0:00:02 > 0:00:05Argentina, home of the soaring peaks of the Andes,
0:00:05 > 0:00:07the sweeping plains of Patagonia,
0:00:07 > 0:00:11and the world-famous Total Wipeout course.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14And now it's also the home of Total Wipeout.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Oh, I just said that, didn't I?
0:00:16 > 0:00:2220 valiant Brits, including a professor, a poet and a rat catcher,
0:00:22 > 0:00:27have travelled to Buenos Aires to take on the world's most thrilling assault course.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30One gets branded "winner".
0:00:30 > 0:00:32The other 19 just get branded.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Unleash the pain.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Welcome once again to the BAFTA award-eligible show Total Wipeout.
0:00:40 > 0:00:45Now, I think it was the author and poet Dr Johnson who famously said,
0:00:45 > 0:00:49"When a man is tired of people falling in water, he is tired of life."
0:00:49 > 0:00:54And if you're thinking of checking the internet to see if that's an accurate quote, don't bother, OK?
0:00:54 > 0:00:59Just trust me. Time to find out the science behind tonight's course.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03The Qualifier: water plus big balls equals entertainment.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07Crash Mountain. Water plus rotating beam equals amusement.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Dizzy Done It. Dizziness plus obstacles equals nausea.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12And the Wipeout Zone.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16Danger times danger equals very danger.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19So the course is ready. The competitors are ready.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23Just need to get myself in the zone.
0:01:26 > 0:01:31Right, Hammond ready, which means it's time to hand over to the lady who laughs in the face of danger.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36Sorry, no, the lady who laughs in the face of people in danger.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37It's Amanda Byron.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46I'm joined now at the top of the Qualifier by Siana from Scotland,
0:01:46 > 0:01:51who is fearless, rufty-tufty, and has an amazing job.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Siana, tell everyone.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55I'm a freelance white water raft guide.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- So, is everybody at home rooting for you?- Yep.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07My family are like the Scottish mafia, if I don't win, somebody might be in a bit of trouble.
0:02:07 > 0:02:12- If you don't win, are they going to put a horse's head in your bed? - In your bed.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Well you'd better win then, Siana! Off you pop.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21Pain is just weakness leaving the body. This is going to be easy!
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Easy? Famous last word.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27So, Siana is off, and faces the first obstacle.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29In the days of yore...
0:02:29 > 0:02:33well, a couple of months ago, a combination of foam, plank and
0:02:33 > 0:02:37dodgy hinges struck fear into the hearts of Total Wipeout competitors.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39And what was this obstacle's name?
0:02:39 > 0:02:42That wasn't a rhetorical question - I genuinely can't remember.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Oh, hang on, it was...ah, yes!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Rake In The Face. Here she goes, then. Crikey!
0:02:48 > 0:02:51There she went, that's amazing. Second lot,
0:02:51 > 0:02:53this is...was incredible.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56That was incredible, too, though in a different sort of way.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00Stuck between the rake and a soft place.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02I'm guessing that hurt.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Well, a fast and eventful start. Sucker Punch now.
0:03:05 > 0:03:0822 pneumatic fists. One muddy pit.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Like Siana said, "Easy".
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Actually, looking good so far.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16Oh.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20The white water rafter tries her hand at brown water rafting there.
0:03:20 > 0:03:25She's doing well overall, but uh-oh, look what's next.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27They're big.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29They're red.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30They're balls.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33There are four of them.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37That's all I've got to say about them, really.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Siana heads up the ramp. The Motivator is poised.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44She doesn't need it, she's away! One, two, three...
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Ah, it looked so good!
0:03:47 > 0:03:49An exceptional effort from Siana.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52A three-baller.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57Only the fastest 12 go through to the next round, so Siana needs to get her swim on, because next...
0:03:58 > 0:04:02..it's the return of the Screaming Letters Of Sh, brainchild of
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Argentina's finest minds in a fusion of ground-breaking technology.
0:04:06 > 0:04:11A clever combination of a swinging thing and the letters S and H.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Whatever it is, it's impossible.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Except when he did it. What's his name? And her. What's her face?
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Yeah, nearly impossible.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21So, how will Siana cope?
0:04:21 > 0:04:26She's got to do this, otherwise her family is going to put a horse's head in my bed.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29This is all about timing.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Ooh! She tries to jump the S.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34No, told you. It's nearly impossible. It is.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Drags herself up the stairs to finish in 2 minutes and 10 seconds.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41A superb effort, and I'm not just saying that
0:04:41 > 0:04:44so her family don't bury me in concrete.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47So a great start for the girls.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48Now for the first of the boys.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Gentle giant Mark.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53A bakery driver from Manchester.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58So, Mark, what is it that you do?
0:04:58 > 0:05:01I'm the bread man! I'm definitely going to win!
0:05:01 > 0:05:02HE ROARS
0:05:02 > 0:05:03Subtle(!)
0:05:05 > 0:05:07So, will Mark use his loaf?!
0:05:07 > 0:05:10I'm sorry! Or just end up looking like a doughnut?
0:05:10 > 0:05:13I'm sorrier about that.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16I'm the bread man, and I need this dough!
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Bakery puns, that's just cheap.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Right, here we go, the rakes first. He's off.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Oooh, right in the cob!
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Tidal wave.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Creating quite a splash.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Ooh!
0:05:34 > 0:05:38Unfortunately for wholemeal Mark, his rake problems aren't over yet.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41There's one more set to go, but I'm sure he'll do better this time.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Yes...
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Oh, crumbs!
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Right in the cake hole!
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Sorry.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57I'm sure he bit off a piece of it.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Time for wholemeal Mark to take on the biggest dough balls
0:06:00 > 0:06:01he's ever seen.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Here we go. This could be good.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05Oh, no!
0:06:13 > 0:06:15That's a lot of baker.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Our bakery man needs to get a move on if he's to top the leaderboard.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Here we go. Oh...
0:06:23 > 0:06:25d'oh! You see? D'ough...
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Yeah, OK.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Mark definitely not going to beat Siana now.
0:06:29 > 0:06:34Swimming to the steps, he finishes in three minutes and six seconds.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Certainly not the best time since sliced bread.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38There you go.
0:06:38 > 0:06:43How are you feeling after that? A little bit like brown bread?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Oh dear, I'm tired.
0:06:45 > 0:06:51Who's next? Well, this is 55-year-old and Jackie, a chicken farm receptionist from Norfolk.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Do chickens need a receptionist?
0:06:55 > 0:06:56She's a grandmother, and...
0:06:56 > 0:06:59I'm completely lost for words here.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- Game old bird, then, Jackie? - Yes I am. I'm ready.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05I'm going to fly over all those things.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Yeah. The chicken is a flightless bird.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16But maybe Jackie will soar across the course.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Here she goes.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Yes.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Ooh, un-clucky.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Chickens don't swim, do they?
0:07:27 > 0:07:31The rakes doing their job, making people look silly, then dumping them in the water.
0:07:31 > 0:07:36That's what they're for. So clucky Jackie approaches the balls. Slowly.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38A bit low on energy by now, I think.
0:07:38 > 0:07:43I just thought, did anyone tell Jackie about the Motivator? Anybody?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46She does need to know that it's there. Oh no!
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Oooh, a narrow escape.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Jackie, on to the swinging letters...
0:07:52 > 0:07:53and off it.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56And back on!
0:07:56 > 0:08:01Oh, now she's lying back whilst thinking up a new strategy. OK.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Oh, interesting strategy!
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Just didn't work.
0:08:05 > 0:08:10Jackie finishes the qualifier in a time of four minutes and 56 seconds.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14Poor Jackie can't even muster the energy for a chicken dance.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15Oh, she can!
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Hooray for us!
0:08:17 > 0:08:19What's that, kung-fu chicken?
0:08:19 > 0:08:20- Wow!- Yes.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Thank goodness, this one looks normal.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27SHE TRUMPETS
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I'm going to be horse on this course!
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Where do we get them from?
0:08:34 > 0:08:39Seriously, this is Tess, a PA from Hertfordshire.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45Oh! And she's fallen at the first!
0:08:45 > 0:08:48I shall name that rake Eduardo's Brook.
0:08:48 > 0:08:53Listen, you're looking very pretty, very glam - are you sure about all that mud and stuff?
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Of course, I love it.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00Well, having got dirty on the Sucker Punch, time to get clean on the Balls.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Righto - she's saddled up and ready to take that jump.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Off gallops Tess.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Time to giddy up...and giddy down.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13A rare mid-air spin there, coupled with the look of fear.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17I love skiing, jet-skiing and just getting dirty.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20SHE GIGGLES
0:09:22 > 0:09:26It's the final straight for Trot-On Tess - just the Swinging Shs to go.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Oh, Tess trots tentatively to the S...
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Oh... Oh...
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Never mind, Tess.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37What a mare!
0:09:39 > 0:09:43Trot-On Tess finishes in a time of three minutes and nine seconds.
0:09:46 > 0:09:51The next contestant has a story to tell, literally.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Are you sitting comfortably? Good, then I shall begin
0:09:54 > 0:09:56the Book of Lee.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00Once upon a time, there was a boy called Lee.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Lee was a charming, simple boy, as you can see here.
0:10:05 > 0:10:12Very simple. The 18-year-old English student travelled to a dangerous foreign land to seek his fortune.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16He showed no fear, until the wicked witch Byram
0:10:16 > 0:10:20put a spell on him, which made him incapable of speaking.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Chapter Two - The Intrepid Journey.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28It all started so promisingly for Lee.
0:10:30 > 0:10:35Until he was deep inside the cursed forest of rakes.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40SHE CACKLES
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Chapter Three -
0:10:42 > 0:10:46poor Lee became trapped by the wicked witch's stinky bog,
0:10:46 > 0:10:50before being defeated by the Red Spheroids Of Doom
0:10:50 > 0:10:53and the legendary Letter Labyrinth.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Because Lee failed his quest,
0:10:55 > 0:10:59the witch's spell lasted for an eternity -
0:10:59 > 0:11:02poor Lee would never speak normally again.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04THEY SPEAK INCOMPREHENSIBLY
0:11:12 > 0:11:14I've got to say, I prefer The Da Vinci Code myself.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Anyway, on with today's competition.
0:11:17 > 0:11:22Meet James, a reggae-loving, creative-writing student from Chichester.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26He's a slam poet, and it looks like he needs the lavatory.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Life's like a game show, they jest, one month ago around the Round Table
0:11:29 > 0:11:31And yes, today that's true
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Plan A, jump high, Plan B, fall small
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Plan C, laugh loud and Plan D, live tall,
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Because in the end, it's Total Wipeout for us all.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40That's quite beautiful.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Hang on, my turn...
0:11:41 > 0:11:43I am a presenter called Mandy
0:11:43 > 0:11:45At sussing contestants, I'm handy
0:11:45 > 0:11:49I've watched your technique, it may look quite sweet
0:11:49 > 0:11:52But your legs are a little too bandy.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54That's even better!
0:11:54 > 0:11:56REGGAE MUSIC
0:11:56 > 0:12:00If you're going to be a bear, be a grizzly. BEAR ROARS
0:12:00 > 0:12:02So let's bring up the beat!
0:12:02 > 0:12:05I believe that's Keats.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07He leaps on to the rakes.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Ooh, this is a very controlled performance.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Oh, hang on.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Clear - on to the second set.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17And... Oh!
0:12:19 > 0:12:22This is amazing stuff, he's through!
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Right... There once was a young man from Chichester...
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Er... No, I can't think of anything that rhymes with Chichester.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32No, I've got nothing. Never mind.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Wow! One, two, three...
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Whoa! Oh, Slam Dunk James!
0:12:40 > 0:12:42He's like a clown. Whe-he-he-hey!
0:12:42 > 0:12:44He-hey!
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Whe-he-he, whe-he-he!
0:12:49 > 0:12:53OK, I'll try again. There once was a young man called James,
0:12:53 > 0:12:55who was excellent on swinging maze games.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Oh! Yeah, great.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Now my rhyme is factually inaccurate - thanks a lot, James.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03That's career finished. He was jealous.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06It's a good effort, though.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08If painful. So, Slam Dunk James
0:13:08 > 0:13:12finishes in a scorching 2.04 -
0:13:12 > 0:13:16shame there wasn't time for me to compose a decent rhyme in there.
0:13:18 > 0:13:25Lots of people have attempted this course, but what this show's missing is a true intellectual powerhouse,
0:13:25 > 0:13:32someone who can see beyond the physical, someone with noodle power.
0:13:32 > 0:13:33Uh...
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Ladies and gentlemen, I've just had some incredible news.
0:13:40 > 0:13:45The next competitor is Total Wipeout's first-ever university professor.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47What were the chances?!
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Finally, someone on my wavelength.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53I'm honoured to introduce Professor...Jimmy.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55MUSIC: "Mastermind Theme"
0:13:55 > 0:13:59Hello and welcome, Professor Jimmy from Ballyclare.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- Oh, gosh!- Ha-ha!
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Don't worry, he's just warming up.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09I'm sure he'll be blinding us with his intellect any moment.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13So, Professor Jimmy - do you have what it takes to beat that qualifier today?
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Yes, I do, Amanda, and, er...
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Agh!
0:14:22 > 0:14:26Did you check he didn't just buy his qualification off the internet?
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Well, I think you should.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32I don't think professors are even allowed to be called Jimmy.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35They're all called things like Maximilian and Edgar.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Right, time for the first look at today's leaderboard.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42In pole position is Slam Dunk James,
0:14:42 > 0:14:45just behind is Whitewater Siana, followed by Wholemeal Mark.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49In fourth spot is the Book of Lee,
0:14:49 > 0:14:52closely followed by Trot-On Tess and Clucky Jackie.
0:14:52 > 0:14:57And still to speak, let alone start, is Professor Jimmy.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58Can I just check something?
0:14:58 > 0:15:03No. Let's hope the next competitor can string some words together.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06I'm here at the top of the qualifier with Peter,
0:15:06 > 0:15:09who's a motivational manager from Glasgow.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11So, Mr Motivator, how do you motivate?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14We work with young people in schools,
0:15:14 > 0:15:17and we inspire them to basically take personal responsibility.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20They're not going to win the lottery.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Don't wait for things to happen, make them happen. So...
0:15:23 > 0:15:26I think it's OK to fail, you know. People think it's not OK
0:15:26 > 0:15:28but it is, it's part of life.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31A lot of people don't do things, are scared, and fear the failure
0:15:31 > 0:15:34because they don't want to try something else,
0:15:34 > 0:15:37they might succeed, they might build confidence.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39- Get out there.- Are... - Opportunities come up.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42I went to Canada, I went to America, I went to New York,
0:15:42 > 0:15:44I went to Venice, I went to Prague.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Do things, because you might not get a chance again.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54So, Peter really can talk the talk, but can he walk the walk?
0:15:54 > 0:15:55No. No.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59But he can fall the fall.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01He's not the only one getting tripped up
0:16:01 > 0:16:04on those tricky, huge foamy so-and-sos today.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14Meet BFFs 24-year-old wedding co-ordinator Lily -
0:16:14 > 0:16:16oh, best friends for ever -
0:16:16 > 0:16:19..And 24-year-old reservations clerk Raquel.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21How will they fare against those pesky rakes?
0:16:21 > 0:16:25I've got three words for you - bring it on!
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Fighting talk already from Raquel.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Oh! Just lost her way there.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33What about her pal Lily?
0:16:33 > 0:16:37I may be little and I may be small, but I'm not afraid of those big red balls!
0:16:37 > 0:16:41Yeah, it's not the balls you need to worry about right now.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43See what I mean?
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Just too rakey for her.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49OK, we need to get someone special on this.
0:16:51 > 0:16:56I'm Extra-Special K, and I taste good!
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Now, that's handy.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59What can accountant Special Kurran do?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Oh, yeah, that's really special!
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Extra-special!
0:17:10 > 0:17:11What can he do on the Sucker Punch?
0:17:14 > 0:17:15Ooh! That's...
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Oh, I've run out of superlatives.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Painful. Yeah, it will have been.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21OK, the Balls.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24On. Balls. Off.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Nice dismount there.
0:17:28 > 0:17:34Right, back to Motormouth Pete - can he motivate himself? No! No!
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Ouch! I'm guessing that hurt.
0:17:36 > 0:17:41So, Special Kurran finishes in a great 2.59,
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Raquel in 4.08
0:17:44 > 0:17:48and Lily crawls home in 5.33.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52But look at Motormouth Pete - a sterling run, 2.36 -
0:17:52 > 0:17:55and I'm betting he'll have something to say about that...
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Oh! That's not easy.
0:17:57 > 0:17:58Oh! That it?
0:17:58 > 0:18:01He's lost the power of motivational speech.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Oh! Good news!
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Apparently, Professor Jimmy - you'll remember him...
0:18:11 > 0:18:15Has finally rehearsed something to say!
0:18:15 > 0:18:17I might be tall and I may be old.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20But these here muscles are made of gold.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23As a... I'm a... Ohh!
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Professor Doofus.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28Anyway, meet Sam a fast food worker from Dudley.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Aaaaaaah!
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Normally I'm flipping the burgers and serving the food
0:18:34 > 0:18:37but today I'm going to eat this course for dinner.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Do you want fries with that?
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Oooh, French fries.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Can you get me some fries?
0:18:43 > 0:18:46And two cheeseburgers and those miniature doughnut things...
0:18:46 > 0:18:50That's what... Yeah, right. Where are we? Oh! Yes, she's fallen off.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Commentating - that's Sam Burger versus Sucker Punch.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Wow! What strength, what determination!
0:18:57 > 0:19:00- Argh!- Oh, what a shame!
0:19:00 > 0:19:07# It was burgers and fries and cherry pies in a world
0:19:07 > 0:19:10# We used to know...#
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Oh, my God!
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Sam Burger approaches the Big Balls.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Without relish. Motivator swings...
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Oh! Sam slides.
0:19:20 > 0:19:25A textbook double-knee mud slide there. Not often seen but well done.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Sam Burger finishes in a time of 5.11.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32- That was easy!- No, it wasn't.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34I'm joined now at the top of the qualifier
0:19:34 > 0:19:36by 52-year-old Kevin from Redditch.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40- Kevin, what is it you do for a living?- I do pest control, Amanda.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44OK, so if I've got a problem with big bugs and stuff
0:19:44 > 0:19:48and I happen to live in the Redditch area, who am I going to call?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Kevin Masters!
0:19:50 > 0:19:54# If there's something strange in the neighbourhood
0:19:54 > 0:19:56# Who you gonna call... #
0:19:56 > 0:19:57Kevin Masters!
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Is it just me or is this getting a bit weird now? That's odd...
0:20:02 > 0:20:03# ..Who you gonna call? #
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Kevin Masters.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08You've heard of Batman, you've heard of Superman
0:20:08 > 0:20:11get out of the way, here comes the Ratman.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15So it's Ratman Kevin versus the Big Balls.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18# Who can you call? Ghost...#
0:20:18 > 0:20:19..Busted.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Onto the Swinging Letters Of Shhh.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Ooooh!
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Who's he going to call?
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Probably his chiropractor, I imagine.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Ratman Kevin finishes.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38If there are any rats watching, they must be loving this.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Top of the pile, it's still Slam Dunk James
0:20:40 > 0:20:42and Motormouth Pete's in third.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Special Kurran's in fourth.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48And these tail-enders are in danger.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Ratman Kevin is eighth.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Plucky Jackie, Sam Burger and BFF Lily -
0:20:53 > 0:20:56unlike Professor Jimmy who's probably too busy theorising
0:20:56 > 0:20:59about his speciality subject, speaking.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Nope. Just a quick seminar on waltzing.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Seriously...?
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Is someone going to find out if he's a real professor?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Well, who're you going to call?
0:21:10 > 0:21:12- MUSIC: "Ghostbusters" by Ray Parker Jr - No, no!
0:21:12 > 0:21:14- Stop that right now. - MUSIC STOPS
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Thank you.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Ratman Kevin is no use to us now.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21What we need is a real superhero.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27This is 36 year old Hayley from Essex. Superhero outfit - check.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31Underpants outside of the tights - check.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36I used to be large but now I'm lean and hard. Come on!
0:21:36 > 0:21:40I don't understand! Anyway, by day she's an information specialist,
0:21:40 > 0:21:44but by night she's an information specialist who dresses up.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Her superpower - plummeting, obviously.
0:21:47 > 0:21:53The next contestant is a real superhero.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Rachel is an actual world-class sportswoman.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Let me guess.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01OK, running? Swimming? Cycling?.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Rounders.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05Oh, dear.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09Another let down, just like that so-called professor.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Anyway, rakes versus Rachel.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Oh!
0:22:14 > 0:22:16She's up.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Oh!
0:22:19 > 0:22:23A world-class fall there from the world-class rounders champ.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- So Rounders Rach must go a few rounds...- Argh!- See what...?
0:22:26 > 0:22:28What was that?
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Why did... OK. It might help.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Oh! That's just not cricket, is it?
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Or even rounders.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Rachel not looking her best right now.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44- Urgh!- Sorry.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47- I didn't mean it, just all that mud. Never mind.- Aaaaah!
0:22:47 > 0:22:49- WHISPERS:- She's lost her mind.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54Oh dear, she's lost her balance.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Avoided the Motivator.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Just not the water.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Rounders Rach on the Swinging Letters Of Shhh - shocking.
0:23:12 > 0:23:18So, super-sporty Rachel finishes in a time of 3.42.
0:23:19 > 0:23:20Whoo!
0:23:21 > 0:23:25This is Andy, a 22-year-old journalism student
0:23:25 > 0:23:26from Welwyn Garden City.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Hope he does the entire course like that, could be good.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32- Just hit a stone...- That's a danger.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Right, Andy, I know you'd really like to be a TV reporter
0:23:34 > 0:23:38so, erm, how about you take the mic and interview me?
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Yeah. Shall we go? Right, well, Amanda, how are you doing?
0:23:41 > 0:23:43How are you feeling, how...
0:23:43 > 0:23:45That's a good start.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Yeah, Amanda, fear for your job.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50He's good. Plus he can do the Worm.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52I'm ice-cool Andy
0:23:52 > 0:23:55and I'm going to worm my way through this Wipeout course.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Come on!
0:23:57 > 0:24:01He looks psyched! Right, Wiggly Andy is off and running.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Oh.
0:24:06 > 0:24:07- Wow!- Yes!
0:24:09 > 0:24:12That's amazing insight from our Argentinian correspondent there.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16This is good though. He's doing very well. Come on, Wiggles!
0:24:16 > 0:24:17Andy now onto the Sucker Punch.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Ooh!
0:24:24 > 0:24:26He's off but he's out of the mud.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27This guy's looking good.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31Seriously quick. Wiggly-wiggly Andy onto the Big Balls.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33One, two, three, four...
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Kind of. Over to Amanda...
0:24:35 > 0:24:39- Andy is clinging on for dear life. - Thank you, Amanda.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Oooh, amazing! He's up and running.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44He's going to make it past the Swinging Letters...
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Oh! No he's not.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48An update from Amanda.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52Breaking news just in - Andy is doing ridiculously well.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55And hauling himself up the steps,
0:24:55 > 0:25:00- Andy finishes in an amazing time of 1.11.- Yes!
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Give that man a Pulitzer Prize.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08- That was out of this world, brilliant!- Thank you.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11What can I say, piece of cake.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13It's like taking candy from a baby.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17- Whoo!- All right, steady, plenty of people find it tricky.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20Maybe that's the secret, wiggling. And then more wiggling.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22And then some more wiggling.
0:25:22 > 0:25:28That's it! And now two competitors who belong to one of the toughest tribes on the planet.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- Grrrr!- Ha, ha, ha!
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Geordies.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35There's 44-year-old company director Karen.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40I'm from Newcastle so I'm from the Toon.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42If I beat this course, I'll be over the moon.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45I am the Angel Of The North.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48And dance graduate Ian.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Are you sure he's a Geordie, he's wearing tweed?
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Yeah, definitely Geordie.
0:25:55 > 0:26:01Don't take this the wrong way but you don't strike me as being a theatrical dancer, Ian.
0:26:01 > 0:26:02Oooh, well...
0:26:02 > 0:26:05MUSIC: "In The Summertime" by Mungo Jerry
0:26:06 > 0:26:10So is that dancing? Or is that just a bee in his trousers?
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Ohhh! I feel so hot right now.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16Yup. Karen is the first Geordie on the course.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20Hi! I'm the Angel Of The North!
0:26:20 > 0:26:25Hang on... No, she really is the Angel Of The North.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28I'm the granny-dancing beast from the north east
0:26:28 > 0:26:32- and I'm going to rock this dinosaur. - I don't understand that!
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Geordie-Legs Ian sets off.
0:26:36 > 0:26:37Nice start.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Ohh! Bit of a wobble.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42- But he's up and past the first set. - Yes!
0:26:42 > 0:26:46Those Geordie legs looking very calm and controlled.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Unlike when he was dancing I think it was before.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52He's up and made it across!
0:26:52 > 0:26:53How's Karen getting on?
0:26:54 > 0:26:57OK, Karen seems to be back to her normal self,
0:26:57 > 0:27:00getting ready for this Angel to fly.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Or just totter about precariously. That's fine too. Slow and steady...
0:27:03 > 0:27:05- Aaaaah!- No!
0:27:05 > 0:27:09Ian on the big balls, go go, Geordie Legs.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Ah, swim swim, Geordie Legs.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15# Geordie's lost his liggie...#
0:27:16 > 0:27:17He got his sideburns wet.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20# ..Geordie's lost his liggie
0:27:20 > 0:27:22# Along the Scotswood Road... #
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Meanwhile, back at the Sucker Punch.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31Just as before, slow and steady progress.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Geordie Legs on the Shhh... Oh! Shocking.
0:27:34 > 0:27:39It's like Saturday night at the Quayside, everyone is legless.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43And Ian completes the Qualifier in 1.42.
0:27:43 > 0:27:44Oh!
0:27:44 > 0:27:50The Angel Of The North back at the Big Balls. Fly, Angel, Fly!
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Cling on, Angel, cling on!
0:27:52 > 0:27:54You can do it.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Onto the third ball...
0:27:59 > 0:28:02Slide, Angel, slide.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05And Karen finishes in 4.35.
0:28:05 > 0:28:10- So, that's 17 contestants, just three to go. - PHONE RINGS
0:28:10 > 0:28:12But the big question now...
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Could someone get that phone, please?
0:28:15 > 0:28:17That's really unprofessional.
0:28:17 > 0:28:19It shouldn't even be switched on.
0:28:19 > 0:28:22Hang on, it's mine.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24Sorry.
0:28:24 > 0:28:25Hello.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27- # Who you gonna call...# - ..Kevin Masters
0:28:27 > 0:28:28Who gave him my number?
0:28:28 > 0:28:30Oh, look.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32BOUNCING
0:28:33 > 0:28:34SMASHING
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Anyway, three competitors to go.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39Blah, blah, blah. Back to the course.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41Tom, what is it you do for a living?
0:28:41 > 0:28:44I signal trains, yes. Signalling trains, yes.
0:28:44 > 0:28:47Will there be a delay out there on the Qualifier today?
0:28:47 > 0:28:51Not at all. No obstructions, it's green lights all the way.
0:28:51 > 0:28:54I will not stop short of any obstruction.
0:28:54 > 0:29:01I will under my own authority proceed, proceed, proceed.
0:29:01 > 0:29:03- Hold it there, Thomas. - HORN SOUNDS
0:29:03 > 0:29:04OK, proceed.
0:29:05 > 0:29:09So, Tom the Tank Engine chugs across the rakes.
0:29:09 > 0:29:11Derailed.
0:29:11 > 0:29:14- TANNOY:- Delays may now occur
0:29:14 > 0:29:16due to the wrong kind of water in Tom's trainers.
0:29:17 > 0:29:19On to the second set now.
0:29:19 > 0:29:21Proceed, proceed, proceed, Tom.
0:29:21 > 0:29:22Oh!
0:29:24 > 0:29:26Train signaller Tom now tries to make sure
0:29:26 > 0:29:29no pneumatic boxing gloves are directed into his face.
0:29:29 > 0:29:34He's doing well and he's over. First class.
0:29:34 > 0:29:39Now, Tom will be hoping for a one-way ticket across the balls.
0:29:40 > 0:29:43Instead it's a return journey into the wet stuff.
0:29:43 > 0:29:48Who knew train signallers could be so amusing when they do this?
0:29:53 > 0:29:55And Tom The Tank Engine finishes.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59Signal, past the danger!
0:29:59 > 0:30:03Just a little bit behind schedule. Meet 33-year-old law student Davina.
0:30:03 > 0:30:07Surely she's not going to wear that outfit to do the course.
0:30:07 > 0:30:10Davina, that is some outfit for one outfit!
0:30:10 > 0:30:12Meow!
0:30:14 > 0:30:17- Yes, do you like?- Absolutely love it.
0:30:17 > 0:30:20- What's with the leopard, cat thing going on?- I've got four cats.
0:30:20 > 0:30:25Hello! It's Missy, Monkey, Spots and Socks. They're watching.
0:30:25 > 0:30:27I'm not sure they can hear you.
0:30:27 > 0:30:31They can, and I bet they're meowing at the screen right now. Hello, babies!
0:30:31 > 0:30:33And then he said, "Hakuna matata!"
0:30:36 > 0:30:41Davina sets off. Get ready for some feline agility.
0:30:42 > 0:30:44That's one of her nine lives gone!
0:30:46 > 0:30:48Cats don't like water, do they?
0:30:48 > 0:30:51It looks like the same goes for Davina.
0:30:52 > 0:30:57I hope she doesn't burst the balls with her claws.
0:30:57 > 0:31:01So, that's seven lives left.
0:31:01 > 0:31:05And Davina makes it to the finish line, eventually.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07Won't her cats be proud!
0:31:07 > 0:31:10I did it!
0:31:10 > 0:31:15And I bet you're thinking that's all 20 of tonight's contestants through the Qualifier.
0:31:15 > 0:31:17But no! One remains.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19Can you guess who it is?
0:31:21 > 0:31:26I might be tall, and I may be old, but these here muscles are made of gold!
0:31:28 > 0:31:30Yep, it's Professor Jimmy.
0:31:30 > 0:31:32Finally, off he goes.
0:31:34 > 0:31:38I must be just about the toughest old boy in town!
0:31:41 > 0:31:45When I run, I'm like lightning! Man, it's frightening!
0:31:45 > 0:31:48He's getting the hang of this now.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51When I see an obstacle, I smash it down! Smash, smash, smash!
0:31:51 > 0:31:55Smash, smash, smash. Yeah.
0:31:55 > 0:31:59I'm like a rainbow in the sky as I fly by!
0:31:59 > 0:32:02I love this guy! I could watch him a lot!
0:32:02 > 0:32:04Just a sec.
0:32:04 > 0:32:08It's all gone a bit wrong again, look.
0:32:08 > 0:32:12He's tired. But valuable thinking time for Jimmy now.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15Nobody has crossed this today.
0:32:17 > 0:32:20As I said from the outset, impossible.
0:32:20 > 0:32:24I bet he gets tables in restaurants and everything, being a professor.
0:32:24 > 0:32:27Today's Qualifier finishes with a monumental effort from
0:32:27 > 0:32:29the Professor. Let's see who has qualified.
0:32:29 > 0:32:33Taking top spot through to Crash Mountain is Wiggly, Wiggly Andy,
0:32:33 > 0:32:37swiftly followed by Geordie Legs Ian and Slam Dunk James.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40Tom The Tank Engine chugs into fifth.
0:32:40 > 0:32:44Further down the leader board, Wholemeal Mark comes in eighth.
0:32:44 > 0:32:48And just running into 12th base is Rounders Rach.
0:32:49 > 0:32:53So, that means we now have to say goodbye to eight courageous competitors.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56I'm not upset about that! I broke my phone!
0:32:56 > 0:32:58I've still got loads of credit left!
0:32:58 > 0:33:01It's just a senseless waste.
0:33:01 > 0:33:09# Crying over you
0:33:09 > 0:33:14# Crying over you
0:33:14 > 0:33:22# Crying
0:33:22 > 0:33:29# Crying. #
0:33:39 > 0:33:44Crash Mountain. This mechanical monster separates the men from the boys,
0:33:44 > 0:33:49the women from the girls, and possibly the torso from the legs.
0:33:50 > 0:33:53The first five to the middle progress to Dizzy Dummies.
0:33:53 > 0:33:56Time for a reminder of the Crash Mountain contenders.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01On podium one, it's Wholemeal Mark.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03Don't mess with the bread man!
0:34:03 > 0:34:06On two and three, Tom The Tank Engine...
0:34:08 > 0:34:09..and Rat Man Kevin.
0:34:09 > 0:34:15I may have been down, I may have been out, but this Rat Man is still in with a shout!
0:34:15 > 0:34:19On four, five, six and seven,
0:34:19 > 0:34:24it's White Water Siana, Special Kurran...
0:34:24 > 0:34:27- They're nervous. ..Rounders Rach...- Hi!
0:34:27 > 0:34:30..and Motormouth Pete.
0:34:30 > 0:34:32Quietly motivating himself there.
0:34:32 > 0:34:35On podium eight and nine, it's Trot-On Tess...
0:34:35 > 0:34:41Toot, toot! I'm going to whip you guys into shape!
0:34:41 > 0:34:44- ..and the Book of Lee.- Yeah!
0:34:44 > 0:34:47That's just the short-story version there.
0:34:47 > 0:34:50On ten, it's Wiggly, Wiggly Andy.
0:34:50 > 0:34:51Come on!
0:34:51 > 0:34:56And finally, on podiums 11 and 12, Geordie Legs Ian...
0:34:56 > 0:35:03Bread Man, I'm going to cover you in flour, bake you and scatter your buns across this mountain!
0:35:03 > 0:35:05I'm scared. Mark's not too worried, though.
0:35:05 > 0:35:09- Finally, Slam Dunk James.- Ow ow ow!
0:35:09 > 0:35:11Some call it brutal.
0:35:11 > 0:35:15What am I saying? They all call it brutal! It's Crash Mountain!
0:35:15 > 0:35:17- Are you all ready? ALL:- Yeah!
0:35:17 > 0:35:23They won't be that excited in a minute! Three, two, one...
0:35:25 > 0:35:26KLAXON BLARES
0:35:26 > 0:35:33And so Crash Mountain begins. Who will be the first brave pioneer to step onto the rotating platform?
0:35:33 > 0:35:36Somebody's got to do it. Come on.
0:35:36 > 0:35:38Lee goes for it. He didn't even get close.
0:35:43 > 0:35:45Come on, guys!
0:35:45 > 0:35:47Now, Kurran jumps for it.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49Lost his footing.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54Wiggly, Wiggly Andy now. He's on safely.
0:35:54 > 0:35:57Oh, no, not safely after all.
0:35:57 > 0:36:02A wiggle, a hit and a splash landing. Tres elegant.
0:36:03 > 0:36:07Andy's accident hasn't put off Tom The Tank Engine, though. He's on.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09Momentarily!
0:36:10 > 0:36:13Come on! Ian jumps with those Geordie legs.
0:36:13 > 0:36:16Wholemeal Mark. Ooh!
0:36:16 > 0:36:19They're all having a go now! And all failing.
0:36:19 > 0:36:23Motormouth Pete steps out, slips off.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25Slam Dunk James picks his moment.
0:36:25 > 0:36:29The wrong moment that he picked there. The best attempt so far.
0:36:29 > 0:36:32But still no-one in the middle. Siana's down.
0:36:32 > 0:36:34Rach is down.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39Lee has another go, and another swim.
0:36:39 > 0:36:43Tess is onto the big spoon. She's staying low, dodging that rotating beam.
0:36:43 > 0:36:48- But she needs to get up and get going.- Gallop, woman, gallop!
0:36:49 > 0:36:50No!
0:36:50 > 0:36:52Or just throw yourself off.
0:36:52 > 0:36:57Throwing himself on is Andy.
0:36:59 > 0:37:03Motormouth Pete is on.
0:37:03 > 0:37:04Any day now!
0:37:04 > 0:37:06Yes, Pete is up.
0:37:06 > 0:37:10And now he's down. Really down.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12A rattling blow to the hip.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14That was very ow-y, I'd say.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19Here's James, looking good.
0:37:19 > 0:37:22He's on! The slam poet is the first to the summit.
0:37:22 > 0:37:25And he's inspired Tom The Tank Engine!
0:37:25 > 0:37:27Two on now.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30Yes, Wiggly, Wiggly Andy just won't give up.
0:37:30 > 0:37:31Or stay on.
0:37:32 > 0:37:37A fruitless but spectacular attempt to hang on from Wiggly, Wiggly Andy.
0:37:37 > 0:37:39Who's next? Rounders Rach.
0:37:39 > 0:37:40She's on, ducking.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43Up, runs for it.
0:37:43 > 0:37:46No! So close! But all shattered.
0:37:46 > 0:37:49Spectacular flip, though.
0:37:54 > 0:37:59Kevin has not moved off his podium. Literally hasn't moved.
0:38:00 > 0:38:02Until now, Amanda.
0:38:02 > 0:38:06No point trying to call the Rat Man Kevin now. He is busy.
0:38:09 > 0:38:12- Wait a minute. He's just become available.- Oh!
0:38:12 > 0:38:14What a hit!
0:38:14 > 0:38:16Wiggly, Wiggly Andy again.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18This is looking good.
0:38:18 > 0:38:20He's up, and he's onto the centre!
0:38:20 > 0:38:23He's made it. Three places taken. Two remain.
0:38:25 > 0:38:28So, still battling for them are Wholemeal Mark,
0:38:28 > 0:38:32White Water Siana, Special Kurran, Trot-On Tess, the Book of Lee,
0:38:32 > 0:38:37Rat Man Kevin, Geordie Legs Ian and Rounders Rach.
0:38:39 > 0:38:42And it's Rach who makes the first bid.
0:38:43 > 0:38:45Come on, Rachel.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47Doing it for the chicks.
0:38:47 > 0:38:52Onto her feet. And immediately swept off them quite violently.
0:38:52 > 0:38:56A full 360-degree spin from Rachel there.
0:38:56 > 0:38:58The Geordie Legs start running.
0:38:58 > 0:39:00And Ian is on!
0:39:01 > 0:39:04- One more to go, people! - Now things are getting tense.
0:39:04 > 0:39:06Who will it be?
0:39:06 > 0:39:11Not Kurran. Rat Man Kevin. He's on.
0:39:13 > 0:39:16And he scurries for it.
0:39:16 > 0:39:18And that's the final five.
0:39:18 > 0:39:22Kevin, James, Tom, Andy and Ian.
0:39:22 > 0:39:25It's an all-boy Dizzy Dummies.
0:39:25 > 0:39:27It's like the Take That reunion!
0:39:27 > 0:39:30But with crash helmets.
0:39:30 > 0:39:32And foam, and water. And bruises.
0:39:32 > 0:39:36It's all very well those five chaps celebrating their success.
0:39:36 > 0:39:38But it should be remembered that
0:39:38 > 0:39:43seven unlucky contenders have just had their Total Wipeout dreams shattered.
0:39:43 > 0:39:46And I think that right now you should spare them a thought.
0:39:46 > 0:39:48Just one thought, mind.
0:39:48 > 0:39:50Don't go overboard.
0:39:50 > 0:39:54I'm very frustrated that I didn't get into the next round.
0:39:54 > 0:40:00I nearly got there. I just fluffed it right at the end.
0:40:00 > 0:40:04I can't believe it. Totally messed up.
0:40:04 > 0:40:07Couldn't put my right foot in front of my left, got wiped out.
0:40:07 > 0:40:11You give it your all, and it just wasn't good enough.
0:40:11 > 0:40:15I almost made it a lot of times, but I messed it up.
0:40:15 > 0:40:18I didn't quite get there.
0:40:18 > 0:40:20It's pretty manic, really.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22Not an easy thing at all.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25And not even one girl went through.
0:40:25 > 0:40:29Five guys took over the girls.
0:40:29 > 0:40:34If any of the guys are going to throw up in Dizzy Dummies, it'd best be Ian.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37See it spraying into his mutton chops!
0:40:37 > 0:40:40So close, but yet so far.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42It's too wobbly for me.
0:40:42 > 0:40:45I'm a big lad, so... I'm still loud!
0:40:52 > 0:40:58So, five contestants are spun at breakneck speed in the modified kebab rotisserie,
0:40:58 > 0:41:02and then released to stagger over the rotating carousel goal.
0:41:04 > 0:41:09Keeping them refreshed, and the grass watered, is Argentina's crack fire-fighting squad.
0:41:09 > 0:41:11Then it's a stumble across the Tippy-Table Maze.
0:41:11 > 0:41:14The last person to the other side will be eliminated.
0:41:14 > 0:41:20Then the whole thing happens again, but this time they face the Crazy Beams, pelted by the dodgeballers.
0:41:20 > 0:41:24The last person across will be disposed of. Doesn't matter how.
0:41:24 > 0:41:27And then you have your three finalists.
0:41:27 > 0:41:33I often wonder if we should find a kind and friendly way to eliminate contestants from this show.
0:41:33 > 0:41:39But that would be called Total Wimp-out, and that's no name for a show. Bring on the pain!
0:41:39 > 0:41:41- Are you all ready? (ALL)- Yeah!
0:41:41 > 0:41:44Pain waits for no man!
0:41:44 > 0:41:46Three, two, one!
0:41:47 > 0:41:52Right, before they get started, a quick reminder of today's Dizzy Dummies.
0:41:52 > 0:41:54There's Slam Dunk James.
0:41:54 > 0:41:56So, let's bring up the peace!
0:41:56 > 0:42:01The only reggae-singing slam poet to qualify for this round.
0:42:01 > 0:42:04Representing sideburns and the Toon Army...
0:42:06 > 0:42:09..it's Geordie Legs Ian.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17Hopefully not terminating here - all change, all change -
0:42:17 > 0:42:21it's Tom The Tank Engine.
0:42:23 > 0:42:28Next, he's half man, half worm.
0:42:28 > 0:42:32It's Wriggly, Wriggly Andy.
0:42:35 > 0:42:38And finally, the Pied Piper of Redditch himself...
0:42:38 > 0:42:43- Get out of the way! Here comes the Rat Man!- ..Rat Man Kevin.
0:42:44 > 0:42:46I feel nauseous just watching!
0:42:46 > 0:42:50Bleurgh! It's OK. A bit came up but I swallowed it back down.
0:42:50 > 0:42:55I'm all right, carry on. Right, release the Dummies. Andy's out quickly.
0:42:55 > 0:42:59The first three out get a hosing on their way to the carousel goal.
0:43:00 > 0:43:02James is over the goal post,
0:43:02 > 0:43:06and storming ahead - in the wrong direction!
0:43:06 > 0:43:08James, what are you doing?!
0:43:08 > 0:43:09Where are you going?!
0:43:11 > 0:43:13Uh...!
0:43:13 > 0:43:18I'm not sure James can blame that on dizziness. That's just stupidness.
0:43:18 > 0:43:22Further back, Tom struggling on the carousel.
0:43:22 > 0:43:27But Andy motoring ahead. And on the right bit of the course.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30On to the second Tippy-Table Maze next. Not easy.
0:43:30 > 0:43:33With one shoe missing, is that?
0:43:33 > 0:43:36Yeah. Oh, and he's slipped in.
0:43:36 > 0:43:38So, Geordie Legs Ian takes the lead.
0:43:38 > 0:43:42Whereas Rat Man Kevin needs to call for some help.
0:43:42 > 0:43:45James gets a slam dunking.
0:43:51 > 0:43:54Ian hanging on. No, falling off.
0:43:54 > 0:43:59Sorry, spoke too soon. And that puts Andy back in the lead.
0:43:59 > 0:44:04While Kevin's still having trouble with that carousel, which is barely an obstacle at all.
0:44:04 > 0:44:07Andy, though, nearly there. Could be his last move now.
0:44:07 > 0:44:10- And he's across!- Come on!
0:44:12 > 0:44:16The Rat Man still on the carousel.
0:44:16 > 0:44:20Now, Tom The Tank Engine steams towards the finish line.
0:44:20 > 0:44:22Just one jump. And he's also through!
0:44:24 > 0:44:29Show-off. That's just silly. James has got on the correct obstacle again, and he's looking good.
0:44:31 > 0:44:35James realises that's the obstacle he should have been on in the first place.
0:44:35 > 0:44:38That makes three. Only one place left. Is it...?
0:44:38 > 0:44:41It's not going to be Rat Man Kevin? No.
0:44:43 > 0:44:47Ian jumps for it, and makes it!
0:44:48 > 0:44:51Kevin's still trying so hard!
0:44:51 > 0:44:54Oh, come on, Kev. This has been a noble effort.
0:44:54 > 0:44:56Big finish now.
0:44:56 > 0:44:58Keep trying!
0:44:58 > 0:45:00This is determination.
0:45:00 > 0:45:04And that is a little victory for Kevin. A very, very little one. Tiny.
0:45:04 > 0:45:08- At least I got through it! - You did, Kevin! Well done.
0:45:08 > 0:45:13- My pest controller, you just got exterminated!- I think I did, yeah!
0:45:13 > 0:45:16- Just one bit too far. - Listen, did I blink and miss it?
0:45:16 > 0:45:22- I don't think I saw you actually getting very far at all, did you? - I got through the goal.
0:45:22 > 0:45:25Don't call us, Kevin, and we'll agree not to call you.
0:45:25 > 0:45:28Of course, the prize those four chaps get for progressing is...
0:45:28 > 0:45:31..another go on the tumble dryer.
0:45:31 > 0:45:34Here we go.
0:45:34 > 0:45:36Honestly, I don't envy them.
0:45:36 > 0:45:41It's kind of poetic like that, though, isn't it?
0:45:41 > 0:45:44Strangely beautiful, in a hideous sort of way.
0:45:47 > 0:45:49It's not, really, is it?
0:45:49 > 0:45:51No, it's just silly.
0:45:54 > 0:46:00Right, second Dizzy Dummies. First three across go to the Wipeout Zone.
0:46:00 > 0:46:02And it's Andy off first.
0:46:02 > 0:46:04And James is just off.
0:46:06 > 0:46:09What has happened to James' brain?!
0:46:09 > 0:46:12He's too busy thinking of rhymes for things. Andy storms ahead.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14It's dodgeball o'clock.
0:46:14 > 0:46:17Wiggly, Wiggly Andy edges along the Crazy Beams.
0:46:17 > 0:46:22He's not been put off by the little red balls being thrown at him.
0:46:22 > 0:46:24Yes, Andy, dodgeballs. That's what they've got.
0:46:24 > 0:46:26They're dodgeballers - thousands of them, though.
0:46:26 > 0:46:29At the back, Tom's finally over the goalposts.
0:46:29 > 0:46:33But Andy has nearly finished.
0:46:33 > 0:46:37Ooh, look at that! Out of nowhere, James is over, and so is Andy.
0:46:38 > 0:46:41Pipped to the post, Andy!
0:46:41 > 0:46:43What a leap from Slam Dunk James!
0:46:43 > 0:46:49Straight into the Wipeout Zone. It's down to Geordie Legs Ian and Tom The Tank Engine for that final place.
0:46:49 > 0:46:54Ian's not quite got the grace of James, but he's hanging on.
0:46:54 > 0:46:57It looks like that final place is Ian's for the taking now, though.
0:46:57 > 0:47:00Tom a long way back.
0:47:05 > 0:47:09And Ian launches himself into the Wipeout Zone.
0:47:09 > 0:47:12He's through.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15Which means Tom The Tank Engine is heading to the scrap yard.
0:47:19 > 0:47:21- Tommy!- Amanda!
0:47:21 > 0:47:27- Your tank engine ran out of steam. - It certainly wasn't inter-city, was it?!
0:47:27 > 0:47:33So, journalism student Wiggly, Wiggly Andy, arts-development officer Geordie Legs Ian and
0:47:33 > 0:47:38all-round creative Slam Dunk James have made it to the Wipeout Zone.
0:47:38 > 0:47:43It's the classic battle between two young bucks and an older bloke with comedy mutton chops.
0:47:43 > 0:47:47Think I should grow a set? I could - bushy...
0:47:49 > 0:47:53I set myself a challenge - to do something new each month.
0:47:53 > 0:47:57This, I think, tops the lot so far. It's really so much fun.
0:47:57 > 0:47:59Hurrah!
0:47:59 > 0:48:00It's been an amazing experience.
0:48:00 > 0:48:03The red balls, I thought they would do me,
0:48:03 > 0:48:06and I'm looking forward to breaking the Wipeout Zone record!
0:48:06 > 0:48:08Yes!
0:48:08 > 0:48:11A slam poem is a form of poetry. It's my battle cry.
0:48:11 > 0:48:13Ow, ow, ow!
0:48:13 > 0:48:18The trials, the trips, the slips, a wrong course taken, but I've arrived at this certain destination.
0:48:18 > 0:48:21My friend, see you on the course!
0:48:24 > 0:48:26At the moment I'm feeling quite chilled, I think.
0:48:26 > 0:48:29Right now my mind's just a blank piece of paper.
0:48:29 > 0:48:35But when I'm on that course, I'm going to absorb it and drift right down to the end. First place.
0:48:35 > 0:48:39I've always been a winner, and I know when I get to that Wipeout zone,
0:48:39 > 0:48:41I'm going to have it!
0:48:41 > 0:48:44Andy, he's very cocky, sure of himself, but I'll think he'll come a cropper.
0:48:44 > 0:48:47I'm not too worried about Ian that much.
0:48:47 > 0:48:49I'm younger, I'm fitter, I'm up for it.
0:48:49 > 0:48:51I know I'm a short lad, but he's petite.
0:48:51 > 0:48:55And when that waterway comes down, I think it'll wash him away!
0:48:55 > 0:48:59- The only person I'm worried about is James.- I don't know about Andy.
0:48:59 > 0:49:03- Hopefully he'll take himself out. - James, I don't think he's got the stamina.
0:49:03 > 0:49:05He burns himself out too quickly.
0:49:05 > 0:49:07There is no question about it. I will win.
0:49:07 > 0:49:10I'll definitely take the right route this time.
0:49:10 > 0:49:12People might take my confidence as being really cocky.
0:49:12 > 0:49:16It's got me to the final, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it!
0:49:16 > 0:49:19I know that I am the oldest tonight.
0:49:19 > 0:49:21But those two young punks don't have a chance, really!
0:49:34 > 0:49:38The Wipeout Zone begins with a terrifying slide down the Killer Surf.
0:49:38 > 0:49:41Then it's a rapid climb up the Rapid Climb.
0:49:41 > 0:49:44They've got just ten seconds before the tidal wave is unleashed.
0:49:44 > 0:49:47Next, the Seesaw of Truth - just a seesaw -
0:49:47 > 0:49:51followed by a wonky walk past the Crazy Sweeper.
0:49:51 > 0:49:55After that, there's still the Tarzan Swing and Turntable to defeat
0:49:55 > 0:50:00before the competitors can land on the finish podium, hit that big red button and stop the clock.
0:50:00 > 0:50:04The fastest is crowned Total Wipeout champion.
0:50:04 > 0:50:06Whatever you're doing, stop!
0:50:06 > 0:50:11Pay attention at the back, because this is going to be a Wipeout Zone to remember.
0:50:11 > 0:50:13Three extremely determined men.
0:50:13 > 0:50:18One extremely difficult course. And Ian is the first to go.
0:50:21 > 0:50:25Watch those Geordie legs propel Ian up the stairs.
0:50:25 > 0:50:29Get some hot towels, I think he's about to give birth up there!
0:50:33 > 0:50:37Breathe, Ian! Go, Ian.
0:50:37 > 0:50:38And off goes Ian!
0:50:42 > 0:50:47Into the water upside-down, and first it's a swim to the Rapid Climb.
0:50:47 > 0:50:51Ian's clearly up for this. Lots of self-motivation going on there.
0:50:51 > 0:50:53Otherwise known as talking to yourself.
0:50:53 > 0:50:56That's what it is, really, isn't it?
0:50:56 > 0:50:59Once Ian hauls himself up, he's got ten seconds before
0:50:59 > 0:51:02a tidal wave is unleashed down the slope.
0:51:02 > 0:51:05He's up, and there it goes.
0:51:05 > 0:51:07Ten seconds. That's all.
0:51:07 > 0:51:09Ooh, is he going to make it?!
0:51:09 > 0:51:14Look at those Geordie legs go. He might just avoid the wave here.
0:51:14 > 0:51:17- He's done it.- By the hairs on his chinny chin chin!
0:51:17 > 0:51:21There's a lot of them. But it was enough. Next, the Seesaw of Truth.
0:51:21 > 0:51:24The truth being, it's just a seesaw. Just need to be careful.
0:51:24 > 0:51:27A fall here would be bad news.
0:51:27 > 0:51:29This is good, steady progress.
0:51:30 > 0:51:33Oh, the crowd love that.
0:51:33 > 0:51:36Now Ian takes on the Crazy Sweeper.
0:51:36 > 0:51:40Looks like he's going for a duck-and-run strategy.
0:51:40 > 0:51:43Oh, misjudged that!
0:51:43 > 0:51:47That was quite a blow, but he did well to hang on.
0:51:47 > 0:51:49A fall this early would steel his motivation.
0:51:49 > 0:51:54Now he's up and running for it. Come on, Geordie Legs, quicker, quicker!
0:51:54 > 0:51:57It's after you! Fantastic stuff!
0:51:59 > 0:52:03Tarzan Swing now. The rope and Ian's hands will be slippery by now.
0:52:03 > 0:52:07This won't be easy.
0:52:07 > 0:52:09Oh, he's spun in mid-air!
0:52:09 > 0:52:11But he's onto the Turntable.
0:52:11 > 0:52:14Just one leap left for those Geordie legs now.
0:52:14 > 0:52:17This will be a good time. Incredible!
0:52:17 > 0:52:22One minute and 42 seconds. That will take some beating, if it's possible.
0:52:22 > 0:52:25Ian's run was near-flawless.
0:52:25 > 0:52:29He beat the tidal wave and the Crazy Sweeper.
0:52:29 > 0:52:35He didn't fall once. Andy and James really have their work cut out now.
0:52:35 > 0:52:40Oh, my goodness! That was pretty incredible from where I'm standing.
0:52:40 > 0:52:43- How was it for you? - It was incredible as well.
0:52:43 > 0:52:46Exhausting. Hopefully it will be a good time to beat!
0:52:46 > 0:52:51Well, Ian, your time was one minute and 42 seconds.
0:52:51 > 0:52:53Yes! Come on! Fingers crossed.
0:52:53 > 0:52:55Andy is next. Are you ready for this?
0:52:55 > 0:52:58- Yes. I wish him all the best. - Well done, my man.
0:53:01 > 0:53:02Stand back.
0:53:02 > 0:53:04Here comes Wiggly, Wiggly Andy.
0:53:06 > 0:53:08I'm going to win!
0:53:08 > 0:53:11Shouty as well as wiggly today.
0:53:11 > 0:53:15Watch - I'm going to break records! Come on, let's go!
0:53:18 > 0:53:21He's off.
0:53:21 > 0:53:22And he's in.
0:53:23 > 0:53:24ANDY SCREAMS
0:53:24 > 0:53:27Wow, that was a high-pitched scream, wasn't it?!
0:53:27 > 0:53:30Remember, Wiggly, Wiggly Andy doesn't know how well Ian did.
0:53:30 > 0:53:34He's just aiming for the best time possible.
0:53:36 > 0:53:37Up and onto the ramp,
0:53:37 > 0:53:40and the ten-second tidal-wave countdown starts now.
0:53:40 > 0:53:45Andy's making light work of the Rapid Climb. Straight through it.
0:53:47 > 0:53:52Seesaw of Truth now. And again, Andy looking comfortable.
0:53:52 > 0:53:54This is a very quick start.
0:53:57 > 0:53:59Now things get tougher. It's the Crazy Sweeper.
0:53:59 > 0:54:01He runs, then a tactical duck.
0:54:01 > 0:54:04Now he's off again. Great balance, very fast.
0:54:04 > 0:54:07And he's across, making that look easy.
0:54:07 > 0:54:11Will Andy do as well as Ian on the Rope Swing?
0:54:11 > 0:54:14Got to make this count.
0:54:14 > 0:54:16He swings. He lands.
0:54:16 > 0:54:19Unbelievable!
0:54:19 > 0:54:20One jump to go.
0:54:20 > 0:54:24And Andy finishes in one minute, seven seconds!
0:54:24 > 0:54:27That is a new Wipeout Zone record.
0:54:27 > 0:54:31That is astonishing. Andy said at the top of Killer Surf that he was
0:54:31 > 0:54:35going to break records and that's what he has done, in style.
0:54:35 > 0:54:38It's over to Amanda to give him the good news.
0:54:40 > 0:54:45Wow, you are pumped! You started that pumped, went through it pumped, and you are finishing it pumped.
0:54:45 > 0:54:47Yes, most certainly!
0:54:47 > 0:54:50- Winning is winning! Come on! - I'm taking it you want to win?!
0:54:50 > 0:54:54Oh, yes! I don't settle for second. Only first.
0:54:54 > 0:54:58I have to tell you, Andy, Ian was incredible out there tonight.
0:54:58 > 0:55:01You were the one to beat all day today.
0:55:01 > 0:55:05He's still the one to beat. He's faster than you. Hard luck.
0:55:05 > 0:55:07Go and join the others.
0:55:07 > 0:55:09Andy, what do I say, my man?
0:55:09 > 0:55:14You are the one to beat, but James is pretty strong competition, and he's up next.
0:55:14 > 0:55:15Let's watch.
0:55:17 > 0:55:20So, in order to claim that trophy and the ten-grand prize,
0:55:20 > 0:55:25Slam Dunk James is going to have to break the new Wipeout Zone record.
0:55:25 > 0:55:30Not that James knows that. He's just out to do the best he can.
0:55:30 > 0:55:33Bring out the peace!
0:55:36 > 0:55:39JAMES SCREAMS
0:55:39 > 0:55:43Is that joy or fear? It's fear now.
0:55:43 > 0:55:46James really can't afford to make any errors.
0:55:46 > 0:55:48One slip-up, and the title is Andy's.
0:55:48 > 0:55:53That means, of course, he must beat the tidal wave on the Rapid Climb.
0:55:56 > 0:55:58He gets up. Does he? Yes, he does.
0:55:58 > 0:55:59The countdown begins,
0:55:59 > 0:56:04and Slam Dunk James is bounding up the ramp. Impressive stuff again.
0:56:07 > 0:56:10He's cleared it. Seesaw of Truth now.
0:56:11 > 0:56:14He's on. Very quick.
0:56:17 > 0:56:19I think he's got Andy worried.
0:56:19 > 0:56:21The Crazy Sweeper.
0:56:21 > 0:56:23Quick run, and duck.
0:56:23 > 0:56:26And he's off again. Here comes the Sweeper.
0:56:26 > 0:56:28Quickly, quickly.
0:56:28 > 0:56:30He's there.
0:56:30 > 0:56:35This really couldn't be any closer, but James needs to make this
0:56:35 > 0:56:38to stay in contention. Big swing required.
0:56:38 > 0:56:40Big swing delivered.
0:56:40 > 0:56:42Oh, untangles himself.
0:56:42 > 0:56:46Jumps. Oh, one minute, 11 seconds.
0:56:46 > 0:56:48Any other day, that's a winner,
0:56:48 > 0:56:51but sadly for James, not tonight.
0:56:52 > 0:56:57It looked like no-one would get near Wiggly, Wiggly Andy's record-breaking time, but somehow
0:56:57 > 0:57:03James also came up with a flawless run. What a great Wipeout Zone, and what a close finish!
0:57:03 > 0:57:06That was absolutely brilliant!
0:57:06 > 0:57:08How was it for you?
0:57:08 > 0:57:10Mad. Absolutely mad.
0:57:10 > 0:57:12Hysterically so, actually.
0:57:12 > 0:57:15Well, you've been poetry in motion
0:57:15 > 0:57:17all day today, James.
0:57:17 > 0:57:19Andy has been the one to beat.
0:57:19 > 0:57:24I've got to tell you, guys, there were four seconds between you two.
0:57:30 > 0:57:32Andy, you are the Total Wipeout champion.
0:57:34 > 0:57:40Doesn't seem to want his trophy, but well done, Wiggly, Wiggly Andy.
0:57:40 > 0:57:41He doesn't want his award!
0:57:44 > 0:57:50Huge congratulations to 22-year-old journalism student from Welwyn Garden City, Andy Cowper.
0:57:50 > 0:57:54Not only does Andy join the exclusive ranks of Total Wipeout winners,
0:57:54 > 0:57:57but he also becomes our Wipeout Zone record holder.
0:57:59 > 0:58:01There you go! Your trophy!
0:58:06 > 0:58:09That's it for today. A good show, but perhaps not
0:58:09 > 0:58:13up to the vigorous intellectual standards we've become used to.
0:58:13 > 0:58:17That's all rectified next time, when there'll be thought-provoking stuff like this.
0:58:17 > 0:58:20Arriba! Arriba! Andale! Andale!
0:58:20 > 0:58:22And highbrow moments like this.
0:58:22 > 0:58:24Yeah!
0:58:24 > 0:58:27And for the thinking man, a bit of this.
0:58:27 > 0:58:29Vroom!
0:58:29 > 0:58:32There will be clever people, won't they, not...? Yeah, OK.
0:58:32 > 0:58:35From Amanda and me, goodbye.
0:58:37 > 0:58:41Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:58:41 > 0:58:45E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk