0:00:12 > 0:00:15Tonight... Richard drives a new Lamborghini.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17James and I go on a caravan holiday.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20And a rock god is in our Reasonably Priced Car.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:28 > 0:00:33Thank you, everybody! Hello! Hello and welcome. Thank you, everybody.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Thank you, thanks. Now...
0:00:40 > 0:00:461963 saw the birth of two things I'm not very interested in.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49The Porsche 911 and James May.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51LAUGHTER
0:00:51 > 0:00:55Apparently, however, there is now a new 911, which won't be new
0:00:55 > 0:00:58in any way at all, and James has been driving it.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Here it is. And I agree.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13In terms of appearance,
0:01:13 > 0:01:17it's changed rather less over the last 50 years than I have.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22The interior may be more ordered,
0:01:22 > 0:01:26and Porsche nerds will spot that it's a couple of inches longer.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30But to normal people, it looks just like another 911.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41In truth, though, this is all new.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44The body, for example, is now made from aluminium,
0:01:44 > 0:01:48which means it is much lighter - and lighter is good.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54The 3.8 litre flat-six engine has been upgraded.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02There's a new seven-speed manual gearbox.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Which is fantastic.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08And all new suspension, which does its job impeccably.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17For 50 years, Porsche have bloody-mindedly stuck with
0:02:17 > 0:02:21this daft idea of building a car with the engine at the back, but...
0:02:24 > 0:02:27..half a century of consistent fiddling around
0:02:27 > 0:02:30and they've made it work brilliantly.
0:02:30 > 0:02:35It's so good that it brought on a temporary attack of yobbishness.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37TYRES SQUEAL
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Turn in, give it a little squeeze of power.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Feel it all tighten up.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49How could you not like a 911?
0:02:52 > 0:02:55And that question brings me on to an important point.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Strange to say it, but this car has a big problem.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05And that problem is classic 911 enthusiasts.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09To them, this car is the work of Satan,
0:03:09 > 0:03:14and simply because it isn't an old 911. I'll give you a good example.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17This car has electric power steering,
0:03:17 > 0:03:20and, to be honest, I'm perfectly happy with it.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21So would you be, I'm sure.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23And if you put electric power steering
0:03:23 > 0:03:27on a Lamborghini or a Maserati, nobody would bat an eyelid.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32But on a 911, this simple technical development has turned
0:03:32 > 0:03:34the faithful into an angry, roaring mob,
0:03:34 > 0:03:39storming up from the village with pitchforks and blazing effigies,
0:03:39 > 0:03:40shouting, "Witchcraft!"
0:03:42 > 0:03:47What they actually want in a new 911 is a 911 that's new
0:03:47 > 0:03:49and yet not new.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51What they want is this...
0:03:56 > 0:03:59..the work of a small Californian company called Singer.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04This looks like an old 911,
0:04:04 > 0:04:09and some of its parts are indeed cherry-picked from past 911s.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12But the whole car is custom-built.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21And, where necessary, it's peppered with modern touches.
0:04:33 > 0:04:38The engine is another classic 911 3.8 litre flat-six.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43But this one has been fettled by Cosworth in California,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46and develops 360 horsepower.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49And a lovely buzz.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54Gets you in there.
0:04:54 > 0:04:59And although the body may look like it's come from a 1960s Porsche,
0:04:59 > 0:05:02almost all of it has been remodelled in carbon fibre.
0:05:04 > 0:05:10The result of that is that this 911 weighs 200 kilograms less
0:05:10 > 0:05:11than a new one.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18That's like taking a Harley Davidson out of the luggage compartment.
0:05:18 > 0:05:23So, yes, it is a tribute band, but it can rock like the original.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25No, better, actually.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32The precision on the steering - you didn't feel that,
0:05:32 > 0:05:36obviously, because you're not in here, but it's utterly intuitive.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Look, it's an old 911, it feels old,
0:05:39 > 0:05:43and then I get to the hammerhead, and the brakes are tremendous.
0:05:47 > 0:05:530-60 takes 4.5 seconds, and the top speed is 175 miles an hour.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57But, actually, in this car, those figures are irrelevant.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04The interesting thing is, they could've overdone this.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08I mean, it would be possible to put the turbo engine in this car,
0:06:08 > 0:06:11they could have made it ludicrously powerful, but they haven't.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15They've concentrated on the sensation of performance,
0:06:15 > 0:06:17the noise, the vibration, the feel of the steering.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19That's what actually matters.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24Before we go any further,
0:06:24 > 0:06:28you're probably wondering what all this excellence costs.
0:06:28 > 0:06:34Well, the bottom line is, it's a lot. Around £280,000, in fact.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Now, that is a lot of money for a car, I know.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44But, then again, £50,000 is a lot of money for one of those Dior
0:06:44 > 0:06:47couture dresses, until I learned that
0:06:47 > 0:06:52over 2,000 hours of immaculate handiwork goes into making it.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54It's the same with the car.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58The monks of this monastery of the 911 have prostrated themselves
0:06:58 > 0:07:02before their icon and anointed it with exquisite gifts.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14Each of these cars takes 4,000 man-hours to make.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18And each one features unique touches - like the rev counter
0:07:18 > 0:07:22in this one, that goes up to 11 as a tribute to Spinal Tap.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25What this is, in truth,
0:07:25 > 0:07:30is more than just the perfect bauble for the devoted 911 enthusiast.
0:07:32 > 0:07:37What this is... Well, it's a bit like the Eagle E-Type that
0:07:37 > 0:07:43Jeremy drove a few series back. It's a love letter to a car.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:07:58 > 0:07:59Can I just say...? Hold on a minute.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03That steering - what do you mean you're perfectly happy
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- with the electric steering on the new 911?- I don't think it matters.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10But the steering was the defining characteristic of any
0:08:10 > 0:08:13of the generations of 911. It's about how it feels.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- You said how the steering feels. - I know, you're right.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18You're talking about the little patter thing inside.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Well, I know what you mean. But it's better.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- But that means they've changed it. - Shut up!
0:08:25 > 0:08:28All 911s are exactly the same.
0:08:28 > 0:08:34- That's like saying all babies are the same.- They are! They are identical.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37And that one that Singer has modified, that is
0:08:37 > 0:08:40- completely different. - Oh, he's still going on about it.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42It's like a sort of 911 greatest hits.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44That's like a Showaddywaddy greatest hits!
0:08:44 > 0:08:46LAUGHTER
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Can we please stop talking about the 911?
0:08:49 > 0:08:51- Please, let's do the news, let's do the news.- OK.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54And now, it's time for the news.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Porsche has announced a new 911.
0:08:56 > 0:09:01- Oh, for crying out loud. I'm going. - Oh, this is going to be good!
0:09:01 > 0:09:05- It revs to 9,000rpm.- Shut up about your glorified Beetle!
0:09:05 > 0:09:08It's not a Beetle, it's a magnificent thing.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10That is going to be about £100,000, the end of this year,
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- it'll be here. It's going to be wonderful.- All right, all right.
0:09:13 > 0:09:14We'll move it on.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Now, there is a new Porsche 911.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17LAUGHTER
0:09:17 > 0:09:21This is the Turbo and the Turbo S.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Clues to identification begin with that...
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Wait a minute, wait a minute. Didn't Porsche say a while back
0:09:26 > 0:09:29they were never going to make another 911 Turbo?
0:09:29 > 0:09:32- Actually, they did in the '90s, they did say that.- Exactly.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35So, not only are they crap engineers, they're liars.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- You cannot level crap engineers at Porsche.- Yes, I can. Yes, I can.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42They haven't evolved.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44They had one idea and they just produced it
0:09:44 > 0:09:46year after year after year.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48You've got to move on. Look at this show...
0:09:50 > 0:09:51LAUGHTER
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Maybe we can edit that out. We'll edit that out.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02So, that's interesting.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06So, what you're saying is, Porsche had an idea and stuck with it,
0:10:06 > 0:10:08and I respect them for that.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11LAUGHTER
0:10:14 > 0:10:19Right, let's move onto proper news. Oh, now, yes. Bad news.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Mr Cameron has decided there should be a ban on internet pornography.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25What are you going to do?
0:10:26 > 0:10:30That means we will no longer be able to look at pictures like this.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31Wait a minute, is this wise?!
0:10:31 > 0:10:33LAUGHTER
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- He hasn't banned it yet. Have a look at this.- Oh, I see what you mean.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38- ALL:- Oooh.
0:10:38 > 0:10:43- That is strong pornography.- It is. - It's actually a one-off Lamborghini.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47- It's called the Selfish. - It's not called the Selfish.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49It is. It's called the Egoista. It's Italian for "selfish".
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Anyway, you won't be able to see that.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53And nor will you be able to see this.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57- In what way is that pornography? - Well, it's orange.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00The thing is - this is a true story, OK?
0:11:00 > 0:11:04A friend of mine has a website, and it has an orange backdrop.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08Now, in various offices and work places that have this porn filter
0:11:08 > 0:11:11on the internet, OK, orange is picked up as a skin tone -
0:11:11 > 0:11:14which, of course, it is in Cheshire, yeah?
0:11:14 > 0:11:18It's picked up, so it will just see that as a naked lady with
0:11:18 > 0:11:21a sort of vajazzle in the shape of a Renault badge.
0:11:21 > 0:11:22And then it won't let anyone see it.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26So Mr Cameron's porn filter is just going to stop us
0:11:26 > 0:11:28looking at things that are orange?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30- Yeah, David Dickinson's had it. - He's gone!
0:11:30 > 0:11:34I think it's a bit more sophisticated than that.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37I think it looks for words and things as well. On search engines.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- Certain words?- Obviously.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Volvo. They've had it.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Why?
0:11:43 > 0:11:45- Well, it's a bit close to... - Oh, I see!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47LAUGHTER
0:11:47 > 0:11:49What about Fuchs alloys?
0:11:49 > 0:11:52You're never going to be able to see a Fuchs alloy.
0:11:52 > 0:11:53- Bell helmets.- No.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55LAUGHTER
0:11:55 > 0:11:57You can't look at them.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59You know we were doing the Africa special last year,
0:11:59 > 0:12:03and I got my BMW stuck on that termite mound thing, and I said,
0:12:03 > 0:12:06"Right, James, you reverse onto me,
0:12:06 > 0:12:08"and Hammond tug me off from behind."
0:12:08 > 0:12:11LAUGHTER
0:12:11 > 0:12:15- I said that.- That won't be showing up on iPlayer.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17No, Mr Cameron, don't ban it.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Now, Ford has obviously decided the problem with modern cars
0:12:21 > 0:12:24is they don't have enough radiator grilles,
0:12:24 > 0:12:26so this is their new one, this is the EcoSport.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29It has one, two, three, four, five radiator grilles.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31It's only got a one-litre engine under there -
0:12:31 > 0:12:34it's going to need a blanket, it'll be draughty.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36It'll be shivering in a corner, "I'm cold!"
0:12:36 > 0:12:40- That massive car hasn't got a one-litre engine.- No, it's not massive.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44It looks it, but it's basically a Fiesta on stilts, it's a small car.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Can I just say, the thing that baffles me most
0:12:47 > 0:12:50about this car - I'm going to quote for you here, OK?
0:12:50 > 0:12:55It says, "As a first in Europe, the Ford's SYNC App Link system
0:12:55 > 0:12:59"will offer drivers voice control of mobile apps on the move,
0:12:59 > 0:13:02"including the music streaming service Spotify."
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Does anyone here have the first idea what any of that means?
0:13:07 > 0:13:11- Does anyone really know? What is it? - Spotify?- What is Spotify?
0:13:11 > 0:13:12It's a music streaming service,
0:13:12 > 0:13:16- so you can listen to music over the internet.- Any music?- Any music.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20So, if I were just driving along and I said "Roxanne", it would
0:13:20 > 0:13:25- play Roxanne?- Maybe.- Well, hang on, that's not going to work.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Because we know the voice recognition in cars is rubbish -
0:13:28 > 0:13:31it never works, does it? So, if you just say, "The Police",
0:13:31 > 0:13:33it will probably actually ring the police.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34LAUGHTER
0:13:34 > 0:13:36No, it will! It will, it will!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Because this car's got a feature on it that if you have an accident
0:13:39 > 0:13:43or get into problems, it calls the emergency services for you.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Well, that's just a recipe for disaster.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48You'll be sitting there going, "Right, get the fire brigade,"
0:13:48 > 0:13:49and it would play The Move!
0:13:49 > 0:13:52# Get the fire brigade Get the fire brigade! #
0:13:52 > 0:13:55"I'm in trouble, help!" # I need somebody, help! #
0:13:55 > 0:13:58What a terrible way to die, trapped in your car,
0:13:58 > 0:14:01listening to all the embarrassing rubbish on your iPod.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Now, can I just say something?
0:14:05 > 0:14:09As we know, the heatwave ended spectacularly in Britain on Tuesday.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Many storms, we've got some pictures of the aftermath here.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14I'm not gloating, but call me Noah.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19I mean, this guy, with his BMW, very proud of it,
0:14:19 > 0:14:22but at that moment he's thinking, "I wish I had that hover van."
0:14:23 > 0:14:25I told you!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Now, a couple of weeks ago,
0:14:27 > 0:14:30we drove across Spain in three budget supercars.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Lamborghini then got in touch and said they'd built one too.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Better still, they invited me over to Italy to drive it.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53So, here we are.
0:14:55 > 0:15:00Budget car, Lamborghini style. The Aventador Roadster.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05As you'd expect from Lamborghini,
0:15:05 > 0:15:09it's basically a roofless wedge of ginormous numbers.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12700 horsepower.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17217 miles an hour, 6.5 litre V12.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21£289,000. The only small number?
0:15:21 > 0:15:250-60 - three seconds. You get where I'm going.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33It also handles beautifully, easily as sharp as the hardtop.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37But I'm not going to spend my time today doing a big,
0:15:37 > 0:15:41technical assessment of this car's driving dynamics and such,
0:15:41 > 0:15:45because what I'm interested in is why this car perfectly sums up
0:15:45 > 0:15:48what's so special about Lamborghini.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00You see, most sports car companies,
0:16:00 > 0:16:03a lot of their appeal comes down to their heritage.
0:16:03 > 0:16:08Cars named after famous race tracks, famous races -
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Mille Miglia, Lamont, and the like.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13But Lamborghini has never bothered with any of that.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17Their mission has always been to make the best bedroom wall poster
0:16:17 > 0:16:21subjects in the world - always looking forward.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Never back.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Look at this thing. It's just pure theatre.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Everything is dialled up to 11.
0:16:29 > 0:16:34It brings out the nine-year-old inside every 40-year-old.
0:16:34 > 0:16:3643... 38.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Middle-aged. Early middle-aged man.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45What's really astonishing is they've been pulling off this trick
0:16:45 > 0:16:48for 50 years now.
0:16:48 > 0:16:53That's five decades of unleashing unique, flamboyant machines,
0:16:53 > 0:16:57each more outrageous than the last.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04The thing is, that's kind of a high risk strategy, cos how do
0:17:04 > 0:17:10you keep doing extreme, year after year after year, for 50 years?
0:17:10 > 0:17:12What do you come up with next?
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Well, let's find out what, shall we?
0:17:15 > 0:17:19Because, in truth, this isn't the car they rang us about.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23The car they rang us about makes this look dull.
0:17:45 > 0:17:50It's called the Sesto Elemento, Italian for "sixth element".
0:17:50 > 0:17:55And in the periodic table, that sixth element is carbon, which is
0:17:55 > 0:17:59no coincidence, because this thing is made from little else.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01The prop shaft, the suspension -
0:18:01 > 0:18:05even the wheel rims are all forged from carbon.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11And the body is made from a revolutionary blend of plastic
0:18:11 > 0:18:15and carbon, jointly developed by Lamborghini and Boeing.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Such an extreme car deserves an extreme location.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Which is why we've returned to the fearsome Imola racetrack.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Right. Last time I was here, I was in a Noble M600,
0:18:36 > 0:18:40which, as we know, is no slouch.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42ENGINE REVS
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Let's give it a shot. Three...
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Let's just do it.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52It's different! That's what it is!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11It's super fast.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14God, it nearly wheelies.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20The reason it's so fast is not only
0:19:20 > 0:19:24because it's powered by a 570 horsepower V10,
0:19:24 > 0:19:27but also because, despite that massive engine,
0:19:27 > 0:19:29and a full four-wheel-drive system,
0:19:29 > 0:19:32it weighs less than a Ford Fiesta.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37That means 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43The same as a Veyron.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Holy moly!
0:19:46 > 0:19:51Now, there are other supercars that are fast because they're light.
0:19:53 > 0:19:58But no car is as extreme as this in the pursuit of shedding weight.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03The Sesto Elemento doesn't even have paint.
0:20:03 > 0:20:08Instead, its colour comes from flecks of crystal embedded in the bodywork.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12And there's more.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16These seats, they're not actually seats, they've just made these pads
0:20:16 > 0:20:19in a seat shape and stuck them directly onto the chassis.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22And the dashboard, there isn't one.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Instead you get this exposed carbon plastic composite
0:20:25 > 0:20:30but what I love is the way they've done all this brutal simplicity
0:20:30 > 0:20:33and weight-saving in an Italian way.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34It's beautiful.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37This central spar looks like it belongs in a modern art gallery.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Yet despite its many unique qualities,
0:20:48 > 0:20:53the Sesto Elemento does share one thing with other high-end sports cars.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Its ability to empty your bank account.
0:20:57 > 0:21:03I think Lamborghini has learned from Porsche the art of charging more for less.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06So this thing, with its missing dashboard and seats, is,
0:21:06 > 0:21:08wait for it,
0:21:08 > 0:21:10£1.95 million.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17However, there's no time to be shocked by that
0:21:17 > 0:21:23because right now I'm in a £2 million hyper car and I've got Imola all to myself.
0:21:29 > 0:21:34That moment when it turns in, it changes direction, it turns like a swallow.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Because it's light, you can brake so late
0:21:38 > 0:21:44and because it's light it can turn so hard without tearing its own tyres off.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46And because it's light, when you get out of the turn
0:21:46 > 0:21:50the 570-brake horsepower V10 just catapults it.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05People talk about being at one with the car.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09I've grown a car out of my hands and feet.
0:22:10 > 0:22:15Operating the steering is just a joyous experience!
0:22:18 > 0:22:22It's the most alive thing I've ever driven. It's beautiful.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Absolutely dazzling.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37And when you've finished, you can get out and remind yourself you've
0:22:37 > 0:22:40been driving something that looks like this.
0:22:42 > 0:22:47I've said for some time that Pagani have been stealing Lamborghini's crown
0:22:47 > 0:22:51when it comes to making the best bedroom wall poster car
0:22:51 > 0:22:55but I think the new boys have just been slapped down.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12It's amazing.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15When you say it's light. Have you seen the windscreen?
0:23:17 > 0:23:20That is how light this thing is. That's not even glass.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23It was electrifying to drive because if you think,
0:23:23 > 0:23:26most supercars are broadly the same.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29This just felt different. It feels like the future.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32I took it for a spin this morning, as, you know...
0:23:32 > 0:23:37And what I loved about it is because it's just a Gallardo underneath, it's not intimidating.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40It's just fantastically fast without being terrifying.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42It nimble and sharp, it's beautiful.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Anyway, we must now find out how fast it goes around our track
0:23:46 > 0:23:50and that means handing it over to our tame racing driver.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54Some say he's married to one of Princess Anne's hats.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59And that he spent all week standing outside a hospital in London
0:23:59 > 0:24:03pretending to be Nicholas Witchell.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05All we know he is he's called The Stig.
0:24:07 > 0:24:12And away he goes. No weight so it takes off like a housefly.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16Coming up to the first corner, shunting power backwards here
0:24:16 > 0:24:21to drive it through maintaining grip. That's controlled.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25No stereo so no TV theme tunes mercifully.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29A wiggle through Chicago.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33Listen to that noise, it's spectacular.
0:24:33 > 0:24:38Will it understeer or oversteer? No, it won't do either of them.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41A bit of a bounce. Stig is really on it today.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49Right, follow-through. All 570-horsepower unleashed here.
0:24:49 > 0:24:54A bit of a drift. Steady on, Stig. Wait, he's gone!
0:24:54 > 0:25:01He's gone, he's lost it. And he's on the grass. Oh, my giddy aunt!
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Ooh, now that is a surprise.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07That's only the second time he's ever spun off here.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11But he did eventually complete a lap and I have the time here.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15This is where the normal Gallardo got.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18But because this is a little bit lighter, it's quick.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Faster than that.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27Is it faster than the Bugatti Veyron?
0:25:27 > 0:25:30- Yes, it is.- No way! You're not...
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Wow! That is amazing!
0:25:37 > 0:25:39APPLAUSE
0:25:39 > 0:25:42That's what happens when you lose weight.
0:25:43 > 0:25:44So, that...
0:25:47 > 0:25:52That is where it goes on our board and now it goes on the floor.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55No, it must. Sorry because you can't drive that on the road.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58The board is for road cars only. Those are the rules.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02Absolutely, and now we must move on to the film Armageddon.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06Ever since I saw that, I've wanted to get the actress
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Liv Tyler to appear in the Reasonably Priced Car.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11I have nagged and nagged
0:26:11 > 0:26:15and finally last week she agreed... to send her dad.
0:26:15 > 0:26:16LAUGHTER
0:26:16 > 0:26:20Apparently he's the singer in a band called Aerosmith.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Liv Tyler's dad.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26APPLAUSE
0:26:39 > 0:26:43I would have preferred your daughter but you'll do. Have a seat.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47- You'll do.- I love you too!
0:26:47 > 0:26:49They're happy.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53Now, yesterday we were trying to get hold of you
0:26:53 > 0:26:57and we were told by your people that you were walking round Stonehenge
0:26:57 > 0:27:01with the son of God, or, as we sometimes call him, David Icke.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05No, David Icke is quite the character
0:27:05 > 0:27:08and I wanted to find out what it was all about so I called him up
0:27:08 > 0:27:11and said, "Will you take me around Stonehenge and show me around
0:27:11 > 0:27:13"so I can feel the energy of the place?"
0:27:13 > 0:27:17I would have taken you around Silverstone - it would have been more fun.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21- I'd have to check into rehab again with you!- Yeah, you would.
0:27:21 > 0:27:26- Are you ever in the UK often?- Not as much as I wish I was. Not as much.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28The band plays here and then we are on tour
0:27:28 > 0:27:30and we take off and go other places.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34In the early days, you went around pretending to be Mick Jagger, as I understand.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Oh, jeez, that was 1967.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Actually I pretended to be his brother
0:27:39 > 0:27:42because someone said, "Are you Mick Jagger?" and I said, "No,
0:27:42 > 0:27:46"I'm his brother." And they believed me.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48They chased me down the beach
0:27:48 > 0:27:54and I got my first hit of what it must be like to be a rock star. And I loved it.
0:27:54 > 0:27:59Now, from what I understand, unusually, you're not here
0:27:59 > 0:28:01because you're promoting something or a new album,
0:28:01 > 0:28:05- you came over because you wanted to drive our Vauxhall Astra.- I did.
0:28:05 > 0:28:10- On Top Gear.- I did. My Hennessey Venom was very jealous.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14You have a Hennessey Venom. Does anyone here know what that is?
0:28:15 > 0:28:19There's nodding going on. In essence it is a Lotus Exige.
0:28:19 > 0:28:23It is, stretched out and it's the fastest road car there is right now.
0:28:23 > 0:28:29I thought it hadn't quite beaten the Bugatti Veyron for the ultimate top speed.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32It was 265 miles an hour, did the Venom reach?
0:28:32 > 0:28:36- I think it beat all the records in two miles. - Oh, in two miles...
0:28:36 > 0:28:40We've got some footage here of this car doing this record.
0:28:40 > 0:28:43You really need to see this. Here we go.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51That's me on Sunset Strip!
0:28:53 > 0:28:55To be brutally honest, from that, which is impressive,
0:28:55 > 0:28:57we don't get much of an idea of what the car looks like
0:28:57 > 0:29:01so we've got a still of it so we can have a look. Are they sandals?
0:29:01 > 0:29:05- They are.- With socks. - With socks.- That's right.
0:29:05 > 0:29:07LAUGHTER
0:29:07 > 0:29:12There's a motorcycle you've got called a Confederate Hellcat.
0:29:12 > 0:29:18- I mean... Phenomenal looking thing. Have you ridden it?- Oh, yeah.
0:29:18 > 0:29:22You've got to hold onto the handlebars for dear life.
0:29:22 > 0:29:25Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
0:29:26 > 0:29:28The Spinal Tap mentality.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31- And you have a Lotus Seven as well, don't you?- I have a Super Seven.
0:29:31 > 0:29:32One of the first things I got.
0:29:32 > 0:29:36That I get in every spring with my son and crank Brian...
0:29:36 > 0:29:38has the top speed, does he?
0:29:38 > 0:29:41- From AC/DC?- Brian Johnson? Yeah.
0:29:41 > 0:29:46Every spring I get in the car with my son, bom, dun, un, un...
0:29:46 > 0:29:48Dun, un, unt....
0:29:48 > 0:29:53So, if you're driving around in that with AC/DC blaring out,
0:29:53 > 0:29:56don't people go, "I'm sure that's the guy from Aerosmith"?
0:29:57 > 0:30:00It's like me drumming along watching Fifth Gear.
0:30:02 > 0:30:06Presumably you can't remember what you were driving in the '80s?
0:30:06 > 0:30:08LAUGHTER
0:30:08 > 0:30:13- A Porsche.- You think?- No, I know. - Were you able to drive it ever?
0:30:13 > 0:30:16Hell, yeah. I just held one eye.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Because you did a lot of spells in rehab.
0:30:19 > 0:30:24Yeah, when you are in a band that still working it's
0:30:24 > 0:30:27kind of like living on the tail of a comet and when you
0:30:27 > 0:30:31are used to the curtain falling at Madison Square Garden there is
0:30:31 > 0:30:37a certain energy that you don't get playing ping-pong after the show.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39You want to go back with the twins
0:30:39 > 0:30:42and drink yourself under the table.
0:30:42 > 0:30:45We're not at the watershed yet!
0:30:45 > 0:30:48With some twins and play table tennis with them.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51And is Aerosmith coming back, will we be seeing Aerosmith?
0:30:51 > 0:30:55We're on tour right now. We just did Singapore for the first time
0:30:55 > 0:30:59- and we are off to Japan, China and South America so we are out.- Really?
0:30:59 > 0:31:03Yeah, yeah. Where'd you think I got the whatwithal to drive that
0:31:03 > 0:31:08- thing around the track?- This is it. We are coming onto your lap now. How was it?
0:31:08 > 0:31:13You know what, my mum used to say don't ever be afraid,
0:31:13 > 0:31:19she said amateurs built the Ark and pros built the Titanic.
0:31:19 > 0:31:23Meanwhile, I got in this car and I was scared to death.
0:31:23 > 0:31:28- I've never been on a racetrack before ever.- Really?- Ever. Ever.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30And I didn't know where I was going.
0:31:30 > 0:31:34The thing is, though, I was actually... Had one ear on the track
0:31:34 > 0:31:37and I heard a noise that sounded biblical.
0:31:37 > 0:31:42It sounded like you changed first, second, third, fourth, first.
0:31:44 > 0:31:45That's what it was.
0:31:45 > 0:31:49- And there was a noise of tremendous strain and breakage.- Yeah.
0:31:50 > 0:31:54- Was it badly damaged? - We had to change cars.- You did.
0:31:54 > 0:31:56LAUGHTER
0:31:56 > 0:31:59Presumably it's because you are used to driving on the wrong side of the road.
0:31:59 > 0:32:04The wrong side... First of all, I'm listening to The Stig talking to me like this...
0:32:04 > 0:32:06MUFFLED SPEECH
0:32:06 > 0:32:08I went, "Right on!"
0:32:10 > 0:32:13And I got ears in as if I can hear anyway with the rock'n'roll
0:32:13 > 0:32:16all these years and I'm on that side of the car
0:32:16 > 0:32:19and I'm shifting with this hand. So I had to pull all that together.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22Who would like to see Steven's lap?
0:32:22 > 0:32:24AUDIENCE RESPOND POSITIVELY
0:32:24 > 0:32:27In the spare car, let's have a look.
0:32:27 > 0:32:32Steven Tyler from Aerosmith in the Vauxhall.
0:32:32 > 0:32:35Come on, Steve McQueen.
0:32:35 > 0:32:38Coming to me, baby. Come on.
0:32:38 > 0:32:42Looking good there. Oh, but not fast.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48And around the first corner. No accidents there.
0:32:50 > 0:32:54- BLEEP.- Did it again. - You don't want to miss a thing.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56But you missed third.
0:32:57 > 0:33:01- And you missed the apex. But here we go.- Tragic!
0:33:03 > 0:33:05But it sure is fun.
0:33:07 > 0:33:10Here we go, hammerhead.
0:33:10 > 0:33:14- Understeer, oversteer. Any speed at all?- I'm in the lines.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17You were between the lines. That was very tidy.
0:33:17 > 0:33:21And you've used nearly all the road apart from these three metres.
0:33:21 > 0:33:25Come on, baby. Come on, baby.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27Yeah.
0:33:28 > 0:33:33Did you keep your foot hard down through there? You did. Good man.
0:33:33 > 0:33:38- And through there?- Yeah. - Stig did that earlier and crashed.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40Bet he didn't mention that.
0:33:40 > 0:33:44Right, another apex not quite here and what about Gambon?
0:33:44 > 0:33:47Oh, yes it's wide but there we are,
0:33:47 > 0:33:49ladies and gentlemen, across the line.
0:33:49 > 0:33:51APPLAUSE
0:33:55 > 0:33:57- Well done.- Damage report.
0:33:59 > 0:34:02- Damage report.- Damage report.
0:34:02 > 0:34:08Well, in fact we're bookended by Mike Rutherford out of Genesis,
0:34:08 > 0:34:101.51.5 at the bottom
0:34:10 > 0:34:13and then Brian at the top and other people in the middle.
0:34:13 > 0:34:15I've got the time here. Let's have a look.
0:34:21 > 0:34:22It was a one.
0:34:25 > 0:34:30Then I'm afraid it was a five.
0:34:30 > 0:34:31AUDIENCE: Oooh!
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Then there was another one.
0:34:33 > 0:34:36But happily for you it was a nought.
0:34:36 > 0:34:39So, you are not actually the slowest we've ever had.
0:34:39 > 0:34:43APPLAUSE
0:34:49 > 0:34:53No wonder The Stig kept saying, "Would you like to go round one more time?"
0:34:53 > 0:34:58I'm looking for something I can give you that's a crumb of comfort.
0:34:58 > 0:35:03You're not the fastest American because that would be Ron Howard.
0:35:04 > 0:35:10- Not the fastest... You're 65 now, aren't you?- Cor blimey.
0:35:10 > 0:35:13You're not the fastest pensioner because that's Brian Johnson,
0:35:13 > 0:35:14you're not the fastest...
0:35:14 > 0:35:18- You're just not very good at driving a Vauxhall Astra.- That's all.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21You should have sent Liv.
0:35:21 > 0:35:24- I should have sent my son, Taj. - Is he good?- Oh, he's great.
0:35:24 > 0:35:26No, you still should have sent Liv.
0:35:28 > 0:35:31Ladies and gentlemen, it's been a huge pleasure. Steven Tyler.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33APPLAUSE
0:35:43 > 0:35:48Now, on this show we like to test cars for everybody -
0:35:48 > 0:35:51rock stars, billionaires, Arab oil sheiks.
0:35:51 > 0:35:55We like to think we're more inclusive than the BBC
0:35:55 > 0:35:57regional news programme.
0:35:58 > 0:36:03But there's one group of motorists that we always ignore - caravannists.
0:36:03 > 0:36:07Yes, and because there are half a million caravans in Britain,
0:36:07 > 0:36:10we buy more caravans than any other European nation,
0:36:10 > 0:36:14the producer said that Jeremy and I should address this issue.
0:36:14 > 0:36:17Yes, they told us to do a proper comparison test
0:36:17 > 0:36:22like they do in Which? magazine and they told us not to muck about.
0:36:27 > 0:36:30These are the cars caravannists like.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33Jacked-up diesel hatchbacks with part-time four-wheel-drive
0:36:33 > 0:36:36so we can deal with muddy campsites.
0:36:40 > 0:36:41They're all terrible.
0:36:41 > 0:36:45I know they're all terrible but they're very popular.
0:36:45 > 0:36:48The Nissan Kumquat is the sixth bestselling car in Britain.
0:36:48 > 0:36:52- We have to decide which one of these is best.- You mean the least worst.
0:36:52 > 0:36:54All right, the least worst.
0:36:54 > 0:36:58- Right, you pick a key and we'll start with that.- Here we go.
0:36:59 > 0:37:03I think this is how most caravanners end up with their cars.
0:37:03 > 0:37:07- They just get the keys from a bowl at a party.- Toyota RAV4.
0:37:14 > 0:37:16Here it is, it has a 2.2 litre engine,
0:37:16 > 0:37:22prices start at £22,000. However, it does sit in a rather high
0:37:22 > 0:37:24insurance group and for that reason,
0:37:24 > 0:37:27because we have to be ruthless, we must eliminate it straightaway.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30Good work, James. Crisp delivery, full of facts.
0:37:30 > 0:37:36- However, this is a Mitsubishi Outlander.- Is it?- It's not a RAV4.
0:37:36 > 0:37:39They all look exactly the same.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44To try and find some differences, we took them all for a spin
0:37:44 > 0:37:48and very soon we came to a startling conclusion.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52They're all exactly the same to drive as well -
0:37:52 > 0:37:54they are all very dreary.
0:37:56 > 0:38:00Let me explain my problem with cars of this type.
0:38:00 > 0:38:02This is a Honda Civic, this is a Honda CRV.
0:38:02 > 0:38:07They have exactly the same engine, they seat the same number of
0:38:07 > 0:38:11people and they have the same level of crash protection and safety.
0:38:11 > 0:38:15But caravanners choose the CRV, which is more expensive to buy,
0:38:15 > 0:38:19more expensive to run and nowhere near as nice to drive
0:38:19 > 0:38:22because it suits their annual holiday requirements.
0:38:22 > 0:38:25And that's like clomping around in ski boots all year
0:38:25 > 0:38:28because every February you go to the Alps.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31I mean, I like snorkelling but I don't go shopping
0:38:31 > 0:38:35every day in a face mask because it saves me the bother of...
0:38:35 > 0:38:39As Jeremy ranted on, I drew up a big chart showing all the facts
0:38:39 > 0:38:42that caravannists care about.
0:38:42 > 0:38:48Insurance, CO2 emissions, maximum towing weights and so on.
0:38:48 > 0:38:51And with this, we could start to see what's what.
0:38:53 > 0:38:57This is the chart our researchers have drawn up.
0:38:57 > 0:38:59And straightaway we can see there's a problem with
0:38:59 > 0:39:04the Peugeot 3008 which is the...blue one.
0:39:04 > 0:39:09- It's the brown one. - Well, whatever. Look here.
0:39:09 > 0:39:12The maximum towing weight on average is two tonnes,
0:39:12 > 0:39:17the Chevrolet two tonnes, the Ford is 2.1, two tonnes, two tonnes.
0:39:17 > 0:39:18But the Peugeot,
0:39:18 > 0:39:22because it's a hybrid, it can only pull half a tonne.
0:39:22 > 0:39:24It couldn't even pull me.
0:39:24 > 0:39:26It's a good point, it's significant
0:39:26 > 0:39:30and the Nissan Kumquat may be the sixth bestselling car in Britain
0:39:30 > 0:39:34but look, 1.4 tonnes against generally two tonnes.
0:39:34 > 0:39:36We'll eliminate both those...
0:39:36 > 0:39:38This is very professional work we're doing here(!)
0:39:38 > 0:39:41And I think we must turn now to price, because I'm just
0:39:41 > 0:39:45looking here at the Chevrolet Captiva, it's over £28,000.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47And look at its insurance group!
0:39:47 > 0:39:50Yes, and the road tax because it's not that good on emissions.
0:39:50 > 0:39:53So you'd eliminate the Captiva for being too expensive?
0:39:53 > 0:39:56Yes, and I would like to draw your attention to this,
0:39:56 > 0:39:57the SsangYong Korando.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00Under £19,000, can you see anything wrong with that?
0:40:00 > 0:40:02Yes, I'd rather have warts.
0:40:03 > 0:40:07'We spent several hours going through all the numbers
0:40:07 > 0:40:10'in a professional, caravan club-type way,
0:40:10 > 0:40:14'until we were left with just two cars.
0:40:14 > 0:40:20'The Mazda CX-5 and the top-selling Volkswagen Tiguan.
0:40:21 > 0:40:25'On paper, both are well priced and both have low emissions
0:40:25 > 0:40:30'and frugal diesel engines, but which is the least worst?'
0:40:30 > 0:40:34To find out, we've devised a series of caravan-relevant tests,
0:40:34 > 0:40:36starting with,
0:40:36 > 0:40:39"Which one can do the best J-turn?"
0:40:39 > 0:40:41'The Mazda went first.'
0:40:41 > 0:40:42OK, here we go.
0:40:45 > 0:40:49Ready, brake and spin it round into first, and away.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51Not bad.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53Not bad at all.
0:40:53 > 0:40:57'But before I tried the VW, there was a problem.'
0:40:57 > 0:40:59What does he want?
0:40:59 > 0:41:01- James!- He says it's not...
0:41:01 > 0:41:06- What does he want?- He says it's not very relevant to caravanning.
0:41:06 > 0:41:08- What isn't?- J-turns.
0:41:09 > 0:41:14- Don't caravanners do J-turns? - He says no.
0:41:14 > 0:41:18Well, there we are, so that's not a relevant test, as it turns out.
0:41:18 > 0:41:21'To get a better idea of what tests we should be doing,
0:41:21 > 0:41:26'we were told to spend a day with our cars living like caravannists.'
0:41:27 > 0:41:31Er, right, James is in the wrong car.
0:41:31 > 0:41:33Cock!
0:41:35 > 0:41:39'First of all, we decided to go to something called the tip,
0:41:39 > 0:41:44'which we'd been told is something caravannists do a lot.'
0:41:46 > 0:41:48There's one there that you can throw your bra in.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51- Why would you throw your bras away?- Or your clothes?
0:41:51 > 0:41:55- Or your mobile phone, why would you throw your mobile phone away?- Look!
0:41:55 > 0:41:58- Washing machines!- "What shall we throw away today, darling?"
0:41:58 > 0:42:00- "The spin dryer, shall we throw that away?- "What's for supper?"
0:42:00 > 0:42:03"I've thrown the cooker away." Cos that's what they've done.
0:42:03 > 0:42:05They've just come and thrown their cookers away.
0:42:07 > 0:42:08It's brand new!
0:42:11 > 0:42:16That man just pulled up in his Mercedes and threw this away.
0:42:16 > 0:42:21It's dirty but it even... Look, barcode!
0:42:21 > 0:42:27He's just bought this from a shop, come down here and thrown it away.
0:42:28 > 0:42:30She's got something else. Is it massive?
0:42:30 > 0:42:31It's the wardrobe door.
0:42:31 > 0:42:34She's just taken the door off the wardrobe and thrown it away.
0:42:34 > 0:42:36'Before leaving this strange place
0:42:36 > 0:42:39'we did something else caravanners enjoy.
0:42:39 > 0:42:41'We washed our cars.'
0:42:41 > 0:42:43WET GLASS SQUEAKS
0:42:45 > 0:42:48'And then we went to caravannist heaven.'
0:42:51 > 0:42:54- Is this any good? - Well, there's some chain.
0:43:02 > 0:43:04Plastic sheeting.
0:43:04 > 0:43:06"Suitable for domestic use." We need a bit more heavy duty.
0:43:06 > 0:43:08Wait a minute.
0:43:08 > 0:43:10'Soon our trolley was full of many things
0:43:10 > 0:43:13'we thought caravanners might buy.'
0:43:13 > 0:43:15Quick lines, shovels...
0:43:15 > 0:43:17Zinc tub, axes...
0:43:17 > 0:43:20Duct tape, saws, rope.
0:43:22 > 0:43:25'We then took all our new stuff to the tip
0:43:25 > 0:43:27'and threw it away.'
0:43:27 > 0:43:29CLANKING
0:43:30 > 0:43:32'Having washed our cars again...'
0:43:32 > 0:43:35SQUEAKING
0:43:36 > 0:43:40'..we set off for the garden centre, and on the way,
0:43:40 > 0:43:44'I tried to solve a knotty problem.'
0:43:44 > 0:43:49Last year, in Britain, 10,500 people bought a Volkswagen Tiguan.
0:43:49 > 0:43:533,000 bought a Mazda CX-5.
0:43:53 > 0:43:55Even though the Mazda is less expensive to buy,
0:43:55 > 0:43:58it uses less fuel, it's cheaper to insure,
0:43:58 > 0:44:03it's kinder to Johnny Polar Bear, so the road tax is cheaper.
0:44:03 > 0:44:04So why? What's wrong with it?
0:44:04 > 0:44:07What is it that puts a caravanner off this car?
0:44:09 > 0:44:13'At the garden centre, I thought I'd found the answer.'
0:44:13 > 0:44:15ENGINE SUDDENLY STOPS
0:44:15 > 0:44:17What was that?!
0:44:19 > 0:44:20What did I just hit?
0:44:22 > 0:44:24It's got automatic brakes!
0:44:26 > 0:44:29It stopped without me asking it to,
0:44:29 > 0:44:31cos it thought I was going to hit the hedge.
0:44:31 > 0:44:33Get in.
0:44:33 > 0:44:35- Right.- Try and run me down.
0:44:35 > 0:44:38Oh, all right.
0:44:40 > 0:44:45Now, if this doesn't work, you all heard him say, "Try to run me down."
0:44:46 > 0:44:47Urgh!
0:44:49 > 0:44:54'In order to be even more thorough, I decided to test it on James' car.'
0:44:55 > 0:44:57Here we go, ready.
0:44:59 > 0:45:00CRASH!
0:45:05 > 0:45:06'A bit baffled,
0:45:06 > 0:45:10'we went back to the job of getting into a caravanning state of mind.'
0:45:14 > 0:45:17- Pansies, there we go! - Are those petunias?
0:45:21 > 0:45:22CLANKING
0:45:22 > 0:45:24SQUEAKING
0:45:32 > 0:45:35SQUEAKING
0:45:35 > 0:45:37- Look at that. - That is a duck.- That is a duck.
0:45:37 > 0:45:39Put it in the book.
0:45:45 > 0:45:49'Things were going well, but as night fell,
0:45:49 > 0:45:53'I realised the earlier crash had broken my Mazda's intercooler.'
0:45:53 > 0:45:56Engine inspection required, there's an engine warning light,
0:45:56 > 0:45:58every warning light there is.
0:45:58 > 0:46:00Right, this is not going much further, so I'm going to
0:46:00 > 0:46:05shove it in that car park over there and we'll just wait for a tow truck.
0:46:07 > 0:46:09'Weirdly, this remote woodland car park
0:46:09 > 0:46:12'was full of other cars just like mine.'
0:46:15 > 0:46:16Look at this.
0:46:16 > 0:46:19This is really clever.
0:46:19 > 0:46:23You can have one interior light on, or two, or...
0:46:23 > 0:46:24all four.
0:46:24 > 0:46:27Dim, bright, dim, bright.
0:46:27 > 0:46:30Dim, bright.
0:46:32 > 0:46:34SQUEAKING
0:46:38 > 0:46:40This is so dirty.
0:46:40 > 0:46:42SQUEAKING
0:46:43 > 0:46:46That's got it. There you go.
0:46:48 > 0:46:51Is that Stan Collymore over there?
0:46:51 > 0:46:53Flash your lights.
0:46:55 > 0:46:57Yeah.
0:46:57 > 0:47:00No! No, it's Phil Mitchell.
0:47:01 > 0:47:04'We were waiting in the car park for quite some time.
0:47:06 > 0:47:09'And the following morning, the memories were still with us.'
0:47:14 > 0:47:17'But having spent the day as caravanners,
0:47:17 > 0:47:21'we did at least know how we SHOULD be testing our cars.'
0:47:22 > 0:47:24'So, we put the Stig into the VW,
0:47:24 > 0:47:26'hitched it up to a caravan
0:47:26 > 0:47:28'and asked him to set a lap time.'
0:47:28 > 0:47:31Three, two, one, go!
0:47:31 > 0:47:33TYRES SCREECH
0:47:33 > 0:47:35CROCKERY CLATTERS
0:47:35 > 0:47:38- What just fell over in there? - Scrabble.
0:47:40 > 0:47:42We should explain,
0:47:42 > 0:47:45the Volkswagen has a part-time four-wheel drive system
0:47:45 > 0:47:49which will cut in should sensors detect he's about to lose control.
0:47:51 > 0:47:52He probably is there.
0:47:52 > 0:47:55- Now there can be feeding power to the back end as well.- He's through.
0:47:55 > 0:47:58He's through, he's looking good there, looking good.
0:47:58 > 0:48:00Coming up to Chicago.
0:48:00 > 0:48:02UTENSILS CLATTER TYRES SCREECH
0:48:02 > 0:48:04Bit wobbly! He's very wobbly there!
0:48:04 > 0:48:06Look at that, he's completely sideways.
0:48:06 > 0:48:08He's gathered it up with an armful of oppo,
0:48:08 > 0:48:10which is what you should do if that happens.
0:48:12 > 0:48:14That's a five-wheel drift!
0:48:18 > 0:48:24Top speed of the Tiguan with the caravan attached is just 70mph.
0:48:24 > 0:48:27- Whoa!- But look at that.
0:48:27 > 0:48:29This, I think, is an object lesson for caravanners.
0:48:29 > 0:48:32There's no need to dawdle, you really can get your foot down.
0:48:32 > 0:48:36- The wheel!- No!- It's come off!
0:48:36 > 0:48:39THEY LAUGH
0:48:39 > 0:48:42- He's still going.- I know he is! - We should move back.
0:48:44 > 0:48:48He's coming in a shower of sparks towards the line.
0:48:48 > 0:48:51CARAVAN SCRAPES ALONG TRACK
0:48:51 > 0:48:53And across the line!
0:48:53 > 0:48:57- Two minutes, 15.82.- So there we are.
0:48:59 > 0:49:01'Next, it was the turn of the Mazda.'
0:49:02 > 0:49:04Three, two, one...
0:49:04 > 0:49:07BOTH: Oh-h-h-h!
0:49:07 > 0:49:10UTENSILS CLATTER AND SMASH
0:49:10 > 0:49:13Right, now, we should bear in mind
0:49:13 > 0:49:16the Mazda has ten more horse powers than the Volkswagen.
0:49:16 > 0:49:19It has 30 or 40 more torques.
0:49:19 > 0:49:21TYRES SCREECH
0:49:22 > 0:49:25'In theory, then, it should be faster.
0:49:25 > 0:49:26'However...'
0:49:26 > 0:49:30- Smoke coming off the brakes. - Smoke pouring off the brakes! Whoa!
0:49:30 > 0:49:32THUMPING AND SCREECHING TYRES
0:49:37 > 0:49:40'Having declared the Tiguan the victor by default,
0:49:40 > 0:49:42we took the Stig to the tip
0:49:42 > 0:49:44and threw him away.
0:49:47 > 0:49:50'Then, as we were leaving, the producers ambushed us
0:49:50 > 0:49:51'with a challenge.'
0:49:53 > 0:49:55"You are stupid idiots."
0:49:55 > 0:49:58- Er, hello!- Ooh(!)
0:49:58 > 0:50:01"J-turns and high-speed laps with the Stig are not relevant.
0:50:01 > 0:50:04"In order to determine which of your cars is actually best,
0:50:04 > 0:50:08"YOU will now do some caravanning."
0:50:08 > 0:50:11- Really? - I knew it would come to this. Go on.
0:50:11 > 0:50:15"We have booked one luxury space at an exclusive caravan site
0:50:15 > 0:50:17"in the prestigious New Forest.
0:50:17 > 0:50:20"The one who arrives last sleeps the night."
0:50:23 > 0:50:27'The start point was several miles away from the site.
0:50:27 > 0:50:31'So, while James applied some comedy stickers to his Hurricane XL
0:50:31 > 0:50:36'and my Hurricane GTX, I studied the map.'
0:50:37 > 0:50:39So, there's the caravan site.
0:50:39 > 0:50:42Now, I could drive to it on the roads,
0:50:42 > 0:50:45but that would be anti-social, I would hold people up,
0:50:45 > 0:50:48people who are going about their lawful business.
0:50:48 > 0:50:52Er, so why don't I just drive cross-country? I mean, it's...
0:50:54 > 0:50:56It's not exactly the Himalayas, is it?
0:50:58 > 0:50:59'With our vans loaded...
0:51:01 > 0:51:02'..we were ready to go.'
0:51:10 > 0:51:11Hey!
0:51:11 > 0:51:12CLUNK!
0:51:12 > 0:51:13No, no, no, no.
0:51:13 > 0:51:18Ah-ha-ha! Yes, the mighty...!
0:51:18 > 0:51:21No! No, no, how's he done that?!
0:51:22 > 0:51:25'Annoyingly, James had not only taken the lead
0:51:25 > 0:51:29'but he'd also had the same idea as me about going off-road.'
0:51:30 > 0:51:32That's tracking straight and true.
0:51:32 > 0:51:35CLATTERING AND SHATTERING
0:51:35 > 0:51:37No way Jeremy can get past here.
0:51:37 > 0:51:40Time for an overtake.
0:51:40 > 0:51:41Not happening.
0:51:46 > 0:51:47Come on, May!
0:51:49 > 0:51:52'Soon, we had different ideas about which way to go.'
0:51:52 > 0:51:53Urgh!
0:51:55 > 0:51:58It's a bit choppy but I think it's shorter.
0:51:59 > 0:52:01'And with Mr Slowly out of the way,
0:52:01 > 0:52:04'I could unleash the more powerful Mazda.'
0:52:06 > 0:52:07Come on!
0:52:09 > 0:52:12Ye-e-e-es!
0:52:16 > 0:52:17Agh!
0:52:20 > 0:52:21Up we go.
0:52:25 > 0:52:30It's amazing the ease with which the CX-5 is pulling the Hurricane GTX.
0:52:33 > 0:52:36This is what this car was designed to do.
0:52:38 > 0:52:42Get you the best plot on the campsite.
0:52:42 > 0:52:44Oh, no! No!
0:52:46 > 0:52:49'Meanwhile, my shortcut had got a bit boggy.'
0:52:49 > 0:52:52ENGINE REVS
0:52:54 > 0:52:56So nearly out.
0:52:56 > 0:53:00If I could just get it to climb up onto that other ratty bit...
0:53:02 > 0:53:05That's coming, here we go.
0:53:05 > 0:53:08Yes! Ha-ha!
0:53:08 > 0:53:11If you've got one of these, you can do that!
0:53:13 > 0:53:17'I, meanwhile, had found a track where I could go even faster.'
0:53:17 > 0:53:21Yeah, that is very quick now. It's good, looking good.
0:53:21 > 0:53:22'However...'
0:53:30 > 0:53:31Oh, look at this.
0:53:31 > 0:53:35The sheer torque of the 2.2 litre turbo-diesel engine
0:53:35 > 0:53:37has ripped the front from the Hurricane.
0:53:41 > 0:53:47'And I couldn't back off because suddenly James was right behind me.'
0:53:47 > 0:53:49Hee-hee!
0:53:50 > 0:53:53Coming up on me, he's gaining!
0:53:53 > 0:53:54'And then...'
0:53:54 > 0:53:56CRASHING AND CLATTERING
0:53:56 > 0:53:59- Oh, dear, oh, dear.- Oh, no.
0:54:04 > 0:54:08This is disastrous, I'm actually driving through Jeremy's caravan!
0:54:08 > 0:54:13James, are things as bad back there as I suspect they are?
0:54:13 > 0:54:15Well, let me put it this way, I've run over your left hand wall.
0:54:15 > 0:54:18Oh, and your portable lavatory!
0:54:18 > 0:54:20JAMES GUFFAWS
0:54:22 > 0:54:25'Then, things got even worse.'
0:54:25 > 0:54:27Now we're on somebody's lawn!
0:54:29 > 0:54:33Come on, come on, mighty 2.2 litre diesel!
0:54:33 > 0:54:35CARAVAN CLATTERS
0:54:35 > 0:54:37Oh, no!
0:54:40 > 0:54:43A very big catastrophe has befallen me!
0:54:45 > 0:54:48I could actually overtake now but this is too amusing.
0:54:48 > 0:54:50- I've got to...! - JAMES LAUGHS
0:54:56 > 0:54:58'Sadly, I was laughing so much,
0:54:58 > 0:55:01'I crashed...into myself.'
0:55:01 > 0:55:02I've spun!
0:55:02 > 0:55:05CLUNK!
0:55:05 > 0:55:08'This, combined with Jeremy's drastic weight loss,
0:55:08 > 0:55:10'meant he could scamper away.'
0:55:16 > 0:55:2160mph, this is caravanning at its best.
0:55:23 > 0:55:28'And by my reckoning, the site was now just a couple of miles away.'
0:55:28 > 0:55:34Victory now is mine, I will not be sleeping in what remains of the van.
0:55:35 > 0:55:37WATER SPLASHES
0:55:37 > 0:55:39Whoa, it's a biggie!
0:55:42 > 0:55:45'Worried that I might be sleeping in my van...
0:55:47 > 0:55:50'..I kept my foot hard down.'
0:55:53 > 0:55:55Hurricane XL holding up well.
0:56:01 > 0:56:02Ooh, bloody hell!
0:56:04 > 0:56:07Ha-ha! The XL refuses to die!
0:56:12 > 0:56:14'I, meanwhile, had arrived at the site
0:56:14 > 0:56:18'and was looking for the prestigious Plot 200.'
0:56:19 > 0:56:21Where's Plot 200, Plot 200?
0:56:26 > 0:56:30Yes, in here, by this stagnant pond.
0:56:34 > 0:56:38202...201...
0:56:38 > 0:56:41Plot 200 is vacant,
0:56:41 > 0:56:46which means I don't have to stay in it. Yes!
0:56:47 > 0:56:49HE SIGHS
0:56:50 > 0:56:52So, there we are.
0:56:52 > 0:56:55After the most exhaustive caravan test in all of history,
0:56:55 > 0:57:00we have established that 10,500 people are just plain wrong.
0:57:00 > 0:57:04The Volkswagen Tiguan is NOT the best tow car.
0:57:04 > 0:57:05WHEELS TRUNDLE
0:57:05 > 0:57:06Oh, is that James?
0:57:06 > 0:57:08ENGINE SPLUTTERS
0:57:08 > 0:57:09WHEELS TRUNDLE
0:57:12 > 0:57:15JEREMY LAUGHS
0:57:17 > 0:57:19No way!
0:57:19 > 0:57:23Plot 200, James, it's all yours!
0:57:23 > 0:57:26JEREMY LAUGHS
0:57:26 > 0:57:29- Where's the...?!- I claim the moral victory.- Why a moral victory?
0:57:29 > 0:57:31- I've still got a caravan. - Well, not really!
0:57:31 > 0:57:35- You haven't got a wheel, where's the wheel gone?- Well, what's that?!
0:57:35 > 0:57:39Anybody like a cup of tea? Yes? Jolly good.
0:57:42 > 0:57:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:57:48 > 0:57:51Excellent. Really thorough.
0:57:52 > 0:57:55A proper grown-up test.
0:57:55 > 0:57:57Guys, I must say,
0:57:57 > 0:58:01it was great to see you two actually being sensible for once.
0:58:01 > 0:58:04But, if I might have a word, your conclusion,
0:58:04 > 0:58:06you said the Mazda was best.
0:58:06 > 0:58:10But, let's be honest, a 3mph impact destroyed its intercooler.
0:58:10 > 0:58:12That is true. That did happen, yes.
0:58:12 > 0:58:14And in fairness, it was so powerful
0:58:14 > 0:58:18- it actually tore a caravan to pieces.- It did, it did.
0:58:18 > 0:58:21And so, on that basis, I would have the VW Tiguan.
0:58:21 > 0:58:23Well, no, you see, the thing is, I wouldn't,
0:58:23 > 0:58:28because a Volkswagen Golf is £4,000 less expensive than a Tiguan,
0:58:28 > 0:58:30so I'd buy one of those.
0:58:30 > 0:58:34Then I'd take the £4,000 that I'd saved to the tip and throw it away.
0:58:35 > 0:58:39No, what I'd do, actually, I'd spend the £4,000
0:58:39 > 0:58:43on a fortnight's holiday in the south of France in a HOTEL.
0:58:44 > 0:58:47Have we just done some actual consumer advice there?
0:58:47 > 0:58:49- Yes, I think we have.- Yeah, we have.
0:58:49 > 0:58:52We have also managed to go through a whole show
0:58:52 > 0:58:54without mentioning the Royal baby!
0:58:54 > 0:58:56Yes, we have.
0:58:56 > 0:58:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:59:02 > 0:59:08So, on those two bombshells, it is time to end.
0:59:08 > 0:59:11Thank you very much for coming. Thank you for watching, good night!
0:59:20 > 0:59:22Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd