0:00:07 > 0:00:10And appearing tonight on Celebrity Total Wipeout,
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Richard Hammond!
0:00:13 > 0:00:17Straight from Argentina, it's the Celebrity Qualifier.
0:00:17 > 0:00:22The obstacle that all the men fall for, it's Celebrity Double-Cross.
0:00:22 > 0:00:26Fresh from a sell-out season at the Bournemouth Pavilion, Celebrity Terror-Go-Round.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30And from the hit TV show Celebrity Total Wipeout,
0:00:30 > 0:00:33it's the Celebrity Total Wipeout Zone!
0:00:34 > 0:00:37So let's play Celebrity Total Wipeout.
0:00:45 > 0:00:50Sorry! I'm trying out a new celebrity workout and diet regime.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53And that's...100!
0:00:53 > 0:00:57100 steps. That's about the length of a marathon. Probably.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59I'm pooped.
0:00:59 > 0:01:04On today's special, all celebrities are in peak physical condition, like me,
0:01:04 > 0:01:09and they've got to be, because they will all be taking on the Qualifier and the Double Cross.
0:01:09 > 0:01:15They'll score points for each round, but only the six highest scorers go through to the Terror-Go-Round.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17The winner gets £10,000 for their charity,
0:01:17 > 0:01:21as well as being crowned Total Wipeout Celebrity Champion.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Let's tune in to discover who's on the box today.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29Comedian Dom Joly presents hidden-camera show Where's The Camera?
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Followed by The Money Programme with Lady Sovereign.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35In metric, she's Lady Five Pence.
0:01:35 > 0:01:40Then, it's the History of Sticky-Back Plastic with veteran Blue Peter presenter Peter Duncan.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Followed by The Weather with Clare Nasir,
0:01:42 > 0:01:45who'll read the weather.
0:01:45 > 0:01:50Harry Potter star Chris Rankin takes us on tour with his broomstick in Living With Magic.
0:01:50 > 0:01:55There's a ding-dong in Albert Square for Lucy Beale. Yep, it's Melissa Suffield.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Actor Marcus Patric hosts Question Time.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Tonight's question - where's Hollyoaks?
0:02:00 > 0:02:05Tonight's movie is Fast & Furious with Olympic sprinter Donna Fraser.
0:02:05 > 0:02:10Susie Amy's Vineyards focuses this week on guest wine Chardonnay.
0:02:10 > 0:02:15And Finally, How To Look Bad Naked with football legend Neil "Razor" Ruddock.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19..99,999! Whoo, feel the burn!
0:02:19 > 0:02:22As you can tell, I've been working out all week.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24All I've been eating is celery and salad fumes.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27But every Saturday is treat day.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30I'm starving. Today's treat is...
0:02:30 > 0:02:34..chunky carrot and tomato-skin broth.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Yummy!
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Look, it's actress Susie Amy,
0:02:45 > 0:02:49obviously no stranger to the celebrity fitness and diet regime, either.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57You're famed for playing Chardonnay in Footballer Wives,
0:02:57 > 0:03:02who spent a lot of time with her personal trainer. Any parallels in your real life?
0:03:02 > 0:03:07I think I workout a little bit more than her. I don't think she worked out at all.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11However, I get severely motion sick, so anything that spins may be a problem for me.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15- I could vomit.- Right. Erm, OK...
0:03:17 > 0:03:21Anyway, let's see what Susie's up against first.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27It's just some stairs. This should be no problem.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32And off she trots to the normal, everyday staircase.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Oh, yes, I'd forgotten. They move like that.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38I hope that doesn't affect Susie's sensitive stomach.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Here she goes. She doesn't like polystyrene and cheap napkins.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45None of those here. Maybe she doesn't like rope, either.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- SUSIE RETCHES - Oh, my goodness.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52Sounds like Susie's been a bit woozy.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59OK, Susie now faces the... You've got to be kidding!
0:03:59 > 0:04:03..the nausea-inducing Spinning Hoops.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08If you're eating dinner, I'd wait a few moments before you do.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12I can't see this turning out well. Looking a bit dizzy already.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Oh...
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Oh, that's not good. No. Oh, dear.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19- SHE RETCHES - Oh, that's twice.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23- This is going well!- Susie!
0:04:23 > 0:04:27I think I've had enough chunky carrot and tomato-skin broth.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32This'll make Woozy Susie feel better - the Sucker Punch.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Look at her go. Susie is an amateur painter.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37The Sucker Punch is a dab hand with water colours,
0:04:37 > 0:04:40so this should be a good match.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44Well, that was short-lived. But at least she wasn't, you know, woozy.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47It's time for the first celeb of the day
0:04:47 > 0:04:52to take on the four stomach-churning beasts, known as the Big Red Balls.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57- DRAMATIC MUSIC - The Big Red Balls. There they are.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01Here she comes, tired, muddy, but luckily no twirly-motion things,
0:05:01 > 0:05:04no polystyrene, no cheap napkins and no rope.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07So, what could possibly go wrong here?
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- Oh. - SHE SCREAMS
0:05:16 > 0:05:18SHE RETCHES
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Oh, well. The advice is, don't drink the water.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Last but not least, it's the Shape Shift.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Jump on the swinging thing, pick your favourite hole and dive through it.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Just not like that.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36There's a tiny bit of backward-and-forward motion here,
0:05:36 > 0:05:38so if you're eating dinner,
0:05:38 > 0:05:41best leave the room because this could get messy.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44She's going for it and she's choosing the...
0:05:44 > 0:05:46HE LAUGHS
0:05:46 > 0:05:49SHE RETCHES
0:05:49 > 0:05:50Ten out of ten for effort.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54So Woozy Susie completes the course in 3:14
0:05:54 > 0:05:56and is two stone lighter.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Not even out of breath!
0:05:59 > 0:06:02This is comedian Dom Joly.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07- What's been your training regime? - I've gone down a spiritual route.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10I went to a Tibetan retreat for a month.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15I've been doing transcendental meditation.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21I've been on a strictly vegan diet. So I'm in the zone.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25Aggh, God! Mummy!
0:06:25 > 0:06:29- Who would be your ideal opponent? - My ideal opponent would be
0:06:29 > 0:06:33a 40-stone 70 year old, or someone under five.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35But I haven't seen anyone yet, apart from Lady Sov.
0:06:35 > 0:06:40Eh? A lady? Nobility? Why wasn't I informed of this?
0:06:40 > 0:06:43So here goes the prank-show legend.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Wait a minute. Is this a setup? Is he about to play a prank?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Where are the cameras? They're not in here? No.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Right, here goes.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Oh, wow. That was really good.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Who woulda thunk it?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59That's not really Dom Joly.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02That's an athlete in a Dom Joly costume.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Look at this! Oh, come on!
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- Jolly good, Dom! - This is definitely a prank.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10No-one's that good.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13The Sucker Punch. He's just going to walk straight across.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17There are hidden camera recording me, aren't there?
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Oh, no, that really is Dom Joly. That's OK.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26I promised my kids I'll be getting over the red balls.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30You can't promise your children that! You don't want to disappoint them!
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I've been a disappointment to them most of my life, so it's fine.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35I am going to get over them, though.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Apart from disappointing his kids,
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Dom enjoys dancing on his own to David Bowie.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Probably not ideal preparation for the Big Balls.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46So, will this be a big disappointment?
0:07:46 > 0:07:50- HE SCREAMS - Absolutely not! He meant that, kids!
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Dom really throws himself at those...
0:07:53 > 0:07:56His kids won't be disappointed with that at all.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Ten out of ten for, well, effort or something.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03A final chance now for Dom to prove himself.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06MUSIC: "Heroes" By David Bowie
0:08:06 > 0:08:09He looks determined. Makes it onto the plank,
0:08:09 > 0:08:11which, technically, is only the start.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Taking his time. Don't want to look silly.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18- Oh!- Hang on! - But that did look silly!
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- Oh, Joly!- Oh!
0:08:20 > 0:08:24Yes, a suitably comic finish for a great comedian.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31Dom seems to be struggling on the ladder. Not so jolly.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35He's soldiering on. 2:13. Good work from Dom.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Not looking so jolly now. He's holding his ankle.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Let's hope he hasn't hurt himself too badly.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Now, on with my celebrity diet. Here's the main course.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Mm... Power cabbage.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Lovely.
0:08:52 > 0:08:53It works.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55- This is...- Rrrrgh!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58I can't quite read it. "Radar" is that?
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- Rrrrgh!- Raver?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03I'm knackered now. I'm tired.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Oh, no, Razor.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Yes, it's Neil "Razor" Ruddock, that is.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13Diego Maradona? Nothing! This is The Razor!
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- He's very shouty. - BOOING
0:09:15 > 0:09:18The Argentinean crew don't like that at all.
0:09:18 > 0:09:23I'm only playing. I'm acting. For all the Argentinean people here, that is acting.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27Is there anybody that you are at all afraid of here?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Sov.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32That's Lady Sovereign to you, Razor.
0:09:32 > 0:09:38If she beats my time, I swear... I can't go home. I'll have to stay.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Let's be 'aving ya! Let's be 'aving ya!
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- Where are ya? - KLAXON
0:09:43 > 0:09:47Can Razor summon up those magic football skills?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49The pace, the balance, the athleticism?
0:09:49 > 0:09:54- Ahh!- No. Clearly not. No, none of those things.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56That was razor-sharp, that.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00Not looking particularly quick, but Razor can still impress.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04Come on, Neil. See if there's any of the old match-fitness left.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Here we go! Onto the first hoop.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12I have to say, he's no Dom Joly thus far.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Although his comic timing's actually pretty good!
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
0:10:21 > 0:10:24See? Excellent.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Bravo!
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Razor ambles up to the Sucker Punch.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33To many, it's a pneumatic wall of danger,
0:10:33 > 0:10:36but not to this veteran of the Liverpool defence.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Here, he is right at home.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44He is taking quite a pounding.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Poor old Razor.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51- # When you walk... - He looks hurt.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55I wasn't expecting that. Neither, I suspect, was Razor.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58It was a punch in the mouth, was what it was.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02But then it's not often you get to see that kind of thing on a football pitch, is it?
0:11:04 > 0:11:06- Are you all right?- Yep!
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Classic tough-guy stuff, never admits to being hurt.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11I'm hurt.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Oh, he just said he's hurt. Oh.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17But you can never keep a tough guy down!
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Though, he is down.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Come on, Neil, you can do it. Catch your breath.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24If only I could give Razor some of my power cabbage.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28Come on, Razor, time to pull something out of the bag.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30STRIPTEASE-STYLE MUSIC
0:11:30 > 0:11:34- No, not that. No, no... - What is he doing?!
0:11:34 > 0:11:36It's all gone wrong!
0:11:36 > 0:11:38No, please!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48And if, by some miracle, you are still watching at home,
0:11:48 > 0:11:50cover the eyes of the person next to you.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54Razor Pants Ruddock is about to take on the Big Red Balls.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56In his pants.
0:12:01 > 0:12:05Oh, come on! I just... Please! Wh...? Oh.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Where's the dignity?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14# You'll ne...
0:12:14 > 0:12:18# Ever walk
0:12:19 > 0:12:23# Alone #
0:12:24 > 0:12:26MOURNFUL MUSIC
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Poor old Razor. He's given everything.
0:12:31 > 0:12:36We've seen it all. Quite literally, in fact.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Will someone blow the halftime whistle and get that man an orange?
0:12:39 > 0:12:42I'm not sure he's got anything left.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Apart from his socks and trainers, and they're staying on.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Anyway, who's next?
0:12:51 > 0:12:56Ah, it's EastEnders actress Melissa Suffield, here to bring some east-end cheer.
0:12:56 > 0:13:01Melissa, you're 18 and there's a bunch of oldsters here. You've got it in the bag.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04No way. Really, no!
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- Why?- I'm ridiculously unfit.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11But did you not spend years running around Albert Square to keep fit?
0:13:11 > 0:13:15It probably would've been a good idea. I sit at home eating popcorn.
0:13:15 > 0:13:20I might be the baby of the group, but I'm not chucking my toys out the pram. I'm here for a laugh!
0:13:20 > 0:13:22- So am I. - CANNED LAUGHTER
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Anyone else here laughing?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Not much to laugh at on the course, though.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30She's off. Safely on the top step. That's good.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Makes the swing. It's a big swing.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37She's already doing better than old Razor Pants.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40I can't forget it. But can she do a Dom Joly here?
0:13:40 > 0:13:44- Oooh, hang on. This girl is good. Maybe she can.- Good girl, Melissa!
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Nothing to laugh at here.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49You can laugh at that. Briefly.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52But, you see, that's a recovery there.
0:13:52 > 0:13:57Look, she's playing to the audience! Hang on, we don't have an audience.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Melissa now getting that smile covered in green paint.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05And she's... Oh, definitely off.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Probably not having a laugh now.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16No, she is! She's still laughing! Look at that!
0:14:16 > 0:14:20MUSIC: "(Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher" by Jackie Wilson
0:14:20 > 0:14:25I'm sure this is going to be funny, but will Melissa find it funny?
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Well, I found it funny. I'm not sure Melissa did...
0:14:34 > 0:14:37..find it as funny as I did.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Oh, no. She did. She did. Credit to her, she did.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Just the Shape Shifter to go.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Starts well. Plans her next move carefully.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49You can do it. Just time it right.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53I don't know why I say that. It's practically impossible.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Try it! Try it! Now, go!
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Yes! Ohh!
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- She should've stayed in there. - Number one rule of Total Wipeout,
0:15:04 > 0:15:08never, ever listen to Amanda Byram. She's just guessing.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14So Melissa finishes the course in 3:28.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Time for one last laugh, I bet.
0:15:18 > 0:15:24- Never again.- Oh.- Ever. - Never say never, Melissa. Never.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Now, this is Donna Fraser, a real-life athlete.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31A really fast 400-metre real-life athlete.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35And this is Percy Weasley,
0:15:35 > 0:15:38a fictional character from Harry Potter, played by Chris Rankin.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- You did bring your broomstick, didn't you?- They wouldn't let it through Customs. Yes.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47- I know.- OK, this isn't good.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49So, what happens when sporting prowess,
0:15:49 > 0:15:52athletic agility and physical stamina
0:15:52 > 0:15:55comes up against magic?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59I'm pretty sure magic probably has the edge.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Wizardy Chris is off. This involves flying through the air,
0:16:02 > 0:16:05something he should be good at. When he gets to the rope...
0:16:05 > 0:16:06Here we go.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Oh. It's a shame they don't teach knots at Hogwarts.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14Do a spell, come on! Knot-ious untie-ious!
0:16:14 > 0:16:15Strappious...
0:16:15 > 0:16:19- Oh, that didn't work at all. - Oh, no!- That's done it completely!
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Chris showing us the famous flying spell.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26If he hadn't missed a word, maybe he'd be in the air. But he dropped a word and...
0:16:27 > 0:16:32Wizardy Chris may be bad at knots, but how will a real athlete fair?
0:16:32 > 0:16:33This should be a breeze.
0:16:33 > 0:16:38Donna's part of an Olympic medal-winning relay team,
0:16:38 > 0:16:41so her hand-eye coordination will be supreme.
0:16:43 > 0:16:48- Oh, my goodness.- It appears she's also struggling with that knot.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Maybe it's not something they teach you at athlete school.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55If they did, she should've concentrated.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59Ah, here we go! On her way now!
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Oh. False start.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07S-She's back at the beginning now. She's gone nowhere.
0:17:07 > 0:17:12It's going well. Tries again! Yes, that's better! Sort of!
0:17:12 > 0:17:13This is terrible.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Right, can we pick up the pace on the Hoops?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18She's through the first. Pretty good.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22Through the second. Picking up speed. Onto the third ring.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Yes! Oh, oh!
0:17:25 > 0:17:29Onto the bend now, powering down the home straight.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Yes! No need for a photo finish. She's cleared the Hoops.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36She's a runner, not a fighter, so this could be tricky.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- Agh!- Oh. Tricky and, er, sticky.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Back to the magic, Wizardy Chris on the Hoops.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Has he drunk a potion?
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Actually, I'd hope not.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Here we go.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Time for Donna Runner to show us a gold medal-winning performance
0:18:03 > 0:18:05on the Big Red Balls.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Come on, Donna. Come on! Come on!
0:18:08 > 0:18:10- COME ON!- Run, Donna, run!
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Come on! Yes! Yes!
0:18:13 > 0:18:17Maybe! No.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19So Donna Runner is a goner.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21She is quite graceful about it.
0:18:21 > 0:18:26It's somehow more elegant than, you know, normal people.
0:18:26 > 0:18:31Chris has been training for Total Wipeout with ballerinas.
0:18:31 > 0:18:36Maybe he should've trained with boxers instead.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Despite taking short shrift,
0:18:42 > 0:18:47it looks like Wizardy Chris fancies having another go. I haven't seen this done before.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51Determined to show that ballerina training was not in vain.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01Right in the Quidditch! It's got to smart.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04There's nothing magical about that.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Donna Runner takes on the Shape Shifter.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11This involves a bit of running, so she'll probably be brilliant at it.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- Here we go! Expecting a lot. - DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Yes! There was some running!
0:19:19 > 0:19:22And some more running! Oh.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Her legs just got in the way!
0:19:25 > 0:19:29So Wizardy Chris needs to fly over the Big Balls in order to catch up with Donna.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33If there's ever been a time to use magic, this is probably it.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Come on! Do some magic!
0:19:38 > 0:19:42Where's your broomstick when you need it, eh?
0:19:42 > 0:19:45# I'm gonna run to you! #
0:19:45 > 0:19:50Donna Runner finishes in 2:48, the second-fastest time so far.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54How does Total Wipeout compare to the Olympics?
0:19:54 > 0:19:57The Olympics is a doddle!
0:19:57 > 0:20:02And now it's Chris's turn to thwart the Shape Shifter.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05They do that, wizards, they thwart things.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07MUSIC: "A Kinda Magic" by Queen
0:20:07 > 0:20:12Thwart it, go on. Probably uttering magic words to himself right now.
0:20:12 > 0:20:17Smooth. And he'd do the ballerinas proud.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- Wow!- Yes, yes, yes!
0:20:21 > 0:20:24The first celeb to stay in the Shape Shifter.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Can he make the leap? Come on, Chris!
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Use magic or ballet or whatever!
0:20:31 > 0:20:32# It's a kind of magic
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- # Magic, magic... - He's doing it!
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- # Magic! - He's done it! A-ha!
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Magic!
0:20:39 > 0:20:42And look at the time - 2:52.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46Hang on. 1:52? Just 52?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Wh...? Zero?
0:20:48 > 0:20:51No, Chris, you can't do that. It's cheating.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56Right, let's take stock. In first place, Dom Not-So-Joly.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Followed closely by Donna Runner and Wizardy Chris in third.
0:20:59 > 0:21:04Woozy Susie finds herself in fourth, Never Again Melissa in fifth.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07But what about Razor?
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Phew! Well, that is a... a good sight.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15But not specifically that one.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18MOURNFUL MUSIC
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- Oh, just... Look at that. - Looking good, Razor!- No, it's not!
0:21:21 > 0:21:26Could this be his moment, his time to shine?
0:21:26 > 0:21:29He's been through hell and back. Can he do this?
0:21:29 > 0:21:31DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:21:31 > 0:21:33He might do it.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37He still might actually do it.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40- It's looking less like he'll do it. - MUSIC STOPS
0:21:40 > 0:21:43No, that's gone wrong.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45HE SCREAMS
0:21:45 > 0:21:47We have confirmation, he definitely didn't do that.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50# You'll ne...
0:21:50 > 0:21:53# Ever walk...
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- And the ordeal... is over. - # Alone #
0:21:57 > 0:22:01Razor Pants Ruddock finishes in a time of...
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Well, let's just say ages, shall we?
0:22:03 > 0:22:05My Lord! Ooh!
0:22:05 > 0:22:08OK, that's enough of that, thank you.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12All right, that really is enough.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16That reminds me, actually, did I lock my bike to the rack?
0:22:16 > 0:22:20I'm joined now by a proper brilliant hero and all-round good bloke,
0:22:20 > 0:22:22it is Peter Duncan.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Peter, you got off lightly.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27I could've hummed the Blue Peter tune and done a bit of a jig.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30BLUE PETER THEME
0:22:30 > 0:22:33- I've got a dark side, too, you know.- Ooh, really?
0:22:34 > 0:22:39- I'm not really as sweet and lovely as you think I am. - Just how dark are you?
0:22:39 > 0:22:41BLUE PETER THEME
0:22:43 > 0:22:47I am an actor, so I assume other personalities and characters.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49I have the dark side,
0:22:49 > 0:22:54so all those things lead to avenues of excitement, enjoyment and creativity.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58As you can see, Peter Duncan has joined the Dark Side.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00There he is, being all evil.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04- HE BLOWS RASPBERRY - You see? You see?
0:23:04 > 0:23:07I'm a massive Peter Duncan fan, actually.
0:23:07 > 0:23:12- Agh!- That's a bit of his acting going on there. It's pretty dark.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16The 57-year-old actor was known for being a daredevil in the 1980s.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20Will we see that side of him today? Yes! I think we might!
0:23:20 > 0:23:23That's spectacular. You see, he's still got it.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Trained stuntman!
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Yes! Oh. Whatever he breaks, he pays for.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31That's in the... It's written down.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34We've had some good hoop action so far today.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37The pressure's on for dark Duncan. He's through the first one.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Sort of.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Yes. Do you know, he's actually doing well.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43The dark side is strong in this one.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Very strong.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48And he's through!
0:23:49 > 0:23:51And I'm sure he meant to do that.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53- That way!- He's in control.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56And that, as well, the other-way thing there...
0:23:56 > 0:23:59He used to make things out of sticky-back plastic and loo roll.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02What will he make of the Sucker Punch?
0:24:02 > 0:24:05He makes a bit of a mess of it.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Will Dark Duncan dare to take on the Big Balls?
0:24:08 > 0:24:12He will. He's honestly one of my heroes.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Duncan will dare. Yes, Duncan Dares.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18Time for the stuntman in him to come to the fore!
0:24:18 > 0:24:19Oh.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26A disappointing ball crossing, but a very good falling stunt.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Apart from being a trained acrobat,
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Peter also has a massive collection of stone eggs.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36Erm, handy. I hope he hasn't put them all in one stone basket.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Will he go for the circle?
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Yes.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43It's not good!
0:24:44 > 0:24:48Oh. Duncan pulls himself to the finish line in an impressive 2:34.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Give that man a Blue Peter badge.
0:24:52 > 0:24:56I'm joined by a lovely lady, who I predict great things for today.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59- It is weathergirl Clare Nasir. Hi, Clare!- Hi, Amanda.
0:24:59 > 0:25:04I'm predicting good things for you. Are you predicting good things for yourself?
0:25:04 > 0:25:07I'm not putting myself under any pressure whatsoever.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11My motto in life is, "Be realistic. Plan for a miracle."
0:25:11 > 0:25:13I need a miracle today.
0:25:13 > 0:25:19Making a plan based on miracles is possibly a bit unrealistic.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Ooh, hello! It's a miracle!
0:25:21 > 0:25:26Clare must've planned for that. She must be a clairvoyant!
0:25:26 > 0:25:31Yes! Although she's a clairvoyant that's not very good at knots.
0:25:31 > 0:25:37Here we go. No, she didn't predict how high she'd need to be, did she?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40She swings again!
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Still swinging.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Oh.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- She swings again! - SHE SCREAMS
0:25:47 > 0:25:51Well, no miracle there, but is she planning one for the Hoops?
0:25:51 > 0:25:56A-ha! She can! Two miracles in one day!
0:25:57 > 0:26:00This is much better than Chris's magic.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02How will Clare fair?
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- OK, she's past the first. - # I believe in miracles...
0:26:07 > 0:26:09And the second one.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12And now the third! And that's...
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- No, that's gone wrong. No! - SHE SCREAMS
0:26:15 > 0:26:19- AMANDA LAUGHS - When it rains, it pours.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21# I believe in miracles
0:26:22 > 0:26:24# Since you came along
0:26:24 > 0:26:28- # You sexy thing... # - Time for the Sucker Punch.
0:26:28 > 0:26:34Crikey, another miracle! It's some sort of miracle thing!
0:26:36 > 0:26:41Can Clare Voyant predict where the punches will come from?
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Oh, come on! She's not even started yet! Try again.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Yes! Oh.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54Well, as a wise man once said, when it rains, it pours.
0:26:54 > 0:27:00Time to find out whether she will make it across the Big Red Balls.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Regardless, one thing is for sure,
0:27:02 > 0:27:06we are probably going to see another miracle at this point.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Yep. It appears miracles are a bit like buses.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13Spend a lifetime and then four come along at once.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17Speaking of four, it's the Big Balls!
0:27:17 > 0:27:19That's it! Oh, oh! Stay, stay, stay!
0:27:19 > 0:27:21OK.
0:27:21 > 0:27:27Hello! Clare is the first celebrity today to stand on a big red ball.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30She's made the third. Come on, Clare.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Steady. Ohh!
0:27:35 > 0:27:40- Yes, she's on the fourth! - My goodness! You're going to do it!
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Yes! Yes, she has done it!
0:27:42 > 0:27:46Clare could set a really fast time if she can get one more miracle!
0:27:46 > 0:27:50Maybe she needs planning permission, I don't know.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Come on! Yes, there it is!
0:27:53 > 0:27:57Oh, no. It seems you can overdo it on the miracles.
0:27:59 > 0:28:05Clare Voyant completes the course in 3:29, and she is happy with that.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07I'm happy with that.
0:28:07 > 0:28:11She's still happy with that. And I'm still happy with that!
0:28:11 > 0:28:14- I think she's happy! - Amanda's happy with that.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Happy days!
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Not only are you the smallest weather girl on the entire planet,
0:28:19 > 0:28:23- you're the only weather girl to have ever done the Big Red Balls!- Yes!
0:28:23 > 0:28:25Whoo!
0:28:25 > 0:28:28Now, this is Hollyoaks heartthrob Patric.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31Sorry, no, Marcus.
0:28:31 > 0:28:35Is that Patric or Marcus? What do you mean, both?
0:28:35 > 0:28:41Oh, this is Patric Marcus. Why didn't he say so? This is Marcus Patric.
0:28:41 > 0:28:44No Sucker Punch is going to ruin this silly face!
0:28:44 > 0:28:49Really? I'm pretty sure the Sucker Punch can ruin your silly face.
0:28:51 > 0:28:52And Marcus is off.
0:28:52 > 0:28:56He's really going for it! Oh, he's really gone for it.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58That was short-lived.
0:28:58 > 0:29:02- He's got his determined face on. - That's it, Marcus.
0:29:02 > 0:29:07You mean Patric. It's Patric, isn't it? Impressive ring-dodging.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09This is nicely done.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12Sucker Punch now. Oh, no.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16Are you mentally prepared for this challenge?
0:29:16 > 0:29:20I believe in myself. I reckon I can do this.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23I haven't come all the way out here to go swimming.
0:29:23 > 0:29:26- I've come out here to win. - Brave words, Marcus.
0:29:26 > 0:29:31He's not here for the swimming, so let's hope he doesn't fall in the water.
0:29:31 > 0:29:36Here we go. First, second, third! Oh, now for some swimming.
0:29:36 > 0:29:40So Marvellous Patric Marcus didn't cross the balls,
0:29:40 > 0:29:43but whatever he did, he did it pretty quickly. See?
0:29:45 > 0:29:50Onto the Shape Shifter. Only one celebrity made it across and he used magic.
0:29:50 > 0:29:56Can Marcus do it using just his brains? It's all in the timing.
0:29:57 > 0:29:59Nope. That wasn't clever.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02What was that?
0:30:02 > 0:30:07Unfortunately, Patric jumped at the one bit without a hole in it. See, that's not a gap.
0:30:08 > 0:30:13Despite that, a marvellous finish. 1:47, the fastest time today.
0:30:13 > 0:30:17Marcus will be pleased. As, of course, will Patric be.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Yes!
0:30:19 > 0:30:21- Yep!- Oh, yes!
0:30:21 > 0:30:23Yep. Oh, yes.
0:30:23 > 0:30:26- Yes, siree.- Yes.- Yes!
0:30:26 > 0:30:29- Oh, yes.- Yes.- Oh, yes!
0:30:29 > 0:30:30Ohhh, yes!
0:30:30 > 0:30:34- Whooo!- Yee-hee!- Whoo-hoo!
0:30:34 > 0:30:35Stop it now.
0:30:35 > 0:30:38- Whoo!- OK, that's enough.
0:30:38 > 0:30:42- THEY GRUNT - This is getting silly now.
0:30:43 > 0:30:46Now for the last celebrity and this is a real honour.
0:30:46 > 0:30:50We have nobility here on Total Wipeout.
0:30:50 > 0:30:51PLAYS FANFARE
0:30:51 > 0:30:55Please be upstanding for Her Royal Highness, Lady Sovereign.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58(Well, curtsy!)
0:30:58 > 0:31:00That's a curtsy?
0:31:02 > 0:31:06There she is, in all her finery, a true lady.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09And there's the sovereign bit.
0:31:09 > 0:31:12Make way for the S-O-V!
0:31:12 > 0:31:16Of course! Please, everyone make way for the S-O-V.
0:31:18 > 0:31:21The lady doesn't do obstacle courses with a hat.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23DANCE MUSIC
0:31:23 > 0:31:25Her Highness approaches the unfair stairs.
0:31:25 > 0:31:28There was a red carpet, but it fell off.
0:31:28 > 0:31:33This music isn't very regal. Who's it by?
0:31:33 > 0:31:38- Good girl!- Amanda, address her as "Your Royal Ladyship"!
0:31:38 > 0:31:40MUSIC: "So Human" by Lady Sovereign.
0:31:40 > 0:31:45Flipping 'eck! She's good. Well done, Your Sovereign-ness!
0:31:45 > 0:31:47Yes!
0:31:47 > 0:31:51- Onto the Sucker Punch now. - She's going to be good!
0:31:51 > 0:31:55Yes, all the maids and butlers will be watching!
0:31:55 > 0:31:57Oh, no. Oh!
0:31:57 > 0:31:59This is awkward.
0:31:59 > 0:32:04Punching nobility, is that treason? Oof!
0:32:04 > 0:32:07Heads are going to roll now! Oh!
0:32:07 > 0:32:10She's got warpaint. This is going to be good.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13Her honour compromised, Lady Sovereign is declaring war
0:32:13 > 0:32:16on the Big Red Balls.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26Hang on, is that a power nap? Is that a royal thing?
0:32:26 > 0:32:30Diplomatic gesture of goodwill, perhaps? Could be.
0:32:30 > 0:32:35Yes, let's stop. Ahem, Your Ladyship.
0:32:35 > 0:32:39It seems hostilities are renewed! Yes!
0:32:41 > 0:32:43One, two...
0:32:43 > 0:32:45- SHE SCREAMS - Oh, dear!
0:32:45 > 0:32:49Her Highness just got, er, mullered.
0:32:51 > 0:32:54Call the paramedic! Her head's on the wrong way round!
0:32:54 > 0:32:58They're going to have to change the coins, the crown won't fit!
0:32:58 > 0:33:04Actually, no, it might just be her hair. It's her hair. Yes, I think it's her hair.
0:33:04 > 0:33:09- SHE BELCHES - Better out than in, ma'lady.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11The girl can rap, but the girl can't swim.
0:33:11 > 0:33:15How many times do I have to tell you? She's a lady!
0:33:15 > 0:33:17SHE BELCHES
0:33:17 > 0:33:20Her Highness's time is not as good as it could be.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22Lord Sovereign will not be pleased.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25Come on, Sov!
0:33:26 > 0:33:31What's happening? Oh, crikey, she's doing a Razor Pants Ruddock.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34No!
0:33:34 > 0:33:37Let's just stop at the shoes, yes?
0:33:39 > 0:33:44This must mean she's getting serious. Will she have enough energy to make the final leap?
0:33:44 > 0:33:47When the nobility put their minds to it,
0:33:47 > 0:33:49you'd be amazed what they can do!
0:33:50 > 0:33:55Here she goes. Reaching back to her ancestors.
0:33:55 > 0:33:57Come on, Sov, you can do it.
0:33:57 > 0:33:59All that fine breeding... Here she goes!
0:33:59 > 0:34:04- She's on!- Hang on, hang tight! - She's staying on!
0:34:04 > 0:34:08She won't be unseated that easily. Can Her Highness make that jump
0:34:08 > 0:34:11and succeed where so many of her subjects have failed?
0:34:11 > 0:34:13Come on, Your Highness.
0:34:14 > 0:34:19She made it! Only true royalty could display such pomp, circumstance
0:34:19 > 0:34:22and in a time of 4:41,
0:34:22 > 0:34:26which is better than Neil Ruddock, so that's something, isn't it?
0:34:26 > 0:34:28Ma'am?
0:34:29 > 0:34:33Ma'am? Ahem? Ma'am?
0:34:35 > 0:34:39So Marvellous Patric Marcus sits at the top of the charts with the full ten points.
0:34:39 > 0:34:41In second with nine, it's Dom Not-So-Joly.
0:34:41 > 0:34:44Dark Duncan is close behind in third.
0:34:44 > 0:34:48Followed by Donna Runner, Wizardy Chris and good old Woozy Susie.
0:34:48 > 0:34:52Further down it's Never Again Melissa, Clare Voyant and Her Royal Highness.
0:34:52 > 0:34:57And at the bottom with a single point and no trousers on, it's Razor Pants Ruddock.
0:34:59 > 0:35:01But the story doesn't finish there.
0:35:01 > 0:35:04Unfortunately, Dom Joly hurt his foot
0:35:04 > 0:35:07and is unable to continue in the competition.
0:35:07 > 0:35:10A sad loss indeed. But I won't be sad for long
0:35:10 > 0:35:16because I have a delicious cauliflower muffin to top off my awesome diet!
0:35:16 > 0:35:19Agh! It's raw!
0:35:19 > 0:35:22Here are the ingredients to Double Cross.
0:35:28 > 0:35:32Add 1,000 gallons of chilled water to 14 tons of foam padding.
0:35:32 > 0:35:36Sprinkle nine par-boiled celebs.
0:35:36 > 0:35:40Be sure to follow the recipe. Green gangway on, red gangway off.
0:35:40 > 0:35:46Just add a jus of centrifugal force, add a touch of spice, and blend.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49Is that a cake? I miss cake.
0:35:49 > 0:35:53Anyway, the first to cross will score ten points, the last a measly one.
0:35:53 > 0:35:57At stake, six places in the next round. Steak...
0:35:58 > 0:36:02The fastest to make it across the qualifier, Marvellous Patric Marcus.
0:36:02 > 0:36:05Please keep Ruddock away from me!
0:36:05 > 0:36:09With nine points and showing us his dark side, it's Dark Duncan.
0:36:09 > 0:36:12Help us! We are trapped on Planet Wipeout!
0:36:12 > 0:36:16- Send the rescue ship now! - He's doing more of his acting there.
0:36:16 > 0:36:21Thank you! Third in the qualifier, it's Donna Runner.
0:36:21 > 0:36:26I'm said to always be smiling. Hopefully, I'll be smiling on the other side!
0:36:26 > 0:36:28Could he be magic? It's Wizardy Chris.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31Please don't fall on me, Razor!
0:36:32 > 0:36:34Sick bag at the ready, it's Woozy Susie.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37Please don't fall on me, Razor!
0:36:37 > 0:36:41In sixth place, and still not laughing, it's Never Again Melissa.
0:36:41 > 0:36:44Send me home!
0:36:44 > 0:36:49She only scored three points in the last round, so she'll need a miracle here, it's Clare Voyant.
0:36:49 > 0:36:53- This goes out to my little girl, Sienna.- Aww.
0:36:53 > 0:36:56Now, all bow for her Royal Highness, Lady Sovereign.
0:36:56 > 0:36:59Petite little freak with monkey feet! Bring it on!
0:36:59 > 0:37:01Certainly, Ma'am.
0:37:01 > 0:37:05Finally, with just a single point and no trousers, it's Razor Pants Ruddock.
0:37:05 > 0:37:09I am not an elephant! I am a human being!
0:37:12 > 0:37:15Nine celebrities, determined, fearless,
0:37:15 > 0:37:17and all asking where their skinny lattes are.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20There's no time to waste. It's Double Cross!
0:37:20 > 0:37:23- Are you all ready?- ALL: Yes.
0:37:23 > 0:37:26They've changed their tune. Three, two, one!
0:37:26 > 0:37:31And so it begins. Which celebrity will go for it first?
0:37:31 > 0:37:35There's Donna, doing a runner straight into the water.
0:37:35 > 0:37:40Who's this? Marvellous Patric Marcus! In trouble, but hanging on!
0:37:41 > 0:37:45- That's it, Marcus! - Still on. And so is Peter Duncan!
0:37:45 > 0:37:50Timing is the key. Waiting for the red exit gangway to swing into position.
0:37:50 > 0:37:52Susie's having a go!
0:37:52 > 0:37:56Marcus makes his move. And, yes! He's across!
0:37:56 > 0:38:00Marcus takes the fist spot again. That's another ten points.
0:38:00 > 0:38:02While Susie is in the water. OK.
0:38:02 > 0:38:06What can Dark Duncan do?
0:38:06 > 0:38:09That's it! That's it, Peter!
0:38:09 > 0:38:12- Yes! - HE CHEERS
0:38:12 > 0:38:15Textbook stunt-work from the daredevil.
0:38:15 > 0:38:18He gets nine points and more of my admiration.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21And possibly a bruised chin, as well.
0:38:22 > 0:38:26Right, back to the game. Donna's in the middle with Chris.
0:38:26 > 0:38:30It's a battle between athleticism and magic.
0:38:30 > 0:38:34Donna makes a move. Ouch!
0:38:35 > 0:38:41She's got the speed all right, just she got tangled up in those long legs of hers.
0:38:41 > 0:38:46Chris looks determined. He may be about to cast a wizardy spell.
0:38:46 > 0:38:50Oh, yes! Runnious acrossious! It works!
0:38:50 > 0:38:51# Magic! #
0:38:51 > 0:38:57The Harry Potter star makes light work there and scores himself six points to boot.
0:38:58 > 0:39:00The shoes are going in.
0:39:00 > 0:39:05Lady Sovereign up to her old tricks again. Don't get any ideas, Razor!
0:39:05 > 0:39:10She's so regal. Carries herself well. Clare Nasir's made it to the middle!
0:39:10 > 0:39:13Razor still rooted to the spot.
0:39:14 > 0:39:19- Woozy Susie makes a move. - That's it, Susie! Well done!
0:39:19 > 0:39:23Hello! And there goes Razor Pants! Dive-bomb.
0:39:23 > 0:39:25He didn't even try!
0:39:25 > 0:39:27Clare is off!
0:39:27 > 0:39:30She's across! It's a miracle!
0:39:30 > 0:39:32OK, Susie.
0:39:32 > 0:39:34This is your moment.
0:39:34 > 0:39:38Now Woozy Susie, can she make it through without making a big mess?
0:39:38 > 0:39:42Yes, she can! No sick bag required.
0:39:46 > 0:39:50Pressure now on to score the remaining points. Donna takes up the gauntlet.
0:39:52 > 0:39:57Prepares... She's going to do it! Yes! Oh, no!
0:39:57 > 0:39:59Disaster!
0:40:00 > 0:40:06The Olympian just couldn't hang on. You don't get any closer than that.
0:40:06 > 0:40:09That leaves Never Again Melissa and Lady Sovereign...
0:40:09 > 0:40:13- I can't bring myself to do it. - ..both of whom haven't actually moved.
0:40:13 > 0:40:15Razor Ruddock showed us a dive-bomb,
0:40:15 > 0:40:18and poor old Donna Runner is about 15 attempts in.
0:40:18 > 0:40:20Here she goes again!
0:40:20 > 0:40:23The Sweeper arm's moving at celeb speed.
0:40:23 > 0:40:26The others are just spectators.
0:40:26 > 0:40:32She goes for it! No problem this time for the Olympian!
0:40:32 > 0:40:37Surefooted to the last, and she bags a valuable four points for her trouble.
0:40:38 > 0:40:43It really doesn't matter what these three do. They are eliminated from the next round.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45I'm petrified!
0:40:45 > 0:40:47I'm really scared of heights.
0:40:47 > 0:40:49It's THAT! I...
0:40:51 > 0:40:53I'm really scared of heights.
0:40:53 > 0:40:54Oh, dear.
0:40:54 > 0:40:57- I am.- I feel ill.
0:40:57 > 0:41:03- I'm going to go get a cup of tea and come back, I think. - A cup of tea! And an eclair!
0:41:05 > 0:41:09- Let's call it a day, shall we? - Hang on, what's this? Razor gives it a go!
0:41:09 > 0:41:15He's made the middle! He's doing this just for pride. Can he pull it off?
0:41:15 > 0:41:19This is... Yes! Yes, he's doing it! Yes!
0:41:19 > 0:41:22And the muscle memory is still there!
0:41:22 > 0:41:27The old magic coming back to him when he needed it most! What a finish!
0:41:27 > 0:41:30CHEERING
0:41:30 > 0:41:32Come on!
0:41:32 > 0:41:37By adding the scores from the Qualifier to the Double Cross, this is how the board looks.
0:41:37 > 0:41:40With the maximum 20 points, it's Marvellous Patric Marcus.
0:41:40 > 0:41:44Closely followed by the ultra competitive Dark Duncan with 17.
0:41:44 > 0:41:46Flying into third, it's Wizardy Chris.
0:41:46 > 0:41:51Into fourth runs 400-metre athlete Donna Runner, closely followed by Woozy Susie.
0:41:51 > 0:41:56Finally, it's a miracle, sneaking into the next round, it's weather girl Clare Voyant.
0:41:58 > 0:42:01So Razor, Melissa and Lady Sovereign are out of the competition
0:42:01 > 0:42:05and join Dom Joly in the Total Wipeout hospitality area.
0:42:05 > 0:42:08Which, I discovered, was full of these dangerous snacks.
0:42:08 > 0:42:13They'd be very unhealthy for anybody on my special celebrity diet.
0:42:13 > 0:42:17Tiny four-cheese pizza. That is irresponsible.
0:42:17 > 0:42:20Take them away!
0:42:20 > 0:42:23Just about there will do. That's fine. Thank you.
0:42:31 > 0:42:34OK, let's keep this simple. Don't fall off.
0:42:34 > 0:42:41There's one Spinning Cone, two big Rotating Fingers, three heats, four cheese pizzas. The end.
0:42:41 > 0:42:44Did I just say cheese pizzas?
0:42:44 > 0:42:47Six celebrities all worried about what their future holds.
0:42:47 > 0:42:51And I don' mean their careers. I mean Terror-Go-Round.
0:42:51 > 0:42:53- Are you all ready?- ALL: Yes!
0:42:53 > 0:42:57The future's bright. Three, two, one!
0:42:58 > 0:43:03Before things get messy, here's a quick reminder of who the celebrity-go-rounders are.
0:43:03 > 0:43:07Still sporting his silly face, it's Marvellous Patric Marcus.
0:43:07 > 0:43:11She's long-legged and fast, it's Donna Runner.
0:43:11 > 0:43:14He's been spell-binding up to now, actor Wizardy Chris.
0:43:14 > 0:43:18She gets sicky when things get icky, it's Woozy Susie.
0:43:18 > 0:43:22He's a daredevil in ballet tights, Dark Duncan.
0:43:22 > 0:43:26She makes miracles happen, it's Clare Voyant.
0:43:27 > 0:43:31Prepare for terror. This week the Terror Twins are masquerading as lifeguards.
0:43:31 > 0:43:37They get to throw inflatable beach stuff at the celebrities, and they're happy doing it.
0:43:38 > 0:43:41See? Dark Duncan receiving quite a whack there!
0:43:41 > 0:43:46Looks like the Terror Twins have been filling the inflatables with pebbles again.
0:43:46 > 0:43:48Here come the Fickle Fingers!
0:43:48 > 0:43:50And the carnage begins.
0:43:50 > 0:43:54Ooh! Chris and Clare already off!
0:43:54 > 0:44:00Oh! Clare's brushed off, whilst Chris is flung by a giant wand.
0:44:00 > 0:44:02Two down, four to go.
0:44:02 > 0:44:05Oh! Oh! Not looking good for Donna!
0:44:05 > 0:44:11And she's out! And then there were three. And a shark.
0:44:11 > 0:44:12Make that two and a shark.
0:44:12 > 0:44:17Woozy Susie takes a dip, which leaves Dark Duncan and Marvellous Patric Marcus.
0:44:19 > 0:44:22Ooh. Ooh. But Marcus has slipped!
0:44:22 > 0:44:25And Duncan is down! Marcus is still going!
0:44:25 > 0:44:30Duncan does everything he can, but it's not enough!
0:44:30 > 0:44:34So Marvellous Patric Marcus is through to the Wipeout Zone!
0:44:41 > 0:44:44Oh, and an early beach-ball hit for Wizardy Chris.
0:44:44 > 0:44:47The Terror Twins decide to throw in the towel.
0:44:47 > 0:44:50Direct hit on Duncan. And Donna.
0:44:50 > 0:44:53Here come the Fingers.
0:44:53 > 0:44:55Susie's not happy with that.
0:44:55 > 0:44:59And there goes Clare! Again!
0:44:59 > 0:45:04Poor Clare really hasn't had much luck on this. She needs to plan for a miracle in Heat Three.
0:45:04 > 0:45:09Second sweep. Wizardy Chris is off again, too.
0:45:10 > 0:45:12- Donna's down.- Get up, Donna!
0:45:12 > 0:45:16And now Susie's down. It's hard to keep up.
0:45:18 > 0:45:20Duncan takes a hit.
0:45:20 > 0:45:25It's Donna and Dark Duncan for the second berth in the Wipeout Zone.
0:45:26 > 0:45:27Look at the little legs.
0:45:32 > 0:45:36Donna's in trouble. Sprints back again. Good recovery.
0:45:36 > 0:45:40- Steady yourself, Donna! - Donna almost trips on a crocodile.
0:45:43 > 0:45:46Duncan over again. Takes a massive whack to the head!
0:45:46 > 0:45:49Looking a little unsteady as a result.
0:45:50 > 0:45:54Both determined not to give up.
0:45:54 > 0:45:57Donna looks to be lagging slightly behind.
0:45:57 > 0:46:01Struggling to get over the beam! And she's off!
0:46:03 > 0:46:07Donna, a great sprinter. Not a great hurdler, perhaps.
0:46:07 > 0:46:13Which means Peter Duncan is through to the Wipeout Zone and he will be chuffed about that.
0:46:16 > 0:46:20Final heat and the Terror Twins look like they've lost all their energy.
0:46:24 > 0:46:26They're all eager beavers!
0:46:26 > 0:46:30Susie covering her head as if that's going to help.
0:46:30 > 0:46:33Actually, maybe Chris should try.
0:46:33 > 0:46:38Time for the mayhem to begin. Will Clare be out first again?
0:46:38 > 0:46:41Oh! Yes!
0:46:41 > 0:46:46And if history's anything to go by, Chris will be out next. Let's see.
0:46:48 > 0:46:52Things desperate now. Just one place left to fight for.
0:46:55 > 0:46:59Concentrating! Oh!
0:46:59 > 0:47:02Oh, no! There goes Chris, Susie and Donna!
0:47:02 > 0:47:04They've all fallen in.
0:47:04 > 0:47:07But who was the last one standing?
0:47:07 > 0:47:14Well, even though Chris was the last to fall off, it's Woozy Susie who stayed on her feet the longest,
0:47:14 > 0:47:19which makes her the third Wipeout Zone finalist. Well done, Susie.
0:47:22 > 0:47:26So Susie joins Peter, Marcus and Patric.
0:47:26 > 0:47:28Hang on, that's four. I don't know what's happened.
0:47:28 > 0:47:32What I do know is that seven celebrities are no longer with us.
0:47:32 > 0:47:35Let's celebrate their celebrity...ness.
0:47:35 > 0:47:39I've broken my foot. I've literally done a total wipeout.
0:47:39 > 0:47:43I didn't realise that was a literal thing when you came on the show.
0:47:43 > 0:47:45Double Cross is a thing of nightmares.
0:47:45 > 0:47:49It's really scary. It's a long way up for a short girl like me.
0:47:49 > 0:47:52I'm exhausted. I'm so tired.
0:47:52 > 0:47:56I wish I could have another go now and do it a little bit better.
0:47:56 > 0:47:59The Olympics is much easier.
0:47:59 > 0:48:02Definitely!
0:48:02 > 0:48:04Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
0:48:05 > 0:48:11I would like to come back and have another go when my foot's repaired, see if I can break the other one.
0:48:12 > 0:48:16This diet's going very well. It's all about willpower.
0:48:16 > 0:48:19You've got to stay focused. Never drop your guard.
0:48:19 > 0:48:23- Pizza for Richard Hammond! - I didn't order pizzas.
0:48:23 > 0:48:26I'm not Richard Hammond.
0:48:26 > 0:48:29So Marvellous Patric Marcus, Dark Duncan and Woozy Susie
0:48:29 > 0:48:32have made it through to tonight's Wipeout Zone.
0:48:32 > 0:48:34The Qualifier, I found really tough.
0:48:34 > 0:48:38Having got to the final three, I do think I was a little bit lucky.
0:48:38 > 0:48:42I'm pleased that I just have enough cartilage left in my knees to do this!
0:48:42 > 0:48:47I would never imagine getting this far at this age. It's nice just to be asked!
0:48:47 > 0:48:50I don't think my balance is very good or my coordination.
0:48:50 > 0:48:55I'm not as fast as Peter or Marcus. I don't think I'm as brave as them, either.
0:48:55 > 0:48:59Never, ever write Susie Amy off. This is anyone's.
0:48:59 > 0:49:01I definitely underestimated Peter.
0:49:01 > 0:49:04Peter's been brilliant! How old is he?
0:49:04 > 0:49:09People have said to me I am fearless. I think it's because I've done very dangerous things.
0:49:09 > 0:49:12He's into three figures, isn't he?!
0:49:12 > 0:49:15It would be incredible to win Total Wipeout.
0:49:15 > 0:49:18It's a big thing tonight. I want to do well in it.
0:49:18 > 0:49:24To be honest, I think if I won, you might see tears, which would be deeply embarrassing to my children!
0:49:25 > 0:49:27I'm feeling a bit nervous of the Wipeout Zone.
0:49:27 > 0:49:29I'm really nervous. Really nervous.
0:49:30 > 0:49:33I'm not scared! It's easy.
0:49:33 > 0:49:37I don't have very high expectations of myself. Who knows, maybe I'll be lucky.
0:49:37 > 0:49:41I'm just going to go on instinct and hope that it carries me through.
0:49:41 > 0:49:43I'd be under the moon, over the hill and far away!
0:49:43 > 0:49:45I just want to make it round!
0:49:45 > 0:49:51- I'll try and bring the trophy back. - It would take pride of place, as we used to say on Blue Peter.
0:49:56 > 0:50:01It's an all-action acting extravaganza here tonight.
0:50:01 > 0:50:04Peter has done some acting, hasn't he? Good.
0:50:04 > 0:50:08Because only one thespian can take home the coveted trophy for best performance.
0:50:08 > 0:50:12It's the Wipeout Zone and Susie is the first to brave it.
0:50:15 > 0:50:18She was the first last-woman- standing on the Terror-Go-Round.
0:50:18 > 0:50:22Can she stay on her feet in the Wipeout Zone?
0:50:22 > 0:50:25I can't wait to finish.
0:50:25 > 0:50:28- KLAXON - And the ordeal begins.
0:50:34 > 0:50:37It's the usual rules for this celebrity Wipeout Zone.
0:50:37 > 0:50:41Woozy Susie is setting the time to beat.
0:50:42 > 0:50:45The first obstacle she faces is the Rapid Climb.
0:50:45 > 0:50:48When Susie's up and on to it, the timer begins.
0:50:48 > 0:50:52She then has ten seconds before the tidal wave is released.
0:50:53 > 0:50:57That's it! Stay up!
0:50:58 > 0:51:02- And that countdown starts now. - Come on, Susie!
0:51:02 > 0:51:05With all that water running over her feet, it's slippery!
0:51:05 > 0:51:09Susie's cutting it fine. Three, two, one!
0:51:09 > 0:51:12And she's safe.
0:51:12 > 0:51:15Onto the Seesaw of Truth now. Can't afford to be too slow.
0:51:15 > 0:51:19Marcus and Peter are very strong competitors.
0:51:19 > 0:51:22She finds the tipping point.
0:51:24 > 0:51:28Tips it. And Susie's safely over.
0:51:28 > 0:51:30Onto the Crazy Sweeper.
0:51:32 > 0:51:35Might she try this in one run?
0:51:36 > 0:51:40Not at that speed she won't.
0:51:40 > 0:51:42Ducking is good.
0:51:42 > 0:51:45She'll need to get back on her feet quickly.
0:51:45 > 0:51:50Ohh! Takes an early dive there!
0:51:51 > 0:51:55Will Susie have enough time now to cross the podiums?
0:51:55 > 0:51:57The Sweeper's getting closer!
0:51:59 > 0:52:01But she's across!
0:52:02 > 0:52:06The Turntable's next. That first one is a long gap to traverse!
0:52:06 > 0:52:09Susie's made it!
0:52:09 > 0:52:13The next jump is an even bigger leap.
0:52:15 > 0:52:18Choosing her moment to make it.
0:52:19 > 0:52:25Almost! No! That's a real knockback for Woozy Susie.
0:52:26 > 0:52:28That was so close.
0:52:28 > 0:52:33Susie was pulled back, perhaps by the momentum of her woozy legs.
0:52:35 > 0:52:37I can't get up here!
0:52:37 > 0:52:41We can't send Eduardo to help Susie. This is the Wipeout Zone after all.
0:52:41 > 0:52:45Every last ounce of strength is needed.
0:52:45 > 0:52:47The curse of the dreaded ladder.
0:52:47 > 0:52:52She hasn't given up just yet, though.
0:52:52 > 0:52:56Nearly off, but she's done it! 4:23.
0:52:57 > 0:53:02I'll be honest, it's not a fantastic benchmark time, but anything can happen in the Wipeout Zone.
0:53:03 > 0:53:07Susie, that was a leading-lady performance in that there was a lot of drama!
0:53:07 > 0:53:11Exactly. I really, really enjoyed it.
0:53:11 > 0:53:15You did that in a time of 4:23.
0:53:15 > 0:53:18That's quite long, I think. It felt shorter.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21- Peter's up next. Let's watch. - Thank you so much.
0:53:22 > 0:53:26Dark Duncan is at war with two fellow TV stars.
0:53:26 > 0:53:29So, in a way, this is Star Wars. Get it?
0:53:29 > 0:53:34To die would be an awfully big adventure! Cock-a-doodle-do!
0:53:34 > 0:53:38Classic Obi-Wan Kenobi stuff there. Could've been watching it.
0:53:38 > 0:53:42The game is on. 4:23 the time Peter must beat.
0:53:42 > 0:53:44Not that he knows that, remember.
0:53:47 > 0:53:5130 years ago, Peter was known for his physical resilience,
0:53:51 > 0:53:56and my hero for it. He's proved he's still up to the challenge.
0:53:56 > 0:53:58Onto the Rapid Climb.
0:54:00 > 0:54:04Yes, he's over! Go on, Peter!
0:54:04 > 0:54:07Susie being very sporting.
0:54:07 > 0:54:09Come on, Peter. Oh, he slips!
0:54:09 > 0:54:13Back on his feet. Over the Rapid Climb in a flash.
0:54:13 > 0:54:16Onto the Seesaw of Truth. Another slip!
0:54:16 > 0:54:18Slow down!
0:54:18 > 0:54:21He's not looking very solid on his feet,
0:54:21 > 0:54:24but makes light work of the Seesaw.
0:54:24 > 0:54:28What can he do on the Sweeper? Great time so far.
0:54:30 > 0:54:34He's really going for it. Will he do it in one?
0:54:34 > 0:54:36He's ducked. Playing it safe there.
0:54:36 > 0:54:38BOTH: Go, Peter!
0:54:38 > 0:54:42Back to his feet. Hesitant across the podiums,
0:54:42 > 0:54:45which means the Sweeper gets even closer!
0:54:45 > 0:54:47Just! Ohh!
0:54:47 > 0:54:51He's on the Turntables now. Makes the first!
0:54:51 > 0:54:55But how will he cope with this next leap? This is a big one.
0:54:55 > 0:54:58- He makes it!- Come on!
0:54:58 > 0:55:03Straight into the next jump! Final leap! Come on, Peter!
0:55:03 > 0:55:05And he's done it!
0:55:05 > 0:55:09Peter Duncan takes the lead with a time of 1:29!
0:55:09 > 0:55:11A truly excellent run! Wow!
0:55:13 > 0:55:19Even though he made two errors, that was a lightening performance from the former Blue Peter man.
0:55:20 > 0:55:25Peter, age is obviously irrelevant, because you were faster!
0:55:25 > 0:55:28- I love you. Goodbye.- Well done!
0:55:28 > 0:55:30- How do you feel?- Well, er...
0:55:30 > 0:55:33Edging on emotional, actually!
0:55:33 > 0:55:37- Let's watch. - I love it! And I get to watch it?
0:55:38 > 0:55:41Marvellous Patric Marcus has been the strongest celebrity all day,
0:55:41 > 0:55:44so this will be interesting.
0:55:44 > 0:55:46Prepare for the ride of your life!
0:55:46 > 0:55:48I'm not doing anything, you are.
0:55:48 > 0:55:52That would've sounded ominous if his voice wasn't so squeaky.
0:55:52 > 0:55:55Anyway, concentrate. This is important.
0:55:57 > 0:56:01Time for Marcus to pull his finger out. 1:29 is the time to beat.
0:56:01 > 0:56:03What a target!
0:56:03 > 0:56:06Marcus, of course, almost half Pete's age,
0:56:06 > 0:56:09so will youth or experience win out?
0:56:11 > 0:56:15He's up and onto the Rapid Climb. The clock starts.
0:56:15 > 0:56:21No need to start it, really. Marcus is legging it up that ramp.
0:56:21 > 0:56:27Onto the Seesaw of Truth. He's not slipped, like Peter did.
0:56:30 > 0:56:34Peter not cheering him on at this point. Or maybe we're just not seeing it.
0:56:34 > 0:56:38Marcus finds the balance point and he's off it.
0:56:38 > 0:56:42No-one's been knocked off the Sweeper. Will Marcus be the first?
0:56:42 > 0:56:45Starts to run, but gives up. Now he's backing up!
0:56:45 > 0:56:47Oh!
0:56:47 > 0:56:51Cutting this close. But he shoots anyway.
0:56:51 > 0:56:54He's going to try and do it in one go! He's going for it.
0:56:54 > 0:56:58Brave! He's done it. Just the Turntables left.
0:56:58 > 0:57:01Oh, and he makes this look easy. This is getting close.
0:57:01 > 0:57:051:29 is the time to beat.
0:57:05 > 0:57:11I'm astonished! A perfect landing. Time is running out, though.
0:57:11 > 0:57:13Really cutting this fine.
0:57:13 > 0:57:17Hurry up! Just one more jump to go after this now.
0:57:17 > 0:57:19And...
0:57:19 > 0:57:21..he's done it!
0:57:21 > 0:57:24I have no idea. I can't call it!
0:57:24 > 0:57:28And by just one second! This couldn't have been any closer!
0:57:28 > 0:57:32That's astonishing. We have a new Total Wipeout Celebrity Champion.
0:57:32 > 0:57:35Time for Amanda to break the news.
0:57:35 > 0:57:41I could feel it in my bones that tonight was going to be a fantastic final.
0:57:41 > 0:57:45There was one second between you two!
0:57:45 > 0:57:48SHE LAUGHS
0:57:49 > 0:57:52The Total Wipeout Champion this evening...
0:57:52 > 0:57:55..is...
0:57:55 > 0:57:58- ..Marcus! - CHEERING
0:57:58 > 0:58:03So Hollyoaks actor Marcus Patric is today's Celebrity Total Wipeout winner
0:58:03 > 0:58:07and earns his charity, CLIC Sargent, £10,000.
0:58:07 > 0:58:09Thank you.
0:58:10 > 0:58:13Just a reminder, if you do want to follow my new fitness regime,
0:58:13 > 0:58:18log onto www.you-too-could-look-fit- like-me.cake.
0:58:18 > 0:58:21Where's Wardrobe? Somebody shrunk my tracksuit.
0:58:21 > 0:58:25Thank you for watching. From Amanda and me, it's goodbye.
0:58:26 > 0:58:30Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:58:30 > 0:58:34E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk