0:00:12 > 0:00:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:19 > 0:00:22Hello! Hello, everybody!
0:00:25 > 0:00:29Yes, we're older, we're fatter,
0:00:29 > 0:00:31we're greyer, but we're back!
0:00:31 > 0:00:32We're back!
0:00:32 > 0:00:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:34 > 0:00:39And for the first time ever, we are being broadcast, simultaneously,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41right around the world.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43So, bonjour, g'day,
0:00:43 > 0:00:46moshi moshi und wilkommen!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49And coming up now is a taste of what you can expect
0:00:49 > 0:00:53over the next ten - yes, ten - weeks.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Are you ready?
0:00:59 > 0:01:00Now!
0:01:01 > 0:01:04We are revolutionising the world of cowboying.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07This is all perfectly normal.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Do not let American Top Gear
0:01:13 > 0:01:15lap British Top Gear.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Hammond!
0:01:20 > 0:01:23WOLF HOWLS
0:01:23 > 0:01:24Coming to get you, Hammond.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
0:01:28 > 0:01:30You need a new rear exhaust silencer.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32SCREECHING TYRES
0:01:39 > 0:01:41God's holy trousers!
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Calm, controlled, smooth.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Good for the patient.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52Fuelled up. I'm amped up. I'm pumped up.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57But it is... The Stig's Australian cousin.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Argh! Argh! Argh!
0:02:05 > 0:02:09May God have mercy.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13What in God's name is happening?!
0:02:13 > 0:02:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:21 > 0:02:23That all looks very exciting,
0:02:23 > 0:02:26but we start tonight with our sensible hats on.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30You see, a few years ago, we staged a race across London.
0:02:30 > 0:02:35We used a car, public transport, bicycle and a speedboat,
0:02:35 > 0:02:38down the River Thames. And it was one of our more
0:02:38 > 0:02:43- genuinely interesting tests.- Yeah, it was, but it's always troubled us,
0:02:43 > 0:02:46because the bicycle, ridden by me, won.
0:02:46 > 0:02:50And the car, which is the whole point of this show,
0:02:50 > 0:02:52- came home stone-dead last. - That's cos he was driving it.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55- Well, yeah. - It wasn't entirely fair, was it?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58The car I had was a gigantic Mercedes off-roader.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00It's not really suitable for London traffic.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04Yes, whatever, OK? We decided we would re-run the race,
0:03:04 > 0:03:09only this time, we'd use a car that was a little more suitable
0:03:09 > 0:03:10for city centre work.
0:03:10 > 0:03:14Absolutely, the question now, though, was, which city?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Because we'd already done London, obviously.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20So, Jeremy got a map and a pin and because he's very tall
0:03:20 > 0:03:23and he has monkey's arms...
0:03:23 > 0:03:26THAT is where we ended up.
0:03:26 > 0:03:34VARIETY OF RUSSIAN MEDIA BROADCASTS
0:03:39 > 0:03:42This is St Petersburg,
0:03:42 > 0:03:44in Russia - the most northerly
0:03:44 > 0:03:46big city in the world.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56And this is the car I'll be using.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58QUACKING
0:03:58 > 0:04:01This is the two-seat Renault Twizy.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03It costs just £7,000
0:04:03 > 0:04:05and it's an all-electric car,
0:04:05 > 0:04:09designed specifically for the narrow streets of Europe's cities.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12With this, I can't really lose.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Yes, he can, because I shall be using this...
0:04:15 > 0:04:18It's the same sort of bicycle that Chris Froome used
0:04:18 > 0:04:20in this year's Tour de France.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24Now, it is expensive.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29£9,000. It's £2,000 more than James's car.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33It's a lot for a bicycle, but it's made of special carbon fibre,
0:04:33 > 0:04:36so it weighs just 860 grams.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39I love this thing.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43- Every detail, it's just... Look at that, it's magnificent.- Morning.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45- Special.- Nice.- Yeah, I'd say.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46- Bloody hell!- I know!
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- That's amazing.- Yeah.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Yeah. Not good for you, I'm afraid, Hammond.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53I've got some medical research here.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57That racing saddle will put
0:04:57 > 0:05:01between 25% and 40% of your body weight on your perineum,
0:05:01 > 0:05:05which is the bit of you between your anus and your scrotum.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08And, as a result, blood oxygen levels in surrounding areas
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- will drop by 80%. - What are you saying?
0:05:10 > 0:05:14- I just... Medical advice - cycling's good for you. It's healthy...- Wrong!
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- ..gets your lungs working, non-impact.- Totally wrong.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- Good for your cardiovascular system...- See.- ..bad for your chap.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23- My what?- Your chap. Uh, honestly, listen to this.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26"Cyclists aged over 40 are considered
0:05:26 > 0:05:29"at greater risk of erectile dysfunction."
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Yes, thank you, Dr Clarkson. That's fascinating.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33What about The Stig?
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Oh, he's just on public transport, as before, yeah.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40- And you?- Well, now, you see, last time, as you know, I used
0:05:40 > 0:05:43a speedboat to go across London, but at the end,
0:05:43 > 0:05:47it couldn't go on land, so I had to run, which cost me the race.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49This time, however, I've chosen a boat
0:05:49 > 0:05:51that can.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Hang on a minute, isn't that a hover-van?
0:06:01 > 0:06:05- It looks like a hover-van. - Well, it is.- Well, listen, gentlemen,
0:06:05 > 0:06:08most people laughed at our idea,
0:06:08 > 0:06:11when we went on the River Avon in ours, but the Russians have taken
0:06:11 > 0:06:16- our idea and put it into production! - It's a hover-van.- It's a hover-van!
0:06:16 > 0:06:20TRIUMPHANT CLASSICAL MUSIC
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- Are you feeling proud? - I... This is fantastic.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Gull wing doors. We didn't think of that.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- It's got a proper dashboard! - I know. It's from a Lada.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33- It really does look like a van. - It is a van. It's got Lada engines,
0:06:33 > 0:06:36two of them, 72 horsepower, reliable.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39- 72 horsepower?- Each.- 72?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- How do you operate it? - Yeah, what do those two pedals do?
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- These?- Yeah.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- Pitch.- What pitch? - Of?- Propeller pitch.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51How do you steer it, with the wheel?
0:06:51 > 0:06:54- Ah, no. Yes.- No, yes?
0:06:55 > 0:06:56When you're going quickly, this...
0:06:56 > 0:07:00- As you can see, I'm turning the rudders, yes?- Yeah.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04- But that doesn't work at slow speed. - How do you steer it at slow speed?
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- With pitch.- So, if you're trying to turn tightly at low speed,
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- when your rudders aren't very effective...- Yeah.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14..do you use differential throttle or differential pitch?
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- (He doesn't know.)- Yes, I... - So, which do you do?- Both.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- Are there instructions? - Yeah, all in Russian.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26So, you're going to race us in a hovercraft,
0:07:26 > 0:07:29with a fraction of the power, anyway, of the one we built,
0:07:29 > 0:07:31plus, with controls you don't understand,
0:07:31 > 0:07:33and the instructions are in Russian which you don't speak.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36'With my confidence brimming,
0:07:36 > 0:07:38'it was time to prepare for our important race.'
0:07:38 > 0:07:43If I'd come out and my bike had been nicked, then, I'd have been furious.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47We'd start at the Vostochny Yacht Club
0:07:47 > 0:07:50and, from there, we'd race for 18 miles,
0:07:50 > 0:07:52all the way across St Petersburg,
0:07:52 > 0:07:55to the finish line on Yelagin Island,
0:07:55 > 0:07:56outside a palace called
0:07:56 > 0:08:02Yelagin...Ums-struss-struss-gids...
0:08:08 > 0:08:10That's all in Russian.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12That's all in Russian.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17QUACKING
0:08:20 > 0:08:23HE COUNTS DOWN IN RUSSIAN
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Right, this is it. Goodbye, Stig. Forward into glory.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35Here we go, defending the honour of the car, sort of.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39I don't know what any of that means!
0:08:41 > 0:08:42Right, junction.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46I've got my feet clipped in the pedals, I simply cannot stop.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Stupid boy.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Wrong gear.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52HE TITTERS
0:08:56 > 0:08:59MECHANICAL WHIRRING
0:08:59 > 0:09:01More power.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06Move!
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Oh, Christ!
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Oh, no. That's...
0:09:20 > 0:09:22a rock, a rock, a rock.
0:09:22 > 0:09:27Well, we're just going into those reeds and this does nothing.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Back!
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- It's- BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35Forwards, again, on that. This is... I'm busy, I'm very busy.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41I think I saw a bump.
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Ow!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45That's probably ruined my sausage a bit more.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51CHILDREN LAUGH
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Bloomin' heck! Oh...da-da-da!
0:10:00 > 0:10:01Oh, God strewth!
0:10:01 > 0:10:06Now, it's just going round in circles. Pitch, pitch, pitch.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Right, now, I want to go that way.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13Christ on a bike! I'm stuck in my own wake!
0:10:44 > 0:10:46'As my three opponents...'
0:10:46 > 0:10:49- Come on!- 'Well, two of them,
0:10:49 > 0:10:53'settled into the race, I was getting to know my car.'
0:10:55 > 0:10:58So, what is a Twizy, exactly? Well, it's a metal cage,
0:10:58 > 0:11:02this frame, and there are plastic panels hung all over it.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06There are two seats, one behind the other, like a tandem.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10Underneath me is the battery pack. That powers a 17-horsepower
0:11:10 > 0:11:13electric motor, driving the rear wheels.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15'Acceleration?
0:11:15 > 0:11:19'Well, it can't actually go from 0-60, cos its top speed is 50.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23'But it does have a claimed range of 60 miles.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25'And, as an extra treat...'
0:11:28 > 0:11:32..scissor doors. Have you got scissor doors, sir?
0:11:32 > 0:11:33No! Nyet!
0:11:35 > 0:11:41However, the Twizy is stone age technology, compared to my bicycle.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43I actually have electronic gears on this,
0:11:43 > 0:11:47so when I hit the button on the handlebars,
0:11:47 > 0:11:50the derailleur, the thing at the back that changes gear,
0:11:50 > 0:11:54moves across, with a Robocop-like noise.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58'And to make the whole thing as streamlined as possible,
0:11:58 > 0:12:01'it's been shaped in Jaguar's wind tunnel.'
0:12:01 > 0:12:05It even directs the air around the front forks
0:12:05 > 0:12:08and around the drinking bottle, so it doesn't hit the rider's shins,
0:12:08 > 0:12:13which are very unaerodynamic. Haha! There's May. Yes!
0:12:13 > 0:12:15RICHARD SNIGGERS
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Hammond, here's what 17 horsepower will do.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Yee-hah!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Oh, God.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28On board the only petrol-powered vehicle in the race...
0:12:29 > 0:12:36..I'd discovered the solution to my problems, as ever, was more power.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39If you go quite quickly, the steering works well.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now I'm heading for the wall! No!
0:12:48 > 0:12:51I'm in a power slide! I'm doing a skid!
0:12:51 > 0:12:56Out of the way, birds, I can't steer!
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Stig, meanwhile, had finished with his tram
0:13:01 > 0:13:04and was now heading for the underground station.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27CAR HORN PEEPS
0:13:33 > 0:13:36HE LAUGHS
0:13:37 > 0:13:40We're back in front. It's going to be like this all the way.
0:13:42 > 0:13:47'On the river, I finally had HMS Awkward under control.'
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Come on, hover-van, catch the May!
0:13:52 > 0:13:55And there's another hover-van! My, they're popular!
0:13:59 > 0:14:0322mph. Keeping a bit in reserve.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04Long way yet to go.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07TOOTING
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Oh, really? Really?!
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Overtakes a bicycle, with ease.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Get some speed on.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21Oh, hang on, I think that's him. Oh, no, there he is.
0:14:21 > 0:14:22Come on, van!
0:14:24 > 0:14:27That, I believe, is James May.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Where is Hammond? I don't see... There he is!
0:14:32 > 0:14:36Richard Hammond is in sight and he's behind me and slow!
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Ah.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46'Seconds later, I also took James.'
0:14:46 > 0:14:49HE LAUGHS
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Cocking Nora.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55Yes! Let's go win this race.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02By this stage, Stig had found a metro station.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13And in this weird, subterranean world,
0:15:13 > 0:15:17he was distracted by many wondrous things.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Can I take him in that gap?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Making a lane... Yes!
0:15:28 > 0:15:31The interesting thing about the Twizy is, it is a genuinely
0:15:31 > 0:15:34small car. It's a genuine city car.
0:15:34 > 0:15:35- BLEEP- there's a tram.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41I hate trams. They're trains running down the road. Trains can't stop.
0:15:42 > 0:15:48Whoa! Oh-oh-oh! Chuffin' tramlines.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50'Still, it could be worse...'
0:15:50 > 0:15:54Oh, no, don't want to go on the tram tracks! I'm on the tram tracks!
0:15:54 > 0:15:56I don't want to... Argh! There's one coming in the way!
0:15:56 > 0:15:58- BLEEP.- Oh! Argh!- BLEEP.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02HORN BEEPS
0:16:02 > 0:16:03BLEEP.
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Ah.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11Oh.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Argh!
0:16:16 > 0:16:17Oh.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21Oh. Ah.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28How's my bike?
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Yeah. Oh, that's not good.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33The derailleur's come off.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35It's sheared.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Do you know what?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40I think St Petersburg has beaten me already.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46'When the news reached my colleagues,
0:16:46 > 0:16:48'they were suitably saddened.'
0:16:48 > 0:16:50HE CHORTLES
0:16:50 > 0:16:53I mean, the one thing you have to avoid, on a bicycle,
0:16:53 > 0:16:55in a city with trams, is tramlines.
0:16:57 > 0:17:03So, the fruit and nut-powered Richard Hammond has not only ruined
0:17:03 > 0:17:07his testes, his penis and his anus, but he's fallen off!
0:17:08 > 0:17:13This is a proper three-way race to the finish now.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:37 > 0:17:39James, hang on.
0:17:39 > 0:17:44James, how can you call this a car,
0:17:44 > 0:17:46when it's got no heater,
0:17:46 > 0:17:50the boot is the size of a ladybird's clutch bag
0:17:50 > 0:17:53and the doors and windows are optional extras?
0:17:53 > 0:17:57Yeah, but I like it cos it's simple.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00James, it can't even do 0-60.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02- Yeah, but it's better than his hovercraft.- It is not!
0:18:02 > 0:18:06- Well, it's less deadly. - Hovercraft isn't deadly.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09- Yes, it is. - Listen, Hammond, two points...
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Number one, I'm the only person in that race who is representing
0:18:12 > 0:18:14the Holy Trinity of oil, coal and gas.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- The Holy Trinity?- Yes, Holy Trinity.
0:18:16 > 0:18:21And number two, every single city in the world underuses its waterways.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25They've all got jammed-up roads, congested trains, packed buses
0:18:25 > 0:18:28and, right in the middle, a river with nothing on it,
0:18:28 > 0:18:29apart from a couple of ducks.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32That's because everyone's terrified that there might be
0:18:32 > 0:18:34- somebody on it in a hovercraft. - Well, yes,
0:18:34 > 0:18:39I agree waterways are underused, but the hovercraft is not the answer.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- It is!- No, it isn't, so let's do the news.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Um...
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- How?- How can we do the news, when it's over there
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- and we're, all three, over here? - See, normally,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56we say, "Let's do the news" and, well, two of us do
0:18:56 > 0:18:58and one's over there. He starts it and then we join.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02- But if we're all here... No, we can't...- Um.
0:19:02 > 0:19:03LAUGHTER
0:19:03 > 0:19:06I know. While we and the cameras move over there,
0:19:06 > 0:19:09we'll show some footage of a squirrel.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14LAUGHTER
0:19:14 > 0:19:15Right, the news...
0:19:15 > 0:19:17LAUGHTER
0:19:17 > 0:19:21Sh, sh, sh, sh. And first of all, bad news, I'm afraid,
0:19:21 > 0:19:24because Britain's motorway network is going to get a new type
0:19:24 > 0:19:27of speed camera, which is grey and invisible.
0:19:27 > 0:19:32And unlike any other motorway speed camera we've seen in the past,
0:19:32 > 0:19:35this doesn't just come on when the limit is lowered for some reason,
0:19:35 > 0:19:37but it's on all the time, constantly.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39- Really?- Yeah, constantly.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42That is funny, cos I seem to remember the Tory Party saying
0:19:42 > 0:19:44they were going to "end the war on the motorist."
0:19:44 > 0:19:50- I remember that.- But you can end a war by brutally killing everyone.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Hertfordshire Police said, "It's not in the public interest
0:19:53 > 0:19:56"to tell anyone where the cameras are." So, fair enough,
0:19:56 > 0:19:59we'll pay the fine. "I paid it into a bank account,
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- "but I'm not going to tell you which one."- Work it out, yeah.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05I'll tell you the really bad news is that they're already
0:20:05 > 0:20:09up and running in Kent, by the way, these cameras.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13Steve Harley, out of Cockney Rebel, has been busted by one of them.
0:20:13 > 0:20:18- No!- Yes, he's 63 years old. He's eking a meagre living out of,
0:20:18 > 0:20:21let's be honest, only one hit single.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- And now, they've nailed him. - How fast was he going?- 70.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28But somebody in a motorway control room, in polyester trousers,
0:20:28 > 0:20:32with appallingly-smelly armpits, had decided that the speed limit
0:20:32 > 0:20:35at that particular moment, for no good reason, should be 40.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37- 40?!- 40.- 40mph on a motorway?!
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Yes, that was the speed limit that was prevailing when he was caught.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- How much did he get fined?- £1,000. - 1,000 quid, for that?!
0:20:43 > 0:20:47- But I have an idea. You know if you download a song?- Yeah.
0:20:47 > 0:20:52The artist gets 49p. Now, why don't we download,
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- (Come Up And See Me) Make Me Smile? - I love that song.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Everybody loves that song. You can't trust someone who doesn't like it.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00What are you doing, James?
0:21:00 > 0:21:03I've already got it, but I can delete it and download it again.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Imagine everybody did it!
0:21:07 > 0:21:09He'd wake up tomorrow and realise, "I'm number one!
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- "Where did that come from?!"- He wouldn't know, if he's not watching
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Top Gear. "Why am I number one, all of a sudden?!"
0:21:14 > 0:21:18I think we should talk about the cars that we're looking forward to
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- this coming year.- Good idea.- Yes.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- Tell you what I'm looking forward to this year, coming up?- What?
0:21:23 > 0:21:27Let's have a look at it. The Ariel Nomad. Look at that. Come on!
0:21:27 > 0:21:30- It's just scaffolding. - No, it is brilliant, is what it is.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33It's from Ariel, the same people who made the Atom,
0:21:33 > 0:21:37- the car that ripped his face off? - I remember it.- It grew back, sadly,
0:21:37 > 0:21:40but this thing is, kind of, an off-road version of the same thing.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43It's got a 2.4 litre engine now and it's got all those body panels there.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46They're made out of the same material they use for traffic cones
0:21:46 > 0:21:50and boat fenders, so that thing is indestructible.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54- Which is a pity.- It's brilliant! I love it! Look at that!
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Yes, but what are you going to do with it?
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Well, drive it about. You can drive it on the road.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03- That goes on the road.- Yeah, but you can drive a tractor on the road
0:22:03 > 0:22:06- or one of those massive cranes that do 8mph.- I like those, too.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08I want one. I'm going to have one. It's brilliant.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11You are like a rural simpleton, you know that?
0:22:11 > 0:22:16What do you mean, he's LIKE a rural simpleton?
0:22:16 > 0:22:18The car I'm looking forward to driving this year
0:22:18 > 0:22:20- is a hybrid, actually. - Is it?- Da-da!
0:22:20 > 0:22:23There you go. Look at that. That's the new Honda NSX.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27Been waiting years for this. It's got three electric motors -
0:22:27 > 0:22:30one for each of the front wheels and then one at the back,
0:22:30 > 0:22:32to supplement the twin-turbo V6 -
0:22:32 > 0:22:37550hp, weighs virtually nothing. £100,000. But if you think about it,
0:22:37 > 0:22:41that's a tenth of the price of a McLaren P1. That's just fabulous.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44- I don't like it. - That's cos you're a rural simpleton.
0:22:44 > 0:22:48- No, it doesn't look right.- It does look right!- Is it exciting enough?
0:22:48 > 0:22:51No, I do like it. I think it looks great and sounds interesting,
0:22:51 > 0:22:55but I thought you would be more interested in this, the new Ford GT.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- Oh, yeah.- That's more you.- Nah. - Why not? I'd have thought that was...
0:22:58 > 0:23:01No, I know. I've been there and I've, sort of,
0:23:01 > 0:23:03done that, with Ford GTs.
0:23:03 > 0:23:08- Yeah.- They'll fit it with a burglar alarm that will go off every time
0:23:08 > 0:23:11you fall asleep or when your child's doing some important solo work
0:23:11 > 0:23:13in the school production - "Woo-woo-woo!"
0:23:13 > 0:23:16This is weirdly specific. Stuff that happened to you.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18I know what will happen and then you'll drive home
0:23:18 > 0:23:22and get a phone call from somebody, saying, "Your car's been stolen."
0:23:22 > 0:23:24You'll say, "It hasn't, I'm driving it."
0:23:24 > 0:23:26"We don't believe you. What's your mother's maiden name?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29"Did she like boiled eggs done for three minutes?"
0:23:29 > 0:23:31"I don't know." "We're going to shut the engine down"
0:23:31 > 0:23:33and you're at the side of the road
0:23:33 > 0:23:36and get hypothermia and then the alarm will go off again. No.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39And I'm, sort of, done now, as you know, cos I'm mature and wise,
0:23:39 > 0:23:44with mid-engined cars. That does look great, but just not for me.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48Now, that's nearly the end of the news, but before we conclude,
0:23:48 > 0:23:51I need to say something, actually. I'm sure a lot of you saw
0:23:51 > 0:23:53the Patagonia Special and I want to admit, here and now,
0:23:53 > 0:23:56in front of everybody, I made a terrible, terrible mistake.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Nobody knows I'm going to do this - not the producers, nobody -
0:23:59 > 0:24:04but I want to get it off my chest. Right in the middle of the programme
0:24:04 > 0:24:09I said that the condor is the largest flying bird in the world.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12It isn't. It's the wandering albatross
0:24:12 > 0:24:13and I'm deeply, deeply sorry.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Well done for getting that off your chest. Feel better?
0:24:16 > 0:24:18APPLAUSE
0:24:18 > 0:24:22No, if you make a mistake, own up to it and move on!
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Fair enough. Right...
0:24:27 > 0:24:31..now, we must move on to this,
0:24:31 > 0:24:36the Lamborghini Gallardo. It is the company's best-selling car.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40In fact, of all the Lamborghinis ever sold, over half of them
0:24:40 > 0:24:43have been Gallardos.
0:24:43 > 0:24:48Now, though, sadly, it's gone and in its place, there is a new car.
0:24:55 > 0:24:56Here it is.
0:24:59 > 0:25:04It's called the Huracan, after a famous Spanish fighting bull.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10It costs £187,000.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14And it's brand new, from the ground up.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Oh, well, that's a problem right there.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29I could've sworn this car was bright green,
0:25:29 > 0:25:33but according to the options list, it's Verde Mantis.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Other colours available include
0:25:35 > 0:25:41"Arancio Borealis, Grigio Nimbus and Marrone Alcestis."
0:25:41 > 0:25:45How's a Premiership footballer going to get his head around that?
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Anyway...to business.
0:26:03 > 0:26:04Oh-ho!
0:26:07 > 0:26:11Besides having to take over the baton from the Gallardo...
0:26:12 > 0:26:16..the Huracan also needs to hold its own in a game of top trumps
0:26:16 > 0:26:21against the Ferrari 458 and the McLaren 650S.
0:26:27 > 0:26:31To do that, there are some very big boxes to tick.
0:26:31 > 0:26:350-60 needs to be around three seconds...which it is.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Top speed needs to be around 200mph...which it is.
0:26:42 > 0:26:47And horsepower needs to be around the 600-mark,
0:26:47 > 0:26:50which it is.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53All of that is thanks to a heavily-reworked version
0:26:53 > 0:26:57of the Gallardo's 5.2 litre V10.
0:27:00 > 0:27:05And as those revs climb, the jackhammer choir really kicks in.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14The Huracan also has a brand-new, state-of-the-art
0:27:14 > 0:27:17twin-clutch gearbox, which is superb.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22That's a good thing, because the one in the Gallardo was...
0:27:22 > 0:27:26Well, it was crap. It was awful!
0:27:26 > 0:27:27This, though, this is a joy.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33And there's more hi-tech weaponry at this car's disposal.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38It has carbon ceramic brakes, as standard.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41The back end is sculpted so it doesn't need
0:27:41 > 0:27:45a stuck-on rear spoiler for downforce.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49And, like most Lambos, it has a four-wheel drive system.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54But not just ANY four-wheel drive system.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03It has three gyroscopes on board, like you get on a fighter jet,
0:28:03 > 0:28:06and they're busy monitoring everything that's going on.
0:28:10 > 0:28:13They send all that information back to the four-wheel drive brain
0:28:13 > 0:28:19and it then decides how much power to send to each individual wheel.
0:28:19 > 0:28:22My head hurts just thinking about how all that works.
0:28:23 > 0:28:27The result is, you can corner at sensational speeds.
0:28:30 > 0:28:34I'm glued down. The grip is astonishing.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39It's almost undefeatable.
0:28:41 > 0:28:46If slithering about is your thing, you can have fun in the Huracan...
0:28:51 > 0:28:53Ye gods!
0:28:56 > 0:28:59..but you need an enormous pair of gentleman balloons...
0:29:03 > 0:29:05..and your own personal airfield to play on.
0:29:10 > 0:29:14And, for me, this is where the problems begin.
0:29:18 > 0:29:23This Huracan has been designed, on the road, to feel tame
0:29:23 > 0:29:24and user friendly.
0:29:24 > 0:29:29You don't get that special Lamborghini mentalist feeling,
0:29:29 > 0:29:31unless you are here, with an entire airfield under your wheels.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34And that's a bit of a heartbreaker, actually.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39And while we're on it, there's another issue.
0:29:41 > 0:29:42And it's a big thing.
0:29:42 > 0:29:46Basically - bear with me on this - it's the looks.
0:29:46 > 0:29:50I know it's bright green and low and there's a bull on the front,
0:29:50 > 0:29:54but I just don't think that the Huracan is special enough
0:29:54 > 0:29:55for a Lamborghini.
0:29:55 > 0:29:58Lamborghinis should be jaw-dropping -
0:29:58 > 0:30:00that's why they make the best bedroom wall posters -
0:30:00 > 0:30:03and I just don't see it with this.
0:30:03 > 0:30:08I think the problem is, this has been designed to sell many, many times
0:30:08 > 0:30:10and to still look good in ten years' time.
0:30:10 > 0:30:15And I think, for that reason, they've played it safe.
0:30:18 > 0:30:20Lamborghini, like every car company,
0:30:20 > 0:30:26has got to shift units to survive, but I think, with the Huracan,
0:30:26 > 0:30:29they have thrown the baby out with the bath water.
0:30:29 > 0:30:34I've had some good times - no, great times - in Lamborghinis, on Top Gear.
0:30:34 > 0:30:36And if the producers got my e-mail...
0:30:37 > 0:30:40..there shall now follow a montage showing that.
0:30:43 > 0:30:44Whoa!
0:30:46 > 0:30:48This is just so exciting!
0:30:48 > 0:30:51Oh-ho-ho-ho!
0:30:51 > 0:30:54That's absolutely brutal!
0:30:56 > 0:30:58Whaa-ha-ha!
0:30:58 > 0:31:01The most alive thing I've ever driven. It's beautiful.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11Now, as a car, this Huracan is probably
0:31:11 > 0:31:15better than all those other Lamborghinis,
0:31:15 > 0:31:17but those cars are better Lamborghinis.
0:31:20 > 0:31:24The other Lamborghinis made you feel special, even in traffic.
0:31:24 > 0:31:28This doesn't. And that's a loss.
0:31:33 > 0:31:38What we have here is a Lamborghini that I respect for its engineering,
0:31:38 > 0:31:41but love it? Quiver at the very sight of it?
0:31:43 > 0:31:44I'm afraid not.
0:32:00 > 0:32:01This is annoying.
0:32:02 > 0:32:05- This is really annoying.- Why?
0:32:05 > 0:32:09- Because I completely agree with you, for once.- Do you?!- Yeah.
0:32:09 > 0:32:12It's... Lamborghinis should be mad and stupid
0:32:12 > 0:32:15and have rockets coming out of their exhausts.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18And this, I don't know, it just doesn't float my boat.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21I know, it's almost as though they actually want to sell cars.
0:32:21 > 0:32:22And that is idiotic.
0:32:22 > 0:32:26No, no, seriously, because you know James and I have always said that,
0:32:26 > 0:32:27- one day, we'll open a pub?- Yes.
0:32:27 > 0:32:30And it'll be the best pub in the world, specifically because
0:32:30 > 0:32:32we won't allow anyone in it.
0:32:32 > 0:32:36- Not anyone? - No, nobody at all. Nobody.
0:32:36 > 0:32:39I know an accountant would say, "That's a ridiculous business plan",
0:32:39 > 0:32:42but it will be good, because it won't be cluttered up
0:32:42 > 0:32:44with people with smelly bottoms wanting scampi in a basket.
0:32:44 > 0:32:47Yeah, but what's this got to do with Lamborghini?
0:32:47 > 0:32:51Because Lamborghini should be making cars that they want to make,
0:32:51 > 0:32:54not cars that their accountants think will make a few quid.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56Yeah, I think maybe the problem here is that Lamborghini
0:32:56 > 0:32:57is owned by Audi.
0:32:57 > 0:33:00And would you drink in a pub owned by Audi?
0:33:00 > 0:33:02God, no. No!
0:33:02 > 0:33:05So, would you drive a car designed by Weatherspoons?
0:33:05 > 0:33:07- No.- No, I wouldn't do that, either.
0:33:07 > 0:33:11Anyway, we've got to find out how fast this goes round our track.
0:33:11 > 0:33:14And that means handing it over to our tame racing driver.
0:33:14 > 0:33:21Some say that his favourite football formation is 8-8-19.
0:33:21 > 0:33:25And while we were off air, his iCloud was hacked
0:33:25 > 0:33:28and now everyone in the world has seen his helmet.
0:33:28 > 0:33:31All we know is, he's called The Stig!
0:33:31 > 0:33:32CHEERING
0:33:34 > 0:33:37And he's off. Tiny bit of wheel spin and then the gyros
0:33:37 > 0:33:41and computers tell the four-wheel drive stuff to do its thing!
0:33:41 > 0:33:45Flying through the first corner, Stig really working hard
0:33:45 > 0:33:47at the wheel of Kermit's wash bag.
0:33:47 > 0:33:53MUSIC: We've Only Just Begun by The Carpenters
0:33:53 > 0:33:58Mmm, Stig enjoying a smooth serving of The Carpenters, there.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00No dramas through Chicago.
0:34:00 > 0:34:02Now, Hammerhead.
0:34:02 > 0:34:04All-wheel drive cars can push wide here.
0:34:04 > 0:34:10Stig using a very delicate steer. No whiff of understeer.
0:34:10 > 0:34:13Just flying round there and out the other side.
0:34:15 > 0:34:17# Sharing horizons that are new... #
0:34:17 > 0:34:21OK, Follow Through. A chance to really get
0:34:21 > 0:34:22the ten-cylinder hammer down.
0:34:24 > 0:34:25Wow!
0:34:25 > 0:34:29Whatever Stig did during his holiday has made him extra committed.
0:34:29 > 0:34:33Just two corners left. Turning in, with precision.
0:34:33 > 0:34:37Ooh, he's gone a bit sideways up to Gambon.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40Skates it through there and across the line.
0:34:40 > 0:34:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:34:41 > 0:34:48This is amazing. This is truly amazing, because it did it...
0:34:48 > 0:34:53It did it in 1.15.8, which means it goes
0:34:53 > 0:34:56- right the way up there. Look at it. - Wow.- It's quicker than the McLaren
0:34:56 > 0:35:00MP4-12C. It's quicker than its big brother, the Aventador.
0:35:00 > 0:35:03(And that means everything we've been saying is completely wrong.)
0:35:03 > 0:35:05Well, no, because I still think...
0:35:05 > 0:35:08That IS good, but it would be better if it was slower,
0:35:08 > 0:35:10but had knives sticking out of the wheels.
0:35:10 > 0:35:14No, you're right because this part of the board is where Ferraris
0:35:14 > 0:35:17and serious stuff should live and Lamborghinis should be here,
0:35:17 > 0:35:20- which, interestingly enough, is where the Gallardo is.- Yeah.
0:35:20 > 0:35:25Anyway, we must now put a star in our reasonably-priced car.
0:35:25 > 0:35:28Now there are many, many well-known Eds in the world these days.
0:35:28 > 0:35:31There's Harris, Miliband, Balls.
0:35:31 > 0:35:32LAUGHTER
0:35:32 > 0:35:37There is. But... But my guest tonight is the best
0:35:37 > 0:35:40and the newest Ed of them all. Ladies and gentlemen - hmm-hmm -
0:35:40 > 0:35:42Ed Sheeran!
0:35:42 > 0:35:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:35:45 > 0:35:47Ooh, upcoming star, how are you?
0:35:50 > 0:35:51Ed Sheeran is here!
0:35:51 > 0:35:53RENEWED APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:35:53 > 0:35:55He's here.
0:35:57 > 0:35:59Thank you so much for coming.
0:36:00 > 0:36:03Now, obviously, you're a massive global megastar now,
0:36:03 > 0:36:06but is it true, what, five years ago, you were busking
0:36:06 > 0:36:09- on the London Underground?- No.
0:36:09 > 0:36:11LAUGHTER
0:36:11 > 0:36:12No, I, eh...
0:36:12 > 0:36:15Did you ever sleep on the London Underground?
0:36:15 > 0:36:18- Yeah, well...- Ah, I knew there was something you'd done
0:36:18 > 0:36:21- on the London Underground! - No, it was... Yeah, it was just...
0:36:21 > 0:36:24I would, if there wasn't a place to stay, which, often,
0:36:24 > 0:36:28it was too late for me to call anyone for a sofa, I would stay out till
0:36:28 > 0:36:33about 5am and then get on the Circle Line and just, kind of, lean up,
0:36:33 > 0:36:35and then get up around 12 and....
0:36:35 > 0:36:39And just go round and round, cos it is warm down there and...
0:36:39 > 0:36:43- It's great. It's great. - There you go, there's a top tip.
0:36:43 > 0:36:46- And did you sleep in the heating duct at Buckingham Palace?- No, no.
0:36:46 > 0:36:50- There's another no.- It was outside of Buckingham Palace, not in it.
0:36:50 > 0:36:52This is what I find fascinating, cos five years ago,
0:36:52 > 0:36:55you were trying to find somewhere warm to sleep in London.
0:36:55 > 0:37:00People have really taken it out of context. The Daily Mail
0:37:00 > 0:37:03- have taken the quote and been...- No(!)
0:37:04 > 0:37:08No, I won't believe that the Daily Mail makes stuff up(!)
0:37:08 > 0:37:11It wasn't, like, a massive hardship or anything.
0:37:11 > 0:37:16I wasn't living anywhere in London. I was sleeping on people's sofas
0:37:16 > 0:37:20and sometimes they didn't have sofas to sleep on. It wasn't common,
0:37:20 > 0:37:24- but it did happen, yeah.- Cos you were gigging a lot in those days,
0:37:24 > 0:37:28- working your bottom off. - I haven't stopped yet. It's still...
0:37:28 > 0:37:30But you were travelling down to Exeter, to get...
0:37:30 > 0:37:35- How much for performing in Exeter? - That was the worst thing.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38It was an 80 quid train ticket to Exeter and I was getting paid
0:37:38 > 0:37:42£50 for the gig and I arrived and soundchecked with the sound engineer.
0:37:42 > 0:37:44He was like, "Doors are at seven."
0:37:44 > 0:37:47Got to seven, I was on at 7.30. It was empty.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50He said, "Wait 15 minutes, see if people turn up." Empty.
0:37:50 > 0:37:5315 minutes later, "Yeah, wait another ten minutes."
0:37:53 > 0:37:56We ended up waiting an hour. No-one turned up, so I just played to him.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58- What did he say? - No, it was all right.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01And then I was, like, "Cool, see you later, mate",
0:38:01 > 0:38:04got my £50 and went and I'd missed the last train home.
0:38:04 > 0:38:10But I'd just bought, from eBay, a Pokemon on the Game Boy Colour.
0:38:10 > 0:38:14And I just got that. So, I sat at the train station, until the morning,
0:38:14 > 0:38:16until the next train, playing Pokemon. It was great.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18It's where you learn it all from.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21So, now you've got to the point from playing Pokemon
0:38:21 > 0:38:26on Exeter railway station, have you not just sold out Wembley for,
0:38:26 > 0:38:29- how many nights is it?- Three nights. - Just you? In front of a crowd
0:38:29 > 0:38:33- of 80,000-90,000?- Around that, yeah. - Does that make you nervous?
0:38:33 > 0:38:37I was more nervous about today, doing the lap. Genuinely, genuinely.
0:38:37 > 0:38:41Cos I mean your whole life is... Obviously, you've met De Niro now.
0:38:41 > 0:38:45- Clinton?- Yeah.- And then, today, you met James May.- Yeah.
0:38:45 > 0:38:48So, you've completed the circle.
0:38:48 > 0:38:51Now, we'd better get on, I'm afraid, to the elephant in the room.
0:38:51 > 0:38:53- Yes.- Um...Ed can't drive.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55LAUGHTER
0:38:55 > 0:38:57And I don't just mean you have no driving licence.
0:38:57 > 0:39:00We've had that before, with Johnny Vegas
0:39:00 > 0:39:04and Jack Whitehall, more recently. But how much can't you drive?
0:39:04 > 0:39:07Or how much couldn't you drive before you got here today?
0:39:07 > 0:39:12I'd never sat in the driver's seat or put my hand on a steering wheel.
0:39:12 > 0:39:16The reason I said yes to Top Gear is that
0:39:16 > 0:39:20I thought it would be funny, the first time that I drive.
0:39:20 > 0:39:25It is... This must be the first-ever televised driving lesson.
0:39:25 > 0:39:30I think so many 17-year-olds around the world would want The Stig
0:39:30 > 0:39:32to teach them how to drive and that's what happened.
0:39:32 > 0:39:35I think it is very, very ballsy to come here, saying,
0:39:35 > 0:39:38"I don't mind being filmed for my first ever lap."
0:39:38 > 0:39:42You have actually bought cars for people -
0:39:42 > 0:39:47- sound engineers and so on.- Yeah, I bought... Basically, every year
0:39:47 > 0:39:51I give people who work for me a Christmas bonus and this guy
0:39:51 > 0:39:55who works for me was, basically, every year, spending his Christmas
0:39:55 > 0:39:58bonus on things you should spend your bonus on - his family.
0:39:58 > 0:40:02But he would always go on about wanting a Porsche 911 Carrera.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04"Oh, that's my dream car, but I'm doing up the bathroom next",
0:40:04 > 0:40:08- so this year, I just got him the Porsche.- You bought him a 911?
0:40:08 > 0:40:13- Yeah.- Didn't you buy another sound engineer a Smart car?
0:40:13 > 0:40:17I bought my guitar tech a Smart car, but that was another...
0:40:17 > 0:40:21What's he done wrong(?) How does he feel going, "Oh, brilliant"?
0:40:21 > 0:40:24We need to have a word with him.
0:40:24 > 0:40:26Are you sure he's doing your guitars properly? Cos if he thinks
0:40:26 > 0:40:29a Smart's a good enough car, when he could have said a 911!
0:40:29 > 0:40:31It's different strokes for different folks.
0:40:31 > 0:40:36You're right. Now, moving on to your lap. How was it out there?
0:40:36 > 0:40:38It was interesting. It was interesting.
0:40:38 > 0:40:42I had some very funny bloopers, which I'm sure you're going to show.
0:40:42 > 0:40:44We wouldn't do that.
0:40:46 > 0:40:48Yes, we would.
0:40:48 > 0:40:53Who'd like to see Ed's first-ever driving lesson on television?
0:40:53 > 0:40:54ALL: Yes!
0:40:54 > 0:40:57We've got one or two clips we'd like to show first
0:40:57 > 0:41:00of a few slip-ups. Let's have a look at those.
0:41:03 > 0:41:06So this is... Whoa, that's the second to last corner,
0:41:06 > 0:41:09- but you missed that by a long way there.- That looks great.
0:41:09 > 0:41:12Oh, my God, is that the Follow...? They go through the tyres!
0:41:12 > 0:41:15You're not going to hold it. You did!
0:41:15 > 0:41:19Oh, wait, wait, wait! Argh!
0:41:21 > 0:41:25Not again, not again at the Follow Through? The same!
0:41:27 > 0:41:30What staggers me about that is, when the car is sliding,
0:41:30 > 0:41:33particularly going through there, which is about 80mph.
0:41:33 > 0:41:36So, it's sliding like that. Most people just give up,
0:41:36 > 0:41:40but you, actually, were wrestling with the controls in there.
0:41:40 > 0:41:41That wasn't planned.
0:41:41 > 0:41:45I just didn't know to take my foot off the accelerator.
0:41:47 > 0:41:49You just kept it on?
0:41:49 > 0:41:54Yeah, I wasn't, like, "I'm going sort this out and show everyone
0:41:54 > 0:41:57"that I'm really good at driving." It was, literally, just like "Ah!"
0:41:57 > 0:42:00How do you actually walk about when they're that big?
0:42:02 > 0:42:05Shall we have a look at the fastest lap? Everybody ready?
0:42:05 > 0:42:06ALL: Yeah!
0:42:06 > 0:42:09Play the tape. Come on. Here we go.
0:42:11 > 0:42:15Yes, wheel spin from an automatic. Oh, it is wet, isn't it? Yeah.
0:42:17 > 0:42:18Come on.
0:42:19 > 0:42:23It will and here it comes. Down to the first corner
0:42:23 > 0:42:26and around it. Still can't believe that you had never driven
0:42:26 > 0:42:28a car before this morning.
0:42:28 > 0:42:32And you're around at... Slightly wide, but never mind.
0:42:32 > 0:42:35We're off towards Chicago now.
0:42:35 > 0:42:38Come on, come on, come on, yeah. Yep, yep, yep.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42Like it. Neat and tidy through there.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45No real problems, at all, and with tyre...
0:42:45 > 0:42:47Yes, the tyres are squealing.
0:42:49 > 0:42:52Keep your hands on the wheel, that is important.
0:42:52 > 0:42:57And this is the Hammerhead, designed to catch out the unwary and the new.
0:42:57 > 0:42:58But it hasn't got you!
0:42:58 > 0:43:00Right, now, this is it.
0:43:00 > 0:43:03This is coming up to what we call the Follow Through,
0:43:03 > 0:43:05cos if you get it wrong that's what happens.
0:43:05 > 0:43:07EXHALES DEEPLY
0:43:10 > 0:43:11Lifting? No, you're not lifting.
0:43:11 > 0:43:15Nobody's ever had tyre squeal on their first-ever driving lesson.
0:43:15 > 0:43:19Through the tyres, can he do this? Yes, looking good.
0:43:19 > 0:43:22Oh, crikey, a little bit of brake action there
0:43:22 > 0:43:24or that could be automatic, on the car's part.
0:43:24 > 0:43:26Second to last corner, catches most people out,
0:43:26 > 0:43:28but not you, not today.
0:43:28 > 0:43:30Into Gambon...
0:43:30 > 0:43:33And, oh, there was a burst of acceleration.
0:43:33 > 0:43:35And there we are, across the line!
0:43:35 > 0:43:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:39 > 0:43:46- Right, now...- It looked slower than it felt.- It does.
0:43:46 > 0:43:50It's not a fast car. There are faster ones available on the market.
0:43:50 > 0:43:52Where do you think you've come on our...?
0:43:52 > 0:43:54As long as I beat Jack Whitehall, I'm happy.
0:43:54 > 0:43:59Two things... One - Jack had driven a car before he got here,
0:43:59 > 0:44:03although he had no licence. And the track was mildly moist for him,
0:44:03 > 0:44:07barely wet, but it was very wet for you, so it obviously slows you down.
0:44:07 > 0:44:09So, he did a 1.54.5.
0:44:09 > 0:44:14And you, Ed Sheeran...
0:44:14 > 0:44:16you were...
0:44:16 > 0:44:191.50...
0:44:19 > 0:44:214...
0:44:21 > 0:44:22ALL: Ooh!
0:44:24 > 0:44:26..3.
0:44:26 > 0:44:29- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - And in wet. You've done it!
0:44:31 > 0:44:33Yeah.
0:44:33 > 0:44:35That is... Are you genuinely amazed by that? Cos I am.
0:44:35 > 0:44:40I guess so, but, like, that one was the best time that I did it.
0:44:40 > 0:44:45And the times before that were probably about 2.30.
0:44:45 > 0:44:47- So, um...- Well, with that level of improvement,
0:44:47 > 0:44:51we should just give Ed a driving licence now.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54- ALL: Yes! - Ladies and gentlemen, Ed Sheeran!
0:44:54 > 0:44:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:45:04 > 0:45:09Now, tonight, we are staging one of our important races,
0:45:09 > 0:45:11between the car, public transport, a bicycle
0:45:11 > 0:45:16and Jeremy's rather fanciful belief that we should travel everywhere
0:45:16 > 0:45:17on rivers.
0:45:17 > 0:45:21Yes, we are racing across St Petersburg in Russia.
0:45:21 > 0:45:23And when we left the action, Jeremy was in the lead,
0:45:23 > 0:45:26in his uncontrollable hovercraft.
0:45:26 > 0:45:29James was second, in his tiny, electric Renault.
0:45:29 > 0:45:32The Stig was somewhere or other on a metro train.
0:45:32 > 0:45:36And I had fallen off my bicycle and broken it.
0:45:48 > 0:45:49OK, this is good.
0:45:51 > 0:45:54Flat out on water.
0:45:59 > 0:46:02Remaining range - it tells me it is 40 miles, that's plenty.
0:46:02 > 0:46:03Bit of a jink round him.
0:46:04 > 0:46:05Ho-ho!
0:46:05 > 0:46:09You're probably thinking, "What's the point of that tiny little car?
0:46:09 > 0:46:11"Look at the size of that road he's on."
0:46:11 > 0:46:13Yes. But we're not in St Petersburg proper, yet.
0:46:13 > 0:46:17We're still on the outskirts. When we get near the middle,
0:46:17 > 0:46:20there's going to be a small alleyway,
0:46:20 > 0:46:22something built before cars were invented.
0:46:22 > 0:46:24Things wide enough for a horse.
0:46:24 > 0:46:27And then, I shall sweep to victory.
0:46:49 > 0:46:53The Stig, James and Jeremy were battling in what they thought
0:46:53 > 0:46:56was a three-horse race.
0:46:56 > 0:46:58But I had other plans...
0:46:58 > 0:47:02- So, you speak English?- I do. - And you don't speak English?
0:47:02 > 0:47:04- A little bit.- Can you interpret?
0:47:04 > 0:47:07I've broken my bike. I fell off my bicycle.
0:47:09 > 0:47:11Can I borrow your bike?
0:47:12 > 0:47:16- No.- Oh, please. I'm in a race.
0:47:16 > 0:47:21- A hovercraft has gone past now. - I'm late, I have to go to my work.
0:47:21 > 0:47:24If we give you a lift to work, can I borrow your bike?
0:47:24 > 0:47:27HE TRANSLATES
0:47:27 > 0:47:30- OK.- Really, can we?- Yes.
0:47:30 > 0:47:32Really? What a gentleman!
0:47:36 > 0:47:40As a producer took the kind young man to work,
0:47:40 > 0:47:43I was getting to grips with his wheels.
0:47:43 > 0:47:47OK, this isn't as fast as the other bicycle, I'll be honest.
0:47:47 > 0:47:52I'm doing 16mph, instead of 22, and it's killing me.
0:47:53 > 0:47:57Hammond would have struggled to catch up with me on his £9,000
0:47:57 > 0:48:01Tour de France bike, but on some clunky old piece of Russian pig-iron
0:48:01 > 0:48:04that he's borrowed from a local, he's got no chance, has he?
0:48:04 > 0:48:05Let's be honest.
0:48:05 > 0:48:09On HMS Petrol, I wasn't worried about Hammond's recovery
0:48:09 > 0:48:12because my lead was immense!
0:48:13 > 0:48:17And I was going like a bat out of hell.
0:48:17 > 0:48:18Power.
0:48:19 > 0:48:21Right through the middle.
0:48:21 > 0:48:23But then, I hit the city centre.
0:48:29 > 0:48:34Got hydrofoils coming in at speed from the left and the right.
0:48:34 > 0:48:37Two ferries and a water taxi.
0:48:37 > 0:48:42Oh, my giddy aunt, there's one over there.
0:48:43 > 0:48:44- Oh- BLEEP.
0:48:44 > 0:48:45HORNS BLARE
0:48:45 > 0:48:48In traffic like this, the hover-van was a menace.
0:48:48 > 0:48:53Turn! Turn!
0:48:55 > 0:48:58Good God, I'm totally out of control.
0:49:01 > 0:49:05Holy mother of God, turn!
0:49:05 > 0:49:07Turn! Turn!
0:49:07 > 0:49:08No!
0:49:10 > 0:49:12- Oh- BLEEP.- Not very...
0:49:13 > 0:49:16I'm crashing into St Petersburg now.
0:49:18 > 0:49:20Power! Come on, hover-van.
0:49:23 > 0:49:28Oh, there's swimmers. Oh, please, turn. Please.
0:49:30 > 0:49:33I, too, had reached the city centre, where the tiny Twizy
0:49:33 > 0:49:36would come into its own, in the ancient narrow streets.
0:49:40 > 0:49:41Oh, cock.
0:49:43 > 0:49:46The main roads were eight lanes wide...
0:49:47 > 0:49:50..and the side roads weren't much thinner.
0:49:50 > 0:49:53Small wonder there are no parking regulations in St Petersburg.
0:49:53 > 0:49:55There's no need.
0:49:56 > 0:50:00Look at it. Could have done this in a stretch Lincoln Continental
0:50:00 > 0:50:02or a Hummer or something.
0:50:04 > 0:50:07Worse, worse. Just worse.
0:50:12 > 0:50:16I will not give up, I will not give up.
0:50:19 > 0:50:2122 miles an hour there. Oh.
0:50:21 > 0:50:23And I think I'm going to be sick.
0:50:25 > 0:50:26Meanwhile, back on the river...
0:50:26 > 0:50:28HORN BLARES
0:50:28 > 0:50:29Holy Moley!
0:50:29 > 0:50:30HORN BLARES
0:50:30 > 0:50:32And another one!
0:50:32 > 0:50:35'In order to avoid death by hydrofoil,
0:50:35 > 0:50:41'I decided to leave the river and use St Petersburg's canals.'
0:50:41 > 0:50:43This is a canal, it's what I need.
0:50:43 > 0:50:48They were much quieter, but there was now another problem.
0:50:55 > 0:50:57No, don't...
0:51:00 > 0:51:05To get under the low bridges, I had to deflate the skirts.
0:51:05 > 0:51:09That meant coming off the power and coasting, which went well(!)
0:51:09 > 0:51:11Sinking. Sinking now.
0:51:11 > 0:51:13Oh, giddy aunt.
0:51:15 > 0:51:18Oh, Christ, this is lower, this is even lower.
0:51:18 > 0:51:19Two and a half metres,
0:51:19 > 0:51:24that's pretty much the height of the props on the back.
0:51:25 > 0:51:28No, no, no, don't rise up, don't rise up!
0:51:28 > 0:51:30Oh, my... No, no, no.
0:51:33 > 0:51:36In the Twizy, I'd discovered that no matter how wide the streets
0:51:36 > 0:51:39may be, a jam is still a jam.
0:51:40 > 0:51:44See, look, small cars don't make any difference.
0:51:44 > 0:51:46If I was on the bike, I'd be down there, but no car is narrow
0:51:46 > 0:51:48enough for that.
0:51:49 > 0:51:54While James sat motionless, I was now entering the city centre...
0:51:57 > 0:51:59I can still do this. Oh.
0:52:01 > 0:52:05..where I discovered that cyclists are completely invisible.
0:52:05 > 0:52:08Oh, you're not... You didn't... Honestly?!
0:52:08 > 0:52:10Not even an attempt, was there?
0:52:10 > 0:52:14Argh, wait for me, numb nuts.
0:52:15 > 0:52:18ANNOUNCEMENT IN RUSSIAN
0:52:18 > 0:52:23On the underground, Stig had noticed that many of his fellow passengers
0:52:23 > 0:52:26were holding on to strange things.
0:52:26 > 0:52:30And so, at the next station, he decided he should have one, too.
0:52:50 > 0:52:52I'm on the tram lines and in a traffic jam.
0:52:52 > 0:52:53Come on, come on, come on.
0:52:56 > 0:53:00Terrified that I'll see Richard Hammond turning up any second
0:53:00 > 0:53:01on his stolen mountain bike.
0:53:05 > 0:53:08Man stopped in the bus lane, looking under his car,
0:53:08 > 0:53:10probably for a cyclist he's run over.
0:53:13 > 0:53:16Don't worry about me, I'm just a cyclist. I'm just a pigeon.
0:53:16 > 0:53:17Don't you worry yourself, chum.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21Like all cyclists, Hammond was becoming
0:53:21 > 0:53:24- full of rage and aggression. - Come on, really?!
0:53:25 > 0:53:29Whereas, in my un-air-conditioned hover-van, I was becoming hot,
0:53:29 > 0:53:32bothered and stuck.
0:53:32 > 0:53:34Sweating. Sweating a lot.
0:53:39 > 0:53:42Not certain this was a good idea. I really am not.
0:53:42 > 0:53:45Oh, now, this one is tight.
0:53:47 > 0:53:51Lower. No, no, no, Christ.
0:53:53 > 0:53:55Bloody hell.
0:53:55 > 0:53:57Scary! No, no, no, no, no!
0:53:57 > 0:53:59MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:53:59 > 0:54:04Oh... Not now, not now, not now! I'm in a big problem!
0:54:04 > 0:54:06What?
0:54:15 > 0:54:18- Oh,- BLEEP,- I should have actually gone to the right.
0:54:19 > 0:54:21Right, U-turn.
0:54:23 > 0:54:25Concentrate, May.
0:54:28 > 0:54:31Thanks to James's famously-poor sense of direction,
0:54:31 > 0:54:33I was now in with a shout,
0:54:33 > 0:54:37especially as I could take a short-cut through the Winter Palace.
0:54:40 > 0:54:41Wow.
0:54:41 > 0:54:45Thank goodness James has got a Twizy to fit in this place(!)
0:54:48 > 0:54:50Little corner cut, that'll save me a minute or two.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53Water coming up, over the bridge.
0:54:59 > 0:55:03In the hover-van, I was finally free of the canals
0:55:03 > 0:55:06and back on the now traffic-free river.
0:55:06 > 0:55:08I've got a lot of time to make up now. Come on! Power!
0:55:19 > 0:55:23We were now entering the final stages of our race.
0:55:23 > 0:55:25And at this point,
0:55:25 > 0:55:28because all of us were all over the place, any one of us could win it.
0:55:31 > 0:55:34Coming past. I can have that, I'll have that.
0:55:37 > 0:55:38Whoa, heavy turn.
0:55:41 > 0:55:43Full thrust!
0:55:46 > 0:55:49I will not give up, I will not give up. Come on!
0:55:53 > 0:55:56Really giving this thing the electric berries here.
0:55:56 > 0:55:58Buffeting!
0:56:01 > 0:56:04That is 144 horsepower, right there. Ha-ha!
0:56:09 > 0:56:14- What the- BLEEP- hell, are you...? You great gangly- BLEEP- knuckle- BLEEP,
0:56:14 > 0:56:16- greasy-haired- BLEEP- bag.- BLEEP- you.
0:56:18 > 0:56:21That's more like it. A narrow side street.
0:56:28 > 0:56:29We can win this, van.
0:56:30 > 0:56:31Come on.
0:56:31 > 0:56:34Come on, come on.
0:56:34 > 0:56:36I'm very close.
0:56:37 > 0:56:38Ah.
0:56:41 > 0:56:43There it is. There's the end point.
0:56:45 > 0:56:50Where is this unpronounceable palace? Where is James May?
0:56:50 > 0:56:51Where is The Stig?
0:57:01 > 0:57:04There it is. Yes, there is the finish line!
0:57:04 > 0:57:08Oh, wait a minute, have I got to get up that bloody thing? I have.
0:57:12 > 0:57:15Somewhere around here, I'm looking for a big white palace.
0:57:18 > 0:57:19Right, here we go!
0:57:24 > 0:57:26No! No, no, no, no, no.
0:57:32 > 0:57:33Stopping.
0:57:37 > 0:57:38Oh, God!
0:57:40 > 0:57:43It's Hammond. Bloody hell. Ha-ha!
0:57:47 > 0:57:50Argh. Not again. Argh!
0:57:50 > 0:57:52Please tell me, have I won?
0:57:59 > 0:58:02Oh, Christ, look behind you.
0:58:02 > 0:58:04Oh, Jesus.
0:58:09 > 0:58:12Well, there we are. Proof that the car is...
0:58:12 > 0:58:14- Is better. - It's better.- Was worth it.
0:58:14 > 0:58:17I'm afraid, even when it's comedically small,
0:58:17 > 0:58:20- French and electric, it's still better.- I've ruined my penis
0:58:20 > 0:58:24- and £9,000-worth of bicycle. - Yep. I've just realised something.
0:58:24 > 0:58:26- What?- Three of us are here.
0:58:26 > 0:58:29- Yeah, I completely forgot. - Oh, hang on.- Where is The Stig?
0:58:29 > 0:58:30Where is he?
0:58:32 > 0:58:35METALLIC CLANGING
0:58:46 > 0:58:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:58:49 > 0:58:53James May has restored the reputation of the car.
0:58:53 > 0:58:57- Yes.- Thing is, though... The thing is, though,
0:58:57 > 0:59:00if you don't want to drive around in a little Philishave,
0:59:00 > 0:59:04with optional doors, you'll have to buy what came second,
0:59:04 > 0:59:06which, of course, was the hovercraft.
0:59:06 > 0:59:09Oh, no, hang on a minute. I would have won that by 20 minutes,
0:59:09 > 0:59:14- if I hadn't fallen off.- Yes, but you did fall off. Twice, in fact.
0:59:14 > 0:59:18- Yeah.- In an 18-mile journey, you consumed two bicycles.
0:59:19 > 0:59:24- I did, yeah.- All we learned from you is that you're a spanner
0:59:24 > 0:59:27and it's difficult to draw any meaningful conclusions
0:59:27 > 0:59:29from The Stig's journey. So, in that whole film,
0:59:29 > 0:59:32we've learned absolutely nothing, at all.
0:59:32 > 0:59:36And on that bombshell, it is time to end.
0:59:36 > 0:59:39Thank you so much for watching. See you again next week. Good night!
0:59:39 > 0:59:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE