0:00:10 > 0:00:12Tonight...
0:00:12 > 0:00:13I sit on a rock...
0:00:13 > 0:00:15James gets something in his eye...
0:00:15 > 0:00:16Oh!
0:00:16 > 0:00:19And Richard says, "Mummy!"
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Oh, Mummy!
0:00:24 > 0:00:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Thank you, hello!
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Hello, good evening, thank you so much.
0:00:33 > 0:00:34Thank you, now...
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Now, tonight's show...
0:00:38 > 0:00:39Tonight's show is interesting
0:00:39 > 0:00:42because we have all sort of reverted to type.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Later on, Hammond is in the desert driving like an idiot
0:00:46 > 0:00:49in a large and flamboyant off-roader.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53I'm in northern Italy driving a rather elegant sports car
0:00:53 > 0:00:56and James, well actually, we are kicking off with James,
0:00:56 > 0:00:59who really is in his comfort zone
0:00:59 > 0:01:03because he is on a Second World War air base
0:01:03 > 0:01:06talking about a car from the 1950s.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14This is The Stig taking a Caterham to the ragged edge
0:01:14 > 0:01:16on our track back in 2008.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23That particular lap is something of an internet sensation.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26It's been viewed over 100 times
0:01:26 > 0:01:28and one of the reasons it's so popular is
0:01:28 > 0:01:32because that is the Caterham R500,
0:01:32 > 0:01:36the most powerful and extreme car they have ever built.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Or, rather, it was.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45Because its crown has just been stolen by this.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50The brand-new Caterham 620R.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54Where the old 500 had 263hp,
0:01:54 > 0:01:57this has 310.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01And since it weighs just 545kg,
0:02:01 > 0:02:06it has a better power to weight ratio than a Bugatti Veyron.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08But I have driven a Bugatti Veyron
0:02:08 > 0:02:12and I have to say it was very civilised.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Let's see how this compares.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15ENGINE REVS
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Oh!
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Bloody Nora! Oh!
0:02:19 > 0:02:20Argh!
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Argh! Argh!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28ENGINE DROWNS SPEECH
0:02:28 > 0:02:30I can't see!
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Oh! Ow!
0:02:34 > 0:02:36BLEEP.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Argh!
0:02:40 > 0:02:42God above, that's not...
0:02:42 > 0:02:43That's not like acceleration,
0:02:43 > 0:02:46that's like being in a football and somebody kicks it.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Ugh!
0:02:51 > 0:02:54'With a helmet and goggles deputising for the windscreen,
0:02:54 > 0:02:57'I tried once more to get to grips with the 620R.'
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Obviously, you can tell from the way I'm screaming at you,
0:03:09 > 0:03:13the racket in here is tremendous.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18It's quite difficult to breathe.
0:03:18 > 0:03:23'That's hardly surprising since 0-60 takes just 2.8 seconds.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28'And it's not like you can get your breath back in the corners.'
0:03:29 > 0:03:31TYRES SCREECH
0:03:34 > 0:03:35- Geez. - HE COUGHS
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Right, this time, watch this.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42TYRES SCREECH
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Oh, not again. Sorry.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47There'll be a lot of editing to do on this piece.
0:03:49 > 0:03:55'Stick at it for several months and you can bring the 620R to heel.'
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Whey, hey-hey!
0:04:00 > 0:04:02I've done a whole circuit!
0:04:03 > 0:04:06'And when you get your eye in, it's not a bad car.'
0:04:06 > 0:04:08It's still a Caterham.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10It's all very crisp. Very nice.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Fantastic sequential gearbox.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19'It's just that it's too much hard work.'
0:04:20 > 0:04:23The trouble is this is power piled on power.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25It can barely contain itself.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28It's like a teenager left alone with the internet.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32The wheels and the suspension can only just
0:04:32 > 0:04:34keep up with what's going on.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Whey-hey!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39It's not supposed to be like this.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40It's just a little sports car!
0:04:41 > 0:04:44'However, I think I have an answer to the problem.'
0:04:46 > 0:04:50You see, I think if you're going to build a minimalist car,
0:04:50 > 0:04:53you need to take a minimalist approach to performance
0:04:53 > 0:04:55and handling, as well.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57It's no good just piling on more and more power,
0:04:57 > 0:04:59that's like trying to improve a curry
0:04:59 > 0:05:01by putting more and more chillies in it.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04What I'm trying to say is, well,
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Caterham needs to find a better Indian restaurant.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13Fortunately it seems they're ahead of me on this one.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Alongside their new, most powerful car ever,
0:05:17 > 0:05:19they've also come up with this,
0:05:19 > 0:05:21their least powerful car ever.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24It's called the 160
0:05:24 > 0:05:27and it has just 80hp
0:05:27 > 0:05:30from a tiny turbocharged three-cylinder Suzuki engine.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37So the engine is much smaller but then so is the price.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41The 620R is £50,000.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45This is just £17,000.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Admittedly, 0-60 takes a gentle seven seconds
0:05:51 > 0:05:54and the top speed is only 100.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58But that's not the point.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Top speed, 0-60, they're just numbers.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05They are meaningless in themselves.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11What matters is whether or not they add up into a sensation
0:06:11 > 0:06:13and this delivers a tremendous sensation.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18TYRES SCREECH
0:06:18 > 0:06:21HE CHUCKLES
0:06:21 > 0:06:25The key to the 160's sense of fun is a set of super skinny tyres.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29They are only a tiny bit wider than a space saver.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32So you only have to twitch your foot a little bit...
0:06:32 > 0:06:35TYRES SCREECH
0:06:35 > 0:06:38..and you can slide around like Mika Hakkinen.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Oh, lovely! Look at me.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46Whoo!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49When you have worn your tyres out,
0:06:49 > 0:06:52they're only 40 quid each to replace.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Even The Stig, who normally turns his snout up at anything
0:06:55 > 0:06:59with less than 500hp, had an absolute ball.
0:07:05 > 0:07:06It has a windscreen.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09It'll do over 50 miles to the gallon.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11As far as I'm concerned,
0:07:11 > 0:07:13it's the best car Caterham has ever made.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17In fact, there's only one thing wrong with it.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20The way it looks.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Next to the latest stripped out sports cars like the Ariel Atom,
0:07:23 > 0:07:27and the BAC Mono, it sits a bit like a typewriter
0:07:27 > 0:07:29in an internet cafe.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I wonder if they could do something about that?
0:07:34 > 0:07:37As it happens, they're ahead of me on that one, too.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43This is the AeroSeven.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46It's been developed with the help of the Caterham F1 team.
0:07:46 > 0:07:51The great thing is, it isn't some static papier mache one-off
0:07:51 > 0:07:53built for a motor show stand.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04What do you think of this, then?
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Positively down on gastrique by Caterham standards.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16The next thing you know, they'll have a fax machine.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20The AeroSeven isn't going into production for a year or so.
0:08:20 > 0:08:25Before it does, there's one major thing they need to fix.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Ow!
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Oh!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33It hasn't got a windscreen!
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Useless!
0:08:37 > 0:08:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:41 > 0:08:44The best car they've ever made?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46- According to him, it is. - Well...
0:08:46 > 0:08:48The best car they've ever made?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Slowest...
0:08:50 > 0:08:52So, James, er...
0:08:52 > 0:08:54So you don't like cars without windscreens?
0:08:54 > 0:08:58No, I hate cars without windscreens. That is the most idiotic idea
0:08:58 > 0:09:01in the whole history of motoring, isn't it? What is the point?
0:09:01 > 0:09:03What advantage is there of building a car without a windscreen?
0:09:03 > 0:09:07You might as well have a snorkel mask with no glass in it and you get hit in the eyeball by fish.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- LAUGHTER - It's that idiotic.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13James, before you have an aneurysm, there are one or two points
0:09:13 > 0:09:16that Hammond and I would like to make
0:09:16 > 0:09:19about some of the things you said in that film.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Hammond, do you want to go first?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Yeah, four minutes and 58 seconds into your film,
0:09:24 > 0:09:26whilst referring to acceleration figures,
0:09:26 > 0:09:30you say, "They are just numbers, they're meaningless."
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- They are.- You would say that!
0:09:32 > 0:09:36James, but a car that accelerates from 0-60 in 2.8 seconds
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- is better than one that does it in seven seconds. - No, what I was actually saying...
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Also, at three minutes 51,
0:09:41 > 0:09:45you say and I'm paraphrasing here, that giving it more power
0:09:45 > 0:09:50- is like trying to improve a curry by adding more chillies.- Mmm.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52- That is how you improve a curry! - No, it isn't.- It is.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Remember the chicken curry from school,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58it was screaming for more spice, it's what it needed is more.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Yes, then James at five minutes and 29 seconds,
0:10:01 > 0:10:05you said you were sliding around like Mika Hakkinen.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- I was.- Yes, but you see Mika Hakkinen is a Formula 1 driver
0:10:08 > 0:10:10and they don't slide around.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Yeah, but when Mika Hakkinen took me out for a drive, he did slide around!
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- Yes, but he's not known for sliding around.- No, exactly.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21He might collect porcelain frogs but you don't go around saying,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23"I'm collecting porcelain frogs like Mika Hakkinen right now."
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- It's not relevant.- Exactly!
0:10:26 > 0:10:28- Have you quite finished? - Well, not really
0:10:28 > 0:10:30because there's a lot to go through but,
0:10:30 > 0:10:34sadly, we must now find out how fast these cars go round our track
0:10:34 > 0:10:37and that, of course, means handing them
0:10:37 > 0:10:38over to a man who can actually drive!
0:10:38 > 0:10:39LAUGHTER
0:10:39 > 0:10:44Some say that he once put Helen Mirren in a dishwasher.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46LAUGHTER
0:10:46 > 0:10:49And that at the Winter Olympics he was disqualified
0:10:49 > 0:10:54from the skeleton event for riding down the hill on an actual skeleton.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56LAUGHTER
0:10:56 > 0:10:57All we know is he's called The Stig!
0:10:57 > 0:10:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:00 > 0:11:02And they are off.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Ooh, it's a bit damp out there, that may slow them down a bit.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08620R building up a command...
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Oh, no, there was the other one coming into shot...
0:11:10 > 0:11:12at the last moment.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15First corner in, the 620R, he's handling that well.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17No, still...
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Yes, we just saw the other one.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22And here he is, no music, obviously, to listen to today.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Just the sound of that
0:11:24 > 0:11:27two-litre Ford Duratec engine,
0:11:27 > 0:11:29supercharged in the 620R.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34They don't use the 2.3 that they use and the BAC Mono.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Here he is at the back!
0:11:36 > 0:11:37Cos it's too tall.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40He is actually struggling to get the power down.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43But he is getting it down.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44Beautifully.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Right, Follow Through next.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Here he is, definitely lifting off.
0:11:50 > 0:11:55This is a magnificent example of car control
0:11:55 > 0:11:57from The Stig, in one of them at least!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59The other one simply not there.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Right, just...
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Oh, good God, look at that.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Nearly losing it at the exit of the Follow Through.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09Handling it nicely coming through into Gambon.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Getting some opposite lock on before the corner
0:12:11 > 0:12:13and across the line!
0:12:16 > 0:12:20We just have to wait now for James's favourite car to finish.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24"The best car Caterham have ever made"... there it goes.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26LAUGHTER
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Any minute now, it'll be across the line.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33OK, talk among yourselves.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37- And there it is! - AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:12:37 > 0:12:38APPLAUSE
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Wet lap, so we're not expecting any records,
0:12:44 > 0:12:46we certainly haven't got them.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Right the 620R, the car you didn't much like.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53That did it in 1:22.3.
0:12:53 > 0:12:59Similar conditions, similar time to the magnificent Lexus LFA. OK?
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Now your favourite car...
0:13:02 > 0:13:03Not quite so fast.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05LAUGHTER
0:13:06 > 0:13:08There's no other way of saying this,
0:13:08 > 0:13:13it was a 1:45.5, so it's there.
0:13:13 > 0:13:18It's actually five seconds slower than Morgan's wooden tricycle.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20LAUGHTER
0:13:20 > 0:13:24- Good.- And that's your favourite car?
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Of those two, yeah.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27LAUGHTER
0:13:27 > 0:13:29And now the news
0:13:29 > 0:13:33and the news is that later on in this programme
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Jeremy is going to try and prove to James and me
0:13:35 > 0:13:37that cars are better than bikes.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- Well, that's because they are. - Well, they're not.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Oh, yes, they are. They're warmer than bikes,
0:13:43 > 0:13:45they stand up by themselves.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48You don't have to wear rubber trousers.
0:13:48 > 0:13:49They're faster.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- Not faster! - They are round corners.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Well, not in a straight line.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Yes, you see, that's what I'm going to prove later on
0:13:56 > 0:13:58that they are faster in a straight line.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00- Really?- Yes, I am.- Really?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Yes, I am, but now we're going to do the proper news, OK?
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Now you know all around the world there are museums for all
0:14:06 > 0:14:09sorts of silly things. There's a pencil museum in, is it Cumbria?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- Yeah, it is.- Yeah, a pencil museum.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14There's an umbrella museum in Spain
0:14:14 > 0:14:16and a museum of the vagina in Japan.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20- There is a penis museum in Iceland. - Been there.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23It's very cold, all the exhibits are very small.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25The reason I bring this up is because,
0:14:25 > 0:14:28in America there is a Corvette Museum.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30There's a photograph of it here.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Now, as we know, the Corvette enthusiast in America is quite...
0:14:33 > 0:14:37- Heavy.- Yes, they're bigger gentleman. - Big-boned.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Well, one of them visited the museum this week and this happened.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42LAUGHTER
0:14:42 > 0:14:44- Must have been a big one! - That was a big hole.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46And apparently, eight cars fell into it.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49There's a shot actually looking down. Look at that.
0:14:49 > 0:14:50Oh, God, that's painful to see!
0:14:50 > 0:14:53- Damage was estimated at 37.- Was it?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Was it? - But actually, we shouldn't mock
0:14:57 > 0:15:00because you know there was a sinkhole, which is what this is,
0:15:00 > 0:15:03that opened on the M2 this week, did you see? On the central reservation?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06They closed the motorway for 18 hours.
0:15:06 > 0:15:11That, they kept the museum open. They did!
0:15:11 > 0:15:13- Well, you can still see the cars. - Yeah, you just...
0:15:14 > 0:15:17I think we should applaud the Americans for that
0:15:17 > 0:15:19because that's a good attitude to health and safety.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21It is. Well done, you.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23- Yes.- Now, I've received a letter. May I just read it to you?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26"Dear Mr Clarkson..." You're going to love this.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30"I'm writing to you on behalf of the world-famous Madame Tussauds."
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- Oh, they're not going to... - Yes, they are!- Oh, you're joking!
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Oh, no!
0:15:35 > 0:15:39They say I have been highly requested, highly requested,
0:15:39 > 0:15:41to be immortalised in wax.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45You sure that doesn't say immersed in wax?
0:15:46 > 0:15:48No, immortalised in wax.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50How are they going to immortalise you in wax?
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Where are they going to get all the wax?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Presumably they'll have to melt down everything else
0:15:55 > 0:15:59in Madame Tussauds, to make one massive hideous wax dummy...
0:15:59 > 0:16:01of a hideous dummy.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03It's easy, they just get a very big candle, they light it,
0:16:03 > 0:16:05let it drip down the edges for a couple of hours,
0:16:05 > 0:16:07then just draw a face on it with felt tip.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11I want to see them sculpting it, cos imagine,
0:16:11 > 0:16:13once they've melted down enough wax, which is a lot,
0:16:13 > 0:16:17the size of the urn, it'll look like a scene from Lord Of The Rings!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19With all these little orcs walking around the bottom,
0:16:19 > 0:16:23getting ready... a big pour, to create this hideous, hideous,
0:16:23 > 0:16:26grotesque, enormous thing! How are they going to fit it in?
0:16:26 > 0:16:29No, don't put it there, put it in the Natural History Museum.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31LAUGHTER
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Better still...
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Next to the big brontosaur!
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Just a big skeleton.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Just a big skeleton next to the brontosaur,
0:16:43 > 0:16:46a big tyrannosaurus- what-the-hell-is-that?
0:16:46 > 0:16:47And then people can go and watch.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50Ladies and gentlemen, the sound of bitterness and jealousy.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55My colleagues, there. I wish I hadn't brought that up.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56As you probably noticed last week,
0:16:56 > 0:16:59a Danish supercar called the Zenvo came down here and caught fire.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02A lot of people were very shocked by that but actually,
0:17:02 > 0:17:05it's not unusual for expensive cars to catch fire
0:17:05 > 0:17:06when they're first released.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Ferrari had a problem with the 458.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10And then just this week,
0:17:10 > 0:17:12we've been hearing about Porsche GT3 problems.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16There's a shot here of one in... of one in Switzerland.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19The internet is awash with rumours of other examples of this.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Porsche themselves admit it has happened in Italy as well.
0:17:23 > 0:17:28And have now suspended deliveries of the new GT3 to customers.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32Yeah, but what if you'd already taken delivery of your brand-new...
0:17:32 > 0:17:36your brand-new and expensive GT3 that might catch fire at any moment?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Well, we really need to ask a customer,
0:17:38 > 0:17:39don't we, who's just done that?
0:17:39 > 0:17:44- Hammond!- What?- You've just had a GT3 delivered, haven't you?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Yes! HE LAUGHS
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Shut up! Shut up, stop talking about it.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53- Thank you, move on.- It must be so depressing.- Oh, God. Yes, it is.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57To have worked so hard to buy your dream car
0:17:57 > 0:18:00- that is then immediately valueless. - Oh, God!
0:18:01 > 0:18:04So to try and cheer you up, Hammond, I've bought you a small present.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Oh, have you? Thank you, I love your gifts.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08We don't often buy each other presents on this show
0:18:08 > 0:18:11but I've done just that today.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15Mono... They're actually GT3 branded driving gloves.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Oven gloves.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Thank you.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Funny. Ha-ha-ha-ha(!)
0:18:23 > 0:18:24And...
0:18:24 > 0:18:27- Doesn't just stop there. - Oh, please let it stop.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29I think we need to coat your car
0:18:29 > 0:18:34in the most fire retardant material known to man. Pizzas.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Oh, not your pizza theory! It's one of his stupid theories.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- Come on, Hammond, come with me. - Really?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Now, this is your actual GT3.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43Yes, it is, actually, yes.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46We know this because there's a fireman standing next to it
0:18:46 > 0:18:49- with an extinguisher in case it suddenly combusts.- Good!
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Now, what I'm planning on doing, OK,
0:18:52 > 0:18:55is I'm going to take these pizzas, pop them on the car.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58- And then apply a blowtorch. - No! No, you're not, no, you're not!
0:18:58 > 0:19:03I've seen you do this and you're not doing it to my car. No.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05But the ladies and gentlemen want to see if pizza is...
0:19:05 > 0:19:09- I don't care! Not to my car! No. - Can we attach them to you?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12- Well, if you must, yes. - Right, well, first of all,
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- we need to establish... James, can I borrow you?- Yes.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18First of all we need to establish that these are pizzas, OK?
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Have a look.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22You will see there's no asbestos in there,
0:19:22 > 0:19:24- they're real pizzas. Yes?- Yeah.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26James, perhaps you'd like to just take a bite?
0:19:26 > 0:19:30- Yes, let me just pull a piece off. - Is that a pizza?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Tastes like the cardboard box it came in, so it must be.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34There you go. So those are the pizzas.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37If you'd like to attach those to Hammond, that would be tremendous.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40- To his face?- Um...
0:19:40 > 0:19:42- His vegetables.- OK.- Oh, really?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Come on!
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Oh, not... That's ambitious, mate.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48That's by my knees!
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Now, I'm going to fire up the blowtorch. There we go.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Oh, God, come on, no! This is ridiculous!
0:19:56 > 0:19:59James, how hot is the tip of this flame?
0:19:59 > 0:20:03Probably the best part of 800 degrees C. Enough to melt aluminium.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Enough to melt aluminium. This is a real blowtorch.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Look, I can demonstrate it.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Fire on there, you can actually
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- see it burning the table nicely.- Oh!
0:20:12 > 0:20:16This is a real, well, two layers of pizza, and a real Richard Hammond.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Everybody ready?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20- CROWD:- Yes!
0:20:20 > 0:20:21Wouldn't do it to him.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23AUDIENCE GROANS
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Oh, yes, I would!
0:20:25 > 0:20:26AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Oh, no!
0:20:28 > 0:20:30HE YELLS
0:20:30 > 0:20:33- Jeremy, that's quite a long time, isn't it?- Not really.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35- Stop it! - I can smell burning sausage.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Is that alarming?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Can you see? Pizza.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43- Pop it on your car.- No!
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Ladies and gentlemen, Hammond is still here.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48APPLAUSE
0:20:52 > 0:20:53Stupid, stupid.
0:20:55 > 0:20:56That is...
0:20:56 > 0:20:59I think that is a Top Gear hot tip.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01We're going to move on.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Because, you see, in the olden days, when James was 43,
0:21:05 > 0:21:09car makers would sell you a complete car like they do now.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Or they would sell you something like this -
0:21:12 > 0:21:15an engine, a chassis, and some suspension.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19And then you would take this to a coach-building company
0:21:19 > 0:21:22who would then fit a personalised body, personalised interior,
0:21:22 > 0:21:25you could have anything you wanted.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27And in the '30s,
0:21:27 > 0:21:31this meant there were some truly amazing creations.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41Back then, there were coach-building companies all over the world,
0:21:41 > 0:21:45helping the wealthy to fulfil their wildest dreams.
0:21:45 > 0:21:50Anything was possible, and everything was done.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Coach building meant that Clark Gable didn't have to have
0:21:53 > 0:21:56a car that looked like this.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59It meant he could have one that looked like this.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Today, though, cars are built differently.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10You don't get a chassis with a body on the top.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14Because the body sort of is the chassis.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16The pillars, the roof, the doorframes,
0:22:16 > 0:22:21they're all load-bearing, so changing anything is a nightmare.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23And this has meant that for many years,
0:22:23 > 0:22:26coach building has been a lost art.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30Now, though, I'm delighted to say...
0:22:30 > 0:22:31it's back.
0:22:39 > 0:22:44Welcome, everyone, to the Alfa Romeo Disco Volante.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52One of the most striking, intelligent,
0:22:52 > 0:22:55and unusual cars I've seen in a very long time.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05It started out in life as an Alfa Romeo 8C.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09But was totally re-bodied and re-upholstered
0:23:09 > 0:23:14by an old coach building company in Milan called Touring.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25In the '50s, they styled and built sports cars for Alfa Romeo.
0:23:28 > 0:23:34Later, they designed the Aston Martin DB5 and DB6.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Along with the Jensen Interceptor,
0:23:38 > 0:23:41and the very first Lamborghini -
0:23:41 > 0:23:43the 350GT.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47That is quite a CV.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51In recent years, however, they've been reduced to making
0:23:51 > 0:23:55mildly modified Bentleys and Maseratis.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57It's been like watching Dame Judi Dench
0:23:57 > 0:24:00reduced to appearing in a regional pantomime.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06But now, they've decided to bring
0:24:06 > 0:24:09the lost art of proper coach building back,
0:24:09 > 0:24:11with the Disco Volante.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18Certain structural and safety related things can't be changed.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21The seat belt mounting points, the windscreen,
0:24:21 > 0:24:22the suspension mounting points,
0:24:22 > 0:24:25they'll be the same on this car as they are on this one.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27It's like plastic surgery.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30You can't change the skeleton, but you can change the flesh.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33And that is what they've done.
0:24:33 > 0:24:34But has it worked?
0:24:41 > 0:24:44The simple answer is, yes.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46It doesn't shake, it doesn't rattle.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50It doesn't feel like botched plastic surgery.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52You don't think every time you go over a bump,
0:24:52 > 0:24:55"Oh, no, my nose is going to fall off."
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Doesn't feel like Michael Jackson.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Do you know what it does feel? It feels...
0:25:04 > 0:25:05solid.
0:25:05 > 0:25:11It feels, and this is high praise for a hand-built car, it feels...
0:25:11 > 0:25:13mass-produced.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20That said, it does not feel like the car that spawned it.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22It doesn't feel like an 8C.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29That's because they've softened the suspension,
0:25:29 > 0:25:32they've turned it from a stiff, B-road barnstormer
0:25:32 > 0:25:36into a comfortable cruising machine, and I like that.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42There are loads of cars built specifically to attack
0:25:42 > 0:25:43a road like this.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45So it's quite refreshing to find one
0:25:45 > 0:25:48that allows you to savour it.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Savour the views, savour the moment.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57So, it doesn't feel like an 8C.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04And it certainly doesn't sound like one either.
0:26:06 > 0:26:07Oh, it's the most...
0:26:10 > 0:26:13..soulful-sounding car I think I've ever heard.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18It's as though the entire exhaust system
0:26:18 > 0:26:21is actually made out of Otis Redding.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28# Left my home in Georgia... #
0:26:28 > 0:26:30HE ROARS IN TUNE WITH ENGINE
0:26:30 > 0:26:31GIGGLES
0:26:31 > 0:26:35# Heading for the Frisco Bay... #
0:26:35 > 0:26:37HE IMITATES ACCELERATING ENGINE GROWL
0:26:42 > 0:26:44It's Otis!
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Don't get me wrong, though.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52This is not a slow car.
0:26:54 > 0:26:59It has a 444 horsepower 4.7 litre Maserati V8.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08Couple that to a super-light carbon fibre and aluminium body,
0:27:08 > 0:27:11and you end up with a car that accelerates
0:27:11 > 0:27:12like it's fallen off a cliff.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21The top speed is 181.
0:27:23 > 0:27:29Thing is, though, driving a car this exquisite, this elegant,
0:27:29 > 0:27:32quickly, feels wrong.
0:27:32 > 0:27:37It would be like pogo dancing to I Heard It Through The Grapevine.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40No, no, no, you can't do that!
0:27:44 > 0:27:49This, this kind of speed, this is where it's at its best. Half speed.
0:27:51 > 0:27:55I don't even feel inclined to drive it fast.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58I don't want to hang the tail out on the hairpins.
0:28:00 > 0:28:05Just want to put it in auto, put some tunes on the stereo, like so.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Pop on a pair of sunglasses...
0:28:08 > 0:28:10and slow on down.
0:28:21 > 0:28:26And pretty soon, you'll want to stop altogether and get out.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Because looking at this car,
0:28:28 > 0:28:31that's really what it's all about.
0:28:33 > 0:28:38It's interesting how many elements from other things are in that shape.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41I can see a little bit of Corvette, a bit of E-Type...
0:28:41 > 0:28:44Then there's the, um...I think it was called the Discovery,
0:28:44 > 0:28:48the spaceship in 2001: A Space Odyssey.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50I see that at the front.
0:28:50 > 0:28:52And I love the way they paint it gold
0:28:52 > 0:28:55before they paint it red to make the colour richer.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58Then there's the name - "Disco Volante" -
0:28:58 > 0:29:00picked out in the seats.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03I know, in Italian, Disco Volante means "flying saucer"
0:29:03 > 0:29:06but to me, it's the name of Largo's hydrofoil
0:29:06 > 0:29:09in the Bond film Thunderball.
0:29:12 > 0:29:13I love that car.
0:29:15 > 0:29:16I really do.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27I think it really is time now
0:29:27 > 0:29:30to bring out my special, "in love" face.
0:29:34 > 0:29:38I was jealous of Hammond when he came out to Italy the other day
0:29:38 > 0:29:40to drive the new Alfa 4C, because, to me,
0:29:40 > 0:29:42that thing is special.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44It's...it's the Angel Gabriel.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49But I'm not jealous any more, because this...
0:29:49 > 0:29:51This is the full baby Jesus.
0:29:55 > 0:29:57I'm not going to say it's the best car in the world -
0:29:57 > 0:29:59it certainly isn't the nicest to drive,
0:29:59 > 0:30:03the brakes are spongy, you can see nothing out of the back.
0:30:03 > 0:30:07But as a tool for making you feel special,
0:30:07 > 0:30:09really, nothing gets close.
0:30:09 > 0:30:12Nothing at all.
0:30:15 > 0:30:19A Maserati heart, an Alfa Romeo badge,
0:30:19 > 0:30:21exhausts made out of Otis Redding...
0:30:23 > 0:30:26..and a hand-crafted body to die for.
0:30:27 > 0:30:31That is one hell of a combination.
0:30:31 > 0:30:33It really is.
0:30:43 > 0:30:45APPLAUSE
0:30:47 > 0:30:49No, no, no, no, no. No, don't...
0:30:49 > 0:30:51Sorry.
0:30:51 > 0:30:53- What?- Hang on.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55You were having a go at me earlier on
0:30:55 > 0:30:58because I preferred the slow Caterham to the fast one.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00- Mm-hm.- And here you are, raving about a car
0:31:00 > 0:31:02- that's happiest at half-speed? - Well, yes.
0:31:02 > 0:31:04You're an utter hypocrite.
0:31:04 > 0:31:05No, no - you see, the thing is,
0:31:05 > 0:31:10I'd prefer to drive to somebody's house in a Lexus LFA,
0:31:10 > 0:31:14cos I like the power from that screaming V10 engine.
0:31:14 > 0:31:16But I'd prefer to arrive in this,
0:31:16 > 0:31:20because it's elegant, it's beautiful, it's handcrafted...
0:31:20 > 0:31:21How much is it?
0:31:21 > 0:31:23Uh... well, do you know, they won't tell me,
0:31:23 > 0:31:26even when I lightly tortured them.
0:31:26 > 0:31:28But I have heard there's a man in Singapore
0:31:28 > 0:31:31paid £1.5 million for his.
0:31:31 > 0:31:35Now, there are a lot of import taxes in Singapore - I mean, huge ones.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37Even so, that's about 130...
0:31:37 > 0:31:40That's still £600,000 for the car.
0:31:40 > 0:31:43Yes, I know. And what's amazing is that, in Singapore,
0:31:43 > 0:31:48you're not allowed to drive a left-hand drive car on the road.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51So he's paid £1.5 million for a car he can't drive.
0:31:51 > 0:31:52LAUGHTER
0:31:52 > 0:31:54He's completely mad.
0:31:54 > 0:31:56He isn't - somebody's just paid, what, £42 million
0:31:56 > 0:31:58for a Francis Bacon painting.
0:31:58 > 0:32:00You can't drive that, either.
0:32:01 > 0:32:02It's not a car.
0:32:02 > 0:32:05James, I haven't got time for your pedantry.
0:32:05 > 0:32:09Because we have to now put a Star in our Reasonably Priced Car.
0:32:09 > 0:32:12Now, my guest tonight is extremely funny,
0:32:12 > 0:32:14but he can't drive.
0:32:14 > 0:32:18So he is the exact opposite of Nigel Mansell.
0:32:18 > 0:32:19LAUGHTER
0:32:19 > 0:32:21Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Whitehall.
0:32:21 > 0:32:23APPLAUSE
0:32:25 > 0:32:29- How are you?- Good, how are you? - Look who's here!- Hello.
0:32:30 > 0:32:32- Hey.- Have a seat.
0:32:33 > 0:32:34- Oh...- Ooh...
0:32:36 > 0:32:39Do you know, I haven't seen you since you were in short trousers.
0:32:39 > 0:32:42Yes, well, I mean, you know...
0:32:42 > 0:32:43You were a big part of my childhood.
0:32:43 > 0:32:46And that's not something that probably everyone in here knows.
0:32:46 > 0:32:51Jeremy was a father at the prep school that I went to
0:32:51 > 0:32:54and I have a lot of very vivid...
0:32:54 > 0:32:57This is a big moment for me, being here, with you, cos...
0:32:57 > 0:32:59- With long trousers. - With long trousers on -
0:32:59 > 0:33:01tight, long trousers.
0:33:01 > 0:33:06But you were, like, the first kind of...real kind of,
0:33:06 > 0:33:08silverback alpha male I'd ever set eyes on.
0:33:08 > 0:33:11Every other father at the school that I went to
0:33:11 > 0:33:14was, like, a blubbering-faced posh toff with a Barbour jacket.
0:33:14 > 0:33:18Then you came striding across the sports field,
0:33:18 > 0:33:20a vision in denim, like...
0:33:20 > 0:33:23It was amazing - we were all like, "Oh, God, look at him!
0:33:23 > 0:33:25"He probably eats his steak rare
0:33:25 > 0:33:28- "and doesn't bother getting out of the bath to take a- BLEEP."
0:33:28 > 0:33:30LAUGHTER
0:33:31 > 0:33:36Now... we get many guests down here who say, "Ooh, no, I can't drive."
0:33:36 > 0:33:39And they mean, "I've never done any track driving
0:33:39 > 0:33:41"and I'm not very confident and I'm not very good."
0:33:41 > 0:33:45When we say you can't drive, we mean... you CAN'T drive.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48No. No, I can't drive at all.
0:33:48 > 0:33:52I... I mean, I've been in a car once, behind the wheel.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54I've done passenger stuff loads of times, I'm amazing.
0:33:54 > 0:33:57But the driving aspect, I've done, like, half a lesson?
0:33:57 > 0:33:59My dad gave me half a lesson
0:33:59 > 0:34:01and it became clear that it wasn't really a lesson -
0:34:01 > 0:34:03he wanted a lift to the butchers.
0:34:03 > 0:34:06So we drove down the road to the left,
0:34:06 > 0:34:08he picked up a leg of lamb and we went home.
0:34:08 > 0:34:10So that's the only lesson I ever had.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14But I've never been behind the wheel of a car on my own ever before.
0:34:14 > 0:34:17- So I thought it would be good to come and do it...- Here?
0:34:17 > 0:34:19Which, of course,
0:34:19 > 0:34:22meant that we actually had to teach you to drive a car.
0:34:22 > 0:34:24- Yeah.- When I say, "we"...The Stig.
0:34:24 > 0:34:28Yeah, I mean, he wasn't... he's not a great instructor.
0:34:28 > 0:34:31He's not talkative, let's put it that way.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Um... well, we've actually got some footage
0:34:33 > 0:34:37of Jack's first ever driving lesson in an actual...
0:34:37 > 0:34:38Was it a manual?
0:34:38 > 0:34:41I mean, did it have, like, a lever coming out there?
0:34:41 > 0:34:43It had a pull-y thing and then three pedals.
0:34:43 > 0:34:45Three pedals and a pull-y thing.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47- This is known as a manual car. - A manual car, yes.
0:34:47 > 0:34:51Anybody like to see Jack's first ever driving lesson?
0:34:51 > 0:34:52AUDIENCE: Yes!
0:34:52 > 0:34:55Never, ever done this before. Here we go, let's have a look.
0:34:58 > 0:35:00It should make a "vroom" noise, shouldn't it?
0:35:02 > 0:35:04Do I... am I turning it the right way?
0:35:06 > 0:35:09No? Right, OK, fine.
0:35:09 > 0:35:11'Was he completely uncommunicative?'
0:35:11 > 0:35:12He didn't even nod.
0:35:13 > 0:35:15ENGINE REVS
0:35:15 > 0:35:16Yes!
0:35:16 > 0:35:18ENGINE STALLS
0:35:18 > 0:35:22Stig, I might need a little bit more from you than this.
0:35:22 > 0:35:24OK, right, so that's not working.
0:35:24 > 0:35:25By process of elimination,
0:35:25 > 0:35:28if we come off the clutch and press this...
0:35:28 > 0:35:30ENGINE REVS LOUDLY
0:35:30 > 0:35:33- Revving.- Yeah, that's revving. - Getting ready.
0:35:33 > 0:35:36- And your handbrake's on. - That sounds good.
0:35:36 > 0:35:37No, it doesn't.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39OK, this is getting better.
0:35:40 > 0:35:41Oh, Jesus...
0:35:41 > 0:35:43APPLAUSE
0:35:46 > 0:35:47I mean, well done.
0:35:47 > 0:35:50But we had to go from that to getting you round a lap
0:35:50 > 0:35:53- in the space of an hour. - I think my priorities were...
0:35:53 > 0:35:55He didn't think that I was taking it seriously,
0:35:55 > 0:35:57cos when I first got in the car - a perfectly valid thing,
0:35:57 > 0:35:59it's the thing I always ask when I get in a car,
0:35:59 > 0:36:01is whether he had an iPhone charger.
0:36:01 > 0:36:06Because mine had died and I wanted to get some photos of the journey
0:36:06 > 0:36:07and he wasn't happy about that.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09But he's so moody!
0:36:09 > 0:36:13I asked him if there was a Mrs Stig and that didn't go down well.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15- No, it wouldn't. - That's what he needs -
0:36:15 > 0:36:18maybe he's not getting enough of it at home.
0:36:18 > 0:36:20I thought of the perfect person for The Stig as well -
0:36:20 > 0:36:21match made in Heaven -
0:36:21 > 0:36:23him and the woman who does the demonstrations on The Cube.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25With the mask.
0:36:25 > 0:36:26LAUGHTER
0:36:26 > 0:36:28They would be perfect together!
0:36:28 > 0:36:30APPLAUSE
0:36:31 > 0:36:33What would the babies be like?
0:36:33 > 0:36:36The babies would be amazing! You could do it as a challenge -
0:36:36 > 0:36:38send them to the Isle of Fernando's!
0:36:40 > 0:36:42Talking of The Stig not getting enough,
0:36:42 > 0:36:45how, if you're a 17-year-old youth,
0:36:45 > 0:36:48do you get any... at all from girls
0:36:48 > 0:36:50if you can't drive them anywhere?
0:36:50 > 0:36:53Yeah, it was hard. Especially when I became a stand-up
0:36:53 > 0:36:56and it was like, stand-up, you're going around on tours,
0:36:56 > 0:36:58quite rock'n'roll, there would be groupies and stuff,
0:36:58 > 0:37:01but it's very hard to pull a groupie
0:37:01 > 0:37:03when your mother has driven you to the gig.
0:37:03 > 0:37:06Afterwards, you'd be like, "Yeah, you want to go back to my crib?
0:37:06 > 0:37:09"My ride's outside, it's the Volvo just there.
0:37:09 > 0:37:12"You'll have to sit in the back, cos I ride up front with Mummy.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15"Hope you like The Archers!"
0:37:17 > 0:37:19So when you're doing your gigs now,
0:37:19 > 0:37:21presumably your mum doesn't take you around.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23No - the best thing about this latest tour,
0:37:23 > 0:37:24it's the biggest one I've done,
0:37:24 > 0:37:26and I'm going to be in a tour bus, which is amazing.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28Cos the worst thing, I find,
0:37:28 > 0:37:30about doing a tour when you're in a car
0:37:30 > 0:37:32is having to use petrol station toilets,
0:37:32 > 0:37:35cos the lock on a petrol station toilet door
0:37:35 > 0:37:37is always broken.
0:37:37 > 0:37:41They're always bust, then you have to do that thing which we all do,
0:37:41 > 0:37:43which I call "lavatory yoga"
0:37:43 > 0:37:46where you work out how to keep the door with a broken lock shut.
0:37:46 > 0:37:47Yeah.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49There's three main schools of it - you've got the Tom Daley,
0:37:49 > 0:37:52where you lean forward with the arms like that.
0:37:52 > 0:37:53- Use the fingertips.- Yeah.
0:37:53 > 0:37:57- But I can't- BLEEP- unless I'm playing Candy Crush, so that doesn't work.
0:37:57 > 0:37:59Then you've got the Bowing Monk,
0:37:59 > 0:38:02where you put your head forward and just use it as a doorstop.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04But someone can, like, knock you out
0:38:04 > 0:38:06if they're too insistent on getting in.
0:38:06 > 0:38:08Then your third option, which is the best one,
0:38:08 > 0:38:11which you should always use, is the Woman In Labour,
0:38:11 > 0:38:14where you plant two feet onto the door.
0:38:14 > 0:38:17But I committed to this recently in a petrol station
0:38:17 > 0:38:19just outside of Bolton, and I'd fully committed,
0:38:19 > 0:38:21but you have to be a master of your surroundings,
0:38:21 > 0:38:24I didn't realise the door in question opened both ways!
0:38:24 > 0:38:26LAUGHTER
0:38:26 > 0:38:29This, like, hairy trucker ripped it off and literally thought
0:38:29 > 0:38:32I was kind of presenting myself to him!
0:38:32 > 0:38:34"Hello!"
0:38:34 > 0:38:35Now, the lap.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38I ought to explain, you did actually ditch the manual, didn't you,
0:38:38 > 0:38:40for the lap and go to an automatic?
0:38:40 > 0:38:43Yeah, I thought that was best cos I wanted to get all the way around it.
0:38:43 > 0:38:45The only trouble with an automatic is you're not going to...
0:38:45 > 0:38:49You'll probably not get very high up that anyway, so... Let's not worry too much about that.
0:38:49 > 0:38:53Who here would like to see the result of your driving lesson?
0:38:53 > 0:38:56- AUDIENCE: Yeah! - Here we go.- Oh, dear.
0:38:59 > 0:39:02Flying solo for the first time.
0:39:02 > 0:39:05Come on, Jack. You are a king of speed!
0:39:05 > 0:39:09- We shall see, you look a bit frightened.- I was very frightened.
0:39:11 > 0:39:15- You've steered round that one. - It sounds awful.
0:39:15 > 0:39:17Oh, good God! And off.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20- That counts though, doesn't it? - Yes, yes, yes, you're still...
0:39:20 > 0:39:23- To be honest, a lot of what The Stig says is- BLEEP!
0:39:23 > 0:39:26It's really just about... Oh!
0:39:26 > 0:39:27JEREMY LAUGHS
0:39:27 > 0:39:30I guess we'll never know, as we do Chicago,
0:39:30 > 0:39:33heading down to the Hammerhead. Where are you going?
0:39:33 > 0:39:37- That's completely the wrong... - Oh, I feel so sick.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41- You made yourself sick! - I made myself sick.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45And here we go, round the Hammerhead... Whoops!
0:39:45 > 0:39:49- That was quite good. - Not really... Ooh!
0:39:49 > 0:39:52The big circular thing is necessary there in front of you.
0:39:52 > 0:39:54Is it low on petrol?
0:39:54 > 0:39:55Cos it kept beeping.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00Right, so, it was beeping at you?
0:40:00 > 0:40:02Don't go off there! Tyres.
0:40:02 > 0:40:03This one was good.
0:40:03 > 0:40:05Oh, braking there!
0:40:05 > 0:40:07That's ballsy because that can upset the rear end
0:40:07 > 0:40:08in a front-wheel-drive car
0:40:08 > 0:40:11and I may be talking French as far as you're concerned there.
0:40:11 > 0:40:16Only Gambon to go and can you do it?
0:40:16 > 0:40:20Oh, wait a minute, yes, nearly, you can! Across the line!
0:40:20 > 0:40:22CHEERING
0:40:22 > 0:40:24I got there.
0:40:27 > 0:40:31So, how fast do you think you did it?
0:40:31 > 0:40:36- Where do you think you came on the board?- Oh, I don't know.
0:40:36 > 0:40:39In between Hiddleston and Bonneville?
0:40:39 > 0:40:43You're hoping to get between Tom and Hugh? Around about the 1.50 mark?
0:40:43 > 0:40:44Yeah.
0:40:44 > 0:40:48You did it, Jack Whitehall... You're leaning forward like a pro...
0:40:48 > 0:40:51- One minute... - One minute, that's good.
0:40:51 > 0:40:52..50...
0:40:54 > 0:40:56There's no kind way of saying this.
0:40:59 > 0:41:02- ..4.5. - AUDIENCE GROANS
0:41:02 > 0:41:03AUDIENCE: Aw!
0:41:03 > 0:41:06It's all right, you know...
0:41:06 > 0:41:09Getting in the car for me was a victory in itself.
0:41:09 > 0:41:11Do you want to move it further down?
0:41:11 > 0:41:16I feel like I'm sullying that person by being there.
0:41:16 > 0:41:18But that, I mean...
0:41:18 > 0:41:21Maybe I could come back after I've actually learnt to drive
0:41:21 > 0:41:23and I would get a competitive time.
0:41:23 > 0:41:26I'd like to have you back because it's been bloody good fun having you.
0:41:26 > 0:41:28Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Whitehall!
0:41:28 > 0:41:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:41:37 > 0:41:44Now... If you want a car that's fast, you're spoiled for choice.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47Same story if you want a car that's economical or cheap,
0:41:47 > 0:41:51or has a big boot, but what if you're a massive showoff and your main
0:41:51 > 0:41:55requirement is for a car that makes you stand out in your hometown?
0:41:55 > 0:41:57Well, that can be a lot trickier
0:41:57 > 0:42:02depending upon the town where you live, as I shall now demonstrate.
0:42:12 > 0:42:17Welcome to the United Arab Emirates, where, as you can see,
0:42:17 > 0:42:20it takes quite a lot to stand out on the car front.
0:42:24 > 0:42:28Out here, your common or garden Ferrari or Lamborghini
0:42:28 > 0:42:30can no longer cut the mustard.
0:42:30 > 0:42:34So what do you do if you want to turn heads?
0:42:34 > 0:42:37Well, I think I may have the answer.
0:42:37 > 0:42:39ENGINE REVS
0:42:41 > 0:42:44You see, everyone thinks about blinging their wheels,
0:42:44 > 0:42:48but nobody ever thinks of adding MORE wheels.
0:42:53 > 0:42:59This is the new six-wheeled version of Mercedes' iconic G-Wagen.
0:43:00 > 0:43:04And beside the extra wheels, it also ticks the rarity box
0:43:04 > 0:43:08because it's one of only two in existence.
0:43:08 > 0:43:12More will be built, though I suspect not many
0:43:12 > 0:43:19when you consider the price, which is a trouser-troubling £370,000.
0:43:22 > 0:43:26The six-wheel G-Class was originally built for the Australian Army,
0:43:26 > 0:43:31who demanded standard equipment like seats and doors.
0:43:31 > 0:43:35In this civilian version, however, you get heated
0:43:35 > 0:43:38and ventilated electric leather chairs,
0:43:38 > 0:43:40a leather-trimmed dashboard
0:43:40 > 0:43:43and a bamboo-lined cargo bay.
0:43:43 > 0:43:48You really do get a lot of car for your money, as in A LOT OF CAR.
0:43:48 > 0:43:50I mean, look at it.
0:43:50 > 0:43:53It's nearly a metre longer than a Range Rover
0:43:53 > 0:43:55and it's got 37-inch wheels.
0:43:55 > 0:43:57I reckon I could get my head in the gap between the wheel
0:43:57 > 0:43:59and the wheel arch.
0:44:01 > 0:44:04Yeah, I can. Try doing that in a Range Rover.
0:44:04 > 0:44:07ENGINE REVS
0:44:12 > 0:44:17The six-by-six also weighs three-and-three-quarter tonnes
0:44:17 > 0:44:19or the same as three VW Golfs.
0:44:19 > 0:44:24So, engine-wise, it can't afford to mess about.
0:44:24 > 0:44:30It's actually got a 5.5 litre, 536-horsepower twin-turbo V8
0:44:30 > 0:44:33from Mercedes' in-house nutterists, AMG.
0:44:37 > 0:44:38Oh, we're getting a move on!
0:44:40 > 0:44:43560 pound-feet of torque.
0:44:44 > 0:44:460-60 in under six seconds.
0:44:50 > 0:44:54That's sports car stuff in something the size of a shopping centre.
0:44:55 > 0:44:58Fuel economy? Well, I doubt this will be the official transport
0:44:58 > 0:45:01to the next Greenpeace annual conference.
0:45:02 > 0:45:06All I'll say is they thought it best to fit two fuel tanks.
0:45:06 > 0:45:09You change over using this switch up here.
0:45:09 > 0:45:11And everybody loves an overhead switch.
0:45:12 > 0:45:15If I drove this down Ross-on-Wye high street,
0:45:15 > 0:45:17I would be lord of all I survey.
0:45:18 > 0:45:21The undisputed king of Herefordshire.
0:45:21 > 0:45:27Never mind Herefordshire, this thing attracts attention even around here.
0:45:27 > 0:45:29SIREN WAILS
0:45:29 > 0:45:31Seriously?
0:45:32 > 0:45:34Really?
0:45:34 > 0:45:35'Yeah, he's serious.
0:45:35 > 0:45:37'As it turned out,
0:45:37 > 0:45:41'the policeman had never seen such an unusual car before...'
0:45:41 > 0:45:45There's six wheels. I guess it's the same on the other side.
0:45:45 > 0:45:48'..and was on his way again after he'd had a look.'
0:45:48 > 0:45:49Bye!
0:45:50 > 0:45:54Lamborghini Aventador police car. They don't have those in Ross-on-Wye.
0:45:56 > 0:45:57Or these...
0:45:58 > 0:46:00Ferrari FF.
0:46:01 > 0:46:04That's an S... MG.
0:46:04 > 0:46:05What a funny day.
0:46:09 > 0:46:15Now, although the six-by-six is seriously quick on tarmac and turns
0:46:15 > 0:46:20policemen's heads, where it's really built to shine is as an off-roader.
0:46:21 > 0:46:23Let me give you an example.
0:46:23 > 0:46:27A Land Rover Defender can wade through half a metre of water
0:46:27 > 0:46:29and that's very good.
0:46:29 > 0:46:32This can wade through twice that.
0:46:32 > 0:46:38However, this being the desert, water is quite hard to find,
0:46:38 > 0:46:42so if you want to test it, you do have to improvise.
0:46:55 > 0:46:57Morning, sorry.
0:46:59 > 0:47:05Sorry. This is, unless I'm very much mistaken, a metre of water.
0:47:05 > 0:47:09And the six-by-six is... wading through it.
0:47:10 > 0:47:12Even dealing with the rubber rings.
0:47:13 > 0:47:17Yeah, not having any difficulties with this at all.
0:47:17 > 0:47:20But how does it cope with sand?
0:47:20 > 0:47:24Well, the good news is, sand is one thing we're really not short of.
0:47:28 > 0:47:30Welcome to the Empty Quarter.
0:47:33 > 0:47:36The largest sand desert in the world.
0:47:36 > 0:47:40Covering some 250,000 square miles.
0:47:41 > 0:47:45Out here, temperatures hit 50 degrees centigrade
0:47:45 > 0:47:49and there are dunes more than 800ft high.
0:47:59 > 0:48:02OK, we have six-wheel drive
0:48:02 > 0:48:06with the power split 30-40-30 across the axles... check.
0:48:06 > 0:48:09Stronger front springs from the armoured version of the G-Class...
0:48:09 > 0:48:11check.
0:48:11 > 0:48:13Locking diffs - oh, we've got those.
0:48:13 > 0:48:17The most you'd expect normally would be three. On here, five!
0:48:17 > 0:48:21And you lock them using these buttons in different ways.
0:48:21 > 0:48:22Right, let's go.
0:48:30 > 0:48:31These are big, big dunes.
0:48:31 > 0:48:34This is more of a sand mountain I'm on right now.
0:48:41 > 0:48:45Oh! Three-and-three-quarter tonnes of Mercedes
0:48:45 > 0:48:49is doing this, it just doesn't feel right!
0:48:50 > 0:48:51HE CACKLES
0:48:58 > 0:49:03This extra axle and these two extra wheels, it changes the way the
0:49:03 > 0:49:07six-by-six travels over the ground, it undulates, it feels supple.
0:49:09 > 0:49:12It's like blasting through the desert dunes...
0:49:13 > 0:49:15..riding a sinew.
0:49:17 > 0:49:18HE LAUGHS
0:49:18 > 0:49:20Come on!
0:49:20 > 0:49:22O-o-o-oh!
0:49:25 > 0:49:27- No!- BLEEP!
0:49:28 > 0:49:31I got some air. Sorry, everybody.
0:49:34 > 0:49:37'Intoxicated by what the Merc could do,
0:49:37 > 0:49:41'I drove deeper and deeper into the Empty Quarter.'
0:49:41 > 0:49:43Right, where's it go now?
0:49:44 > 0:49:47Cos... Oh, my God! Oh!
0:49:56 > 0:49:58Oh, for crying out loud!
0:50:00 > 0:50:02I wouldn't ski down that!
0:50:05 > 0:50:07OK.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13Whoa-oh-oh-aah!
0:50:13 > 0:50:18Over the top, over the top... Oh! Oh, very unpleasant, not nice!
0:50:19 > 0:50:21HE YELLS
0:50:21 > 0:50:22It's vertical!
0:50:25 > 0:50:27I'm in a car, I'm having a plane crash!
0:50:29 > 0:50:31I'm still going down!
0:50:36 > 0:50:39Oh, what a stupid place, I hate it!
0:50:41 > 0:50:44Ahead, I saw a nice, flat desert floor
0:50:44 > 0:50:47'and decided that was a much safer place to be.'
0:50:52 > 0:50:53HE LAUGHS
0:50:53 > 0:50:55It's drifting!
0:50:55 > 0:50:58Now it's a rally car, a gigantic rally car.
0:51:04 > 0:51:07And let's not forget, I'm not having to shout over this,
0:51:07 > 0:51:09it's not "Raaargh!" in here.
0:51:09 > 0:51:11I'm still cocooned in luxury.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15It's an amazing device.
0:51:19 > 0:51:23Now, when you take an off-roader across sand,
0:51:23 > 0:51:26the standard practice, as I've done,
0:51:26 > 0:51:31is to let some air out of the tyres to give them a bigger footprint.
0:51:31 > 0:51:34Now I'm going back on tarmac, so I need to reinflate them.
0:51:34 > 0:51:38All I've got to do is operate these overhead switches.
0:51:38 > 0:51:40I feel like a jet pilot.
0:51:40 > 0:51:42Compressor on.
0:51:42 > 0:51:43Going up.
0:51:45 > 0:51:50And they can reinflate ALL of these tyres in under a minute.
0:51:50 > 0:51:51Oh, I love this.
0:51:52 > 0:51:55If I did this in Ledbury I'd be mobbed by now.
0:51:58 > 0:52:03Leaving the Empty Quarter behind, I headed back towards civilisation.
0:52:06 > 0:52:09I'm not going to pretend this is anything less than
0:52:09 > 0:52:12a preposterous machine.
0:52:12 > 0:52:14It's a six-metre,
0:52:14 > 0:52:19three-and-three-quarter tonne, £370,000, six-wheeled dinosaur,
0:52:19 > 0:52:23but as dinosaurs go, it is a magnificent one.
0:52:23 > 0:52:27Magnificent to behold, magnificently made,
0:52:27 > 0:52:29it's one of the car world's mad moments.
0:52:29 > 0:52:32A day off from Priuses and Leafs.
0:52:34 > 0:52:39And even in a country as chock-full of showy-offy cars as this one,
0:52:39 > 0:52:42it's still really rather special.
0:52:43 > 0:52:46You can forget your chrome wraps and whatever,
0:52:46 > 0:52:48I don't think you can beat
0:52:48 > 0:52:51just having more wheels than anything else,
0:52:51 > 0:52:53and I can say with absolute confidence
0:52:53 > 0:52:57that I have more wheels than any other... Oh.
0:53:03 > 0:53:07No matter, one thing I can say for sure is that this is
0:53:07 > 0:53:10the most extreme Mercedes out here.
0:53:10 > 0:53:13I doubt there's anything with a Mercedes badge in these parts
0:53:13 > 0:53:17that can draw as much attention... as that.
0:53:23 > 0:53:26All right, so I don't have the most wheels,
0:53:26 > 0:53:29it's not the most extreme Mercedes out here,
0:53:29 > 0:53:33but the six-by-six does have size on its side.
0:53:33 > 0:53:36Bigger than any Range Rover, bigger than any Land Cruiser,
0:53:36 > 0:53:40bigger than that old Jeep up there and that's the thing -
0:53:40 > 0:53:42a car can be beautiful but when it's big,
0:53:42 > 0:53:45it's got presence and they don't come much bigger than...
0:53:47 > 0:53:52Oh... my... God...
0:54:11 > 0:54:13I want this one.
0:54:17 > 0:54:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:54:20 > 0:54:21Brilliant.
0:54:21 > 0:54:23Embarrassingly, whilst there,
0:54:23 > 0:54:25I ran the Merc out of petrol
0:54:25 > 0:54:28- in the place where they actually grow the stuff.- Really?
0:54:28 > 0:54:31- It was awful, I felt an idiot. - Never mind that,
0:54:31 > 0:54:33can we just look at that picture of you at the end?
0:54:33 > 0:54:34LAUGHTER
0:54:34 > 0:54:37You do look like something out of The Borrowers,
0:54:37 > 0:54:40- to be brutally honest.- But I have to say that Jeep is incredible.
0:54:40 > 0:54:44Sadly, it was broken the day I was there, but it does actually move.
0:54:44 > 0:54:47And I'd like to see that one day, but now it is time for me
0:54:47 > 0:54:51- to demonstrate that cars are better than motorbikes.- Oh, no.
0:54:51 > 0:54:55- Hang on. Jeremy, we've only got a few minutes.- Yes, yes, listen.
0:54:55 > 0:54:59Come over here, because what we have here is a table laid for two, OK?
0:54:59 > 0:55:02And I'm going to remove this tablecloth without knocking
0:55:02 > 0:55:05- anything over. - Where are you going with this?
0:55:05 > 0:55:06Everybody, stand back behind me,
0:55:06 > 0:55:10- because you need to be... quick to do this.- Well...
0:55:12 > 0:55:14CHEERING
0:55:14 > 0:55:17Well, yeah. Oh, well done.
0:55:17 > 0:55:20That's really cleared that up for us(!)
0:55:20 > 0:55:23Bikes are faster than a table! Or something.
0:55:23 > 0:55:25What's that got to do with anything?
0:55:25 > 0:55:29It went rather well, better than I'd expected, if I'm honest!
0:55:29 > 0:55:34Anyway, the thing is, BMW once did that trick with a much larger table,
0:55:34 > 0:55:38as I shall now demonstrate with this bit of film.
0:55:53 > 0:55:55ENGINE REVS
0:55:58 > 0:56:00CHEERING
0:56:00 > 0:56:04- Well, that is tremendous, it's amazing.- Well done, the motorbike.
0:56:04 > 0:56:05Yeah.
0:56:05 > 0:56:10But what I'm going to do now is that exact same thing only with a car.
0:56:10 > 0:56:14You are aware, aren't you, that a Superbike accelerates very fast?
0:56:14 > 0:56:18Yes, Hammond, from say 10-150, but to do that you need
0:56:18 > 0:56:21the instant acceleration, it's 0-10 that matters.
0:56:21 > 0:56:23That is a very good point
0:56:23 > 0:56:26because it's very difficult to get a bike off the line.
0:56:26 > 0:56:29Right, I'll admit, it usually spins the wheel or it flips over backwards.
0:56:29 > 0:56:31You see, cars don't flip over backwards,
0:56:31 > 0:56:33it's one of the many reasons why they're better.
0:56:33 > 0:56:36- And the car I've selected is this one.- A Datsun?
0:56:36 > 0:56:37A Nissan GT-R.
0:56:37 > 0:56:41No, I approve of your choice of car, actually, I have to say.
0:56:41 > 0:56:44Yeah, cos May and I were playing with one of these the other day
0:56:44 > 0:56:47and the way it sets off is simply unbelievable.
0:56:47 > 0:56:49I mean, it really is,
0:56:49 > 0:56:51there's no car I've ever driven that goes from 0-10 faster.
0:56:51 > 0:56:54It's got four-wheel drive and an amazing launch control system.
0:56:54 > 0:56:57So you put your foot hard down on the accelerator, hard on the
0:56:57 > 0:57:00brake, take your foot off the brake, computer does everything
0:57:00 > 0:57:04- and you set off.- OK, and this is the table, yeah?- Yes, it is.
0:57:04 > 0:57:05So let's get this straight.
0:57:05 > 0:57:10- You are going to pull this tablecloth off this, what, 18ft table?- Yes.
0:57:10 > 0:57:13- Using this Datsun?- Listen... - Without breaking anything?
0:57:13 > 0:57:16- Without knocking a single thing over.- Really?- Yes.
0:57:16 > 0:57:19The words "stand" and "back" spring to mind.
0:57:19 > 0:57:20Ye of little faith.
0:57:20 > 0:57:24OK, I'm using the same length of rope that BMW did.
0:57:24 > 0:57:26Same amount of slack that they did,
0:57:26 > 0:57:29we're pulling from the same place that they did.
0:57:29 > 0:57:31Everything is... What?
0:57:31 > 0:57:33- Have you actually measured this out? - A bit.
0:57:33 > 0:57:36You've got to go 18ft to get the tablecloth off the table,
0:57:36 > 0:57:39- plus the length of that bit off the end...- Yes.
0:57:39 > 0:57:41..plus you got to account for the amount of rope
0:57:41 > 0:57:44and you've got to stop before you hit the other side of the studio.
0:57:44 > 0:57:48- No, I haven't.- You have.- I haven't, because I'm not going to drive it.
0:57:48 > 0:57:49He is.
0:57:49 > 0:57:52Ladies and gentlemen, The Stig has come among us.
0:57:52 > 0:57:53CHEERING
0:57:53 > 0:57:56Very rarely in the studio.
0:57:56 > 0:57:57- Hold on a minute.- Very rarely...
0:57:57 > 0:58:00- Hold on a minute.- Yes, what?
0:58:00 > 0:58:03So you are saying he is going to drive across our darkened studio,
0:58:03 > 0:58:06peering through his darkened visor?
0:58:06 > 0:58:08- Yes.- Is this how this Stig dies?
0:58:08 > 0:58:10LAUGHTER
0:58:10 > 0:58:11Has he done a book?
0:58:11 > 0:58:13No, he hasn't. Right, is he ready?
0:58:13 > 0:58:15Are you ready?
0:58:16 > 0:58:18LAUGHTER
0:58:18 > 0:58:22- Everybody here ready? - AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:58:22 > 0:58:23Oh, God!
0:58:23 > 0:58:25We have no idea how it's going to work out,
0:58:25 > 0:58:27but I have hope in my heart.
0:58:27 > 0:58:31In three, two, one, go!
0:58:33 > 0:58:35APPLAUSE
0:58:35 > 0:58:37JAMES LAUGHS
0:58:41 > 0:58:47- Well?- That was mostly incredibly successful.- How, in what way?
0:58:47 > 0:58:49He didn't hit the wall, as we can see.
0:58:49 > 0:58:52But everything else has hit the floor, it's smashed to bits!
0:58:52 > 0:58:56Yes, but look! There's a whole cup and saucer, not damaged.
0:58:56 > 0:59:00- It didn't work.- It didn't... It is most odd actually.
0:59:00 > 0:59:04Can we see a replay of that, maybe work out what went wrong.
0:59:06 > 0:59:09- Oh, there's the problem.- What? - He's doing it too slowly.
0:59:09 > 0:59:11No, that's in slow motion, you idiot.
0:59:11 > 0:59:13Well, if he hadn't have done it in slow motion, it would have worked!
0:59:13 > 0:59:17- For crying out loud!- But now look! - It's a disaster.- It's a bombshell.
0:59:17 > 0:59:20- And that means we can end.- Yes.- Mm.
0:59:20 > 0:59:23Thank you ever so much for watching, we'll see you next week.
0:59:23 > 0:59:25Take care, good night.
0:59:25 > 0:59:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE