0:00:11 > 0:00:15Tonight, a spaniel in a moon buggy...
0:00:15 > 0:00:21- A fat man in a Kia... - Whoa, there she goes!
0:00:21 > 0:00:25..and a race against the Lord God Almighty. Come on!
0:00:29 > 0:00:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Hello, everybody! Thank you so much.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38Thank you very much. Thank you.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Richard Hammond...
0:00:41 > 0:00:47Richard Hammond says that back in the 1980s, when he was a small boy, there were only two cars that
0:00:47 > 0:00:54caused him to run about his house in Birmingham clutching feverishly at his, as yet, unformed tinkle.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57LAUGHTER
0:00:57 > 0:01:00So you can imagine how excited he was
0:01:00 > 0:01:04when the producer said to him this week he could drive both of them.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12We've been wanting to get these two together
0:01:12 > 0:01:16for as long as I can remember, and we've finally got hold of them.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20And, well, it's a short winter's day and I don't want any traffic jams holding me up
0:01:20 > 0:01:24which is why I've kipped the night at the track.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27And I believe they are here.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36In 1986, Porsche launched the greatest supercar
0:01:36 > 0:01:40the world had ever seen, the 959.
0:01:42 > 0:01:48And then, a year later, Ferrari responded with the greatest supercar
0:01:48 > 0:01:50the world had ever seen, the F40.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Oh, my word!
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Would you just look at that?!
0:02:00 > 0:02:05I can't recall ever seeing these two together on television before.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08So let's get cracking, beginning with this one.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15Come on, Richard, stay professional! Oh, ho! Oh, ho!
0:02:17 > 0:02:21When the 959 first came along in 1986,
0:02:21 > 0:02:26it was the most advanced and most high-tech car ever made.
0:02:26 > 0:02:34I'm not talking about the upmarket pleasantness of my surroundings, the air-con, electric seats and so on.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36No, it's cleverer stuff than that.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43For example, it had adjustable suspension
0:02:43 > 0:02:48and a complex four-wheel-drive system.
0:02:48 > 0:02:53You could split the power between the front and back wheels not just according to how much grip you had,
0:02:53 > 0:02:58but how you were cornering, how much G-force you were putting it under.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Oh, God, this is beautiful.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03You can just feel...
0:03:03 > 0:03:06I mean, I've driven... I have owned 911s from this period,
0:03:06 > 0:03:10and this thing just feels so much more!
0:03:13 > 0:03:15And the tech fest didn't stop there.
0:03:15 > 0:03:20The 959 came with a million things we'd never seen before -
0:03:20 > 0:03:26tyre-pressure sensors, for example, and magnesium wheels with hollow spokes.
0:03:26 > 0:03:31No wonder Bill Gates bought one.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34And while we're on the subject of Billy Microsoft,
0:03:34 > 0:03:37he was one of the few people back then who could have afforded to pay
0:03:37 > 0:03:39the proper price for one of these things.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44Because in the '80s, Porsche asked £150,000 for a 959,
0:03:44 > 0:03:50but it actually cost them £300,000 to make, it was so advanced.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Other famous owners included my style hero, Don Johnson,
0:03:56 > 0:04:02and a young Boris Becker, who maxed his 959 on the Italian Autostrada,
0:04:02 > 0:04:05which must have been lively!
0:04:05 > 0:04:08A 959 was fast.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Really fast.
0:04:11 > 0:04:18Thanks to its 444 brake horsepower, 2.9 litre flat six turbocharged engine.
0:04:18 > 0:04:24In fact, the top speed was 197 miles an hour...
0:04:25 > 0:04:30..which in 1986 made it the fastest production car in the world.
0:04:32 > 0:04:38Oh! When the turbos come on! Oh, ho! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh!
0:04:38 > 0:04:43However, its reign as the speed king was short-lived...
0:04:45 > 0:04:47..thanks to this.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53The 201 mph Ferrari F40.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57God!
0:05:02 > 0:05:04It's the ONE that gets me.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Not 200, 201.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11It's like when kids say, "Everything you say plus one!"
0:05:12 > 0:05:20So we know that Ferrari has a higher top speed than the Porsche, but what about acceleration?
0:05:20 > 0:05:23You know, I feel a drag race coming on.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27I am, as you know, a big fan of Porsches.
0:05:27 > 0:05:33And it's not that I think that 959 is going to lose or anything,
0:05:33 > 0:05:38but it's a cold day, and I think it's best if I stay here in this car,
0:05:38 > 0:05:42the one that's 250 kilograms lighter
0:05:42 > 0:05:48and has got 478 brake horse power instead of 444.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51ENGINE REVS
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Both these cars have twin turbos.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Both 2.9 litres.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15Oh, it's going to be close!
0:06:16 > 0:06:18It's going to be close!
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I think the Porsche is taking it!
0:06:25 > 0:06:26The Porsche is going to win!
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Enzo would not like that result.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38I'll be honest, a couple of my gear changes could have been slicker.
0:06:39 > 0:06:45Dial out my iffy gear changes, though, and these two would cross the line neck-and-neck.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50And that's odd, because they are very different.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54Where the 959 is all hi-tech and luxury,
0:06:54 > 0:07:01the F40 has string for door handles, no carpets and wind-up windows.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06What you get in this car is a twin turbo V8, some windscreen wipers,
0:07:06 > 0:07:08and that's about it.
0:07:12 > 0:07:18It was the first car to be made entirely of carbon fibre,
0:07:18 > 0:07:20which is only just starting to happen in Formula One.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26The lightness and the stiffness of it, allied to that colossal power,
0:07:26 > 0:07:30made it a bit of a hyper go-kart through the corners.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34As a Porsche fan, it pains me to say this,
0:07:34 > 0:07:39but in the corners, the F40 is far more exciting.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45God... The steering wheel is alive!
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Oh! Ho, ho!
0:07:51 > 0:07:54This thing is so sharp.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Oh, God!
0:07:58 > 0:08:00I'm sorry to keep squeaking
0:08:00 > 0:08:04and making noises, and if it's disturbing you, I apologise.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09So often it is, "Don't drive your heroes."
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Not this time.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13It's better than I could have imagined.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Better than I ever knew as a kid looking at pictures of it.
0:08:26 > 0:08:33Choosing between these two is like choosing between shirt or trousers - it's pointless.
0:08:33 > 0:08:38But I will stay this, we simply wouldn't be where we are now without them.
0:08:38 > 0:08:44Because these two cars are, I believe, incredibly important.
0:08:44 > 0:08:51It's this pair that took road cars to and beyond the 200 mph barrier.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Before them, you had Countaches and Testarossas,
0:08:54 > 0:08:59and in evolutionary terms they were like man first making it into space.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01With these two,
0:09:01 > 0:09:04it was man walking on the moon.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08They really are that important.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:22 > 0:09:26- Sorry.- What?- No, I'm sorry. Sorry.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you...
0:09:28 > 0:09:32Did you say it was pointless to decide which of these was best?
0:09:32 > 0:09:36- Yeah. Well, it IS pointless.- Well, apart from the fact that the 959 is
0:09:36 > 0:09:42neither here nor there and the F40 is probably the greatest car ever built in human history.
0:09:42 > 0:09:48No, look, if I'm honest I prefer the F40 as well, but we mustn't forget the 959 WAS important
0:09:48 > 0:09:53because it set the trend for computers and sensors that modern supercars have followed ever since.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Yes, and I wish they hadn't.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58I wish they'd all followed the route set by the F40 -
0:09:58 > 0:10:03- it's a twin turbocharged V8 go-kart, it's just very simple. It's better. - I know what you mean,
0:10:03 > 0:10:05- it's analogue versus digital.- It is.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09But anyway, we must now find out how fast they go round our track.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- The owners must be insane to let us do this.- Of course. - LAUGHTER
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Handing them over to our tame racing driver.
0:10:15 > 0:10:21- Some say that his favourite disease he had when he was a child was gout. - LAUGHTER
0:10:21 > 0:10:24And that he was very surprised this week when he was able to
0:10:24 > 0:10:29pick up some remarkably cheap tickets for the Bahrain Grand Prix.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- All we know is he's called the Stig! - CHEERING
0:10:33 > 0:10:35And he's...
0:10:35 > 0:10:37not going anywhere.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41He is obviously... There's something wrong there. Oh, dear, yes.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45- LAUGHTER - There's something VERY wrong. What the hell's happened there?
0:10:45 > 0:10:50- And across the line and into the garage! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:50 > 0:10:54- That's not good. - It's awkward. You see? You see?
0:10:54 > 0:10:57I know what you're going to say...
0:10:57 > 0:11:03Let me say it anyway. The Ferrari is fragile, that's why I like Porsche, because they may not be
0:11:03 > 0:11:07as exciting to look at, but they are durable and tough, and that wins in the end.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Yes, yes, yes. All right. Come on, let's have a look at how the 959 got on.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15And, yes, that one is actually going.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18It is incredible how soft it looks as it rocks about.
0:11:18 > 0:11:25Also looks rather old-fashioned and, I must say, very slow.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28He's got a problem in there, he must have.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Here's Chicago.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34That's an even bigger problem, that is.
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Oh!
0:11:35 > 0:11:38APPLAUSE
0:11:43 > 0:11:45So what had gone wrong?
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- What happened?- Well, apparently...
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Yes, I've just heard that the turbos let go.
0:11:51 > 0:11:58So that had no boost, that lost its seal, so what we've got here for the first time ever
0:11:58 > 0:12:03- is a DNF - a did not finish - and a DNS - did not start.- Yeah.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04LAUGHTER
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Right, and now the news.
0:12:06 > 0:12:11The Bahrain Grand Prix, because it's been cancelled, this is a bit of an issue, because...
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- It was supposed to be the first race of the season.- Yeah.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18So are they going to replace it with something else, just going to forget about it?
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Well, they can hardly stage it in Tunisia, can they? Maybe Egypt?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Wait, wait, wait. Why don't we offer them our track?
0:12:24 > 0:12:27LAUGHTER
0:12:27 > 0:12:30- Really, why can't we hold it here? - It makes sense. Most F1 teams are UK-based,
0:12:30 > 0:12:32So it's convenient.
0:12:32 > 0:12:37- And catering, we've got that caravan next to the security hut.- Yes.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39And if it rains, there is the security hut itself.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Were you all able to park easily today?
0:12:42 > 0:12:44ALL: YES.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- Oh, mate, F1 here.- Plus, Bahrain, incredibly boring track.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51You can crash off for miles on those run-off areas and not actually hit anything.
0:12:51 > 0:12:58Whereas here, we could offer the prestigious opportunity to crash into an old Boeing 747.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Hang on a minute, though.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Isn't our track a figure of eight?
0:13:02 > 0:13:06- Yes, it is!- That makes it even better! Imagine, you're in an F1 car, you'd be flat out
0:13:06 > 0:13:09towards follow-through. About to go right, and then there'd be
0:13:09 > 0:13:13another F1 car coming the other way about to go left towards Chicago.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17Your closing speed is about 350 miles an hour.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20I think... I think the most common phrase
0:13:20 > 0:13:24we'd hear from the commentary team would be, "Tumbling end over end."
0:13:24 > 0:13:28So, anyway, Bernie, if you like this idea or want to take us up on it,
0:13:28 > 0:13:34write to us at, "Well, you've got more viewers than us anyway, Top Gear... "
0:13:34 > 0:13:37A serious point if I may, last year we showed you a tribute
0:13:37 > 0:13:40to Ayrton Senna on Top Gear, a little film we made.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44Now there's a much longer one come out, 90 minutes, an incredible documentary.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46This is completely unmissable.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I've got a clip for you here, I want you to have a look.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53He will be ranked among the all-time greats.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Ayrton has a small problem, he thinks that he can't kill himself.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58And I think that's very dangerous.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00We are competing to win.
0:14:00 > 0:14:05And if you no longer go for a gap, you are no longer a racing driver.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Senna is trying to go through on the inside!
0:14:12 > 0:14:14I was treated like a criminal.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18The best decision is MY decision.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Walking away from the dark forces just doesn't become an option.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24I was not going to give up.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Real racing, that makes me happy.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38- There's footage in that you just can't believe.- I've got goosebumps.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42It's unbelievable. It's just won an award, actually,
0:14:42 > 0:14:47at the Sundance Film Festival, as best documentary, and I'm really not surprised. It's out in June.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51If you've got any heart, any soul at all, you've got to go and see it, it's fantastic.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Anyway, moving on...
0:14:53 > 0:14:59Yes, BMW has launched a whole sort of eco-flavoured range of cars beginning with the letter "I".
0:14:59 > 0:15:05They've got two so far, the i3 and the i8. Do you want to see a picture of them? Here they are.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07- Very difficult to see out of. - Or get in.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11That's not going to work, is it?! What is this current obsession
0:15:11 > 0:15:15with putting "I" in front of things and believing that makes them special?
0:15:15 > 0:15:17It started with the iPod, yeah, fair enough.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21But we are going to have an iSandwich and iShoes.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25- I don't want an iInfection.- No. - I don't want one of THOSE, though.
0:15:25 > 0:15:30- Yeah.- Oh, now, listen, Chrysler is going to launch this little £11,000 car in Britain,
0:15:30 > 0:15:35and the first thing you need to know about it is it isn't a Chrysler.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38What it is, OK, what happens is... Here's the story.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Fiat make the 500, OK?
0:15:40 > 0:15:44They then give that to Lancia, who make it a bit longer and add two rear doors,
0:15:44 > 0:15:48then Lancia give that to Chrysler, who take the Lancia badges off,
0:15:48 > 0:15:51put Chrysler ones on and they're going to sell it in Britain.
0:15:51 > 0:15:56- So Fiat have gone as far as recycling their cars before they've even sold them?- Yes.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58It's not a car at all, it's kind of an archaeological dig.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00You scratch away
0:16:00 > 0:16:05then underneath you discover, "Yes, it was a Lancia." Then you go a bit further, you'll find it was a Fiat.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09Not just a Fiat 500, because if you actually keep going, you'll find it's a Fiat Panda,
0:16:09 > 0:16:15- which is effectively what it is. - Dig a bit further and you'll find a load of coins and a bronze helmet.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18The Piltdown Man is in the glove box of that car.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Let's make it go away, because, more importantly,
0:16:20 > 0:16:24Aston Martin, have launched a new car this week called the Virage.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28The idea is fits between the quite soft and comfy DB9 and the much more expensive DBS.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Fantastic-looking thing.
0:16:33 > 0:16:39What is there to say? It's going to cost, apparently, around £150,000, V12 engine, absolutely perfect.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Just one thing - underneath, of course, it is a Fiat 500.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- Cos everything is. - Because everything is.
0:16:45 > 0:16:50Now, round about 20 years ago, Peugeot made the momentous decision
0:16:50 > 0:16:57to stop making nice cars and make instead NOT very nice cars for elderly people.
0:16:57 > 0:17:03Yes, but now they've had another change of heart, and they've come up with this. It's called the EX1.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07It's a twin-engined four-wheel drive electric roadster, and it's...
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Well, the main purpose of it, really, Hammond, is to break records.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- Not unlike like myself, actually. - Really?- Yeah. Anyway,
0:17:14 > 0:17:20look at this. You open the door, but when you do you also get...
0:17:20 > 0:17:21A broken wrist? LAUGHTER
0:17:21 > 0:17:24No, you also get... look, you get the seat.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- Oh, wow!- The seat is... Climb in.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Half the car comes with it, so I'm actually getting into the door's pocket now
0:17:30 > 0:17:34- with all, like, the crisp packets and the change?- Feet up, get your feet right up.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- I put my feet in there?- Yeah, and then...- Oh, yes! Look at this!
0:17:37 > 0:17:41Hey, that steering wheel is very Batman. It does all that and that.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44And that's where the instruments are up on those two screens.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46That's fantastic, look!
0:17:46 > 0:17:52I have to say, for a Peugeot, especially, it looks absolutely fantastic. It's very funky...
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Look at his face! It's very funky and very modern,
0:17:54 > 0:17:58and you can expect to see this in your local Peugeot dealership...
0:17:58 > 0:17:59never.
0:17:59 > 0:18:06Now, moving on, with one of the most ambitious races we've ever staged.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09As the sun sets, I will start from here,
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Land's End, Britain's most westerly point,
0:18:12 > 0:18:14and I will attempt to get to here
0:18:14 > 0:18:17in Lowestoft, Britain's most easterly point,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19before it rises again.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23Now, to make this especially hard, I was made to do the race on
0:18:23 > 0:18:27Midsummer's Day, during the shortest night we had.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29This is a big one.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Space is a never-ending race track.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39The thermal shock region on the prow of our Solar System, for example,
0:18:39 > 0:18:45is screaming through the heavens at 490,000 mph.
0:18:45 > 0:18:50Earth is hurtling round the sun at 67,000 mph.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54God, it seems, is a complete speed freak.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59And this is what I'm pitting against him -
0:18:59 > 0:19:01the new Jaguar XJ.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13And already, there's a problem. Because which one do I take?
0:19:13 > 0:19:18The supercharged V8 is fast and exciting, but thirsty.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22The diesel could do the journey easily on less than half a tank,
0:19:22 > 0:19:26and not having to fill up will save time.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29In the end, it was a simple decision -
0:19:29 > 0:19:31I went for the fast one.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Stopwatch set.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43'This is it, then. For your Sunday-night delectation,
0:19:43 > 0:19:45'a big Jag vs God.'
0:19:47 > 0:19:51It's like Songs Of Praise... with a supercharger!
0:19:52 > 0:19:56At 9:36pm, the sun sank below the horizon.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01And the race was on. Here we go!
0:20:01 > 0:20:05And that is what the mysterious
0:20:05 > 0:20:08sunset green flash is all about, obviously.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10It's God's starting light.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13He wants to race us. He likes racing!
0:20:14 > 0:20:15OK, here are my issues.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18The sun will rise over East Anglia
0:20:18 > 0:20:22at 4:30 in the morning.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26That gives me six hours and 54 minutes
0:20:26 > 0:20:28to do 432 miles.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35That means averaging - AVERAGING - 62 miles an hour.
0:20:35 > 0:20:40At this stage, dawn still had 4,200 miles to go
0:20:40 > 0:20:42before it reached Lowestoft.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46But it was doing a massive 610 mph.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52One hold up, one red light, God wins.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57'And already he was playing dirty.'
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Get out of the way!
0:21:03 > 0:21:08"We've all been to watch the sunset at Land's End, we're now going back to the hotel."
0:21:10 > 0:21:12This is bad. 30 mph.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Half what I need to be doing.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19'Then the road straightened out, and the Jag pounced.'
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Overtaking.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Holy cow!
0:21:30 > 0:21:32This thing is fast.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38But then, it kind of would be, because the supercharged V8
0:21:38 > 0:21:43that's pulling me along produces more power and more torque
0:21:43 > 0:21:48than the six-litre V12 in an Aston Martin Rapide.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Vrrroomf!
0:21:52 > 0:21:55It's unhinged performance, that's what this is.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01I am going to thrash God.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08'But then he enlisted the services of an unusual ally.'
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Aargh!
0:22:10 > 0:22:12The devil's work!
0:22:13 > 0:22:18'Beelzebub's cones went on for miles and my average speed collapsed.'
0:22:19 > 0:22:22I'm in Cornwall, doing 50 because of average speed cameras,
0:22:22 > 0:22:25to protect the workforce who aren't here.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28And the sun has already risen in Sydney.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30'God was winning.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35'Which meant that when the roadworks finished,
0:22:35 > 0:22:38'I needed to get my foot down.' Yes!
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Make it so!
0:22:46 > 0:22:48This is a quick car,
0:22:48 > 0:22:52but there's a bit more to it than raw speed.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Sitting in an old Jag, even the last one,
0:22:55 > 0:22:57was like sitting in a country pub.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59You were cramped, there were beams,
0:22:59 > 0:23:02you half-expected to be steering with a wagon wheel.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06This, though, with the blue lighting around the vents,
0:23:06 > 0:23:09the blue glow in the door pockets,
0:23:09 > 0:23:12they've even lined this cubbyhole
0:23:12 > 0:23:17and the glove box, as you can see, with purple velvet!
0:23:17 > 0:23:22That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt and finding that she's wearing a thong!
0:23:22 > 0:23:23Love these.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27Stroke the lights to make them come on. Or off.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31There are other thoughtful touches, too.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Oh-h-h-h, yes. Hard.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37Oh, yeah. Lower, lower...
0:23:37 > 0:23:39There, there, there!
0:23:39 > 0:23:44'Yes, as I'm sure you realised, that's the seat massager at work.'
0:23:44 > 0:23:47It's, like, kneading me...
0:23:47 > 0:23:50and all that. In the seat!
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Then there's the stereo system.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58In the last Jag, you got a gramophone with a dog sitting on it,
0:23:58 > 0:24:02but in this, I've got 1,200 watts
0:24:02 > 0:24:06and it will play anything. Anything.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08You just...
0:24:08 > 0:24:12you push, you push...
0:24:12 > 0:24:13that.
0:24:14 > 0:24:15And... er...
0:24:18 > 0:24:24'By the time I realised I didn't understand iPod connectivity, the sun was over Thailand.
0:24:27 > 0:24:32'And I was facing a decision made by thousands of holidaymakers every summer -
0:24:32 > 0:24:37'M5 and M4, or A303 past Stonehenge?'
0:24:38 > 0:24:41The motorway is 20 miles further,
0:24:41 > 0:24:45but probably better for fuel consumption.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51But the A303 is more fun in a car like this.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Yeah, A303 it is!
0:25:00 > 0:25:01This was a good call.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08There's a whiff of NASCAR about this car.
0:25:09 > 0:25:15And now I'm going to give it a bit more, because I'm going to engage Dynamic Mode.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Look - the dials glow red.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24What this does is firms everything up, gives you more punch.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29And also, because the XJ is made entirely from aluminium,
0:25:29 > 0:25:31it's much lighter than any other big car.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35It feels like a sports car.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39On good roads like these,
0:25:39 > 0:25:42it's not far short of a masterpiece.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54'The Jag set about chewing up the miles.'
0:26:07 > 0:26:08Druids!
0:26:16 > 0:26:21By 1:45am, I figured I was in the lead, but I'd reached the M3.
0:26:21 > 0:26:27Which was boring. So I decided to let the car drive itself.
0:26:27 > 0:26:31Right, cruise control on. Very good system, this.
0:26:31 > 0:26:36Set the speed at 70, and the road ahead is scanned by microwaves.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40I'm going to hook on to the back of our camera car - there we go -
0:26:40 > 0:26:44so now, if he speeds up, I speed up, if he slows down, I slow down.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46I don't have to do anything.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51I can even choose what sort of distance I want to follow it at.
0:26:51 > 0:26:57There's the safe distance there, right down to the full Audi.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01Yes! There we are, that's the Audi following distance!
0:27:04 > 0:27:05'It was now late.
0:27:05 > 0:27:11'The motorway was monotonous, and my thoughts turned to the business of staying sharp.'
0:27:11 > 0:27:15The production team, as usual, has provided me with a CD
0:27:15 > 0:27:18to keep me awake on this long, perilous and difficult voyage.
0:27:21 > 0:27:26'And it was while working at Radio Lancashire that I experienced a revelation.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30'I took over as producer and presenter of the weekend mid-morning shows.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32'I reported on...
0:27:33 > 0:27:35'..carol concerts, jumble sales...'
0:27:35 > 0:27:38'Hammond's adventures in local radio weren't helping.'
0:27:38 > 0:27:41'..record-breaking attempts, and sponsored swims.'
0:27:41 > 0:27:43'But soon, something else did.'
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Ooh, the fuel warning light is on!
0:27:49 > 0:27:51INDISTINCT COMMENT
0:27:52 > 0:27:53No!
0:27:55 > 0:27:59'A splash and dash pitstop cost precious moments.'
0:28:00 > 0:28:04Here we go. 'And then Beelzebub decided to cost me even more.'
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Oh, no, no...
0:28:09 > 0:28:12This is exactly the sort of hold up I can do without.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16Is anyone going to be working on them? I mean, really!
0:28:16 > 0:28:19So, you have to drive along at 50 miles an hour, glaring
0:28:19 > 0:28:23at your speedometer, not looking at the road ahead. That's very dangerous.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26It raises money for the government, but it's very dangerous.
0:28:28 > 0:28:32By the time the roadworks finished, God was back in the lead.
0:28:32 > 0:28:36He was now just over one hour from Lowestoft.
0:28:37 > 0:28:4265 miles to go, and I would say that the inky blackness of night...
0:28:43 > 0:28:46..has become sort of royal blue.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49I don't suppose the sun will be early, will it?
0:28:49 > 0:28:51Would it do that?
0:28:56 > 0:29:00There is a smudge in the sky, a big one.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05The mother of fire, it seems, is coming back.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08That is daylight.
0:29:11 > 0:29:12I have...
0:29:13 > 0:29:16..39 minutes.
0:29:16 > 0:29:21'There were still 34 miles to go, but, win or lose,
0:29:21 > 0:29:23'I was glad I'd done this race in the Jag.'
0:29:23 > 0:29:26An S-Class...
0:29:26 > 0:29:29may be a comparable limo to this,
0:29:29 > 0:29:33but an S-Class doesn't go and stop and steer
0:29:33 > 0:29:35anything like as well as this.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40If you're a keen driver,
0:29:40 > 0:29:42this is the only big car you can have.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48The sun was now over Amsterdam
0:29:48 > 0:29:51and would appear in Suffolk in just 12 minutes.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54Come on, come on.
0:29:56 > 0:29:584.9 miles.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07Right, where is...
0:30:07 > 0:30:09England's most easterly spot?
0:30:14 > 0:30:16Come on, I'm lost!
0:30:19 > 0:30:22No-o-o red light now!
0:30:27 > 0:30:28Come on!
0:30:31 > 0:30:32This is it!
0:30:42 > 0:30:44HE LAUGHS
0:30:54 > 0:30:56Loser!
0:31:01 > 0:31:04I may be the first person in history to call God a loser!
0:31:09 > 0:31:12Here, let me just get this right.
0:31:12 > 0:31:14It drives like a sports car?
0:31:14 > 0:31:17Yes, very like. It just feels so light, it's incredible.
0:31:17 > 0:31:21It's about £20,000 less than the equivalent Mercedes S-Class.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23Yep, the S63, definitely.
0:31:23 > 0:31:28- And it's faster than the Lord God Almighty?- Yes, it is, just, by about five minutes.
0:31:28 > 0:31:33- But do you know what? I'm just not sure about the looks.- I know. That's why we filmed it at night.
0:31:33 > 0:31:35LAUGHTER
0:31:35 > 0:31:40What makes it doubly annoying is that Bertolli, which is not Italy's most successful styling house,
0:31:40 > 0:31:45recently did the concept of what they think Jaguars of the future should look like.
0:31:45 > 0:31:48That's why we've got a television here, so you can have a look.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51This is just spectacular, from any angle.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53That is absolutely glorious.
0:31:53 > 0:31:56Am I right in thinking that's got suicide doors?
0:31:56 > 0:31:58Yes, it has - they open this way.
0:31:58 > 0:32:02Now, this is an absolutely fantastic car
0:32:02 > 0:32:06and I just think if it looked like that, it would be the best car ever.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08Absolutely ever.
0:32:08 > 0:32:12- Anyway, isn't it time you put a star in our reasonably priced car?- Yes.
0:32:12 > 0:32:14I'm sort of delaying it, really.
0:32:14 > 0:32:18Last week we had a very intelligent, beautiful...
0:32:18 > 0:32:20lesbian...
0:32:20 > 0:32:23muscle car enthusiast.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26This week we've got the exact opposite of that.
0:32:26 > 0:32:30Ladies and gentlemen, make some noises, please, for John Prescott.
0:32:30 > 0:32:32CHEERING AND BOOING
0:32:33 > 0:32:35Expected.
0:32:35 > 0:32:37I knew they'd do that.
0:32:39 > 0:32:41Lord John Prescott.
0:32:43 > 0:32:46Thanks for those that cheered.
0:32:46 > 0:32:49And those that booed, well, you know what you can do.
0:32:50 > 0:32:53- I don't know where to start with you. - JOHN LAUGHS
0:32:53 > 0:32:56- I was wondering about that. - So many questions.
0:32:56 > 0:33:00I think the one that rises to the surface is,
0:33:00 > 0:33:05what in the name of all that's holy were you thinking when you said,
0:33:05 > 0:33:09"Let's put a bus lane on the M4."
0:33:09 > 0:33:10LAUGHTER
0:33:10 > 0:33:12I'm glad you've said that.
0:33:17 > 0:33:21Jeremy, I'm going to introduce you to a revolutionary thought -
0:33:21 > 0:33:24you can go slower and get there quicker.
0:33:24 > 0:33:26That's to do with flow.
0:33:26 > 0:33:32As soon as you made it two lane and brought it from 70 to 50, they got there quicker, actually.
0:33:32 > 0:33:37- Cars as well.- That's not possible. - Don't take my word. Take the independent transport research.
0:33:37 > 0:33:41It meant that the flow of the traffic was better. There were less accidents, less deaths.
0:33:41 > 0:33:45I think that's an important factor. You just want to speed everywhere, right?
0:33:45 > 0:33:50In reality, what we've seen is the deaths of children and deaths of adults...
0:33:50 > 0:33:54There aren't any children on the M4 bus lane! It's a motorway!
0:33:54 > 0:33:56There are no schools there.
0:33:56 > 0:33:57APPLAUSE
0:34:01 > 0:34:05I used to be able to drive into London on three lanes. You made it two.
0:34:05 > 0:34:07- Yes.- You put a speed camera, you made it 50.
0:34:07 > 0:34:11- That was daft.- And it meant that the flow of the traffic was
0:34:11 > 0:34:14better because people aren't rushing to the two lane from three.
0:34:14 > 0:34:19I've heard motorists cheering here, but don't you get annoyed when someone wants to push in,
0:34:19 > 0:34:22when you've done your three and your two?
0:34:22 > 0:34:27- How many people get annoyed at that, when they come down to three, come down to two?- Public meeting!
0:34:27 > 0:34:30- Put your hands up! There you are. - John...- They can bloody well...
0:34:30 > 0:34:34Sit down! Sit down.
0:34:36 > 0:34:38They're cheering for me, not you!
0:34:38 > 0:34:40All right, fair enough.
0:34:40 > 0:34:42Fair enough. Let me ask you this.
0:34:42 > 0:34:45If you believe that narrowing a motorway causes the traffic flow
0:34:45 > 0:34:51- to be improved, why did you widen the M25 and the M1?- Well...
0:34:51 > 0:34:53HE STAMMERS, CHEERING
0:34:55 > 0:34:56Why did you do that?
0:34:56 > 0:34:58Why didn't you narrow them?
0:35:00 > 0:35:03If this is going to be a public meeting...!
0:35:03 > 0:35:07Listen, from 1997, when we came in, right,
0:35:07 > 0:35:12you guys in the public bought seven million more cars.
0:35:12 > 0:35:16Now, if you look at the congestion, seven million more cars. Right?
0:35:16 > 0:35:20You didn't get rid of the second car, did you? You passed it down.
0:35:20 > 0:35:24- So what is happening, the growth in cars on the motorway... - AUDIENCE JEERS
0:35:24 > 0:35:28- That's the reality!- John!
0:35:28 > 0:35:30You don't want to face the facts, do you?
0:35:30 > 0:35:33I knew I'd get that from you ruddy motorists!
0:35:33 > 0:35:40In 1997, YOU said that if there weren't fewer cars on the roads,
0:35:40 > 0:35:46more people using buses by the time you finished in five years, you could be judged a failure.
0:35:46 > 0:35:48I didn't say that.
0:35:48 > 0:35:49You read it.
0:35:49 > 0:35:52- I know what I said, let me tell you. - What did you say?
0:35:52 > 0:35:56If I don't get more people using public transport,
0:35:56 > 0:36:00and using their motor vehicles less, that's what I said.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04But there are more people on trains now, more on buses, right? That was achieved.
0:36:04 > 0:36:08What I didn't recognise, you bought seven million new cars!
0:36:08 > 0:36:10So that meant more cars went on the roads.
0:36:10 > 0:36:16- That was because of the prosperity we brought you under Labour. - You bankrupted the country!
0:36:16 > 0:36:20- You damn nearly bankrupt us! - You won't get it from this outfit, be sure of it.
0:36:22 > 0:36:28When somebody came to you one day and said that there was a problem with the environment and that man
0:36:28 > 0:36:32was creating some carbon-dioxide, which was getting stuck in the upper atmosphere and this
0:36:32 > 0:36:37was going to cause the world to melt, you decided the best thing you could do is fly to the Maldives.
0:36:37 > 0:36:40- To go on a diving trip. - No, I didn't.
0:36:40 > 0:36:43I went to the Maldives, I was doing the negotiations at Kyoto.
0:36:43 > 0:36:47- There's no way you can bike there.- No, but the Maldives isn't...- Hang on.
0:36:47 > 0:36:51- Just try to understand what you've got here.- Kyoto's in Japan - it's not in the Maldives!
0:36:51 > 0:36:54Hang on, just give your bloody brain a chance!
0:36:54 > 0:36:55LAUGHTER
0:36:56 > 0:36:58I went to the Maldives, on the way to India.
0:36:58 > 0:37:01I went to dive on the coral reefs.
0:37:01 > 0:37:04I was arguing that what was happening is that
0:37:04 > 0:37:08these coral reefs were being blanched and dying because the water was getting warm.
0:37:08 > 0:37:11I wanted to bring home to people, look what is happening here.
0:37:11 > 0:37:16- People didn't accept it in 1997. - Why can't you do that from Hull? Why did you need to go to the Maldives?
0:37:16 > 0:37:20- Because that's where you get...- At taxpayers' expense of 6,500 quid?
0:37:20 > 0:37:25You've sent me to Kyoto, I'm on the way back by India. I negotiate with the Indian government.
0:37:25 > 0:37:27I go via the Maldives and dive.
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Why did you then go to Sri Lanka?
0:37:29 > 0:37:33Sri Lanka was the stop-off for the plane. I didn't go to Sri Lanka.
0:37:33 > 0:37:37- I thought you looked at tigers there?- No, that was in India.
0:37:37 > 0:37:39You looked at tigers and then you went diving...
0:37:39 > 0:37:45They asked me to join the Save the Tiger campaign when I was there on the environment negotiations.
0:37:45 > 0:37:47Listen, the tigers are a real problem.
0:37:47 > 0:37:52The thing is, John, we know this. We have David Attenborough to say, "Tiger numbers are dropping fast."
0:37:52 > 0:37:55We read this in the newspapers all the time.
0:37:55 > 0:37:58We don't need to go to India. Presumably they showed you a tiger?
0:37:58 > 0:38:02If they'd have showed you an empty wood and went, "Look, no tigers..."
0:38:02 > 0:38:05It's all right them cheering and shouting at your clever remark,
0:38:05 > 0:38:08- but basically... - LAUGHTER
0:38:08 > 0:38:13- How many...? They like that. - CHEERING DROWNS COMMENT
0:38:13 > 0:38:16Sit...down.
0:38:16 > 0:38:20Because, can you understand, honestly, can you understand
0:38:20 > 0:38:21why a man threw an egg at you?
0:38:21 > 0:38:23LAUGHTER
0:38:23 > 0:38:26Do you know why he did and what he was concerned about?
0:38:26 > 0:38:28I was against fox-hunting and he thought I was one
0:38:28 > 0:38:31of the guys that he hates because he wanted to keep fox hunting.
0:38:31 > 0:38:37Don't you understand, as a politician, that you'd had 13 years of basically doing what you want?
0:38:37 > 0:38:39I am subjected to what they call a vote. If they agree or disagree.
0:38:39 > 0:38:43Nevertheless, you had all of these years when you were allowed to do what you wanted
0:38:43 > 0:38:46and you must have known there were people at home thinking,
0:38:46 > 0:38:49"I wish they'd stop doing it". Did you not understand that?
0:38:49 > 0:38:52Let me say, when I walked past this guy and he hits me with the egg,
0:38:52 > 0:38:58right, I don't know it's an egg, I just feel this very warm thing running down my neck.
0:38:58 > 0:39:01I just think somebody has perhaps knifed me or assaulted me,
0:39:01 > 0:39:03that all happens in a split second.
0:39:03 > 0:39:07And I see this fella built like a bloody barn door and I turned and I reacted.
0:39:07 > 0:39:10When Tony asked me what happened, I said I was carrying out his orders.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13He told us to connect with the electorate, so I did.
0:39:13 > 0:39:15LAUGHTER
0:39:15 > 0:39:18APPLAUSE
0:39:20 > 0:39:25I can't see either of the Miliband brothers punching anybody.
0:39:25 > 0:39:29They look like people who come round to service your computer, those two.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32What is interesting is, we were told all through your tenure,
0:39:32 > 0:39:38in various different positions, deputy prime minister and so on, you did like your cars.
0:39:38 > 0:39:40The newspapers called you Two Jags.
0:39:40 > 0:39:43- I only had one.- You only had one Jag?- I only owned one Jag.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45But you had a company car?
0:39:45 > 0:39:49- The government provided a car which came from...- That's a Jag? Hang on.
0:39:49 > 0:39:52I assume, it's like me saying I had two houses.
0:39:52 > 0:39:54I had one house I owned and one car.
0:39:54 > 0:39:58That is an area I wouldn't get into - two houses.
0:39:58 > 0:40:03- I still only have one house, one job, one car. - Has anybody here got a company car?
0:40:03 > 0:40:06Put your hand up if you have a company car...
0:40:06 > 0:40:09- How many cars have you got? - AUDIENCE:- Two.
0:40:09 > 0:40:12No, none is the answer.
0:40:12 > 0:40:16Anyway...you are a Jag man.
0:40:16 > 0:40:19- I think I am. I have had 11 Jaguars. - Is it really 11 Jags?
0:40:19 > 0:40:21- We should have called you 11 Jags. - Yeah.
0:40:21 > 0:40:25I made a disastrous attempt to move to Rover once.
0:40:25 > 0:40:30I was at the Rover TC. I admired their engineering,
0:40:30 > 0:40:35and then I found when I took it to the garage it was two halves which had been welded together.
0:40:35 > 0:40:37That was the problem in those days.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39Right, your lap,
0:40:39 > 0:40:41how was it?
0:40:41 > 0:40:45- I was a bit worried, I thought I was skiing rather than driving. - It was a wet day.
0:40:45 > 0:40:49The car, I must say, was really impressive as it got into the speeds
0:40:49 > 0:40:53and into the corners, but I was a bit worried... The puddles, the water.
0:40:53 > 0:40:56When I got confident, I enjoyed it.
0:40:56 > 0:41:00Who would like to see Lord John Prescott's lap?
0:41:00 > 0:41:01- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:41:01 > 0:41:02Here we go, let's have a look.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06Bet you look good in a helmet.
0:41:08 > 0:41:11- Oh, you don't.- And I'm away.
0:41:14 > 0:41:16Are you in automatic or manual?
0:41:16 > 0:41:19- Automatic.- Which will be slower.
0:41:23 > 0:41:26Whoa, there she goes.
0:41:26 > 0:41:31Right, through the tyres. There we go. That is soaking wet.
0:41:33 > 0:41:36- Yes, that was a bit fearful. - It's not a bad little car, though.
0:41:36 > 0:41:39This is really the one.
0:41:39 > 0:41:44This is where we had to put cones out for you because you couldn't see the white lines.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47Yep, there are the cones to show you where to go.
0:41:49 > 0:41:53I can see why you made it a 50 limit on the M4.
0:41:53 > 0:41:57You are allowed to go faster than that on our track.
0:41:57 > 0:42:00Right, did you lift off through there?
0:42:00 > 0:42:03- You did lift off. - I put my foot on the break then.
0:42:05 > 0:42:08Hard to say how fast you are going, it looks like a canal boat.
0:42:08 > 0:42:13Here we are coming up to the second to last corner.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15It is a nice line in, that.
0:42:15 > 0:42:17Very smooth, very well done.
0:42:17 > 0:42:20And Gambon, got it right this time. Ooh, little bit of tail coming out.
0:42:20 > 0:42:23Nicely held and there we are, across the line!
0:42:23 > 0:42:25APPLAUSE
0:42:26 > 0:42:28So...
0:42:31 > 0:42:37- Where do you think you've come on this magnificent board?- Bottom.
0:42:37 > 0:42:38Bottom?
0:42:38 > 0:42:43So, you're not even going to try and get on to Alastair Campbell, 1.47.
0:42:43 > 0:42:45It would be great to beat him.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47No, you haven't.
0:42:47 > 0:42:51Well, John Prescott, you did it in... What is the slowest time?
0:42:51 > 0:42:551.53.7, effectively.
0:42:55 > 0:42:58You did it in...
0:42:58 > 0:43:031.56.7.
0:43:03 > 0:43:08Which is by far and away the slowest lap time we have ever had.
0:43:08 > 0:43:10APPLAUSE
0:43:13 > 0:43:15- It is amazing.- Well, now...
0:43:19 > 0:43:23..it has been very interesting...
0:43:23 > 0:43:26having you here today. I'm very glad you came.
0:43:26 > 0:43:28It is something I thought would never happen
0:43:28 > 0:43:31and I think you are very brave to come into in front of what is,
0:43:31 > 0:43:34let's be honest, an audience that's on my side, rightly so.
0:43:34 > 0:43:38Ladies and gentlemen, John Prescott.
0:43:38 > 0:43:40APPLAUSE
0:43:44 > 0:43:46Jezza versus Prezza, I like it.
0:43:47 > 0:43:50I thought it might be an actual fight.
0:43:50 > 0:43:54Right, now, important moment because, for the first time,
0:43:54 > 0:43:58I think, in two years, we are going to do the Cool Wall!
0:43:58 > 0:44:00CHEERING
0:44:00 > 0:44:01Look, here it is.
0:44:04 > 0:44:08And straight away, we can see that currents have blown certain BMWs
0:44:08 > 0:44:12right up here into super-cool, sub-zero.
0:44:12 > 0:44:18Things like the Z4, the M3, the 1-Series, the 5-Series. Not all Beamers, though.
0:44:18 > 0:44:24This one, the 5-Series GT is down among the Audis. Uncool.
0:44:24 > 0:44:27That's a horrible thing. It's like a fat old auntie,
0:44:27 > 0:44:30the one with embarrassing flatulence that nobody dares mention.
0:44:30 > 0:44:32Called Marjorie, I think.
0:44:32 > 0:44:33Other changes.
0:44:33 > 0:44:38Down here, a clutch of superminis, the actual Mini, Fiat 500, the Citroen DS3.
0:44:38 > 0:44:43These are all inexpensive ways of looking seriously cool. Good cars.
0:44:43 > 0:44:46Now, what do you make of this? This is called the Nissan Juke.
0:44:46 > 0:44:52What is interesting, you buy a car because you want something that's practical or cheap.
0:44:52 > 0:44:56Or you want something fast. How many people do you know say,
0:44:56 > 0:44:58"I want to buy a car that's absolutely stupid?"
0:44:58 > 0:45:03Because that's what this is. Do you not agree that is the stupidest thing in the world?
0:45:03 > 0:45:05- It's ugly.- It's ugly.
0:45:05 > 0:45:08There is a chap back here, you know your hat...
0:45:08 > 0:45:11LAUGHTER
0:45:11 > 0:45:14You obviously like to go out in public...
0:45:14 > 0:45:16looking ridiculous.
0:45:16 > 0:45:18Do you like the Nissan Juke?
0:45:18 > 0:45:22- I don't mind it.- What do you drive? - A Golf.
0:45:22 > 0:45:24- Not a diesel?- It is a diesel, yes.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27You look like that and you've got a Golf diesel?
0:45:27 > 0:45:33That's fantastic, many things going on there in that man's hat.
0:45:33 > 0:45:36This is a hideously uncool car so it goes down there.
0:45:36 > 0:45:39And speaking... What have you got there?
0:45:39 > 0:45:42This is the Renault Wind. A couple of problems here, first of all the name.
0:45:42 > 0:45:45- Basically, it's a Renault fart. - It is.
0:45:45 > 0:45:51I suspect that supercar-looking body is writing cheques that the rest of the car can't cash.
0:45:51 > 0:45:55But, this is the Gordini version so it has stripes on it.
0:45:55 > 0:45:58And, as we all know, things with stripes on are cool -
0:45:58 > 0:46:01Shelby Mustangs, tigers, toothpaste...
0:46:01 > 0:46:04- James May's jumpers. - That is not cool.
0:46:04 > 0:46:09Thank you very much. It has stripes on it, it looks like James May's knitwear so that goes there.
0:46:09 > 0:46:13- JEREMY CLEAR HIS THROAT What?- Check it out.
0:46:13 > 0:46:16- What is it?- Toyota Yaris Verso.
0:46:16 > 0:46:20- It's not good.- This is for people whose lives are completely empty.
0:46:20 > 0:46:22They are looking forward to the day they die
0:46:22 > 0:46:25because it will give them something to do.
0:46:25 > 0:46:30And they don't have sex any more cos these days, you know, we prefer sherry.
0:46:30 > 0:46:34They are utterly boring and catastrophic in every single way and they have bought this
0:46:34 > 0:46:38and it is the worst car I've ever seen in my life and it goes there.
0:46:38 > 0:46:45Crikey, getting that off your chest. One thing, has sherry ever lead to sex? Do you get sherry sex?
0:46:45 > 0:46:49- I think you do. - It is the one alcoholic drink that's never led to nooky.
0:46:49 > 0:46:51I will demonstrate sherry sex to any volunteers.
0:46:51 > 0:46:54Could you volunteer to have sherry sex with me?
0:46:54 > 0:46:56Oh, dear Lord.
0:46:56 > 0:46:58Just bear with me. You don't have to go very far.
0:46:58 > 0:47:00- She's keen.- Sherry sex. You ready?
0:47:00 > 0:47:02Here we go.
0:47:02 > 0:47:05- Good night. - LAUGHTER
0:47:05 > 0:47:07Sherry sex, like that.
0:47:07 > 0:47:09APPLAUSE
0:47:09 > 0:47:13Thank you. I need a cigarette now.
0:47:13 > 0:47:14LAUGHTER
0:47:14 > 0:47:16And now we have got a problem with this.
0:47:16 > 0:47:20This is the Porsche 911 Carrera C2S.
0:47:20 > 0:47:22We know the rules on the Cool Wall.
0:47:22 > 0:47:25If one of us has a car, it's always uncool.
0:47:25 > 0:47:28Both Hammond and May own this car.
0:47:28 > 0:47:31I don't think the board is long enough
0:47:31 > 0:47:33to be able to accommodate that.
0:47:33 > 0:47:35I'm just trying to work out the direction.
0:47:35 > 0:47:39That is east, that is west. Who lives west of here?
0:47:39 > 0:47:41- Where do you live?- Wiltshire.
0:47:41 > 0:47:44Does anybody live further west than Wiltshire?
0:47:44 > 0:47:49- Ireland.- Ireland? Excellent! Could you do me a favour?
0:47:49 > 0:47:52Could you take that home and pop it on your gatepost?
0:47:53 > 0:47:56Thank you very much, it will live there forevermore.
0:47:56 > 0:47:59Those are the rules, I can't argue with that.
0:47:59 > 0:48:03I would like to proffer this. OK?
0:48:03 > 0:48:06- What is it?- It is a Morgan. The new Morgan three-wheeler.
0:48:06 > 0:48:09- New?- Yes, they are recreating the three-wheeler runabout
0:48:09 > 0:48:12that launched the company 100 years ago and it is magnificent.
0:48:12 > 0:48:15- It is made with aluminium and it is a modern re-creation.- No, it isn't.
0:48:15 > 0:48:17- It isn't modern.- Yes, it is.
0:48:17 > 0:48:21- It is modernised.- No, you know... Everybody will have this, OK?
0:48:21 > 0:48:23You know the cupboard under your sink which is full
0:48:23 > 0:48:27of wedding presents you never used, you all familiar with that?
0:48:27 > 0:48:29That's the fish steamer you were given.
0:48:29 > 0:48:32- It is.- No, it's not.- It is.
0:48:32 > 0:48:37- It isn't.- It is.- It isn't. - Well, it is.- Well, it isn't.
0:48:37 > 0:48:40If you put that in cool, I will put you in a drain.
0:48:43 > 0:48:45I have a chair and I'm not afraid to use it.
0:48:45 > 0:48:48I have a hammer.
0:48:48 > 0:48:52Well, make your move, big fella, it's going in cool.
0:48:52 > 0:48:53Make your move, come on.
0:48:53 > 0:48:55You know what this is, don't you?
0:48:55 > 0:48:58- Awkward.- This is a Mexican stand-off.
0:48:58 > 0:48:59LAUGHTER
0:48:59 > 0:49:03Right, it is now time for a small celebration,
0:49:03 > 0:49:09because this year marks the 40th birthday of the world's most expensive car.
0:49:15 > 0:49:17Operating. We're underway.
0:49:18 > 0:49:21It had no doors.
0:49:21 > 0:49:24No roof. No windscreen.
0:49:24 > 0:49:27It produced just one horse power
0:49:27 > 0:49:32and it had a couple of garden chairs for seats.
0:49:32 > 0:49:38And yet, the Lunar Rover, or Moon Buggy, cost £25 million
0:49:38 > 0:49:45and that was in 1971 when a V12 E-Type Jag cost less than 3,500.
0:49:45 > 0:49:48In its short life, the Moon Buggy covered just 56 miles,
0:49:48 > 0:49:53which in Top Gear maths works out as about half-a-million quid per mile.
0:49:53 > 0:49:56Although they were all on the moon.
0:49:56 > 0:49:57You are go!
0:49:57 > 0:50:02The Moon Buggy was used in three space missions.
0:50:02 > 0:50:06Man, oh, man, what a Grand Prix this is.
0:50:06 > 0:50:10I tell you, it sure does a good job with this kind of terrain.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13And the short, bouncy journeys it made
0:50:13 > 0:50:16were about the most useful a car has ever undertaken.
0:50:18 > 0:50:21The Moon Buggy meant that the astronauts could explore
0:50:21 > 0:50:24more of the moon than they would have been able to on foot,
0:50:24 > 0:50:27and that meant they could take more pictures, collect more rocks,
0:50:27 > 0:50:32drill for more samples and generally get a better understanding
0:50:32 > 0:50:35of where the universe may have come from.
0:50:35 > 0:50:38However, in 1972 the moon missions were scrapped,
0:50:38 > 0:50:42which means that for the last 39 years, the only Moon Buggy
0:50:42 > 0:50:46you will have seen on Earth has been in a museum.
0:50:49 > 0:50:50Until now.
0:50:54 > 0:50:58Because... Yes, it's back.
0:51:10 > 0:51:13This really is it.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15The Moon Buggy Mark II -
0:51:15 > 0:51:17a car for outer space.
0:51:17 > 0:51:19This is much more exciting
0:51:19 > 0:51:23than something like a Veyron SS or a Ferrari 458.
0:51:23 > 0:51:25Those are just Earth cars.
0:51:25 > 0:51:31And because I am the one who goes by the name of Captain Buzz Slow,
0:51:31 > 0:51:33NASA have said I can drive it.
0:51:38 > 0:51:39HE LAUGHS
0:51:41 > 0:51:47There we are, we are flat out in the Lunar Rover Mark II, that is ten miles an hour.
0:51:47 > 0:51:50The original Lunar Rover did eight miles an hour until the astronauts
0:51:50 > 0:51:53got hold of it and they managed to push it up to 11.
0:51:53 > 0:51:55So, who knows, this could get into the teens.
0:51:57 > 0:52:00I can't believe I am being allowed to do this.
0:52:00 > 0:52:01I am alone in it.
0:52:01 > 0:52:04Well, almost alone.
0:52:04 > 0:52:07Since Moon Buggy Mark II cost 4.5 million,
0:52:07 > 0:52:10there was a car behind me containing some NASA heavies
0:52:10 > 0:52:14who could remotely shut it down if I did anything stupid.
0:52:15 > 0:52:18Absolutely fantastic control interface here.
0:52:18 > 0:52:21I have got this screen with touch buttons, loads of parameters
0:52:21 > 0:52:24I can fiddle with, every single wheel is monitored.
0:52:24 > 0:52:28My heading, my direction, roll, pitch, all these things.
0:52:28 > 0:52:32If normal cars were as complicated as this, they would be a lot more fun.
0:52:32 > 0:52:36Watch this for a really brilliant little Lunar Rover party trick.
0:52:36 > 0:52:39If I just push the joystick to the side, very slightly,
0:52:39 > 0:52:43you will see that is not turning right, that is crabbing.
0:52:43 > 0:52:45How about that?
0:52:45 > 0:52:47SCREECHING
0:52:48 > 0:52:49What was that?
0:52:53 > 0:52:54Am I that close to it?
0:52:56 > 0:52:58Sorry.
0:52:59 > 0:53:01After an astronomical bollocking,
0:53:01 > 0:53:05I decided to concentrate on Moon Buggy pub trivia.
0:53:06 > 0:53:10This is the only vehicle of any type I have ever driven with two quoted weights,
0:53:10 > 0:53:13because here on Earth it weighs approximately four tonnes,
0:53:13 > 0:53:17but on the moon, of course, the gravity is only about a sixth
0:53:17 > 0:53:20of what we have here, so it only weighs something like 760 kilograms.
0:53:20 > 0:53:23They do think about that sort of thing.
0:53:23 > 0:53:28It will behave differently and your sensors will behave differently as well.
0:53:28 > 0:53:31The Moon Buggy has 12 wheels
0:53:31 > 0:53:36powered by six motors and they have a great party piece.
0:53:36 > 0:53:38Right, watch this.
0:53:43 > 0:53:45We are now crabbing...
0:53:45 > 0:53:48exactly sideways.
0:53:48 > 0:53:50The eagle has parked.
0:53:50 > 0:53:51BANG!
0:53:52 > 0:53:54Sorry.
0:53:54 > 0:53:56Now, we have done a small amount of maths here.
0:53:56 > 0:53:58This is proper maths, not Top Gear maths.
0:53:58 > 0:54:01We worked out that if every car in Britain could park like that
0:54:01 > 0:54:05and didn't have to leave a gap at each end,
0:54:05 > 0:54:07we would save, wait for it...
0:54:07 > 0:54:1010,000 miles of parking space.
0:54:11 > 0:54:14But since there is not really a problem with parking on the moon,
0:54:14 > 0:54:18those wheels, combined with an adjustable ride height
0:54:18 > 0:54:21are designed primarily to be amazing off-road.
0:54:23 > 0:54:25Houston, we are go for rocks.
0:54:28 > 0:54:30Now, you'll see when you're looking outside,
0:54:30 > 0:54:34each wheel set is working out where it's going and what it's doing,
0:54:34 > 0:54:36sort out the right height, deal with the traction,
0:54:36 > 0:54:40it is extremely intelligent, it has extremely powerful computers.
0:54:40 > 0:54:43The tyres themselves are not quite so hi-tech.
0:54:43 > 0:54:47They were chosen for their toughness and are from a crop sprayer.
0:54:50 > 0:54:52Look at this!
0:54:53 > 0:54:54That's bags of torque.
0:54:54 > 0:54:59That's a four-ton vehicle climbing up a 30-degree slope.
0:54:59 > 0:55:01What a climb!
0:55:01 > 0:55:05What a ride!
0:55:05 > 0:55:07It is absolutely brilliant, this thing.
0:55:07 > 0:55:09ENGINE STALLS
0:55:09 > 0:55:11Sorry.
0:55:12 > 0:55:17It is not just the Moon Buggy's off-road abilities that have moved on either.
0:55:17 > 0:55:21The original Lunar Rover had a very limited range
0:55:21 > 0:55:28because if it broke down, the astronauts had to be able to make it back to the lunar module on foot.
0:55:30 > 0:55:34But this one is more of a cosmic camper van.
0:55:34 > 0:55:37This is a space bed.
0:55:37 > 0:55:39There is another one that folds down here for your buddy.
0:55:39 > 0:55:43They are covered in memory foam, which was a NASA invention.
0:55:43 > 0:55:46There are privacy curtains here, there is an iPod dock,
0:55:46 > 0:55:50there is a home cinema, here is a space John.
0:55:50 > 0:55:54But sooner or later, you are going to get bored watching Apollo 13
0:55:54 > 0:55:56and you might want to go for a walk outside.
0:55:56 > 0:56:01If you do, you have to exit through the rather unusual back door.
0:56:01 > 0:56:06Here we go. My feet are entering the suit.
0:56:06 > 0:56:12My gentleman's area is compressed by the crotch of the spacesuit.
0:56:14 > 0:56:17I have my hands in the space suit.
0:56:17 > 0:56:19Leak check complete.
0:56:19 > 0:56:23Closing the hatch in the Lunar Rover.
0:56:27 > 0:56:32That is quite a giant leap for a very unsteady man.
0:56:32 > 0:56:36I would now like to perform a short tribute
0:56:36 > 0:56:39to the late Alan Shepard Jr,
0:56:39 > 0:56:42one of only 12 men to have walked on the moon,
0:56:42 > 0:56:45and the only man to have done this.
0:56:48 > 0:56:51Houston, the eagle is going for a birdie.
0:56:56 > 0:56:57There we go.
0:56:59 > 0:57:00Miles and miles and miles.
0:57:05 > 0:57:07I'd like to be deadly serious for a moment.
0:57:07 > 0:57:13This is the most fabulous vehicle I have ever driven. Ever.
0:57:13 > 0:57:15But there is a problem with it.
0:57:15 > 0:57:18Not a technical problem, it is the president,
0:57:18 > 0:57:22he has cancelled all the funding for the next moon mission.
0:57:23 > 0:57:26Because that is what makes the ship go up.
0:57:26 > 0:57:29No bucks, no Buck Rogers.
0:57:32 > 0:57:35That means, if you're a kid, you will never have the thrill
0:57:35 > 0:57:39of getting up in the middle of the night, like I did,
0:57:39 > 0:57:42to watch the funny little car hooning about on the moon.
0:57:42 > 0:57:45'Yahoo!
0:57:45 > 0:57:47'That was all four wheels off the ground there.
0:57:47 > 0:57:51'This is really some machine.'
0:57:51 > 0:57:57This piece of film I am watching now shows men leaving the surface of the moon for the last time.
0:57:57 > 0:58:04That is the ascent stage of the Apollo 17 lunar module blasting off from the lunar surface.
0:58:04 > 0:58:09That bit of film was captured with a remote camera mounted on the Moon Buggy.
0:58:09 > 0:58:12Which means, obviously, that the Moon Buggy was left behind.
0:58:15 > 0:58:19It does make me sort of sad, really, to think of that amazing car
0:58:19 > 0:58:24being left up there, gathering moon dust for eternity.
0:58:24 > 0:58:28But if you ask me, it is not half as sad as a Moon Buggy
0:58:28 > 0:58:31that will never go up there at all.
0:58:34 > 0:58:36APPLAUSE
0:58:37 > 0:58:40I understand the financial considerations,
0:58:40 > 0:58:43- but it is sad, isn't it? - Yes, it makes me sad.
0:58:43 > 0:58:44I tell you what else is sad,
0:58:44 > 0:58:49that is not only the end of this show, it is the end of this series.
0:58:49 > 0:58:51Thank you very much for watching, though,
0:58:51 > 0:58:54we will see you again in June. Take care. Goodnight.
0:59:03 > 0:59:06Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:59:06 > 0:59:09E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk