0:00:12 > 0:00:15Tonight, I stop for petrol,
0:00:15 > 0:00:17Richard wears some sunglasses,
0:00:17 > 0:00:20and James sees some shirts.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Hello. Good evening. Thank you so much, everybody.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Thank you. Thank you.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Now, we begin with this.
0:00:37 > 0:00:42It is the Toyota GT 86, a car which has stirred the soul
0:00:42 > 0:00:46and indeed the trousers of every petrolhead in the land.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49But, unfortunately, to explain why
0:00:49 > 0:00:52I need to be a little bit boring.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02What we have here is a front-wheel drive car
0:01:02 > 0:01:06going around Chicago Corner in an exuberant manner.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09If we slow the film down,
0:01:09 > 0:01:11you can see the front wheels are fully turned,
0:01:11 > 0:01:15but the car is ploughing straight on.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17This is called understeer.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Now, here we have another car coming around the same corner
0:01:25 > 0:01:28in the same exuberant fashion.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34However, because this one is rear-wheel drive,
0:01:34 > 0:01:38the back end is sliding out of line.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41This is called oversteer.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Now, for reasons that are extremely difficult to explain
0:01:44 > 0:01:49to normal human beings, petrolheads prefer oversteer.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53We like the front end to grip and the rear to be all loose
0:01:53 > 0:01:56and that means we prefer rear-wheel drive.
0:01:56 > 0:02:02But rear-drive cars - Jags, BMWs, Porsches, Mercs -
0:02:02 > 0:02:07are complicated to make and that means they tend to be expensive.
0:02:14 > 0:02:19That brings me back to the new GT 86 -
0:02:19 > 0:02:24a rear-wheel drive car that costs just £25,000.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Whoo! Ha-ha!
0:02:34 > 0:02:38It gets better. The engine is a flat-four boxer unit
0:02:38 > 0:02:43so the pistons go like that and that means it can be mounted low down
0:02:43 > 0:02:46and that means a low centre of gravity.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49And there's no turbo charger so there's no lag.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Everything about the GT 86 is immediate...
0:02:55 > 0:02:56..and brilliant.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59And I haven't got to the best bit yet.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04To make sure that its tail is as waggly as possible...
0:03:07 > 0:03:09HE LAUGHS
0:03:09 > 0:03:13..they use exactly the same sort of skinny little tyres
0:03:13 > 0:03:15they use on a Prius.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29And what it means is the petrolhead can enjoy some tail-out action
0:03:29 > 0:03:32at low, non-frightening speeds.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36Look, here we are, 30 miles an hour, well within the speed limit,
0:03:36 > 0:03:38and the tail's gone!
0:03:50 > 0:03:51You might think it's daft
0:03:51 > 0:03:55fitting deliberately ungrippy tyres on a car.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59You might think that you'd inevitably crash, but would you?
0:03:59 > 0:04:00Well, let's find out.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04How hard is it to slide this thing at 80 miles per hour
0:04:04 > 0:04:06the wrong way round the Hammerhead?
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Not hard.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19You could drift this car while reading a book.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21So I did.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24"Some regard non-echoic irony
0:04:24 > 0:04:29"as being produced by semantic reversal."
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Interesting point.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39Because of the thin tyres, it's obvious the GT 86 was not designed
0:04:39 > 0:04:42to set new lap records at the Nurburgring.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46And with a 197 horsepower, two-litre engine,
0:04:46 > 0:04:48it won't win many drag races either.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56What it will do, though, is put a massive smile
0:04:56 > 0:05:00on the face of every motoring enthusiast in the world.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13It isn't even stupid.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16It comes with easy finance and a five-year warranty,
0:05:16 > 0:05:20and cruise control and Bluetooth and air-conditioning come as standard.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24There's a boot too, which is big enough for things
0:05:24 > 0:05:26and in the back, a couple of seats.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32There are, however, a couple of problems.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34One, it doesn't look particularly interesting
0:05:34 > 0:05:37and two, it has a deadly rival.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Welcome, everyone, to the Subaru BRZ.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Like the Toyota, it has rear drive.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52And a low-mounted two-litre boxer engine.
0:05:54 > 0:06:00Like the Toyota, it'll go from 0-60 in 7.7 seconds
0:06:00 > 0:06:04and onwards to a top speed of 137.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08And the similarities go further than that.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Both cost the same.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15They have the same bodies
0:06:15 > 0:06:18and the same interiors with the same equipment.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22They're even built by the same people in the same factory.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24You might imagine, then, that it's quite hard to
0:06:24 > 0:06:28choose between them, but, actually, it isn't.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Watch, because this is how you do it.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Eeeny meeny miny moe Catch a teacher by his toe
0:06:42 > 0:06:45When he squeals let him go Eeeny meeny miny moe.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Toyota it is.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52APPLAUSE
0:06:54 > 0:06:59A-ha, now we must find out how fast the winner of our
0:06:59 > 0:07:02eeny-meeny-miny-moe test goes round our track and that, of course,
0:07:02 > 0:07:06means handing it over to our tame racing driver.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Some say that, following the vote on gay marriage,
0:07:09 > 0:07:12he's got engaged to James May's lawn mower.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17And that he's become convinced this week that Henry IV is buried
0:07:17 > 0:07:20under the Follow Through?!
0:07:20 > 0:07:23All we know is he's called The Stig!
0:07:24 > 0:07:26And he's off.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30Skinny Prius tyres scrambling for grip on the damp track
0:07:30 > 0:07:32could make for some big slides.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Let's be finding out here on the first corner.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40He's keeping it remarkably tidy so far. That is a bit of a surprise.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44RADIO: # Oh, Canada. #
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Stig still obsessed with national anthems.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50No need to tell you where that's from,
0:07:50 > 0:07:54and no surprise the GT 86 did go a bit sideways around Chicago.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Right, Hammerhead now. ABS pulsing hard under braking.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Suspect it might oversteer here.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Yes, there it is.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05It is very, very tail happy when it's greasy.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Bet Stig's smiling, though.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12RADIO: # From far and wide Oh, Canada... #
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Now, will we see a small brown Richard III from the Follow Through?
0:08:17 > 0:08:21I think we might. Looking a little bit out of shape there.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25OK, now we just have two corners left.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Here we are, little bit of opposite lock going in there to keep
0:08:27 > 0:08:30it all tidy and now Gambon.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Here he comes and - guess what? -
0:08:32 > 0:08:35he's sideways again, but across the line.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:41 > 0:08:46It did it in 1.11.7.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49APPLAUSE
0:08:49 > 0:08:50I made that up.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52LAUGHTER
0:08:52 > 0:08:54It was a little bit slower.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56It was a lot, lot slower actually.
0:08:56 > 0:09:011.31.03, so there we are.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05But, once again, we must turn to the baby Jesus who once said,
0:09:05 > 0:09:09"He who shall be last, shall be sideways and smiling."
0:09:09 > 0:09:11LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:13 > 0:09:17And now it is time for the news and the news is Subaru has announced
0:09:17 > 0:09:19that there will be a new Impreza,
0:09:19 > 0:09:24- but that it won't be coming to Britain.- I'm sorry, what?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Yes, there is a new one but we're not going to have it in Britain.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29They're not going to sell it.
0:09:29 > 0:09:34- The Yob-mobile is not going to be sold in Britain?- That is so.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38- But how will our studio audience get here every week?- I've no idea.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43I'm not joking. Every single week our car park is 75% Subaru Imprezas.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Don't worry about our car park.
0:09:45 > 0:09:50What's going to happen to Wales because, once again, those of us
0:09:50 > 0:09:55who choose to live in the countryside are not just ignored but abused,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58it would seem deliberately, and I've had enough, seriously -
0:09:58 > 0:10:00the end of the Impreza.
0:10:00 > 0:10:05I mean, they've taken our libraries, they've taken our post offices,
0:10:05 > 0:10:09they've taken our bus services and they can never take our freedom.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10It must stop.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Crikey! Hammond's gone mad.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15It's the end.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17You say that, Hammond, but they can and indeed they have,
0:10:17 > 0:10:22because they're only going to concentrate now on the Forester and the Legacy Outback.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25And the BLZ that I was just talking about in my film.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28- Well, technically, yes. - Sorry, lads, I don't care.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30You're rambling on about cars that don't matter.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Wait, what do you mean "technically, yes" on the BLZ?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34The thing is they did a deal with Toyota
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- when they did their joint venture thing.- Yeah.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39And the arrangement was, for every ten Subarus that are sold,
0:10:39 > 0:10:43they can sell 90 of the Toyotas.
0:10:43 > 0:10:48So you can order a Subaru and have it some time in the future,
0:10:48 > 0:10:51- or you can have a Toyota this afternoon, sir.- You're kidding?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54But either way, you can't have an Impreza. That's the key issue here.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57You may as well just get rid of the countryside.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59All right, all right, Hammond. That's incredible.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03I thought it was all about the ban on fox hunting.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06It is a good question, though. What are yobbos going to drive?
0:11:06 > 0:11:07I don't know.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Well, if you are a yobbo and you have a suggestion,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13write it down on a note, attach it to brick
0:11:13 > 0:11:15and throw it through our window
0:11:15 > 0:11:19at 201, Wood Lane, London, W, wherever we are, 12.
0:11:19 > 0:11:24- Hammond.- What?- You like a Camaro, don't you?- Yes, I do.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26OK, well, they've made one just for you. Here it is. There you go.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Funny!
0:11:28 > 0:11:30LAUGHTER
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Ignore the little one, that's a Hot Wheels one.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37What they've done is a full size Hot Wheels model of the Camaro.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41So they've made a full size version of a model which is
0:11:41 > 0:11:43a miniature version of a full size car?
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Yes, I can't understand the logic myself but that's what they've done.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48- That's a brilliant idea.- Is it?
0:11:48 > 0:11:51That will survive an 800mph impact with a giant skirting board
0:11:51 > 0:11:54and come out completely unscathed.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55The worst thing about Hot Wheels is
0:11:55 > 0:11:59when you get up in the night for a pee and you tread on one.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Or Lego.
0:12:02 > 0:12:03Or an upturned plug.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- No, Lego's worse.- Why?
0:12:06 > 0:12:10Because an upturned plug is big. Lego hides in the carpets.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11You can't see it.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Is there anything worse than an upturned plug for treading on
0:12:14 > 0:12:15in the middle of the night?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17A land mine.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19LAUGHTER
0:12:19 > 0:12:24- A tiger?- Your house, James... I know something worse.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26- Dog- BLEEP? - I was about to say...
0:12:26 > 0:12:29LAUGHTER
0:12:29 > 0:12:32It's the, "Ow-splat!"
0:12:32 > 0:12:36If you have a lot of dogs, it can happen.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40Anyway, if you want a full size model of a toy car,
0:12:40 > 0:12:44it's basically a Camaro with Hot Wheels written on it, it's £40,000.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47But it will be worth more if you keep it in the box.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48LAUGHTER
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Ooh, now, business news.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52- Yes.- Important business news.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Classic car values have been shooting through the roof
0:12:55 > 0:12:59in recent years and months and I think I know why.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02If you put your life savings in a bank, what is it nowadays,
0:13:02 > 0:13:04half a percent interest?
0:13:04 > 0:13:09So if you put £25,000 life savings in the bank you get...
0:13:09 > 0:13:10125 quid.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14It is about 125 quid a year back in interest.
0:13:14 > 0:13:15Now, if you'd have bought ten years ago
0:13:15 > 0:13:19an E-Type Jag for £25,000, it would now be worth £80,000.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23£80,000, and you'd have had an E-Type to drive around in,
0:13:23 > 0:13:27cos you can't drive around in a bank statement. Makes perfect sense.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- And there's no tax presumably on the profit on a car?- No, there isn't.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32On a car, you can sell it and not pay any tax on it.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36But there's quite a lot of cars doing that. Ferrari 275 GTS.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39If you bought one of those ten years ago, £130,000,
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- now half a million, in ten years. - I know.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44It's staggering how cars have gone up.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46The difficult thing is knowing what to pick next,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48spotting what's going to do that.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50- Talk to me.- Really?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52So, Jeremy, what's going to be...?
0:13:52 > 0:13:56I once bought a BMW three-litre CSL for £3,000.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- They're now worth 40, 50?- Easily. - How much did you sell yours for?
0:14:00 > 0:14:011,500 quid.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03LAUGHTER
0:14:03 > 0:14:06- I am the man you turn to. - Come on, your top tip.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Subaru Impreza probably!
0:14:10 > 0:14:12LAUGHTER
0:14:12 > 0:14:14We ought to take this quite seriously
0:14:14 > 0:14:17because we could actually dispense sound financial advice.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20A car I've noticed has gone up a lot in recent years
0:14:20 > 0:14:22is the Rolls Royce Corniche.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Yeah, like the one you've got, James.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30- How much is it worth now, James? - About a million pounds.- Is it?
0:14:30 > 0:14:33That's nothing compared to the Mercedes 600 Grosser.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36- Ah, such as the one you've got, Jeremy.- £1 billion.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- Really?- A billion pounds?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41It's now a billion to buy one of those.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45If anybody's interested, give me a shout after the show.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46And that's the end of the news.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50Now, over the years, we've had many big races across Europe
0:14:50 > 0:14:53and in every single one of them, the car, driven by me,
0:14:53 > 0:14:56has always beaten public transport.
0:14:56 > 0:15:01However, since the last race, public transport has got a lot faster
0:15:01 > 0:15:06so the producers thought it would be a good idea for us to have another.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10Yes, and they announced that they had one ticket
0:15:10 > 0:15:12for a Champions League football match to be
0:15:12 > 0:15:15played between AC Milan and a Belgian team called Anderlecht
0:15:15 > 0:15:18down at the San Siro Stadium here near Milan.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22And the first of us to get there could have it.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26The start would be here at Wembley Stadium in Wembley.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29As usual, James and I would be on public transport, buses,
0:15:29 > 0:15:31trains and tubes.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32And, as usual,
0:15:32 > 0:15:36Jeremy would be making the 800-mile journey by car, except
0:15:36 > 0:15:39obviously for the Channel which he would have to cross by boat.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43There was, however, one difference because the producer said to me that
0:15:43 > 0:15:47I couldn't just turn up at the start line as I usually do with
0:15:47 > 0:15:52a £350,000 super car made out of rhodium and myrrh.
0:15:52 > 0:15:57No, they said the car he chose had to cost no more than £35,000.
0:15:57 > 0:16:02So, just to summarise, Jeremy would be slower and we would be faster,
0:16:02 > 0:16:06so you can see why we were feeling just a little bit confident.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13To have a hope of making the kick-off in Italy,
0:16:13 > 0:16:17the start time was an alarming 3.30am
0:16:17 > 0:16:23and, rather worryingly, at 3.20am, Jeremy still hadn't arrived.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29Right, so 35 grand. He's not going to get that much power for that, is he?
0:16:29 > 0:16:32No. What I'd do, to be honest, even though it's a bit boring,
0:16:32 > 0:16:36is get something like a diesel Audi, cos it will go fast enough
0:16:36 > 0:16:38and you'd be comfortable and you get the range.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- BM.- Or a BM, yeah. - Get something reasonable.- A Volvo.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Even a Mercedes for that.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45'Soon we had an answer.'
0:16:45 > 0:16:48ENGINE ROARS
0:16:48 > 0:16:52Yeah, what he's done, he's gone for a Mustang. A Ford Mustang.
0:16:52 > 0:16:57- There they are. - Oh, he looks pleased with himself.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Dear, oh, dear.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01What do you think of that?
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Well, you do know, don't you, that just because a car has
0:17:04 > 0:17:08go-faster stripes on it, it doesn't actually mean it goes faster?
0:17:08 > 0:17:09I know.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12You wouldn't go through Europe in a Stetson with chaps on, would you?
0:17:12 > 0:17:16- He would.- So why? Come on! - Because...
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Mustangs, very good straight line quarter of a mile.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24- That's what they're for. This is 800 miles across Europe.- Yep.- No.
0:17:24 > 0:17:29Have you quite finished because have you seen the time?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- Actually that's a very good point.- I think we need to get cracking.- Yeah.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36'And so, at precisely 3.37am the race began!'
0:17:44 > 0:17:48Mustn't spin the wheels on the pitch. Mustn't break the pitch.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- Here we go...again.- Oh, look.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55- That's it, now we've got to play for England.- It's the wardrobe.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Look, there's Adrian Cole's shirt.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Right, 16 hours to kick-off
0:17:59 > 0:18:04and I've got 814 miles to go.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09'For the first part of their journey, Richard and James would
0:18:09 > 0:18:14'have to catch a night bus and then an overland train to St Pancreas.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16'I, meanwhile, had a choice.'
0:18:18 > 0:18:23So, North Circular M25, or straight through London?
0:18:23 > 0:18:263.45 in the morning, I'm thinking straight through London.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28ENGINE ROARS
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Wake a few people up... in Sheffield, in fact.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Morning. I'd like a single to Hendon overland.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41- First Class, that must be upstairs at the front. Is it?- I don't know.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47I haven't been on a night bus since the late '80s,
0:18:47 > 0:18:50but when I did, it wasn't like this.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55I was envisaging a sea of sick, sloshing from side to side.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02If you're sophisticated or intelligent,
0:19:02 > 0:19:04in other words, European,
0:19:04 > 0:19:07you might think James May has a point.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09That this is a stupid car.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15In fact, if you are from the land of Wordsworth and Shakespeare
0:19:15 > 0:19:17and Right Honourable Gentleman,
0:19:17 > 0:19:21you probably think the Mustang is a bit daft.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24A codpiece, really, for the shorter chap.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26- You still have a Mustang, don't you?- Yes.
0:19:26 > 0:19:31Judi Dench, June Whitfield, Melvyn Bragg.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35These are NOT Ford Mustang people.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Would you drive it to Milan?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41I wouldn't drive it to Cheltenham.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45I mean, it's lovely. I like Mustangs, but they're not fast.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48You know how people who don't ride bikes think Harleys are fast,
0:19:48 > 0:19:49- and they're not?- Mmm.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51It's like that.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57'This particular Mustang, however, is not like that.'
0:19:57 > 0:20:00In America, this car costs the equivalent of £35,000.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02It is very cheap.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07But its engine produces 662 horsepower.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10ENGINE ROARS
0:20:10 > 0:20:13That's round about 100 more than you get
0:20:13 > 0:20:16from a Ferrari 458 or a Mercedes SLS.
0:20:18 > 0:20:24It is, in fact, the most powerful road-going V8 ever made.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29'And today, I will need that power,
0:20:29 > 0:20:33'because since we last did one of these pan-European races,
0:20:33 > 0:20:36'the seesaw has tilted to make life harder for the car.'
0:20:38 > 0:20:42You see, the train they're using to get to the Channel
0:20:42 > 0:20:44is 20 minutes faster than it used to be.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46And to make things worse,
0:20:46 > 0:20:50they've stopped using the JetCat things to go across the Channel.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52I have to use an old-fashioned ferry,
0:20:52 > 0:20:56and that's 40 minutes slower than it used to be.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00So even before I get to France, I've lost an hour.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08An hour ahead. Doesn't stand a chance. You can't make that up.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12- Yeah, well, you're right. - Well, unless he tries to make it up in a Mustang, round a corner.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13Then he'll just be up a tree.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17'It's true. Mustangs are not good at corners.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20'But that wouldn't be a problem for me on the motorway.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23'What was a problem was fuel consumption.'
0:21:25 > 0:21:29Since I left Wembley, I've done 12.6 miles to the gallon.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32That's not brilliant, is it?
0:21:32 > 0:21:34'And nor, as it turned out,
0:21:34 > 0:21:37'was the Mustang's voice activated telephone directory.'
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Richard Hammond.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42- DIRECTORY:- 'For media device, say,
0:21:42 > 0:21:46'"User device," "USB line in," or "Bluetooth audio."
0:21:46 > 0:21:49'For settings, say, "Phone or Voice settings."
0:21:49 > 0:21:51'For sync services, say, "Services."
0:21:51 > 0:21:55'If a route is active, you can say, "Next turn," "Update route,"
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- '"Route status..."'- Shut up!
0:21:59 > 0:22:00Look, St Pancras.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Do you want to go before we set off?
0:22:04 > 0:22:06- Please come in.- Thank you.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Oh, this is nice!
0:22:08 > 0:22:13'Or see the tips available at www.saymyroute.com.'
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- HE SCREAMS - Please, stop talking!
0:22:17 > 0:22:19As we waited for the train to depart,
0:22:19 > 0:22:24the tension on board was electric.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27HE SNORES
0:22:27 > 0:22:29It is about ten years since we did one of these races
0:22:29 > 0:22:32with James and me on public transport and Jeremy in a car.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33A few things have changed.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Amongst them, ten years ago,
0:22:35 > 0:22:39my esteemed college would have managed to stay awake.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Obviously those days are gone.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43It has caught up with him.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Nevertheless, the race is still going on.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47And here is Jeremy.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50And he appears to be in Dover.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59I was indeed boarding HMS Yesterday,
0:22:59 > 0:23:04where I found out that not everyone shares my views on the Mustang.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10So I mocked this thing all the way through London.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13I mocked it, actually, all the way through my life.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15But there is something about it which is,
0:23:15 > 0:23:18as you can see quite appealing. People like it.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22I think it appeals to our inner nine-year-old.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25TRAIN INTERCOM BLEEPS
0:23:25 > 0:23:27- FRENCH ACCENT:- 'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard...'
0:23:27 > 0:23:30He's not really French. It's just...
0:23:30 > 0:23:34IN FRENCH ACCENT: I find the girls respond to this accent.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35It works very nicely.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38'Please ensure that your luggage is...'
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Lugg-age!
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Our new, faster train thundered across Kent,
0:23:46 > 0:23:48and was already under the Channel
0:23:48 > 0:23:53when HMS 1924 finally lumbered out of Dover.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Why are we going so slowly?!
0:23:55 > 0:23:58We used to be able to go across the Channel in 50 minutes
0:23:58 > 0:24:01and now it takes 90 minutes.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02It doesn't make any sense!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10We're already steaming ahead through here somewhere,
0:24:10 > 0:24:12and he's just there, look.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Miles ahead. That's incredible.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17'And thanks to the speedo app on my phone,
0:24:17 > 0:24:20'we could keep abreast of our immense pace.'
0:24:20 > 0:24:23177 miles an hour.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26- He's not doing that, is he?- No.
0:24:26 > 0:24:31'In fact, I was only doing a Victorian 23 knots.'
0:24:31 > 0:24:34I'm going to ring May because, as you can see, we're nearly in France.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38- PHONE RINGS - Here he is now.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Jeremy Clarkson.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42- May, yes.- 'Yes, hello.'
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Where are you?
0:24:43 > 0:24:46We are about 15 minutes outside Paris,
0:24:46 > 0:24:49and about 200 miles into France.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51You're what? 15 minutes from Paris?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Yes.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Ahh... OK. I'm not...
0:24:56 > 0:24:59not actually in France yet.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- What, you're still on the boat? - RICHARD LAUGHS
0:25:02 > 0:25:05This is a setback, I admit. But enjoy your cockiness.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Well, he's had it!
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Right, they are now arriving in Paris.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Right, next train.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21There you go. Paris, 275km.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25So they are 275km in front of me.
0:25:28 > 0:25:33Do you ever get the impression you're completely wasting your day?
0:25:37 > 0:25:41On the plus side, Hammond and May now had to get across Paris
0:25:41 > 0:25:42to catch their train to Milan.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46Which wouldn't be leaving for another 80 minutes.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49It's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51'That meant I could close the gap
0:25:51 > 0:25:54'and I had just the engine for the job.'
0:25:56 > 0:25:59It's a big, 5.8L, supercharged V8,
0:25:59 > 0:26:03but unlike most traditional American V8s,
0:26:03 > 0:26:07this one isn't made from melted-down box girder bridges.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09It's actually quite sophisticated.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16The block is made in Germany, where they know what they're doing.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19It's got plasma-this and Stellite-that.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22The propshaft is even made from carbon fibre.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Hopefully, then, it won't explode
0:26:26 > 0:26:30when I introduce it to what we Europeans call speed.
0:26:35 > 0:26:41'0-60 in this car takes just 3.7 seconds.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44'And the top speed is 202.'
0:26:46 > 0:26:48And I needn't worry about the police, of course,
0:26:48 > 0:26:51because I'm an Englishman in American car,
0:26:51 > 0:26:55and the French, well, they love that Anglo-US combination.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58It makes them feel all warm and gooey.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Bonjour, monsieur.
0:27:00 > 0:27:04- Will you carry my bag for me for a bit?- Er, let me think about it.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Um...no.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Uh-oh!
0:27:08 > 0:27:1150 miles to empty. Fuel level low.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13I've got to go for a pee now.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17I think that's the ladies! I don't know!
0:27:17 > 0:27:18It's all women in there! Go and have a look.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20They always have. It's French.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26No, it's just confusing. I'm going to hold onto it.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30'At the petrol station, I discovered a problem.'
0:27:30 > 0:27:31You are joking?!
0:27:31 > 0:27:34It's only got a 50L fuel tank?
0:27:34 > 0:27:3850L? What's the point of a 50L fuel tank?
0:27:45 > 0:27:47So I'm doing the maths.
0:27:47 > 0:27:5150L, that's about 14 miles to the gallon.
0:27:51 > 0:27:56Which means I'll have to stop every 140 miles.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02'As the Mustang set about draining its fuel thimble, the phone rang.'
0:28:02 > 0:28:05PHONE RINGS
0:28:05 > 0:28:07- Hammond.- 'Hello, how are you?'
0:28:07 > 0:28:09'Are you still in Paris?'
0:28:09 > 0:28:11- We're just setting off now, yeah.- What?
0:28:11 > 0:28:13We're leaving Gare de Lyon now.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16And you're 100 miles ahead of me already,
0:28:16 > 0:28:18and you'll be increasing that lead?
0:28:18 > 0:28:19The thing is, mate,
0:28:19 > 0:28:21we've still got quite a long way to go,
0:28:21 > 0:28:23and I don't want to put an end to all this right now,
0:28:23 > 0:28:25but you have clearly had it.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28- PHONE HANGS UP - That is really not good.
0:28:28 > 0:28:32They're on the super fast train, and they're now doing
0:28:32 > 0:28:34100 miles an hour more than I am.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37Sit rep -
0:28:37 > 0:28:39I'm going to lose!
0:28:42 > 0:28:45APPLAUSE
0:28:45 > 0:28:48I mean, normally,
0:28:48 > 0:28:52normally I win those races by minutes.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55Yeah, well, seconds, actually, when we raced the Ferrari to Verbier.
0:28:55 > 0:28:58No, no, you're absolutely right.
0:28:58 > 0:29:01So to be an hour behind before I even got to France,
0:29:01 > 0:29:04the situation was pretty bleak.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06But we shall find out what happens later on,
0:29:06 > 0:29:10because now it is time to put a star in our reasonably-priced car.
0:29:10 > 0:29:13Now, my guest tonight drives a Bentley Continental
0:29:13 > 0:29:16AND a Range Rover, AND has an impenetrable accent,
0:29:16 > 0:29:18but isn't a footballer.
0:29:18 > 0:29:21She is, in fact, an incredibly talented songsmith.
0:29:21 > 0:29:24Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Amy Macdonald!
0:29:24 > 0:29:27CHEERING
0:29:28 > 0:29:31How are you?
0:29:31 > 0:29:32Good, thank you.
0:29:32 > 0:29:34Excellent! Look who's here!
0:29:34 > 0:29:36Marvellous!
0:29:36 > 0:29:40Now, as you say yourself, you're not really a household name,
0:29:40 > 0:29:43but you have had some EXTRAORDINARY success.
0:29:43 > 0:29:45Yes, I like to think so.
0:29:45 > 0:29:46How many albums have you sold now?
0:29:46 > 0:29:49We're close to about five million, I think.
0:29:49 > 0:29:51Five million albums!
0:29:51 > 0:29:52You started when you were...
0:29:52 > 0:29:55well, you were 15 or something, when you picked up a guitar?
0:29:55 > 0:29:57- Yeah.- What are you now?- 25.
0:29:57 > 0:29:59- 25!- Yeah.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02And it's not just Britain, either, it's all across Europe.
0:30:02 > 0:30:03Yes, I've been very fortunate
0:30:03 > 0:30:06with the support I've had in places
0:30:06 > 0:30:08like Germany or Switzerland or Holland.
0:30:08 > 0:30:10I've been very lucky with it.
0:30:10 > 0:30:12Do they understand what you're on about there?
0:30:12 > 0:30:14Erm, most of them understand.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17I have had the odd strange comment.
0:30:17 > 0:30:20One in particular was, "Now that you're successful,
0:30:20 > 0:30:23"will you learn to speak English properly?"
0:30:23 > 0:30:25LAUGHTER
0:30:25 > 0:30:26And will you?
0:30:26 > 0:30:29LAUGHTER I still haven't!
0:30:29 > 0:30:32Sorry, Scotland! Couldn't help myself! Couldn't help myself!
0:30:32 > 0:30:34And you're a rare thing, actually.
0:30:34 > 0:30:38You're a Scottish person who actually still lives in Scotland.
0:30:38 > 0:30:39- Is that right?- Yes, I do.
0:30:39 > 0:30:42You're not like Connery and all the other ones
0:30:42 > 0:30:44who live in the Bahamas and go, "I love Scotland!
0:30:44 > 0:30:47"I love it so much, I live in Monaco."
0:30:47 > 0:30:49That was a Scottish accent, by the way.
0:30:49 > 0:30:52- That was terrible. - It was dreadful, I agree.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54So you are really, I mean,
0:30:54 > 0:30:57one of the biggest petrolheads I think we've ever had on the show.
0:30:57 > 0:31:01On a scale of one to ten, where would you put yourself?
0:31:01 > 0:31:03I don't know, I mean, I went through a phase
0:31:03 > 0:31:05where I was stat crazy and I knew everything.
0:31:05 > 0:31:08I knew all the brake horsepower of everything that was coming out,
0:31:08 > 0:31:10and I just was obsessed by it.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13I've just... Ever since I passed my driving test,
0:31:13 > 0:31:16it's just been something that I've been really excited by
0:31:16 > 0:31:18and just exhilarated, and I love the thought of cars.
0:31:18 > 0:31:20I know you had a big love affair
0:31:20 > 0:31:22for quite a long time, actually, with the Audi R8?
0:31:22 > 0:31:25Yes, I did. That was my first true love.
0:31:25 > 0:31:27Before I even passed my driving test,
0:31:27 > 0:31:30and when I was able to buy that car,
0:31:30 > 0:31:32it was just a moment of...
0:31:32 > 0:31:34I was sitting behind the wheel,
0:31:34 > 0:31:36and you see the little badge that says R8,
0:31:36 > 0:31:39and actually had to say to myself, "No!
0:31:39 > 0:31:44- "No way!"- Was yours a V8 or V10?
0:31:44 > 0:31:47I've done the V8 and then the V10,
0:31:47 > 0:31:50and then I done the R8 GT as well. So I'm well-rounded on the R8!
0:31:50 > 0:31:52You've done a lot!
0:31:52 > 0:31:54Actually, the GT was quite an interesting idea for them,
0:31:54 > 0:31:57because it was... How did they change it? I've forgotten.
0:31:57 > 0:31:59They basically made it a whole lot lighter,
0:31:59 > 0:32:01so everything was carbon fibre.
0:32:01 > 0:32:03They got rid of the glass in the windows and lowered it,
0:32:03 > 0:32:06- so it was just quicker. - Was it more powerful?
0:32:06 > 0:32:08It was up to about, I think,
0:32:08 > 0:32:11560 from about 520 from the standard V10.
0:32:11 > 0:32:15Do you write albums thinking, "Right, if I sell a lot of these,
0:32:15 > 0:32:17- "I can go and buy a..." - Yeah, definitely!
0:32:17 > 0:32:20- You do?- Yeah! - This is the motivation?
0:32:20 > 0:32:23I live my life that way!
0:32:23 > 0:32:25The ultimate goal is the Bugatti Veyron,
0:32:25 > 0:32:29but I've got to get busy with the old songwriting before I can go there!
0:32:29 > 0:32:33So, OK, you did a V8, a V10, and then the GT,
0:32:33 > 0:32:36and then you did...? What came after that?
0:32:36 > 0:32:40After the GT came a Ferrari 458.
0:32:40 > 0:32:42And that's still with me now.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44That is fan...cos the 458 is...
0:32:44 > 0:32:46Are you a big fan of that thing?
0:32:46 > 0:32:49I am, yes. That was the first time that I'd ever sat in a Ferrari.
0:32:49 > 0:32:51And, again, I still get that moment
0:32:51 > 0:32:54when I see the little prancing horse and I go,
0:32:54 > 0:32:57"No! Definitely not!"
0:32:57 > 0:32:59So you pull into a petrol station,
0:32:59 > 0:33:02do you get people who make observations about your car
0:33:02 > 0:33:05- if you're in the Ferrari? - Yes. All the time.
0:33:05 > 0:33:07Like, "I bet you can't get much in the back of that!"
0:33:07 > 0:33:09That's the usual one.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11Or, "I bet that costs a pretty penny to insure!"
0:33:11 > 0:33:13And you just think, "Why are you saying that?!"
0:33:13 > 0:33:16Everywhere you go abroad, people go, "What a lovely car!"
0:33:16 > 0:33:17But in Britain, it's always,
0:33:17 > 0:33:19"My Maestro does more miles to the gallon."
0:33:19 > 0:33:21- Yes, but it makes you look like a- BLEEP!
0:33:21 > 0:33:24Yes, I've had that a few times, actually.
0:33:24 > 0:33:27You even got it when you went on BBC Breakfast News.
0:33:27 > 0:33:28I bet you can't remember that.
0:33:28 > 0:33:30I can remember it, because you wrote a column
0:33:30 > 0:33:33and you were absolutely raging about it.
0:33:33 > 0:33:34I couldn't believe it!
0:33:34 > 0:33:38OK, so Amy went on and said, "I've got a Ferrari 458."
0:33:38 > 0:33:41The first question was, "Well, how much did that cost?"
0:33:41 > 0:33:44The next was, "Where can you drive a car like that in Britain?"
0:33:44 > 0:33:45You can drive it everywhere!
0:33:45 > 0:33:47Everywhere you drive your pathetic little Nissan!
0:33:47 > 0:33:50I was PROPERLY cross!
0:33:50 > 0:33:52I actually said, "I'm going to get Amy on Top Gear one day
0:33:52 > 0:33:56"and apologise on behalf of the BBC for its Communist tendencies."
0:33:56 > 0:33:58Oh, thank you! LAUGHTER
0:33:58 > 0:34:01I'll tell you one more car I want to talk to you about, actually,
0:34:01 > 0:34:03which I didn't know that you'd had.
0:34:03 > 0:34:04- It was a Nissan GTR.- Yes.
0:34:04 > 0:34:07Because I've never met anybody who owned one of those.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09- Did you enjoy it?- No.
0:34:09 > 0:34:11Really?
0:34:11 > 0:34:13Obviously, it's super fast,
0:34:13 > 0:34:17but I did feel like I was just driving a big, plastic box.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20- Did you ever use launch control on Nissan?- I didn't, no.
0:34:20 > 0:34:23I think it's definitely a boy racer's car, though.
0:34:23 > 0:34:24What, and you're NOT a boy racer?!
0:34:24 > 0:34:26I'm not a boy.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30So, really, I mean, I know you said
0:34:30 > 0:34:32that this was an ambition, then, to come down here?
0:34:32 > 0:34:35- Oh, yeah, totally. - Was it fun out there?
0:34:35 > 0:34:38It was great fun, yes. The Stig was brilliant.
0:34:38 > 0:34:42I had a good laugh and I hope I'm not too near the bottom!
0:34:43 > 0:34:47Well, the practices weren't completely perfect.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49Oh, but they were exciting!
0:34:49 > 0:34:51You know when you spin off
0:34:51 > 0:34:53and you know you think the cameras weren't filming you?
0:34:53 > 0:34:55- Yes, they were? - Yeah, they were.
0:34:55 > 0:34:58Who'd like to see some of Amy's practices?
0:34:58 > 0:35:00- AUDIENCE:- Yeah!
0:35:00 > 0:35:01Let's have a look.
0:35:01 > 0:35:03Right, coming up to...
0:35:03 > 0:35:05yes, the second to last corner.
0:35:05 > 0:35:08Ooh, yep!
0:35:08 > 0:35:10Good one!
0:35:10 > 0:35:11Oh, that's the follow-through.
0:35:11 > 0:35:14That's about 100 miles an hour and...
0:35:14 > 0:35:16BLEEP!
0:35:17 > 0:35:20- And kept it going! - APPLAUSE
0:35:22 > 0:35:24That's brilliant!
0:35:26 > 0:35:28The only person, I think,
0:35:28 > 0:35:30who's ever been off there
0:35:30 > 0:35:32was Black Stig from years and years back.
0:35:32 > 0:35:34Went off in a Vanquish.
0:35:34 > 0:35:35It's about 100 miles an hour there.
0:35:35 > 0:35:39Yeah, I was caning it, and then right over all of them lights.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42Yeah, the landing lights did suffer quite badly, actually.
0:35:42 > 0:35:46But how did you manage to run wide? Was it really greasy?
0:35:46 > 0:35:49Oh, I just think I wasn't paying attention at that point,
0:35:49 > 0:35:52and I suddenly went right off. But I went off with style.
0:35:52 > 0:35:54And you did some damage.
0:35:54 > 0:35:56And I love the way you keep your foot down
0:35:56 > 0:35:58- and keep coming back.- Yeah!
0:35:58 > 0:36:00So who would like to see the lap?
0:36:00 > 0:36:02- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:36:02 > 0:36:03Let's play the tape. Here we go.
0:36:05 > 0:36:07BRAKES SCREECH
0:36:07 > 0:36:09Perfect wheel spin.
0:36:09 > 0:36:11Oh, burning rubber!
0:36:15 > 0:36:17And a couple of braking points there.
0:36:17 > 0:36:21And into the first corner.
0:36:21 > 0:36:25Just the right amount of tyre squeal, and a perfect line.
0:36:25 > 0:36:27Follow the road.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29Yes, good plan!
0:36:30 > 0:36:33Follow it. Get a bit in...
0:36:33 > 0:36:35Bang on! Yep, that's looking good.
0:36:35 > 0:36:37I'm coming for you, Damien Lewis.
0:36:37 > 0:36:40I think I might beat you!
0:36:40 > 0:36:42Do you know, I think you might!
0:36:42 > 0:36:45He was dealing with quite a lot more snow and ice than you've got there.
0:36:47 > 0:36:49Oh, that is nicely judged through there!
0:36:54 > 0:36:59My mum's going to have a heart attack watching this!
0:36:59 > 0:37:00- Does she get worried?- Yeah.
0:37:00 > 0:37:02She does? But there's nothing to hit,
0:37:02 > 0:37:04except for a few landing lights
0:37:04 > 0:37:07and you can't even hit those any more, because they've gone.
0:37:07 > 0:37:12That was very fast through there, and kept it on the island nicely.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15That was, yeah, not even cut there. No cheating.
0:37:15 > 0:37:18And here we are coming up to Gambon.
0:37:18 > 0:37:21Again, that is absolutely spot-on, and across the line.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23APPLAUSE
0:37:27 > 0:37:29So, Amy Macdonald...
0:37:32 > 0:37:34..whereabouts do you think you came?
0:37:34 > 0:37:38Erm, I'm hoping it's not too far near the bottom.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41Somewhere in the middle, I'd be happy with.
0:37:41 > 0:37:43Somewhere in the middle. What, the sort of 147 times?
0:37:43 > 0:37:46- Yeah. I'd be happy with that. - Well, well!
0:37:46 > 0:37:48You did...
0:37:48 > 0:37:491...
0:37:49 > 0:37:52OK, that's good. Not last!
0:37:52 > 0:37:5340...
0:37:53 > 0:37:55OK.
0:37:55 > 0:37:564...
0:37:56 > 0:37:58- Wow!- Point four.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00- Not bad!- So I think that is astonishingly good.
0:38:00 > 0:38:04APPLAUSE
0:38:04 > 0:38:06Not bad at all!
0:38:06 > 0:38:08Just...
0:38:09 > 0:38:11..two-tenths behind Tom Cruise!
0:38:11 > 0:38:15See, Stig was pushing me on and pushing me.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17So he must have known that I was right near Tom Cruise.
0:38:17 > 0:38:18That is an astonishing time.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21And to celebrate, we've got a gift for you to go home with.
0:38:21 > 0:38:25- Oh!- Yes, this hasn't happened since Harry Enfield came here, actually.
0:38:25 > 0:38:29But we'd like to present you with the landing light you broke.
0:38:29 > 0:38:30Aw!
0:38:30 > 0:38:33- APPLAUSE - Ladies and gentlemen, Amy MacDonald!
0:38:33 > 0:38:36CHEERING
0:38:36 > 0:38:38There it is!
0:38:41 > 0:38:44Now, tonight we are having a race.
0:38:44 > 0:38:47It's between Jeremy Clarkson in this Mustang
0:38:47 > 0:38:49and Richard Hammond and I on trains.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51Yes, and we left the action
0:38:51 > 0:38:53with Jeremy here, and us two here,
0:38:53 > 0:38:58100 miles ahead and going 100 miles an hour faster.
0:38:58 > 0:39:01Yes, now, you don't have to be a professor of advanced mathematics
0:39:01 > 0:39:03to realise that, for once,
0:39:03 > 0:39:06Jeremy Clarkson is going to lose.
0:39:13 > 0:39:16I suppose it would be cruel, wouldn't it,
0:39:16 > 0:39:18to pray for some kind of derailment?
0:39:18 > 0:39:19A minor one.
0:39:23 > 0:39:25Or a strike.
0:39:25 > 0:39:27The French love a strike.
0:39:31 > 0:39:37We are now approaching Fontainebleau at 183 miles an hour.
0:39:37 > 0:39:38There's the proof.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41I suspect, even with his mighty Mustang,
0:39:41 > 0:39:42Jeremy isn't doing that.
0:39:42 > 0:39:46'With victory for the train looking almost certain,
0:39:46 > 0:39:49'we now had to tackle a thorny issue.
0:39:49 > 0:39:53'There were two of us on it, and we only had one ticket to the match.'
0:39:53 > 0:39:56- I like big matches.- Do you?
0:39:56 > 0:39:57I like going to see a big match.
0:39:57 > 0:39:59It's the best thing in the world to watch. It's fantastic.
0:39:59 > 0:40:01- So you'd quite like to win this? - Yeah.
0:40:01 > 0:40:05I'll be honest, I can take it or leave it.
0:40:05 > 0:40:06I'd rather leave it.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08But in this one instance,
0:40:08 > 0:40:10I want to win more than anything else
0:40:10 > 0:40:13because I want to deny you and Jeremy the chance of watching it.
0:40:13 > 0:40:15No offence. That's my thinking.
0:40:15 > 0:40:19'Because I wasn't really in the race at all,
0:40:19 > 0:40:21'I was getting distracted.'
0:40:21 > 0:40:24This is good. There's a control on the steering wheel
0:40:24 > 0:40:25that allows me to choose
0:40:25 > 0:40:28what dial I have in the middle of the dashboard.
0:40:28 > 0:40:29So, I can have volts,
0:40:29 > 0:40:32or inlet temperature,
0:40:32 > 0:40:33air fuel ratio.
0:40:33 > 0:40:35I've got 14 of those.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39The problem we have here is that you and I are competing,
0:40:39 > 0:40:43but obviously, what we are engaged in here is a very lengthy truce.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45Yeah, because there's nothing we can do now.
0:40:45 > 0:40:49We are tied together until we get there and we get off the train.
0:40:49 > 0:40:53- But the last bit is on foot.- Yeah.
0:40:53 > 0:40:56Now, I'm quite happy to run on television. Are you, James?
0:40:56 > 0:40:58Well, this is what's bothering me.
0:40:58 > 0:41:00The best I can do is come second...
0:41:00 > 0:41:03- Yes.- ..with my inability and refusal to run.
0:41:03 > 0:41:06Well, you've lost.
0:41:06 > 0:41:08I've currently got 11... what is it...
0:41:08 > 0:41:10inHgs? 11 inHgs.
0:41:10 > 0:41:12No, wait, 20 inHgs.
0:41:12 > 0:41:14What's the point of all this?
0:41:14 > 0:41:17They may as well tell me the weather forecast for Adelaide!
0:41:17 > 0:41:20'Then there was the radio,
0:41:20 > 0:41:21'which could only receive
0:41:21 > 0:41:23'frequencies ending in an odd number.'
0:41:23 > 0:41:27FRENCH POP MUSIC PLAYS
0:41:32 > 0:41:35Who preceded Alex Ferguson as manager of Manchester United?
0:41:35 > 0:41:36Kenny Dalglish.
0:41:38 > 0:41:41Was it? Ron Atkinson? He's a local builder, isn't he?
0:41:41 > 0:41:43Didn't he play Mr Bean?
0:41:48 > 0:41:50In 1969, the year I was born,
0:41:50 > 0:41:54which legend scored what was claimed as his thousandth goal?
0:41:54 > 0:41:55George Best.
0:41:55 > 0:41:58- Peel.- Pele?
0:42:04 > 0:42:05The miles rolled by
0:42:05 > 0:42:09in a relentless blizzard of fuel stops.
0:42:11 > 0:42:13'By mid-afternoon, I'd worked out
0:42:13 > 0:42:16'why this immensely powerful car is so cheap.'
0:42:20 > 0:42:24Well, it's not what you'd call lavishly equipped.
0:42:24 > 0:42:28The seats, for example, adjust manually.
0:42:28 > 0:42:32Then you've got the plastics, which are HYSTERICALLY terrible.
0:42:32 > 0:42:35'And it simply isn't as refined or as well-engineered
0:42:35 > 0:42:38'as anything made in Europe or Japan.'
0:42:38 > 0:42:41But it is a likeable car.
0:42:41 > 0:42:43It's a good-looking car.
0:42:43 > 0:42:45The power is always intoxicating.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47You'd never, ever, ever get bored with that.
0:42:50 > 0:42:53'And you do get a lot of something else as well.
0:42:53 > 0:42:56'Heritage.'
0:42:57 > 0:42:59'This car owes its existence
0:42:59 > 0:43:03'to a Texas chicken farmer called Carroll Shelby.'
0:43:04 > 0:43:07'He was born in 1923 with a heart condition,
0:43:07 > 0:43:10'which meant he lived much of his life
0:43:10 > 0:43:13'on a daily dose of nitroglycerine pills.
0:43:13 > 0:43:18'That's probably why, one day, he decided to become a racing driver.'
0:43:20 > 0:43:22'After not quite making the grade,
0:43:22 > 0:43:24'he heard that in little old England,
0:43:24 > 0:43:26'a small company called AC
0:43:26 > 0:43:31'was struggling to find an engine for its sports car, the Ace.
0:43:31 > 0:43:34'He brokered a deal with Ford to supply big V8s.
0:43:34 > 0:43:39'And what became known as the AC Cobra was born.'
0:43:43 > 0:43:45'The Sunday Times reported
0:43:45 > 0:43:49'that a coupe version had achieved 190mph on the M1.
0:43:49 > 0:43:52'And the following week, the Daily Mail said
0:43:52 > 0:43:53'this had sparked fury
0:43:53 > 0:43:56'with motoring organisations.
0:43:56 > 0:43:59'And thanks to the Mail's campaign,
0:43:59 > 0:44:02'the 70mph limit was introduced.'
0:44:05 > 0:44:06'In America, though,
0:44:06 > 0:44:10'the Cobra cemented a partnership between Shelby and Ford.
0:44:10 > 0:44:13'A partnership that spawned many great cars
0:44:13 > 0:44:16'and lasted right up until May of last year,
0:44:16 > 0:44:19'when at the age of 89, he died.'
0:44:22 > 0:44:26'Just before he passed away, though, he got to see this.
0:44:26 > 0:44:28'Apparently, he liked it.
0:44:28 > 0:44:32'And I like the fact that it bears his name on the back.'
0:44:35 > 0:44:37I was going to say at this point,
0:44:37 > 0:44:39"Well, Mr Shelby, wherever you are,
0:44:39 > 0:44:42"my victory today, it's for you."
0:44:42 > 0:44:46But I am so far behind,
0:44:46 > 0:44:49I just can't bring myself to say it.
0:44:49 > 0:44:52However, while I was delivering my small history lesson,
0:44:52 > 0:44:55Ivor the Engine had stopped.
0:44:55 > 0:44:58The problem is, as we start to go into the mountains,
0:44:58 > 0:45:00as we make our way towards Italy,
0:45:00 > 0:45:02we get onto the old bit of the network.
0:45:02 > 0:45:05It has to wind around a bit to go through cuttings,
0:45:05 > 0:45:06and that slows it down.
0:45:06 > 0:45:10So we're in a very fast train on goat paths?
0:45:10 > 0:45:13And that's him, and he's actually moving forward
0:45:13 > 0:45:14in big leaps and bounds.
0:45:14 > 0:45:17This thing updates itself every two and a half, three minutes,
0:45:17 > 0:45:19so we see Jeremy's progress as a series of jumps,
0:45:19 > 0:45:20and they're bigger than our jumps.
0:45:20 > 0:45:22And it's costing us our lead.
0:45:22 > 0:45:24It is costing our lead.
0:45:27 > 0:45:30Sit rep, I've eaten my last pork pie,
0:45:30 > 0:45:33and I've eaten all my sausage rolls.
0:45:34 > 0:45:38- PHONE RINGS - Richard Hammond is making contact!
0:45:38 > 0:45:42- Hammond!- 'I'm only wanting to ring'
0:45:42 > 0:45:45with good news for you. Which is to say, we appear to be stuck,
0:45:45 > 0:45:47'because we have mountains in our way,'
0:45:47 > 0:45:50and I haven't seen more than 80mph and we're getting slower.
0:45:50 > 0:45:52You're only going 80?
0:45:52 > 0:45:55Yes. The gap is closing right now.
0:45:55 > 0:45:58'And we haven't been over about 65,'
0:45:58 > 0:46:0070, for the last stretch and we're slowing again.
0:46:00 > 0:46:02'Our ETA is still ahead of yours.'
0:46:02 > 0:46:05You've still got time to make up, but you're closing on us,
0:46:05 > 0:46:07and that's an unpleasant feeling.
0:46:07 > 0:46:10Interesting! Right, well, thank you for that update.
0:46:13 > 0:46:16Better still, because of the Alps,
0:46:16 > 0:46:18the train had to take a longer,
0:46:18 > 0:46:20southerly route, to reach Milan,
0:46:20 > 0:46:22whereas the road was more direct.
0:46:22 > 0:46:24I was back in the race.
0:46:24 > 0:46:28We are going to scythe through these mountains, you and me.
0:46:28 > 0:46:31Let's do this for Carroll Shelby! Come on!
0:46:50 > 0:46:5268. Why isn't it registering 168?
0:46:52 > 0:46:55- Why is it only saying 68? - Because we're not going that fast.
0:46:55 > 0:46:57Why aren't we going that fast?
0:46:58 > 0:47:00200 miles, three hours.
0:47:00 > 0:47:03Air con, low. Speed, high.
0:47:03 > 0:47:05Keep me awake!
0:47:07 > 0:47:10Another problem for us was that in the mountains,
0:47:10 > 0:47:13we seemed to be stopping at every single village.
0:47:13 > 0:47:16We'd been stationary at this one for five minutes.
0:47:16 > 0:47:18Excusez-moi.
0:47:18 > 0:47:22Cette cinq minutes...c'est cinq minutes en addition
0:47:22 > 0:47:26de la grande totale pour la trip...
0:47:26 > 0:47:29or, or, included dans le train.
0:47:29 > 0:47:31Ah, je crois qu'on va bientot partir, eh?
0:47:31 > 0:47:34- Yeah, I don't understand. - Pas tres longtemps.
0:47:34 > 0:47:36Yeah, I don't understand the answer.
0:47:36 > 0:47:37It's OK. It's OK. Let's just be calm.
0:47:37 > 0:47:40There's going to be a pause now while we wait,
0:47:40 > 0:47:42and then we'll rocket away.
0:47:42 > 0:47:47He is catching up. I mean, look at him. Cracking along.
0:47:47 > 0:47:51Chamonix Mont Blanc. That'll do me.
0:47:51 > 0:47:53I love the signposts you get round here.
0:47:53 > 0:47:57It's like I'm driving through a Robert Ludlum novel.
0:47:57 > 0:48:00I'm going to see Jason Bourne going the other way,
0:48:00 > 0:48:02punching people in the face.
0:48:02 > 0:48:05And he'll give me a thumbs up going, "Yeah, go, Mustang!"
0:48:09 > 0:48:12- 45.- We're going slower than him.
0:48:12 > 0:48:15I'm getting depressed looking at it.
0:48:15 > 0:48:20As we trundled through the Alps, we got a call from Carroll Clarkson.
0:48:20 > 0:48:21'Hammond!'
0:48:21 > 0:48:23Hello, how are you doing?
0:48:23 > 0:48:25'Let me put it to you this way,'
0:48:25 > 0:48:27what are you drinking?
0:48:27 > 0:48:28Oh, why?!
0:48:28 > 0:48:31Because I'm doing really well. Mont Blanc is straight ahead of me.
0:48:31 > 0:48:35- You're looking at Mont Blanc? - I'm looking at it. I'm under it.
0:48:35 > 0:48:36He's looking at Mont Blanc?
0:48:36 > 0:48:38Oh, God! He's going great guns.
0:48:38 > 0:48:39It's a bit neck and neck.
0:48:39 > 0:48:41Yeah, it is.
0:48:41 > 0:48:45'But then, my charge was brought to an abrupt halt.'
0:48:45 > 0:48:47Oh, God! Contraflow!
0:48:47 > 0:48:50That's not funny!
0:48:50 > 0:48:52I suppose they're just doing all the repairs
0:48:52 > 0:48:56before the skiing season starts. Bloody skiers!
0:48:56 > 0:48:58Come on, French worker Johnnies!
0:48:58 > 0:48:59What numbers are we going to have here?
0:48:59 > 0:49:01Hang on, I'll tell you his speed.
0:49:01 > 0:49:04I'm going to make a guess at 74 miles an hour.
0:49:04 > 0:49:0570 miles an hour.
0:49:05 > 0:49:07I wasn't far off.
0:49:07 > 0:49:09Oh, no, no, no!
0:49:10 > 0:49:13Not again! Please, no more contraflow!
0:49:22 > 0:49:24For about 10 glorious minutes,
0:49:24 > 0:49:28I thought I was in with a shout of winning this, but these roadworks...
0:49:28 > 0:49:29it is just constant.
0:49:32 > 0:49:36'In the Mont Blanc tunnel, I had seven miles at 40 miles an hour.'
0:49:37 > 0:49:40If the Italians aren't doing roadworks
0:49:40 > 0:49:43to the same extent as the French,
0:49:43 > 0:49:45I am still in with a shout here.
0:49:45 > 0:49:49- TRAIN WHISTLES - 'Meanwhile, far to the south...'
0:49:49 > 0:49:50How fast are we going?
0:49:50 > 0:49:53Well, we've been touching 100, and we're accelerating again.
0:49:53 > 0:49:55He's not going very fast.
0:49:55 > 0:49:59But then, I emerged from the tunnel onto God's racetrack.
0:50:01 > 0:50:02Italy.
0:50:02 > 0:50:04Oh, you beauty!
0:50:06 > 0:50:09The race was now entering its final, dramatic chapter.
0:50:11 > 0:50:15James and Richard would get into Milan at 6pm.
0:50:15 > 0:50:18Then they'd have to cross the city by tube
0:50:18 > 0:50:21and cover the last mile on foot,
0:50:21 > 0:50:24meaning they'd reach the finish line,
0:50:24 > 0:50:26a bar near the stadium, at 7pm.
0:50:29 > 0:50:35All the current calculations say I'm going to arrive at 7.14,
0:50:35 > 0:50:39which means I'm only 14 minutes behind them.
0:50:40 > 0:50:41Come on, Mustang!
0:50:41 > 0:50:44You are going to beat the train.
0:50:44 > 0:50:46Ha-ha!
0:51:00 > 0:51:04We peaked at 120 miles an hour in that last stretch.
0:51:04 > 0:51:06That's a tremendous sort of speed.
0:51:06 > 0:51:10We might actually just be in with a chance.
0:51:12 > 0:51:15I'm 79 miles away.
0:51:15 > 0:51:18I've been awake since two o'clock this morning,
0:51:18 > 0:51:20but I'm very, very awake now.
0:51:20 > 0:51:21Very determined and awake.
0:51:25 > 0:51:28- PHONE RINGS - 'May!'
0:51:28 > 0:51:31Hello, Clarkson. We're just pulling into Milan.
0:51:31 > 0:51:34I wondered what time you thought you were going to arrive. Just curious.
0:51:34 > 0:51:38I reckon I can be there in an hour.
0:51:38 > 0:51:41I think we're going to be there in one hour and four minutes.
0:51:41 > 0:51:44May the best man win. It will be you or Hammond, obviously,
0:51:44 > 0:51:45- because I can't run.- 'Yes.'
0:51:45 > 0:51:48- Got to go, sorry.- 'Bye.'
0:51:48 > 0:51:50Come on, Mustang!
0:51:50 > 0:51:54You have been the hero of many, many films in the past.
0:51:56 > 0:51:59It's now time to be the hero in another one.
0:52:02 > 0:52:05'In Milan, the San Siro Stadium was coming to life.
0:52:07 > 0:52:09'And on the other side of the city...'
0:52:09 > 0:52:11Is that the right bit? Or is that it?
0:52:11 > 0:52:14Metro. M. It must be!
0:52:14 > 0:52:16'We decided to stick together
0:52:16 > 0:52:19'until we dealt with all the tricky train stuff.'
0:52:19 > 0:52:21It's M1. M1 is down there.
0:52:26 > 0:52:27Oh, come on!
0:52:27 > 0:52:29- We missed that by about... - Yes, seconds.
0:52:36 > 0:52:38Where the hell are we? Garibaldi.
0:52:38 > 0:52:39OK, three stops.
0:52:39 > 0:52:42What's the name of the bar?
0:52:42 > 0:52:43It's the, er...
0:52:49 > 0:52:52- So it's another train, yeah? - This is a change, isn't it?
0:52:54 > 0:52:56It's not this one.
0:52:57 > 0:52:5915 miles to go.
0:53:01 > 0:53:03I can still do this.
0:53:07 > 0:53:08How long are we on this one?
0:53:08 > 0:53:10I don't know. I'm trying to work it out.
0:53:10 > 0:53:11Come on!
0:53:14 > 0:53:17There's Lotto. So it's one, two, three, four, five stops.
0:53:19 > 0:53:21Seven miles.
0:53:21 > 0:53:25We've done 807. Seven to go.
0:53:27 > 0:53:29- You're not going to run?- No, I'm not.
0:53:29 > 0:53:32- But you are?- Yes, I am.
0:53:32 > 0:53:33Like a stabbed rat.
0:53:35 > 0:53:36Oh, this is bad traffic!
0:53:38 > 0:53:41I am treading on my own tail. That's what's happening here.
0:53:41 > 0:53:43I'm caught up in match day traffic.
0:53:43 > 0:53:46- Is this us?- No, but we're going the right way. Two more.
0:53:48 > 0:53:52That's all the Belgians coming down to watch their team get annihilated.
0:53:54 > 0:53:56I'll be on your side, Belgians!
0:53:56 > 0:53:57If you cheer for me now.
0:53:57 > 0:53:59Come on, come on, come on!
0:54:03 > 0:54:04Right, exit!
0:54:04 > 0:54:07'Hammond and I had reached our final stop,
0:54:07 > 0:54:10'which meant we were no longer a team.'
0:54:10 > 0:54:12Running commences!
0:54:12 > 0:54:15Move it! Yes, yes, yes, yes!
0:54:15 > 0:54:17'Outside the station, Hammond scampered off,
0:54:17 > 0:54:19'imagining that victory was in the bag,
0:54:19 > 0:54:23'But that's because he hadn't seen what was in mine.'
0:54:29 > 0:54:30San Siro!
0:54:30 > 0:54:33WOMAN SPEAKS IN ITALIAN OK, that's a good sign.
0:54:33 > 0:54:34That'll do for me.
0:54:39 > 0:54:42Audi man, move! Move!
0:54:46 > 0:54:47We're through!
0:54:57 > 0:54:59Where's the bar? Where's the bar?
0:55:01 > 0:55:03CAR HORN BEEPS
0:55:12 > 0:55:15Dov'e' il bar?
0:55:15 > 0:55:17- WOMAN ANSWERS IN ITALIAN - Stairs? Yeah, yeah.
0:55:19 > 0:55:20Oh, cock!
0:55:20 > 0:55:23Loser! HE LAUGHS
0:55:23 > 0:55:26- Well done. - You look a bit tired, mate!
0:55:26 > 0:55:27He's not here, though, is he?
0:55:27 > 0:55:29No. So, although you are a loser,
0:55:29 > 0:55:31you're not THE loser.
0:55:31 > 0:55:33- There's a word for what I am. - Yeah, smug.
0:55:33 > 0:55:37'Moments later, our deluded colleague arrived.'
0:55:37 > 0:55:39Right, where's the ticket?
0:55:39 > 0:55:40Jeremy?
0:55:45 > 0:55:47Ooh, he's trying this on. He doesn't like how it fits, does he?
0:55:47 > 0:55:50- No, no, no! - RICHARD LAUGHS
0:55:50 > 0:55:51Well done, chaps.
0:55:51 > 0:55:53- Be magnanimous!- I just was!
0:55:53 > 0:55:57I haven't thrown a suitcase at you, I haven't said, "Oh, cock!"
0:55:57 > 0:55:59- Well done.- We heard you.
0:55:59 > 0:56:02Well, that's it, isn't it? My first ever loss.
0:56:02 > 0:56:05800 miles in a Stang. You've done all right.
0:56:05 > 0:56:07- It's not a Stang. It's a Mustang. - It's a Stang.
0:56:07 > 0:56:08- Who won, by the way?- I did.
0:56:08 > 0:56:10- Yeah, he did.- By running.
0:56:10 > 0:56:13- So you're going to watch a football match?- Yes.
0:56:13 > 0:56:14- All by yourself?- Yes.
0:56:14 > 0:56:18- Do you fancy some nice dinner? - He doesn't even like football.
0:56:18 > 0:56:20- Where are you?- 1A.
0:56:20 > 0:56:24- Which is at the front, isn't it? - You're actually playing in goal.
0:56:24 > 0:56:26I think you ARE actually in the team.
0:56:26 > 0:56:28- That is the goalkeeper's position. - Is it?
0:56:28 > 0:56:30- Yeah.- Is it complicated? Do I need gloves?
0:56:30 > 0:56:32APPLAUSE
0:56:37 > 0:56:39No, look. No, no.
0:56:39 > 0:56:42I won't blame the tools.
0:56:42 > 0:56:44But I will blame the French.
0:56:44 > 0:56:48- Why? - Because it was the French's fault.
0:56:48 > 0:56:51Those roadworks, the contraflow, went on for nearly 100km,
0:56:51 > 0:56:54- and that is what cost me the race.- Yes, yes.
0:56:54 > 0:56:58Well, enough about your embarrassing and very public failure.
0:56:58 > 0:57:01- The thing is, what about the car? - The car.
0:57:01 > 0:57:05Looks great, tons of character, goes like a train...
0:57:05 > 0:57:08- No, it doesn't.- No, it didn't. - Doesn't go like a train, no.
0:57:08 > 0:57:10It goes like a British train. But there is a problem.
0:57:10 > 0:57:12- Is there?- No, no, really, there is.
0:57:12 > 0:57:17Because the biggest advance with cars in the last 40 years
0:57:17 > 0:57:20is not in speed or economy or safety.
0:57:20 > 0:57:22It's actually refinement.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25You could drive an old Ford Escort at 70mph,
0:57:25 > 0:57:29but if you did, it shaked and rattled and it wore you out, yes?
0:57:29 > 0:57:32Now, a modern-day Ford Focus, you can drive that at 70mph
0:57:32 > 0:57:34and it's like sitting in the bath.
0:57:34 > 0:57:36THIS is like an old Escort.
0:57:36 > 0:57:41The noise and vibration and harshness, it is exhausting!
0:57:41 > 0:57:44You're absolutely right. And that is why American cars are so cheap.
0:57:44 > 0:57:47This, the Viper you were driving last week,
0:57:47 > 0:57:50the truth is, they simply aren't as thoroughly engineered
0:57:50 > 0:57:53- as cars from the civilised world. - They're not. They're not.
0:57:53 > 0:57:56And as a result of that, I arrived at the end of the trip
0:57:56 > 0:58:00and I was just a big, soggy bag of skin.
0:58:00 > 0:58:02Yeah, yeah.
0:58:02 > 0:58:04The thing is, though, let's not forget...you lost!
0:58:04 > 0:58:06I did.
0:58:06 > 0:58:09I did lose. I did lose. And as a result of that,
0:58:09 > 0:58:12we must finish on a rather alarming conclusion.
0:58:12 > 0:58:14Because of the French,
0:58:14 > 0:58:17the car as a concept is finished.
0:58:17 > 0:58:19And on that bombshell, it's time to end.
0:58:19 > 0:58:21Thank you so much for watching. Good night.
0:58:21 > 0:58:24APPLAUSE
0:58:39 > 0:58:43Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd