0:00:16 > 0:00:20- APPLAUSE - Hello!
0:00:20 > 0:00:25Hello, everybody! Thank you so much. We're back!
0:00:25 > 0:00:28We are back!
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Yes, however, we're back
0:00:33 > 0:00:37and I'm sure many of you will be delighted to hear that in this,
0:00:37 > 0:00:43our 20th series, we've slowed down a little and grown up a lot.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45GROANING AND LAUGHTER
0:00:45 > 0:00:48We have. To show you what I mean,
0:00:48 > 0:00:52we've prepared a montage which shows what you can expect
0:00:52 > 0:00:57over the coming weeks from a new, more mature Top Gear.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Gentlemen, the time has come.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Oh, you're joking!
0:01:11 > 0:01:15What I'm saying is, we turn this town into a street circuit.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17TYRES SCREECH
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Oh, God. Ow!
0:01:24 > 0:01:26He's looking good there, looking good.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Sorry.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- It's uphill.- Yeah!- Keep going! - Hell, yeah.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46It is a rampant rabbit.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52There has been a crash.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Oooh, in the face!
0:01:58 > 0:02:00I can hear a bike.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05What did we learn, really?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09APPLAUSE
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Not much evidence of maturity there!
0:02:11 > 0:02:15Because there isn't any. But anyway! That is all to come,
0:02:15 > 0:02:17some of it later on,
0:02:17 > 0:02:21but we begin in the 1980s.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Back then hot hatchbacks were very, very popular.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28Everybody wanted to steal one - and perhaps that's why
0:02:28 > 0:02:31they went away. But now, they're coming back,
0:02:31 > 0:02:33and we thought we ought to see what is what.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36So, Richard Hammond is your adjudicator
0:02:36 > 0:02:39and the track is our battleground.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48This is the first one to come charging over the top.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51The Peugeot 208 GTi.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Righty-oh! What we are looking for here is something
0:02:57 > 0:02:59we haven't seen in a long while.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03A Peugeot where you can actually feel its pulse.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06And it's off to a promising start
0:03:06 > 0:03:09because they certainly haven't scrimped on power.
0:03:10 > 0:03:15200 horsepower, that's what you get from the 1.6-litre turbo,
0:03:15 > 0:03:18and that's quite a generous helping in a little car.
0:03:20 > 0:03:230-60 is dispatched in under seven seconds.
0:03:25 > 0:03:31Then comes the torque. Quite a lot of it, 203 foot-pounds.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38It's like surfing a giant wave of exploding petrol.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49The designers have been allowed to enjoy themselves, too,
0:03:49 > 0:03:51because everywhere you look,
0:03:51 > 0:03:55there are little reminders of the much-loved 205 GTi.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02It's good, it shows intent,
0:04:02 > 0:04:05like this chubby little steering wheel. It says, "Come on, then,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07"let's get on and do something!"
0:04:07 > 0:04:12Which brings us neatly to the most important part of a GTi.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15What happens when you ask it to go round a corner? Come on,
0:04:15 > 0:04:19little Peugeot, let's see if you can set my trousers on fire.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25There it is!
0:04:27 > 0:04:28HE LAUGHS
0:04:28 > 0:04:31TYRES SCREECH
0:04:33 > 0:04:34It does eat up corners.
0:04:37 > 0:04:42It's light, there's loads of grip and I swear I'm cocking a wheel,
0:04:42 > 0:04:44I'm sure I am.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47That's a wheel in the air. Bit of that!
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Turn the indicators off and carry on like you meant it.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52That's the way to do it!
0:04:53 > 0:04:58There's no doubt about it, this car is a real return to form
0:04:58 > 0:05:02from a company that's been stuck in a rut of dreary boxes for too long.
0:05:03 > 0:05:09But remember, we're now in a GTi war, and to win it,
0:05:09 > 0:05:12the Peugeot must take on this...
0:05:15 > 0:05:18..the brand-new, hot, Renault Clio.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Like the Peugeot, it doesn't lack for oomph -
0:05:26 > 0:05:28197 brake horsepower...
0:05:29 > 0:05:33..from, like the Peugeot, a 1.6-litre turbo.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39But where the Peugeot looks back to the old 205,
0:05:39 > 0:05:44the Renault is aimed squarely at today's computer geeks.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51This central screen here, I've got gauges - a lot of them.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57I've got a G diagram of...my G.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00And then this is real PlayStation stuff, you can
0:06:00 > 0:06:03actually change the sound of the engine.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08You go into the menu and you can select the noise from different cars.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Like a Renault Alpine, which is an old classic, or even an Nissan GTR.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15So I'm going to have...a V6.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20ENGINE REVS
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Oooh, that sounds... Yeah!
0:06:24 > 0:06:27If ten-year-olds could drive, they would love this.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32And then, when you push this button,
0:06:32 > 0:06:35a strangely familiar crash helmet appears,
0:06:35 > 0:06:37and you can do this...
0:06:39 > 0:06:42SCREECHING OF TYRES
0:06:43 > 0:06:47It makes the ride, the brakes, everything a lot more hard-core.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Oh! Come on, that's feeling nice.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Without doubt,
0:06:56 > 0:07:00the computerised Clio has a more juvenile streak than the Peugeot.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06But sadly, it also has a really annoying problem.
0:07:08 > 0:07:13This gearbox, it's about as sharp as a vicar sweeping up leaves.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Through the bends, it just doesn't have the speed to react.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18And there's another problem -
0:07:18 > 0:07:21the whole idea of a flappy paddle gearbox in a hot hatch.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25I don't want to sound like James May, "I prefer the old-fashioned type."
0:07:25 > 0:07:26But I do.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Changing gear is a vital form of self-expression
0:07:29 > 0:07:30that I'm being denied.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36It's not like you can opt for a manual, either, because
0:07:36 > 0:07:39with this car, it's flappy paddle or nothing.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43The hi-tech little Renault is good
0:07:43 > 0:07:46but the stupid gearbox spoils your fun.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53And that leaves it vulnerable to attack from this...
0:07:55 > 0:07:59..the Ford Fiesta ST.
0:07:59 > 0:08:05It's been five "too long" years since Ford give us a hot Fiesta.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08And on paper, this thing looks to be going into battle with
0:08:08 > 0:08:11the Frenchies on the back foot, because like the other two,
0:08:11 > 0:08:15it's got a 1.6-litre turbo, but 20 brake horsepower less -
0:08:15 > 0:08:17179.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22But here's the thing, the other two each cost just under 19 grand -
0:08:22 > 0:08:25this...is two grand cheaper.
0:08:27 > 0:08:32Yet despite the reasonable price, the Fiesta certainly looks the part.
0:08:33 > 0:08:39It's got fat, 17-inch alloys, Recaro seats,
0:08:39 > 0:08:44and a full suite of skirts, spoilers and big exhausts.
0:08:46 > 0:08:51All of which is very nice, but with that 20 horsepower deficit,
0:08:51 > 0:08:55the Fiesta is still likely to get a pasting in a drag race.
0:08:57 > 0:09:02But you never know, this is lighter and it has more torque.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05It might win, or come second...
0:09:05 > 0:09:06or third.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Three, two, one.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12Go!
0:09:16 > 0:09:21Changing gear as quickly as I can, manually - like a man!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Come on, come on, Ford! Come on!
0:09:26 > 0:09:32Oh! Yes, it's done the third thing, it did the third option.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37But then I took the Ford for a spot of cornering.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40TYRES SCREECH
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Oh, this is epic!
0:09:51 > 0:09:55The others have had their suspension lowered a bit.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59This has had its dropped by a whole juicy 15mm.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04You can feel it - it corners flat.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12It's not just about being nearer the ground.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Everything about the Fiesta - the steering, the handling,
0:10:16 > 0:10:19the responsiveness - is peerless.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21They've got this bang-on right.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23It's brilliant.
0:10:25 > 0:10:30And when you switch the traction control off, it really is...off.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Ha-ha!
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Ford have remembered the key mantra of a hot hatch -
0:10:38 > 0:10:41it's not just what it does...
0:10:43 > 0:10:46..it's how it makes you feel while it's doing it.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Da! You can't put a price on that!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Superb!
0:10:59 > 0:11:05So, conclusion time. The Peugeot and the Renault are really very good.
0:11:05 > 0:11:10But the Ford? The Ford is simply brilliant.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15APPLAUSE
0:11:15 > 0:11:18- It is, though. It is, it's fabulous. - I know. Amazing car.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22It's almost as though all the planets aligned to make this car.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- Exactly.- Everything was in place. - Exactly it.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28In years to come, this will be looked back on as an all-time classic.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32It's the same way we look back now on the Sierra Cosworth or
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- the RS2000. - The Mexico.- Lotus Cortina.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37That's how good this thing is.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41I mean, the other two are good, very good, but this thing is just genius.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45It is. But is it the fastest round our track? To find out,
0:11:45 > 0:11:48we must give them all to our tame racing driver.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53Some say he has the world's largest collection of horse eggs.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55LAUGHTER
0:11:55 > 0:11:58And that when he knocked Rafa Nadal out this week,
0:11:58 > 0:12:00it wasn't during a game of tennis.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04All we know is, he's called The Stig!
0:12:04 > 0:12:06APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:12:06 > 0:12:08And they're off. A strong start from the Fiesta,
0:12:08 > 0:12:10but the other two soon level up
0:12:10 > 0:12:14as they pile down to the first corner, turbos spinning furiously.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Tyres howling as they dart to the left,
0:12:17 > 0:12:21but that's about as dramatic as it gets so far.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25MUSIC: "Keeping Up Appearances" theme tune
0:12:25 > 0:12:29I'm told The Stig was listening to TV theme tunes there...
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Frankly, it sounded like an accident in a bric-a-brac shop.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36Anyway, they swing round Chicago, no fuss.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Into the Hammerhead - this should root out under-steerers,
0:12:39 > 0:12:41they're all front-wheel drive.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43The Fiesta flashing its hazards under hard braking,
0:12:43 > 0:12:47but they're all bang on-line. Very tidy. Impressive stuff.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50JAUNTY MUSIC
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Stig choosing to reverse round in the Renault for some reason.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Anyway, is the Fiesta's lack of power going
0:12:59 > 0:13:00to be exposed here?
0:13:00 > 0:13:03No, not by the look of it. Two corners left.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07The Peugeot cocking a wheel.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08Yes. There we are as we go
0:13:08 > 0:13:10to the second-to-last corner,
0:13:10 > 0:13:13only Gambon, all three scampering through there.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Not much between them - and across the line!
0:13:15 > 0:13:17APPLAUSE
0:13:17 > 0:13:19OK, now.
0:13:20 > 0:13:25The Renault - that did it in 1.32.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28The Peugeot - 1.33.2.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32And the Ford Fiesta, the one we're interested in,
0:13:32 > 0:13:361.32.7. So, it's in the middle - but it doesn't matter.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38This is still the one to buy.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41I honestly haven't driven a car as surprising
0:13:41 > 0:13:45or as likeable as this for a very, very long while.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49The only thing I don't like about it is the name, ST.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Why have they named it after a lady towel?
0:13:54 > 0:13:57And now the news. The news is, you may have read about this recently,
0:13:57 > 0:14:01there are plans to open pubs in motorway service stations.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03- I don't get that. - I don't get it, either.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Because, as it's on a motorway,
0:14:06 > 0:14:09you're bound to be driving, which means you can only have one drink.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11And when it comes to drink, one is impossible.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14- LAUGHTER - Come on!
0:14:14 > 0:14:19- What if...? What if you're the passenger?- I see, James,
0:14:19 > 0:14:21- so I'm driving you.- Mm-hmm.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25As I fill up with petrol, you say, "I'm going to get a gin and tonic."
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Yes.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Well, if you do that, you may as well prepare a sign that
0:14:29 > 0:14:32says "Hammersmith" on a bit of card.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Because when you come out, I will have gone.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38I'm not actually that interested in pubs in motorway service stations.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41What bothers me is - why do they sell trousers?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43I've never got halfway...
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Has anybody ever gone halfway through a motorway
0:14:46 > 0:14:49and thought, "I've forgot my trousers!
0:14:49 > 0:14:52"I had better get these elasticated beige ones."
0:14:52 > 0:14:54I don't understand why people even stop to eat at motorway
0:14:54 > 0:14:56service stations.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59There is no car journey in Britain so long that you would starve
0:14:59 > 0:15:01to death before you got somewhere to eat.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Like the pub thing, it's not that far to wait for a drink.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08You don't think, "I'm so desperate, I'm going to pull over
0:15:08 > 0:15:10"and have half a pint of shandy."
0:15:10 > 0:15:11Stupid.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15- I would.- That's cos you're a raving alcoholic, James.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- Can I let you into a little secret? - Oh, is it time?
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- N... - LAUGHTER
0:15:27 > 0:15:30APPLAUSE
0:15:30 > 0:15:32I think after 20 series...
0:15:34 > 0:15:37No, can I let you into a little secret?
0:15:37 > 0:15:39You know those gantries over the motorway,
0:15:39 > 0:15:41they've got them on the M25 and on the M1, OK?
0:15:41 > 0:15:45They have speed limits on them so that you can temporarily lower
0:15:45 > 0:15:49the speed limit to warn drivers of an accident or congestion ahead.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51And then there are speed cameras on the back of the gantries to
0:15:51 > 0:15:54make sure that people do actually slow down.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Well, now here is my secret.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00It turns out the police can turn those cameras on at
0:16:00 > 0:16:02- any time they like.- Really?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Which means the Chief Constable sitting at his desk, thinks,
0:16:05 > 0:16:07"I fancy a new car."
0:16:07 > 0:16:11Pop the cameras on, and after, I was going to say half an hour,
0:16:11 > 0:16:15but probably ten seconds, he's got enough for a supercharged Jag.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18LAUGHTER
0:16:18 > 0:16:21We should point out for reasons of BBC impartiality that other
0:16:21 > 0:16:26luxury cars are available to bent chiefs of policemen.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- Right, now, can we talk about BMW? - Yes.- Yes.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32They're on a bit of a roll at the moment,
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- they are making some cracking cars. - Very much so.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Now there's another new one coming called the 4 Series,
0:16:37 > 0:16:39we have a picture of it here.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43It's a replacement for the two-door 3 Series Coupe.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45I think that looks absolutely fantastic,
0:16:45 > 0:16:47and best of all, there's going to be a motor sport version.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50So that will be called the M4!
0:16:51 > 0:16:55So presumably it will be fantastic at one end and then very dark
0:16:55 > 0:16:57and miserable at the other end.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00And then you will pay a toll to put something in the boot
0:17:00 > 0:17:02but not to take it out again.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06Now, moving on - tonight we are going to have a race
0:17:06 > 0:17:09and it's a very important one, because it's to see which is
0:17:09 > 0:17:14fastest - Jeremy in a car, or me on a sailing boat?
0:17:14 > 0:17:16First of all, we needed a course.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19The producer suggested we go from Great Yarmouth
0:17:19 > 0:17:22up the North Sea to Edinburgh.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26Or perhaps from Aberystwyth down through the Irish Sea
0:17:26 > 0:17:28to the Lizard Point in Cornwall.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31But then James and I had a better idea.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Yes, we did.
0:17:37 > 0:17:42'Welcome to New Zealand. The perfect location for our duel.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46'Pretty landscapes for Jeremy to drive through
0:17:46 > 0:17:50'and most importantly for me, sea that's warm.'
0:17:51 > 0:17:54So our race - this is what New Zealand looks like.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57This is the bit we are interested in, blown up for you here.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01I shall be starting from this very beach, here on the map,
0:18:01 > 0:18:06and racing up here to the second most northerly point in New Zealand.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Jeremy, meanwhile, will have to go down here, through
0:18:09 > 0:18:14the centre of Auckland and all the way up here to reach the same point.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18So I only have to cover 220 miles.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Jeremy has to cover 410.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27'To make matters even worse for Jeremy, 35%
0:18:27 > 0:18:32'of New Zealand's roads are unpaved, which would slow him down.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35'And this is what he'd be up against.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39'It's called an AC45, and it's the fastest production
0:18:39 > 0:18:42'sailing boat in the world.
0:18:44 > 0:18:49'With a carbon fibre hull and a rigid sail as big as the wing
0:18:49 > 0:18:53'on a Boeing 737, it can reach over 30 knots.
0:18:55 > 0:19:00'Then there's the crew. All but one are winners of the America's Cup,
0:19:00 > 0:19:03'the most prestigious trophy in yacht racing.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07'And as for the one who isn't, well, he's Sir Ben Ainslie,
0:19:07 > 0:19:10'four times Olympic sailing gold medallist.
0:19:13 > 0:19:18'Put all this together and Jeremy hasn't got a chance.'
0:19:20 > 0:19:24I do realise the enormity of the challenge I face, which is
0:19:24 > 0:19:28why I have gone for the fastest car in the world.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Here it is.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34- It's a Toyota Corolla.- Is that what it is? I haven't looked. Yes, it is.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37It's a 1.8-litre Toyota Corolla.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Engine size is irrelevant, James,
0:19:39 > 0:19:43because do you know what makes this so fast?
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Look in the window.
0:19:45 > 0:19:50- I've rented it.- Oh, no.- Yes! And this is the thing, you see.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53The Bugatti Veyron, sometimes you're using 15 horsepower,
0:19:53 > 0:19:55sometimes you're using only ten.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59This, you've got 140 horsepower from the moment you start it up
0:19:59 > 0:20:01to the moment you crash it.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Did you pick up one of those, what are they called,
0:20:03 > 0:20:09- collision damage waiver forms?- No, I picked up six. I did, actually!
0:20:09 > 0:20:12When her back was turned, I thought, "I'll have some of those."
0:20:12 > 0:20:16- So you're ready?- I'm really ready for this.- Everybody else ready?
0:20:16 > 0:20:21Right, this race will start at precisely seven o'clock
0:20:21 > 0:20:22tomorrow morning.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24- Beer?- Yes, beer.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34OK, pre-flight check. Complete.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39There's the boat. Soon it will be pointing in the correct direction,
0:20:39 > 0:20:41and the race will begin.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45'Eventually the boat had done its gybing and sheeting
0:20:45 > 0:20:48'and going about and all the crew were at their stations.
0:20:51 > 0:20:59- 'And so, at precisely 7.11, the race began.'- Three, two, one...
0:20:59 > 0:21:02HORN BLARES
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Go! Come on!
0:21:07 > 0:21:09We're racing, we're going. Go, boys.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Deploy whenever ready.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16Power!
0:21:20 > 0:21:23This is not simply a race between a sailing boat
0:21:23 > 0:21:25and a little blue hatchback.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28I am on a mission from God,
0:21:28 > 0:21:32because the world has got it into its head that wind power is
0:21:32 > 0:21:35the solution to everything, and I just don't think it is.
0:21:37 > 0:21:42Wind is just annoying. Internal combustion is good.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46'And at that moment, it looked like I may have had a point.'
0:21:49 > 0:21:53- The wrong sail.- What?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56When you say the wrong sail, where is the other sail?
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- It's right in front of us. - In that bag?
0:21:59 > 0:22:02'With the sails having to be swapped over quickly,
0:22:02 > 0:22:05'the crew got very shouty with me.'
0:22:05 > 0:22:07James, pull that rope.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12James, what are you doing there? Get in and help.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Ah!
0:22:14 > 0:22:17'The boat was stationary, just 200 metres from the start line.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20'Things were looking good... for Jeremy.'
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Oh, wow, big one.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28It was PJ O'Rourke, the American author,
0:22:28 > 0:22:32who first noticed that hire cars are the fastest cars in the world,
0:22:32 > 0:22:35and he is, of course, completely correct.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41Because when was the last time you took your car to the red line?
0:22:41 > 0:22:45Or you drove it flat out? Never.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49But here, in this, now, yes, because it isn't mine.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Speed!
0:22:59 > 0:23:01'Back at sea, the new sail was up,
0:23:01 > 0:23:03'but we still weren't going fast enough.'
0:23:05 > 0:23:1012 knots, which is about 14mph in car terms.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14That's not bad, but at that rate, it would take us 15 hours.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16That's no good.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19'Despite the gravel roads, I was going quite a lot faster.'
0:23:23 > 0:23:27100km/h right there, into fourth.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Maybe going a little too fast there,
0:23:33 > 0:23:35but it's not my car so it doesn't matter.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39I just feel so sorry for James - he's on a boat, he's not
0:23:39 > 0:23:42going to see anything of New Zealand,
0:23:42 > 0:23:43the prettiest country in the
0:23:43 > 0:23:45w... Aaaagh!
0:23:50 > 0:23:51I hit something.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57'After its wonky start,
0:23:57 > 0:24:01'the boat was finally starting to stretch its legs.'
0:24:01 > 0:24:04How fast are we going? 25 knots, that's tremendous.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06We're about eight miles from the shore
0:24:06 > 0:24:10so we've got 200 miles to run.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14'This speed, however, did have its downsides.'
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Oh!
0:24:19 > 0:24:21What's my rank on this trip, skipper?
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Am I the coxswain or the bosun or Roger the cabin boy?
0:24:24 > 0:24:27- Right now, you're the cabin boy. - Cabin boy.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30That would be all right if you had a cabin.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Its accident report form.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37"Was Avis vehicle on correct side of the road?"
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Yes, I was. "Explain how accident occurred."
0:24:40 > 0:24:42A maniac came the other way.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47"State who, in your opinion, was responsible for the accident."
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Him! Him! He was mad.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Right, onwards.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01OK, three, two, one, gybing.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Ooh! Ow!
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Come on, James, put some effort in.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15This is so catastrophically uncomfortable as a way to travel.
0:25:21 > 0:25:27'The £65-a-day hire car and the £700,000 boat hunkered down
0:25:27 > 0:25:29'and pressed on.'
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Tarmac, white lines.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55- We've covered 36 miles. - 36?- Course is 310.
0:25:59 > 0:26:05'Imagining that I was well in the lead, I pulled over to call James.'
0:26:05 > 0:26:10- Hello?- James May.- Yes, hello? - What speed are you doing?
0:26:10 > 0:26:14We've been cracking along at 23 knots-plus at some points -
0:26:14 > 0:26:16it goes like stink.
0:26:16 > 0:26:2123 knots, wow! Is it exhausting?
0:26:21 > 0:26:24No, I want to say it's bloody uncomfortable and unpleasant,
0:26:24 > 0:26:27but Sir Ben Ainslie is sitting next to me, so I can't really say that.
0:26:27 > 0:26:31Can you congratulate him for how good he was in both Gandhi
0:26:31 > 0:26:33and Sexy Beast?
0:26:34 > 0:26:37'At this point, the producers showed me a tracking device that
0:26:37 > 0:26:41'revealed where James actually was.' Oh, my giddy aunt!
0:26:41 > 0:26:46That can't be right. According to this, you're miles ahead of me.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- Are you still talking to me? I can't hear you.- Holy cow!
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Get off the phone, I'm busy.
0:26:53 > 0:26:54Hello?
0:26:56 > 0:27:00'James was 170 miles from the finish line, whereas I,
0:27:00 > 0:27:03'because of the unique way New Zealand is shaped,
0:27:03 > 0:27:08'was still heading in the wrong direction, with 340 miles to go.'
0:27:11 > 0:27:13What if I lose this race, people?
0:27:13 > 0:27:17If you're campaigning now to stop the government building
0:27:17 > 0:27:202,500 windmills in your back garden to provide you
0:27:20 > 0:27:23with enough electricity for the pump in your fish tank
0:27:23 > 0:27:26and I lose this, I can only apologise.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29I'm trying to help you out here, but I'm losing.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32And I'm losing badly.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51I'm actually losing.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53And I don't like losing.
0:27:54 > 0:27:59No... That boat is like being on a trampoline
0:27:59 > 0:28:02that's on a trampoline while somebody throws buckets
0:28:02 > 0:28:05of salty water in your face and then dries you off with a blowtorch.
0:28:05 > 0:28:06I know what you mean.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09On those gravel roads, the bumpiness in that car.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11No, Jeremy, you don't know what I mean.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14I just wanted to hit a mine, I wanted it to be over.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Well, we'll find out what happens later on, OK?
0:28:17 > 0:28:18But now, it is time
0:28:18 > 0:28:24to introduce to you all a brand-new reasonably priced car.
0:28:24 > 0:28:25The old Kia Cee'd has been retired,
0:28:25 > 0:28:28probably sold to a little old lady as an ex-demonstrator.
0:28:28 > 0:28:32Low mileage. And this is what shall replace it.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34This is a big moment, ladies and gentlemen.
0:28:34 > 0:28:35The unveiling of what is, after all,
0:28:35 > 0:28:38only our fourth reasonably priced car.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41And so...
0:28:41 > 0:28:43What do you think of that? Yeah!
0:28:43 > 0:28:45APPLAUSE
0:28:45 > 0:28:48It's drawn applause and I'm not surprised.
0:28:48 > 0:28:52Because, ladies and men, this is
0:28:52 > 0:28:53a Vauxhall Astra
0:28:53 > 0:28:561.6 Tech Line,
0:28:56 > 0:28:58built in Britain
0:28:58 > 0:29:01and available for £17,345.
0:29:01 > 0:29:05That may not sound like particularly good value
0:29:05 > 0:29:08but you need to know that the Astra Tech Line...
0:29:08 > 0:29:11Remember to go into your local radio voice here.
0:29:11 > 0:29:14..comes with...
0:29:14 > 0:29:16IMPORTANT VOICE: A lifetime warranty.
0:29:16 > 0:29:17LAUGHTER
0:29:17 > 0:29:19Now think about that.
0:29:19 > 0:29:20If you're 17
0:29:20 > 0:29:24and you live to be 95 or even 100...
0:29:24 > 0:29:25- A-ha.- What?
0:29:25 > 0:29:27No, it's the lifetime of the car.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29Not the owner. It's different.
0:29:29 > 0:29:31LAUGHTER
0:29:31 > 0:29:32The car?!
0:29:32 > 0:29:34It depends how long the car lives.
0:29:34 > 0:29:35It's going to be a lot shorter.
0:29:35 > 0:29:38- I don't know, it could be a long-lived car.- Well, whatever,
0:29:38 > 0:29:40we decided to launch it
0:29:40 > 0:29:43with a star-studded party.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49'We arrived at the track bright and early
0:29:49 > 0:29:53'so we could set up the catering and the hospitality.
0:29:53 > 0:29:57'And soon everything was ready for our distinguished guests.'
0:29:57 > 0:30:00We have invited literally everybody
0:30:00 > 0:30:02from the world of celebrity.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05President Carter, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Moira Stuart.
0:30:05 > 0:30:10I'll tell you who I've invited just for you, cos I know you like her...
0:30:10 > 0:30:13- Joss Stone.- Really?!- Yes!
0:30:13 > 0:30:15You'll be rubbish with her.
0:30:15 > 0:30:18Hammond is literally the world's worst human being at small talk.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21"Joss, would you like a tea bag?" See, I can do it.
0:30:21 > 0:30:24Small talk's really easy, Hammond.
0:30:24 > 0:30:25You just be interested in somebody else.
0:30:25 > 0:30:27That's where it falls down, you see.
0:30:27 > 0:30:31- You want to know, where do their kids go to school?- Why?
0:30:31 > 0:30:33- Where do they live?- Why?
0:30:33 > 0:30:36'My lesson in small talk was interrupted
0:30:36 > 0:30:38'by the arrival of our first guest -
0:30:38 > 0:30:41'Brian Johnson out of AC/DC.'
0:30:41 > 0:30:45Good to see you, me son, are you all right?
0:30:45 > 0:30:47How are you, mate, are you well?
0:30:47 > 0:30:49I'm doing good. Richard, me bonny lad.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51Nice to see you. How are you?
0:30:51 > 0:30:54I'm fit as a butcher's dog. And you've got a new car?
0:30:54 > 0:30:56Yeah, you are the very first person
0:30:56 > 0:31:00to drive the new Vauxhall Astra Tech Line.
0:31:00 > 0:31:03'Since this was the maiden voyage for our new car,
0:31:03 > 0:31:05'we decided to give it a bit of a sendoff.'
0:31:05 > 0:31:07This is it.
0:31:07 > 0:31:10Proud moment.
0:31:10 > 0:31:12A new reasonably priced car.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15We'll cut the ribbon, thanks to Brian Johnson!
0:31:15 > 0:31:19In...three, two, one - GO!
0:31:22 > 0:31:24It's got stuck in the car.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26You stupid idiot!
0:31:26 > 0:31:28- What tape have you used? - It didn't cut it.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30What happened? Sorry, Brian.
0:31:30 > 0:31:32You back up, Brian.
0:31:32 > 0:31:34Edit this out.
0:31:34 > 0:31:39In three, two, one...GO!
0:31:40 > 0:31:43OK, come on, little boy.
0:31:43 > 0:31:45Let's get this little puppy round it.
0:31:45 > 0:31:48'Whilst Brian pounded round the track...
0:31:50 > 0:31:52'..our next guest arrived.
0:31:52 > 0:31:54'Charles Dance out of Game Of Thrones.'
0:31:54 > 0:31:58Where's the other one, the third member of your team?
0:31:58 > 0:32:00He doesn't come down. He's interested mostly
0:32:00 > 0:32:03in classical harpsichord music, rather than...
0:32:03 > 0:32:06- Richard, that's disgusting coffee. - It is, thank you.- BLEEP- horrible.
0:32:06 > 0:32:07Thank you.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13- Come on, you- BLEEP- little- BLEEP.
0:32:14 > 0:32:16'With Brian busy enjoying himself,
0:32:16 > 0:32:19'I had plenty of time to quiz Tywin Lannister
0:32:19 > 0:32:21'about my favourite programme.'
0:32:21 > 0:32:23I assumed that you'd be with
0:32:23 > 0:32:26Tyrion Lannister and Lena Headey.
0:32:26 > 0:32:28Who else? Oh, Sansa.
0:32:28 > 0:32:31You have literally no idea what we're talking about, do you?
0:32:31 > 0:32:33Have you not watched it, Richard?
0:32:33 > 0:32:35- Yes!- You have?- No.
0:32:35 > 0:32:38'Before Richard could make any more conversational errors,
0:32:38 > 0:32:41'Brian came back to see how he'd got on.'
0:32:41 > 0:32:44When you were last here in the Chevrolet Lacetti,
0:32:44 > 0:32:46you did a 145.9.
0:32:46 > 0:32:47Right.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50In the Vauxhall Astra Tech Line...
0:32:50 > 0:32:51With lifetime warranty.
0:32:51 > 0:32:55..145...
0:32:55 > 0:32:57- Oh...- ..one.
0:32:57 > 0:33:01- Oh, brilliant!- You're faster than you were before. Where...?
0:33:03 > 0:33:04- There.- Yeah.
0:33:04 > 0:33:07Brian Johnson...
0:33:07 > 0:33:10He doesn't know what to say!
0:33:10 > 0:33:12'With a target to aim for,
0:33:12 > 0:33:15'the Hand of the King set off.'
0:33:15 > 0:33:18OK. Come on, Charlie.
0:33:18 > 0:33:21'And whilst he was on the track, one of Hammond's guests arrived -
0:33:21 > 0:33:23'actor Warwick Davis.'
0:33:23 > 0:33:26- Hello.- Hi, Jeremy.- How are you? - Good, thank you. How are you?
0:33:26 > 0:33:28Very well.
0:33:28 > 0:33:30Pedals.
0:33:30 > 0:33:32It's my extension pedals. For the car.
0:33:32 > 0:33:36- They go on the car.- You don't have something like this? - No, but I like the look of them.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38You have only got two.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41That's all you need, isn't it? Brake and accelerator.
0:33:41 > 0:33:43For an automatic, yeah. It's manual.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49Erm, we'll improvise.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54Nearly nobbled a cameraman.
0:33:56 > 0:33:57'Once Tywin had finished,
0:33:57 > 0:34:01'and we had his time on the lap board...'
0:34:01 > 0:34:04- 140...- Oh, heavens above!
0:34:04 > 0:34:06- ..eight...- Oh!- ..point eight.
0:34:06 > 0:34:10'Hammond and Warwick set off to make an extended clutch pedal.'
0:34:10 > 0:34:12I was going to do that.
0:34:12 > 0:34:15He's brought two pedals down.
0:34:15 > 0:34:20- But it's a manual.- Oh, problem!
0:34:20 > 0:34:21- Yeah.- Problem.
0:34:21 > 0:34:23I need to set a good lap time and how can I
0:34:23 > 0:34:26if this sort of disintegrates. "Is that his excuse?
0:34:26 > 0:34:29"It wasn't a very good time because his clutch pedal..."
0:34:29 > 0:34:32I'm not trying to give you excuses, I'm trying to give you
0:34:32 > 0:34:33a chance.
0:34:33 > 0:34:37Let me sit in there and push that. Let me push the Pringles.
0:34:38 > 0:34:41- OK.- Obviously, we need some sort of...
0:34:41 > 0:34:42Oh, hell.
0:34:42 > 0:34:45Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty low down here.
0:34:45 > 0:34:48But OK, so, let's just see,
0:34:48 > 0:34:50for argument's sake, if this is strong enough.
0:34:51 > 0:34:54- OK. It is strong enough.- Yeah.
0:34:54 > 0:34:57But I'm having to sort of steady it with my foot.
0:34:57 > 0:34:59You're doing very well.
0:34:59 > 0:35:02'Eventually, after much experimenting...'
0:35:02 > 0:35:06- More bread, yeah? - That goes behind you.
0:35:06 > 0:35:08I'm still too low.
0:35:09 > 0:35:12'..Warwick set off on his timed laps.'
0:35:12 > 0:35:15- I can't get in gear.- BLEEP!
0:35:15 > 0:35:18'Unfortunately, I couldn't be there to support him
0:35:18 > 0:35:20'because I'd been distracted.'
0:35:20 > 0:35:23- This is Richard.- Hello, Richard. - He fancies you.
0:35:23 > 0:35:25Nice to meet you!
0:35:25 > 0:35:27- I've got a badge for you here. - What's that?- That's your badge.
0:35:27 > 0:35:30- Oh, good, just in case.- Put that on.
0:35:30 > 0:35:34- Right, good. - I'll leave the two of you alone.- OK. - Just to get to know each other.
0:35:34 > 0:35:36- I can entertain you with my small talk.- OK.
0:35:36 > 0:35:38His small talk's not very good.
0:35:38 > 0:35:43- 'Completely oblivious to Warwick's peril...'- Oh, God!
0:35:43 > 0:35:45Oh, bloody hell! Oh!
0:35:45 > 0:35:47CAR SKIDS
0:35:47 > 0:35:52'..Mr Smalltalk had completely forgotten not go on about himself.'
0:35:54 > 0:35:58The important thing is not to panic, cos everyone thinks helicopters
0:35:58 > 0:36:01- will just fall out the sky if the engine fails. They won't.- Right.
0:36:01 > 0:36:04I've had to land a couple of times for things.
0:36:04 > 0:36:06- Without engines?- Yup.
0:36:06 > 0:36:07Lot of skill involved.
0:36:09 > 0:36:14You have to be good. There's only so many people have helicopter licences.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20Oh, God! Aagh!
0:36:20 > 0:36:22Hell, bloody hell! Ooh!
0:36:22 > 0:36:25'As Warwick went off yet again, Jimmy Carr arrived.'
0:36:25 > 0:36:27- You all right? - Very well, how are you?
0:36:27 > 0:36:28Very nice to see you.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31- It's got your name on it.- Lovely. That, my friend, is teeth whitening.
0:36:31 > 0:36:35- I don't know what you've had done. - Oh!- That's how that's done.
0:36:37 > 0:36:41Hot on Jimmy's heels was world heavyweight champion David Haye,
0:36:41 > 0:36:44who made a beeline for the boxing machine.
0:36:45 > 0:36:46Ooh!
0:36:46 > 0:36:48Oh, no!
0:36:48 > 0:36:51- Ooh...- What does it say?
0:36:51 > 0:36:55- A new record, ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much.- Well done!
0:36:55 > 0:36:58'With Richard sulking at the attention David was
0:36:58 > 0:37:00'getting from Joss, I had a go.'
0:37:00 > 0:37:01Oh!
0:37:01 > 0:37:05- Ooh!- You styled it out, you styled it out.
0:37:05 > 0:37:07You looked totally cool.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09Yes!
0:37:09 > 0:37:13'Having finally mastered Hammond's terrible DIY, Warwick had
0:37:13 > 0:37:15'managed to bang in a lap time.'
0:37:15 > 0:37:19You did it in 140...
0:37:21 > 0:37:23- ..six...- Oh!- ..eight.
0:37:23 > 0:37:26- Slap bang in the middle. - Pleased with that?
0:37:26 > 0:37:29You are faster than the Hand of the King.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37SHE SINGS
0:37:37 > 0:37:39'Whilst Joss was out on the track,
0:37:39 > 0:37:42'a girl that Jeremy has a soft spot for arrived.'
0:37:42 > 0:37:44Rachel Riley off Countdown.
0:37:44 > 0:37:46Wasn't expecting that. Hello!
0:37:46 > 0:37:48- Hello!- I'm Jeremy.- I'm Rachel.
0:37:48 > 0:37:50- Good to meet you, how are you? - Good, thank you.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53- Can I get you anything? - Hi, Rachel, I'm Richard.
0:37:53 > 0:37:55Richard Hammond is extremely busy at the moment.
0:37:55 > 0:37:56I'm going over here.
0:37:56 > 0:38:01'When Rachel saw the barbecue, she claimed she was a vegetarian.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04'So I decided to make her some fish.'
0:38:04 > 0:38:06I just need to come in here.
0:38:06 > 0:38:08You really are squeezing in.
0:38:08 > 0:38:11- I know, I just need to come in. Do you like sushi?- I love sushi.
0:38:11 > 0:38:13Excellent, I'll just...
0:38:13 > 0:38:15- Shall I, erm...?- Yeah. - Brilliant.- Yeah.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17- ..go and...?- Yeah. - Are you a trained sushi chef?- Yeah.
0:38:17 > 0:38:20Oh, I've got soy sauce all over me.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23- Yeah, you have. - Thanks. Sorry, Richard. Sorry.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26'Making the sushi required a lot of care.'
0:38:26 > 0:38:27There we go.
0:38:27 > 0:38:30'But the results were worth it.'
0:38:32 > 0:38:33Yes.
0:38:35 > 0:38:37It's like a bush tucker trial, this.
0:38:39 > 0:38:42Do not brake on this corner! OK... Argh!
0:38:42 > 0:38:47'With her laps completed, Hammond insisted that he should put Joss's
0:38:47 > 0:38:48'time on the board.'
0:38:48 > 0:38:50Ten years, we've done this show.
0:38:50 > 0:38:53- Yup.- How many times have you done that?- Loads.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55- Never.- I often do this bit of the show.
0:38:55 > 0:38:57Go on, then.
0:38:57 > 0:39:01Joss, I've got your time written down over here.
0:39:01 > 0:39:03For his sake, I hope it's not the fastest time
0:39:03 > 0:39:05cos he ain't getting it up there, is he?
0:39:05 > 0:39:07Oh, from you(!)
0:39:07 > 0:39:10THEY LAUGH
0:39:10 > 0:39:12- I love it!- Nice(!)
0:39:12 > 0:39:14Even from Warwick!
0:39:14 > 0:39:17So, you want to beat the man from that thing.
0:39:17 > 0:39:19- The Hand of the King. - That's the fella.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22- Right.- How fast did he do it?
0:39:22 > 0:39:24I'm getting to it!
0:39:24 > 0:39:26How fast did Joss do it?
0:39:26 > 0:39:28HE did it in 1.48 - it says on the bloody board!
0:39:28 > 0:39:31- I can't read it from over there!- 1.48.8
0:39:31 > 0:39:33- You did it in...- Yeah.
0:39:33 > 0:39:36..1.48...
0:39:36 > 0:39:38- Oh!- ..point...
0:39:38 > 0:39:40Oh, no! Oh, God!
0:39:40 > 0:39:42Don't say "nine".
0:39:42 > 0:39:43Nine!
0:39:43 > 0:39:45Oh, no!
0:39:45 > 0:39:47Oh, shit!
0:39:47 > 0:39:50- Get out of that one, Hammond. - Oh, no, that's so sad!
0:39:50 > 0:39:53No, Joss, that was... Oh!
0:39:55 > 0:39:57Come on, my son!
0:39:57 > 0:40:00'As David Haye set about pummelling the Astra Tech Line...'
0:40:00 > 0:40:02SKIDDING SOUNDS
0:40:02 > 0:40:06'..Hammond's day got even worse.'
0:40:06 > 0:40:08Look who it is.
0:40:08 > 0:40:09Who's that?
0:40:09 > 0:40:12Mike Rutherford, out of Genesis.
0:40:12 > 0:40:14Hammond... Hammond?
0:40:14 > 0:40:16Hammond?!
0:40:16 > 0:40:18Hammond?! Mike!
0:40:18 > 0:40:20- How are you?- Very well. How are you? - I'm very good.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22- It's good to see you. - Where's the team?
0:40:22 > 0:40:24- Where's Richard?- Richard?
0:40:24 > 0:40:27Yeah. That's odd. He was here a minute ago.
0:40:27 > 0:40:30'Because I have occasionally said
0:40:30 > 0:40:33'some unkind things about Genesis on Top Gear,
0:40:33 > 0:40:36'I decided to look for something on the floor
0:40:36 > 0:40:38'and let Jeremy handle the chat stuff.'
0:40:38 > 0:40:41- Are you recording at the moment? - I'm doing some Mike & The Mechanics.
0:40:41 > 0:40:43Oh, brilliant!
0:40:43 > 0:40:45'Jeremy's chat was then interrupted
0:40:45 > 0:40:47'because Dainty David had finished.'
0:40:49 > 0:40:52You did 146.8. David Haye,
0:40:52 > 0:40:54you did 146.7.
0:40:54 > 0:40:55ALL: Oh!
0:40:55 > 0:40:57Put it there.
0:40:57 > 0:41:00A tenth of a second faster.
0:41:00 > 0:41:03'With Mike Rutherford out in the car...'
0:41:03 > 0:41:05Avoid the cameraman over there.
0:41:05 > 0:41:06I'm doing it.
0:41:06 > 0:41:09'..Hammond suddenly re-emerged.'
0:41:10 > 0:41:12Where have you been?!
0:41:12 > 0:41:13I had something to do.
0:41:13 > 0:41:16If you're just hiding from him, he's one of the nicest people...
0:41:16 > 0:41:18- Is he not one of the nicest men...? - He is really sweet.
0:41:18 > 0:41:21He's one of the top-three guys in Genesis.
0:41:21 > 0:41:23I want to know if Mike can do a lap faster...
0:41:23 > 0:41:26- Than one of his tracks.- No!
0:41:26 > 0:41:28- No!- Sorry.
0:41:28 > 0:41:32'As it turned out, Hammond wasn't far off.'
0:41:36 > 0:41:40151...
0:41:40 > 0:41:43- ..point...- Not that you're happy!
0:41:43 > 0:41:47- Joss, that's not very ladylike. - Chuffed! Thank you.- ..five.
0:41:53 > 0:41:56Let's hope this is good.
0:41:58 > 0:42:01If I can keep it on the road that will help.
0:42:01 > 0:42:03'Because it had been several years
0:42:03 > 0:42:06'since Jimmy had driven a reasonably priced car,
0:42:06 > 0:42:09'we thought he might have mellowed.'
0:42:09 > 0:42:11SKIDDING NOISES
0:42:22 > 0:42:26I think I might have broken the car.
0:42:26 > 0:42:28I'd like to present you, Jimmy Carr...
0:42:28 > 0:42:29Grass on the front.
0:42:29 > 0:42:32- ..with these...- Thank you very much.
0:42:32 > 0:42:34You know the middle pedal?
0:42:34 > 0:42:36- There's the clutch and the accelerator.- Yes.
0:42:36 > 0:42:38There's one in-between them.
0:42:38 > 0:42:39I know, the footrest.
0:42:39 > 0:42:41One day we've had that, Jimmy!
0:42:41 > 0:42:42Do we have a jack?
0:42:42 > 0:42:44Warwick, you can lift things, right?
0:42:44 > 0:42:47I don't know what superpowers you people have,
0:42:47 > 0:42:48but can you lift it?
0:42:48 > 0:42:50THEY LAUGH
0:42:50 > 0:42:52You just referred to me as a "jack".
0:42:52 > 0:42:55'Before Jimmy got us taken off air,
0:42:55 > 0:42:57'we rushed him over to the lap board.'
0:42:57 > 0:42:59Where do you think you've come?
0:43:01 > 0:43:03I imagine I've beaten him.
0:43:03 > 0:43:05I know he does a lot of racing in his spare time.
0:43:05 > 0:43:08It's his hobby, but I think natural ability...tough to beat.
0:43:08 > 0:43:10145.1 to beat.
0:43:10 > 0:43:13You did a one...
0:43:13 > 0:43:1645.6.
0:43:16 > 0:43:19That's very well done.
0:43:19 > 0:43:21It's cost a car!
0:43:22 > 0:43:27'With the car eventually mended, our final guest set off.'
0:43:28 > 0:43:30Come on, reasonably priced car!
0:43:30 > 0:43:34'And Hammond took one last shot at impressing Joss.'
0:43:34 > 0:43:35- Ready?- Yeah.
0:43:35 > 0:43:37That's OK, it's fine.
0:43:37 > 0:43:39I can do it faster.
0:43:39 > 0:43:43- I can do this... Oh! - This is brilliant.
0:43:43 > 0:43:45I just wanted to check that was OK.
0:43:45 > 0:43:49- You didn't last very long. - I did this on a real sheep once.
0:43:51 > 0:43:53'At this point, Joss decided to leave.
0:43:54 > 0:43:57'Which meant Richard saw no point in staying, either.
0:43:59 > 0:44:02'That left me all alone with Rachel.'
0:44:02 > 0:44:04Ah!
0:44:04 > 0:44:08TYRES SCREECH
0:44:10 > 0:44:12Didn't break the car!
0:44:12 > 0:44:16So where do you think you've come?
0:44:16 > 0:44:19Definitely in this section. Definitely in this section.
0:44:19 > 0:44:21You did it, actually,
0:44:21 > 0:44:24in one...
0:44:24 > 0:44:26- 48...- Ah!
0:44:26 > 0:44:28..point five. So, actually, there you are,
0:44:28 > 0:44:31- faster than the Hand of the King. - Fastest woman!
0:44:31 > 0:44:35Whoo! I need something to calm down, some kind of sedative.
0:44:35 > 0:44:40'With our work done, we left the track in my helicopter.'
0:44:40 > 0:44:43- To the pub?- Pub?- Oh, yeah.
0:44:50 > 0:44:53APPLAUSE
0:44:53 > 0:44:55And there it is, the reasonably priced car,
0:44:55 > 0:44:58launched and ready for action!
0:45:00 > 0:45:03Anyway, tonight we are having a race,
0:45:03 > 0:45:06up the side of New Zealand from here to here.
0:45:06 > 0:45:10Yep, it's James in a £700,000 boat versus me
0:45:10 > 0:45:15in the fastest car in the world, a £65-a-day rented hatchback.
0:45:15 > 0:45:18When we left the action, I was here,
0:45:18 > 0:45:20and Jeremy was here.
0:45:20 > 0:45:22So I was winning.
0:45:22 > 0:45:25But I was very miserable.
0:45:40 > 0:45:42All power, hire car!
0:45:46 > 0:45:48Splash the caravan.
0:45:52 > 0:45:56'On board HMS Misery, life wasn't getting any better.'
0:45:57 > 0:46:01This is what I get to eat on the boat. A melted bar of chocolate...
0:46:04 > 0:46:07- ..and a bag of- BLEEP- nuts, and you'll have to beep that word.
0:46:08 > 0:46:14'Life in the car, now I was on tarmac roads, was much more comfortable.'
0:46:14 > 0:46:15Radio...
0:46:15 > 0:46:20MUSIC: "Always Take The Weather With You" by Crowded House
0:46:20 > 0:46:22Crowded House. Nice. Local band.
0:46:24 > 0:46:27Now, let's just try another radio station.
0:46:27 > 0:46:32MUSIC: "Always Take The Weather With You" by Crowded House
0:46:34 > 0:46:35Radio Three.
0:46:35 > 0:46:40MUSIC: "Always Take The Weather With You" by Crowded House
0:46:43 > 0:46:46'After 60 miles of Crowded House,
0:46:46 > 0:46:49'I was finally heading in the right direction.
0:46:49 > 0:46:52'But I was approaching the often crowded city of Auckland.'
0:46:54 > 0:46:59According to the tracking device, James is now 100 miles ahead of me.
0:47:01 > 0:47:04Dear God, let Auckland be clear.
0:47:09 > 0:47:11'Mercifully, it was.'
0:47:13 > 0:47:17I'm doing 120 kilometres an hour on a very smooth road.
0:47:19 > 0:47:21Coming to get you, James.
0:47:25 > 0:47:28'Out at sea, conditions were getting even worse.'
0:47:31 > 0:47:33Hold on, big fella! All right?
0:47:36 > 0:47:38'With the rough seas slowing us down,
0:47:38 > 0:47:41'I decided to use my sat phone to see where Jeremy was.'
0:47:41 > 0:47:44RINGING TONE
0:47:46 > 0:47:49- Oh! That's the end of that! - What's wrong?
0:47:49 > 0:47:53That tore it clean out of my hand. I just couldn't keep hold of it.
0:47:53 > 0:47:55BLEEP!
0:47:58 > 0:48:04Please! I'm on a mission from God!
0:48:04 > 0:48:06Go, go, go!
0:48:08 > 0:48:11Right, last chance with the radio.
0:48:11 > 0:48:13'Auckland on 90.2.'
0:48:13 > 0:48:17MUSIC: "Always Take The Weather With You" by Crowded House
0:48:21 > 0:48:25'Despite the conditions, the sailors were pushing the boat to the ragged edge.'
0:48:28 > 0:48:30BLEEP!
0:48:30 > 0:48:34Oh, that's a biggie. Whoa!
0:48:40 > 0:48:43Matty, you know this is bloody madness, mate.
0:48:43 > 0:48:46It's not too good at the moment.
0:48:47 > 0:48:51We've never sailed these things in these conditions before.
0:48:51 > 0:48:53Now you tell me.
0:48:53 > 0:48:5729 degrees, if we do go in, you have to hang on,
0:48:57 > 0:48:59because you're going to be breaking bones.
0:48:59 > 0:49:02So really, James, the best thing for you to do, mate, is hang on.
0:49:02 > 0:49:04Thank you.
0:49:06 > 0:49:07'In the little blue hatchback,
0:49:07 > 0:49:11'the news from the GPS tracking device was encouraging.'
0:49:13 > 0:49:20James May is now only 67 miles ahead. I'm catching him.
0:49:22 > 0:49:26But am I catching him fast enough? That's the big question.
0:49:27 > 0:49:30'I decided to take a shortcut,
0:49:30 > 0:49:32'even though it would mean leaving the tarmac
0:49:32 > 0:49:35'and using gravel roads instead.'
0:49:40 > 0:49:42This is going to save me 20 miles.
0:49:47 > 0:49:48Yeah!
0:49:51 > 0:49:55'My plan was working well, but then the gravel ran out.'
0:49:55 > 0:49:58There's no track! Oh!
0:50:03 > 0:50:05BLEEP!
0:50:07 > 0:50:11I wouldn't do this in my Mercedes, pretty certain of that.
0:50:13 > 0:50:18Oh, dear! I've run into the white cliffs of Dover, literally.
0:50:19 > 0:50:21'Still, could be worse.'
0:50:30 > 0:50:33- Sir Ben Ainslie, sir?- Yes.
0:50:33 > 0:50:35Please don't take this personally,
0:50:35 > 0:50:38but this is bloody purgatory!
0:50:38 > 0:50:40Can you imagine... Ow!
0:50:43 > 0:50:46'Meanwhile, I'd found a track.'
0:50:47 > 0:50:51This must take me back to the road.
0:50:52 > 0:50:54Oh, my God! Tractor!
0:50:55 > 0:50:57Ugh!
0:51:02 > 0:51:04- Sir Ben Ainslie, sir?- Yes!
0:51:04 > 0:51:07What happens if you need a slash on this boat?
0:51:07 > 0:51:09I think there's a bucket somewhere.
0:51:09 > 0:51:13Right. I might just piss myself.
0:51:15 > 0:51:17What is the point of sailing?
0:51:19 > 0:51:22'The track had indeed taken me back to the road,
0:51:22 > 0:51:24'but the accident with the tractor meant
0:51:24 > 0:51:27'I was no longer driving the fastest car in the world.'
0:51:27 > 0:51:30CAR RATTLES
0:51:34 > 0:51:36The noise is not good.
0:51:37 > 0:51:38It's not going to make it.
0:51:38 > 0:51:41It just is not going to make it.
0:51:41 > 0:51:44'So there was only one thing for it.'
0:51:46 > 0:51:50- Hi.- Good afternoon.- I've got a small problem with my car.
0:51:50 > 0:51:52There was a maniacal tractor driver
0:51:52 > 0:51:55who was doing 70 kilometres an hour, I swerved...
0:51:56 > 0:52:00'In a jiffy, the helpful hire car lady had me back in the race.'
0:52:02 > 0:52:04Now, in one important respect,
0:52:04 > 0:52:08this car is not the same as the one I started out with.
0:52:11 > 0:52:13But at the finish line,
0:52:13 > 0:52:17I suspect James will be so exhausted, he won't notice...
0:52:18 > 0:52:22..that I set off with a blue car and ended up with a red one.
0:52:24 > 0:52:29'And anyway, right now, I had bigger issues, because I was 100 miles
0:52:29 > 0:52:33'from the finish line and James was only 50 miles away.
0:52:33 > 0:52:36'To win, then, I'd have to go twice as fast.
0:52:39 > 0:52:43Nice, guv! Lovely work.
0:52:45 > 0:52:48Stay vigilant, though, boys! Stay on it!
0:52:48 > 0:52:51- Anything from Jeremy, where is he? - No idea. No comms.
0:52:54 > 0:52:58Come on! You've got the fastest car in the world - now use it.
0:53:05 > 0:53:0723 knots.
0:53:07 > 0:53:11OK! Three, two, one! Gybing!
0:53:14 > 0:53:19Come on, James, give us a hand! It's not a bloody love boat.
0:53:24 > 0:53:26Come on, Jeremy, concentrate, concentrate.
0:53:27 > 0:53:30Make every corner as crisp as you can. Come on!
0:53:39 > 0:53:41Just ticked over nine hours.
0:53:43 > 0:53:44I'm so sick of this.
0:53:47 > 0:53:49'What I really needed was a road with no corners.
0:53:52 > 0:53:54'And thanks to this wonderful country,
0:53:54 > 0:53:56'that's exactly what I found.'
0:54:00 > 0:54:02Yee-ha!
0:54:05 > 0:54:10This is called Ninety Mile Beach, because it is exactly...
0:54:10 > 0:54:1255 miles long.
0:54:12 > 0:54:14I don't understand that, either.
0:54:16 > 0:54:18What I do know and I do understand
0:54:18 > 0:54:22is that it is genuinely a public highway.
0:54:22 > 0:54:23It's a road.
0:54:27 > 0:54:33No traffic, no corners... James May - you have had it.
0:54:46 > 0:54:50'In the boat, we were about to go round the very top of New Zealand.'
0:54:55 > 0:54:56That is the cape there.
0:54:56 > 0:54:59Once we've rounded that, we think we'll have wind
0:54:59 > 0:55:02and a bit of tide with us, the water will be flat,
0:55:02 > 0:55:04then we've got about ten miles of pleasant sailing,
0:55:04 > 0:55:07like in Howards' Way.
0:55:09 > 0:55:11It can't come soon enough.
0:55:13 > 0:55:14Gah!
0:55:14 > 0:55:16Jesus.
0:55:21 > 0:55:22Bit wobbly there.
0:55:26 > 0:55:29Boys, just stay vigilant for this last six or seven miles.
0:55:29 > 0:55:31Not far to go.
0:55:38 > 0:55:41'I was now off Ninety Mile Beach.'
0:55:42 > 0:55:45Back on gravel. I wasn't expecting that.
0:55:50 > 0:55:54Come on, small red hatchback, whatever you are.
0:55:56 > 0:56:02I'm doing this now to uphold the honour of coal, gas and oil,
0:56:02 > 0:56:05the cornerstones of civilisation.
0:56:09 > 0:56:11- Is that our beach there?- Yeah.
0:56:12 > 0:56:16'The finish line was a chequered flag at the water's edge,
0:56:16 > 0:56:18'but to make my day even more miserable,
0:56:18 > 0:56:22'Sir Ben announced that the boat couldn't actually get there.'
0:56:22 > 0:56:27- You're going to have to jump off and swim ashore.- What? You're joking!
0:56:30 > 0:56:33There's now only five miles to go.
0:56:36 > 0:56:37OK, James.
0:56:41 > 0:56:44Don't lose it now. Do NOT lose it now!
0:56:45 > 0:56:48Go for it, James! Swim!
0:56:56 > 0:56:57Come on!
0:57:09 > 0:57:11CAR CLATTERS AND ENGINE REVS
0:57:11 > 0:57:13No! No!
0:57:14 > 0:57:16Come on! Please!
0:57:23 > 0:57:27Have I won? Have I won? Have I won?
0:57:27 > 0:57:31Oh, man in heaven! Oh, God!
0:57:31 > 0:57:34THEY CHEER
0:57:36 > 0:57:38Holy cow, have you seen your face?
0:57:39 > 0:57:43I was just about to conclude and say, we must now close down
0:57:43 > 0:57:46all coal and gas-powered power stations
0:57:46 > 0:57:48and switch immediately to wind power,
0:57:48 > 0:57:52because obviously it's better. But look what it does to you!
0:57:52 > 0:57:56It's brought me out in boils and sores and blindness.
0:57:56 > 0:58:00Did you have to use any of your insurance waiver forms?
0:58:00 > 0:58:03No, none at all. The car got here without a single scratch.
0:58:06 > 0:58:11- It was blue when you set off. - It wasn't.- Wasn't it? It was blue!
0:58:11 > 0:58:13- I would have sworn it was blue. - It was red...
0:58:13 > 0:58:16APPLAUSE
0:58:16 > 0:58:18Well done, James May.
0:58:20 > 0:58:26- Can I just say, that boat, the boat...- Oh, God, he's moaning again!
0:58:26 > 0:58:32But listen, it's £700,000, OK? You don't get a cabin.
0:58:32 > 0:58:36You don't even get a chair or a table or a radio or even a floor.
0:58:36 > 0:58:41- Yes, but James, you won. - I didn't win, Hammond, the crew won.
0:58:41 > 0:58:45All I did was not fall off for 12 hours.
0:58:45 > 0:58:48Well, anyway, the conclusion is that wind power is obviously great,
0:58:48 > 0:58:52but it does give you a face like a prostitute's front door.
0:58:52 > 0:58:54LAUGHTER
0:58:54 > 0:58:57And on that bombshell, it is time to end.
0:58:57 > 0:59:00Thank you so much for watching. See you next week. Good night.
0:59:00 > 0:59:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE