0:00:11 > 0:00:15Tonight... Two swans move their heads about...
0:00:15 > 0:00:18I eat a shoe...
0:00:18 > 0:00:20and James says he's not fat.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21I'm not fat.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Welcome, everybody. Hello, good evening.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.
0:00:34 > 0:00:35Now...
0:00:35 > 0:00:40Thank you. Now, our deep and profound love on this show
0:00:40 > 0:00:45for Alfa Romeo is a triumph of hope over reality.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49We always pray that their new models will be brilliant
0:00:49 > 0:00:52but sort of know they won't be and then they never are.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54But what about this?
0:00:54 > 0:00:57The new and very pretty 4C.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01Well, Richard Hammond has been to Northern Italy, in the sunshine,
0:01:01 > 0:01:05to find out all about it.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Jammy little bu...
0:01:07 > 0:01:09BELL RINGS
0:01:12 > 0:01:14CAR ENGINE REVS
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Right, let's get this straight...
0:01:23 > 0:01:27I'm in a mid-engined, two-seater Alfa Romeo.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32The first proper Alfa sports car for 20 years.
0:01:35 > 0:01:40And I'm driving it in Northern Italy, on a lovely day.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43In theory, things don't get much better.
0:01:45 > 0:01:50But, predictably, there are one or two problems.
0:01:53 > 0:01:58First of all, it's going to cost around £45,000.
0:01:58 > 0:02:03And that's a fair bit, especially as you don't get a V8, or even V6.
0:02:03 > 0:02:08What you do get is a turbo-charged, reworked version of the 1.7 litre,
0:02:08 > 0:02:11four-cylinder engine from a Giulietta hatchback.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13And under here...
0:02:13 > 0:02:17Well, I don't know what's under here cos the bonnet is bolted shut.
0:02:20 > 0:02:26It's bolted shut for the same reason this car has no power steering,
0:02:26 > 0:02:29and no proper climate control -
0:02:29 > 0:02:32to save weight.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34That's why it has the same sort of
0:02:34 > 0:02:37carbon-fibre chassis as a Formula 1 car.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41It's why there's almost no metal in the body at all.
0:02:43 > 0:02:49The upshot is, the 4C weighs just 925kg.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53That's about half what a Mercedes SLK weighs.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02And on a road like this, that really pays dividends.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Oh, come on!
0:03:04 > 0:03:05Lovely.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Because it's light, it's unbelievably agile.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15It changes direction like a kitten chasing a spider.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26And because there's no power steering, I can feel
0:03:26 > 0:03:29far more at the steering wheel and know what the wheels are doing.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34It grips...
0:03:36 > 0:03:37..fabulously.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42It doesn't need a massive engine.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46It's got 237 brake horsepower. Do you know what? That is enough.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48More than enough.
0:03:51 > 0:03:550 to 60 takes four-and-a-half seconds.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57The top speed is 160.
0:03:57 > 0:04:02And yet, because of the lightness, it'll do 40 miles to the gallon.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Drop a window, sample the noise.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09LOUD REVS
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Oh! Lovely little crackle on the up-shift.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Oh, it's great.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21This little Alfa is growing on me with a speed
0:04:21 > 0:04:24and ferocity that I've never before encountered.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26It's just getting under my skin.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Because it's not like anything else...
0:04:30 > 0:04:33Oh, my God!
0:04:33 > 0:04:34What?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39What are you doing here?
0:04:39 > 0:04:44As you well know, Hammond, we receive thousands of letters
0:04:44 > 0:04:47every single week from viewers and they all say the same thing.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50"Dear Top so-called Gear, the Alfa 4C,
0:04:50 > 0:04:53"is it better than quad bike?"
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Well, I can clear than one up straight away - yes, it is because
0:04:56 > 0:05:00quad bikes are slow, ugly, noisy, stupid and incredibly dangerous.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03And I don't mean dangerous like you might fall off,
0:05:03 > 0:05:04I mean like they want to kill you.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Everybody I know, pretty much, who's ever tried one, has been
0:05:07 > 0:05:09killed by it at some point.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Yup. That's as maybe, but we need to settle this,
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- so we're going to have a race. - We're going to race?- Yeah.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- You on that, presumably?- Yeah.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- Me in that?- Yeah.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Jeremy's proposal was a race from the top of Lake Como
0:05:22 > 0:05:25to a hotel terrace at the bottom.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28I would take the 43-mile lakeside route,
0:05:28 > 0:05:31whilst he would attempt to go as the crow flies.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Good, you're going to be killed and last.
0:05:37 > 0:05:43And so, at exactly 10:37am, the race began.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Here we go.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Let me talk you through my quad.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58It's called a Gibbs Quadski,
0:05:58 > 0:06:03designed and engineered in Britain, built just outside Detroit
0:06:03 > 0:06:08and the engine is German - a 1.3 from a BMW motorcycle.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10And you have 40 horsepower.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Doesn't sound like much but like the Alfa, it's light.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Apparently it has the same power-to-weight ratio
0:06:20 > 0:06:21as a helicopter.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27He's mad. I mean, he doesn't stand a chance.
0:06:27 > 0:06:28I know what he's thinking.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32He's imagining he'll be crashing off-road and cutting corners.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36He won't. He'll be bumbling through the woods on little tracks,
0:06:36 > 0:06:39he'll get stuck, fall off, break a leg - maybe two.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Hammond was wrong. My legs were fine,
0:06:44 > 0:06:49but I had got into a bit of a pickle trying to find a shortcut.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53Totally lost. Literally no idea which...
0:06:54 > 0:06:57No idea. I'm just in weeds...
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Oh, now which way?
0:07:03 > 0:07:05With Jeremy stuck in the undergrowth,
0:07:05 > 0:07:12I had time to admire one of the most beautiful places on Earth.
0:07:19 > 0:07:24Ah! Mountains, pretty village - all present and correct.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29Coming through.
0:07:29 > 0:07:35See, this scooter rider will not mind me whizzing past in my Alfa Romeo,
0:07:35 > 0:07:40because I know he loves Alfa Romeo just as much, if not more, than I do.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43We have to love Alfa, it's the law.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Meanwhile...
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Oh. God. No, wait.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Many nettles.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55This may have a top speed of 40
0:07:55 > 0:07:58but I'm not doing that now, really.
0:07:58 > 0:07:59Happily, however,
0:07:59 > 0:08:05Hammond was about to discover one of the Alfa's drawbacks - its girth.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09Oh, no! Oh, my God, this is narrow!
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Oh! That's...
0:08:11 > 0:08:15This car is wide.
0:08:15 > 0:08:16That's a problem.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21So what were they thinking when they've got streets like this?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23I mean... Oh!
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Still, could be worse.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35Oh, no! Now look what I've done.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39I've accidentally crashed into Lake Como.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45But it's OK, because if I push this little button here...
0:08:51 > 0:08:56..the wheels have folded up and now I'm on a jet ski.
0:08:57 > 0:09:02Oh, and it gets better because, on land, it has 40 horsepower,
0:09:02 > 0:09:06but here on water it has 140.
0:09:11 > 0:09:16I know exactly what music we have to play right now.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18# We are sailing... #
0:09:18 > 0:09:19No, not that!
0:09:19 > 0:09:20Cue the Bond!
0:09:20 > 0:09:24MUSIC: "James Bond Theme" by John Barry
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Here we go - 45 miles an hour!
0:09:36 > 0:09:40Hammond, you've had it, wherever you are, you can't beat this.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Narrow. Really narrow. Really wide car.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53I'd like to be driving something narrower now, like a bus.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Right, clear of town, press on.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08So let's just get this straight.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12I'm wearing a wet white shirt and I'm in a lake - I'm Mr Darcy!
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Come on!
0:10:21 > 0:10:24There is Richard Hammond.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:10:30 > 0:10:32I'll slow down a bit.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34'Hello? Hello?'
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Er, hello. Where are you?
0:10:36 > 0:10:39'To your left, mate, to your left.'
0:10:39 > 0:10:41You can't be to my left. How can you be to my left?
0:10:41 > 0:10:43What?
0:10:43 > 0:10:47'Have you ever seen a cooler machine than this?!'
0:10:47 > 0:10:50What are you on? Is that the same quad?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52It certainly is.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56And I'm afraid I must now say goodbye.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58'Cheerio. See you soon.'
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Cheating sod!
0:11:04 > 0:11:07He can just go straight across the lake now.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10I've got to go all the way down the bottom here
0:11:10 > 0:11:12and back up the other side.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16I'm going to lose this and he's going to do his stupid smug face.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Spurred on by the horror of his face...
0:11:24 > 0:11:26..I put the hammer down.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Come on, little Alfa.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40We were neck and neck,
0:11:40 > 0:11:44but then Jeremy got distracted by an Italian ferry.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Look at that!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52What a machine.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57I'm sorry, I'm hearing the Bond music again now.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00You want a race?
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I'll give you a race.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21Oh, come on, I can't lose this!
0:12:27 > 0:12:31By this stage, I'd disentangled myself from the hydrofoil,
0:12:31 > 0:12:36but had run into another problem - Lake Como's weird winds.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
0:12:43 > 0:12:45I think we've got some chop.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Wow!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51I've lost ten miles....
0:12:51 > 0:12:52Aw!
0:12:52 > 0:12:56Ow, my back bottom!
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Wow! Wow!
0:12:59 > 0:13:00They slow you down a bit.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03Oh, my...
0:13:03 > 0:13:05That was a big one.
0:13:05 > 0:13:10I'm now down to 15 miles an hour, and I can't realistically go
0:13:10 > 0:13:14any faster, cos I can't see where I'm bloody going.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17The vicious chop had put Hammond back in the lead.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24We have to beat him.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33Thankfully, on the lake, I'd found calmer water.
0:13:33 > 0:13:3645 miles an hour.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41We are back in this race.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54There he is. There is Richard Hammond.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Goodbye, Hammond.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02He is history.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07It certainly seemed that way,
0:14:07 > 0:14:11because pretty soon the hotel was in sight.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14There it is, there's the finishing line.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19So, I was definitely going to win this.
0:14:19 > 0:14:25But then I realised the victory would be a bit hollow.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29Obviously, I want to beat Hammond, of course I do.
0:14:29 > 0:14:34But I don't want to beat that Alfa Romeo, because, to me,
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Alfas are special.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39They're really special.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43This is a bit like having a running race with your four-year-old son.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47Yes, of course you can win, but you don't really want to.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53It's not far now.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Little Alfa, I think we have to accept the inevitable.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01He's not there, is he?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04In a few minutes, Hammond would arrive
0:15:04 > 0:15:09and see my Quadski moored alongside the hotel's jetty.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Damn and blast, I'm going to win this.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15Nothing I can do.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17But then...
0:15:17 > 0:15:19I spotted a hidey-hole.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Yes!
0:15:22 > 0:15:27Sometimes I stagger even myself with my genius.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm so sorry.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Right, where is he?
0:15:58 > 0:16:01This is the terrace.
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Up here maybe.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Do you know what?
0:16:16 > 0:16:21He no here. I don't know how. What I've done is win...
0:16:22 > 0:16:27- ..in that little Alfa. - Hammond!- Mate.- Well done.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- You beat me fair and square.- I did.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34- In the Alfa.- Do you know? I would have bet £1 million...
0:16:34 > 0:16:38when I overtook you, I was going to win.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39APPLAUSE
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Your question is answered.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52The Alfa 4C is better than the quad bike.
0:16:52 > 0:16:57- Yes, but we saw you lose on purpose. - A bit, just a bit.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Did you not like the jet ski, Quadski thing?
0:16:59 > 0:17:00Yes, it's brilliant.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Do you know, the best thing about it is its reliability.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06It performed faultlessly all day
0:17:06 > 0:17:10and then it performed faultlessly all the next day
0:17:10 > 0:17:13when we had to rerun the race because an American
0:17:13 > 0:17:17- knocked the camera with all the film in it into the lake.- Really?
0:17:17 > 0:17:18LAUGHTER
0:17:18 > 0:17:21I was on this thing for two days, two days.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26By the time we finished, my sausage looked like a beaver's tail.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28LAUGHTER
0:17:28 > 0:17:34- Right, um, is it expensive? - What, my sausage?- No, the thing.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Oh, the thing, yes, it's £26,000, but, no, hang on,
0:17:37 > 0:17:43you do get a lot of health and safety warning notices for that.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45This is my favourite down here.
0:17:45 > 0:17:51It's warning about what you have to wear and it says, hang on,
0:17:51 > 0:17:56"Normal swimwear does not adequately protect against forceful
0:17:56 > 0:18:00"water entry into rectum or vagina."
0:18:00 > 0:18:01LAUGHTER
0:18:06 > 0:18:10He's not making that up. It says vagina on it.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Excuse me, does anyone mind if we talk about the car for a bit?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15It's a car show and everything.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19Good, cos I've got some questions about this. How wide is it?
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- It's wider than a Range Rover.- Is it? Seriously?- Very wide.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24And let me get this straight,
0:18:24 > 0:18:29Alfa Romeo is selling a car where you can't open the bonnet?
0:18:29 > 0:18:30Yeah, I know.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32- Ballsy.- Yeah.- Ballsy.- It is, yes,
0:18:32 > 0:18:36but that's not the interesting thing about it.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37What is the interesting thing?
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Well, it costs £47,000, but when you get in it,
0:18:39 > 0:18:44everything feels just feels a bit cheap and plasticky.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48Look at this handbrake, it's just...
0:18:48 > 0:18:51It's like something that came out of a cracker.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54You know, if I got the handbrake in a Christmas cracker,
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- I'd be a bit disappointed.- You know what I mean.- Yes, I do.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01It's just that there are a lot of EU rules coming very soon
0:19:01 > 0:19:03on fuel efficiency and emissions and so on,
0:19:03 > 0:19:06and the only way that cars can meet them
0:19:06 > 0:19:08is if they get very, very light.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Yeah. And pretty soon, all cars will have to be made like this,
0:19:11 > 0:19:15but do you know what? I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19Yes, you get a shonky handbrake, but your car is more nimble.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21It's faster and it's more economical.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25And for the ultimate expression of that art, later in the show,
0:19:25 > 0:19:32we have a review of this - the new McLaren P1, which is astonishing.
0:19:32 > 0:19:38Well, I am very much looking forward to that, but first it's the news.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42- Yes.- Now Kia is working on something called "gesture control".
0:19:42 > 0:19:46It's very interesting, because of instead of having
0:19:46 > 0:19:50buttons all over the dashboard of your car, you just
0:19:50 > 0:19:54sort of wave your hand around a bit, and the car will do stuff.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Very futuristic.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Yeah, but I only make three gestures when I'm driving a car.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00LAUGHTER
0:20:00 > 0:20:02What? One of them is...
0:20:02 > 0:20:06which means I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to do that.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- Then there's...hi, to a friend. And...- Call Jeremy Clarkson.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11LAUGHTER
0:20:11 > 0:20:15Or navigate to James May's house.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19LAUGHTER I'd like to talk about this.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21It's the new Corvette Z06. Oh, yes.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Supercharged V8 6.2 litres 625 brake horsepower.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28It's got a magnetic ride control, electronic diff, carbon fibre.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31All the hi-tech stuff you get on a European sports car...
0:20:31 > 0:20:34But does it have the European self-restraint, though, does it?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37It's a bit more shock 'em all than stiff upper lip.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Yes, but look at it.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41No, Hammond, you can't drive a Corvette in England.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44It's like talking in a lift - you can do that in America,
0:20:44 > 0:20:46you can't do that in Britain.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49In fact, we should have signs at Heathrow telling American visitors,
0:20:49 > 0:20:52"Please drive on the left and don't talk in lifts."
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Yes, yes, whatever, but I think that looks stupendous.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Yes, yes, it would look stupendous in Texas,
0:20:59 > 0:21:03but it would look ridiculous in Tewkesbury. It would.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05The base model of this - not the Z06,
0:21:05 > 0:21:07- the normal one - 60 grand?- 62, yes.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Well, for about the same sort of money, you can have this,
0:21:10 > 0:21:13which is the new Jag. This is the F-type Coupe.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17That's around the same sort of money, and I put it to you that
0:21:17 > 0:21:18what we have here is a lovely piece
0:21:18 > 0:21:22of double Gloucester on a water biscuit.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Your Corvette is 600 kilos of...
0:21:24 > 0:21:26- (AMERICAN ACCENT) - ..Monterrey Jack on a taco.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Yeah, that's right. I'd rather have that.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31You'd rather have the Monterey Jack, wouldn't you?
0:21:31 > 0:21:33- Yes.- Hang on a minute. Surely it's 600 kilograms of...
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- (AMERICAN ACCENT)- Monterey Jack on a taco with a strawberry on top.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Strawberry.- At as long as there's a strawberry on top.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41- Are there any Americans here?- Whoo!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- You are.- Oh, we've wondered about this for years.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Why do you put these on everything?
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- Because they taste good. - Yes, but not on a shepherd's pie.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49LAUGHTER
0:21:49 > 0:21:52This is not an exaggeration. I stayed in a hotel in LA.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54I had to have some dry cleaning done, and when it came back
0:21:54 > 0:21:57in the morning, it was all wrapped up, and there was a strawberry on it.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- What, on your dry-cleaning? - On my dry-cleaning.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Now, this isn't news - it's a question.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Why is the world still incapable of working out
0:22:05 > 0:22:07a way of dispensing petrol? Anyone been to America?
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Well, you've all been to America, I suppose, at some point.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12You go into a petrol station there
0:22:12 > 0:22:16and you have to pay for the fuel before you fill your tank.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Well, you don't know how much you want
0:22:18 > 0:22:19or how much it's going to take.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Yes, but I hate those European stations
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- where they have those automatic credit card ones.- Don't work.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- Never ever work.- The other one that doesn't work,
0:22:26 > 0:22:28and especially in France, are those ones
0:22:28 > 0:22:30where you're supposed to put euro notes in a little slot.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34- No.- You put it in and it goes, "Nnnngh! Nnnngh!" Oh.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38There's a lot of people doing that, and it goes, "Nnnngh!"
0:22:38 > 0:22:41I'll give you the worst scenario, James.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Worst scenario is, "Nnnngh!"
0:22:43 > 0:22:45"Yes, there we go," get the pump out, "Nnnngh!"
0:22:45 > 0:22:48But the worst country in the world
0:22:48 > 0:22:51for filling up with petrol is Britain,
0:22:51 > 0:22:56because petrol stations here now are also supermarkets,
0:22:56 > 0:22:58which means that people pull up at the pump
0:22:58 > 0:23:00and then go and do their shopping.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Well, that's exactly why I was late this morning,
0:23:02 > 0:23:04cos I pulled up behind the car that was at the pump
0:23:04 > 0:23:07ready for my turn and I knew who it was through the window,
0:23:07 > 0:23:10it was a woman and she was doing the whole weekly groceries shop,
0:23:10 > 0:23:13and she came out with the four massive carrier bags,
0:23:13 > 0:23:14and I thought, "That's finally it,"
0:23:14 > 0:23:16- and then she went to the cash machine...- Oh...
0:23:16 > 0:23:20..sorted out Greece's national debt with her card.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22I am a patient man, but even I... I was thinking,
0:23:22 > 0:23:26"I want to put your head in a brown paper bag and bludgeon you to death
0:23:26 > 0:23:28"with the blunt end of an axe."
0:23:28 > 0:23:32- That's quite bad.- Do you know? My question is petrol stations is,
0:23:32 > 0:23:35and we could ask this here, and it's mostly women,
0:23:35 > 0:23:39what do you do in the 15 minutes between getting into the car
0:23:39 > 0:23:43- and driving off?- I know what it is, I know what it is.- What?
0:23:43 > 0:23:47I watched it. She turned round and she put her handbag on the
0:23:47 > 0:23:50back seat, fair enough, but then interfered with it for some time.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Doing what, though?
0:23:52 > 0:23:55I suspect women try to make sure their handbag doesn't fall over,
0:23:55 > 0:23:59which I don't understand, because women's handbags are not well organised,
0:23:59 > 0:24:01so it doesn't matter if it falls over.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- Have you got handbag with you? - No.- You haven't?
0:24:04 > 0:24:08- Anyone got handbag?- It's in the car. - That's a shame, because I was going to do this game.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11I was going to put my car keys, and it's a Jag this week, in your handbag and then,
0:24:11 > 0:24:17if you could find them by the end of the show, you could have the car. You wouldn't be able to.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Two angry old men rampaging on about petrol stations.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Him and his cardigan, him... just him.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Now, as I'm sure you know, after 13 years,
0:24:27 > 0:24:30the British military forces are pulling out of Afghanistan.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34What you may not know is that that operation has been the biggest deployment
0:24:34 > 0:24:38of British military vehicles since World War II.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Now, bringing that lot home is quite a big job,
0:24:41 > 0:24:45so I packed my tin helmet and went out there to...get in the way.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54'If you want to get a sense of just how big the British involvement
0:24:54 > 0:24:57'in Afghanistan has become,
0:24:57 > 0:25:02'you just have to look at the size of its main base - Camp Bastion.'
0:25:06 > 0:25:10In 2006, when British forces arrived here,
0:25:10 > 0:25:15it was just a scrap of desert with a few tents in, but now look.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17It's the size of Reading.
0:25:25 > 0:25:30'And inside its 25 miles of blast-proof perimeter wall
0:25:30 > 0:25:34'alongside the few comforts of home,
0:25:34 > 0:25:37'you'll find a vast armada of vehicles.
0:25:40 > 0:25:45'At its peak, the number was 5,000.'
0:25:47 > 0:25:49We've got a few of them here.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51The names will be dimly familiar from news reports.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54That is a Ridgeback, that is a Mastiff,
0:25:54 > 0:25:58then you have a Foxhound, the pale-coloured one is a Husky,
0:25:58 > 0:26:02and that weird-looking thing with the tracks on over there, that is a Warthog.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Don't expect cute and cuddly names like Panda or Fiesta -
0:26:05 > 0:26:10everything here is named after a dog, except the Warthog,
0:26:10 > 0:26:12which is named after a warthog.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18'To keep the wheels turning, the Army has built this enormous workshop,
0:26:18 > 0:26:21'which, at full strength, carries £60 million worth
0:26:21 > 0:26:25'of spares and employs 150 mechanics.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32'Bastion even has its own purpose-built
0:26:32 > 0:26:36'driver training ground, approved by a squad of driving instructors.'
0:26:38 > 0:26:42The sheer size of this operation is truly impressive,
0:26:42 > 0:26:47but equally fascinating is what the Afghanistan campaign has done
0:26:47 > 0:26:49to Britain's military vehicles.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55'It has brought about the biggest change in a generation.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58'When the British first arrived here, their staple patrol vehicle,
0:26:58 > 0:27:02'the Snatch Land Rover, offered woeful protection against IEDs.
0:27:02 > 0:27:09'In 2009 alone, 79 soldiers fell victim to such devices.'
0:27:15 > 0:27:18'The 29-tonne American-made Mastiff offered a quick fix,
0:27:18 > 0:27:20'but in Leamington Spa,
0:27:20 > 0:27:24'a small British firm devised a more 21st-century solution.'
0:27:31 > 0:27:34This is a Foxhound and it's very clever,
0:27:34 > 0:27:36because it's actually made out of armour.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39It's not a normal vehicle to which armour plate has been added.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42It's sort of armour monoblock, if you like.
0:27:44 > 0:27:48'The Foxhound also has a V-shaped hull to deflect mine blasts
0:27:48 > 0:27:52'and thanks to its state-of-the-art armour, it weighs
0:27:52 > 0:27:54'just seven and a half tonnes,
0:27:54 > 0:27:56'which makes it a featherweight around these parts.'
0:27:59 > 0:28:03To drive, it's pretty much like an off-road car.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08It's a positive mountain goat, this thing.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12'Now, history will record that government bureaucrats
0:28:12 > 0:28:14'dragged their heels over the military vehicle crisis
0:28:14 > 0:28:16'in Afghanistan,
0:28:16 > 0:28:19'but the boffins who developed the Foxhound certainly didn't.'
0:28:19 > 0:28:22This machine was designed, engineered, tested, proved
0:28:22 > 0:28:27and got on the ground in large numbers in just over three years.
0:28:27 > 0:28:31Try doing that with a small hatchback or something.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37'Alongside the Foxhound...
0:28:40 > 0:28:42'..the military drew on a policy
0:28:42 > 0:28:45'called Urgent Operational Requirement or UOR,
0:28:45 > 0:28:47'which saw them combine operational demands
0:28:47 > 0:28:51'and the best vehicle-related suggestions from soldiers on the ground.'
0:28:54 > 0:28:57Here's a very simple example of UOR - this is a Mastiff.
0:29:00 > 0:29:01It's got cameras mounted on the sides.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04Commander Buzz here can look at the pictures on his screen.
0:29:04 > 0:29:07On the early ones, they were originally mounted.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09When you went through things like villages, they got smashed.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12So somebody said, "Why not put them on a hinge?"
0:29:12 > 0:29:13So they did.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20'Soldiers also needed their vehicles to be more stealthy in the dark.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23'So a night-vision system was developed
0:29:23 > 0:29:26'that would allow them to switch off their headlights.'
0:29:26 > 0:29:30I'm now driving the Mastiff completely blacked out
0:29:30 > 0:29:33but using the night-vision system suspended in front of my face.
0:29:33 > 0:29:36And this is quite amazing.
0:29:36 > 0:29:40This is actually my eyes. I can't see a single thing through the windscreen.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45'These lamps on the outside are infrared
0:29:45 > 0:29:47'and illuminate the surrounding area.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49'Our camera can see the light they emit,
0:29:49 > 0:29:51'but it's invisible to the naked eye.'
0:29:51 > 0:29:56We ought to point out that normally, we wouldn't even have these red interior lights on.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59Those are there so our cameras are working properly.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01But actually, you could drive this....
0:30:01 > 0:30:05- we could be completely black in here, couldn't we? - Yeah, complete blackout, yeah.
0:30:05 > 0:30:06Right, so I've missed those...
0:30:06 > 0:30:08what are those, are they rocks or are they...?
0:30:08 > 0:30:11Yeah, they're just in front of you.
0:30:11 > 0:30:12Straightening up, sir.
0:30:12 > 0:30:15- See that compound ahead of us? - Yeah.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17You want to be going round to the left of that.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19I can see that as clear as day.
0:30:19 > 0:30:23- It's a good piece of kit, isn't it? - It's brilliant, isn't it?
0:30:23 > 0:30:26'Now, on a machine as heavily armoured is a Mastiff,
0:30:26 > 0:30:29'the protection against roadside bombs is good.
0:30:29 > 0:30:33'But Afghanistan threw up another issue that needed sorting.'
0:30:34 > 0:30:38What if the vehicle is blown over? How do you train for that?
0:30:38 > 0:30:41SHOUTING
0:30:41 > 0:30:44Well, what you do is you build one of these.
0:30:44 > 0:30:49It's a RODET - Roll Over Drills Egress Trainer.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51Oh!
0:30:51 > 0:30:53And I think we're upside down.
0:30:57 > 0:31:02'All these improvements have had a dramatic effect on military motoring out here.'
0:31:02 > 0:31:06Since the new generation of PMVs was introduced -
0:31:06 > 0:31:09that's protective military vehicles...the Mastiff,
0:31:09 > 0:31:11the Foxhound, the Husky,
0:31:11 > 0:31:13the Warthog, all those things -
0:31:13 > 0:31:19there have been over 1,000 survivors of IED strikes on vehicles.
0:31:19 > 0:31:23And a senior British officer admitted to me the other day that,
0:31:23 > 0:31:26in the old days, when we had the soft-skinned vehicles -
0:31:26 > 0:31:28the Snatch Land Rover and so on -
0:31:28 > 0:31:32that might have been more like three casualties per vehicle.
0:31:39 > 0:31:41'With our troops now coming home,
0:31:41 > 0:31:44'this stuff is too valuable to leave behind.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47'So a massive operation is under way to bring it back to Britain.
0:31:47 > 0:31:51'At forward bases like this one, all the vehicles and spares
0:31:51 > 0:31:55'are being gathered up for the drive back to Bastion.
0:31:55 > 0:31:58'Which meant that, in the middle of the night,
0:31:58 > 0:32:01'I found myself in a convoy of returning vehicles
0:32:01 > 0:32:03'in full Ross Kemp mode.'
0:32:03 > 0:32:07We're in a Mastiff. We're in a convoy of 31 vehicles.
0:32:07 > 0:32:11These legs belong to Sue, who's up the top on the gun, keeping lookout.
0:32:11 > 0:32:15- Hello.- Morning.- Morning, ma'am. Is there room for two of us up there?
0:32:15 > 0:32:18- We can give it a go.- Right, I'll move this way a bit.
0:32:18 > 0:32:20- There we go.- Ow.
0:32:20 > 0:32:24- I don't think we're going to fit on. - I've pulled something off.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26HE GROANS
0:32:29 > 0:32:31I'm not fat.
0:32:33 > 0:32:37What's to stop somebody... Cos we can't really see very much out there.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40What's to stop somebody out there just taking a shot at you?
0:32:40 > 0:32:44- Absolutely nothing at the moment. - So they're out there somewhere.
0:32:44 > 0:32:47They are. There're not that far away.
0:32:47 > 0:32:51When was the last time a roadside bomb went off on this bit, do you know?
0:32:51 > 0:32:56- Very... Very recent. - Very recent?- Very recent.
0:33:02 > 0:33:05'Daylight found us still in one piece,
0:33:05 > 0:33:07'and back within the walls of Bastion,
0:33:07 > 0:33:10'the packing-up process could begin.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12'Alongside a strip-down service,
0:33:12 > 0:33:17'each vehicle gets a 24-hour-long jet wash.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19'Biological decontamination.
0:33:19 > 0:33:23'And, at the very end, its own passport.'
0:33:23 > 0:33:25And look at the size of it.
0:33:25 > 0:33:30All these pages, all these signatures, everything signed off.
0:33:30 > 0:33:34Every single vehicle and piece of equipment has one of those.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37And there are over 3,500 of them.
0:33:37 > 0:33:41So don't complain next time you have to tax and MOT your car.
0:33:46 > 0:33:51'For some poor souls, the new machinery came too late.
0:33:54 > 0:33:58'But the military has responded to the brutality of this conflict.'
0:34:07 > 0:34:09'And the vehicles we're bringing home from Afghanistan
0:34:09 > 0:34:12'are much better than the ones we went out with.'
0:34:35 > 0:34:38APPLAUSE
0:34:38 > 0:34:40And there it is.
0:34:40 > 0:34:43The big military Foxhound.
0:34:43 > 0:34:47Or, since the Army loves an acronym, the big MF.
0:34:47 > 0:34:52Anyway, it's now time to put an S in our RPC.
0:34:52 > 0:34:56Britain has produced many great Toms over the years -
0:34:56 > 0:34:59Daley, Jones and, of course, Mas the Tank Engine.
0:34:59 > 0:35:03But, tonight, our Tom is the newest of them all.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06He's from Thor and Avengers Assemble and War Horse.
0:35:06 > 0:35:09Ladies and gentlemen, Tom Hiddleston.
0:35:09 > 0:35:11CHEERING
0:35:14 > 0:35:17- How are you?- Very well, thank you.
0:35:17 > 0:35:20- Look!- Thank you. Thank you.
0:35:20 > 0:35:22- Have a seat.- Thank you.
0:35:25 > 0:35:30I was half expecting you to ask the audience to kneel before you.
0:35:30 > 0:35:32Not here. I haven't got my horns with me.
0:35:32 > 0:35:35- So let's get on to your car history if I may.- Yes, sure.
0:35:35 > 0:35:40- Your first car, then, what was it? - It was a Peugeot 106.- Mmm(!)
0:35:42 > 0:35:47- Yeah. It was quite adventurous. - Mmm(!)- 1.1. Wow(!)
0:35:47 > 0:35:52- Really phwoar - when you floored it, you felt it.- It was a 1.1 what?
0:35:52 > 0:35:55- They always had silly names.- Zest. - Yeah, there you go.
0:35:57 > 0:36:01- Sounds like a washing powder. - It sounds like lemon juice.- It does.
0:36:01 > 0:36:06I bought it with my first paycheck for some TV work that I got
0:36:06 > 0:36:10- while I was at university. And I kept that for ten years.- Ten years?!
0:36:10 > 0:36:12Ten whole years. All the way through my 20s, yeah.
0:36:12 > 0:36:14But I presume that, obviously,
0:36:14 > 0:36:18- now, as result of you being Loki in the Thor franchise...- Indeed, yes.
0:36:18 > 0:36:22..there's no need now to drive around in cars with zesty names?
0:36:22 > 0:36:25Well, I'm very fortunate to drive a Jaguar.
0:36:25 > 0:36:27And as you probably know,
0:36:27 > 0:36:31I'm part of a campaign that they have recently done. And they are...
0:36:31 > 0:36:34Weirdly, Jaguar's been part of my life for the last couple of years,
0:36:34 > 0:36:37cos I keep playing characters in films who drive Jaguars.
0:36:37 > 0:36:38What, does Loki drive a Jag?
0:36:38 > 0:36:42I think Loki drives a spaceship.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45- Yes, he does. Is it a Jag spaceship? - It is a Jag, I'm sure.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47Goes to the petrol station and goes,
0:36:47 > 0:36:50"Oh, dear, my dear, I seem to have left my wallet at home.
0:36:50 > 0:36:53- "This is embarrassing." - I'm sure he would approve.
0:36:53 > 0:36:55- Caddish spaceship.- Yup.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58No, this Jag commercial, actually, I don't know if anybody's seen it,
0:36:58 > 0:37:00but have a look at this.
0:37:00 > 0:37:03Have you ever noticed, how, in Hollywood movies,
0:37:03 > 0:37:04all the villains are played by Brits?
0:37:04 > 0:37:06Maybe we just sound right.
0:37:06 > 0:37:08- Good evening, sir.- Thank you, Mary.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13We're more focused.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15More precise.
0:37:15 > 0:37:17We're always one step ahead.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20With a certain style, an eye for detail.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24And we're obsessed by power!
0:37:30 > 0:37:33A stiff upper lip is key.
0:37:33 > 0:37:35And we all drive Jaguars.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38Oh, yes. It's good to be bad.
0:37:38 > 0:37:40CHEERING
0:37:44 > 0:37:48I have to say, the line I like most in that is Mark Strong's,
0:37:48 > 0:37:51cos he goes, "And we all drive Jaguars."
0:37:51 > 0:37:55- What it should be is, "We all drive Jaguars...now."- Right!
0:37:56 > 0:37:59- "As a result of this." - Yeah. Or, indeed, a helicopter.
0:37:59 > 0:38:02- Was that really filmed in London? - It was all filmed in London.
0:38:02 > 0:38:05It was one of the most extraordinary evenings of my life.
0:38:05 > 0:38:09I... We were allowed to go over central London about 500 feet.
0:38:09 > 0:38:11And the door of the helicopter was open.
0:38:11 > 0:38:15And Tom Hooper, who directed it, was sitting behind the camera.
0:38:15 > 0:38:19And we were up, banking right, and I was leaning out the window,
0:38:19 > 0:38:23and a certain point, he said, "I'm afraid we have to cut, we have to change..."
0:38:23 > 0:38:26"OK, good, that's completely fine." "Cut."
0:38:26 > 0:38:30Argh! It's really high! You know what I mean?
0:38:30 > 0:38:33When the camera's rolling, I was like, "I've got this -
0:38:33 > 0:38:36"more focused, more precise." And as soon as it was cut, I was like...
0:38:36 > 0:38:39"Oh, God, the window's open! Someone shut the door!"
0:38:39 > 0:38:44Now, your career began, I believe, at Slough Comprehensive.
0:38:44 > 0:38:46- It certainly did, yup. - As the front leg of an elephant?
0:38:46 > 0:38:51I was the front leg of an elephant carrying Eddie Redmayne.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54- He was grand enough to be the passenger of the elephant. - Really?- Yeah.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57I was the arse of a donkey once.
0:38:57 > 0:39:00And I ended up here as a result of that. And then you did the obligatory...
0:39:00 > 0:39:03The greatest arse of a donkey...in the world.
0:39:03 > 0:39:05LAUGHTER
0:39:05 > 0:39:07CHEERING
0:39:07 > 0:39:12- That was very good!- Sorry, couldn't help it.- No, that was...
0:39:12 > 0:39:15Somebody said that you were a good mimic. Is that something...?
0:39:15 > 0:39:19It's something I've done. I've done it my whole life.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22I remember, when I was a child, they used to have a double tape deck,
0:39:22 > 0:39:26and I would record my own radio show, with all the different voices.
0:39:26 > 0:39:30They were basically voices of people I'd heard of the telly, you know.
0:39:30 > 0:39:35- Phillip Schofield's and...- Could you still do Phillip Schofield?
0:39:35 > 0:39:38- I don't know. I don't even know if...- Actually, don't bother.
0:39:38 > 0:39:42- I wouldn't know what he sounded like.- Throw me another one.- Anthony Hopkins.
0:39:42 > 0:39:43- HE MIMICS:- Oh, Tony Hopkins... Yeah.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45Have you had him on the show? Top Gear.
0:39:45 > 0:39:48Yes, I'd love to be on the show. I'd like to drive fast around a track.
0:39:48 > 0:39:52Being taught to drive by The Stig, great man, great man, I'd love to do that.
0:39:52 > 0:39:53LAUGHTER
0:39:53 > 0:39:55APPLAUSE
0:39:55 > 0:39:58Let's think of some more names.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00Anyone got any more names we can fire?
0:40:00 > 0:40:02- Try to make them men, cos that's probably easier.- Yeah.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04- SOMEONE SHOUTS OUT - What? Arnold Schwarzenegger?
0:40:04 > 0:40:07- Arnold Schwarzenegger. - SOMEONE SHOUTS OUT - What was that?
0:40:07 > 0:40:10- Paul O'Grady. - I think I'll go for Schwarzenegger.
0:40:12 > 0:40:13I'm trying to think of something he says.
0:40:13 > 0:40:16- HE MIMICS:- I know now why you cry.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21That sounded a little bit like Peter O'Toole. Sorry about that.
0:40:21 > 0:40:24- HE MIMICS O'TOOLE:- I know now you cry.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27- That is quite a skill.- Yeah. - And what are you doing now?
0:40:27 > 0:40:29Anything exciting?
0:40:29 > 0:40:32I'm just finishing a run of Coriolanus in the West End,
0:40:32 > 0:40:34which I've enjoyed hugely.
0:40:34 > 0:40:38And I'm about to go to Toronto to make a horror film
0:40:38 > 0:40:41with Guillermo del Toro... If you know him,
0:40:41 > 0:40:44the Mexican director who directed Pan's Labyrinth.
0:40:44 > 0:40:47- Who did one with Tilda Swinton as well just recently?- That's correct.
0:40:47 > 0:40:49There's a film called Only Lovers Left Alive, which is coming out
0:40:49 > 0:40:54in the UK, I think, on the 21st of February, and it's basically a love story.
0:40:54 > 0:40:58Tilda and I play a couple who are vampires, so...
0:40:58 > 0:41:02- Oh, it's about a vampire film? - It's a vampire film, but were vegetarians, we don't bite.
0:41:02 > 0:41:05- Vegetarian vampires.- Vegetarian vampires.- This I need to see.
0:41:05 > 0:41:09We're much too classy for all that 15th-century nonsense.
0:41:09 > 0:41:12Now, I'm conscious of the time, cos I know that you are appearing
0:41:12 > 0:41:16- on stage this evening... - Mm-hm...- ..in Coriolanus. - In Coriolanus, yes.
0:41:16 > 0:41:18Which calls for you at the end, I understand,
0:41:18 > 0:41:20to be strung upside down, bleeding profusely.
0:41:20 > 0:41:23That's how it goes down, yeah.
0:41:23 > 0:41:25- Spoiler!- Yeah.
0:41:25 > 0:41:29It is a 450-year-old text, so I think it's OK.
0:41:29 > 0:41:32Did it occur to you when you were driving around the track,
0:41:32 > 0:41:35if you had an accident, you could save the make-up?
0:41:35 > 0:41:38- If I just roll the car, crash it...- You could turn up...
0:41:38 > 0:41:43- And say, "I have my 27 wounds upon me."- 27 wounds, blood gushing...
0:41:43 > 0:41:48- So, did you crash? - I didn't crash, per se.
0:41:48 > 0:41:52- Because, well, shall we have a look? - Let's have a look. I'm very nervous.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55- It was very wet out there. - Who would like to see the lap?
0:41:55 > 0:41:56AUDIENCE: Yes!
0:41:56 > 0:41:58Let's have a look. Play the tape.
0:41:58 > 0:42:01Three, two, one...
0:42:01 > 0:42:03- Oh, I've stalled the- BLEEP!
0:42:03 > 0:42:04No way!
0:42:04 > 0:42:06APPLAUSE
0:42:08 > 0:42:13- Oh, the shame!- Yeah, you've got double first from Cambridge, have you not?
0:42:13 > 0:42:17- In Classics?- I did. I did. - But you can't set off in a Vauxhall Astra?
0:42:17 > 0:42:20- Oh, dear.- Anyway, let's see the finished product, shall we?
0:42:20 > 0:42:23- When you actually set off. - Right.- Here we go.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28Ooh, that's a lot of clutch.
0:42:28 > 0:42:33- Come on. Come on! - BLEEP.- Come on!
0:42:34 > 0:42:37God Almighty, that's wet.
0:42:41 > 0:42:42Doing well, though.
0:42:45 > 0:42:49Go, go, go. Go, go, go, take the bend hard, take the bend hard.
0:42:49 > 0:42:50Use the track.
0:42:50 > 0:42:53Yeah, use the track. Better.
0:42:53 > 0:42:55God, you've actually got that thing sliding.
0:42:55 > 0:42:59- Normally, it's got very good grip. - Yeah, it was very puddly out there.
0:42:59 > 0:43:03# I'm for ever driving in puddles. #
0:43:03 > 0:43:06Right, could you see the lines at the Hammerhead?
0:43:06 > 0:43:09- Yeah, just about, cos it was very tight.- Very difficult.- Yeah.
0:43:09 > 0:43:12Hugh Bonneville was here last week.
0:43:12 > 0:43:15He said he couldn't see the lines cos it was so wet.
0:43:15 > 0:43:19- It's weird in England...- Yeah. - ..to have two wet days(!)
0:43:20 > 0:43:22Floor it.
0:43:22 > 0:43:24You're not doing it flat.
0:43:24 > 0:43:25Come on!
0:43:25 > 0:43:28- You are! No, you're not. - LAUGHTER
0:43:28 > 0:43:31I was going to say, that's ballsy on a day like today.
0:43:31 > 0:43:33Stupid but ballsy.
0:43:33 > 0:43:38Right. Ooh, the tail coming out. You are very committed to this.
0:43:38 > 0:43:43There you go. Second to last corner. That's very nicely done. Gambon.
0:43:43 > 0:43:47- A bit safe, a bit safe? - No, I disagree.
0:43:47 > 0:43:50- There we are, across the line. - APPLAUSE
0:43:55 > 0:43:59Now, we've only ever had one wet lap, which was last week - Hugh Bonneville.
0:43:59 > 0:44:01So where do you think you've come, bearing that in mind?
0:44:01 > 0:44:04Oh, I'm a bit worried I haven't beaten Hugh.
0:44:04 > 0:44:07It'd be nice to be somewhere around that, that area.
0:44:07 > 0:44:10Right, somewhere around that...
0:44:10 > 0:44:12- There's Ron Howard. He directed Rush.- He did.
0:44:12 > 0:44:14Ron Howard - that was dry.
0:44:14 > 0:44:16He was just basically hopeless.
0:44:16 > 0:44:19Hugh was 1.50.1.
0:44:19 > 0:44:22- OK.- And you, Tom Hiddleston,
0:44:22 > 0:44:231...
0:44:23 > 0:44:26- Which is good.- That's good? OK.
0:44:27 > 0:44:29..40...
0:44:29 > 0:44:30AUDIENCE GASPS
0:44:30 > 0:44:32..but only just.
0:44:33 > 0:44:35..9.9.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37Oh! There we go.
0:44:37 > 0:44:39Well...
0:44:42 > 0:44:45All right. Thank you.
0:44:45 > 0:44:46In the wet?
0:44:46 > 0:44:48Very wet.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51- Thank you! I got a V. - Special very wet.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54Well, I must let you go, which is a shame
0:44:54 > 0:44:56because I'm much enjoying all of this.
0:44:56 > 0:44:59- Ladies and gentlemen, Tom Hiddleston!- Thank you.
0:45:02 > 0:45:03Now...
0:45:05 > 0:45:12..this is the brand-new £866,000 McLaren P1,
0:45:12 > 0:45:15probably the most advanced and jaw-dropping car
0:45:15 > 0:45:17the world has ever seen.
0:45:17 > 0:45:21Hmm. The attention to detail in this thing boggles the mind.
0:45:21 > 0:45:24It is... It's almost science fiction.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27And so, there was only one place on Earth
0:45:27 > 0:45:29where I could test it properly.
0:45:29 > 0:45:31Belgium.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33LAUGHTER
0:45:44 > 0:45:47This is Bruges.
0:45:50 > 0:45:55It's a quiet, friendly, cobbled sort of place.
0:45:55 > 0:45:58And it's just a stone's throw from Brussels,
0:45:58 > 0:46:01home to all the environmental EU law-makers.
0:46:01 > 0:46:05All of which makes it an ideal starting point
0:46:05 > 0:46:08for my test of the new McLaren.
0:46:12 > 0:46:18Because behind the front seats there are 324 laptop-style batteries
0:46:18 > 0:46:23which power a silent, polar-bear-friendly electric motor.
0:46:25 > 0:46:29This means that even the most frizzy-haired sandal enthusiast
0:46:29 > 0:46:32would welcome this car into their city centre.
0:46:32 > 0:46:36It's like that other two-seater electric car, the G-Wiz.
0:46:36 > 0:46:39It's Al Gore with a windscreen wiper.
0:46:42 > 0:46:47Do not think, however, that it has the get-up-and-go of Jabba the Hutt.
0:46:49 > 0:46:51Because the electric motor in this
0:46:51 > 0:46:55produces a whopping 176 horsepower.
0:46:55 > 0:47:00That's about what you get from a Volkswagen GTI.
0:47:00 > 0:47:02So it's pretty nippy.
0:47:07 > 0:47:10The only problem is, that after just six miles,
0:47:10 > 0:47:12the batteries will be flat.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15So you'll need to plug your car into the mains
0:47:15 > 0:47:19and sit about eating a chocolate shoe for two hours
0:47:19 > 0:47:21until they're charged up again.
0:47:25 > 0:47:27Or if this doesn't appeal,
0:47:27 > 0:47:29there is an alternative.
0:47:31 > 0:47:34Because, you see, the P1 is fitted as standard
0:47:34 > 0:47:38with an onboard petrol-powered generator.
0:47:38 > 0:47:40And it is quite a big one.
0:47:40 > 0:47:45In fact, it's a 3.8-litre twin-turbocharged
0:47:45 > 0:47:48722-horsepower V8.
0:47:48 > 0:47:51We push this button...
0:47:51 > 0:47:53There it is, firing up.
0:47:53 > 0:47:55And the great thing is,
0:47:55 > 0:47:58it's not just charging the batteries.
0:47:58 > 0:48:01It's also working alongside the electric motor
0:48:01 > 0:48:03to power the wheels.
0:48:06 > 0:48:10So the P1, then, is not like a G-Wiz at all, in any way.
0:48:10 > 0:48:13Thanks to that generator,
0:48:13 > 0:48:16you can take this out of a city centre
0:48:16 > 0:48:18and onto the open road.
0:48:28 > 0:48:31And that's another reason I've come to Belgium.
0:48:32 > 0:48:35Because there are so many roads to choose from.
0:48:37 > 0:48:39Belgium has three times as many roads
0:48:39 > 0:48:42and 50% more cars per square mile
0:48:42 > 0:48:45than we do in Britain.
0:48:45 > 0:48:48And the stats from this remarkable country
0:48:48 > 0:48:50just keep on coming.
0:48:51 > 0:48:54There are so many miles of street-lit motorway here
0:48:54 > 0:48:58that Belgium is officially the brightest country on Earth.
0:49:00 > 0:49:03It's a little-known fact that Buzz Aldrin's first words
0:49:03 > 0:49:05when he set foot on the moon were,
0:49:05 > 0:49:08"Good God! You can see Belgium from up here!"
0:49:09 > 0:49:11I made that up.
0:49:18 > 0:49:21On the road I chose, there was rain.
0:49:23 > 0:49:25There was sunshine.
0:49:26 > 0:49:28There were clear stretches.
0:49:28 > 0:49:31And there were traffic jams.
0:49:31 > 0:49:36And the McLaren was quiet and comfortable through it all.
0:49:39 > 0:49:42But it was not what you'd call luxurious.
0:49:44 > 0:49:48It is, frankly, as well equipped as a pair of monk's underpants.
0:49:54 > 0:49:58And that's because, like the Alfa we saw earlier,
0:49:58 > 0:50:01this car was designed to be as fat as Iggy Pop.
0:50:03 > 0:50:06Inside, there's no glove box and no carpets.
0:50:08 > 0:50:11The glass is just 3.5mm thick,
0:50:11 > 0:50:151.5mm thinner than the glass in normal cars,
0:50:15 > 0:50:17except in the back windows...
0:50:17 > 0:50:20where there's no glass at all.
0:50:20 > 0:50:23No lacquer is added to carbon-fibre trim
0:50:23 > 0:50:25to save 1.5kg.
0:50:25 > 0:50:29The whole chassis weighs less than James May.
0:50:31 > 0:50:33The trimmings are titanium,
0:50:33 > 0:50:36and the body is made from just five panels,
0:50:36 > 0:50:39which means less glue and fewer bolts are needed
0:50:39 > 0:50:42to hold it all together.
0:50:42 > 0:50:46All of this means that, despite the bank of batteries
0:50:46 > 0:50:48and the fact it has two engines,
0:50:48 > 0:50:52this car weighs less than a Vauxhall Astra.
0:50:54 > 0:50:56That, of course, makes it economical.
0:50:56 > 0:50:58And fast.
0:50:58 > 0:51:00Really fast.
0:51:01 > 0:51:03Mind-blowingly fast.
0:51:17 > 0:51:19Oh, my God!
0:51:21 > 0:51:24Ohhh!
0:51:24 > 0:51:26HE CHUCKLES
0:51:28 > 0:51:31The speed, in fact, is the main reason
0:51:31 > 0:51:33I brought this car to Belgium.
0:51:33 > 0:51:37Because Belgium is home to this place.
0:51:40 > 0:51:46Spa - the longest, wildest racetrack on the F1 calendar.
0:51:49 > 0:51:53How can they make something go this fast?!
0:51:56 > 0:52:00OK. OK, let me just slow it down while I explain
0:52:00 > 0:52:02what's going on here.
0:52:02 > 0:52:05The electric motor and the big V8 generator
0:52:05 > 0:52:07are working together
0:52:07 > 0:52:09so that I have at my disposal
0:52:09 > 0:52:12903 brake horsepower.
0:52:16 > 0:52:18Ohh!
0:52:20 > 0:52:23Obviously, I've driven a Bugatti Veyron
0:52:23 > 0:52:25that has more than that,
0:52:25 > 0:52:27but a Bugatti Veyron...
0:52:29 > 0:52:31Oh!
0:52:31 > 0:52:33..it has four-wheel drive
0:52:33 > 0:52:36and it weighs more than most mountains.
0:52:36 > 0:52:39This is rear-wheel drive,
0:52:39 > 0:52:42and the only significant weight comes from the air
0:52:42 > 0:52:44passing over the body.
0:52:45 > 0:52:47INDISTINCT
0:52:48 > 0:52:50Flat in a Formula 1 car.
0:52:50 > 0:52:52Not flat in this.
0:52:53 > 0:52:57Oh, they should have called this the Widow-maker!
0:53:00 > 0:53:03The throttle is a hyperspace button.
0:53:03 > 0:53:04Step on it...
0:53:04 > 0:53:06and you're gone.
0:53:09 > 0:53:13And yet, somehow, even in this appalling weather,
0:53:13 > 0:53:15it got round all of the corners
0:53:15 > 0:53:17without crashing once.
0:53:17 > 0:53:19So, how?
0:53:24 > 0:53:30Well, that's partly because it's made of stuff from the future.
0:53:33 > 0:53:36And partly because it's clever.
0:53:38 > 0:53:42It adapts. It moves around to suit its environment.
0:53:44 > 0:53:47As the speed climbs, the rear wing rises
0:53:47 > 0:53:49to generate more downforce,
0:53:49 > 0:53:52but as you go past 156mph,
0:53:52 > 0:53:56it starts to go back down a little bit,
0:53:56 > 0:53:59otherwise the weight of the air passing over it
0:53:59 > 0:54:02would be so enormous it would break the suspension.
0:54:02 > 0:54:06Then you have the exhaust, which works with the rear diffuser
0:54:06 > 0:54:08to generate an area of low pressure
0:54:08 > 0:54:12into which the back of the car is sucked.
0:54:12 > 0:54:15The wheels are made from military-grade aluminium.
0:54:15 > 0:54:19The brake discs from a material that's only ever been used
0:54:19 > 0:54:21in the Arianespace programme.
0:54:21 > 0:54:25And they're coated with something called silicon carbide.
0:54:25 > 0:54:28Apparently it's the hardest substance known to man.
0:54:28 > 0:54:31Apart from dried Weetabix, obviously.
0:54:31 > 0:54:33And then, the whole thing
0:54:33 > 0:54:38sits on four tyres that were designed and made by Pirelli.
0:54:39 > 0:54:43All of this means you really have the confidence to open it up.
0:54:50 > 0:54:55This thing goes from 0 to 160mph
0:54:55 > 0:54:59faster than a Golf goes from 0 to 60.
0:54:59 > 0:55:02130, 140, 150,
0:55:02 > 0:55:06160, 170, 180, 190...
0:55:06 > 0:55:08Bloody hellfire!
0:55:10 > 0:55:15And as you hurtle round in a puddle of your own faeces,
0:55:15 > 0:55:17gurning like an infant,
0:55:17 > 0:55:21the car is working on ways of going even faster.
0:55:25 > 0:55:28Let me give you an example.
0:55:30 > 0:55:33The electric motor is used
0:55:33 > 0:55:36to fill in the little gaps when the petrol engine
0:55:36 > 0:55:39isn't working at its best, like, for example,
0:55:39 > 0:55:42during gear changes
0:55:42 > 0:55:45or while the massive turbos are spooling up.
0:55:47 > 0:55:50And what I find hysterical about that is that McLaren
0:55:50 > 0:55:53has taken this hybrid technology,
0:55:53 > 0:55:56which is designed to reduce the impact
0:55:56 > 0:55:58of the internal combustion engine
0:55:58 > 0:56:02and is using it to increase the impact.
0:56:02 > 0:56:06That's like weaponising a wind farm.
0:56:06 > 0:56:10Or buying the Rainbow Warrior and turning it into an oil tanker.
0:56:17 > 0:56:21For years, cars have all been basically the same
0:56:21 > 0:56:23but this really isn't.
0:56:23 > 0:56:27It's a game-changer. A genuinely new chapter
0:56:27 > 0:56:30in the history of motoring.
0:56:31 > 0:56:35In a town, it's as eco friendly as a health-food shop.
0:56:35 > 0:56:38On a motorway, it's comfortable and produces no more carbon dioxide
0:56:38 > 0:56:41than a family saloon.
0:56:41 > 0:56:44And on a track, it can rip a hole through time.
0:56:44 > 0:56:48And it's all been achieved using something that's been around
0:56:48 > 0:56:52for centuries - brilliant British engineering.
0:56:54 > 0:56:57You could argue that it doesn't have
0:56:57 > 0:56:59the passion or the flair of a Ferrari,
0:56:59 > 0:57:02and I'd probably agree with you.
0:57:02 > 0:57:04But look at it this way.
0:57:04 > 0:57:08It was passion and flair that built the Leaning Tower of Pisa,
0:57:08 > 0:57:11and it was British engineering
0:57:11 > 0:57:16that built the plumb-dead-straight Westminster Abbey.
0:57:50 > 0:57:52Hair on end.
0:57:52 > 0:57:55Great, but weren't we supposed to test that against the hybrids
0:57:55 > 0:57:58- that Porsche and Ferrari are developing?- The Ferrari isn't ready.
0:57:58 > 0:58:01- The Porsche is.- It wasn't when I filmed that.- But it is now.
0:58:01 > 0:58:05- I shall be driving it on the show in a few weeks' time.- Yes.
0:58:05 > 0:58:08And after you've done that, we're going to put the Stig
0:58:08 > 0:58:11in both of them and do some time laps around our track.
0:58:11 > 0:58:14Now, that should be quite something, I think.
0:58:14 > 0:58:17- I don't think it will be.- Hey? - Why not?
0:58:17 > 0:58:20- Well, because... Were you not listening the film?- Yeah.
0:58:20 > 0:58:23The speed of this is beyond anything I've ever experienced.
0:58:23 > 0:58:26It's animal savagery. It's beyond belief.
0:58:26 > 0:58:29- Yes, yes, yes, but the Porsche might be faster.- It won't be.
0:58:29 > 0:58:31- But it might be.- No, but it won't be.
0:58:31 > 0:58:34But...it might be.
0:58:34 > 0:58:36- I guarantee it won't be. - But it might be.
0:58:36 > 0:58:39Hammond, I'll do you a deal.
0:58:39 > 0:58:43If the Porsche is faster round our track than this,
0:58:43 > 0:58:46I will change my name, by deed poll,
0:58:46 > 0:58:48to Jennifer.
0:58:48 > 0:58:50- Really?- Yes.
0:58:50 > 0:58:52- Promise?- Yes.
0:58:52 > 0:58:56And on that potential bombshell, it is time to end.
0:58:56 > 0:59:00Thank you so much for watching. See you next week. Good night!