0:00:11 > 0:00:14- Tonight, Raikkonen...- Oops.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16- Evans...- Can't believe it.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Slash...
0:00:18 > 0:00:21and bash, as we do proper motor racing.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Hello and welcome to the playground.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Welcome, everybody. Thank you.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Thank you so much.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Now, we begin with the BMW M5.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:00:44 > 0:00:49For the last 25 years, it has been the best fast saloon.
0:00:49 > 0:00:55Erm, which is a bit of a problem for BMW every time they replace it,
0:00:55 > 0:00:57as Richard Hammond shall now explain.
0:01:04 > 0:01:09This is the outgoing M5 in action and, straightaway,
0:01:09 > 0:01:11you can see the problem.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13It's brilliant.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17Big, 500 horsepower, V10 upfront,
0:01:17 > 0:01:21naturally aspirated,
0:01:21 > 0:01:27it's just distilled essence of single-malt driving pleasure.
0:01:27 > 0:01:32And that gives BMW a problem much like that faced by the makers of Die Hard 4,
0:01:32 > 0:01:35or of Cheryl Cole's 2011 calendar.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38This is a personal analogy, but it works for me.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41The problem is this - where to go next?
0:01:43 > 0:01:48Well, this is where they've gone the next. It's the brand-new M5.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52It costs £73,000 and, on paper,
0:01:52 > 0:01:55it sounds like a much tamer beast.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58For starters, the magnificent V10
0:01:58 > 0:02:03has been replaced by a more polar-bear-friendly V8.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09When you're driving along, you can certainly hear it.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12But then you would as it's fitted with a system
0:02:12 > 0:02:14piping a synthesised version
0:02:14 > 0:02:16of the exhaust note through the stereo.
0:02:16 > 0:02:21ENGINE REVS
0:02:21 > 0:02:23That's kind of cheating, isn't it?
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Thanks to additions like the seven-speed double-clutch gearbox,
0:02:29 > 0:02:34this new M5 now weighs 90 kilograms more than the old one.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37At first glance, then, it seems like the M5's
0:02:37 > 0:02:40rock 'n' roll days are over.
0:02:42 > 0:02:43Oh, dear.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47I seem to have accidentally pulled up alongside the old M5,
0:02:47 > 0:02:50for what looks like the makings of a drag race.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Yeah, there's a man in a white coat and everything.
0:02:53 > 0:02:59Three, two, one, go!
0:02:59 > 0:03:03Oh, ho-ho ho! That's some power!
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Getting ahead.
0:03:06 > 0:03:12Yeah, this is probably a good time to tell you more about that V8.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17It's got two turbos which gives it 552 brake horsepower,
0:03:17 > 0:03:1952 more than the V10,
0:03:19 > 0:03:22and more torque.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24A lot more torque.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26And it's quick!
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Ya-hah-ha!
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Had you worried for a moment, then!
0:03:33 > 0:03:36More firepower in the engine bay
0:03:36 > 0:03:39is just the first piece of good news.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42In the old M5, you got a techno-overload
0:03:42 > 0:03:44of 11 gearshift settings.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47In the new one, it's a more sensible three.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50And, with that new twin-clutch gearbox,
0:03:50 > 0:03:53the shifts are so fast, the gap between them
0:03:53 > 0:03:56can't even be measured. That's good,
0:03:56 > 0:04:01But it's not as good as the way this car simply devours corners.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08TYRES SCREECH
0:04:08 > 0:04:11HE LAUGHS
0:04:12 > 0:04:17Unlike Porsche, with their new 911, BMW has not gone for electric steering,
0:04:17 > 0:04:21but instead stuck with old-fashioned hydraulics.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25And it's so much better for it. There's much more of that feedback.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29It actually lets you know which way the front wheels are pointing.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33With these settings in full track mode, you can smoke all day long.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40And, when you've had enough of that,
0:04:40 > 0:04:45at the touch of a button, it becomes a completely different car.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50The old one was always a bit, you know, "Grr-argh",
0:04:50 > 0:04:53always straining at the leash.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57But this one, it can be a proper lunatic M5.
0:04:57 > 0:05:04Or a soothing companion when you just want to drive along the M5.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06See, the motorway? The M...
0:05:06 > 0:05:09It's also more economical.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13It has a bigger fuel tank so it can go harder for longer,
0:05:13 > 0:05:16and then there's the ride.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19It's really, really good, comfortable.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23There's no stupid rock-hard run flat tyres.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25It feels better than a normal five series.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31The new M5, then, is not only better than the old one,
0:05:31 > 0:05:34I'd say that, as an all-rounder,
0:05:34 > 0:05:38it's actually the best car in the world right now.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40And, in some ways, it reminds me of this...
0:05:43 > 0:05:45..The BMW M1.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50In 1984, BMW actually took the engine out of that
0:05:50 > 0:05:52and put it in a five series
0:05:52 > 0:05:56and the original M5 was born.
0:05:56 > 0:06:02The point is the M1 was the first supercar
0:06:02 > 0:06:06that could also be civilised in the real world.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09And that's what they've done here.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13Meet the new boss, same as the old, old boss.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21- I see what you did there. - It's a heck of a thing!
0:06:21 > 0:06:26I have to say, that car - I drove it the other day - is epic.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- It is amazing.- Phenomenal car. You like the M5, as well, don't you?- Yep.
0:06:29 > 0:06:34The only problem with it is that in the past,
0:06:34 > 0:06:37an M5 was worth it because it was
0:06:37 > 0:06:41so much better than an ordinary five series but the normal five series
0:06:41 > 0:06:45now is so good, it's hard to justify spending the extra.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Well, you're quite right. Have you driven the 530 diesel?
0:06:48 > 0:06:50It's stupendously good.
0:06:50 > 0:06:56And it's £30,000 less than an M5 and it's an almost completely perfect car.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Did you know that in the diesel, if you're careful,
0:06:58 > 0:07:02you can go almost 1,000 miles on one tank full of fuel.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06- That's all you want. 1,000 miles. - God! How old are you two?
0:07:06 > 0:07:10Well, I haven't spent the last 10 years being 38, unlike some people I know.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13I like 38. It's a nice age. I'm going to do it again this year.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Hammond, we don't have time to cut you in half
0:07:16 > 0:07:19to see how old you are cos we've got a very busy show.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22We also don't have time, I'm afraid, to show you The Stig going
0:07:22 > 0:07:26round in the M5 but we can tell you he did it in a 1.29.2.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Pouring with rain, meaningless time.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31So what we'll do is move on, swiftly, and do the news.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- Yes.- And we begin with this.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37If you drive a car without a windscreen at 50 miles an hour,
0:07:37 > 0:07:39your face looks like this.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43We established this very clearly, last week.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Now, if you take the speed up to 80, your face becomes this.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48LAUGHTER
0:07:48 > 0:07:52So can you begin to imagine what your face would look like
0:07:52 > 0:07:54if you were to drive one of these?
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Inside out, I should imagine.
0:07:57 > 0:08:03This is the 217mph - concept at the moment - Lamborghini Aventador J.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Has no windscreen, has no roof, and I can only imagine, Hammond,
0:08:07 > 0:08:11that if you were to drive that, your face would end up like that.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18I don't know why you're laughing, James,
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- because I've done research.- Have you?- Your face'd look like this.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Let's move on.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29The government is holding a big summit to try
0:08:29 > 0:08:34and find out how to prevent sat navs accidentally steering people into fields and canals and railways.
0:08:34 > 0:08:39- Yeah, always reading about them. - Heard this discussed on the news and one bloke had
0:08:39 > 0:08:42contacted them to say, "I was using my sat nav, driving along in my car,
0:08:42 > 0:08:47"concentrating, when I drove down a ramp, past a lifeboat into the sea."
0:08:47 > 0:08:49LAUGHTER
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Well, clearly, you weren't concentrating
0:08:51 > 0:08:54because you drove into the sea.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56The government summit just needs to say,
0:08:56 > 0:08:59"If you allow your sat nav to steer you into a field, or the sea, or a nun,
0:08:59 > 0:09:02"it's your fault because you're a blithering idiot."
0:09:02 > 0:09:06- Yes.- You're so right. It cannot be the sat nav's fault.- It isn't.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10A friend of mine lives in Knightsbridge, in the middle of London,
0:09:10 > 0:09:12wanted to go and see Chelsea play at Stamford Bridge,
0:09:12 > 0:09:14put Stamford Bridge into the sat nav
0:09:14 > 0:09:19and only realised something was wrong while going past Peterborough on the A1,
0:09:19 > 0:09:24on the way to the TOWN of Stamford Bridge, rather than the big football ground.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28How daft d'you have to be to do that? It's only a mile down the road.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32How thick do you have to be to believe what the digital
0:09:32 > 0:09:37pretend woman on the dashboard says over what you can actually see out of the window?
0:09:37 > 0:09:41I mean, the sea, for example, it's big, it's blue, the top of it
0:09:41 > 0:09:45wobbles around and isn't suitable for motor vehicles. Don't drive into it.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49Now, pay attention, everybody. Are you Mario Balotelli or Wayne Rooney?
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- HE MOUTHS - Or that ginger one...Paul Scholes.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- AUDIENCE LAUGHS - Does your downstairs lavatory look like this?
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Nice.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Anyway, if your downstairs loo looks like this and you're a premiership footballer -
0:10:01 > 0:10:04good news, because Bentley has made a new 4x4.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Here it is.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08AUDIENCE: Oww!
0:10:08 > 0:10:12It is just a concept at the moment and it is HIDEOUS AND DISGUSTING! Look at it.
0:10:12 > 0:10:17Did he step away from his design and go, "Yes, that's exactly what I wanted"?
0:10:17 > 0:10:21He must, at some point, said, "Yeah, that's my day's work done. I'm going home."
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Does anybody here like that?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- What?- Yes?- Seriously?
0:10:27 > 0:10:31That's because you're sitting behind the television and you can't see it.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36- You see, it's not there. It's here. Look.- Seriously?
0:10:36 > 0:10:40- Yeah, I like that.- Do you have, in your house, those pillars either
0:10:40 > 0:10:44- side of the front door like a clang-clang-clang when you hit it? - No, but I'd like them.
0:10:44 > 0:10:49- Have you got two fake stone lions on either side of the gates? - No, I'd like them as well.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53This is My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding being played out
0:10:53 > 0:10:57- right here, right now. - What's going on? And there's the car.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59APPLAUSE
0:10:59 > 0:11:03The Only Way Is Cheshire. There you go.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Ooh, now, next weekend, Formula 1 returns
0:11:05 > 0:11:08and the big news is that one of the old guard is back.
0:11:08 > 0:11:14But, before that he's here. Ladies and gentlemen, Kimi Raikkonen!
0:11:14 > 0:11:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Mate, have a seat.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26So, there we go.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Back in Formula 1.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33How does it feel? How does it feel to be back?
0:11:33 > 0:11:37Very normal. I mean, the cars are same. The people are the same.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Same story.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40I just want to clear up, you're racing for -
0:11:40 > 0:11:45because I'm a bit lost with Lotus - you're racing for Lotus Renault?
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Er, yeah.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51That's what it says on there.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Yeah, Lotus Renault but there's another Lotus.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58You've got Lotus that make cars in Turnipshire
0:11:58 > 0:12:02but that's got nothing to do with this.
0:12:02 > 0:12:08No, I think the Lotus is just the sponsor.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09So, is it a Renault?
0:12:09 > 0:12:11No, it's...
0:12:11 > 0:12:13LAUGHTER
0:12:13 > 0:12:16You don't know who you're racing for, do you?
0:12:16 > 0:12:22- It's Renault factory built, so... - And you're sponsored by an anti-dandruff product.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- Is that good?- Seems to be working.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27LAUGHTER
0:12:27 > 0:12:28Maybe you should try.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31LAUGHTER
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Could be worse, could be Anusol.
0:12:34 > 0:12:39Now, I have to say, I sincerely hope your return is successful.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40Really, genuinely, I do,
0:12:40 > 0:12:44because I love it when you're in the post-race press conference
0:12:44 > 0:12:47and they ask those big, long, convoluted questions,
0:12:47 > 0:12:50"So, in the third corner you came up the outside, then you jinked left,
0:12:50 > 0:12:54"then right and then you went on the inside, what happened?" And you just go, "That."
0:12:54 > 0:12:58- LAUGHTER - Yeah. I mean, you can make it very complicated to answer
0:12:58 > 0:13:01but then you can also be straight
0:13:01 > 0:13:06and tell the true story, so usually it's much more easier.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10Is it a Finnish thing to be economical with words?
0:13:10 > 0:13:14I think there are a lot of different people in Finland, like they can tell
0:13:14 > 0:13:19the long way or the short way, but for me it's easier to say the short way.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23I've got some of my favourite ones, actually. There was the famous one
0:13:23 > 0:13:28when Michael Schumacher got his lifetime achievement thing in Brazil, from Pele,
0:13:28 > 0:13:32and Martin Brundle said, "Did you see the ceremony?" You said no because...
0:13:32 > 0:13:34I was busy.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37"Taking a dump," is what you said.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41I mean, I told the truth, a true story, so...
0:13:41 > 0:13:44I fell off my chair laughing!
0:13:44 > 0:13:48I like this one. "The helmet has a special meaning for many drivers.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52"How important is it to you?" You said, "It protects my head."
0:13:52 > 0:13:54LAUGHTER
0:13:54 > 0:13:59I quite like... someone asked you, "What do you think of the Abu Dhabi circuit?"
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Um...
0:14:01 > 0:14:05- You said, "The first few turns are good, but the rest of it is- BLEEP."
0:14:06 > 0:14:11It's true the last part is not very good. It's very twisty.
0:14:11 > 0:14:16It's catastrophically boring to watch cars race round there, from our point of view.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19I think it's many other circuits also. It's not just that.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22- No, there are a lot. You start in Australia, don't you?- Yeah.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26- And that's next weekend.- Yes. - How will you get on? Good?
0:14:26 > 0:14:31We hope. I mean, I don't know, nobody knows where everybody is.
0:14:31 > 0:14:36It's a bit complicated to say from testing, but we will see one week
0:14:36 > 0:14:39and, hopefully... I think our car's not too bad.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40The car is not too bad?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43- Yeah.- Have you been hard at work training to come back?
0:14:43 > 0:14:47Um, a little bit more time than normal, but it should be OK.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49- Have you given up drinking?- No.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51LAUGHTER
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- Actually, did you meet The Stig today?- Yeah.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Do you realise you're his hero? - Yeah?- Did he say?
0:14:57 > 0:15:01He didn't speak a lot. I think his work would be perfect for me.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05- No need to speak, just drive around in different cars. - You didn't speak to each other?
0:15:05 > 0:15:07- A little bit. - He did speak to me.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10He said, "I've always really liked Kimi Raikkonen,"
0:15:10 > 0:15:13- and he met you once before. - Oh, yeah?
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Well, he wasn't drinking in a bar, but he was in Monaco
0:15:16 > 0:15:21standing in a bar and then somebody collapsed, drunk, on his feet.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22- Yeah? It was me.- Yeah.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24LAUGHTER
0:15:24 > 0:15:27He looked down and went, "Oh, it's my hero."
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Hopefully, he'll help me, then, huh?
0:15:30 > 0:15:34I've always wanted to check this out. Before your very first race,
0:15:34 > 0:15:38your very first race, is it true you were found in your motor home
0:15:38 > 0:15:4130 minutes before the race fast asleep?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Er, not in the motorhome.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46It was in Australia so we had just small boxes there.
0:15:46 > 0:15:51- But you were asleep?- Yeah, under the table. I found a nice place.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53It's normal. I always sleep before the race.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57- Usually there is a little bit of time to relax.- Really?
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Yeah. I like sleeping.
0:15:59 > 0:16:06Was it before the Ferrari race that you entered a snowmobile race in Finland?
0:16:06 > 0:16:11Yeah, I think it was 2007. I've been a few times in the race.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15- Do Ferrari let you do snowmobile racing?- I didn't really ask, but I guess...
0:16:15 > 0:16:21You have a very strict contract, but as long as you don't get hurt too badly.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Talking of which, show me your arm.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26- No, undo your shirt.- It's OK. - This is...
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- What's that?- It's a scar. - What from?
0:16:29 > 0:16:34Um... Some snowmobile, I think.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36And that was recent?
0:16:36 > 0:16:40Yeah, it was before Christmas I hurt it a little bit
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- but I had a good doctor to fix it. - Let's have a look.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47That is big. Did you break it?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49- A little bit.- A little bit broken?
0:16:49 > 0:16:53- Anyway, obviously, you came down here to try it.- Yeah.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56I have to say the Suzuki Liana, the Formula 1 car,
0:16:56 > 0:16:59the old reasonably priced car, how was it?
0:16:59 > 0:17:03It was better than I expected, so...
0:17:03 > 0:17:06I mean, it wasn't too bad.
0:17:06 > 0:17:11It was quite wet so it was slippery and I got a bit sideways a few times but it was good fun.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Who'd like to see Kimi out there having fun in our Liana?
0:17:14 > 0:17:17- AUDIENCE: Yeah! - Let's have a look. Here we go.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27- Yep, that has begun.- There was a nice helicopter on our left.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Well, I think you've covered everything there.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33There you go. That's the line we like to see from Formula 1 drivers,
0:17:33 > 0:17:35very wide.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Oh, that's just perfectly judged.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Maybe it was luck.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49GEAR CLUNKS
0:17:50 > 0:17:51Oops.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54You see?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57You don't need any more than "oops", although it is a surprise
0:17:57 > 0:18:00to see a Formula 1 driver cocking up a gear change.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Actually, you don't have to change gear in Formula 1.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07- It's much easier.- It is.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10It's not a bad car to drive in, then.
0:18:10 > 0:18:16You should be a road tester on Top Gear. "And now back to the studio."
0:18:16 > 0:18:19We don't need to say any more than that.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Hammond rabbiting on earlier about the M5. What's the point?
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Here we go, second-to-last corner.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30Unlike most of the guests, you held it on the track, round Gambon
0:18:30 > 0:18:32and there we are, everyone, across the line.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34CHEERING
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Ho-ho!
0:18:40 > 0:18:44Now, these are the peeps from Formula 1 who have tried it before.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Sebastian, your badminton partner, I understand.
0:18:48 > 0:18:53- Yeah, at least I can beat him in badminton.- Can you beat him in badminton?- Yeah, every time.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- It's good to know someone can beat him at something.- Yeah.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00Our fastest wet lap is Lewis, 1.44.7.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- It's actually only mildly moist.- OK.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Proper wet, it's probably Jenson Button.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10No, it was Webber, I've just been told.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13- I hope I will be in top 10. - Top 10?- Yeah.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17- Somewhere there. - You're going to make it.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19That's my prediction. I've got the time here.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Kimi Raikkonen, you did it in...
0:19:22 > 0:19:26What was Webber? The only really wet one? 1.47.1.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28You did it in...
0:19:29 > 0:19:31One...
0:19:32 > 0:19:3340...
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Six, one.
0:19:42 > 0:19:48Oh, I haven't put the W on. I've got to put the W on.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50- It looks better now.- It does, we'll remember that.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Well, Kimi, huge pleasure to have you here.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Huge pleasure to have you back in Formula 1.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Very, very best of luck with the season.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Ladies and gentlemen, Kimi Raikkonen!
0:20:00 > 0:20:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:07 > 0:20:12Now, you may remember that a while back, Chris Evans out of Radio 2
0:20:12 > 0:20:15spent five and a half million of his pounds
0:20:15 > 0:20:19on a very rare Ferrari 250GT California Spyder,
0:20:19 > 0:20:23- AUDIENCE LAUGHS - One of only 56 ever made.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27When I was a boy, this was always my favourite of the classic Ferraris.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30I've always wanted to drive one.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35This is Chris's garage,
0:20:35 > 0:20:38a place where his mostly white collection of Ferraris,
0:20:38 > 0:20:43including an F40, a Dino and a 288GTO,
0:20:43 > 0:20:45is pampered and entertained.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53Why did you choose white? It's a big decision once you've chosen white...
0:20:53 > 0:20:55They were all going to be different colours
0:20:55 > 0:20:57but we couldn't figure which colour to paint the Dino.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59So we said, "Let's paint the Dino white."
0:20:59 > 0:21:02The Dino was the first finished, it looked so good in white, we said,
0:21:02 > 0:21:04"What the hey! Let's do them all white."
0:21:04 > 0:21:08'When I'd listened politely for a well-mannered amount of time...'
0:21:08 > 0:21:12- It's got the nod to the GTO.- Mm. - 250 short wheelbase.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15'..I got to the real reason for my visit.'
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Where's the California?
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- It's over there.- Can we see it?
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- I must take my shoes off to go through?- Absolutely.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Come on. Sort it out.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30I've never, ever been asked to take my shoes off in a garage before.
0:21:30 > 0:21:31CHRIS LAUGHS
0:21:31 > 0:21:32Oh, look at that!
0:21:34 > 0:21:35Oh, man!
0:21:38 > 0:21:39- May I?- Yeah, course.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42Oh! Ho-ho ho!
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Wow!
0:21:48 > 0:21:49Can I have a go?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51What do you mean?
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- Huh?- What do you mean?
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Can I...can I drive it?
0:21:56 > 0:21:58- What, out of here?- Yeah.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01It is me. If it was Pinky or Perky,
0:22:01 > 0:22:05I could understand your reticence, but I'm a...
0:22:05 > 0:22:09Can't I? Chris, I've waited all my life just to stand next to one of these.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- I know it was expensive.- Oh, God.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17But I won't ever get another chance.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23- Take it out, be careful... - Of course.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28- Avoid standing water.- I do this in my Fiat Panda.- Yeah, I'm sure.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31You know, just be careful with it.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34- Of course I'll be careful. - All right.- Thank you.- Yeah.
0:22:34 > 0:22:35I appreciate it.
0:22:35 > 0:22:42Before I set out, Chris insisted we put the roof up, in case it rained.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46That doesn't really work, does it?
0:22:46 > 0:22:51- Well, that doesn't work at all. Oh, no!- How much was it?- Oh, God!
0:22:53 > 0:22:59With the roof abandoned, I set off in one of the world's rarest cars,
0:22:59 > 0:23:02already starting to wish that Chris had said no.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Right, there is a car coming.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12It's a long way off, but this could cut out, you never know.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15It's an old car, so let's just hold back.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30Go, go, go!
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Right, I'm on real roads, with real cars.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Those people might be trying to send a text.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Those people over there may have been drinking.
0:23:42 > 0:23:43This is a fantastic moment
0:23:43 > 0:23:48in my driving life, but it is rather being spoiled
0:23:48 > 0:23:51by the thought of £5.6 million.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54It's a bit like being given an original Rembrandt
0:23:54 > 0:23:57and then being told to take it down the pub on Friday night.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02No, I can't honestly say I'm enjoying it.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Don't reverse.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Get off the phone.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Oh, God! Not here.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Oh, don't say you want to go backwards.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Steady, steady.
0:24:31 > 0:24:32Thank you.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34I think I'm going to get away.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Yes, freedom!
0:24:37 > 0:24:41'And then things got slightly worse.'
0:24:41 > 0:24:42BOYS CHEER
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Be careful of the car, it's very valuable. Mind the car.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Stay away from the car.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50'Those pesky kids were the last straw,
0:24:50 > 0:24:53'so I went and hid, in Windsor Park.'
0:24:56 > 0:24:58And...relax!
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Right, the Ferrari 250 GT California,
0:25:03 > 0:25:05what is all the fuss about?
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Well, besides the fact that it's rare, the California has always
0:25:11 > 0:25:14been one of the most desirable Ferraris, built to allow
0:25:14 > 0:25:19wealthy West Coast Americans to soak up their sunshine.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24This car, for example, belonged to the film star James Coburn,
0:25:24 > 0:25:28who kept it for 23 years.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Coburn was one of Hollywood's petrol-head elite,
0:25:31 > 0:25:35along with Steve McQueen. In fact, it was Steve McQueen
0:25:35 > 0:25:38who persuaded Coburn to buy it from a Belgian dealership
0:25:38 > 0:25:42while they were filming The Great Escape together.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48The other reason this car is part of automotive royalty
0:25:48 > 0:25:52is quite simply because of its astonishing beauty.
0:25:55 > 0:25:59It was built by Ferrari's favourite metalworker,
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Sergio Scalietti, who never really bothered with drawings,
0:26:03 > 0:26:08but beat out the panels using an artist's eye and a craftsman's hand.
0:26:08 > 0:26:09That's why it's said
0:26:09 > 0:26:14that no two Californias are exactly alike.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19But putting all the romance and history to one side for a moment,
0:26:19 > 0:26:21what's this car like to drive?
0:26:22 > 0:26:25It's fantastic!
0:26:25 > 0:26:29Yes, it is! Come on!
0:26:33 > 0:26:37You can tell it's an old Ferrari. The steering wheel is enormous.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39The driving position is ridiculous.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42The pedals are actually over near that tree somewhere,
0:26:42 > 0:26:46but it's lovely. It's so special.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52I can actually feel the wood on the steering wheel
0:26:52 > 0:26:56flexing slightly as we go over bumps.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Its 3-litre V12 produces just 280 horsepower,
0:27:00 > 0:27:04and 0-60 takes around 8 seconds.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08Slow by modern Ferrari standards, but that's not the point.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12Cars like this, the performance is not about the figures.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15It's about the nature of the delivery.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18You get it above about 3,500 rpm -
0:27:18 > 0:27:20I'll drop it down so you can see what I mean.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22ENGINE REVS
0:27:26 > 0:27:28California!
0:27:33 > 0:27:35I don't want to get emotional,
0:27:35 > 0:27:38but this is the realisation of a childhood dream.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40When I was seven or eight years old,
0:27:40 > 0:27:43I looked at pictures of this car and I thought, "I wonder
0:27:43 > 0:27:48"if I will ever drive a Ferrari 250 GT California," and here I am.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51It's absolutely magical.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55I've met my hero, and I'm not disappointed.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00Really, it was time to give Chris's car back.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04But since he works on a breakfast show,
0:28:04 > 0:28:06I reckoned he'd be in bed early
0:28:06 > 0:28:10and he wouldn't miss it for a bit longer.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26SPEECH DROWNED BY APPLAUSE
0:28:26 > 0:28:29It's close, I agree it's close, but I still think it's that.
0:28:30 > 0:28:34I still can't believe he let you drive that car.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37- Well, why not?- Because as we learned from Monopoly, you are a liar
0:28:37 > 0:28:38and a cheat.
0:28:38 > 0:28:43- You brought the bank down. - Yes, you are Sir Fred May.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46You should be made to hand back that honorary doctorate.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49- Now we know more about... - Hammond, we don't have time
0:28:49 > 0:28:51for any more arguing about Monopoly
0:28:51 > 0:28:56because I need a Slash, and luckily, we've got one. He's over there!
0:29:01 > 0:29:03Look who's here. How are you?
0:29:03 > 0:29:05I'm OK.
0:29:05 > 0:29:07Look at that!
0:29:07 > 0:29:08Really here!
0:29:08 > 0:29:12Have a seat. Have a seat.
0:29:14 > 0:29:18Now, I think a lot of people would be surprised
0:29:18 > 0:29:22to discover that you grew up in Stoke-on-Trent.
0:29:22 > 0:29:26Yeah. I was born in Hampstead,
0:29:26 > 0:29:29London, but lived in Stoke.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32Stoke gets a bad rap, but it's a great place.
0:29:32 > 0:29:34I went back there and played there,
0:29:34 > 0:29:36did my first concert there, just last year.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39- This is with the new solo stuff? - Yeah, it was great. We had a blast.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42So you were in Los Angeles by the age of...
0:29:42 > 0:29:45- Six.- Oh, so it was a very short time in Stoke?
0:29:45 > 0:29:50- Yeah.- I am fascinated by one thing. Your mum is an African-American.
0:29:50 > 0:29:54- Uh-huh.- She designs costumes for the likes of - or did design -
0:29:54 > 0:29:56Joni Mitchell and David Bowie, yeah?
0:29:56 > 0:29:59Your dad did album covers
0:29:59 > 0:30:02- for Neil Young, among others. - Uh-huh.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05Paint a picture, with these parents like they were,
0:30:05 > 0:30:07of what it was like growing up in Los Angeles?
0:30:07 > 0:30:12Basically, both my parents were hippies, both involved in music.
0:30:12 > 0:30:13Everybody was an artist.
0:30:13 > 0:30:18It was just a very Bohemian, very artistic, creative environment.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21In that neighbourhood, there was Frank Zappa, Jim Morrison
0:30:21 > 0:30:25and the Eagles, before they formed with Glenn Frey.
0:30:25 > 0:30:30We had to watch Top Of The Pops, and you had them around your breakfast table.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33That's deeply irritating to me.
0:30:33 > 0:30:34Can I just ask,
0:30:34 > 0:30:38did your mother do your outfits, since she's a costume designer?
0:30:38 > 0:30:42Well, she did actually make me one of the coolest pairs of leather pants I ever had.
0:30:42 > 0:30:44Why do you always wear leather trousers?
0:30:44 > 0:30:48I've always just thought that they were cool-looking and, you know,
0:30:48 > 0:30:50you can get away with not washing them
0:30:50 > 0:30:51for long periods of time!
0:30:53 > 0:30:57And the hat? What gave you the idea to wear Brunel's hat?
0:30:57 > 0:31:03The hat came from when I was in the early days of Guns N' Roses.
0:31:03 > 0:31:05I was walking around Melrose Avenue
0:31:05 > 0:31:07in Los Angeles, looking for some clothes
0:31:07 > 0:31:10because we had a show that night. I don't have any money,
0:31:10 > 0:31:13so I'm just wandering around looking in windows and stuff,
0:31:13 > 0:31:16and for some reason, I saw this in the window.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18So I went in there and looked at it and tried it on
0:31:18 > 0:31:22and it felt really cool, so I walked out of the store with it.
0:31:22 > 0:31:25I figured I'd just say I forgot to pay for it or something.
0:31:25 > 0:31:27- You stole the hat?- Yeah.
0:31:27 > 0:31:31Then I went next door and stole a concho belt and cut it up and put it around the top.
0:31:31 > 0:31:35- You do know this show is shown in America?- It's OK.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37It was long enough ago that the statute's up by now.
0:31:37 > 0:31:40So you're going to get away with the stolen hat.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42There's some gossip we didn't know.
0:31:42 > 0:31:46- Slash wears stolen clothing. And you've got a new solo album out?- Yeah.
0:31:46 > 0:31:50- Is that it?- Yeah, this is the classic rock version of it.
0:31:50 > 0:31:52It comes with this thing which is a fan pack
0:31:52 > 0:31:57and it's a magazine filled with all kinds of stuff about myself and the band.
0:31:57 > 0:32:02- And that's the actual CD.- And that's called Apocalyptic Love?- Right.
0:32:02 > 0:32:07It's a title of one of the songs, and it's basically a tongue-in-cheek thing
0:32:07 > 0:32:11about sexual relations on the eve of the Apocalypse.
0:32:11 > 0:32:13LAUGHTER
0:32:13 > 0:32:17Well, you'd like to get one in before you...
0:32:17 > 0:32:19LAUGHTER
0:32:21 > 0:32:23Er, now, obviously you had a hard life
0:32:23 > 0:32:27- in Guns N' Roses, I would imagine. - It was pretty edgy, yeah.
0:32:27 > 0:32:28But these days,
0:32:28 > 0:32:34- am I right in thinking you're completely clean and completely off everything?- For today, yeah.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38Have you still got the snake collection?
0:32:38 > 0:32:41I have one snake now. I used to have a vast collection,
0:32:41 > 0:32:43upwards of 90 snakes
0:32:43 > 0:32:46at any given time for a long while there.
0:32:46 > 0:32:47And then just before London,
0:32:47 > 0:32:52my oldest son was born, because they were all big constrictors
0:32:52 > 0:32:56upwards of ten foot, I just had really cold feet
0:32:56 > 0:33:00that we should probably get rid of all these snakes. We're having a boy...
0:33:00 > 0:33:03- Where's the baby?- Yeah. - Which one of you...?
0:33:03 > 0:33:05That can happen.
0:33:05 > 0:33:09Now, I'm sorry for taking up so much time talking about your rock 'n' roll lifestyle,
0:33:09 > 0:33:13because I like that. But I know you're here to talk about cars
0:33:13 > 0:33:15because you like them, you'll all be relieved to hear.
0:33:15 > 0:33:20So what was your first car?
0:33:20 > 0:33:25- My first car that I paid for with my own money was a Honda CRX.- No way!
0:33:25 > 0:33:27- I had a Honda CRX.- Yeah.
0:33:27 > 0:33:30- It was fantastic.- It was a cool-looking little car,
0:33:30 > 0:33:34but eventually I gave it to my brother,
0:33:34 > 0:33:38and then I got a 1966 427 Corvette coupe.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40- The classic Corvette?- Yeah, yeah.
0:33:40 > 0:33:43That's a bit of a leap from a Honda CRX to a Corvette.
0:33:43 > 0:33:46It's a great car. I did a couple of 360s on Sunset with that car
0:33:46 > 0:33:48because it was so powerful.
0:33:48 > 0:33:50I didn't know what I was doing when I first bought it.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52What have you got now?
0:33:52 > 0:33:55I have an Aston Martin. That's my favourite car.
0:33:55 > 0:33:59- Really?- Ever since I was a little kid, James Bond...
0:33:59 > 0:34:02- But I could never afford one. - You look so similar!- Right.
0:34:02 > 0:34:07When I got sober, my reward to myself was to buy an Aston Martin.
0:34:07 > 0:34:13- Which one did you get?- I got a Vanquish last year that they had. - Rotten gearbox, though.- Yeah,
0:34:13 > 0:34:17but it was a cool car for a while. I got a lot of tickets in that car.
0:34:17 > 0:34:22Then I traded that for the DBS, which I had for a while. But then I saw
0:34:22 > 0:34:25the V12 Vantage and thought, "I got to have one of those",
0:34:25 > 0:34:27- so I traded the DBS. - So you traded a DBS
0:34:27 > 0:34:30for a V12, and which do you think is better?
0:34:30 > 0:34:32I have more fun in the V12 Vantage.
0:34:32 > 0:34:38- Really?- The Vantage is just a little bit smaller and because that engine's so big,
0:34:38 > 0:34:42it just makes it that much scarier a car.
0:34:42 > 0:34:44So, your lap - how was it out there?
0:34:44 > 0:34:47It was actually pretty tricky when I first got out.
0:34:47 > 0:34:51I mean, the way your track's laid out, it's like it's not really there.
0:34:51 > 0:34:52It's sort of made up.
0:34:55 > 0:34:59- Are you sure you're sober?- No, I mean it's...- It's the grey bit.
0:34:59 > 0:35:02- Green, grey.- I know, but it's got all kinds of turns and stuff
0:35:02 > 0:35:05that are sort of pencilled in.
0:35:05 > 0:35:08Who would like to see Slash's lap?
0:35:08 > 0:35:10- I would.- AUDIENCE: Yeah! - Here it is.
0:35:10 > 0:35:13- I was petrified. - Let's have a look.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18Look at that Kia go!
0:35:18 > 0:35:20- GEAR CLUNKS - Goddammit!- BLEEP.
0:35:20 > 0:35:22You could just say "oops".
0:35:22 > 0:35:26We know that from Kimi. Ooh, I say!
0:35:26 > 0:35:29Now, that's stately. Silent.
0:35:29 > 0:35:32The wild man of rock.
0:35:32 > 0:35:35All right, brake on this one.
0:35:35 > 0:35:40Braking for Chicago and driving round the corner in a brown car.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44- Right, let's not- BLEEP- this up.
0:35:44 > 0:35:48Now, sometimes when a car looks slow, it can be fast,
0:35:48 > 0:35:51but I've got a sneaking suspicion
0:35:51 > 0:35:55that this looks slow because it sort of is.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57Pretty slow.
0:35:59 > 0:36:01This guy's got a lot of balls.
0:36:01 > 0:36:05I think you're referring to our cameraman who just stands there.
0:36:05 > 0:36:08- He does, yeah. - I know, he does it everywhere.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10Somebody'll get him one day.
0:36:10 > 0:36:13Right, how are we doing there?
0:36:13 > 0:36:14BRAKES SCREECH
0:36:14 > 0:36:17- Oop! Yeah, braking.- This is the hardest part of the track.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20Very hard, but at that speed, it's not as hard as you might think.
0:36:20 > 0:36:21When I did it faster,
0:36:21 > 0:36:25I ended up all the way on the grass.
0:36:34 > 0:36:40This is the board. Bearing in mind it's raining out, so it's wet, mostly the wets are down here.
0:36:40 > 0:36:42- Where do you think? - I don't know.
0:36:42 > 0:36:43- You tell me.- Oh, I'm going to.
0:36:43 > 0:36:46- I'm not guessing. - You're leaning forward.
0:36:46 > 0:36:49- It's always a sign. - It's been an interesting day.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52I'm dying to see what the result of all that was.
0:36:52 > 0:36:53Mr Slash,
0:36:53 > 0:36:55you did it
0:36:55 > 0:36:59in...one...
0:37:02 > 0:37:06..49.8.
0:37:06 > 0:37:09CHEERING
0:37:15 > 0:37:21It's along with will.i.am and Peta 23 from Essex, who you probably don't know.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24But I was faster than Angelina Jolie, so that's good.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26That's not actually Angelina Jolie.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30Is that Alice Cooper down there?
0:37:30 > 0:37:32Yeah, you're faster than Alice Cooper.
0:37:32 > 0:37:35He is the only real rock guy on there.
0:37:35 > 0:37:37It's that rock 'n' roll thing. Perhaps it's all blurry.
0:37:37 > 0:37:39Who knows? Anyway,
0:37:39 > 0:37:44ladies and gentlemen, it has been an enormous pleasure to have you here. Thank you so much for coming. Slash!
0:37:44 > 0:37:48Thank you very much.
0:37:54 > 0:37:58- Was that you driving that car? - Might have been.- Oh, come on.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01It looked like it. Now, moving on,
0:38:01 > 0:38:04and we move on, surprisingly, to golf.
0:38:04 > 0:38:09It is very popular. There are 4 million golfers in the UK alone.
0:38:09 > 0:38:11Yeah, that is almost 8% of the adult population
0:38:11 > 0:38:15and we can't really understand this because, as far as we can make out,
0:38:15 > 0:38:17golf is extremely boring.
0:38:17 > 0:38:20It is also ruinously expensive. A decent set of bats
0:38:20 > 0:38:24is going to set you back £1,000. We rang a golf club
0:38:24 > 0:38:26in High Wycombe the other day,
0:38:26 > 0:38:30not Wentworth, and annual membership there is £1,000.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33- It's two grand before you even start.- Then you have
0:38:33 > 0:38:37the stupid jumpers and shoes, and the Rupert the Bear trousers. It adds up.
0:38:37 > 0:38:40Then there's the cost of joining the Freemasons.
0:38:40 > 0:38:46Exactly. So we were wondering, could you do motor racing for less?
0:38:46 > 0:38:52We tend to think of motor racing as catastrophically expensive, but is that necessarily the case?
0:38:52 > 0:38:55We decided to find out. We each bought a set of wheels,
0:38:55 > 0:38:58converted them into racers as cheaply as possible
0:38:58 > 0:39:00and met up at the Lydden Hill race track in Kent.
0:39:02 > 0:39:05Race day dawned, and Richard and I were there
0:39:05 > 0:39:08good and early with the cars we bought.
0:39:08 > 0:39:14This is a 150mph BMW 328I,
0:39:14 > 0:39:19- for which I paid £795.- Nice.
0:39:19 > 0:39:25- It looks good.- And you paid what for this?- This is a Citroen Saxo VTS 1.6, for which I paid
0:39:25 > 0:39:29- £550, and it's a nice one. - It is a nice one.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32- That is in really good nick. - It's a hot little car.
0:39:32 > 0:39:36'Then James arrived in a Toyota MR2.'
0:39:36 > 0:39:38That is a surprise.
0:39:38 > 0:39:42- That is an unexpected car. - I thought he'd been lost on the A35.
0:39:42 > 0:39:47- Morning.- May! How much was that?
0:39:47 > 0:39:48£450.
0:39:48 > 0:39:50- Seriously? 450 quid?- Yep.
0:39:50 > 0:39:52So we've got mid-engined, rear drive,
0:39:52 > 0:39:57front-engined, front drive, rear drive, front engine.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00- That's a 328.- I know. But have you seen this?
0:40:00 > 0:40:04- It's brilliant, this.- I have to say it, and I wouldn't normally say it, obviously,
0:40:04 > 0:40:06- but your cars look terrific. - Hammond?
0:40:06 > 0:40:09- Yes.- Blood type?- Yes.- "Red".
0:40:09 > 0:40:11Well, it is. It's red. I've checked.
0:40:11 > 0:40:13Stuck a pin in it. B?
0:40:13 > 0:40:16B-. I don't know what I am.
0:40:16 > 0:40:18- That's an exam result! - I just made it up.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21- It's what I'm used to seeing on forms.- I wasn't sure,
0:40:21 > 0:40:25so I put AB+. That way I'll get the lot, so one of them will be right.
0:40:25 > 0:40:29As you can see, obviously, I've put stickers on mine.
0:40:29 > 0:40:32- Yeah, where did...- Well, it's the BBC and you have to have stickers
0:40:32 > 0:40:37- on a racing car.- "Fragile roof"? - I know, but the BBC doesn't allow brand names,
0:40:37 > 0:40:41so I put health and safety notices on it, as that's what the BBC likes.
0:40:41 > 0:40:46We should explain at this point that there are certain safety requirements you have to fulfil
0:40:46 > 0:40:48before you go motor racing.
0:40:48 > 0:40:49You have to put a roll cage,
0:40:49 > 0:40:51proper seat, harness,
0:40:51 > 0:40:55electrical cut-off fire extinguisher, and the total cost
0:40:55 > 0:40:58of doing that on mine was around £1,000.
0:40:58 > 0:41:04- Yours was a bit less.- A bit less cos there's less roll cage in it so it brings it up to 1,400 quid
0:41:04 > 0:41:06- for the lot.- And yours is?- 1,430. - So, 1,400,
0:41:06 > 0:41:091,400, 1,800 all in.
0:41:09 > 0:41:12So, for the price of a bag full of golf bats,
0:41:12 > 0:41:15we were ready to go motor racing,
0:41:15 > 0:41:17and the motor racing we'd selected was rallycross.
0:41:21 > 0:41:24The beauty of this is that half the track is tarmac
0:41:24 > 0:41:26and half is gravel and mud.
0:41:26 > 0:41:30COMMENTATOR: Oh, my good... Oh, gosh, I don't know what's happened!
0:41:30 > 0:41:33So, you get to do high-speed circuit driving
0:41:33 > 0:41:38and slidey rally stuff all in the same race.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40Do you know, I used to love rallycross.
0:41:40 > 0:41:44- Yeah.- Grandstand, World Of Sport, you had Dickie Davies and he'd go,
0:41:44 > 0:41:48"This afternoon, we've got fly-fishing, athletics and golf." You'd go, "Oh, no."
0:41:48 > 0:41:52- Then, "And rallycross."- Yeah. - And you had those tiny televisions,
0:41:52 > 0:41:56- the black-and-white screen you were watching on.- You might have done in Birmingham.
0:41:56 > 0:42:00- Look at that!- I know.- But then he's got some actual track to do it on.
0:42:00 > 0:42:03Or he could be standing with a Pringle jumper on,
0:42:03 > 0:42:06- going like this... - Waiting for the man in front.
0:42:06 > 0:42:08Yes. Do you know the best thing about this?
0:42:08 > 0:42:11It's really simple.
0:42:11 > 0:42:14When we got to the drivers' briefing, however,
0:42:14 > 0:42:18- I realised I'd spoken too soon. - OK, there's 18 of you,
0:42:18 > 0:42:24so when you do your heats, if you finish first, you get one point. We've got three sets of races,
0:42:24 > 0:42:28so there'll be three people with one point, three people with two points,
0:42:28 > 0:42:31three people with three points. If you come seventh twice,
0:42:31 > 0:42:36- that gets 14 but you only end up seventh. You get seven points. - Why does it say 1 + 2 = 2?
0:42:36 > 0:42:39Well, you only pick the best one.
0:42:39 > 0:42:40If we were doing three,
0:42:40 > 0:42:44- we'd pick the best two.- Three what? - Three of your points from the heats.
0:42:44 > 0:42:48- Eh?- Happily, Captain Maths was on hand to explain
0:42:48 > 0:42:53that, in short, we'd all take part in two heats and at least one final.
0:42:53 > 0:42:57And, with that sorted, we got to know the other drivers.
0:42:57 > 0:43:00I notice from the entry sheet you're all called Gary.
0:43:00 > 0:43:02THEY LAUGH
0:43:02 > 0:43:03- WOMAN:- I'm not! >
0:43:05 > 0:43:11- Do you mind if I call you Gary, just to keep everything clear?- No, that's fine. Just keep it simple.
0:43:11 > 0:43:15OK, but who is called Gary? You're Gary, you're Gary and you're both in my class?
0:43:15 > 0:43:20You are racing in Gary class... so you are Gary Clarkson.
0:43:23 > 0:43:26I, meanwhile, was in the modified two-litre class
0:43:26 > 0:43:27and our heat was first.
0:43:29 > 0:43:34I've got to do three laps. That's all. Three laps and try not to mess it up.
0:43:34 > 0:43:37Oh, look, we're getting lined up. This is the grid. This is it!
0:43:37 > 0:43:38Go!
0:43:39 > 0:43:42Oh, we're off.
0:43:43 > 0:43:46- He is overtaking! - Oh, my God, he's about second!
0:43:48 > 0:43:49CRUNCH!
0:43:49 > 0:43:51BEEP!
0:43:51 > 0:43:53- He's not... He's third.- Third!
0:43:53 > 0:43:55This is good. This is good.
0:43:57 > 0:43:59Now I'll have him!
0:44:01 > 0:44:04- Come on, come on! - Ohh, this is exciting!
0:44:04 > 0:44:06- Oh, he's gone to second! - He's overtaken... No, he hasn't.
0:44:06 > 0:44:10But this is genuinely exciting racing with James May in it!
0:44:10 > 0:44:14And remember, this costs less than golf.
0:44:14 > 0:44:17This bloke's all over my chuff!
0:44:17 > 0:44:18Right, watch this!
0:44:20 > 0:44:23Oh, no! No, I've got it back.
0:44:25 > 0:44:27No... Oh, he's lost it.
0:44:28 > 0:44:31I've broken something. Sod it!
0:44:31 > 0:44:35- We...must...not...laugh...- No.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37..when he gets back.
0:44:37 > 0:44:39UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER
0:44:39 > 0:44:46- How bad is it?- I suppose it's just at the wings on the wheel. - Has the suspension collapsed?
0:44:46 > 0:44:52- Every time I braked, it veered off. - Do you know that, momentarily, you were in second place?- I know.
0:44:52 > 0:44:53It was extremely exciting.
0:44:55 > 0:44:59Next up in the stock hatch class was Professor Richard Hammond,
0:44:59 > 0:45:02who was still trying to get to grips with the scoring system.
0:45:02 > 0:45:08Six plus one equals one, because that's the result they carry forwards...
0:45:08 > 0:45:13which means I could end up in final C, which...C comes before A.
0:45:13 > 0:45:17I'm just going to drive around as fast as I can.
0:45:23 > 0:45:25- Oh, he's going to... - Not bad, not bad!
0:45:25 > 0:45:27It's a blinding start from Hammond!
0:45:30 > 0:45:32I love the rough stuff!
0:45:32 > 0:45:36The agile front-drive Citroen was brilliant in the mud.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38Yeah, ha-ha!
0:45:38 > 0:45:41But I could have done with a bit more power on the tarmac.
0:45:43 > 0:45:47I haven't quite got the legs on this one up to the top. Might have...
0:45:47 > 0:45:49I braked myself into that quite hard.
0:45:49 > 0:45:55He might have done it... No, he won't do it, unless he can get a lot of speed down the hill.
0:45:55 > 0:45:58Oh, this is an epic battle for third place.
0:45:58 > 0:46:01Oh-ho!
0:46:01 > 0:46:05- Oh, wait, he's through.- He's done a move.- He's overtaken somebody!
0:46:05 > 0:46:09Oh, this is exciting. It's too exciting even to speak!
0:46:15 > 0:46:17Oh-oh, that was a punt!
0:46:18 > 0:46:22Could be playing golf, remember. Could be playing golf.
0:46:22 > 0:46:25He's not going to come third. That would be impossible.
0:46:25 > 0:46:28Come on. Come on!
0:46:31 > 0:46:35Yeah, ha! Third place, that'll do me. Come on!
0:46:35 > 0:46:38Has anybody ever left a golf course feeling this high?
0:46:38 > 0:46:40Woo-hoo!
0:46:40 > 0:46:45- High-five!- Hammond, that was absolutely rostrum or hospital. I loved it.
0:46:45 > 0:46:49- So, third?- That's exciting, yeah. It's great!
0:46:49 > 0:46:51It was now my turn and I was a bit nervous
0:46:51 > 0:46:54because the big engine in my BM
0:46:54 > 0:46:57meant I was in the top super-modified class,
0:46:57 > 0:47:00where three of the Garys were former champions.
0:47:00 > 0:47:06Ha-ha! Loneliest man in the world! Get in there and be alone.
0:47:06 > 0:47:10- Maybe I should go and play golf. - No.- No, because we need to see what golf is like in comparison.
0:47:10 > 0:47:16No, we need to prove our point, which means you have to drive that against these people.
0:47:16 > 0:47:23- Crack on, Clarkson. Go on.- Kindly, James spent a few moments asking the other drivers to be nice to me.
0:47:23 > 0:47:27- Don't be nice to him, OK.- I'm not going to be.- Just muller him.
0:47:27 > 0:47:29Top man.
0:47:30 > 0:47:33And then it was time for action.
0:47:35 > 0:47:37Five seconds...
0:47:44 > 0:47:45Oh, they're good.
0:47:47 > 0:47:50Unbelievably, though, I started to make up places.
0:47:50 > 0:47:52Ooh, he's third, he's third!
0:47:52 > 0:47:56He's going to be third if he can out-drag that one, and he is!
0:47:56 > 0:47:58Come on, Gary!
0:47:59 > 0:48:02Gary, I'm going to get you!
0:48:04 > 0:48:08I've got Gary up my chuff here and I'm trying to take Gary on the inside.
0:48:11 > 0:48:13Then the super-modified Garys put me in my place.
0:48:13 > 0:48:15CRUNCH!
0:48:15 > 0:48:17Ohh! Heavens, that was a big shunt.
0:48:20 > 0:48:22I may be off the track slightly here.
0:48:24 > 0:48:28THEY GUFFAW
0:48:29 > 0:48:34Spurred on by the support of my colleagues, I chased after the pack.
0:48:36 > 0:48:40Right, come on, Jeremy, concentrate. Let's go get 'em!
0:48:40 > 0:48:43But before I could catch up, the race was over.
0:48:45 > 0:48:48That was brilliant, and I was last!
0:48:49 > 0:48:54Some of you will probably be thinking, "I'd like to do that, but what about safety?"
0:48:54 > 0:48:59Well, the number of people killed last year in rallycross was nought.
0:48:59 > 0:49:03The number of people killed on the golf course was...
0:49:03 > 0:49:06Well, nobody knows, but it's many, many people.
0:49:08 > 0:49:09God, that was good fun!
0:49:12 > 0:49:15And the fun continued for the rest of the afternoon.
0:49:15 > 0:49:18Loads of short, hard, fast action.
0:49:18 > 0:49:21And the racing was epic!
0:49:21 > 0:49:24- Oh, look at that manoeuvre by the Mini!- That's Gary the girl.
0:49:24 > 0:49:28Gary the girl going round the outside.
0:49:29 > 0:49:32- Ooh, Gary's off the track.- Come on, this is good.
0:49:32 > 0:49:36- Oh, it's absolutely wheel-to-wheel stuff.- Spectacular racing.
0:49:36 > 0:49:42- Gary the girl!- I've never seen a race where two people are side by side all the time.
0:49:42 > 0:49:44Yeah!
0:49:44 > 0:49:47In his second race, Richard got another third,
0:49:47 > 0:49:49despite a bit of a moment...
0:49:49 > 0:49:52CRUNCH!
0:49:52 > 0:49:56..whereas, in HIS next heat, Jeremy improved massively.
0:49:57 > 0:50:01I'm not last! I'm not last!
0:50:01 > 0:50:04I'm second to last.
0:50:04 > 0:50:08Then it was my turn, and they put my hastily repaired car on pole.
0:50:10 > 0:50:12I'm ready.
0:50:14 > 0:50:17- What a start. - He's into the lead!
0:50:17 > 0:50:21James May is - there's no other word for it - winning!
0:50:24 > 0:50:26Oh, he's gone off, look.
0:50:26 > 0:50:29RICHARD GUFFAWS
0:50:29 > 0:50:33Right, now I've got some racing to do.
0:50:35 > 0:50:36Cock!
0:50:37 > 0:50:42Three completely blind laps later, I finished last, again,
0:50:42 > 0:50:45with yet another wound on my MR2.
0:50:45 > 0:50:49- Oh, yeah!- Oh, mate!
0:50:51 > 0:50:54With the points from the heats all added up, we learned that Richard,
0:50:54 > 0:50:58with his two third places, had qualified for the B-class final,
0:50:58 > 0:51:01whereas James and I were in the final for losers.
0:51:02 > 0:51:07- That means you and I get to race each other, then.- Yeah, I know. - Yeah, but it's...
0:51:07 > 0:51:10If you stop and think about the scoring system here,
0:51:10 > 0:51:14it's clever because it means you will always end up in a final,
0:51:14 > 0:51:16irrespective of how rubbish you are.
0:51:19 > 0:51:22The final for losers went well.
0:51:22 > 0:51:24James got up to third and stayed there.
0:51:26 > 0:51:29That was terrific! Did you see that? Did you see me all over him?
0:51:31 > 0:51:33And as for the orang-utan...
0:51:33 > 0:51:37Jeremy, you're winning! You're actually winning something!
0:51:38 > 0:51:44Miracles have happened here, ladies and gentlemen, today. I have actually won a thing!
0:51:44 > 0:51:48The victory gave me a chance to wear my winning face.
0:51:50 > 0:51:53And there was another bonus as well.
0:51:53 > 0:51:59- What are you doing here?- Because I won the spanner final, I'm allowed to go into this final.
0:51:59 > 0:52:01This is my final. I don't understand.
0:52:01 > 0:52:07We established in practice you're fast around here because you're used to driving on wet leaves and mud.
0:52:07 > 0:52:09- Because I live in Wales.- Exactly.
0:52:13 > 0:52:17Right now I could be, I don't know, chatting to my caddy,
0:52:17 > 0:52:19adjusting the tassels on my loafers,
0:52:19 > 0:52:25instead of which, I'm sitting here at the wheel of my race car, waiting to start.
0:52:25 > 0:52:28This is just so much better.
0:52:28 > 0:52:32What if I spoil Hammond's race in some way? I mean, I mustn't and I won't.
0:52:32 > 0:52:35I'm going to stay at the back, not get in anyone's way.
0:52:35 > 0:52:36I shouldn't be here.
0:52:36 > 0:52:39Right, five seconds...
0:52:45 > 0:52:49That was a good start for me. That puts me right amongst the big boys.
0:52:51 > 0:52:53Bad start. Really bad start.
0:52:55 > 0:52:57CRUNCH!
0:53:02 > 0:53:05Come on, Gary, out the way.
0:53:05 > 0:53:08Whoa, he's got me on the grass!
0:53:08 > 0:53:11God, this Fiesta is really aggressive.
0:53:16 > 0:53:20Oh, no, look who's there. It's Richard Hammond, is what it is.
0:53:20 > 0:53:25How did Jeremy make up that many places in MY final?
0:53:25 > 0:53:28I decided not to spoil his big race...
0:53:29 > 0:53:31..then I decided I would.
0:53:32 > 0:53:35- Yeah, come on!- Oh, yes!
0:53:40 > 0:53:43Come on, Beemer! Come on now!
0:53:44 > 0:53:46Oh, he's left me a gap.
0:53:49 > 0:53:52No, I've gone wide!
0:53:52 > 0:53:54- CRUNCH! - Ooh, that was a biggie!
0:53:56 > 0:53:59There was now just one lap left to take Hammond.
0:54:06 > 0:54:08Lot more traction here, sunshine.
0:54:10 > 0:54:13Coming up the inside of you.
0:54:13 > 0:54:15There you go.
0:54:20 > 0:54:23Come on! Clarkson's right behind me.
0:54:25 > 0:54:28Come on now!
0:54:31 > 0:54:36BMW on my inside. This is where he's got the power.
0:54:36 > 0:54:38I'll get him on the outside.
0:54:40 > 0:54:42Leave him all the room in the world.
0:54:43 > 0:54:46- CRUNCH! - I've been hit!
0:54:46 > 0:54:51He actually turned his wheel there. The camera will reveal that.
0:54:51 > 0:54:53Come on, little Citroen. Everything you have.
0:54:59 > 0:55:02There's the chequered flag.
0:55:04 > 0:55:05Second place.
0:55:05 > 0:55:09And, amazingly, third place for Jezza.
0:55:09 > 0:55:11Woo-hoo, hoo-hoo!
0:55:13 > 0:55:15How good was that?!
0:55:15 > 0:55:19That was absolutely brilliant fun.
0:55:19 > 0:55:25Two more different cars you can't imagine pitting against one another having a great race!
0:55:25 > 0:55:28That was tremendous.
0:55:33 > 0:55:36- That was brilliant!- Really. - I know. It was.
0:55:36 > 0:55:40One of the best days of my life. Really and truly, one of the best days of my life.
0:55:40 > 0:55:44- We went to prove a point and we did.- My hair feels like it's standing on end.
0:55:44 > 0:55:49And you've got to ask the question, "Why would you play golf when you can do that?"
0:55:49 > 0:55:53I'm not given to this sort of thing, as you know, but it was brilliant,
0:55:53 > 0:55:56and I even enjoyed watching that last race with you two.
0:55:56 > 0:55:59I'm sorry to keep banging on about it,
0:55:59 > 0:56:05but this whole racing car costs less than this plastic bag full of sticks.
0:56:05 > 0:56:11But, on the money front, can I inject a note of caution? If I were to be racing my Saxo next weekend,
0:56:11 > 0:56:14I would want to spend 100 quid on some stiffer suspension.
0:56:14 > 0:56:16- It was quite bouncy.- Very bouncy.
0:56:16 > 0:56:20I'd want to do something about my rear end, because it was tail-happy.
0:56:20 > 0:56:25- Yeah.- And there will come a time when the children say, "Mummy, why aren't we having a holiday?"
0:56:25 > 0:56:28"Well, Daddy spent all our money on shock absorbers."
0:56:28 > 0:56:33Yeah, it is going to add up, but it doesn't matter because, as we've just proved,
0:56:33 > 0:56:38rallycross is brilliant. I urge you, get a racing licence, get some cheap wheels,
0:56:38 > 0:56:43find the nearest place where you can do it, get out there and do it.
0:56:43 > 0:56:45And all the Garys are really friendly.
0:56:45 > 0:56:50Yes, they are, but the thing is, the Garys are friendly, but the Richards, they're not.
0:56:50 > 0:56:54- I'm sorry to bring this up.- Eh? - No, on the last lap,
0:56:54 > 0:56:57- you tried to ram me off the track. - I did not!
0:56:57 > 0:57:01Well, you did. It was attempted murder.
0:57:01 > 0:57:02It wasn't!
0:57:02 > 0:57:04All right, look. As we promised last week,
0:57:04 > 0:57:07we'll have a steward's enquiry about this.
0:57:07 > 0:57:10- We have on-board cameras. Let's have a look.- Fine.- OK.
0:57:10 > 0:57:14Coming up to where the incident happened. Let's listen to what he says.
0:57:14 > 0:57:18Got to shut the door on him here. I'm sorry. Argh!
0:57:18 > 0:57:19EVIL LAUGHTER
0:57:19 > 0:57:21AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:57:21 > 0:57:27- You said, "Got to shut the door on him. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"- Yeah.
0:57:27 > 0:57:31- Well, I did say that. I did. - And you were wrenching the wheel left.- I did not do that!
0:57:31 > 0:57:36Look at the steering wheel here. Look, he's going round a right-handed corner. Left!
0:57:36 > 0:57:38Left again! Left again!
0:57:38 > 0:57:41- You did!- Yeah, I did do that. Yeah, I did.
0:57:41 > 0:57:46So, who here thinks that Richard Hammond is guilty?
0:57:46 > 0:57:49- AUDIENCE: Yes!- Well...
0:57:49 > 0:57:54Now, if this was Formula 1, Hammond would be forced to take a drive-through penalty
0:57:54 > 0:57:58- and that would spoil the race for the spectators.- Exactly.
0:57:58 > 0:58:00- So I think we can do it better. - Yeah. Sorry, mate.
0:58:00 > 0:58:06Listen, it was racing. Honestly. You little scallywag! I'll get you next time.
0:58:06 > 0:58:10And that, Mr Ecclestone, is how you deal with disputes.
0:58:10 > 0:58:12- Done.- Absolutely.
0:58:12 > 0:58:14- It was ruined, though.- I don't care. I could've come last.
0:58:14 > 0:58:16APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:58:16 > 0:58:20And normally, of course, that would be that,
0:58:20 > 0:58:24- but because it's the end of the series, we've got a treat for you. - Oh, have we ever!
0:58:24 > 0:58:29Because, to play us out, with his version of Jessica, Slash is back!
0:58:32 > 0:58:34HE PLAYS: "Jessica" (Top Gear theme tune)
0:59:00 > 0:59:04Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:59:13 > 0:59:16I'll tell you what.
0:59:16 > 0:59:20- He's a lot better at that than he is at driving.- And he's quicker!