0:00:11 > 0:00:15Tonight, a dog won't get in a car...
0:00:15 > 0:00:17a flipchart falls over...
0:00:17 > 0:00:20and a man from Liverpool drives a car.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21HE LAUGHS
0:00:26 > 0:00:28APPLAUSE
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Thank you, everybody! Thank you.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Hello, hello! Thank you so much.
0:00:34 > 0:00:41Can I just say how nice it is to be back where we belong? BBC Two, 8 o'clock, Sunday night.
0:00:41 > 0:00:46Unless, of course, somebody's organised a snooker tournament, in which case, happy Easter!
0:00:46 > 0:00:50- LAUGHTER - And isn't the iPlayer...illiant...
0:00:50 > 0:00:52LAUGHTER
0:00:52 > 0:00:56- ..when it freezes? - LAUGHTER
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Broadband connection.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01What I'd like to do is shove it up British Telecom's...
0:01:04 > 0:01:07We start tonight with the Ariel Atom.
0:01:07 > 0:01:12Now, there is a new, much f-a-a-a-ster version
0:01:12 > 0:01:17which has come along recently and there was only one man to test it for us.
0:01:17 > 0:01:23He was born in a stable and his name is James May.
0:01:28 > 0:01:34This is it, you'll be able to spot it in a crowd by virtue of its gold wheels,
0:01:34 > 0:01:38its gold chassis,
0:01:38 > 0:01:43its F1-style engine cover and by the engine underneath it,
0:01:43 > 0:01:46which is now a three-litre V8.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Now the normal rules are, if you've got a big, heavy car
0:01:55 > 0:01:58and you want it to go fast, you have to put a big, powerful engine in it.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02If you've got a small, light car and you want it to go fast,
0:02:02 > 0:02:04you don't need to put such a big engine in it.
0:02:04 > 0:02:09So what happens if you take a very light car and put a very big engine in it?
0:02:09 > 0:02:15Well, in my case, you look like a spaniel with its head out of the window.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Lord above!
0:02:25 > 0:02:30The old Atom had 275 horsepower.
0:02:30 > 0:02:37This one has 500 horsepower and it only weighs 550kg.
0:02:37 > 0:02:44Which means it has a power-to-weight figure of over 900 horsepower per tonne.
0:02:46 > 0:02:52So in Top Gear maths, it's twice as powerful as a Bugatti Veyron or a Ferrari Enzo.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01But the Atom is not just a rocket bolted to a roller-skate.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03It's a bit more clever than that.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08These little paddles, for example, will shift the sequential gears
0:03:08 > 0:03:11in four-hundredths of a second, or so quickly
0:03:11 > 0:03:15that there's no appreciable drop in power to the rear wheels
0:03:15 > 0:03:19and that helps it go from 0-60 in something like 2.5 seconds.
0:03:21 > 0:03:26And now, let's bring all those numbers to life with a practical demonstration.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30Here we have a small selection of supercars from around the world.
0:03:30 > 0:03:37From Japan, the Lexus LFA - £340,000, bristling with science.
0:03:37 > 0:03:43From Italy, the latest lightweight Lamborghini Gallardo - £180,000.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Both of them with over 550 horsepower,
0:03:46 > 0:03:50and both of them packed with supercar technology and the pride of nations.
0:03:50 > 0:03:55So let's see how they do against the Atom in a race
0:03:55 > 0:03:59from nought to 100 to nought.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03ELECTRONIC BLEEPING
0:04:06 > 0:04:07I'm first!
0:04:18 > 0:04:20And there we are.
0:04:21 > 0:04:27Look how this cottage industry supercar mocks the conceit of empires.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Ha-ha!
0:04:30 > 0:04:36However, since we're on this built-in-a-shed David versus big-business Goliath theme,
0:04:36 > 0:04:40I have a confession to make... on the Atom's behalf.
0:04:40 > 0:04:46The standard Atom, with 275 horsepower, costs £30,000.
0:04:46 > 0:04:51This one, with 500 horsepower, costs £150,000.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56And even the seasoned Top Gear film crew were quite surprised
0:04:56 > 0:04:59by what you get for your 150 grand.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- Is there a radio?- No.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04- Hands-free kit?- So no subwoofer? - What?
0:05:04 > 0:05:06"Hands-free"... No.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07- No.- Glovebox?
0:05:07 > 0:05:12- No glovebox.- Is it central locking? - No, there's no doors. - Where's the spare wheel?
0:05:12 > 0:05:15I don't think there is a spare wheel. There's no boot.
0:05:15 > 0:05:16- Cup holder?- Nope, no cup holder.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20- Cruise control?- No. - Somewhere to put your sunglasses?- No.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24- Your iPhone? That plugs in, surely. - No.- Towbar?- No.
0:05:24 > 0:05:31The fact is, with this car, you're paying for supergeek levels of engineering.
0:05:31 > 0:05:37The bespoke engine and gearbox alone cost £50,000.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39And then you've got the magnesium wheels
0:05:39 > 0:05:44and the on-board computers that set the car up for individual owners.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50Also, the Atom V8 had a difficult and costly birth.
0:05:50 > 0:05:55Early attempts at the V8 were absolutely brutal.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58They were only really fit for track-day bores
0:05:58 > 0:06:03who wanted to drone on in the pub about how they'd driven something that was undrivable.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08So they went back to the drawing board and then they got this.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11BRAKES SCREECH
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Not that, this.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23A hardcore car with a heart of pure gold.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29I love the steering in this thing - it's fantastically immediate.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32I'm just thinking my way through bends, really.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38It's as crisp as a bag of crisps.
0:06:40 > 0:06:45In fact, driving the V8 Atom is one of the great motoring experiences
0:06:45 > 0:06:49of my life, which is an excellent thought on which to end this film.
0:06:54 > 0:07:00Unfortunately, it isn't the end. In fact, things get a bit tricky for me now because when Jeremy tested
0:07:00 > 0:07:05the original Atom several years ago, he had a race round the track against a fast motorcycle
0:07:05 > 0:07:11and the producers enjoyed this so much, they've ordered me to do the same thing again.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Hm.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17The thing is, since this Atom is considerably faster than the old one,
0:07:17 > 0:07:21it'll be up against a considerably faster bike -
0:07:21 > 0:07:28the BMW S1000RR, the world's most-powerful road bike.
0:07:28 > 0:07:35And whereas Jeremy raced against a normal road-going motorcycle enthusiast, I won't be.
0:07:35 > 0:07:41No, I'll be against British EVO Superbike champion Steve Brogan.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45Now, I thought this was unfair and I protested.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48I said the Atom should also be driven by a proper racing driver,
0:07:48 > 0:07:52but the producers said, "No, it must be a Top Gear presenter,"
0:07:52 > 0:07:56so...here we go.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Oh, sorry, mate. Sorry.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03Anyway, undo that strap, stick it on your head.
0:08:03 > 0:08:04- Action.- Nice.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11ENGINES REV
0:08:14 > 0:08:16And I'm off!
0:08:16 > 0:08:19No, he's going past.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23We've got roughly the same power-to-weight ratio.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26This is going to be about corners.
0:08:27 > 0:08:32Got a bit of drive out of the corner on me there, but I think I'm catching him again.
0:08:32 > 0:08:33Round Chicago.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Been given a good beating there by Hammerhead. Here we go.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Hard on the brakes.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Turning in.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51He can't get his power down in the corners like I can.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Down to the Follow Through, flat out.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06Got to keep it right.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Full power!
0:09:13 > 0:09:15I'm gaining.
0:09:17 > 0:09:23I've gone past, I've gone past! Into the second-to-last corner.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Here we go for the last corner. Don't muck it up.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29And across the line!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Cheers, Tiff.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39No problem, James - any time you want me.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- Thanks.- Do you want this shirt back?
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- Yes, please.- OK. - I'm pretty sure you don't want it.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47No, you're right.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52You cheat. Cheat.
0:09:52 > 0:09:57Now, listen...
0:09:57 > 0:10:01seven million YouTube watchers will testify to the fact
0:10:01 > 0:10:04that when I drove an Atom, it completely ruined my face.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08- "Ruined"?- Ruined! I used to look like Pierce Brosnan. - LAUGHTER
0:10:08 > 0:10:12I was a ladies' man. Now they're just sick when they see me. But the thing is,
0:10:12 > 0:10:15this one, obviously, is a lot faster than the one I drove,
0:10:15 > 0:10:21but you look just as hideous now as you did when you got into it.
0:10:21 > 0:10:26I think that's partly because my face isn't as flabby as yours, but it's also...
0:10:26 > 0:10:28LAUGHTER
0:10:30 > 0:10:35No, listen, it's also... It is partly that, but it's partly because I drove it with this windscreen on.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39- Oh, yeah(!)- I know it doesn't look like much. It's just a little piece of Perspex,
0:10:39 > 0:10:42but that is enough to stop people ending up looking like you.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46- LAUGHTER - Interesting point, good.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Now I have actually driven the V8, I must say, and my abiding memory is one of understeer.
0:10:50 > 0:10:55Yes, you're right because you do get to a fast corner and you turn the wheel more sort of...
0:10:55 > 0:11:00- It's more in hope than expectation, really.- Exactly, which is why, to find out how fast it goes
0:11:00 > 0:11:04round our track, we need a man who has no fear.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06- And no face.- Absolutely, no face.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11Now you may remember in our Christmas Special, we found... Well, we sparked fury in fact,
0:11:11 > 0:11:16when we found a baby Stig in a manger in Bethlehem.
0:11:16 > 0:11:21The thing is, though, that was only one month ago.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26Now you're probably thinking there's no way that a car like the V8 Atom could be handled
0:11:26 > 0:11:32by a mewling, puking infant, but the good news is Stigs grow up very quickly.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34- LAUGHTER - They do, they do.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36He's already been to school.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40There he is. He's been a teenager.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Got a photograph of him here at university.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49Soon he will be old enough to get a job on Countryfile,
0:11:49 > 0:11:54but now, he's here and he's ready to go to work.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58So everyone please welcome, Top Gear's new Stig!
0:12:01 > 0:12:04And he's off. Firing up the straight like a microbe.
0:12:04 > 0:12:09The Atom's three-litre V8 is actually two motorbike engines stuck together.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Here he comes, powering it into the first corner. Will it understeer?
0:12:12 > 0:12:14No, it will not, and...
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Oh, the tail's coming out.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23Stig playing the wheel like a saxophone there. Chicago.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Now there is some understeer.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30But he's sorted it out with a bootful of power. Coming up into Hammerhead.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33This really will show up its chassis flaws, if there are any.
0:12:33 > 0:12:38Yeah, look, he's watching the speed, but again, he's got it all sorted out like a Japanese lunatic.
0:12:40 > 0:12:45Look at him. If New Stig keeps growing at this rate, he'll be 100 feet tall by Easter!
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Follow Through - really getting the hammer down now.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Is he actually having to put opposite lock on there? I think he was.
0:12:52 > 0:12:57Stig, though, not fazed even slightly. More tail kicking out there.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Second-to-last corner, beautifully handled,
0:12:59 > 0:13:02and Gambon, sliding it through and across the line.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04CHEERING
0:13:04 > 0:13:09Now...we should explain,
0:13:09 > 0:13:12we have tried the new Stig out in a range of cars
0:13:12 > 0:13:17and his times are broadly similar to those set by Sacked Stig.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21Yeah, we should also point out that the Atom V8 is within a shout of becoming the fastest ever car
0:13:21 > 0:13:28round our track, which means, of course, beating the Bugatti Veyron Super Sport at 1:16.8.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Yep, and it did it -
0:13:30 > 0:13:35I can scarcely believe this - in 1:15.1.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38CHEERING, APPLAUSE
0:13:38 > 0:13:40That is unbelievable.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42What a car.
0:13:44 > 0:13:49That is not bad, considering it was being driven by a Stig
0:13:49 > 0:13:51that's only 34 days old.
0:13:51 > 0:13:57Now, just before we do the news, we thought you might want to take a quick look at this.
0:13:57 > 0:13:58It's the Jaguar CX75,
0:13:58 > 0:14:03and it's kind of Jaguar's 75th birthday present to itself.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06And, well, I mean, it is a bit of a looker.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09And it's full of little references to great Jaguar cars of the past.
0:14:09 > 0:14:15This fin refers back to the massive fin on top of the old D-type, and then the back has been styled
0:14:15 > 0:14:20to have something of the old Jaguar XJ13, a one-off of the 1960s, about it.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24But here's a thing. In a modern world, there's no denying, I think,
0:14:24 > 0:14:26that is a thing of beauty to behold,
0:14:26 > 0:14:29but that beauty is much more than skin-deep.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Absolutely. This is, in fact, an electric car.
0:14:32 > 0:14:38There is an electric motor powering each wheel, but you don't have to plug it into the mains
0:14:38 > 0:14:44to charge it up because if we look in the back, we see a pair of gas turbines, jet engines, if you like.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48They can either generate electricity to recharge the batteries
0:14:48 > 0:14:52and increase the range, or they can feed power directly to the motors in the wheels,
0:14:52 > 0:14:57in which case this car develops 780 brake horsepower
0:14:57 > 0:15:01and the other remarkable thing it has is a big spanner.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Hello! Yes, inside it's all very modern, very cool.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08This mood lighting shows the driver which seat to sit in, I imagine,
0:15:08 > 0:15:13and if you hit the buttons, you can scroll through different modes and if you put it in Track,
0:15:13 > 0:15:16it'll dim all the lights so the driver can focus on driving.
0:15:16 > 0:15:22It's got these great door handles that are like ejector seat levers and when you want to get comfortable,
0:15:22 > 0:15:27you don't move your seat about, you move the instrument binnacle, the steering wheel and pedal box back
0:15:27 > 0:15:29towards you, or forwards, to suit the driver.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33Obviously in my case, it's going to be coming this way quite a lot.
0:15:33 > 0:15:41Now Jaguar say this would do 0-60 in 3.4 seconds and 205 mph, and the great thing
0:15:41 > 0:15:46is that the gas turbines will run on pretty much any flammable liquid, so you could fuel it with petrol
0:15:46 > 0:15:52or with diesel or, if you wanted to save yourself quite a bit of money, single malt Scotch whisky.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56- LAUGHTER - Now there are just two problems, really, as I see it with the Jaguar.
0:15:56 > 0:16:01One, it doesn't actually work and two, they'll never make it, but don't worry
0:16:01 > 0:16:07because if you want to buy something very exciting, the Lancia Stratos is back.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10- CHEERING - Here it is. Here it is.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14- APPLAUSE - I know. It's one of the greatest cars ever made, the Stratos.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18What they do to create this one - take a Ferrari 430, remove the hideous body...
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- Oh, I'm sorry, James, I forgot you've got one.- Thank you(!)
0:16:21 > 0:16:24- Anyway, they removed the foul, disgusting body...- Yes, all right!
0:16:24 > 0:16:28- ..and fit that new one. I think that's fantastic.- How much is it?
0:16:28 > 0:16:30- Half a million quid.- Ooh, that's...
0:16:30 > 0:16:36If that's a bit rich, don't worry, because the Jensen Interceptor is back. Oh, yes.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38APPLAUSE There's a car!
0:16:38 > 0:16:42That genuinely is amazing. What you do is you take an old Jensen Interceptor to a factory
0:16:42 > 0:16:47in Banbury, give the man there a cheque for £105,000 and in exchange,
0:16:47 > 0:16:50he'll fit a Corvette engine, new brakes, new interior,
0:16:50 > 0:16:52better rear suspension and you end up with that.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56- So that's all new underneath? - Yeah, it's basically a new car.
0:16:56 > 0:17:01You'd actually be able to say to your wife, "Shall we take the Interceptor tonight, darling?"
0:17:01 > 0:17:06You'd want to do that. I'd change my name to Captain Stingray if I...
0:17:06 > 0:17:08- LAUGHTER - That is an amazing looking car.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12- My grandfather used to build them. - Oh, well, don't bother then.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13- LAUGHTER - In Birmingham?- He did.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Hey, now, there is a new Lamborghini on the way.
0:17:16 > 0:17:21It's so secret and so new we don't even have a picture of it yet, but we can tell you
0:17:21 > 0:17:25that it's the replacement for the Murcielago, and it's going to have a 700 horsepower V12.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29I fear, though, it's going to be rather overshadowed by this.
0:17:29 > 0:17:36Now this is a new American car and let me just give you the headlines, if I may.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Horsepower, 2,000.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41So that's twice what you get from a Bugatti Veyron.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Top speed, 300 miles an hour.
0:17:43 > 0:17:490-60, 1.5 seconds and it holds the lap records, as we can see here,
0:17:49 > 0:17:54- at the Nurburgring and the Virginia International Raceway. - Hold on a second!
0:17:54 > 0:17:56- 0-60, 1.5 seconds?- Yep.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59- Why haven't we heard about this? - I don't know.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Probably because the bloke who did it swallowed his tongue!
0:18:02 > 0:18:05He's still stuck down the back of the driver's seat!
0:18:05 > 0:18:10Oh, no, no! I apologise, I apologise! I hadn't read this thoroughly.
0:18:10 > 0:18:15- JEREMY LAUGHS - Look. You look at this and go, "Those are the things, horsepower."
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- It goes, "We will not quit until we- achieve- these goals."
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- It's just a wish-list? - It's just a wish-list of things.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24The biggest problem with this car, though, is its name.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28- What? Is it called the Scrotum? - The Sweatcrack?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30- It's called the Dagger. - Well, that's all right.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- It isn't.- That's quite a good name. - No! No, "dagger" like
0:18:33 > 0:18:39a little piece of poo stuck in a sheep's anal shrubbery.
0:18:39 > 0:18:40- What?!- That's a dagger.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43- It's not a dagger.- It is!
0:18:43 > 0:18:46No, that's a dingleberry you're thinking of.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Klingon, dingleberry...
0:18:48 > 0:18:52It's not a dagger. Nobody's ever stood over a body and said, "What was the weapon?"
0:18:52 > 0:18:55"I think he used a dingleberry from the state of the body."
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- It's not in Cluedo.- Certain words have two meanings.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59- A dagger is not a dingleberry.- It is.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03It's not. Lady Macbeth didn't say, "Is this a dingleberry I see before me?"
0:19:03 > 0:19:08OK, it's a great name and if they can achieve all their goals, it'll be a fantastic car.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Right, that's the end of the news and now, moving on.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14Yes, now, whilst we were off-air, unfortunately, we had a bit of an argument
0:19:14 > 0:19:20because Jeremy decided that the best car in the world was the Skoda Yeti.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22- Well, it is.- Well, it isn't.- It is.
0:19:22 > 0:19:27- I'm sorry, it isn't.- Well, no. It maybe is if perhaps you're... HE CLEARS THROAT
0:19:27 > 0:19:32..old enough to qualify for membership of SAGA, which you are.
0:19:32 > 0:19:33He is, he is!
0:19:33 > 0:19:38With age comes... Well, actually, on Countryfile comes the sack,
0:19:38 > 0:19:41but with age on this programme comes wisdom.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44And the wisdom that I now have has taught me that the Yeti
0:19:44 > 0:19:49does every single thing better than every other car on the market.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53Coming up now is a film which shall prove my point.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59This is the car I'm talking about...
0:20:02 > 0:20:07..the Yeti, 14 feet of Czech magnificence.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10It's available with two or four-wheel drive,
0:20:10 > 0:20:12petrol or diesel engines,
0:20:12 > 0:20:17and lots of exciting buttons which do many things.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20This model is a four-wheel drive, 1.8 litre Elegance,
0:20:20 > 0:20:25which, at £22,000, is less expensive
0:20:25 > 0:20:29than a 1.7 litre two-wheel drive Vauxhall Astra estate,
0:20:29 > 0:20:33and not much more than a Focus.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36There's more room in it than there is in a Focus. Look at the headroom.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40You could have a massive Afro and not damage it at all.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45But is it roomier than a £300,000 Maybach?
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Well, this is a Maybach
0:20:50 > 0:20:57and as you can see, it will take four people in sumptuous comfort.
0:20:58 > 0:21:03The Yeti can also take four, but if you fold the rear drinks tray away
0:21:03 > 0:21:09there's room for five on seats which slide forwards and backwards,
0:21:09 > 0:21:15or fold down, roll over, or can be removed altogether to create a van.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21The Yeti, then, is more practical than a Maybach,
0:21:21 > 0:21:25but is it faster than an Italian supercar?
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Well, to find out, we've come to the Donington motor-racing track
0:21:30 > 0:21:33where the Yeti will have a one-lap race
0:21:33 > 0:21:38against a Ferrari 308 GTS.
0:21:41 > 0:21:48To ensure there's no bias, I shall be driving the Yeti with my fists of ham and my fingers of butter,
0:21:48 > 0:21:52while the Ferrari will be driven by His Stigness.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56ENGINES REV
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Want a tip?
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Bet on me.
0:22:09 > 0:22:14The Ferrari a little quicker off the line. It does 0-60 in 6.7 seconds.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16This is 8.7.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20But that's not bad for a tall-riding van.
0:22:25 > 0:22:31Getting its knee down a bit there in the corners, but nowhere near as much as you might expect.
0:22:33 > 0:22:40Four-wheel drive system working now, sending the power to whichever wheel has the most grip.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50Eventually, the Ferrari pulled out a bit of a lead,
0:22:50 > 0:22:54but I've got a sneaking suspicion its lead is short-lived.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00BRAKES SCREECH
0:23:00 > 0:23:03I was right.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11In various places, Donington was being rebuilt,
0:23:11 > 0:23:17so to protect its low nose and fragile fetlocks, the Ferrari had to slow right down,
0:23:17 > 0:23:21whereas I did not.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Look at that! Come on! Go!
0:23:24 > 0:23:27He's having to go round the outside.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30JEREMY LAUGHS
0:23:30 > 0:23:31The Skoda is in the lead.
0:23:36 > 0:23:41Ah, and there we are.
0:23:44 > 0:23:51Proof the Yeti is faster round Donington than a Ferrari 308.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57But what about toughness? How well is the interior screwed together?
0:23:57 > 0:24:03To find out, I'm going to throw this super-bouncy ball into the Yeti
0:24:03 > 0:24:09and as it pings around, I'm going to invite this enormous, excitable dog
0:24:09 > 0:24:11to run in there and retrieve it.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15No, not the flies! Getting the flies won't damage the car in any way.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18No, stop chasing flies! Here, look, look. Bouncy ball.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Ready? And retrieve!
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Retrieve!
0:24:30 > 0:24:33It's OK. Luckily I have a backup dog.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Fetch!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40CLATTERING
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Kind of like a mouse in there, really.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Yeah, it's like a mouse.
0:24:51 > 0:24:58If I'm honest, this test hadn't been terribly informative, so I decided to line up another one.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05As we can see, an enormous fire is raging out of control
0:25:05 > 0:25:09and the fire brigade has arrived, but their route to the inferno
0:25:09 > 0:25:12is blocked by the Skoda, so they're going to have to go through the car itself
0:25:12 > 0:25:17with their boots and their hoses and their breathing apparatus.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20I think if a Yeti can stand up to this,
0:25:20 > 0:25:25it can certainly stand up to your children's Jammie Dodgers.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Go, go, go, men, quickly!
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Go through there.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33That fire could set fire to literally anything.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37The whole of Derbyshire is at risk here, or Leicestershire, or wherever we are. It's at risk.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47He's coming out of the window. His enormous boots...
0:25:53 > 0:25:56After the terrifying fire had been brought under control,
0:25:56 > 0:26:02we examined the car and found that not a single thing had broken or come off.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Onward, then, to the countryside where we find the Yeti
0:26:08 > 0:26:10has reinforced underside panels
0:26:10 > 0:26:14to protect vital components, such as the brake lines.
0:26:14 > 0:26:19It also has ABS, EDC, EDB,
0:26:19 > 0:26:26ASR, EDL, DSR, and crucially, ESBS.
0:26:26 > 0:26:33In short, a lot of acronyms to make sure that it doesn't run away with you when you're going down a slope,
0:26:33 > 0:26:37or that it doesn't roll backwards when you're attempting to do a hill start.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39ENGINE STALLS, JEREMY LAUGHS
0:26:41 > 0:26:47I meant to do that because now I can demonstrate the HBA. Ready?
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Here we go.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52I've got my foot on the clutch, not on the brake. Handbrake off
0:26:52 > 0:26:53and it won't roll back.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58That's... Oh, that's impressive.
0:26:58 > 0:26:59Oh, yes!
0:27:01 > 0:27:07And look at this, the sat nav is tracing my route,
0:27:07 > 0:27:10so when I've had enough of driving around in the countryside,
0:27:10 > 0:27:12I can follow the route back to where I started from.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15That's clever. But what about comfort?
0:27:15 > 0:27:21Well, to find out how well the Yeti absorbs the bumps and the bashes,
0:27:21 > 0:27:24I've stolen an idea from another television programme.
0:27:24 > 0:27:30What I'm going to do is drive around some countryside while the chap on the left over there
0:27:30 > 0:27:35sits in the back and gives a tattoo to the chap on the right.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39And I'm not talking about some holiday henna drawing
0:27:39 > 0:27:42that he can rub off when he gets home,
0:27:42 > 0:27:44I'm talking about a real tattoo.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Right. You may begin.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59ELECTRICAL WHIRRING
0:28:01 > 0:28:02Whoa!
0:28:02 > 0:28:04- Now, Rob...- Right!
0:28:04 > 0:28:08..in terms of pain, where are we?
0:28:08 > 0:28:11- I'm on about a six out of 10 now. - Flipping hell.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14- What? - This is harder than I thought.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16JEREMY LAUGHS
0:28:16 > 0:28:17ALL: Whoa!
0:28:17 > 0:28:18I do apologise.
0:28:18 > 0:28:22Sorry. 'Let me remind you, Rob is getting a real tattoo here.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24'This is not faked.'
0:28:24 > 0:28:26That bit, you may have gone wrong there.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31'Up front, I thought the Yeti was doing rather well.'
0:28:31 > 0:28:33Slightly boggy bit here.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Sorry.
0:28:36 > 0:28:40I reckon we can do brain surgery in the back of this car. It's so smooth.
0:28:40 > 0:28:43I possibly agree with you.
0:28:43 > 0:28:48Eventually, the tattoo was finished, so we pulled over to see what it looked like.
0:28:48 > 0:28:49- Is that blood?- Is it bleeding?
0:28:49 > 0:28:53- Yes.- Is it bleeding? - You're joking.- That's blood.
0:28:53 > 0:28:57- Now, look at that.- I think that's quite good.- I think that's amazing!
0:28:57 > 0:29:01It does look, not brilliant, but it's really not bad at all.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04- Well done, mate.- I've done worse.
0:29:04 > 0:29:07Now, listen, Rob, I'm afraid we've got some bad news for you -
0:29:07 > 0:29:11there is a second part to this experiment.
0:29:11 > 0:29:16- Second part?- Yeah, second part. What we're going to do now to demonstrate just how comfortable this is, is put
0:29:16 > 0:29:20you in the back of another car and then do another clover leaf
0:29:20 > 0:29:23on the other shoulder and then we'll see what that looks like.
0:29:23 > 0:29:24Really?
0:29:35 > 0:29:38You probably think this isn't too bad, yeah? At the moment.
0:29:38 > 0:29:40It's all right at the moment.
0:29:40 > 0:29:44What I'm going to do, is raise it up now into its off-road setting,
0:29:44 > 0:29:49and that does have quite a profound affect on the, shall we say, ride quality.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54Oh, jiggling, really quite badly.
0:29:54 > 0:29:57Ooh, I'm sorry. I do apologise.
0:29:57 > 0:30:04- Oh!- There's a lot more pain involved in a rough ride like this, Rob, would you say that?
0:30:04 > 0:30:05I would say definitely, yes.
0:30:07 > 0:30:09Ah! I've stabbed meself!
0:30:09 > 0:30:13It actually sounds like we're filming an episode of 24 in here.
0:30:13 > 0:30:14ROB GROANS
0:30:14 > 0:30:16- Does that really hurt?- Yeah.
0:30:17 > 0:30:21Soon it was time to stop and analyse the results.
0:30:26 > 0:30:29- How does it look?- Honestly?
0:30:29 > 0:30:30- Honestly.- Not brilliant.
0:30:35 > 0:30:40So, what we've learned so far is that the Yeti is more comfortable
0:30:40 > 0:30:43than a Range Rover, more practical than a Maybach,
0:30:43 > 0:30:48faster than a Ferrari, cheaper than a Vauxhall Astra
0:30:48 > 0:30:52and tougher on the inside, at least, than the fire brigade.
0:30:54 > 0:30:58But, and this is crucial, a lot of people ask me this,
0:30:58 > 0:31:02can you get Sienna Miller in the glove box?
0:31:02 > 0:31:05Well, let's find out? Sienna, are you in there?
0:31:05 > 0:31:07- Yeah.- You are. And are you comfortable?- Very.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09Marvellous, good bye.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11Good mark for the Yeti there.
0:31:11 > 0:31:12But what about the air conditioning?
0:31:14 > 0:31:20Rolls-Royce always used to say that the aircon they used had the cooling power of the 30 domestic fridges.
0:31:20 > 0:31:23So can the Yeti beat that?
0:31:23 > 0:31:26ICE-CREAM VAN TUNE PLAYS
0:31:29 > 0:31:33To find out, I'm going to drive this car...
0:31:33 > 0:31:36through that burning building...
0:31:36 > 0:31:38while holding this ice-cream.
0:31:38 > 0:31:43If it melts and I end up with sticky fingers, the aircon's no good.
0:31:47 > 0:31:49Mm-mm!
0:31:58 > 0:32:02900 degrees in here. Scientists would call that toasty.
0:32:02 > 0:32:04And it is, I suppose.
0:32:04 > 0:32:06You can roast a chicken at 180.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10I've asked, on the dial here, for 18 degrees,
0:32:10 > 0:32:17and if we look on this rubbish temperature gauge here, I don't know if you can see that, it's 18.7.
0:32:17 > 0:32:20This is amazing.
0:32:20 > 0:32:22Not a dribble.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26I'm actually quite surprised!
0:32:26 > 0:32:29I thought this would be more uncomfortable than it is.
0:32:31 > 0:32:35What this car is, is the opposite of a pop tart.
0:32:35 > 0:32:39Satisfied that I proved my point about the Yeti, I was going
0:32:39 > 0:32:44to call it a day at this stage and head back to the studio.
0:32:44 > 0:32:46But then, I had a thought.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50You see, Roman Abramovich has probably
0:32:50 > 0:32:56been watching this and thinking, "Yes, that's a remarkable car, but could I land my helicopter on it?"
0:32:58 > 0:33:00Well, let's find out.
0:33:04 > 0:33:08Now, I should stress, that we've not modified the structure
0:33:08 > 0:33:12or the suspension or the roof of the car in any way,
0:33:12 > 0:33:17we've simply added a 100-kilogram roof-rack and in a minute or so,
0:33:17 > 0:33:20we're going to be trying to land
0:33:20 > 0:33:23a 600-kilogram helicopter on top of it.
0:33:23 > 0:33:26700 kilograms on the roof.
0:33:30 > 0:33:34Don't look at the helicopter. Just look at the speed.
0:33:34 > 0:33:39It was crucial that I kept the throttle pedal as steady as a rock.
0:33:41 > 0:33:45Here he comes. Not that there's a car that's very quick to respond,
0:33:45 > 0:33:50one twitch of your foot and that's disaster for the helicopter,
0:33:50 > 0:33:51because that's very slow to respond.
0:33:53 > 0:33:56I can feel the car being pushed down now by the blades.
0:34:02 > 0:34:04'Abort. Abort.'
0:34:04 > 0:34:05Has he aborted?
0:34:07 > 0:34:09A million things can go wrong with this.
0:34:09 > 0:34:14And all of them end up with a fireball and me with no head on.
0:34:16 > 0:34:18OK, let's have another go.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25Here he comes.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31I can hear it.
0:34:31 > 0:34:34I don't know where it is.
0:34:34 > 0:34:37'It was a lot worse for the pilot, though.'
0:34:39 > 0:34:42He cannot see the car...
0:34:42 > 0:34:43when he lands.
0:34:45 > 0:34:48He has no reference points.
0:34:58 > 0:34:59Is he down?
0:35:03 > 0:35:04He's down.
0:35:09 > 0:35:12Oh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ease it down.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15Not too sharply. I do not want...
0:35:15 > 0:35:20a £150,000 helicopter jerking off
0:35:20 > 0:35:22and landing on the bonnet.
0:35:32 > 0:35:35Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...
0:35:35 > 0:35:37the Skoda Yeti.
0:35:38 > 0:35:41- With a helicopter on the roof! - HE LAUGHS
0:35:52 > 0:35:57Now, hand on heart, tell me that you've seen a more complete car than this,
0:35:57 > 0:36:00- because I haven't.- All right.
0:36:00 > 0:36:03Sell your AMG Mercedes and buy one.
0:36:03 > 0:36:05- LAUGHTER - Well...
0:36:05 > 0:36:08- You're not going to, are you? - You can't.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10You can't, because there's a waiting list.
0:36:10 > 0:36:12Six-month waiting list for a Yeti.
0:36:12 > 0:36:15And anyway, I don't want to talk to you two any more,
0:36:15 > 0:36:20because it's now time to put a star in our reasonably priced car.
0:36:20 > 0:36:24Now, my guest tonight is a comedian, who comes from the same place
0:36:24 > 0:36:28that Cilla Black, Jimmy Tarbuck and Paul McCartney call home.
0:36:28 > 0:36:30What, Buckinghamshire?
0:36:30 > 0:36:32- LAUGHTER - No, Liverpool!- Oh.
0:36:32 > 0:36:35Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, John Bishop!
0:36:40 > 0:36:43- How are you?- Nice to meet you.
0:36:43 > 0:36:44Have a seat.
0:36:47 > 0:36:53A popular man. Must be a long time since you played in front of a crowd as small as this one.
0:36:53 > 0:36:57Well, to be fair, it's not, because the last 12 months,
0:36:57 > 0:37:02things have gone a little bit massive and a bit crazy,
0:37:02 > 0:37:05but, I mean, literally, 18 months ago,
0:37:05 > 0:37:09I was doing the Leicester Comedy Festival and 14 people turned up.
0:37:09 > 0:37:1014...!
0:37:10 > 0:37:1514 people! I actually bought a round of drinks for the audience!
0:37:15 > 0:37:19And I said, "You're not going to believe this, but I'm on telly next week."
0:37:19 > 0:37:22When they went, "No, you're not, mate."
0:37:22 > 0:37:26I did the Michael McIntyre Roadshow and then Live at the Apollo, and things have spiralled from there,
0:37:26 > 0:37:29but it's literally in a hair's breadth.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31Are you doing the big stadium, the O2 comedy gigs?
0:37:31 > 0:37:37I did Wembley. On this current tour, I do Wembley and we've just booked,
0:37:37 > 0:37:39which is brilliant, we've just booked the Albert Hall.
0:37:39 > 0:37:44I've never been to one of the stadium comedy, like the equivalent of Queen, We Will Rock You,
0:37:44 > 0:37:47how do you hear a heckler, for example,
0:37:47 > 0:37:52- if he's three and a half miles away at the back of what was the dome? - They have to send an e-mail...
0:37:54 > 0:37:58But I'm like you, I walk on thinking, "I can't believe this is working," but it's lovely.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00You've been invited on Celebrity Mastermind.
0:38:00 > 0:38:04- Yes. - What did you choose as your subject?
0:38:04 > 0:38:09When they phoned me up, I didn't want to do it, because I'm a bit cautious of that thing,
0:38:09 > 0:38:12whatever celebrity is, so I didn't want to do it.
0:38:12 > 0:38:17So they said..."It's all for charity, and it's a good thing to do."
0:38:17 > 0:38:20I said, "OK, then." They said, "What's your specialist subject?"
0:38:20 > 0:38:23So I said, "Can I have holidays I've been on?"
0:38:26 > 0:38:30And they said, "Sorry, you can't have that." I said, "Why, is someone else doing it?"
0:38:32 > 0:38:34So they said, "Pick something else."
0:38:34 > 0:38:39And it was just one of those awful moments, when you hear yourself speak,
0:38:39 > 0:38:43and you hear a voice, and you think, "That's me. I just said that."
0:38:43 > 0:38:47And I heard my own voice say, "The Irish potato famine."
0:38:51 > 0:38:56- My brain was going, "What did you say that for?!"- Honestly, did you know anything about it?
0:38:56 > 0:38:58I knew nothing about the Irish potato famine! Nothing!
0:38:58 > 0:39:04I came last. What annoyed me was, I was on with the Irish comedian, Ed Byrne,
0:39:04 > 0:39:10whose specialist subject was Star Trek. And I'm doing why his granddad had no tea!
0:39:12 > 0:39:15I thought, "I know about Star Trek! Why didn't I do that?!"
0:39:15 > 0:39:20Now, my kids, first alerted me to the presence of John Bishop.
0:39:20 > 0:39:24- They said, "You've got to see this guy."- He's in our living room!
0:39:24 > 0:39:27- "He's in bed with Mum!" - "What's he doing here?"
0:39:27 > 0:39:32They said, "You've got to have a look at him," so you're dragged, and you go...on YouTube,
0:39:32 > 0:39:39and I think, "There's no way that guy is going to be funny, because his teeth are too white."
0:39:39 > 0:39:45Forgive me for saying this, but a good-looking chap such as yourself tends not to be funny.
0:39:47 > 0:39:48You are funny!
0:39:53 > 0:39:56Well, yeah. That says a lot. Thank you.
0:39:58 > 0:39:59I think...
0:39:59 > 0:40:03Thank you so much(!) I think, because I know,
0:40:03 > 0:40:09- girls always say, "The thing we look for most of all is in a man is..." - Sense of humour.- A big what?
0:40:11 > 0:40:14Yeah, I know, I got that as well, to be honest!
0:40:14 > 0:40:19No, what? Sense of humour, yeah? It's not true, because whenever there's someone like you,
0:40:19 > 0:40:22big teeth, "Look at my pecs," girls go for that and then
0:40:22 > 0:40:26there's some poor bloke like Bill Bailey going, "I'm really funny."
0:40:26 > 0:40:29And it doesn't work, because his hair's trying to escape.
0:40:29 > 0:40:31So, do you see....?
0:40:31 > 0:40:37- What made you think, "I need to be funny?"- I don't know. I've got to be honest, this is...
0:40:37 > 0:40:41This is one of those, I don't know any other bloke in here who has had another bloke,
0:40:41 > 0:40:44particularly a famous bloke going, "You're a good-looking lad."
0:40:44 > 0:40:47Particularly a man in a velvet jacket!
0:40:49 > 0:40:53- It's a kind of undertone, you know what I mean.- Switching to cars.
0:40:53 > 0:40:58Reading up on your notes, I understand that, you say your dad invented the people carrier?
0:40:58 > 0:41:01Yeah, he did. He doesn't get the credit he deserves.
0:41:03 > 0:41:07My dad had a Ford Escort van, but obviously, four kids,
0:41:07 > 0:41:12so it's difficult transporting kids in a van, so what he did, he cut the side panels out of the side,
0:41:12 > 0:41:17and put glass in the van and then took the rear seat of a car like this,
0:41:17 > 0:41:21and put that in the back, so me mum and dad would sit in the front,
0:41:21 > 0:41:26and three of us were able to sit on the seat in the back of the van.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29No windows, just sheets of glass on the side.
0:41:29 > 0:41:35I mean, this was the '70s. There was no seat belts. If you fell out, it was your own fault.
0:41:35 > 0:41:40I can remember being transported to school, when I was a kid, and it was just this.
0:41:40 > 0:41:44"There's room for another one in here!" And it was a Moscovitch, I remember that.
0:41:44 > 0:41:48It was a local newsagent who took me to school in a Russian car.
0:41:48 > 0:41:52- No, no, my dad had a Moscovitch! - Derek Atkins, he was called, he had a newsagent's in...
0:41:52 > 0:41:54My dad's Derek Atkins! No!
0:41:56 > 0:42:00No, my dad had a Russian Moscovitch! I was banned from it,
0:42:00 > 0:42:06because I broke what I thought was the biggest technical advancement ever, which was the lighter.
0:42:06 > 0:42:09Must have been about eight thinking, "That's not really hot,
0:42:09 > 0:42:11"because I've seen him light his cigarette."
0:42:16 > 0:42:22I burnt the end of me tongue and I remember me dad coming out and I was crying! And his lighter was broken.
0:42:22 > 0:42:24I went...
0:42:25 > 0:42:27- So you broke his lighter? - I broke his lighter.
0:42:27 > 0:42:33Bless. There we are, the Moscovitch, it sounds like a trip down Northern memory lane, this does.
0:42:34 > 0:42:40So, anyway, look, you came here, obviously, to see how fast you could get around our track.
0:42:40 > 0:42:44You're the first guest to be trained by the new Stig. Is he nice? Is he pleasant?
0:42:44 > 0:42:47I don't know what to compare him to, but he was nice.
0:42:47 > 0:42:49He's only a month old. Has he got manners?
0:42:49 > 0:42:51Yeah, yeah...
0:42:51 > 0:42:56What's odd about it, I was expecting to get him and he was to say,
0:42:56 > 0:42:59"Yeah, I'm Kev," or something like that. Stig.
0:42:59 > 0:43:01It's a proper secret. Do you put him in a box?
0:43:01 > 0:43:06After what happened last time, does he get into a gimp box and go...
0:43:06 > 0:43:10"No! You're not coming out! It's the job you signed up for!
0:43:10 > 0:43:12"You live your dream, son!"
0:43:13 > 0:43:16We're not teaching this one how to read and write.
0:43:16 > 0:43:19Who would like to see John's lap? Anybody?
0:43:19 > 0:43:21- CHEERING - Let's have a look.
0:43:21 > 0:43:24Look at it, gleaming in the sunshine.
0:43:26 > 0:43:28All right, come on, come on.
0:43:28 > 0:43:30Come on, lad.
0:43:32 > 0:43:34- Nice ensemble of sunglasses and visor there.- Yeah.
0:43:34 > 0:43:37Now let's have a look at that line through there.
0:43:39 > 0:43:42Yep, that's not looking too shabby.
0:43:42 > 0:43:43Go on, son!
0:43:43 > 0:43:47In there now, it's not too wide? No, that's nicely done.
0:43:49 > 0:43:52You loving that, Stiggy boy?
0:43:53 > 0:43:56You can take the man out of Liverpool...
0:43:56 > 0:44:01Do you keep it between the lines here? Let's have a look, absolutely bang on.
0:44:02 > 0:44:06It looks very nice going around there today.
0:44:06 > 0:44:08Come on, lad, go for it.
0:44:09 > 0:44:11- Flat out through here?- Yeah.
0:44:11 > 0:44:14Good man. Flat out through the tyres as well?
0:44:14 > 0:44:17- Yeah.- Let's have a look... Yes.
0:44:17 > 0:44:20That's looking nice. Ooh, I say, that's fantastic!
0:44:20 > 0:44:25Right, second-to-last corner, this is where most guests get it wrong.
0:44:25 > 0:44:26But no.
0:44:27 > 0:44:32And into Gambon...round there and there we are, across the line.
0:44:32 > 0:44:34CHEERING
0:44:39 > 0:44:42- I'm happy with that. - You're happy with that?- Yeah, yeah.
0:44:42 > 0:44:47They obviously didn't see the five that I wrote off beforehand.
0:44:47 > 0:44:50So where do you think you came on our board?
0:44:50 > 0:44:52Perfect day today, I have to say.
0:44:52 > 0:44:55Who's up there? Tom Cruise...
0:44:55 > 0:44:57Tom Cruise is the fastest.
0:44:57 > 0:45:02- And then Cameron Diaz.- I've always wanted to be on top of her, so I wouldn't mind.
0:45:02 > 0:45:06If that could happen, that would be a dream come true, but...
0:45:07 > 0:45:12- So, Cameron Diaz, to get on top of her, you'd have to go faster than 1:45.2.- I can't see that.
0:45:13 > 0:45:14You did it...
0:45:16 > 0:45:18..John Bishop...
0:45:20 > 0:45:22..one minute...
0:45:22 > 0:45:24forty...
0:45:24 > 0:45:27- 2.8. - CHEERING AND WOLF-WHISTLING
0:45:36 > 0:45:38That's put an Englishman back on top.
0:45:38 > 0:45:40Brilliant! CHEERING CONTINUES
0:45:44 > 0:45:48- That's bizarrely fast.- Loving that. - That is bizarrely fast.
0:45:48 > 0:45:53- Now there's much to talk about there.- I'm loving that!
0:45:53 > 0:45:57Honestly, because that's so much faster than anybody else has ever driven that car round...
0:45:57 > 0:46:00Tom Cruise, my arse! LAUGHTER
0:46:00 > 0:46:03Days Of Thunder right here. This is really...
0:46:03 > 0:46:06I mean, sporty? How... Where's it come from?
0:46:06 > 0:46:13- No, honestly, I've not done anything and I'm not a mad car person, but I loved it.- Well, you are!
0:46:13 > 0:46:15Well, I am from now on, to be honest!
0:46:15 > 0:46:22Realistically, where does a man from Liverpool learn to drive that fast
0:46:22 > 0:46:24in somebody else's car?
0:46:26 > 0:46:28No idea.
0:46:28 > 0:46:30That's just genetics, that, isn't it?
0:46:30 > 0:46:35It is, you're genetically programmed. I mean, it really is an absolutely blitzing time.
0:46:35 > 0:46:39That's it, give it all down to the new Stig.
0:46:39 > 0:46:43And that's two lap records in one day, which is unbelievable.
0:46:43 > 0:46:48Ladies and gentlemen, the fastest man we've ever had round our track, John Bishop.
0:46:51 > 0:46:52I'm loving that!
0:46:52 > 0:46:57- CHEERING DROWNS CONVERSATION - You can't go round that fast!
0:46:57 > 0:46:59Quite a time.
0:47:02 > 0:47:07Now, now, I was accused recently of talking too often
0:47:07 > 0:47:10and too enthusiastically about the Porsche 911.
0:47:10 > 0:47:16In fact whenever I mention it now, Jeremy sticks his fingers in his ears and hums songs about Hitler.
0:47:16 > 0:47:19And to make matters worse, the producers agree,
0:47:19 > 0:47:23they say that the 911 is just a VW Beetle with a spoiler.
0:47:23 > 0:47:27Well, I'd had enough and I decided to prove them all wrong.
0:47:32 > 0:47:38I think the sports car that's changed and evolved the most over time is this.
0:47:41 > 0:47:46If you know cars, I think I know what you'll be thinking. You'll be thinking,
0:47:46 > 0:47:49"What nonsense! It's not changed one bit.
0:47:49 > 0:47:53"The only thing to change in 1,000 years is the price."
0:47:54 > 0:48:01But you're all wrong because the 911 is a long, long, long way from its earliest ancestors.
0:48:05 > 0:48:12Of course, I admit that if you spool back through the 911's 70-year family tree, you do end up at the Beetle.
0:48:14 > 0:48:18Which was, of course, designed by Ferdinand Porsche.
0:48:19 > 0:48:23I also admit that when it comes to looks, there hasn't been much of a revolution.
0:48:24 > 0:48:27Very little has happened to the shape.
0:48:27 > 0:48:32And of course the engine has remained stubbornly at the back.
0:48:32 > 0:48:37But to say the current 911 is therefore just a glorified Beetle
0:48:37 > 0:48:38is nonsense.
0:48:41 > 0:48:43One is a wretched, awful,
0:48:43 > 0:48:47miserable, spluttering, puttering, slow, noisy,
0:48:47 > 0:48:50ugly piece of hateful misery and the worst attempt
0:48:50 > 0:48:54at a people's car the world has ever suffered, but from it evolved this,
0:48:54 > 0:48:59the acknowledged finest driver's car and ultimate automotive precision tool that mankind has ever created.
0:48:59 > 0:49:03And this is my point, the difference between these two
0:49:03 > 0:49:07is like the difference between an ape and a brain surgeon,
0:49:07 > 0:49:09or Jeremy and a brain surgeon.
0:49:11 > 0:49:15Take the one we have here.
0:49:15 > 0:49:18The 911 Turbo S Cabriolet.
0:49:21 > 0:49:24Perfect day for a drop-top 911, this was a good call,
0:49:24 > 0:49:28I just happened to be wearing the hat and coat anyway so I left them on.
0:49:28 > 0:49:33This 911 costs £131,000, which is a lot.
0:49:36 > 0:49:42But for that you get just about every conceivable gizmo it's possible for Porsche to cram into a 911 right now.
0:49:44 > 0:49:46So it's got four-wheel drive,
0:49:46 > 0:49:50it's got a seven-speed double-clutch flappy paddle gearbox.
0:49:50 > 0:49:54It's got active engine mounts that are supposed to improve the handling.
0:49:54 > 0:49:58It's got ceramic brakes. The engine, 3.8 litre flat six
0:49:58 > 0:50:04has got twin variable geometry turbos and a top speed of 196 mph.
0:50:05 > 0:50:08It isn't my favourite 911,
0:50:08 > 0:50:11it's too complicated for my taste, and a bit cold.
0:50:14 > 0:50:19And that's why I volunteered to get out of it and into the Beetle
0:50:19 > 0:50:20for a drag race.
0:50:23 > 0:50:28523 brake horsepower against 50. That was when it was new.
0:50:30 > 0:50:34Two turbos versus four decades of decay.
0:50:37 > 0:50:42OK, it's pretty certain the Beetle will lose, but by how much?
0:50:42 > 0:50:44That is the cheap laugh...
0:50:44 > 0:50:48the important anthropological point we're after here.
0:50:48 > 0:50:51Three, two, one...
0:50:51 > 0:50:52- go!- We're off.
0:50:57 > 0:50:58It's just... Yeah.
0:51:00 > 0:51:0240.
0:51:07 > 0:51:0841.
0:51:14 > 0:51:1550!
0:51:22 > 0:51:2450.
0:51:29 > 0:51:32I thought at this point that my case was made.
0:51:32 > 0:51:38But the producers insisted that with one tiny tweak, the Beetle
0:51:38 > 0:51:43could be made to go just as fast as its turbocharged descendant.
0:51:44 > 0:51:49So I was shipped out to a vast salt flat in South Africa...
0:51:51 > 0:51:56..where another Porsche turbo convertible and another awful Beetle had been lined up.
0:51:56 > 0:51:59Along with a man with a flag.
0:51:59 > 0:52:05So here we are and I think I know where you think I think I know this is going.
0:52:05 > 0:52:09You're thinking the Beetle now has a twin-turbo V8 engine in the back.
0:52:09 > 0:52:11But, no...
0:52:11 > 0:52:15same miserable configuration as always.
0:52:16 > 0:52:21No, the producers reckoned that all the Beetle would need to win
0:52:21 > 0:52:24a drag race with the Porsche was a bit more gravity.
0:52:27 > 0:52:29Let me explain.
0:52:29 > 0:52:33The helicopter is going to suspend our Beetle
0:52:33 > 0:52:37exactly a mile above the finish line here.
0:52:38 > 0:52:41At the start of the race, the helicopter will release
0:52:41 > 0:52:44the Beetle, and it'll begin its race towards the chequered flag.
0:52:44 > 0:52:47At the same time, I'll release the Porsche...
0:52:47 > 0:52:52from a mile away in this direction and the race will be on.
0:52:52 > 0:52:57Best predictions at the moment, the Porsche will complete the mile in 37 seconds.
0:52:57 > 0:53:01The Beetle, somewhere between 36 and 40 seconds.
0:53:01 > 0:53:06The maths, which was done entirely by me and not at all by the Doctor of Aerodynamic and Automotive Sciences
0:53:06 > 0:53:10at Loughborough University, state that this really should be very close indeed.
0:53:10 > 0:53:16The Porsche can hit 62 mph in 3.7 seconds.
0:53:16 > 0:53:18The one problem we do have is wind.
0:53:19 > 0:53:23Anyway, take my word for it, it's going to be close.
0:53:23 > 0:53:27It was time to take our positions.
0:53:34 > 0:53:38I don't think I've ever been so worried about wind speeds before.
0:53:38 > 0:53:43Just a five-knot breeze could alter where the Beetle will land by half a kilometre.
0:53:43 > 0:53:45And that's slightly scary.
0:53:46 > 0:53:49Hello, what's the latest wind speed?
0:53:54 > 0:53:57'Wind speed, six knots.'
0:53:58 > 0:54:01'We're just climbing to 4,040.'
0:54:04 > 0:54:07Not exactly sure what use the crash helmet's going to be if...
0:54:07 > 0:54:12you know, if, but it's a nice touch.
0:54:12 > 0:54:16Soon the Beetle was hovering one mile above the finish line.
0:54:16 > 0:54:18'Lining up for the drop.
0:54:18 > 0:54:20'Stabilised load.'
0:54:20 > 0:54:23ENGINE REVS
0:54:23 > 0:54:25I'm ready.
0:54:25 > 0:54:28'Three, two, one...'
0:54:36 > 0:54:38We're off!
0:54:42 > 0:54:45Three seconds, I should be doing 60 by now, I'm at 45.
0:54:45 > 0:54:48This surface does not react the same as tarmac.
0:54:51 > 0:54:56Seven seconds in, he's doing 100 by now, I'm doing 75.
0:54:56 > 0:55:00With the Porsche struggling to accelerate on the slippery salt flats,
0:55:00 > 0:55:03the Beetle was romping into the lead.
0:55:04 > 0:55:07Look at him tumble!
0:55:09 > 0:55:14I'm doing 100 miles an hour, it's moving about on the salt, it's a terrible surface.
0:55:15 > 0:55:20But the Porsche wasn't beaten yet because at 125 miles an hour,
0:55:20 > 0:55:24the Beetle reached terminal velocity and couldn't fall any faster.
0:55:25 > 0:55:27Whereas my speedo could keep climbing.
0:55:27 > 0:55:30I've got to keep pushing through.
0:55:30 > 0:55:32125 for me, we're matching speed.
0:55:36 > 0:55:39He's rolling about all over the place!
0:55:41 > 0:55:42140.
0:55:45 > 0:55:46145.
0:55:56 > 0:55:58No, no!
0:56:06 > 0:56:07Oh, God, I lost!
0:56:07 > 0:56:08No!
0:56:08 > 0:56:11Not the Beetle!
0:56:11 > 0:56:14Well, that's... My life is over.
0:56:17 > 0:56:19On the plus side...
0:56:19 > 0:56:23I think the Beetle looks in worse shape than the Porsche.
0:56:44 > 0:56:50- I wanted to make it best of three. - Never mind that. What we've learned from that film is that Porsche
0:56:50 > 0:56:54over the years has spent millions and millions of Reichsmarks
0:56:54 > 0:56:58developing active ceramic geometry turbos, OK?
0:56:58 > 0:57:05And the finished product can be beaten by a Volkswagen Beetle that is propelled only by gravity.
0:57:05 > 0:57:09- Well, there's an all-new 911 out later this year.- It won't be new. - It will.- Listen.- What?
0:57:09 > 0:57:14- I told you not to bring somebody from Liverpool on this show.- Why?
0:57:16 > 0:57:17Oh, my God!
0:57:19 > 0:57:21That's bad.
0:57:22 > 0:57:24And on that bombshell, it is time to end.
0:57:24 > 0:57:28- Thank you so much for watching, see you next week. Good night! - Good night.
0:57:47 > 0:57:50Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:57:50 > 0:57:53E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk