fact is,
0:13:00 > 0:13:04what we're trying to say is we can't help it, it's natural,
0:13:04 > 0:13:07I mean, in the last three days I've nearly had two quite serious accidents...
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- Even James May is susceptible to it! - Even me!
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- That's proof!- Yeah, but it was road workers he was looking at!- Ha-ha!
0:13:13 > 0:13:18Actually, do you not think there is here a case for the burka?
0:13:18 > 0:13:22- Aaah.- Because the problem goes away...- The burka? No. No, honestly.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24The burka doesn't work.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Cos I was in a cab in Piccadilly the other day, OK?
0:13:27 > 0:13:31A woman in a full burka crossing the road in front of the cab,
0:13:31 > 0:13:35- tripped over the pavement, went head over heels...- Base over apex.- Yeah.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39And up it came, red G-string, stockings...
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Mate, that did NOT happen!
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I promise! I promise!
0:13:44 > 0:13:49- No!- It did!- Did you see this incident on DVD or pay per view?
0:13:51 > 0:13:55The taxi driver will back me up on that. He will.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58He was in the cinema with you?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00- That never happened.- It did! - Never happened.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04Next week, Jeremy visits a hospital, and a nurse's top falls off.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06In Jeremy's mind.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Now, normally, OK, normally I wouldn't bring this up.
0:14:09 > 0:14:14But Citroen UK has appointed a new sales director, OK?
0:14:14 > 0:14:17And his name is Charles Peugeot.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19No, it isn't!
0:14:19 > 0:14:23I have photographic proof, from Citroen,
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- "Charles Peugeot".- It is! What were they thinking?!
0:14:26 > 0:14:30What's his e-mail address going to be, charles.peugeot@citroen?
0:14:31 > 0:14:33So stupid!
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Hang on, hang on, what if there are lots of people
0:14:35 > 0:14:37called Charles Peugeot working at Citroen?
0:14:37 > 0:14:39So he ends up being charles...
0:14:40 > 0:14:43..charles.peugeot405.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Sorry, it wasn't worth it.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:14:51 > 0:14:57Hey, now, as we know, there's a lot of chat around at the moment
0:14:57 > 0:15:03about cars that can run on biofuels or on electricity or on hydrogen.
0:15:03 > 0:15:08But we wondering, "I wonder if it would be possible to make a car that ran on cheese and onion crisps?"
0:15:08 > 0:15:10LAUGHTER
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Corn beef salad.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16And do you know what? We found a Porsche, or rather, Hammond has,
0:15:16 > 0:15:17that can.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21This is it. And the first thing you'll notice is it's covered
0:15:21 > 0:15:25in this space-age foil stuff.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29Back here, there's this massive wing, all very traditional Porsche,
0:15:29 > 0:15:32but, under here, nothing.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36Because this is the first mid-engine 911.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38And what an engine it is.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54So right now it's running on Frosties
0:15:54 > 0:15:58and one of those chocolatey croissant things
0:15:58 > 0:16:01and a cup of coffee. But it could equally run on
0:16:01 > 0:16:04fish and chips I had last night or a big bag of Quavers.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Really anything that the driver can eat.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11OK, first corner coming up.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13The good thing about this, of course,
0:16:13 > 0:16:16plenty of time to be precise about your lines.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21CHEERING
0:16:21 > 0:16:22It's amazing!
0:16:22 > 0:16:23It's absolutely superb.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Fabulous.
0:16:26 > 0:16:31- It is a completely convincing 911, really, isn't it? - It is. It was made in Austria -
0:16:31 > 0:16:34sadly, it is a one-off. It lives in a museum now.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37But it's fabulous and I did do a whole lap in it.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- What was your time? - Well, I did it in...
0:16:39 > 0:16:4318 minutes...and 37 seconds! Yeah! LAUGHTER
0:16:43 > 0:16:46CHEERING
0:16:51 > 0:16:54It's down here. It's down here.
0:16:54 > 0:16:55But I'm proud.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Well done.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59Thank you.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Since we're on the subject of the lap board,
0:17:02 > 0:17:07we thought we would take a moment to share some happy memories of an old friend.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18If you look back at all the amazing things we've done with the Bugatti Veyron...
0:17:18 > 0:17:20HE LAUGHS
0:17:20 > 0:17:25..you could be forgiven for thinking it's the fastest car on the planet.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30The fact is, though, it isn't, you see,
0:17:30 > 0:17:34because this car will do 253 miles per hour,
0:17:34 > 0:17:37but there's now a car in America called the Shelby Ultimate Aero...
0:17:39 > 0:17:45..that will do 256 miles per hour. So that, officially,
0:17:45 > 0:17:48is the world's fastest production car, not this old knocker.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51The Germans are not pleased.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59So, behind closed doors, in the Bugatti skunk works,
0:17:59 > 0:18:01they've created this...
0:18:07 > 0:18:10It's called the Super Sport.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14It's the Veyron's last hurrah and it's been built with just one purpose...
0:18:16 > 0:18:21To be the undisputed fastest production car ever made.
0:18:26 > 0:18:31On this car, the 0-60 time is the same as it is on the standard Bugatti Veyron -
0:18:31 > 0:18:362.5 seconds. But after that, all is utterly changed.
0:18:36 > 0:18:400-100 miles per hour now takes just 4.5 seconds,
0:18:40 > 0:18:46which is the same as the 0-60 time of a Porsche 911 GT3.
0:18:46 > 0:18:53And this will go on to an alleged top speed of 258 miles per hour.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Naturally, that means the Super Sport has more power.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06The standard Veyron famously has 1,000 horsepower.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10The Super Sport's version has 1,200 horsepower.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14So why, you might wonder, does it need the power of a Golf GTI
0:19:14 > 0:19:18added to it, just to do another 5mph?
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Well, the reasons are quite complicated
0:19:21 > 0:19:24and I've been barred by the producer from explaining them properly.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29So here instead is the primary school explanation.
0:19:34 > 0:19:40Well, the issue is the air, which has genuine substance once you're trying to move through it.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46The faster you go, the thicker the air effectively becomes.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49At 100mph, it's like aerosol whipped cream,
0:19:49 > 0:19:55but at 200mph, it's more like a very thick treacle.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57And at 250mph, it's like...
0:19:57 > 0:20:00trying to drive through a fruitcake.
0:20:04 > 0:20:09And cutting through the fruitcake requires more than just brute force,
0:20:09 > 0:20:14which is why this Veyron has a new super slippery body.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20And a new super high price.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24Up from £1 million to £1.6 million.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30Anyway, big, fast Shelby American car thingy,
0:20:30 > 0:20:35your gauntlet has now been picked up by the one they call de langsamer -
0:20:35 > 0:20:38the Slow One. Captain Slow, to you.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45The setting for this judgment day run is Volkswagen's top-secret test track...
0:20:45 > 0:20:48at Ehra-Lessien - a massive complex
0:20:48 > 0:20:54built in a former Cold War no-fly zone near the old East German border.
0:20:54 > 0:20:59At its heart is this 13-mile oval-shaped track,
0:20:59 > 0:21:05which includes this 5.5-mile arrow-straight straight.
0:21:05 > 0:21:11It's one of very few places on earth where you can actually max a Bugatti Veyron.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Nothing was left to chance by the Bugatti boffins.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23We even had to wait until the middle of the day
0:21:23 > 0:21:29when the air was at its thinnest before I was finally given the all-clear to run.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32There's one thing making me slightly apprehensive.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36I said, "How long do the tyres last at 258 miles per hour?"
0:21:36 > 0:21:41And they said, "Well, we know how long they last at 248mph - it's 37 miles."
0:21:41 > 0:21:45I said, "Yeah, but what about 258 miles per hour?"
0:21:45 > 0:21:50What they actually said to me was, "Ask an admiral how deep his submarines can really go.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53"He doesn't know until they try it."
0:21:58 > 0:22:03As I ventured onto the track, I was quite glad that they aren't ordinary tyres,
0:22:03 > 0:22:07but ones that cost £20,000 a set.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11I do feel a nervousness about that extra 5mph.
0:22:14 > 0:22:19It takes me beyond the known borders of car performance.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23I'm hanging my ass over the ragged edge like Chuck Yeager.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Anyway, concentrate.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31'The super-accurate speedo read in kilometres
0:22:31 > 0:22:36'so the magic number we'd be looking for is 414km per hour.'
0:22:36 > 0:22:41If I reach maximum speed, I'll be drinking fuel at the rate of 1.7 gallons a minute.
0:22:41 > 0:22:46The radiators will be sucking through four tonnes of air an hour.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50Just before the 5.5-mile straight is some steep banking,
0:22:50 > 0:22:55which I'd have to enter at exactly 125mph.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00Then I have to change down as I pass a series of bollards,
0:23:00 > 0:23:04ready to give it the beans as I come out the other end.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Here we go. Here's the banking.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Here comes the first bollard.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Change down one.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Here's a bollard. Change down two.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24Here's a bollard. Change down three times.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Godspeed, Captain Slow!
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Whoa!
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Bloody hell, look at the speed of that!
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Doing 258...260.. I'm going faster than I can speak! 300!
0:23:39 > 0:23:40320!
0:23:42 > 0:23:47That is amazing! It's so stable. I'm already up to 340.
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Bloody Nora!
0:23:54 > 0:23:57It's unbelievable! Look how fast everything's going past!
0:23:59 > 0:24:01There's 400.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04'In Queen's English, that's 248mph.'
0:24:08 > 0:24:09Come on, come on, come on!
0:24:11 > 0:24:13I'm past my old record.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15'Now we were into the unknown.'
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Slightly twitchy.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Come on! Come on!
0:24:31 > 0:24:35Yes! I think I may have whipped your ass.
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Whoo-hoo!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40'And the speedo kept climbing.'
0:24:54 > 0:24:55417!
0:24:59 > 0:25:00HE LAUGHS
0:25:03 > 0:25:05HE LAUGHS
0:25:07 > 0:25:08Whoo-hoo!
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Bloody hell, that was exciting.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22CHEERING
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Hang on. No, no, wait!
0:25:24 > 0:25:25No!
0:25:26 > 0:25:27I'm sorry...
0:25:27 > 0:25:33Are you seriously suggesting that now we open the Guinness Book of World Records
0:25:33 > 0:25:37and it says, "Fastest man on Earth - James May?"
0:25:37 > 0:25:40- LAUGHTER - Not exactly.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44- What do you mean, not exactly? - Well, after I'd done my run,
0:25:44 > 0:25:48Bugatti sent a test driver out, because they thought he'd like a crack at it,
0:25:48 > 0:25:49and this is what happened.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51So there he goes.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54He's got to do a run in each direction and take an average.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56There's my old record already gone.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02As we can see, the speedo is still climbing.
0:26:02 > 0:26:03There's him celebrating.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06I added my congratulations soon afterwards.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08Damn him!
0:26:10 > 0:26:14- So he obviously did it both ways, which you have to do.- Yup.
0:26:14 > 0:26:20- What was his average, then? - 431km per hour.
0:26:20 > 0:26:25- What's that in Church of England? - 267...
0:26:25 > 0:26:26AUDIENCE: Oooh.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29- In a car with windscreen wipers? - And a CD player!
0:26:29 > 0:26:31In a road car? That's staggering.
0:26:31 > 0:26:36We ought to find out, really, how fast this goes round the track.
0:26:36 > 0:26:37Anybody want to see that?
0:26:37 > 0:26:39ALL: Yes!
0:26:39 > 0:26:42OK, that, of course, means handing over to our racing driver.
0:26:42 > 0:26:47Some say the Scottish released him a little bit too soon.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49LAUGHTER
0:26:50 > 0:26:54And that he spent all week pushing an effigy
0:26:54 > 0:26:58of Rubens Barrichello through his desk fan.
0:26:58 > 0:26:59LAUGHTER
0:26:59 > 0:27:02What we know is, he's called the Stig!
0:27:04 > 0:27:09And he's off and just look how fast that thing fires off the line -
0:27:09 > 0:27:11smoking all four tyres.
0:27:11 > 0:27:17OK, first corner. Simply flies into those, almost cartoonishly fast.
0:27:17 > 0:27:18Just sensational.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21MUSIC: "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees
0:27:22 > 0:27:25And in the midst of this ferocious speed
0:27:25 > 0:27:27still has a stereo to listen to.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Takes it gently round Chicago, now popping off the limiter,
0:27:30 > 0:27:35Hammerhead, air brake goes vertical generating 0.7G of braking -
0:27:35 > 0:27:38same as the actual brakes of a Fiesta.
0:27:38 > 0:27:4250 kilos lighter than the original Veyron but still a heavy car.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44# Staying alive, staying alive... #
0:27:44 > 0:27:48Your brain honestly can barely take in how fast this thing is.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52What's really weird is it hardly makes any noise. Listen!
0:27:52 > 0:27:55Just staggering. Two corners to go.
0:27:55 > 0:28:00Here we go. Using all the grip of those 20 grand tyres.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03This is the Stig on maximum attack and there he is, across the line!
0:28:03 > 0:28:05CHEERING
0:28:05 > 0:28:07So...
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Here's the old Veyron 1.18.3.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19- We're expecting this to be a little bit faster.- Yup.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21But is it fast enough...? Well, look at these.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25These are the ones - 17s. The Gumpert, the Ascari and so on.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Well, this one, the Super Sport, did it in 1...
0:28:29 > 0:28:30..16.8.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32ALL: Oh!
0:28:32 > 0:28:33Fastest car ever...
0:28:33 > 0:28:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:35 > 0:28:38..ever...to go round our track.
0:28:38 > 0:28:44Now it's time to put a star in our reasonably-priced car.
0:28:44 > 0:28:46We had a bit of a problem, if we're honest,
0:28:46 > 0:28:48because we had Jedward booked.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50LAUGHTER
0:28:50 > 0:28:54At the last minute, they pulled out. So we rang Cameron Diaz...
0:28:54 > 0:28:55LAUGHTER
0:28:55 > 0:29:00We did. We said, "Would you mind awfully coming on the show?" She said, "Sure. Love to.
0:29:00 > 0:29:02"But only if I can bring Tom Cruise."
0:29:02 > 0:29:03LAUGHTER
0:29:03 > 0:29:06So, ladies and gentlemen, here on this...
0:29:06 > 0:29:10- pokey motoring show on BBC Two... - LAUGHTER
0:29:10 > 0:29:11..Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise!
0:29:11 > 0:29:14CHEERING
0:29:18 > 0:29:21- How are you?- Fine, yourself? - How are you?
0:29:21 > 0:29:24CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH
0:29:28 > 0:29:30Do have a seat.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37- Thank you.- That's a bit of a reaction!- I know! It was a lot of fun.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40Can I just say, what staggers me is, sitting here,
0:29:40 > 0:29:45it's almost like I've been joined by the genetic blueprint for the human race with these two.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47- What do you think? - LAUGHTER
0:29:47 > 0:29:51In evolution, we'll reach a point where they look like this.
0:29:51 > 0:29:57Cos how do you know...? You embark on acting when you're in your late teens.
0:29:57 > 0:30:00How do you know that later on in life
0:30:00 > 0:30:03you aren't going to become, well...
0:30:04 > 0:30:07For instance, Tom, why don't you have ear hair?
0:30:07 > 0:30:10Next time I come on the show I'll be like this.
0:30:10 > 0:30:14- And then it'll go at the back... - Curling it and trimming it.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16Cos it's not like either of you have taken care of yourself.
0:30:16 > 0:30:22- You've broken every bone in your body over the years.- I've broken my nose a couple of times
0:30:22 > 0:30:27and fingers and my leg and toes, ribs.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29And you do your own stunts.
0:30:29 > 0:30:34- You are proud of the fact that you do a lot of jumping up and down and falling off things.- Yeah,
0:30:34 > 0:30:35I do most of them.
0:30:35 > 0:30:37- Do they hurt?- Yeah.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39LAUGHTER
0:30:39 > 0:30:42Yes, some of them REALLY hurt.
0:30:42 > 0:30:46And you would have thought you would have looked in a mirror and thought,
0:30:46 > 0:30:49"I'm quite good looking, I'd better take care of this."
0:30:49 > 0:30:54- How many times have you broken your nose?- Well, it started very early, I was 11.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57I broke my nose four times since I was 11.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59- Four?- Yes.- Four times.- Four times.
0:30:59 > 0:31:02BLEEP finds my face.
0:31:02 > 0:31:05- It just does.- Can you say that on television here?
0:31:08 > 0:31:09OK.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19Now, the new movie, Knight And Day,
0:31:19 > 0:31:22my kind of film, I have to say.
0:31:22 > 0:31:26Everything explodes, lots of close-ups of Cameron,
0:31:26 > 0:31:27and you're funny.
0:31:27 > 0:31:32- Is this comedy, is this a new... Obviously not for you. - She was so funny.
0:31:32 > 0:31:34I've done a few comedies.
0:31:34 > 0:31:38- You had the gentleman juice in your hair.- Yes, I did.
0:31:38 > 0:31:40One of the great comedy moments of our time.
0:31:40 > 0:31:43It didn't take very long for it to get there either.
0:31:43 > 0:31:46- It just was a very quick... - LAUGHTER
0:31:46 > 0:31:51- What I meant was...- No...
0:31:51 > 0:31:56This is why I love Cameron, I have to tell you. It's so much fun working with her.
0:31:56 > 0:32:00- Yeah.- No, but I love comedy. - The comedy stuff...
0:32:00 > 0:32:04I started with Risky Business and I've always had comedic elements in different characters.
0:32:04 > 0:32:09I've had some intense films over the years and I really want to do some comedy now.
0:32:09 > 0:32:11You're great in it.
0:32:11 > 0:32:15In the movie, you restore muscle cars for a living.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18- This is pornography.- What?
0:32:22 > 0:32:25What is it you have to check in at the airport?
0:32:25 > 0:32:30Triple Deuce. A carburettor. A Triple Deuce carburettor.
0:32:30 > 0:32:34- Do you find this as well? When girls start talking about... - About cars and engines.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36Ohhhhhh....!
0:32:37 > 0:32:41Could you say a six-barrel carburettor for a '66 Vette?
0:32:41 > 0:32:44A six-barrel carburettor for a '66 Vette.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50I'm actually having a crisis.
0:32:51 > 0:32:57Do you put a lot of effort into choosing the cars you use in movies?
0:32:57 > 0:33:02For example, in this movie, was there a lot of effort went into the cars that were used?
0:33:02 > 0:33:06It's fun. We all sit around and talk about which cars
0:33:06 > 0:33:12and motorcycles. We look at the train and we line up a bunch of bikes
0:33:12 > 0:33:17and we look at the stunts that we're going to develop, if there's going to be a lot of jumps.
0:33:17 > 0:33:21- We did that with the Ducati on this one.- You were on cobbled streets...
0:33:21 > 0:33:26We needed a lighter motorcycle, we needed something I could pull Cameron around.
0:33:26 > 0:33:29That's a stunt I've been wanting to do for many, many years.
0:33:29 > 0:33:31LAUGHTER
0:33:31 > 0:33:34- Have Cameron, you know... - It's not just you in this,
0:33:34 > 0:33:37- you were doing your own stunts as well.- Yes.
0:33:37 > 0:33:41There's this great scene where the GTO, the daddy of muscle cars,
0:33:41 > 0:33:45- and you're flicking it around all over the place.- It's a lot of fun.
0:33:45 > 0:33:50One of the things was, you often see actors coming on, saying, "Yeah, I did my own stunts",
0:33:50 > 0:33:55- so I thought it would be a good idea to say, "Come on, Cameron, take me out on the track."- Yeah.
0:33:55 > 0:33:59- Anybody want to see...- I do. - AUDIENCE: Yeah. - Let's have a look at this.
0:34:03 > 0:34:06This is just about as good as life gets, really.
0:34:08 > 0:34:10- It's going.- You've got it.
0:34:16 > 0:34:19CHEERING
0:34:19 > 0:34:21Thank you, Jeremy.
0:34:21 > 0:34:23See? You see?
0:34:23 > 0:34:27All you've got to do is go like this and "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
0:34:27 > 0:34:29Yeah.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31- How much fun is that?- I was vomiting.
0:34:33 > 0:34:37What cars do you drive to the shops in? What are your everyday cars?
0:34:37 > 0:34:41Right now, I mostly...I drive a lot of motorcycles right now.
0:34:41 > 0:34:44- Bikes?- Recently, a lot of motorcycles.- He does.
0:34:44 > 0:34:46So what have you got? Let's run through them.
0:34:46 > 0:34:50I have a '34 Indian. 1934, that my wife bought me
0:34:50 > 0:34:52that used to belong to Steve McQueen. There you go.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54- That's actually it, is it?- Yep.
0:34:54 > 0:34:58- That was Steve McQueen's old Indian? - Yeah.- What I'm interested in,
0:34:58 > 0:35:04- this Virus, it looks the most incredible bike I've ever seen. - It is incredible.
0:35:04 > 0:35:08- That bike is beautiful. - Where's it made?- Italy.
0:35:08 > 0:35:10- And you have to be measured for this, do you?- Yes.
0:35:10 > 0:35:13They do your measurements and build it to your specifications,
0:35:13 > 0:35:16my height and weight and how I like to ride.
0:35:16 > 0:35:17So it's a tailored bike.
0:35:17 > 0:35:19Yeah, that's a tailored bike.
0:35:19 > 0:35:25- Do you like bikes, Cameron? - No, I don't. I ride on the back of them very well.
0:35:25 > 0:35:29- It's a good way of dealing with the paparazzi if you've got... - The helmet on.
0:35:29 > 0:35:32- I wear a helmet when I drive my Prius(!)- You've got a Prius?!
0:35:33 > 0:35:37- I love the Prius(!) - LAUGHTER
0:35:37 > 0:35:41- So what cars...- I thought it was your favourite car. - It IS my favourite car.
0:35:41 > 0:35:44Is that what you drive in and out of town? We expect it.
0:35:44 > 0:35:46I'm married to my Prius.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49Love it. (SHHHH!)
0:35:52 > 0:35:57I discovered you had a Mustang Celine, the tuned Mustang.
0:35:57 > 0:36:01The other Mustang that I'm interested in of yours is your P-51,
0:36:01 > 0:36:05which is a WWII fighter rather than a car.
0:36:05 > 0:36:08I just love...I grew up and we travelled a lot
0:36:08 > 0:36:12and every time we travelled I had a picture of a Spitfire and a P-51.
0:36:12 > 0:36:17As a little boy I'd fall asleep looking at the pictures of airplanes on my wall
0:36:17 > 0:36:19and I always wanted to fly it.
0:36:19 > 0:36:25Years later I got my licence and started flying aerobatics
0:36:25 > 0:36:28just to train on taildraggers so that one day I could fly a P-51.
0:36:28 > 0:36:34- Have you ever been in those fast jets that you flew in Top Gun?- Yes. You flew in the F-...- 15, yeah.
0:36:34 > 0:36:36- I flew in the F-14.- The Navy one.
0:36:36 > 0:36:41- I flew also in the F-16 in Korea. - Can I just ask...
0:36:41 > 0:36:45This is really embarrassing, because it's Tom Cruise...did you puke?
0:36:47 > 0:36:48Yes, I did.
0:36:50 > 0:36:53I had three flights in one day.
0:36:53 > 0:36:57Actually, when you see the film, some of the shots are in the airplane
0:36:57 > 0:37:01and we were doing heavy air combat manoeuvres. My pilot's name was Bozo
0:37:01 > 0:37:06and I had the bag right there, so I leaned down to fill the bag
0:37:06 > 0:37:10and as I leaned down, he pulled up, went right up.
0:37:10 > 0:37:15My head was on the floor and I'm trying to hit the mic and I'm going
0:37:15 > 0:37:21"Mother! Mother!" My head is banging on the floor,
0:37:21 > 0:37:23pulling up...
0:37:23 > 0:37:26I finally came up and I said, "What are you doing?"
0:37:26 > 0:37:30He says, "Well they don't call me Bozo for nothing."
0:37:31 > 0:37:36Anyway, obviously, you came here
0:37:36 > 0:37:40- to see how fast you could drive our reasonably priced car around our track.- Absolutely.
0:37:40 > 0:37:44You're 33 films, you're 30, I think this is the peak of your career now.
0:37:46 > 0:37:50I'm thinking of maybe Cameron's lap first of all.
0:37:50 > 0:37:54- Yeah? Ladies first? Good idea? - AUDIENCE: Yes!
0:37:54 > 0:37:56OK, let's have a look.
0:37:59 > 0:38:02So we're off, and that's a good start.
0:38:02 > 0:38:03That's a good look.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05Here we go.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07How do you manage to suit a helmet?
0:38:07 > 0:38:11- Nobody looks good in a helmet. - She looks good in a helmet.
0:38:15 > 0:38:16That's perfect.
0:38:18 > 0:38:20Ugh, that's fifth.
0:38:22 > 0:38:24These BLEEP English gears.
0:38:26 > 0:38:30They're Korean, actually. To be honest, they're Korean gears.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36Sorry, Stig, totally BLEEP it up.
0:38:37 > 0:38:41- He's never heard that word.- No? - He doesn't know it exists.
0:38:41 > 0:38:44Now, did you keep it in the lines?
0:38:46 > 0:38:47Poetry, in essence.
0:38:47 > 0:38:51BLEEP me!
0:38:51 > 0:38:53Corner.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55BLEEP
0:38:55 > 0:38:56BLEEP
0:38:57 > 0:38:59Some of this is broadcastable.
0:39:01 > 0:39:03Was that flat out through there?
0:39:03 > 0:39:07- Are you flat out? You didn't lift off?- It's flat out.
0:39:07 > 0:39:11Flat out, and then that's a beautiful line through there.
0:39:12 > 0:39:17The traditional cee'd understeer and there we are, across the line.
0:39:17 > 0:39:19APPLAUSE
0:39:19 > 0:39:21Very good.
0:39:25 > 0:39:27What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it?
0:39:27 > 0:39:34- Tell me, tell me, what is my time? - I think we'll look at Tom's lap first, shall we?
0:39:36 > 0:39:40- Who wants to see Tom's lap? - AUDIENCE: Yeah.
0:39:41 > 0:39:44TYRES SQUEAL
0:39:44 > 0:39:45Nice start.
0:39:47 > 0:39:50And coming up now to the first corner.
0:39:50 > 0:39:52That's a serious looking face.
0:39:52 > 0:39:55- I'm going, "Is this third gear?" - That's what I kept doing.
0:39:55 > 0:39:58That's quite an interesting line through there.
0:39:58 > 0:40:02The Formula 1 drivers come out really wide but Stig thinks that's right.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04See if I can get this to turn right.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08Let's have a look. Ooh, that's...
0:40:09 > 0:40:11That's a lesson in how to do it.
0:40:11 > 0:40:14Now Hammerhead. This is the hardest corner of the lot.
0:40:14 > 0:40:17Did you stay in the lines like Cameron did?
0:40:17 > 0:40:20No. You see, Cameron, you can grin there.
0:40:21 > 0:40:24Now, we're flat out here all the way to the end.
0:40:27 > 0:40:29Nice gearbox(!)
0:40:30 > 0:40:32Flat through there.
0:40:32 > 0:40:34Yeah, and flat through the next bit.
0:40:36 > 0:40:40- That's so much fun.- It is good. - This one's really fun too.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42And then...
0:40:42 > 0:40:45- This is awesome. - You got it right that time.
0:40:55 > 0:40:57We could have killed you!
0:40:57 > 0:40:59CHEERING
0:41:01 > 0:41:04What if we'd actually killed you?
0:41:04 > 0:41:11I felt the wind come underneath. I was feathering like a kite.
0:41:11 > 0:41:12"I'm on two wheels!"
0:41:12 > 0:41:16- Thank God you managed to get it back on all four wheels again. - It was great fun.
0:41:16 > 0:41:19So what do we think? Fastest man's a wizard, Rupert Grint at 1:45.5
0:41:19 > 0:41:25Slowest in the dry laps is Nick Robinson, Political Editor for the BBC.
0:41:25 > 0:41:29He did it it 1:49.9. So, Cameron, ladies first.
0:41:29 > 0:41:33This is the piece of paper with the times on it.
0:41:33 > 0:41:35- Good luck.- Thanks, buddy.
0:41:36 > 0:41:40Cameron Diaz, you did it in one...
0:41:40 > 0:41:41forty...
0:41:45 > 0:41:47five...
0:41:50 > 0:41:53- two. - CHEERING
0:42:03 > 0:42:05Wow!
0:42:05 > 0:42:06Yes!
0:42:09 > 0:42:11Well done, you.
0:42:19 > 0:42:21Yes!
0:42:21 > 0:42:27Now, that's a magnanimous face but, let's be honest, you're quietly crapping yourself.
0:42:28 > 0:42:32Oh, my God. 1:45.2, I doubt.
0:42:34 > 0:42:37Oh, just give it over.
0:42:37 > 0:42:42- Give it over!- Give it to him! - Even Tom Cruise leans forward.
0:42:42 > 0:42:46"I'm not interested. I'm not interested."
0:42:46 > 0:42:49Tom Cruise, you did it in one...
0:42:50 > 0:42:52- forty...- OK.
0:42:52 > 0:42:55SHE WHISPERS
0:42:55 > 0:42:58- ..four. - AUDIENCE WHOOPS
0:43:00 > 0:43:02CHEERING
0:43:07 > 0:43:08You Americans.
0:43:08 > 0:43:11APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:43:25 > 0:43:29When I was on two wheels, I thought, "I don't know what's going to happen."
0:43:29 > 0:43:32Two wheels is obviously the fastest way...
0:43:33 > 0:43:36You are a man who likes racing, but that's quick.
0:43:36 > 0:43:38When the two wheels were going through...
0:43:38 > 0:43:41I'm not going to come off and they said, "This is it."
0:43:41 > 0:43:43So I was thinking, "If I go through on the side,
0:43:43 > 0:43:45does the time still count?"
0:43:45 > 0:43:46LAUGHTER
0:43:46 > 0:43:48It was... That was a breathtaking thing.
0:43:48 > 0:43:51- My whole day has just been... It's been just...- Wow.
0:43:51 > 0:43:53Such an honour to meet you, Tom.
0:43:53 > 0:43:57- This was the best day. - Cameron, thank you very much for making me sick.
0:43:57 > 0:43:59- What's that?- Thank you for making me feel sick.
0:43:59 > 0:44:03- Oh, you are so welcome(!) - Ladies and gentlemen...
0:44:03 > 0:44:06- Thank you so much.- Thank you all. - Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz.
0:44:06 > 0:44:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:13 > 0:44:16- Thank you so much. - That was so much fun.